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hello. i’m 17f and yes i am diagnosed with ocd.
i had a weird thing happen to me. there’s this one tweet of mine which keeps randomly getting likes even though it was from 2 years ago. someone liked my tweet and that prompted me to want to quote my OWN tweet and ask why people were suddenly finding it. that person had an aesthetic profile and i thought maybe they were also on the fandom side of twitter but in the back of my mind i got the thought that “oh you’re trying to prey on them” because they had some anime girl as their profile photo, and also i get urges to check ages of everyone and everything.
the second i got that thought i immediately closed the tweet screen and felt so weird, i felt like i was a predator even though i had no intention to say anything sexual to them or even have a sexual interest in some random twitter person, i didn’t even want to talk to them directly. i don’t know what my actual intention was. is it a good sign that when i felt uncomfortable i backed off? this sounds so stupid and i think i am probably overthinking everything especially because i wasn’t trying to contact them or anything, every single situation in my brain now is associated with being a p*do. i don’t even like talking to other teenagers now
this happened maybe an hour ago and i’m still panicking even though i didn’t do anything bad technically? but my brain keeps questioning what my intention may have been over something so dumb
EDIT: okay this is so dumb in retrospect because in reality the thought about childlike things being associated with someone who i don’t even know was probably an intrusive thought trying to scare me, and in the end i still had a compulsion to check ages which means this is also probably part of my ocd. i didn’t do anything to hurt anyone and whenever i get the slightest fear of doing something creepy i feel guilt and disturbance
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OCD
|
diagnosed, on 36mg methylphenidate ER. Started exercising like crazy and taking fish oil, sleeping, eating right around the time I got my diagnosis. Still get very little done besides bare necessities. I'll do very little and it always seems to take the whole day. Literally for the life of me I can't do anything boring. Definitely not sedentary and boring. And super definitely not sedentary, boring and complicated. Most of the time I'm browsing the internet with no self control. I have zero self control to not browse the internet and video games all day dare I not be stimulated for one moment. I only break for exercise, cooking, groceries, and keeping my space the bare minimum organized to be liveable. Even things I'm moderately interested but aren't super stimulating like self help papers, fiction books, language learning are impossible for me to focus on for long. The only thing I can focus on for long periods is browsing algorithms. I feel like I'm going to be resigned to menial crap work that makes me want to unalive myself but is the only thing I'm capable of. I've worked jobs I didn't care about and it was miserable the whole time. I've tried college multiple times but was stressed out and miserable the whole time. I'm a NEET and I need to do something soon, but I can't see a path where I'm not miserable.
|
ADHD
|
Seems like every year for the next 6 to 8 weeks I just lose my fucking mind and everyone around me gets to watch me fall apart. It cost me my job and my relationship last year. I'm worried I'm going to lose my job again. The insomnia, anxiety, irritability, and inability to concentrate. I'm going insane. And there's nothing anyone can do about it. I have to keep going. Idek why I'm here. Some desperate hope against hope I guess.
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ptsd
|
Hello guys! I have finaly been diagnosed with ADHD after struggling for years to grt diagnosed. My psych begun me with concerta extended release tablets 18mg. But after the first week he told me to take one in the morning and one at night so it would make up for 36mg a day. I have been reading that concerta should only be taken at day. Should i tell him anything? Or is it okay to take 2 tablets a day of 18mg day and night. Thanks in advance! (havent really had any problems of sleeping other than how i always am)
|
ADHD
|
My 16 year old sister is cutting herself on her inner thigh and i just found out the other day. She told me she’s been doing it for a month (not sure if that’s true or not.) i talked to her about it the night i saw and told her i’m here for her and we had a deep conversation about how i want to help her and be there for her. i told her i would help find her a therapist and i bought her a journal. she’s really stressed with school and my parents and ‘everything’. A few days later i talked to her about it again and she told me its the only thing that gives her relief. she said she’s tried to stop but can’t.
i don’t know what to do or how i can help her. i’ve never had someone in my life that cuts so i’m not really experienced in it. I also don’t know if she’s doing this because she’s suicidal. i’m just really scared for her.
any advise is appreciated ❤️
|
depression
|
Hey there fellow aspies, how are you all doing today?
I've had a productive day reading the National Autistic Society website, getting a membership with them and starting to get involved with their community forum. Time's flying in today. And it's been informative.
Let me know something good you have learned today.
harvest 😊
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aspergers
|
I have been trying to workout consistently for years now. I would go at it for a few weeks, maybe 2 months, see results and then stop.
For those of you legends that practice a sport and have adhd, how does it effect you? Does it make any difference on your symptoms? Does it help with sleep, anxiety?
I'm really starting to believe that sport is good for everybody, but for us it is mandatory.
|
ADHD
|
I met a lady, and she was cute, and we might be able to talk, and she liked me.
But at the end of the day she told someone she was dying for a smoke.
This is a new feeling. Sure, she could brush her teeth all the time, and she could try to stop smoking in her apartment so it wouldn’t be stinky, or maybe wear a jacket she could take off after smoking.
But she’d be miserable at my house. And we’d only be able to date outside, because I can’t stand the smell in close quarters. I smoked from the week after high school to about 26, and I quit cold turkey. I was not addicted.
But I’m 50. If we get along, and if we went steady, she’s going to die before me. I’m putting the cart before the horse, but the non-starter is one of my Aspie things. If it’s futile, I can’t do it. So I can’t go on dates with her and enjoy myself and get hugged, because there is no open-ended future in it.
I don’t have my mask. It fell apart last year, so I’ve been intimidated by the idea of socializing, going commando as it were. I worked on a movie all week last week with 350 background actors and 100 crew, and I was fine without all my masking contraptions. I think I had a genuine experience.
I’m feeling very proud, because I met another nice lady and we exchanged phone numbers. I made a few friends. I didn’t overshare. I wish I could go back this week.
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aspergers
|
It certainly has changed a few aspects of my life. But more than that, it’s really just helped me make sense of a lot of things.
Why my family doesn’t understand the ways in which I respond to things. Why it’s so hard to find others who will engage in my interests as heavily as I do. Why I’m so prone to accidentally insulting people. Why I usually take things too literally. Why I have a really hard time understanding the feelings of others unless they’re transparent with them. Why I find so many social norms to be beyond stupid. Why I find it near impossible to engage in topics that I don’t care about. Why I HATE being touched by anyone, even the people I trust. Why I’m just “opposite” in so many ways. *Why I’m just a little different than everyone else.*
I know that for a lot of the other people here it’s a really hard life. And mine may very well become hard. But I’m only 17. Adult hood has yet to begin for me, and pretty much all of the people in my personal life have responded well to and have been supportive of my diagnosis. They haven’t treated my differently. They just know me a little better now. And I’m terrified because I know that most of the new people I meet once I’m out of high school probably won’t be so understanding. And I’m so sorry for those of you here who really do struggle in life because you are the way that you are. You shouldn’t have to.
But on another note, I’ve become so thankful for communities like this. Sometimes the pessimism can get on my nerves (partially because I kinda get it). But in general, the people in these spaces just **GET** me a lot more. We’re all of course different. But we all also have this sort of understand between each other. And I just love having this sense of community. I’ve never really had something quite like this before so thanks for that guys.
And this is totally random, but I love that with this new found frame work of me being ASD, I’ve finally been able to find fictional characters that I can legitimately relate to. Comfort characters that I can head canon. Yuri from DDLC (specifically the 2021 side stories), Entrapta from SPOP, and most importantly Violet Evergarden. Early on after my diagnosis, me realizing how insanely relatable I find that character really helped me understand myself better. Never before has a fictional character meant so much to me. Never before has a fictional character legitimately **helped** me. I’m so thankful for that show’s existence. Still waiting on the finale movie to come no Netflix though. It’s excruciating.
But I also wanna talk about the nature of my diagnosis because it seems kinda different from many of the others here. Until the moment I heard the diagnosis, I hadn’t expected for even a second that I was ASD. I had no idea what autism really was before that. My dumbass legitimately did not knew the difference between Autism and down-syndrome. But those misconceptions of mine were all rectified within a few months.
My parents who both have some form of ADHD thought that maybe that was what was going on with me. Because at that point we were really only concerned with how hard it was for me to pay ATTENTION in class. So we all thought that **Attention** Deficit Hyperactive Disorder made a lot of sense. All of those other things I listed before were only things that I realized were “wrong” with me after I did some research following my diagnosis.
But anyways, turns out that at some point, my guitar teacher (who has been teaching me since 2016) told my parents that he suspected I might be ASD. I’ve now since learned that he’s also ASD so it makes sense that he would be able to recognize it in others. My parents agreed to have me tested but here’s the weird thing. They lied to me about it. They told me I was being tested for ADHD, and that when the results came back it just turned out that I was actually ASD. Looking back I should have seen through that. But it also makes sense that I didn’t because I’m far too trusting. They only told me this about a month ago.
Even though I’m not a fan of the lying I kinda get why they did it. If they had told me straight up that I was getting tested for autism, that probably would of freaked me out. Because remember, as previously established, I had the completely wrong idea of what autism even was back then.
I don’t really know how to conclude this. It was really just a reflective rant. Looking back on the last year and how it’s changed my perspective on life a lot. But if you got this far. Thanks for reading. I really appreciate it!
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aspergers
|
I just got a new job and it's reminded me how much I hate people seeing/hearing me eat. I'm forcing myself to right now because I'm starving. But I hate it.
If I had my full license I would just bring food to my car and eat there. But I can't do that yet.
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aspergers
|
ok so, i was supposed to have a first date today and i usually get really nervous before first dates, in fact, it's been a few years since i've been on a date and i think that has added some pressure. a big part of my ocd/anxiety is avoiding things that bring out intrusive thoughts/make me feel uncomfortable with anxiety (you know the deal). within the past year, i have gained so much emotional insight and regulation, however today, something in my brain just snapped and i could not shake the feeling of dread, and after shaking and crying, i ended up cancelling.
i just feel so defeated and embarrassed, especially since i know first dates are nerve wracking for everybody involved. obviously all of my friends have given me pep talks and people are telling me to just go with the flow, but you ocd-ers know that we do anything besides go with the flow.
i just need support and advice on what to do. this is something that i don't want to avoid because i feel like it is really stagnating my growth as a person (im a firm believer in pushing yourself out of your comfort zone even if i dont abide to it at all times), but it's the physical anxiety that stops me from taking those risks.
thanks for reading <3
|
OCD
|
I am 50, and finally got round to sorting my adult diagnosis. I struggle with reading. Now, I can read very well and I write well, so it’s not a technical issue but I have not read a fiction book in over 35 years, and whenever I try I find it too stressful and challenging to follow all that’s going on on a page and I just don’t have any interest in the book.
