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Just [some lo-fi music on YouTube](https://youtu.be/Zi5H7UwZrGg) that plays back in 8D audio (the kind you use with headphones that feels like the music moves around your head). Been using it for about a week now for some of the best focus I’ve ever had for studying.
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aspergers
|
Sorry if that seems stupid but I’ve seen 4 therapists and I never seem to know if it works, if the psychiatrist has a positive influence etc. What are your red flags in a therapist ? Cause I’m not sure if mine is good for me
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depression
|
I’m doing my best to keep my head above water. I am incredibly fearful of mouse poop because of disease. I tend to perseverate on it for hours, even though I’ve only encountered it once before. This week, we found loads of mouse poop behind a bunch of furniture. I found even more today and spent 3 hours cleaning it up. It is taking everything I have to not panic, keep washing my hands repeatedly or obsessively google... but I’m doing it. I’m making it through. I’m still taking care of myself (exercise, eating, sleeping, hygiene) and I’m able to resist engaging in some of my compulsions — at least, not for hours on end. To me, this is a huge victory. Just wanted to share with you all, since you’re the only people I (kind of) know who would understand 💗
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OCD
|
Well, here I am. Got my coffee, drinking lots of water, taking my 20mg of Adderall, and...I have done very little at all today. My co-worker has just shipped out 12 boxes of gear and I'm struggling to bring myself to prepare 1 among some of the other basic work I need to take care of today.
I feel pathetic, and I feel like a terrible employee. I wish I could always have focus. I wish my meds worked as well as they do for other people. I wish I had energy. I wish I had motivation and drive. I wish I could do the things I wanted to do.
Instead, I am medicated and almost as useless as I would be without the meds. Fantastic. Words cannot describe how much I hate who I am and hate this bloody fucking disorder.
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ADHD
|
I keep thinking of the worst possible action I could make in any situation.
like as an example, one time i was carrying a pocket knife and i thought about stabbing someone.
So just clarification, I do not want to do any of these worst possible actions, i just keep thinking of them and the thought that it is technically possible for me to do is makes me temporary stop trusting myself.
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aspergers
|
I just got the psychiatrist referral from my doctor (who was very nice about it and put all my worries to shame) and I'm now looking at a waiting time of 6-12 months unless a miracle happens. And that's counting from the time I, you know, actually book an appointment after going through the research stage of finding someone not clueless about adult women with a long education.
I can't help but feel that my life is a little bit on hold in the meantime. I mean, I've always played life on super hard mode, without knowing why. And I'm at a point in my life where it's turned even harder, which is why I sought out help. The sense of relief when I realised that maybe life could be on just... regular mode (???) has made it seem even harder. I'm suddenly more conscious of my struggles and that's not always a good thing.
Obviously there's also the imposter syndrome whispering that maybe it's not even adhd - but even if so, I'll have that knowledge to move on from.
I'm sure other people in this sub have been through the waiting game - do you have any tips or tricks?
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ADHD
|
I just noticed this as I've been playing The Sims 4 and it's kind of making me laugh.
It just dawned on me that my sims spend the vast majority of time alone, at home, by themselves, working on a "special interest", usually getting really good at a solitary hobby (art, music) enough to make money from home without needing to deal with other people!
They also get lonely *very* easily and then I realise I haven't given them enough social outlets in a long time!
I find it kind of funny that the stuff I find hard to do irl, I'm also bad at making my sims do.
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aspergers
|
This is my first, and final post on reddit. I like to remain anonymous.
I was diagnosed with OCD a while ago and I have descended into complete madness. It started off with more common OCD symptoms like excessive hand washing, doing math in my head, writing with my fingers, but it's evolved for the worse. It has turned into Pure OCD. It started as Homosexuality OCD (HOCD), where it would convince me that I was attracted to the opposite sex. It wasn’t enough to bother me, it evolved into Religious OCD, and Contamination OCD, and I feel like there are people reading my mind and see my intrusive thoughts about killing others and stuff.
These intrusive thoughts are taking a toll on me. I feel like because of it, there are people out to get me like hitmen and such. Every time I meet someone new I always look at their physical build to make sure I can beat them up in the case where they attack me, and I'm terrified of this. I imagine myself constantly in front of all my classmates, friends, family and them all screaming at me and expressing disappointment for these intrusive thoughts. I fear I will one day harm a loved one and I don't know how to feel about it. I'm nearing my goddamn end.
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OCD
|
I’ve said for years that I’m *compulsively* honest, but I just put it together with the name obsessive *compulsive* disorder. So my compulsive honesty is ocd? Yes, I’ll ruminate on conversations to make sure I was accurate and forthcoming. It’s motivated by anxiety and creates plenty more anxiety. If I wasn’t accurate and forthcoming, I’ll often revisit the topic with whoever I was speaking with. In therapy this is true basically 100%. Otherwise it isn’t 100% but I still think about the conversations I never “corrected”.
So I think I answered my own question, but I’m interested in any thoughts about this. This seems pretty huge to me right now. Thanks
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OCD
|
Does anyone have some recommendations for anxiety control?
Sometimes I smoke cigarettes. It gives me a break from my family (my partner hates smoke and I promised him never to smoke in front of our son), and everything else, and it helps me to focus on my breathing.
But I don’t want to be a smoker, so if someone can suggest other strategies, I would be very thankful 😅
(I am pretty new to this forum, I got diagnosed with ADD a few month ago)
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ADHD
|
I’m glad this sub exists. It makes me feel less alienated. Thank you all.
|
aspergers
|
I might have some form of mast cell activation disorder or immunity system difference that is the most pronounced after I orgasm because afterwards I have a weird brain fog, sort of stiffness and sometimes weakness in some parts of muscles and overall a weird state of being for like 4-5 days afterwards but even with full abstinence I always seem to have some form of background brain fog and often the brain fog and such things change just depending on if I go to sleep a few hours later or earlier, the reason why I think it could be immune related is because in 2020 February I had a cold due to having less neck cover so the cold winter wind gave me the neck cold and ache and throat mucus and during that time for some reason those Post Orgasmic Illness Syndrome were completely gone for those few days while I was sick and the moment I healed from that cold and orgasmed THEY CAME BACK ON FULL FORCE so there must be some immune involvement in that or something like that.
What rare/weird/chronic/long-lasting other disorders and symptoms do you have other than just the Asperger's Syndrome?
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aspergers
|
hello, i don’t normally get contamination ocd symptoms, but i got a bit of food on my hand and no matter how much i wash it i still feel physically disgusting, what can i do to lose the feeling at fast?
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OCD
|
Hi, I'm not sure if I'm an aspie or not, but I would appreciate it if you all were respectful. From the tests I've taken, I seem to be barely on the spectrum, but I have a lot of social difficulties and on a few aspie screening traits I'm off the charts. I'm just trying to understand what I am and get the help and support that i need.
I have one particular symptom that keeps coming up and is causing a lot of problems. I seem to be obsessed with music lyrics and movie lines. It sucks because I don't want to be, but when I say a line or I get nervous and a line pops up, I automatically start singing to myself and engaging with it. I essentially leave the real world and get wrapped up in my head when this is happening. What bothers me most is that my body gets emotionally engaged with it and then I back away from and fail the task at hand.
It seems like I have cognitively developed to become quite brilliant, but emotionally I have not matured since maybe age 5 or 6. Novel situations with problems and uncertainties are especially challenging, and this is the most likely time that I will engage in a song like I did when I was a child.
I hope I'm not offending anyone with the child comparison. I am in my 30s and it's like I have two selves. There is a part of me who understands what a 30 year old understands and there is a part of me who is stuck engaging with life the same way I was when I was about 5 or 6. It's really frustrating. I just want to understand and get the help I need before this problem causes me to get into more trouble than I already am.
|
aspergers
|
Finished my first 30 days of Strattera 18MG and honestly it felt great. I felt more in control, but Now, 1.5 months in I feel like im back to square one making more careless mistakes.
-Left the leftovers in the counter instead of putting them in the fridge.
-Left a whole 5 pound bag of shredded cheese out of the fridge.
-Careless mistakes at work (Small stuff like forgetting a meeting even tho it was still in my calendar.)
-Anxiety creeping back in (Felt really good last month. Minimal Anxiety and my live in gf said I seemed calmer.)
-More anxious / impulsive on the road than last month.
Even with all this examples the psychiatrist said I should remain at 18mg. Is this normal?
|
ADHD
|
Does anyone else avoid something that’s slightly uncomfortable consciously? Like avoiding calling your boss back or a friend that takes your energy away. Or knowing your in the wrong and avoiding that person?
I tend to do this a lot and I don’t want to, it goes from I need a moment to breathe I’ll call back in 5 minutes and then it turns into 1-2 days lol.
I always think the person will be mad at me or I’ve done something wrong and I’d rather just run and hide. 75% of the time they’re completely fine and it was me just freaking out.
I feel like a really bad friend and a very irresponsible person.
