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I was diagnosed with Bipolar II, however for the last year atleast I’ve had 2 thoughts repeat in my mind sometimes hundreds of times a day. They’re really distressing and they won’t stop. They are “(my name) kills himself” and “(my name) wants to kill him self. I get these even when I’m not depressed. They’re concerning and wearing me down. Is it common to not realize what your compulsory behaviour is ? Can drugs count )
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OCD
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I'm a 40 year old undiagnosed aspie, my eight year old has been diagnosed. I'm trying to figure out what I can do at this point to help him succeed socially, financially and otherwise as he grows up. I can't just tell him what worked for me because he's very different than me.
For example, I can tell him all kinds of masking tricks and how to be liked but he simply seems content not to interact with other kids. Whenever I try to give unsolicited advice about anything he shuts down. So if I can't use my experience to inform how to better help him navigate his experience, I'm at a loss as to how to proceed. Any insight or experiences that you'd like to share would be welcome.
Thanks!
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aspergers
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Does anyone ever distrust what happened in a given situation even when you know what happened? That’s vague, I’ll give an example. I’m having a bad bout of health ocd and really focused on concussions. I was sitting and a piece of furniture fell and made a loud sound on the ground next to me. It didn’t hit me. I was about a foot away. But I keep thinking what if it did hit me? And my brain keeps replaying what happened thinking that it did. It makes me feel crazy and like I can’t trust anything even when I’ve seen it happen.
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OCD
|
I have been trying to go to a psychiatrist for a few years already and finally was able to make an appointment with one, which I’m excited about and hope that I can get proper treatment for my ADHD. I do take medication but it has been prescribed by my primary for a while now, but I don’t feel it works very well for me. I have only recently begun to truly educate myself on how ADHD affects the brain and it’s been mind blowing because so many things make sense. That being said, I have a feeling that the psychiatrist is going to test me since my diagnosis is over ten years old (i was diagnosed at 11 and was diagnosed with ADD, without the hyperactivity, because they didn’t really know about internal hyperactivity yet I guess?). Reading a lot of posts on here though, I’m starting to get anxious. There are a lot of people that are saying that psychiatrists are saying people don’t have ADHD for crazy reasons like being able to leave their house, being able to communicate well with others, being able to do a test/answer questions for more than five minutes, getting good grades in school/college, etc. Just bizarre reasons that… don’t make sense.
I know there’s a lot of stigma about ADHD. I was one who believed this stigma as for a long time I thought ADD meant I just couldn’t focus well. I thought ADHD was the same thing except the person is also bouncing off the walls. I thought ADHD wasn’t that bad and that I was struggling because of depression or anxiety. I didn’t know ADHD causes both inattention AND hyperfocus, low motivation, severe fatigue, makes it harder to start a task, makes it hard to end a task, causes me to forget EVERYTHING from appointments to due dates, causes “time blindness”, causes “obsessions”, emotional dysregulation, mood instability, and a heck of a lot more… But for some reason, it sounds like a lot of psychiatrists don’t really consider these other factors?
I just want some encouragement I guess, and ask about positive experiences that some of you may have had with psychiatrists? Also wanted to ask what should I expect for them to do in terms of testing? A lot of people say they took questionnaires, is that all they do?
Thanks for any help!
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ADHD
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Does anyone else just get to a point in therapy where you just feel like “this is it”? Sometimes I feel like there is nothing I can do to move past what happened to me. I made progress in therapy 4 years ago and then made some last year- but I am still so affected that I don’t think I’ll ever totally move forward. It can be so exhausting to explain it to people in my life and I find myself that isolating and just dealing with things on my own is the best way for me to cope.
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ptsd
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People seem to think the worst of ADHD is the issue with paying attention, energy, blah blah.
But for me, it’s when my partners second guess me, assume I’m wrong or that I never pay attention enough to have an opinion. Feeling like I can’t express my feelings because I’m not sure if it’s a feeling of rejection or if I have a valid reason to be bothered. So I hold it in. Being told I am not good enough to live with and constantly being made fun of.
I had such a bad end to my night. I’m really trying my best to function normally. I just want to feel respected. Just trying to survive like everyone else.
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ADHD
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Context: recovering from psychogenic non-epileptic seizures and existing ptsd, last few weeks remembered 3 more partially recovered assualts (besides the 2 I knew about and my surgery and my 2 not at fault car accidents and 1 near collision w drunk driver) and it turns out I let a guy be inappropriate at work thankfully I don't interact with him or see him since we reorganized (usual corporate reshuffling not related to him).
Um I can't even write this out yet I feel like I have to send this see if anyone is here I need a shower right now and I got assaulted in the shower at college so I'm scared to shower but I feel so dirty. Uggh someone please tell me it's ok to share.
Ok stupid me went ahead and kissed him on the cheek when he came into my office closed the door behind him he said to kiss him I was scared bc, ptsd, he had been just hugging me and commenting on my accidental weight loss from health. He said "how bout another kiss" and kissed me on the mouth. I don't know what his hands were doing. I don't know anything else. I ended up on leave and came back to a new organization. This memory shakes up everything I remember about my interactions with him. I have been second guessing my memory because things keep getting inconsistent and reshuffled. Nothing makes sense.
I told my friend this thing exactly...the worst thing about this is I am mad at myself because when I kissed him I was basically saying to him "everything you are doing to me is completely fine" my friend seemed to understand how mad I am. He said I reacted that way because I was scared.
Please help. I probably will have trouble sleeping. I can't see my therapist until Jan 8. Thanks guys.
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ptsd
|
It's been a while since I've seen a therapist (mostly when I was a teenager, because of problems that were either non-existent, misinterpreted or exaggerated by family) and one thing I found they had in common was they made it very clear they had no idea what you were saying, refused to actively listen to you the moment you said you were ASD, or tried drawing their own conclusions about a situation pre-emptively without giving you time to summarize it first.
So here's something I'm wondering about this. Has anyone here ever seen a mental health professional who seemed to misinterpret everything you said, or seemed to think they were listening to different statements and problems than the ones you were actually discussing?
If so, do you think they did this intentionally as a way of testing you and challenging you through a kind of gamification, or were they just bad active listeners? Do some mental health professionals use intentional misunderstanding as an intentional means of helping patients clarify issues, or are they just not good at their jobs? And how/when can you tell the difference if so?
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aspergers
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Monday I finished part 2 of 2 of my diagnostic evals. She seems super nice and got us scheduled right away, only two months out when we first called. I had been on a waiting list at a different place for well over a year with no information given to us at all before we gave up and found her.
She tested for way more than just ADHD so I’m hoping I’ll get answers for that too, but ADHD would be by far the most important. I’m so anxious she’ll come back and say I don’t have it. During the whole thing I felt like I was masking even tho I trying not to and I feel like that totally screwed things up. I’m just so scared that I got hopes up and it will have been for nothing.
She said she’ll be back with results in a few weeks, and waiting that long is just making the anxiety worse. I’m so confident that I have ADHD, but my imposter syndrome is absolutely killing me here. I’m so excited but I’m so scared. I don’t really have another place to put this so I’m coming here because I think y’all will understand. I’ve never been good at handling anxiety and this feels like such a big thing that it’s way worse than normal.
I just have no idea how to feel or how to handle how I do feel. I’m so excited because she validated a lot of how I felt. I’m so scared it wasn’t enough. I want confirmation I’m not crazy. I spent over a year being bullied by one facility, just waiting to be tested and then suddenly it moved so fast once we found her. There’s just so much to feel. Idk what to do.
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ADHD
|
pretty much anything makes me want to cry.. seeing kids in a park, seeing them happy, seeing them sad, seeing them with a happy life, seeing them with a sad life, seeing them play games like hide and seek, toys, even things like nursery rhymes
i have cptsd and other side traumas and experiences that have consumed my entire childhood. i've had little to no happy days back then. seeing kids enjoying themselves makes me extremely extremely emotional. could i be jealous?? does anyone feel the same?
just wanted to add, this is also one of the reasons i am never having children.. i know how cruel it sounds but i don't think i could possibly handle that sort of thing
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ptsd
|
Everyday I come to work I want to leave immediately. It’s so hard for me to come in. I’m too bored, too tired, I feel like shit just about everyday, I don’t have the energy to be here. But I feel so much guilt if I call in or say I need to go home early just because I don’t want to be here. And I know everybody “doesn’t like to work” but for me it’s always been so hard. I will have anxiety attacks or fall into a deep deep depression (I’m already clinically depressed) if I’m not enjoying my work. I don’t know what to do. I could just quit but then I’d have to find something quick to hold me over then I’ll be in the same situation. I’ve been through this too many times. Life just feels too hard and I kinda don’t want to do it anymore.
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depression
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Life has been such a fucking rollercoaster and now I get thrown with this shit, which kinda makes everything make sense.
I thought I had a normal childhood and that everyone went through the same thing. I was beaten more than I was hugged. Every dining table I was reminded how worthless I am and that I wouldn't amount to anything since I was such a fuck up.
Physical abuse? Check. Emotional abuse? Yep.
After spending over a year in therapy after a drug problem to cope with my anxiety attacks so that I could go to class, I finally tore down all the walls that my child psyche built to protect me to reveal the final boss.
That my immediate family member molested me for years and the rest of my family never knew about it.
Sexual abuse? Fantastic, why not throw that in there too!
I've always been so fascinated with psychology, child development, and repression growing up, which completely makes sense now because I was applying it all the time.
I'm kind of glad that my 5+-year-old self managed to stash it away so well. Growing up without many friends for \~8 years since I was such a violent kid (makes sense why), I had to learn how to behave and act from movies. It just sucked that I had to do it all alone.
In High School, I somehow ended up being on multiple varsity sports teams, a leader of the student committee, founded my own club, and promoted healthy lifestyles in the community. I was also blacking out every weekend since 9th grade and would have constant panic attacks alone in my room.
Post-grad I enlisted into the army and became a Lieutenant, an officer rank that I always wanted. Trained a combat unit and managed to guide some people to a better way. After my service term was up, I started attending one of the top #25 universities in America.
In that time, I joined every "exclusive" organization there was, bouncing around from group to group. I think I was just trying to find a way to feel like I wasn't alone. I worked with my friends on startups and projects. I've rarely been single since I would switch girlfriends every 2 months due to my intimacy issues (some also just cuz they were abusive and psycho). It got to the point that I can't even remember who I did what with.
People think that I'm some cool dude that has his shit together. But with everything that I've done looking good on paper, I feel like such a fraud. Truth is, I have always felt like the scared 5-year old paralyzed and suffocated in bed by the smell of alcohol and cigarettes.