I have read a couple of biographies in the last few years and they were good, but you can dip in and out of it and it doesn’t really matter if you don’t track everything because you know they’re born at the beginning they die at the end and they do stuff in the middle!
If I see people reading big books, I feel tense, and I wondered if anyone else had this kind of book stress. It might not be anything autism related, it might just be that I am in a situation where I have felt like I should be fitting in and have just wound myself up into a state by not fitting in by being a reader. I just wondered what your thoughts were.
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aspergers
|
https://i.imgur.com/WhiYJlw.png
I found that a lot of high profile mass shooters had aspergers. Why do you think this is?
|
aspergers
|
Hello,
I kinda hit a new low and need a place to vend. Sorry for that.
First of, I've been struggling with depression since I was 12 years old. Alone most of the time. Been to therapy a few years ago, tried medication and stuff. Depression always behind me to get me. My family never noticed and/or cared. Mental health just wasn't important I guess. Even being in a long term relationship never helped cause my husband never really cared. At first I thought I needed to open up more, so that people could understand me. Turns out that Wasn't it. Whenever Something really bad happened and I was starting to fall back into depression, I kinda had to figure it out myself how to survive while getting hate from my surroundings for not functioning like I should. It hurt. But I never knew it could be different. Right now I am silently suffering after my second miscarriage this year after wishing for a child for years. Even in this situation, I feel alone with the aftermath of this experience. Everyone else already passed the point of feeling sad about it. After 2 weeks I am expected to function again. Expected to be in the mood for Sex. And moving on emotionally.
All I can think of is: What the fuck?!
And at the same time, I realized I don't really matter. My feelings are not important for those around me. But they expect me to feel happy and function?
Furthermore, I am in dire need of therapy, which kinda isn't possible cause I would need to wait months for my first appointment? Fuck you and thanks for nothing I guess.
So what, guess I am on my on again. This just sucks.
|
depression
|
Has anyone had a hard time making a decision? Whether it be life decisions or what to watch? I started the first episode of 'Invincible' weeks ago and I still haven't finished it because some days I want to watch a movie on my watchlist.
|
aspergers
|
Yeah so because my medication for my anxiety is meant to last 30 days, and I went through it in 6 days, my dad said I might aswell kill myself thanks for letting me know.
|
depression
|
For as long as I can remember, I have had slightly shaky hands. Doesn't impare me much in everyday life, except occasional annoying questions like "do I make you nervous? ;)" and slight difficulty with doing certain lab work. Before I started Vyvanse (or Aduvanz/Elvanse) (first ADHD med I've tried), my doctor went through the side effects of Vyvanse, and warned me that I could get shaky hands. This worried me, as I didnt want even shakier hands. However, a couple hours into the first day on Vyvanse, I looked at my hands, and they were as steady as a neurosurgeon's. Have anyone had a similar experience?
|
ADHD
|
Hey y'all. I'm pretty new to this diagnosis, though I'm pretty sure I've been dealing with it for several years now. I'm still having a lot of trouble accepting it, and I'm also having trouble understanding a lot of things about it.
To this end, I'm curious as to what exactly flashbacks really ARE. Like, yeah, I've read the definition, but I'm still lacking a core understanding, I think. I would welcome a variety of opinions on this subject, I think, because it seems that it can manifest pretty differently for different people and I think looking at it from a lot of different angles might help me put the picture together, if that makes sense?
I'll provide the perspective I'm coming from, for context.
Flashbacks are portrayed in media as, like, for example, somebody setting off fireworks near a veteran and suddenly they literally think they are back in combat or something, ducking behind rocks and yelling things out to their war buddies that aren't there and stuff. I know media portrayals of mental illness tend to be less that wholly accurate, so feel free to point out what's right and wrong about this example.
The only other thing I know about flashbacks is that my therapist says I have them. Mine look very different from that, though. I do experience auditory hallucinations, but I can generally figure out pretty quickly that they're not actually there by figuring out the sound I'm hearing doesn't make sense considering my environment, like hearing sirens when I'm driving when there's no ambulance around, or hearing my father's voice calling me from the next room when he's 1000 miles away.
There's not a lot of triggers that I've yet been able to identify for this other than maybe just some generalized stress. The only other symptom I'm really aware of during this is a little bit of increased anxiety, mostly because I know I'm hallucinating that healthy people shouldn't do that.
So, if anyone out there is willing to help me gain a better understanding of this, I think that it would be really helpful for me. Thank you so much in advance!!
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ptsd
|
So basically my friends keep saying I overthink everything and that I have never smelled. But everyone keeps sniffing, and sometimes I also get a whiff of the smell. Am I imagining all of this? I have no idea what to do!
|
OCD
|
Possible Trigger Warning.
Does anyone else have or has had intrusive thoughts about how our positive emotions and what drives and motivates us are all just a result of evolution and living things wanting more and more to live?
I get a phonecall from my mom. I enjoy the conversation. Then an intrusive thought goes:
"You do know you only love your mom because you're genetically programmed to do so, right? That's all it is."
And by the time I think "But why is that a problem?!" I feel like my universe has already crumbled and I FEEL as if everything is suddenly meaningless and everything I've ever loved is just an illusion.
Then, after a night of rumination, I foget sort of, and I catch myself enjoying life again for a bit. And after half a day...
"Oh-oh. Immersed in life again? Meaningless Experience Based On The Illusion of Dopamine!!!".
And then my universe crumbles again.
I am not religious so I do believe we're just cute little clever monkeys on a rock, and that doesn't help when my thoughts DEMAND that I give them a higher meaning to it all.
I think life's beautiful, no matter what its origin. I'm happy to be here. I want to help other people. I want to love. I want to make music.
But I already feel a strong anxiety that I'm probably just deluding myself from writing that.
I'm going to get checked this week. But until then, can anyone share if this sounds familiar to them as to how OCD can manifest?
Anyone else experience this?
|
OCD
|
For real it's day four with this bs now and I'm going crazy. It's almost all day! And you know which song? You all remember the first shrek movie. Do you remember that automaton machine thing that sings about how great Duloc, or whatever the city the tiny Lord lives in, is? Yeah, it's that song. Please save me, I don't care about Duloc being the perfect place.
|
ADHD
|
Hi guys, today I was diagnosed with ocd. Been having suicidal thoughts and intrusive thoughts about past. Sometimes i feel like im losing my mind. Gonna start cognitive behavioural therapy from monday. Any tips or feedback?
|
OCD
|
The anxiety and depression and stress I’ve experienced have been a huge part of my life for years. I’ve either been fired or quit from every job I’ve ever worked at due to stress. I don’t have any irl friends outside my partner, I don’t go to the grocery store, I can’t go to any store *alone,* I can barely go outside the front door alone. New places and people are terrifying and yet I’m lonely.
I finally decided to see a psychologist to talk about medication for depression and she diagnosed me with ptsd
The diagnosis wasn’t a huge surprise, I’ve obviously had bad shit happen to me, and that bad shit affected me.
It just feels… reductive somehow. I’ve been struggling with these issues for years. I’ve felt like I’m broken as a person, incapable of getting better no matter how much progress I make.
And then to be told that actually there’s a neat little four-letter explanation for all of it is… a thing
|
ptsd
|
The world feels to komplex. To much informations which you will never be able to know all. Plus there is no definive true or false in most things. Everything is unpredictable, especially when humans are involved.
This leads to confusion and often also anxiety.
It's hard to describe this feeling, but I'm interested if anyone feel this way or if it's just a normal human thing. But I don't experience other people feeling the same. At least not constantly.
Where could this come from? Is it an autistic trait or could it be relate to something other?
(sorry if englisch is bad, hope you understand the keypoint)
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aspergers
|
Hello everyone!
First of all, I want to mention that I am not an expert.
I am just a curious guy who likes researching a lot.
Also, I am currently into Psychology because I like humans, how the human mind works and almost everything related to humanities.
The information I am going to present here is a simple technique I found out about and I am thinking it might help you a lot.
The information presented here I find it very useful in many areas in life.
I never had OCD, what I found about that is by interacting with those certain types of people, and from a lot of research.
**Please beware that a medical advice is more than recommended and I strongly encourage you to do so. A specialist can help you more than anything else !**
So,
Let’s begin!
Let’s define is first.
Obsessive-compulsive disorder is a disorder in which people have obsessive, recurring thoughts and make them feel driven to do a certain action (compulsion).
Most of the thoughts are distressing the person and if that distress is taking is taking more than one hour a day, it is a sign that it might be OCD.
If you have certain bad thoughts, it doesn’t mean that there is OCD. It is just human nature.
When the compulsions (behaviors) are repetitive because they are the response to some obsessive thoughts, there might be OCD. By having these compulsions, people are trying to surpress the thoughts or to get rid of them, even though they are aware that those thoughts cannot be resolved by hard cold logic.
Also, people who have this disorder know better than I; I’ve just made a short introduction.
This is the new information I wanted to present to you.
Dr. Viktor Frankl was an Austriast psychiatrist and the founder of **logotherapy**.
Logotherapy is part of existential psychology where the individual’s search for a life meaning is the ultimate motivational force.
I am not going to expand on this, if you want to delve into this, please go and read *Man’s search for meaning.*
Dr. Frankl “invented” a technique what can help people with anxieties, phobias, OCD etc.
This technique is called the *paradoxical intention.*
What’s this?
Very simple. You have an intention which is paradoxical.
How does that work?
You wish for things you don’t want or you are afraid of.
For example.
If you are very afraid of public speaking, the thought only being on the stage will make you scared. You are thinking that you will have all sort of nasty reactions (sweat, shivering, forgetting the speech etc.) and, therefore, you are building so much pressure in your brain.
What you should do is that you should try to force those reactions, in an **exaggerated** way.
In short time, they will disappear.
If you are very scared that you might get a panick attack when you are out in the public, try to force your panick attack. It will be gone shortly.
This is what paradoxical intention is: *you paradoxically want what you usually don’t want to happen to you*.
Because, you know the saying.
*What you resist, persists.*
How does that related to OCD?
Well, it’s the same thing.
Dr. Frankl recommend people to forcefully produce the thoughts they are afraid of.
Try to make the things you are afraid of worse.
Try to force the thoughts be more much more powerful than usual.
And see what happens.
That’s it!!!