Edit: Thanks for the feedback guys. This really makes me not feel alone with the issues I deal with daily.
|
ADHD
|
Does anyone have any recommendations for ADHD friendly careers? At the ripe age of 19 my family is hounding me to go back to school (I dropped out after 1 1/2 semesters). I don’t think i could make it through another 4yrs of school and the thought of having to pick a major terrifies me. Like most of us I’m a jack of all trades and master of none, but since i floated through HS w test-taking skills and the shittiest of shitty public school teachers everyone seems to think that i’m smart and lazy. There’s such a huge commitment that comes with school (money and time) that i’m not sure i’m ready for ( definitely not the money part). Im looking into some remote jobs like coding or digital marketing but I just don’t know where to start so a few tips would be greatly appreciated:)
|
ADHD
|
Hi. I am on SSRI and benzo for 3 weeks now. It helps but some days are still depressed. Like yesterday i even danced and did a workout(even being in chronic pain as usual) but today i woke up and i feel sad, like for no reason and i don't want anything. How can a day differ so much from another one? Cause i see AD help a lot. I feel it alrrady but ther3 are still bad days.
|
depression
|
As a 23 year old adult. I’m at that point in my life where it really doesn’t matter what I have and neither does other people, (maybe just because I’m on the lighter end or it doesn’t show too much is a good point) I just learned to get over some of my issues with time and chose to accept what I decided.
|
aspergers
|
My exhusband assaulted me over a year ago. I left & started the divorce process, though all the legal hearings weren't finished til July 2019.
I tried dating some early last year but haven't even thought about it since then, until lately.
I know I still have a lot of work to do, but I'm doing it. I've come out as nonbinary. I joined a choir, I'm learning ukelele, Im meeting some big poetry goals. I'm involved in a d&d group & working hard in therapy.
But . . I'm lonely. In a way that I haven't been? I want someone to hold & take care of as much as I want someone to hold & take care of me.
How do you know when youre ready?
|
ptsd
|
No need to answer i just want write a "bit"
​
My story:
2 y.o. Ive got a sister. My mother is extremly ill and almost died durring her birth. Shes actrually my half sister My parents werent a couple anymore when i was born and i start drawing clothing
3y.o. i cant breath espacily when i sleep so i have under go a small operation so i can sleep and breath again and i start ballet but i have a learning deficicy when i´t comes to mevement so im more of a joke
​
4ish y.o. My foster father (the father of my sister ill just call him that) and my mothers arguing gets worse and they part ways i just see him on the weekends im really close to him still
and my Kindergarten teacher dies who i was also really close to. I went to her funerall and throw the flowers for the whole kindergarden
and i start wetting my pants again
​
5-7 y.o. I start school. I get bullied and light a massiv advent wreath on fire in my school.
When i was 7 i suffer a brain injury and colapse an my way home. Luckly i get realies from the hospital the next day: One boy known as a bullie pressures the only person not bullieng me to slam my head on the stone floor
At that point my best friend at home keeps hitting and insults be constantly but i actually tend to have really close realationships to peole and knew it was just the anger of her because her parents dont really visit her or give her love
i have a few other friends some of them keep bullieng me and i realise i cant really understand other kids and im different. Still im outside most of the time even i have dificulties moving because of my head and my legs wich were extremly bend like an x. sometimes kids shot balls between them because i couldnt close them properly
C. an actuall friend tries to protect me and tech me how to interact
And durring a swiming lesson i cant get up from underwater and the teacher didnt see me so my mother rushed to the pool to save me from drowning
​
7-9 y.o My Mother tries to kill her self in front of me and aperently all strugles are my faul.(i know it happent at least 3 times but i cant remeber the other times clearly) The hair of my sister catches on fire because i didnt pay attention and she leaned over a candle
I start a martial art and get diagnosed with a strong fructose intolerance wich makes me unable to eat a lot of stuff and makes me physically miserable if i do and makes my selfestem go down because my belly bloats a lot
I change schools and it gets worse i allmost trough up everytime i have to go to school im terrified of my classmates and just hide in corners. Still i trust everyone so i get beaten up or betraied allmost weekly. the source for all of that ist my "best friend" no one comes to one of my birthdays without saying anything. I get beaten up in front of my door with sticks it was acctally suposed to be my sister. i protected her so this was the only time i threw a punch. My sister fails to get help for me for over an hour evenm though it was infront our door and mom was home. Turns out my "best friend" has really destroid our previos good relationship. I stop leaving the house. The teacher doesnt believe me even if my whole back is scrached and blue. She doesnt want to believe me because she really loves her class and im extremly weird. My mother couldnt really change that. one of the intergration helpers catched me beeing allmost beaten up. She was the onlyone believing me before two but at that point she seemed to really have lost it and the teacher started caring at least as much as she had to. I get send into a course because i was fat and i get really insicure about that too.
​
9-15 y.o. I attend the hardest possible kind of school (our school system is weird but im on the kind of school for the really good students) I get bullied the first two years a bit because some of my old classmates are on the school. But i go to the teachers and it gets shut down. I regularily cried and screamed and generaly was a hard child to handle not many people liked me. Sport class was espacily hard and everything people told me was it was over and that i should make scene. no one knew how to deal with me so i mostly got screamed at for beeing weird and laughed at from thj students. I move so i lose almost all my friends wich i had left lickly i had foud3 wonderfull friends in my new school. The first time ever. When i was 11 ish i sh the first time and with 13 i did it regulary. I still got to hear mean things and was pushed around but i callmed a bit. i had 2 operations on my knees and some students decidet to kick me in my knees on my first day of school. I get diagnosed with add and dislexia. But im not allowed any treatmentby my mother who is concerned for my health and it turns out have isolated talent but now i get pressured a lot more because my parents (ive forgot to mention my mother married) cant understand how average i am and why im so extremly interested in clothing and costumes and insult me by saying how i waste my potentioal and why im not as hardworking as my sister and they insist they an take my concentration problems away by screaming at me. My constantly messy room gets more of a problem as my mother get more and more allergic. I probaly dont need to explain but i just somehow cant clean my room it sound so cheesy but its really hard to get up doing anything. even shower or learning for school. But i pull myself togethen and get an average grade from1.5 (1 is the best 6 the worst) and the only subject where i have an 2 is because i just cant motivat myself to do homework. As soon i get home i eat a ton and go to bed. I get a boyfriend and in the process of that i get more friends. Shortly after that corona starts. my friend get into psychiatric clinics because like allmost all of them want to or tried to kill themselfs during that time. my grades fall to its lowest ever with 2.5 because i just cant get up. i dont shower for weeks. when school starts i acctually stop sh and get a lot better an hopefull and i meet my old frien c. again shes a drug addict since shes 12... And i get asked for nudes a lot by men on the internet and one of them once was in front of my school but my cousin wich i cosidert brotherly at the time took care of that. Them my cousin wanted me to sit on his lap constantly and be my bf and to beat up my bf. I barely have contact with him now.
​
15-16y.o. I get relly close with one of my friend from before who also left the school because he was to depressed for school honestly. If never been so close with a friend. I actually just really stop weating my pants i know it gross im sorry and i change schools because of subjects i can choose. the new school is way better education wise so my grades and my friend and i loose touch. My really good freinds start really talking shit about me and try to split me and my bf up. he is constantly crieng because they wouldnt listen to him and i also get worse. I find some new frieds and start to understand the situation with my old ones and actually get to savethe friendship. I get a whole lot better for a short time. I get a psychiatrist because i think i might have autism and want add medication but try to hide my real problems. Wich doesnt work shes guessing i have problem. Then the sister of my bf kills herself.
​
​
thats where im now
​
How Im feeling
I feel like an empty canvas character wise i just fake every bit of character i have and dont really know how to stop or who im
its as far as i dont really beliefe myself how shitty i am. I just am constantly cold an tiered i just feel like i have a cold constantly. But i have also this pressure in my had that i have to get everything done but when i try i get distracted or cant even. i hate my sef more that anyone else i constantly need attention and cant shut up id dont have a filter between my head and my moth i feel overly dramatic and extremly lonely and i feel like i have a dark empty cave inside where my soul is wantering not finding anything and every emotion just echos away its just not possible to hold anything. I feel pressured to achieve something in my live but i cant i feel lijke live is to short and to long at the same time. i really just want to take nap and i sometimes dont even know if i love my bf. I do but sometimes i just cant grab the feeling its just runs like sand between my fingers. i feel sometimes like i feel everything but nothing i cant explain it somtimes i just cover all the mirrows because i cant stand myself
​
if you read it so far. Thank you
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depression
|
I have posted this one time before, but I didn't got any answer.
I struggle with harm and fear of psychosis. I keep thinking "what if I actually want to harm/kill someone?" I wondered how do I cope with uncertainty? I can't just think "well maybe I want to kill/will kill someone. Maybe I'm gonna get psychosis". Please help.
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OCD
|
EDIT: Forgot to add this, but trigger warning! I mention a bunch of different kinds of OCD and a briefly talk about school shootings. Another edit for typos
I'm kind of treating this like a confession, and this might also be seeking reassurance a little bit but I think I'm getting desparate at this point so I apologize and if the mods want me to delete this then I will. Sorry for the long post as well; I have a lot to get out, haha.
I've had OCD symptoms for a while. I remember I would constantly seek reassurance all through middle school, and before then I was having horrible thoughts about purposefully hurting my friends and becoming a school shooter/arsonist (late elementary/early middle school was around the time where school shootings were becoming more common in America).
I also have/had intrusive thoughts about health, contamination, evenness, morality/religious, sexual orientation, self-harm, relationships, and sexual abuse, but harm has always been the main focus of my OCD. I have a few compulsions, but these are mostly evenness and contamination based. I have certain rituals I do daily and when I'm on the internet, I have to walk through doors a certain way, I have to wear four pairs of gloves when I'm doing the dishes, I have to pump a certain amount of soap in my hands in a certain way, and obviously if I fuck up I have to do it all again.
