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I’m lucky that my OCD isn’t as awful as some other people’s, but it’s incredibly specific. It’s either wildly and disconcertingly vivid thoughts about mutilating myself, or more usually, having intrusive thoughts regarding my parents’ deaths.
They aren’t in bad health. My dad has degenerating disks in his back, and that’s all. But I’m so convinced that I’m going to lose them soon. I’ll be having a good time with my family and my brain will just put the thought that “one day you won’t be able to experience this anymore” or “there will be a last time you ever hear their voice” and it makes me want to absolutely sob. I’m so tired. It’s not debilitating, thankfully, but it’s just awful. I wish my head was a little quieter and I wish I could enjoy time with my family without thinking about the future for once in my life.
When I was younger, maybe eleven or twelve, I would creep into my parents’ bedrooms and put a mirror underneath their nose while they slept just to see if they were still breathing. I don’t do it anymore, but I feel fucking insane. I’d consider medication, but I just recently started adderall and it’s working very nicely for me, so I don’t want to add another drug to that at the moment. I’m just exhausted.
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OCD
|
Hello! I have adhd and I really love dancing. I don’t have any stable passion except dancing. It’s one of the few hobbies I developed when I was just little. I’m not that good of a dancer but I know I can dance. Now I’m 20 years old and I’m still inlove with dancing however I really struggle with routines and having to learn choreos. It’s stressful and sad. This blocks me from joining new dance group and orgs. Sometimes I want to walk away from it but the joy I get when I dance and perform is euphoric. I know I can enjoy dancing alone but there’s a part of me who wants to compete and perform. At the same time, I feel ambitious to feel this. I wish I could learn and execute the routines better and faster tbh. It sucks that I can love something but also incapable of dedicating my energy and attention to it.
I’m wondering if anyone here dance as well? Any tips to persevere?
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ADHD
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I was planning to do my biology homework today, and as I started reading my textbook, there was so much noise outside my house that it just made me scream out loud at my book because I find it so hard to focus and read when there is a lot of noise. It's literally impossible, I felt like jumping out of my seat and punching the wall. I'm wondering if anyone else feels like this ever while reading?
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ADHD
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I am undiagnosed but I’m pretty sure I’ve had Pure O OCD for a while now. It started a few years ago with existential OCD, to Pedo OCD, and my latest being harm OCD.
However, I’ve only been having Harm OCD problems for about two weeks now and I feel like they’ve nearly gone away. I spent a lot of time around others, around dangerous objects, and distractions to get over it. It seemed to have worked, but now I’m really worried that it went away too fast and maybe it means it’s not OCD and I really did want to hurt someone? I really struggled with it for the first week, being bed ridden with panic attacks for two days. But now i suddenly feel normal again. Is this a bad thing? Does it mean something?
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OCD
|
I don't know if other people with OCD are going to relate to this, but I never know what I want or how I feel about anything in my life because of intrusive thoughts, and it is extremely exhausting.
I get intrusive thoughts about not liking things I thought I liked to the point where I don't know what's real anymore.
I get intrusive thoughts about the people I'm friends with to the point where I have no idea if I actually like them or not.
I try to go with my gut feeling, but I swear it changes, and I can't seem to separate anxiety from how I actually feel.
Does anyone else experience this? I am so exhausted because every day I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster of really confusing emotions. Nothing in my life makes sense anymore and I don't know what to do.
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OCD
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For as long as I can remember talking to people fills me with dread and anxiety. I am even afraid of speaking to my parents and siblings who have known me all my life.
This fear has kept me from speaking up when I need help, applying for jobs and opportunities, and has caused pointless issues because I simply could not open my mouth to ask a simple question. I am afraid to reply to texts from my friends, even when there is no social obligation or anything really at risk. I am afraid to ask my siblings simple questions like "What do you want to eat for dinner?" and telling even my parents things like "I am hungry."
I am afraid to say that I didn't hear or understand something someone said (I strongly believe I have some kind of auditory processing issue but am not officially diagnosed with that).
It's like a deadline that I keep procrastinating; I procrastinate every conversation, email, or text. And to make matters worse I then forget what I was supposed to speak about. So much so that I miss important details, forget to pay bills and leave friends that I actually like and care about "on read" for weeks. It takes me days of psyching myself up to even open an email or a text.
I hate being afraid of this and I've been trying to think what exactly am I afraid of? Where is the fear coming from? I think I am afraid of people getting mad at me. Ironically, the problems that arise because of my fear of communicating invariably lead to people getting mad at me for not speaking up sooner or letting things go unattended too long. It's a cycle that I have no idea how to get out of.
I also think I am afraid of letting people see how "helpless" I am. I can come across as intelligent but I can also be stupidly oblivious about very simple things. I can tell I surprise people with my ignorance and I think I am afraid of admitting how much help I really need just to do things that come easily to other people. Maybe I've had too many bad experiences communicating because of my autism and general cluelessness. I can make people mad at me without trying or even understanding why.
My dream is to be financially independent for the sole purpose of not needing to communicate with people anymore. I'd be happy to live alone, no friends or social interaction apart from my dog. That sounds like the ultimate relief to me but at the same time I want that 'normal' life where I can have friends and form deep relationships. But all of that requires communication. And how can I make money at a job when I can't even bring myself to make an inquiring phone call, write an email or submit an application because I am so afraid of the inevitable socializing that comes next.
The worst part is, I used to be better at it. I was always afraid, but when I was younger I could still force myself with some effort. Now the fear seems to have grown and is just paralyzing.
I don't really know if any of this makes sense but I was wondering if anyone has any experience with this and any advice or tips for overcoming it?
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aspergers
|
I always feel like I have to tell everyone I'm close to in my life everything I've done wrong. It's super draining. I feel guilty about stupid things and want to tell people because I feel like I'm hiding it from them if I don't admit mistakes I have made. I also feel anxious that they'll somehow find out and judge me for it. Just venting because it's really annoying!!
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OCD
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There are worse things that can happen to someone such as being born without limbs. You needn't remind me of that. However, Asperger's is uniquely cruel because it has a nefarious combination of traits and effects:
1. Executive dysfunction. Limited capacity for effort and focus means we are accused of laziness. Good luck holding down a job and dealing with everyday stress.
2. Social rejection. We are fundamentally defective in a way that drives other people away. Because humans are super-social species, we fail to achieve milestones that neurotypicals take for granted such as dating and jobbing.
3. Sensory oversensitivity. Loud noises drive us up the wall but we are expected to simply tolerate them like adults.
4. Permanence and unfixability. There is no cure and there will never be. We take our curse with us everywhere we go. We will be like this for the rest of our lives no matter what we do.
5. Obscurity. The public is very ignorant about it and as a result there are few or no resources for us. In the grand scheme of things, autism spectrum disorders are not such a big problem. To put it simply: nobody knows, nobody cares, and we are all alone with nobody to turn to for help.
6. Abstractness and strangeness. Go ahead and explain to a neurotypical what having Asperger's is like. No matter what clever analogies you use, he or she will never understand. It really is such an alien thing that NTs can't possibly [grasp its true form.](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/YouCannotGraspTheTrueForm)
All these factors come together to make our life utterly miserable and hopeless.
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aspergers
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Edit: Thank you guys so much, all of you. I wasn't expecting so much support and now I feel so much better about my decision. I wish you all the best in life. 💞
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ptsd
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Ok so I’m a college student who goes home on the weekends cuz my college is fairly close to my hometown and for some reason my OCD keeps telling me that I need to bring more and more things from my room to my dorm. Like I’ll notice a set of books and my OCD will tell me “you NEED to bring that to your dorm room” and it will keep really bothering me until I bring them back with me. Also for another example sometimes I’ll plan an outfit for the day but my OCD will tell me to bring a particular jacket even though I already have one on I’ll just be carrying an extra jacket for no reason. Is this something that is a part of OCD for some people or could it actually be a part of something else? My dorm is getting p full and I know it’ll be hellish trying to bring everything back when it’s time to move out
Edit for more clarity: idk if it counts as hoarding cuz it’s all stuff I already own and I keep it all in organized spaces. My ocd will just tell me to bring something that I don’t actually need when I go somewhere like “You need to bring this one particular reading book” even though I’m going out grocery shopping and wouldn’t even have time to read it while I’m out
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OCD
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Hi everyone. I’ve been suffering with severe anxiety from OCD for about four months now. This last month and a half has been a lot better (anxiety wise), but it seems that my OCD wants to come back with a vengeance (it had almost become background noise for a bit). I’m going to a therapist from NOCD, but I’m just questioning whether this will actually work for me or if I’m just wasting money. I definitely feel like recovery is a long ways away. Any recovery stories would be greatly appreciated. Thank you and sending positivity and healing your way!
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OCD
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I have dogshit anxiety and low self esteem, I'm working at a big 4 public accounting firm and these problems are interfering with my work. At my worst, I've considered hanging myself because I can't cope with the stress with meeting deadlines and reporting to my managers. But at the same time, I'm terrified of going theough the job searching process all over again. I've stuck myself in some shitty ass crossroads. I'm so drained from working 16 hour shifts to meet deadlines and deal with consistenly increasing workloads. I feel like such an idiot for betting everything on this job and not even considering other options. I'm just tired.
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depression
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I feel there's a good chance the answer is yes, but I still thought I'd ask:
When you're texting someone do you even get one from them that you think doesn't quite sound like them, so you start to worry it really ISN'T them and send them questions to check? Because that's been a big one for me lately.
