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My compulsions are entirely things like mental reviewing, repeating phrases in my head, hoarding thoughts in my head, rethinking thoughts through, perfectionism, doubting and second guessing, extreme avoidance, rumination, things like that. Arguing with imaginary people in my head, self reassurance, comparing with the past, coming up with backup plans in case something horrible happens, rereading, validating my thoughts, invalidating my thoughts, god my inner head is just hell. But no one can tell. I just seem like a really spacey ditzy person because I'm juggling so many mental compulsions at once. And people just think it's quirky. They don't know how much I'm struggling and that's why I'm never "paying attention". So part of my obsessions is I think that I'm faking OCD. And it doesn't help that mine are just so internalized. I'm not saying I have it harder than those with external compulsions but I just feel really invalidated and defeated right now because I feel like my struggle isn't real. Not demanding reassurance or anything I'm really just ranting.
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OCD
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I’ve been suffering with intrusive thoughts for a long time and it’s recently become way worse. One of my obsessions is that I’ve abused or hurt someone in the past when looking after them and my OCD has literally tried to apply this to every interaction I’ve ever had with a child.
Over the past day or so, a particular intrusive thought has stopped causing anxiety and rather it’s just there - still distressing, but just sits there. At first I was like wow cool this doesn’t bother me anymore, but now I’ve started wondering if it’s because the intrusive thought is actually true? I know it’s not because if there was a part of me that believe that about myself then I’d be a total wreck. However, the ‘what if’ continues go round in my head.
Any thoughts or similar experiences?
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OCD
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I cant even keep up the motivation to do something I like. I failed at it, didnt put in the effort and now i feel miserable. I wish I had motivation to improve my life but its so hard doing it on your own, all i can do i just cry myself to sleep tonight.
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depression
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Are all Intrusive thoughts a set of preconcious thoughts which gets triggered in some situations?
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OCD
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I am a 19yo female who has been in therapy for OCD and anxiety related issues for almost 5 years. Things had been good so we decided to cut off the medication and continue spacing out the sessions.
But as soon as I (slowly and on the recommendation of my psychiatrist) went off the medication (serta 12.5mg on alternative days - I had brought it down extremely gradually) I started having these intense episodes of anxiety which included - disassociation, nausea and a complete loss of appetite. I had lost energy for almost everything and everyone. My psychiatrist put me back on medication and made it a little stronger than before. Presently I am on 50MG Serta (everyday) and ½ tablet of etizola 0.5MG every morning. He prescribed me an antacid for the nausea as well.
Now I was doing fine ever since I got back on the medication, but today kind of sucked. I felt like I had a hangover when I woke up (this has been happening whenever I have a bad phase of anxiety). I had lost my appetite today and didn't have the energy to read anything. (I love to read stuff). I kind of felt disconnected from everything and felt trapped by my own thoughts. I felt like I'll never be able to change my life or get out of therapy. I felt like my career will never work out and I'll never find out what I really want to do. I just, felt kind of stuck. Like I will always have a desire to do things but never the energy for it. Soon, I'll lose the desire too. I ate little today and couldn't do much, just spent my day talking to my friends and went for a driving lesson. It kind of feels like I am hurting inside and I am bout to cry but no tears come out. It feels like I am losing a huge battle but I can't understand what exactly is happening. Could someone tell me what I am going through? (Today I increased my medication from 25mg serta to 50mg)
I just hope this doesn't become one of those bad anxiety phases where this whole thing lasts for a week.
TL;DR I went off medication and now I have numbness, emptiness and have lost my appetite. Feel strangely lost.
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OCD
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I'm a lesbian. I'm cool with this! But recently I've had the most horrific intrusive thoughts whenever I notice boobs. I'm terrified that I'm going to end up staring at them. And sometimes it's like the more I don't want to look at them the more I end up glancing. I hate this I hate this I hate this I hate myself. I'm a virgin and I'm scared I always will be because I can't do anything sexual without worrying that I'm sexually harassing/objectifying/perving on someone. All the other intrusive thoughts I can fight off - WHY is it the sexual harassment ones that stick?
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OCD
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Tell me about a single day and how many searches on google about one specific topic that turns into multiple searches about so many things stemming from that one thought. The other day I looked at Judy Denches life and ended up on ground dwelling wasps, just curious if anyone else has internet research days and how their search goes from one single thought into 50 other searches
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ADHD
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Hi everyone, bit of background, I’m 51m, diagnosed 6 months ago and medicated with elvanse/vyanse 50mg upped from 30mg after the first month because it was wearing off at around 3pm, to cut a long story shorter, I’ve spent my entire life not knowing my direction in life or what I want to do as a job, constantly flirting from job to job when boredom or disinterest hits, the jobs I have done have just been what was available at the time I was needing work, with no thought as to if I want or would like to do it, just as a means of living and paying bills, making many mistakes in all the jobs I have done countless times. Now I’m medicated and had coaching sessions and have rebuilt my confidence and have a brain that can almost pass as workable 🤷♂️🤣 and have chosen a career I’d like to do that I would like that is constantly changing, outside, rewarding etc, i need a bit of advice, to gain the qualifications to do this job I need to sit in an classroom environment for 8 days for 9 hours each day and learn various things with varying topics, then take 4 exams in the final day, the problems I might encounter are these, even medicated I’m worried my short term memory will let me down, retaining new information is still hard for me, also zoning out still happens if I’m slightly losing interest which won’t help me in a classroom, I’m fine when I can be repetitive with things and it becomes second nature but won’t help me there and then in these few days, have any of you found how to improve your short term memory or how to retain new information, maybe by timing your meds differently, any help would be greatly appreciated, Thank you friends 👍🏻😁
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ADHD
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If you were misdiagnosed, how many times were you misdiagnosed and how did you finally get your diagnosis?
I'm currently being bounced back and forth between being told I have ADHD and being told I don't. It was originally brought up to me as a possibility when I started counseling towards the end of the summer, so I booked an appointment with a neuropsychologist who ended saying I didn't have it primarily because "I didn't show symptoms in childhood and did well academically".
After continuing counseling (I was moved to a new counselor), after several sessions with my newer counselor we somehow ended back up on the topic of ADHD and, according to him, I inadvertently described a history of ADHD symptoms in childhood - stuff like the inattentiveness and daydreaming - and we spent that session piecing together parts of my life and it all made sense, I had an explanation for what I was struggling with. He did his own diagnosis for me but considering he is a counseling psychologist, it doesn't hold up as well when trying to get treatment.
So then I booked an appointment with a psychiatrist to try to get treatment and that appointment happened earlier today. It was a horrible experience. I didn't get much of a chance to explain the things I had experienced and share my counselor's thoughts on the situation, and the psychiatrist basically told me I was "self-diagnosing" and that I was "looking for a quick fix". That led me to breaking down during our appointment and she seemed to be fairly frustrated with me, like one time she wanted me to look at something she was doing while I was very upset and when I didn't immediately look, she was like "can you look at me" but in a very frustrated manner - it felt like she was berating me.
Needless to say I've been an emotional mess all day because of this, and I no longer know what to do or think. It's tearing me apart.
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ADHD
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I was in a car accident where someone dragged me in my car a ways down the highway. I turned in front of this vehicle (thought they could see me) because this asshole was on my ass. So when people ride my ass while I drive it can totally trigger an attack. This specific time I noticed I became very enraged. When I snapped out of it I realized I was trying to chase down this car that was aggressively on my ass. It scared me because I don’t do that. What else could I do when I’m in that state of mind. I was like ready to chase him down. Anyone else experience extreme rage with ptsd attacks? It sucks a lot.
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ptsd
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All of the time that I've spent working on my mental health has taught me a lot about myself. One really important thing that I learned is that I'm more preoccupied with stress-relief than finding happiness or hope.
Talking to therapists can be challenging. They are constantly trying to map your symptoms onto a schema that they've encountered before. Depression is a really common diagnosis so it's understandable that they're going to try and find a treatment that reliably works. But sometimes in that process I feel like they weren't completely listening to me.
I don't feel hopeful but it's not because I'm missing all the good things around me. I'm very grateful for all the things I have in my life. I have a support system, resources at my disposal, etc. I cognitively understand this. The main issue is that a lot of the things I acknowledge as gifts, I simultaneously find no enjoyment in.
I have family, friends, I've had hobbies, I've done good and bad at school and at work. I've traveled to new places, connected with nature, been in love. And to be honest, I feel incredibly guilty that I've been given the opportunity to do things that people tell me are so wonderful. Meanwhile, I find no/very little pleasure in any of it.
My life is just a constant game of stress and relief. When pleasure is off the table all you can really do is try to find relief. Personally, I like ASMR a lot.
Again, I know when good things are happening and when bad things are happening based on what people tell me. Emotionally, I get no satisfaction or fulfillment. Then, the key problem is, why continue onward except for the sake of others. I know that they don't just support me but I support them. I know what stress and suffering feels like. I don't want to be the cause of that in other people. It's not fair but I guess I just have to keep going so that other people can be happy. Not a very satisfying answer but it's the best one at this point.
Was I really going to find a satisfying answer anyway?
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depression
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As of recently I am starting to feel really bad again. I feel sad like all the time and there is little to no positiveness in my thought processes. The only time I can get out of this shitty state of mind is when I am exercising (Which I am limited to currently because of injury). I feel like I have no time to do anything except work and like not starving, which also gives me a negative outlook for my future.I won’t be able to get into any of my dream jobs due to red-green- colour-blindness and working 9-5 in general is just too much.
Also, I can’t get over my ex-girlfriend who broke up with me over a year ago. Because of this it's difficult/impossible for me to meet new people on a dating basis. Especially the missing physical parts of a relationship are what’s bugging me. There is also a fear of getting dumped again and feeling like this again.
It has gotten so bad that I wouldn’t even be mad if something would happen to me in a car accident or something. At best the suffering would end, or I would not have to work or so.
I am contemplating getting some psychological help, but it is really hard to get therapy in my country (like waiting periods of at least half a year and I’m not willing to spent even more of my “free” time on that, I don’t want to be “marked” with mental problems too, since there are some professions I might want to get into in the future where this would be an exclusion criteria.
Also, I am afraid that it would be like the last time I had a one-time session with a psychologist. She told me my condition was just due to the covid lockdown and I should just go smoke some weed or get drunk with my friends. It was like: “You are not bad enough, stop wasting my time”
Thanks for reading through this. If you have any thoughts or advice for me, I would be happy to get them.
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depression
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Hey everyone!
I’m sure many of you know that there is a sort of “common” symptom of autism that regards the senses being much more sensitive. Usually it’s sound and touch from what I’ve seen. While I do have sensitivity in those areas when it comes to many things, I don’t feel like it’s as bad as other people’s sensitivity. However, I have a question regarding eyesight sensitivity.
Throughout most of my life, my eyes have always been sensitive. My devices are always set at the lowest brightness, and I genuinely cannot understand why companies allow brightness to go as high as it is in most devices to be honest. It hurts even at half brightness. Bright colors/neon colors/shining glittery things always hurt to look at. That’s why I’m so fond of pastel aesthetics and clothes, since they don’t hurt my eyes. I even get chastised by almost everyone for the fact that I like closing my windows and using few lights most of the time. Another problem that has come up a lot recently is that I cannot physically stand to play certain video games for more than ~30 minutes. Minecraft, Roblox, and GMod come to mind. It really hurts cause I love Minecraft and certain Roblox games. My boyfriend really loves to play these with me, but I can’t stand to play them for long before the back of my head starts aching. I know it’s the games, because when I stop playing, the headache goes away. Even if I take off my headphones (which do sometimes cause pain bc I have a big head ;-;), the pain is always there after some time.