When I unrepressed that memory, everything fell apart and shit got worse (it was already pretty bad). I'm still trying my best to keep fighting because I owe it to the "kid me" that struggled so hard by himself. To quit now would be disrespecting all that effort "little me" put in.
I've been trying to open up about it but it's so hard being sincere with other people when I am so used to not counting on other people. I will probably feel ashamed about posting this but I'll get over it since it's anonymous.
I'm sick and tired of feeling numb when I'm supposed to feel love. Tired of flinching and panicking when someone strokes my arm the wrong way. Tired of feeling like he was right, that I would never amount to anything and that's all I'd ever be good for.
Thank you for reading if you did, if you didn't I don't blame you.
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ptsd
|
Since my childhood, like all the people in this channel, I have spend most of my time observing people, collecting as much data as possible and trying to make sense of ordinary social situations.
Thanks to these observations, I can read people and can mask my “oddities “pretty well. but oh boy the feeling of cringe I get each time I’m around NTs never change..
All the little games they play to appear in a certain way, to fulfil some sort of societal role or how they comply with the their group/ rivalry rules… watching all these shenanigans is so painful. Like no one is able to be a free individual and be themselves because they have to fit in every damn social scenario.
Is this just me ? Or Does anyone else feel so cringed while watching NT group dynamics?
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aspergers
|
I have been depressed for years now. I've never told anyone. My family doesn't believe in that kinda stuff. For years I've just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. I want to change. I don't know if getting diagnosed is even the right step but I want to know why I feel this way. However, I don't even know where to start. Do I just go to some random therapist? Walk in clinic? I live in Ontario Canada if that's any use. How did any of you get diagnosed and where did u start?
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depression
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After a year of struggles, and a feeling of hopelessness, I'm finally one day free from intrusive thoughts. I'm proud of myself :D
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OCD
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Is there a difference between Obsessive Rumination and Obsessive Compulsion? I know rumination really goes hand in hand with OCD but I'm wondering if it could be a mild form. Where a person doesn't fully have OCD but a factor contributed to it.
I'm also wondering, does everyone experience the same obsessions with rumination? Looking it up it mainly says that rumination obsessions pertain to religion, philosophy, the universe and morals. But could it also be obsessing over small things in life.
An example for me specifically is that I find myself obsessing over a single artist, my mental health and others mental health until I have an answer. Especially over artists, it makes me feel really creepy and I hate it because I don't actually care THAT much but I absolutely have to find out or else it'll bother me for weeks or months. Usually its an artist that randomly disappeared, or moved accounts and did so secretly so if I actually find them, I feel dirty and disappointed in myself. Like I found out what I wanted but at what cost?
I have no idea if this is ADHD or OCD because these types of obsessions fall into each other in someway based on what I learned. I'm learning however that mental illness and mental disorders effect everyone differently, and I want to know if there are any people who experience the same.
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OCD
|
Just went out with a girl, and I thought we had everything going. We had the same interests in art, history, video games, even podcasts. I remember we both really liked ds9, and dan carlins hardcore history.
At the end we made out, and texted eachother when we got home. Texted her later the following day and the next, no response.
Just really blows and wish i could a simple answer sometimes :/.
I don't wanna think about this stuff while im working because it makes me depressed and distracts me which makes me not wanna try and go out and ask girls out. Especially since im already introverted as it is.
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depression
|
I get sensory overload in social settings very easily. Like when there’s an ice machine making quiet noise in the background while people are talking in a restaurant can really make me uncomfortable but noise music which can be much louder and cluttered doesn’t and actually has the opposite effect. Whenever I tell my NT friends I listen to noise music they always ask why I don’t get sensory overload from that but I do when 3 people are talking at once. I really haven’t been able to figure out why yet. Does anyone else experience this?
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aspergers
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My trauma has turned into a whole branch of philosophy for me. It seems to take up most of my waking life.
How many hours do you think about your trauma?
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ptsd
|
So I’m from Ontario, Canada. I’m on Effexor and over the past 2 months it has been progressively making me more and more sick. I get so nauseous and dizzy Some days I can’t do anything.
I made an appointment with my doctor over a month ago and on Thursday I got a message saying it was cancelled. Apparently she had an emergency. It was now rescheduled for the beginning of December.
It’s getting to the point that I don’t know if I can continue with this medication and I want off. But what are my options? Take myself off them slowly even though that can be dangerous? Go to a clinic and hope they will help me? Go to the hospital even though it’s not life or death? Wait it out? I just feel so helpless.
I’m sick of being sick.
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depression
|
I wasn't really feeling myself lately. I felt so empty, and a part of me was losing its sanity. I thought distracting myself is the best way to escape from this feeling, but here I am, losing myself even more every day. I am not alone, right? I am not alone feeling this way. But I wonder what people do when their hearts are feeling empty. I wonder what they do to feel alive.
This emptiness consumes every piece of me. I hope I could also tell everyone that I'm okay without having a pang of sadness in my chest. I am just really tired of telling people that I'm fine, when the truth is, I'm losing my mind slowly.
No one knows that all this time, I am not okay. But I silently hope that somehow, someone will see it— the tiredness in my eyes and the sadness behind my smiles.
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depression
|
Recently the colour and branding on the train I take to school changed. I grew up around the types of train so it changing has really made me feel empty and nostalgic. I’ve tried to talk to people about it but because it’s just a train they laugh it off, which I sort of understand. I can’t bare to look at the newer coloured trains and it annoys me. Does anyone else experience problems with small changes like this or have any coping techniques?
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aspergers
|
Hi I’m a 32 year old male who is in a long term relationship with a 25 year old female. She has fell into a place that I’ve never seen her in before. She has always been anxious and very emotional about things but never like this. It’s hard to get her to do things. She swears up and down it’s not me and I believe her but I’m trying to do my best to help but I’m not sure what to do. We’ve have some life changes happening in the coming months. All good things but still stressful. I’ve had my own problems in the past, addiction, but I’ve been sober over 4 years now. I was taught to deal with things somewhat differently than she understands. I’ve offered therapy but she doesn’t want to. She wants to try medicine first. I’m just clueless what to do and feel somewhat helpless. Just looking for suggestions. Thanks!
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depression
|
So the past year/year and half my ADHD has gotten significantly worse.
The biggest issue that has come up that wasn't nearly as bad is the lack of short term memory/foggy brain when trying to remember things. And I feel like its not just sometimes, it is a battle I have to fight everyday during almost any conversation I have. I will forget things in the middle of a sentence sometimes and once its gone, its gone.
With that being said, I have been trying to learn a new language (Japanese) for the past 10 months or so. I listen to podcasts, youtube videos, apps, etc. in order to get as much exposure as possible. When I am listening to these things and I am able to see the romanized pronunciation, I can do fairly well (as most people probably could.) But once I turn it off, even for a second, all of it is gone.
So then I tried to learn the alphabet first, since that is something I can see and thought would be easier to learn but the same issue of, once I look away, everything I remembered is gone.
I know that there are plenty of people who have ADHD who learn other languages so I know its not impossible lol.
So are there any tips/suggestions for this? I know learning a new language, especially one that is 100% different from your own, is hard but there has to be some suggestions to make it easier in general.
I've also been out of school for a bit so maybe I just don't remember how to effectively study lol
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ADHD
|
TL;DR
21 YRS, Diagnosed ADD since 08, Takings Concerta since 10 (36mg) and since 16 (54mg), Depressed, Sad, Focussing on bad stuff, easily annoyed, zombie all day. Looking for peoples stories about other meds and Dexamphetamine.
The main problem is: I take concerta but it makes me miserable. I get work done but I feel sad and stressy and get panic attacks. If I stop with Concerta, I feel okay and happy but I can't get my work done which results in me getting depressed again. I am looking for an alternative and was wondering if there are people in here who use Adderall/Dexamphetamine and I would like to know if it helps you guys and If people recommend it or not.
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi everyone!
Firstly, I am really impressed. A Reddit-page, with 1.3m people just like me. I really had a few tears when scrolling through the posts. It makes me so freaking happy, to know, that there are also other people with the same issues as me. I really didn't expect it to be this big on Reddit. Thank god.
I came here on advise of my GF. She asked me if there wasn't some kind of group with people with the same issues as I have. So, I looked it up here on Reddit and here I am.
Anyway, there reason I came here isn't that awesome. I am a 21-yo guy, taking Concerta for over a decade now, and it really makes me misarable in my personal life.
Back in 08, I got diagnosed with ADD. I made a lot of mistakes in my schoolwork. My teacher showed my all the faults I made to the entire class and everyone made fun of me. My parents decided take actions and It led to me taking some tests. I've been put on Medikinet, Strattera and now since 2010 Concerta. I am on the 54 mg right now.
However, since a couple of years, I get more and more issues. I am getting a lot of stress, I am getting depressed when taking my medication, A lot of sweating, panic attacks and I am easily annoyed. But, I do get my shit done. But what is it worth, feeling like a zombie all-day with all these side-effects feeling like you are a total loser.
It comes and goes tho. I can have 3 months without issues and feeling okay, and get 1 month of feeling depressed. I mean, just wanting to stay in bed all-day and wait till retirement.
Last week, I got diagnosed again with ADD. I told my doctor about the depression periods while taking meds, and feeling happy and okay without. He prescribed me some antidepressants and said "Try this and see if its works, see you in a month". I really don't think Concerta and antidepressants are the best solutions. It really makes me depressed.
So, I decided to get some info about other meds. I really need them in order to be able to get my work done. I read that methylfenidate (Concerta) isn't really effective for adults, since adults can get more issues with the side effects. I read that dexamphetamine (Adderall?) is common used for adults and ADD.
I read some f\*ed up stuff about it online, but I also heard some good stuff about it too. I really don't know what to believe.
I would like to know what other people did and if there are people who have good things to say about dexamphetamine.
​
Thanks in advance!
Stay safe!
Cheers!
DefconPilot
PS. I tried to put the TL;DR above the whole text this time. I really need info. Thanks!
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ADHD
|
I recently found out from my boyfriend that he knows to wake me up from a nightmare because I spasm really badly. I didn't start remembering when I work up with spasms until he told me.
My nightmares have also started getting worse and I don't even feel comfortable sleeping during the day anymore.
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ptsd
|
With contamination OCD I hate washing my ass and fear I’m not doing it correctly. How do you guys wash your ass in the shower? Is it okay to use your hand and soap and get right in there?
|
OCD
|
I know this will be long but I just need to get this off my chest. I’m tired of feeling not listened to. And I still can’t get over how much this therapist hurt me.
So Within the last year I ( 22 F) finally got over my fear of appearing like I was just chasing meds and reached out to my doctor in regards to possible ADHD.
