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My aspenger and introversion only have been increase during my lifetime. I live in Brazil, the most extroverted country that also has a type of bully culture, and the worst part is: teenagers are in the peak of sociability. Every social group that I go i feel ignored and that I am out of place, almost that I an from another specie. I really tried to talk to them, but feels like that they speak another language. I have no friend in my city. Should I search for a ND group or something like that?
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aspergers
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I’ve had around 7 jobs, give or take. Each one I get overwhelmed and have no choice but to quit. I’m still trying to decide what I want to go for in school, since I plan on enrolling this year. I’ve considered being a mortician, but the long hours scared me off. I’ve also considered cosmetology, but interacting with people also made me change my mind. I’m okayish with anything technical, but it’s not something I’d prefer to do.
So does anybody have any ideas? Also, what do you think are good careers in general?
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aspergers
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I’ve had some symptoms of ptsd my whole life, but yesterday was by far the most vividly terrifying breakdown I’ve ever had.
I never had my first panic attack until I was 23, since then they have become more frequent.
This was nothing like any panic attack I’ve ever had.
I was driving towards a city that I hadn’t been in years, not since I was with my ex. I thought about the time she shot meth into my arm when I was already intoxicated. I remembered how scared I felt, how helpless, I remembered the hateful look in her eyes along with the horrible things she said. I remembered the feeling like it was happening in real time, I even felt the cold icy buzz I felt when she shot me up. I never did meth or used needles, I never wanted to and I haven’t since that night. I remembered how I wanted to scream for help but I couldn’t. I screamed in the car. No I shrieked over and over again and begged her to stop even though I was alone. I’ve never heard myself make these noises before, it didn’t sound like me. Just real raw primal fear. The whole time tears streaming down my face. It went on for 30 minutes before I could finally calm down.
This happens to me years ago. I just want to be free, I don’t feel free.
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ptsd
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I've always been kind of a worrywart, but never gave it much thought. I have a flight in a few minutes and the airport is a pretty big one. I came to the right terminal, got my boarding pass, got my stuff checked and passed the boarding gate (where they literally scan your pass and it's registered in the system). And here I am, thinking "what if all the employees made a mistake and I'm boarding the wrong plane" ;-;
Kinda frustrated with myself.
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OCD
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TLDR: my puppy who I adopted thinking would help me causes me to panic in my sleep and relive trauma during the day she’s okay I’m aware of her but okay but at night it’s hell.
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I’ve been diagnosed for a while now but known since a few months after the attack that I have ptsd. Both my parents are psychologists and I’ve worked in the field essentially since I was a kid considering they do child work. I had a massive dog attack which caused me to be hospitalized as a child and then later I was bit again and then later I was chased in an attempt to attack me. All of these dogs are suburban dogs with awesome parents and we’re raised wonderfully with training they were otherwise great and for two attacks I was not the only one attacked. They were all the same breed and it caused me to develop ptsd around dogs from an early age. I became an adult and thought hey maybe I’m kind of over this and the nightmares of reliving it is the only real issue I have left. recently adopted a puppy in an attempt to train her to maybe be a pet that’s well trained but maybe be my service dog to help me with my other anxiety. Basically I’m okay I’m a little anxious in the day I don’t take my eyes off her unless she’s in her puppy pen and her barks still cause a little anxiety but at night I take meds to sleep because I have insomnia and she makes me relive the event in my dreams and more. It’s absolutely not her fault I love her and she’s sweet as can be she is the farthest thing from the breed that attacked me those three times she’s a mini goldendoodle with a red coat and she’s a baby I know she wouldn’t hurt me on purpose but between the anxiety of me failing to train her correctly and her hurting someone or me and the anxiety she causes me when I sleep I don’t know what to do ? Should I crate her at night and risk causing her isolation anxiety or crate anxiety? We all know how bad anxiety attacks are and the feeling of panic is but I love her and don’t want to get rid of her I just can’t live in fear with no sleep. Does anyone have experience with anything like this would it be okay to crate her at night and still wake up to let her out every two hours? I really truly didn’t think it was going to be a problem my best friend has dogs my coworkers have dogs I still get anxiety around big breeds and especially the specific breed that attacked me but now I’m down money and time and I love her.
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ptsd
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Hey all,
Was diagnosed with PTSD about three years ago. Worked hard in therapy and also tried a number of anti-depressants to treat symptoms along with the other self-care stuff (mindfulness, exercise, and so on).
I was struggling intensely in graduate school despite all this. While visiting my psychiatrist, I kept saying that I could not concentrate, focus, or motivate myself to work, even when I really wanted to. At this point, all I could manage were 4 hour workdays without collapsing in exhaustion.
My psychiatrist said it might be ADHD. She referred me for testing, and sure enough, the test showed I had severe attentional impairments and impulsivity. Was diagnosed with combined type. She put me on adderall. I started taking it and it was AMAZING. I was giddy. I could work 8-10 hours with no fatigue. Depressive episodes vanished completely. Mental clarity was enhanced dramatically. I felt like my mind was given back to me. My anxiety also diminished, which was relieving to my psychiatrist, because she worried a stimulant might increase it.
I still carry the grief of trauma with me. I cry when I think of it, and I still experience flashbacks. But the intensity and frequency is reduced.
1. Has this happened to anyone here? I’d love to hear your experiences.
2. Does this mean the focus issues were ADHD all along? How do I figure out how much of this is caused by trauma or ADHD? (I know there’s a LOT of overlap, so I guess it’s not too surprising the adderall helps with both).
For context, I never struggled academically in school- in a doctoral program for cognitive science at the moment. But I always daydreamed growing up. And I was very socially and spatially oblivious. People usually describe me as spacey or absent-minded, which I now recognize as an ADHD symptom, but I always used to think it was just a quirk. 😅😅😅
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ptsd
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Preface: I am not ashamed of my pick marks and do not hide them. I believe it isn’t my job to make other people comfortable with my disability.
Does anybody have trouble with being found ugly because of pick marks (scars)? It is a problem for you in love? My marks on my left forearm. They aren’t anywhere else. Are things like pool parties annoying for you because of comments?
I have been putting myself out there more and this is after the marks have scarred. Opinions? Stories?
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OCD
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Idrk where to post this, anyway the last 2 days maybe? Started to feeling a little, _A LITTLE_ better, but rn I just feel so empty. I went out for waffles and I still feel so empty
I hate this feeling. I feel like doing something absurd just to feel fucking crazy
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depression
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Ugh, it’s from being locked up inside for practically a year, pent up anger and frustration, ruined career plans and social life, civil unrest literally in my neighborhood and stupid violent Netflix shows, but I’ve only discovered this year that I have OCD and ugghh!!!!