Even though I just listed all of these things, I feel as if my OCD isn't that bad, if that makes sense? I only recently got my main compulsions, and even though they cause me extreme anxiety when I don't do them, I don't feel like I deserve to talk about it with my therapist or anyone else (as I type this I'm contemplating not posting this because I don't deserve help).
I've gotten extremely good at ignoring intrusive thoughts, and they don't exactly distress me as much since I've been having them since at least second grade. Also, compared to other people with OCD, my symptoms are definitely more mild. I think if I honestly tried, I could ease my symptoms to a point where they don't affect me as much, if not at all.
But this makes me feel like I'm faking my OCD. I have been actively searching for ways to make my symptoms worse so I can feel like I actually have a problem worth treating, since I know so many people have had much worse OCD for much longer (I'm still in my mid-late teens, which is another reason I feel like my OCD doesn't deserve treating, or even mentioning).
I know that not thinking that my OCD is real is a classic OCD thought, but it makes me feel like shit everytime I ruminate or think about asking for help, especially since I used to be the shitty kind of person who fakes or exaggerates my symptoms. I feel guilty every single day for doing it, and I wish I never had because now that I actually know about all of these disorders and met people who have them (or have them myself), I know how sad, irritating, and downright sickening it is for the people it affects.
Apologies for the rant and long post, and thank you for reading this long if you did.
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OCD
|
I was doing pretty well with my habits. Exercising every day, doing yoga, doing homework, practicing piano, cleaning, etc.
I was doing so well, and then I ended up taking a weekend to visit my family. I wasn't able to do any of that stuff while I was with them and it completely broke my good habits.
Can't even get started on the simple ones despite the fact that just two weeks ago I was doing them every day. This isn't the first time it's happened at all, every little disturbance always causes me to neglect my schedule permanently.
|
ADHD
|
Their way of speaking,movement and general emotions all seem so angry and displeasent.I dont want to make them more angry then they already are but im falling behind on assignments since i cant ask for help at all.what can i even do?
|
aspergers
|
Hi! Here’s a story, two weeks ago I drove an hour one way for a doctors appointment in my car that needs repairs, arrived 15 minutes late so and they couldn’t see me unfortunately. I was a mess just sitting outside their office that day, overwhelmed with emotion for some reason.
Fast forward to today, I was driving to my rescheduled appointment finally and feeling proud that I was making good time! Drove all the way there, which is again, a 1 hour drive, and as I was pulling up to the clinic my heart sunk as I realized I was at the wrong location. :(
Just rescheduled this appt for a third time and feeling very discouraged, all I can do is cry right now. Don’t really have anyone to talk to about this but thought this community might be able to relate. One happy thing though is the sunset is really pretty right now, trying to center myself
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ADHD
|
Has anyone tried ERP through NOCD? I notice that they are US based and I am in the UK so I am wondering if they have therapists that work UK daytime hours. Also is it a good service?
|
OCD
|
Pretty much the title.
I've struggled with ups and downs in depression through the years, and in this "bout" it isn't sadness taking over me, just unending apathy andI feel all hope is lost.
I know it isn't reality, but it's my current state of feeling and it never goes away.
I don't feel the love for my boyfriend, my mom, sister, anyone. People I cherish. I have dealt with feeling worthless, but not this lack of empathy for those I love. In effect I am being so selfish, and I want to stop, but I am not mean, just thoughtless. It doesn't even occur to me to do the things I would normally do for others, such as make my boyfriend coffee when I make mine etc. I just.....forget.
I know we have to give ourselves grace when we are struggling, but I feel so bad for showing no love to my boyfriend in particular, as he is so good to me and all I do is give attitude. I hate it.
Idk what I need here but I wanted to tell someone.
|
depression
|
When i resist doing my compulsions my brain kinda starts negotiating with me and i think oh i will just do this one compulsion but after that no more and then after i end up relapsing and doing compulsions for hours on end.
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OCD
|
On one side I am like, I am not dead but on the other side I am like I am hella Contaminated. It's winters here and I don't have a water heater installed on my floor. Something happened a few weeks back that may have Contaminated me and since then I have not taken a shower ( mainly because it's cold here and I don't have a water heater)
Also, because I have got really lazy these days.
I am completely a mess right now, on one hand I am feeling proud for not giving into my compulsions but on the other hand I am feeling really anxious because I have been Contaminated for like 3 weeks 🥲
|
OCD
|
Anyone with pocd who has got a grasp on it please dm with tips. Anyone with grounal response issues or masturbation issues or questioning issues please dm tips. Thank you!!
|
OCD
|
I just… can’t figure out if i feel sad or empty. My chest hurts. But I don’t know why. I hate it. It disgusts me. I look at myself and I’m so disappointed. I want to be somewhere else. I want to be something else.
Robots are cool. They don’t get sad and they don’t need to think about being empty. This world is so devoid of something to look forward to.
I don’t want to be me anymore.
|
depression
|
Currently working retail. It paid the same amount as the psych hospital I was working in that burned me out. Stayed at the hospital for a year, and I've been back in retail for 3 months. I have no idea what to do next. Maybe I'll stay and see about moving to the floral side of things at this place and try to get an actual career in that? My problem is I'd love a career in the art fields, but I'm bad at traditional art and like crafts and ceramics, so there's not a real market. I started an Etsy store, but I know that has to be a side thing I do for myself and not for the profit.
I've been searching for another job that I'll actually like that pays 16+ the entire time though.
Wondering if others are like this and constantly looking for a new job.
Right now my long term career is looking like I'll find my way into floral/plant stuff, but boy would it be nice to work as a text help person at home. Just can't find anything that isn't sales driven or also do calls often.
|
ADHD
|
TW: sexual assault. If content about SA triggers you please do not read, I just need to get this off my chest and hopefully get some clarity.
I’ve been struggling with so much guilt and anxiety and stress over this, so I felt like it might help to have an outside opinion.
A year ago I had just started my freshman year of college, in covid conditions of course. It was miserable; I was alone pretty much all the time, and honestly I could’ve died and nobody would’ve noticed. So when I found a group of some pretty sketchy people, I jumped at the chance to be around people, somebody, anybody. They all creeped me out from the getgo, and the few times I hooked up with one of them were absolutely miserable. Most of them seemed just to want to be around me in the hopes of hooking up or something, so when I felt like I’d made real friends with one guy, I was thrilled. He was like a brother to me, and I grew to trust him and enjoy his company immensely. I started hanging out almost exclusively with him, and we would drink together. Then he started touching me. I didn’t like it. I told him to stop, and he’d wait until I was too drunk to move, and then grope me some more. I told him not to touch me, that I didn’t want to kiss him, that I didn’t see him in that way, and he never listened. I kept coming back though, because while I was sober he seemed like the good friend he’d been before and I didn’t want to lose the one human connection I had.
Then one night I came over to his dorm and asked for a drink. He made it strong, too strong, and I passed out. He waited until I couldn’t sit up or open my eyes anymore, then, well…You know how this ends. I don’t remember much; I thought it was a dream so I didn’t really try to fight back, and I couldn’t even move anyways. The next morning I asked him if we hooked up and he said yes, and talked about how jealous everyone else would be when he told them. He then asked me to have sex with him, and I felt so defeated because he was going to run his mouth to everybody anyway, so I did. I slept with him twice more after that, being more of a rag doll than a participant, before I finally couldn’t take it anymore and ghosted him.
Was I raped? I didn’t consent and wouldn’t have if I could, but I feel guilty about consensually sleeping with him afterwards so idk. Even if I was raped, I can’t prove it, especially because I still tried to be friendly with him afterwards and kept hanging out with him since it hadn’t fully hit me yet. Being on campus terrifies me though, and I’m always looking over my shoulder dreading seeing him. I’m terrified of having some interaction with him and being told I asked for this and it’s my fault. What’s worse is I genuinely don’t know if he’d be right.
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ptsd
|
So something happens that I feel guilty about, then I get over it, then another thing happens that I feeel guilty about, then I get over it and the cycle continues
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OCD
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I am the most unloved person on this planet. It is not that I am lonely now in this moment. It is I know deep down I am compatible with no one and going to end up alone. I'm 36. Have no future with any female. Nobody wants to marry me yet alone go on just a date. I get so lonely and depressed I end up spending money at brothels just for attention. These women don't care about me and I know that. At least for one hour someone is forced to be with me. Girls don't like me. Girls don't want to go on a date. Every female wants money for a date. I just go to the brothels because at least I know what the intentions are. They know the intentions. I can't even get a girl to look at me so I have to go to the brothels where fake happiness is paid for. This is going to be my life forever. Spending money at the brothels because I have no other choice for attention. Tinder, Reddit and every other dating site/app is just a scam. Nobody is genuinely looking for me. My life sucks alone and sometimes I wonder if living and being alone is even worth it to stay. I get scared thinking one day I am going to accept being alone forever and if I should just end my course of life. I cannot see a purpose. You mean to tell me that the last 36 years I have been alone is only the beginning and I have to spend the rest of my life alone too? I cannot imagine that. The image of being alone forever is so depressing, cutting my life short seems like a better idea then trying to live it out in misery.