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OCD
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TW : Sexual assault, Abuse
hi r/ptsd. 17F here. i was diagnosed for PTSD for maybe a year. and i do got dhystimia along with panic attacks and anxiety, it all started in my age of 7/8. ( disclaimer my parents and family don’t really care about me so please don’t ask things like “ girl where’s ur parents” ) i grow up alone and spoiled. then i get sexual assault ( r*p*) by my own driver, it goes along for 5 days. 5 times . i could never tell anyone because he threatened me to death. i got abused hard until all my back was full of bruises. Idk how to tell anyone . and i do get ( brain fogs(?)) from it, from the age of 7/8- 13 i couldn’t do simple things such as brush my hair, tie my hair / shoelaces, use forks and spoon normally, and other basic things. My parent’s broke up in the age of 11, leaving my mom and my brother and sister to projecting their mad feelings to me. Long story short i got bullied because i was a crybaby for anything, after those kinda things i started to carry the pain alone. since i was in jhs i always act happily, until now, actually, nobody will actually knew that im a depressed kid and a sad kid, i thought that a boyfriend might cure my trauma. then i tried to date this one boy, he was nice , and i always nag about my panic attacks and everything, he doesn’t know about my trauma, then he became an abussive asshole, way abusing me than the driver did. Like grab me to the wall and pushed me against the wall, burn my leg with a candle, or even beat me with a wood, and hit my head with a beer bottle, and the piece of glasses hit me . He also do the same thing, he sexual assaults me, forced me to drink alcohol and choked me. He beats me up when i refuse to do it yet he rapes me too, hardly than ever be. Then he forces me to drink many abortion pills that causes me bad injury and bleeding. i almost lose 1/6 of my blood, and also screams me with harsh words. There are maybe countless suicides attempts that i do, since i’ve been doing it since i was in primary school, i couldn’t handle everything else, when im self sabotaging, i can’t control myself. It’s like there’s someone who posseses me , i cannot be stopped until i faint or someone stops me out . Everytime i see sharp / dangerous things that have potential, what’s in my mind is only death, that’s it. I don’t feel loved , I don’t feel like i deserve happiness because i never get them. I do want it but i would never get it, everytime i get it . It will either harm me or leave me afterall. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Also my parents are toxic so telling them the truth and ask for a physiciatry is a bad thing. Im really scared with everything . I get triggered everyday. I can’t handle anything else, i planned to actually kill myself in the 10th of January. I can only see it as an only way . I don’t really know what to write again. I feel terrible, i was said as the sunflower in the class, since im always happy, cheering everyone up that looks down, i covered all my emotions to that one emotion, i could never get mad to anyone again, i could never get really sad in front of people, i feel like im a pain to everyone else because even my friends who knew about me don’t know what to do. I can’t insist them to understand neither. So it’s useless for me to actually ask help from my friends because they can’t respond anything good . Im going to study abroad this year and im scared that my “ unresponsible” self controls me to real death. i can’t stand this please . all i want is death and peace, i can’t stand living in hell meanwhile the person who made me like this lives a joyful life. I can’t handle myself anymore, i’ve tried everything but it never worked out. Everyone who’s i think is my comfort person leaves me . I can’t handle this anymore and yes i’ve been saying it for many times but please . I really can’t handle anything anymore . Also i don’t have a coping mechanism that stops my mind. All i can do is self sabotage myself hardly. I’ve been overdosed for many times. 4-5 times. Many suicide attempts, and any other else . Also im in a complete burnout. And im asexual.
That’s it. Thanks. Sorry for the messy grammar .
I also had bad dreams ( almost everyday ) and whispering words in my head out of nowhere :) .
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ptsd
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I'm homeless but safe. He can never put his hands on me again. My ADHD symptoms got so severe that I started to develop severe anxiety and depression too. I did everything for him for several years. He did not work. I became his servant. I thought I could fix him and I felt bad for him for experiencing abuse in his childhood and developing severe PTSD due to the military. I felt so bad for him and I was so obsessed with trying to fix him. He was also diagnosed with cancer and I thought that might change him. In the past 6 years, I've lost myself and my ADHD feels way worse then it used to be. I'm proud that I built the courage to leave but I am overwhelmed of the amount of work I need to do to be fully free. I wanted to share this here because I hope I can inspire anyone else who have been abused and has ADHD.
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ADHD
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They scheduled me for in person when I asked for a zoom and it’s a 2 hour drive so I missed my appointment and their phones are off. No clue how I’m going to do this whole 3 month song and dance again. This really sucks.
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OCD
|
I've held myself back from living in so many different ways. Employment, education, driving, dating, even how I present myself to the world—you name it. Worst of all is how my insecurities affect my relationships with others. I am *extremely* sensitive to rejection. I take it as a sign that I did something wrong, and it causes me to feel ashamed and embarrassed on top of the pain that normally comes with getting turned down. It's downright soul-crushing.
For this reason, I go out of my way to avoid getting rejected. In the past, I sometimes even rejected myself preemtively before somebody else had the chance to do it themselves. When I was in my teens and early 20s, I would work up the courage to try and ask a girl out, only to awkwardly confess my feelings and then tell them that I "know [they] don't like me in that way." I anticipated getting shot down, and I thought doing it to myself first would soften the blow. Nowadays, I avoid even divulging my feelings to anybody. I don't flirt, I don't ask people out, etc. At 28, I have still never gone out on a single actual date with someone, let alone kissed, been in a relationship, etc. I'm always afraid that if I *do* try to ask somebody out, I'll do it in an inappropriate way—the wrong place, the wrong time, misinterpreting their body language to assume interest where there was none—and make them feel uncomfortable or even violated/harassed.
I'm so hypersensitive to rejection that I sometimes sense it when it isn't even there. I *always* feel like I'm wearing out my welcome. Even with some of my closest friends, I often feel like I'm burdening them with my presence. I occasionally take positive interactions as negative. And when I have an interaction that is unambiguously negative, I feel as though that means our friendship is irreparably damaged.
I get weird premonitions out of absolutely nowhere that someone doesn't want to be my friend anymore, and I become desperate for any sign that it's all in my head. I used to flat-out accuse people of ignoring me, lash out at them when I felt rejected, harass them, etc. Now that I'm in my late 20s, I tend to be a lot more passive about it; I either avoid broaching the subject and refrain from talking to them altogether, or I send them messages of love and support with the intent of proving my potential value to their lives. Naturally, I've destroyed a lot of friendships this way. I've gotten much better at managing these feelings over the years, but sometimes they come flooding back out of nowhere.
I have never been soft on myself about the way I've acted, either. I would always tell myself things like, "ADHD/depression/anxiety/etc is not an excuse for harassment—the vast majority of people with those conditions are perfectly capable of controlling themselves and not bombarding anyone with messages the way you have done to many different people." "Your problem is not "anxiety" or "ADHD", it's the fact that you feel entitled to people's time and attention and have no concept of personal boundaries. It's your lack of empathy, and your disregard for the rights of others, that is the cause of all this." "Ordinary people—even those with mental health issues—do *not* have the problems that you have. There is nothing "normal" about your creepy, invasive tendencies." "Someday you're going to wind up slapped with a restraining order if this doesn't stop."
Is this relatable to anyone here?
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ADHD
|
ADHD for me, is like treading water. I have big goals, dreams..but I can’t focus on anything long enough to reach those goals. I cannot just do a little bit everyday because in the first few days I’ll forget I was doing it, or I’ll be so painfully bored with it that I’ll give up. For me, ADHD is not being able to hear anyone when they’re speaking to me- unless it’s a topic I am already wildly interested in. It’s watching the annoyance in people’s eyes when I say for a third time, “I’m sorry- could you repeat that? Yes..from the beginning.” Having ADHD is staring at my phone for hours every day because I forget anything else exists, and forcing myself into normal routines takes hours longer than it should- because I am distracted every step of the way. ADHD is being sensitive to rejection, watching everyone’s movement, listening to their tones to make sure no one hates me (because of course they all hate me!). ADHD is watching each day slip by while I silently scream from inside, never asking for help because when I try- I have to remind others to help me but I will never remember to do so.. and nothing gets fixed. ADHD is coming off as uninterested and annoying, because so many people don’t trust that it exists so my behavior is just rudeness and lack of discipline.
I could keep going but, I feel like I just can’t get my life together. I want so badly to be on medication but with the NHS it seems to be impossible and my only solution is to move back to the states..unless I want to pay outrageously for a private doctor here. Ugh.
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ADHD
|
This is pretty much what it says on the tin, but I do have a few details to give some context.
I live with my mom. We both have depression. Hers is quite bad. It’s gotten to the point where quality food feels like it’s constantly running out or going bad, so we end up eating frozen ravioli or microwave ramen with pieces of rotisserie chicken thrown in.
I work a 9 to 5 with a 30 minute commute, so I rarely feel like I have the time or energy to cook myself.
So it’s led to me making an inadvertent habit of getting delivery. Coffee in the morning, lunch at work, something sweet for dessert. I keep impulsively hitting that order button because it keeps giving me dopamine and tasty food.
But above everything else…it adds up. It costs a lot of money to get food delivered. And it is starting to actively destroy my finances.
So, fellow ADHDers, do you have any tips to curb these impulses? How do you prioritize cooking when you’re low on energy and focus?