But you gotta experiment with yourself.
I KNOW IT SOUND COUNTERINTUITIVE BUT THIS IS HOW PARADOXICAL INTENTION WORKS!
It is a good technique, and again, do not underestimate the help of a **specialist**.
There is plenty of literarure about this topic, go check for yourself if you don’t believe me.
I just wanted to present here a short introduction about this technique.
This type of approach helped people with problems like insomnia, urinary retention, agoraphobia, anxiety.
In dr. Frankl research you are going to find plenty of real life examples.
Also, every thing takes time.
If it doesn’t work from second 1, try again. And again. And again…
**Realize** that you need to find your own **personal strategy** to cope with your problems !!!!
**I am curios if this technique worked for you, so please write in the comments or DM me!**
Here you find some articles: [https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/the-british-journal-of-psychiatry/article/abs/paradoxical-intention-and-antiexposure-in-a-noncompliant-obsessivecompulsive-ritualiser/579CA98E396BB9AB14C1D6AADB01D2B6](https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/the-british-journal-of-psychiatry/article/abs/paradoxical-intention-and-antiexposure-in-a-noncompliant-obsessivecompulsive-ritualiser/579CA98E396BB9AB14C1D6AADB01D2B6)
[https://exploringyourmind.com/paradoxical-intention/](https://exploringyourmind.com/paradoxical-intention/)
Books: start with *Man’s search for meaning – Viktor Frankl*
If you like what I wrote, you can check my blog:
[www.zeroperfectionism.com](http://www.zeroperfectionism.com/)
Also, I have an Instagram account:
[https://www.instagram.com/zeroperfectionism/](https://www.instagram.com/zeroperfectionism/)
If you are have time and you want to help me, you can fill in these surveys:
· On mental energy: [https://forms.gle/yvumzD1yEbs5QXuN9](https://forms.gle/yvumzD1yEbs5QXuN9)
· On perfectionism: https://forms.gle/fd8jy5x4deyJqqG78
Thank you for your time and best wishes for all of you!
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OCD
|
Thinking about programming a "bullet journal"-ish adaptive timeplanner app and I'm interested in your opinion on what features it should have or what features it shouldnt have.
Any answers are welcome, would love your recommendations.
I have moderately severe ADHD so it would of course be fitting for someone like me who has problems with time management, planning and scheduling.
|
ADHD
|
I'm new to this, I was recently diagnosed with PTSD. I'm not going to post anything about my trauma or PCL score. My therapist has warned me against doing that, since it can make some people feel excluded. Literally, the day I was disgnosed, it "triggered" me. Side note - I've decided that I really fucking HATE that word. Every idiot on Twitter uses that word to describe any event that makes them angry or upset. Anyway, I've apparently had this developing since childhood, and I've done considerable damage trying to ignore it. To the point of self-delusion. For approximately 30 years, I pretended this isn't real, it's just in my head, insert one of 100 other excuses here. And now I just feel absolutely ashamed of myself. I've had friends come back from overseas with PTSD. I've seen what this can really do. So I don't think I have any right to claim that I have it, too. I feel like I'm a drag on this entire community with some comparatively piddling trauma. And that makes me angry. That's always been my cycle, panic/pain/shame/sorrow, then anger. If I'm honest, those are the only real emotions I've felt (outside of my family) in longer than I can remember. I can feign happy all day, I can play calm. But I don't feel those things. Not really. I've cut myself off from just about everyone that I can because I think that anyone I meet is inherently disingenuous and can't be trusted. In other words - every person is not to be trusted, and my only objective is to get away from them before they can cheat me out of something, usually my dignity. I figured out early on that lying is a very easy way to keep people disconnected from me. But sometimes, I can't even remember what the truth is. I've adapted the lie so much sometimes that I believe it's true. Especially about embarrassing or uncomfortable situations. My girlfriend, who gave birth to our beautiful son, I sometimes question her fidelity and love. Even though she's the most trustworthy person I have ever met. Don't get me wrong, my family is the only place I truly feel happy, but there's always this sense of distrust lurking. She has PTSD as well, and is nothing but patient with me. She knows that I want to spend my life with her, she says she feels the same. But I need to figure this out before we go there. We saved each other from the throes of opiate addiction, but I'm the one that's dodged therapy for years now. I've finally decided that I want to figure this out, but I, of course, don't trust that it will work. I get memory/thought flashes that I can't control, leaving me feeling betrayed by my own brain. Some thoughts are entirely my own and completely unfounded, almost like I'm trying to imagine what could go wrong, but then it just cascades. Sometimes, I can't tell my thoughts from my memories, and everything just winds up feeling real, and I can't stop it until I've physically injured myself just to get out of my own head. Then it's pure rage for a while, and finally, this peaceful numbness to all emotions. Completely shut down. By the end of this cycle, I go back to my normal, semi-balanced, mostly controlled existence of not trusting anyone. So that's more or less my story, I don't know why I posted this. I guess there's some comfort for me in anonymity and I can actually say what's on my mind with minimal fear of someone using it against me in me or my family.
So,
"Hi" I guess.
|
ptsd
|
Okay so
when I was 14, my stepdad >!tried to stab me in a fit of rage because I knocked over an empty cup and "apologised wrong" (he was physically abusive to me and my older brother before that too (oh, and my older brother ended up equally abusive towards myself and my younger brother))!<
I haven't had any kind of romantic attraction since, and rarely any platonic, and whenever I get close to someone, I think they'll turn on me. (Even though my current friends have never done anything to upset me)
I definitely wasn't Aromantic before the event.
I've been officially diagnosed with PTSD, alongside Depression, Anxiety and Aspergers, and given medication for the first 2.
I don't have flashbacks during the day anymore unless something triggers them (such as seeing someone that resembles my stepfather, or if someone with a deep voice shouts in public)(oh, and I still have nightmares about it)
I still have the desire to have a relationship, but I don't get any actual feelings alongside it (like, that feeling in your chest when you have a crush, and stuff like that, I haven't felt that since, so I know fuck-all about it), and physical contact with someone else freaks me out.
Now that I'm 19, I have people who are interested in me, but I can't return those feelings, and I feel really bad about it.
I haven't had any therapy yet. I was supposed to, but quarantine kinda fucked that up.
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ptsd
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I'm usually having conversations like this in my head anyway, but sometimes it just ramps up, and my thoughts go on overdrive. For example, if someone makes a joke, and I find it funny, I (more often than not) have a compulsive need to explain to myself the intent behind the joke, and all of the possible factors involved with the joke that made it funny. It's annoying that I have to rationalise so many common occurrences that I should accept and not constantly waste my energy on. It's honestly stressful and rather headache-inducing.
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aspergers
|
So I was sexually abused as a kid (read my post history) and a few years ago I started having symptoms of Delayed Onset PTSD. Anyway I made a MAJOR life decision in the past year or so and I have felt so good. Is it possible that PTSD can go away?
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ptsd
|
So I haven’t been officially diagnosed (long and weird story on why I can’t yet) but I’m sure that I have a mild form of it. So today, I was taking self defense class. We practiced defending against behind chokes. Immediately when I heard that, my heart started racing and my mind went back to October 16th 2018. But I managed to keep my cool. And I calmed down when we started to practice so thankfully that episode only lasted maybe a couple minutes or a little more. My question is, do you ever sometimes appear calm on the outside to others during a flashback?
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ptsd
|
Is it OCD to see 'let's see if I can upset myself" in which case it happened-and I have an OCD attack that i now was going to happed.
I missed a camper-and I didn't even know what character it was so I can't fix it! T.T, I know would forgot to get them, if I didn't go right now and it turned out to be right-I tried to time travel, but that doesn't bring them back, I wished there was a way to keep track on who visits.
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OCD
|
I’m so anxious. They’re so cute and I’d feel like a terrible person if I harmed them yet, OCD keeps on giving me thoughts about doing so and I’m so anxious, sad and ashamed...I feel like a terrible person
I need some support please 😔😞
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OCD
|
CW: being approached from behind, touch
One of my triggers is being approached from behind and/or having my shoulders and neck touched. When I am working/have headphones on and my partner has to tell me lunch is ready she comes and very lightly taps me on the shoulder. Unfortunately this is still anxiety provoking and I find myself feeling very anxious and not getting anything done around the lunch hour because I’m waiting/preparing for her to touch me.
I’m wondering if there some other way she can signal me like a soft light on my desk or something non-jolting that will pull me out of my hyperfocus more gently. I don’t really check my phone often enough for that to make sense.
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ptsd
|
Write it down, set an alarm or something. I don't know how or why but I completely forgot to take my antidepressants for an entire week. Now my 2am crying sessions make sense...
I was miserable, worried that my meds (Ritalin & Effexor XR) weren't working anymore. Things began to spiral out of control. Yesterday, I looked in my pill box and realized I'd been only taking one of my pills. For a whole week. ☠️
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ADHD
|
So in most NT socialization, the status quo is a continually shifting thing. One moment they like you and are helpful, and the other moment they don't. NT have a way of forming a 'buffer' of neutrality, as so if they are disappointed with the result of the interaction it doesn't affect them so much, and so they move on rather quickly. So basically, everything's a sort of 'mask' is what I'm saying. Fakes. I'm not sure if this is an Asperger exclusive thing or not, but this is not the case with me.
I tend to have a fixed perception of a person. For example, I know a guy who talked to me sometimes and we used to help each other with school work, the other time they really don't want anything to do with me. This goes for a lot of my relationships as well. Maybe because I don't know anyone or is not close to anyone so a lot of my relationship with other people felt so fake.
This is sad since when I like someone, I will genuinely like them, and a lot of times these constantly shifting personas can feel like an emotional whiplash sometimes
I also have a bad tendency to look for any reaction that might look like a negative response to me, and it makes me feel worse about myself. This is probably due to me not being able to properly read people, so I overread situations and find the worst interpretation of it so that I don't fuck up, but in the end, it only leads me to be miserable. For example, in class, when I am asking a teacher a question, I would look around the class and see the reactions, and if there are a lot of people slumping their head over or sighing or shaking their legs, I will internalize that they are annoyed at me asking the question (I'm not sure how true that is)
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aspergers
|
Anyone else having a tremendous fear of doctors, hospitals, physicals and everything else related? I know it’s not healthy to not go for checkups, or if I feel sick, but the fear is crippling.
|
ptsd
|
I’m so worried right now. I am currently in the hospital because of an infection I’ve had, I’ve been here for 3 days so far.