I started with one doctor who had me fill out a sheet for anxiety/depression/and a self ADHD evaluation, she looked over my paper and tells me she thinks I should definitely move forward with this! Very soon after she goes on maternity leave so I start seeing a new doctor. We talk for a session or two and we agree to start me on Lexapro just to erase any idea that my ADHD focuses are in fact just issues with anxiety.
These meds made me lose weight, constant migraines, and I stopped feeling like myself. I felt more depressed and anxious than I had in years, so I talked to my doctor and decided to give it another month just in case it was all just regulating still. Nothing changed and I told him about how I had stopped taking it cold turkey because I felt like a different person and I felt immensely better anxiety wise as soon as I stopped.
So my first experience feeling like I wasn’t being listened to begins here. I told him all of this and how I wasn’t depressed or anxious off the meds so for some reason he decides to treat the depression and anxiety I experienced on the old meds (which are gone) with Zoloft! I feel like he’s not taking the time to listen to me but I’m not a doctor so what do I know. I took them for a month or so and began feeling anxious and frustrated and depressed again so once again I talked to my doctor, tried it for a little longer then stopped because I didn’t feel like myself.
Now since beginning the lexapro in the beginning my doctor had been having my do video chats with a behavioral therapist or something along those lines just to keep track of how I was doing with the meds. She was a nice woman but from the start I felt absolutely completely unheard.
She too had me fill out self evaluations for ADHD. Now mind you I didn’t show symptoms as a kid but I feel that’s also arbitrary as there’s different kinds. There’s a possibility of adult onset.
My issues are I feel constantly scrambled like I’m incapable of speaking at a normal pace. I’m either too slow and overthinking every word just to have it come out as far from the original point as possible or I speed talk and trip over my words and sound like a fool. I also cannot function unless I have a body double, I have never been able to get tasks done in a coherent manner, no matter what method I try. I constantly feel the need to finish others sentences, I’ve picked up millions of hobbies for a week or so at a time just to lose interest as soon as I learn the base skill. I’m impulsive with my money and can’t keep a savings. I also need constant stimulation and not just one source. 8 always have a tv or alexa or YouTube or thunderstorms or some combination of something going, I can’t focus in silence. And I become too aware of how my clothes sit on my body eventually getting very physically uncomfortable. I also struggle with misophonia! I’ve been living for the last several years feeling like I can’t do anything like a normal person and feeling dumber and dumber by the day.
I’ve told all of this to both of the professionals I was talking to at the time. The most frustrating parts were when I was talking to the therapist. She told me that I don’t score high enough on my self evaluation and that was the end of my search for help. All because my numbers on a paper I filled out didn’t score high enough, I was shut down. I was told that it’s just anxiety.
I told her how I’ve dealt with anxiety my whole life, and this isn’t just anxiety. Anxiety has never made me feel so paralyzed with a lack of knowing the steps I have to take to do my daily tasks.
All she ever had to say was my score wasn’t high enough.
After a few months of getting more and more frustrated by her lack of listening to me she said two things in one session that made me just give up on my search for answers. She made me feel so disgustingly unimportant and unheard that I cried on camera after she said them, said my goodbyes at the end of the session and never talked to her again.
I was explaining to her how I can’t do anything from point A to point B. I’ve tried task lists and post it notes and making things fun and having music and body doubling but I can’t get anything done without being so distracted or drained after 5 minutes. I’ve told her that I’ve lived this frustrated for years now and Ive only succeeded this far because I’ve always had jobs where I can do things my own way at my own pace but now I’m afraid I’ll never know how to do anything on my own. I told her that Ive run out of ideas for getting my life together. I’m crying while saying this. All she can say to me is “What do you think you can do to help yourself?”
I don’t know. I’ve told you that for years now I’ve been feeling useless as a human and incompetent and I cannot rack my brain enough to figure out how to help myself and all she can ask me is what I can do to help myself. I don’t know. That’s partially why I’m here talking to you, isn’t it?
Now the second thing she said was just straight up her not listening to the things I said. I don’t care how people perceive me, I don’t worry about thinking others will think I’m stupid or messy. I’m tired of thinking it about myself just because simple tasks get over complicated, and I know I’m not stupid but it’s hard to dissuade that thought after everything.
I was telling her how I feel like no matter how I speak or who I’m speaking to, I struggle to get my point out. I feel like I cannot talk at a normal pace and a normal thinking speed, it’s either snail slow and choppy or lightening fast and incoherent.
She takes this whole string of thoughts I gave to her and simply goes “you’re just anxious about how others perceive you”. That was my last straw. I don’t know if I’m overreacting but I felt like she didn’t care about me at all, that I was just another job. I felt like I told her I was confident in myself and who I am and I love myself, and Al my worries are about the fact that I feel like I just am never able to communicate my point, and she just tells me it’s me caring too much about what people think of me.
I don’t need advice I just needed to rant. Even if I go in somewhere else for a second opinion and they tell me it’s not ADHD I’ll accept it as long as I still feel respected.
Am I being a brat? Am I overreacting??
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ADHD
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I just want to s l e e p. bruh istg ive been trying nearly everything I can, even my boyfriend started throwing a few ideas too. I haven't had a good night's sleep in such a long time. My eyes keep clouding over and I have to blink really hard to clear them. Just one day. ONE day without a flashback or nightmare that's all I ask. At this point I'm willing to sell my soul for one day of peaceful, uninterrupted sleep. yall would not want to know some of things I've tried so far. someone here recommended a medication. my therapist wont prescribe it for some reason. someone else recommended weed, due to health problems I can even smell weed for longer than a hour let alone smoke or eat it. Omg I have a love hate relationship with autocorrect rn. relying heavily on it.
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ptsd
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I am on effexor + lithium
I started 2 days ago. Feeling very... idk. Feeling nothing
I am treated for unedplained pain and fatigue and other nice symptoms caused by probably somatization
I've previously tried effexor and seroquel and i felt bland till the 4th month (but also sleepyyy!) So i stopped
If the pain goes away on AD does it mean it was due to a psychological cause?
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depression
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I’ve known I’ve had ADHD my whole life but thought I’ve managed well without meds. Well, now coming to the realization that they would greatly benefit me, putting aside my pride to do things without any help. I’ve decided to go see my doctor and get started somewhere (hoping Vyvanse). The thing is, I’m working on weight gain and don’t want to lose my appetite/can’t afford to. I have tried ADHD meds once (vyvanse) a long time ago, when my friend offered me one of his 60 mg doses. It helped *tremendously*, I never felt so focused and well, able to function normally. The thing is, I had absolutely 0 appetite and lost like 4 pounds just from not eating that whole day and the next (stayed up all night). I tried eating a sandwich only, and the roof of my mouth burnt lol, it was painful. I know 60mg is a huge dose, and definitely amplified the side effects, but I was wondering how badly in general ADHD meds are going to suppress my appetite. Will being prescribed 5mg make me able to eat normally?
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ADHD
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I (male, 31) moved to the other side of the earth a couple years ago in search of fulfillment, but the emptiness just moved with me. I wanna change so badly, but I don’t know how to. My bachelor’s degree is worthless, I don’t know what I want to do in terms of my career, i don’t feel good/useful at anything, I struggle with limiting beliefs/negative self-talk 24/7, I’m incredibly lonely as I can’t hold any meaningful relationships due to depression… I just wanna get away from this world and never look back. I wish the world would just open itself up and bury me in its depths.
How do you find meaning in life? How do you give your life a sense of purpose? How do you generate the feeling that you actually matter? That your life matter?
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depression
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I'm kind of getting tired of all of this. Lately, I've been feeling like I have just been faking my intrusive thoughts due to the fact that I'm not ruminating the ones that I already have. I still have the intrusive thoughts in the lack of logic and all of that crap, but it's a lot more in the moment than it used to be. I don't know if I'm just a huge fraud or if this is just my OCD trying to lie to me. I thought I had it figured out recently as I was trying to find an OCD specialist in my area so that I can get a diagnosis, but now I'm not so sure.
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OCD
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I had nothing to say.
I just observed everyone.
People told me "why are you so shy, why do you never say anything?"
When I started to join the conversation, people told me "Jesus Christ, what's wrong with you?!"
Can't win.
I will go back to not speaking.
People respected me more when I said nothing.
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aspergers
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For example, this tree out of my window spells out random words in the branches like "TeLL", " Die", "say", or often its gibberish I can barely make out on things. I see these words everywhere, even with my eyes closed sometimes. Its different every time and its like I'm noticing things I haven't before.
My parents think I'm hallucinating and I have been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder but I think they've been overpathologizing my experiences.
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aspergers
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My mental state is at an all time low. I’m so fucking depressed and miserable. Why does life even matter? Why am I here?
Why do I feel like the everyone hates me. What is the point of pushing myself to be a better me just for it to come crashing down again.
I just wanna curl up in a ball and pretend I don’t exist. I just want to sleep and remind myself everyone is better without you
I keep telling myself I’ll be dead by time I’m 30. I’m 29 now and I honestly hope it gets better…. I’m really fearing the end
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depression
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i had thoughts of wanting ferrets but then i got intrusive thoughts about chopping heads off which fucking sucks, cause i don't want to harm animals but yea, just needed to rant in general. i hopefully go to therapy friday, tbh i just really don't want to tbh. but i need therapy.
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OCD
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Was sitting normally with family. Suddenly, someone reminded of past traumatic event, (I self healed back then. Took long but got out of it)...
Soon I got that sinking feeling in heart. Was about to cry... But didn't. I was just blank... unable to speak. Quietly I got up. Went to washroom. Put some water on face... But still didn't cry.
I'm feeling hit heavy headed now. Something in my chest... Like sinking. Ain't feeling happy. It's same feeling, I know I had everyday back then.
I'm not panic. I am just quite with heavy headed feeling and sinking feeling in heart. Sitting quietly writing this message.
Is this PTSD? And how to get back to normal again.
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ptsd
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i have no friends. i’m 21 years old everyone else my age is out with friends and making amazing memories. i feel like i’m in a never ending time loop. everyday the same thing over and over and always coming back to feeling hopeless. i feel pathetic. i hate the person i see staring back at me when i look in the mirror. been in therapy for 2 years and yet i still want to die. everything feels so pointless and hopeless. what’s the point if i’m always going to be in misery? i’m so envious of other people who have it so easy. i’m trying so hard everyday to stay positive and keep my chin up but it’s impossible. i’m exhausted from trying. i want to give up.
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depression
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There are some things that people do when speaking that just drive me up the fucking wall
If I ask someone say - "Hey so is it true that action has been completed?" The response I am looking for is Yes or No. If you start telling me about this person and what they were thinking and doing, and ...