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ADHD
|
Hey yall;
I have to share this with someone-
I have been suffering and fighting and losing to depression for as long as I can remember. I lived in an abusive environment, like many people that exist these days.
Education was a huge source of pride for me throughout my life. I was really active in the school curriculum. I didn't hate other kids but I had this weird sinking feeling whenever people looked at me, my mind would blank, and my heart would start beating. So I was awkward of course and only had a couple friends. Learning though--- THAT was what I went for. I loved school. It was better than home.
During the summer of 9th grade, I went to my friends home in the town over for a week. Another story made short- my mother had left and moved out of the city while I was away. She f***ing abandoned me. My stupid as* told the school and they said I needed an address to attend. So I found an address- then they said I needed a guardian- couldn't find one of those- and my friends dad was not in a traveling condition being a paralyzed man. So that didn't work- they said try when you're 16 so I started tracking that b**** and got emancipated (she moved to the other town by the city) -I was 16 at this point anyways. Then guess what?? They said I was too old.
Because i was on welfare at the time, they told me to try alternative education- so I went and worked my ass off to catch up to everyone else and then circumstances changed again. The small school closed. I gave up on myself completely. School was a source of pride for me and the depression sunk in. At this point I was 'living' with an abusive boyfriend. (That's how it always goes right)
That was 12 years ago and having been heart broken since. (Also literally ran away from that guy with my cat hahaha (Who I still have :3))
My life had been a complete mess.
These past few years have been really hard. My mother died from alcoholism, then my stepfather died 3 years later from lung cancer. My brother overdosed and died. My friend had a baby, and I'm happy for her, over the moon! But I have no one anymore.
I held pride in being an educated kid and when I lost that chance, I would attack myself for not being better than I am. Why do I suck so much? I couldn't even finish school! I'll never measure up to who I dreamed of being.
So I am working a monotonous job that I lied to about having high-school-like everyone else-, every single day and give up. I attempted to ride the sewer slide and failed at that too. Because at this point I had a cat and a GOOD boyfriend. Damn life lines.
But I still needed my life to end somehow. So I said eff it one day and applied for college. It was the weirdest and biggest and scariest decision I ever made. Ever. I just dont do that kind of thing.
Yesterday I got my highschool transcripts back. So obviously I checked them. And checked them. And googled everything I could think of to combat what I'm F***ING LOOKING AT
Reddit. I did it.
I did it, I got my diploma. I got it when I was 17, before the school closed. Reddit. All I want to do is scream in joy and humility~
I have beaten myself up for many things and school was one of them. Every interview, everytime someone brought up high-school, everytime I reminisced on projects~
I was proud of myself then~
And I haven't felt this way since-
AND I DID IT WITHOUT HER
GOOD RIDDANCE!!!!
Depression will sink in again, but atleast by then I'll be in school, or doing a job I feel worth being there for.
Thank for anyone who read. I haven't been this happy in a long, long time. I could live here in this feeling forever, and even I cant- right now it's worth it.
TL;DR: I got my mother fu**ing high-school diploma Bish-nut!!!!!!!!
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depression
|
Generally speaking, do people respect you?
I was a social pariah up until and including the last year of high school. As an adult in my 30s, I receive so much blatant disrespect that my friends and even my counsellors have no way of relating. There's something different about me -- the way I talk, what I choose to talk about, probably body language, and... beyond that, I don't even know.
Do people view you respectfully and treat you with respect? Are you respected as your real self, just going about your business in the world?
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aspergers
|
Hey I was wondering if anyone else had experienced non-epileptic seizures following a PTSD diagnosis? My neurologist and the ER doctors didn’t see any concerns and said it’s not epilepsy. I find I don’t have the episodes the same way if I’ve smoked weed, but when I do I shake until my body finally relaxes and I can lay down. Hoping to see if anyone else has this experience
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ptsd
|
Hello, I have a question regarding a family member who I am trying to assist. They have had a difficult life, filled with abuse and trauma since childhood, and now as an adult they are struggling with handling regular full-time work and relationships. Last summer they discovered they have extreme cerebral atrophy, where doctors were surprised they were able to graduate high school.
Is this connected to possible PTSD? What option do they have to get better? How can I support them?
Thank you for any information you can provide, I am trying my hardest to support them and I am at a loss of how to move forward.
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ptsd
|
Today I am having a hard day. I have OCD and generalized anxiety and depression AND CPTSD...AND.... jk no more ands thank God. But needless to say life is hard some days. I feel like I have a pretty good grasp on all my mental health issues. I'm in therapy right now working on PTSD issues and learning tools and have done the same for my other issues as well.
Today though....today OCD is a bitch. I'm afraid of being a bad person AGAIN. A sort of scrupulousity obsession... kinda paired with some real event and false memory OCD. Like... have the choices I made in the past define me absolutely, without redemption? Also was x event as bad as y event and if my husband were to find out will he leave and take our kids?!?! Did event z even happen?! The wheels keep turning, the googling begins and then I remember... my notebook. I like to compulsively journal and really try to figure out my obsession. Also maybe I can flip through the notebook and remember the thought I had that one time about how I'm not a bad person and that will make me feel good. Or maybe, if I am "caught" as the bad person I can show my notebook and prove that I'm not bad because look! I figured it out....
Anyway, at the height of my OCD I was sick of myself and sick of this illness and vowed to do everything I could to tame it. I threw out that notebook about 2 years ago. When I wanted it today, I am proud of myself back then for stopping the cycle.
Just wanted to share a little win, a little background and a pat on the back for myself in case anyone can relate.
(I remember being scared shitless too about the trash can I threw the notebook away in...it was at a random walgreens that across thrown from where I live and I obsessed over whether or not a friend or family member would dig through the trash at said random walgreens and find it and expose me for all my crazy thoughts. It took everything in my power to not drive back, dig it out and burn the damn thing instead. Lol - ocd is a bitch and I'm thankful I can look bad and laugh about at least some things now.)
|
OCD
|
Throwaway account.
Basically, I got scammed. And I'm blaming myself because all of the facts say I consented, because they don't have access to my brain. I've been anxious for a week, losing sleep and appetite. I've relapsed into thinking about doing bad things to myself. I concluded that I hate myself for bringing this upon me, because I'm too nice and too polite and also, too stupid. I'm trying to find a way to fix the scam issue, but the mental impact it has already done, killed me inside.
I just want it to be over with. I don't know what to do or who to run to, because I feel like I betrayed myself.
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depression
|
Let’s seriously look at the effects of trauma on how you are feeling, whether it’s depersonalization, dissociation, or derealization.
Can anyone relate to these? I experienced these in the past and now help others to do the same.
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ptsd
|
I feel a bit crushed. Since we’re in covid lockdown it’s going to be harder to get a psychiatrist, and in my city no one really specialises in ADHD. The doctor said since I’m 18 a lot of doctors don’t look into adult ADHD, so I’m going to have to go to another city to get someone to start with me. I feel really upset I didn’t know before I was 18, and it’s gonna be a long process. I just want answers.
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ADHD
|
I’m wondering if there’s a sub specific to this, since there are subs specific to surviving other kinds of trauma, and loads of people have ptsd from accidents (myself included).
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ptsd
|
Hi! Okay so I’ve had a highly stressful 4 weeks. I know I definitely have some health anxiety struggles amplified by covid. I decided to google a symptom, learned about this scary breathing condition, and thought I had it. Went to two doctors who confirmed I do not and I didn’t have the surgery that even causes it, so I let it go. But while feeling stressed I became aware of my breathing. I of course decided to google this too and came across sensorimotor ocd, and now it’s giving me anxiety thinking I triggered this. I honestly think I’ve always had some amount of breathing awareness and just never noticed it until thinking it was a form of ocd. It doesn’t prevent me from sleeping, it goes away when I talk to people, I can change my thought process, and it’s not me controlling it, it’s just I feel aware of it many times throughout the day. Does this sound like ocd symptoms?
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OCD
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Hi, I don’t know if I should be posting here but I figured anyone here would know or help point me in the right direction...cause honestly I don’t know.
To give backstory, I was a healthy 26 year old or at least thought I was cause back in June/early July I noticed I was getting super short of breath from my usual walks not even minutes into them and chest pain. Everyone told me it was anxiety but I knew something wasn’t right, and I was told it was Asthma...except it got worse till it came to a head on the 22nd and 23rd of august when my left leg swelled up a lot and was painful to move ontop of how bad my breathing was but just assuming it was asthma. Surprise my asthma was extensive blood clots!
Turns out I had DVT in my leg going from my calf to my pelvis caused by May Thurners syndrome, extensive clots (PE) all over my lungs, two stents put in to fix the vein/artery while removing all those clots so I can walk again, went home on blood thinners called Xerelto...that didn’t last long, week later I was back in to find out the Xerelto ‘failed’ and I developed a new clot in the leg they just removed the clots from...so now I’m on Coumadin forever and turns out I have a gene mutation, the Factor II or Prothrombin gene mutation that made me more prone to clots, especially since I was on birth control for years... overall everything seems to be going better, sure my leg hasn’t fully gone back to its original size and my chest still hurts here and there with a weird rattle(?) but I’m not sure if I’m ok in the mental sense about it.
