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I've never been good on identifiyng my feelings,the cause of certains decisions I make and my emotions. even distinguish them it's a hard task for me.I've been diagnosed with ADHD and I have anxiety as well,and some of the symptoms(like the lack of Focus wich is very common with people with anxiety) get all mixed up on my head,so I don't know exacly what I'm dealing with,and I get so frustrared when I do something to help me with one problem but then the other one gets worst.Am I going crazy? Does anyone feels like that?
I Just had to take that out of my chest,If you feel the same or have any tips please write It so I can read
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ADHD
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I had a panic attack last night when my partner and I were having sex. Everything was great until everything seemed wrong and I pushed him off of me and started crying and having an anxiety attack. I haven’t had one in a long time, so long that I can’t remember when my last one was. This has shaken me up because I felt like I was doing okay and then out of no where this happened. Now I’m scared of it happening again. Does anyone else have your trauma just randomly hit you at unexpected times?
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ptsd
|
Hello everyone ,Idk but I have the feeling that I don't like my mother and I feel Bad about this ,Idk if this is related to Ocd but I Hope.
When I talk with her I have negative thought or feeling and can't do nothing, she is perfect with me but I feel nothing about her wtf..
Tonight , I had a Dream that I had other that I loved more than her.
What is strange is that, 2 Years ago I was with a girl And I had ROCD " I love her"? Etc ..
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OCD
|
TLDR: I get so stuck in the research phase of writing for research papers where I physically feel like I cannot form opinions or start writing until I’ve exhausted ALL research related to my topic (books, articles, talks). Only then do I feel like I’ve understood the material enough to write. Does anyone know why this happens or relate to this experience?
I am in my final semester of college and writing my thesis for a humanities major - aka a project that requires lots of research and writing (not to mention organization, planning, time management - executive dysfunction coming in hot!). All of the research writing I have done for college has been painful yet stimulating - I love going down the rabbit hole to learn more & more and see how things are connected, and yet in a fast paced schedule with deadlines every week I had so much anxiety and quite literally never met deadlines (often turning in papers months late and somehow getting by with professors who let me slide). However all that research was for papers that were 4-10 pages long. Now I’m working on my thesis which needs to be somewhere between 30-100 pages long. I feel like I’m drowning. Once again, I love reading about the topic, making connections between ideas, etc, but I can feel myself wasting time by reading more & more instead of starting to write myself. It feels like I literally cannot start the writing process until I have researched every possible related thing, looked over my notes hundreds of times and then, and only then, will I feel confident in my understanding to write down my thinking. Does anyone else feel this way??
In a similar vein, I don’t understand skimming as a reading method. I know it’s necessary & useful but my brain rejects it. I feel like I need to read things in their entirety.
I’m confused because this feels like the opposite of many ADHDers experience, who can write a paper in one night the day before its due with only having skimmed any of the related sources.
It’s probably related to anxiety & perfectionism….? Probably important to note that I have reallyy bad anxiety over this project. I feel like I won’t be able to meet the deadline and I already know the professors on my committee will be disappointed in me/my writing. I panic over this almost every day.
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ADHD
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I have been battling (really is the best word) depression, anxiety, anger & suicidal thoughts for 25ish years. There was a lot of loss and abuse. In high school I was labeled manic depression but I don't think that still applies. My mania is now agoraphobia. A friend suggested a place to go because I'm tired of trying to handle it on my own. I can't seem to find a medication that helps. Prozac makes me a zombie, zoloft makes me want to sleep all day, I was even put on one that gave me seizures. The only one I liked was one that I can't remember it's name. Instead of fixing the dosage the doctor just took it away. Damn I wish I could remember it's name.
Anyway, does anyone know what prescription I should ask for/suggest for anxiety and depression so I can handle normal situations without thinking it's the end of the world? For instance, in the mid-2000s I developed a Tourette-like twitch that seems to be a physical manifestation of my stress. If you wanna know if I'm freaking out just watch my head start jerking all over.
Thank you.
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depression
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I had an intrusive thought that my mom got into an accident because she was taking longer coming home from the store. I tried to ignore it. She ended up calling me to tell me that she did, in fact, get into an (albeit minor) accident. I can’t stop thinking about if I had done a compulsion would it have all been avoided altogether? Are my intrusive thoughts true? What if I have an intrusive thought and she gets into another?
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OCD
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So I ignored my trauma for years. In the past month and a half I have been actually talking about it. It has been painful. I don’t even think there is a word strong enough to label the level of pain. With talking about this part of my life something unfortunate happened. I was unable to let anyone touch me. Don’t even brush my hand. I would tense up immediately. I didn’t want to ever be touched again. I don’t know my full feelings. Maybe it was fear maybe it was pushing affection away. But right now it doesn’t matter because tonight I hugged a friend that was in need of one. They didn’t ask for one. They didn’t make me feel bad. I knew he needed someone and without even thinking I grabbed onto him. I wasn’t anxious. I didn’t tense up. I didn’t obsess over it or feel unsafe. And it was a guy, which makes this moment even more amazing. Well of course my therapy session from earlier finally hit me and then I started crying about it and he grabbed my shoulder and rubbed my back and I felt comfort. I felt touch that was actually made of care, love and support. There was no selfish gain because of it and I wasn’t an object. I was a person.
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ptsd
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I hate obsessing over if things are problematic or not and I hate obsessing over if I’m a bad person or not aaa and I always obsess over having the “right” opinions too aaa anyone else go through this? If so how do you guys cope with it LOL
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OCD
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i’m not sure if anyone else experiences this but i might as well see. i often get intrusive thoughts over me getting diagnosed with depression/being depressed. i obviously don’t want to be depressed, and i don’t know what id do if i was. depression runs in my family and i’m terrified it’s going to affect me. i’m scared i’ll be missing out on my life if i feel depressed. there are times when i feel sad and i get super obsessed with these thoughts that i think it could be depression. i suffer from hocd, and my brain has always had an ocd-mindset if that makes sense. telling myself that i have anxiety or ocd doesn’t affect me as much as it does when i tell myself i could have depression. i think this is deeply rooted in my cousin taking his life earlier this year. that was when i realized this was a thing that could affect me as well as everyone else. i’ve had fears that my friends and family suffer from depression. in general, it’s just scary to me. idk what to do or what to look up to see if this affect anyone else. but the way i obsess over these thoughts reminds me of ocd, so i figured i’d come here. any help is greatly appreciated.
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OCD
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Depression has truly twisted my reality. Everything I experience is filled with a terrifying void of sinister following me every minute of everyday.
Even in times of joy or happiness, it follows me.
The scariest part is I've began to accept this reality as if it was normal. It is not normal. It is the most horrid thing to experience.
It is 24/7. It never stops.
Depression never ends. I need help.
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depression
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I make people really uneasy or uncomfortable. I'm extremely socially awkward and have trouble making eye contact.
Whether it is neighbors, classmates, teachers, coworkers (e.t.c), people never want to be around me. I even make them become socially awkward too. Many people also speak to me like I'm a child.
I sometimes wonder if it's because my voice is very flat and I am not very talkative, so people think I'm rude or depressed.
It's like I have a special ability to repel people or something lol
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aspergers
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I’ve probably made this post before but I can’t be assed to look through my history. Does anyone else feel like they inherently different from everyone else because of their PTSD/mental illness? I was traumatized around 10-11 and I’ve felt like an outsider ever since, I feel like I’m terrible with interaction and should just isolate to save everyone else the trouble.
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ptsd
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For me my number 1 trigger is loud bass noise. Like wall pounding bass noise/music. As soon as I hear it I shut down mentally and physically and can’t move and freak out. Sometimes my neighbors do play loud bass music and I know I can’t do much about it because it’s the day time and I’d rather not talk to them or the landlord about it. I feel so silly having a trigger like this. Do you guys have a random trigger like this?
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ptsd
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My whole life has been a living hell I call it my own prison smoking weed and just dying on the inside not giving a fuck anymore it's funny on how much a person can indoor before being broken and I have passed that limit by a long shot another thing I don't get y is fake friends I have had so many fake friends I just stop giving a fuck I have lost everything just let me give up please
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depression
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And, it seems to happen worse in the winter, for some reason. Nonetheless it's awful, and here's mine: 2021's so far is hypochondria about my heart, constantly researching and worrying about any little abormality in my heart, such as palpitations, etc. 2020's was existentialism, constant researching and panicing about why we exist, what if god isn't real, what happens when we die, etc. 2019's was social anxiety, my brain pretty much would sometimes convince me that I had severe social anxiety and stuttering and feeling super awkward when talking to people. Late 2018's was obsessing whether my crush liked me or not ( long story, confusing situation ), there was none really in early 2018 but 2017's was being pretty much jealous of my friends and being insecure that they had better stuff that I did. Which was dumb, I realize but this was when I was 13, so I'm pretty sure puberty just triggered my OCD or something. And these things, aren't just random feelings here and there, they are literal obsessions that I feel like I have to constantly think about for hours each day or else I don't feel right. Honestly, I wish it would just change again because this hypochondria about my heart is probably the worst out of all of them, especially since I have severe anxiety disorder as well
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OCD
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At work today I noticed a pattern. My ADHD is always particularly bad on Saturdays. I was complete dead weight today and we fell behind because I could focus at all. I'm pretty sure there's something affecting my routine on Saturdays and that's why I'm always so thrown off. But I'm in such bad shape today that I can't even take a second to think about this and fix it. My mind is just a freaking fog cloud today.