What I mainly wanted to ask was if anyone else here has had this kind of experience, and whether or not autism can make your eyes that sensitive. It would help explain a lot of things regarding how sensitive I am to certain sights.
Thanks! :)
(Btw, I have tried turning off motion and shaking settings in these games, and it still didn’t help)
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aspergers
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Hell, i have been dealing with ptsd for childhood abuse for a little bit now but then I was in an abusive relationship and then another one and then in the past couple years two people very close to me died one of which was the only other person I have ever met that had PTSD and I am in a position where I really need to work but I can barely function normally without work stress and the only jobs I'm qualified for are jobs that are very public heavy or very physically demanding and most places I find aren't very understanding. I just turned 19 and I just I need to start my life and I really need to be in a place financially where I can have things that are mine and thing that I can control.
If anyone has any advice for entry level jobs that I should look at or ways of dealing with PTSD at work I would really appreciate it I feel very stuck and no one in my life really understands how difficult it is. Thank you.
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ptsd
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I've been date raped multiple times, namely by my ex I dated three years. I want to work through it and put it behind me, but when I try to open up in therapy, I go into some kind of panicked dissociative state and lose myself. It's like I get choked up and start hyperventilating; the world gets spinny and my field of vision gets smaller; my body is paralyzed with fear. I feel like I'm back in bed with him. I feel like I'm being choked. I just want to fade away. If I can't talk about it without shutting down, then I don't want to talk about it. But how can I get over it if I can't deal with it?
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ptsd
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Hello, this is my first semester on meds, with the roll out of in person classes, I’m getting C’s and it’s a accomplishment, Fall 2019 semester I stopped showing up during finals week and failed everything. I’m currently studying for finals. I’m feeling confident these are baby steps and for once I do not want to self sabotage. I hope you pass your finals, I know you got it in you. Don’t give up. Godspeed
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ADHD
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My brother (22) came out with having deep depression and suicidal thoughts. after losing his job and being kicked out of the college dorms. I have gone through a deep depression and suicidal thoughts my self so I feel like it’s my job to help him. but i’m bad at it. When i think he wants space he wants affection and when he lashes out to hurt me I do get hurt instead of being able to see through it to him hurting. I keep messing up and now he thinks i don’t love him and he told me that THATs why he want to kill him self. he has no friends to lean on just family but he’s spent the last 22 years making us hate him (he fights with us on everything from morality to how we eat our food) I do love him and i want to help him. but i’m stupidly useless in this situation. i dont know what to do. How can i change. do i need to change?
I’m also scared that i’ll relapse by helping him and i think that’s stoping me from reaching out. Dose that make me a horrible person. probably. so please some one tell me what o can do to help my brother.
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depression
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21F. Suffering from severe OCD and am on medication for the same. So basically my mom and I have been super close and we kiss on the lips. Sometimes after we fought she would be angry and I would try to say sorry and kiss her and sometimes she would not want me to kiss her but I would still forcefully kiss her. We just had a fight and it got me thinking about this and now I feel like I molested her becayde I forcefully kissed her. Did I?
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OCD
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I was diagnosed with ADHD earlier this year and told that eating was majorly impacted by it, which totally makes sense, considering my eating habits have always been all over the place.
Lately I’ve been having an exceptionally hard time eating while experiencing other health concerns and I’m finding the only thing keeping me eating is by storing non perishable snacks in my room so I can see them and remember to eat something.
Anyway my room has crumbs everywhere and all I eat are pop tarts so if anyone had advice on how to remember/encourage yourself to eat that would be awesome
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ADHD
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ive dealt with depression and whatever other mental problems i have all my fucking life but its so fucking awful right now its never been this bad and i have no idea how to get out of this. i know i need medication and i will get it but god this fucking HURTS. everything upsets me and everything feels so empty even people. everyone just seems so focused on things that shouldnt matter and all media is bullshit and nothing fucking makes any sense to me. i feel like ive grown to understand perfectly what the world is and i fucking hate it so much. i dont want to be so aware of how this all works. it hurts me so much. im so fucked up and my attachments to people are so unstable and i never tell people about anything i feel in blatant terms because i cant be annoying and be a downer. im so stuck and im spiraling every fucking day i just want someone to grab me and say its gonna be okay thats all i fucking need every day but im alone and i cant open up or find anyone in real life to wake me up from this cycle.
love how a rule in this sub is apparently not to post uplifting content. like i get it sure but can we acknowledge how fucked up that is. theres no hope to find here
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depression
|
Hey all! I’m posting to get some feedback/personal stories from everyone. My son is 10, he is diagnosed with HF ASD (I’ll call him Jones, but that is not his name). Honestly other than some issues with motor skills and processing language issues, it wasn’t so obvious when he was small. The last few years there have been obvious signs of what he struggles with, but it’s always morphing and changing. So the last 3-4 months there has been a BIG change in my opinion.
Jones is having some toileting issues. This isn’t the first time, but this is way different. He previously had some bed wetting around age 8 when a parent who had abandoned him reappeared. He worked through it. Shortly after that he actually tasted his feces and my husband and I could tell Jones had been playing with it like finger paints.
But the last few months, Jones has been pooping his pants. Twice at school. Several times at home. He is hiding it, joking about it, and then when we can get him to be more serious he gives a couple of potentially “valid” reasons.
But first- I want to say a reason this is concerning is because he will not say anything and sleep in his poopy underwear or wear them all say at school (while his teacher/nurses try to figure out who it is). To us, it’s a health concern. Also, he never had the issue.
So his reasons: “it feels good, I like to squish it around between my buttcheeks” and “it feels good when I hold it in, then I have an accident” sound like stimming. He recently discovered touching himself, and I’m thinking it’s just all a whole bunch of new sensations. We’ve talked to him calmly about why he can’t poop himself. But nothing has made headway or hit home. I don’t have a prostate but I hear pooping is pleasurable for males.
Did anyone struggle with this? Can you speak to it? Any suggestions? How did it turn out? What did your parents do?
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aspergers
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Today my depression spiked for no reason like nothing bad has even happened but I just felt super shit, anyway, all of a sudden I kinda snapped out of it and feel ok... WTF is wrong with me
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depression
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i (m16) was having a bad ocd day a few weeks ago. i struggle with pocd and harmocd, i’ve been gradually getting over those themes and im proud of myself! however, there are days where i can barely go an hour without doing at least 7 compulsions. anyways, i went on tiktok to distract myself (bad idea), and found someone saying essentially that anyone with “intrusive thoughts” pertaining to pocd and harmocd should “unalive themselves.” and they showed a bullet as well. yes, they said intrusive thoughts exactly, im not imagining things. and that just made it all worse. i know what i deal with is disgusting enough already, im fucking aware. there’s not a day that goes by where i’m not in physical pain because of these intrusive thoughts and my compulsions. anyways, now, i still can’t get over it, like the post won’t leave my mind and my ocd is getting bad again. is this cycle ever going to end?? is there any tips you have to help me ground myself and to ease my mind a little bit? no reassurance, obviously, just ways to deal and move on from this. i can feel myself slipping back into my tough ocd years from the past. and it’s scaring me. i want to get out of this rut before i get stuck again.
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OCD
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So I’ve been watching a couple videos on mindfulness and how to accept intrusive thoughts as something that is not a part of you, something you can’t control and something that doesn’t define you now this made sense to me and I’m trying to incorporate it into how I manage intrusive thoughts however I do have one question. Sure I can’t control intrusive thoughts but what about when I analyse the intrusive thoughts and add more onto it. For example I have an intrusive thought about kicking a football and I have a fear of footballs so it triggers me and I go to analyse the thought and put myself in different scenarios in my head and I essentially make the thought x10 worse, doesn’t that mean that they’re my thoughts then? Sure I didn’t create the original thought but I created the other two from analysing which mean they’re my thoughts correct? This part is confusing me the most and holding me back from full mindfulness
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OCD
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Especially over the last couple of months my drive to do anything has completely gone and I feel almost empty inside, all the stuff that I used to find fun and enjoyable just feel like a chore. I do constantly think about killing my self but I know that I will never have the balls to do so and the fact that I know I would be hurting my family but I don’t know what else to do I just want everything to stop. I’m tired of everything,getting out of bed just to do another boring day doesn’t feel like it is worth it I’m just clinging on to different events throughout the year oh I’ll just make it to Christmas it will get better after then but it never does. I’m just done with life.
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depression
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It gets to me. It’s like a rising worry when I’m just minding my own business.
I can’t handle my or others farts as well.
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ptsd
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TW: sexual abuse
My brother has sexually abused me since childhood. When we moved houses, the third floor had its own bedroom and small kitchen and my parents let me have it. Not because they understand my PTSD, but because they know I end up in the hospital for self harm “when I don’t get what I want”. I just want privacy and a safe space.
Anyway, I’ve been to psychotherapy with the help of an NGO for free. It has ended more than 9 months ago, and I think we left at a good place. I felt very normal and functional and somewhat happy.
Over a week ago, I heard my brother abusing our dog so I came down to defend him. I didn’t know it would trigger me, and the sound of his voice makes me want to lock every window and door in my room.
I didn’t have a lot of food here to begin with since I always got my food from downstairs. I’ve lost 5lbs and about to completely run out of food, but I can’t bring myself to step outside.
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ptsd
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What are your fears? What are you afraid of will happen if you don't do your compulsions?
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OCD
|
Today when I woke up, all I could think about was driving to every pharmacy in town and buying the strongest painkillers I could; coming home and taking them all. I was living it out in my mind like some weird fucking fantasy.
The second half of my day, I fought against it all.
I still feel like shit.
I haven’t given up.
I’m taking that as a win.
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depression
|
Everytime I read a post about someone older than me having trouble in life I get pretty stressed. This isn't to call them out but ADHD has affected every part of my life, and logically I probably will experience something similar later on. I'm pretty sure my mom has ADHD inattentive and honestly we grew up in a poor broken household. She did her best, and I'm grateful but honestly we shouldn't even have a home, considering our shitty income, we are lucky. I'm worried that no matter what I do, I'm going to crash and burn. I'm doing pretty good in school and have a part time job, but I know that I'm not the same as other people my age. I spend most of my time studying because I have to compensate for my terrible attention span. (I've been procrastinating on reddit lately but honestly I need something to do). I know that its not good to compare yourself to others, but the truth is, I will have ADHD for the rest of my life, and its going to suck until society changes (low chances of happening). I feel like everything is so difficult for no reason, and as I get older I'll only have more responsibilities to pile on. Reading this post I sound pretentious but I'm pretty terrified of what can happen. And I don't want this struggle of working towards something to go to waste. I'm trying my best, but I doubt that its enough to support myself.
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ADHD
|
So I’m an aspie who has a lot of physical health problems, for example my digestive isn’t strong which makes me sick very frequently. As I am getting older, I feel more physically sick and don’t know if I will be able to hold a 9-5 job? I am currently a university student who also has academic challenges. Is there any hope or chance for me to be able to make a sustained living? I am extremely worried about my future because of my physical health because it’s not going so well. On top of that I am a slow learner so it takes me a lot longer to learn things that many people learn quickly.
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aspergers
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!!!!! TRIGGER WARNING! This contains the death of a loved one and a more or less detailed description on a traumatic event and its effects. If you are in any case sensitive to thos topics I advise you to better skip this and probably leave my content entirely. !TRIGGER WARNING !!!!!
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder. Usually caused by a traumatic event. I suffer from it as well. My trauma is my moms death when I was 15. It happened six years ago.
