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27 year old recently diagnosed with ADHD (how it took me so long to notice I wasn't keeping up with neurotypicals, I'll never know) and that came with a prescription of 15mg Adderall XR. It feels so amazing to finally DO stuff. To see things through. Being able to sit through 3x 75 q tests in ONE session instead of getting distracted after the first 5 of the first test was incredible.
However, I found my sleep is suffering TREMENDOUSLY. Even taking it at 10am, I wasn't able to sleep for hours after tucking myself in and reading for an hour at 11pm. Does anyone have recommendations for improving sleep?
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ADHD
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My gf had an abusive ex boyfriend which still affects her today. She won't tell me details, just bits here and there. but it was 5 years ago. he was not physical, but seems to left considerable emotional abuse to her to the point that she didn't date for a long time until me.
​
Still it seems she isn't over it. We are a bit long distance (1 hour away). When she's with me, its fun, and she's very happy, and we talk lots about the future together.
Whenever she's with out me, back home. She will start having anxiety attack, and begins over thinking.
Does he really like me? do we really match? should we break up? is my job safe? etc.
​
it starts manifesting physically too, as she starts to lose the ability to sleep, stomach aches, headaches, etc.
There will be days she refuses to go out of home because she will start hating all men and finding them scary.
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She did see a therapist or counselor, but doesn't seem all that useful besides telling her the obvious 'your problem is with your past, you need to get over it'.
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has anyone here felt the same way or had some one in their life that behaved similarly?
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what should I do to support? I do my best to listen and not make any judgement. but with out being physically next to her.. she shuts off sometimes
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ptsd
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I'm a 17 year old student and I'm finally going to get myself the help I need. Until now I had a troublesome childhood my father had a severe car crash when I was 5 and had to be reanimated for several times, my parents broke up when I was 10 in a very nasty way until now and so on and so forth (I dont want to mention everything since a lot of it haunts me until now). Ever since the breakup of my parents I'm dealing with depression sometimes worse and sometimes better but currently at its peak of tragedy. I used to go to a therapist up until I was 14 but stopped going there after we moved somewhere else. Eventhough the problems became worse and worse I didn't consider going back to him since I've always thought I could deal with my problems myself and that others have it far worse than me. So why go there then anyways. But since years its consecutively getting worse and I'm currently at my all time low. I used to be really good at school and at pursuing my hobby and I swore to myself that I would never let this shit affect to very things I care about but now I even neglect these. I'm at the point where I can't feel anything anymore and just don't sense a reason for going because every day just feels worse and more tedious. But know after another failed exam I talk to my mother and confessed how I really feel. We both cried and I've now decided that i can't deal with these things myself anymore so I'll get myself help and you should to. Everyone out there reading this its never too late to try to get some help and to keep on trying. Thx for listening.
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depression
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I'm stuck in a small town with my parents who have said many times that they refuse to move. I know I need to move out to get out of the stagnation and bad situation I'm in. Especially since I desire a relationship but there are no single people here. I also have transportation issues due to health and laziness. There are very limited resources for me where I live and feel completely lost. And I don't think my parents are helping. I'm stuck in a state of fear due to a religious upbringing so I fear Hell if I lose my faith plus I don't think I will survive without believing in a God. How did you do it if you have?
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aspergers
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Can anyone explain why we’re considered high-risk? I can’t find any information anywhere. I feel weird that we’ve been singled out here. I haven’t seen this anywhere else and would love to be informed. Not looking for jokes or misinformation. Thanks.
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aspergers
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Life is just getting too hard. My sister literally tried to shoot me a few days ago. I’m still not completely over it. I don’t get along with my family members mostly due to my alcoholism and drug abuse. So now I am lonely and depressed. I literally have no one. I cause pain to everyone in my life. I just feel like everyone would be better off without me.
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depression
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How many of you guys have successfully done ERP without the guidance of a therapist ?
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OCD
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I need a reason. I need a reason to keep going. To keep fighting. Cause right now it feels like I'm fighting with everything I have to keep my grip on reality. To take the next step forward. To not just find a hole to crawl into and go out like a fucking coward. I'm surrounded by the people I care about the most but It feels like couldn't give a shit about me or how I feel. I guess that's just part of becoming a man right? Truthfully I should open my mouth and speak but every time I do it's always the same. 10 fucking years of the same song and dance. I say something then it becomes about how I'm wrong and how it's my fault. We can't forget about them telling me to pray. I've been praying to they're god since before I knew what I was praying for. I'm 20 years old and I can't see my self being alive to see my 23rd birthday. They take more pride in me being alive then I do. I'm just so tired. When I go to sleep i hope I don't live to see the next day. The only happiness I get anymore is from music. I know I should be grateful for the things I have and the position I'm in but is it so wrong to want hug.
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depression
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I am a 28 year old woman and mom of 2 children. I have not really had a solid structural life growing up, in and out of foster care homes or “family members” homes (I quote it like this because come on water can be thicker than blood) anyway that experience I thought made me the person I am today maybe it has, I thought it did when I found my first high school sweet heart married him was with him for 7 years 1 kid and boom 💥 he sleeps with my sister in law which was his own brother wife, was I depressed before that yea did it make the depression meter go up fuck yea it did (anyone wondering about ex husband and sister in law they are now together living they life idc about it either) despite my depression meter already at a staggering high I meet this guy who wasn’t my type but the souls want what the soul wants, after being together for 5 months another 💥 boom I ended up pregnant 🤰🏻 depression Meter staggered down to manageable and also my kids had something to do with that but fast forward to now 3.5 years in and we are now married(lovely) Every relationship has it’s problems in the very beginning of our relationship he couldn’t hold a job but I stood by him and help build his own depression into leaps of faith to get his shit together for our kids, which he did..2 years in I find dating apps he downloaded them and didn’t do anything my depression meter recharged and never stopped two weeks after getting married I find dating apps & evidence that he has been trying to find someone to bang and cheat on me with. My first initial thoughts…(after everything life has put me through the person I thought was my Prince Charming was actually shrek in disguise) we fight we argued for 2 days and he acted as if nothing happened while I am still completely dying in my own mind and soul. I sit here and think about my kids and how they would feel but then I say they have their dads, they won’t need me so much and I want to jump off a cliff or bridge or slam my car into a pole going 120 on the interstate. It’s not just my past trauma or my present marriage problems or life fucking me I just don’t feel I have the energy to live anymore it’s like I’m a numb soul in a body vessel..idk what or how to be or feel anymore!
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depression
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Thank you for reading, I wish you only the best, we can do this :)
So, yeah, it’s what it sounds like. I’ve been improving from pretty debilitating OCD to being able to behave almost completely normally on the outside (by normally, I just mean behave like my classmates, etc). I still have a few quirks here and there, but I’m able to actually do things. I am so grateful, and excited for the future. The only issue is that, even though the behaviors are gone, the thoughts are not. I worry, constantly, that by not preforming rituals, I am actually putting myself, and others, in danger. But yet I continue to not perform them. I feel so selfish, and unsafe. I’m improving, but I feel like I’m sacrificing my safety/the safety of others for it. It makes me question if this is really improvement at all, or if there is some rational in my worries. The thing my compulsions are based on is a fear of brain damage, and it’s very hard to cope with feeling like I could be damaging my brain/the brains of others, when I claim to be improving. I know I’m not, but what if I am? What if it couldn’t hurt to fall back into the compulsions - better safe than sorry, right? I won’t go back, but it’s so hard, and I feel like I’m just as stuck in the cycle of OCD as I was at my worst.
I know it’s mostly irrational, in most cases, but I feel like there is some real validity, somewhere, deep down, in my concern. I worry about chemicals, mostly. And I mean, yeah, you shouldn’t drink bleach. That’s rational. But I can’t touch public door handles/railing because I worry they might’ve been cleaned with bleach, and that by touching them, I would them possibly ingest the bleach, when I eat, and that I could then, through that, damage my brain. That is not rational. But they feel the same to me. And it feels like, if I touched a public door handle, and then handed someone, I don’t know, a french fry, that then, when they ate it, they would damage their brain. This is just a metaphor, and didn’t actually happen, but that’s how it feels. When I decide to overcome my obsession, and hand them a french fry, and call it improvement, the worry is still there. I feel so selfish for improving. I feel like I’m hurting people, and calling it a good thing. I know it is good, but I feel so bad about it.
If anyone read this far, thank you, and please know that I know this is totally irrational, and not how it works at all. I’m sure this is irrational, and doesn’t apply to anyone’s improvement, mine or otherwise. It’s just something I can’t stop thinking about.
(Edit: a typo)
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OCD
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I visited my parents yesterday because I missed them and my dad was a little snappy with me. He gets like this sometimes so I'm pretty used to it and I can point out to him to be nicer and he's fine. Well, my dad called me a bit ago to apologize for it yesterday and let me know he's having kind of a hard time. A good friend of his passed away a few weeks ago and it's really getting to him. He's also really upset that my husband and I might be moving further away in the next year, even though all my siblings are within minutes of him and my mom. My dad doesn't really talk about this type of stuff with anyone but me. And today I got to be the strong one, advise him to seek a counselor and just talk to someone, start meditation again, and take a break from smoking weed.
Just because you and I have PTSD, doesn't mean we're not strong. It means we're continually learning how to be stronger and how to pass our knowledge onto others.
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ptsd
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After my diagnosis at 10yo, I didn't really care about it. I attended sessions to help me talk to other kids but I didn't want to listen and I thought my way of thinking was right. I didn't really try to make friends and got bullied pretty badly, although I had other kids to hang out with (who tolerated me).
When I was 16, I had my first really close group of friends, but my obnoxious comments and rudeness made almost all of them turn on me. After I was isolated I entered one of my worst states of depression. Knowing my abruptness and lack of consideration of others in conversations were a big cause, I decided to improve upon those and change my Autistic ways.
Nowadays I do occasionally slip and say stupid stuff, but for the most part, I mask every day and everywhere. I have a good job, I can talk to people properly and I have close friends who I genuinely care about. But despite all this, I still feel depressed. I still feel alienated, fake and hate my autism. I've recently started to go to therapy to find the root cause of my depression and found out that the cause is that **I am ashamed of myself**.
For me to get past this I need to work on accepting my autism. **I am stuck between wanting to not feel like my autism is shameful but also still ensuring that I am attentive to my communication skills**.
Has anyone ever gone through this? How do you come to terms with these clashing ideals?
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aspergers
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There’s a lot of things happening in my life and I lost a lot of things due to corona and keep facing rejection (from a therapist and opportunities I was really excited about). I hit a really bad low. Suicidal thoughts most of the day although I’m safe. I got an email a few days ago about a support group I was waiting to hear from but I don’t even think I’m worth it anymore. I want help but I’m too tired to keep trying because all I feel is defeated and alone. I can’t keep up with friends or conversations or school work or extra curriculars anymore. I’m ignoring most of my messages or being polite but dry. I just don’t have the energy but at the same one I wish someone would see and help me. Wish someone could hug me but that’s not possible for a long time and it’s already been 3 months since my last. I want help, I NEED help, but I can’t even ask for it anymore. Even by message, I can’t reach out anymore.