If I am not able to hear or understand something or I am not clear I will ask you. Heck, I will maybe annoy you by making sure I understand. So there is no need to repeat something to me 3 times. I don't get it, I can tell someone, hey I got it, no reason to tell me again some just seem unable to stop.
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aspergers
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I'm going to University in September. Today my step dad asked me if I was starting to get nervous.
I'm not nervous about going to university. I'm nervous about my entire future. I'm nervous about continuing to live. I'm scared that I'll never be able to connect to anyone or be fully honest with them. I'm scared that I'll never be able to have sex because I'm so traumatized from my intrusive thoughts. I'm scared that my intrusive thoughts will never go away. I'm scared that I'm a disgusting, horrible person because of my intrusive thoughts, because of things I've done in the past, and that it's too late for me - I'm already ruined. I can't unsee what I've seen and I can't unremember what I've remembered. I'm scared that this instinct I have, that something horrible is coming, that eventually something will happen that will make everyone hate me, and I'll be punished horribly for everything I've done, is right.
I'm scared that I'll never forgive myself. I'm scared that I'll never stop suffering. I'm scared that this horrible illness will continue to ruin my life, if it hasn't completely done so already.
I'm not afraid of being in a new place or having to make new friends or experience new things because I've experienced so much horror inside my own head that it feels like nothing can hurt me anymore.
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OCD
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I have OCD and at one point it was crippling, and went hand in hand with derealisation, panic attacks, and just anxiety and irrationally in general. Over the course of the year, I defeated them all by quite literally facing them and accepting them. I cannot even describe how scary some of this shit was but I just accepted them and they all eventually stopped happening.
But something new started. By the way I have seasonal issues so every November my mental health usually tanks in a variety of ways and to varying extents.
I have a long distance girlfriend who I love very much. We decided to make plans to meet. But she lives in Canada. I then developed this fear that I would teleport to hell on the plane. It felt very very weird. I tried to be present in the moment, and basically I 'feel' the fear as a tingling sensation in my belly. I then imagined myself on the plane, and felt a warm sensation in my arm and almost like a red tinge in my eyesight and the inside of my eyelids and so I became convinced the fear must be real and I started crying. This was the first time in nearly 2 years that I couldn't overcome a fear. My slight fear of flying, and the fear of having a panic attack on the plane with no escape didn't help.
Anyway I tell my griflriend I've had anxiety issues and if she could come to the UK. She agreed, but this time the fear progressed. Now I have the fear that if I meet my girlfriend, I will teleport to hell.
I don't know what to do. I can't 'accept' this fear because the sensations feel very real and I'm obviously scared of burning in hell forever. But I know that if I can't overcome this fear, it will take more and more ground and infect every aspect of my life. Soon it will be 'if you leave your house, you'll burn in hell', because that's how anxiety works.
I've never experienced anything like this before. And I suffered a lot of horrible things as a teenager so my mind is basically thinking that as I'm destined to suffer, there's no possible way I'd have the pleasure of meeting the girl I love, so therefore the conclusion is I will teleport to hell. And even thinking about it gives me heat sensations and just a weird feeling that things are slightly red, and I feel like I'm losing it.
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OCD
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I know my therapist said that people in the spectrum look at things black and white and not in between. I realized during any scenario where I’ll start to assume thoughts about people based on my first impression and sort of write those feelings about them in stone. For example, if my first impression of someone sounds very cold, rude or intimidating, I will instantly start not liking the person and it would linger within my thoughts. Even when its not always the case. I felt that it was also the reason why I am always scared of meeting or getting to know people, because I would overgeneralize their attitudes based on what I’ve seen at first. I think my anxiety has gotten the best of the times where I was given a chance to get to know people. I also feel that being on the spectrum, I am always struggling or always concerned of trying to fit in.
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aspergers
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Insane, insane, INSAAANEEEEEEEEEEEEEE amount of overthinking. So much that you enter an infinity of thoughts, all swallowing up each other endlessly, and the reality isn't even present anymore. You're just thinking, thinking, thinking, either that or hyperfocused on something. And while you walk out of your room after your hyperfocus session to grab a bottle of water from the fridge but instead you grab a potato because all the while you're thinking about the thing you were hyperfocused on. My adhd is getting really bad
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ADHD
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Its at its worst for me when the other person says my comments are laughable, as clear evidence of being undereducated, and it's triggering as I'm quite sensitive to this. I happen to be very insecure about it, I'm self-loathing over it (I have long thought I'm some kind of defective, etc, due to a litany of deficits, I could go on about this!)
The backstory over this: I recently was commenting on the Reddit called "EnoughMuskSpam" initially claiming I would assume the popular impression of this guy as a polymathic workhorse, just to see where the arguments on the other side fall. For those unaware, that forum is all about challenging the standard narrative; over there, they view him as a hyper-privileged man who fuels his enterprise on the innovations of a much more erudite team, while taking personal credit. Exploits his own work force without any regard, etc.
So again my stated intent was, I wanted to go in and see what the "other take" on this was, as part of my ongoing education on this topic--it's always an interest of mine to figure out how the most successful reached that point, and whether it was more about luck or the (often claimed) innate aptitude.
So the other poster was asking, "If you think he's intelligent, why not provide ONE fact that demonstrates Musk's high intelligence" and I basically replied, "my impression was, he was very precocious and began an early venture selling software at the age of 12." Apparently that part of things is real. While they reply, "Does that then mean a kid selling lemonade at the age of 7, is a sign of genius?"
The guy goes on to state my remarks suggest someone who couldn't get into college; that these comments were screenshot worthy, and he was certain I'm the kind of person who believes Harry Potter is real, etc.
It is clear to me that no matter what I would have said, I was out of my depth. In any case it felt like condescension and bullying, and that's just not the way I want to spend time on the net, questioning my own fragile sense of self-worth!
Maybe I just shouldn't even allow myself to talk about things for which I lack the right capacity? Or am I just too thin-skinned?
I mean have y'all had this happen? I get one has to toughen up, but then when things happen like that, it's like my self-esteem literally goes back down again for a while, and I cannot forget the incident. Maybe I just shouldn't try to write anything at all, so I never have to sound dumb/cringeworthy!
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aspergers
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I get overwhelmed really really easily when I’m not on Adderall. Emotions and sensory stimuli can both trigger it. I usually suppress it the best I can when I’m with anyone that isn’t my mom because I don’t want to make myself look like an idiot. I don’t know if my experience of being overwhelmed is the typical ADHD experience or if I should look into it more.
Anyways, here are my symptoms of being overwhelmed:
hitting myself in the head
Banging my head against things
Squealing/screeching
Not talking
Pulling at my hair
Rocking back and forth
Stomping
Flailing
Uncomfortable feeling in my chest, like pressure
Standing in a corner facing the wall
But then as soon as the emotion or stimuli goes away, I completely revert back to normal. I don’t think I used to do this as much when I was younger and it only happens when I’m off of Adderall.
Is this normal for ADHD?
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ADHD
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I spoke to a professional close to two years ago, and they prescribed me adderall extended release beginning at 20 mg. I stuck to that dose for the better part of a year, and so I became very tolerant to the dose. After close to a year I've had it bumped up to 30, but I've found that it became less effective than the original much more quickly (within a couple months). I considered that it may simply be that I went from no medication to 20 mg, but I wonder if sticking with 20 mg for so long (in order to avoid unnecessarily increasing doses) may have given me a higher tolerance than could be affected by 30s. Any ideas or experiences related to this?
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ADHD
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I'm not a survivor myself, well actually I guess maybe I am, I was pressured by an ex into sex when I didn't want it but I don't know if that qualifies, that's not really relevant though. I'm here because a girl that I'm in a situationship I guess you'd call it was assaulted in April and by her ex-boyfriend 3 years ago. I never intended on being in this situation with her, we were just friends that met online, but things progressed during Covid. We said we weren't going to make things official until we could meet when we were fully vaccinated but we were both in pretty deep by the time she was assaulted in April. She felt like she cheated on me when it happened. She still feels like she hurt me.
When the end of May rolled around and we were both fully vaccinated I started asking if she wanted to meet but every time I asked she had a reason why she couldn't. Then July it became that it was because of her chronic illnesses (she has lupus, EDS, and CFS). But she's been hanging out with friends and family. I was really hurt by it until I realized that she shuts down when things get emotional. She's not able to use words. She just uses emojis or she'll want affection or reassurance that I won't leave. Not in a demanding way, in a scared and desperate way. Like she can't handle her attachment to me without my help but it terrifies her. Recently she said she felt like she's not good enough for me and she can't give me everything I need. When I asked her to elaborate she shut down again and wanted virtual hugs. I hugged her and ask her if she wasn't ready to tell me and told her it was okay, that she was safe if she told me. She said yes, she wasn't ready.
I really don't believe that her chronic illnesses are what are keeping her from meeting me. It's her trauma. She's terrified. She's been sending me voice messages and I can hear the fear and anxiety in her voice when she does. I'm in a tough spot because it's been over a year since we started talking and I'm really struggling with the fact that I'm essentially in a relationship without most of the things that come with that. I just don't know how to help her feel safe enough to meet me. I've offered all the reassurances I can that she's safe with me and that I'll take care of her and do whatever she needs to feel safe with me. I just don't know how long I can keep waiting or what else I can really do.
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ptsd
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every days a battle should i keep living or just give up i’ve been numb for so long it just point less and i sitting here blood leaking from my wrist i wanna keep cutting deeper no one’s coming to stop me
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depression
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Posting on behalf of a friend, 24M.
He recently started dating this 22 year old female. The girl is really sweet, respecting and easy to get along and I think they both like each other. They have been discussing about ocd a few times so they can manage it well together.
I'm just here looking for any advice or recommendations for him. Any help will be highly appreciated. :)
Thanks!
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OCD
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Like at certain places, like a Karaoke rooms, or hotel room with certain setting, a very distinct smell etc... it brings up some kind of negative feelings inside, as a result I feel uneasy, anxiety. Sometimes it the shame, dirty kind of feeling. Happened to men as well, not all men, always certain type, old or has the same glare.
I don't know why I have it. But I have been like this forever since I was a kid.
What give? Does anyone experience the same thing?
I'm thinking about going for a psychologist but not sure what kind of therapy would benefit me the most.
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ptsd
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I suffer from Schizophrenia themed OCD and the toughts about delusions are constantly in my mind.
I had a tought that im posessed by a demon. I genuenly belived it to be true. Now im scared that im delusional.
The fear of being posessed has vanished in time and at moments i realise that it isnt happening, but now im so scared. I dont know if im scared of being posessed or that im delusional. Is this a delusion, pleas guys, someone! I need some comfort!