Just a few minutes ago, a nurse came in to do my vitals. The thermometer that he used is the type of thermometer that you put the plastic cover on. Well, the nurse put the thermometer in my mouth without the plastic cover. I’m in a freaking hospital, what happens if that’s happened to someone else and now I catch whatever illness they’re here for?! I’m panicking about this.
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OCD
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[Updating to add that I reported the assault & filed for an order of protection today.]
I (20s F) got diagnosed with PTSD & felt overwhelmed so asked the person I was seeing to come over for a hug/ comfort. She ended up devaluing my experience, centering herself, & sexually assaulting me. In the following days I was so numb to everything. How could someone that started out so loving & kind end up being a monster? The days following I decided to confront her but she gaslit, manipulated, & lied until love bombing by showing up to my house with flowers & playing mind games. There were red flags before but I never anticipated this & I’m so exhausted that all of my relationships or dating experiences have been with narcissists. I was raised by them too & I’ve been doing incredible work to heal this past year. I’m so disappointed, ashamed, & sad that I trusted another one.
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ptsd
|
ok so I (14M) am still doing online school and im starting to get sick of staying in my bedroom all day, i dont have many friends and i live in a small boring town so there isnt much incentive for me to go outside unless i HAVE TO. I always complain to my dad that im tired of staying at home all the time and i even want to go back there to my school building again, but he always tells me to go and take walks outside on my own, i tried it 10000 times in the past since covid happened but it never actually became a regular thing i enjoyed doing and it usually stopped happening after 1-2 walks. my dad just cant understand it and he just keeps telling me to go on walks like a parrot and its very annoying.
am i the only one who has trouble going out of his house at his own will?
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aspergers
|
**TW for talking about suicide.**
So here I (26F; ignore the name, it's an inside joke) am—sitting at my desk, listening to *Hollow* by *Icon for Hire* on repeat, writing this stupid post about how my life is miserable and yada-yada. I often browse this subreddit, but more often find myself internally mocking those who post here. I realize more and more that I’m a toxic sort of individual, but putting it more bluntly, I realize that I’m kind of an asshole. I’ve struggled with depression and psychosis for more than half of my life. More recently, however, I was diagnosed with Schizoid Personality Disorder.
Rather than waste your time with more dribble about myself, I’m just going to get to the meat and potatoes of this post. I’ve been thinking a lot about suicide. It’s a dangerous line of thinking that I frequently traverse. Why? Because I haven’t found a way to feel…*okay* with myself. Everything I do or say irks me, even the act of posting this message will later turn into a weapon to inflict some type of insult to myself. I am apathetic, an empty shell of a human being. I feel no emotion for the family that has supported me with love and affection for my whole life. Even car accidents and health issues stir nothing in me. I do not feel love for them. I do not care for them. It’s a hard truth I’ve denied for years. I’m even dating a really great guy that cares for me so deeply that he has often wept for me. I feel nothing for him. Hell, I don’t even know why I’m dating him. I loathe myself, even more so than the family that turned against me and my immediate family. I can’t deal with myself, my apathy and my nonsense. I’ve been seeing a therapist weekly for about a year now. I’m on three different medications for depression and psychosis. Likewise, I’ve already been hospitalized twice for attempting suicide. Hospitalization is useless; the best advice I got was, “Just think more positively!” or my favorite, “Someone else out there has it worse than you!” Of course, there’s always the advice I got from this one guy who thinks cancer can be solved with some honey and blackseed oil. Hospitalization gets you stable, but that's it.
No matter what I do, nothing seems to change. That’s why after the holidays are through, so am I. I’m going to take my life after the New Year. I’ve already made my plan. I’m going to wait until my brother goes to work and my mother starts her work (she works at home, so I must pick a very specific time) and I’m going to hang myself with my bedsheet. No amount of self-harm helps with the numbness and lack of feeling. I've beaten myself repeatedly, cut myself a ton of times, starved myself—nothing amounts to what I feel I deserve for being such a pathetic nuisance. I’ve dreamt of suicide numerous times; it fills me with peace, relief, until I’m thrust back into reality, which fills me with despair and disappointment. I can’t count the number of times I’ve laid in bed thinking and thinking about it—over and over, like a sick carousel ride.
I have no idea why I’m telling a bunch of strangers on the Internet that I’m crazy and have fallen off the deep end. If you’ve made it to the end, thanks for reading, I guess?
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depression
|
“What are you up to this evening? I realised I did not planning for the weekend haha”
Would you respond? Be happy? Be offended? Tell me how you would feel and how you would act or react! Lemme know if you want some context.
I figured this would be interesting, because we all interpret things differently, and I’ve only recently discovered rejection sensitive dysphoria (RDS).
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ADHD
|
Hello everyone. I was diagnosed with pure OCD. I started medicament treatment week ago. I use fluvoxamine and resperidon . I had a lot of obsessions starting from HOCD and TransOCD ending up on P******OCD , today I've started ERP by myself ( avoiding compulsions and reassurance seeking ) . But i feel kinda strange . I have better mood and less obsessions in my head. But it feels like I can't think about something else instead of my intrusive thoughts , my condition is really strange cause i feel like i have burst of energy inside of me which can't go out . Did u have the same feelings ? It reminds me about prisoner who went to normal life after years and he can't understand what he should do next.
I started to think what if i should go back to the endless cycle of obsessions and compulsions because i really forgot how to live without them.
Please tell me if u had same experience .
We can discuss it
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OCD
|
I have mild Tourette’s. My psychiatrist recently told me I likely have OCD after telling him I have violent intrusive thoughts. I will sometimes tic after getting intrusive thoughts and it makes them go away. I also have a tendency to , when I get an intrusive thought that has a line of thinking with it, to repeat the thought out loud to “alleviate” the thought… but this isn’t voluntary.
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OCD
|
Hey everyone. As someone who deals with a lot of forms of OCD, one being Pure O, I want to try to give a tip that's helped me. A common theme here I see is a lot of asking if other people have had similar obsessions or asking to confirm you are not crazy, terrible etc. As most of us know, no answer can change our OCD. We don't even know if we want the answer to be yes or no. I can't tell you the amount of times I have gotten either and just for some reason suddenly decide I wished I heard the other, "no I'm not crazy ugh that's makes it worse I wish I was crazy" or "oh I am a monster, I really wish I wasn't" and spiraling continues.
I think it's perfectly fine to occasionally vent about your annoying dark thoughts and obsessions, but I think a good challenge to yourself is to not end it with a question. Tell someone your train, but don't ask am I crazy, am I a monster or what do you think. End it with, that's what making me anxious or insert other feeling. I try to say, "those thoughts make me feel X." Then just try to steer away from the topic. If it's a Reddit post that's easy you don't have to read it again. If it's a close friend or family member, preface it with "I want to rant but don't want a response related to the content".
I highly recommend this for this moments you are spiraling. Even if you've started down the reassurance cycle. The trick to feeling better is to not get trapped in the need for reassurance. It's a temporary relief. The anxiety and disturbing feelings is all the reassurance you need to know you don't want those things. Relish in that and acknowledge the feelings as opposed to trying to make the thoughts and feelings go away through googling, and talking to people.
But it's okay to vent, it's okay to fall down a rabbit hole once in a while. We all will. Just in those moments try to remember that it's just a bump and you don't gotta spend all day on a bump, acknowledge the bump and move on.
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OCD
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I’m 29. I’ve struggled with OCD for nearly half my life, possibly longer. In hindsight, I probably had symptoms of anxiety related illness as a child too. Thanks traumatic childhood!
This year it’s finally become unbearable, to the point that I just haven’t been able to mask my symptoms in order to appear ‘normal’ anymore. I’m not wilfully weak, I’ve just finally hit my limit.
So, I finally decided to seek medical treatment. I’ve been on sertraline for the last 4 months, recently having moved up to 150mg. Therapy is still a no go, as here in the UK there’s quite a waiting list for it, especially post-Covid. I’m on month 5, so in theory it should be soon. Hey, a man can dream, can’t he?
Life is hard. I struggle all day, every day. I can’t remember the last time I felt any real measure of peace. I’m not sure if I ever will again. I can hope. Sometimes I wonder if there’s any point in a life like this. What can I expect? 40-50 more years of constant anxiety and guilt, achieving nothing in life as my disease attacks anything I love or enjoy, and then dying possibly leaving behind some offspring who are plagued by the same monsters as me, to add to my guilt. I feel no joy, the best I ever get is momentary distraction. Even that’s fuckin’ rare!
I’m at a point where I don’t know who I am anymore. I don’t feel like myself anymore. I’m not really sure how to convey it any other way than that. I used to feel a certain way inside myself, that I identified as being ‘me’. Call it my soul, or sense of self or vibe, whatever. That’s gone. I look in the mirror and I recognise myself, sure, but only intellectually. As in I know that’s me, but it’s more like I’m looking at someone else emotionally speaking. Like looking at your characters reflection in a video game.
I look at my memories and it’s like I’m looking at a different person’s story. I just feel disconnected.
I honestly can’t tell where the intrusive thoughts end and I begin. I feel twisted up inside, it’s easy to say “It’s the OCD, not you.” But the whole thing just gets messier when the obsessions manifest as urges and what feels like desires. Sometimes I feel like maybe I’m just evil in nature. Maybe it’s just a case of a leopard not choosing to be a leopard, that’s just what it is, regardless of how it may feel about it. I’m lost. I don’t know who I am.
So tell me, anyone ever come back from this?
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OCD
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I’ve been soooooo exhausted because I’ve been taking longer doing my compulsions. Sometimes I just lay down in my bed for a bit before I go back and finish them because I’m just so tired. I’ve been missing appointments/not wanting to go because I have to walk there and I just don’t want to. I just want to be in bed. Anyone else feel the same? I’m trying not to be hard on myself for it, but I can’t help but feel a little bad for the doctors whenever I miss my appointments. But uggghhh it’s just so hard, it takes up all my energy
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OCD
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my best friend, the person who helped me to be happy for the first time in a long time, someone I saw as the sister who never just left me, she started a relationship a few days ago, I never got in the way, I gave him my best wishes so that everything goes as well as possible, and even so I know from one day to the next I stop responding to my messages and calls, I am so married, I just want things to go well sometime in my life
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depression
|
I really am. I’m afraid that things will only get worse and we’ll be on lockdown again and social distancing forever, vaccinated or not. I don’t wanna be separated from my friends again
It’ll also be my first year and birthday without my Dad, who passed away in October. I loved him and I know he loved me too. I’m scared what life is gonna continue to be without him.