I'm sure I'll figure it out eventually, but I'm pretty positive that I'll have to change my morning routine entirely for every day and I'm seriously not happy about it. I don't even know if this mad sense. I'm struggle just to type this. I just wanted to rant to someone.
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ADHD
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Ive (21 M) been living with this my whole life. It hasn’t gotten better despite extensive treatment and medication. My family life is terrible and I have nothing in common with them.
Why did I turn out like this? Shouldn’t environment and genetics make you more similar? I’m more of the artistic type and they’re all more practical. They try to understand by talking to me about it but it just feels so unnatural, like they have to force themselves to do it.
Im just a gangrenous limb to them. I think it would be better if I was dead. I have no hope for the future. I’m studying psychology in college right now which I thought would be useful but apparently you can’t do anything with that now unless you go to graduate school (I’m barely passing college, I don’t really do much work either). I wasted most of my life isolating myself from others because my self esteem is low and now I have so many wasted opportunities.
I could’ve done a foreign exchange program, had a better relationship with my ex girlfriends, or even just said yes to people more often. But I didn’t. Now I’m gonna be 21 this week and all I can really summarize my life as is “repeated the same mistakes over and over.”
People tell me I’m so many different things I don’t even know anymore. Am I Smart or stupid? Racist or a libtard? Depressed or borderline? Make up your minds.
And finally, I really, really messed up. I can’t even describe it here because I don’t want to incriminate myself. I should say no one’s life is in danger, and there was no real victim, i didn’t directly hurt anyone, it was just a really bad decision that I did without thinking. There has been no legal action yet. I talked to my mom about it and she was disgusted with me. I ended up cutting and burning myself that night.
My mom got me a lawyer however, and the lawyer said that legal action for something like this isn’t always a guarantee but it’s still possible. Either way, I’m ashamed of myself. That event was the turning point.
If legal action happens my life would really be over, but then again it never even really started anyway. This isn’t just a misdemeanor, this could be felony level. My family is ashamed of me, I’m ashamed of me, and my life is basically just a series of repeating the same mistakes over, and over even though I know it’s wrong. I have a noose ready and everything. There’s really no point in continuing. I’m basically dead anyway.
And I know the whole “but your family!” Well I’ve just caused them nothing but pain because they’ve had to take care of me while I’ve been depressed. Depression sucks the life out of everyone, including those around you, and I’m painfully aware of that fact. Yeah it would suck for them initially but wouldn’t they be better off in the long run because they’ve wouldn’t have to be around a sad piece of shit that brings them down?
My only hope lies with God, Jesus and the afterlife. No girls want to date me. No one wants to hire me. No one even wants to talk to me. My depression makes me physically ill. I get headaches from being so angry, I cry for no reason, and I can’t sleep even though it’s been 2 fucking days. God save me.
I know I’ll probably go to hell especially after suicide but I think for the constant pain I’ve caused others would justify it. I see it as a mercy killing, like putting down a dying dog.
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depression
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I’ll try to keep it fairly short. I’m fat, ugly, antisocial, and I hate being around people and having to live in this world. I lost my job a year and a half ago and no matter how many places I apply to, I never hear anything back. My savings is about to run out and I won’t be able to pay my bills. People keep lying to me and give these false promises that it will get better, but it never has. It only gets worse. I wish I could just sleep forever and not have to wake up to this world anymore.
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depression
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TLDR: When do the withdrawals go away?
I have a 10mg Adderall IR prescription, 5mg twice a day. I had about 10 extra pills at the time of my refill date and thought it would be a good idea to start doing 30mg a day during finals week (turned out to horrible idea)
Now that i’m done with finals and feeling like I fried my brain with the combination of high doses and sleep deprivation, i’m abstaining from using them for at least a week to recover.
This is the first time where I actually feel Adderall withdrawals, unlike when I actually used my prescription properly and had no withdrawals.
No depression or mood swings or anything like that, however I feel like a zombie.
I’d wake up, spend most of the day on the bed scrolling through social media, and get up only when I need to use the bathroom or make food, then just go back to bed, 2nd day on this cycle. Pretty much only thing I want to do all day is lie down and do nothing.
On average, how long would it take for the withdrawals to go away?
Any input would be highly appreciated, thanks in advance.
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ADHD
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I've been prescribed Vyvanse by my doctor for ADHD, he prescribed them as :
- 1 week; 10 mg
- 1 week; 20 mg
- 1 week; 30 mg
- 3 weeks; 40 mg
Then it's our next appointment. It's actually day 2 right now of taking 10 mg and I feel weird...
I obviously didn't expect major changes at 10 mg, but I can't talk... I can't talk properly and say nonsense. Like if my "consideration prior to speaking" was slower than before. I also get a little spike in anxiety (I think), I started a 6h shift and after only 1h I acted like if it was the end of the world. I also take coffee in the morning... in case it's useful
It is so weird, is it just the body adjusting itself to the med ?
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ADHD
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I just wanted to ramble. I haven't had anyone to talk to, and I honestly don't know anymore. It feels like all I make are nothing but bad decisions here and there. I recently decided to quit my job. I had planned to do so for months now.
I wanted to go back to university and decided to study full time so at least I would work towards something in the meantime. Again been planning this for months. Two days ago, I was struggling with making the jump. I had no one to talk to so I had to make the decision on my own.
Quit my job and go back to university. My job is so stressful and doesn't leave me with a lot of time to do the things I want. I kept going back and forth on when was the best time to quit.
Now I said.
I was honestly excited to go back to classes. Like it was the one thing that would make me happy.
I mean it wasn't very long ago people were talking about the new spider-man movie and how we can all go back to normal. Now, events are getting canceled. Lockdowns are being talked about and more importantly, Universities are going back to online mode.
Every time I do something it never pans out. I don't want to be superstitious but it feels like God has it out for me.
I had a troubled childhood. And now I recently got out of my 20-year rut and took my head out of my ass.
Four years ago I went back to college, due to bureaucratic reasons I wasn't able to take out student loans. Two years ago I went back with student loans. Covid hits. Now here we are again going back to university that may be canceled or not. Both are shitty options.
I don't know the rules here. Most likely this post will be deleted. I hate being all alone. People look to me like I am a freak, too dumb to make conversations with. Maybe I proved their point.
If I fail college again or if it ends up not happening. I don't know what I'll do. Everyone around me seems to just magically get jobs at the whim of a finger. Here I am having to take shitty jobs lifting heavy boxes while also working six-day-long weekends.
I no longer want that life. It scares me. There really isn't any point in living a life like that anymore. People lied to me. It doesn't get better. It never does. It doesn't matter how hard you work towards a goal. There will always be some unforeseen consequence that takes it all away.
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depression
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Long story short, been experiencing a lot of ADHD symptoms throughout my entire life (M22) but was never brought before a proffesional before (christian family). Life so far has been an emotional rollercoaster, so I decided to finally see someone and went to this psychologist. Basically I wanted to start off listing symptoms and problems since childhood and before I was even able to finish up my childhood problems she said : "You do not exhibit any signs of ADHD ( as in the first 10 minutes of in person contact) , if you were to have ADHD it would not have been possible for you to be good @ maths" she cut me off there and didnt even let me to get to my adulthood symptoms that I struggle with the most and instead made me do a rorschach test (looking at images and saying what you associate them with) and I just felt so stupid. Do I need to see someone else? Would a psychiatrist be better? Sorry for my bad english.
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ADHD
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I have "Pure O" OCD, and I have been going through a rough patch over the last six months, or so. It seems like every five or six years, I go through a major OCD related crisis. The last one was in 2016, and for months I felt extremely irritable all the time. There was nothing I could do to relax, no relief was to be found, and I constantly felt like I was climbing the walls. When I feel this way, I am terrified that I am going to angrily snap at someone, and cause conflict. Has anyone else ever had to deal with this? If so how did you manage it?
Also, the other day I was helping my girlfriend's mother do some yard work, and before I left to go home we were having a friendly chat, and I was holding a hammer. I had used it to fix a few deck boards. As we were talking, I had this urge to bludgeon her with it. This stuff happens to me all the time, and it makes it really difficult to be around people. It makes me feel scared, and like I am murderous predator that is on the verge of snapping, and doing something really horrible. How do you all in the community deal with thoughts and urges like these? Any advice would be extremely helpful. Thank you in advance to all who choose to reply!
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OCD
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If you don't live in the US, basically Common Core is a way of teaching things like Algebra in a much different manner than tradition. I'm not going to go much into detail, but basically it uses a lot more abstractions and comparisons to real world concepts as a way to make the learning process more relatable and efficient to students.
I'm sure you can tell where I'm going with this. It made my life a living hell back in elementary school and it still pisses me off even in high school. To add insult to injury, my 504 plan couldn't really do much about it either. I simply had to struggle with my work just because the people in charge think NTs are so fucking stupid they're not able to learn in a "concrete" manner.