I don’t know how to do ERP on the current obsession (and the obsessions change every couple weeks) which is I’m afraid my parents, who are the only people I’ve seen for a year, are false people as in maybe they’re robots or are re-set characters like in a video game. I blame it on watching shows like Black Mirror, put all these ideas into my head, especially during the tense, early months of the pandemic. I could of also been a little delirious that time because I thought it would be a great time to lose weight so I severely restricted my diet to like 4 oranges a day and lost 20 lbs, but I don’t know if they had any negative effect on me. I gained the weight back though :/
I’m afraid that every time I get near my parents or have an angry thought against them that maybe harm would come to them. Maybe I’d black out and not remember. I will say being alone in my thoughts for a very long period of time has made me remember a lot of things in the past year and has pissed me off that my parents always prevented me from doing certain things which hindered my career and I’m pretty pissed about that. And also I’m afraid of losing them cause they’re all I have and the pandemic has put us on edge. I’ve avoided all people during the pandemic solely because of them, not for me, because I’m more worried for them than me.
Ugh, even the slightest bit of being mean to my
parents like telling them to get out of the way so I can get to the fridge is triggering me, afraid I’ve harmed them or something. I’ve resorted to taking short videos of them after incidents to make sure I’m not dreaming and they’re actually there lol.
At least I know it’s not just me lol. I have a friend who is so paranoid of her roommate now that she keeps her door locked lol, and I don’t think she has OCD.
It’s hard to go take a walk outside because of OCD, I’m basically afraid of everything now and there’s always cars zipping by alley ways that aren’t visible and I don’t want to get by a car, which according to Citizen app, is happening quite frequently in the area. Like, I’d be walking in my neighborhood and all of a sudden a car would zip right in front of me from an alley and there’s no way for me to see it coming. Happens so many times.
Also, it’s so inconvenient to go out cause then I’ll have to put on a mask and risk it since the new corona variants are floating around and then I have to take a shower to disinfect. Just easier to stay home than deal with all the hassle.
And to top it all off, I also have magical thinking OCD, constantly washing my hands thinking back dthoights can transfer onto objects.
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OCD
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Hi, sorry for my bad english and writing skills in advance hehe.
So I'm (23m) just learning about ADHD and I'm not sure if I'm just trying to find an excuse for my behavior to be honest. I know this isn't the place to get diagnosed but I'd like to ask about your opinion on this and if you can relate and what would be the next step to make.
Since the pandemic I've been doing a lot of interoception and just got over a rough depression lately.
Growing up I was always this non-stop-moving goofy happy kid, I had no trouble making friends and i practiced karate, soccer, swimming and lots of playing outside at the same time. I had these braces that you had to take off for eating. They were expensive and I lost them quite frequently as well as jackets and whatever thing I would carry with me. As you can guess that got me in a lot of trouble. For me it was impossible to study (still is), I just tried to listen the teacher and then ask my friends about whatever the exam was about last minute. That worked in my younger years but when studies got harder i just couldn't keep track so i dropped off.
Now im so much more introvert, I'm more mindful about not losing things and I think a lot before talking and I get anxious for every little thing. It took me 5 months to go get me new glasses and it was just 30 mins to get it done. I can't call my hairdresser for an appointment until i look so terribly ugly that i can't hold it anymore. Need to mentally prepare to order food. I even paid friends (more like as a joke but still lame) to make calls for me.
There's this constant monologue in my head that I thought everyone has until i talked to my mother about it. Normally it's just my thoughts going from one topic to another really quick while I do other things or even have conversations. But sometimes these thoughts are so loud and there are many of them overlayed and I can't really hear any of them. If my gf talks to me while this is happening I get really irritable and there's this brain fog and I can't even pretend I'm interested in whatever she's saying. I can't explain it to her while it's happening so I just get angry at myself for not caring enough while still not paying attention.
I usually get anxious when I have free time because I want to force myself to have the best good time possible, and that makes me self conscious about the things I'm doing and the time I'm wasting. I always play games with videos (documentals, youtubers talking about space, tutorials... Whatever video seems just a bit interesting for me) in the background because the game is not enough for me and I feel like im not doing good with my time. That happens vice versa too, I can't just watch a video, I must open a game even if I don't really feel like playing.
Sometimes I wanna make me a boul of cereals, but before doing it I need to plan what will I do while the milk is in the microwave and I can't think of anything I will simply not do it or maybe I will prepare extra food meanwhile even if I'm not that hungry. Doing a task implies planning how to do all the other tasks i've been aboiding so I can do them a at the same time and as quickly as possible, because if I'm gonna start moving I might as well keep the momentum going. It's like a game but I can't stop playing it.
I always sleep with some video or music for background noise or else I will stay awake for hours, I really hate silence.
So now I just read that ADHD is mostly hereditary and it got me thinking about my dad who is exacly like me. It takes a lot of effort for him to start doing any chore. He always had his tv on while playing the computer, he is super self absorted, he's very curious and knows lots of things about lots of topics and with a weird temper. I'm reading a lot of posts here and feeling some kind of relief because I relate a lot but also I'm a bit worried that I'm just lazy and searching for excuses so I don't need to improve on myself.
​
Thanks for reading and sorry for this mess of a text.
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ADHD
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Hey y’all, I am traveling for the first time without my family since my diagnosis 2 years ago. I am traveling to my boyfriends house out of state and will be there for a few weeks. I am feeling really anxious about triggers and handling triggers in unknown places. I don’t want to embarrass myself. I hate telling people I have PTSD but I feel like I will have to tell his family in the event of a trigger/panic attack. Does anyone have any suggestions/tips/encouragement?
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ptsd
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I'm 17. I'm in IB. I don't what college or country I'm aiming for. I got low grades. Like, pathetically low. All my peers got really high grades. I feel really shitty. I used to be brilliant at English. Now my psych teacher says my essays sound like a 7 or 8th grader's. I barely enjoy anything anymore. I was obsessed with fanfiction, now it barely gives me any joy. I used to love living. Now I feel as if I'm barely alive. Everything feels empty. I can't even get aroused anymore. I cried when I realized that. I live as if someone else is living in me and I'm astral projecting. My voice doesn't sound like mine. My face doesn't look like mine. My body looks so ugly yet it isn't mine anymore. My parents don't pressure me about grades. They say it's alright. I get so stressed. When I say I'm feeling wrong, everyone says not to take so much pressure for grades. But the grades were never the issue. They were just the by product. I've been feeling like this for the past 6 years. When I say, "I don't know what to do". Everyone assumes it's about my future. I quite literally don't know what to do. I have no hobbies or intrests anymore. I have no faith or confidence in myself.
​
Is this really living?
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depression
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I go to a therapist for my social anxiety but recently I’ve noticed I have a lot of symptoms of OCD I can’t go to bed without doing specific things every night in stores I have to organize the stuff if they are not in order, I have a fear of the number 11, I have impulses, I have to double check almost everything and I often have fears of hurting my family. Am I being paranoid or should I ask my therapist about it?
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OCD
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I just want to function.I got a new therapist today but when she asked what exactly my compulsions were I froze up and couldn’t tell her.So I just said it was quite a few things that change a lot which isn’t false.I want to say what they are.I have compulsions that make me think that my intelligence will lower if I do certain things, like if IQ points could magically drop.Regardless of whether there even related to any thing regarding my brain like putting on a shirt or etc.I have a compulsion that makes me paranoid of if reality is actually reality or if when I go to sleep that when I wake up I’ll be in a different reality even though I don’t actually believe that’s the case.I have compulsions that due to being religious and growing up in the Deep South that some things I do are blasphemous or sinful.Even intrusive thoughts about terrible things religiously when I pray or do something normal like masturbate because of fucking course it does.I’m afraid of speaking the more specific compulsions because there so strong but are so hard to say out loud.I just want this to fucking end.