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depression
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I just started taking Vyvanse 20mg last week. The first day I took it was honestly a bit strong, I completely lost my appetite (which I expected) and I felt very stimulated for most of the day and was also very productive as a byproduct. The next day I felt very different, I felt calm but almost robotic. I even felt a bit uneasy and as if I wasn't as involved in my social life (like I didn't feel like laughing at peoples jokes where I usually would). It was uncomfortable, but I still felt like I could focus effectively on my schoolwork better than before (distracted less) so I didn't think about it much.
The third day was different than the first 2 days again. I felt like I didn't feel much and it was hard to tell if it was actually making any sort of difference in my concentration, which really confused me because the past 2 days had been extremely noticeable.
Skip to today and I've been on it for a week, and I honestly am not even sure if it is doing anything, I even felt pretty fidgety this morning compared to the other times I took it. It's hard to imagine a tolerance being this strong over the course of a couple of days, but I am not sure how to process this.
What am I supposed to feel like on Vyvanse if I take it every day?
I'm not expecting to feel like I did on day 1 (nor do I want to necessarily), but I guess I expected to feel like a 'lesser-version' of that. I am mostly just confused on how it can feel so different in the span of a couple of days. Do I need to up my dose?
Thanks
​
TLDR: What am I supposed to feel like on Vyvanse long term? Should I consider upping my dose?
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ADHD
|
Sorry if this has been posted somewhere, but I get really confused when people say to acknowledge your thought and move on. If I think to myself, “ah! You touched the keyboard then your mouth. What if there are serious germs on your hands? Go wash your lips with mold soap.” If I acknowledge the thought I’ll just drive myself nuts and it won’t end until I wash my face (sometimes several times with various soaps). What is meant by “acknowledging”? If I give the thoughts any attention, I feel like it’s all I think about so the only thing I feel I can do is ignore and distract myself (with games, reading, a walk, etc.) Can someone please explain?
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OCD
|
Id like to ask if this is common. I have big issue with misreading numbers. Work and school related. I see completely different numbers as there are no matter how many times i look at them and realize much later.This caused issues in math at school and when I worked as cashier. Also today I realized that I was reading my date for doc appointment wrongly for two weeks and realized bcs of totally different accident. Sorry for my english. thank you for answers
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aspergers
|
My brother likes to make sudden moves at me and then make fun of me for flinching. I feel so dumb about it because I know logically that he would never hurt me on purpose (even tho he has knocked out 4 of my teeth from rough housing). I feel very degraded because ive built up so many walls to show no emotion due to my trauma and I still flinch and he knows how to fuck with me. Ive tried talking with him but hes on the spectrum (as am I) so theres a huge communication barrier between us. I feel so vulnerable around him. Idk where im going with this I just needed to vent
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ptsd
|
Anyone else do weird nervous tics like stripping the lining of your drying lip. I know it's bad for me but I can't seem to stop.
I've literally had phases where I do this for a while and then I stop and let my lips fully heal. It just starts unconsciously when my lips are dry and I pick at it with my teeth and devolves from there 😬
What do you guys do to keep weird tics like this in control?
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ADHD
|
I just had to share this here. My nephew has a diagnosis of core autism but for most of his life was told he had Asperger’s. He has just passed a maths degree with Open University in the UK. He is now officially Bsc with honours. This is the boy (now man) who was largely self-taught. His high school wouldn’t even enter him for the higher GCSE paper. He got accepted to Newcastle University (a damn good school) on interview alone but couldn’t complete because the lectures and traveling made him ill. So he did it his own way, in his own time. I could not be more proud of him. Chase your dreams and love your special interest, that’s my lesson from this!
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aspergers
|
Does it completely go away that you don't do ocd things and don't have intrusive thoughts anymore?
​
I realized I have ocd/intrusive thoughts since teenage years but its not that severe.
If I'm stressed it gets worse but sometimes even if I have many intrusive thoughts and do ocd things I just don't care about it emotionally. It doesn't trigger me. I am just annoyed from it but I can live it. Is this good or am I just ignoring that I have ocd?
|
OCD
|
As a kid whenever I was at a sleep-over I always felt weird getting out of bed (whether that was their couch or a sleeping bag) earlier than everyone else so I would just lie there fidgeting and rolling around. I would always be thinking how is everyone else able to just sleep for as long as they want and why do they want to sleep for so long?! Did anyone else have this experience? I still have the same issue really. Most people on here talk about not being able to go to sleep but I feel like the reason I have so much trouble staying up late when I want to is that it's usually impossible for me to stay in bed or sleep more past 6am. Even if I do stay in bed I'm just rolling around feeling super agitated.
It doesn't stop me sleeping through my alarms when I need to be at work at 6am but this is the flip side that I feel causes the issues in the first place.
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ADHD
|
I'm not medically diagnosed with anything but I feel like I hav all sorts of illness, physically and mentally. All thanks to Google. I know google is not the place for it but I still refer to it for god knws what reason. People say "think positive thoughts it'll help u get better" but all I can think abt is thoughts in which I harm myself, sometimes I go overboard. People say ocd is having the tendency to clean stuff. Is it. No? No. And I'm not gonna go around say I hav ocd cus idk tf I am. That's y I need help. I hav this tendency,weird strong tendency....I'll explain thru am example. When I open my pouch ,I bring the zip to the end. But sometimes I force the zip more backwards and then forwards the same way. It's like if I don't do it, something crawls inside me,nags at me to do it. R these just my stupid thoughts like my parents say?
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OCD
|
I figure levoamphetamine can provide more physical stimulation and energy so someone with sleep apnea, who finds themselves kind of tired most of the time, would benefit more from levoamphetamine than dextroamphetamine, no? I was just started on Vyvanse, but I don't want to waste months titrating up and wind up settling on staying on it in order to avoid having to start all over again without at least trying Adderall (XR) first before I start the long titration process. I'm only on 10 mg of Vyvanse currently, and if I started over again after a few months of titration I'd literally have to start from square one with probably only 5 mg of the Adderall.
Do any of you have sleep apnea too, and have you tried both kinds and found the levoamphetamine in Adderall more helpful for keeping yourself awake and energized?
(I am not currently on a CPAP and probably won't be any time soon as I haven't been able to do a sleep study. My sleep schedule is all over the place and I can't get to the appointment [as my insurance won't pay for an at-home test and I would have to Uber/Lyft there unless I want to wake myself up walking and catching the rapid, then the bus, to the hospital at night.] However, I've had multiple inpatient stays where the doctors have commented that I most likely have it, and during one stay they even put me on a CPAP. Plus my mother is an RN and has told me I snore loudly and stop breathing sometimes as I sleep.)
tl;dr I find myself tired during the day due to sleep apnea. I have begun taking Vyvanse for my ADHD, but I wonder if the levoamphetamine in Adderall would help more with my energy levels and so on.
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ADHD
|
Sorry this is long and I'm sure no one will actually read it. TW: abuse, rape, sexual assault, drug use, drinking
She's no longer in my life but I grew up with an abusive mother. Mostly emotional and verbal but also physical. She was an alcoholic, bipolar and unmedicated among many other mental health issues. She constantly put me down and told me that I wasn't good enough. That my younger sister was tall, blonde, pretty, smart, and perfect while I was garbage that she wished she had aborted.
When I was 14 I was raped for the first time. I tried to tell her but she told me I was lying. I started drinking and using drugs and became pretty reckless. Snuck out of the house all the time to go party and didn't really care what happened to me. I was sexually assaulted 2 more times in high school. And then again a few years later.
My drinking spiraled completely out of control and I was blacking out almost every single day. I was raped again and this time I reported it but the cop told me that it was basically my word over his and nothing would come of it. My boyfriend at the time didn't believe me that it happened. He was a bartender at a bar I frequented and the guy who raped me was a musician who frequently played there. I ended up getting kicked out of the bar while he was still allowed there. The entire town believed him over me.
I now live in a new state and I no longer drink. I finally reached out for help and began seeing a psychiatrist and therapist in January of this year. I'm on medication and it's still kind of early on but it seems to be helping a bit.
My partner and I have been fighting often because I'm always extremely defensive and take everything personal. I lash out when I don't mean to. I don't have a driver's license because I'm terrified to drive. I'm supposed to be working towards it but I can't find any motivation to do so. And every time I get behind the wheel I freak out. Two of my friends passed away in separate car accidents shortly after graduating high school. And my mother was a horrible driver and got us in multiple car accidents throughout my life.
I have no self confidence and I feel like I'm always an inconvenience to everyone around me. I'm scared to ask for help. I know that my partner is there to help me and he wants to help me practice driving but I always feel bad asking him. I feel guilty all the time. I overreact and get mad and yell at the smallest things. Then I calm down and feel like an idiot and feel so guilty for being horrible and I shut down and just cry.
Having real conversations about things makes me feel like I'm being attacked and I don't know why. I don't want to be like this and I fucking hate myself for it. I see so much of my mother in me it's absolutely terrifying. I don't know what's wrong with me and I don't know how to fix it.
I was diagnosed with ptsd, depression, and anxiety. I was told that my behaviors are all trauma responses and normal and that I need to "rewire my brain" and that therapy will help and I can fix this. None of this seems fixable. And I don't know how to fix any of it.
