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*Background*: I (22F) am currently a student who also works full-time (although I still have at least 2 years to go, so I don't have a 'real' job). I was diagnosed with ADHD a few years ago. My mom also definitely has ADHD--almost every symptom I have, she also shares. My dad is better, and I don't know if he has ADHD, but he at least has a lot of bad habits (he is retired, but recently entered the workforce again, because of financial issues). My mom is the real hotbed of executive dysfunction/anxiety issues.
**The biggest issues are that nothing gets done**: they're constantly stressed over money; the house is constantly messy/filthy due to never cleaning anything. For me, the constant mess is the biggest source of spiraling. (Ex: can never find anything; mold in the bathroom; bed bugs on several occasions; carpet smells of urine from mother forgetting to take the dog out).
I do what I can to help, but I'm busy. I can't be responsible for the entire house, or their bills, or their lives, particularly when those are things that I'm *terrible about managing myself* (because ADHD, whoops). I'm terrible with my own money. I'm terrible at getting schoolwork done. I procrastinate things until I physically can't anymore. I am messy, although not quite to the extreme. I struggle to get things done every day.
Every time I try to improve, or find new coping mechanisms, it feels so much harder because I have my entire environment working against me. Medication and therapy can only do so much. **It is so hard to form better habits when I'm constantly surrounded by bad ones**. I feel like my mental health is ~~slowly~~ rapidly deteriorating by being here. It feels like every evening shift, I come home to a new piss puddle from the dog, or an argument they are having about a bill that someone forgot to pay--just constant, casual things like that, that chip away at me and result in breakdowns.
Moving out is top priority for me, and I'm learning to budget, although unexpected expenses and debt keep holding me back. I won't be able to for at least several months, which feels very hard when every day here is like +40 psychic damage. Always being out minimizes my time here, but it can be so exhausting to not have a '*home*' and makes me feel like a burden if I'm over with a friend. I never feel like I can truly relax.
The shame is unreal. It also spirals me into depressive episodes, and these episodes often trigger everything else in my life falling to pieces. Also impulse spending (which isn't great for the moving out fund, lol!)
I feel like I see a lot of posts about how people's parents find their ADHD struggles completely unrelatable, which is a horrible feeling in its own right. But I don't see as many posts from *people who have parents that also have ADHD and/or the same frustrating habits, to the point where it feels suffocating.*
Somehow this got a little long, sorry.
**TL;DR: My dysfunctional parents are not good for my mental health and make forming better habits for myself very, very hard. I hate being constantly surrounded by mess and stress. I'm really looking for other people with similar experiences that can empathize, and any advice on coping while I'm here would be wonderful, too.**
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ADHD
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Hi there,
When I feel stressed, I become incredibly shaky and my movements are very stiff, like a robot. Has anyone found a **medication** (beside benzos and betablockers) that helps him/her in this regard?
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ptsd
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So my boyfriend still lives in the same area as me (I just recently graduated HS and he's been done for awhile), and he frequents WalMart (he got fired from that one because of his anger issues towards customers) because it's what small-town people do, and people who are car addicts go there for meetups to show off their cars, which is about his only activity it seems.
I was walking into the store with my girlfriend, we had to go in on the end near the car people because we wanted to get paint samples. Although we were a considerable distance from them, still, my ex's voice echoed through the empty parking lot, "Come on, fucking hit me, bitch, come on!".
Hearing him so enraged and loud brought back unpleasant memories of course, him breaking down and being an asshole, but it also just reminded me how far I've come and how low he has been, never moving on from the immature personality he harbors.
I'm really hoping he wasn't yelling at his new girlfriend, whenever he gets one he flaunts them around our small town before the girl eventually realizes he's a POS/he cheats on them eventually. I'm sure it was some other guy at the car meet up, but still.
This time though when I heard him my stomach didn't hurt! Usually I have to run to the bathroom, but this time, I was perfectly fine and continued on my night. Proud of my progress.
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ptsd
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I made a subreddit for anyone who identifies as autistic and queer. If that sounds like you come check us out! We can't wait to welcome you.
r/AutisticQueers
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aspergers
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I just recently was diagnosed. It has explained so many moments and struggles on my life. I’m so happy to finally know that I’m not just “strange” “antisocial” or “lazy” and that there’s others just like me. I’ve always felt alone…even tho I have a amazing wife and kids and all.
So I was a paramedic/firefighter for 10 years and just recently quit and became a full time tattoo artist. “I was tattooing part time for 2 years already” I did my apprentice while still working The fire department. We all of you know when we find something new that we like we go ALL IN. I didn’t know how to draw at all 2 years ago and now im drawing photo realism, making some pretty good tattoos and have been featured at a local art gallery.
Even though I know I’ve done a lot in life…..I still feel like I’m not good enough. Because of this all I do is draw, tattoo and beat myself up when I make mistakes. I really need to give myself a break. I’m in tears writing this, I’m exhausted and just want to feel like I’m good enough
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ADHD
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i am just wondering because i am experimenting with the right dosage of caffeine to get through the day. if i have a sugary coffee that gets me up and going but makes me jittery and unable to sit still. if i have an average soda that’s less jitter but makes me very anxious which lasts a long time. the other day i swear i got the exact right amount right but god forgive me i can’t remember what i had lmao.
what are you guys doing in terms of caffeine use?
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ADHD
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I've had a lot of issues with my psychiatrist mostly because they only communicate with me on the phone during work hours and I haven't figured out how to set up my voicemail box because I need to call AT&T during working hours and get a password from my dad. I also have a flip phone that I don't check very often because my iphone was distracting me too much from my school work...
I know I'm kind of a mess but I'm working on it and that's why I go to the psychiatrist in the first place! Anyways, I called them today because I ran out of wellbutrin and they only give me a month supply. The administrator told me that I had been discharged as a patient because I had missed two appointments, and once you are discharged they can never take you back as a patient. She said that they sent me a notice but I have no emails or texts from them and I know they couldn't have left a voicemail. I had no idea they had this policy and it honestly seems really evil to me.
Also, I only missed my first appointment because they switched their remote patient portal and never told me. I logged on to the old one for my appointment but my psychiatrist never showed up so i called the office. By the time they set up the new portal for me (only 15 minutes) they said it was too late and that I was receiving a no show, but it was free of charge since it was only my first one. I was really annoyed but I figured it wasn't the end of the world and maybe I was saving one of the administrators from getting in trouble. So, I just scheduled another appointment. This one i missed because I put it in my calendar a day late, which I discovered when I tried to log on again :(. When this happened I had a fever and was too tired to care. I sent them an email last week because I remember I needed to set up another appointment, but it was after working hours. but they didn't respond! I finally remembered to check in with them again today because I ran out of meds.
I know the voicemail box is my fault, but I told them about this issue and gave them my email that they could use instead.
Luckily I just set up a phone appointment with my pediatrician tomorrow so hopefully he can prescribe me the wellbutrin. I'm also looking for a new psychiatrist who is hopefully more accommodating. I am a bit scared bc I think I will have to go off of the meds for a couple days.
​
TL;DR: My psychiatrist dropped me as a patient because I missed two appointments. I didn't know about this policy so now I have no meds.
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ADHD
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I am beyond burnt out at my job. It’s breaking me. Lots of background shit of every move I Make pisses off my family (mom and dad are good for the most part) I was in a mentally abusive relationship for too long. Cheated on, blamed for it, etc you know the drill. I found out a year ago that I was cheated on bad. I won’t go into details, but it feels like it happened a week ago and I just found out. I haven’t had time to cope. It doesn’t matter because I’m married to a new man who is wonderful. But it still hurts me. My current jobs wants me most days, I want to nap on the floor as soon as I get off. Tw! Eating related subject ahead! I had a really bad eating disorder a few years back, but I’m getting those tendencies back again. I’m restricting and losing, as bad as it sounds I want someone to notice. I haven’t been diagnosed with anything and it makes it worse. I have researched adhd as well as talking to a couple close coworkers who have been diagnosed. I have just about ever symptom. I’m recently married to a wonderful man who has mild autism and his mom really sees it in me. I wouldn’t be surprised honestly. I want to get diagnosed but I also don’t want meds pushed on me. I probably need them. I’m not doing so great.
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depression
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I'm currently working on an app to help people with chronic and mental disease. I'm was depressed myself for many years and I am a mental health professional with a medical background. However, I'd like to be anonymous for now because my employer doesn't know that I work on this project. I would appreciate anybody taking 5 minutes to take my survey - it does not matter what chronic or mental disease you suffer from. I just want to contribute something good to the world by offering something helpful and investing my money in this project (I won't charge for the app); please help by contributing your thoughts: [https://forms.gle/G9TPuc3ffVpQdpqV6](https://forms.gle/G9TPuc3ffVpQdpqV6)
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OCD
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Idk sometimes I feel like I just need to cry and let everything out but just cant and idk why
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aspergers
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Since I was little I was no one's first choice.
Especially sports. Given, I never was really sportive, but building teams was also mostly a "I'll pick who I like deal". However, as used to it as I was, there have been some moments where this thing actually escalated and I wonder if anyone can relate.
In my old school, there was a very clear hierarchy of people. From "all liked" to the untouchables, people didn't really put me on the top very much.
So one day we have PE. Now, I'm used to causing arguments if it comes to PE. Not in the sense of being the one to argue, but the cause of the argument. Whenever two teams had to pick up the rest, they'd start arguing about who had to take who and how it was unfair they had to take me. But this time is sightly different.
Our teacher was well known for hating her job and so she left us 45min of the rest of the class to probably get drunk somewhere behind the hall. Telling us that we should pick & organise a game. The leaders were quickly announced -two very popular girls - and they started to pick teams. The crowd became smaller and smaller... until there was only me.
The two girls started arguing with each other. Of course. But the difference this time was that they didn't stop. They started to swear "I don't want to take that w*ore! You take her!" and finally go off on each other. 15min passed without playing anything, but no one cared to just say "okay I'll take her". So after 15min, I quietly decided to leave the room, go back to the dressing room, dress into my normal clothes and... just went home.
The next day, I heard from other girls the rest of the story. Apparently, NO ONE had noticed me leaving. The teacher came back at some point and only saw the girls STILL arguing with each other about how much they didn't want me. And of course; I got blamed for them not being able to play the game.