So... it was a saturday morning. I planned on sleeping in, until I heard something crash on the floor. Then my dads voice screaming my mothers name. I turned around, thinking thaat she maybe fell from the strairs. We live in a big house with two floors and a garage. The stairs were made from massive and polished light wood and with socks you could easily slip and slide the last few steps. But my dad didn't stop screaming. I got worried and got up to check on my parents. My cousin, who was staying with us during her teacher training, came out of her room. “Did you hear it too?“ she asked, I just nodded and then went down with her following me. I will never forget this moment I layed eyes on wjat was happening. My mom was laying on the floor, not moving, not giving sign of life, not doing anything. She just layed there on the floor in the treshhold to our living room. My dad, still screaming her name and then for help while trying to revive her. It was like a dolly zoom. Everything around me and my parents became blurry, I could only hear his screams. I was paralysed, just staring at them. Next thing I know I'm sitting crying in a chair in Dads office, my cousin calling an ambulance. I still could hesr my Dad screaming things like “No“, “Somebody call an ambulance“, “Oh god“ and so on. He was still trying to revive her. From this point I only remember fragments of what happened. I remember one moment sitting myself on Moms hip doing a heart pressure massage (sorry if that's the wrong term, I'm german), trying to help my Dad reviving her. After this, my memory gets blurry for a while. Then I remember my cousin pulling me to my room, holding me toght cuddling on my bed, while I was just numb and crying for Mom like a baby. She wouldn't leave my side the whole day, which I am very very thankful for today. She made breakfast for herself and me and brought it to my room, always making sure I am not going down there again. Of course she couldn't blend out Dads screaming. I think a part of him died with my mother that day.
I was numb. Even in my room I just saw my mom with my dad over her, trying desperately to bring her back. I don't even know when the police and the doctor arrived. But after a while, I was so numb I lost any track of time, my dad came up. My cousin and I were cuddling on my bed, she was holding me while we both criend our eyes out. Not knowing weither a loved one lives or dies is an experience I don't wish anybody to make. My Dad came in, his face full of tears and his voice so raspy. He sat down with us and looked me directly in the eyes. “The doctor finished her diagnosis.“ he said shakingly. Then the words that changed me and my whole life came out.
“Mom was already dead for three hours when I found her. A thrombosis wandered from her leg to her lounge and caused an embolism there.“
I felt like puking, crying and screaming all at once. I looked in his eyes, mumbling a few No's. Then I fell sobbing into my Dads arms and we both cried and sobbed. I don't remember if I really screamed, my cousin told me I didn't while I think I did but maybe my voice was just so broken no one else could hear it.
It felt like my whole world lost its gravity. I was falling. Very deep and very fast. I just remember then one of Dads colleagues drove us to my grandparents so we could tell them about Mom the same afternoon. Again I was just numb and cyring. Like I was in a trance of sadness. The same evening I just remember my Dad calling my school to give me some time of to grief.
Ever since I can't watch a scene in a movie or a series where a parent role dies and the reaction of the kod character is shown realistically. (SPOILER ALERT) Tokyo Ghoul is a good example. After watching one specific scene with a friend, I got a full on mental brealdown, I felt just like that day. We had to pause the series and it took me at least an hour to calm down. Also I get random flashbacks of the moment, either I just hear my dad screaming for my mom or I see the entire scene again up to this day.
At least I don't cry anymore, when I see a kid playing with their Mom happily, like I used to the first year without her.
So that's my PTSD. If you have one to I hope you will be good and that your live is still moving forward. Please don't give up. It's okay if you have to sit down and cry if it gets too much, but live is not over yet. So please keep fighting even tough it's hard.
Thank you for readibg through this and I am sorry if I have triggered anything or ruined your day.
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ptsd
|
I just had one of the worst panic attacks of my life in the middle of Target.
I had a very overwhelming start to my day, resulting in me needing to get tf out of my house. As I was pulling clothes on in a panic, I thought “Welp, time to kill myself!” And I told myself, “No. It’s almost Christmas, we’re going Christmas shopping. You are not ruining Christmas by jumping off a bridge.”
So I drove myself to target and got some things. I couldn’t find a doll my baby cousin wanted, and it all caught up to me. I got lightheaded, dizzy, tunnel vision. The whole works.
Instead of hurting myself or running out of the store like I would have a few years ago, I went to self checkout, bought my stuff, went to my car, and drove myself to a restaurant I’ve been wanting to go to.
I didn’t let it spiral, I didn’t indanger myself. I took myself to dinner and got a relatively healthy meal that I’m enjoying as I type this.
I might be doing terrible, but I’m strong and I’m not letting my brain kill me without a fight.
We can do this.
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depression
|
Fuck that I don't trust her anymore, 20 minutes trying to convince her that I'm ok so I can go home. I'm done this is too much I'm so sick I'm not going anymore I don't need therapy I need drugs and I'll die soon anyway who cares I'm done.
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depression
|
I’m going to see a psych in a couple weeks and worried that they will just tell me to get more sleep and stop being stressed out. I’ve tried looking at my sleep problems again and it’s hard for me to get much over 6 hours of sleep a night and my last psych believed most of my problems could be solved by “sleep hygiene”. I’m taking a low dose of lexapro for depression/anxiety since I stopped seeing her.
​
I mean I don’t have problems being late for things and stuff it’s more that I’ve realized that my entire life is structured around keeping “occupied” so my brain will buzz adequately. I’ve gotten two advanced degrees and have a decent job so it seems like I can’t actually have problems right? But it freaks me out of people watching me too closely because I’m obviously always distracted and not doing what I’m supposed to be doing and the most obvious sign of this stuff is my house is a fucking mess and I can’t deal with mail. It’s gotten worse over the pandemic I think because I’m more used to people not watching me so much. I don’t know. I’m convinced they’ll tell me to just stop drinking coffee and exercise or something.
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ADHD
|
I'm a licensed mental health therapist, so my job entire day is talking to people, not something that many people associate with aspergers! But I'm lucky in that I'm able to read facial expressions quite well, intuit emotion, tone of voice, etc. Which I know many others are challenged with. Even though I'm not terrible at casually socializing, I feel like it's easier to talk to people in therapy because I know my social role and the rules, unlike casual socializing. I've seen other therapists on here with aspergers/autism as well as teachers, etc. Is it kind of the same for you, and if not, how do you function/thrive in your highly social profession?
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aspergers
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Hi everyone just starting anafranil, did it work for anyone ?
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OCD
|
Quest 2 + Beat Saber = Healthy Crack for the Soul
Never thought I'd be addicted to exercise but damn if I didn't just get lost for two hours working out. I've always been into video games cause they were ADHD brain candy for me as a kid and so far vr is scratching that same itch now except I'm sweaty and sore and losing weight I've been trying to lose for years.
If anyone here has the opportunity to even test out one of the more active games on a VR setup I highly encourage it.
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ADHD
|
So I am still pretty new to the autism community, having gotten diagnosed less than a year ago. I learned pretty early in my research after getting my diagnosis that “functioning labels” were heavily discouraged by the community. Makes sense. Autism is a spectrum, after all, not a gradient. Someone who struggles in navigating the neurotypical world might be in a better place mentally than someone who doesn’t “seem” autistic outwardly but might need medication for anxiety/depression resulting from being on the spectrum. Neither is “better at functioning” than the other, both need external help. One is just easier for neurotypicals to see.
I don’t remember where I saw it, but I saw someone suggesting the term “high-masking autism” as an alternative to “high-functioning”, and likewise, “low-masking” for the opposite. I was curious to see what others in the community thought about it.
Is it a good alternative? Is it exactly the same as “functioning” labels? I genuinely want to know your opinions. I feel like calling myself a “high-masking autistic” is a way for me to say in fewer words “I’m autistic, but my ability to mask as nerotypical means I don’t have the same needs/experiences as someone who doesn’t or can’t mask.” But I can see how that might be seen as the result of internalized ableism, trying to say “I’m autistic, but I’m not THAT autistic”.
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aspergers
|
So I know coffee is probably not an entirely great idea when on ADHD meds, but it seems to be working for me right now. On weekdays, I have it mostly after breakfast, and first thing after the meds on weekends.
I’m just worried I might not be reading too much into the signs of the meds not working/ wearing off sooner.
How did you know? When do you have your coffee, if you do?
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ADHD
|
I'm writing this because I feel so frustrated with myself right now. I had been dealing with intrusive thoughts throughout the day, and there was a compulsion I did that took a long time. I eventually managed to get in the clear for a few weeks by doing something I had seen recommended online: verbally yelling 'CLEAR'/'DELETE' (they also offered snapping your wrist with a rubber band, but I don't have any).
Now, however, that in and of itself has spiraled into a compulsion where I basically have to mumble a paragraph of words and phrases to myself or write it down, and I just feel so screwed. Has anyone else tried to use this strategy, only for it to backfire? I hope I'm not alone on this.
|
OCD
|
He wished me well and said he hopes Im safe and healthy.
Im really high so apologies if this doesnt make sense, but this just happened and I feel very all over the place about it.
I was homeless a while back, and spent much of my time couch surfing. A friend offered me a place to stay for a while with his mother and as I would end up on the street otherwise, and i trusted him, I agreed. I told his mother Im autistic, and ill, and have suffered immensely leading up to my homelessness, alreqdy had PTSD from child abuse. I explained my issues and opened my heart to her, and she insisted countless times it was all okay, she understood, it was no problem at all, it was no problem at all.
I was psychologically tormented there. I was screamed at for any and all things, from getting ice out of the fridge to leaving a crumb on the table to a crumb being on the table that wasnt even mine. I was degraded and verbally eviscerated for not making eye contact (autsim, i explained, she said she understood), for having a 'tone' (autsistic, i dont understand 'tone'), for walkijg too fast or too slow, for making any noise whatsoever, for eating and for not eating, I was demeaned for not eating for I physically cannot eat due medical issues, and food I could eat was placed in front of me and forbidden. I starved.
The friend who brought me there told others I was dramatic, that it wasnt that bad, to ignore me. He encouraged others to turn away from me. Refused to acknowledge me and belittled my pain.
But, he was abused too. Badly. By her. He later left, got therapy, and approached me to say that he was so, so sorry for how he had treated me, for how I had been treated, for what had happened to me, for how much pain i had gone through. i told him that my experience in his mother's house compunded on my PTSD and the effects of my time there haunt me, but that i know he was abused and didnt understand that that torture wasnt Normal. That he thought I was just weak. But that didnt mean i wasnt traumatized amd deeply, deeply betrayed. He said he understood and wished we the best in life, amd was so, so sorry.
It feels so strange, seeing him message me again. Wishing me well, hoping Im safe. He still thinks of me. He still regrets what he did and what happened to me. I feel so weird about it. I feel relieved to know he still feel regret for what he did, I feel happy that he's grown and had become empathetic and he cares and is sorry, and i forgive him. But I feel guilty for being glad he feels regret, still a little feeling that maybe i deserved to be tormented and betrayed for being so useless, but also so sad that he still thinks of me and can't let go.
But also..... I cant let go. I can never let go. I have PTSD from that time period, from my treatment. I didnt even scratch the surface of wht that woman did to me, wht my time there was like, how I felt. It still haunts me and probably forveer.
I want him to know that. I want him to be sorry. I want to regret the pain he caused me. But I also want him to know I forgive him. i want him to grow. I want him to move on. And I want him to be safe and healthy, too.
I feel very conflicted. Sorry for the long post. I just think I needed my thoughts out there in the world.
|
ptsd
|
So I've been trying to put a stop to my rumination, however by doing so it's causing me insane anxiety constantly throughout the day.
Any explanation as to why this is happening?
|
OCD
|
I’ve been taking care of both my great grandparents both of which raised multiple cousins and aunts and had 3 kids of their own. Long story short 3/4ths of them become addicts and or completely lose touch. Now gramps is gone after years of mental decline from my mothers boyfriend hitting him in the head. He died in a nursing home and I hate myself everyday that he died there. And now grams can’t walk and has to use a wheelchair, not to mention her own depression. They’re both in their late 80s and so far me and my brother are all she has one of her daughters rarely helps and the others a recovering addict. I love my grandmother so much but it’s just been so long of watching my only parents and family I have left slowly wither away alone and depressed wishing the kids who aren’t me were here instead.