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ptsd
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I posted yesterday about my diagnosis, and I still don’t feel comfortable explaining exactly what happened as it was a couple things, but I was extremely surprised last night. After everything happened I was terrified of being in the backseat of a car with a male figure. I’d tense up, cry and start to shake. I’ve been with my S/0 for almost a year and in the beginning I couldn’t sit in the backseat with them because I would freak out, I tried months ago and had a panic attack. But yesterday I was in the backseat with my S/O and I didn’t feel tense of afraid. I was actually able to hug my S/O and feel safe. I’m not sure what could have possibly changed, or if it’s possible that it’s temporary? Anyone have any experience with triggers no longer being a trigger?
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ptsd
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So what if I've dislocated my kneecap or not, I'm going to make the best of not having to go anywhere. I hate other people and even the Aspies that I have to encounter for my "rehabilitation." They never shut up, even though many people in the spectrum will need peace and quiet like me. They may start asking me questions even when I wear headphones as a sign that I don't wanna talk.
I've had to do so many compromises in my life, that now that I have a place where I can do what I want when I want, I'll be sure to break my record for lazyness, just to give the finger to this workaholic planet. Life is too short for "being diligent" and catering to the 1% with a fake smile, if you can collect benefits.
Yes, I may die earlier as a result of excess weight and immobile lifestyle, but what's the reward of exercising? Being a muscular, miserable status symbol of a family who can brag about getting me to inflate their fragile egos at the cost of my time? Thanks but no thanks.
Girls won't give a fuck about me and there's no one relatable in the real world, so I might as well just live my whole life on the internet. If it wasn't for my body requiring food every now and then.
So there. Any other people saluting for staying indoors, even without the pandemic?
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aspergers
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I went from full time therapy to a checkup once a month and even if I say I’m really struggling they just go “aw that’s bad see you next time!”, they told me I was bad for people around me so I ended up pushing everyone away because they’re right and I can’t cause people pain anymore. I don’t know what to do everything seems pointless and I feel so alone even though friends still message to make sure I’m okay. I wish I could just kill myself without hurting anyone but I don’t know how long I can go for anymore I don’t want to do this at all, I’ve fallen right back into cutting, there is no silver lining anymore, I truly might just give up
Sorry for the rant I just needed to get it out
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depression
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I don’t want to get into specifics at the risk of giving myself away. Today, a student with autismn in middle school in a very creative way signaled that he’s struggling with masking. He did this after noticing my autism bracelet earlier that day. We have a good realtionship but have not ever talked about his autism. I would like to let him know I am here for him if he ever wants to talk. I was thinking of writing a note. In the note I do not plan on mentioning his autism. If this helps I’m known as the go to teacher of middle school. Today, two students asked to have lunch with me to discuss a personal issue they were having. Please let me know if you guys have ideas on how I can best support this student.
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aspergers
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I keep trying to be productive but I can't. Can't even concentrate on writing this msg
Are there any suggestions from anyone?
Hope you're all doing well :D
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ptsd
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Hi everyone,
So I started taking meds this week. Long story short I experienced intense side effects from Adderall and was told to stop taking them. I was happy to oblige because it honestly sucked.
The main side effect that had me freaked out and was no good: pins and needles in my hands and feet/cold hot sensation. I stopped taking the meds and symptoms have seemed to resolve for the most part (4 days no meds now).
My question to you all, has anyone experienced this side effect and switched to Vyvanse and it work for them? I know the makeup of the two are different so I'm hoping Vyvanse will work for me because I don't have high hopes for non-stims considering the success rate of those meds.
I honestly felt so calm and focused the first day on Adderall, and was excited to finally be medicated before the side effects.
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ADHD
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Over the last month I have been tearing up at random times. It could be something small, like a memory, songs, or compliments and I just start to tear up. I do it anywhere from maybe a few times a day to once every hour. Writing this I am tearing up. I was told it could either be from stress, trauma, or my range of emotions is just higher as of late. Is there anyway to deal with this? One of my biggest fears is to cry around people so it really freaks me out, causing me to tear up more.
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ptsd
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So a year ago I broke my wrist in a skiing accident and ended up being in a cast and brace for a while. I then went on to hike the entire PCT. Having that win made me feel so good. But I get back and I’m still noticing pain in my wrist and I find out it never recovered properly.
It was likely because while trying to heal I was working a full time preschool job. Having to use my hand when I shouldn’t for the convenience of my work but not for me.
The thing that is hard is a majority of my coping mechanisms I need my hands. Luckily it’s not my dominant one, but I still can’t play guitar/violin, I can’t exercise as much as I usually do and I can’t move out from my parents house where there is a very contentious relationship with both my mom and dad. With all this is mind I’m afraid I will fall back into the severe mental illness I had before.
So I’ve pretty much begged my mom and dad for support both physically and mentally. I’ve told them I don’t want you to fix anything, leave that to the doctor and the therapist. What I need is support, meaning empathy and compassion when I’m struggling mentally or can’t do the chores. Because no matter what my parents do, this time around I’m taking care of me. I’m not going to screw my recovery and chances of success for the convenience of others.
I’m trying to see this as an opportunity to practice my boundary setting, assertiveness and self care. Right now instead of focusing on what I can’t do, I’m going to focus on what I can make of this. I’m a dam good writer I will take the time to explore that. I will read more, usually I’m so tired from work I don’t have the mental capacity to do that. I’m going to work on meditation practice. I’m going to establish a better relationship with food (my mom has made that hard) I’ve signed up to volunteer with a after school group for girls that I’ve worked with before to facilitate conversations and activities to empower them to set goals, boundaries and establish healthy relationships.
If anyone has any other ideas please let me know. Keep in mind I seriously can’t use my left hand at all, or high risk of falling.
Thank you all for your support in this sub. I love you all and I hope you are practicing self care too. ❤️
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ptsd
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I meet with my provider every month (mostly a bit more than a month) to get my prescription. But this month I had an appointment with her, as usual, she sent a prescription to my cvs pharmacy. Normally I would see the prescription order on the app after she send in the order, but this time, nothing has showed up, I went to the pharmacy to check, they said they haven’t gotten the order. I contacted my provider’s receptionist, they said they will let her know. It’s been a week now, nothing has happened, I don’t know what to know, I don’t want to keep calling because I am afraid that I would look like a drug seeker. This is killing me, because it helps me so much in school. Does anyone here have had similar experience or advice for me? Thank you for reading this!
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ADHD
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What is anyone's advice on coping with perfection of your possessions? One of the worst parts of OCD is that it is really hard to cope when an object is damaged even when it is really petty. For example, one time there was a tiny mark on my laptop and all day all I could think of was that singular mark and it's so annoying, and the only way of solving it was sending it back or buying a new one rather than coping with it.
So what do you think is a good perspective on imperfect objects and how do you cope with it? Thanks!
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OCD
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my feelings are just so erratic lately and I've been feeling jealous/envious of others' lives... It's been so hard. sometimes this feeling eats me up. I wish I could have what they have, and I could be a better person maybe... I don't know but this shit sucks. I want nothing more than to be this other person, ya know? I want to be cool and have talent, etc.
what are some emotional aspects of depression that you didn't realize were a part of depression?
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depression
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I was having a really really bad moment that lasted for about an hour I was in a really bad headspace (strong suicidal thoughts and crying and awful anxiety) and I started taking to my friend she was trying to calm me down and I started opening up about how and what I feel and what insecurities add to it too, and it felt good. I am not good with expressing myself to others when it comes to emotion when I know the person because I feel like I’ll appear weak. But I’m trying to talk more and to work on things. If anyone has any advice I’d love to hear it. Sorry it’s a rant I get stoned to think/process my traumas and feelings. Thank you all for reading and being supportive. I’m sorry if these posts are annoying to see but it’s therapeutic for me to write these so please just ignore them if you don’t like them :)
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ptsd
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I’ve been wondering for a couple of days if this is OCD but I’m not really sure. I have repetitive thoughts sometimes but they’re not negative and to make these thoughts go away i always have the urge to research about things related to those thoughts. I did some research about ocd symptoms and i don’t think they correspond
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OCD
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So I've been trying to get help for problems that are likely adhd since May. Where I live we have quite a bad mental health care system and I keep getting referred back and forth. So, right now I'm pretty much on my own doing research and I had some questions about medication.
Since I do see the good, creative side of adhd and somehow meds scare me a little, I was wondering if it is possible to sometimes take medication and go without them on other days. For example taking them during the week and not in weekends.
Is anyone here doing this, or is it either everyday or not at all?
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ADHD
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Hey guys, it’s a bit rare for me to reach out but I’ve hit rock bottom and I don’t know what to do. I guess I’m kind of looking for a sign that things can get better?
I have very severe ROCD and body image OCD, and lately it’s driven me to the point where all I really think about is suicide as an outlet. I’ve also resorted to thinking about self harm, which is something I haven’t done in almost 4 years, so I’d really rather not relapse.
I’m going to therapy once a fortnight, and I’m trying to practice exposure therapy outside of that but it gets so exhausting. I just don’t feel like I can take it anymore. I exercise regularly, I go to work, I see people as much as I can, I try to do things I enjoy, but literally nothing makes me happy anymore. I’m considering going back on SSRIs at this point. Is there really a bright light at the end of this hellish tunnel?
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OCD
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I’m a 38F with lifelong anxiety/depression. Recently diagnosed with ADHD and given a low dose Adderall (10 mg) to try.
The first few days I was amazed. I felt relaxed, patient, more efficient, and less overwhelmed. The effect didn’t last the full day but still, it was so strange and wonderful to feel calm and focused. I could feel the meds kick in, like a vice grip on my brain was released and I felt…good.
It was great while it lasted, feeling like my brain worked as it should for at least part of the day. But a few weeks in I just don’t see the same effect. I still feel somewhat less overwhelmed/anxious but my brain is chaotic again. I’m discouraged and confused about what this means. What is wrong with me?
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ADHD
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It is okay to not be productive, particularly when you are doing something that you enjoy. Recreation is a very important aspect of self care.
I often forget that it is okay to do something just for me. That it is okay to just sit down and do something that is unproductive for no reason other than it being something that I enjoy. I will wake up and my brain will just be like "Shit, there's this thing that I need to get back to doing." All that I will think about is that thing which I think needs to get done. I forget that the thing actually is not that urgent at all, and that I can always do it later. I forget that rather than sit there and think about how awful it is that I'm not doing it, I should probably find something to do something to relax, and actually focus on doing that for a while.
You can also do something that *feels* productive, but is something you know that you're not going to finish, or have no intention of actually using/implementing in a productive manner. It is okay to not finish things. You do *not* need to finish everything that you start. You do *not* need to make productive (or even unproductive) use the things that you make. To quote Brandon Sanderson, "Journey Before Destination".
So is there something that you want to do that you've been putting off because it is not 'important' enough to compared to something else that you are not doing anyway? If so, go to it. (unless the other thing is too urgent, but I don't think that I need to tell y'all that) Go read that book. Go watch that show. Go make that spreadsheet that seems so dumb and useless, which you probably will not ever open again, but still seems a little interesting and fun to make nonetheless. And when you catch yourself beating yourself up about not doing that other not-to-urgent-but-seemingly-super-important thing, try to remember that what you right now is just as (if not more so) important.
