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I am always scared of confident people that are reserved or just not very down to earth. It's harder to muster the right words and think straight. While people that seem nervous or someone you feel "above" in a social hierarchy is easier to speak with. Anyone who feel like this?
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aspergers
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Head wants bad things happen to me and it should just happen so that I don't have to worry about it anyone else too?
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OCD
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I was depressed for years. Tried about fifteen different antidepressant and anxiety medications over the years. They don't work for me. I've made plans to kill myself and tried once. Turned to illicit drugs. Got worse, ended up committed etc etc.
I needed a purpose I believed in, I had to learn to do things my body and mind are screaming at me to avoid. I had to learn to stay in the moment and do the next best thing. Take time every day for reflection and checking yourself. I take ashwaganda supplements which help greatly and I experiment with other nootropics like racetams which help you but 100 percent the thing that I know I need to do every day to stay mentally healthy is stay physical healthy. I need to get exercise. That was my magic pill. If you're reading this in bed get up, stretch, do some jumping jacks, go for a walk, find a workout video you like on YouTube. If you are disabled you have to do what you can. Anything with your body and your mind. Learn something new. Depression is lack of purpose and mine is too stay healthy and find more positive goals.
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depression
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so i was having dark intrusive thoughts, cause i saw a post on reddit i didn't click into, that had very dark gorey sexual trigger warnings in the title. i saw it like two weeks ago, i pushed it into the back of my mind. but when i remembered it this morning while having harm ocd towards myself. i got a weird groinal response, this was after a full night of no sleep. i was anxious so then i went to bed.
when i woke up i kinda forgot for a minute or two then it came rushing back in, so then i thought if i masturbate to something else it will cancel out the thoughts, cause it sometimes works like that for me. i probably should stop cause it does backfire.
but it's more of a " see i don't like these thoughts, kind of thing. i feel somewhat better but the dark thoughts are still ruminating, what should i do?
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OCD
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And I don’t mean imagining us *playing* or even us *as* the characters. I mean us as ourselves actually going through that same thing.
Anyone else?
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aspergers
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Any help with organization/learning in a college setting?
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aspergers
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Ive got probably every kind of thoughts, never been at psychologist, too scared to tell someone bout it. Im overthinking all day. Every fkin day i just think bout dis thoughts and that makes me anxeious as hell all day, anxiety also gives me derealisation. I dont really think it affects my social conditions. I'm very happy when I'm at school, with friends but when Im at home then i start to fighting with my mind all day. I just want to stop thinking bout it. When im trying to stop thinking then the thoughts coming all day and im full of it..between 13 and 15 my ocd dissapeared (i remembered my old ocd but at time i didnt know that i have that bitch) Then i was watching movie bout pedophiles and it gives me terrible thoughts. I started think that im psycho and start googling. Then i found that i have ocd. Now its almost 2 years and still fighting with this shit. I feel so full, like my brain would explode any minute, feel so guilty bout every fkin obsession ive had. Sometimes i just think bout end it all but i know i wouldnt do that but anyway, im lost. Could someone please help me? I dont know what to do anymore..
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OCD
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Hey! I'm 20 years old and iv spent near enough every day of my life battling through my mental health problems... getting this far has been tough as hell, and even though I'm still young I feel like Iv been through a thousand wars to get here...
A while ago I decided to myself that I wouldn't have kids to risk putting them through the same issues I have had to face...
I was curious to know if this is a common veiw for people with similar problems to me, is there anyone else who feels this way?
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aspergers
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I was diagnosed with ADD in my junior year of college, along with a generalized anxiety disorder, and recently found that Strattera was very helpful in combating my symptoms. When I started taking it during my first year of graduate school, I found that I was able to keep up with more basic tasks and felt generally more fulfilled, but I was also less interested in my studies. For a long time, physics made me feel as though I could actually achieve something in my life despite my ineptitude in everything else. Now that I'm taking Strattera, I suddenly can do all these things that I couldn't do before, and suddenly physics doesn't hold as much interest for me anymore. But, I am currently in a prestigious program to study physics, and if I leave I will feel like a failure. If anyone has any advice, I would love to hear it.
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ADHD
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Hi everyone, thanks in advance to whoever reads this. I was diagnosed with bipolar II about a month and a half ago. On August 1st (only 2 days after my medication dosage was increased), I was mauled by a dog at work. Granted it’s a work-related risk as I am a Veterinary Assistant - but this was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. The pet was doing that plucky puppy thing where they jump up to bite the leash. He wasn’t growling, or barking, or showing teeth ... as a matter of fact, he was wagging his tail (which yes, I know, does not always mean happiness). Suddenly, he went up for the leash (or so I thought), and got my arm. Then he bit my ankle, knocked me over, bit my inner thigh, and finally my breast. I was sent back to work light-duty a day and a half later, and have been working ever since. Every time we have a big aggressive dog come in now, I can feel myself having trouble breathing. My heart rate quickens, and I get a weird tunnel vision sensation. Not like I’m passing out, but almost as if the entire world around me (including sounds) gets loud and bright, than suddenly everything starts fading out (like portrait mode on the iPhone). I do have an anti-anxiety med that my doctor gave me when I saw her after I was attacked. It helps. But I’m just confused, am I experiencing PTSD? If so, what can I or should I do?
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ptsd
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How do u tell if its an OCD thought? Is it when it feels real but u dont feel like u did it and then u start to keep thinking that u did it but u feel like u didnt at the same time and then u get a headache from thinking much and then u doubt urself and wanna smash ur head like a watermelon? Does anyone feel the same like me ;-;
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OCD
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Just wondering if anyone has any experience taking Prozac , much appreciated
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depression
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Honestly I don't know what to do with myself at this point, and it just keeps wearing me down. I don't know what happened to me that just made my brain basically shut off completely while I've been trying to go through college but I do know that it's been maybe a good month or two of this.
To clarify, I (20m) haven't been able to study, absorb, memorize almost any of my class materials. Granted, it depends on if I like the class as I've done better in my labs and my psychology course. It also helps that that course had an open written note policy the entire semester along with my biology class (surprise surprise I also have a good score there too). Anyway, I just took my calculus 2 exam and I completely failed. Like horrendously got a 15% bad. I just don't know what went wrong to where I couldn't even learn anything in the class. Maybe it was too fast paced, I have no idea. My recitation TA honestly was able to help me a little, but I could never get myself together to go ask for tutoring or go to office hours. That's been a struggle for me too, I just can't get myself to plan it out....
Well I fear I might've just caused myself to fail this calc course as I was hanging on by a C. This was already my 2nd time doing this course with a new professor although equally as condescending (wtf is up with that btw) and I really just don't want to do a 3rd. I already know I'm going to bomb my Ochem 2 course because I'm nowhere near a C. If I could actually drill in the materials I would but I just look at the study materials blankly every time. I forget the small assignments we have because it's not listed on canvas. I just don't know why everything has come to a halt.
I don't want to take another semester off, I don't want my parents to take me out of this next semester and force me to transfer even though I basically have to afterwards anyway since I'm out of state and they always complain about money (so how was the Thanksgiving cruise y'all went on you fucks). ...I'm just lost and I don't know what to do. Call me stubborn for not wanting to change my major aka biochemistry but I really love being in labs and doing hands on work. I just hate these mandatory courses that I can barely focus/wrap my head around because they're of little interest to me.
Advice would be useful if anyone feels like offering, I also really like anecdotal stories if anyone can relate. As of right now I'm "unmedicated" (I do take buproprion but it hasn't been helping in a while, just can't get myself to make an appointment for that ffs...) and undiagnosed although my therapist has practically given me a 'yeah you have this' but can't sign off on it without like another set of eyes n ears of course.
TLDR; College student struggles with blank mind/ learning as a whole and absolutely bombed a calc 2 final leading to a potential failure for the class as well as yet another mental breakdown.
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ADHD
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im trying nac and inositol right now and having good results, but should i add 5htp and , l theanine for maximum effect? anybody got experience with these? and what about ashwaganda
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OCD
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Hey, I’ve never posted before and I don’t have OCD myself but my SO does. I use this subreddit to better understand him and help with what I can. Anywho, I use to smoke regularly and my SO wants to try for the first time. I don’t know if that would be a good idea based on his OCD, and I was wondering yalls experience with it. And if something bad does go down, how could I help him through it? He has more of a compulsion based OCD if that makes any sense. He asked my opinion and if I think he should do it, and I just wanna make sure I’ve got everything covered and I’m ready to help if he decides to try it. Thank y’all so much.
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OCD
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One of my worst triggers is crunchy food like chips and popcorn, and today at 9:15 a.m., somebody in our office decided to make popcorn for themselves (is morning popcorn a thing? This is the second person I’ve seen do this here).
Of course our meeting began right when he started loudly eating, and one of my tics when I’m triggered like that is so hit my hands together, so I hit my fist into the palm of my hand and it made a loud clap.
My boss was in the middle of something and stopped what she was saying to be like “oh? what’s up?” As I was embarrassingly saying oh I just think there’s a lot of sound she must’ve thought I clapped because she was giving credit to someone. So it worked out but felt like a crisis averted and I don’t think anyone thought anything of it.
Just wanted to share that story that it’s not always worst case scenario but I wish I knew how to tell people I’m on the spectrum and/or physically do not respond well to certain sounds without being ostracized like I usually am (mocked, people purposely crunch loud and say “like this?” when I confess). It would help me avoid those incidents. Got a nice rock in to get through the meeting.