Here is where I need help I guess..I’ve been told by my parents, sister, and sometimes my fiancé that I’m either letting it consume me by looking up what I have to deal with or what to keep an eye out for now, how to prevent it if I can, or making proactive choices since my last hospital stay to tie my tubes to avoid pregnancy at some point as I fear what could happen with that, while being reminded that it was a serious health issue that could’ve killed me or asked by my therapist if I have trauma from it... and honestly I don’t know anymore, I’m so scared of getting another clot but at the same time I can be laughing and cracking jokes about it. Do I have trauma from this? Am I letting it consume me? What should I do..? I apologize for it being long or confusing...its kinda hard to put it all down, but I thank you regardless.
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ptsd
|
does anyone ever feel like having ptsd is more similar to asthma in some ways than a “mental illness” (whatever that even means...)? feeling like attacks come out of nowhere and can be debilitating, and daily management keeps them at bay but sometimes can only go so far?
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ptsd
|
Hi, So for a long time I was under the impression that I was experiencing panic attacks or at least I having a mental breakdown. I talked to my therapist today and she mentioned that I am experiencing a depression crying spell (it's called something like that). It’s a lot different than a panic attack (which I didn’t know), because I don't think I ever had one.
The therapist showed me some breathing exercises that I have to say help a little. Does anyone have this experience? How do you get used to it?
|
depression
|
if I feel like I'm going crazy I'll turn off the lights and I put on some train ride videos while snapping my fingers.
here's some videos that I routinely go on. you can also search "train ride" or something like that on YouTube and find some nice videos
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KG53Pr3pFg4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KG53Pr3pFg4)
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XsVJ8PCV-0M](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XsVJ8PCV-0M)
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wuKgi8HT-J8](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wuKgi8HT-J8)
|
OCD
|
I've always wondered if it was a natural thing for autistic people to be able to "predict" the future. How you want to interpret "predicting the future" is up to you.
For me, a good example happened today. I was working on my computer doing some typical Friday paperwork when I had the urge to look into my mind map folder and look at one of the mind maps I created for a grant project which was completely unrelated to my paperwork by a long shot. Five minutes later, I got up to take a break and say hi to my girlfriend in the other room. She looked at me and quickly said she had a mind map App for me to try out.
The thing is, I never said a peep about the mind map since around march and yet here she is, showing me a mind map app right after I had the urge to look at my own mind map picture.
\----------------------------
Once I was able to watch my friend come out of a doorway, say several things to me as he walked up to me while I was sitting on a couch. I blinked and suddenly he's back to where he started, coming through the doorway and started talking. I said everything back to him word for word before he uttered them. He stammered and said, "How did you know what I was going to say?!". I couldn't explain what had just happened so I just shrugged at him.
\---------------------------
It would be one thing to write this off as a coincidence if it only happened just once. But this kind of thing has been happening to me all of my life including being told of my own father's death 1 year before it happened and also being told that I cannot change that kind of fate.
Have any of this happened to you before? What is it like for you?
|
aspergers
|
We\* finally changed our legal name!!!!!
YAY!
I've never been happy
And this is the first time I've been happy!!!
OMG
No more triggering corpse name!
Next is going on T/ the legal sex change !!!!!
yay
\*we have dissociative identity disorder D.I.D with mostly male alters, we are transitioning FtM
\-D
|
ptsd
|
Fucking hell. Suffering from POCD, primarily concerning moral intrusive thoughts. Bit of ROCD as well.
​
During the last two years, I've struggled with health complications, had my hip operated, had the rehabilitation fail, went through depression twice because of it(the second time was major depression, and I was completely ready to kill myself, absolutely the worst time of my life), broken up twice, been cheated on.. In short, been fighting an uphill battle for two years, and struggling with POCD throughout it all
​
And now, finally physically healthy-ish, yet still dealing with the second breakup(it was two weeks ago), and struggling with OCD because of the things that went down in my last relationship. Struggling with guilt and the compulsion to confess, struggling with trying to map out where to draw the line for intrusive thoughts and just normal things that bother people.
​
I'll make it. Friends, to anyone reading this, I'll make it. And you will too. Right at this moment, writing this, I'm tearing up just thinking about all of you, going through the same shit, yet still getting up and trying, going at it again and again even though we fail. It's back to the drawing board for me, back to starting again with exposures and mapping out intrusive thoughts. Might very well be for you as well. You can do this. I can do this. We can do this. No matter how dark it gets, there is always a light.
​
Be well.
​
EDIT:
Not POCD, sorry, misread the terms. I have moral scrupulosity(moral intrusive thoughts and ritualisation in the form of confessing) and a some relationship OCD as well.
|
OCD
|
Am I the only one that experiences EXTREME clarity during an episode after excercise? If you haven't tried it, I completely urge you to try it, it's the best feeling, like you can breathe again for the rest of the day.
|
OCD
|
TW: POCD. 21F. Recently started medication for OCD. I was dealing with a very tough time last few months. I just remembered something that had happened which is freaking me out. I once was changing my clothes in my room and I was very angry at my OCD or something. I was having some bad thoughts and I was in a bad mood. My lights were on and I was completely naked. I went to the window and changed there instead of drawing the curtains. And I know that my 17yo neighbor guy has his room right there but for a moment I thought "let him see me naked. Atleast I'll worry about that instead of this". Or something like that. And now I'm worried about it. Considering her is a minor, does this make me a child abuser or something? I dont know if he saw me or anything, I didnt even have any sexual intent, but still.
|
OCD
|
I'm not sure if this is the right place for this, but here goes.
Recently I've been having these crazy strong flashbacks of my past and childhood. I'm not quite sure how it came about, but I started comparing little things to fond childhood memories, and it kept getting worse and worse. I started looking through old toys, found my old xbox 360 (with games holding even more heart-wrenching memories), wanting to visit relatives, trying older technology, etc. It feels like I'm desperately trying to visit the early 2000's out of a sadness I can't really pinpoint. It's been leaving me in a slump for months now, my dreams have been taken over by flashbacks, and those memories are becoming more and more clear as I keep searching. I even started looking back enough without the feel-good aspect, as I started noticing things that were even more painful; my parents divorce, family splitting apart, always being alone without realizing, losing my innocent outlook; but I still prefer that pain over knowing who I've become as I've grown up. I'm not sure if I'm just becoming an adult, or if there's something more I haven't figured out. I want to go back so bad that something as familiar as a smell I remember or a song from the radio of that time can send me straight to tears. It's makes me feel sick, to the point where it's throwing off my day-to-day life.
Does anyone else feel this way?
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depression
|
My girlfriend does not want to see a therapist despite admitting to me that she wants to die on various occasions where she enters into an extreme depressive state and just cries on the floor or under blankets. I also believe she has attempted self harm through drugs in the past.
At a recent ER visit for other (but perhaps very closely tied) reasons, the doctor heavily suggested to see a therapist.
Every time I try to approach her about seeing a therapist, she just tells me to go do my own thing (go away). She seems to associate therapists as 'strangers' whom she doesn't feel comfortable talking to, and while they technically Are strangers, I explained that they are no different than the doctors and nurses at the clinics/hospitals that she already talks to - a licensed professional who made it a career to help people. We have options among them too. I try not to bring up the topic of therapy too often, but the weeks and months keep adding up...
Her family is overseas. Most of her friends are 1000 miles away. She does have contact with both groups though and I am happy for those connections.
I am here to support her and give her as much company and time that she needs but I am no therapist and there's a lot of material that she really needs to speak out loud about to someone who can help, even if it is things she thinks are too embarrassing/demeaning to talk about.
I know that a therapist is a medium to long term commitment and isn't the only solution, but it's a start and we really need all the help we can get.
Ultimately this is her choice but I'm hoping there's a way I can help her help herself before anything more serious happens.
Would there be any advice on how to approach her about getting help?
Would there be any good resources for me to look into as someone in a supporting role?
Thanks for your time
|
depression
|
Hello, I never really post anything on Reddit but tonight was different and for the first time in my life i want to talk about me, and I'm honestly really fucking scared.
Im currently a junior at University in America for some reason in the Big 12 league, but the academics and stress of life really sucks and i just want to leave University badly.
I don't understand why everyone is indoctrinated into going into 4-year college to where my parents legit forced me to go to university before I knew what i wanted to do with my life causing me to change my major 3 times already wasting 3 years of classes I did not want to be in. Each time my parents ridiculed me for not knowing what I wanted to do with my life and it legit hurt a lot.
I'm just tired of college and want to leave and even contemplated suicide a week before my birthday but i didn't. Though as time goes on and my family, life, and school gets more stressful I wonder why I didn't. Sometimes, I wish I did.
I don't know, I don't want to go home and flunk college because that's what I'm doing. My drive for college was never there and it's fully over. I'm done with college but my parents won't have it at all with me and I'm scared what's gonna happen because I know that they will not be happy with me at all.
I miss being happy. I miss being carefree in life.
I miss having a soul.
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depression
|
After a night of raving or large amounts of alcohol, i feel myself acting like a really confident neurotypical and i must admit it feels good, i finally feel like i ''belong'' and am one of them. I have increased confidence, and increased feelings of self love, as well as confidence to take on the world, it feels like a superpower.
My voice lowers, i pickup on the social cues and find myself chameleon into them, it does not feel fake, it may last for a day before my normal self resumes.
note: i don't have social anxiety.
note: This only happens when alcohol is combined with outdoor socializing such as a party or rave or club, or a sporting event.