This story repeated itself a few times after that. Anyone else have similar experiences?
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aspergers
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Was diagnosed with ASD last fall at the age of 47. The psychiatrist said that my autism presents itself in a way that is consistent with aspergers. Overall I'm on the mild end of the spectrum with two exceptions where I scored in the severe range: Flexibility / Rigidity and Empathy.
I keep coming back to the question of empathy and how to find it. I've learned over the years through masking how to display empathy but it's a very mechanical response and I usually don't want to do it. it is exceedingly rare that any emotion is actually behind the empathy.
Anyone have resources or best practices for becoming more attuned to this "hidden" feature?
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aspergers
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I want to survive this illness and have the experience to share my story but lately I do not have the strength. Both my body and mind feel so weak. The other day I cut my hair off due to the fact it was getting to the point I couldn't even do the basic care for it. I feel like I'm slowly losing myself again and I'm crying out for help but nobody can hear me. Or even worse they hear me but ignore it.
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depression
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Ok I’ve had hocd tocd harm ocd and now I’m worrying what if I hate America and I hate the American flag even tho I don’t and I’m an American it really bothers me because I’ve always been loyal to my country and it disgusts me when people kneel at the national anthem and the worst part is I’ve never been diagnosed with ocd and I don’t want to self diagnose but I’m 90 percent sure I have it so it’s made all of my obbesions worse
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OCD
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so i was abused as a child and i have a huge fear of being hurt /attacked ect. bonderlands 3 just came out, which is a game i played and grew up with. i just got it and the first boss battle triggered my ptsd so bad bc it was running at me. i was shaking and crying and had to take a break completely. does anyone have any tips for overcoming this ? i want to be able to enjoy one of the only good things from my childhood.
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ptsd
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There’s currently a question from a poster in r/relationship_advice who describes behaviours in his wife which many people in the comments are diagnosing as OCD. I don’t think this speculation is unwarranted, however there are some truly terrible ideas floating around which could impact her terribly if she is actually experiencing OCD. Do we have some kind of scientifically sourced easily digestible fact sheet that can be linked to tell these people why people with OCD behave the way they do and how we’re not messing with you out of spite.
Edit: I initially got the sub name confused with a similar sounding one, so that has been changed.
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OCD
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I’m too tired to do any of my assignments and I’m so socially inept to make any friends here I feel like I’ve failed already and I’m too stuck to help myself I don’t know what to do anymore
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depression
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And I feel like I’m going insane. I’m F/28, suffering from depression, anxiety, and OCD pretty much since I can remember.
I’ve always obsessively worried about my loved ones (including the pets) but last week my sister’s cat received a VERY bad diagnosis. Feline leukemia, and they also found a mass in her abdomen and possibly even chest, though he’s hoping that one is an infection.
He said since she’s 13 it’s not worth it to pursue further treatment. So... just sit back and watch her slowly deteriorate, I guess...
I don’t know how much time she has left. I can’t stop obsessing over what to do... I always want to fix things, but I can’t do anything about this and it’s KILLING ME.
Almost 24/7 I’m obsessing over her condition. Right now she’s eating and ok, but what if she gets sick? What if she throws up? What if her breathing worsens? What if we have to put her down? What if my sister finds her?
I haven’t been able to relax since last week and I’ve lost 10 POUNDS. I’m scared to go to sleep. She lives at my dad’s house nearly 20 miles away so I can’t be around her often, and I have to fight the urge to text my family about updates constantly.
This is honestly one of the worst things I’ve ever been through. It’s up there with the two weeks of hell prior to giving birth to my son at 23 weeks. Because this cat is my sister’s SOULMATE and i can imagine few things sadder than her having to lose her baby
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OCD
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My mum was with me and we so happened to bump into him, I didn't realise it was him until he said his name to me. I almost had an anxiety attack standing there, my mum stood up for me she told him I remembered everything and haven't forgiven him.
He pretended like he didn't know what we was talking about but kept apologising at the same time. I felt so gaslighted but after I felt empowered, those memories have troubled my thoughts my whole life. Now I can sleep peacefully knowing he remembers that repressed memory and is shitting it.
I'm so thankful for this subreddit it makes me feel less alone and much more valid, it's never easy dealing with any type of trauma but in my experience it hurts less with time it's more the questions that stay. I didn't get my answers that day but I don't think I need it his face told me enough, he's tried to avoid it but, sweeping under the rug is a temporary fix.
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ptsd
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I thought I was fine. I could handle most of my previous triggers. Then my boss chased me down and screamed at me for no apparent reason (she’s likely a narcissist or psychopath according to my psychiatrist). That was one trigger I never expected to experience again...
I’ve had nightmares every single night for a month, flashbacks and a pounding heart when exposed to triggers I’ve been able to handle for the past 5 years. I’m back at where I started and feel like such a failure. I’ve been horrible to my friends and family since the incident because I’ve seen everyone as a threat. My boyfriend and friends have had to comfort me every single day even though I’ve been an asshole to them, because I’ve been suicidal and whiny as well and stubbornly refused to go to bed because you can’t have nightmares if you stay awake.
I’ve never had a community before (and until a month ago, I thought I was over my PTSD and wanted to distance myself from it) so I’m glad that I found this sub. I guess that’s all that I wanted to say with my post. If anyone has any tips for dealing with nightmares, let me know! At least I know how to deal with my triggers even if it isn’t really helping at the moment.
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ptsd
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I have a 13 year old cousin - he has ADHD and he is quite literally a GENIUS. I don’t just throw that word around either - this kid is infinitely more intelligent than I am, at 22. He teaches me things i’d never have known/learned otherwise. And apparently, being around us (when we’re together) is stressful and isolating for the rest of our family - because we talk to each other SO fast (**RAPID-FIRE**) and others (like my twin sister) claim that it’s virtually impossible to follow/participate in our light-speed verbal exchanges? When we converse, it’s like speaking to an alternate version of myself - same mind, but different perspectives/interests. It was the same with an ex-friend who had ADHD (and bipolar, like me) - our other friends would get annoyed when we’d rapid-fire talk to each other because i guess they felt left out? Can anyone relate to this? I thoroughly enjoy talking rapid-fire with others with ADHD as it’s my preferred conversational speed, and honestly - it gets annoying and isolating for me when I have no human outlet to hyper-speed converse with! I can’t help that my brain works this way - so how can I mitigate the annoyance-factor of this behavior to those without ADHD? (I ONLY do this with others with ADHD - if I even try with neuro-typicals it’s pointless and a direct conversation killer, obviously!)
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ADHD
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hi. i’m 17f and i have ocd, specifically pocd. i turn 18 in a month and now i’m scared to interact with anyone younger than me, even other teenagers.
i’m not even interested / crushing on anyone younger than me atm.
however i see people on reddit saying 18 and 15/16 makes u a pedo, i’m so scared.
i went to this gathering and this guy who is friends with my best friend from childhood who’s a year younger than me kept looking at me / passing glances.
i am not really attracted to him, and i think he’s 15/16? however i was a bit flattered and i said maybe 3 words to him and then i worried because my voice sounded “different”.
i’m so scared because if i were even interested in him would the age gap be bad? i don’t want to date a 15 or 16 year old but i appreciate positive attention. i didn’t say anything bad or sexual even, just something really normal / polite in passing.
anyways yeah i am scared bc people on reddit are saying it makes you a predator to have that age gap.
there was a guy who i actually liked and we flirted who was only 6 months younger than me, so we were both 17, but i stopped talking to him because of my pocd telling me i cannot even date a person slightly younger. i also am nervous to crush on 17 year olds because i am afraid that even makes me a pedo.
my pocd is not consistent at all with ages. one day it will go from little kids to 12 year olds and then to people my own age. i feel really afraid, at this point i will have to milk my preference for older men for all it’s worth because i’m even scared to date someone only slightly older or slightly younger
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OCD
|
This is not a suicidal post, don't take it that way, there are plenty of people that have it way worse than me by fair. But FUCK. Why does this always happen? Every fucking night and every fucking week like clockwork this happens, I sit here in my room, desperate to go to sleep or to feel relax and I just stare at the fucking wall. I sit here and time goes by so fucking slow. I want to cut again, I want to text this person and tell them what's going on, I want to go wake someone up and let them know what's happening to me but I just stare at the fucking wall.
Did you know that I had an anniversary of 2 years today? Big fucking deal for me and I'm only 17 (also M, sorry, forgot about that). We had a fun time tonight. Went to dinner, cuddled, all that shit and yet I'm still sitting here in my room alone staring at the fucking wall feeling bad for myself. There are people in this subreddit who are actually fucking suffering and I just sit here and complain. So FUCK THIS. Why does this always fucking happen? Why can't I just be fucking happy for god sake, is it really that hard? I see people everyday walking around like they don't have a care in the world but not me, no, I get to sit here and fucking hate myself.
Maybe I should cry it out huh? That's what I thought but no, doesn't matter what I think about or how hard I try I can't get a fucking tear. I can't even just release the healthy way! And I refuse to go back to cutting, I can't do it and I won't. Why can't life just be fucking happy? Why does everything have to be so god damn hard.
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depression
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Anyone here take medicine for your ocd like prozac?
Does it help?
How to you get past ocd??
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OCD
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I'll be flying out to TX next month for 5 days. I take at least 5 vitamins a day plus my ady. It's much easier for me to put them all in a pill container with the days of the week and practical as I won't have to carry around 6 different pill bottles. I have those small singlet pill containers I want to put my addy in. I do recall less than a year ago having my pill bottles on a suitcase and nothing happened. Anyone ever been stopped for having vitamins in anything other than the original bottle?
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ADHD
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Today i had a conversation about how dating someone in the grade below is grooming. I once had a crush on a friend in the grade below. I cant stop thinking that i’m some horrible groomer, even though i know i’m not. I feel like if they found out they wouldn’t want to be friends with me, even though i never did anything that a groomer would do.
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OCD
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Well, I didn't wrote here much but I wanted to... And I kept myself away because I don't want pity or something else. To feel like a burden or so.