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aspergers
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# Hi everyone. First time posting here; look forward to meeting you all.
**Decided to post here; don’t know if I have ADHD or not**
***Not a good writer; poorly expresses thoughts, not sure where/how to use appropriate grammar, but i need to get this off my chest.***
I feel like I was cursed from birth. I’m an atheist, but if there’s a “God”, then I feel like they have favorites.
Definitely landed on the wrong side of the field. Seems like I inherited all of the bad qualities (stupid, procrastinator, ugly, unable-to-focus, slow).
I’m terrible in school. Had a class that started on Monday; already behind where I want to be. I just recently got an F in a class because of procrastination. I tell myself “things will change and will be super organized” then with due time, I go right back to my old habits. I’ve mainly got C’s over my college career (2nd year community college student).
**I’m not sure how to end this post…**
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ADHD
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Sometimes I just wonder who I would be if I wasn’t stuck in survival mode all of the time. I have talents but have only gotten so far with them because my attention is on my anxiety/panic attacks/depression. Who would I have been if I would have grown up in a safe nurturing environment? Sometimes I don’t want to think about that as it depresses me..I can’t help but wonder though and feel like I want all of me back!! Anger will not do any good though..so I can only be kind and nurturing to myself from now on...come back lost me 😢
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ptsd
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So I was supposed to graduate in 2017 but ended up having a mental breakdown and kinda dropped out. I did hospital homebound the following year, completed a singular class, and promptly shut down after which the remaining two teachers removed me from said classes due to not doing the work [severely depressed and am also god-awful at math]
It took until 2020 to start being able to function a bit more like my pre-burnout self but I still can't get out of it. In those years i've developed new problems [fear of riding in moving vehicles for longer than 45 minutes, social anxiety is slowly morphing into agoraphobia, paranoia's getting worse] and I don't feel motivated. Regarding my lack of motivation, the only motivation i've ever had for most of my life so far was that I wanted to make my parents proud of me, one of which is a narcissist, and that's it. Never wanted to drive. I hate the idea of money and what it does to people. Can't imagine slaving away at a job without burning out all over again and nothing captures my interest enough to seem worth exiting my mental world willingly. It feels like i'm just a daydreaming child in a 22 year old body
I know there are more issues at work here than just being on the spectrum but even if I get those other kinks worked out I still wouldn't know how to move past the burnout. Like god damn, it took 3 years the last damn time to even be slightly ok
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aspergers
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I (19F) have always been terrified to end up how my mother did. She is such a creative person, who had hopes and dreams from a young age. She has drive, but had to settle. After a few years, she finally just gave up. Now she lives an average life, maybe a bit below an average life. She has three bio children (including me) and is married to a good man. But her house. It’s horrible. It was disgusting all the time. She never liked cleaning or taking care of things. She doesn’t have a job now, and she seems to live the same day over an over.
I’ve never known a life without my depression. Despite this, I had drive and was constantly chasing my dreams. But lately it’s become too much to handle. I dropped out of school, even though I was supposed to finish in April. My partner and I are moving in together soon, but we will have to live with their mom until we can find a place. We both just got new jobs, so we are waiting for our paystubs to come in for proof of income before we can apply anywhere.
For the last 5 months I’ve had a friend living with me to get out of her very bad household. I feel like she kind of ruined me. She’s moved out now, only because I have to get rid of my things and put them in storage. The couch won’t be in the living room anymore, which is where she would sleep. She made me feel like a rehab center. If you look at my last posts, they’ll explain in more detail.
I haven’t been able to go to the doctors to get treatment because I won’t be able to get on insurance for a few months, and my medication was costing an arm and a leg. I couldn’t afford it. So now i’m off my meds for depression, but I also have a very severe case of hypothyroidism. The hypothyroidism is most definitely a factor in my depression, because my doctors treated me like a guinea pig and were constantly changing it with no reason to. I understand that your levels change, but the thing is is that they would change my medication when they wouldn’t even check my levels at all. It’s hard to not give out too many personal details to better explain. But essentially, I’m unable to take my medications at the moment on top of the only medication I CAN take is making it worse. But with the very little they give me is most certainly better than nothing. I tried talking to them about it but they blamed all the problems I was having on my other meds. Told my psychiatrist what they said, and he told me what I was on had NONE of the affects they were claiming. I tried to schedule my next appointment only to discover they shut down.
I know I’m young, but it feels like I am running out of time to make my life less than average. I am so scared of having a boring life. I have had the same dream for so long, but I decided I wanted to outside my other dream but it has been way too difficult to focus on my future career when I am already stressed about moving and telling my family about school. I am so scared I am going to disappoint them, because they expected me to do amazing things that I just don’t feel like I can do right now. I feel like the fear is so strong that I’m caving into myself.
Anyway, the reason I made this post is because I think I want to kill myself. I just have this horrible feeling I am never going to be better than average, and if I am unsuccessful I would rather kill myself now than live a few more years feeling like this. I think I just needed to vent. I’m sorry for the novel, and even if I don’t get any replies and you read this, thank you. Just feeling like someone acknowledges this it makes me feel seen.
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depression
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My boyfriend and I are watching The Witcher right now and it jumps around in time and focuses on different groups involved in a big war. Kind of like Game of Thrones. He had to explain to me “ok. They just mentioned ____, who is dead in the other timeline. So what does that tell you about THIS timeline?” “..It’s before!” “Yes!”
A lot of times I’m like, how am I supposed to remember all these names and places and timelines; they’re not like real names and it shifts around without telling you. You have to play detective and sleuth your way through
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ADHD
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Hello, I'm trying to find more sensory triggers to stay grounded. At certain times, all of these will work, but not always.
Music, smoking weed, and being in a car when it rains. These are really the only three things I've noticed a pattern with, but I'm trying to stay mindful and pay attention for others.
The way my dissociation manifests is me detaching from sensory the most. (this might be normal, I've never heard about it talked about like this though) I also have a lot of anxiety/fear around being touched by other people.
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ptsd
|
I am almost 30 years old, have a family along with an amazing daughter, and started school for the first time in my life.
At first it was fine I had some homework but nothing I couldn't deal with. This year is a totally different story though. I started two math classes that are required and this is all online due to the pandemic and crap. Because of this my math teacher are throwing so much homework on me that I can barely keep up anymore. I am diagnosed with autism and schizophrenia which is probably not helping my stress any.
I have to work a full time job to care for my family and afford to actually live, I have to spend time with my family, and have to somehow deal with all of this homework that they are dumping on me. I am watching my grade slowly drop (the last 2 years I had straight As and was doing perfect!).
This is to much anymore and I am sinking back into my depression and anxiety. I have debated on just dropping out and going back to my old shit jobs...I may hate them but at least It was not this stressful. My dream job was to become a full IT and not just helping out. But at this point I am at the breaking point.
My partner and daughter are starting to notice and it makes me feel worse....I really just do not know what to do anymore. I literally do not have enough time in the week to deal with everything at once.
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depression
|
So got diagnosed 9 years ago with General Anxiety disorder. From then been on loads of different SSRI, SNRI, beater blockers etc they kind of worked but kind of didn’t, then 4 years ago I got diagnosed with ADD and started Ritalin 30mg a day. I was still taking citalopram 20mg a day at this point too. Things were good for the first few years and then the Ritalin just wasn’t working. I decided to stop all my medication slowly to see how I felt, things were hard but okay.
I got a reassessment for ADHD and was diagnosed again with ADHD and was put on elvanse 30mg a day which made me angry and emotional. Come off the elvanse and now I am full anxiety and crying a lot. Nearly quit my degree, quiz my new house with my girlfriend and nearly walked off into the wilderness. So now back on citalopram 10mg a day.
Anyone have any similar experiences or anything ? No idea what to think cause things don’t make sense.
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ADHD
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Is one supposed to wash down there with soap and water? And what way would be the most hygienic?
The idea of lathering up my hands with soap and just going to town is NOT appealing (triggering to even think about honestly), but I also don’t like the idea of using the same washcloth/loofah that I wash the rest of my body with to clean my butt. I literally cannot see a scenario where cleaning my butt won’t lead to germs getting either all over my hands, body, or all over some gross washrag.
I know it’s my OCD that’s making me obsess over this, but I would also appreciate some advice on how to approach this question. How do people normally clean their butts, if they even do it at all?
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OCD
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Loneliness referring to lack of meaningful relationships. Thats where im (23m) currently at in life, and have been so for the past 7yrs. I only learnt of my aspergers diagnosis 1month ago.
Does having a pet dog(s) help feel like you have family/meaningful relationships?
Or maybe a cat or other pet.
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aspergers
|
Over the last month, my requirements and tests have piling up, turning into a ridiculously long list. So, during that time I've been very anxious and everytime I attempt to do them, my mind goes blank and my focus just goes to the dumpster. I'm on medication (ritalin) for about 2(?) weeks now and before yesterday, I've only felt a little burst of motivation from them, but not a lot, so still i was unable to do my requirements.
Yesterday, i started a task that I put off for a month, and was able to finish it. After that, i did another task and i was able to finish it. I felt super proud of myself even though for some it may just be normal or nothing to be proud of. This day, I was able to finish 3 tasks, and just now, i finished the fourth. I just feel really proud of myself, and somehow I wanted to share it here, as as much as i want to tell my friends about my accomplishement, i feel too ashamed as they've finsihed them weeks ago.