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ptsd
|
I have inattentive adhd so I have a very hard time beginning and finishing tasks, but one of the only things that has held my attention obsessively for my entire life are jigsaw puzzles. Once I start I am always thinking about it and waiting to get back to work on it. Now I’m obsessed with this stupid puzzle sorting game and I hate how addicted I am to it. It is such a waste of time, it keeps me up all night sometimes. Does anyone else have a similar type of experience? I’m trying to figure out how to direct this type of hyper fixation in a more productive way
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ADHD
|
Like the question said, I wanted to know if anyone else has been in this boat.
I'm a teacher, and this is my last day teaching. I put in my notice a few weeks ago. I've had this job for four years and the last two have been heck. I've switched meds multiple times, and sought out a good therapist - however my OCD related to work gets worse and worse. I knew that I couldn't take it anymore and quit (lined up a job in another field).
I'm relieved that it's over, but now I'm worried that my OCD is going to just start cropping up at the new job. I know leaving was the right thing to do, but I feel like I'll never get away from it.
Has anyone quit and had it work out? Did it improve it? Can bad jobs make OCD worse?
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OCD
|
I take my meds (Vyvanse 30s) irregularly, because I don’t feel like i need to be on them every single day, but they still make a huge difference for me in terms of ADHD and being able to manage my life. However, I finally (25M) switched from my pediatrician to an adult doctor, and he’s insisting I take it every single day and is saying I HAVE to take it every day in order for him to keep prescribing it to me. My pediatrician never said shit about That. The problem is, I moved out of my parents house and I can’t afford to spend $300 a month on meds with rent/utilities/all my other bills. Wtf do I do? Do I ignore what he says and keep taking it in a way that’s clearly working for me? Do I switch doctors?
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ADHD
|
So... I have noticed that all my troubles were because of me not being able to keep secrets. I'm aware obviously that I should not say it to people but there have been a lot of times that it just comes out especially when the topic is related to the secret. And add to that, I find lying so hard that when I lie its either I mess it up or I just completely surrender when it becomes complicated. Please help me. My relationship with my friends are getting worse and I dont want more trouble.
Is there something wrong with me? Any advice?
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ADHD
|
Hi, first post on here. How I'm not breaking any rules or anything.
I got a call today that my abuser died. He was my grandfather, and the person who called did so (feeling bad she needed to contact me at all) because I'm the only person she has contact info for and my uncles and mom deserved to be informed their father died.
I feel bad for my uncles. No matter the past, it's still their dad. They are having processing issues, because even though they can't stand him and have her boring to do with him a couple decades more, since I came out about the abuse, that was still their father. There's complicated feelings there of course.
I don't know what to feel myself. I mean, I don't feel anything. I'm numb. My face literally had been numb half the day. It's weird. I don't know what to think, how to process. Part of me is grateful to not have to look around the corner at stores afraid he might be there (although I know I still will). Part of me doesn't want to care at all. Another part is screaming that this has to effect me somehow. He's effected my whole life, this should matter somehow.
What do you do when the monster in the closet dies?
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ptsd
|
I'm scared of my mother poisoning my food. There is no evidence of this happening and I love my mother and I don't want to be afraid of her. How do I stop this
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OCD
|
I saw this or r/autism and it reminded me of that my dad doesn't stop saying that I should change. I don't think I get it. He says that I have to be more social, to care more about people, to express my feelings, to emphasize with others, to not speak while someone is speaking, even though I don't know when, I just hear that they take a breath or something or finish their sentence and then I start but that's somehow not the right way. This happens also a lot when teachers are talking and today we talked about that after we finished class and since I have in mind that I may have aspegers I said I don't understand social cues nor people. She replied that it's a feeling which I should develop because she sees that I don't have it. Ironically I don't even know what I'm feeling. He sometimes says you don't love me ironically every time he says it to me I just say but I do not mean it.
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aspergers
|
I'm Seventeen and been told I'm an aspy all my life and alsp told because of that (by my parents) that I l never have any friends my age, I'll never be happy or be able to fit in my life will be constant stress and hell and I'll be depressed and never happy.
The other autistic people in my life aren't nuch better: One wishes it was a brain tumour so he could say it isn't his fault, get it removed abd be normal, another is absolutely ashamed of it and wants no one to know and tue last absolutelt denies any link to it.
School is incredibly stressful and I feel like I'm always overloading and having to stim as my Mother puts it- which are a variety of hand gestures, hitting myself or talking to myself- and get mercilessly mocked for ir but I can't stop ans when I say that they just tease me more and say I'm making it up.
I can't focus in classes and am terrified to get a job because I've heard how stressful they are for Aspies and I don't need more of that but also I feel pressured by everyone around me and in my family to get with people.
The point is, and I know it's not healthy to be asking this to strangers online, but I need some help and someone to tell me that I am valid as an aspy and that the stuff I'm going through is normal and you can be happy with aspergers because all the people in my life who should be are making it seem like I'd be better off dead.
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aspergers
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I don't succeed at anything I try and I never will. I don't want to try at all I want to sleep and pretend I never existed. That's what I want to do.
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depression
|
I keep pushing away romantic interests or forming romantic interests and overattatchment really quickly because of my OCD induced obsessive behaviors. Any tips on how to fight this and build a healthy relationship with a girl, despite my OCD?
|
OCD
|
I am a researcher and clinician at the Baylor College of Medicine specializing in obsessive-compulsive and related disorders. Please feel free to post any questions over the next week and I will do my best to respond on September 18th.
Edit: Thank you all for your thoughtful questions. I really appreciate the opportunity to chat with everyone and provide my thoughts/experiences as a researcher and clinician. Unfortunately I could not get to everyone, but I hope this was a fun and helpful event for all.
Thank you and be well,
Dr. W.
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OCD
|
Hello! This is my first post here but I was wondering if I could get some advice. I'm a 21f with an official diagnosis. Most of my life I have had some for of sensory issues due to my ADHD, whether it be food, clothing, ect. Recently however (last four to five months) I have been having a lot of sensory issues when taking medications, pills to be exact. The thought of taking pills makes me gag, I have to take them one a time with 5 to 10 minutes in between, it feels like in choking afterwards even though I'm not. Over all not a fun time. Now this would be a big deal if it wasn't for the fact that I'm on a few daily medications for others issues and I can't function without theses medications. I have tried to go med free and alternatives to pill where I can, but there are a few that I can't come off of and have no alternative form. I have tried crushing them and pulling them in apple sauce or water, but I get the same sensory issues. Got any advice that I can try? I'm tired of it take 30+ minutes twice a day to take me medications. Thank you!
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ADHD
|
I am so empty and just feel like living is pointless now. I feel sedated and these sleep aid pills are making me feel worse. I just took 3 so I could go to sleep for awhile and then woke back up. These demons always keeping me awake. Fuck me
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depression
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I don’t understand myself, I’ve been diagnosed with severe depression and I actively refuse to seek treatment. I’m tearing myself apart brick by brick and I can’t do anything about it. I look at myself in the mirror and ask why I keep going. I just feel like a shell of my former self..
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depression
|
My room is always a huge mess. Maybe this is a common adhd trait or not. Last week, after months of nagging, I cleaned my room. I cleaned everything except for my closet. My closet, lightly said, isn’t the cleanest. It’s hard to describe but although I don’t clean it, it does bother me that it’s in that state. My closet is where I throw dirty clothes and wrappers and everything that doesn’t belong there goes there. It’s also where I hide mail I don’t want anyone to see. Like high bills. I was going to take care of.
So you can imagine that I don’t want anyone to see it.
So.
After a long week of work and school and running a business. I came home while yearning for my bed all day, with my closet contents scattered all over my room. Besides feeling frustrated and angry that my privacy has been invaded that bad. I feel super embarrassed and humiliated. I keep imagining what she could have seen.
I might be overreacting but these are the things that make me want to move out. My room is my safe haven. And it has been intruded.
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ADHD
|
Hello. I'm afraid to go to bed at night again today. I feel lazy and somewhat sleepy because I'm premenstrual, but I don't want to take medication and go to sleep because of my bad feeling of not wanting to sleep. I'm also afraid that I'll have scary or unpleasant dreams. What should I do?
I don't know what to do anymore.
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OCD
|
she isnt responding and im already breaking down she would always help me during my worst moments but she's asleep now and i dont know what to do i just want to talk to her i need her so much right now
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depression
|
Please help I’m really drunk but I have severe OCD and I dropped my coat on the toilet floor and then I wiped my mouth with it without realising 15 mins later will I get ill I’m really worried help me please
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OCD
|
I try to have a "functional OCD", but sometimes when I violate something by mistake, it's a real bummer and makes me pretty depressed. Without going into too much detail (as nobody would understand but me), I have several rules and small rituals/practices surrounding all aspects of movie watching - before, during, and after. That includes theater and home viewing. Theater is more tense because if I violate a rule, it's more of a process for me to go back to the movie to correct the error and "do it right" (if watching at home, I can just rewatch). It's also more stressful if the movie I'm going to in the theater is one I place more "importance" on or is a filmmaker or film I particularly like.
I went to a movie last night that is definitely one of my favorites if not my favorite, at a theater that shows older movies. It's actually the fifth time I've been to it at a theater over the years. Things as far as OCD were going fine throughout and when I got home. Then at one point in my post-movie rituals, I slipped up. It was literally a function of forgetting what I was doing and un-muting my TV when I shouldn't have. So currently I'm fouled up. The movie was playing daily for the last week plus, but today at noon is the last showing. Unfortunately I'm unable to go out to it to "make it right" due to work, so I have to deal with a bunch of consequences because of it. I say this a lot, but it's unreal what we do to ourselves.