I apologize for turning this into a bit of a mini rant, but things like this often go unnoticed and swept under the rug. It's really frustrating looking like an idiot compared to my classmates, yet being of average intellect at the same time. I'm wondering if any of you can relate to this.
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aspergers
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I'm tired of the people i have around me. They let me feel so alone. I care about them, i help them whenever i can and i help them take care of their health, i support them, i try to let them know the right thing even if it s not what they wanna hear. But none care about me, they ask me favour and things to do but never show up when i need them. They even get angry at me when i worry for their health and remember them they have to take care of themselves.
Im tired
I feel so alone
I dont want to do this anymore
I just want to disappear
I just wanted to disappear since i was little
I dont even know how i got here. I feel like i should be already gone
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depression
|
I was recently diagnosed with ADHD at 36 years old and am currently struggling with what I call action paralysis. I am currently unemployed since the start of October due to my whole department being made redundant and have also taken a leave of absence from study due to mental health reasons affecting performance. I am currently living off a small amount of savings and my wife's income, however, this is running dry and not sustainable for much longer. I had a lot of moral issues with previous places I worked (had primarily been retail and customer service) and hate (don't know if this word is strong enough) the idea of having to work in those industries any more (hence the study). I am now on meds (Vivaynse) and have seen improvement in a number of areas, but none in motivation or addressing procrastination. I will need to get back into the workforce sooner rather than later to support my family, but have a fear of being forced into jobs that will once again take their toll on me mentally because of a lack of qualifications/experience. I have spent months building myself back up and don't want to lose all that progress and end up even more of a burden to my loved ones. At the same time I keep telling myself that I just want to build myself to a point where I have enough resilience to not let that happen and I know (think??) I'm not there yet.
In general though, I find taking any action quite hard still and am not sure of what the mental block is that is causing this. I feel better, I can focus better, I have more energy and I have strong motivating factors (family), yet I still struggle to do pretty much anything. I don't know how to address this action paralysis or whether this is just me making up excuses. I'm not afraid of work (only certain workplaces) and want to actually do more productive things, but for some reason just cant bring myself to do it. Even with all my improvements, I cannot turn thoughts into action. My biggest fear is letting down my family and perhaps this is the root cause of the issue, as right now I'm only letting down my family financially, whereas if I fail and go down that rabbit hole again, not only will my family suffer financially, but my ability to be the husband/dad I am now will also go along with it. TBH I'm not even sure what I'm asking, but any advice would help.
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ADHD
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That's the reason why I can't feel. Nothing matters anymore and for me to believe it ever did is a joke. So fuck feeling if it's all for nothing anyway. I'm tired of all of it...too much nothing, it's a joke
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depression
|
I spent like half the class and then like 20 minutes of lunch finishing it but I got a 90%! I honestly didn’t expect it and with the help of my teacher during the test I wouldn’t have passed it. So my dad gave me $20 for getting an A
Honestly going to school without any meds is really tough.
Alright byeee
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ADHD
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Asking because weighted blankets are mad expensive and I want to see if anyone similar to me i.e. with PTSD have tried them and how well it worked for them.
Any recommendations are welcome too.
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ptsd
|
For the last few months I've been constantly thinking about the fact that im in the age range to develop schizophrenia. And my brains been forcing myself to feel paranoid
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OCD
|
Hi all! So I have had an ADHD diagnosis for about 4 years but noticed that I was having a lot of obsessive thoughts. As it turns out, I have OCD and the stimulants for ADHD might have aggravated it. I am not going to start taking prozac but was wondering if anyone has any tips on what it’s like to navigate both ADHD and OCD?
Thanks in advance!
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OCD
|
After so much time trying, I just resisted a bad contamination compulsion and I feel so happy. Sometimes it really feels like life can be okay again, and I wanted to say it out loud to someone who could understand what it means. Sending love to you all
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OCD
|
For me, i have found that rock and metal music has provided a vehicle to understand my feelings when i couldnt. For a large part of my life it was telling me how i felt without me knowing, and now looking back some things make so much sense - the anger / the frustration / the pain.
in that light, the deaths of Chris cornell (soundgarden) and Chester Bennington (Linkin Park) a few years back really triggered me.....and if i look back at my musical interests, they really speak to my emotions
just sharing, and maybe its not just this type of music for all, as i have non rock that gets under my skin but this stuff gets there more
thoughts?
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ptsd
|
Hypothetically speaking, imagine a society (or country) created by, run and inhabited by people who all have ADHD.
What would that look like? Would it even work? Who is going to do the boring and repetitive paperwork jobs? Or would we build the society in a way that had no need for those jobs?
Would it be peaceful or utter chaos?
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ADHD
|
I've been on anti depressant for the last twelve years. Therapy did little to nothing. The darkness is still there and engulf pretty much everything. I have a wife and kid, the kid's sick and will probably not live past twenty. My wife just got diagnosed with a nervous break down and will join me in the happy pills club. Can't help but feel responsible for this, as if I was not able to support her with our kids illness. At the same time, my mother got murder in a shithole third world country, my father drank hinself to death, my sister hates my guts and my brothers an entitled brat. Life really is just a great long fucking shit show and I feel like death might be shitier.
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depression
|
when I was 14/15 years old, I read a lot of fanfic. one of them was about a 17 year old girl (who turned 18 shortly after) who fell in love with a teacher (I don't remember his age).
it was the only time I read something wrong, and it was something that quickly disappeared from my mind, it was just one more story I read among many.
I recently realized that I find older women (I'm a lesbian) more attractive, but not to the point where I relate to them, I mean older actresses like nicole kidmann for example.
do you think that makes me a pedo? for when i was younger read a fanfic like that and nowadays find an older woman attractive when i imagine myself with her, when i'm 20 years old?
PS: I have never had relationships with older women and I never will, I only refer to these older actresses like sarah paulson or jennifer aniston
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OCD
|
My therapist has recommended that i write short stories to read over and over as ERP.
Has anyone done this that can offer advice, tips/tricks, success story etc?
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OCD
|
Hello, I'm 16 and I'm not diagnosed with PTSD however I have all the symptoms. I was molested when I was 5 and my brain has disassociated since then up until now I haven't had to deal with my trauma. I'm still disassociated (derealization) but my brain won't stop flashing images of horrible things to me, I can't sleep, even if I do when I wake up I have to deal with the images. I don't remember anything that happened so my mind shows me things that I would never ever want to do to someone. I can't look at my body, I haven't showered and I have to change in the dark so I don't look at myself. I'm so afraid that I'm going to be my abuser, that I'm going to turn into a monster, my brain keeps telling me I am a monster and I wouldn't be seeing these things if I wasn't. Am I a monster? I've spent the past few days sobbing, it won't stop. I don't know what to do.
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ptsd
|
I have a quick question. Does anyone have experience with standing desks? I would like to do something for my back other than sit all day at work. However, I have found it incredibly difficult to remain still and instead constantly shift my weight back and forth on my legs. Has anyone experienced similarly or found a solution?
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aspergers
|
I am tired of never doing enough, tired of doing too much, im tired of hurting people without meaning to, im tired of being to nice and being taken advantage of, im tired of putting aside my happiness for someone else, im tired of trying to give others what I cant give them, im tired of working to try and support my future family, im tired of my family judging who im with, im tired of it all, im tired of it being so complicated, im tired of not being loved the same, im tired of crying after every argument, im tired of getting fixed and then broken all over again, im tired of trust issues, im tired of being their happiness, im tired of not being happy, I just want to be left alone for the rest of my life. I don’t want to go through any more problems… im the worst possible human to love and to show love. I never do anything right. I just want to sleep and never wake up ever again.
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depression
|
Basically that's it, I've been with her since 2011, she's Freudian and does not really believe in ADHD.
Most of my failures to her are some sort of self-sabotage and yeah, I definitely see it but all of it? Right now her remarks have been things like "you should stop worrying so much" or "you should act with autonomy at work" and I'm like....yeah, I want to, but I'm constantly overwhelmed and I have made so many previous mistakes that is kinda hard to do the whole autonomy thing.
So...time to go right? Anyone has any recommendations of how to approach her and different approaches (I'm medicated at least...against her will)
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ADHD
|
I have no problem breaking down a tv series, book, or film down in a bunch of different ways. But for some reason I just zone out during music or just don't really visualize the songs into story that well. Anyone else have that problem?
|
aspergers
|
I came to an OCD diagnosis in finally confronting my anger issues. Anger is my default control tool, and my need to ruminate tends to fuel it.
In my head, I will replay not only what injustice happens, but my perceived injustice. For example, after unloading on my family about their ungratefulness and unwillingness to pitch in around the house, my wife said, "We never asked you to do that" and my son said, "I never knew you were doing that."
And, not only that, but the various things a person might say or do in response. For two years I replayed a run-in I had with a soccer ref and what I could have said and how he might have responded. I even replay alternative paths of things that have already pasted. For example, I fear about losing my 11 year old son on a vacation, even though he is now 19.
All of this cranks me up. I've spent a few years dealing with my anger and unpacking a lot of the above. I control it more than it controls me and my rants are way down. Much of that is learning to avoid situations that set me off (I now stand at least 100 feet from the sidelline of any soccer game my son is in) and knowing to process things before I open my mouth.