Anyway, even though my list is still long and intimidating, I'm still super proud of myself :DD And on another note, to everyone that is struggling and having the same problem as me, you can do it!!! i believe in you!! I'm cheering everyone on and I hope that we can get pass this situations together :]]
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ADHD
|
So, I took some time off from school (again) due to mental health difficulties. I withdrew from all of my courses in the middle of this semester because I was really going through it. One of the courses I was taking had a semester-long group project, which almost kept me from withdrawing this semester because I felt guilty leaving my group members hanging but I had to do what was best for my health. Anyways, I offered to finish the parts I had been working on up until I withdrew, but let them know I needed some time to myself before I would get that done. Now, the project is due next week and the girls I was working with are upset with me that I haven’t given them my parts. I had honestly completely forgotten about it because I’ve been working hard to get better mentally, and it was never my intention to put them in a bad spot. But now I need to get them my stuff by pretty much today or they’re gonna hate me even more and I’m having one of those days where I want to put my energy into anything but that. I don’t even attend the school anymore and I’m not getting any credit for the material, just didn’t wanna fuck anyone over.
Edit: I prioritized getting it done today and did it with the effort it deserved! I also used the momentum I had going to tackle some other tasks I’ve been putting off for weeks-months. Thanks everyone for the advice and brutal honesty, I needed it
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ADHD
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I can hardly keep from spoiling myself when reading. It’s pretty annoying trying to fight that urge to peek ahead when reading at an exciting point in the story. Maybe it has something to do with that dopamine hit from the instant gratification. Makes reading longer books a pain too in combination with the fact im thinking about other things too completely unrelated to the story.
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ADHD
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People with Asperger Syndrome are infamous for its unbelievable ability to understand someone's intent with something as simple as posing muscular arms to show they are threatening to beat you up. However one of the complains about modern society is how many young men are becoming socially inadequate in communication that subtle changes in tone of voice are difficult now.
I mean so many men have difficulty for example looking for a female partner who is interested through gestures. Which makes me wonder if asperger is more prevalent in modern generations?
Adding more to why as this- a lot of normal people have already been clinically diagnosed as NT. Yet they have so much difficculty reading body gestures, tone of voice, etc to learn indirect communication esp non-verbal.
I mean plenty of neckbeardish people are classified as NT and no Aspie (even f nerdy subcultures do attract more autistic people than the general populace) is why I ask this.
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aspergers
|
Recently went through a break up because of my anger and memory problem related to PTSD. I'm stuck in life right now and don't know what to do. I'm being judged by people and it's my fault for acting up. I feel no one wants to be around me. I literally have no one. I have some friends but it's not what I expected. I'm stuck I life and want to get my GED and become a nurse anything to do in the medical field. I wanna study pharmacology and currently know alot about it. I set goals but I forget to easily anyone feel like this? I'm 26 and running out of options. I also have almost constant suicidal thoughts and violent thoughts. No one wants to be around that. I have self help books and therapist and doctors and oh almost forgot possible autism. Just waiting to get diagnosed.
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ptsd
|
I made a list of things to do and I’ve been checking the actions off as I go. I struggle with wanting to do anything and just sitting in bed doing deep dives of useless info, but not today. I made my list last night!
I’m “choosing my hard”! It’s hard for me to be productive, because I kinda wanna lay there and think about all the things I’ve done wrong/pure random shìt and that makes me feel worthless. I usually feel low energy, but I feel pretty okay today being productive. I showered, brushed my teeth, gave my dog a bath, changed sheets, washed clothes, put away clothes, and went to a meeting. This is the most I’ve done in a long time.
I might become a list girl in the future, this feeling of crossing off items on the list feels like a game and has my interest
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ADHD
|
I’m newly diagnosed and still figuring out how to understand my OCD without searching for reassurance.
Ever since I was very young I was deathly afraid of getting in trouble. Getting in trouble with the teachers was a great fear of mine and this has stayed with me until now where I am afraid of being told off by librarians or getting negative feedback on an essay. I ruminate over past occurrences where people told me off even for the smallest things.
(I wasn’t disciplined physically but I’ve witnessed these punishments in daily life at a young age)
Could this be a symptom of OCD or a separate issue I need to deal with?
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OCD
|
Just kinda tired of it, been out of work 6+ years, trying to do stuff but nothing gives me joy and then mom comes out with this, just hurts.
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depression
|
Good morning guys,
I would like to explain my situation a little. I have OCD (Pure-O) and lately, I'm noticing that I'm going down.
Normally I handle this very well, but yesterday I felt like I'm at my limits. I even cried next to my girlfriend and everything.
Lately, all my thoughts are focused on work, money, and losing my girlfriend (ROCD/Jealous).
I work in a finance company and am the front office manager. The company has recently opened so much of my time has nothing to do. I invent work, and as I'm alone in the office (future colleagues will arrive) I start to doubt if this is really where I should be. I'm at a point where I'm afraid of getting fired every day, so I'm constantly taking courses, feeling productive so that at the end of the day I don't feel like I'm being fired.
Then comes finances. More and more it seems that money consumes me. I am spared, and as I saw that my brother-in-law needed a computer, I decided to buy one myself and sold him mine. But since the Computer arrived I feel so bad for having done it that I seem to lose the will to play games, watch movies, series, etc. As if I suddenly hated what I did. I don't know how to get rid of this feeling honestly, the PC is beautiful but I feel full of anxiety as soon as I look at it.
Losing a girlfriend I've managed to deal with, but it's been horrible so much intrusive thinking.
​
Conclusion: I don't know if it's depression, burnout, but I feel EXHAUSTED. And look, I do exercise all the way. I feel tired of all the pressure I put on myself because of work, I feel like I need a vacation, I feel like I need a rest, but these thoughts just keep coming out of my head. As much as I accept them, they come back...
I don't know what to do to feel good...
Some advice?
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OCD
|
How do y’all deal with ptsd and anxiety when at work?? Pls help
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ptsd
|
Hello! Fellow aspergers/HFA diagnosed person here!
I just got out of and mostly over a 5 year relationship. My first. Im trying to get back in the swing of things. BUT I honestly have little clue on how to initiate dating. I never had much practice asking people out.
I have my mind on asking somebody, but I'm terrified I'll make myself look like a fool by doing something like asking someone in a relationship out or have another similar issue when asking. I've stuck to things like Bumble, Tinder, etc, but I think IRL asking would work better.
I am fine with rejection, and am welcome to it. I'm just afraid more of looking like a fool for not knowing the unknown. Anyone else feel similar?
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aspergers
|
i dont wanna self diagnose but i think i have real event ocd and i cant stop myself from feeling guilty over past mistakes or even recent mistakes that may seem small to other people but theyre pretty big to me that sometimes it just makes me wanna die because of how bad it is i keep thinking im a horrible person and thinking about harming myself because i deserve it is anyone else feeling like this ?
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OCD
|
hi, anyone who overcame their ocd on their own without professional intervention? please share your experience/any insight/resources if you can, thank you so much!
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OCD
|
I have always been a curious kid but recently I’ve been much more curious to the point where I get anxiety if I don’t find out things. Anytime I find out about something that is unsettling or horrific or creepy I get tempted to search it up because I’m so curious. This in turn has lead me to read about and see a lot of negative things that have a negative effect on me. I keep researching unimportant things I didnt need or want to know but I only discover that afterwards. I’m left in a pit of distress. I can’t escape my temptation and If I give into it I end up just as disturbed with information I find out. Any advice for dropping curious compulsions?
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OCD
|
Sorry for the formatting; I'm on mobile.
My first boyfriend moved away last year, and I went through this awful depression once he left. He was all I felt I had at the tine. When he came back to visit over the summer, he raped me.
We've since broke up, and my memories of him are blocked and I can't hardly remember what happened.
A couple of months after he and I broke up, I got a new boyfriend who I thought was so much better. He lied to me all the time, made up excuses not to see me, ignored me at school, hung up on me for no reason when we talked on the phone, rolled his eyes and shook me when I cried, mentioned his past girlfriends when we would have sex, said he thinks he's going to be a pedophile, chose drugs over me, slapped my ass so hard he left welts and bruises, got mad at me if I showed affection towards him in public, threw me, kicked me...it goes on.
He broke up with me two months after we got together, and told me he never wanted me in the first place...he said that's why he forced me to ask him out rather than it be the other way around.
I didn't break up with him because I ignored his behavior. I don't know why.
For some reason, I can't get him out of my head. I have nightmares about him and I had a panic attack when he liked something I'd posted on social media yesterday (the only form he wasn't blocked on, but is now).
I've told my friends, family, and my therapist about what all has happened and nothing has really been done.
A guy I'm talking to - who is the absolute sweetest - knows about what's happened to me in the past, and he tries to help me, but I feel like I'm going to end up being a burden. I don't even know how to cope with something like this.
I'm afraid he's going to be like my exes even though I know he won't be. I'm afraid to have sex because of how it's been for me. He respects this, and says he'll wait as long as he has to because he loves me for me and not my body. I'm thankful for that, but I'm still scared.