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aspergers
|
I don’t think any is going to see this but it’s gonna be a long one, I (18m) just joined this sub because I don’t know where else I can say this, I’m not sure if what I’m going through is bad enough to be called depression or not. For the past year or 2 I’ve just felt dead, I met some really great and amazing friends on discord around 2 years ago now, and I love them to bits and pieces. One of my friends (who goes by cross), has been in a relationship for the past 5 months or so I think, and I’ve had to help save their relationship too many times to count, and it’s gotten bad enough to point where I get scared from every message that I get from them, and I try responding during my shifts, and I he eyes from people seeing me text during work and I don’t like the looks they’re giving me, and all I can do is hope that it isn’t something bad, they’ve already both almost killed themselves because they were going to break up, I almost broke, all could do is desperately try to convince them that they needed to stay, but I don’t know if I can take it anymore. I’ve always put them first before myself and whenever they ask if I’m good I just give a half assed yeah. They know I’m not in a good state right now, but I just don’t bring anything up enough for them to be really concerned. I don’t know what I wanna do anymore guys, it’s just the same grind, get up, get dressed, work, deal with shitty people, and then go home to try to enjoy some games and then it just happens over and over and over again. I’m just so lost right now.
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depression
|
Idk why, but I just want to die. I don’t think I’m depressed, as I can’t really relate to most of the signs, and don’t feel like I’m in pain or anything. But I don’t want to live, and have been considering suicide for a few months now. I just feel that there is no future for me, and that I will only burden those around me by being alive. I don’t deserve the wonderful life and family I have been given. The best thing I could do for them is dying.
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depression
|
Probaly just being an absolute piece of white trash garbage who is too much of a coward and piece of shi to go through with it but why live? I wanna die and there's no fixing me I live a life of privilege just being an absolute piece of shit to everyone why should I live I'm pretty sure everyone would be better off without me I'm just an ugly little white bitch how do I end it all in the least painful way possible? I've grown numb to the suicidal parts of me that wanna die but no amount of masking fixes it.
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depression
|
Normal people dont have to remember to eat or remember to prioritize sleep. Normal people don't worry about the s.allest mistakes and dwell on them for days. Most people don't look at their relationship from the outside in and think, gosh why this person with me?
I just want to be normal. I just want to have a normal life. I don't want this anymore. I wish it would go away. I don't want the racing thoughts or the need for validation. I'm just so frustrated and irritated and feel ignored and talked over. I just want silence. I want to be able to finish things and come back to them. I don't want the depression or anxiety attached with any of this.
I'm sorry to vent but I just want to feel normal. I'm letting people down.
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ADHD
|
Was about to read an article, but before that I decided to download the a few wallpapers I had in mind, ended up wanting to research about the information in the wallpapers(moon mars, constellations)
Just a quick reminder:
Your first priority in a day is to define you priorities for the day, then focus on them one at the time and dont do anything else until you are actually done; Sincerely apologise to everyone else for not helping them until you are done.
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ADHD
|
I get up to start studying and take my dosage out of the bottle to take them. I do not take them, I walk out of the room to get food. When I come back, I start studying, thinking I have taken my meds.
I work and it’s difficult. But not close enough to pulling teeth for me to think I’ve forgotten something. It gets hard. It’s pulling teeth now. I eat the food I was using as a possible reward for studying. I look up and i haven’t taken my meds. I see them. I continue to study.
It’s still hard and doesn’t last for longer than 10 minutes. I wonder why this is happening while I’m on my meds. I look up. My meds are still on my desk. I haven’t taken them. What the fuck. I post on reddit.
|
ADHD
|
Hey everyone,
​
I am undiagnosed (but have an appointment to get tested in January), but I feel like this might be a good place to ask for help:
I have always had problems concentrating, especially when doing digital stuff, and there is also access to the entire internet. Filled with wondrous distractions far more interesting than work. In my personal life, I “solved” this problem by having super strict blocking software on my laptop and PC.
But recently, I started a new job for a government ministry, where I work as a policy advisor. It all went well until I got my new work-laptop... It is a nice device, but it has become a massive problem for me: On it there is absolutely no possibility of installing any software, and I am not really allowed to work on my personal devices (both would be a security concern).
So now I have a job I worked hard to get, but I have been unable to get anything done for weeks...
With working from home, nobody is really noticing that I am just browsing the internet the whole day, and there is also almost no threat of being fired (because it is part of training scheme), something that would normally motivate me to do more.
How can I solve this?
Help?
|
ADHD
|
I wonder if my weird phobia is because of my autism. I can't stand any insects, even butterflies. I feel such an overwhelming sense of disgust. I can't squash a bug, because cleaning its dead body is worse, I can't catch it, because even being near is unbearable. I heard NTs are also disgusted by the bugs, but my brain has disgust reaction to bugs out of proportion. When I am outdoors I am hypervigilant for bugs and I have been like that since I was a child.
DAE have something like this and figured out if anything can be done to help?
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aspergers
|
I was diagnosed last year in September at the age of 22. I had a hard time understanding at first but now I definitely understand. My question is is it common for people with asd or Aspergers to have a auditory processing disorder as well? My hearing has always tested great I sometimes hear things others can’t/don’t notice like certain taping noise or hums but I can’t understand the tv at all unless the subtitles are on! I can’t have a conversation with someone and understand if I can’t see their lips or face. Does anyone else have this issues or feel like that?
|
aspergers
|
Pretty sure this is the source of my OCD.
I have to be perfect in order to guarantee my parents are in a good mood.
|
OCD
|
I've tried today to explain my friend (M) that I'm on the spectrum, but he seems to only know the "conventional" way of understanding autism. He told me he doesn't think I'm an Aspie because he thinks I just struggle to trust and talk to people. He's right tho, but he doesn't see the whole picture because I don't like to talk that much about it. I know he wasn't trying to underestimate what I was telling him (he thought it was my anxiety talking because I told him in the middle of a anxiety attack), but I don't know how to approach him again because I terribly failed doing it the way I did, so I'd appreciate some advices.
TL;DR: How can you explain a friend that you're on the spectrum and how can you help them to understand you better?
|
aspergers
|
Ivam applying fir jobs soon after my apprenticeship ends and I was considering applying for a job at amazon, now I have heard it can be quite demanding and wrs wondering if anyone here has worked for them
|
aspergers
|
Article: [Hannah Gadsby on the “Comfort Cocoon” She Calls Her Clothes](https://www.vanityfair.com/style/2021/04/hannah-gadsby-on-the-comfort-cocoon-she-calls-her-clothes)
I've rarely read anything so eloquently describe the troubles I have with clothing. I knew that clothing had an impact on my stimulation levels, but what Hannah points out in regards to her own frustrations and solutions has even brought forward some interesting thoughts on the topic.
I road cycle a lot. It took me decades to find a physical activity which didn't drive me to the edges of insanity. (and as a result I spent 2/3 of my life obese) It wasn't until I read this article that I realised a large part of why.
>*I don’t like loose-fitting clothing, as a general rule, because where there is room, there is waft, and where there is waft there is unpredictable touching.*
Cycling clothing is designed to minimise chafing, which is done by ensuring as close to zero movement between fabric and skin. [My cycling kit](https://i.imgur.com/rRiutSW.jpg) is generally quality brands used by enthusiasts and professionals, and feels as close to wearing nothing at all ([nothing at all... nothing at all...](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AlREUROGwpI)) as can be considered socially acceptable.
Another passion of mine is freediving which, from a clothing point of view, is very similar. A freediving wetsuit is generally quite thin, and very stretchy, using unlined open cell neoprene inside, which you use a lubricant to put on. Very form fitting, it also means virtually no water movement in/out of the suit. It is almost like wearing a sensory deprivation chamber for your skin. Once I don my [suit and fins](https://i.imgur.com/FUP1jkP.jpg), and get in the water it is calming to an incredible degree.
I'm going to apply some of Hannah's thoughts on clothing from this point forward. While I try to blend in with society as a general rule, now I'll err on the side of less-stimulating clothing over fashionable.
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aspergers
|
Dude okay so does anyone else feel like when they use “common sense” it usually ends up being wrong and u end up having to be corrected but then when u ask for clarification on how to do something the person u ask is like well yeah duh like what why has this happened so much to me Idk of this is even an OCD thing but
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OCD
|
Hello, I have not been diagnosed with ADHD, however I have been diagnosed with Dyslexia and Major Depressive Disorder, which I think are commonly mixed up with ADHD. I would like to list off some symptoms I have just to see if anyone here can connect with it.
I constantly hear music in my head and I’m a drummer so I wiggle my toes and fingers pretty much all day to mimic playing drums. I also have a tongue thrust that I used to have to go to speech therapy for. My jaw is always clenched and my tongue is always pressed to the roof of my mouth. I learn best by studying independently, because I can absorb about 20 minutes of a lecture before the teacher sounds like a Charlie Brown’s parents. I have pretty much no control over my thoughts. I also get really obsessive about a particular thing for a range of months to years, to the point in which it is completely impossible for me to have any balance in my life, because I need to master whatever I’m obsessed with. Once I feel like the learning stops I put it down and never think about it again. I also compulsively pick at my finger nails and it’s all I can think about if I get stressed. I may be cherry picking my mannerisms to fish for an answer, but I would really like help. Thank you
|
ADHD
|
**\*TRIGGER WARNING\***
Please do not read if anything regarding >! death or guns!< are triggers for you.