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depression
|
So, like many of the posts here this is a long story. I'll do my best to highlight things and keep it shorter. This is a brief summary of 20 years of my life. I am currently in therapy with the VA once a week and have been discussing my diagnosis and how it affects people around me and there for me. I have a tendency to hold those close to me at a distance, and if they do get close they will eventually hurt me somehow. I understand everyone makes mistakes, and I am not infallible myself but I have a really hard time truly forgiving people who do me wrong. It has lead to me being lonely, bitter, cynical and angry in general. I don't know how to get over this, it's been my mentality for more than half my life. I'm 32 btw.
I was on my own at 15. A few years of being hit by my mom lead me to fighting back when I was big enough, and resulted in me being kicked out. I spent a couple years til 17 homeless and feeling forgotten. She had me arrested and picked up by the cops for truancy. I was treated like a degenerate by the police. Like I was a criminal. I never hurt anyone innocent (military exception), don't drink and have never done drugs. I always try to do what I believe is just and fair. I never wanted to be like my mom. Anyways I won the court case and was emancipated.
When I turned 18 I joined the Army, looking for work and security. I ended up being an Abrams Tank Crewmember. I actually did very well, was promoted to Sergeant in Iraq at 20 years old. I earn my medals and rank, busted my ass. I've been in firefights, sniped at, blown up 3 times and seen many of the worst humanity has to offer. Dead children and innocents. Headless people for different beliefs. Kids playing in sewage and garbage. I was married while overseas and not a week after my first IED encounter I called back home to find my at the time wife was sleeping with her ex. I got married before deployment like many of my peers, but I figured I knew this girl since high school, we'd be fine. Whatever, I came back to the states different again, even more disconnected. I stayed with her for a bout a year because I thought I genuinely loved her and tried to make it work, but I couldn't bring myself to touch her. We split right before I left the army.
By this time 6 years of service I wanted to see what else I could do. I felt like I had enough adventure and wanted nothing more than a quiet happy life. I now feel that was a mistake because I cannot adjust to the civilian life for nothing. I have a hard time because people have no idea what you've endured and most don't seem to care anyways. My job didn't transition well to the work world but I've had quite a few random minimum wage jobs trying to make ends meet. Over time I was unable to keep my possessions, selling things to pay for things like rent, food and my truck. I spent another 3 years of my life living in my truck with my dogs when I could no longer pay my rent. I maintained a job however, and kept working. I've never begged or asked for money.
At the end of this period I had my shotgun loaded. I was alone, have been unable to find love since my wife and seemed to tread water forever. I wanted to kill myself in that truck. I was trying to find someone to take my dogs on facebook, some of my army buddies knew I loved my dogs and put two and two together. My old LT stationed at Ft Hood at the time drove down to pick me up and I lost my truck. They had planned to ferry me across the states to Ohio where I have another Army buddy who would let me stay with him. So now I was in ohio, with a job at a gas station...I applied at the local sheriffs station and was picked up as a deputy given my background. It was a hard job, I worked in the jail. I knew where most inmates were coming from, and had respect there and was making decent money. I bought a used mustang and moved into a little apartment I could afford. I bought a bed and slept on a mattress for the first time in years.
I was ready to date again I thought, things were picking up after some help and hard work. I found a girl, former navy. Figured we had a lot in common. I'll admit I made the mistake of jumping all in. She had a son, and I offered to take care of them every chance I got. She wanted to move in with me after 6 months or so so I paid to break her lease and she ended up moving to Idaho or something with her parents after a week. Said it was because I wasn't religious, but I think she used me to break her lease, 2200 bucks, my hard earned mini safety net after so long having nothing. So yes I was upset but kept going. Found a girl online and we hit it off. She lived a couple hours away in Pennsylvania but we drove to see each other every week for 7 months. She ended up pregnant and asked me to move to her.
I don't know why I do these things, constantly chasing love or acceptance. Looking for a connection on deeper level with someone but I gave up my Deputy job and apartment. Moved to her and got a job as a groundskeeper earning much less. Thankfully I didn't have any bills outside my beater stang so I was still green on income. She miscarried our baby and I know it really hurt her. We would argue and she would take her day out on me being in a bad place herself. I did my best to understand but I was already building those walls I mentioned without even knowing it. We were married and moved to North Carolina for a new start. She pressured me into going to the VA for help. It's been a couple years of tests and appointments, people now suddenly telling me to have feelings when for 30 years I was told boys don't cry, don't complain, don't ask for help it's weak. I was diagnosed officially last July. For the first time I started receiving help for my contributions and sacrifices. I had a hard time doing this and of course she and I seemed to be in a cyclical argument. She hurt me, id hurt her, and back and forth for a long time. There is no doubt in either of our minds we care for each other but we seem to be incompatible at this point. were both too broke to be there for each other. She moved out a few days ago...and I'm thinking it's over.
I am so incredibly numb. It's seems all I feel now is anger and resentment. I am mad at her, and myself. I am mad at the world and everyone. I keep to myself and don't go outside. I am writing this because I am encouraged by my therapist to reach out to people. I know not everyone sucks, just seems I've had more than my fair share of shitty people. People trying to kill me, or using me or trying to manipulate me. I honestly don't even know what to expect from posting this. Maybe just to get it off my chest. I don't speak of this to anyone...and maybe it'll help. Thank you for reading. Sorry it was so long, I tried to make it as short as possible.
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ptsd
|
My wife is super cool for the most part diagnosed 2 months ago understands what Aspergers is behavior etc
However she does make comments here and there about certain behaviors and I remind her of my mental health
I would say she’s 90% cool but the 10% bothers me
Since this is new to both of us I remind myself not to let that 10% bother me I’m sure she’s going thru some shit too having a husband in the spectrum
I guess looking back I can recall my parents being really hard on me often making me feel like they did not accept me lots of physical abuse etc
They obviously didn’t know I had no control over so much.
So now I am extremely sensitive over not being accepted
Would appreciate any feed back from those who are married thanks
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aspergers
|
Is anyone else over friendly at first with most people but then still socially awkward and ultimately push new friends away?
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aspergers
|
As stressful as the pandemic has been, the upside for me was studying online. It helps with my anxiety and I don't get sensory overload like I do when I'm at uni. It really showed me I can do well and have some semblance of good mental health, because I'm the happiest at home without all the crowds and distractions.
I asked my uni if I could stay studying like this, watch lectures online, or even come in for the lecture alone and do the labs (I struggle with attending labs the most) at home, especially since I been doing it this whole last year and done the best I ever did at uni.
I was able to come off my anxiety meds too and am happy like this, but they said it's not possible because the course isn't meant to be taught like this and said that if they made this adjustment for me they would have to make it for all.
I feel shitty after this. I think they could do this for me with minimal effort but online isn't an option going forward. This makes me want to drop out, tough I know I can't.
I'm not dealing well with prospect of going back to campus. Has anyone else found distance learning helpful?
Anyways, just wanted to rant if anyone even reads this.
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aspergers
|
I've worked really hard to get more organized over the years and I thought I'd made a lot of progress. I'm professionally successful, dependable, and generally on top of my shit. Haven't lost a wallet, phone, or keys in years. At least so I thought. Now for the second time in like 3 months I've just lost my wallet again. I'm fucking furious at myself. I thought I was past this. Not sure what I'm looking for here other than just sympathy and reassurance that I'm not a lost cause.
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ADHD
|
This group of around 8-10 boys in the neighborhood are running up to my door and window, knocking loudly, then sprinting away and hiding. They've been doing it since 7am and it's been going on for almost 12 hours on and off. Over the ten years I've been living here there has been so much vandalism and violence in this neighborhood. I'm afraid they'll break in or vandalize my car like people have done in the past.
I have cPTSD due to severe childhood abuse, and one of those things was neighborhood boys doing this (starting when I was 6) breaking in trying to scare me, and hurting me, usually in a sexual way. I know I'm an adult now but I feel scared and powerless. My partner tells me to ignore it and I know that is good advice but it makes me feel more powerless. Ugh. I want to chase them down and yell at them. I don't want to hide like I used to.
|
ptsd
|
im on my gap year and im applying to colleges right now except that I can’t seem to write my personal statement (common app essay). I just fucking can’t. My ideas are all over the place, I can’t stick to any and somehow the words aren’t coming to me in a way that is appropriate for this essay. And I’ve spent so fucking long trying to write it but I can’t. At this rate, I’ll end up like last year. I wrote my personal statement last year on the day my first university application was due. I don’t want to repeat it at all, but at this rate I feel like I’m headed down that path.
Please, please share your experiences/tips I could use any advice at this time. I’m desperate.
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ADHD
|
I'm brand new here, but I'm so tired of suffering. I'm hoping someone might be able to relate, as most OCD stuff I've read doesn't ever talk about what I'm about to share. I have no idea how to deal with this and feel so hopeless. I've always felt so much shame so I haven't talked about this much. Thank you to anyone out there who is willing to read/respond.
My OCD comes out in various ways but the most prominent is while dating / in relationships. In particular, I have a huge belief system that I destroy all romantic relationships, and another belief that most people are lying about who they are and it's only a matter of time before I find out the truth (they're manipulating me or just simply can't be trusted for some reason).
When dating, what happens is my brain completely takes control and starts hearing every detail they share as proof that they can't be trusted. I don't have control over these thoughts, they just attack me. I can be listening to someone's story and anytime they say something that is even SLIGHTLY inconsistent, my brain takes hold and starts me on a spiral. It can be the tiniest of things and I have so much shame about it.
For example, I was talking to someone I'm sort of dating recently, and the person made a comment that didn't quite add up and I was confused by. When I asked about it, she clarified that she was using hyperbole. In a normal non-romantic hangout, this wouldn't trigger me even remotely - maybe I'd be confused but I'd let it go or make sense of it somehow. Like, I get that people (myself included!!) often use figures of speech or speak in superlatives to make their points and it is totally meaningless. In a friendship I'd assume the best, come to some understanding, and just move on.
However, when dating, this kind of seeming inconsistency feels extremely significant and horrifying. Even though my rational mind understands this is a really common way people communicate, it doesn't matter - my mind has already wrapped itself around this little incident and has begun to spin out, believing this is proof the person could possibly blur the facts about something that will really matter at some point, and they aren't to be trusted. I have zero control over the spinout.
So, my mind gets obsessed, and then what happens is I feel like I need to clarify what the person meant so that I can know I can trust them. This is where the compulsion starts. Even though I've already asked for clarity, my mind wants me to ask again. It feels absolutely VITAL in order to move forward in any sort of contact with the person. So usually what happens is - I ask for clarity and the person clarifies and it makes so much sense and I'm awash with feeling better and trusting them again. All is great! But then eventually, the mind starts again, and it usually either finds something new to obsess about (some new inconsistency), OR (more frequently) finds some aspect of their explanation confusing, so suddenly wants to ask even more clarifying questions. This goes on and on and there's no end in sight. It really feels like there is no amount of clarification in the world capable of satisfying my brain. I feel imprisoned by my mind and like there's no way out.
This pattern has broken up so many of my relationships. The incident I get obsessed about always differs. I have been an utter victim to this pattern, totally powerless to change it. It makes me so sad. I've read that the way to stop having intrusive thoughts run your life is to see them and just let them float by, but I'm not sure how to do that when the thoughts feel SO REAL. Like, if I'm genuinely confused, it feels natural to want to ask for clarity to stop being confused. It's very hard to just ignore that thought/desire. And, sometimes in relationships, asking for clarity is actually legitimate and not related to OCD.