It's been more than 2 years since my life has become a bottomless pit. I've drowned, lost weight, felt guilty, overdone sport, overworked to forget life outside the office, then felt like I am a disturbance for the world. Beside I find life to be boring as hell, I have no passion anymore, I don't want anything anymore. I just do what is necessary. Even eating, I keep it to the most simple way : no cooking only cans. Don't need to warm it, it's ready to eat. I still do some sport because it helps to use the spare time between work and sleep. Otherwise I should be crying alone, in the middle of lightless flat.
I don't understand why I am now like that. It is still painful sometimes but I always think that after all, my life could be worse. But I can't talk of everything to my friends ofmr family. I don't want them to be concerned. They have their problems already and I don't want to be another problem on their list.
I don't think I'll find someone anymore. I don't talk much. I don't go out. I afraid to talk to strangers. And I have a very bad self-esteem.
But I accept it. I cannot change anything so let it be. I know that solitude and emptiness will kill me. But I can't do anything. It is too late.
I am just a ghost. Alive or dead don't change anything. The world hasn't changed when I came, and it will not when I'll be leaving. I doubt many people'll notice that I'm gone. .
Well, enough. Thanks for reading.
See ya'
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depression
|
I was diagnosed at age 10 (year 1996) in the US, I had medication, therapy and was sent to a specialized school, and as an adult I moved to Spain. Just last week I tried to get rediagnosed as an adult but received results that say I don’t have it. How does that work? How can someone have ADHD as a child but not as an adult? Could it just be that testing standards have changed so much in 25 years? I was tested using the WAIS-III scales, D2 attention test, TMT, STROOP, BDI II, and STAI. Could it be because I’m in a different country? I don’t know how it’s possible to just become neurotypical.
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ADHD
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So the other day I was speaking to my nt friends on a group on messenger and I said how I would like to find a relationship, they know I’m bisexual so man all woman. One of my friends in the group replied, well u had jo but u didn’t want to move u push him away and you shouldn’t bother looking for a relationship if you know u don’t want to move in.
Which is extremely unfair because I didn’t push him away, it was a mutual decision that a relationship wouldn’t work but we have stayed very good friends. He was talking about living together we both still live with our parents, but it’s also in a different town so would also be away from family and friends and I would have to start a new life. I have a friend who has a partner but they don’t live together, they see each other for a week at a time if they go on holiday, but mostly it’s at the weekends. She was making out I was the only one who wanted to be with somebody but didn’t want to see them every single day. I like my own space
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aspergers
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Every day is a battle to fight off depression and anxiety. I’m finally understanding how my traumas are now affecting me. It’s like those parts of my brain for happiness, total relaxation, and being one with my body are just not there. “Whats wrong with me? Why am I so dumb and weak?” I always wondered. But now I at least have compassion for myself even if everyone else seems to judge me or say dumb things like “it’s all in your head” or they say what I went through wasn’t that bad but they only know the tip of the iceberg. I don’t tell them because it’s private and sensitive to me. I don’t want advice. I want a fkn hug. I don’t want to be told “it’s going to be okay”, I’m not a child. I just want to be heard. And yeah no shit it’s in my head, but my brain is literally broken. Those parts of me are not there. My brain refuses to be anything but hypervigilant, and a stranger to my body and emotions… i try so fkn hard. It shouldn’t be this hard to feel normal. I don’t know where I was going with this.
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ptsd
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I came here because I'm at a loss and I needed a place to unload my mind. I don't have anyone in particular to describe this to and I can't afford therapy so I came here in hopes I'd get some kind of positive feedback. Here goes.
I've had anxiety/depression for most of my life (I'm 34 now) and on this journey I've amassed more guilt and regret than you could imagine. I started self medicating with opiates as a teenager and things spiraled put of control from there. I've never been in denial about it, I'm very open about my problems and how I choose to deal with them, perhaps brutal honesty gives me some peace of mind.
Other people have been supporting me my entire life. Mother supported my drug habit, father supported me financially and countless significant others have tried supporting me mentally and financially but I never change. I have a fantastic fear of everything, I guess you could say. The worst part is having a job. I am terrified of working. I have had jobs before that weren't so bad but they all ended miserably with each one making me too afraid to start another. My opiate habit shifted to a kratom habit which didn't help any and I'm now stuck in a really bad situation.
I recently moved out of my home state 800 miles away to live with a girl that I'm very fortunate to have in my life. No one has ever stuck with me the way she does and I make her suffer for it. More guilt. I thought maybe moving here would kick my brain into gear but alas, I'm still screwed. She works everyday and has no mo ey because she supports my habits like krstom and smoking and pays rent alone. She also has a daughter to take care of. I regret putting her in this situation. She could leave me but she loves me too much to kick me out even though I deserve it. My mental and physical health is so incredibly poor that getting a job feels impossible, especially un a strange new place far from home and thus she supports me alone. I'd like to work and contribute but I am terrified and exhausted just from thinking too hard.
She feels like I don't care about her because my actions don't line up with the idea that I love her. I definitely care about her and regret this but I stay stuck, all from fear. I'm in an endless loop of feeling bad because I'm a piece of shit which makes me even less inclined to be useful which makes me feel more like a piece of shit. Afraid to get sober, afraid to wake up in the morning, afraid to lose my best friend and make her feel like I don't care.
I have no money and no motivation and seemingly no way to escape this. The only way out is death or tonforce myself to suffer more in hopes that things will right themselves but given how things have gone in the past I'm afraid things will not improve even if I face my fears. I don't know what thoughts to trust anymore. Everyone is disappointed in me and thinks I'm a selfish asshole and I AM selfish because I'm afraid to feel worse than I already do. I'm an intelligent human being but that seems not to matter because all the knowledge on earth wouldn't change my patterns. Knowing how to solve issues and choosing not to is hell. The voice in my head tells me to keep pushing it further and further forever.
I know this post is long winded and chaotic but I just wanted to get it all out. I feel alone in this and wondered is anyone else like me? Is anyone else unable to ever relax and choose to hurt others because of their selfish desires to not change and yet feel endlessly guilty about it? Most importantly is anyone able to tell me how to be the person I want to be? I want to leave the world better than when I found it. I want to be a positive addition to society and my loved ones and I want to escape this nightmare.
I don't know what else to say, I just hope someone would listen and respond so I don't feel alone in this void. I'm so desperate to fix this. I have lost friends to suicide before and I am determined to see this through come hell or high water. I do not want to grow old feeling bitter. I don't want to waste my entire life being a wrecking ball. I just want to be happy and to make the people I love happy but all I'm doing is panicking and screaming internally.
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depression
|
I'm scared if I got aroused by a child not physically but like I feel likey brain says go masturbate it's scary I hate it I don't want to be aroused by children masturbate to them what is this feeling is it anxiety or something I don't know what it is and I'm scared
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OCD
|
Thanks for being a great community to mod and be with! :)
~~***THE SNOWBLOWER BUDGET HAS BECOME THE LAWNMOWER BUDGET AGAIN.***~~
Scratch that last, More snow in the forecast. We are Keeping the Snowblower budget as is.
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aspergers
|
I was recently diagnosed with ADHD as an adult, and have been thinking about how my two longest relationships in the past were with people that were diagnosed with ADHD. The two people I feel the most in common with in my whole life were diagnosed with ADHD and I wish that made me think about ADHD sooner, has anyone else had this happen to them?
I am also curious if people here find themselves attracted to others with ADHD, not intentionally, but just really finding a connection with someone that seems to act and think like you.
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ADHD
|
I am currently recovering from a glass of white wine, I drank it two days ago, the effects are still very much noticeable, although rather uncomfortable this new state of mind seems to be interesting. What are your "perceptual deviations of reality" like?. I must add, this is not the first time and I've had rougher alterations, I just happen to be in a clueless mood and interested in your opinion.
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aspergers
|
Back in May, I hit my friends dab and I took waaaaay too much. (I’m a lightweight btw) I stood up and the room started running 1,000 mph and it felt like overwhelming deja vu and panic that filled my head and at that moment I knew I was going to die. I can’t really go into detail to what was going through my head because it felt beyond description and I cant find the right words to truly describe how in danger I felt.
For months after that experience I was showing symptoms of dissociation and derealization, I felt completely disoriented and totally disconnected from reality. I thought nothing was real and that I didn’t actually exist in a sense..? By late July the symptoms started to fade and I wasn’t experiencing that anymore.
I started to experience horribleee panic attacks usually twice a week. I don’t remember what was going through my head but I thought I was going to experience the same thing on what I did that day and I was going to die.
Now everytime I talk about this I start shaking, crying, feeling anxious, or detached from myself. Now I can’t stand the smell of weed when I’m around my friends who smoke because it takes me back. It’s been really hard to open up about this because I feel so weak because it’s just weed, I feel like the only person in the world who had that bad of a reaction to it.
I was trying to figure out what was happening to me. I thought I had a panic disorder, psychosis, or maybe just really bad anxiety, but after doing research all the signs are pointing to PTSD. Am I wrong to think believe that could be it?
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ptsd
|
I’m honestly getting sick of putting up with this so I finally convinced myself to type this up as a sort of vent. I’m constantly having intrusive thoughts, like constantly. I literally cannot even enjoy anything in my life. I could be having the time of my life and these thoughts come in and remove any semblance of happiness from me. The worst part of it is comparisons. I constantly compare myself with other students my age in a negative light . I keep believing that I’m behind everyone else even though I get good grades. These thoughts have resulted in me developing a severe inferiority complex, extremely low self-esteem, social anxiety, and I’ve also become a bit of a loner(I barely hang out with my friends). Do you guys have any realistic ways I could combat these self-destructive thoughts? I greatly appreciate it!
|
OCD
|
Anyone every really panic hard at night? I just spent the night with my heart racing, stomach upset and spiraling thoughts that just would not stop. The thought of the panic attack just kept it coming over and over. The last time I ever felt like this was when I took way too much of a weed edible and had a 2 hr panic attack. Any advice on what to do in the moment? Tried breathing exercises, walking around, watching tv but it kept coming.
|
OCD
|
My girlfriend has trouble getting to sleep. She suffers from PTSD which makes her feel terrified at night, she can't stand the dark. In this, she feels like she is being watched by something or someone, as a result, she s anxious/scared and flips on the lights the whole time before she actually sleeps. She s thought of various solutions to get to sleep faster like, melatonin, sleeping with the lights on, background music, white noise from the fan, bedtime stories etc. But nothing seems to work quite right.