Edit: added details
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ptsd
|
So, I've been working ever since I finished my school, and it really got its up and downs. I switched jobs twice because I was not focused enough and thus not fast enough. I am taking medication, but I have the feeling it only removes the hyperness (is that correct English? Lol) rather than helping me focus more. Especially when I get home from work my focus is like zero. When I'm trying to follow my course Japanese, it's hard to remember the stuff I learned. I'm 19 and my adhd got less bad since I was a kid, but the things that remain are one heck of a bother. Also I am pretty much tired all day during the weekdays. For information, I have been working for 3,5 years now. Tldr: how do I fix having no focus at all.
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ADHD
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Only started since I was prescribed adhd medicine - I have a near constant and painful indent of my teeth on my lower lip. I keep creating mouth suction without realizing including in my sleep
This occurred both with vyvanse and the eventual switch to generic adderal
I keep forgetting to bring it up with the prescriber and hope that I remember to do so next appontment, but does this sound relatable for anyone
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ADHD
|
I'm prescribed 50-70mg Vyvanse everyday to treat ADHD. It helps and improve my motivation a lot. However, due to the long duration and the strong effect I can't take it daily.
My psychiatrist suggested adding Wellbutrin daily to treat anhedonia and lack of motivation. I'm not new to Wellbutrin and I've been on it in the past, but I've read that Wellbutrin and Vyvanse are metabolized differently when taken together as Wellbutrin is a CYP2D6 inhibitor and Vyvanse is metabolized by CYP2D6.
Does anyone have an experience with this combination?
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ADHD
|
Part rant, part advice seeking:
I have a case study/ research paper due next week. It was assigned weeks ago, so naturally I only started this week. Every moment of work has been exhausting and excruciating. I have no passion for this project. The entire course has been painfully full and impossible to engage with.
And now I am expected to produce a fairly large and deeply researched paper.
If it was just the writing of the paper that i needed to to, it would be done already. Writing = happy brain.
But the researching, the scrounging for information i genuinely have no interest in, and the endless hours reading incoherently written academic papers for source material is KILLER!!
It is my "wall of awful " or however the phrase goes. It is standing in my way of competing the project. There is no way of avoiding it. I have to do it. I want to succeed in the class. ( I neeeeed to succeed because failure is awful and painful )
I am stuck between the imoveable object and unstoppable force of hating the required work of this project and and intensely fearing failure.
I am not cut out for this kind of work and it is incredibly disheartening to know that it is a must, bit only in those course, but in further courses I need to take if I am to continue pursuing my degree.
Every time this happens I am on the verge of have a meltdown. It's always overwhelming.
All the other projects I enjoyed. They allowed for creativity and were more hands on.
But. This. This sucks.
I am not a researcher. Not like this. Not in an academic setting.
But. As I said. It's something I need to do.
I guess I am looking for any advice from fellow university students with adhd and how you push through the awful work.
And how you fight the fear of failure/ rejection sensitivity and just get things done without worrying about everything being absolutely perfect.
I am just really tired. In every sense of the word.
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ADHD
|
Hi all. There is a lot in here about emotional symptoms. Im very curious to hear about your individual motor/physical symptoms. How many of you experience dystonia, chorea, dyskinesia, muscle tension, migraine, pain or gastrointestinal symptoms? If so, how severe and how often? Thank you.
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aspergers
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Since my own reaction to strong emotions is to try and cut it off, i feel like when I hear others crying about something for too long it starts to make me frustrated. I don't know why because I personally have no issue with others feeling upset but something deep inside me gets irked. Does anyone else experience this?
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ADHD
|
I'm returning to physical school in less than two days after a year and a half of online schooling, now that I'm Vaccinated is safe to return, And I hope to get my grades back on check.
But I'm worried because I don't remember the faces of half of my classmates, and if I do, their faces will be different by now, I'm a bit worried, but confident that it shouldn't be that bad.
how where the back to normal for you?
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aspergers
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I am putting them in the hidden folder before I get up the nerve to delete them.
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OCD
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**TL;DR:** I've been on generic Adderall XR (20mg) for a few months, but my symptoms are not being relieved, and some I feel are worsening. Looking to see if anyone has had a similar experience or can provide any advice.
I'm a college student recently diagnosed with ADHD, and I have been on generic Adderall XR (20mg) for a few months. While it does help me focus, my executive dysfunction and tendency to procrastinate, which are my most prominent and detrimental symptoms, are still as bad as ever. Today, I have so many assignments and have had plenty of time to do them, but I've done nothing. If I don't start the day off with high momentum, I can't seem to get anything done.
It's not that I don't feel the medicine -- I definitely feel its effects and the toll it takes on my body. But instead of helping me accomplish my work, I often become insanely and intensely focused on things completely irrelevant to what I need to do, even if it's something I don't want to be doing. For instance, I had to delete Tik Tok off my phone after scrolling down my For You Page for 5 hours in one sitting, and at that point in my scrolling none of the videos were even interesting anymore. Perhaps the novelty of each video as I continued to scroll down the endless list is what kept me hooked?
Furthermore, even when I am working and focused on the right thing, I tend to hyper-fixate on the small details that aren't important to the task at hand. I'll spend forever obsessing over the font size and layout of a single PowerPoint slide, for example, when ultimately the content of the presentation is what counts for a grade. I already have perfectionistic tendencies, but I feel that on Adderall, the perfectionism intensifies.
I still feel scatter-brained, and sometimes I believe it's even worse than what it was without medication. I've always struggled with time management and punctuality, but as I've been taking Adderall, I have been consistently late to my first class of the day every day for months, whether it starts at 9:30 or 11:30, because I can't pull myself out of bed. Is this associated with the Adderall crash? Even when the medicine is in full-swing, though, I still struggle immensely with time-blindness in everything I do, whether it's getting ready to go out with my friends or completing my assignments.
I've tried to look into the generic brand of Adderall that I take (mine is made by Amneal Pharmaceuticals) and see what experiences people have with it, but I can't find any recent reviews. I tried to see if I could try name-brand Adderall, but my insurance won't approve it. In fact, even my generic Adderall I've had to pay out of pocket for through Good RX because for months I've been told I need a prior authorization form that never seems to get filled out or received, and this is despite having good insurance. I don't understand what that means and how the process works, and I frankly don't have the time, energy, or patience to continue to push the issue or investigate it further.
I see so many success stories posted here. I'm happy for you all, and I'm grateful to have finally received a diagnosis that validated my struggles after going so long thinking that I was defective at my core. I am grateful to have a supportive family and doctor and to finally be receiving treatment. But I am so discouraged and confused. I'm not getting better. My first day ever on Adderall XR I sat in my bed all day and stared at my phone. I've tried to give it time to work for me, but it just doesn't, and it makes me feel like I'm crazy. My grades are slipping, and I am so, so tired of begging for extensions or having to explain myself to my professors. My car's battery is dead, and it has sat in the parking lot for 2 weeks because I'm too lazy to get it jumpstarted and take it somewhere. My apartment is an absolute mess. I struggle to do the bare minimum when it comes to basic hygiene. I could go on and on.
I want so badly to be successful and live the life I want to live. But I'm stuck and don't know what to do. I feel so trapped, and I'm getting tired of trying. Has anyone else had issues like these with Adderall XR, or even just in general? I've talked to my doctor, but every time I do, I'm just more confused. I genuinely don't understand how my symptoms are getting worse, and it's incredibly frustrating. If anyone has any advice, I'd greatly appreciate it.
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ADHD
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My mind is latching on to every little pointless thing it possibly can. It’s so tiring :(.
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OCD
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Hi all. I have ocd, usually hocd and rocd. I want finally recover from this shit. I have it already almost one year and I have enough. It becomes only worse.
Can you give me some advice and tips how to recover?
Maybe someone can recommend a good ocd therapist?
Do you have some good resources? Books? YouTube? Podcasts? ERP or meditation tips?
I would be grateful for that.
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OCD
|
Had an episode at work. Its a new job, ive been rrslly trying to manage myself. I come in early, sleep 8 hours, workout every day.
I find myself distracted alot by some upsetting memories. Today i started shaking and euthout realizing it had a total mental break down.
Its starting to cause problems again at work. Its a packaging job so attention to detail, pretty simple but i made alot mistakes and caused the whole line to stop.
How do I fix this?
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ptsd
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After 18 years of goddamn life, I have finally been diagnosed with severe ADHD, on top of anxiety and depression.
I started medication about 4 days ago - Lisdexamfetamine is the medical name of the tablet. Anyway, I cannot fucking sleep. It is literally torturous. I cannot eat and I cannot sleep, and I feel like a zombie. An empty shell of a human. I have no idea what the fuck is happening to me and I just want to be normal, man.
It feels like I can’t even close my eyes or relax, even though my dosage is only at 30mg right now. I just want to ram my head through a wall, or knock myself the fuck out somehow. I’m usually okay in the morning when I take my meds, but when it comes to nighttime my mood completely drops and my anger shoots through the goddamn roof. I also have indigestion and chest pain despite barely eating anything since I started this medication.
Please help me guys. I am actually losing my shit, it’s 1:15am on a Monday and all I want to do is shut my eyes, but my brain is not giving me any mercy. What the fuck. :(
Edit: Thank you so, so much to everybody for their replies and support. I have a doctor’s appointment booked for Wednesday and I’ve written all of your medication suggestions/advice down to see what he suggests. I’m hopeful that I’ll see my psych within a few weeks as she cancelled this week, but I’ll go over these things with her too.