TL;DR Go do something you enjoy for its own sake, for yourself, even if it's dumb. You needn't finish it. Just have fun, and try to remember that's why you're doing it. Relax. It's a *very* important part of self care.
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ADHD
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so i imagine them like pain killers. i take them and they do their work. they reduce my pain.
but everyone always tells me "no no its all in the mental and you also gotta put in the work" WELL WHAT WORK?
over 4 years ive tried 7 different ones, ive been going out for walks, played games, met friends and NOT ONCE have i felt the meds doing anything.
in 2 days i might start my 8th med. and idk i thought this time i might just ask ppl that can provide personal insight. how do i get the meds to help me? how do i feel something for the first time ever?
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depression
|
Okay, you might hate me for saying that. I get it. But hear me out.
You even meet those people that just strike you as despicable? Not a struggle or care in the world, and they have no compassion or understanding of what it means to have suffered in life? Well we (**you!**) don't fall into that category. Boy, do we know what it means to suffer. And you can relate when we see someone else suffer. And we'll never know what it's like to be insensitive, because, well, we have OCD.
Like it or not, know it or not, you are equipped for compassion and empathy because of what you've gone through. And I know probably half of the people reading this are convinced you're a terrible person, but I didn't ask you! I **told** you. You are special because of this. Even if you don't feel like it. Try to just take a breath, ignore those doubts for a second, and accept that beyond your obsessions, you are undeniably, irrefutably, *inherently* equipped for amazing compassion. And YOU'RE A GOOD PERSON!
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OCD
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(I'll be bringing this up with my doctor at our next meeting in December.)
I take 15mg once a day and it's been an amazing two years.
Before meds, I had emotional meltdowns once a month and awful depression with suicidal ideation that numerous SSRIs never even tapped.
My moods are stable, my life is stable, I sleep 8pm to 4am religiously (as opposed to 4am to 2pm unmedicated.) It's been a miracle drug for me. No side effects either, aside from feeling like an unmotivated brick when the XR wears off (usually around 1pm.)
Lately however, I've been struggling to stay focused and even struggle to feel motivated to get up and do even simple tasks like take out the trash without immense effort. I'm putting things off and I hate it. It feels like I'm only benefitting anymore from my meds for the first 4hrs and after that, I couldn't maintain routine to save my life.
I'm concerned about the implication that I've just reached a point of tolerance or something. I've never actually had a dose increase and I'm afraid of getting one and feeling high. I like that where I am, I just feel "normal" and uninterested in procrastinating.
But... I'm procrastinating things and prioritizing stuff poorly as of late (the last two months, roughly.) Still no return of depression or anxiety, luckily. So I'm convinced that I was never chemically depressed, it was just the ADHD giving me wild and unnecessarily intense overreactions to stressors.
This dose has been amazing for my mood and sleep regulation, I'm afraid of taking a higher dose and overshooting the goldilocks zone.
More afraid to mess with it and lose the emotion/sleep stability tbh.
Not really sure what to make of this. Could definitely use advice.
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ADHD
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Guys, I cleaned my fucking room!!!!!
3 weeks of putting it away (would be longer if I havent hired someone to do it for me. Even that took me a week to arrange.(from that, i havent cleaned it for three weeks)), three miserable weeks. Now I did it, cleaned it and I feel so much better. This ADHD is a major pain in my ass but honestly, life seems like more of an adventure this way. Love you all 💙
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ADHD
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Getting to know myself and the ptsd lots better and more clearly since sobering up over a year ago. The more I get to know this stress inducing disorder, the more broken and alienated I feel. The only people I really was comfortable with and got along with were folks who had trauma too. Seems like the couple friends I do have are hard to reach out to and explain what I'm going through to, mostly because theres nothing that can be done to change anything that they would know about.
But anyways I've been really stressing out since my state evoked a stay at home order, it's been over a month now for me. My state is enacting another month of staying at home. I can only do so many things to distract myself from the paralyzing memories and depression causing tearing myself down that follows. The highs are too high, and lows too low. On the outside I'm thriving, but on the inside I cant take this daily.
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ptsd
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It's taking everything I have just to keep going. I've been depressed my entire life, the first time I remember wanting to die was when I was six. I don't want to kill myself, but I don't want to exist. I truly want to get better, and I've tried, no one understands how hard I try, but nothing seems to work and I just don't know how to keep going, I don't think anything is ever going to get better. I think maybe I deserve all of the horrible things that have happened to me, and maybe I actually am as awful as my depression tells me. I've lost so many people. I'm so scared that everyone is going to leave me. I just want to be ok, but I'm so fucking tired and I know there's nothing I can do.
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depression
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That's all. Can't do it. Only thing I know is how much I love my family. They always assumed I am a smart guy but fucking hell it takes like one and a half brain for keeping up with this shit
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depression
|
Last night after moving a 1000 miles a week ago and moving in with my girlfriend, I finally got to go line dancing with her. We personally have little to no experience in it. We met up with friends she had made in the area that met together due to Reddit. Strangely it was just one guy who was able to make it, I’ll call
him James, he was cool. James seemed a bit better than us. My gf, James, and a girl named Claire met up a weekend or so before to practice line dancing. So I was glad to be included this time since distance was limiting my involvement. I tried my best to keep up and have a good time, and it was, even if it got overwhelming and tedious at times. I wasn’t triggered until it was a couples song were we rotate partners. I’m currently on Welbutrin and Adderall as well, I had two whiskey and cokes but I usually don’t drink due to the medicine either. I didn’t know any of the steps and felt completely worthless. It was fine when I struggled by myself, but having someone else involved really struck some nerve hard. I shutdown went to sit in the chair on the side to get my breath, and saw that James had rotated to my gf and did all the dance moves and spun her like I wish I could, my gf at one point didn’t have a partner because there were more girls than guys on the dance floor. At this I went to the restroom and just went into the closest stalled and leaned against the wall of it. Trying to calm myself, part of me was devastated, the other was pissed, and what ended up coming out was just extreme energy sucking sorrow. I remember the times I tried dancing before as a couple dance in a college class and how I couldn’t do it at 25. Ever since my divorce when I was 23, and how hard it was for me (“First Dance”). I took a deep breath, and left the restroom. I joined back up with them, James left and went to the restroom. My gf could tell something was off, and I explained it was one of my triggers. That I wasn’t feeling well, and shoved all those feelings down for the time being. I didn’t want to ruin the night for everyone else or myself because of the trauma. I asked her when she would like to leave, and she mentioned she was waiting for a certain song. I looked around the dance floor and noticed there weren’t a lot of people out. So I took the initiative to ask the dj to play the backstreet boys song she was waiting for. He gladly did, and we all got to line dance to it. I’m still not very good, but I’m glad I didn’t let the trigger stop my evening entirely. When we got to the car, we talked about what happened. She apologize saying she didn’t know it was a trigger, and I said please don’t apologize. Its not something I enjoy either, and we had a nice conversation on the way home but I could tell she felt bad. When we got back home, I figured we would take a shower together then go right to bed as we were exhausted. My gf wanted to take a shower alone, so she could shave and what not. I got defensive, since I thought it would be faster together. She asked me why I had an attitude and I broke down crying, saying the the shower was the only safe place for me growing up. I was abused every where but in the bathroom. How it meant so much to me to be able to share that with her, and how I just didn’t want to be alone. After talking a bit more, I reassured her to take a shower by herself, and I laid with my cat and took the time to go down stairs to write a little love note for her to find the following day “Thanking her for who she is as a person and how she always melts me away even in my darkest moments.” Thats summarized, but after she finished her shower I went and took mine, and I started with what I did as a kid. I’d sing to myself of the troubles in my life and in my head. Then I started getting frustrated with myself, I was mad at my PTSD for taking away my moments for happiness. Taking my energy, effort, and that I deserve to be happy too. I wept, my hands wrapped around my knees wishing I could scream but my voice was gone since it was so loud at the dance venue. I felt so disappointed in myself and that I’m always so hard on myself despite how hard I work toward a brighter present moment. My gf pried the door a bit and asked if she could come in, that she heard me crying. She reassured me, and told me all the things I tried telling myself. To be proud, etc... I called her “A dork”, and told her how the night I found out my ex-wife cheated on me I took a shower to hide my tears from myself as I cried for hours, and no one came to check on me then. I thanked her for who she is as a person, and asked her to promise me not to feel bad for triggering my ptsd. I figured to myself that if I want to be happy, I will have to live with the trauma and triggers too. I can’t have one without the other, because it wouldn’t be true happiness. I ended the conversation with her describing how I love water, it can fill any space, it can hold insane amounts of weight, but when you’re in it you feel weightless. I said I’m kind of like that, inside I’m filled with cracks like open wounds that never heal fully, but that must also mean I’m extremely strong to hold all of that and to want to feel weightless. She reassured me again, like the angel she is, and headed back to bed. I soon followed. It was hard sleeping that night for us. This morning she was quite tired, and I felt bad for keeping her up later than expected. I usually make us a nice breakfast, but it was just a cereal type of morning. As she was about to leave for work, with a kiss good bye, I told her that she had a surprise on her person some where. She loves little things like secret notes, less than thirty minutes later I get a text that she found it and all the wonderful feelings she had. That we can do it together a step at a time. I’m so proud of myself, even if I’m in mourning for my feelings that I didn’t allow myself so long ago. I can fight through it, and work towards something. I’m so lucky to have a partner, an individual,and a friend like her. She always reminds me of the beauty within myself, I hope she will always be “my dork”.
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ptsd
|
I apologize in advance for what will be a long-winded post, but here it goes:
I was diagnosed with bipolar II during the pandemic and was put on 200mg lamictal for mood stabilization and 10mg of prozac for anxiety. My symptoms seem consistent with the typical cycles of hypomania and depressive episodes but I have always struggled with inattention, forgetfulness, focus issues,etc. I was tested for ADHD by my psychologist (the QbTest) and my results indicated that I was right on the cusp of typical ADHD score. Because I have previously diagnosed anxiety, my psychiatrist is hesitant to add any stimulants for fear of exacerbating those symptoms. I did do some research into the psychopathology and there is a lot of overlap in bipolar/ADHD/ anxiety. Apparently they can also be concurrent and hard to diagnose as a result. I feel like I either have both or that ADHD might be causing similar symptoms. A lot of my mental health struggle is tied to my ability to function and master my mental health and when I can’t do that, I shut down entirely. As you can imagine, my symptoms make it really hard to do this all the time and I frequently burn out as a result.
I am a straight A college student and on the surface I seem to have all my shit together. My psychiatrist is great but I think it’s hard for her to gauge how bad things are because I tend to minimize so much and I am “functional” most of the time. Anyone else have these issues and if so how have you navigated this with your psychiatrist and psychologist? For those of you that downplay your challenges, do you have any suggestions for keeping yourself honest?
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ADHD
|
Long time lurker and diagnosed as an adult 25(M). Wondering if anyone has any tips for learning a new language. Ive always wanted to learn a new one (English is my first and only language) but tbr I’ve always talked myself out of learning them because….