I wanna cry but I believe that’ll only make me seem weak for a 33 year old autistic guy.
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depression
|
I’m just here to vent, guys. For context, I was diagnosed with ADHD in 2019 and have been through the ringer finding the right medication for me. I’ve been on Strattera, Adderall ER, Adderall XR, and Vyvanse in the past. I’ve been on 30mg Vyvanse with as-needed 5mg Adderall in the afternoon for about a year now and it works like a charm.
My old psychiatrist moved out of town, so I saw another doctor at the same practice today and our conversation did not go how I’d expected. She told me that it’s dangerous to take ADHD medication long-term and that Vyvanse is addictive. The reason why I feel foggy and unfocused on days I don’t take my medication is “withdrawals” because I’m addicted. She told me that I need to work my way off of these medications, and that ADHD can be treated just as well with mindfulness practices. The entire conversation was super condescending and she treated me like an addict for taking ADHD medication. She said she’d prescribe my medication for another month but she can’t make any guarantees about next month.
I just feel so blindsided, I thought I was past having this stupid conversation with doctors. I’m not saying that mindfulness and meditation can’t be great tools to help with ADHD symptoms, but it’s kind of ridiculous to pretend that it’s a cure all. Who needs vyvanse when you can just go do some yoga?? (This was her actual suggestion). Guess I need to find a new psychiatrist.
Edit : Thank you guys for all of the support, I’m really grateful to have this community. I’m going to be looking for a new psychiatrist and I’m going to call the office to file a complaint as well.
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ADHD
|
Hey folks, its my first time posting in this sub though I've been a long time lurker.
I wanted to share a positive story in these trying times.
Tw: CSA, mention rape, suicide
I was abused some as a little kid by an older boy up the street. My grandfather is a pedophile who hurt my brother. I tried to kill myself at age 14, and afterward "fell in love" with the woman that would become my rapist and long term abuser. Over 2 years she abused me, physically/mentally/sexually.
But here I am today. I escaped her. It's been about 4 years since I've last heard anything about her. I've struggled, I've been to hell and back many times...
It does get better. It does get easier. I am no longer bound by the psychological shackles those abusers put me in. I am free.
I'm moving to a new place, with new friends. Im going back to college to better myself. I've got job interviews lined up. Im emotionally, physically, and financially stable. I'm me. I'm a survivor. Im free!
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ptsd
|
*TW I think. There's talking about intrusive thoughts and other things like it.*
I actually didn't think that this was a OCD thing tbh. I knew that OCD were about mostly having intrusive thoughts and stuff like that, but I just never thought too much about it. I've had some gross sexual intrusive thoughts that I really don't wanna think about. I can't get them out of my head and they make me feel disgusting and nauseated. I really don't wanna go in detail about it. I've had them for several years now. And actually some thoughts when sitting in the bus where I think to myself "what if the bus just crashed into the mountain wall or drove off a cliff rn?". Idk if that's the depression talking, but yeah.. I also think alot about convertations I've had with people throughout the day it's so annoying. And also other rather psychopathic and graphic intrusive thoughts.
Anyways, I googled this since I never tried to do that. I just tired to brush of the thoughts and went with me just being a depressed crazy person. The results I got were only OCD related stuff. I kinda went "you gotta be fucking shitting me right now". Is that what that might be? I really never concidered it to be that. I atleast have a doctors appointment coming up (in three fucking weeks btw). So I might check it out. My only concern is that I have to go to fucking therapy and I HATE therapy personally. It doesn't work to just talk about the same things over and over again for them to tell me "just go out there and get friends" or "exercise!" No <3
​
Anyways, would you say this could be OCD or am I just crazy?
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OCD
|
how do you fuck doubt and stay focused? Please don't say you can't or are unable to. This is about solutions.
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OCD
|
I know that people with Asperger's tend to think negatively. I was listening to this doctor on YouTube describing negativity and Asperger's. He gave the example that if someone with Asperger's experiences 10 different things in one day with 9 of those experiences being positive and one of those experiences being negative, the Aspie will be fixated on that one bad thing instead of appreciating the 9 good things.
One bad experience will lead someone with Asperger's to think negatively and have irrational fears of something just as bad or worse happening in the future. I was wondering if any of you can relate to this. I know that I can. Whenever something goes wrong for me even when most things are going right for me, I get upset and frustrated when one thing goes wrong. I tend to start thinking negatively about life when one bad thing happens to me.
I am aware that nobody and nothing in this world is perfect and that things don't always go right 100% of the time, but for some reason my brain can't accept that. I think a lot of it has to do with OCD and perfectionism. My brain won't accept something that isn't perfect and so when something is imperfect, that is usually when the negativity runs deep.
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aspergers
|
So I've been doing Exposure Response Prevention therapy on my own to fix my excessive checking before sleep and leaving home (because I couldn't find a specialist in my city). I've seen progress with in vivo exposure and ritual prevention, and have recently tried imaginal exposure with my mildest fear: the kitchen burning down. It was good but I wanted your experience and advice on doing imaginal exposure properly. What has been your experience with it? Have you see results? What steps should i take as a beginner? Any advice would help, thanks in advance.
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OCD
|
Tried going off of Prozac during college and wound up partially hospitalized. Just curious to see what people think in general regarding medication. Is there ever an escape?
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OCD
|
I would like to get some treatment through learning executive function skills and meds (if needed, probably needed). I’m very anxious about starting medication because I have never tried it before. I do have insurance and would like to use it if it makes contest to use it financially. I have a very high deductible so sometimes it doesn’t make sense to actually use it. I’ve seen online shop for around $80. So I’m just curious as to if anyone on here has the experience of getting help online.
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ADHD
|
Like let’s just say that you don’t like germs, or in my case, demonology. Does anybody else’s body get tense the moment you think about or get reminded about those things and the fact that they exist?
|
OCD
|
I was wondering about CBT and if anyone had recommendations on specific programs/books I am not sure where to start, I am getting meds for my ADHD but I just feel I should be able to accomplish more. I have started to limit myself with regards to my phone and stuff, I guess a dopamine fast, but wanted to see if anyone else had any suggestions?
|
ADHD
|
I could be diagnosed and not have OCD.
I could be undiagnosed and have OCD.
Either way nothing changes.
I’m obsessed and people will hate me.
|
OCD
|
Hey all!
I was wondering if anyone has ever experienced panic after watching movies/reading books.
I used to enjoy reading books and watching movies but now I can’t even finish them due to a feeling of disconnection.
It’s super weird and it is quite new. It makes me sad because I can’t enjoy fiction/nonfiction as I used to. :(
If anyone does have this, what are some ways to combat it?
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OCD
|
I have stuck with writing for a good while, finished a chapter last week. I now got put in charge of the little 'store' my apartment building has.
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aspergers
|
Can’t even say I’m sad anymore. Can’t say I feel much of anything. I’m just done. I must say it was a wild ride. But I really can’t remember much good. No folks. Money doesn’t buy happiness
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depression
|
Hi everyone!
I'm 21F, and I have very recently been diagnosed with Asperger's. It wasn't really a surprise, since my mom and I had suspected that I had something since I was a child, but now it's confirmed.
So, I'm not a nurse yet, but since I'm in my last year of uni and practically all practoces, I'll be one in a few months. Now, the problem.
I've been assigned a nurse to teach and evaluate me, but this dude doesn't want me as a student. He really cuts off every conversation we have, ignores all my questions and both me and my uni partner know he doesn't like me. I cannot force him to like me, I know that, and so I'm not really interested in him as a teacher.
The big problem is that he had complained about me, and even after telling the actual teachers everything that had happened between me and him, they have decided that it's up to ME to fix this. Yes, you read that right, I'm being forced to either make him tolerate me or else I'm not passing (even if I do everything else right).
I don't feel like confronting him (since he's also rude and kind of intimidating), but I also don't want to fail my last practices after working as hard as I am doing now.
How can I deal with this while having Asperger's? I literally get along with tons of other nurses except him...
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aspergers
|
I've always had a hard time at work with people thinking I'm rude or arrogant when truly at my core I feel like I'm trying my hardest to a) be nice and not act "too weird" and b) not look like an uneducated dumb@$$
This does not translate over to my personal life and relationships. Those people see me as caring, supportive, and if anything too hard on myself.
I've been struggling a lot with my self esteem due to my last two employers belittling my symptoms. Neither enjoyed the fact that I sound "flat" and that I feel the need to explain things in detail. I also have been told I'm rude during conversation (because my brain is always thinking 50 thoughts at once and unless I'm overly intrigued in what someone is saying it's impossible to focus)
I've also been chewed out for hanging out in my own area and not being social and interacting all the time. I also suffer from severe social anxiety so unless I'm close with someone I don't necessarily feel comfortable mingling (I do art for a living in a facility that has several other artists all are independent contractors so in theory it should be up to the individual on what they choose to do during down time)
Anyway just wondering if anyone else goes through this same scenario where your friends and loved ones think you're fine but you always become a target at work... and what you have done to remedy the situation. I'm really exhausted from feeling like a freak and as if I don't belong anywhere and therapy hasn't helped at all.
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ADHD
|
So it seems my nightmares cause me to bite my tongue suddenly and I’ve lost a lot of sleep due to that, on top of the anxiety.
Wondering if anyone has had this and if there’s a way to prevent it?
Thanks.
|
ptsd
|
I am addicted to music. But I want to add something new and more positive to my playlists.
I’ve been listening to a lot of SB, Bones, lil peep and similar artists.
Now adding some MacMiller, og hiphop (2pac, Notorious BIG)
Thanks kind people!
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depression
|
I'm honestly genuine when I say I have tried so hard to get my shit together and I just can't, so I'm reaching to reddit🤷🏼♀️
Not sure if I'll be able to explain correctly (you know how the human mind is) so bare with me
To put it in simple terms, I feel like my life is shit and because of that...I feel like complete shit. Yes, the basic teeenage depression is what I'm taking about! Let's get started:
My parents suddenly started degrading me and criticizing my every move so I feel they don't care about me. Not only that but they never have spent time with me in my life, and seem to only care when it affects themselves. Not gonna lie, I'm convinced this is because of my older brother who may have took their leniency too far, MANY MANY times...Kinda started me off on a low-confidence lifestyle :/
Struggled to make friends as a kid, of course, and almost all of the friends I have made...left. Now I'm not talking about some random friends that I only knew for a month...I could count about 8 people who I was close with for at LEAST 2 years, that decided to stop talking to me.