She s already trying to see a psychologist, who suggested to meet with a doctor for the sleeping problems, but this appointment will take a while. For the time before that, I would like to ask for advice, so she can get decent sleep, as she still needs to go to work and live about her day.
I hope you guys have some advice on this, thanks in advance.
|
ptsd
|
I’ve been on a depression streak for quite some time (mostly just brushed it off) the pandemic definitely made it more difficult
Just the sheer realization that my current group of friends are drifting away in the sense that I feel complete isolation and dread the thought of hanging out with them. I just don’t belong. I’ll go from having these friends I don’t want to see to having no friends at all (I’m flying back home to asia permanently and over the year I realized I didn’t have friends in a city I grew up) just have no one to hold me down if I ever want to kill myself and that scares me. I don’t want to do it I’m scared.
I just.. I want a break I’m tired.
I got on bumble for one good date as form of escapism and I made it very clearly. He was great I loved our date.. I caved in and went on several dates with him and hung out with him. I guess we were dating? We labeled ourselves as “boyfriend” “girlfriend” to me it felt unreal. Is this the big break I’m FINALLY getting? no
We called it off 5 days into dating. He’s not in the correct headspace to be in a relationship (he’s just as depressed and anxious. Maybe I’m too much to handle, maybe he doesn’t hold the capacity to deal with other things when he has so much on his plate and I understand) I just feel stupid because I just set myself up to get hurt, I knew this was gonna happen.
|
depression
|
Funny enough, my OCD started on elementary days. Our chairs has a flat surface underneath to place books etc. I remember putting my 2 pencil parallel with each other, I was so annoyed it's not perfectly parallel. I was literally turning red with the amount of time I was bent down trying to perfect the parallel position.
That's where it all started. rn I have tiny bits of rituals on alot of things. I literally needed to change my phone because I have shit ton of rituals on my old phone.
|
OCD
|
I have pretty much done nothing the past few weeks. I know that when I get overwhelmed I shut down. However, I don’t feel overwhelmed? I sat down to start an assignment, wrote a title and then decided to nap. I am medicated, so my meds don’t really let me nap. Instead I’m lying in bed scrolling through Reddit. I’m just so tired of everything, I don’t want to do anything. I feel like my meds aren’t really helping as much as they have been, as I am barely doing the bare minimum. I don’t really know what’s going on mentally. I feel like I’ve been in a super weird state recently. I’m not necessarily sad, but I’m also just not happy either? I don’t know if anyone can relate, I’m just ranting.
|
ADHD
|
Hi everyone!
I take fluvoxamine 125mg (Luvox in USA, Dumyrox in Europe) and my psychyatrist want me to start taking 200mg. Has anyone took this dosage? She only increased the dosage because i'm going berserk with stuff on my job, the dead of my cat, my obvious health OCD (I am currently with a UTI, already taking antibiotic, so far everything is going to be ok...) and most important I am hurting the person I love most: my boyfriend of 14 years is getting really afected with my OCD. :(
Anyway, the question is has anyone took that dosage? The maximum I took was 150mg.
​
Thank you in advance. Stay strong!
|
OCD
|
I am currently 20F and am a college drop out. I got diagnosed with ADHD 5/6 months ago and honestly, my diagnosis pissed me off so bad. I’m not mad that I have ADHD, i’m mad because I am smart and still failed all through school years and no one ever fucking noticed except my mom, who no one listened to either. I distinctly remember being in 2nd grade and being moved to an island in the middle of my classmates whos desks were made into a circle. All because I was too talkative. As an 8 year old girl who was just trying to have fun, I was humiliated. I seriously can’t believe my teacher punished an 8 year old for talking to much by putting them in the center of everyone. This continued all through elementary, middle school and high school. So many teachers hated me because I talked “too much”. Did they ever consider their class was boring and staring at a chalkboard all day long while someone talks is not interesting and is not optimal for a growing child to learn?
Here’s another great story of when I was 15 and tried to get help. I did all the testing through my school. At the end of the testing, the guidance counselor (i kid you not) says to me “you are too smart to have anything wrong with you” as if people who have disabilities cannot be smart? People i know who have autism or ADHD are some of the smartest people I have ever met. Like, seriously dude. I’m failing all of my classes, but you see that I am in fact smart. How is that not a cause for concern?
I seriously to this day cannot believe this was said to me.
Come now, i’m relatively freshly diagnosed, it all is just so appalling to me. It makes me so mad that all of those years I could have known what was going on and I could have gotten help but my school disregarded it.
I seriously just needed to get this off my chest. Something needs to be done regarding the lack of care for disabilities in the public school system. Its fucking ridiculous. Apologies for the rant and feel free to share your system failed you stories so I know its not just me.
|
ADHD
|
Does anyone else have this?
Every time I knock something or do something that sounds like a door knock, or if I hear actual door knocking, or etc etc I get extremely hyper-vigilant and have to stop for a sec until i have complete situational awareness. I also noticed that I have a lot of nightmares which end in me hiding somewhere and hearing a door being knocked (at that point i'm so frightened I wake up), even if the rest of the dream makes no sense and isn't related to any trauma. In real life a lot of the time I have to make sure all doors are visible to me and when things are REALLY bad, I struggle to open or walk past doors.
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ptsd
|
I dropped out of uni in a foreign city, I went back to my hometown and home for like two weeks or so, started taking antidepressants, got a little bit better, decided to go get a job in the foreign city where I went to uni but i couldn't handle it and after two days I fucked up and quit. Understandably my manager was pissed and I'm scared that this will affect my future work life. I'm scared that I fucked everything up. Rationally i know that it's not true and that I needed to go back home because I would hurt or kill myself in the foreign city sooner or later but this was still a shitty thing to do. And I'm 19 so I mean I could explain to my future employers that I was young and stupid and made a mistake. But I really had thought I could handle the job, I didn't go there and quit out of malice. And I'd rather quit than go on a health leave because then the employer couldn't fire me and I would have been even bigger of a problem to the company (Im not American - we have some more worker protections). But this situation will figure in my papers. I just can't think straight I can't sleep really and my thought process is all messed up. I'm really worried.
|
depression
|
there is no way to tell your thoughts apart from what your OCD is saying. with depression, anxiety, etc. you can distinguish those thoughts from your own but OCD is just a big ball of confusion and repetition and nightmares. Just how I see it it may be different for some ppl.
|
OCD
|
Im so scared. It's so out of hand in my province and there are no vaccines right now. I won't be able to get mine until the summer at the earliest, and that's not even a guarantee. I'm supposed to be starting an in-office job but I'm terrified to even leave the house because I'm so afraid I'll get sick by just one little mistake I won't even know I'd be making. I just want this nightmare to end
|
OCD
|
So this is weird. I just started 10mg Strattera last night (my psychiatrist told me to take it before bed), and I had the worst sleep ever. I kept waking up in the middle of the night feeling really weird and like half-asleep and I was struggling to go back to sleep every time I woke up.
But when my alarm went off this morning, I felt very well-rested. I didn't even hit the snooze button, which I normally do. I'm normally very tired and slow in the morning but I feel great right now.
Is this normal? Is this healthy? I mean I feel fine but I know I definitely didn't get enough sleep last night.
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ADHD
|
looking for helpful websites/apps/etc that can connect me to people who share my struggles with ocd. any type of thing out there like that? i think relating to people on a more personal level would help me greatly. thanks!
|
OCD
|
BFF of 30 plus years has always struggled with ADHD. She is very intelligent and is aware. The last 6 months is the worst I have seen her. She stopped taking her ADHD meds (side effects but still taking an anti-anxiety). The new ADHD med they want her to try is too expensive even with insurance.
Her main issue is ADHD procrastination and focusing on time. IE: Taking a shower takes 30 min and because she has to it's now a chore. Watching a show or playing a game she likes takes time, now it's a chore. She will sit on her couch until it's so late she HAS to do these things. Wasting time on the couch, dinking around on her phone is ok because there are no expectations involved. She uses the last-minute thing as motivation to get what she has to do, done. If that makes sense,
She says it's a software problem, not a hardware one. I think meaning it's all external and not how she is wired. She is under a doctor's care. The issue is this. Her chronic lateness, putting things off, lack of sleep because she procrastinated too long are causing interruptions with me and her family. NEVER in all these years have I felt anger or negative reactions to her issues. She deals with mine.
However, lately, I find myself frustrated and annoyed. I just want to say "You're 40 something years old-just look at the clock and you can see it's 9/10 pm at night and just get off the couch and shower-go to bed. You HAVE to put some effort into helping yourself."
I have-just not that bluntly. She tells me she tries but then her brain tells her she doesn't want to commit to the time and it the cycle starts over. She is still engaged in her hobbies and likes.
Any advice on how I can help her? How can I keep my cool and be supportive? I like order, schedules in my life-her life...not so much. I've just learned to deal with it over the years. She is the kindest most unselfish person I know. I already feel guilty because I'm starting to react to her in ways I never have before. Like I said, over 30 years here. Need advice, please! And thank you.
TLDR: 30+ years of dealing with my friend's ADHD Procrastination. Worst it's ever been and I'm starting to feel negative emotions towards her. I never have before and just want to remain helpful and supportive. Need some advice. I don't have ADHD or any diagnosis so as much as I try to understand I don't always. Need advice/help.
|
ADHD
|
TL:DR; Don't go to the University of Minnesota if you plan on majoring in STEM, probably don't go in generally, but especially don't go if you are majoring in STEM.
These problems may apply to all STEM schools of this type/nature. If your school also sucks, please drop it in the comments. If your school rocks, drop it in the comments. I am school shopping if you can't tell.