Typically comes in bursts of wanting to learn then losing interest a week
But also I barely keep up in English meaning I zone in and out of conversations already and just cope my way to understanding what’s said
And the grammar parts are important I know but hella boring
Any tips on structuring something to teach myself
Want to learn Spanish French and Portuguese.
Thanks friends
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ADHD
|
I'dunno if this is due to autism, or just a "me" issue.
I always thought of myself as a creative person. I love fantasy and I create/draw fantasy characters regularly. I enjoy watching D&D campaigns on YouTube and have always wanted to try it one day.
Well, I finally got the opportunity to try it, and every step of the way was overwhelming. The character creation took me ages, and I had to stop several times. Actually trying to play was much harder than I could have anticipated.
I found it so difficult to put myself in my character's shoes and imagine what they would do next. Decision fatigue and performance anxiety were also a big inhibitors for me. Ultimately, I found myself focusing on what the right/most optimal choice would be, rather than simply what my character would do (especially during combat). The whole experience was more stressful than fun, and I only lasted for 30 minutes.
Again, I'm not sure if this is an "autism thing" or just an "anxiety thing," but I thought someone here might be able to relate?
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aspergers
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This is kind of long, so I thank anyone who reads it and has any thoughts or empathy to share.
Things have badly soured at my current apartment--I feel unsafe and the landlord literally won't listen to me or to reason--and it's taking me back too sharply to a bad housing situation in 2014, which is the source for a lot of my PTSD.
In 2014, my landlady worked very hard to protect my roommate from my depression and suicide attempt. My landlady, roommate, and roommate's mom all teamed up to abuse me in various ways, try to evict me, etc for months while I was too depressed to move out. Once I moved out, I filed a discrimination complaint but the city didn't find in my favor.
Right now, another tenant (not a roommate, thankfully) is really unstable and has a history of poor boundaries, which the landlord knows, and he's had a lot of issues with her. Since I stopped talking to her (because of her boundary issues) she's become verbally abusive, tried to beat down my door one night, yells "bitch bitch bitch" into my apartment. I've been to the cops four times--they won't even document my visits--gone before the magistrate, contacted legal aid, all with no help. There's no tenant resource center where I live. I know the mayor and wrote her about meeting but doubt it will help.
The landlord is a befuddled 75 y/o man, and sometimes he seems willing to talk about this but often not. Two weeks ago I gave him a trespassing letter to sign and give to her--the magistrate's advice-and he readily agreed but hasn't done it and gets mad when I ask. Yesterday he said he was tired of being in the middle of a "personality conflict" and if I felt unsafe I should just move. Literally every other tenant has had problems with this woman, and she's bothered the landlord too with daily phone calls, etc.
I'm triggered wildly, demoralized, depressed. Clearly I do need to move, but in my town it's really hard to find housing because of all the college students, harder still to find anything I can afford (looking into subsidizing), etc.
But all that is the practical stuff. I'm just shellshocked that he's choosing her, that he's willing to give up a good tenant (me) rather than evict or help sort out a problematic tenant, literally talks over me.
​
She has a criminal record but nothing violent, and I can stay with my mom nearby if things get really bad (it's not a great option to do now).
Mostly I'm posting here because I need support and empathy on how terrifying it is when a new situation so acutely brings back a situation it's taken years to move on from.
I'm also terrified that this will affect my ability to function, that I'll feel so much like a victim that I won't be able to do the writing that is my livelihood and my passion, that I'll get bitter in my relationships. I'm already unable to make an article deadline, which is really unusual for me.
And I'm far from over that first situation, have done EMDR and all kinds of therapy, and now this.
​
I feel awful and wilting and full of dread.
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ptsd
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I was okay for a bit, but now they are louder than ever. I am about to start a new job so this is probably why.
I keep running every conversation through my head that is longer than 30 seconds wondering if I said something stupid or wrong. It’s keeping me awake and I know it’s daft but it won’t shut up!
I listen to podcasts but even that isn’t helping at the moment and my own brain is drowning it out!
Is there anything that you find helps?
I have good screen habits and healthy bedtime routines but after 3 hours of mindlessly laying in bed I gave into some screen binge.
I don’t really know how much more I can write about this particular topic..!!
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ADHD
|
I want to get back into exercising so I’m trying to be more healthy by more water, more sleep, and not living mostly off of cereal. Any food is better than no food but I’d like to be able to eat different things more often, and deal with my food aversion. Any advice is welcome thank you thank you!!! (To be clear, I’m only exercising to be more strong and healthy, not weight/appearance based)
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ADHD
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If you have mental compulsions (specifically testing compulsions by bringing up intrusive thoughts to test your reaction), do you guys ever just feel numb about the thoughts? Like you don’t feel disgusted by it so u do these compulsions to make yourself feel disgusted, but since you’re forcing yourself to feel disgusted, you can’t get the feeling? I also find that when I’m doing these compulsions, I’m not able to concentrate properly so I can’t really process the thoughts which adds to my lack of reaction. And also, sometimes it’ll feel like i want it when i test, which makes me want to do more compulsions but i already know that’s just OCD and I can easily disregard them.
Just kinda venting here because testing compulsions are the absolute worst ;-; it’s like I know it’s normal to not feel anxiety but I want to feel a certain amount of disgust so I can feel “just right” and move on.
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OCD
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I sometimes think about changing all these bad laws here in my country, but I can't do anything. autistic people suffer many injustices and the suicide rate is higher than the rest of the population.
Rate of Suicide 3 Times Higher for Autistic People
Written by Ashley Welch on January 19, 2021 — Fact checked by Jennifer Chesak
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aspergers
|
So, I struggle with POCD, and I randomly have flashbacks to a particularly uncomfortable and shameful episode from my past, that just exacerbates the hell out of my OCD.
When I was about 20, I was just chilling with my computer, surfing the web, when the idea and the image of k porn, popped into my head. Like, I actually pictured a young girl having intercourse with an adult man, in a position, I highly favor whenever, I watch porn or have sex. I remember feeling very curious about it, and it felt like I really wanted to look such a thing up. The thing that stopped me was that it was illegal, at least that’s the first thing, I remember that stopped me at the moment. After that, I don’t remember having one of those thoughts again, and just continued on with my life. Didn’t think much of it. Came to my senses and moved on.
Cut to now, where my struggle with POCD, really is an exhausting one. There are moments, where I have good days, weeks, or even months, but I’m still plagued by it on the daily. The fear of when I’m gonna have another intrusive thought or rabbit hole episode, really spikes up the anxiety, which spikes up everything else. I’m so tired. :/
The crappy part is that whenever this particular memory pops into my head, I start getting this intense feeling in the pit of my stomach. Like I’m guilty of something, or like I’m hiding something about myself. I remember getting that same feeling whenever I would pass by a gambling addiction ad at the bus stop, that said: ADMIT IT, in bold lettering. When I finally came out, it went away, so when I get that same type of feeling whenever I think about this horrendous memory, I start thinking it means so much more than what it is or was. I’m sure it feels worse because I do have OCD, but the thing that sucks even more, is that I’m not sure I’m even remembering it correctly. Uncomfortable, intense feelings can sometimes lead to false memories, because you’re assuming the worst. I don’t remember if I had a groinal response, and mistook that as actual attraction, or if it was just an intense feeling in the pit of my stomach because it felt wrong, combined with intense curiosity. I don’t know. I’m sure I had that intense stomach feeling, because I’m feeling it now, as I type this, but either way, I have never looked anything up. Don’t want to look such a thing up. Would never.
Whenever, I make peace with that particular episode, and move on, I fall back into the rabbit hole at some point, and it’s the revolving door all over again. I don’t really enjoy my life anymore. I worry about having to deal with this for the rest of my life. I would rather be dead, then live like this. I can’t. Has anyone else had a similar experience? Any advice on how to let go of the past and these shitty thoughts? I would really appreciate it.
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OCD
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Hey people around the world.. I been stressing out lately. I was outside at 8 pm I was On the phone with my Wife,I look up to see the beautiful sky and I felt something wet hit under my nose. I freak out thinking it was a bat now I’m fucked and scared don’t know what to do.guys please help me.it would me the whole world to me for someone to calm me down.
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OCD
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I think i have ocd. With relationship, pedo and harm ocd, I have intrusive thoughts only, wich make me feel awful. I have panic attacks regularly everytime my blood sugar starts going down (diabetes type 1) because i'm scared of passing out and end up in a coma. I think this might be part of my ocd too. I just wish I could talk to someone about all of this. I haven't been diagnosed yet
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OCD
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I want to start a freelance career and escape poverty. And I don’t because I get home from work and play the same video game I’ve been playing for months. Because it’s familiar and it’s comfortable.
I want to ask a girl out. And I don’t because it’s so much easier to not even try, fantasize about her, and feel sorry for myself. Because it’s familiar and it’s comfortable.
Sure, I can watch a YouTube video about my side hustle of choice once in a while. Sure, I can talk to the girl I like, joke with her, have fun with her at work. But when it’s decision time, I choose the status quo and convince myself it’s not so bad.
I want so much more from life. I do a lot of planning and when the time comes to act, I don’t. It’s like I just give up before I’ve started. It sucks. I want to break the habit. I want to do things that make me uncomfortable so I can get used to it and expand my comfort zone. I don’t want to die full of regrets and what ifs. Fuck.
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ADHD
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TW (hitting & yelling)
(This is a long one and I need help or advice on this)
The memory that hurts me the most is when my mother hit me with a ruler
She hit my on the calf while yelling at me.
She didn't stop when the ruler broke.
She didn't stop when I felt like I was blacking out and I tried to sit down.
She didn't even come back into the room to tell me that she was sorry.
She just yelled at me.... telling me that lying about my grades was the wrong thing to do. I lied because I was too afraid to tell her that I got a B on my report card. I lied because I thought it would keep me from being yelled at again. She told me that she didn't want to have a daughter like me because I lied. And now... I stopped lying to her so I guess that worked.
Now I'm here crying about it every time I remember that stupid... idiotic memory.
Our relationship is fine now! She yells at me but she doesn't hit me when I do something wrong! I only get yelled at when I wake up late or when I get a B on my test or when I talk back to her. I love my mom but when she starts yelling I just get scared. She's nice and sweet and gives me what I need. She gives me all the food, shelter, clothes, tutor, everything! She cooks for me and and does everything! She's a mother.
The experience wasn't that bad at all! It just happened a long time ago and now I'm in high school. She stopped hitting me when I entered high school. I've seen people with worse experience!
Yet here i am crying about this for no reason at all
So why am I so upset about this?
Is... is this trauma? Like what is this?