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OCD
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Hiya. Kind of a vent here but I am also curious if anyone deals with anything similar. I've been diagnosed with OCD since I was 8. I've been in and out of therapy most my life and deal with other mental illnesses other than OCD. I've noticed through the years I have had many phases of my life where my OCD has gone away for a good while, and it almost seems to go away permanently. Then out of nowhere, it comes in a brand new form and I have to learn to deal with it. My OCD always looks different every time it comes back, which makes it a unique challenge to cope with every time. I haven't really had any problems with my OCD since last year but it's back again and I'm dealing with terrible intrusive thoughts. For some reason, the past couple of years it seems to be worse in the warmer months. I haaaaate the way my brain is wired lol. I'm glad I can better rationalize it now but dammit does it pull me down
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OCD
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I've noticed that my resting heart rate will creep up over the course of a week, my blood pressure drops and then I end up with a really bad Raynaud's attack.
I don't feel more stressed but I have been feeling more aggravated this week.
I tend to dissociate a lot so my awareness of my stress levels can be rubbish.
I'm currently huddled under a load of blankets, wearing 3 hoodies, heating is blasting and a hot cup of tea to try and get the blood back into my hands, toes, lips and nose.
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ptsd
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The predicament I’m in is I go to school in the morning and do things I need to do in the morning, but I also work as a server at night (4pm-10/11pm). I started Vyvanse which was great till I had raging insomnia that made me SO tired during the day I thought I was anemic or something. Adderall XR doesn’t last long enough to take just once, but I also can’t take it around the start of my shift because that’ll give me insomnia too. Does any one have any recommendations?
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ADHD
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So I’ve been recently diagnosed with ADHD (last September) and I started taking pills in November. But not sth strong like Adderall or any of the pills I’ve been reading about on the internet and I still haven’t noticed any difference.
Anyway I started working in a university lab 2 weeks ago for my thesis. It’s not going great. I get bored really fast. I take a lot of time to answer emails and I just need a lot of time to rest. For some reason I can’t go there every day and be as productive as I’m expected to.
So the professor who’s supposed to be my mentor and who is a brain scientist, called me out on this behavior saying that I’m impolite for not answering an email of one the lab members that was sent less than 24h ago. And that if I’m taking 2 weeks just to understand the papers and the research topic ( its abt sth I’ve never studied before and I had to learn everything on my own) then I’m gonna take 2 years to do the whole thing. After she talked for a while (this was the first time we have a proper conversation) I said that I understand her points and her perspective on things but my behavior is not due to me being impolite nor uncaring and I explained that I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD. I thought I’m in a fkn neuroscience lab, ofc these people r gonna understand.
Guess what 🥲 the first thing she said was a lot of people say they have that, don’t let the labels weigh you down. Also the diagnosis is not concrete, it’s not like you get a blood test that says you have adhd. She said she worked on a research on autism and the way they diagnose children is by asking their parents some questions even when they’re npt there (irrelevant argument no?). This woman is a neuroscientist how stupid is this.
I told her the condition started weighing me down so I went and got diagnosed by a doctor and not the other way around. I said fMRI images actually show differences in the brain activity between those who have adhd and those who haven’t.
So she said mockingly so how is your brain activity like?
She said we’ve been talking for some time and I is notice any lack of attention. She kept asking what my symptoms were and how did the doctor diagnose me. I felt like I’m being interrogated like why the hell am I gonna make this shit up.
She’s said im a brain scientist (as in i know what I’m saying) obvs she doesn’t.
I asked her then should I stop takinh my meds? She didn’t expect my question went silent for a moment then said brain medicine is not good. I told her I know that but I’m also trying to get my degree. She said you shouldn’t expect everyone to understand and that a behavior would be considered impolite even if a person has adhd. Eh this text is already too longe but she said a bunch of other things as well! Idk how to feel abt the whole thing. Any thoughts?
Also thanks if u read the whole thing 🙏🏼
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ADHD
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This is a bit icky, so I'm sorry, and please skip if you need to. It's taken me a long time to decide to open up about this so please don't make fun of me :(
I have chronic anal fissures from repeated anal rape. They are painful, constantly open up, and I have an ugly "sentinel tag" (basically a scar that protrudes) that gets in the way when I use the bathroom.
My doctor has said I will likely need to be on stool softeners for the rest of my life thanks to the risk of reinjury. But no matter what I do, if I push a little too hard or get a little constipated, I'm guaranteed a week or more of excruciating pain. They're like hemorrhoids on steroids. And forget about pregnancy-- I'm pretty much guaranteed a perineal tear if I give birth since the muscle wall has been wounded and repaired so many times.
I'm dealing with a flare right now and all I want to do is sit on the floor and sob. They're a lifetime reminder of the shit I've gone through and they're never going away. My abuser has permanently destroyed that part of my body. I hate it so much. I feel disgusting.
Anyone else have to deal with this? Should I try and get stronger painkillers for flares or would that be a slippery slope? How do you handle the shame that comes with this kind of injury? Are there remedies you take to prevent them opening up over and over? Miralax only does so much, but that's all my doctor said to do. I was on steroids once for a particularly bad tear but I hated it and it didn't make them heal much faster.
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ptsd
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I am currently sleeping in a hotel that has blankets that are tactile equivalent of ceiling popcorn and I want to die
UPDATE: I did not die, the inside blanket was amazingly soft and I wanted to steal it, once I figured that out I slept like a rock
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aspergers
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I've had depression since I was a kid when my parents got a divorce, I'm 24 y.o. now so you do the math.
All these years have been a constant rollercoaster of feelings, going from not feeling too bad to being on the edge of attempting suicide.
I've seen about 5 therapists and 3 psychiatrists and none of them could do anything for me.
Now I'm slowly seeing how my friends are getting so ahead of me in life, getting the jobs they studied for, finding love and getting their own homes while I'm stuck not accomplishing anything.
I used to fight to be happy and get out of this, even feeling that maybe I was about to on a couple of occasions only to fall back into the hole harder. But now I just accepted that it won't happen after all this years.
I don't think it's worth it anymore to keep trying only to hit a wall over and over. I've given up
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depression
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I've been waiting for the gp to reply to the letter foar proposed shared care with psychiatry uk and the gp hasn't replied for ages. So I just got off the phone with the surgery and apparently the CCG(don't know if that's the right acronym) dont authorise shared care with psychiatry-UK. I'm so confused and angry I thought all of this struggling with doctors was over. I don't know what it even means. Are they wrong? What am I supposed to do? Is the shared care agreement necessary?
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ADHD
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I keep telling myself I’ll just kill myself tomorrow. I’m still here. Tomorrow never comes but whenever it’s hard I think ok I’ll just do it tomorrow and in the moment I get a bit of relief.