I'd love to have a partner, but it feels impossible because my brain feels like it's working against me.
I have done a LOT of therapy - all kinds. I'm in 12-step and have been sober for almost 8 years. I have a solid spiritual practice. I meditate and pray daily. I have a TON of friends and huge community. I have no issues making or keeping friendships. It's only when things get potentially romantic that this happens. I'm really beginning to lose faith.
If anyone out there can relate - I'd love to hear your stories. What has worked for you? How your life has changed for the better? What do you recommend? Really, anything - if you have anything to share that you think will be helpful - resources, stories, whatever - please respond. I'm losing faith quickly.
Thank you, Reddit community!
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OCD
|
Hey guys. I'm around 3 weeks into my treatment with 30mg Vyvanse daily. I try to take it consistently at 9am with my breakfast. I've noticed I'm getting a lot more done but mostly feel pretty much the same, which is what you want.
However, some days I get the euphoria and stronger than usual effects (usually after a good nights sleep and good diet). Sometimes it feels like it's not working at all (usually after the opposite). Is this just my brain not producing the dopamine in the first place for the amphetamine to inhibit the reuptake of? On the days it's not working, I feel very tired from 4pm onwards and become pretty useless. Any ways to get the maximum bang out of my buck? I've heard meditation is also good.
Also, any tips in sleeping consistently? I don't use my computer after 8, and try to get to bed by 10.
|
ADHD
|
Hey there,
New here. I’m in my final year of college after struggling through 6 years of Fs and working to make up lost money and time.
I was not at all prepared for how much of a beast ADHD was going to be in my life, and wasn’t tested until I was 17, 6 years ago now. Only now have the findings of that report (serious dyslexia and ADHD) have really come to a head and I’m just curious if it makes sense to go back in for testing.
I feel like I may have gotten worse in a lot of ways with these problems I kept avoiding dealing with. I also just feel more equipped to interpret any findings from a diagnostic test.
Is there anyone with experience or opinions about going through these procedures in young adulthood?
TL;DR:
Really grappling with the beast of ADHD after a long 6 years of failing through college. Curious about anyone’s experience getting tested again as an older person.
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ADHD
|
What the title says, been using Google calendar actively for a few weeks now, and it's really helping me not overcommit.
I've been quite booked time-wise recently, so i needed to offset somehow, normally i only have a few appointments a week.
Hoping i keep the ball rolling on this for a good long while, even when i am less busy.
It's helping my time perception a lot. :)
I know it sounds silly, but i used to have partner help me with all of this.
So this is a huge win in terms of being independant for me.
|
ADHD
|
This is gonna be a long post, because I just wanna vent out everything. I'm sure people here are more understanding and empathetic.
Okay so 17(M) here, 2021, has not been a kind year to me. And I've just been overwhelmed with negative thoughts which are weighing down up on me. So I never really had friends, I tried. Like a lot, but I never made any fulfilling and long lasting friendships. Either people found me irritable, ignored me or took me for granted. And ever since the quarantine my life has been getting harsher each day. My close friend, doesn't put any effort into being a friend. He rarely initiates a conversation or is just always stupidly busy. And my other two friends are out of town. I'm stuck here all alone, since 2020. It didn't really bother me that much at first, because I had a lot of interests, but ever since quarantine, its all gotten old, lifeless and stagnating. All my passions and hobbies don't do anything for me, I barely have the motivation to do anything anymore, on top of that I have troubling sleep patterns and am an overthinker. I barely meet my only friend. Like once a month, and its similar to making an appointment. And due to being stuck at home, I can't even try to make new friends. I'm losing my mind. Even my fantasy world, where I'd find escape and drown myself into has gotten old. I just don't feel good anymore. I see everyday going by worthlessly, me doing nothing, not having the means to change, and nobody caring one bit. On top of it, I'm a chronic overthinker, I tend to over-analyze everything and somehow convince myself that "its probably not anything good"
I met a girl this year, she was nice to me, we vibed a lot. But I think, I became way too dependent on her for my own happiness. So now that her texts are getting less frequent and drier, I feel way worse. I just don't feel the same connection we had. Like I was not on socials for a week, she didn't even bother to ask, why i was not there. It makes me so envious and resentful to see a group of friends bonding, cheering each other on, making memories, while I don't record an instance of this friendly affection being directed towards me. On top of that I hear, the advice of "make new friends or start loving urself first or don't be too dependent on someone else for your happiness", but that's hard man. I only had that female friend, she kept me sane this whole year, and now that she is suddenly being so quiet, its hurting even more. I'm so sick of putting on this face of me being fine. I'm consumed by this sickly feeling, no matter how much i try to distract myself, I feel this episode of negative feelings daily. I don't think that I mean anybody to something, nor what I say or do amounts to anything. I feel like no one would ever reach out to me on their own or initiate contact with me. I feel like a desperate clingy loser, who has nowhere to go. I feel like a second choice. I feel sick.
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depression
|
NSFW Possible Trigger:Reference to shooting
Hi,
This is my first time posting anything on here, but I just feel like anyone hears me because I truly have no one to talk to right now.
Long story short I went through a shooting last year. It wasn’t a big one and sometimes I just get worried that somehow I made it up. So I read articles about it over and over. Commit his name to memory. Watch the video of right before it occurred. And I end up driving myself to a panic attack and to be honest I have no clue why I do this. It makes me feel 10X worse once I’m done, but I also feel like I need to prove to myself like it did happen.
Does anyone do anything similar? Am I just going crazy? Is there any hope that one day I’ll be okay?
If there’s anything wrong with this post feel free to take it down, but I truly feel so alone and just want someone, anyone to hear me right now.
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ptsd
|
i didn't stop googling since i started in the morning, i see patterns in my thoughts and behavior that make me think i am one but i am not sure and i am scared to be one without knowing it
|
OCD
|
Today , right now as I text I broke down sitting in the car parking lot of Target. I almost started to burst in tears while in the store , but was able to maintain myself.
Life is so hard for me to cope with emotionally and mentally . I try not to complain because I know things can be worse. For years I’ve been trying to fake it until I make it and I don’t think I can keep that up anymore. I don’t have anyone to talk to ,because they either judge or express my feelings to others. I’ve turned to alcohol and I’ve tried multiple times not to fall back into that life. My insecurities have lead me to allow men to take advantage of me in every way, along with family members , just to take this pain away , or to feel something other than pain, I’m not quite sure yet.
I have two kids and I’m a single mom , and I’m just trying to make sure they are okay before I finally get the courage to say fuck this world. I’m just lost , and I know people are going to have alot of negative things to say , but at least they say what they feel instead of hiding behind a false narrative.
Thank you for reading
Regards,
S.Rose.
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depression
|
This is my first time posting here or joining any kind of forum for OCD, but I've been suffering since my earliest memories, to be honest. Right now I'm struggling with a new theme, but of course, everything underneath (my compulsions, my core fears) are following pretty much the same path. I've been growing increasingly concerned with the health of my neck, ever since I popped it for the first time two weeks ago and then again by accident about one week ago now. I've gone through the ups and downs of completing compulsions only to circle right back around to uncertainty again.
In the past three days alone, I've become concerned with whether at one point I had a TIA (mini stroke) or an anxiety attack, if I'll have to listen to my neck pop forever (which any permanent health condition gives me \*serious\* anxiety), if I've permanently mucked my neck/head forever and it's all (literally all) I can think about. I'm trying to resist the urge to go to the ER (because that bill!!!!) and get an MRI for reassurance, because I get nervous thinking about what I may have to do for the next reassurance when that doesn't work anymore.
I'm just feeling quite alone, none of my friends really understand the mental toll it takes and how real everything feels just by thinking it or acknowledging a possibility of something and then how responsible you feel + the dread...I'm exhausted.
|
OCD
|
Hi there. I can’t take a wide range of meds due to restless legs :( my psychiatrist is suggesting a lamotrigine trial. Has anyone had experience with this? I would go ahead and try it but there is a risk of a deadly side effect that is slightly concerning me. If anyone has experience w this med for ocd I’d appreciate your stories and insight!
|
OCD
|
idk if that title made much sense but in all what I mean is I’ll be fine and want to be into things and be super excited and wanna go on dates or do a whole lot of hobbies and then BOOM I just hate everything. Idk why it happens but I’ll be so happy and then just suddenly not be attracted to anyone I like anymore (this can go from dates, celberty crushes, w/e just in general) and I become so sex repulsed and angry. I feel this need that I HAVE to be attracted to them again or like I have to have the same type as my friend does so I can relate more to them and be even closer. I know Imm allowed to have my own interests but like I just end up not caring, and if my friend likes something I don’t or don’t care for I get angry?? (not directly at them btw this is my inner self) like I get angry I’m not also attracted and that we arent on the same page anymore. Idk I’m not making much sense but I also just lose intrest so fucking fast, I’ll be so happy for just a sudden drop to occur and I feel like it might be bc of my ptsd (my moms boyfriend beating her up, somewhat sexual trauma) but like that was so long ago why cant i be normal and just continuously like something. I think I might be bipolar but i dont wanna speculate tbh i feel likeni have to many diagnosis and that if i do im just looking for attention or faking one of my diagnosis, idk idk idk
|
ptsd
|
Hey, uh
I was wondering if any of you've had a similar experience:
I was diagnosed a few years ago in uni with mild ADHD when I was struggling to prioritize my course work, get anything done on time and pretty much failing. I was also diagnosed with depression and I put most of my efforts into tackling that with counseling, excercise and *copious escapism*
I pretty much forgot about the diagnosis, thinking it's likely this new trend of calling everything a mental illness nowadays. (As is a common belief in my country)
Now, a few years later I connected some dots from my childhood, my university experience and my current struggles of being very distracted, unable to tackle any project to completion or build good habits. So I brought it up with my therapist and we went through the diagnostic manual used in my country, according to that I'm nowhere near ADHD, as none of my symptoms are extreme, I can often sit without fidgeting, and I've managed to complete school, university and hold down a job. So I dropped it.
But I can't drop it completely, cause what I hear from online resources like this subreddit hits very close to home. So I'm curious, what would you do in this situation? Keep trying to power through, trying unsuccessfully to stick to lists, apps and little hacks? What else even is there to do besides medication which I won't be prescribed or CBT, which I don't think is a thing here?
Thanks for reading, and I hope you have a lovely weekend!
|
ADHD
|
Hi friends. I just feel so heartbroken and frustrated. I have pure O and I feel like ocd bleeds into everything in my life and ruins it. I’m struggling with my contamination Intrusive thoughts and I will literally have a panic attack if I touch the wrong thing or don’t wash my hands/can’t wash my hands or get something on me. My rocd is killing me because I love my boyfriend more than anything but it’s like my mind flips everything on me. How can I go from feeling like I want to spend my life with him to doubting everything and thinking we should break up? It feels so unfair. I feel like I can’t enjoy anything and ocd contaminates my entire brain and anything that could make me happy. It feels so defeating. What’s the point? Will I ever be happy? Or normal?
I just really need some sort of encouragement to keep going, sometimes I feel so isolated because of this
|
OCD
|
General TW- talk of trauma, gender, sexual characteristics, depression/suicidal, intrusive thoughts, and the general content could just be overwhelming for some
Also sorry it’s so jumpy I’ve been writing this during a panic attack for 30 minutes and I still feel awful.