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ptsd
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Hi guys, I really need your advice. Basically the title says it all, I can’t stop touching my hair to check whether or not it’s clean, how greasy it is, if it’s neat, or if it looks like my hair is getting thinner. Obviously, touching my hair causes ALL these things and I’ve gone from needing to wash my hair every 4 days to basically every night (or it least it FEELS like I have to wash it every night). Sometimes I can stop myself from touching it but then I have to get up and brush it. Does anyone have any tips on how to stop myself touching my hair? I’ve googled it but the advice is pretty subpar. (To clarify if anyone is concerned I do have diagnosed OCD). Thank you, any help is really appreciated
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OCD
|
Honestly I don’t really know where to start. This week has been so challenging for me I had seizures due to high stress and anxiety and just depression overload and my mom was super supportive and now as a few days have passed she’s mad because I’m afraid to stay home alone I just can’t be alone right now and she can’t stay the night at her boyfriends bc of it I feel bad for it but my dad also just says “all you need to do is leave the house” like it’s that easy after everything. At this moment I have no one to turn to and I’m lonely. Just want to die so I can’t feel pain or anger or this worry anymore or feel this alone. Another night crying myself to sleep..
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depression
|
I’ve known I’m allergic to alcohol since the first time I tried drinking. Apparently it’s not a “true” allergy but a genetic difference in how I metabolize alcohol, so every time I’ve tried drinking I’ve gotten wheezy and developed a rash. It doesn’t bother me that much because drinking has never been particularly interesting to me, so I don’t feel like I’m missing out. Anyway, I learned today that some people with my alcohol intolerance also have reactions to topical ethanol/ethyl alcohol- hand sanitizer. My hands have been covered in small red bumps and welts for ages now, but I assumed it was from dryness from overwashing. I never considered that it was an allergic reaction.
To make sure it’s actually a reaction to hand sanitizer and not just bad dryness, I put a few drops of an ethyl alcohol liquid hand sanitizer on a piece of gauze and taped it to my inner forearm for a few minutes. I took it off and there was a big square red welt. That’s probably not going to stop me because I’ve been using large amounts of hand sanitizer in spite of it for years, but it’s still frustrating. So PSA- if you get itchy/wheezy/flushed from drinking, topical use of hand sanitizer can cause the same problems.
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OCD
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Sorry if this isn't allowed.. but I saw this post on r/todayilearned about speed readers. Here's the article they reference. [www.straightdope.com/21342173/does-speed-reading-training-actually-work](https://www.straightdope.com/21342173/does-speed-reading-training-actually-work)
I found this super interesting because I've always considered myself a fairly fast reader, I have no idea what my WPM is though. This article suggests that speed readers don't really retain the information they've read and their general comprehension of the material usually isn't very great. In this particular study they're using "trained" speed readers. I'm not sure who uses trained speed readers, or how much the people who employ a speed reader expect them to retain of the information. It kind of makes me question how accurate their conclusion is..
But my point here being, I feel like I read pretty fast. To give a general idea, recently in about a month period I read about eight 300-400 page fiction novels. I feel like I definitely retained most of the information fairly well and I'm pretty sure I could tell someone more or less the entire story from start to finish for each book.
Someone in the comments on that post brought up hyperlexia which I haven't really heard too much about before. But now that I'm reading about it, I'm finding it super intriguing. It seems to be defined as having an above normal reading capability when compared to peers. It seems to be compared with Autism, but it's frequently debated whether it is on the Autism spectrum or not. It also seems to be characteristic of hyperlexic children/people to have poor communication and social skills.
As a kid I picked up reading incredibly fast, and would read constantly. I've always had a hard time with spelling though, and I tend to fumble a lot when I speak. I don't think it's bad enough to actually classify as a specific thing, but sometimes I stutter a bit, I have a terrible tendency to outright forget simple words. I've also always had an issue with basically being scared to use more complex words when I speak out loud. If I'm typing I tend to google a lot of the words or phrases I use because I'm worried/unsure if they mean what I want them to. Essentially, I feel like I'm pretty bad at articulating myself despite my pretty good reading skills.
I was always told in school and by my parents that being a good reader would increase my vocabulary and communication skills, but I don't feel like it's worked that way for me.
​
I'm sorry this post has been all over the place, I'm just really interested in this topic and wanted to share. I also wanted to see what opinions this community might have on this topic, and see if anyone else has had similar experiences?
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aspergers
|
Do you? Do lots of people? Is it rare? Is it an autism thing?
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aspergers
|
My psychiatrist hasn’t returned any of my texts or calls to book an appointment. Whenever I try calling it goes straight to answering machine. I’m worried I won’t have enough meds to last me until the end of my exams and I’m already rationing the ones I do have. Has anyone else ever experienced this, and what can I do? Is it possible to go to my pharmacy with my old prescription and explain what happened??
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ADHD
|
To women with hocd who have watched lesbian porn or had same sex fantasies. Did you speak with your therapist about it? What they say about it cuz normally people with hocd don't have same sex fantasies.
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OCD
|
So I have been a pastry chef at a restaurant for the past 2 years. It's about a 1 hour drive one way. Traffic and tourist blow ass.
Corporate decided to fire our executive chef who was a good friend of mine. So I started looking around to see if I could find somewhere closer to home.
I managed to score a executive pastry chef position at a country club for 8 grand more a year. And it's only a 13 minute drive. I get to start their program from scratch and I'm super excited that they picked me out of the others. I start Tuesday.
I just wanted to share my happiness. I was diagnosed almost a year ago and used to struggle with a lot of things. Pastry is the only thing I haven't struggled with and find absolute joy in it. It's also the longest I've maintained a job without getting burned out on
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ADHD
|
A few years ago I had a police raid at my home.
It fucked me up pretty badly.
Panic attacks still happen regularly.
Today a man broke into my house.
He just let himself in.
He was asked to leave and the police were called.
I double check every single lock, door and window.
He tried to break in three more times between when the police were called and when they arrived.
Decided to press charges for criminal trespass.
The police arrested him.
At nearly three am I finally calm down enough to sleep.
I turn out the lights and climb into bed.
With the lights off my window looses that mirror quality that windows get at night.
I think I see a face.
I double take.
He Is sitting at my window on a piece of patio furniture watching me.
I grab my shotgun and call the police.
Police come out and can't find him. My neighbors have reported seeing him, he apparently tried to break into several homes over the course of the day.
The police do a few more sweeps and come back to inform myself and a crowd of my neighbors that there isn't anything they can do if they can't find him.
It's five am now. I have been sitting in my living room as it has a good view, shotgun laying across my lap.shells sitting on the table next to me. I dozed off, and when I woke up he was back. Looking through the window, watching me again. I double take, make eye contact and he smiles and runs off before I can process and get the gun up.
I am freaked the fuck out, I swear to God if he comes back I'm going to shoot him. I'm now waiting for the police for the third time in 24 hours.
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ptsd
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Well I recently just lost one of my closest friends. To be exact, we’re sharing a room together and they became pretty abusive so I told them I couldn’t be around them anymore. I shouldn’t feel bad because it turns out they were a bad person but it still hurts. Last year I lost another close friend that I’ve known since we were kids because they lied to me and hurt me in a big way. And of course, I’ve been drifting away from so many people because everyone is just living their own life.
I just don’t know how to make friends, and I don’t have the time to get to know someone new because I’m at the peak of college right now and I’m too busy. My weekends are spent being overwhelmed with assignments and studying. Also, I’ve tried to talk to people in my classes, but it doesn’t work out. Everyone just already has their own friends, and it’s hard to get close to someone when I have so little time to give them. I’m also a girl in engineering so it makes me feel even more isolated. I feel so lonely, I feel like I had a set amount of friends and over the years the circle keeps on getting smaller. Soon enough it’ll be just me, and I don’t know what I’ll do then.
I can’t stop crying and blaming myself for being so socially anxious. I’m trying my best but it’s not effective enough. I’m currently on my Winter Break and I should be having fun right now being with friends and relaxing, but I have nobody to contact. The few friends that I do still have either live too far away or have their own new group of friends or are simply too busy themselves.
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depression
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2020 for me, was one of the best years of my life despite a global pandemic running rampant. I graduated highschool, I fell in love, my whole family was home for the first time in years, I was having loads of fun with my friends. It was the first time in a long time that I did not feel depressed, that soon began to fade towards the end of 2020. Flashforward to May of 2021, my dog died, I broke up with my girlfriend, and I had cut off half my friends. I began going out as much as possible, drinking, indulging in other drugs that I probably should've stayed away from. I got into a fight with a friend and he broke my nose, I got back together with my ex but then I decided to end things again shortly before I left for basic military training. When I was in basic things made sense, for the first time this year I didn't feel like I was struggling to live, I didn't feel like I was attempting to scale a mountain made of sand. I thought I would be so happy after graduating basic as serving in the military had been a dream of mine since I was a kid, but towards the end of basic when things began to slow down I began to dread graduating as I would finally be forced to process everything that had happened and everything I had done. I'm out of basic now and I'm already back to feeling exhausted. I feel like I don't want to be on this world anymore, I hate myself. I don't know how much longer I can do this for. I can't get any help at the moment without risking a discharge, I just feel lost right now and I'm really struggling I'm not sure what to do. Im hundreds of miles away from my support group and every person I've ever known. I can't keep going through these waves of depression, I've been battling it on and off for as long as I can remember. Every phase that hits me feels a little bit harder to fight through, I feel myself getting more and more tired and I know that if I don't get help I will eventually lose and thats a scary thought to me.
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depression
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I just need to vent into a space where people understand me.
I’m feeling frustrated because I feel like everything just goes wrong and nothing goes smoothly. I know life isn’t smooth for anyone but when I look around me, non ADHD people don’t seem to have half as much shit go wrong as I do.
Everyday is just me walking around with an invisible fire extinguisher and putting out the fires I’ve caused in my day.
Shit I’ve forgotten, people I’ve annoyed in some way, the work I haven’t done because I couldn’t focus so need to catch up, payments I’ve missed and get charges for, things I’ve misplaced, things I’ve dropped. The constant impulsive spending realisations the next day.
I’m forever behind on everything. It’s just so fucking drowning.
Thanks for coming to my ted talk.
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ADHD
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Could this be an apsberger thing? I have a cousin aspie who is also picky about food. I always prefer my food to taste plain, and have a consistent texture.
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aspergers
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I don’t know how to have fun anymore. I forgot what fun is. I have no life inside of me. I don’t care how many “cool person “ points I earn from making somebody laugh. My own fucking laugh isn’t even genuine anymore. Nothing is genuine. Nothing even feels like me. I’ve been mentally buried from depression and now this person who I haven’t seen in 3 years wants to hang out with me without realizing I’m not even a semblance of the person I used to be?! Like maybe years before, I could be fake and socially serve the interests of others, but now I just don’t give a fuck about human connection or contact at all outside from my mom and my husband- I know it’s pathetic but they were the only people who chose to stay around these 9 years.
Anyways, I’m going to destroy this old friend’s night and he’s not even ready for it. Idk what to talk about , what to say- I wish I could care but I can’t and it’s pissing me off to know I should’ve canceled sooner.
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depression
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They told me that rejection gets easier with each time... they lied. It still hurts so bad and drives me insane. Why am I like this?
I wrestle with my mind, but I always obsess over rejections. The emotional pain can't be stopped by anything except time. I tell myself all the rationalizations for why I shouldn't be hurting, but my emotions don't give a fuck.