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OCD
|
I have a black-and-white, logical and linear thinking, so when engaged in a discussion I tend to get argumentative, and as a result I'm often accused of being obsessive with details, wording, and logic, such as difference between objective and subjective statements, or using "they are" and "some of them are", etc. I'm told that I should stop being so serious and stop turning every discussion into a debate. But I don't understand! I'm not nit-picking them, the arguments and doubts I raise are always relevant to the topic. How much pocket money parents should give depends closely on whether the kid "needs" something or just "thinks they need". I don't see how it is wrong to use the method of debating in a discussion, which focuses on finding the most accurate and logical answer. What am I supposed to do then? Not give any counter-argument? Most people are unaware of their logical fallacies while I'm very keen to them. Is it really wrong to point them out? How can I tell what counts as "nit-picking"?
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aspergers
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i just wish i had a friend. like a friend that actually cared, someone to vent to. i feel like i’m fighting a losing battle all alone and i’ve just about officially lost.
everyday all of my problems seem to get worse and i’m just waiting for the day i can’t take it any longer.
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depression
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I have been suffering from pure OCD for a long time. During this time I had a variety of forms. ROCD, HOCD, fear of hurting your cat. And since this fall, it's all gone. There came a terrible fear of sluggish neurosis-like schizophrenia (that's what we call schizotypal disorder in Russia). This fear literally permeated me. I began to suffer intermittent hypnagogic hallucinations when falling asleep I have visited many doctors and they see anxiety and OCD, mild depression, but not schizophrenia. I wrote the whole life story on 11 sheets. They see that I am an anxious and suspicious person. I started drinking Fevarin and the first week everything was fine... however, then I read that there are hallucinations with OCD. And before I went to sleep, I had a feeling that I was hearing some noise. I covered my ears and obsessively checked myself When I was at work or busy - it passed. Then I woke up the next morning with a completely fresh head, went to work and returned home in the evening. And that's when I began to experience an obsessive feeling that I hear something, by the type of noise, although I understand that I don't hear anything, there is no noise, but at the same time I feel as if I hear something, some kind of obsessive anxious fixation... Unclear. Some kind of crap. I am absolutely adequate and not delirious. Is this an obsession? Guys, I'm really scared. I had a panic attack this morning and thought I was going crazy. It seems to me a little more, and I will start delirium of exposure and voice...
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OCD
|
Hi there. I was diagnosed over the summer after struggling with ADHD-related issues my entire life. I was never diagnosed as a child because I was an A student throughout my entire schooling career. But, the effort that I had to put into getting those grades was more than the average student. Procrastination was (and still is) my biggest enemy. However, I was never disruptive in class. I am very aware that ADHD shows itself differently depending on the person. I feel horribly guilty and awful that I am getting frustrated with these students who also have ADHD and are disruptive/don’t turn their work in. I can’t reflect on my own experience as a student with ADHD because I *never* missed an assignment. I was horrified of potentially disappointing someone or getting in trouble. This wasn’t even something that was imposed on me at home either! My mom was very “as long as you try your best :)”. I was incredibly tough on myself and expected near-perfection. Now, this definitely was not good for my mental health but that was another issue I uncovered in adulthood.
Now as a teacher, I can’t compare my experience with ADHD to my students’. I really don’t know what to do sometimes. When some students are talking when I’m talking, it distracts me from my train of thought and then I get frustrated because it takes me a second to get back on track. Sometimes students aren’t using their time effectively. Sometimes I see them working on their work in class, but they forget to bring it the next day to turn it in. My credential program did not have any courses on how to help these students with ADHD. The most we got was how to differentiate, but I feel like there’s more that needs to be done.
I’m just really looking for some potential strategies or tactics I could use to help my students. I feel awful when I get frustrated because I know it’s not their fault. I’m also at a loss of what I can do to help them when I haven’t even figured out how to fully help myself yet. Any insight would be appreciated.
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ADHD
|
I’ve always been a reasonably hygienic and clean person, a few weird habits here and there but never as severe as what I’m going through now, ever since the pandemic started my “germaphobia” skyrocketed, it started with washing my hands more than usual that it eventually became multiple times a day (to the point where my hands are cracking, itchy, and bleeding) then disinfecting things that aren’t really necessary to clean, to the point where I was terrified of touching door handles, door knobs, pretty much anything that I know has been touched by others due to fear that Covid might be on it (unless I knew I disinfected it) Throughout the pandemic I’ve gotten some strange habits like touching door handles with a piece of paper of gloves, wearing knee high socks due to the fear of germs on the floor would get on my bare feet as I walk, washing or sanitizing a part of my body that would brush against a surface, washing my hands a 2nd time if water from the sink splashed back, throw clothes immediately in the dirty laundry basket if they fell to the floor for 1 seconds, shower when I come back home from somewhere due to fear that I might have loads of germs and dirt on my hair or body, wearing a mask when I’m dealing with something like dirt or tiny particles due to the fear of inhaling them and possibly dying, cringe when others touch me with their hands (knowing they didn’t wash or disinfected their hands), cringe or refuse to hug someone sweaty, immediately sanitize hands when I touch items at the store due to the fear that harmful germs might be on it, refuse to sit on public benches, refuse to sit on my clean bed or chairs after knowing I’ve sat somewhere public, etc it’s a lot of strange habits ive noticed throughout time and now I’m seriously suspecting this is more than just germaphobia. It’s starting to feel like just touching anything makes me feel “filthy” in a way and I have to immediately go wash my hands or sanitize. I wasn’t always like this, in fact I used to actually be kind of a dirty kid (did not mean for it to come off that way lol) it wasn’t until I started getting severely sick several times in my teen years (with the regular flu or colds) that I started to develop a fear of germs, (specifically ones that get you sick) so I became more reasonably hygienic and clean, until the pandemic started, my reasonable hygiene turned into irrational cleanliness. This is the first time I’ve ever actually admitted and come forward about all of this so this is a big step into self improvement. Now I’m not one to self diagnose but reading about all of these signs and symptoms are making me suspect of ocd, specifically contamination ocd. Another topic is throughout my life I’ve also been suspected of having ADHD due to many signs and symptoms pointing at it like inattentiveness and impulsivity and hyperactivity as a child. so I eventually went to a psychiatrist 2 years ago, but she told me most of the signs point to anxiety but to check with a specialist, but I never did... So now I’m seriously wondering if this could be ADHD and OCD comorbidity or just anxiety in general. I would like to hear all your thoughts and opinions.
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OCD
|
I'm male, 34 living in England. Recently have somehow made close friends for the first time in my life. One of them just said maybe we get along so well because we are 2 autistic dudes that just met.
Had busy few weeks, but started to reaserch asd and here I am, wondering if I should go down this rabbit hole, but I guess it's too late. You know a new opsesion to have. I'm just constantly even thinking about conformation bias.
I guess what I am trying to say, I am pretty sure I am on the spectrum, I'm just not sure what to do now. Do I "milk" it, get officially diagnosed?
Can I help myself by understanding it more?
How do you not become like one of them vegans that point it out all the time.
I already want to say people that I am autistic so it's easier for them to understand why I'm such a social retard lol
Also the test questions are kinda tricky. I do like to meet new people, but kinda only when I want to and I have kinda mentally prepared.
P. S. Sorry my brain just won't stop.
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aspergers
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I took the TOVA test today and the psychologist was surprised how well I did, considering how bad my symptoms are. I scored in the normal range. I don't get how the test actually tests for ADHD. While I was taking it, the flashing squares were so bright that I felt like I was going blind in my peripheral vision. I couldn't look away and physically felt like I was going blind. I am wondering if I should have told him this. It was so bright that I felt dizzy and sick afterwards. Could it have helped me to be sensitive to the screen? I also felt like it was the first "good" day I had had in months, as I feel like my symptoms vary and this particular day I had felt focused.
​
Luckily he is a good psychologist and scheduled me to do another test and believes me when I say I struggle with attention problems.
​
Has anyone else "passed" the TOVA test and felt like it didn't test anything?
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ADHD
|
I am a medical school student, on my way to becoming a doctor. Great boyfriend, plenty of friends and social events. 26/F.
Nothing is wrong. I have passed all of my classes. People like me. I have a cozy apartment, a dog, a stable relationship.
And yet…I’m still depressed. I sleep all the time, I overeat, I get massive (debilitating) migraines, crippling anxiety, terrible stomach problems, and I get agitated/angry for no reason when people try to help. I passively think about suicide, but I’d never try it. It’s like my life on paper seems great. I’m doing the motions. But I’m not here to enjoy any of it (like, I emotionally don’t FEEL present). I’m standing in the eye of the tornado, feeling very, very little. I’m just not HERE. I’m just waiting to WAKE UP from feeling horrible and down all the time. But I never do.
That’s it. Just a vent. Thanks for listening to me rant.
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depression
|
https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/10-things-not-someone-ptsd-100434798.html
I wonder if there are more to add to the list ... ?
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ptsd
|
Am I gay, straight, bi? All I do is question and look for signs that give me an indication. Discovering my sexuality has become an obsession. Is my attraction for men fake? Is my attraction for women fake? Am I a gay man in denial? Am I a straight man who wants attention? Am I just bisexual? I found something called SO-OCD, which I would say somewhat describes my situation. Alas, I still can’t tell my sexuality from discovering that I might have SO-OCD. I am attracted to both men and women. But for some reason I feel like I am lying to myself and am just gay or I’m just straight. Sometimes I feel gay and I am convinced. Other times I feel straight because I weirdly become only attracted to women which makes me confused because I used to be attracted to men. Im ok with potentially being gay. I’m not homophobic but I feel like subconsciously I’m scared to be gay. I am even more scared to experiment with men, like I think I want to in my head but when it comes down to it in person I don’t want to experiment with another man at all. I know I probably sound like I’m just in denial but i am very self-aware of my feelings and actions end that doesn’t seem to be the case. I just want a genuine feeling that will give me confidence in my sexuality. I can’t keep thinking about it 24/7 it’s preventing me from doing things. I am just very confused and mentally exhausted and am trying to find some relief. I just want to be happy. I am so tired of obsessing and wondering I just want to stop and relax.
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OCD
|
Does anyone else have a very deep hatred for your mental schemas? Do you feel like your mental schemas might be far far more controlling over your life when compared to how much they control neurotypicals?
Like my bedroom is experienced by me as a very large number of mental structures. I make a certain movement or I think a certain thought or I am presented with a certain stimuli, and this triggers me into a certain mental routine. I could replace the word “routine” with the word “schema” in the previous sentence, although I am not sure if I could do the same in every sentence.
Are the neurotypical’s schemas more moldable, more present, more in motion? Are their bedrooms experienced by them as more like being inside the actual physical cubes that they (the rooms) are?