I (m17) have a lot of trauma I’ve been through that was consistent for my entire life and I’m still honestly not out of the woods even now. Its probably resulted in cPTSD but I’m undiagnosed so it’s only possible, thought I think likely. The only thing is it’s not typical trauma, nothing bad happened to me physically, there were no isolated events, it was just consistent and there all of the time from day 1 of my life. I am intersex (XY with internal testes and ambiguous genitalia) and when I was born I appeared more female than male so they had sent me out that way and I was raised female. I was called a girl, people called me she, I wasn’t allowed to cut my hair until middle school, people thought I was biologically female, and I had to use the girls bathrooms and changing rooms. Of course I had the perfect storm of things going on that made me seem like a typical female (gynecomastia and pseudo-menses), yet I was not because I am male. From as young as age 5 I remember always telling people I was a boy and I kept begging to be referred to as such. I told teachers and other kids I had a penis but my parents thought I was girl. I was ignored, dismissed, and laughed off. My dad was nice enough to hear me out to a degree and let me do cub-scouts with my brother, participate on boys sports teams, and took me out to do typical father-son activities but he still called me his daughter. It wasn’t enough. I broke down in health class multiple times because I had to attend the girls portion of the class. I skipped gym all of the time because they wanted me to change in the girls lockers, I just walked the halls and hid around. I used the boys bathroom whenever I could in public or at school and while that was relieving it didn’t do much to curb the damage done. Eventually I just stopped going to school most of the time because I knew I would be perceived as female and I couldn’t deal with that, so I stayed home. I was miserable all throughout middle school and most of high school, which I dropped out of because I was tired and ready to move on to better things (yay for early college I guess). In 7th grade my parents actually started to listen to me (mainly my mom) and took me to a doctor who suggested I might be transgender. It made sense at the time so I just went with it, even though it felt off and not right. I was put on hormone blockers and stayed on them until the end of my freshman year of high school. I gained a lot of weight and because I was barely starting puberty my voice was still high. I looked androgynous and sounded like a girl. People who didn’t know me gendered me correctly which was good, but most already knew who I was so I was incorrectly perceived. My freshman year I remember a junior guy gendering me correctly and consistently in my civics class and it was probably the thing I looked forward to most cause he would talk to me about typical boy shit like boners and sports, and it was finally someone seeing me for my real gender. Then of course a classmate who knew me told him I “used to be a girl” and he kind of stopped talking to me after that. Never gonna forgive that classmate that’s for sure, since she was wrong and he was actually right. At 14 and 15 I still sounded like a 12 year old boy (which of course 12 year old boys sound like girls) so that sometimes set people off who didn’t know me, but most of the time I was just assumed younger (which I guess in terms of pubescent stages I was, so I’m not offended by someone thinking I was 12 at 15, especially cause they gendered me right). Thankfully that’s not the case now as I’m finally going through puberty (started at 15 when I started testosterone replacement therapy). I look and sound like a normal guy my age now. I only got my intersex condition confirmed a few months ago which is good to finally have knowledge of but also now I’m stuck with everyone I knew before thinking I’m a trans guy so that kinda sucks since I can’t explain the reality of the situation. That’s how it still kind of lingers but at least I’m not viewed as a girl anymore, at least not to my face...
TL;DR - I was raised female as a biological male with an intersex condition and it was traumatic
Now onto how it’s affecting me currently. Of course I’ve been horribly depressed for a majority of my life because of the trauma I went through but after dropping out of high school and getting away from the people who gendered me incorrectly I started feeling a lot better. I finished my GED, started community college, started working out, got a job, things were good. Even during the beginning of covid it wasn’t unbearable, things were fine until around December I would say. I also have OCD so that also plays a part in this, it may even be trauma induced I’m not sure, but it went from manageable to hard to manage in that month. However since the beginning of the year it’s gone from hard to manage to crippling, on top of trauma attacks and loneliness with no outlets to vent outside the internet. I’ve developed something akin to body dysmorphia is the only way I can really describe it. I can’t look at my face or body without thinking I look like a girl or a young man who looks like he used to be one. I can’t hear my voice without thinking it sounds like a girls voice and in my head my inner voice still sounds like my pre pubescent self. Objectively speaking I look and sound nothing like a girl, there’s no “tells” that I was once perceived as one and theres no indication that I’m biologically female in any way. But my mind says otherwise. It says that my ambiguous genitalia are normal for a female and that my penis is just an enlarged clitoris. It says my testes aren’t actually there and I’m just wishfully thinking because I don’t want to be a girl. It says my gynecomastia is normal female development and not abnormal male breast enlargement. It says I’m biologically female even though I am objectively not. It tells me I look female even though I objectively don’t. I can’t be around women or trans guys for long without getting uncomfortable because of those sort of thoughts, it’s triggering. Looking at photos of myself or hearing voice recordings from before I started puberty is triggering. Those triggers and thoughts send me into a panic and I break down and cry just hoping it’ll end and that someone might be able to help me but nobody ever does. I just suffer alone with nobody to talk to. I’m constantly paranoid that people view me as female or that they secretly call me “she” behind my back. I’m always afraid people don’t actually view me as male and that they would lie if they were asked. I was constantly dismissed and ignored as a child when I told people I was a boy and I just get so overwhelmed by how I was never believed and nobody addressed my concerns until it was far too late to undo any damage. It wasn’t fair and I get so angry sometimes and shut down over it. I always have the urge to cut off everybody I know currently and rebuild my life as I want it so I don’t have to doubt how others perceive me. I’m constantly obsessing over and checking my body to make sure I’m still male and look male and because of my distorted perception and intrusive thoughts most times acting on those compulsions don’t even help. My perception is so warped that it’s basically in another reality and the paranoia is getting to me. Most days I don’t even want to speak or be looked at by anyone, not even myself because I’m so scared of how I’ll be perceived. Whenever I get triggered and panic I feel physically sick. I can’t whisper or speak quietly because it sounds like a female voice, why I really don’t know but it’s probably because most guys revert to their falsetto when they speak quieter or whisper since it uses less of your vocal chords. I have random crying spells brought on by seemingly nothing but just remembering the past and those intrusive thoughts. I’ve been sleeping a lot more than usual just to try and escape them. This trauma has ruined me and I can’t take it anymore. I’ve been rapidly declining for weeks now and I’m approaching being borderline suicidal because it’s gotten so bad. Things have gotten bad again and I can’t even tell anybody because they just wouldn’t get it. I feel so broken and I need help but I don’t know where to start.
TL;DR- I’m suffering too much and just about ready to let it all go
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ptsd
|
Sometimes I wish I could fall asleep and make up with my past self, tell him to not befriend the guy who will exclude you from everything and make you want to kill yourself every night by telling random chicks i like them, posting embarrassing videos of me on my story, making up lies about me to seem even more of a loser and be his depression relieving punching bag. Tell him to get off his fucking tablet and play a sport and not grow up to be a literal twig. Tell him to have the balls to go up to other people, sit at their lunch table, talk to them outside of school. To tell him to not be yourself, because in todays age if your not yourself your “weird”, a “band kid” or an inside joke to the popular kids who weren’t themselves.
So I don’t wake up to a few Snapchat notifications but 0 texts, sitting scrolling their everybody’s story watching them at a bonfire, a party or just hanging out with their friends in general every night while I probably interact with my few friends outside of school once a month. I can’t cut my friends off because everywhere I look they’re there, one of them is friends with everybody yet doesn’t invite me to anything, so I know if I distance myself it will only be worse. I hate sitting down at the lunch table next to rapists and creeps who ruin my reputation even more but it’s better than distancing myself. My sisters calling me a virgin and posting me on their story about embracing things about me, or making group chats with all of the girls in my grade telling them about my mental breakdowns, anger issues that are CAUSED BY HER, and making me seem like the loser I try to hide from myself.
|
depression
|
I started having my GP prescribe my Adhd meds after my Neurologist left my insurance network a few years back. They recently sprung a requirement for an in person appointment every month before prescribing and said it was due to new regulations. I think I smell bullshit and feel like they're trying to squeeze me for more billable office hours because no one else I know with a stimulant scrip is getting this from their doc's. I can't find anything online about new regulatory action, am I missing something?
|
ADHD
|
I had no friends since Kindergarten because everyone thought I was "weird", and I didn't know how I was supposed to act like the others. I had come from a progressive pre-school where children with special needs and neurotypical kids were all put together, and I fluorished there. But everything changed when I went to Kindergarten in an exclusive all-girls school. I tried to make friends but didn't understand how to even when it came so easily in pre-school.
I got bullied a lot and just didn't really have any friends. My dad used to pick me up really late as well, so I'd often stay with the Guidance Counselor and she was really great. Even though I was fawning and trying to make her like me, she was just really nice and made me feel seen.
I still think back to how horrible that transition from pre-school to Kindergarten was for me. I was still loud and outgoing, but there was a part of me that also became withdrawn. I tended to talk a lot. I don't remember what I talked about exactly. But I know I just talked a lot.
I used to think it was the effect of trauma since I've had a history of child abuse (all the kinds), but it still doesn't explain how I just suddenly didn't know how to act and make friends when it came so easily and naturally for me the year before. I don't know.
But the thing about me was even when I had no friends all these years, I kept going back to guidance counselors. Each year we had a different guidance counselor, and I would just stay in their office and play but mostly talk. When I told my own therapist this, she was surprised because most kids think of the Guidance office as a scary disciplinarian place that you'd only go to if you were in trouble. It was my safe space where I felt seen. Where things made a little more sense.
At around Grade 5, someone finally befriended me. We're still friends. She says she likes me cuz I'm funny. I honestly don't know what makes me funny. Sometimes I just say something so brutally honest that everyone thinks I'm funny. But I'm really just being frank. I find jokes and puns and shitposts funny, of course. I just don't purposely do it.
Anyway, I guess I just wanted to get this off my chest somehow. I don't really want to ask for anything. Maybe someone can relate and comment down below.
It just hurts I guess to know that I was in so much pain without being fully aware of it and no one was noticing how weird it was that I had no friends and talked to the guidance counselors all the time and sometimes teachers most of the time, and no one questioned it?
I guess things are better now. I've accepted my hyperempathy. I cry when someone else cries. I just have a hard time responding. Like I feel you but also uh, what should I tell you?
I sometimes try to act like my therapist and remember the things she would tell me. But honestly, I constantly have to check my face in the computer screen to make sure it contorts properly cuz sometimes I feel like I only have three faces: happy face, pouting face, and straight face. And I need to work on the kind smile and empathy face. Sometimes I just get so consumed with staring at my face and making sure I'm responding appropriately that I'm not paying as much attention on the speaker, which is just not great. I want to listen, but I also just can't control my focus sometimes.
I also have friends now, just really few. I actually feel real connection with them. I don't fawn as much. I still try to be happy. My happy act with them because it's what I've been doing my entire life and don't know how to not do it. But I try to show empathy when they feel non-happy things. It's just not my forte showing the kind of care I feel for them. I hope one day when I take my Masters in Counseling Psychology, they'll train me to respond better. I can learn :)
Also, frick TV. I realized some of my behaviors came from TV which I thought were normal but were actually perceived as rude, and I wish that was more clear when I was younger instead of being rewarded in TV. Sometimes I still mistake being outgoing with being rude. It's so hard to not be rude when I have such a big personality and don't know what is ok and not ok when there aren't strict rules about it especially when I'm told to be competitive, I go for a win at all costs kind of attitude which is apparently rude but only sometimes. And it just confuses me. And I wish knowing what is rude was and is much clearer. But no. Everything has to be based on the context and the people, and it just doesn't make sense.
Anyway, rant over. Hope you all are having a lovely day.
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aspergers
|
I’m at a point in my life where I need to consider a career change, possibly including getting some certifications or even going back to college! So, let’s share what we do, how we manage to do it with ADHD, whether or not we recommend it, and what other career paths we’d be interested in hearing about.