I didn’t mention in the post that I’m also coming off SSRIs (they’ll be finished in a few days) and I also take birth control, (it’s the pill - which I finally decided to have a much needed break from) I appreciate everyone that took the time to offer me some great advice and to wish me luck.
I feel so much more informed after reading these comments and doing some research, I’m so relieved that I found this sub when I did, I needed the help of people who I can truly relate to. Hopefully it’s uphill from here. Stay safe everybody, try to keep your chins held high. I wish all of you the absolute best in life/throughout your mental health adventures. :,)
Edit 2, almost 24 hours later: Woah! I can’t fucking sleep again. Fuck these meds, I cannot wait until Wednesday. Thank you sincerely ADHD, you son of a bitch.
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ADHD
|
Before I start I’ll say that this post is referring to the UK specifically.
I have private health insurance through work which is how I got my diagnosis of ADHD PI. However, the insurance paid for my diagnosis but nothing else, meaning I’d have to fork over £££ to get medication privately which I just can’t afford.
When trying to go via the NHS I’m told the waiting list is 3+ years?? What am I supposed to do in the meantime? I feel like I can’t continue like this but I just can’t afford the private route.
When I read up on ADHD articles “get medicated” is just thrown around like it’s easy, I just don’t know what to do.
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ADHD
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He isn't officially diagnosed with OCD but I could list quite a long list of symptoms that I have observed in him as the newbie psychology university student that I am.
I have struggled with his rules and particular vision of order, the law, being clean and how to place objects at home since childhood. He explains it all as if everything could have a rule that only him understands, and he tends to applies it to everybody. Not every person performs and acts in the same way, or functions in the same order. He has always criticized the way I tidy or clean, the way I place stuff or the way I simply live. To put a stupid example of the thousands I could give, he used to tell me to place the towel in a specific way to make it dry faster and better, but he seems to explain it in a angry or "are you stupid? why don't you do it like that? way. It's not simply advice, it affects him that I hadn't done it how he would have.
I have perfectionist issues due to my own persona and his comments since I was little, every single bad comment affects me, and I always try to do everything too good so nobody judges me like he does, I cannot be a normal 21 year old sometimes because I hear his voice in the back of my brain whenever I do something.
I know I cannot blame him for who he is, the traumas he has and the shit he deals with, but I wish I didn't have to live with him because he is just his OCD sometimes, he is not my father, only the slave of his thoughts, manias and fixations. What can I do to ease my pain? What can I do to fix myself and not feel guilty every time he corrects me?
I have come a long way, and I don't feel as bad as before, I give a fuck and started being somehow of a rebel in his opinion, but I'm just too tired to feel worthless just because I haven't properly folded something or many stuff like that.
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OCD
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I’m so unbelievably empty. I don’t want anything anymore. I don’t want friends. I don’t want love. I don’t want success. I want to go to sleep. I want to dream forever. I want to be in a permanent coma dreaming until the end. Life isn’t worth this emptiness and the pain that you have if you do feel. Not a damn person knows how fucking abysmal my mental state is and I still don’t want to tell anyone. I used to cry and beat my head in. I don’t feel enough or have the energy to do that anymore.
I’m depressed. I’m really, really depressed. I always have been. There isn’t a moment in my life that I can think of where this didn’t exist. I remember being suicidal in elementary school. I felt the same way but I would cry quietly for years. My tears dried out, I think.
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depression
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Hey guys I’m new to this sub, and was looking for some advice. I have slowly come to terms with the fact that I have PTSD and that around my birthday every year something bad happens or reminds me of abuse I have gone through on my birthday over the past few years. This is also the first birthday without my Grandpa and I’m going through some major life changes by starting a new job I suck at, and am trying to move by the end of the month, and am trying to get an extension for this semester after losing my job and stuff over the past few months. Anyways yesterday was my birthday and I decided I wanted to spend it with my girlfriend and her fiancé to start a new chapter in my life with her and to get over some of these extremely negative feelings that overcome me every year. All day she tried her hardest to make me happy after she got out of work to make the day special for me and then we all went out bowling and we went going to go out to dinner, but at I went to put my shoes on her fiancé started having a seizure. Ever since I’ve been going through a lot of emotions from extreme anger to just depressed bawling. He’s okay thank god. But my mood is all over the place and my girlfriend is trying her best to help me but at the same time is super anxious and stressed herself and having to worry about me isn’t okay either but I don’t know what to do.
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ptsd
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Hi! I'm here for a question, sorry if this is not allowed, but I thought this would be the best place for it.
I have tics, I've had them a long time, and I talked about it with my therapist, because I thought it was some sort of ocd, but the first thing she asked is, is there a fear behind it, like are you afraid something will happen if you don't do the certain thing, and only one of my tics has that, the other ones don't, I can stop doing them, with a lot of effort, and it's not fear that makes me do it, I just have to do it, but I don't like it. But it seems that she found it less important because of that and I just wondered if any of you also have this, and if you know what it is and if its a kind of ocd?
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OCD
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I've seen on a lot of sites that rumination is a complusion, but it just makes me panic more
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OCD
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Shit you not, I ate a slice of cake a day after the appointment but could not brush my teeth because the sheer thought of having to go through my whole routine was exhausting and anxiety inducing. I went to sleep at 6am and woke up around 1pm, and even though I tried to convince myself to get it over with, I didn't try brushing my teeth again until 8pm. I had cake around 11pm the night before, and now I'm paranoid and obsessing over the thought of having my cavities worsen and the filled ones destroyed. I fucking hate OCD. Can't even go to the bathroom without being barraged by obsessive, intrusive thoughts. I just want to brush my teeth and take a shower is that too much to ask
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OCD
|
Hi everyone F 21 here! I’m new to this group, I finally just last December was diagnosed with ADHD after years of struggling and ignoring how much it actually affected me. I’ve been taking my medication for months now and I’ve noticed since I have through time I’ve become less social, my patience is thinner, I become more aggressive when I get frustrated, and honestly I’ve started becoming a little depressed. I don’t want to blame my medication yet because I will admit I don’t eat anything through the day. Because eating when I first wake up is extremely hard and makes me want to throw up, in the middle of the day I’m just not hungry, and then if I don’t use cannabis of any kind then I basically won’t be able to eat that day or I can only eat a few bites. I could be a little malnourished from lack of eating. I’m not sure what to do to fix this if it’s my eating habits..
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ADHD
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Is there anyone here who sought a diagnosis later in life (40s onwards)? Interested to hear about your experiences. I am concerned that most diagnostic resources are very child-focused and especially centered on the perceptions of persons surrounding the patient - parents, teachers etc. I don't have school records to reference and I don't have a relationship with my few remaining immediate family members.
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aspergers
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Been unemployed since August due to my depression. Ran out of money and had to get a job at Amazon for 2 months. I hated every single second and was looking for other work as much as I could and applied to probably 30 places and just got ghosted by everyone. Finally got a job in a clean room and had to quit after a day because I couldn't stand being in the gown for more than a couple minutes. So I give up. I can't do this, every waking thought is about suicide and I just can't do this anymore
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depression
|
When making “small talk”, wich i dont like so much, i know im explaining to much, yet I can’t stop ✋.
For example when someone asks ; ‘how are you?’, I cannot simply say good or bad.
I will say; ‘im ok AND thats because bla bla bla bla, or ‘im not doing well because my blablabla’
In the end i know it wasn’t necessary to tell the thing i did a minute ago, yet i will do this in evert convo that i have..
Can anyone relate?
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aspergers
|
I’m not sure if anyone else has this problem, but I have the generic kind D-amphetamine salt combo and at first i had 10 mg and i would take one and it’d make me sleepy. I couldn’t take it before driving to work bc it would make me so sleepy on the road. Doctor said it wouldn’t be good to have coffee right after taking it, waiting like 2-3 hours after taking it. It got to the point where my insomnia would keep me up and i’d take 10 just to sleep and it worked.
When I mentioned it to my doctor she changed my prescription to 20 mg and when i took it this morning i felt fine. After taking it I needed to do some heavy lifting for work and it exhausted me. Usually it would make me just sore but I felt so sleepy afterwards that I took a nap during my break for about 20 min. I got coffee to wake me up in case i’m sleepy again.
This might also be due to the fact that I had maybe an hour less of sleep than my normal, but the sleepiness i felt seemed like it was due to the adderall. my 10 mg pills were blue and the 20 mg are pinkish.
Not sure if this means my adhd is just too much that my body decides to rest when the medication balances my brain chemicals. Whenever i mention this people seemed to be shocked, but being that i have ADHD i think it would make sense? Anyone else have this side effect? How do you deal with it?
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ADHD
|
My mom has alot on her plate right now so I understand if she doesn't have time to understand what I'm going through, but my dad I mean he just leaves me or he throws me into social situations and I just can't cope. I mean he's yells and hits me as a child, Ingores all the other shit that happened to me and then with no support expects me to be a functional human, on top of that he wants me to go above and beyond and finish school early. To put a cherry on top he doesn't know anything I like so he just goes off what he forced me to do as a kid. He doesn't get why I don't get any sleep, I mean I got diagnosed with it he knows what PTSD is right, how do you not especially if your child got diagnosed with it. Then he stops my meds and just pretends that nothing is wrong which you know makes me feel great. It's just so frustrating and I cant do anything about it. I'm stuck for another couple of years I guess.