I have always been a very anxious person when it comes to how others think of me, so I have always tried to be a people pleaser. These people never had a big fight with me, drama behind the scenes, or ANYTHING. Most just left. That's what's brain fucking me!
The friends I do have, have been around for years and never have left. But, they became distant. None and I mean NONE of them text or call me anymore, and I have no idea why. Nothing has changed, and I've never fought with them. It just breaks my heart.
(Side note: I spent a few months working on myself late 2019 and became happy, before covid hit...and that's a whole other story, but after losing myself again, it definetly made me start giving up)
SO
Obviously I can't put my entire depression into one little post, but that's the gist of it. I'm very anxious of how others feel about me, and I do everything I can to keep friends around and avoid fights. But somehow, even with no complications, things got fucked up.
Overall it makes me hate myself.
What did I do to make them leave?
Why doesn't anyone like to talk to me?
If I show that I'm scared, will they leave?
Will everyone just leave at some point like the others?
All these questions that just lead to my only answer of "I'm just a piece of shit...that's why", no matter what I tell myself.
This ruins EVERYTHING.
Because:
- if I want to make my parents treat me nicer, I need to accomplish things and be independent.
- If I want to feel like people will like me, I need to go out more and talk to others
- If I want my friends to talk to me, I need to be confident and happy so they enjoy my company.
- etc.
and I can't do any of that when I constantly hate myself and convince myself that there's no reason to try when nothing makes me happy anymore.
Not even vacations or drugs...
So, my question is how do I help myself?
I know there are so many people who struggle with the same things I do, and those who have overcome it. So I just need some kind of guidance.
I feel small, dumb, annoying, quiet, lazy, boring, bland, and everything else.
I HATE myself.
I just want to feel good about myself again and my life, but I can't find a reason to.
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depression
|
TL:DR- Recently I was diagnosed with ASD and that explains a lot of issues that make our marriage difficult. Lots of problems that seem small to me are big to her and vice versa. She is very stressed and unhappy, I want her to be happy and I am starting to think divorce is the best option. I think that she ultimately needs to figure out if that's best. Is it fair to put that decision on her?
I'm a 34 year male and have been married for 5 years and we don't have kids, just 2 cats. Most, if not all, of the difficulties we face in our marriage are due to how ASD affects my communication, intimacy and daily life. I just want my SO to be happy but not sure if I should leave her with an ultimatum. I want to say, "this diagnosis made me understand the difficulties I have always struggled with and I can't promise that anything will change or get better, in any reasonable amount of time. I just want you to be happy even if that means we end our marriage. You need to either accept me as I am or find happiness with someone else." Does this sound reasonable?
Background:
We have been together for 8 years and married for the past 5 years. Our problems have progressively gotten worse and almost divorced within the past year. I have difficulties expressing emotions and reading her body language. Often our disagreements end with me having a shutdown or meltdown. She feels the need to talk through our problems immediately even if I can't process anything. I don't have an issue with intimacy but it's not something I regularly pursue and she feels like she always has to get things started. I tend to not think about holidays, anniversaries, birthdays ect. I put everything off until the last second and forget about plans she makes.
My wife has issues with anxiety and that really clashes with my issues. A "dirty" house tends to make her very anxious but my idea of clean is still dirty to her. She ends up pushing me to help her clean everything to her standard but that tends to overwhelm me and usually ends with an argument.
We don't share many interests, I have always made an effort to do what she likes (concerts, traveling, food) but I can't always do that. She hasn't really tried to enjoy any of my activities (RC vehicles and video games) even though I have asked many times to try. I don't necessarily have big sensory issues except taste and smell being my worst. I am an extremely picky eater but can generally find something on a menu in most places.
I recently lost my job due to stress at home and at work causing a massive meltdown at work. She brought me to a mental health facility and I completed their outpatient program while my wife worked and handled all of our finances and day to day stuff. During that time my psychiatrist and therapist diagnosed me with major depression and general anxiety on top of the ADHD that I already knew about. They had asked me if I had ever been diagnosed with ASD. I got a psychological evaluation during the program that confirmed ASD.
There is a LOT of information here and I am sorry for the long read. I think everything I posted would help with giving me advice on the situation. Any and all help is greatly appreciated. I will be talking to my therapist and our couples therapist about all of this as well but need help from people more familiar with ASD/aspergers.
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aspergers
|
I'm in my (very) early twenties and for my entire life I found extremely difficult to make friends and expecially to keep them.
The few persons I got close with were rare and far between and in every case we seemed to suddently drift off permanently, I'm honestly not sure if it was because I'm a person that need a lot of time for myself or because they got tired of me.
Because of that I have the tendency of trying meeting people I might become friends with online and a couple of months ago I met the brightest light I could ever imagine in a darkness of loneliness and depression.
Maybe you could think I'm getting too sentimental but you can't imagine what it means to me to find someone that cares so much about me after being treated like a dumb child that is too inferior to get some respect by so many people since I was a kid.
We talk to each other for a lot of hours every day (one time for 12 hours ahaha) through vocal messages, talking with her is always funny, interesting and sweet.
I'm basically certain that we're more than friends and she feels the same way. We will also meet each other in real life in the summer to travel together! I can't even believe this is real...and this is the issue.
For the longest time I thought that because of the way people treat me like garbage I would be alone for the rest of my life. In fact I've never been in any kind of relashonship before and most of the girls in my class or in every social group I was in explicitly treated the thought as a joke. The issue isn't even how I look like, for example I don't even hide it online. It was my beahviour somewhat.
I'm so emotionally damaged I fear that when we meet each other in real life it's going to be the same for some reason. I can't push away the thought that it's only a matter of time before she finds out how "terrible" I am by seeing my body language (I almost never stim but I almost can't do eyecontact) or by my difficultues in reacting to social situations even if it's irrational. It's terrible because we always talk about all the things we will visit or do and I just feel like a fraud.
I opened up about my difficulties extremely slowly because I know what effects oversharing has on NTs so I didn't manage to tell her about my aspergers. I told her about a depressive period I had extremelly difficultly because I'm terrified that anything I say will end things instantly, this is the level I'm at. And it's not even logical because she's the most understeanding person I know of... with the exception of my parents.
Thank you for reading my extremely long essay, it's the first time I tell everything I have on my mind in this period.
|
aspergers
|
I'm just fucking tired, mentally and physically. I don't fucking know, why I even wake up every morning. I have been clinging to hope, everything will work out. I am at the end of my ropes.
|
depression
|
Trying to be more social so I've joined a sports team, to register they needed to know about all medical conditions including ASC and mental health. Idk why but having it out like that made me overwhelmed and embarrassed. Being autistic it's part of me and makes me who I am, and I wouldnt want it any other way. I just dont want to be singled out again.
I'm not usually embarrassed to be autistic or have mental health problems, I just hate that I've had to tell people who I barely know stuff that I only tell people I trust. Idk what to do or feel when I next have to train with them. I know I'm probably being stupid but my head dove off a cliff because of this, ended up giving into my urges just to shut up my loud fucked up head and it hasnt shut up.
Has anyone else had experiences like this or have any advice please?
|
aspergers
|
I thought I fell asleep and was dreaming it, but according to my boyfriend I was in the corner of my closet just scared and crying and I wouldn't let him touch me or anything. He says I would be startled when he'd try to touch or comfort me, seemed to be looking through him instead of at it him whenever I was looking, and that I was crying and saying something he couldn't understand. I don't remember any of this. I was so sure I had fallen asleep. To me, I was asleep reliving one of the most traumatic moments of my life.
I was extremely confused because one moment, I'd gone to the room to wake him up cause I didn't feel safe, and the next moment I was "waking up" on the floor of the closet with tears running down my face.
Is this a normal experience with PTSD or am I losing more of my mind? I can't afford to go to a doctor/therapist.
Edit: I wasn't actually asleep. I was completely awake, according to my boyfriend. Just not acknowledging the actual reality.
|
ptsd
|
I want to record and write music but my mind feels so foggy and it seems so daunting. I don’t even find any enjoyment in doing it I just end up trying and then getting discouraged and really depressed. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m already 19 and my life is gonna slip by so fast and I haven’t even recorded a full song yet. I’m desperate and I don’t know what to do.
|
depression
|
And it’s killing me.
I have no friends and no partner.
Nobody to talk to, chat with.
I guess, I’ll die alone.
Fuck this bullshit.
Being in the middle of Europe and even in middle age sucks.
Let’s play Valorant and pretend I do something valuable.
|
depression
|
As a kid I've been complimented by lots of adults telling me that I'm talented or *gifted,* that I could pick things up quickly. In retrospect I think that was actually a curse, because it inflated my childish ego and made me overly cocky about being better than my peers without trying, despite me always losing in competitions against the kids that actually *did* try.
Looking back on it as an adult, I think I've always enjoyed learning new concepts, but reinforcing them and continuing to pursue them once they've lost their novelty, awful. I always burn out fast, and it feels nigh impossible for me to actually reach expertise in anything I try to pursue.
Take coding, drawing, and fighting games for instance, three things that actually share a lot of similarities. I'm "good" at those things because I'm fairly confident in saying that I can do them better than most people, but am I *good* at them? No. I hyper-fixated on them hardcore at the beginning, but over time I quickly lost interest and suddenly didn't care enough to try anymore despite how much fun I had at the beginning. It's also why I don't have mains in video games; I play a character/weapon until I get bored, cycle through the other characters, and once I've tried everyone I just quit.
But I don't want to be a jack of all trades; I look at professional artists, musicians, athletes, people who actually make their names known because of their skill at one thing (or more) in particular, and I wish I had something in my life that actually made me want to develop it to that level, instead of dropping everything because I always get too bored to care. I tried to "discipline" my way through it too, but eventually it turned into torture and I gave up anyways.
How do you manage this? How can I stop losing interest in everything I do, and develop the discipline to do things for the long-term? It's now gotten to the point where I don't even want to *try* anything new because I've straight up ran out of everything that I've wanted to try.
TL;DR *I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times* but I'm the first guy and I hate it.
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ADHD
|
Living with Aspergers as an adult, I misread things a lot and I especially tend to mistake friendly conversation for flirting. For example, I was drawing at Starbucks and a woman came up to me complimenting my artwork. She mentioned that she plans on doing computer work for the rest of the month at this location and she wondered how often I come here. She smiled and we shook hands and introduced ourselves. After the conversation ended she smiled again and said “See you around!” My instinct is to assume that she just really likes my art and wants to see some more of it next time. But the other part of me thinks that she was flirting. I really have no idea. Has anyone else been in this kind of situation?