Does anyone else hurt majorly after these events? It consumes my mind constantly. I think about the same thoughts over and over and over. It's maddening
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aspergers
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I really enjoy going to clubs and concerts, it makes me feel alive.
My only issue is that I always really struggle to hear what other people are saying, I only hear the music. But I notice other people around me have pretty deccent conversations.
I'm pretty sure this is ADHD related. but I can't say for certain.
Do any of you experience this?
Do you have any suggestions for how to deal with this?
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ADHD
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Sorry if this doesn't make sense, I did not really proof read this
When I try to watch things that make me believe ADHD is good. I just can't help but think, that I don't have it. I get distracted, and hyperfocus on small repetitive things like crocheting for dozens of hours. But all these other things I cannot even remotely relate to.
\- Kind, Generous, Empathetic: I know I am not. I am prone to jealousy. I get jealous of others' successes. I am trying to work on it but I know I have a hard time knowing that others struggle.
\- Ambitious: My only goals are to get through the day. Starting a business, becoming the best at something. No matter how passionate I am about something at that time, my interest in it will never last more than 3 months.
\- Risk Taker: I would never impulsively do something that could seriously hurt me. I don't always chase after my curiosity as it is often hindered by other thoughts like deadlines.
\- Highly Creative with countless ideas: I like doing creative things like writing stories but every idea is just something that is based closely on something I have seen before.
\- Likes challenges: I hate challenges, they stress me out so much and do not provide me joy. In the end, I will feel satisfied but I cannot even fathom liking going through the challenge. Often every step of the challenge takes multiple hours. Finding out how to do something is most likely not just a matter of 1 google search. My interest will wane before I even get one step in.
\- Multitasking: I don't even know how this works. The idea of having 2 things in 1 day or having 2 things due on the same day overwhelms me so much I can't even do 1 of them.
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ADHD
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i see a lot of people on this sub say that they are suffering because society wont let them be themselves no matter how they want to express themselves. but those are the people that at least want to “be themselves.” and all the arguments they make about how autism is integral to who they are and that it defines them hurt. i don't want to be defined by a disability or by what i struggle with, nor by my “talents.” i want to be defined by what i can do despite it and without it. you all seem to not mind, but i have a fundamental problem with something like “be yourself.” what if you hate the way you are? what if you want to change? i want to fight. i want to kill it, but i don't want to die. yet people go on about how its so exhausting to let people see the “true you” because of what they’ll think, but even if people were supportive i would have problems. i don’t need your “accommodations” i can manage on my own! i just want to forget about it and regain the dignity i never had. and i can’t imagine what you adults feel considering i’m 14 and live on the internet with no real responsibilities. this is one of the main reasons i hesitate about self advocacy. i want to support you guys and i have no problems with you wanting to make society more accepting, but taking pride in having autism is something i would struggle to do. but despite all that i have imposter syndrome about “oh you did well on that assignment? its just the autism carrying you, you're lazy and you suck” i want to support the autistic community but this is personal at this point. god i hope i dont regret posting this
TLDR “be yourself” is useless advice and i am an edgy anime character
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aspergers
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This is has to be something related to mental health because this is isn't normal, no matter how many times I tell myself never again , I get back there a week later and argue with arrogant condescending halfwits.
It's always the same with all conspiracies, mockery, name calling, avoiding your tough questions, blocking and banning you.
I don't get it how can they have a rock solid believe in a matter that goes against basic common sense despite the severe lack of evidence??
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aspergers
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been able to eat pizza and ramen when i drown it with hot sauce but have gagged when its to much
never been able to successfully eat mac n cheese lasagna anything pasta could be a trauma tho from my childhood when my father made me eat lasagna while tearing my favorite stuff animal but i dont know could it be related with sensory disorder ? btw im pretty sure its the texture of the noodles that gets me
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aspergers
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I sneeze in sunlight. I’ve never seen any type of correlation to Aspergers, and it also occurs in a whopping 18-35% of the general population.
However - us aspies are sensitive to sunlight already, so I was wondering how common it is for us and I’ve never seen this measured.
So - sneezing in sunlight - do you?
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/why-does-bright-light-cau/
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aspergers
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I had my third therapy session today, and I explained how I think a certain early childhood traumatic event directly caused my OCD (or at least my OCD started after that event) and I told her that I don’t think I would have OCD, had that event not happened.
She went into a whole thing about how that’s not even possible, and when I asked her about genetically predispositioned people, who never developed it, she said:
“Everyone has a little OCD”
I walked out of the office. The fool must think OCD is just like some random anxiety emotion, where you’re obsessed with hand washing or some shit.
Should I go back to see her, or is this proof it’s not going to work?
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OCD
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Tl;Dr: want to gain 10-20 pounds. Have trouble eating breakfast, sometimes lunch, and then I have a huge dinner at the end of the day. I don't have an eating disorder.
What do I mean by "**ADHD Diet?**"
**Morning**: usually have little to no appetite until well after I wake up. I typically have to take my medication which also suppresses my appetite.
**Lunch**: depending on when I took my medication, I may or may not be hungry. When I have my medication I enjoy cooking but find it hard to eat, when I don't take my medication I am hungry but eat junk because I can't find the focus and motivation to cook.
**Dinner**: this is where my calories come from. After my meds have worn off and I have an appetite, I eat a huge meal. The problem is that it's usually something that can be made quickly and is unhealthy, like Ramen, chicken nuggets, pizza, etc.
**Snacks**: I try to snack all day because I know I need calories. They're usually unhealthy snacks with/or a glass of whole milk/chocolate milk or nutrition shakes.
I have plenty of appetite off medication, but it's difficult to function and cook without it. I've talked to my doctor and it's not an eating disorder, and I was able to gain a little weight after switching from one extended release dose to two lower dose instant release pills per day.
I'm more than 10 pounds under the healthy weight for my height (140-170 pounds for someone my height) but I would like to gain more than that. I've had trouble gaining weight long before I even got medicated, so stopping treatment would not help and would just derail everything else.
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ADHD
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I’m so overwhelmed with everything. Work, caring for my son, caring for my wife and her mental health, parents health, etc. I was raised old school so it’s difficult and uncommon for me to step out of the “man of the house” shoes and take care of myself so when I do people think somethings wrong. All I need is to be left alone. Just for a little bit. Im not upset at anyone. Im not bottling up my emotions. I just need to sit in a dark quiet room and reboot. Collect my thoughts. But when I ask to be left alone everyone assumes somethings wrong and that they need to help. No matter what I say, people won’t just leave me alone! It worries them even more. As if they think something serious is going on. Yes it’s serious. I’m moments away from losing my shit and having a terrible breakdown. I’ve tried asking nicely. I’ve tried asking for a specified 20-30 minutes here and there but I never get it. It feels like I can’t get the point across to people without them getting upset or trying to help me even more. I just need to be left alone.
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depression
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Sometimes I'm not sure that the trauma therapy i did really helped. Yeah I talked about it and wrote, but I've always been kind of emotionally detached anyways. So idk. Just needed to get my thoughts out honestly. I've been thinking about this a lot lately.
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ptsd
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I've seen a few people in this sub mentioning it, and it has made me curious. It is one of mine, and since pokemon was made by and for autistic people I'm curious how many of us fell for it.
I discovered the franchise when I was 8 or 9, but my patents wouldn't buy any videogame, so I had to find emulators and roms and play on the computer, until someone convinced them to buy me a DS and both Diamond and Mystery Dungeon.
I have played almost every game, including spin-offs, and right now I play pokemon go every day, Mystery Dungeon DX now and then and shiny hunt a lot in Sword.
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aspergers
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So I got with a guy back in highschool and after 10 years of being together we got married, were married and together for 3 years before I realized my life was terrible and I left.
My husband was verbally and emotionally abusive, always telling me that I'm stupid, ugly, too fat (he weighed more than I did) never said anything nice to me, and at one point he told me to stop telling him that I loved him because I said it too much and it was annoying. He spent more time watching porn than even talking to me. A few months before I left him he told me I should look more like my younger sister... That's when I knew he no longer loved me, if he ever did and I did some stupid stuff. Then I left him and moved to Ohio for 2 years, I've been back home for like 6.5 to 7 years now and I'm still having trouble getting over the crap my husband did to me. My mom and sister keep telling me I need to get over it and some shit about putting my husband in a mental box, locking it up and throwing away the key all while tapping my hands on my chest. It feels rediculous. I don't think that because my mom got over her PTSD from over 40 years ago by some mental box that I MUST do the same thing right now.
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ptsd
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Ok so i'm a christian ok and i have scrupulosity and i hope nobody minds, i don't want to do a debate here or anything, please be civil and understand why i say this: i'm a christian and also a communist (ok i said it, plis don't attack me or anything, this confession has a reason to be here and i didn't say it to presume or anything). Well as most communists are atheists and such i feel like a bit weird as i'm religious and it's like most don't believe in that and idk, it makes me feel a bit doubtful about my beliefs because it's like "i'm a christian but i'm surrounded by people who sometimes say my religion isn't valid or religion in general isn't and such and idk", i sometimes feel like people's opinions matter more than my own (this might be because of low self esteem but OCD makes it worse tbh) and it's like i repeat compulsions in order to feel safe about my beliefs, srry if i spoke about smth as controversial as this, hope y'all understand, as i said i didn't come here to start a debate or anything, i don't want to bother anyone but this is how i feel and this are my doubts and reasons so hope y'all understand :)
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OCD
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Adding the NSFW tag bc drugs I guess? Hopefully it's ok to talk about this here.
This is kind of just a vent but I'm super upset right now. I've been so overwhelmed lately and finally managed to get an appointment with a psych, waited what felt like forever for my appointment (really just 3 weeks), and I finally had it today. After pouring my guts out to this psych for an hour, she said that it sounds like I have ADHD and it was missed in my childhood because I did well in school, and it sounds like I'm treating my anxiety but my underlying ADHD symptoms are still causing me problems...but she said their office policy is not to prescribe stimulants to anyone who smokes cannabis, because the effects can counteract each other. I smoke a tiny bowl mayyybe once a week, not to cope with anxiety or anything just to relax and enjoy myself on a Friday or Saturday night. I don't understand why that would interfere with my meds bc if I was taking stimulants they'd probably be worn off by the time I'm smoking anyway! Now I have to wait 3 weeks for another appointment and take a urine test then, and maybe she'll prescribe them then.
Is this common?? Has anyone else been told they can't be on stimulants if they use cannabis?? I texted my friend (an ADHDer who's a massive stoner lol) to ask if their psych knows they smoke and they were like "yeah lol he prescribed my med card". My girlfriend thinks I should just go to a different psych and not tell them I smoke but the idea of lying about it makes me really anxious.
It's just super frustrating bc I wanted so badly for this to help, and on one hand I feel validated because, hey, I was right, it sounds like I do have ADHD! but on the other hand she basically just was like "I'll email you some coping strategies" and now I have to wait another 3 weeks to get any actual help. "Use your sun lamp during the winter to help with low mood" oh the sun lamp I told you I can never remember to use because, you know, ADHD? Cool cool cool.