I know that they still have a schema for what a dresser is, what a comforter is, what a ceiling fan is. I know autistics all have those deeply buried unconscious schemas as well. But I feel like we have so much more on top of the ones that are shared by all humans.
I was very very very sensory regulated about 20 minutes ago. I felt like my bedroom had lost all of my routines. I was just in my bedroom. It was just an open-spaced cube with the ceiling fan and the comforter. And I could interact with whatever idea I wanted to interact with in my head. This perfect sensory regulation has happened only a few other times in my life, and it always leads to this profound sense that I have an immense amount of forces in my daily life that keep me from living as myself. Lack of depersonalization. Ability to live in mental motion (or maybe with mental motion of the universe?).
Being so fucking sensitive to stimuli and my mind copes with the trauma of being unregulated by experiencing all these routines and depersonalization.
And I go unconscious to it. Zombify.
And based on tonight’s experience, I would say there is now the possibility that in order to get to this state of satisfactory regulation, I need to be internally AND externally regulated. I previously thought that it was a mostly external thing.
There is so so so much more to all of this than what I have typed out, but I guess I am unable to think of the rest right now.
Does anyone have any idea what I am talking about?
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aspergers
|
I am very lonely. I want to find other people to be friends with, but I have no idea where I can find other people irl that have Aspergers. I considered trying to be friends with NT's, but I feel that I am far too different from them for this to work.
So what kind of places can I find people like me? The library? A comic book/ collectible store? Antique stores? Where do y'all hang out? I can't find any people like me irl.
|
aspergers
|
* Multiple socks
* Some papers I printed out a while ago
* Small bits of yarn that should definitely not be around my cats
* Half a pack of gum
* Entirely too much trash
* Two stitch markers, one of which I immediately lost again
Things I have not found while looking for my keys:
* MY MOTHERFUCKING KEYS
I want to cry. I used them earlier today. I've looked everywhere I can think of. I have work in the morning, and I don't have a spare car key. They're not on the desk, in the drawers, on the counter, in my bed, in my pockets, on the coat rack, stuck in the door, in the fridge, in the nightstand, in the bathroom, in the trash, in my purse, on the couch, under the desk...
|
ADHD
|
Currently experiencing many somatic and life disturbances that stem from c-ptsd.
My bloodline is riffed with unofficially diagnosed personality disorders that stem from repeated early childhood trauma, including my parents, one of which died when I was a toddler.
How long does a diagnosis take? is it more important to let the therapy process continue without focusing on receiving an official diagnosis? Many fragmented memories and dissociative feelings are surfacing and I’m not sure if setting a label on it will halt the trauma healing by using it as a distraction to not re experience the pain or move forward.
|
ptsd
|
Hello!
I am newly diagnosed ADHD and learned I experience rejection sensitivity as a symptom.
I am struggling to find the balance between whether my rejection sensitivity is causing me to struggle, and when my needs are valid and just aren't being met
For example, I've been having the hardest 3-4 months of my life recently. I've been overwhelmed, depressed, and anxious, and have never felt more lonely. My best friend and I have stopped talking as much. It seems like 70% of what I say gets ignored, and when I try to express that I'm struggling, she just laughs it off with a "Yeah this sucks dude". (For context, we both recently went back to school as adults, which is causing the majority of my stress). I don't have a great support system, so most of my support comes from her. I feel guilty about this, because it's not her job to take care of me, but she has a husband and friends and family that she is close to, so she doesn't need me as much as I need her. I don't have a close relationship to my family (parents, siblings, cousins), no significant other, only 2 close friends, and I live alone.
All this to say, am I over exasperating the situation because of my ADHD? Should I express to her that she hasn't been the friend I've needed these last couple months? Is it fair to ask for more interaction, or am I being rejection sensitive?
Thank you in advance.
|
ADHD
|
TW: mentions sexual abuse/ harassment
I am angry and hurt, and confused. All of the people in my life who were supposed to support me and protect me when I was a child failed me, and my mom ignored it. I have vivid memories of things that happened to me a kid that I told my mom about and she angrily told me to “never say that again.” They are suddenly coming back to me now that I’m older (23f) and it is painful and confusing. When I was younger and first becoming sexually active they kind of came up but I buried them back down and forgot because it was scary and had big implications about my family life that I was not ready to accept.
I guess I’m accepting them now, but I can’t help but feel so angry. All three of the men in my immediate family I believe have abused or harassed me sexually-and I’m starting a spiral of self doubt and gaslighting myself. I vividly remember my dad sucking on my big toe when I was still young enough that he would dress me. I remember thinking it was a fun game, and when I was a little older and he didn’t dress me anymore I would try to stick my big toe in my own mouth to “play the game” even though I had no one to play it with me. This was what I told my mom when I was maybe 6 and she yelled at me to “never say that again.” After she yelled I knew it must be a bad thing, and I felt so ashamed for plying the game and trying to replicate it on my own. This is the one I self-doubt about any abuse actually happening, because it was so long ago and I only ever remember the image of him leaning over me and “playing the game” and nothing else. Nothing happened again until I was in college but still living with my parents. My dad would frequently climb into bed with me and try to snuggle, and my “fight fligh or freeze” would kick in and I’d pretend to be asleep/ kick him in my sleep. One morning he grabbed me around the shoulders and started kissing my cheeks and forehead and I finally was able to yell at him about how gross and inappropriate it was. He said he just wanted to snuggle and acted so wounded that his daughter didn’t want to cuddle him. He moped to my mom about it and all she said was “yeah that’s pretty weird, she’s too old for that”. Two years later I visited for Christmas and i was up talking to my now husband then boyfriend on the phone in the kitchen late one night and he just walked up and kissed me right on the lips (NOT normal in my family)
My older brother got drunk or high one night when I was around 10-11 and he was 12-13 and we were hanging out in his room playing stuffed animals. He got bored and started harassing me about doing something “active that a boy and a girl could do together in a room”. I was young, but I knew he was asking for sex and that he definitely shouldn’t be. Thankfully I had the presence of mind to leave the room and nothing ever happened. I told him about it years later and he told me “I don’t like thinking about that don’t remind me”
It’s my oldest (late) brother that confuses me and hurts me the most though. He was my hero. He was the only strong male figure I had in my life. He was my best friend, but now I am starting to realize what some of our “games” were and why mom told me not to tell anyone. He would frequently tie me up in belts and chains and leave the room to make me escape (not bad in and of itself but certainly looks worse in context). As far back as I can remember he walked to teach me to wrestle and we would do this multiple times a week. Again not so bad. But the one that I really struggle with is once he was a teenager he would grab me about once a day always when my parents were gone and hold me on his lap, sometimes in the pool sometimes just randomly. This wasn’t a game and I hated it. At first I would struggle and squirm to try to break free, then after a few times I realized it wasn’t productive and started playing my own game I called “rag doll” where I just went limp in his arms. This always made him mad and he would try to convince me to “escape” until he got frustrated enough to let me go. When I sat a boyfriends lap for the first time and it felt familiar it all came crashing back to me and I understood the “game”. I somehow forgot it again until many years later. He k*lled himself when he was 15 and I was 11, and a part of me wonders if he did it because he was ashamed of what he did (among other things) and as hard as his death still is, I wonder what could have happened if he hadn’t. It’s a horrible thing to wonder about the one person in my family I felt safe with and loved by. And I feel silenced by his death and preserving his memory for others and myself.
The only other thing is I have very violent and intense panic attacks (crying and can’t breathe) when my husband try’s to tickle me, pins my legs down (not intentionally) or kisses my legs (thigh area specifically) but I have no memories of why I could be reacting so strongly, but what I can remember of my childhood makes me wonder.
Thanks for reading if you made it all the way to the end-I know it’s a long post. I feel confused if I have a right to be angry and “claim” sexual abuse bc it is so mild,the word feels like it belongs to survivors of violence, and I’m whining about comparatively nothing. I guess writing this all out did help a little.
|
ptsd
|
I just started a drug called prazocin for my PTSD. Does anyone have any experience on it? Has it worked for you? Have you had any negative effects? Thank you!!!
|
ptsd
|
I’m not really clear on exactly how I feel yet.
I feel some guilt, because I don’t think most people consider ADHD a disability.
I feel some anger, that another person’s rudeness toward something that is characteristic of my disability is the reason I was forced to identify myself to them to hopefully get them to understand and relent.
I am afraid, because she’s already tried to get me in trouble by complaining to people with bigger business cards than my manager who knows, works with me patiently, and tries to help me improve. Forcing him to acquiesce to her demands on how I do my job, because she whines upward and I don’t, so the big shot just wants to be left out of it.. effectively putting my job, the best job I’ve had, which I intended to be my career, in jeopardy.
I feel trapped, because this company is ‘known’ to move the person who is the target of the problem, rather than the perpetrator. She’s also more significant to the entirety of the company, with more tenure, and while I’m integral to the branch I’m in—I’m an easier target for removal.. I only get the salary I do because of the vastness of my responsibility, which all pass through her, so I would have to give up my position to get away from her. It’s not an insane amount of money, but it’s the most money I’ve ever made and aside from her the best job I’ve ever had.
I feel like crying, because of the amount of feelings I’m feeling all at once.
I am a pretty good problem solver, but I don’t see a resolution right now that doesn’t involve me either sucking it up, losing my position, or leaving/being fired.
|
ADHD
|
Hi guys!
I don't know if someone is going to read this but I wanna share my success with you.
Got diagnosed 8 months ago, since then in therapy. My OCD was based on terrible thoughts about relationship, harming others and myself, health and many more.
It has been really rough 8 months, few times I wanted to give up but now I am happy I didn't.
I was on meds and doing ERP and CBT constantly.
I am now thought free, for about month or two.
Anxiety and depression are also very low for me.
Just please don't give up, it is hard and shitty but recovery is possible. Don't be scared of relapse, if it got better once, it will be better every time, more and more :)
Sending you all much love, I will pray for y'all❤️
|
OCD
|
Hey guys as the title says I have really bad focus and memory which made me a failure throughout school but still trying. Would it be okay if I can study 10 mins straight and take breaks? And keep up the same cycle. I really cant go longer than that.
Btw not officially diagnosed with aspergers but share alot of traits as everyone here so I thought it would be helpful to get an honest answer.