Career
> Audio Editor. For my entire audio career, I’ve been freelancing AND I HATE THAT PART. Audio editing itself is enjoyable, gives me an opportunity to be creative, and allows me to work both in teams and by myself. I mostly edit audiobooks, and that can get tedious sometimes, but is mostly work that is fulfilling.
How it meshes with ADHD
> It can be hard sometimes, particularly when I have to work on projects that feel disorganized before it’s reached my desk. I’ve found that I keep an internal checklist to get everything completed, but I could probably do with writing it down. Editing audiobooks is sometimes a slog, but I find that playing mindless games that don’t require reading is enough to distract my brain from wanting to go do something else as I listen through. One benefit of having ADHD while editing is that I’ve experimented a lot with my editing technique and that allowed me to find the best processes quickly. The team I work with values my experimentation and often tell me that they’re glad I have found ways to speed up everyone’s productions.
Do I recommend it?
> As a freelancer, no way. There’s not enough money and too much competition for anyone who isn’t loving in an entertainment hub. It’s much more like running a business than it is being an editor. If you live in Atlanta, New York, Las Angeles, or anywhere else where entertainment is a major business sector, do your best to get in with an editing house instead of working for yourself.
Other Career Interests:
> Marketing, Business/Medical Administration, Computer Science/ IT, Logisitics
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ADHD
|
I was not diagnosed with ADHD, but I have all the symptoms of it, it's so fucking obvious, but somehow it's just because this is how I am and I also am a teenager, so clearly I am normal... What to do? I just can't, I spend day after day on my phone stressed out that I can't learn, and I also have no space to do it, I don't have my room, I feel hopeless and depressed and stressed.
I guess this is just a rant, I am sorry.
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ADHD
|
Im not diagnosed with anything other than Anxiety (social ;))
And i wouldn't wanna auto diagnose myself wrongly, but i cant physically and emotionally go to a therapist right now.
I just feel like doing nothing a day long I've missed school a bunch, i don't even know i lost almost all of my friends,i feel sad and at night i have these deep thoughts about killing myself the planning and I've even planned it, I don't even know maybe im just a psychopath, i cry myself to sleep most of the days, even tho at daytime im "happy" but im really not, and my esteem keeps dropping cause im trapped in this circle of I don't do anything so i feel bad but then cause i feel bad I can't do anything
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depression
|
i'm 16, male and made this account just for this post.
okay so like, prior to 2020 i had zero indication of POCD whatsoever, in fact, i thought OCD was just me me being like "haha i like cleaning houses". i'd like to point out that i have in fact consumed a shitton of problematic stuff like rape, incest, pppedophillia in furry nsfw but neither had the intention of actually committing such things in real life nor looking up human counterparts of the same fetishes. I never noticed this as a problem apart from a few intrusive thoughts that never bothered me all too much.
then, 2020 came and i started dating someone who was a year and 3 months younger than me. i was highly paranoid regarding his age after seeing all the callout posts on Twitter. but sometimes i have talked sexually with him and regretting it months later. what does all of this have to do? had a salty break up then immediately dated another guy because my hormones are insane who had told me that he was 14 turning 15 later that year. even that made me paranoid but this went too far as we both illicitly sexted and sent nsfw photos of ourselves. then, the first hint of pocd struck me, everytime i tried imagining him i usually imagined someone a bit more younger than a 14-15 year old would be. "okay that's weird but idc" i said to myself, then all of the sudden i started noticing that i'm consuming much more furry shotacon than i had prior. "that's weird" i thought. then all of the POCD schlick came i can't look at children without pulling an ugly face, you know the drill.
fast forward to now, my POCD has kinda relaxed a bit but what i find weird is that, i don't find a problem with furry shotacon and consume it nearly daily, but if the shotacon looks more closer to a real child or is just a human i'd start going "ewwwwwww" and start rolling on my floor. there's also that whole shlick where my thoughts keep asking me to look up c p only for me to react in disgust. oh yeah, i also really despise human lolicon/shotacons.
this has bothered me for so long, i like furry shotacon/lolicon but not human ones and i find that pretty odd
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OCD
|
Just crossed a item off my to-do list that had been there (and expanding) since March. It, in fact, did not take 5 mins like so many other ADHD impacted tasks. The 12 hours over the last 4 days to finish and send a single summary email was worth the pain. Now I won’t be carrying this item into the new year. Phew.
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ADHD
|
Do you know any person who has POCD but still have children of their own.
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OCD
|
Need advice on how to deal...
Love my husband literally SO much and would never actually want to be unfaithful. Problem is I'm BADLY triggered by pretty much any other attractive male. In real life, tv shows. Etc. Because they'll start showing up in my thoughts. Like, usually not in a sexual way though. Just I guess normal thoughts, and I guess I wonder what they'd think of me. Almost like validation in male attention, but NEVER wanting anything beyond that. This will happen for days at a time and it's highly distressing... leaves me feeling guilty, because I love my husband so much. I try to get rid of the thoughts. But a lot of times they just come back, and then I feel guilty for "not trying hard enough" or something like that.
Thoughts?.... tips?
Is there any actual therapy for this type of thing?
Edit: in case I didn't make it clear, I don't like these thoughts. I want them gone. Even the normal thoughts that are not sexual, which is MOST of them. Like... this is so bad I am tempted to avoid any situation which there may be an attractive person, and you can probably guess about how possible that actually is.
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OCD
|
How to exercise with ADHD with no effort
As you are walking to the grocery store, hold some weights in your hands, or as you are walking somewhere, even walking around the house.
You can simply droop your arms to the ground, and hang the weights down at your sides. Thus, there is no effort involved, no timing involved.
I feel like ADHD is a "time disorder" along with difficulty in starting complex physical routines.
We might struggle with stuff like, doing press-ups, sit-ups, but we can succeed at stuff like simply drooping weights to our side.
Yesterday, I was holding some heavy bags coming back from the shopping centre, and it felt amazing. The exercise of just working the muscles like this, gave me the "juice" to really get stuff done that day. It felt amazing.
Consistently I find that when I have to do things that involve timing out my own exercise, that I can't do it. Sure, that's because we lack a timer in our heads.
So, we just need to do exercise that involves no timing at all, such as, walking, while holding weights to the side.
Also note, how holding weights, and it feels like they are getting heavier and heavier and heavier, until your arm is going to be "ripped off". So, this is the ADHD "gun to the head", "escalating ticking down timer" kind of concept.
This is precisely the kind of timer that we respond to. It's like in the game shows or the video games, where the timer gets more and more intense as it ticks down to the end. Same with these weights, getting heavier and heavier until you give up.
It's a bit like the World's Strongest Man competitions, where they carry a heavy thing while walking, as long as they can, before dropping it in exhaustion. That's how ADHD exercise should be like.
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ADHD
|
I've been wanting to increase my dosage from 20mg to 30mg. That way I can either have higher focus and productivity with the 30mg, or I can split them and cover most of the day.
I began 4-5 months ago on 10mg, then went quickly to 20mg because I could barely tell I was on it. Soon after I went on a leave from work for mental health reasons (severe depression and anxiety), and have been working on that while the ADHD took a backseat.
I want to request an increase to 30mg, but my anxiety fears it'll sound.. suspicious? Like I don't wanna rely on meds my whole life, but it's a decent difference when I'm on 20mg, and I know 30mg is the sweet spot.
If you asked your psych for an increase how did it go and what did you say?
P.S. I still feel my relationship with my psych is semi-formal, I don't feel relaxed enough to just straight up ask lol
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ADHD
|
im a 16 year old girl and ive been diagnosed with depression and anxiety for well over 3 years. i know i havent reached adulthood yet, but it’s frightening to me. i dont have a part time job, my friend group is decreasing, my grades are going down the shitter, and im isolating myself more than ever. i keep on forgetting to eat, drink, shower, or brush my teeth. my room is cluttered up with clothes (dirty and clean), trash, and leftover food. whenever i see people around school having a good time or cutesy couple online, i have the urge to puke. i cant even go in public without having to drag my mom along without feeling paranoid. i havent been to a therapist in well over 2 years and im scared to make an appointment. my stomach churns everytime i wake up. living at this point is exhausting and my future is bleak. i dont know what to do anymore. i want someone be there for me so that i can trust.
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depression
|
Hello! I'm curious and also very confused. Idk if this is just a fixation I have at the moment but has anyone here realized they wanted to pursue med later in life and have ADHD? I'm concerned because I'm still in my early 20s but I'm really thinking about pursuing this one because I'm probably a late bloomer and all that but I realized this is something I think I really want to do. If yall could give me any advice or tips. Like is it already too late for me to pursue it? Is this just a fixation maybe? Idk :(
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ADHD
|
Hi fellow OCD-ers,
I would like you to share your success in reducing (or even eliminating completely) your OCD.
What did help you, how much time it take to get there, did you do it alone or had support, anything which helps get a feeling of the journey.
Hope this makes it easier for fellow OCD-ers, seeing that there is hope.
Thanks!
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OCD
|
I quit my job and smoked my last cigarette. All I do is sleep all day and stare at a screen all night. I cant do anything consistently. If Hell is real we’re living it. I was bakeracted three times. Two of those were in one month. It got better for a bit and I felt fine but now reality came back and nothing matters in the end. It doesn’t matter if I say good morning or smile back. Fuck you. Fuck living.
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depression
|
I have had a history of being harassed by various means and shady employers/employees who coerce to have me either quit or terminated. I have suffered from PTSD now for years from it. Many of these have to do with my character, or worse, my 'polker face' and I've even been pulled aside or into an office to discuss the matter as if it somehow is detrimental to my tasks or performance when it is in fact the opposite. My last job gave me a severe breakdown due to workplace racketeering and no outlet to go to, especially when the GM told me not to HR, but was in fact themselves in on the scheme. I'm a bright and very easy-going person, but as with -- what I assume -- is an issue with other folks on the spectrum, the world's evils and corruptions are at odds with my good-natured sensibilities. So, to the reason for my post; how and/or where do I go to learn about what my legal rights are as impaired/disabled person to navigate and protect myself from the malevolent acts and schemes that are pressed upon me? In the past I have discussed with lawyers some of the many devious plots that I have faced in the workplace to have me terminated, such as a time when my supervisor was giving me fake work schedules so that they could fire me for attendance/non-show, but thanks to information from a supervisor in another department who liked me, I was able to confirm the actual schedule and confronted my supervisor about it, or the fake bad customers who were have said to spoken with my supervisor regarding a bad customer service issue they had with me, but with no name or single detail about what these fictitious customers had an issue with. After presenting issues like these to HR with no recourse, the lawyers I spoke with said I should just quit. I should not have to quit for someone else's harassment and treatment of me.
|
aspergers
|
I suppose this is rhetorical, but how F-ing horrible when people find out your diagnosis, but they feel they have to approve of it to be valid? I have a hard time talking about it to my therapist. ESPECIALLY if you are non-military.
Last thing I want is to have to explain to people the many forms of abuse from childhood, somewhat resembling Gypsy Rose Blanchard but with violence and a few other horrors.
You don’t have to share yours because I know it’s hard. Is anyone else sick of this? It’s stressful opening up to friends. Anyone found a good way of setting boundaries? “I don’t like to talk about it” tends to leave people incredulous for me, but I don’t think I owe them anything more.
|
ptsd
|
Sooo I’ve always been plagued with some really awful thoughts but I never thought about them because I didn’t want to go down that route. I was researching ocd because I’m learning about it in psychology class and I figured oh sounds like me.
So I want to get diagnosed so I can get help but I don’t want to tell my parents because of multiple factors. Because of that and Because I’m not dripping in money it’s a hard long process to get help or a diagnosis.
I spoke to my school counsellor to see what we should do and she said it seems like I have severe ocd although I don’t have any compulsions and I should get diagnosed and therapy and medication is an option.