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OCD
|
I've had an official diagnosis of OCD for three years but have had the symptoms since childhood. My symptoms are pretty broad but mostly center around health and contagion (with some good old 'i'm such a bad person and everyone hates me' thrown in for good measure). I've admittedly been in a downswing with my mental health this past month, but it feels difficult to see past the way I've been feeling lately. It affects everything in my life: my dating life, my friendships, my physical health, my ability to get work done. It's so hard to come to terms with the fact that this is how my brain will always be, that I will always have to manage this condition. I know that this downswing will eventually pass and I know that better times are on the horizon but it's hard not to feel hopeless and very alone. I think I just needed to write that out and get it off my chest.
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OCD
|
A lot of times, I enter a flow state throughout the day, especially when I'm doing work on the computer or I'm doing chores by myself. I don't know how to describe it exactly but to me, it feels like a trace-like state. Some people also call it "hyperfocusing" but I don't need to be doing something intellectual like programming to be in a flow state; i can simply be sweeping the floor and end up entering the flow state. However, breaking the flow state feels really unpleasant - like being woken by a loud alarm on a cold winter morning and having to get out of bed.
**Examples of my resistance to breaking my flow state:**
1. A few years ago, my mother in law was living with my wife and I for a few months. I also happened to have recently lost my job and was taking this online programming class for a certificate which would help me get my next job. This was a very difficult class and a lot of the programming projects required a lot of concentration. I'd fill a large bottle of water at my desk and I'll spend many hours hacking away at the project. My MIL would ask me to take a break but I'd refuse because it would make me break my flow state which I needed to do such thinking for those problems. She called me "lazy" for a few times and I asked her why she thought I'm lazy and she said that I would sit at the computer for so long and refuse to get up even to take a drink or something. I tried to explain how much I hated breaking my flow state but she didn't get it.
2. Nowadays, I'm a professional programmer and I work from home because of Covid. With the sun setting earlier in the day during the winter, I find myself having to turn on the lights while I'm still in the middle of working. Many years ago when I was in college, this was a big deal because the act of getting up to flip the light switch for the room on and going back to the computer meant that I'd lose my focus and flow state but nowadays, I'll just ask my Alexa to turn the lights on.
3. Time for a non-computer example. When I'm washing dishes, most of the dishes can be put on a rack near the sink to dry but there are a few that can't and must be taken to their respective compartments which requires me to walk a short distance away from the sink. The act of walking away from the sink causes me to lose my flow state so I purposely arrange the order of the dishes that I wash so that those that don't fit in the rack right next to the sink are washed last so I stay in my flow state as long as possible.
Anyone else resort to weird habits just to prevent yourself from prematurely exiting the flow state?
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aspergers
|
I got a new phone case recently from Claire’s. I have been taking really good care of it but noticed a small scratch that’s noticeable in the light. The scratch frustrated me for a second but then I calmed down and left it as it is. I think I might’ve made that scratch on the phone case with my nail on accident but it’s very minor. I also have other phone cases to use saved just in case but still using the new phone case for now. I’m still practicing accepting big/small things flawed that I own in the condition they are in. So far these past few weeks I haven’t had any obsessive thoughts and trying to still limit things that cause obsessive images and thoughts.
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OCD
|
Now that ive been interacting with people on a daily basis again for over 2 years. I find i tend to have more aggressive and more confronting emotional and gut reactions then the people around me.
This was once apropriate and beneficial and was for years of my life. but now is making things very difficult and hurting relationships. I need to tone it down and most of the therepy ive had has done nothing to help this in particular.
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ptsd
|
I went though three therapists, and was basically ignored ( I gave them 1.5 months). I'm talking DAYS would go by without acknowledgement by them. And It was almost $800 for the cheapest plan. I can't seem to find a local therapist around either. My doctor is really pushing me to continue therapy, but it's honestly causing me to be broke on top of having all the fun that comes with PTSD. (My insurance sucks). Talkspace at least agreed to give me a partial refund, so that was good.
Has anyone had luck with Headspace? I don't want to keep losing money on getting evaluated by these people, and then ignored, or taking them three days to give me a 2 word answer after I pour my heart out. I might as well just talk to my friends for free.
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ptsd
|
Went on an interview because I'm dropping out of Normal school and moving somewhere else. But I was very tiered and I came off as very disinterested. I got very upset because she kept saying that she isn't sure if I should go there and asking me if I care about being there. My mom started crying because I'm such a disappointment. I have another chance on friday and if I fuck it up il be stuck in normal school and I don't know if I'm willing to still live I'm stuck there. I'm so tired of myself. I wish I just ended in in September.
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aspergers
|
I’ve been staying at my mothers house because I wouldn’t be able to walk my dog in my apartment building if I got exposed to COVID. I haven’t stayed here this long in many years. We aren’t having like direct fights or anything anymore, but it’s really uncomfortable. I don’t know or really like my step family. But my mother is a part of some of my childhood crap, so it just stresses me out being here at all.
I’m just getting really cranky and angry over the littlest things and I don‘t want to be that person. I just feel so alone because my family members are constantly talking to friends and things. I don’t have that. I have like 2 friends I talk to regularly, but no one else has reached out to me. I just feel myself very slowly going downhill, and like there is nothing I can do about it. I can’t really describe it, I just physically and emotionally feel like crap.
Does that make sense? Can anyone relate?
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ptsd
|
So, I have this class where I need to use the school’s computer and I have to touch the keyboard...I have contamination OCD mainly linked to my hands. It’s unbearable and I don’t know what to do. My anxiety was already extremely high before this but it’s completely out of hands...
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OCD
|
it took me 4 hours to sleep yesterday. i dont know how im gonna make it through this day
i have to study. i have 2 very important tests next week, and im not prepared at all for any of them. i cant stop thinking that im throwing away all ive worked for throughout this year, and it just makes things worse
i cant think straight, i cant focus. i was never into hurting myself. but i feel so much rage that i cant stop hitting stuff, and my whole body hurts
i could get help. maybe. i have some friends i could go out with and distract myself. but i dont want to open myself. its hard. i think you understand what im trying to say
i dont know how long this day will be. someone, please talk to me. i need help
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depression
|
I can’t stop obsessing about bad things and it makes it impossible to get anything done, which makes me feel worse. I don’t want to fail but I feel like it’s inevitable.
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OCD
|
I don’t remember the me before the depression. I don’t remember the me before the childhood trauma. I don’t remember what I was. I feel like I’ve never been one person. I feel like many people trapped in one body. I don’t understand. How do I find out who I am when I’ve never been anyone? Does anyone else feel like that? I know I’m one person but it’s almost like I have so many personalities that I constantly add to. As I write this im like one tiny piece of a puzzle. How do I become one person again?
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depression
|
I wish that I could turn back time by exactly an year, things were different. I was naive back then. Every bit of words, tones and sounds that got to my ears rang in my head for quite sometime before they went away. I was much more human-like. I always felt I had an aura around myself, something you could call a magnetic personality, I was always interoverted, not much outgoing, but people who knew me got it very well. I got the first love of my life, which I messed up (or maybe it was destined to mess up anyways, I like to believe the latter anyways). I was much more simple, innocent, passionate... always looking on the positive side, now I am a lazy scumbag semi-laying on my bed while typing this. Not interested in anything and living by a hell lot of rules that don't make any sense to anyone, including me. I am doomed. The career path I chose will be good for me only if I am passionate in it, I was, but I don't think I am today. I am absolutely lost and everyday of mine seems more and more darker and closer to the final day when hurling winds and storms are going to break my boat. I tried giving myself a schedule, worked for sometime but then failed in a day. I tried taking it up with things I enjoy doing (at least a little bit) and even those got kind of monotonous after a point. Now everyday these failures give me less and less hope to continue to the next day because I have this feeling - chances are that I am going to fail, so no use doing it... Also I cannot plan stuff and do them, it just doesn't work for me. I am a feeler and I am driven by feelings, abrupt ones. I have to find a way to bring back my passion for my career path, I have to feel it, strongly in this case. One last chance. I am not sure what happens when I fail that ( which I am pretty sure I will).
|
depression
|
Hi all,
Was diagnosed more than a year ago. I've been on adderall for the past year on different dosages. My current psychiatrist really doesn't talk properly to me and while it's pretty fast to schedule an appointment with him, he is NEVER on time (often calls back to say he'll be 2 or 3 hours late) and on top of that we only speak for 5 minutes and he just recommends a different dosage of Adderall.
My therapist (psychologist) suggested finding someone else who would be open to letting me try other medications as my heart rate has been going through the roof with adderall. I looked through my insurance provider list but EVERY provider I call is booked until January. Is there any other way to find someone?
|
ADHD
|
I'm so incredibly frustrated. I'm a bad husband, I'm bad at communicating at work, and it's causing both my wife and my boss (who is my father in law) to get really frustrated with me.
At home I struggle taking initiative to do things. I'll jump when asked to do something, but I just struggle thinking ahead. I'm also incredibly stubborn and fights with my wife lead to blow ups because of my stubbornness.
At work I'll be told something that's so obvious like "everything you print goes in this book" and I'll still ask if something needs to go into a book. My boss then gives me that look that people give a small child when they are trying to explain something to them.
I have trouble listening and remembering things even when I think I'm paying attention. This leads to me saying things that are incredibly stupid or asking really stupid questions. And it frustrates everyone.