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aspergers
|
I remember posting in this subreddit years ago. Never stopped. I’m realizing how much time passed and I just don’t know feel any better. Every thought I have is suicidal. I thought it was normal to think fantasize about killing yourself until I started talking to my friend about how I was feeling… I just feel low. I feel alone. I feel like it will never get better. Every good thing that happens in my falls apart. I’ve felt alone my whole life, now I’m 26 and idk Im finally feeling like I’ve succumbed to my fate.
|
depression
|
I have OCD and I have recently become vegan (about a year ago). However I have noticed I have become increasingly more and more scared of touching something that has "meat" on it such as greasy table or plate or any surface. I am afraid of transfering it to my clothes. I am afraid I will accidentally touch a surface that was previously touched by someone who touched meat and then transfer it to my clothes. It got to the point where I unnecessarily wash my clothes because I have doubts that they might have meat particles on them lol. The though of having meat particles on me scares me and in my head it feels like being covered in meat and grease and blood. But I know that it's impossible to control your environment so much to avoid it especially if your family cooks and eats meat. I don't want to waste time washing my clothes and body unnecessarily and I want to enjoy time with my friends and family without so much irrational anxiety. Can anyone relate to this?
TL;DR: I'm a vegan that is becoming increasingly afraid of "contaminating" my body and clothes with meat particles and it is interfering with my life.
|
OCD
|
My daily attempt to Help, Inspire and Motivate those living with PTSD
​
[https://youtu.be/RJJrcweJb8M](https://youtu.be/RJJrcweJb8M)
|
ptsd
|
I think both my partner and I (20sM & 20sF) have undiagnosed ADHD. I'm not sure whether we do or not, but this is based on my research and observations. I haven't shared my suspicions with him just yet.
​
Onto the issue: he is more inattentive, hyperfocused on stuff (like video games) messy, and forgetful. I'm the complete opposite (of sorts). I'm sporadic, my mind is a mess, can't relax unless I've done all my work (working from home) but can't get it done because I can't concentrate for long enough - it's a damn cycle.
​
Anyways, the thing is his inattentiveness/messiness is going against my needs for tidiness, quiet when I work and a strict schedule. I feel like he's not doing enough and doesn't care about me (the reason for my suspicions he has ADHD) and while I understand he might not do it on purpose, I can't help but try extra hard for both of us to kind of balance things out (on top of my productivity issues)
​
I guess my question is if anyone has experienced anything similar? I might just have anxiety and not real ADHD but I feel my 'symptoms' are worse when I live with him than with my parents. I don't know if it's because when I'm home I have someone to nudge me all the time to do the things I need to do and kinda keep me on track.
​
Any suggestions welcome
|
ADHD
|
Im officially having trust issues not. I hate to call it an issue but it is reality. My so called one sided imperfect friendship of 6 yrs just decreased her contact basically now ghosted me to acquittance. I was not devastated. A friend before also ghosted me. I thought they loved me but yeah they dont. All my friendships are one sided now. I feel so insecure now. Whenever someone tries to talk i feel insecure of judgements and abandonment. I know i should leave and get better ppl but so far im getting ppl who are good to others but meh to me. I don't know how to explain im feeling nauseous. No family no friends. I had 5 members 3 siblings all abused me , friends who distanced or ghosted me. Im 25 and ppl say i have long life ahead and i should not take to heart. Am i 4? 25 yrs of bad experiences has killed the good in me. I dont know i just dont want to try anything. Im just looking after myself. Lonliness kills me but hey that's the reality.
I feel stupid because i shared my whole toxic parents problems with her and she wasnot genuine anyways. I feel stupid and naive.trust
|
ptsd
|
I thought I was doing much better. Maybe I just wanted to believe it. I’ve slid into another episode without really noticing, until someone asked me if I was ok and I broke down. Now I’m ashamed that I cried in front of this person. I’m embarrassed that it’s been so obvious I’m doing poorly. I want to disappear.
|
depression
|
I struggle immensely with my concentration, I don't have a diagnosis as I have learned how to adapt to my brain being the way it is and do amazing in school. My teachers are constantly hammering how you can't watch tv and study or listen to music and study at the same time.
The only thing is that's the only way I can effectively study. It's with songs that I play on repeat constantly and sitcom shows I've watched a million times don't get me wrong, but it's like my brain just can't work without something else to do. I totally tune it out 90% of the time and am focused on my studying but if someone asks what's happened/turns it off I notice instantly.
Studies show that it's impossible but my brain just works that way, always has done. When I was younger I'd be playing on my DS (parents got me into tech very early cause I was a pain to entertain for longer than 20 minutes) and watching Peppa pig at the same time and then they'd change the channel thinking I wasn't watching and I'd kick off.
I was wondering if this was just a me thing? People always find it super strange
|
ADHD
|
Hi all,
The last half year has been quite strange for me. The last three years I’ve been studying and working for probably 60 hours per week. I was motivated and wanted to achieve a financial goal. I study at my local uni and until half a year ago I had two jobs. 6 months ago, one of my contracts ended and I had to leave the place. Also, I didn’t get more working hours at my other job which left me with quite a lot of free time and a bag of money (but less income). I was super tired during this time, so it felt quite good to take some time off but I haven’t felt any better since. When I want to relax, I get nervous because I’m not making money, I haven’t made any friends because of Covid and work and I’m still tired all day long. There’s plenty of things I want to achieve but I don’t have energy to go out there and make it happen. What can I do to change this situation, because it’s driving me crazy!😡
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depression
|
Obviously many of us CANT do a schedule no matter how much we try, which doesn't even look like an effort at all. I've been told I needed to follow a schedule and I have tried to take accountability but they're not the right for me. I've tried os much and it doesn't go well in the end. What is it that you all do to say productive?
|
ADHD
|
Someone I know died and I'm shocked by my lack of empathy. He was a source of great trauma to me, both primary and secondary / as a trigger and I'm just struggling to be a decent person and feel sad about it.
I'm not glad he's gone.
Part of the whole trauma is that he was so young and on a one-way journey to an early grave and that's come to pass. I tried my best to help him - so much so that I actually saved his life once, which caused a massive relapse in my treatment because it reminded me of nearly losing someone else.
I guess I can hang on to the fact that I've kept my feelings to myself and have been kind and sympathetic to fellow friends when I've broken the news. Nobody needs to deal with my complicated issues around this person while working through their own loss.
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ptsd
|
I feel so behind. I can’t drive, haven’t had a job since I was 16, never been in an relationship, feel like my social life is lacking, don’t know how to initiate passion projects- it just feels like everyone’s got this figured out except for me. I want to be like everyone else, I wanna be successful, I want to make my dreams a reality- but I’m scared executive dysfunction is going to prevent me from achieving my goals. I feel afraid.
|
aspergers
|
Last night my partner and I were fighting in bed in the dark, and he shone his phones flashlight in my face while leaning over me (found out later he was looking for something but in the moment it felt aggressive)
As a knee jerk reaction I rolled on top of him and pinned his wrists down to protect myself. Rationally I know he would never hurt me, and I don’t want to ever physically traumatize another person like I was. It was a fight or flight moment, and for the moment I wasn’t thinking clearly about whether or not I was actually in danger
He called me a freak in anger, and I just got off of him. I am going to apologize for physically crossing a line. Just looking for support/advice
|
ptsd
|
I was obsessed with a drama that starred 2 actors. They have very good on screen chemistry and cute behind the scenes videos which made a lot of people ship them, including me. I started watching more of their videos, fan-made videos, and obsessively reading their fanfiction( I read for around 12 hours each day for like a week). I was starting school soon so I knew I had to cut it off. So I went cold turkey and deleted the app, all their recommended videos on YouTube, etc. As soon as I deleted it, I started getting panicky and sad. Then I kept repeating their names in my head and I started to imagine them in my imagine every single second. This was the start of all my present ocd’s. I started to think that it wasn’t right of me to read fanfiction about two people that have no confirmed relationship and they don’t even interact in public anymore, because one of the actors was canceled due to fanfiction between them. But I’m already so obsessed with their made up relationship and there are always videos that suggest they have a hidden relationship and I started to believe that. It’s been two months since I cut them off and I just keep thinking about them to a point where I want to check up on their dating status to make sure they’re not dating anyone because it’ll make me relived. I would get upset when one of them were to, for example, shoot a drama with another person simply because they weren’t with each other. I really just want to be happy for their career opportunities but I just can’t. Like I mentioned before, I started thinking and having an urge about checking on their dating status but I started worrying that I’ll keep checking to a point where I’ll check every hour, and every minute. I just want to stop being so obsessed but it’s extremely hard
|
OCD
|
I've been dealing with sexually intrusive thoughts for about half a year now. Unfortunately a large part of sexual-themed OCD is false attraction, and oh God I could go on for days about how this shit is killing me.
Well basically to put it simply one of my main *mental* compulsions regarding this theme was thinking of an experience, fantasy or person I actually desire and feel genuine attraction towards. Then I would compare it to the false attraction I was feeling at the moment to get reassurance that my fears aren't true and that if I was actually attracted I wouldn't feel so dysphoric.
Now the problem is that I'm beginning to forget what actual attraction feels like. I don't know what's going on, maybe my libido is blocked (?) but seriously OCD has been bugging me so much lately that all I ever feel is anxiety mixed with false attraction and panic and despair. I look at guys I like and although I take it for granted I am attracted to them, I begin to overthink the experience and think “Okay this is attraction, right? Maybe I have experienced this with one of my fears and not know it?? Am I my fears??”. Sexual/romantic desire is supposed to feel good but this mental scrutinizing in my head sucks the joy out of it. Good grief at this point whenever I feel genuine attraction (whatever that is anymore) I get anxious almost immediately and my mind goes blank, it's like it triggers my OCD. Also I've hit bottom low and I can't tell the difference between finding someone attractive and being attracted to them (two very different things).
Now of course my main source of reassurance isn't working anymore. And my libido is dead. I don't know how to deal with this but I really hope I'm not the only one with this problem.
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OCD
|
I wrote a checklist of what goes on in my brain. Is this normal for depression or do you think I’m even more broken?
Overwhelmed with the routine. Sorting out the Kids, sorting out the home, work, study, often give up example “what’s the point cleaning when it’s going to mess again”
Distracted - can never finish one thing, get distracted and overwhelmed and go onto the next thing. So many loose ends that make me very anxious that I cannot or have not finished.
Quick to anger when I get interrupted. It takes a lot to focus on one thing and when I get interrupted I know it will take a lot of time to get back to task if i can. I know this and get snappy and just give up with many interruptions.
Terrible body image. Often don’t understand why my husband even stays with me. Why would people even like me. I look awful and feel I am just an awful person inside and out. Cannot accept compliments. I hate looking at myself in the mirror. Often I’ll avoid showers mirror etc so I don’t have to look at my body. I refuse to be in photos. I’m always late because nothing looks good on me or I don’t have the right clothes. I refuse to buy new clothes because nothing looks good on me anyway. I feel frumpy, ugly, like an old lady.
Thinking I am a burden and my family would be happier without me in it. Burden to friends and family. I’m just a waste of space, a shadow in a room.