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ptsd
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Hi all. Posting out of curiosity. I’m 22 and very rarely I’m put into a position by family wherein I’m not taken seriously. There is a boiling point where I overflow and end up being unable to control my temper no matter how many breaths I take or how much I try when I am unmedicated, and I yell as I feel unheard.
I wound up doing this today with my fiance, because he would not take me seriously when I asked him to stop making jokes out of my clear discomfort. I’ve never and nor do I plan to ever become violent in these tantrums, but I was wondering how many of you have also been in this position? I’ve only ever thrown a tantrum like this before when I was in my teenage years telling my parents that something was wrong with me prior to my ADHD diagnosis.
I tried looking it up on google and was taken to a site where they reasoned it as a manipulation tactic, instead of the possibility that the one throwing the tantrum is truly dealing with emotions bigger than they can handle. This left me feeling insulted because after my “tantrum” I had to isolate myself and I could only feel my inner-monologue blaming myself and calling myself a manipulative jerk even when I was crying over feeling unheard.
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ADHD
|
Hey everyone!
I was just wondering what everyone’s experiences are like with dating with aspergers?
Do you tell people upfront? Before a date? After 3 dates? Once you’re in a relationship? Ever?
Just curious. I was diagnosed a couple of months ago and I’m unsure of when to address it with potential partners.
Thanks in advance!
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aspergers
|
It's been almost a month now and it feels like I'm supposed to be "over it" and "can't use it as an excuse" . I have more moments where the loss isn't at the front of my mind but I still feel like something's missing. My executive function has felt difficult to really do much of anything. I feel like I made promises that 3 weeks in I've yet to really fufill in a visibly significant way. Like a huge part of my life is gone and I STILL can't live like my life is finite? I don't know what "taking care of myself" means. I still have a job to do and they gave me leave when it happened. That was the time I'm expected to get it together but man I'm never getting over it. I don't want to forget them or let go of them.
I'm disappointed some of my old habits that my therapist and I have worked hard to overcome have started finding their ways back in. I'm not as focused on work but at the same time focused on the results of not being focused brings. I was living the best time of my life right before he passed and I hate that it feels like life is best when something bad is about to happen. It feels like some people life is one long stretch of happiness while mine feels like a lot of start and stops. I don't want people to die everytime I finally get to a place of happiness
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ADHD
|
I think i might have ocd, not because im overly tidy actually i can be quite messy but sometimes i have weird thoughts. Thoughts of being attacked or raped, and thoughts of attacking or harming others. I've also had my own issues with self harm, I will scold or burn myself just to see what happens i've also intentionally broken my own bones. Its not because i enjoy the pain its because i want to see what happens or how my body will react almost as if im testing myself. I've also sprayed myself with bleach cleaner to see the rash thatwill appear. I know this isn't normal and i need help.
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OCD
|
I (21m) am very privileged in life yet I’m wasting it all on being bored and sad all the time. I’m trying to get into hobbies and stuff so I can branch out and get a grip on my life again but for some reason it’s hard to find things to do. Does anyone know how I can find more ways to branch out and do new things and have fun?
I’ve already looked at online dating, meetup, stuff in my local area (but the interesting stuff is all for little kids). What worse can I do? I want to try and get a life again before I give up. I’m tired of wasting such a privileged life but I can’t dig myself out of this hole I put myself in.
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depression
|
Hey guys! I got diagnosed back in June and have been taking adderall since, and it was working extremely well for a while, but this past month was extremely rough for me in several ways.
Now, I can still feel the affects of my adderall, but my motivation is all gone again. I spend all day either in bed or playing games if I'm not at work. I'm not 100% sure if its my depression acting up or my ADHD, since they both cause excuetive dysfunction.
I started taking more of my Zoloft (as its easier to get a refill), and I feel a little better but I still can't do anything, so I'm not sure what the problem is.
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ADHD
|
so this person i'm not attracted to them at all and my brain went "you like this person huh you have a crush on them??" and i don't have any real feelings for them at all but i catch myself blushing so i looked it up and apparently ocd causes false feelings and sensations but i'm not so sure
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OCD
|
Super excited and just thought I'd share. This semester was my first semester at my school that wasn't over Zoom, and it was a big adjustment. I'm 36 and have been living unmedicated ever since my diagnosis in middle school. I didn't really realize how much ADHD was impacting my life until recently. When I was just sitting at my computer and my wife was like, "I think you might have ADHD." and I was like yeah I was diagnosed as a kid, but never really gave it much thought after that. I was prescribed Adderall back then but it made me feel sick so my mom didn't want me to continue taking it.
This semester was the first semester of my senior year in the mechanical engineering program, and my heat transfer class was literally killing me. I spent days studying for the first exam, but it was like no matter how hard I tried or how much time I spent forcing myself to study I just could not comprehend the material. The first exam I made the lowest exam grade of my life, a 17%. So after that I made a doctor appointment and was willing to give something like Adderall another shot after reading up on how much it helped people. The doctor ended up putting me on Wellbutrin instead because I told them I had some issues with Adderall making me feel sick in the past. After being on Wellbutrin, I found that I was able to focus quite a bit better and was actually able to comprehend the material. My next test grades were a 64% (because of a very dumb mistake that cost me 30%), and an 84% on the third exam. I needed a 66% on the final to pass the class, and basically spent at least 20 hours studying for it. Wellbutrin has definitely helped with my anxiety, but I still felt like throwing up on my way to campus for that final. I've always had a deep hatred for school (because it's always been a struggle for me), and if I failed that class I would have to take an extra semester before graduating. I just got my final exam grade back and I made an 85%!!!!!!!! I literally cried because I was so relieved and happy. I just had to share!
From what I've read Engineering isn't a super common degree path for people with ADHD, but I'm here to say that if I can do it practically anyone can. It definitely has helped me having a friend that is taking all the same classes at the same time. So we can keep each other accountable. I've never thought of myself as being particularly smart, and have questioned whether I'm capable of completing a degree in engineering, but here I am just 1 semester away from graduating. It's finally starting to feel real.
TL;DR: I passed my final exam with an 85% and needed a 66% to pass the class!
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ADHD
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(TL;DR) Mr. Rogers taught me that I'm a good person when nobody else would. You're a good person too.
I had a breakthrough a few weeks back that has allowed me to look back on my life clearly, for the first time ever. One of the more interesting things that came from looking back over my life was the realization that Fred Rogers saved my life. The crux of my entire problem with life comes from the fact that my parents, though they said all the right things, taught me a lot of very poor life lessons with their actions. And they had already drilled into my head that actions speak louder than words. And they were not the most kind with me. And yet, 46 years later, here I am in this fairly "okay" headspace. Not great mind you, but I'm working on it. But now that I can see clearly, I can see that this has been a generational problem for both sides of my family.
The condensed version being kids being taught that there was a set of rules kids had to follow that could be thrown out when they were adults. Because, "When you're an adult, you can do this too" was more of a mantra in my home than it was the rare thing said by an adult. Seriously, I see the same behavior my great-grandmother had passed down from one generation to the next. Just adults fucking up kids and nobody being there for that kid to tell them otherwise. Nobody to tell them they were good. What right from wrong was. Just...nobody. I had Mr. Rogers. And, because of him, I've wrestled with this puzzle in the back of my head since I was like 4. Here was this good and decent man that everyone respected, and he was telling me the world was one way while my parents tried to teach me it was another.
What I didn't understand, on a fundamental level, was that all life really is about is screwing up, accepting responsibility for your mistake, fixing your mistake, learning from your mistake, and moving on. When you boil life down, that's pretty much all it is beyond just generally trying to be a good human being. And mistakes are nothing but you learning how to do what you failed at better. That's it. We all, essentially, know this fact. But when you grow up around people actively doing whatever they can to avoid just any part of that philosophy? It kind of screws you up. Especially if there is nothing there to counter the narrative.
I'm not Fred Rogers. I'm not close to Fred Rogers. I'm just a guy trying to do the best he can. I'm horribly socially awkward as I never learned how to properly look at any kind of relationship in a healthy manner. I've decided I'm just going to be honest with people about that. I'm going to tell them that if I've offended them in some way, or caused some kind of injury, to please know it wasn't meant in that way and to please come to me with that sort of issues. To please talk with me and share with me what you felt and why. And I will listen and try my best to learn. Because trying to figure out what everyone wants has exhausted me. I'm just not going to do it anymore. Honesty and accountability. That's what I'm going to try to be about.
So that's who is talking to you right now. It's just me, but I want you to listen to me just for a moment. You? You're a good person. Even if you've done bad things, that's okay. There are no bad things. There are mistakes. And you can hold onto that mistake of yours and feel terrible about it forever, or you can spend a little more energy in the now and attempt to address it. I know it's scary. There are still mistakes I'm holding onto that I'm working on letting go. But you can do it. Mistakes tend to come back on you if you don't fix them and you learn nothing from them. It's just far easier to deal with it sooner rather than later. For my spoon theory enthusiasts, you spend more spoons now but you end up with more spoons later because you aren't constantly spending them on this thing you wish would just go away.