I just don't know how to get better. I feel like I'm in an endless loop of just doing things wrong. Or just not doing anything in general.
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aspergers
|
Today I was reminded once again of how quickly and easily I can feel awkward in what should be a simple situation.
Went into a small local coffee shop and immediately sort of regretted it. It's very small so there isn't much room in there, and there were already several people standing around all over. Right away, I didn't know if people were waiting to order or if they had already ordered. I already felt like my brain was starting to malfunction.
Ok, so I think that they have all ordered already and are just waiting for their drinks. I proceed to walk up to order (though still not entirely sure that everyone else has already ordered, and wondering if I have just cut in front of people). They don't take your name at this shop, but I noticed that there was an order number on the screen when paying. Oh good, I thought, I'll remember the order number. So I went to stand off to the side.
As I'm waiting, I realize that they're not calling out order numbers either, and someone is just yelling out the name of the drink when it is ready. Immediately I'm thinking, but what if more than one person ordered the same drink? How are you supposed to know whose it is? And I felt weird and awkward thinking about this. So then eventually they said the name of my drink but I didn't hear it entirely clearly as multiple people were also talking at the same, and oh yeah, my brain was also malfunctioning and worrying about everything. It was the drink that I ordered but I think maybe they said it had a different type of milk than what I ordered...? Not entirely sure, but even if it was a different type of milk, maybe it's because they heard me wrong when I ordered. I went and picked up the drink, feeling like maybe it was someone else's but I really didn't know, and I felt too mortified and overwhelmed to do anything else.
Now I've felt weird and somewhat annoyed by this all day! It's such a basic, everyday situation and I felt all confused and overwhelmed and maybe took someone else's order. Or maybe they misheard me and it really was mine. I hate thinking that I might have caused anyone any extra trouble if it really was supposed to be someone else's. Uggggh. I'm so tired of even simple things feeling so difficult.
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aspergers
|
As a teenager, due to my extremely poor self esteem and Asperger’s traits I wrote myself off - I didn’t dare let myself show interest in anyone and I didn’t entertain any interest in me, I always made excuses. Being gay in a catholic school also scared me of the judgment I’d receive on top of everything else I dealt with. I had almost no sexual desire and was kind of repulsed by the idea unless I was “in love” and “in a relationship”. Well, I had a 2 year relationship and that turned out to not be so true.
I’m 21 now, and I kinda did a full 180 starting at 20. I want sex a lot. I don’t care if we’re in love or not, and I will have sex with a near stranger as long as I can build up some sort of tension and kind of feel them out first. I definitely want a relationship, but I also want to have sex with a ton of dudes. It’s kind of confusing, to be honest. I’ve never felt this way before and it’s so weird hearing guys tell me that I’m very sexual, the opposite of what I’d always expected of myself. I’m trying to figure out exactly what I want now but this whole thing just has me so confused.
Anyone else on the spectrum go through something like this? Where you went from being not interested in sex at all to incredibly sexual? Or perhaps vice versa. I really can’t tell if this is an Asperger’s thing or if I was just in denial about my true nature all along.
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aspergers
|
So when I was on an antidepressant for migraine control, my OCD symptoms almost disappeared. Now that I’m on a medication FOR my obsessive compulsive disorder specifically, my symptoms are back. It’s the weirdest thing. Has anyone experienced something similar????
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OCD
|
ive read that neurotypical people can instantly understand unspoken intentions in other people because they are naturally good at seeing and understanding subtext and non verbal cues.
is it possible to train AS people how to do this with reliable accuracy or is it something they can never be learned if youre on the AS?
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aspergers
|
Going to be alone for the holidays. I’m dreading the questions of “oh what did you get for Christmas” because I didn’t get anything cause I don’t have family. Its always awkward. I hope that being alone this year won’t affect me as much. I know I’m going to cry and be down but I hope it goes away quickly. :/
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depression
|
Hi there. I might as well explain my problem. Over the past month or so (definitely since early august) I’ve had this issue were I’m constantly swallowing (sometimes it feels like my throat is too dry, sometimes it’s more like there’s two much saliva build up in my mouth). It’s very annoying and I really know what to do about it. If it’s any importance, I’ve also been actively changing from mouth breathing to breathing through my nose. Thanks
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aspergers
|
Well this is gonna be a long one so buckle up. Also my thoughts are all over the place, so this probably won't be coherent.
I hate everything, everyone, but mostly myself. I'm writing this in the hope that it will help, but I don't even know what I feel. It might not even be self hatred. It could be shame, or guilt, or god fucking knows what. I hate that I don't even know why I hate myself.
I hate living
I want to live. I want to like living. I just can't.
But I don't want to die either. Sometimes I fantasize about suicide, but it always felt like the easy way out. And I know that in my good periods I wouldn't want to kill myself. But I'm afraid that sooner or later it will become an option for my "bad period" self. I don't know.
The moment I got into elementary school, everyone hated me, and hurt me. The kids and the teachers. All the time, every day. It wasn't baseless, I'm not proud of my personality I had back then, but the amount of hate I got was not proportional, it wasn't just. Also I wasn't a BAD kid, I just wasn't told stuff others were, or they knew inherently or some shit. And I want to say that the 8 years of suffering was the fault of my parents and I wouldn't be wrong, but I can't blame them, you know. Cause they didn't know either. They didn't know it would fuck up the life of their kid.
I probably have aspergers, so that must have played a role in everything, cuz you know, when you don't know how to socialize, what is appropriate in different contexts, kids will EAT YOU ALIVE for making a mistake. Teachers will yell your head off for saying something that was not OK. But you didn't know. And no matter what you say they won't understand.
I hated every day of that school and I was waiting to start my life finally in highschool.
But it wasn't better. It could have been. If only I had not been conditioned to be silent-at-all-times-no-matter- what. You know cuz if you don't speak to anyone, they won't notice you, and you won't talk to them EVER, and you can't make a mistake, they won't know you are still at the level of a 10 year old in terms of social skills.
When you get hurt, you hide. You hide with your feelings, and only show them again when you are tricked to feel like you are safe to do so. So you hide your feelings more. But you are naïve. So you show your feelings once again. But you got hurt, and you start to see a pattern, so now you hide your feelings so deep even you can't tell if you still have them or you have destroyed them, reduced them to nothing. Knowing that if you can't find your feelings, others can't either.
So you live like this for a while, you realise it isn't so bad, all you have to do now is keep up a facade, play your role and pray you get a deadly illness soon. Or wait 60 years.
But then comes someone, who despite being the kindest, prettiest, most adorable and basically the most perfect human being, despite only wanting the best, makes you feel stuff. But only the strongest feelings. Self hatred, shame, guilt, disappointment, and everything that makes you want to go to sleep and never wake up again.
And you don't know, whether to thank them, or hate them for the rest of your life, for saving you from killing yourself in a few years. But no matter what you don't even have the courage to thank them or slit your wrist.
I am 18 and I have never had anybody I could talk to about stuff. Nobody ever cares about me. I try to be the best person I can be, the kindest, smartest, funniest, most reliable person, and I really try, I even help people I don't like, because they deserve help too. But now I just get used even by the kindest of people. I don't even remember if I ever liked my birthday. For a few years I struggled to remember it. I hate that noone cares about me enough, just to see how much I am suffering each day. Maybe the only thing I truly am good at is faking a life, and lying to people. Maybe I'm a sociopath. Who knows. I can't even go to a psychologist because by the time I could I'm in an ok period, where I think these feeling are bullshit. I wouldn't be surprized if I was diagnosed with every second mental illness there is.
I wanted to do a lot of things as a kid. Like being rich, being famous, being smart, being something or everything just to prove to others I was just as valuable as they are. I hope this helped someone because I don't think it helped me yet. Maybe because this is just a tiny part of what wanted to share for almost 11 years now. I don't know. I just hope this is my first and last post here, and that I will get better.
I just want someone to love me. Someone I can talk to. Someone that just hugs me and never let's me go.
I just want her to hug me.
I just want to be loved.
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depression
|
Today was a good day. Productive, interesting, actually slept well and good conversation. Well prepped for my night shift and was looking forward to it, ate well and was overall calm and contented.
Got an uber to work as I didn't want to trek for an hour in the 3° cold, everything was normal.
Then without warning, I wanted to cry and I mean bawl my eyes out, my heart felt crushed and I just wanted to go home. I called my mum and not even 10 mins into the conversation I was furious and wanted to scream at her. I was pissed off and I had no reason why. Now I just want to eat and sleep.
The whiplash emotions have drained me completely and this shift that I was looking forward too now can't end quickly enough.
Sometimes I feel so completely crazy, I'm scared of myself.
Does this happen to anyone else? Is this a PTSD symptom of just something else.
It may be tmi but I'm not overly hormonal or anything, not due for a fortnight.
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ptsd
|
Hi, I was very recently diagnosed with PTSD. They started me on meds but then took me off bc the side effects were kicking my butt. Not on anything new quite yet.
I keep thinking things have happened already that haven’t happened. Mostly at work, someone will ask me about a file and I’ll really believe I already finished my work with it and disengaged with the client, but then they’ll point out that no I haven’t, the work still isn’t complete. This has happened several times now in the past 2 or 3 weeks. Prior to recently, this had never happened before - I keep logs to track where I’m at with my work and I look at them so frequently I usually have them memorized. Even in my personal life, I’ll have these moments where I think I’ve had this entire conversation with someone, only to later realize that I never did.