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ADHD
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Everywhere I hit is a roadblock. I apply for jobs and nothing. I must have designed my life as a puzzle piece that can’t really fit anywhere. If I’m not over qualified, I’m under qualified. If I’m not too rich, I’m too poor. I’m too opinionated and not opinionated enough in some areas. I even sought some mental health resources as it became embarrassingly apparent to me since I quit drinking that my OCD is out of control. And like whores they won’t fuck you unless you pay them. And there’s no sex anyway when you’re trying to conform to their bizarre standards of normal. I really don’t know what to do anymore. I’m not depressed or anything (anymore) I just think society is laughably fucked up.
The ocd I didn’t even realize I had until a recent hospitalization, upon deep research I was like wtf so this is how my brain is? I know how to identify it now which is brilliant, and I recognize when I slide into those patterns of behavior and thinking, but sometimes I fall into it and it takes me a couple of hours to weed through the noise and bring reality back. It’s kinda freaky, I never realized myself until recently.
So I went down the rabbit hole of attempting to get some support —- just a couple therapy sessions would do the magic. I refuse drugs that come from big pharma —- but alas this country doesn’t consider these problems serious enough to offer them for free or even discounted to those who need it. The cheapest route I found is like 1300 bucks for twelve weeks of sessions. But considering I’m 14k back rent —- not our fault, pandemic, etc —- why would I put my money on that shit. I got close to free therapy through a research clinic but would you believe it the alcohol use and weed disqualified me. I quit drinking in December and it’s not even something I remotely am interested in right now. I do smoke weed though, but they believe it’s an addiction which I vehemently push back on. I’d it’s about addiction it’s no different than tech addiction, which is of course real, but that wouldn’t have disqualified me from the study. I can turn off my smoking like turning off the television.
Anyway, not even sure what I’m ranting about... Is ERP or CBT something I can do for myself? To be honestly I’m at the point where I don’t even want to tangle with this country’s medical system as it’s been presented to me.
Cheers.
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OCD
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I (22 M) was just diagnosed with ADHD, which is... a lot. I'm partly processing, partly asking for advice, so buckle in and I'll try to sum it up into a nice question format at the end.
I started to notice that something may not be right last summer, when I was working a job outside my very flexible and forgiving job in the family business for the first time. Being in high school and college, I knew that I was forgetful and made careless mistakes, but I got good enough grades and had enough stimulation/variety to get through without much consternation. All that changed when I was on a consistent grind with few deadlines and little accountability. I have had 3 different internships since that point, each of which I have absolutely loved, but I kept running into a massive lack of focus and inability to get myself to work. It was incredibly frustrating because I *wanted* to do the work, but just could not do it. Sounds familiar here, I bet. I have the language to describe what has been happening to me now, which is liberating, but also confusing.
It finally clicked for me last semester when I was doing a social work internship and had several clients with ADHD who said things that hit just a little bit too close to home. I relocated twice over the course of the summer, but promised myself that when I was able to settle, I would seek a diagnosis. I ended up moving back home (lots of baggage there, but I am glad to be here for the time being), and broke the news to my parents that I wanted to get some answers. That experience was... less than ideal. My dad was somewhat understanding, as he revealed to me (later, in private) that he suspected he might be in a similar situation but keeps himself in check partly because of his very stimulating job as a lawyer and partly by judicious use of caffeine and alcohol to keep him alert and calm (which I know may sound slightly alarming, but I assure you that he's actually very well put-together, and I know a thing or two about alcoholics from my family history, but we'll get to that). I talked him through how alcohol and caffeine are both unpleasant for me, and he respected my desire to seek out some more help. My mom, however, wouldn't hear it. She chalked it up to my diet, exercise, and social habits, and said that I never had a problem before so essentially I just needed to get over myself. Having expected this response, I was not destroyed, but certainly dismayed.
I ended up talking with her more about how just getting a diagnosis and more information did not mean I was trying to write off my problems and that I did not intend to immediately get medicated, and she reluctantly agreed to let me seek a medical evaluation. Well, after doing intake with a PMHNP and then doing a QB test, she told me that I had ADHD. Again, not a surprise for me (though I was hoping that a diagnosis would help me to feel like there was a clear path forward, ha). After talking the doc through my family history of alcohol and substance abuse, as well as the fact that I know I have addictive tendencies and respond poorly to caffeine, she recommended that I try Strattera/atomoxetine, which is one that stood out to me in my research because it also reduces symptoms of anxiety.
Well, now I'm suck in a conundrum. I have my test results, and I think I want to move forward with medication, but I don't think my mother will be supportive, and my dad won't either until she at least stands by. When I am in conversation with her, she says that I should be working out, eating differently, and out socializing with "good people." Never mind the fact that I am in church groups four days out of the week, I regularly talk with close friends from in college who she loves, and I spend lots of time with my high school friends who are some of the best people I know; she is also the one who cooks most of the time in my family, and she does a really good job making sure that we are all given nutritionally balanced (and lovely) meals. Admittedly, I could be doing more to get moving, but I have always found my motivation to work out extremely low. Last summer, one of my online school classes was running, and I did fine because my grade was on the line, but I honestly hated every second of it and didn't experience any pleasure from it (so if anyone has tips on how to make movement more engaging, hit me up, I'm desperate at this point).
It's really overwhelming. I don't think my mom is a bad person, but she is the strongest-willed person I have ever met and I do not think she is aware that other people just are not that way. She has always had high expectations for me, and I have appreciated how that has spurred me to be my best self, but I do not know how to explain to her that this diagnosis doesn't change that I'm her son and that I'm still capable, I just need a different kind of help because my brain is different. It feels frustrating to get through to her because when she brings up these concerns, and I address them calmly and factually, she gets upset that I am "not listening" to her. Sure, I could just go around her, I'm an adult, but as I am living off my parents' generosity (and insurance) for this period of life, I do not think that is either a right nor wise thing to do.
So, r/ADHD, what articles or books are out there for someone who is hesitant to address ADHD? Are there reputable and engaging resources to help me get through this process? Has anyone here experienced a family member being extremely reserved about ADHD treatment, and how did you get through it?
Thanks everyone!
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ADHD
|
Hello, fellow squirrel! Chasers. Lol. I’ve got a weird one that I really haven’t seen mentioned…
How many of you constantly have music playing in your head? I’m an audiophile, so I have a large database of tunes in my brain. It’s so bad for me that I will realize I’m humming songs that aren’t even currently playing. This goes on all day.
What’s worse is, my insomnia (maintenance insomnia) will kick in at 2am, and I will wake up to music playing in my mind with no way to shut it off. So annoying! There’s no use trying to go back to sleep because it won’t happen unless I pop .5mg Xanax, which doctors don’t want to prescribe these days.
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ADHD
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Disclaimer: I haven’t been officially diagnosed with OCD but I am on ADHD and anxiety meds and my therapist and we have briefly talked about the potential of me having it but since it’s not my main/biggest issue we haven’t gotten into it much.
But I have a horrible not-so-much-compulsion but more obsessiveness about the way things fit and feel when it comes to clothing or headphones or more specially, VR headsets. If it doesn’t fit 100000% specifically right, I can’t stop adjusting it and I mess with it and mess with it and it’s like my nerves are hyper sensitive to that area and I get angry anxiety from it.
Been playing beat saber a lot on Oculus Quest 2 and the fucking strap drives me up the wall cuz I put it on and if it even remotely like, poofs up my hair I can *feel* it and it’s like if it doesn’t fit exactly right like if it’s sliiightly tighter on one side I lose it. I can’t focus on the game cuz I’m constantly trying to adjust the strap and miss blocks and get pissed off because I have to get 100% accuracy and missing even one makes me angry. It’s like on the oculus strap I can’t get the fit on my forehead perfectly so I have to keep my eyebrows up and if I move my eyebrows the vision gets blurry and then it’s uncomfortable and I obsess.
Same thing with bra straps, shoes, if theyre just a liiiittle too tight or if I feel one specific wrong spot I’m instantly angry and can’t stop messing with it and it never fixes itself until I take it off.
I don’t even know what I’m asking, maybe I’m just venting but any sort of insight on this would be great.
TL;DR ocd about VR headset fitting just right and I get angry and obsessive if it feels off by a molecule, happens with other various clothing and things touching my body in general
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OCD
|
I just want to share this with someone who understands. I have complex trauma, but don't really feel welcome in the C-PTSD sub. I've worked for a long time to acknowledge my "more serious" or more talked-about traumas like sexual assault and relationship abuse, and it's been an even harder journey to acknowledge I was abused by my parents.
Today I'm remembering all the times my mother told me and my sibling that we made her want to kill herself. Today I'm acknowledging that it was abusive. That it made me feel guiltier than I've ever felt, just as guilty as a killer.
Today I'm remembering the day she said "you two make me want to get my gun and blow my fucking brains out" before storming into the room where she kept the gun, slamming the door, and locking herself inside. And I realize for the first time that my memory of that day is disembodied and fragmented. I see my little 7 year old self from the outside looking in, the same way I remember the assaults that happened later in life. I've always known that I truly feared my mother was going to shoot herself in the head right there in the house with us in the next room, that my sister and I were going to be left all alone. I've always remembered waiting to hear the bang, and knowing it would be my fault. But it's taken until now to realize that event wasn't just scary, it was traumatizing to the point of dissociation.
I can't think of a more cruel thing to say to your own children. And yet, until today, I've always felt like I was the cruel one. That I must have been such a rotten little kid to make my mom feel that way. I don't know whether to be angry at her for doing that to us, or to just feel sorry that she was in such a dark place to begin with. I wonder if all those threats planted a seed in my mind, and if maybe they're part of the reason I've spent most of my life battling suicidal thoughts. I wonder if they're the reason I held that same gun to my own head when I was thirteen. And again when I was fifteen. And again when I was twenty. Or the hours upon hours I've spent contemplating jumping down that stairwell, hanging from that bedpost, swallowing all those pills... you get the idea.
Of all the ways my mom has hurt me, of all the mistakes she made, I really don't know how I'm going to forgive this one. It kinda makes me want to dive out of my window right now. But I won't.
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ptsd
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My therapist says that lexapro could be beneficial for me. I’ve been struggling a lot with my ptsd lately as well as anxiety and depression. The thought of taking antidepressants again scares me a lot cause I’ve had such bad experiences with them. Specially since a lot them have the potential to cause suicidal thoughts which i use to highly struggle with. Plus I’ve heard people online say how it made their symptoms worse. Has anyone had an experience with this medication good or bad?
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ptsd
|
I had been super annoyed the past couple hours for no reason at all. It started when a call that I knew was going to be 30 minutes long turned into a 75 minutes call, and I just could not quit. Began to get annoyed, restless, had to hop onto another call, manage work in between. And then it all just came out of my eyes. Still no reason at all. I could be PMSing, but does this happen to y'all?
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ADHD
|
Before I was properly diagnosed and treated I had a bunch of techniques to keep myself from procrastinating/keep me on schedule with my work.
After starting medication in the last month I’ve found it a bit more difficult to keep on track with my work, when instead i can burn half the day playing games and chatting to mates online.
So does anyone have some good tips to keep a healthy work-enjoyment ratio? Any replies are appreciated tysm!!