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aspergers
|
I'm so annoyed. I was just watching Explained: The Mind on Netflix and in an episode they did about focusing they very briefly talk about Adderall and all they really say is that it's addictive, we don't know the long term effects and this women comes on and talks about being addicted to Adderall. She describes getting it from a friend in college and she never ever says anything about whether or not she has ADHD. and she talks about her experience as if it's absolutely universal, she says, "This is what it feels like" and I am just so sick of this drug being stigmatized. They never acknowledge that some people do need Adderall to function. I'm so angry! They just mentioned it to call it bad, and it's supposed to be this really well researched show...I've enjoyed other episodes of it but this was just so bad. It kind of felt like they made this episode really quickly because it just did not feel thoughtful at all. The episodes are really short, only about 30 minutes, and that's definitely not a lot of time to get into much, but I just think it was so careless to only hear from someone who's had a negative experience with Adderall. And Adderall has helped me function so much better. And no, it doesn't feel like it's sucking my soul out or some shit that this false narrative keeps pushing. I finally know what my brain needs and I am finally able to function like everyone else. Ugh.
|
ADHD
|
Does anyone ever read other people’s obsessions and imagine/think about it themselves? I know it’s unhealthy for me to keep scrolling here and I should stop but for some reason I always end up reading all these posts. I need to stop.
|
OCD
|
Hi my name is Igor and im losing Hope. I needed to say this here because i dont have anyone to talk. I recently Got new job and Got scamed they dont want to pay me but i worked 2weeks. Im looking for another now but my chronic depresion is getting over i tried to kill myself 3 Times but didnt work. How i can have hope when im getting punch after punch every day. No money no friends no one to talk. Even playing or Reading aint fun nowdays... I think im losing control again.
Have a nice day
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depression
|
Let’s talk identity first vs. person first language when addressing certain diagnoses.
Autism: You can choose to say “I have autism” or “I am autistic”.
Dyslexia: “I have dyslexia” or “I am dyslexic”.
ADHD: “I have ADHD” or… no, wait, that’s it. “I am ADHD” doesn’t sound right.
I choose identity first. Why? Because to me, saying “I have” means that I am me without it, and that my ADHD is something I need to fight (I have cancer, I have the flu, etc). Saying “I am” means that it is an essential part of me, and that I need to work with it instead of fighting it. It defines who I am, and that’s ok! I absolutely understand people who prefer person first language because they don’t feel defined their diagnosis. Yay for choice!
Which do you use and why? And if you have ADHD and choose identity first language, how do you say it?
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ADHD
|
(I wrote an unsent letter to my ex-therapist, support and validation would be wonderful, thanks!)
A letter to my ex-abusive therapist:
You were so awful, insecure, manipulative and abusive. You are almost a decade older than me and a therapist.. and still doing this? Do better.
You were confused about who you were, your feelings for me, and what you wanted out of our "therapeutic relationship." You projected your own issues on me like it was your second job. You think everyone owes you something because of what you've been through. It is not all about you. Get yourself out of the game because you are doing more harm.
You are so annoying, trying to have power over me with your gross judgmental ego, you pissy B. Thank God I left. Of course I wish it was sooner but half a year isn't long compared to the length of my other old abusive relationships.
You stopped caring about me as a client. Actually, I don't think you ever cared. I can't imagine how you would be as a partner. I am questioning if I am even queer now because you manipulated me into feeling like I was in love but that ain't love. I didn't love you, you didn't even care about me. Now I know what love is and is not. Control, sadism, push-pulling, and gaslighting is not love. It just shows how insecure you are. You wanted me to stay dependent on you without getting my needs met. You tried to get me to stay even though you knew it wasn't in my best interest. You betrayed me by hiding your romantic feelings and intentions and then gaslighting me when I suspected. You used my past trauma to hurt me and bring down my self esteem.
I will never let anyone dim my light again. I will run away quicker, I will shine brightly and never allow parasites to bring me down because they want the light all to themselves and are insecure. This is how I know I made progress, I'm not even attracted to those insecure light dimmers anymore---it reeks of insecurity. I love a confident and assertive person. I'm leaving these relationships quicker and not going back.
You were just like my dad but it took me 27 years to leave him... This time, though, I caught on quicker, stood up to you, and trusted my intuition and left. It feels so good to write this and I don't feel the need to protect your feelings anymore. I get to focus and care about my needs and feelings. I love and respect myself, I choose me. I feel free.
|
ptsd
|
Does anyone else struggle with severe issues of guilt and shame yet still do things that continue feelings of guilt and shame?
My parents language to me is one of guilt and shame, but it has never necessarily made me do any better. I’m having a hard time at school as an adult, I’ve paid for my own tuition but drive to my parents house to stay the night to be closer to school. I decided I’m not going into class again, which I’m very behind on. I’m too old to keep doing this, I already know, but I am having an absolute crisis (again) and it feels incredibly hard to move forward. My car is in the shop right now so my aging father insisted on driving me to class like I’m a child. I tried telling him no yesterday but he picked me up from my apartment anyway. I told him today and he just walked away looking like I shot his dog. I can’t stop obsessing over my parents emotions, I feel really guilty for letting my dad be so disappointed in me and it physically hurts but I never seem to do anything to change that, anyway. The fact that I still struggle even after feeling much guilt and shame makes it worse, and I get consumed with the thoughts all day
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OCD
|
I become less human with every lbs I gain,
more human with every lbs I lose.
The bigger I am, the more space I take up yet the less people seem to see me
The more they see a monster, a thing that can't feel, isn't hurt, is disgusting and gross.
I see the silent sneers and the look of horror as I make my way to sit in the empty seat beside someone.
If there were no fat people, 'body positive' would never have become a thing.
When I was little, I loved the spotlight, I went to stage school and was always the life of the party. I never questioned whether or not I'd be accepted until the comments started coming, 'oh shes a big-un isn't she', 'chunky little thing', 'she's big as her mum'.
The constant hitting from my dad, reminded me that if I were smaller there would be less flesh to hurt. Then my sister came along and she was slim and short and pretty and he never hit her and then I realised that the more delicate, pretty and fragile you look, the more people will protect you but the bigger you are the more they expect that you're capable of looking after yourself, you don't look fragile so surely it wont hurt when he's hitting you with the vacuum cord.
'500kcals a day are more than enough',
'You can afford to miss a meal or 4', 'self restraint is to be praised', the more you lose, the nicer they'll be, the more you can like you.
Because I become the less human with every lbs I gain, more human with every lbs lost.
Really, all I want isto feel worthy of my life.
|
ptsd
|
I hate that my life became just a story of surviving, all I'm doing is trying to pass the days without being faced with my obsessions. I became so consumd I almost not living.
I hate it
|
OCD
|
Ok first of all, I’ve been diagnosed by a psychiatrist, I swear to god I’m not one of those dipshits on TikTok who fake just about every single mental disorder there is
Anyway, just curious if adhd could potentially cause tics, like how Tourette’s does.
Because I feel like I have either tics or something similar (or I could just be weird idk) but I’m not sure if it’s really tics or if it’s because of the hyperactivity or what
What I mean by tics is I feel this urge to move my fingers or suddenly twist my arm and things like that, and the urge gets stronger until I do (it’s feels involuntary but I do it voluntarily, it’s weird). it’s painful, I would do anything to get rid of them
So I’m wondering if this is just a normal thing that people do, if it’s caused by adhd, or if I may have something like Tourette’s
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ADHD
|
i wish there was a way for me to fully get rid of my adhd. it’s causing more problems with school again.
i can’t bring myself to do anything anymore, adhd and depression are kicking me in the ass meaning i’m probably just gonna accept the fact i’ll fail again. i usually love english but everything has been so difficult it’s like my adhd somehow got worse and i’m struggling so much to focus and shit.
all this got worse with online school but i don’t want to do in person because of the fact i’m depressed and can’t leave bed.
but back to the adhd, it’s still ruining my life and i just want it gone. made a doctors appointment to try and get medicated but after reading posts on here it seems to be a lot of trouble (plus i can’t remember when my appointment is.. i know it’s on monday.. that’s it..) and i don’t have the energy for that.
how the fuck do i cope with this. every year it gets harder. i can’t even focus on things i used to love.
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ADHD
|
I've been working on a book for about a month now but I can feel myself starting to lose interest and starting to get pulled toward something new. This always happens, I can't tell you how many abandoned projects I have on my laptop that couldn't survive my failing interest. But I can't let that happen this time. I made a point to record how many hours I've worked on it to try to keep this from happening and I've worked on this for longer than pretty much any other personal project.
But like I said I can feel it happening again. The last couple times I've gone to work on the book I could barely manage to make any progress and I'm starting to be drawn to other things. I really want to actually finish this one, do you guys have any strategies or advice to help with this problem?
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ADHD
|
Nobody cares and nobody ever will. Hell, I bet nobody will even read this. It’s fine, though. There’s a reason nobody cares. You know, nobody wants to be friends with the girl who has ptsd. Nobody wants to be friends with the girl who was sexually abused as a child. Nobody cares about the girl who has no parental figures. Nobody cares about the girl who has so many cutting scars. The girl who has horrible social anxiety, that’s me, and nobody cares. I’m the girl who has an eating disorder, and nobody cares. I’m the girl who can’t get a fucking boyfriend while my sisters can. Nobody wants me. I’m so fucking fat and ugly. Nobody wants to sit with me or be my friend. Nobody cares to talk to me. When the popular or pretty kid cries, everybody seems to care so much and feels a need to comfort them. But no, when I cry, nobody gives a flying fuck. I sit there at my desk, bawling my eyes out, and nobody cares at all. When I cry, people fucking whisper and tell everybody around them about how I’m such a cry baby and a depressed fuck. Nobody comforts me. Nobody cares about what I have to say. Everyone is always so pissed at me for this or that. I always seem to be doing everything wrong. I prayed for so long to some fucking god to help me, I got no answer. Hell, I never even got an answer from my mom when I sent her a text. I never got an answer on why my step dad killed himself. I never got an answer to why nobody gave a shit. I never got an answer to why I was always chosen last. Everything is too much. I’m so fucking useless. As my dad always told me,”It’s your fault.” Yeah, it’s my fault you crashed that car. It’s my fault you’re an alcoholic. It’s my fault you always fucking hit me and molested me. Yeah, it’s even my fault I don’t fucking have parents. Who’s fault is it that my grandmother tried so many times to get rid of me? Mine, it’s my fault. I don’t know why I try so fucking hard. Was I made to just slit my wrists and die? Was I made for my ex boyfriend to leave me because my mental health was too much? Of course. It’s my fault.