Why you should not attend school at the University of Minnesota in the College of Science and Engineering if you have ADHD, a non exhaustive list (save yourself hundreds of thousands of dollars, yes even you in-state student):
1) The process for receiving accommodations is ableist against those of us who have ADHD.
a) The school has an official policy against retroactive accommodations: meaning that if you go to the school, and you think that you have ADHD at the beginning of the year, and it takes three months to get a diagnosis, you are fucked. If you forget to renew your accommodations, you are fucked.
b) The way that accommodations works at the University of Minnesota, is that you have to do several meetings where you outline your challenges and put them on a letter of accommodations, which **you** then disclose to your professors to receive accommodations. This letter needs to be renewed every semester. It does not carry over through your academic career, yes, usually you can send your access consultant an email, saying, hey, please renew my accommodations for this semester, but you have to do that. You also have to meet with your professors about your accommodations. Which is both incredibly hard for those of us who have rejection-sensitive dysphoria, and also, an extra executive functioning task.
b1) The process is professor driven and professor oriented, but Professors broadly aren't given any additional resources or training for disabled students. There also isn't a good accountability mechanism for professors who are ableist (or racist, or sexist, or really any kind of ist.) You can give your professor the letter, and your professor can just straight up tell you, no.
b1a) The accountability mechanisms that do exist, EOAA, Student Conflict, are not accessible to us. Usually they involve meetings, and phone calls that need to be made via phone, as well as paperwork that has deadlines. Basically, more executive functioning tasks. More rejection sensitive dysphoria.
b2) There are no curricular accommodations at the University of Minnesota, since a lot of us have multiple disabilities, this is a huge barrier. If there's a course that's just completely inaccessible to you, that's your cross to bear.
c) There is only academic accommodations. Procedure and office accommodations basically do not exist. If you need accommodations in, say, the required semesterly meeting with your advisor, you're just fucked. If you need an alternative method of contacting an office that isn't a phone call, you're just fucked. If you need an alternative method of logging into your course portal, you're just fucked.
c1) The school has required two-factor authentication for logging into course materials, and course materials automatically log you out weekly. *Have fun with that.*
c1a) IT at the school in general is very dismissive of the needs of disabled students, and frequently makes big technology changes (like two factor authentication) without consulting disabled students.
2) The student doctors office, Boynton Health, has an official policy of not diagnosing ADHD. Meaning that you must seek diagnosis in the greater Twin Cities, and pay a lot of money.
2a) Boynton Health will charge you $25 if you miss a mental health appointment. Which is a pretty blatant ADHD tax.
2b) Boynton Health only operates during the school day.
2c) There are a lot of appointments that Boynton Health only schedules via phone call. These phone calls must be placed during the school day.
3) The majority of classes in the College of Science and Engineering have a no late work for any reason policy.
3a) *Sometimes* you can get accommodations for this.
4) The majority of classes in the College of Science and Engineering do course planning on a daily basis rather than a semester or yearly basis.
4a) Your syllabus is useless, you probably won't know when your exams are until a week before you take them
4a1) Completely coincidentally, in order to schedule testing accommodations, you need to give the testing office the information about your exam a week in advanced. **You** have to. This is not done automatically. This is not done by the professor. **You** have to. You get one late-scheduled exam. This is another executive functioning task.
4b) If you need document conversion, they also need your homework a week in advanced, but your homework is probably given out on a weekly basis, meaning your homework is guaranteed to be a week late based on the bureaucracy alone, which might not get accommodated, see above.
5) The office of accommodations is mostly made up of liberal arts majors, liberal arts student workers.
5a) Document conversion of textbooks is generally based largely on OCR, or on the textbook publishers metadata (which doesn't exist because engineering textbooks are written by engineers). You can have additional captioning done, but that is an executive functioning task, and also, do you really think that a liberal arts student can do an adequate job of captioning an electron band diagram? A bode plot? A circuit diagram? A Smith Chart? Or even calculus for that matter?
6) There are almost no online course offerings in Undergraduate STEM
6a) Even if there were, you wouldn't want them, unless Canvas being used as a glorified subversion server is your idea of a good time, which was basically the pandemic mood of the hour.
7) Disabled students are regularly accused of academic dishonesty as a reason for not giving us course deadline extensions
7a) Academic dishonesty is actually very common, and courses are heavily curved, how much do you want to gamble your tuition on your ability to do homework better than students copying the answers? You are already suspicious, your classmates, not so much.
8) Professors in STEM hate disabled students
8a) This is a research university, it's value is in your ability to do research. Your letter of accommodations can often act as a letter of blacklist from research opportunities, and letters of recommendation.
8b) This is a research institution, which means the lectures are terrible and if you want to learn anything you're going to have to go to office hours. Quick question though, how much help are you going to get from a professor that hates you?
9) All exams in STEM are timed
9a) you can get testing accommodations, but it's just more time, it's not untimed.
10) Most exams are not open book open notes, but require a notesheet.
10a) Which is extra homework, extra executive functioning task, a rather important one.
There are more problems with this school's treatment of ADHD students, which you'll probably read about in the comments below.
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ADHD
|
I go though this every year kind of , but this year is different. I work as a and chief where none of the men listened up me until I pull out my bitch card anime scare them, I'm super manly female managers in Male industries understand this too.
This year is particularly difficult because I've been trying to get off of a heavy heroin 4 almost a year now. For the most part it never affected my work honestly I think I did my job better can I do now being on liquid handcuffs. I'm trying to end that too but it's been really hard because I'm fine for 4 days then withdrawal symptoms horr me like a ton of bricks. For exam please i very nearly passed my pants in bed before I could feel able to stand to make or the entire 4ft ball way top the bathroom from my bed. Not top mention it's thanks giving and I owe everyone money because of an evacuation and covid in general. In additiony car caught fire a little while ago and I got me and my big dog out safely but j have this recurring thought that Ihas my dog not been there, I should've just opened the boys and let the flame fly engulf the car. I was on a mountain pass so I guarantee you nobody would have even noticed or cared least of all my family. My boyfriend who I was following up the road literally broke into the back seat to retrieve his stuff And took my dog and left me there on the side of the mountain watching my only valuables in the world burn. He said "you good" and tried to leave without my dog, I forced Ziggy(my dog) into the car with him but I think it's a clear sign that he doesn't gaf, after that I called my mom pretty hysterical(I mean I've never been in a car fire] and, her first words were, well can you put it out? That's an expensive car. (I was half way through paying it off to her andIt was a Volvo) it really puts into perspective that nothing would have changed if I just sat there ane didn't call the police if Ziggy wasn't there. Every day I think of how I coulve just sat there waiting. I'm not going to my families thanks giving tomorrow. I'm not going to Christmas, honestly after getting off of h I think the only thing left got me to do is tip end my existence. I m kind of a wiener butch tho so I'm wondering if I'll ever be able to do it. Either way, if it's not me I hope it's somebody else that ends this endless fucking strea.m of bullshit. I haven't told you everything, there is quite a bit more but holyfuck, I will continue with my story later on Batman that's like the linchpin point I'm so stupid it should have put Ziggy in the car with Matt and everything will be fine, so in case I do get hit by a bus or something miraculous. Finally fucking done!!!!
|
depression
|
There's so much distraction and stimulation-seeking behaviour wired into this current society that it just really exagerrate our symptoms, right? Not sure what I mean to achieve by this post, I guess NTs are hooked by this addictive system just as us. Except our adhd may spiral out of control further due to this. If we lived in the 80s or 50s we would be able to be more stable, right?
|
ADHD
|
to give a little backstory, I met this guy last year when I shifted schools for my junior year of high school. he is an absolute angel and one of the most understanding and sweet guys I've met. I realized that I had a crush on him two months into talking. and when I say talking I don't mean the talking phase but merely talking as in how you would with a friend. off late tho, we've been spending at least a minimum of 5 hours together and I simply CANNOT stop thinking about him. and now I can't decide if I like him or I'm in love with the idea of him.
it's just random convos that I wanna have with him and how this word will be a good prompt for that and how ill appear more smart and likeable if I do that. it even stops me from doing work and ill be just daydreaming about the time we spent or will be spending together.
and I've noticed that isn't a one-time thing and almost 99% of the crushes I've had are due to my brain idealizing that person so much so that they become a different person in my head. and when I start dating them, the difference in reality and my imagination throws me off so badly, I end up breaking up with them. it's incredibly frustrating cause like I said, it doesn't let me work and I feel like an obsessed creep cause I cannot go two minutes without thinking bout them.
edit: holy shit, thank you for the awards, you guys. and knowing I'm not alone in this is helping me so much cause now I feel like I know for sure that I'm not obsessed/insane.
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ADHD
|
I wish I didn’t give a crap about certain things. I don’t want to be caring any more. I hate being sensitive because when things happen to me, I feel I’m the only one in pain.
I feel that I’m never going to find happiness with myself. I don’t want to go to other people for it anymore, but when I try to find it for myself nothing interests me.
Im confused and exhausted.
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depression
|
Everything seems so... alien. I don’t understand the emotions of others. I can’t feel happiness, only variations of it. I don’t feel envy, just indifference. And sometimes people vent to me about things and I don’t understand their emotional, illogical responses.
I feel disconnected and distant from my own humanity. It seems like the things that anger and upset me don’t bother anyone else, or they don’t even think about what I do. And people always seem to put on an insincere act... I don’t understand why I had to be on this planet. I just want to feel human.
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aspergers
|
My emotional responses when I'm stressed or triggered are just completely overwhelming. Feels like equal parts anger and fear and it's just blinding. I'll be fine and then something small will happen, like the other day my partner slept in late, and I was just sobbing and furious and ruminating on every little thing that he had done to bother me and I couldn't shut it off.
My PTSD is from an abusive relationship, so little innocuous things like that can flip a switch in my brain that says, "This is the other shoe dropping. You're being manipulated. Don't you look stupid now? Everyone shows their true colors eventually and you were stupid to let your guard down."
He's a wonderful person and partner, but (particularly when I get stressed) my brain tells me that every minor thing is the real person behind the loving exterior. We've been together almost five years, he's going to get sick of this eventually.
I hate it because I know that most of the time I am overreacting - but I also feel like my feelings will be disregarded when I have a legitimate concern because of how frightened I get about things that don't matter.
It's exhausting. I hate myself.
On the bright side, I'm starting grad school in August and I plan on trying EMDR since the student insurance is pretty good there.
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ptsd
|
My ocd wants to continue thinking about something. it brings me anxiety and stress. how to deal with this?
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OCD
|
Anybody else get crazy increased anxiety in the first day? I took my first 10mg pill last night.
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OCD
|
I was supposed to fail, but managed to clutched in and passed thru remedial classes. Now that im on a higher grade,things have been really worse. I still got no friends, no passion and no motivation whatsoever. So many things is happening to me rn, i started masturbating alot,eating alot, irregularly sleeping at 1-3am midnight, and losing my feelings of love towards my parents and siblings. I FEEL MISERABLE.