But social media is killing me. I quit Facebook--first, old college friends and then family because friends-of-friends posted opinions that set me off. Then, Twitter. I have one account that links to political content (I'm into data and maps more than a POV) and one that is all positive tweets, people and publications. I tend to avoid getting into anything that leads to an argument--I'm fine putting myself out there and people can take/leave it.
BUT, when someone posts something offensive I feel the need to reply. I want to be an ally. Even though I logically know the original poster won't see mine in the sea of comments supporting the offense I feel it important to not be silent. Except, I then fear the reaction. I fear people coming at me, even if it is one out of thousands with a stupid reply. That becomes my day. Waiting. Ruminating. Trying not to get irrationally angry because that's what they often want.
I do not often speak up, but I have also curated my feed so I rarely have to. In these times, the bullies and "own the libs" tweaks are loud and proud. Someone needs to speak up. It is hard, though, as their tendencies just poke at my greatest weaknesses.
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OCD
|
Someone with whom I can talk and who shows an interest in listening to me and who tries to support me as a person, obviously I would try to do the same for him or her, help us improve each other and move forward, wouldn't that be nice?
|
aspergers
|
Mom promised she'd help me find a good dating website for people with autism but she recently had a computer crash and lost all the sites she had linked. I figured it couldn't hurt to ask here for any good dating websites.
|
aspergers
|
I went through something traumatic a few months back that left me eith physical health issues,I’ve been diagnosed with ptsd and have started therapy but I’m really having a hard time. I forget what it’s like to be the person I used to be,I look at pictures of myself for a few months back and don’t even recognize that person or remember what it was like to be that person. I feel like I’ve totally lost myself and don’t know who I even am anymore or how to be this person. Has anyone here overcome something similar?
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ptsd
|
Hi. It's hard to talk about a psychiatrist about this one because I can't even vocalise the problem.
I've had it ever since I was a kid. When it comes to certain bodily functions or substances, I can't even say the name of them. I have memories of seeing said bodily fluids/substances in certain memories at a young age and I still think about them and have to calm myself down or expel the memories. Three are from when I was around 7 and, as a 26-year-old, they still plague me very often. A very minor thing happened a few months ago with a certain bodily substance and it still makes me physically gag to think of it. I had like, three or four panic attacks in the days after it happened? I tried so many different methods of replacing the substance with something not triggering in my mind's eye. It still makes me feel sick. My best friend told me about something her daughter did, bodily fluid on her face involved, and even though I didn't actually see it, the words were enough to send me into a panic. I can't look at her daughter without thinking about it and it stresses me out. Like I've said, I can't even say the words because they're so ... bad. To give you a very small example of one I've worked on, I still can't say 'nose' or 'armpit' without cringing massively. With each other these things, the consistency is that I automatically imagine it in my mouth and it evokes a strong response.
When it comes to food, I have aversions and food rules, sure. But seeing certain foods or certain messes of foods messes me up for days, months, years. A baked bean was in an unfortunate situation in 2013 during a lunch break once. I haven't touched baked beans again. I can't even look at them without wanting to be sick. I think about it so much and try my hardest to replace it or erase it.
I think about this stuff all the time, every day. Sometimes it's mild and I can push it away with replacing the image or grounding myself. Sometimes, I have to shout or scream and force myself asleep with meds to get the image from going around and around and around. And anything can trigger it. If I see a dead seagull on the floor, I'll automatically imagine it in my mouth and it'll trigger me. It's ridiculous.
Does this sound familiar? Is it something I should mention to my mental health nurse?
|
OCD
|
I don’t even know why I’m posting maybe I’m hoping for sympathy points or something dunno! Anyway I had the worst depression episode from July-December of last year and for a while I was fine but recently all I can think about is just ending it all and all day I have to smile and laugh and act like I’m fine while all I do is sit in a dark room and wither away wanting to die I can’t even cry anymore I tried to but I couldn’t I just dunno anymore I lost all my friends I’m just alone and I have nothing anymore
|
depression
|
Previous Post [https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/dg58af/manager\_told\_me\_off\_for\_panicking/](https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/dg58af/manager_told_me_off_for_panicking/)
​
So I went back to work today, with a bit more of an understanding of my managers' points of view, but it was hard. Managers A and B met me outside reception and brought me to a meeting room where they told me off for what I had said yesterday. I was like "wtf did I say?" and I knew I snapped saying that they couldn't send me home I wanted to keep working so I thought okay fair that was out of line... no apparently I said I hated manager B.
I. NEVER. FUCKING. SAID. THAT.
I said "I feel like you hate me". In many different ways, but that's what I said. I know I didn't say that I hated my manager because that's not like me to say - it's so far out of character of me to do that I couldn't believe I was being accused of that. I apologised for it, because they didn't believe me when I refuted that allegation, and boy oh fucking boy did the conversation get worse:"Symbolic why don't you call your family" they ask.
"No" I say.
"Why?" And they kept putting pressure on me to. I was shaking like a leaf, burst out that they were bad (it's true, but I really did not want to have to tell them that because it's complicated and they're fine-ish now)
I said I got overwhelmed yesterday - so they thought I hated the job, which no, I don't I replied - I actually love the job. "That's contradictory" they'd say. I told them it was stress management for me, and it isn't the job, I'm doing better than I was before. They didn't believe me; they didn't outright call me a liar, but they very heavily implied it.
I felt like they were being stern, to which they said they weren't and that they care, but they were so exasperated with me, even though I was telling them what we can do to improve this situation! They just didn't seem to want to let me decide what to do with **my healthcare!**
I said I wasn't seeing any hope anymore, to which they took as suicidal intent from me. (I have been pretty damn bad these past few months, but that's from a lack of stress management, rather than that, I can gather). They didn't want to leave me alone.
​
I **finally** managed to leave (after 2 hours...) after I said I'd go straight to my doctor, to which I did...
I LOVE my doctors, they have been FANTASTIC with me. So when I went in and explained everything, she was doing her best to not burst out into laughter because of how wrong my managers are. My doctor even said when I asked if I were a danger to myself "no, and even if you were, you were more so these past few months than you would be now!" My doctor even wanted to send me back to work because it has done wonders for me.
My doctor told me to tell my managers to butt out of it, try to keep my PTSD as hidden as possible from work so they don't mess up my care like this (she is definitely not telling me to bottle up!) and that I'm doing fine, I just got to keep trucking on as I will settle in - it's just teething problems.
​
So, that conversation felt like they were gaslighting me throughout it - even though that clearly wasn't their intention, they just managed to say **everything** wrong. Still, at least I can go back on Monday, so that's a positive?
Plan: get someone to be with me and speak from my side in those meetings. Question: How? (UK)
​
EDIT: I forgot to say, thank you to everyone who commented on my last post, I really appreciated it, and that is why I decided to update today :)
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ptsd
|
I live with two roommates. This is my first time living with people I don’t know. One of them is okay with just saying hi and getting on with our business. The other one feels the need to always talk to me while we’re in the same room. If I don’t, she’ll get crabby and start acting irritable around me which stresses me out. But it’s very draining for me to have to adjust to her extroversion, and she is generally not a pleasant person to talk with.
Is it me or is it generally considered rude to say hi but not have a conversation with someone while say, you are in the kitchen at the same time?
Has anyone been in a similar situation, and how did you deal with it?
|
aspergers
|
So I just started taking ampheta/dextro which I believe is a generic Ritalin? The only difference I feel is just more alert and not feeling like I’m sleepy all day and night.
I hear some people say that when they get on meds it like changes their lives.
I’ve only been taking them 2 months.
I guess I’m just curious about people’s experiences and if I’m doing something wrong
|
ADHD
|
I was wondering what are most peoples thoughts,opinions and experiences with socializing,meeting new people and making friends via Meetup?
Also does anyone have any other suggestions for apps,sites or communities for meeting new people and making friends both online and in real life?
|
aspergers
|
Hey guys.
I’m feeling very sad.
I’m happy and I’m sad.
I can’t be myself.
I’m stuck in the past.
I used to smoke weed a lot.
Now that I’m older I’m questioning what’s right and wrong.
I feel rage. I feel anger. I want to destroy everything because I’m depressed.
Someone shared their story with me and I’m caught in the middle of everything.
I just want to love and accept love again.
I know that it’s a process but the healing process is painful.
The last person who touched me really left a scare not only on my body but in my heart.
I know there are good people around me.
They’re looking out.
Again I’m caught in the middle.
I don’t know how to get out of this depression.
Staying inside sucks.
Going out makes me think what for.
She will never be here.
I won’t even be able to love myself.
She got a tattoo. What does it mean?
I’m becoming evil because of jealousy.
I don’t want to be in a facility to go back out into the world.
I just don’t want to live in this world anymore.
Because I know too much.
There could be someone waiting for me,
There could be someone ready for love,
Someone ready.
It hurts when someone moves on and they’re happy and gets a movie portraying their love.
Love harder (the kid from AZ)
Could be or could not be.
The story is that they met by cat fishing.
I know that it is.
I’m so sad that I want to no longer live in this world.
I no longer want to think.
The answer is to no longer think.
Be happy you’re alive.
I’ve helped, and I’ve been helped.
What goes around comes around.
Doesn’t even matter after everything I’ve been through.