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depression
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2 years ago my abusive ex broke up with me and I was at my lowest point. The first person I started to love since him has without warning lost interest in me. After heading in a downward spiral for months for other reasons, I feel I'm reaching that low point once again. Anyway time to seek out more meaningless relationships to fill the void.
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depression
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So, as someone who is older (35), recently diagnosed, in therapy, and trying to find a medication that works, I have been doing a lot of soul searching. There are a number of things that I have internalized about myself over the years that I now see as either being unfair, or unhealthy, but there are many things in the grey area where I don't really know what to think. After a certain point, I realize I'll have to accept many of them as reality and work on/with them where I can, but I often find myself feeling confused by this process and the daily switching of mind states as I trial medications.
Anyway, to anyone who has gone through this process, especially later in life, what helped you navigate challenging your sense of self and your past experiences? I realize that this is an answer that has to be found individually, but this is something that I very much want to grow from, and I feel like my perspective in insufficient at the moment. Anyway, thanks for your time!
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ADHD
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Hi Everybody. I love my skill-sets, communication style, and outlook on life and my role to myself and meaningful relationships. I have Aspergers and hypersensitivities in all my senses, some cross senses as well. I was *diagnosed* at 23 (24 now) only liberation and a fuller self-acceptance came from this. Though I was late diagnosis these are my experiences of LIFE and my perceptions/behaviors/priorities are shaped to my unique sensory experiences. I grew up in a short-tempered, quick-to-anger household. Separate from my sensory experiences, I’m a pro at masking. It feels like everything *regular* requiring fine motor skills has an obvious, highly stressful degree of mental processing for me to, in the most fundamental functioning way, understand. I am aware this is invisible to the outside world.
This is where things become upsetting. Just like anyone, from my efforts, trial and error, and developing and understanding of emotional awareness and how to better environments through my actions (lol so logical 🤷🏽♀️ *healthy*) I am well-spoken, have a grasp on my feelings, and a small number of strong relationships. From my experience people recognize qualities that are important to me, and also a continuous effort to emit and develop — this feels good. I’ve always been able to make people laugh and my natural expression must be quirky. Going back to my pain and emotional distress. I am a strong communicator and explained my sensory experiences to my two sisters who are verbally abusive. I could go on and on with examples breaking apart, putting down, shaming, and gaslighting my human existence they both did. I feel on edge because I explained things tenderly, thoroughly, and objectively. There was hardly a sentence I could say without being told how I was thinking, the reason for my thinking [LIVED EXPERIENCES BOTH SENSORY AND SOCIALLY], and my actual values/priorities were not real. I was gaslit despite communicating effectively and wit composure and integrity. This wasn’t even about them!
My whole life I’ve been told I do everything wrong, because it’s a little peculiar and honestly far more efficient than neurotypical approaches, mostly by my family. I feel relieved and safe when I am away from my sisters but something in me harbors guilt in severing a relationship to them because they are so relevant in my memories + how I feel care. I am feeling sensory overload, cognitive dissonance, and a bit crazy having every stable framework of my thinking, memories, and entire mental drive denied, gaslit, and told is WRONG. I understand why *most* on the spectrum don’t try and develop their communication or social skills because the-way/of-the-world no matter who you are is toxic and invalidating.
I feel so much mental agony that my entire life is navigating through different, often painful, disorientating, and stress inducing, sensory experiences. All of us on the spectrum don’t think about making decisions .. we just exist and have decisions to make to better our experience LIKE ANY ONE ELSE. My whole life I’ve been carelessly told how I function is wrong and when I explain to have understanding I am told my reality does not exist. I even explained masking and I’m told I am pretending to mask… lmao at least part of that last part is true if you catch my lateral thinking 🤔💡
Any support, validation, or shared pissed off energy is welcomed
EDIT: I also apologize for any over generalizing statement I have used that are not applicable to every individual. This felt just like a safe space to get feelings off my chest. Thanks!
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aspergers
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I am 26 and i know its not mature to blame my parents for how i turn out to be but looking back i had always told them i am bit different from most people.
I didnt know the exact words back then. But i always told them i had trouble socializing. They never cared. They hush it off as a "teenage phase" problems. I use to thought it was social anxiety untill when i was about 23+. I kinda improve my social skills a little bit and still feels like there still something quite not right about me.
Then was i find about ADHD-PI and read about it and suddenly all the memory from my struggles make sense.
I asked to go for a trade schools in 16 because i just felt like learning on paper is just not for me. Same thing happens. Parents just ignore it because for them only a degree is useful.
And one thing. I always say to them that i want to play sports. Cause for whatever reason back as a kid. I was mostly blur or confuse about everything. However, i kinda always do well in Sports like Soccer,badminton. After learning about ADHD mind. I kinda can see why sometimes its useful to play Sports. Same thing happens they denied it cause yes. Again only a degree is useful.
They never listened man... I live a life that they wanted for me.
I did go tu Uni and drop out.
Now i am 26 with no social skills, no degree, no friends and life is only going to be harder and harsher from now on.
I read some thread where they got teachers or parents that "point out" about ADHD early in their life and that saved them.
I can admit that as a kid i was an easy one man. I rarely asked for present of gift. Never involved in crime,drugs. Did averaged in school. So they though i was gonna be okay. Probably most us ADHD-PI live through this. People though we are fine because we are quiet.
All i ever wished was somebody listen to me. Life could have been better.
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ADHD
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So does anyone know why OCD seems to flair up around the age 19. Like I got diagnosed when I was 19 and before that I never suspected I had OCD and so it was never bad at all but all of sudden it just got really bad and that’s when I found out I had OCD. What changes in my brain/ body that makes it act up then
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OCD
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I have a doctor's appointment on Wednesday, and I'm planning to ask about changing meds. Before I do, I'd like to hear others' experiences.
I'm currently taking 20mg Adderall IR at about 7AM. It has a very mild, almost imperceptible effect on my attention and productivity. Honestly, I don't really feel it, but I took a couple weeks off and did notice an increase in scatterbrainedness.
But it does have a marked effect on my emotional control. Not losing my mind over insignificant shit is life-changing.
My prescription is actually for 20mg twice a day. I get little to no benefit from the second dose, but there's a 90% chance I wake up at 3AM and don't go back to sleep no matter how early I take it. I've tinkered with my single dose, bumping it up as high as 40mg, but I didn't notice any difference other than a light buzz on the day of the change.
Bottom line, I'm hoping to maintain my emotional stability but gain more attention and focus. I'll be discussing this with my doctor, but I'd like to have a little anecdotal evidence. Anyone with similar experiences, what other meds have you tried and how were the results?
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ADHD
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Me and my friend are looking for an ocd support group around the bay area. Is there like a particular website I can search through or any tips or something??
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OCD
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I feel like OCD made me so aware of my own thoughts that this is happening but literally there is always songs stuck in my head even when I’m going to sleep, doing whatever, talking, and literally in my dream too. I sometimes get so so annoyed that it makes me so anxious and it’s all I can think about. But also I feel like since I became aware of my OCD I’m just so hyperaware of my thoughts and Idk how to stop it. I feel like I need to know what’s in my brain at all times and it’s usually so so chaotic. I definitely do not have ADHD - I am pretty sure this is how my brain just is but when I think I guess I realized Ithink in words but also lots of images, scenarios, songs, memories popping up, and idk maybe meditation made me become aware of everything too but it is just so unnecessary and I want to stop being so aware of them??