​
I don't know if this has to do with my PTSD or one of my other mential health conditions, but I thought I'd ask here to see if anyone can relate.
I recently got a new therapist, so we were going through the PTSD criteria again to make sure I still met criteria, and at one point she asked about flashbacks. I feel like I have mild flashbacks, but these are so different.
These are like a mix of past trauma, experiences and fear combined. Like real things and fake things that I fear could become real. I can't fully explain well, so I'll give a couple of examples.
The most recent occurance of this was yesterday.
My parents came out to visit me for my birthday last month, and on their last morning here, we went to breakfast. At breakfast, there was a guy listening to music incredibly loudly that was bothering my dad, so my dad went up to him and asked if he could turn the music down. The guy complied without issue, but I was very fearful as my dad can be pretty intimidating and come off as aggressive-ish at times.
For some reason, my brain automatically became worried that my dad would come off too harsh, or the guy wouldn't comply and things could escalate. My brain automatically went to the thought >!"what if my dad got shot or something?"!<
I feel like that fear came from my childhood, as >!my dad did get shot once while hunting, despite wearing a bright orange vest, and he nearly died, but as it was turkey hunting, they were using bb guns, so he managed to surivive by a small margin.!<
But as I mentioned, yesterday, I had one of these terrifying traumatic daydreaming episodes. >!My mind fully visualized being in the restaurant, the guy pulling out a gun and shooting my dad. My dad on the floor, slowly dying. Me trying to tell him "daddy, everything's going to be okay, close your eyes, I love you etc." and just helping him stay calm while my mom frantically called 911 and panicked, and then him dying. !<
I had one nightmare where he>! died on a similar but different occassion!<and I woke up sobbing, but it's never happened to me in a "daymare". These daymares are new to me.
A previous daymare happened a couple months ago. In my real life, >!my sister died back in an ATV accident in 2019. She had to have an autopsy to confirm the cause, and was then cremated. !<In this daymare, there were total visuals of the process. >!Us seeing her in a hospital gown. Her dead body in detail being autopsied. Her body in a body bag. Her body going into the furnace and being turned to ash.!< I never saw any of these processes in real life, but this daymare felt so real. It scarred me so much. I'm starting to lose memory of it, but hell.
I have no idea what the heck these episodes are called, or if other people with PTSD experience them. Do any of you have any experiences with this kind of thing, and or know anything about them?
Thank you so much. I really appreciate all of you.
|
ptsd
|
Every day is really stressful and I feel like I don't have something to look forward to. Watching videos on my phone to pass the time doesn't really do it anymore. Playing video games at night surely feeds my brain a little but I still feel that I don't get the enjoyment I want out of them either. I am gonna start going to boxing practice for the first time in the coming weeks but Idk. Something is missing and I am constantly burned out.
I don't think I want to read a book. Maybe I could try playing guitar just for the fun of it, but that is extra money. Surely a relationship would be nice but I don't feel stable enough these days and there isn't someone that strikes my interest much. I feel like everything is boring.
Any suggestions? (That don't involve screens 😅)
|
ADHD
|
First off, I have never been diagnosed with any sort of mental health issues, but I know that I have felt depressed for years under multiple circumstances... I don't know if I need to mention that or if I'm allowed to but anyway...
So today I got home from work and I knew I needed to do my laundry, so I did it. I had to do the dishes so I did them all with my brother's help. I had to do another load of laundry, then I cleaned the kitchen, then my bathroom, and I made my bed. I even cleaned out a whole cabinet and organized it.. I was more productive tonight in 3-4 hours than I have been so far this month.
Now I feel like crap. I feel so alone and... worthless for some reason. My room is still a mess even though I cleaned it for hours. It's after 2 am and I have to be up in 5 hours. Idk, I just feel like I cleaned everything for nothing and it hurts. Idk why.
|
depression
|
So I have had a history of depression/anxiety since I was around 15. I had parents who would always make sure I had materialistic things but I never received any love. I can’t remember many things from my childhood apart from bad things. One thing that stands out is when I was crying one day my Dad gave me the tiniest hug and then told me to “fuck off upstairs and stop crying.” I think my depression has come from the need to be loved. I don’t know. I’ve always found it difficult to connect with people or my family.
Flash forward to 2019 I met an amazing woman who I fell completely in love with. She understood me and felt similar regarding her own family and we connected. We had a child in January 2021. My partner suffered really bad with PND and I was struggling myself with everything being new and really hard. Our little boy was hard work and we both struggled, my partner got the help and I would always take on extra responsibility with little man so that my partner could rest or have a break. I had to go into work worrying that my partner was going to kill herself or our child. Our relationship got really bad and we couldn’t communicate without arguing. I kept the fact that I wanted to die every single day to myself. It was only about baby and mum now, which I understood and was happy to keep moving forward and doing everything I can to get mum better. She would say things like sleep with whoever you want. I don’t think we should be together. My head was a mess. I didn’t know if we were together anymore or what was going on really. Life didn’t feel real at this point, I feel like I numbed myself from everything.
I almost slept with another girl after a night out but as soon as I saw texts that Mum was struggling. I left and I couldn’t bring myself to tell her where I was. It’s pathetic and embarrassing I know. We broke up a few months later and all I have been doing is watching excessive porn, wanting to meet girls and drinking a lot. About a week ago I stopped all that the best I could. I’ve used these as coping mechanisms before after spending most of my childhood alone in my bedroom. I’m ashamed of myself. I broke up with my partner because I felt like I didn’t deserve anyone and my mental health was so bad I couldn’t tell anyone. I thought she would be better off and it seemed like I was self-destructing to the extreme.
Right now I feel like life isn’t real, I feel numb to emotions and all my actions felt like they weren’t me but they were me. I did those things and I can’t forgive myself. It’s shameful. I want to die but I can’t break my little sons heart. I’m at a loss because all I think about everyday is how bad I hurt the person I love the most in the world. I think death is the only thing I can find comfort in right now. It feels like it’s only a matter of time before I commit.
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depression
|
I’m trying, I’m really fucking trying, and I have been for the lasy year, I’ve been going out with friends, on dates, I’ve found a job and I’m in a relationship and I still just think about how I’m sorry for now ending it. How
How do people fight with this
How
I think my boyfriend will break up with me since he is starting to notice that I’m in a bad mood more and more. My friends stopped calling once again. And I just took some time to focus on work. The fuck am I supposed to do. How the fuck do people do this.
|
depression
|
Iv have been doing certain things since young but it never hit me that it might be OCD. Untill recently when I was in a 6 month period of very high stress. Some behaviours began to affect me very badly. For example, if I don't put my right leg on the bed and then then left leg then bad things will happen like me failing an exam. Another thing is if I don't pray properly then shits gonna hit the fan and then I'll pray then go halfway up the stair case only to realise oh what if I didnt pray properly and then I go back down and repeat the whole thing. But wait all this must be in multiples of 3. But now that I no longer am in a high stress situation I find myself being able to cope a bit better( tho I still end up doing lot of things in multiples of 3 like having to rewind a part in a Netflix video). I feel like I'm an imposter and I actually don't have OCD at times But other situations make me think maybe I should go get professional help. I'm loosing my mind wondering what's the right thing to do here. Sometimes when I think about OCD I end up doing more compulsive things. As I write this post I am wondering if I am exaggerating my daily behaviours. Please help me to understand my situation and effectively figure out whether it's time to seek professional help or come up with coping mechanisms.
|
OCD
|
Hello everyone, I’m hoping this is the right place for this, but I wanted to reach out to this community for some advice about OCD. I personally do not suffer from it, but my partner of 2 1/2 years does. Her OCD manifests as contamination, checking and fear of causing harm. I have been learning about OCD since the day she told me about her mental health condition. I love my partner more than I can put into words and I want to be able to support her in any way I can. I have been holding back on giving reassurance to her as I’ve read that can have a negative effect on progress, yet I’m afraid I come off as cold sometimes. That being said, can anyone from this sub share any tips/anecdotes with me that would allow me to better support my partner? Anything would be much appreciated.
|
OCD
|
Hey everybody, about 3 days ago I made a post about messing up my meds and not taking them for a week, looked into my calendar and it turned out to be a month :S oops, very irresponsible I know. But here’s the thing, Monday night I took my meds, woke up out of dead sleep with a massive racing heart. About 12 hours later my heart never stopped racing, started getting pains on my left side and arm. Went to emergency and it turns out I have inflammation of my heart. So, I am no longer taking them at the moment, I am going for a med change that won’t affect my heart. I was on 37.5mg of Effexor. Unfortunately because of my heart and going to emergency that made my anxiety worse and opened the flood gates to my OCD. So unfortunately I’m in full blown panic mode dealing with my stressors and my ocd, my doctor is out of office for the next week or two. Does anyone have any ideas on what I can do in the mean time? I was gonna ask my pharmacist if she can prescribe me an anti depressant and anti anxiety but I am unsure at the moment.
|
OCD
|
How do you guys cope with a sudden change in a routine or compulsion?? This has happened twice to me recently and both times has resulted in crippling anxiety for 8+ hours
|
OCD
|
Whoever thought that life becomes better when you grow up? I feel that it gets more complicated!! What am I here for? What do I strive for? What do I long for? Who feels lost, too? Am I the only one searching for meaning? Tell me..