I kept daydreaming to how things would've been different if i did different decisions back when i was a kid, i kept procrastinating alot rn and that im 50 homeworks due rn and i only got 18 hrs left till deadline. Im planning of running away towards the mountains and might eff myself on the process. right now im contemplating whether i should do it since it would be basically be that i would loss everything I've built with,been thru and so so.but then again what's stopping me? No one cared. No one was there with me and absolutely no one see me as worth as anything. Im sick of people having priorities, of how just because they have something to care about they get to be much worthier than i am. Im sick of how they get to live life and change for the better.Im sick of how they just get to live life forwads.Im sick of how they have the audacity to complain about anything and think their opinions are worth anything.Im sick of how no one was willing to help me or even cared for me, i feel like that if i should kill myself maybe just maybe they would change and care. But at the end of the day that would be dillusional, since they've never cared at the first place and didnt even bother seeing me as worth anything for them to change to begin with. Im so tired and anxious right now. Its 10 at night i cant sleep, im stress eating, im watching TikTok/Youtube and i dont plan on doing my homeworks whatsoever.
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depression
|
And usually it’s my boss or anyone I highly respect. This terrifies me.
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OCD
|
ive posted a few times lately. i spoke to my friend and she sounds scared of me. she said she loves me but i dont believe her. it sounded like she was saying what she thinks it right. my emotions swing so intensely lately. my highs are usually regular, not manic , i just feel normal. but my lows are the problem. ive mentioned earlier but my lows are so deep that i become catatonic. its called adhd shutdown.
im feeling that creeping on again. im scared because my roommate left for the week yesterday. im totally alone, no one is going to check up on me. im battling suicidal thoughts and my job has a new store opening tuesday that im managing. everything is happening at a terrible time. im excited for work, but i know as soon as i am home im going to fall. im so tired of thinking. all i can think about is how terrible i am to be around and how ive ruined the last 6 years of my best friends life by making her be near me.
i dont think its fair for me to have friends while i am unmedicated. nobody should be around this. i dont want to be alone but i think its what is logical. when i think about the grand scheme i think it would be better for literally everyone except maybe my mom if i was gone. she would get over it and live the rest of her life. i dont think anyone would be too surprised or too saddened by my death. im giving it some critical thought. im not sure how i would do it. i dont want it to be messy or long.
the icky voice in my head keeps urging me. it says when you're dead then they will look at you. but i really dont think they will.
i wish someone would come pick me up and dust me off and take me to get help. i want some one to notice me.
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ADHD
|
My rapist worked at the place I ordered from so it really damaged me when I once opened the door and he was there with my food... I called the place and asked if he still worked there, the answer was no so I said 'good because he's a psychopath'. It went bit silent after that but this was my favorite place to order pizza and this psycho ruined it for me. The worst was I was so shocked I couldn't act normally so I had to give him money and accept the food he gave to me, when I shut the door I cried badly. So yeah maybe bit weird I called like this but I don't need him delivering my food.
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ptsd
|
Dissociation is not just a survival mechanism. It is a powerful way that people can control others, especially children. If someone tells your conscious mind to do something, you have a choice. You might say yes or you might say no. But if someone traumatizes you enough to dissociate you and they tell you to do something, you don’t have much of a choice. You now have an unconscious inner part who is programmed to do what they want. And until you discover it, they can get you to do it anytime by activating that part. People are purposefully using this concept in abusive families, cults, organizations and even governments. And they certainly don’t want you to know about it. So dissociative amnesia will be continually discredited, not because it’s fake, but because it is being used for horrible reasons. People will lose power if it is known by the mainstream population. Before you write this off as extreme, think about it. Why are you writing if off?
---
Source: https://beatingtrauma.com/2019/11/20/why-nobody-talks-about-dissociation/
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ptsd
|
I honestly cannot tell whether people genuinely believe in me or if they’re only saying it to make me feel better about myself. Sometimes I wonder if everyone is lying to me about my potential the way Sulley lied to Mike in Monsters University because they know to do otherwise would crush my will to live cause my ambitions are the only thing fuelling it. Best to keep the idiot with delusions of grandeur in the dark about their own incompetence so they don’t off themselves after realising they have no means of making their goals a reality, amirite? I know I should be grateful I have these people in my life at all but even admission to my dream school feels like a whole lifetime away and I’m just so depressed thinking about my goals when I can’t even make the first step a reality despite trying so hard….
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depression
|
I am currently trying to find someone for my Pod Cast, Dark Side To OCD, with OCD that was suicidal, attempted and had a near death experience. This is part of my research in helping my daughter (spoken about her before) deal with her Religious, Somatic and Sexual OCD.
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OCD
|
generally, as of now my OCD is under control to the extent that i am able to live a relatively fulfilling life. thing is, seeing other people often is very difficult as i am both an introvert in need of a lot of downtime and the line between school and home becomes blurred leading to OCD going haywire. interaction online is fine, but i dont hang out with people regularly outside of school. this isnt the only variable, but i would like to get to a point before my brain fully developes where i can interact with people normally and am not entirely socially stunted.
I am unable to engage in most activities that involve driving or going into someones house on any regular basis. are there alternatives? its already hard enough to socialise and find friends when my school is a small arts school with few people having similar interests.
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OCD
|
Hi, I’m not sure I have ADHD but I struggle to focus on things I don’t 100% absolutely am forced to focus on, like zoom calls, classes, etc. I’ve spent a lot of time online for years (high dopamine activity), so that may have something to do with it.
I notice when I am eating, I can focus on a boring teacher/video/whatever. I don’t think it’s an oral fixation, because smoking wouldn’t help. Mint/gum can help to a lesser extent.
Does anyone else experience this?
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ADHD
|
I’m 40 years old. I’ve been dealing with depression and OCD since I was 14. And 2 years ago I developed a chronic illness that’s snatched away my physical health.
I look at my life and see nothing to keep me going. No children. No partner. Not a single friend. Detached from family (for the best). I have no job. My home has been sold by the owner, and I’m so poor living on disability that in the new year I have to move 1000km away just to afford somewhere to rent (I’m not from US).
I went to University and had ‘dreams’, but have never been well enough to work. I had 6 rounds of IVF, but no children. I’m not even sure how I became this person that shit never seems to work out for. It kind of just happened gradually until there’s just a hollow.
I’ve done all the right things for my mental health over the last 25 years - Years of therapy (with a variety of styles and therapists), medications, hospital, exercise, no drugs/alcohol.
The one thing that keeps me going is my cat.
A couple of years ago the depression shifted to feeling… nothing. I just can’t care anymore. Dark emptiness.
I don’t know how to keep going. I definitely don’t know how to find the willpower to face moving, and maybe I just shouldn’t bother putting myself through it.
I’m not really looking for suggestions - I’m kind of all over where I’m at and what I ‘can/should’ do. Just being heard is enough.
|
depression
|
I currently live in NY. I tried to off myself last week. I hate life, completely going against the nature of human beings who have survived for generations. Fuck I’m so angry.
But lord driving here is gonna give me a damn stroke. I just watched a Mercedes hit his gas almost hitting me and my mother head on because he thinks he’s fucking cool and 25mph means 50 in his world. I just screamed at the top of my Fucking lungs where even he got scared when he saw it. Didn’t think “oh I’m an asshole, there’s no need to collide with this car right now.” I felt a demon come out like straight up.
45 seconds later, as I try to enter my buildings parking lot, I couldn’t, because some fucking animal decided to make the entrance of the lot his over night parking. I say he, because it’s a he, it’s the dumb fucking drug dealers who think they are Gods or something.
I grabbed my notebook and a red pen and wrote in really large letters “you’re a FUCKING ASSHOLE- ps. I should have just smashed into the side door to squeeze myself in.” I mean, full sheet of paper on the dashboard. GOOD MORNING SUNSHINE.
I fucking hate this world
|
depression
|
I set an alarm for sort of early this morning. I am fully awake now but still in bed. I have a bunch of stuff I need to do today but am feeling really overwhelmed on what to do first. I am also scared to take my adhd meds and that is my roadblock rn. I dont know if I should take them or not. Sometimes they give me a bad headache. Sometimes im scared ill take my meds one day and have a heart attack and die or something. Even though I had my heart checked out before and I was ok. Sometimes they give me bad anxiety / racing thoughts. Most of the time I am functional when I am on it and act like a normal person though. If someone can comfort me to take them or if I can at least decide I can go on with my day.
edit: I actually took my meds and I feel great I already cleaned my room and im doing laundry and im going to apply for some jobs :)
|
ADHD
|
My bf (35) and I (30) have been together a few years but we were fairly early days during covid so it was a bizarre start, and honeymoon phase, to a relationship.
Anyway, the return to 'real' life seems to have flared up his (diagnosed) OCD about our relationship, that it wasn't 'normal' and therefore not 'right'.
A few months ago was the first big breakdown, he said he didn't think he could be in a relationship at all as it was such a big weight, a tumour, a cancer, in his head. He left for days and days, but then came back distraught saying the OCD fog had lifted and of course he wanted to be with me and make it work.
But it's just happened again, and so much more severe this time. He 'is scared that I love him more than he loves me', isn't SURE that I'm the person he wants to marry and 'if he is having doubt it must not be right'. Etc etc. It all seemed so clear to me to be ROCD but he was determined that it isn't, he said he thinks this is his real feelings but. I just don't believe that.
He's left again, I don't know what to expect. Does this seem like ROCD or am I kidding myself? If it is, how on earth can I help?
|
OCD
|
I definitely feel like I have some amount of anxiety, but mostly I just don't like talking to people. It's exhausting, I get annoyed and irritated with people quickly. I feel like I'm never understood properly, so I end up getting answers or responses that don't make sense. I hate when I make a statement and someone responds like I asked a question. I also hate small talk. For example when I walk past someone at work and they try to talk to me and I don't know what to say, and I also don't care to say anything so I just sort of try to smile and nod (which is awful now because of masks). I've tried to talk to therapists and psychologists about this, but they always just tell me I have awful anxiety and I just need therapy and anxiety meds to help.