Still kinda processing this and I don’t know any ocd people so I figured I should write this to try and process.
If you have any tips for a diagnosis or help I live in Britain and would love some ideas.
|
OCD
|
Wow, what a first post to make on this sub.
So for context, I (23m) was diagnosed with ADHD when I was around 10, resulting in a physician prescribing me Concerta and Clonidine.
I've seen people bring up Concerta a few times on this sub, but not once have I seen anyone bring up Clonidine. Well, I have a love-hate relationship with this thing.
So Clonidine is a medication that I take about an hour before bed. To save the trouble of explaining what it does (and honestly, because I am nowhere near smart enough to explain everything about it), I'll link a [source](https://medlineplus.gov/druginfo/meds/a682243.html) here so you can read what you want/can about it.
Basically, I think it was prescribed to me to help with sleep, and it does its job. I don't remember all that well, but I think I was brought there because I wasn't sleeping well and my parents were worried something was up. I'm pretty sure other behavior attributed to getting me checked out, but again, I don't know for sure, nor do I remember.
However, I honestly think I may have become chemically dependent on this medication. I take this medication every night because when I don't, I feel like I go through a state of withdrawal (or rather, what I assume a withdrawal would feel like). At first, I thought this was just sleep deprivation, as when I don't take it, I just don't sleep.
However, one day I googled "What happens if you stop taking clonidine," and [this lovely article](https://www.goodrx.com/healthcare-access/medication-education/10-medications-its-dangerous-to-stop-abruptly) was the first thing I saw. Now, I don't know how valid of a source this website is, as it has this "we need content" vibe. But, the search also highlighted information from the first source I linked, which is published by the government. So it seems my suspicions were correct. I am aware the second source is talking about Catapres Clonidine (the stuff used to treat High Blood Pressure) over Kapvay Clonidine (the stuff prescribed for ADHD), but it is still Clonidine, so I would assume the side-effects would be the same.
Because this more or less just confirmed that my body has become reliant on this medication, I want off of it so I don't have to face these side effects whenever I can't take it for whatever reason. At the same time, however, I fear I won't sleep at all without it. I also want medication for my ADHD as I am no longer on Concerta, and I'm just on Clonidine. I tried Vyvanse for a while, but I just couldn't handle how I felt on that medication.
I'm just conflicted on how to bring this up to my neurologist or even just how to cope with this situation. I'm just confused and sad, I guess. Any advice will definitely be heard.
​
​
**TL;DR:** I was prescribed Clonidine when I was 10, still take it at 23 as it is what makes me sleep, but due to what happens to me when I suddenly stop taking it, I'm conflicted about wanting to get off of it and so I have no idea how to handle the situation.
|
ADHD
|
About 2 years ago I started having problems with thinking my close friends hate me, and it's only gotten worse since then, it's getting harder and harder to believe they don't absolutely fucking despise me even though I know for a fact it's all just my mind making up bullshit, I constantly have to ask them for reassurance and it's starting to (understandably) annoy them. I feel like everything I do or say is constantly under scrutiny by them, that they only keep me around out of pity, and that they want nothing more than to cut me out of their lives, even though they've displayed multiple times that they enjoy their time around me greatly, and that they love me to death.
​
It seems like no matter what I do, what I say, what they say, etc. I seemingly can't convince myself that they don't just want me gone. It's stressful and soul-crushing dealing with this shit because they all mean the world to me.
|
depression
|
After not being able to tolerate any of the commonly prescribed medications, I'm feeling like a complete lost cause, and that I can never live a normal life. Here is the list of what I've tried:
Adderall, Ritalin, Dextroamphetamine, Desoxyn, Modafinil, Guanfacine, Clonidine, Strattera, Wellbutrin
I had rough side effects with pretty much all of them, particularly the stimulants (though those were also the most helpful for concentraion, unsurprisingly). I guess my question is, for anyone else who tried all the medications and failed, where did you go from there? What advice would you give someone in my situation, either medication-wise or otherwise? I see so many posts about how people's lives turned around with medication, but it doesn't seem like that's the path for me.
|
ADHD
|
Economy and people and family politics, narcissism etc
When you become an adult everything becomes about the constant stress and nag of living week to week and it’s really hard maintaining that all your life. It’s depressing to think about.
There’s a constant yearning for happiness, sun, flowers, music, joy, but it’s all so fleeting in terms of actual time to experience those things.
I can’t get over the fact that almost everything comes down to money or is somehow related to it in some form. No wonder there’s a mental health epidemic. It’s a natural reaction to the world around us.
|
depression
|
Hi everyone,
I'm a 28 year old guy who has suffered from ADHD my entire life, however have been diagnosed and on stimulant medication for the past four years. I have noticed that being on medication continuously can cause tolerance of the dosage over time, and i am currently prescribed medication at the top of the FDA "recommended dosage" for my medication (I take 70mg Vyvance), and worry that I am becoming somewhat tolerant at this dosage.
I am in a unique position where my employer is going to provide me with the option for a sabbatical of almost two months, and thought I would use this time when I have less professional and personal responsibilities to titrate down my medication dosage/get off the medication for an extended period of time. I usually take "medication holidays" on weekends and do notice a slight increase in efficacy on Mondays, however I am curious if there are any long term med users who took a prolonged break from medication, and how long you would feel is needed to do so in order to either eliminate your tolerance or significantly reduce it? Does it take a matter of weeks/months/years? Also, I would be curious if there are any users who have their medication prescribed at a higher dosage than the "FDA guidelines" for the medication (or have a tacit aporoval from your doctor to increase the dosage above this threshold--I know that people metabolize both food and drugs at differing rates but wasn't sure if it was "taboo" to go over recommended dosage. Thanks for your thoughts!
|
ADHD
|
I didn’t get warned or anything. I got permanently banned for expressing my delusions because I have schizophrenia in addition to my autism. The mods are very discriminatory.
I’m so sad. I thought that reddit was a safe space for me to vent between counselling sessions and psychiatric admissions, but apparently not.
People always freak out when someone is racist or transphobic or whatever, but the second you mention that you’re being discriminated against for something you can’t control either (autism, schizophrenia), people just don’t see it the same at all.
I was already thinking about running away to live alone in the wilderness and now I think I might do that. I can’t do so until at least November and it will already be very cold out as I live in Canada, but I just can’t deal with this discrimination any longer. My heart is broken from this corrupt society and i can no longer tolerate it.
I am 22 so it’s not like I’m a minor. My parents can’t call the cops looking for me just because I have autism and schizophrenia right? Has anyone ever had any experiences of leaving or running away from home? How’d it go?
|
aspergers
|
hi!
i joined this subreddit to try and engage with others with similar struggles since my care co-ordinator suggested trying to normalize my struggles (i don't know anyone irl who's regularly going to therapy or taking meds or struggling with mh).
i was wondering if anyone else had irl friends with mh issues or specifically ocd? does anyone regularly talk to anyone with similar challenges to themselves? how did you come across them if you did?
(hopefully i worded this okay? please let me know if i made any mistakes and i'll fix my phrasing!)
|
OCD
|
All my life I’ve been told to “just pick up as you go! Then you’ll never have a mess!”
The problem is that time starts to move sooo slowly when I do manage to pickup or clean a thing or two and I always feel like I’m in a hurry. Or the task seems so daunting that I just walk right past the item I need to pickup.
If I turn on music, get in the right mindset, and the stars are aligned, I’ll go on a cleaning spur and knock out half the house. I always tell myself I’ll keep it this way if I just “clean up as I go”.
Rinse and repeat.
|
ADHD
|
I don't deserve to have friends, I'm horrible to them. They do so much better than me at school, might as well kms. I'm just another person that doesn't matter at all, I'm not special or different. I literally don't have a single talent or anything unique about me. I'll just stop existing so that the people worth something can succeed without me dragging them down.
|
depression
|
I find it's much easier to be friends with other people with Aspergers than it is with normies. If I was going to ever date someone, I'd like to date an aspie girl so that they understand my weirdness. Anyone feel the same?
|
aspergers
|
I am in the middle of looking for resources to help curb my autistic symptoms for the sake of professional development, improving the quality of my relationships, etc. I have started trying to pick the brains of my close friends on the sorts of traits that they've noticed from me and they are: excessive blinking, skipping points in conversation, tongue clicking, teeth grinding, muscle flexion, inside jokes made toward strangers, lack of eye contact, abrupt dialogue fatigue or ending conversations altogether, little to no emotional expression, repetition of common phrases, recent statements, and random sounds, and a few other common ones.
Additionally, my girlfriend had been bearing the brunt of experiencing my symptoms and it's begun to take a toll on her mental health. We love each other very much and even live together, but she says it's like living with a sleepwalker that must constantly be reminded to wake up. She means this in that I am constantly acting in robotic ways through my expressions, mannerisms, and patterns of thought. I make jokes, pranks, or lighthearted gestures that are odd to the point of being creepy (e.g. staring at her for periods of time, pinching her cheeks or her sides to the point of being painful, etc.) And I rarely realize that what I'm doing is abnormal on my own, so she has to remind me. That isn't fair to her and I feel ashamed, but it's easier said than done in terms of fixing it.
Has anyone else experienced this? Please let me know!
|
aspergers
|
Okay just to keep it pretty short I have ocd and in my sophmore year of highschool I smoked weed had a really bad high , ended up having my first panic attack and derealization. I ended up having panic attacks for a couple weeks straight and being super derealized but then it ended up going away and I was fine. I just do not smoke or drink as I don’t think it’s for me.
Fast forward 4 years later and I’m a sophmore in college and I’m suddenly having panic attacks again. Although I have always been horrified of weed I could at least stand next to my friends while they smoked or vaped but now like if they even smoke in the same room as me i conVince myself I am about to get high and start waiting for the sky to fall. I end up working myself up into a panic attack and then I feel better later. But this panic attack derealization stuff was retriggered a few weeks ago Bc weed got blown into my face and I hadn’t taken my lexapro in a while too which could also play a role. So yeah if anyone could reassure me about how hard it is to get second hand high from weed especially OUTSIDE or in a massive/ ventilated room. Also if anyone has gone through this or knows how to cope with this. It literally is a trauma ptsd response and it sucks. I start going for a run everytime I get scared Bc I have to physically “get out” of the situation. So yeah if anyone has any words of wisdom about second hand weed or nicotine and how crazy I sound that would be great lol
|
OCD
|
I'm really scared of myself I am pretty sure I have pure ocd.
|
OCD
|
Hello,
for anyone who is suffering from Harm/Sexual Obsession-OCD, does anyone else get a random thought saying "I like rape..." or "I'd like to rape this person..." or something like that? I tend to get it frequently and whenever I do, my heart feels like its going to stop and I feel like jelly/ashamed right after. I know its' my OCD so I'm not worried but it'd nice to know that I'm not alone.
Thank you.
|
OCD
|
Hey friends, 2022 is less than two weeks away, which is basically tomorrow in ADHD time. Now is a good time to start making some goals. I have some tips but other advice is very welcome!
1. Write your goals where you can see them! I like to put mine in my journal and on sticky notes on my desk as a reminder.
2.If you have big goals (example getting a new job) break it down into smaller goals (update resume, apply for 20 jobs, etc)
3. Make a habit tracker, somewhere where you can write and physically see your progress.
4. January is hard, don’t get discouraged. It’s cold and dark for a lot of us. Don’t be discouraged if you aren’t successful right away. Baby steps and treat each week as a fresh start
Please share any additional advice!
|
ADHD
|
I was wondering if other aspie brothers and sisters liked dancing or not. I hate it with a passion, but was wondering if it could be tied to Aspergers or I'm just a boring person lol. I find that nt's burst out in dance if they're excited, like light stimming.
|
aspergers
|
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