Intense guilt always. When I work I am guilty I am not spending time with children or family. When I am with kids I am guilty I’m not doing study or client work. I feel guilty I am even feeling depressed. I should be lucky I have a great support network. People have it way worst than me. I am lucky and I should be feeling how I am.
I feel jealous of those who succeed when I feel I work 10 times harder and make so many sacrifices . I feel jealous of relatives that have time to play with my kids when I can’t (because of work/study commitments) I feel jealous my husband can leave and go to work, while I am at home.
I feel depressed in my home. We have too much stuff and not enough space. It’s cluttered and I am embarrassed, we don’t have people over.
I don’t like people looking at me in public. When I am out and see someone whispering or laughing I assume they are making fun of me or it’s at my expense.
When something is said where I have been out of line or someone says something insulting to me I cannot forget. I over think this.
I overthink everything
I am a perfectionist and if things aren’t perfect I’ll often do it again or consider myself a failure.
I get very depressed with my grades if they are not 100%.
I am terrified to look at our finances. My husband and I fight about this the most.
I cry often and often wish I wasn’t around. I have a history of self harm and lately it’s the only release of pent up anxiety. My kids are literally saving my life. When I drive in my car alone I often think about drifting out of the lane. Fast and quick into a tree.
I can’t say no or delegate work to anyone else because I get frustrated and angry they will not do it properly. I have a lot on my plate with work because of this.
I have panic and anxiety attacks and go into flight or fight often. I’ll waste time just staring into space.
I’ve known I’ve had to see someone for so long. But I’ve hidden behind being an extrovert.
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depression
|
I am on day 3 of zoloft and I've been reading some experiences online where a lot of people said it made them feel numb and have no emotion. Is there anyone who didn't have that experience? 😭I really don't want to feel numb....but my depression is bad. I don't see a point to anything. Nothing excites me anymore and I feel broken.
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depression
|
To anyone who has had experience with these sorts of things I need your advice.
We were having dinner with our family and we were discussing dietary restrictions during Passover and where the rules for it came from, and my mother found a lot of the rules ridiculous. She asked if the people who came up with them were on the spectrum. My mouth was full, so all I could do was stare at her for a few seconds. Then when I could speak I pointed out that not everyone who is Autistic tries to do stuff like that she said well... and then made a point that it was just a comparison. After dinner she came up to my room to apologize that she wasn't trying to offend me, but just siting here thinking about it I am getting really angry about it. She knows I am on the spectrum and she still made a joke at the expense of people like me. I know we can be controlling, but I just feel so betrayed by her remark. Does she make more jokes like that when I am not around?
If anyone has any advice on how to handle something like this I would really appreciate it.
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aspergers
|
Every job I (25M) have ever had, I either quit or or got fired from. At one point I had had 16 jobs in one year. I went to 5 of them. Stayed for at least a week in one. Didn't show for the rest.
I had a job for three months recently. It was nice. I didn't have to do much. I sat in the back and looked at cameras and played on my phone. I was able to get my dopamine fix from being on my phone and I was doing the same thing there that I was doing at home. So it was great. Then that changed and immediately the job became mentally excruciating.
I've had one girlfriend. She had problems with how I acted as a result of my ADHD, especially the job thing.
I'm talking to a really cool girl right now, and I came on strong as hell bc of my hyperfixation, realized it twice and had to walk it back both times. And now I'm realizing bc of my ADHD, I have probably screwed it up bc I'm inconsistent with my emotional level. And now I have to live with knowing I might have hurt her.
It's like my life has to constantly have something new going on, being job, person, or hobby wise to be happy.
There aren't many jobs where I can go do them, put them down when I'm tired of them. Then pick them up again when I want to do them again.
I've thought about getting back on medication. It's worked well in the past, but I don't want to become a zombie. I'm really funny and happy as a person. But the medicine somehow dampens all my emotions. But I could probably do better if I got on medicine tbh.
It feels like it's falling apart at the seams. It's enough to make me consider something drastic. I'm exhausted.
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ADHD
|
I've been depressed for months and I've been unproductive I've been living aimlessly I want to change things I don't think I have enough strength. I met that girl here. I fell in love from the first day.I waited for tomorrow but that day She rejected me for no reason She refused very politely She spoke so as not to break my heart She offered friendship but I ruined it with my own hand in a few days Now she started to block me wherever I tried to reach him She was right I couldn't forget this for 7 months. I also ran away from another girl who wanted me. I want Bengi Now I want to stand up I want to forget Bengi I tried all the time and it didn't work I caught Covid 19 Today is the fifth day of quarantine.I'm confused I wanted to discharge
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depression
|
I’ve been semi-successful using the Pomodoro technique by myself but I know how much RSD/others’ accountability drive me to action more quickly. ( i.e. me not just researching this on my own but asking ya’ll to give me your time/energy to suggest groups for me so I feel guilted into actually checking them out :’D )
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ADHD
|
Had a funny exchange with my doctor today as we were going through my medication review:
D: so how are you going on the 50mg?
me: the 50s? I thought you said we had to wait for the next review (this one) before I started on those!
D: no-no, remember I said, you start on the 30mg and then gradually go to 50mg...
me: ... No...
D: of course.... memory
me: yeah... \*awkward laughter
D: \*laughs
Anyway, trying 30 + 30, so 30 in the morning and 30 in the afternoon and then tomorrow will try 50... hopefully this will help me last longer and I don't have as much of a crash at 3pm!
Anyway, hope that gave you a giggle!
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ADHD
|
I’m just curious if anyone here has this reaction... most of the stereotypical reactions to ptsd involve wanting to hide in a corner or under a table and cry or something of the sort but when I get triggered I don’t feel scared or sad or anything, best way I can describe it is flat out rage. It’s not like I’m out of control I don’t just start punching things but I do have an extremely strong urge to just want to fight someone. Someone as in specifically the reason for my trauma. I’m not afraid of them at all. The only thing I’m afraid of is myself and what I would do to them if ever given the chance.
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ptsd
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Before anyone says it, I am in therapy. This question is out of genuine curiosity.
I've struggled with self harm for a long while. Cutting, burning, scratching, that kinda deal. As I've been learning about autism I noticed one of the symptoms was self destructive behaviors. But they seemed to be referring more to like banging your head against a wall and stuff like that. I've occasionally when really overwhelmed beat myself in the head or legs, but only a handful of time. And I know most of the time I SH it's cause I'm stress/over stimulated.
I'm just curious how common self harm/self destructive behaviors is with people on the spectrum. And what ways it comes out in.
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aspergers
|
I was diagnosed with OCD this week so i haven't even started work to figure what i should be doing treatment wise. I also need to finally admit that I can not handle drinking alcohol. I can plan in my head that I'm going to have 2 drinks and sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn't. I'll get into a social situation and just forget about my limit and then it's too late. To be honest this happened the last time about a year ago. I went to a friend's house, drank copious amounts of wine and her husband ended up having to drive me home. The next morning i woke up and my brain was trying to convince me that i had cheated on my bf with him. Rationally, i know this isn't possible. I jumped out of the car already knowing how i would feel the next day and ran to my neighbors house to sit with her for a bit.
This has been happening for a few years now. I drink a little too much, I lose some of the night and my thoughts try to tell me i did something wrong. I've spent a year working on not drinking too much. I'll have 2 glasses of wine every week or so. However i want to lunch with my friend yesterday and I ended up drinking too much. I moved to the bar when she had to start work (she works at the place we were eating). I remember talking to the kid behind the bar, but nothing much after that until i tipped my bike over and fell. This is shameful, downright tragic behavior that i am too old for. My bf is over it. The problem is that i have spent the day trying to fight off thoughts that i cheated. Again rationally it isn't possible, but i can't stop worrying about it.
I guess this is kind of a ranting venting post. But has anyone else delt with this? Alcohol causing intrusive thoughts? I love being able to drink wine sometimes. It's very clear now tho that it's not something i should be doing anymore.
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OCD
|
Am I the only one?
I'm wondering if it's my ADHD or something else—whenever a routine is disrupted, I feel frozen.
For example, the boiler in my bathroom broke, so I need to use another bathroom. Now I can't seem the find the energy to shower because I have to haul my toiletries then have to take my stuff out (I really dislike putting stuff away too) when I'm done.
When reading a book, if my husband moves it somewhere not easily reached (particularly if he makes comments about the book not belonging to where I left it), I lose my appetite for the book.
It takes a LOT of energy to do something a different way or different from how I want it done exactly.
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ADHD
|
I’m kind of just venting because I understand that reassurance is a compulsion but with my specific theme there was always one phrase I said to myself that would always calm down my nerves and it was “well you’ve never gotten an erection from images like that right?” And I don’t remember ever seeing an image related to my theme that caused my genitals to move significantly, this is something I kept to myself as proof that I wasn’t what I feared to be, it was the only thing I could hold on to
Then I dug deep into my memories and I remembered one time I think I got an erection from checking something I saw online. This memory is very vague but I definitely remember touching myself to check so even if I did get erect it was probably from touching my genitals since touching your genitals is going to make your genitals move regardless but I also remember thinking my genitals were moving and looking down and see they didn’t. I don’t know which memory is the truth tbh although the first memory came first and the memory where I wasn’t erect came when I thought more about it, so maybe I made that one up, they both feel real as hell and even though it was just a groinal response I still might have gotten an erection from the image and it scares me that I’m capable of that but lastly another reason why I don’t think I got an erection is because that would’ve definitely kickstarted my HOCD but my HOCD started weeks later from something else
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OCD
|
I fantasize about getting the things I want, about being happy and moving on to a better life. I come up with goals and aspirations. I want to believe i can make life be good.
When reality is that I always fall short of making these plans come through. And when I reach towards my desires I am constantly rejected which makes me feel worthless.
I don’t want to think I am nothing but facing the reality of my failures tells me I am just never going to be good enough.
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depression
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I've been lurking and posting/commenting in this sub for almost a year now, ever since I got my diagnosis in February. My story is probably very similar to yours, so I won't obsess over writing out the monolog as I usually do.
But I just wanted to express how utterly grateful I am to those who post and comment here. I knew nothing about the intricacies of ADHD before visiting this community. When I started reading what people were expressing here, I felt like I wasn't alone anymore.
I don't know you and you don't know me, but we've had the same experiences, the same thoughts, feelings, hardships, revelations. Sometimes, I feel like I've even had the same life as you.
Over time, this sub has healed me in ways I can't even begin to explain. It's not necessarily the advice you give, or the hilarious relatable situations you get in. It's the sense of "these people will always understand me".
I could write an essay on this but I'm trying to restrain myself. So, from the bottom of my heart, I sincerely want to thank this sub and all of you. You've given me so much peace and validation, something I'm not sure I could have felt if not for this community ❤️
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ADHD
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