If your trauma comes from physical pain, the only thing I can tell you is for that to happen... generally speaking... a lot of people made a lot of mistakes. A lot of people failed you. I'm sorry for that. The only words of advice I have for you there is: It wasn't about you. It just wasn't. Your existence doesn't cause anyone harm. And nobody who is thinking correctly harms another person. Think about harming someone in your life. See what it does to your stomach? How the anxiety and adrenaline ramps up? That's not just you, that's everybody who feels that. If you can still harm someone after your body screams at you not to? An awful lot has gone wrong in their life. None of which is your fault. None of it. You are just stuck with the clean up from it. It's not fair. You certainly didn't ask for this, and I'm sorry. I wish I could point you in the right direction. All I can do is tell you that I made it out. You can too.
Forget the Bible. Forget even your parents. Go back and listen to Mr. Rogers. He taught you everything you need to know. Just like he did so many of us who didn't have functional adults as parents. He's why I'm still here and not like so many of my relatives who tried to outrun their mistakes and problems. If you want to figure out how to rebuild your life so that it doesn't crumble around you, Mr. Rogers is about as close to bedrock as you're going to find upon which to build. You're good. You're worth it. You matter. Treat others well because there is no difference between them and you. No matter race, religion, wealth, or other. We're all the same. Listen, love, and learn. Things everyone takes for granted. Things we just assume we learned because we've heard the words so many times in our lives. But if actions don't go with those words? They carry about as much weight as a politician's during election time. Believe them at your own peril.
Keep that chin up. You're doing the best you can. I believe in you. Because you're a good person who is worthy of love. I affirm whoever you are inside. Don't listen to anyone, including me, tell you what that voice inside you is saying. Find that voice again that you listened to when you were little. When you dreamed. Everyone gets a do over. Everybody. So thank you, Mr. Rogers. For everything.
(endnote-No, I haven't seen the movie. I had the realization in the build up to it. I'm a 6 foot 4, ,middle-aged, bald, overweight white guy. Do you really want to go to a theater with your kid and see that guy sobbing in the aisle? Me either. I can wait to buy it or rent it, thank you very much.)
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ptsd
|
I am that one friend, the one that talks to many people but does not develop a meaningful friendship. I am that one friend that people can easily forget. I am not interesting nor exciting to talk to. I am not smart or wise. I can carry a conversation but I can’t talk to people on a deeper level because I am not that smart. Sometimes I feel bad for that. Most of the times, people get tired of me and just not paying attention anymore. It sucks to not have friends that connect with you.
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depression
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I’ve been slowly retraining my brain to live with the anxiety uncomfortableness and uncertainty and anxiety. I’ve been doing compulsions way less. Trust me if you do this for a while in recovery you’ll find your thoughts to be irrelevant!!
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OCD
|
i had an appointment booked THREE times and just……….. didn’t go. why? i don’t even know. i had all my papers, had the days off, my car was fine- instead i just squandered my time and laid in bed doing not a damn thing.
my boyfriend got so fed up that he told me to make an appointment, took that day off and took me there himself. that’s the *only* reason i got the task done. yes he was angry and still is.
it’s embarrassing. ADHD sucks, makes you do dumb things like that and then subsequently poisons your relationships. i’m not having a good time!!!
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ADHD
|
Hi Everyone 👋!
I’ve been taking Vyvanse for the past months and it’s been working amazing for me.
It improved my quality of life drastically and I’m very fortunate that it works so well for me. The only problem I have with Vyvanse is that it loses its effectiveness in the evening hours.
I’m an engineering student and my midterms and exams are late in the evening. By that time the meds are more or less out of my system. I’m hesitant to take my dose later in the morning/afternoon because I don’t want to possibly effect my sleep.
Would it make sense to switch to Adderall XR + Side script for IR ? Like take XR as my daily medication and IR on the days that I need more control over drugs half life?
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ADHD
|
I (18) was raped and sexually assaulted 4 times when I was 14, and once when I was 16. I have such bad panic attacks almost nightly and have horrible nightmares about the men and women who have assaulted me. It’s awful. I’m not happy. I’m constantly anxious and constantly thinking about it. I’m always worried I’ll run into one of them and see the worst in everyone. I Csnt trust people. I see red flags in everyone. I over analyze every single interaction I have with anyone.
I got addicted to drugs to cope with it (am sober now). I have an eating disorder to gain back control over my body (was getting better but now feel myself going back to my old ways).
I had consensual sex with someone who had never hurt me before for the first time a few days ago (he was insanely respectful and kind but we aren’t talking anymore for unrelated reasons). I thought this would help me. In a way it was healing. I got to CHOOSE to have sex with someone. But also, I’m anxious just processing everything. Because I keep comparing everything to my assaults. “He was so sweet and didn’t do this” “oh that’s right, when I was raped I said not to do this and he called me a bitch and did it anyways”. That sort of thing.
Another thing, all of my rapes aren’t even THAT bad. Like they weren’t insanely violent. Yes they knew I didn’t want to have sex with them, but they didn’t beat the absolute shit out of me or anything like some people.
I just don’t understand why it’s fucked me up so badly when it wasn’t even that bad and was so long ago. Why can’t I just be normal and have a normal relationship with love and sex?
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ptsd
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Of course I am still in the queue which could take a few years to get to the front of, but they have acknowledged my position which makes me incredibly happy! I can’t wait for the diagnosis!
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aspergers
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She died in my arms five years ago in January.
Everything has gotten worse.
Panic disorder developed about a year afterward.
I’ve have suffered from major depression for quite a long time, but it’s reached deeper, darker depths.
I lost my job for my inability to cope with panic.
One psych dumped me for my inability to show up to appointments. Another was not terribly helpful.
My most recent relationship was emotionally abusive and ended in a horrible heartbreak, exacerbating everything.
Although, every relationship I’ve ever been in has been abusive, emotionally, physically or both — like I have a target painted on my back.
Except for her. She was so lovely to me. And she’s dead.
And now I have no insurance, no cash, no hope.
I drink as a method of coping with panic. This is a poor idea. I strongly advise against it. But it is the only thing that works apart from benzos, which I despise.
I’ve burned bridges, intentionally and otherwise, with maybe half of my close friends at this point. I expect that to get worse.
I don’t know how to kickstart myself from here.
I don’t want to do anything ever again.
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ptsd
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Whether it’s the depression or my life I don’t care I just want it to stop. I miss how I used to feel
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depression
|
Hocd- so prior to hocd- I watched gay porn once- well I didn’t cum over it but I came across it/ was curious about to I guess( only once)
My head is now giving me memory’s of watching it for a week- and now my heads making me think I watched it for a year and I know I didn’t at all.
I literally created this false memory this morning now it feels real as fuck
I did watch mmf a couple times and I did cum over it but I never came over the male, that being said I accidentally came across mmf when I typed in anal porn.
)Mmf) mmf porn started of my hocd cause I did watch it a couple times but that was because I was bored of normal porn and needed something new
But also I remember - in hocd straight porn done nothing for me and I had to kinda force myself to watch it but now my heads making me think that this was when I stoped watching gay porn ( and I never watched that properly)
I remember the first time I acc watched gay porn was in hocd and I didn’t even want to type it up and even hesitated about it
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OCD
|
I just keep fantasizing about a nuclear war/world war iii scenario. Just imagining a nuclear missile, almost hitting the ground, me watching it, slowly accepting my fate and my death, while feeling this inner peace inside. Doesn't make much sense and I always feel guilty about it, but this is the only escape my brain has. I'm too scared to attempt suicide, I'm afraid I'll fuck it up and survive and the repercussions will be horrible.
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depression
|
Hi! I am f/32 and have adhd and just realized another way it affects me. When I have parties or am in big groups, I get so overwhelmed. Especially if it’s a party for me— I get overly excited. I can’t focus on one conversation with everything else going on around me. I then impulsively drink more than I want to and am super frenetic and can’t relax. I’ve often ended up leaving my own parties early because I get too drunk! I don’t drink a lot in general but groups really trigger my impulsivity. Does anyone else relate?
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ADHD
|
I’m (37m) new to this sub but not new to struggling ADHD. From an early age my parents knew I was ADHD but didn’t want that to define me so I never took meds and they did the best they could to help me. Typical story. Smart cookie, tested highly on standardized tests, could focus on things that captured my attention. Got too used to being good at things early and fell into procrastination which occurs to this day. I talked with my parents while in college and decided to take adderall. Stayed on it for a while then fell off and stopped. When I started working from home 10 years ago I started taking it because, as you can imagine, I didn’t do well with working from home. Tried not to take it on the weekends but that left me feeling zapped when I wasn’t on it. Zombie status. So I went off.
Fast forward ten years later. Not unlike many people in 2021, I’ve had a rough couple years. My main career in fitness and side job in DJ/emceeing events took a huge hit, went through a breakup, and now live in a 1 bedroom apartment. Usually social, I have become a huge introvert and don’t do anything after work. My therapist things I’m in a depressive state, but I’m a naturally optimistic person so that’s hard to reconcile with. He says it’s natural knowing what my last couple years have been like.
Over the last couple months I’ve been at my worst. I’ve been less happy, embarrassingly messy (I have seen some pictures on this sub that I identify with), no motivation, and can go the entire weekend without leaving the couch. I’ve eaten terribly, not worked out in over a month (I’m in fitness so this is not a good or normal thing), and I am just kinda perpetually down. I’m not suicidal, but I’m just burnt out. I could see a timeline that involves me not ever getting out of this. I don’t think it will happen but I could see how people could do it. The only things I’m motivated to do is research fantasy football (which is fun because I do it with a friend and it’s a lot of analytics) and warzone (playing with my friends). I have no desire to date and no sex drive, even though I want to have a family. Texts are exhausting, emails are exhausting, minor tasks seem monumental, even just throwing trash away in my own house is hard. Paying bills is hard and I have money in my account.