On top of this, this weird thing happens, usually on the phone, where I literally can’t understand what the person I’m talking to is saying. Someone will be asking me a question or telling me something and when they finish I’ll realize I have literally no clue what they just said. Other times someone will ask me a question i know I know the answer to and have answered a thousand times, but for some reason I’ll get so overwhelmed by it I have to put them on hold, calm myself down, and then think about how to answer.
Has anyone else experienced these things or something similar?
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ptsd
|
Okay so... hello everyone. I feel really bad having to write this, because I’m on the verge of panic right now, but perhaps I’m just exhausted from beating myself up for feeling the way I am and since I've already managed to open up about this to my therapist and they said it's not uncommon and I shouldn't be ashamed of anything, I still wanted to vent here... (not looking for reassurance, simply wanting to feel heard and perhaps even understood by someone).
trigger warning for **violence/sexual topic (please don't read if ur under 18 and are uncomfortable with the topic of fetishes and bdsm)**
\-
So first off I'd like to say that I’m generally a very sensitive empathetic person. It's easy for me to get into tears from seeing a homeless kitten on the street, I get emotional when I’m happy and share my joy with others and I’m a very loyal friend. I’m afraid to create the wrong image of myself, because it's not something I’m proud of, actually something I've always been scared to admit to myself, but I know I have to overcome my fears and talk about it in a community where obsessing is common and people can understand my honest concern.
Long story short, I've found myself enjoying torture/sadistic scenes in movies. As long as I remember myself, I've always imagined myself to be the weak part in those scenes and it makes me somewhat excited when I watch someone getting dragged away, tied up, feeling week etc. (you get the picture). I've never had a desire to hurt anyone and if anyone gets close to me I’m quick to defend, I even practice self-defence techniques to be ready for all cases. I've been told that it's common for people who are on the submissive side of the sexual spectrum, some have a fetish for it and as long as you don't desire to act out those movie scenes in real life, only with someone as a foreplay, it's alright and it's simply your type of excitement that you enjoy. But I've been obsessing over this for weeks. I can't help but get butterflies in my stomach whenever a violent gore scene comes up and I feel like a psycho when imagining myself in that scenario (while realising it's a wrongful act, the torture). My therapist said I should stop overthinking and just admit to myself - I’m a masochist who'd enjoy such scenarios for pleasure with their partner. However it's something I’m so ashamed of that I always hide it. I wouldn't ever have the guts to tell my partner 'I'd enjoy some foreplay where I’m weak and you are the dominant one'. Even worse, what if I become the dominant one one day and hurt someone out of impulse? it must be wrong enjoying it while watching the movies, even if I consciously recognise the terrible act of the scene itself...
I feel like this entire paragraph makes 0 sense and that's because I’m just so anxious right now :(( I’m trying to share and get to know whether I should get more serious help or submit myself to some sort of facility because this is a sign of being a dangerous person. I don't know at this point. If you feel comfortable, share your ideas about what should I do. Maybe I should talk about it more during therapy and work on accepting myself? Or try to get rid of this because it's wrong? Thank you :(( ♡ hopefully no one got triggered
|
OCD
|
I just wanted to vent a little because I'm somewhat disappointed. I recently got a SO and I love hanging out with them. We were planning on hanging out this weekend (tomorrow) but our job decided to shaft us and make us come in Sunday (only a one day weekend). I was gonna take the day to recharge before we'd hang out, but we had to change the plans to today and I just woke up to get ready and realized I really don't have any energy to be around people right now.
I also had an exhausting work week so that's a part of it. (Was on a medication that gave me some rough mental side effects). So, since I didn't want to have (another) meltdown at work, I cancelled my plans to be alone and recoup/take a break. My SO was really really looking forward to hanging out so I feel a bit bad since they'll probably feel worse at work tomorrow as a result, but I know I'd be the one feeling that way if I hung out today, so I decided to draw my boundary and stick to it.
Anyways, thanks for reading me venting a little. I'm just happy I learned about ASD and can now identify when I'm pushing myself so I don't cause a burnout.
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aspergers
|
I was diagnosed with C-PTSD a few weeks ago and it has explained a lot of the issues I've had over the last 10 or so years.
I had a really hard childhood, witnessed domestic abuse and alcohol and drug addiction. I got past most of that and established a family with my husband who I've been with since I was 18 (about 16 years).
He initially asked me for anal sex when we were newly dating and me being a girl whose father gave zero shits about her and whose step father was misogynistic and abusive, thought I had to do it to keep the "love" I was so desperately searching for. I didn't like it but was able to bare it here and there just to please my husband.
Over time, it got to the point that it was all he wanted and he became obsessed. He wanted it all the time and I was not a fan because it was painful and made me feel disgusting. Bottom line, I did not want it anymore. I said no, I explained how I felt, I said no some more, and eventually every time, through pressure, guilt and threats of cheating on me, I would give in. I started to withdraw from any intimacy at all, because there was always the lingering threat of anal sex.
After much urging on his part, he asked me about my therapy and begged me to be honest, and I was. I explained the C-PTSD diagnosis and his part in it. I never once used the word rape when explaining how his actions affected me. He has now turned everything around on me, claiming to be traumatized by me accusing him of "raping" me. He claims I should have told him (I guess "no" isn't a good enough deterrent).
I'm trying to build myself back up but am realizing that I can't successfully do that while being married to him. He refuses to acknowledge his part in this and has not apologized. He has turned this entire thing around on me and is doing the classic victim blaming.
I dont know exactly what I am searching for here, maybe just some encouragement or a few kind words. I just know I felt great after "confronting" him and getting it off my chest, but now I feel worse than before, probably because I know what I have to do next, and that is leave.
|
ptsd
|
Hi,
I am looking for a vocal reminder app..I sometimes don't check mobile or laptop. So I need vocal reminders. I am also looking for an app that announces the date daily. This is required as I have trouble keeping track of the current date. For example, I would very much appreciate an app that announces in the morning ' Hey, today is December 15th '. I am looking for an android version either free or inexpensive.
Thank you !
|
ADHD
|
OCD in me is about *mostly* 2 things (mostly, not only): 1. Mentioned in title 2. (False) memory
My mind is a hell hole for me, it keeps replaying past embarrassing memories, it keeps telling me everything I say and I do are humiliating me, tells me people are always laughing at me bc I'm embarrassing as a person and also, plays and replays scenarios of me embarrassing myself in the future.
Bc of this, it's so hard for me to talk at all. I have a fear of talking to strangers, especially in my chem class (those embarrassing memories I mentioned? The worst ones happened in this class. Fuck that teacher)
This OCD thing paralyzes me. It's so bad. I cant exist.
I sometimes take up to 4 propranolol pills just to calm my nerves enough to function in public classes. (I have not yet been prescribed medication specifically for OCD, I take an antidepressant and an anxiety med)
I can't put the severity of my experience into words.
Im depressed, I hate existing, I hate myself.
|
OCD
|
I wanna start off by saying I don’t know if this is an OCD thing because I don’t fully understand it—but I’m guessing it could be. A little bit ago I got a new tattoo and it’s been absolutely torturing me. The night after I got it I started to question if I liked it (I really thought I did) and then I was worried about what other people think of me, everyone from my parents to friends to strangers. It’s gotten so bad that most of the time when I look at it I feel like throwing up. I can’t figure out what’s causing this, but I feel like it made me worthless and disgusting and I’ve never felt this way about any of my other tattoos, I just never want to see it again. The thought of it being on me forever feels terrifying but the thought of getting it removed feels unbelievably embarrassing. I’m not religious and actually really love tattoos on other people and my own (other) tattoos are so special to me but for some reason this one feels like the end of the world. Any thoughts on what this could be? Is this just OCD attacking something that’s special to me or is this just what regretting a tattoo feels like?
|
OCD
|
This webinar took place yesterday and may be of interest to some here. Shared thoughts and experiences from a diverse panel, followed by a discussion about the direction of ASD research to best serve the community.
[Full webinar](https://youtu.be/r5fXXbBmxpU)
|
aspergers
|
Do you think of autism/aspergers as a disorder or as a difference? I only recognised myself as autistic once I saw it described in terms of a *difference*, because I usually think other people are the only that can’t communicate clearly. I found this article really interesting and would love to get thoughts from fellow autistic/Asperger people https://bpspsychub.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/bjdp.12350
|
aspergers
|
The anxiety and constant stream of disgusting unwanted thoughts is taking its toll on me. It's severely affecting my quality of life. Most of my waking hours i am under extreme stress and anxiety. I am taking zoloft and so far it hasn't helped. Is there a chance my ocd can improve ? I am exhausted mentally.
|
OCD
|
Lately I've been able to hyperfocus at work, which is great for my productivity, but I find myself being extremely irritated by everything while I'm in this state. I'll be really annoyed if anyone tries to talk to me, and this irritation won't go away until I get out of the hyperfocus. I remember it was like this when I was medicated as well, so it makes sense to me that it happens, but I don't want to get upset at my coworkers just because they dared to ask me a question when I'm too focused for my own good. Whenever I notice it I try to tell people that I'm not in the mood to talk right now and I think it helps.
Has anyone else dealt with this? How can I be less irritable?
|
ADHD
|
Recently, I've been having paranoid thoughts (at airports, hospitals, public in general) thinking that there's a secret plot or something.
|
aspergers
|
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