|
depression
|
does anyone know of any gender neutral names or things i can name my ocd that have negative meanings ? LOL (can i ask this in this subreddit ? please tell me if i can’t LOL)
im editing this to say that i’ve seen people talk about naming their ocd, so they can tell it to shut up LOL or to feel like they have more power over it, i’m not sure, but i just wanted mine to have a negative meaning since it’s ocd LOL, and i was just wondering if anyone had any ideas.
|
OCD
|
i've always struggled with making friends in my life, but lately i've just gotten so tired of the loneliness. i'm going to be 22 soon, with no irl friends, and 2 online friends i feel like i can talk to. i have trouble putting myself into communities, and i've even been trying really hard to, like making a reddit account, joining discord servers for creators and topics i like, but i can never really seem to interact with anybody genuinely. something makes me feel like inherently unlikeable. not hateable, just not memorable. i think i'm off-putting. i've also been relapsing into s/h lately, which i hadn't for almost 6 months before i started again. i'm so scared of the future, and how it feels like there's just no hope. i live in america, i'm 7k in debt with no income, and i feel like i've been living this situation forever. i know that when i look back upon this time in the future, i'll hardly be able able to remember it, but it sucks a lot now. i feel like things have never been so bad, and it seems like everyone around me feels the same sense of hopelessness and dread. this post sort of spiraled, so why stop now? i get scared a lot of the political climate as well. regardless of which part of the political spectrum you're on, you have to acknowledge that our future seems absolutely screwed. it's hard to find advancements in technology exciting when i don't know if i'm going to be able to eat the next few days. i've gone to therapy, and i've been taking my meds but they don't seem to help, and my doctor doesn't seem to understand. how do you feel happy or excited for anything anymore once you realize how bad it all is? thanks for letting me ramble about being sad.
|
depression
|
For almost a year now, I’ve been struggling with debilitating bathroom OCD. At the beginning of 2021, the average time I’d spend doing rituals in the bathroom was an hour.
As months went on, I’ve been fighting and fighting and shortening the amount of time I spend in the bathroom. Today, I was in there for only 10 minutes. It’s still hard to believe how far I’ve come, but it’s amazing!
|
OCD
|
I stopped watching television over a decade ago and I'm glad for it. Unfortunately, the rest of the world continues on and so when I'm in a waiting room, in a line at a bank, or something like that, I get reminded why I never owned a TV voluntarily as an adult.
Commercials aren't just obnoxious to me. They're aggressive. I can feel and often outright see the blatant gaslighting and emotional manipulation. Some of them feel like getting slapped over and over again just hearing them blast out while I'm waiting for the nurse to call me or whatever I'm there for.
The shows, especially if it's local news, have that same aggressive noisy attention vampirism to them that makes me sometimes forget why I'm pacing around that little waiting room instead of running outside screaming.
It's so loud and stupid and pushy and demanding and wants me to be envious of whatever lifestyle models are pushing at me, where if I buy the product I am promised to get slightly closer to the opulent and/or euphoric and/or successful and/or life affirming and/or enlightening and/or memories that will last a lifetime if only I buy the product. I'm not envious and I know it because I DON'T want to be like those people in those illusions on the screen. I generally hate those people until I remember they are just actors getting paid to bully me on the screen.
|
ADHD
|
I'm just feeling really lonely, i'm unemployed and I am having trouble feeling motivated with a lack of friends/relationship right now.
|
OCD
|
Things that bother me such as my virginity bother me so badly that I give up and try to elicit sympathy from others. I have legit Autism, ADHD, depression, social anxiety, and a multitude of other mental health issues. Getting sex and a girlfriend are not that hard, but I'm logistically unavailable (I don't have a job, I don't attend a college campus, I don't have social media, etc.). I don't consider myself to be conventionally attractive or have a good-sounding voice (I have a mild speech impediment). My self-esteem has completely withered away over the years as my loneliness continued.
|
depression
|
Would I be okay with taking a Ritalin 20 mg if I had a truly hard seltzer like an hour ago? I want to make to sure I’ll be fine because those side effects are kinda scaring me whenever I google it. Of course it’s not giving me a specific limit though, unlike this post where it’s making me type 300 characters to post.
|
ADHD
|
I'm not sure if I want to live this way and I'm not able to tell if I will survive like this. It's brought on if I'm around people or my parents mostly... I live with my mom and dad and for the most part they take care of me. I get triggered by loud music they play daily. I get triggered by being in contact with them and it results in me having a coma in my room and not getting out of it until I start to kind of black out. I'm pretty sure I inherited some PTSD from my dad and mom. I'm pretty sure I inherited psychosis and schizophrenia from my mom. It's pretty obvious my parents aren't straight shooters (??) If I call the police I have had bad experiences with them because of childhood and family problems. I will most likely start blacking out like I've done.
|
ptsd
|
Anybody recognize this. My partner doesn’t like me to go out during COVID period even though we both vaccinated. I just can’t stay l home everyday . so I go book myself a wellness day alone and she gets upset since there is a chance on infection. I finally gave up convincing her. Having your freedom limited just triggers resistance in me. It’s hard to be all inclusive while your partner apparently has a different mindset.
|
aspergers
|
This will probably just be a long rambling post to get things off my chest I'm not comfortable discussing with anyone around me.
13 years.. 13 fucking years I've been like this. I've talked others away from suicide, comforted others in their depression but I'm not happy either.
I'm tired of waking up every morning, I'm tired of my morning routine before work, I'm tired of work, I'm tired of being in debt, I'm tired of cooking dinner every night, I'm tired of cleaning, I'm tired of responsibility, I'm tired of life.
I don't want comfort when I'm upset or having an episode, I just want it all to be over but nothing stops it. I've been going to a psychologist, I'm on my 3rd medication and it's not working.
I'm over trying to get better.
I just want a break
|
depression
|
Edit: maybe this could be found in a mega thread, but they seem like a complete shit show to sort through tbh.
My nurse practitioner suggests I try strattera before adderall. What are the pros/cons of one vs. the other. I’ve tried the strattera twice, both in the morning, both on weekend days, I didn’t like the drowsiness and insomnia from it. The low energy also sucked. It did sort of mute the excess stimuli, but again, the side effects sucked. Especially getting shitty sleep on a weekend. If I already get that every weekday as is. Is adderall better?
|
ADHD
|
Kinda knew all the way it was too good to be true, I'm so lonely
|
depression
|
I have PTSD and understand why a lot of things freak me out, but there is one thing in particular that scares the hell out of me and I have no idea why.
I feel like I've been driving myself crazy lately trying to figure it out. There isn't even a thought attached to the fear. It is just this very strong THIS IS NOT OKAY feeling I get.
I thought I understood why, but then the more I thought about it the more I realized this is a feeling I've been having since I was a little kid. It's an irrational fear. I feel like I would have at least some memory or my parents would if something super bad happened when I was a little kid.
Even when I have to deal with the fear, there still aren't concrete thoughts or memories that are triggered. Just more of sinking feeling in my whole body that puts me on edge.
Is it just me?
|
ptsd
|
Stress and anxiety
Too much stress is inside of me
I’m not a lazy bum, or a fucking wanna be
assumptions do not faze me
So don’t assume shit you see
If you think I’m a lazy bum…
Don’t assume shit for me
And really this OCD,
It Really does suck for me
Some times i need to leave
So much anxiety, That I might have to throw a fit
And I really can’t take no more, might start to throw some shit
Might have to slam a door, can’t take this anymore
I have to vent and spit, some feelings I abhor
And I don’t know how that I could, deal with this anymore
I’m feeling so depressed, minds feeling fucking sore
OCD doesn’t fucking free,
But its like a fucking chore
Doesn’t care if your 83
Or still crawling on the floor
doesn’t care if your white or your black
doesn’t care if you smoking crack
I do compulsions too, but OCD will be coming back
OCD doesn’t play no games, but it loves fucking with my brains
OCD yeah it Doesn’t care, and might cause allot of pains
And OCD yeah it does not care
If you poor or a millionaire
Doesn’t matter if you are thin, or fat and you have no hair
Work out at fucking gym, or you sit all day in a chair
I might need some fucking weed, or my hair I might fucking Tare.
|
OCD
|
As someone who has ADHD and hasn't been able to get medication, I've noticed that binge eating is a huge problem especially when it comes to health.
I'm a weight lifter struggling to cut body fat at the moment but I decided that I should share some tips for weight loss that I've learned through trial and error. All of these tips are to prevent those of us who are prone to impulsive eating and bingeing.
Tip #1: keep busy.
Just keep thinking of things to do besides eating.
Tip #2: set times to eat & only eat 3 meals.
Tip #3: take responsibility. Throw out that toxic junk food that is bad for you. All it does is hurt your mental health.
Tip #3: if you feel the undying urge to binge eat... Eat a ton of shredded cabbage. Just look up a recipe and start munching. Seriously the stuff is a miracle meal.
I'd love to hear more tips from you guys!
|
ADHD
|
Noise pollution is real. I’m tired of all of the background noise. It’s so damn rude.
|
aspergers
|
I've always liked being alone, and people overwhelm me. And I'm bad at making new friends bc of my apsergers social skills as well as social anxiety. But holy hell I'm lonely.
I started college this year, my few friends from high school moved away and although I keep in touch I am alone. I havent met anyone other than saying hi or made any friends (thanks to the pandemic as well). My roommate is my high school friend but we have grown distant and I don't know how to bridge the gap.