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ADHD
|
I’m so frustrated and even the littlest of things can trigger me. Just reading posts on here about relationships fill me with sorrow, loneliness, despair, anger, frustration. Ect. Sometimes I feel myself creep up to the edge of a melt down but I instinctively reign myself in. I want to let loose. I want to smash things with a sledgehammer. I want to beat the shit out of my pillow and scream and cry out at the top of my lungs… I need a reboot.
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aspergers
|
Today my roomie snapped at me. Usually, I'd squash him with a come back but I couldn't do anything as my brain was racing. Is this a feature of OCD? If yes, what should I do about it?
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OCD
|
This year has been a fucking mess. I've been referred to psychiatryuk, I thought for my ADHD medication, because I haven't been on it for years, but they're giving me ANOTHER ADHD assessment?!
WHYYYYY???????
I was assessed for ADHD in 2017. I *don't* need to be re-diagnosed.
I might have co-morbid conditions, and I want these assessed... not the fucking ADHD!!!
Honestly... does the world have it out for me or something?
First my Dr said she wouldn't refer me to be tested for autism because I have ADHD. Then she referred me to the local mental health team, for my other issues (trauma etc) and they wrote back saying they wouldn't see me because I'm not on ADHD medication... therefore, my doctor referred me to psychiatryuk. They said I'd been referred for an ADHD assessment.
So clearly, I have *already* been diagnosed with ADHD. I wrote to psychiatryuk telling them this, and I mentioned my other symptoms that are bothering me. The psych said I might need treatment for OCD/anxiety too.
But now they're assessing me again for ADHD???
Any of you guys dealt with psychiatryuk? What's the deal? I want to give up. There's a whole big questionnairre to fill in and I've already answered it, in 2017. Why are they making me do it again?
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ADHD
|
I have no anxiety to leave home but more so it stems from living with bats. I have lots of bats outside on my neighbours treee and they fly low over my porch to get to the fruit. They have the sound of Batman flying and are almost as big as pterodactyl. I feel so paralyszed and obsessed. I keep thinking why can’t I have a normal life or normal household. What if I go outside? I run the risk of getting attacked and getting rabies. I’m glued inside my home from dusk to dawn because their presence is destroying my life. It’s summer and I’m living it in hell. I can’t move or afford a new home untill I get into housing.
They are grey headed flying foxes.
This is only a issue from December to March, so 3 months I need to put up with this??? I have gatherings scheduled for 2022, how will I return home at 11 pm without encountering them and requiring rabies shots??? They carry lyssavirus and rabies
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OCD
|
I've always found it difficult to describe to people how wanting/needing to do something has little to no bearing on whether or not I do it, but I think I might have come up with a relatively quick and easy way to explain it:
"It's sort of like how people with depression don't get enjoyment from doing things they like(d), but instead of lacking the joy of doing it, I lack the motivation to start."
What do you think? As I'm typing this it feels like the sort of thing I maybe ought to think over a bit more before posting but heck it, Submit.
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ADHD
|
So my little sister was adamant that I should watch Arcane on Netflix, it was on my to watch list but admittedly I have a habit of never actually watching said list because I'm "never in the mood".
My sister really wanted me to watch it and so she put it on and asked me to pay attention. I was watching and it was very good, I knew it was definitely my cup of tea, but around episode 2; my partner would just interrupt.
He would just chatter, asking me to look at animals from the game he's playing, clattering dinner plates etc.
This sounds like not a big deal but the thing is, he doesn't always do this when he plays games, it always seems to be when I'm watching something!
He's a wonderful amazing partner but often talks ONLY during scenes with important dialog, now the average person can listen to him and pay attention to the plot. When my attention is pulled away however I can no longer hear the dialog OR him because I cannot focus.
It takes me ages to be able to focus on what ever is going on. I make a soft complaint that he's talking over important bits and then I just let it go, it's not a big deal. But then a short while later he walks in wearing one of my old pjama onesies and announces hes found it. Woo hoo?
I am smiling but getting frustrated because now I've definitely lost track of my attention, during another important scene. I'm trying not to be annoyed but he bends over and looks at me, covering the TV and asks what's up.
I just tell him that I'm trying to watch something. I say it as nicely as I can, my sister finds my frustration funny. Over all it's a dumb thing to get mad at but deep down I found myself to be so angry!
Later on I calmly explained WHY this bothered me, and that it's not his fault or anything but if he sees me invested into important parts of a show, to PLEASE not pull my focus away as it genuinely pisses me off.
He just sort of smiled and nodded but didn't say anything about it. I love him so much, he's wonderful but how can I deal with this better, I know I handled it calmly today but I'm not sure he understands how angry this actually makes me and I don't want to snap at him.
My anger comes from the fact that I am TRYING to listen, TRYING to give my full attention and for some reason it is always always at these times when he wants to pull that attention away to look at his game or something.
The thing is if he did this when I wasn't invested in what I'm watching, I would be fine! I like him showing me his gaming interests, but he doesnt usually, he often just games in silence when my attention isn't required.
It's very hard to explain but this just triggers instant anger for me and I really don't want to be mean, what can I do.
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ADHD
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Anyone tired of constantly second guessing whether your feelings towards others/situations are intuitive or a traumatic response?
It feels like I am gaslighting and second guessing myself frequently trying to figure out if I should trust my feelings and thoughts. I am frequently wondering if I should trust my feeling of feeling this person is unsafe due to intuition or is it my trauma/disorganized attachment talking.
I started seeing a new therapist and when I first met her, I was like I trust her and think it’s a good fit. But the next time I saw her, I started protecting myself and closed up and felt hesitant to trust her. I told her it felt like she didn’t trust me and she hinted towards questioning whether my interpretations are accurate of her feelings. She said she wondered if I was projecting my feelings towards her at me but she also told me to trust my feelings and listen to my body. I told her I agreed. The issue is, do I trust my feelings of a person not being safe when I feel that way about most people?
Ahh, this is tough.
I’ve been gaslit by whole life by narcs so I want to make sure i don’t gaslight myself. I want to trust my feelings and intuition.. but I also know my interpretations are not always accurate because I may see things a certain way due to PTSD triggers. Often I’ll check the facts but I am very intuitive and the facts don’t always have the full answers.
Ahh, it’s exhausting. Anyone relate? How do you cope?
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ptsd
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I've created a lifetime library of sincere responses. I've watched carefully for tilts of heads, facial ticks shoulder positioning. I listen for social cues. I wear my mask and mimick back acceptable emotions based on circumstance and experience. I'm not bad at it. people think me slightly odd. I can live with that. It has become easier over time in my limited social interaction.
My mother recently was diagnosed dementia. She is earnest and scared in everything. That's all I can see. I cannot read her. I cannot console her. She has so many needs. They are all easy and she can't do it. She's just broken now. I keep messing everything up because I don't understand her anymore. It's screwing me all up. I'm so tired.
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aspergers
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To provide some context, I am currently 24 years old. I was diagnosed with OCD when I was about 13 years old, although it was an obsession with cleanliness and handwashing. My parents luckily put me into therapy and I was largely able to overcome it. For many years, I was about as OCD-free as one could get. I would still occasionally get intrusive thoughts, but they were very easy to ignore. I never gave into the compulsions to wash my hands more thoroughly, or to go out of my way to avoid something that my brain had deemed “dirty.”
Now, to the present. After the pandemic began, I developed an obsession (and soon after, a compulsion, which I will get to later) about brain injuries. I have no idea why really. I have never had a diagnosed concussion, although like any adolescent I have knocked my head a few times in the past. Nothing serious, however. Despite this, for some reason, I started noticing the jolts/shakes of my head when walking. I would feel it in my skull with every step. From there, it quickly spiralled. Now, whenever I turn my head too hard, I notice immediately and my heart rate spikes and I become very stressed for a short period of time. The smallest things are able to set me off. The examples are endless, from my neck muscles twitching causing my head to move, to stepping off a curb a little too hard, to going over a large bump in a car, to getting startled and moving my head backwards. Lately, I’ve become even more sensitive to these types of things. Sometimes, I’ll pick my nails and the small abrupt movement of my arm will cause a sensation in my head, which feels as if it is moving. Sometimes moving my jaw too quickly will really bother me. Sometimes putting my head back on the couch a little too hard will really set me off. Typing this out, I realize how ridiculous it sounds, but at the time it feels like I am going to wind up with brain damage. I think my movements are fed by my obsession, as sometimes my head twitches now, and that never used to happen (or at least, I never noticed it before).
Sadly, this isn’t even the worst of it. Fairly soon after this obsession, I began to develop compulsions. If I do something that bothers me, I will often feel the need to repeat the motion. I have spent hours moving my head in a specific way, turning it sharply, or repeating a motion with my body that moves my head in some way (like sitting on a chair and moving my leg quickly).
I don’t really know why I’m posting this. Has anyone else experienced anything like this? I’ve tried looking it up online but I can’t really find instances of this specific obsession and compulsion? Does anyone have any advice? I feel very alone right now.
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OCD
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I was one of the unlucky ones who has suffered from Inflammation of the heart from the covid vakkcine I wish wish wish I didn’t get it as I never felt right about the whole thing but “trusted” everyone saying it was completely safe and ok. Exercise was the ONE fucking thing that would keep me sane and feeling “okay” now I’ve had none stop fatigued every day and chest pains for 6 weeks with who knows how much longer and just sitting inside most days while everyone’s out enjoying the end of lockdowns and nice weather. I absolutely hate myself for getting it when I knew it was a thing with the vaccine but though “it can’t possibly be me” this has made me completely suicidal as if severe depression wasn’t already bad enough.
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depression
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I’m just another clump of organic matter with no purpose or reason. Life drags on and is the same everyday with no variation. I’m incredibly unproductive and boring and a waste really. I will never achieve anything worthy of credit. I see people partying and generally having a good time and I do absolutely nothing despite having good friends and good social skills. I’m just so bored. Everyone around me is so happy and I’m just permanently depressed, I mean I hint it just to see if anyone cares but nope, not at all. My siblings hate me and I don’t really even fit with my friends anymore. I’m just another person in the 7 billion population world who will have no effect and not even enjoy their life. :)
I’m not even a sixth through my life and it can’t get much worse. F***
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depression
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Im thinking alot about doing things that may seem selfish to other people...Stuff like treating myself, buying nice gadgets and stuff for myself, and most importantly hanging out more with people who believe in me.
And what makes this even more necessary...is that I live with my Nmother and Nsister. Im surrounded by tonnes of haters who emotionally drain the life out of me. Ive been experiencing loneliness-based depression for years now.
I dont know why im like this, but I just cant make myself leave these narcissists.
I just emotionally cant get myself to Look After my mental health by moving out.
Its agonising to have to lie to my Nmother and Nsister inorder to avoid them starting yelling at me. I cant take it anymore. My character is so extremely based on integrity .
Ive tried thinking "i should do it for my future kids and family" , or "i should do it for the greater good"
It doesnt work. I have seen that I really need some physically present reason to begin taking action.
It maybe OCPD, may be Perfectionism, may be a Autism-related trait. I dont know... all i know is i need support before my MHealth collapses again.
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aspergers
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