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ptsd
|
I wanted to share a few less stressful examples from my previous post of things from my childhood that I’m not sure were OCD. I’d like your opinions on whether or not these examples may have been early manifestations of OCD as well as if they’d be useful background regardless. I feel like these are super stereotypical, and since I don’t really deal with orderliness themes now and feel like I might have just done these things out of enjoyment, I don’t want to add to the misrepresentation of OCD.
1. When I was around 4 or 5, my dad was building our new house and my parents went to a lot of interior design and furniture stores and took me along with them. I remember at times enjoying rearranging the displays in the stores, and I think I did this on other shopping excursions as well.
2. My one childhood friend had a very messy house. I remember one time when I came over and was playing in her room making her bed and basically organizing and cleaning the whole room.
3. I’m an only child and my mom tells me that I was very good at entertaining myself on my own. I had lots of dolls like Calico Critters, Bratz, Polly Pocket, and Littlest Pet Shop. Besides making my Bratz do suggestive activities (especially when I was a little older), I don’t recall much of a plot in my playtime with my toys. I also had a lot of furniture to go with the characters, and I think I spent the majority of the time just setting up the layout of the house and moving all the little pieces around.
4. ^to go off of that, my favorite game on girlgogames.com was the room makeover where you design your bedroom.
I’ve read a little about people’s environment growing up as well as their personality predisposing them to not have but I guess “unlock” their OCD which I’m not sure has much scientific grounding, but do you think these looks into my character would add anything to the plot? Perhaps showing something bubbling under the surface?
I find my relationship with OCD to be like that of my child self constantly building and designing structures with no real end as I keep altering them.
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OCD
|
My OCD recently hit me full throttle after two medical emergencies in the last few months and now I fear bedtime and going to sleep since late October. It's like my thoughts won't stop racing about how I won't ever sleep again and that I'm going to be sleep deprived and go crazy. The only thing that fully calms me to sleep are benzos, but I know how dangerously addicting they are. I'm currently starting Seroquel and taking a few other as needed meds, but I'm scared this feeling of hopelessness and lack of control won't go away.
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OCD
|
My mum constantly says she has ADHD, hasn't been diagnosed and uses it to explain & sometimes excuse her behaviour.
I have been diagnosed and I have been to therapy and I'm aware she probably does have ADHD and my dad probably has it too.
Is anyone able to either relate/explain why self-diagnosing is so irritating?
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ADHD
|
So, I (40m) am pretty convinced that there is something wrong with me in the neurodivergent realm of things. After a promising start to my career out of college, I have floundered for years and the fallout has led my wife to divorce.
I have considered that I might have adhd for years, and even had a organizational therapist from my previous job suggest this. I was always afraid to get put on the drugs, for fear that they would really help but someday I would lose my insurance & not be able to get them & would be wrecked by it… I know, sounds so stupid now looking back now that I am actually about to be in that position, at some point getting booted off my wife’s insurance.
To anyone who has found themselves in a similar situation, what can I do? How do you talk to a doctor about this without just sounding like a pill junkie? I feel so lost right now…
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ADHD
|
It woul "be good for me" to do it.
But my brain doesn't want to me to sit and take care of myself. I noticed I have a much easier time when somebody forces me to lay, for example for getting a massage, which I do, and helps me, but I can't afford it so regularly as I'd need it.
When I think about doing some mindfulness excercises a part of me just ridiculises the thought.... But I really do need to learn and build the resistance down for my own sake.
I'd gladly hear your experiences on this..
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ADHD
|
I am writing this here because I feel like it is the best place for me to find other people like me and understand if this pain will ever end. Also, I feel like people will listen without judging me.
I feel all alone and I feel like I do not have anyone to talk to about my depression/anxiety. It is the most horrible experience I go through and it has gradually worsened over the past few years.
At the moment of writing this, I woke up feeling alone but there are other feelings too. The worst part of my feeling alone is that, I have so many friends and family that I know love me, but I feel as if, if they really knew how I feel they would think I’m crazy. I am not able to tell anyone this is how I feel about this and that is how I feel about that because my thoughts are really dark. These feelings arise from my past relationships with partners, family and friends. All the time I wish I could tell people how I really feel inside but I think it would push so many people away from me and it makes me scared of truly being alone as if me being depressed makes me a bad person and someone not nice to be around. Also, for those who really care about me, I do not want them to feel as if they have failed me or feel my pain because it might hurt them too, so I keep everything bottled up. In addition, when I have told people I am depressed sometimes I feel like they don’t understand they still have certain expectations of me which worsens the feeling of loneliness. Even as I write this I cry because I feel like everything in my life has gotten to me.
Regret is perhaps the most horrible feeling that I deal with everyday. After a certain event happened, I looked back at life and every action I took where I thought I wanted to do something different and it troubles me. When I muse over this, there are so many events I can recall and the most horrible thought is when it relates to people who have hurt me, the actions that are small, insignificant and everyday actions to them have caused a lasting negative impact which has stayed with me for life. I can think of things which have happened as far 10 or even 20 years ago and have so many regrets and wish I had taken a different action at that point but you can never go back in time which also upsets me. And these actions are things I think of everyday, over and over again and it is an endless cycle. This leads me to my next thought.
I struggle to find happiness in anything I do. I have tried so many activities to help relieve the pain of the certain event but none of it works. This makes me fear that I may never be happy again, as I have tried multiple different methods to fine happiness. I take an action because I think, ‘yes this should take my mind off of the event and find happiness’ but none of it does. Once it doesn’t, I feel worse off since it is another lane to happiness that has now been closed off and there are only so many lanes I can go down to reach happiness. If I go through all of them and find none then I’m doomed to be sad for life. They say time heals but it’s been so long since the traumatic event, and I have reached nowhere far in healing and I am as sad as the day it happened. It gets to the point where I start to feel apathetic because if it isn’t making me feel better it doesn’t matter.
The only time I truly feel happy is when I am away from everyone; friends, family the whole lot. (Do not regard me as an untrustworthy narrator! This lane is unfeasible since I have dependents). I have responsibilities, so I can never fully leave but it truly makes me happy when I feel like I can be my true self and take the actions that I want to take. I can be a different person than what those who care about me want me to or expect me to be. I can feel like a new person, as if my past didn’t exist and all those regrets I have are from a different life. All I need to do is focus on the present and the future. In addition, one of the things I must do too often is feign happiness around people every time I interact with them, it’s messed up because it is not something I am exaggerating. There is nobody that I want to talk to that is in my life right now which is scary, since I do love and appreciate people. But I don’t want put on this fake smile every day that they’re so used to seeing when I am feeling so low. At times it makes me resentful since sometimes I want to tell somebody how I feel inside but I’m scared it will push them away and if I can’t talk to you about it then why are you in my life because you are not helping me or bringing me happiness.
Another thing I’ve realised is that for those I love, I will always be there despite the pain I have because I know what it’s like to feel sad and depressed. And I don’t want anyone to feel like me.
Sorry if it vague and more detail is wanted but I do not want to divulge any personal information about myself in case people I know come across this and I do not want to be identified. Also, I will edit this post multiple times with additional feelings if they pop into my head.
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depression
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I used to have intrusive thoughts about opening the car door mid-drive. I never acted on them. One time, when I was in the car with my mom, we argued, and I opened the car door mid-drive. At that moment, I didn’t have any intrusive thoughts about doing it. I just wanted to get out of the car.
I did something my intrusive thoughts used to tell me to do just because I wanted to do it.
I have many OCD subtypes. Now I’m afraid that I’m capable of doing anything my intrusive thoughts tell me to do, just because I simultaneously want to do it.
What do you think?
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OCD
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I have finally met a group of people that are genuinely nice to me. However since I'm Australian and they are all British, the only thing we do together is play video games.
Everyone was laughing it up and having the time of their lives but I just couldn't crack a smile.
This isn't the first time it's happened....when it happened first I was like 'oh I just don't like the game' but it seems like with every new thing I'm doing, I don't enjoy it and I just end up bringing the mood down. I try not say anything but I know the silence is a buzz kill because normally I really enjoy talking to them.
I don't get into any new games because I feel that way and I'm honestly just missing out. My boyfriend plays newer games and I'm still stuck in the loop of counterstrike and GTA.
I hate it
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depression
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It's nothing surprising, and not sure if I feel relief about it. I worry that I'm using medication as a crutch, but I am sick of struggling. I guess I'll know more once I start taking what was prescribed (Concerta, have been taking Wellbutrin + Lexapro also for the last couple years.) I have to remind myself that it's okay to use medication to balance out brain chemistry. Right? It's not a personal shortcoming or character deficit. Right? I am not taking medication to conform. Right?
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ADHD
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Sad because I lost my retainers right after getting my braces and didn’t wanna pay extra bc I thought I would lose it again 🤦♀️ this was before I got diagnosed with ADHD
Now my teeth have shifted back a bit and they are really decalcified from the time I struggled to brush with ADHD 🥲 now Im thinking of Invisalign but Im scared I wont have the discipline to put it on everyday
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ADHD
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Okay so the sorce of my ptsd is a traumatic long running thing that happened to me when I was younger and my mother's bipolar disorder/Thyroid issues only helped add to it. So this obviously cause multiple issues with me, one of those being that when I was growing up I didn't really like people touching me. I was super jumpy and hated physical contact for the most part unless it was by certain people (I've always been super choosy with who I let touch me).
Well as I became older I don't have as many issues with this. Other than the fact that I'm very protective of myself when it comes to who gets to touch me. I've honestly made certain friends kinda sad because I've doged their hugs, I of course explained why I was acting that way. But it still kinda makes people sad because I still have a fairly large amount of people who can hug, high-five, cuddle with me, etc. Usually I can tell if I won't like it if someone touches me if the idea of the person touching me just fills me with discomfort and anxiety. To be honest, most people that I do permit still fill me with some level of discomfort, though it is low for the most part. So the main reason why I wanted to talk about this is because I've realized that my boyfriend is one of the few people that I can 100% be fine with touching me. Like if he wants to rest his head on my shoulder, 100% fine with me, no discomfort whatsover.
This just makes me super happy because I've always struggled with having varying levels of discomfort with people. But with my boyfriend I don't feel that, I don't have moments of "oh yeah this isn't the best feeling, but it'll be okay." I just wanted to share this so people who have similar issues have some hope. Things can get better, even if it is only one person. Never give up hope.
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ptsd
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