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OCD
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I don't remember were I read this but it was something along the lines of: depression offers stability against the ups and downs of life. I don't remember the original quote. Does anyone know how it is and it's origin?
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depression
|
When I was 18 (2018) my dog, sierra, passed away. She had lymphoma, and it was my night off of a job I spent 12 hours a day at. I can't remember what I was doing. I think I was watching anime. Or sleeping. I'm not sure. During the twilight hours she started vomiting. I cleaned it off of the carpet. She vomited again. I cleaned it off of the carpet a second time. She peed herself, and began defecating blood mixed with diarrhea. Somewhere on her body pus burst and dribbled. That's when she started to whimper. Upon realizing that this wasn't going to end anytime soon, I moved her to the kitchen and sat with her. Her lymph nodes were swollen to the point of hilarity, and barks interposed with whimpers. She kept looking at me like there was something I could do. At some point the multifaceted fluids came to a stop, and I got her to drink a little water. She could barely open her mouth. She still panted, but she didn't have the strength to do much else. An hour passed, and the cycle began anew, but quieter and with less fluids to eject. I know a lot of people use "fluids" in a sexual or comedic context, but there was nothing sexy about this. I haven't since smelled anything worse in my life. I think at some point I disassociated, because I felt like a spectator in a foreign house watching a low budget 80's tape of somebody else's life. Morning arrived. When it became clear that she wasn't going to survive the next 24 hours, my mom called up her boyfriend as a pseudo undertaker. I stayed with her for the next few hours until she died, and helped carry her to the back of my mom's boyfriend's truck, where he with my brother drove her to be buried somewhere. I spent the next few hours cleaning the floors and carpets, where the smell remained for the next few days. Or maybe it was weeks.
The worst part was that she and my brother never got along. In fact, he hated her. It was always small things, like the dog shaking whenever he looked at her, which as you can imagine became a vicious cycle, or the dog rolling in the mud shortly after someone other than himself bathed her. It was always normal things that normal dogs do. But then, he always was a control freak, even since he could walk... She had always been miserable with us. I don't know if this is a valid cause for ptsd, but it's haunted me ever since. I've never had an attempt on my life, been raped (just molested), or watched another human die from death rattles to last gasps. It's not a contest. It's just hard to know what counts sometimes.
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ptsd
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Personally I am in sales (which I hate and am looking to leave ASAP) and it's really difficult for me to keep track of all the things to do on a day to day basis. Writing things down helps but I'm really really frustrated with where I am right now. So this question came to my mind, how does everyone else do it?
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ADHD
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Just took my first pill of 10mg lexapro last night and my anxiety is crazy bad. Is this normal?
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OCD
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It started off with me accidentally posting a little too spicy of a slightly nsfw meme in a discord server I’m in a *lot* and have formed friendships in and the mods decided it was too much and they took it down, but then proceeded to be shady and snide about in chat and pretty much hinted to them talking shit about it/me in the private mod chat.
Then when ranting to my friend after her repeatedly insisting that I talk to her and vent it out she left me on read, no explanation just decided she didn’t want to listen to me rant.
Then again when explaining to my other friend in our designated rant gc when telling them I’m worried I caught COVID she out right told me to shut the fuck up because she was going through a crisis of her own and couldn’t deal with me/ didn’t want to listen to my bs at that time.
I just feel like a social fuck up, like everyone hates me, like I can’t say or do anything right, like everyone is pointing their fingers at me, and I have been in tears, in a panic, and in a borderline rage fit for close to 2 or 3 hours now. I want to exit out of every group chat and server I’m in because they obviously all hate me. I literally want to disappear of embarrassment. I’m literally never talking to anyone ever again about anything personal, fuck everyone they don’t deserve to know anything that goes on with me.
Update/ the discord mod who flagged my post dm’d me and since I was in too much of a panic to immediately reply she sent another message asking me to “confirm” I seen her first message. And like I get it, they want to keep the community safe and clean but it’s hard for me to explain that made me feel like shit without them thinking I’m just attacking them for doing their job. So I sent back a very short sweet polite “yeah sorry I was working on stuff, it won’t happen again!” message as my hands shook terribly :(
Does anyone else have experiences of it being triggered over and over again?
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ADHD
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I get that they're important, but I've had several negative encounters with them. One time, I was at my grandmas place (apartment) and someone had burned their food which caused the alarm to go off, another time I accidentally set my moms car on fire with a torch which went out on its own in about 20 seconds with minor damage, and another time I heard the alarm go off while on the computer, I go see what's happening and there's a HUGE fire coming from the kitchen pan, and the whole family's panicking for a good 20 minutes (or what it felt like) until it finally went out on its own. All of this happened at an early age for me. To make matters worse, when I was getting close to graduating elementary school the school started having problems with the alarm. Guess what the principal does? Instead of assuming it's a technological problem, he makes all the classrooms in the area of the school come out to the hallway and the idiot blames the problem on a student like a repeated ''prank'', this was the point where it had been going on for days/weeks. And it was going off a 3-5 times almost EVERY DAY. My current school also has this but it's milder and doesn't go off as often, and they actually made effort into trying to fix it. Something I never saw my elementary school do. My elementary school is close to my current one, and I can often hear the alarm going off in the school, the poor kids having to deal with the shit daily, and you attend the school for a good 7 years. Also, I do believe my school has atleast some sort of budget to atleast TRY to fix the Goddamn thing, it's one of the BIGGEST schools in the country, they expanded it not too long ago and added a bench recently to the school yard yet they can't fix a broken fire alarm. I just feel awful for the kids still in the shool having to deal with this. And now whenever I hear the alarm go off at school I freak out and want to evacuate the school asap while the rest of the students are just chilling, acting like it isn't a big deal. My middle school siad that if the fire alarm went off 2 times in a row, it's not a false alarm. But that happened today and the kids just treated it like nothing. Plus they used an emergency evacuation through the window to skip the class. I feel like this is sending a very bad message to these kids, although it's still better than my old school. I don't think my preschool was any better though, the atmosphere in that place is fucking awful. I live in constant concern that the alarm is going to go off at home, knowing that it's likely not false.
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ptsd
|
I come from India, New Delhi to be specific which has an AQI of 500+ with dull grey sky. Recently I visited a beautiful place in the north called Manali with AQI of 30 with bright blue sky with temperatures under 5 degrees(Also known as Switzerland of India)for a week
i returned back to Delhi suddenly i lost interest completely in the things I enjoy like playing Table Tennis for my state at pro level, My business or anything fun
Now its been almost a month i have been facing this issue. One of the reason i am thinking is I got suddenly dumped in the most polluted city in the world with hardly an visibility during winters .
Any suggestions what should I do?