I have opened up Pandora’s box and I’m ready to be in a box with the world.
Love, Kevin.
|
depression
|
I am not a really bad hoarder but I do seem to hoard things a little bit and save things bc I "might" need them later. I also hoard receipts for some reason. I know that alot of me saving and hoarding things has to do with my obsessions and compulsions and trying to calm my OCD down. It helps to save things so I can look back on them or whatever. Just curious if anyone else hoards things and what do you hoard?
|
OCD
|
I would like to ask you guys how you manage to clean your belongings which cannot be held under flowing water.
Firstly, when I clean I just feel like I am moving dirt from left to right with a cloth and only feel good about cleaning if I can hold something under water with soap. I know that a cloth picks up some or most of it, but if it was something nasty like mold, old food, outdoor shoes, squished dead bugs on my floor or furniture, i feel like spores and particles are not gone rather spread with a cloth. And these things are even objectively disgusting without ocd.
My question is not about how to be more careful so that it wouldnt happen, more about what do you do when things happen.
Secondly, found that if I spilled something nasty on my computer or furniture or phone and it flows right into all holes and cracks I feel helpless. Aside from being more careful, how do you handle it when you can't throw it away and you can't wash it under flowing water?
Spraying things down with alcohol doesn't help me at all. I rather feel like having dead germs and dirt killed by alcohol on my carpet or so is equally disgusting.
Science or cleaning tips are welcome!
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OCD
|
Every single dream I can remember is traumatic. All my dreams incorporate past traumas into the present time. They highlight the worst aspects of my traumas and anxiety around them. I wake up feeling like I’ve just experienced trauma again and it’s absolutely awful.
I go to bed trying to listen to good-dream meditations, but that does no good. It’s come to a point where I’m scared to fall asleep every night.
Anyone else?
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ptsd
|
Not necessarily hallucinations, but seeing it in your mind's eye. Especially at night when I'm trying to fall asleep. I'll see him distorted into a monstrosity. Glaring, evil eyes and a contorted grin with fangs. Almost like a gargoyle. I know he's not there, but I still panic because I think he's going to hurt me. Sometimes it'll happen during the day and I'll have debilitating waking nightmares. Luckily my boyfriend is usually there to talk to me and keep me calm, and they eventually pass, leaving me exhausted. Does anyone else experience this, and what do you do when it happens?
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ptsd
|
Sorry if this doesn't make much sense; I haven't slept in 3 days because I've been cramming through a piece of work that I'm supposed to have been doing since the start of September and it was due yesterday.
I've never been diagnosed with ADHD. I'm in my 40s and honestly up until maybe last year I didn't even believe it was a real thing. My whole life I've had a complete inability to focus or even start on a task until the shortest possible number of hours required to finish it exceeds the number of hours I have left until a deadline. I've gotten by through my ability to stay up for days on end to get through it. I know my work is not representative of my best, but it's always been... good enough.
But I'm exhausted, and it's just so frustrating that I'm here yet again. When my dad saw me sitting staring into space rather than study for my high school exams 20 odd years ago he told me I'd grow out of it, but that obviously hasn't happened.
In recent years I've been studying for a Master's as well as holding down 2 jobs but working from home in these Covid times has really just hammered home how much time I completely waste. It's just an endless cycle of getting nothing done, interspersed with these manic stages where I stay up for days on end.
It was a conversation with a younger colleague that made me think that maybe I have ADHD but I've had no success so far in getting a doctor to even agree to evaluate me. To be fair, even getting around to making an appointment is ridiculously hard for me.
I guess the point of this whole overly-long essay was just to ask what difference the drugs make? I find it hard to even imagine not being like this? Do you suddenly find yourself able to do tasks a little at a time instead of at the very last minute?
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ADHD
|
For a while I wasn’t diagnosed with PTSD since it has a lot of symptoms that look like it could be something else. Once I finally got diagnosed, I felt that “imposter syndrome” of where I didn’t think what had happened was “bad enough”. Whenever something validated my diagnosis or I meet with a new doctor/therapist/psychiatrist, I get the sense of “oh, that really did happen” or that I really do have PTSD. It settles in like it did the first time I was diagnosed. Does anyone else get this feeling?
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ptsd
|
I've been writing a lot, all about autism and Asperger's. I want to come up with language that can give an empathic neurotypical an on-ramp to the autism experience. I'm getting somewhere. And it is gratifying. I have two essays. One is On Asperger's and Exhaustion. I think that is a fundamental. The Asperger's experience is exhausting, and I think I've captured it. I have identified a list of major sources of exhaustion. I forget the number, but it approaches 10.
I'll find ways to share stuff, because I want input that makes my findings less about me than about us.
But I've been using Facebook and Reddit posts as prompts. We're all suffering, and a lot of us are suffering the same stuff. I like how it feels sorta like a shared burden in this group, like we're suffering this stuff together and sharing band-aids. I really wish there were more positive things to write about, but it's all problems.
The other essay I consider finished is about my mind space. Everything you can imagine is in my head, and it all has immediate access to my attention. Imagine everything. Not in piles, each thing is floating in space. There is no shape, but imagine this complete collection of things is in an old style library, with a ladder for the top shelves way up in the rafters. And there are monkeys jumping around throwing everything. So my mind space is impossibly cluttered and frantically moving. This is almost all the time. I function amid it, in spite of it.
Thanks for reading this far. I was restless, but I don't want to do anything. I'm stimming. But let me know what you think about exhaustion and mind space.
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aspergers
|
I (27M) grew up in a very emotionally distant household with a schizophrenic mom and a dad, who unfortunately never was given a proper family when he was little and thus turned out to not be able to show, let alone talk about feelings. This (among other factors) led to me being a very emotional and emphatic person - but also e depressed one. I clung to every bit of love/emotion I could get from my parents, but also had to read my mom very carefully to avoid triggering her. For the last 10+ years, I also had to go through a lot of personal struggles which changed me in many ways.
The reason I'm writing in this thread is that I've now been having this feeling for a couple of years that I lost the ability to truly love. I had several girlfriends and all of them considered me a good boyfriend, not only in the way I treated them but also emotionally. I was very open about my mental health and they knew about my struggles. The problem is that the more years pass by the clearer it becomes to me that something inside me cracked some time ago, which prohibits me from truly loving someone. I still enjoy having company, cuddling, and the many awesome things a relationship can give you, but I (think I) can't form a true bond with a person anymore. To give an example: You know those nights where you lie in each other's arms and just can't stop looking in the other person's eyes and truly admiring them for who they are. Or those times where you might sit on a bench during a walk at night through a park where you start talking about something deep and all of a sudden you find yourself feeling so lucky to have found the other person and being in love with them.
It's those feelings that I simply can't feel anymore. To me, it feels comparable to a fun activity combined with a portion of comfort and intimacy.
What I know wanted to ask anybody who can relate to this is whether you eventually found those feelings again and how you found them again. If you find yourself to be in a similar spot and still can't really feel love (btw, I'm truly sorry for you and hope it'll eventually come back :) ): What did you do to cope with it? How did it affect your relationships/your life?
In case this might be of interest: I took anti-depressants for a couple of years and they definitely dulled my feelings. However, I don't think this is the root cause of the problem.
​
TL;DR: I'm feeling that I can't truly love anymore. Are you feeling the same and if yes, how do/did you cope with it?
Sorry for the long post and thanks a lot in advance for any responses I might get. :)
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depression
|
Hey everyone! I could use some advice/insight on how it went for you guys getting diagnosed. I'm entirely sure that I have ADD. I've been seeing a therapist and adjusting my depression/anxiety meds for a while now to deal with other symptoms but they weren't quite working. That's when I looked into ADD and everything just made sense. So I've been waiting FOREVER for an appointment with a psychiatrist so I could get on a med/therapy regimen. I was sooo looking forward to my appointment to FINALLY get this shit under control. But my appointment was... underwhelming. It was via telehealth and lasted like 5 min. I wasn't formally diagnosed. I was told that she can't prescribe me anything because one of my depression meds (that I've been asking my doctors to drop because its not helping but everyone just keeps saying to keep taking it until I can talk to a psychiatrist) and an appetite supresser than I'm temparily on are considered stimulants. So..... now what? She said to set up another appointment when I'm off the appetite supresser but I'm feeling very discouraged. Not to mention it took over 6 months to get my initial appointment with her. Any advice or insight to how things went for you would be greatly appreciated!
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ADHD
|
I absolutely never ever tell anyone about my having aspergers. My parents obviously know, but I don't even think my brothers know. I spent a lot of the second half of my childhood learning as many coping skills and ways to hide it as I could because I have always since I was little hated being treated differently for it. My parents had put me in a special education class and wouldn't take me out no matter how much I begged. So I resolved I was going to never go back there and I was never going to let anyone know. I'm sure some people think I might have it, I obviously can't be 100% in covering my tracks. But they don't say so, at least, and they treat me like everyone else. And that's all I want. I know there's a lot of talk around these places about "resources" and wanting people to understand your condition, but does anyone else just want to be treated like anyone else?
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aspergers
|
21 and just learning that most of the “abnormal” things that I’ve felt, done and said since I was a kid is because of it and I feel happy and a bit disappointed at the same time.