It just doesn't seem like how I feel is actually what anxiety is.
|
aspergers
|
I was diagnosed Bipolar II back in 2020, and I'm fairly certain this diagnosis was inaccurate,both myself and every person who actually knows me personally agrees that I definitely check more ADHD boxes tham anything else; my cousin who's on medication for ADHD has 90% of symptoms in common with me and yet I'm told I'm bipolar. I've been fighting this diagnosis since for almost two years now. They've put my on duloxetine in the past and now I'm on Lamotrigine and I'm at my wits end, I just spent this morning crying because I don't want to get out of bed or even wake up at all, I feel drained, empty, and hopeless most days.
|
ADHD
|
I feel pretty shitty, I think a big reason I'm only with my partner is to distract myself from my own depression. In the past I've just used videogames or huffing but when those things stopped being able to distract me from my depression that's when I started dating my partner. I am very happy with her but I do feel a bit of guilt bc of this. I've never been one to talk about my depression I don't think really anyone knows except my friend. idk what to do if anything
|
depression
|
Does anyone else have to buy tweezers, nail clippers, or the same stupid basic hygiene items over and over and over and over again? I swear I use them and someone combs my house with a metal detector at night, or there’s a crow hiding out looking for shiny objects while I’m not looking. Losing these every 3 days just does not make sense. No wonder I bite my fingernails so badly. No tools.
TBH, it’s probably in one of my 103 junk areas that I will probably never be able to tackle in my lifetime.
Anyone?
|
ADHD
|
So I've been going back and forth on whether I have some form of ocd for a while. I brought it up to my therapist yesterday during our session so she decided to test me.
But a few questions in I realized I recognized the test she was using because I had taken some self assessment tests online a few days ago, and instead of using the official DSM-5 questions she was using one of those to evaluate my symptoms. She did tell me afterwards that she used a test online, and said "I could use the DSM-5 questions I have too, but you seem to have all the symptoms." But idk it felt kinda weird to me that she did that?
It's really been messing with me, honestly, because I've been struggling to accept that I have it regardless. I felt like I was overanalyzing because most of the tests said I had a "low" or "mild" chance of having it anyway (I only got "moderate" twice, and one of the times was when she tested me) and I know I dont have it as bad as a lot of other people. So I was hoping to get some reassurance from talking to a professional. But now that I know she was literally using a test that I already did from online, I'm still having trouble with it.
Idk. Shes the first therapist I've ever been to so I'm not 100% on like what's normal, what's weird, ect. Am I just overthinking it or is this weird/a red flag?
|
OCD
|
Started off strong by bagging up and finally putting the recyclables in bags for when the waste drop off site is open tomorrow. We have so much cardboard (from moving in) that I don't know where to start. There's also my fiance's wood project cabinets that need a place to go. And random trash. And our camping gear. And our summer gardening tools. And stuff leftover from the last owner. Just such a big project and every time I start on one part I get distracted doing another then another so I'm about five percent done on everything 😅.
Gonna take a second to regroup and go down there again and just try and get the cardboard dealt with. Any tips for staying on a big task like this?
Side note, I finally called a therapist.
Side side note this sub is so wholesome and supportive and hilarious. Thanks for all being you.
|
ADHD
|
To keep it quick and simple, I have been diagnosed with ADHD in the past and I cannot take the meds as they give me psychosis so I have been raw dogging life so far and barely scraping by with my work. I also cannot get into a doctor as I don't have time and they're all packed because of COVID. Essentially what i need is advice on how to get my work done as i keep setting goals that slip through my fingers, my math grade is suffering (I am a physics major and I love math but the teacher sucks and the thought of math homework stresses me out for some reason so I end up procrastinating it and I screw myself, heck I have a calc test in 2 days and I still haven't gotten through most of the material for it and its just been sitting there while I make scratches at it), and all the usual relating to work. Essentially my work life is suffering due to me stressing out and having breaks from the attention before i hit my flow state. I should also mention that a med free life has been the best one for me as most medications have downsides that outweigh the good as I have multiple diagnosis. I also don't have anything registered with the school as I have been putting it off because I feel as though I do not need the crutches to walk which maybe I should reconsider, I do not like the feeling of being less than though and it is embarrassing to me.
Some advice I would love is the people who have been treated through behavior therapy: what habits or tips did they give you that worked? Does exercise help? Also, how do you fight through the stress that activates and makes you not do the work? I tried the Mel Robbins approach of counting down from 5 and it never worked. Also, how do you guys get into your flow states easily? I know there is a way to work up to just sitting down and turning it on but I cannot seem to get it right. I know I can do life and be successful, I just need some help from those who have had it. Thank you all in advance.
|
ADHD
|
I have ADHD and other than an autistic girl in my class I’m basically the only one with something that makes it hard to focus, anyways if someone new joins my class and for some strange reason doesn’t know what ADHD is I just say “my brain works faster than yours which doesn’t mean I’m smart it means I’m stupid faster. Oh it also makes me act
Ike an attention seeker”.
|
ADHD
|
hey everyone
i experienced serotonin syndrome today and it was wildly unpleasant. im on a high dose of wellbutrin xl and 20mg adderall xr. i talked to my doctor about decreasing the wellbutrin dosage, since it exacerbates the effects of adderall and can lead to SS.
but im wondering if anyone else has experienced this, and if so, did you just keep on taking your meds like normal the next day? im not sure if i should take a break and let my serotonin levels fall before i start again, or if i should just continue but with less wellbutrin.
any advice would be appreciated. thanks!
|
ADHD
|
From what I always read here, these things should be strengths for autistic people, not weaknesses. And apparently these are the things that cause aspies to have kinda higher IQs on average than NTs. But I am veeery bad at these kind of stuff. Does that mean that if I did a test, I'd have a low score? And what can I do to improve in these areas, without any books or anything?
|
aspergers
|
Throughout my entire life I have always felt and been a loser. I would always be alone most of my life and I have only lose friends along the way. I have lost jobs and lost opportunities and it always feels like it was out of my control. It was like fate was just telling me that I was born a loser and I should just expect to always lose at whatever I do. So now my mindset is basically beyond fucked and I know it. I cant shake this negativity from my head no matter what I do. I can't even feel anything anymore. I used to be able to cry and get angry about my unfortunate life. But now, I feel so numb . It's like I lost purpose in life and that my existence should be questioned. Why am I on this earth for, if I am just going to keep losing? Is it for other to feel better about themselves? Am I just a scapegoat for other success while I just endowed in their shadows? I dont contemplate much of suicide though because I'm actually scared to die, but also to live as well. My life is basically a paradox. I'm stuck in between living and dying in which my body feels like an empty shell. I have experienced way too many situations of true despair that it made me feel inhuman. I lost hope for myself and I cant even try anymore. I really want my family to be happy and not to rely on my happiness for their happiness. "I wish I never existed." Now that quote brings a bit of tear to my eyes. Maybe there is a part of my heart that still believes in miracle. I wish I wasn't so stuck in the past.. but that's that. Its game over, I played the part as the fool and now the curtain call. I wish I can just exit stage, but at the same time I want to be in the spotlight seeing the crowd cheer for me, for just once in my life.
|
depression
|
I've been going to this expensive flight school to become an airline pilot that my parents are contributing a lot of money into, I told them I wanted to be a pilot when I was in an aviation faze and looking back it was an impulsive decision. But now a year and a half into the program and I'm not sure if I wanna do it anymore and drop out and join the Canadian military. I feel like the military is better suited for me because it is high-intensity and very structured. How do I know if this is just not another impulsive decision and I actually wanna do it?
|
ADHD
|
im a terrible writee and im an aspie so i can't really focus on writing and there aren't many things that have happened or are happening in my life that i can talk about
i spent an hour scrolling through this sub. i must stop this
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aspergers
|
I feel at rock bottom right now. Any kind words will help me get through this night. Thank you.
|
OCD
|
So sometimes when i'm alone, usually watching tv i may start to bite my fingers and the palm/wrist, i'm not biting hard enough to cause any damage, but i'm just curious if anyone does this too
|
aspergers
|
I experienced a pretty dramatic romantic betrayal that left my brain completely associating sexual arousal with this person.
I feel disgusted with my body becoming aroused and become very agitated that those feelings are so completely tied to this person who hurt me so badly. I cry whenever I orgasm, which is as rare as I can make it.
I feel like I’m soiled and I can’t relate to anyone. Sex feels incredibly heavy, and incredibly emotionally dangerous. Anything to do with it sends me into every classic feeling of inadequacy, pain, and disgust, and all the feelings of self-punishment after.
Has anyone gone through therapy for this? I feel trapped. I just want to be free of this so bad.
|
ptsd
|
I've started to take Ritalin again after many years off and it really allowed me to study for my exams, I basically didn't study without it, but know I'm facing the same problems I had in the past. While I'm within the effects off the meds, I feel productive and have energy, but when it wears off, I'm a total mess. I get depressed, paranoid sometimes, anxious, I keep getting into fights with everyone. When I'm off, I get worse than I was before, I don't know what to do.
It feels like my only two choices are not doing my tasks ever and staying on day on my cellphone, but feeling like myself, or take the meds and staying productive and great but only until the meds effect stops. I've tried Concerta and Vyvanse in the past and the same thing happens. Maybe on a lower dose of 5mg I could still get the benefits without too much side effects, but only 5mg doesn't give me enough attention as I would like.
What are your experiences with using the meds long term, will I get used to the side effects after a few months? I'm willing to hang on to see if my body will get used to it, but I can't stand to be this way for too long. My girlfriend is already complaining that I've changed the last two weeks and that I'm more anger and picking fights.
TLTR: Ritalin helps with executive function but leaves me a mess on everything else. Will the side effects get better?
|
ADHD
|
So yesterday I was watching just a regular video and then I had a thought what if the woman turned into a demon/ weird thing , I actually forced myself to visualise it and now my heads convincing me that I saw it in real life and that I have hallucinated although yesterday I knew I never actually saw it in my eyes as that would be terrifying. But now my head is honestly set on me having schizophrenia and that it’s just gonna get worse and worse and I’m really scared, I have so Much anxiety right now and I’m honestly scared
I was so sure that I didn’t see this and let me just telll u that I have been diagnosed with ocd, but how can I let go of this, I could be going crazy and I could soon start to hear stuff and see stuff all the time, I’m so scared
Deep down I know I didn’t see anything, I don’t even remember what I saw in the first place that’s how I know this ain’t real ( this happened yesterday) but what if I did hallucinate ?