I know everyone is missing people during this time but I see people still making friends, and I can't even make friends in a non pandemic situation. Either anxiety or a sensory overload gets the best of me, or I just say what I think is normal and it's not.
Anxiety and aspergers is such a bad combination because I know I come off as rude or confusing sometimes and I usually can't read indications if I did unless someone tells me outright. Which most people don't, and that makes social interaction and making friends hard. And when I can't tell if I did something bad, I assume the worst.
|
aspergers
|
By “magic number” I mean the number you tend to count to the most, if you do count. I personally always count to eight. Eight steps, eight breaths, everything is eight.
|
OCD
|
Basically, my OCD tortures me almost every single day. Yet whenever I feel ill in some form (or in pain), it's like the intrusive thoughts disappear. I once remember accidentally hitting my hand so hard that the pain was unbearable. Yet it felt like I could finally focus again without the intrusive thoughts! No wonder I resorted to self-harm so much in my childhood and teen years. Anyone can relate?
|
OCD
|
I always feel like I have to compare my situation to see how “bad” it is compared to others. I feel like that if my situation or possible fears are too bad the ocd is probably rational. This happens with like every theme. How do I stop this? I know this is bad And that of course my brain probably blows things out of proportion but it feels so true.
also, I never used to deal with like textbook intrusive thoughts, more of the obsessions and ruminations, until I was seeking reassurance and read something that accidentally started a new obsession :/ now I’m constantly on the lookout for intrusive thoughts so of course they come. How should I deal with this? They suck. Moral of the story, don’t seek reassurance, it’s just giving more fuel for the fire later on.
and finally I’m struggling so bad with the ever present “what if this isn’t ocd” or, if it’s feeling trickier, “what if this technically is ocd but it still means something about you or holds truth.” Like, maybeeee your obsessioning over this thing that could happen, but it still could happen, right? you should still be cautious. Or maybe it still means something about you. It always tells me things like that. And I believe it. This is so unbelievably hard to combant even though It feels so silly later on. Yesterday I convinced myself I was chocking/was going to choke and had a panic attack. I wasn’t. I couldn’t even take deep breaths to calm down because i was convinced if I did whatever I thought was stuck in my throat would get in my windpipe. Feels silly now but in the moment it felt just as real as the current theme im struggling with.
btw just a general question does any ones ocd get worse when they are having their time of month. Mine has been hell these last few days. I haven’t been able to catch a break. causing more fears of “what if your ocd is getting worse and now you’ll never recover” I just want to be done with this, smh.
|
OCD
|
hello, this isn’t me looking for a reddit diagnosis or trying to self diagnose (only to an extent!)
basically I’ve been heavily researching and doing medical quizzes about adhd and they hit very very close to home, I’m thinking of approaching the doctor to see what they say but the wait is more than a month and I keep putting off/forgetting to ring up,
if there’s any advice or comfort one can give me as a young uni student with dissertation deadlines I would appreciate massively<33
|
ADHD
|
I feel so sad. I'm scared of the future, I'm scared of being alone. I haven't cried in so long. I beat myself up yesterday because I just couldn't. I plan on giving up everything soon. I will do it, that's a promise.
|
depression
|
I recently went up to 100MG of Sertraline for my PTST, anxiety, and depression. Holy crap it has changed my life and I really wanted to share this with a group of people who would actually understand. I had completely hated meds from being on adhd meds in high school, so I haven’t been medicated in a long time but now I’m so relieved I have access to it.
|
ptsd
|
Seriously. When you have no social life, no money, no looks, no personality, what's the point on going on through life? Just so I can work to live once I'm kicked out of the place I live? So people can look at me and think "Man I'm sure glad I'm more fortunate than that poor girl". So I can enslave myself to anyone that shows me the smallest bit of kindness and be thrown to the side?
The only reason I stick around is because of my cat, as pathetic as that sounds. I just have this thing where I need to be absolutely needed. Probably because despite what I think and type I am incredibly scared of death, and need excuses to be a coward about it, and not commit to it.
|
depression
|
I find that unless I only need to send a brief reply immediately, I get a lot of anxiety about replying and it only gets worse the longer I sit on it. Anything that requires a few paragraphs becomes something I really have trouble facing, and even a brief response, if I'm unable to reply immediately, becomes terrifying once I feel like I have to explain the delay in replying.
I'm not sure how to get around this, besides just pushing through.
|
aspergers
|
I'm going to the Doctor's on Friday. I'm going to mention my PTSD/CPTSD symptoms. I wrote a note already for myself on what to say/ just give if I'm too scared and I wrote a few memories I had (not the worst ones but the subtle ones...) and it caused me intense panic and anxiety while I was writing it and I couldn't calm down and was frozen essentially. My only question is is a few memories and a description of how this is effecting me enough? I can't talk about it easy because I need to avoid and distance myself from it but they have to know more to give a diagnosis... right? I'm just so scared and don't wanna freeze on her or panic. I want my diagnosis, whatever it is. But how much do you typically have to share? I already couldn't handle giving the vague details I did on what happened.
|
ptsd
|
I am incredibly good at masking my mental state, especially while at work. I find that I get along with most people but every job I’ve had there is always a couple coworkers who just seem to absolutely loath me. Maybe I’m just making it up in my head but I’ve tried to start convos multiple times with people at my job and they will simply ignore me, walk away, make a rude comment, roll their eyes etc. I have had the same issue with family members. I’ve been told that it’s just “the way I speak” but I don’t know how to fix it. I’ve tried to ask people straight up if they have an issue with me and that doesn’t seem to work either. What can I do at this point ? I’m emotionally exhausted from speaking in a performative way constantly but I don’t want people to hate me.
|
depression
|
Now that I know for sure I have ADHD, I have some questions regarding sensory stuff. I've always been very sensitive to smells, namely cold food and leftovers. I was throwing away some left overs this morning and I gagged the whole time. God forbid I touch crumbs or cold food (gag!)
Sometimes, hearing a lot of sounds and smelling a lot of different foods (being in a cafeteria basically) makes me feel physically ill. It's like that combination puts my brain in overdrive
Can anyone else relate to this? And how do you cope?
|
ADHD
|
I am finding myself more and more sensitive to criticism.
I've always disliked feedback at work. I don't like being reviewed. I'm a teacher, and when a parent email is in my inbox I hesitate to open it. I rarely have negative interactions, although I tend to take anything even neutral as a criticism.
A year ago I got off Facebook. I would read a post from someone I knew, comment on it and then feel jumped on. Often it was just someone who disagreed. Mostly, not toxic. It stressed me out and I saw no reason to stay other to keep in the family loop.
My main issue with OCD is ruminating. Often, I'd think about a post, and a reply. I'd want to break the cycle (walk away) but also wanted to respond, not to "win" but to bridge the difference.
I switched to Twitter to get my news, but responding to certain people I follow started to grow. Mostly, I make jokes and they are well received. On occasion, I'll get a disagreement or really harsh response. I can't tell if some are bots or trolls (they seem so) but they are upsetting. Again, I find it hard to walk away. I ruminate on them for way longer than they are worth. I get nothing out of a response, and I'm sure I'm playing into their hands.
Recently, I've tried to keep in touch with my sisters by starting an email chain about movies (scariest movie, best comedy, etc.). Fine. But then my sister got defensive and it ruined the whole thing for me.
Is this normal? I read that people with ADHD can have RSD, Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. Is there something like that with OCD? I am feeling more and more anxious about it. Any advice is appreciated.
|
OCD
|
My therapist just shared this with me in a session. I remember reading a lot of posts about people really struggling with flashbacks and I wanted to share this resource with you. I think the worksheet was originally intended for people who experienced childhood trauma or abuse, but there is no reason it can't work for you, just skim over the word "child" or replace it with something that applies to your situation.
I really hope this link works, I've never made a post with a link before. If I mess it up, please check the comments where I will try again.
[HOW TO MANAGE A FLASHBACK](http://www.pete-walker.com/pdf/13StepsManageFlashbacks.pdf)
|
ptsd
|
"I'll allow it, I'll alliterate it all a little later."
|
aspergers
|
I always hate posting here but it’s the only outlet I have.
I feel outcasted and not fitted in with them cause I’ve just became so distance and I never get a “hey what’s up” “are you alright” I just want someone to atleast care about me for one fucking second.
And the annoying thing is that I always overthink of every word that they say and it just makes me so upset I hate the way that I am I hate the way my life is I just need someone to hold on to to cry to to talk to to feel like i could say anything. I hate everything
|
depression
|
I just need to get this all off my chest. I feel so empty and numb. I have had PTSD for 8 years now, since I watched my mothers murder when I was a teenager. After that I was forced into foster care where I moved nearly 15 times and in the progress was not able to heal from watching what I did the night with my mom. I have managed to get through and come out on the other side, just to realize I have been repressing more trauma all along. I am about to graduate from university in less than a week and my PTSD is worse than it’s ever been in my life. I have had multiple flashbacks a day for nearly a month and haven’t been able to do anything. I’m broke, my grades are failing (and up until now I have had a 4.0) and I feel absolutely insane. I can’t think straight whatsoever, and I’m constantly living in a double reality of a 14 year old child. I am so frustrated because I feel like I have been so strong throughout all of this just to have it come crashing down in a radical way. I am going to therapy and I start EMDR soon. I practice yoga, meditation, and journaling every day. I want out of this foggy pain more than anything else. I would never wish this disease on my worst enemy.
|
ptsd
|
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