Missed out on a lot of things because I was too anxious of getting rejected and not fitting in.
Wasted potential due to thinking that I was just slacking off and never thought of doing those things again.
I kinda hated myself for certain behaviors that I don’t even understand why I kept on doing them and it doesn’t help that I have Tourette’s.
I’m moving to the US soon and hoping for a blank slate in terms of relationships and just life in general.
How do I present myself as someone who has a strong likelihood of ADHD?
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ADHD
|
Not for me anyway, I’m kind of past that part of HOCD (for now, it might come back in a couple days or even a few minutes, you know how ocd is) but I kind of have new obsessions, right now I keep thinking about how my friends and family would react if for the past year I was dealing with the fact that I had HOCD and my brain was convincing me I was gay, I know this is probably a homophobic take but that just wasn’t my lifestyle, I never saw myself going through that and it’s not like I can wipe that part of me from history, and also all the things I’ve searched up and done as compulsion, fuck if they knew what kind of physical and mental compulsion I’ve done they would definitely look at me differently and now I kind of have that depression again, it’s completely irrational but I kind of feel ashamed for what I’ve done and thought and I’m pretty sure it’s just OCD finding a way to get me back into the HOCD thinking, is this a back door spike? Idek but I don’t know what more this thing wants from me
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OCD
|
(F 25) I got diagnosed with GHSV1 (genital herpes) Last week i had an Outbreak
And I'm so depressed and hopeless. I look in the mirror and I feel pure disgust. My showers arent the same, i feel dirty no matter how much i scrub. It saddens me to know I'll never be the same girl ever again.. she's gone.
Dating will be a nightmare 10x harder than it was before. This was like the nail on the coffin for my love life. I have always been insecure about my looks and I was working so hard this year to be more positive and work on my self confidence / self-esteem but then this happens to me. It has made me take 10 steps backwards. I feel like life hates me. I can't even remember the last time I was genuinely happy
I was in therapy for past traumas and depression way before I got diagnosed. And now I feel like I have to fight extra HARD to be happy with this NEW me. But I'm tired! I'm tired of fighting to be happy, to feel beautiful, to feel loved and important.. I'm tired I feel DEFEATED and helpless
I hope there is a cure in my lifetime ..in the next few years 🙏🏼 I'm praying and hoping
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depression
|
First year at university and it's been quite lonely. I never truly found a best friend here. Being at uni is also hard because me just being here forces my mother to take care of my physically disabled brother on her own which means she can never leave the house as there won't be anyone to take care of him. It shows as every time I go back I'm always left with my brother to look after him. Kind of sucks cause when I go back I want to do something with the whole family but it is what it is.
Went back last weekend and my older sister 24 yelled and said stay at uni for Christmas which did sting a little but hurt even more when the rest of my sibling also said the same thing. I've never felt so isolated and alone. I though it would get better once I got to university which is why I didn't end everything earlier but I'm already £-1000 in my overdraft and have to pay £2500 in January for my accommodation.
I think I'm done with everything.
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depression
|
As the title reads, I started on Ritalin modified-release 20mg yesterday. I felt like my head was quieter, and I felt more confident during a job meeting I had. I didn't spend as much time stressing about how I came across, and if I said anything dumb, as I normally would. Today however I haven't felt that big of a difference, is that normal? For the effect to differ from day to day I mean. I also didn't feel like my concentration was any better yesterday nor today. How long does the effect usually last? I feel like what little effect I've had today is already gone and I took the pill about 7 hours ago. I thought the extended release should be kicking in by now, but maybe I've misunderstood how long it should last.
I have a new appointment with my doctor on Wednesday, so I'll ask her all this then, I was just wanting the perspective of people who've gone through the same. I'm sure we will talk about upping my dosage then.
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ADHD
|
My ocd is gradually getting worse and making my life very difficult so I'm definitely considering therapy, but I keep putting it off because, frankly, I'm somewhat afraid of it. I'm a closed off person so it's hard for me to share personal stuff, especially when it involves ocd. And I know therapists are professionals paid to deal with things like this and are probably not going to laugh at me, but still... I can't imagine myself talking to someone that kind of thing. At the same time I really want to talk about it.
Another problem is that I'm 16, I do have money to pay for therapy because I work, but I'd still have to ask my parents about it. And that I really don't want to do.
It feels like I need therapy to face therapy.
Edit: another concern of mine is having to take meds.
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OCD
|
I survived a bin lorry accident that happened in Glasgow. I was diagnosed with sever ptsd by multiple psychologists and I'm also suing the council for compensation due to my PTSD.
I want to say a little something that I've learnt over the past few years.
You have an INJURY and it's just as physical as breaking your leg. The fact that you can get up every day whilst suffering makes you a complete and utter badass. Also like I said you have an injury, if your leg is broken you bet your ass you'd be going to the doctor (Well maybe phoning if you can't walk) and you'd make sure that doctor made you better. So you know what? You 100% should not feel ashamed, you are injured so make sure you get help.
You know what as well? Not every doctor or psychologist is going to help you in the right way and you know what? That's OK, it doesn't mean you won't get better, it just means they can't deal with this badass warrior in front of them. You should go and find someone who can truly appreciate your badassery and can help you.
PTSD sucks real bad but it also means you are a survivor and I used to feel so ashamed of my diagnosis to the point where some days I couldn't talk to my parents. I realised that hell yeah I have ptsd but I'm a strong mofo because of it. I'm not ashamed of it and neither should you.
I couldn't leave my flat for three years on some days I couldn't even leave my room. I'm currently in my work as we speak and I want you to know that it sucks so hard but it will get better. You are a survivor, literally one of the strongest people out there so I know you can make things better.
I will be posting an update in 6months time (anniversary of accident coming up), I'm trying so incredibly hard to beat this thing and honestly if I had known id be where I am today when I was at my worst, I'd feel more hopeful. WE CAN DO THIS.
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ptsd
|
I was abused/neglected from birth until 3, when my grandmother adopted me and removed me from my abusive home. Then i started being sexually abused by an uncle around the age of 5 or so. I don't remember alot other than I was terrified of this man and him always touching my crotch and straight up making out with me. So recently i feel repulsed around my own two kids. I can't stand to see them naked or kissing them even the eye contact drives me fucking wild. It's been about a year of me being completely shut down. I look for anyway i can to get away from them and be alone and it's starting to affect them as well. Idk if I need advice. Just wanted to share my horrible realization to someone who will actually understand. Anyway, this shit sucks. If i could be anything I wanted it would be a good mom, but even that seems impossible with this diagnosis.
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ptsd
|
I got a full-time job, and I am supposed to start working from tomorrow. Today while talking to a couple of superiors on the phone I think I wasn't being respectful enough. I used the basic, "thank you sir" "good evening" but they don't feel enough. I would really appreciate if someone can tell me the secret of being respectful to your superiors in the workplace from autistic POV. Thanks in advance. :)
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aspergers
|
Hey. I am (22M) and I am currently studying abroad in Denmark. The classes here are very "make your own time" type. I been having a hard time studying as my room just distracts me. I tried moving to the library but it leaves because I have my phone. I tried leaving my phone but it still doesn't work. I am not far behind my classes I just need one good day of just studying but I can't even bring myself to do it. After the day has been wasted on Tik tok or cleaning up paint on my space marines, I just get angry for not doing it. My brain is always on "Eh let's do that tomorrow." or "We got the whole weekend!" and I can't change it. The Psychiatrist's office here said the next appointment will be in 22 weeks so I won't get the proper Help.
So For fellow students struggling what is some healthy habits you have found?
Leave some Suggestions!
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ADHD
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I've had a bad day every single day for 3-4 weeks straight. I'm constantly angry and tired, tired of being so angry and angry about being so tired, I hate life and existing, I've been skipping school just to lay in bed, been eating all wrong and sleeping badly and altogether not doing anything as I've been told.
Any time I say anything to anyone about it, everyone - my therapist included - goes "idk maybe the ADHD medication will help" and offer nothing else that'd help.
Does it? Does it really fix everything? Is there a pill that I can take that'll magically fix everything in my life and make me a happy, healthy, functional member of society, in such a way that it'd be useless to try anything else while we all twiddle our thumbs and wait for my diagnosis?
For legal and medical reasons this is a satirical joke, but I swear to god if after all this time the meds are not the magic cure for everything that they've been hyped up to be, I am going to do something destructive and regretful.
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ADHD
|
Hi, I’m a fairly newly diagnosed ADHDer. I stated being medicated a week ago and it’s been working great.
However now when the meds wear off or when I skip the medication I get so frustrated by the fact that I can’t do all the stuff that I could do while being on medication. It’s even funny because even when I’m on meds I’m not that good of a productive person. I still have difficulty getting started on stuffs and fully focusing. The medication just does the bare minimum for me to function like a normal person.
I used to think that my ADHD is very mild and I never thought I was too dysfunctional. I just thought that i have my own tempo. I thought I procrastinated on things and slept a lot during my day just because I genuinely didn’t want to do work. I was okay with that kind of life (at least to a certain extent) because i was used to that life style and it was normal for me.
Now I know that it’s not like I don’t work because I don’t want to work. I just can’t work even though I want to. I really like being somewhat productive and I like planning my day and being able to execute it.