I’m gonna have a bad life and I might as well kill myself
I am already really depersonalised and dissociative atm, so I already feel not real and this is making me feel even more fucked up
Even tho this hasn’t happened and I’m sure it hasn’t (%100 )
If this did happen it could be because of my medication ( beta blockers) and they can cause milled hallucinations
But saying that I know it didn’t happen and I legit put something in my notes about this thought not happening and I knew it was gonna cause a false memory about this
Trust me my false memories are so convincing, I was convinced my cat bit my eye and that I knocked my eye out. This obviously isn’t true or anything and also I was convinced I fell of a building once and this obviously didn’t happen. My false memories are so conving
But honestly it’s the anxiety that makes it feel more real, soon as I get the hit of anxiety it all feels like the thoughts are real although I know none of this shit happened
My last ocd topic was Hocd- then harm ocd and now physcosis ocd
And this is scary because I don’t hear or see anything but what if I did
|
OCD
|
I'm self-employed. I run a Youtube channel, and I absolutely hate it. But that's not because of the job. The job itself is fantastic. I work my own hours. I'm completely in control of what I do. I get to make people laugh and inform them about things they might not know about. And on the weekends, I play video games with my patrons. I can't think of a job that's better suited for me, and I hate it. I hate it so much. Every time I sit down to do any aspect of it, it hurts. It's physically painful (and I mean that literally, but I probably don't have to tell you that considering the sub we're on). Whether I'm trying to write a script or edit a video or film something or just come up with ideas, my brain puts up a wall and says that I'm not allowed to do it. Every time I try to psych myself up and get ready for work, it feels like I'm trying to convince myself to jump in a pool full of sewing needles. There's so much resistance from my brain that you'd think I was trying to strangle a puppy instead of trying to do my job. I haven't put out a video in about six months.
I had a roommate until the first of this month. She got into a serious relationship and decided to move in with him, which is totally reasonable. I probably got plenty of notice, but my brain isn't good with time, so it feels like she just left one day and left me having to pay twice as much money as I would normally have to pay. My income was fine when I was only having to pay for half of the expenses. Now, I'm making about 300 dollars per month less than I need to be making and my savings are dwindling fast. I know that I'm going to go totally broke if I don't start putting out content (and fast), but I can't do it. I just can't. I try. Every day, I go to my desk and I open my tablet and I try to write a script. Or I go to a coffee shop. Or my kitchen. Or the park. I try to write in a notebook instead of on the computer. I put in earplugs. Or I listen to white noise. I go for a run first, or I take a nap first, or I fucking stab myself with a push-pin first. It doesn't matter. Nothing gets my brain to believe that this is actually serious and that it needs to start letting me do what I need to do. I just break down crying for no goddamned reason. Because I'm a baby who can't even do her dream job right.
And I'm really trying to be kind to myself. I know that I have a serious disease, and that that doesn't mean I'm broken or anything like that. But it's hard not to panic a little when the serious disease is letting me get a hair's breadth away from eviction. I've got maybe two months' savings left, and after that, I don't know what I'm going to do. Even if I start making biweekly videos again today, it's not like my Patreon and my standing with the Almighty Algorithm are going to recover enough in two months to let me pay bills.
And god knows I'm not going to be able to hold down another job. I'm incredibly proud of myself just for submitting applications. For weeks, all I could do was look at the website and break down into a sobbing puddle, and I don't know why. The idea of having to do something destroys me. Of having to be on a schedule that I didn't choose. It wrecks me. I got hired at one of those websites that does stupid top ten lists and quit before I started, even though I knew I needed the money. Like, needed the money. Like, I'm rationing groceries because I can't afford to eat and pay rent. All because I broke down into a hysterical sobbing fit trying to think of the Top Five Times Tony Stark Made Us Laugh (and Five Times he Didn't!). And that was a job that was completely under my control! If I had to work according to someone else's schedule, like at a grocery store or a factory or anything where I have to spend hours and hours every day making money for someone else, I couldn't take it. I've tried.
I've tried medicines. Adderall. Wellbutrin. Strattera. I've had sleep studies done. Vitamin deficiencies treated. I've been to six therapists. Nothing helps. I've been talking with my current therapist about going on disability for a while, just until I can get myself under control and find a way to work consistently. She says it's possible, but that it's incredibly hard to get disability for ADHD if you were diagnosed as an adult, and basically impossible if you did well in school. So I guess graduating with a 4.0 actually did affect my life somehow after all.
EDIT: This is normally an NSFW throwaway account, so don't check out my profile looking for other posts like this one. Or looking for pictures, because there aren't any of those either.
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ADHD
|
Its all over now and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it but I still ruminate over what people have done to me. It feels so illogical because thinking about it isn't going to undo it and I am torturing myself by reliving my pain over and over again.
​
Logic brain =/= PTSD brain
​
I am far away from my abusers and they can never hurt me again but I am still afraid. Even the guy who hurt me lives hundreds of miles away but I still sleep with a knife. I still have nightmares regarding men and sex and people controlling me. I still have nightmares of abuse from "treatment" even though it is all long over.
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ptsd
|
so i went to seek help from a psychiatrist early this year and im currently on medication as prescribed. so far, i wouldn't say the meds are working wonderfully but i think it does have effect and i see a slight change in behaviour but im still trying hard to avoid doing my rituals for a long period of time and honestly i think my family are not very supportive of my tiny steps. they often shout at me and scold me saying things like "you're still washing your hands so much you are not recovering at all!" , "why do you need to take meds anyway if its not working you should stop taking them" , " just don't think about it and do it quickly you don't have to wash your hands for so long! " its like they think i can just stop having these intrusive thoughts whenever i want to and disregard the anxiety that comes with it and its so frustrating and stressful to me !! does anyone relate to this??
|
OCD
|
Let's face it, we aspies are pretty used to rejection - so much so that it can cloud our interactions with others. For me, I've become a ball of anxiety and am constantly looking for signs that someone is rejecting me, and constantly monitoring how I think I'm being perceived moment-to-moment.
But this is an unhealthy state that we can get into. Constant hyperanalyisis of other people's emotional reactions to us causes us to develop social anxiety and not be able to connect with people.
One thing that can help is to create a list of things to look out for to know when someone isn't interested in hanging out or being friends. I know for me, having a schematic will help lessen the overanalysis of looking for signs that people don't like us...signs that we read poorly anyway.
A first sign would be empty promises to hangout, or when people say that they want to hang out but are always mysteriously "busy" whenever you try to do so. What else might be added?
|
aspergers
|
So, about a year ago, in my sophmore year of college, I lived in an apartment with three other people that I had bonded with virtually over the pandemic. We weren't best friends, and we had plenty of our differences, but I thought I had made some quality company to share a living space with during a socially isolated time.
However, things started getting dysfunctional once we moved in. I was noticeably weak at doing chores and carrying my own weight, repeatedly leaving dishes in the sink and forgetting to wash them. When reprimanded for this, I suggested a chore chart or delegating tasks to different roommates on different days, to work around my executive functioning issues, but they just shot the idea down and said "just do the dishes when you finish using them," as if I could just willpower my way through it.
About two weeks in, I found out that one of my roommates had been posting demeaning comments about my inability to do the dishes on their social media, the shock of which triggered a crying, sobbing meltdown in my room. I said things to her that I really regret now, especially when she claimed that this was about my privelege, not my mental illness. It is true that my parents never made me do chores growing up, and that we had hired help to do the harder work like cleaning toilets and making beds, but I don't think it negates my struggles with executive functioning and tasks.
As the pandemic dragged on, my coping mechanisms began to break down, especially after we were put in quarantine. I stopped taking my adhd meds and became even messier, leaving stuff in the common area, forgetting to take out the trash, hoarding dishes and cups in my room (my best attempt at not filling up the sink). At one point my roommate wanted us all to do a deep clean of the apartment, and I got assigned to clean the toilet, which I just... didn't do. I didn't have the courage to admit that I had no idea how to clean one and I didn't know where to start, but I guess I was also just extremely depressed and lazy at that point and didn't think it was worth the effort.
I ended up leaving the apartment in the middle of the year because I saw that I was dysfunctional and making things uncomfortable for everyone around me. I felt like that was the most responsible decision I could make at the time. But then I found out they were still making social media posts mocking me.
Was I just being entitled and lazy or was this behavior understandable given the circumstances? Should I have argued for the chore chart more assertively instead of giving it up after they shot it down? I keep beating myself up over this whole situation and I can't tell how in the wrong I was and if I should apologize
TL;DR - I failed at chores/keeping track of them, roommates accused me of being privleged, I feel shitty
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ADHD
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Submitted for your approval, does anyone have a recommendation for a good planner book?
I need something that I can write my daily, weekly, monthly to do's along with organizing my thoughts and ideas. Kinda of like a planner, journal, idea keeper.
I would like something small that I can keep at my desk or backpack.
Thanks for any assistance.
Edit: Because, well... Add. Something I can put notes, lists, ect.
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ADHD
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I have 6 days until a final for my math class; I have an F in the class, and after multiple one-on-one tutoring sessions, I mastered 3 of the 30 or 40 concepts we learned. I've been attending an after-school final prep class for the last month, and retained almost nothing. Lately, I've been spending anywhere between 4 and 12 hours trying to review things, only to leave with no new knowledge. Just half a page of notes copied from a video.
Right now, I think a C or D on the final is tangible, if I choose the right things to study. Has anyone pulled something like this off? What methods did you use? I'll appreciate any help!
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ADHD
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Nothing give me any pleasure or joy anymore. Everyday I go to the gym, go to work, then I go to sleep and repeat. I see no happiness in my future and i’m exhausted of this shitty world. I have been on multiple different antidepressants and none of them have helped. I’m on a new one and if I don’t see any improvement there is no way I can keep going. No therapist, psychiatrist, or anyone I have reached out to has helped me. The only reason I’m still here is for my girlfriend and ending my life would hurt her so much. Nobody I’ve spoken with understands the absolute torment I go through in my mind constantly. Each and every day is a challenge and I can’t keep doing it.
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depression
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I’m feeling like a child 24/7 and it’s really terrifying. I don’t know what to do.
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ptsd
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