Ps: I am already taking medication for my generalized anxiety disorder for past 7 months (lexapro) and it has helped me a lot under some psychiatric
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depression
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Along with harming intrusive thoughts, and pretty much every other type of intrusive thought imaginable. My mom tells me I'm not, and showed no signs of Sociopathy or Psychopathy as a child. I feel like my emotions are muted, and I don't feel them often. What do I do to deal with this, books, therapy, etc?
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OCD
|
Just started watching "Squid Game" the other day. The moment the main character started to speak English and his mouth did not match the dialogue, I had a visceral "nope" reaction.
I've had the same thing happen with other shows that, by default, choose the English dub (Like "Dark" and "Babylon Berlin"). I watch everything with subtitles anyways, so switching to the original dub is not much of an issue aside from requiring my attention solely on the screen.
I've been kind of going down the rabbit hole of translations and voice track dubbing to figure out why I had that reaction. I think the things that bug me about dubs are small, but I think they add up to more frustrating. First is the lip sync not matching, which is distracting. Then the subtitles often don't match the dubs, which is like... you had one job! And then I find the VA performance to be over the top emotional which feels both unnatural and like it's trying to manipulate my feelings without earning it (like sappy music behind a sob story on American Idol or something).
That has me wondering how r/ADHD feels about subs vs dubs in a live-action show. Is the dub too distracting? Is following the subs too demanding?
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ADHD
|
Hello. I am in the very beginning of the process of being diagnosed, so I don't know yet if I'm Aspie or not. But I want to share something to see if it's a common experience. My loved one wants to break up and she brings up something that I heard all my life: people think that I'm taking them for a fool / my actions do not match my words. Here are 3 typical examples :
* My mother asking me to clean my room when I was little. Apparently, I always started by putting some legos together in a corner while forgetting about the whole room. My mother thought that it was an intentional strategy to force someone else to clean the room for me. While I know that my internal reasoning was: "The goal has been defined, duration is unspecified, and no other constraint has been explicitly said. To facilitate cleaning and ordering, things have to be sorted by "category" firsts, so let's start with an easy one for which there is a clear strategy to minimize spatial volume: lego bricks". My mother was ending up cleaning while I was assembling lego bricks in my room corner, barely noticing what she was doing.
* My boss (I'm doing research in computer science/mathematics) asking me to write an efficient algorithm to solve a particular problem. I realize that there is a bottleneck in most known numerical methods. Again duration and constraints are unspecified + we are doing research so I assume that it's a dialogue between researchers and logic/nature and that it's the only criterion that matters (making people happy is completely irrelevant if it's not 100% correct). I end up spending all my time working on the bottleneck and I develop a new specialized programming language for it from scratch, because that's the only way I can see to develop a correct solution. I end up not being able to finish the main project in the time frame, but now I have a very satisfactory foundation to attack the bottleneck that everyone has been dealing with for the last 20 years. My boss think that I have been playing with him for the whole time, while to me it was just the logical thing to do. I don't even understand why anyone doing research in computer science/mathematics would have wanted a solution based on weak foundations.
* My girlfriend now wants to break up with me and she blames me that my actions never met my words. And I'm super sad because I really wanted the best for us. She told me several times that it would be "for life", so I assumed that my actions had to meet long term goals. If the relationship is assumed to be "for life", it means that choices for us have to meet long term constraints (for example climate change, energetic constraints, economic constraints, etc...). I'm not a survivalist or whatever, but it's just that science is able to provide quite reliable constraints for the next \~30 years, so if I know that the relationship is "for life", that means that decisions "now" have to factor in some of these constraints. This involves some budget choices driven by predictions like buying masks as soon as COVID-19 entered an exponential phase (at the time that everyone was saying "it'll be fine"), or buying computer parts 6 months before the semiconductor crisis (because it was very predictable).
To be honest, I am starting to question my sanity because everyone seem to think that my actions never meet my words, while, in my world view, it's just that constraints are underspecified, and the constraints that I see as reasonable and logical seem to be coming from another world for most people (like solving a 20+ years old problem before implementing the main part of an algorithm, or reading thousands of pages of IPCC and economic reports to make decisions now to maximize the outcome of a relationship). What terribly hurts is that in all these cases, I'm really really doing my best for the best outcome, and in all cases, my intentions are not understood at all....
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aspergers
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I'm about to fail my math class. I have been studying for 2.5 days with barely making any progress. I almost can't do a math problem without looking away.
What should I do?
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OCD
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Does anyone have a specific medication they used for PTSD that also helped their consistent nightmares??? I’m so over it. I was on Zoloft but got off cause it just wasn’t working for me for day to day and didn’t help at all. Any other types that worked well for you if Zoloft didn’t?? Even if it’s just to get through the day? Also any advice for helping nightmares appreciated cause ya girl just wants to sleep through the night 😅
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ptsd
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I am 31F and worried that they might say I am not on the spectrum because I don't fit the stereotype or something like that. I heard some bad stories from people, even on this sub.
It's like I've been trying to figure out what is wrong with me all my life and autism is the only thing that makes sense to me. If it turns out I am not autistic it means I have to continue trying to figure out what it is and that is just so stressful and mentally draining.
Also don't know what the screening will involve. I have printed out a list of my symptoms just in case I forget.
Another thing is I just got some throat condition today and it's hard for me to talk and use my voice. I can't believe I've been waiting for this appointment for over a year and this happened one day before my screening. I hope it doesn't get worse by tomorrow.
Just venting.
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aspergers
|
I have had a huge problem with too many / too loud sounds. I can’t stand it. I almost need to be in complete silence or I feel like I’m gonna flip out (and I do sometimes).
But lately I’ve been disgusting by touching dry fabrics and paper. It started out small and not very often but has just been getting worse and worse. Especially today. I haven’t been able to dry my hands after washing them or move the mail off the counter because touching it is like nails on a chalkboard to me. Even if it’s just one finger. And now I’m starting to feel like I’m not going to be able to wear my clothes if this doesn’t go away. I almost feel nauseous. I’ve tried using lotion and such to act as a barrier between my hands and the paper etc but it’s not enough. I couldn’t even touch the toilet paper. Luckily I’m stoked on flushable wet wipes.
Does anyone else have this ?
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OCD
|
I'm dying slowly , i iust want to live a life for my remaining time in this cruel world
'Mentally giving up 🙃
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depression
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- Feeling literally drained because I literally gave my all to this individual. Never thought I would care more about them than they did me ;(
|
depression
|
What I'm about to ask is hard to describe but does anyone else ever think about doing something that would be fun, relaxing or grilling or anything then all of a sudden you just think meh... The idea just kinda sinks, kinda think nahh. Anyways it's hard to describe but I'm sick of it. It's keeping me from enjoying life. I don't seem to smile or laugh... I don't know. Been sober for 3 years. At one point I was homeless and now I have a great job, good woman, house and life is going great but I seem to have this block
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ptsd
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It’s been an issue for me for quite a long time and I’m finally able to concentrate on 1 thing at a time. I start so many things and just never finished them and now it feels like I’m able to see it to completion. If you’re still considering or wondering why your attention span is so nonexistent, talk to a Dr about it.