I used to be okay with not being able to focus in all of my classes and not being able to understand a lot of what people say to me. It wasn’t even a big deal for me because it was so normal. I just thought I had my own way of learning and I thought it’s okay to be slower than everyone else. I used be more forgiving to myself and I thought I should understand what I can or cannot do and focus more on what I can.
I still think that these are true but right now I’m just a little frustrated because I realized I might be able to be the person who’s capable of doing all the stuffs I thought I was not capable of, and I don’t want to go back to being the person I used to be. Which is not possible because ADHD is not something that can be “cured” and I will always be this less functional version of myself except for the times I take the meds.
I’ve only taken the medication for a week now and I’m already starting to forget my coping mechanisms I used to have with adhd(like being generous to myself and giving myself more time) and I’m scared if I continue the medication treatment for a longer period of time i might be scared the fuck out of spending a day without the meds. In fact i feel like I’m already halfway there. I keep seeing things that I can’t do while being off meds.
I’m starting to feel like maybe my ADHD was worse than I thought, and I’m just scared to have to live with this disorder for the rest of my life. Now I understand what i have been missing out.
…
I should practice being more generous to myself.
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ADHD
|
Hello all, I’m a 26 year old female that has recently been diagnosed with ADHD. I started seeing a therapist because I’m pregnant and have been struggling with other secondary issues (depression/anxiety). I am trying to organize my very small space in preparation for the new baby, but get overwhelmed with all the different ways to do so. What has helped you with staying organized/clean that makes sense for an ADHD person? (For example, I keep buying toothpaste because I keep forgetting I have it (I have enough for at least two years now). How do I avoid “out-of-sight out-of-mind” and keep my home from being an eye-sore?)
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ADHD
|
Was just wondering if this is something others do as well. I’m diagnosed with ASD.
The last few months have been hard for everyone, and I’ve been trying to appear fine on the surface as I have to work etc (I work part time in a nursery) but especially lately I’ve been completely and compulsively burying myself in my interests, increasingly blocking out the outside world as much as possible, even to the point of neglecting my friendships, people irl, etc.
It’s like I just can’t deal with it and want to escape to where I feel secure - I.e my own personal wonderland. Except now it’s starting to feel more like a prison and I can’t seem to find a way out.
It’s like every last bit of energy I have to tolerate people goes into my work and then that’s my quota for the day, gone. I spend a lot of time in bed feeling exhausted and hopeless about the outside world while hyperfixating for hours on my interests.
I have tried exercising, (I run) regularly to try and break out of it, increase endorphins etc but have managed to F up my ankle (unstable joints / bad posture) so that’s on the back burner for a while.
Was just wondering if this ‘spiralling’ inward and being too exhausted for anything is something anyone else has experienced, and if so, do you have any advice on how to get out of it? TIA guys x
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aspergers
|
And then i was invested and went to search up fro more then i saw dead people laying on the floor because the mafia leader killed them and someone decided to take a pic, im really scared and nervous cause I remember seeing something gory and worse and it took me so much to get over it and i was full of anxiety i dont wanna relive that.. any advice before anything gets worse ?
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OCD
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Does feeling anxious about your body mean you have gender dysphoria? I like my body but I have some anxious uneasy feelings when looking at it. I hope it’s not gender dysphoria.
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OCD
|
I've spoken with two psychiatrists recently and they've both told me I've got textbook PTSD. I have hardly any memories from before age 16 and the ones I do have all happened at school. They've both said they can't diagnose or treat me without knowing what the trigger is. All I know is that it relates to my father, but he won't admit to anything and my mother doesn't remember anything.
Any advice?
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ptsd
|
I posted a notice on this sub looking for participants a couple of years ago, and our study is finally published! I wanted to check back in and share the final manuscript and **thank all of you who participated or considered participating!**
**The article is available for view/download for 50 days here: https://authors.elsevier.com/a/1dvGP3933lFbWr**
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aspergers
|
I'm Bipolar, and when my mood dips or starts to dip a bit, I find that I have these weird habits that crop up.. Anyone else have weird things like this they do when depression starts to kick in? Here are some of mine -
- ordering in food even though I have food in the fridge, because somehow I can't bring myself to go downstairs without that delivery person ringing the doorbell, and even then I tend to scuttle back into bed again as quickly as I can. This morning I lay in bed for a few hours somehow unable to get myself up & down to the kitchen, and eventually caved to the old habit and ordered porridge from deliveroo - I have the ingredients for porridge in my kitchen & it takes 2 min in the microwave, and yet I felt I needed outside help.. crazy. I think part of it might be that I'm lonely and I think I might find it much easier to get up and get moving if I was living with someone.. Also I'm really trying to plan my days so that I have things to get up for.. I want to get better at this..
- a frustrating one that I'm also really not proud of is I would run a bath for myself and then procrastinate about actually getting in the bath, to the point where the bath water would go cold and it would be wasted. This one hasn't happened in a while, thankfully. It tends to be a red flag that all is not well with me.
- another one is I would manage to get in a hot bath, which was great, but then I would sit in it for hours and really struggle to find the will to get out!! I would usually top it up with hot water, but sometimes I'd let it go quite cold and just sit in it feeling kind of numb. I did this a couple of nights ago. I think I was kind of exhausted & overwhelmed, and scrolling on my phone to try and soothe my anxiety (I know this can be a bad habit too) When I eventually got out of the bath I was so relieved I actually cheered.
I could probably continue listing more.. It's hard not to beat myself up about this stuff - wasting money, feeling a bit useless and dysfunctional.. But I'm hoping others might be able to relate?? I'm in recovery from two psych ward hospitalisations earlier this year. Making changes is not easy. I know I need to try to be kinder to myself. I think I need to let myself be a bit 'weird' sometimes just to find a way to take the next step in this life.
Do you do weird stuff when depressed? I think solidarity & sharing can help. How can we be kinder to ourselves under these crazy circumstances? I'm trying to break some cycles at the moment myself. Not easy but it has to be possible. Thank you for reading xo
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depression
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I’m a dad of two working through a divorce in which my wife left me unexpectedly. The SSRI and therapy are helping but I _average_ 10-11 hours of sleep a day.
I’m confused. I’m dependent on Zoloft to be stable for sure, but my life is also suffering from what seems to be my unending fatigue. I have the kids half the time, too, and I am lucky that at their age they sleep about as much as I seem to need.
But I have about enough time to get home from work, start maybe a little cleaning before I sink into the couch for an hour, then I drag myself to bed where I melt into it until about an hour before work. I feel so useless and lifeless, and it’s also hard to maintain any of the relationships I have with my friends. At least I’m not in a constant state of crying and sleep deprivation like I was prior to meds and therapy, but I seem to have a mew set of problems.
Appreciate any thoughts from others that may have experienced this. Thank you.
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depression
|
How do you manage to read books with ocd? I have been reading the same paragraph since two days. It's like I have to know it exactly as it is. I have the whole paragraph memorised, but I still can't stop. This problem is worse with non fiction. Reading is my hobby, but I will be forced to give it up if I have to go thorough so much anxiety every time I read a book.
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OCD
|
I literally can't get out of my bed, I am gonna fail all classes at University because I don't feel capable. I'm supposed to be already graduated and here I am, without energy to leave my bed. I also haven't taken enough care of my body, I haven't taken a shower in the last three days.
To sum up, I feel such a failure and I think I'm going to loss my job and my career at University.
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depression
|
I got diagnosed about a month ago at 24.
My girlfriends left me about 2 months ago and most of her reasons to leave had something to do with adhd after reviewing.
She was the only person that was left that put up with alot of my shit and tried to understand me.
But now shes gone and ive been trying to do things to feel loved or connected but as i go im just burning more and more bridges.
I was wondering if theres any thing like a social platform for people with adhd that understand?
Because im not one to ask for help but rn i dont know anymore and i just cant for the live of me figure out how to make it better by myself
|
ADHD
|
Hello, Im 22 M . during my last visit to my doctor he advised me that I have to face my fears so can you guys tell me how do you face and handle your fears? my worst fear is COVID19 since I have long history with it with me and my family
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OCD
|
I’ve had only 3 major crushes that I can remember. All of which were older than me at the time. If I was a pedo, would I be having crushes of girls that were older than me by a few years at least?
|
OCD
|
I have been thinking about my friendships. All my life I have been part of a group of people who call themselves friends. We hang out as a group and have fun. But there has never been in my life a friend who considers me their number 1 friend. I never have or will I be the maid/matron of honor. I only been a bridesmaid for two weddings and one of them was my cousin's. I feel at times I am the pity friend. Someone who people are friends with because they feel sorry for me. Just another friend that really does not matter much even though I am always ready to give good advice. It is painful to be the last chosen for anything. I deserve it really because I suck at being a friend. There is no real grounds for a decent friendship. I am only there when we meet as a group and I am horrible with making time to schedule stuff. The only way people can get time with me is by pushing themselves into my time. I am too afraid to be the one who initiates. I am only married because my husband was willing to pursue me and could see I was worth it. Most people just do not need or want me. Sorry, there is no real solution here. I am starting to see a therapist for this but I am not sure if there is any hope for me.
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ADHD
|
I'm looking at switching from dexedrine as I'm at the max dose and it's not working properly anymore.