I’ve never used ADHD as a crutch and I never plan to, but until recently, I’ve never identified with others like I have when seeing the posts you all put up. It makes me feel not alone. I appreciate you. I’m just trying to understand the effect it has on my life and how to take control of my own life and be a real adult. What will medicine help me with and what will it not? How much is this struggle brain related and how much is it just me being lazy and not taking care of myself as I should as an adult? How has medication helped those of you that have felt like this? Thank you.
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ADHD
|
This is the first time I open my heart to write this , I hope I get support :( I always had problems at school since I was 4 years old I used to have sort of ADHD for my whole childhood, I used to be the clown of class not Pat attention and mess around, never payed attention, at my 17 years I’ve been studying at 10 different schools due to my behavior problems and my rude and violent attitudes, in my freshman year of school I suffered bullying for a whole year, getting hit everyday and I used to just keep my mouth shut , after a while Something happened inside me and I began to fight back , I felt awesome I won against the bullies and they never bothered me, I became a bully after that, I was developing mental problems and I wished with all my heart and I faked having schizophrenia, I faked seeing shit and hearing voices, I got expelled from the school due to I broke the nose of a guy, I got in another one after I began to use drugs hardcore (inhalants ) for a whole year , I was the typical bully of school, taking drugs even in class and getting hate while inside me I was suffering and I just wanted to socialize but I couldn’t, I had like 4 gfs that year, I got in several problems at the school, got expelled too and I quit the drugs, my next year was when all began I was bullied by everyone, everyone called me a weirdo and stupid , I fake symptoms of schizophrenia to get attention until one day suddenly I began to hear voices and I got so so scared about it, i stoped joking around it, I began to get extremely depressed and hearing voices from sudden, got in the worst problem I’ve had in the school , I almost went prison, got expelled again, now at my 17 years old I got my first psychotic break, I’ve been in endless psychosis for 4 months already I feel terrible about myself I’ve hypomanic episodes and terrible dark depression killing me everyday, I don’t believe in god , or life giving punishes to people, but I definitely regret my decision to mess around saying I had an illness and end up actually years after, having it, currently at my 17 years old I’m lost I feel I’m in a reality show and being recorded , in times I hear voices, I see stuff moving , morphing , I get visions, i see shadows , I feel watched, I get Catatonia in times, I’ve terrible depression I wish I could die already, I’ve 0 friend and 0 people to socialize I’m just lost in this Illness that I ended up having (schizoaffective bipolar type). That’s my story , sometimes I just want to get a support message from someone but I’ve no one :,)
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depression
|
I was diagnosed with ADHD-CT in early October, at 32 years old. My psychologist isn't providing me CBT since I'm not medicated (that's his justification) and it has been a real struggle to find someone taking new patients to address the medicine-aspect of ADHD. I was supposed to see someone about getting medicated last week, but of course I forgot that they send me some forms to fill out a month ago, so now my meeting with a psychiatrist is postponed for another month. My psychologist and I meet bimonthly, in part because he's been giving me a discount, as he relates to my situation (I'm a grad student, near the end of my PhD Studies, who has used up the allotted mental health services provided by my university---so I've been paying out of pocket to receive good, consistent service).
Things have been really frustrating, and I really need to fix myself. According to my mentor, I should be able to pick up a book in the mean time and not be a victim of circumstance. I keep delaying different aspects of my thesis. I have a timeline, but the past few objectives have slipped through my hands because I'm just entirely unmotivated, or I feel like I do everything wrong (imagine being told by your boss that an idea we had two weeks ago is no longer good, but then two weeks later is like 'you should entertain that idea again'). I feel like I'm in an impossible situation. It sucks because there are all of these deadlines, and I've been in a relatively unfair/stressful/unique situation in grad school, and all of my other mentors just feign empathy.
Does anyone feel like it takes forever to get help these days? Did anyone else get things managed at a point in time when it was "the last moment?" I've hinted to my boss that I only have so much money and there are only so many professionals in my area... it's like, what does he want me to do? Just wake up and be better?
Thanks for reading.
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ADHD
|
Since two weeks ago, I have songs stuck in my head and it's really driving me crazy. I am not diagnose with OCD but it seems like this is common for people with OCD. To those who have successfully dealt with this, do you have any tips to share about how you were able to overcome this. Thank you!!
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OCD
|
I feel like i just don't want to do anything at all. Nothing is fun anymore, nothing is interesting I just want to sleep. Has anyone else had problems when changing from medications to new ones? I have just changed from Prozac to Viibryd. Maybe it will get better i hope but my ocd is still beyond nuts too
I just hate myself and my life tight now so much
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OCD
|
several months ago i was recently diagnosed with mild(?) inattentive type adult adhd. after i found out i decided to try medication a few months after to see if it would be right for me.
ive never taken medication before so we started with low dosages.
i was first prescribed 10mg of atomoxetine (strattera) twice a day for about 3 weeks.
i felt positive results were there after the first day: mind felt clear, focused well on work, sleep schedule was great, i felt more “normal” than ive ever felt in my life and this was constant for 3 weeks. no side effects.
after those weeks my psychiatrist prescribed 18mg twice a day just to try it out, ive been on 18mg for 2 months now and i havent felt any of those positive results since. instead my sleep schedule is worse than ever, my mood is off, and im doing terribly productivity wise. some side effects? slight migraines, physically tired, etc.
there is admittedly a very little difference in numbers between the already low dosages but for some reason it felt just right to be on 10mg. im worried if im just making this up, or if a lower dosage truly is better for me.
ive seen that most people here get prescribed 40mg at first and that sounds terrifying to me, especially if i cant even handle 18mg right now!
i was thinking that maybe this could be because ive never taken medication before, or because my adhd is mild + inattentive.
thinking about telling my psychiatrist soon!
hopefully i can get back on 10mg if that sounds reasonable to them. or maybe im just crazy lol
just wanted to share my experience with strattera, since results seem to be a mixed bag here :)
anyone else seem to do better on a lower dosage? id love to hear your experience!!!
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ADHD
|
In middle school, high school, and college, I lived by my day planner. Writing things down reduced stress, and knowing I had future commitments recorded reduced stress even more.
I still have my stack of planners from the 60s and 70s.
I never really took notice, but thinking back I was the only kid that used a day planner every single day.
Just curious if the use of day planners is widespread in the aspie community?
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aspergers
|
So today when i woke up i had intrusive thoughts about being trans but i didn't feel nervous or anxious about them so i'm having doubts about them not being intrusive (although i had to do some kind of compulsion) and well rn i'm nervous that i didn't feel nervous about them, idk if it was because it's the morning or smth, plis help
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OCD
|
Hello guys , i m 21 with high eye pressure and currently on lumigan . I recently get a few phsical conditons and probably partly because of my mental diaorders ( doctors says that mental health affects esp. Some parts of our body , i have depression , anxiety and ocd btw) my doctor wanted to prescribe me cybralex but i know these drugs triggers glacouma , so is there any of u who has been on psychological pills and dont get any side effects?/ worsen ur pressure etc.? If so pls help me , is there any psychological medicine that doesnt worsen high eye pressure ?
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OCD
|
In 2017 I had pretty bad intrusive thoughts, and they went away out of absolute nowhere. In 2018-2020 I was free of them, but in 2021... they came back.
I've been fighting agaist them since January. It's been 8 months already. I don't even remember what I did in 2017 to make them go away...
During these months, I screwed up 2 times (some months ago and today, which made write this post), I really can't deal with this anymore. The thoughts make me want to say I like illegal stuff, wven though I don't. Can anyone help me? I would rather prefer to suffer from anxiety crisis for the rest of my life then dealing with these intrusive thoughts for 1 additional month.
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OCD
|
It was worst than I imagined. I haven't had flashbacks before but had heard of them happening to people. I mostly have nightmares and intrusive thoughts, and have had depression and anxiety since the event. But the flashback knocked the breath out of me - I completely froze and panicked mentally.
Is it strange not to have flashbacks, and then have one suddenly? It has been 5 years since the event.
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ptsd
|
I have been working with a therapist (LCSW) for trauma for some time and while it's been helpful, I feel like I have reached a plateau. I have many symptoms of PTSD but not an official diagnosis, because only a psychiatrist can diagnose. My primary care MD also suspects PTSD but again can't diagnose. I don't even know how to find psychiatrists in my area or how to get a referral. Is getting the official diagnosis and being treated by a psychiatrist helpful? How do I go about seeing one? Any advice or personal experience is appreciated.
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ptsd
|
I am not depressed but my wife is.
I’ve found it helpful to empathize with others in our position.
/r/depression_partners
It’s somewhat active and useful coming from someone who feels very isolated from their partner.
I don’t recommend a depressed person browse the posts in there, unless maybe you are seeking to empathize with people in your partner’s position.
—
If anyone know any resources or thoughts to help loved ones I’d depressed people. Please feel free to share.
I don’t know you but I hope you are having a alright day. I wish everyone in this subreddit peace.
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depression
|
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