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ADHD
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Mods, I tried to post this in the additional resources thread but it is archived.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/TraumaHaven](https://www.reddit.com/r/TraumaHaven)
There are a lot of toxic people on the internet and many of them infiltrate online communities, specifically targeting vulnerable people. The goal of trauma haven is to create a low-tolerance space for recovering.
How to join:
* You should be able to click "request to join" when you visit the subreddit
* If not, just post here and I will add you manually!
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ptsd
|
How can I ever go back to the way things were? I’ve seen parts of the world that nobody should see, and it’s triggered parts of myself I wish stayed dormant. Is there really a way for me to love life again after all this?
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ptsd
|
TW: mention of death and diseases.
DISCLAIMER: I'm not trying to self diagnose, I have unfortunately been waiting for my first psychotherapist appointment for months now. I just want to share experiences.
I always thought I had a severe anxiety disorder and hypocondria. That was until I spoke with my girlfriend and she asked me if it might be OCD and so I started to connect the dots, or tried at least.
I was an "exhausting" child, as my mother used to say. I remember how much I protested and didn't want to eat if there were any wrinkles on the tablecloth. The tablecloth had to be perfect and if not I would just eat in my room.
There are many examples but that would be too much.
And then, when I was a teenager I just had weird obsessions, I cried for months looking at the sky because I thought that an asteroid would hit us.
I couldn't sleep for days on end because I was sure that someone would break in into our house. I started blocking the door with tables, chairs and slept with a knife near me.
But the worst time was in May, I was sure I was dying.
I started having extreme hypocondria. I looked everyday religiously for symptoms online and the thing got so bad that I didn't sleep for days because I was sure I would have an heart stroke while sleeping.
I am now feeling better but I think a lot about death and contamination lately, these are almost the only two things I think about in a day.
Can someone share some opinions? I don't think I have the C part much but I feel like I have been obsessing over things my whole life and I'm exhausted.
Thank you!!
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OCD
|
I've tried breathing retraining for both PTSD and asthma, but there's something about the way teachers who instruct breathing for wind instruments that is so much more understandable. One guy's video talks about how getting a deep diaphragmatic breath is like yawning, and practicing yawning helped me learn to take deep breaths in an unstrained way. As someone who's been breathing shallowly since a very early age and doesn't have strong diaphragmatic muscles, it was a huge help. So has, when breathing through my nose, picturing a wide straw down to the bottom of my abdomen and just letting it fill up on its own. If you've had PTSD from a very young age and never learned to breathe properly, I'd say watching a video or two is definitely worth a try. It's helping me relax and I have had repeated panic attacks for weeks.
Things have been awful lately and I've just been burned out and in resting/trying not to kill myself mode. My boyfriend bought a used saxophone for me because it was on my wish list from a while ago when I had more interest in things. Trying it also has given me a new area of interest which is cool because I'm not interested in anything else at the moment. It blocks out negative thoughts while I'm learning and it's nice because I can progress at my own pace with continuously new goals and can take a break from focusing so much on treatment. And if you're not much of a crafts-for-self-care person, it's a good option even if you're stuck in bed. Just thought I'd share.
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ptsd
|
If we could create a society specifically designed around our general needs and preferences what would it be like? What would you implement as mayor of aspie town?
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aspergers
|
It's just easier to not be around anyone. The pandemic really spiked the OCD to new levels. Anyone else feel this way?
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OCD
|
i do not live a quality life anymore. im not going on medication because im afraid of it. i am tired of waking up every day and avoiding people and not touching certain things and sanitizing things and making everybody accommodate for my mental illness. but im afraid to stop. i cant just stop worrying. i am not living anymore, i am fighting for survival against things that are probably not even there. i cant do this. i cant keep going. im only 19. please help.
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OCD
|
So basically I met this girl on snap and after a few days we both developed feelings for each other and as the days progressed she told me more and more about her but she loves far away and I’m 15 she’s 14. She been telling me more and more about herself and eventually I learned that she doesn’t feel like living anymore I told her to promise me she would not do anything and she agreed and says how she is living so she could meet me one day and hug me. She also said how her dad touched her ass and she told him she didn’t like it but he’s kept doing it. I told her to talk about it but she is scared of what her dad will say. Hey dad has not abused her physically, but he has yelled at her. I was told he is an alcoholic. She loves her family and dad but just wants things to get better. She doesn’t want to leave her family or call the police because she still loves her family. I don’t know how to help since I live across the world(same country) and I’m not there for her and can’t actually be there for her since I’m 15 and got school and a family of my own. I just don’t know how to help with her father especially and in general. If anyone has advice I would really appreciate it.
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depression
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I never, ever thought it would happen. After months of thinking a lot about memories, looking at old pictures, etc. I’ve realized I don’t hold any resentment toward her anymore. In fact, I only feel compassion now. It feels unbelievably better now. I realized that more than half of the things I resented her for were actually misguided things I resented my father for. My sister abused me a lot, but it was only because she was abused by our father first, and children who have been abused in that way often reenact those situations with other children. Her anger and violence that she directed at me was also a result of how he treated her. I never really realized it before that she had been abused as well, I only really thought of myself for a long time. I also held resentment that my father appeared to accept her (she was transgender, born a boy, which was controversial for the early 70’s especially for a child/young teen) but he would abuse me for accusations of “being gay”. I am now thinking he accepted her because it made him feel better to be abusing/exploiting a girl child instead of a boy since he did not want to be seen as gay himself (though I was a boy but besides the point). I can honestly say I thank her for making me so accepting of transgender people to this day, as I was raised believing that either gender can have either body. Part of me wants to see where she is in life now, but I don’t think it’s a good idea. I have not been in contact with her since 1998 and it has never been good contact, so I don’t think I will.
My father is another story. I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive him but I really want to keep trying because it felt so good to forgive my sister. I can deal with a lot more now than I could before I forgave her. I can’t imagine what things I can deal with easier once I forgive him, the final boss, lol. I have found that a lot of the things I’ve forgiven my sister for are the same things I have not been able to forgive my father for, and I do not know why I have that double standard. He died roughly 20 years ago so I have that solace but I still would like to forgive him.
If I did not use the right/politically correct terminology for LGBT people I am sorry.
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ptsd
|
Lately my OCD has switched and fully convinced me I have cancer of some sort. It started as brain cancer bc I have been getting bad headaches in the back right of my head frequently then I got a CT scan which was all clear. I saw 3 different doctors about it and they were all kinda like “🤷🏼♀️ probably migraines or stress”. It then moved on to breast cancer and now it’s back to brain tumor. It’s so so frustrating bc I know I just had a totally clear CT scan less than a month ago but my OCD is like “omg what if they missed something?” And it’s just draining 😔
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OCD
|
I realized that I can't make everyone love me, no matter how hard I try. No matter how much effort I put in not everyone will care for me. I realized that after standing there, staring at my boyfriend who was too busy playing video games to give me a proper hello after just returned from being hospitalized due to be suicidal. Then, watching him barely talk to me the rest of the day and mumble a "I love you" just to appease me. Part of my PTSD comes from being abandoned after being severely abused by a parental figure. So, I always have strived to try and make sure people love and care about me... Yet, today made me realize that I can't.