I Belive my doctor wants to try adderall.
Can anyone tell me... do these feel diffrent?
How come everyone keeps referring to adderall as the dirty drug ahaha .. its making me feel uneasy..
Does it make anxiety worse? And come downs are worse?
Any experience switching between these two would be appreciated!
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ADHD
|
I'm almost 21. I was diagnosed when I was 16. I've lost all of my childhood friends due to aspergers. I've lashed out on them and acted out due to my anger and frustration with myself, to the point where they said they can't help me.
I was always the class clown in class or the "quiet white kid" cause I was quiet and coping at school. I never was happy. I've never had a girlfriend cause I can't handle myself and having a girlfriend would add on to my crazy brain.
I know myself really well, I've already lost 2 jobs and the one I'm currently at I don't mind. I'm just waiting until I have a meltdown that I lose that one.
I've lost so many people and friends in my life cause of my disease. I've seen acquaintances go into college and get cars, relationships, hell even have kids.
I cant do any of that. Driving is too overwhelming I might crash, college would be a nightmare. I'm on SSI and they're greedy. I feel like I'm older than 20. This disease makes me feel like I'm 40.
I'd like some feedback.
I fear letting people in. I have childhood trauma from abandonment of parents, anxiety, depression, ADHD. I dont like people. I refuse to let anyone in. I dont want to get close with anyone cause if they knew the real me it won't be long before the bridge falls and I loose another person.
I don't give up I just have a mindset. People are overrated. I'm changing my name, deactivated every social media, and I want to save up for a log cabin in a field so I can hide from the world, be in a field and be free. I don't want anyone to remember me. I want to grow old and alone and peaceful. Out in the wild, where I belong. If somehow someone remembers me from a time, I refuse to say I know them.
What is your feedback or thoughts?
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aspergers
|
Right so for the last like 5 years I haven't needed to socialize with new people in forever. I recently started a new college course. I'm not bad at socializing but feels there massive gaps in stuff I do or awareness or just straight up inconsistent ability. One day I'm talking to new people everywhere I am the next day I see the same people but don't say hi. Also with my new course it's kinda important that I socialize within it. Does anyone have any ideas to be consistent with people. There's some people I feel I'd be great freinds with now if I just wasn't being awkward every other day.
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ADHD
|
I reached out for help and i got it(some)today...the counsellor admitted to knowing little of aspergers, but tried learning of it online.
I really couldnt shake the feeling that she was suspicious of me...like she had a distrust of me.
I told her about aspergers and how they tend to socialise poor..and i told her that ive received social skills training online and its why i can converse efficiently..but i could still see and feel suspicion in her.
I guess it has to do with the fact that their organization deals primarily with women and children and im a grown 24yo Man. I was still referred there..and Im still in desperate need of help.
Im guessing it does have to do with that(that theyre used to helping/protecting women n children against violent people who are usually Male!).
Why do you think shes suspicious of me? Im 90%sure im not overthinking it.
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aspergers
|
Most of my ADHD peeps know that caffeine effects most of us differently than others. I never drank it as an adult, because it'd just make me sleepy, but my mom would give it to me as a child to keep me calm. My ADHD boyfriend is hooked on energy drinks. I was confused, because we would drink coffee before bed to sleep, but energy drinks kept him level. So, I tried one. Holy spit. So I have BAD anxiety. So does he. He... Self medicates, if ya get my drift, but I have medication for it. Medication that I cannot take at work. But this holy grail of drinks chilled me the HECK out. I have amphetamines to take, which I do, and they level me a bit, but both together? Heavenly. I can talk normally to people, where before I would freeze up. I can stand up for myself when someone is being unfair. I can live without underlying stress or fear and I am LOVING it. It's euphoric. It's so good it feels like I'm doing something illegal. It really feels great. Is this how normal people feel? Seriously, unreal.
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ADHD
|
I have realized that I have unrecoverable ptsd that comes from my parents. I was very wild when I was young in my childhood I was always running away towards cars and doing shit that made my parents angry and I got beaten a lot.
Also in mu teen years I was super rebellious mostly because of my strict controlling parents.
I don’t hate them, maybe I judge them a little bit for their way of handling the situation. But now at age 22 I have deep trauma and deep fear of them. Not in a obvious way like I talk to them normally and everything but I have noticed when my mom is moving around my door I have a knot in my stomach and all my senses are focused on expecting her to open the door.
Also I feel like I can’t live my life normally because I think my parents will be against my decisions and I don’t want to anger them.
I can’t feel like myself, like I need permission to live my life and be me. I constantly feel watched and stalked by my mother because she used to be so controlling (and she used ti stalk me)
How do I recover myself ?
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ptsd
|
How do I cope with intrusive thoughts. I have terrible intrusive thoughts and my parents won’t let me see a therapist about it.
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OCD
|
I was thinking of going through the book The Artists Way. But the last time I did it, before I was diagnosed with complex PTSD, I didn’t get very far because I had trouble with the Morning Pages where you write stream of consciousness for 3 pages every morning to clear your mind.
Basically when I tried it I would end up writing about things that triggered me. It got so bad that while writing I flipped out and ripped my journal to pieces.
That was several years and 2 rounds of EMDR ago. And I’d like to try it again but I’m nervous.
Does anyone have any advice for me? Are there ways to approach journaling with more emotional safety?
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ptsd
|
I was diagnosed with ADHD over a couple months ago in August and have started the process of getting treatment. I've been taking Vyvanse since September and originally while it helped it wore off too fast, it wouldn't last me through my school day which was a problem so I contacted my doctor to get my prescription changed. However with these new meds while as usual the first week or week and a half I was okay I started to notice recently that I had been feeling anxious, depressed and irritable for little to no reason a couple hours after taking my medications. I've booked an appointment to talk to my doctor about this but I was just wondering how common these side effects really are.
|
ADHD
|
Over the past 4 years, my appearance has changed a lot. My facial features such as my nose, eyes, and face shape, have changed a lot. I don't know if it's for the worse or for the better. I've just noticed that I've changed a lot. I like the way I look, just like I did before, but I feel like a completely different version of myself. I'm 22, so I'm comparing myself with how I was when I was 18. I haven't necessarily put on or lost too much weight, but I was just wondering if anyone else has gone through the same experience? Some days I feel almost like a clone of my original self. It's hard to explain.
|
aspergers
|
Hello,
I thought I would share the story of what happened to me when I was diagnosed with ADHD because it's relevant to people who are still seeking a diagnosis. This is meant to be a warning story of what can happen when you self diagnose, don't get proper medical treatment, and in general are overlooked by the system. It's not meant to scare everyone who thinks they're ADHD out of getting a diagnosis, but it's something to seriously consider if you are currently attempting to get one.
Around sometime last year I was seeing a therapist regularly and read about ADHD. I had a lot of the symptoms, and thought I might have it. I discussed it with my therapist and he was unsure, but I pushed to be sent to an ADHD evaluator. Eventually I got a referral to a dedicated specialist. The specialist brought me in for a three hour test, part of which had to do with computer testing. It's my understanding that the computer testing was seen as the important part, since it was meant to rule out anyone who was faking ADHD for medication. It measured your attention span, and looked for abnormalities. I want to stress here that the reason what happened to me happened was because this test was taken into consideration above all else.
I was diagnosed with ADHD because they found several abnormalities in the computer test. I was given Ritalin to take and sent on my way. It was a fairly low dose of Ritalin, but this is when things started to go seriously south.
While taking the Ritalin, I started losing sleep. I started hallucinating that my neighbors were stalking me, and eventually that the CIA was trying to kill me. I developed complete psychosis and was eventually checked into a mental facility. When I was checked in, the doctor originally suspected it had been the Ritalin alone that had triggered the psychosis. I was released with the doctor telling me basically "don't take that again."
However, I continued to have hallucinations and be on edge. Eventually I went to a specialized inpatient program to figure out what was wrong with me. I was there for a month with a psychiatrist who had been practicing for over 35 years. Thankfully, he was the one who was able to diagnose me with bipolar disorder. I was told later by another doctor that the problem that had arisen with my ADHD diagnosis is that /they did not check for bipolar disorder./ ADHD and bipolar can overlap in huge ways, with energy issues, poor attention, talking quickly, etc. The tests that I had taken measured for poor attention, but they did not quantify why I had poor attention in the first place. In my case, it was mania.
I wanted to share this story because if I had been aware of the overlap of symptoms, this wouldn't have happened to me. I had to spend over a year recovering from my medication induced psychosis, which would not have happened in the first place if I had been diagnosed as bipolar. I think ADHD is kind of "popular" right now. I see a lot of people online talking about how they have ADHD symptoms or whatever. Particularly on tiktok. If you are just starting to research ADHD, I would encourage you to realize that these symptoms exist on a spectrum of disorders that are not necessarily ADHD. Even doctors can get it wrong, like in my case, so do not even begin to attempt to diagnose yourself. Go to a professional, and divulge your entire history. Do not ever push for a diagnosis just because you "think" you have it.
I hope this helps some people and serves as a warning story! Best of luck to everyone seeking a diagnosis right now. (Not sure what flare to use so I'll just go with Reminder.)
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ADHD
|
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