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ptsd
|
I don't know where the stereotype of autistic people being cold and unemotional comes from because I am extremely emotional...and I've realised I'm absolutely terrible at dealing with my emotions. For example, for most people, if something inconvenient happens in their day, or even something bad, it will make them feel upset but they can let go of it and concentrate on the rest of their day. Whereas if something happens to make me upset, I will be in a bad mood for the rest of the day, or potentially days at a time.
For pretty much this entire week I've been like this. A few days ago I randomly thought about the fact that I struggle to make friends/am lonely. I proceeded to go on an hour long walk late at night by myself, came back, it didn't help because I cried myself to sleep that night. The next night I went on another walk. For the past few days I've had really bad headaches as a result of the amount of crying and worrying I've done.
I just wish I had the ability to move on from things like other, more functional people rather than being so controlled by my bad moods.
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aspergers
|
I used to experiment and cross dress for arousal, and can’t seem to figure whether it was because I want to be a woman or not. I feel like a guy, like my penis, and have no evidence of dysphoria. I try on dresses constantly and can’t work out my own feelings. Has anyone else dealt with this? I look at myself and imagine myself with a vagina and such and can’t figure this out. If so what treatment did you get and did it work?
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OCD
|
It’s one o’clock in the morning. I’m laying in bed and my eyes are wide awake. I don’t need a physician to tell me as it’s not my first time. The proof is in the way it hurts. It’s different from that of sadness, grief, or bereavement. I don’t want to think about it, but it creeps up inside and consumes me.
On my drive to work, I stop by the scenic lookout and stare blankly into the ocean. I feel the breeze coming in and hear the waves crashing against the seawalls. I think about climbing over the waist high fence onto the jagged rocks and into the sea. Maybe one day I will yield enough courage to follow through. My day is only beginning.
At work, minutes feel like hours. I try my best, but a voice reminds me of more than I can sustain. I scroll through emails hoping to drown it out, but it only helps sometimes. As my chest and throat begin to swell, I try to be strong but can’t deny the tears. I believe only one colleague has noticed. Sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, I’m thankful I am afforded the privacy of my own office.
On my way home, I stop by the corner store adjacent to my apartment and pick-up the usual. A six pack and snacks. I sit back on my couch and reflect on my failures. I grow restless but nothing becomes clearer. Happiness is a mere distant memory. I take a sleeping aid and hope to forget. My eyelids get heavy and the curtains drop. As I awake, I check the time. It’s one o’clock in the morning.
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depression
|
1 week of 20mg XR, haven’t felt positive effects past the first day, and never lost my appetite even slightly. i get that side effects vary but that one seems to be the most common. so my question is.. if i’m totally normal and distracted while on it, with no side effects, am i even metabolizing the pill? i take it in the morning after a piece of bread. is there something else i should be doing?
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ADHD
|
Call me weird or dumb, but I simply cannot listen to music or anything while out in public. Even if I have earphones on I still can’t do it. There are two reasons for this:
1) I’m afraid that if I listen to music I will lose a lot of social ques from the environment around.
2) Since I live mostly in my brain and not much in my body I am afraid that my anxiety will go through the roof and I will have an even greater panic attack.
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aspergers
|
TLDR - at bottom.
TW: Hospitals, illness, death, medical emergency
First time posting here and feeling a bit out of sorts, so I apologize if this is all over the place. My Dad is my best friend.
I’ve been diagnosed and treated for OCD and panic disorder with a psychologist a few years back, and up until last week I had been doing really great. A few years ago I was unable to step foot into a hospital, doctor’s office - I wasn’t even able to call my Doctor’s office for simple things like a PAP because it would trigger a panic attack. I had to get a family member to do it, and I’m in my twenties.
I’ve done a lot of self-work through exposure therapy and obviously am not 100% cured (because well that just doesn’t happen), but I’ve been stable on medication and putting the work in.
Fast forward to last week and my Dad, who I’m very close to, ended up really sick out of nowhere. Like literally within 24 hours. He ended up in the ER and was admitted to the ICU from there, and intubated on a ventilator. He was suffering from respiratory failure and had multiple clots in his lungs. He was also experiencing some serious heart issues. A week prior he was fine, it was horrific to see.
Because of COVID rules he was only allowed 1 visitor per day in the ICU for only 2 hours. So with my family we had been rotating every 4 days. I was so proud of myself for being able to go in alone and spend my 2 hours with him last weekend. It was the worst thing I had ever seen to see him that way.
After about 6 days on the ventilator, they weaned him off to see how he would do. His lungs improved from the steroids and he was moved to a ward one step down from the ICU.
On his first full day out of the ICU it was my turn to visit. I arrived at about 2pm and was so happy to see him awake, albeit a bit confused and loopy from the drugs.
He was in a lot of pain from his catheter (literally groaning, clenching etc.) and I was advocating like heck for him, even though his nurse was being very rude to us. For 3 hours they didn’t believe him/me when we expressed that we didn’t think his catheter was in properly. He ended up going down for a renal, ureter, bladder ultrasound around 5pm and I waited in his room. Sure enough, when he came back they said his catheter was NOT in properly and needed to be fixed. I noticed that he was very cold and clammy, but sweating A LOT. I was dabbing him with cool paper towels while we waited for assistance.
At this point, he had to use the washroom (commode) so I gave him space while they closed the curtains and a different nurse assisted him.
This is where it gets a bit blurry for me. He started to complain that he wasn’t feeling well, and he wanted to lie down. I was still standing at his door to give him privacy while they fixed his catheter. They removed it I think.
His nurse then was able to get him some pain medication (hydromorphone) and took his blood pressure first. He didn’t end up having it, though. Some alarm started going off and she grabbed some other nurses to help get an IV line for fluid. I still wasn’t able to see my Dad but was standing a few feet away.
At this point, the other nurses come in (total 3 I think) and were looking for a vein but couldn’t find one. They were saying he’s very cold, and then rushed to get an oxygen mask and flip him over I think. I didn’t know what was going on but I could tell something wasn’t right. I started shaking because I could sense their energy and urgency.
Within seconds a nurse came out and told me they had to call for help to help my Dad.
Within seconds sirens and lights were flashing outside his door and “CODE BLUE, CODE BLUE” with his floor and room number was being announced over and over again to the entire hospital. I was shaking and crying and felt like I was going to vomit. I had to get down to the ground.
15 or so doctors and nurses came running down the hall with machines, racing into his room.
I remember being in the hallway watching them race past me like it was from a movie. I couldn’t stop shaking and crying. It was horrible.
I made my way to a couch around the corner and someone helped me.
Afterwards, a nurse came out to talk to me and tell me that he was okay but being moved to the ICU again. His BP had dropped to 45 and he was seconds away from…
The rest is a blur but I later found out that a defibrillator was also used on him that night. (The day prior he also had a cardioversion). The rest of my family arrived and we waited until he was stable enough in the ICU to see him.
He is going for emergency open heart surgery but I think he almost passed and I think I almost witnessed it.
*I was told by the Critical Care Social Worker to reach out to my Doctor today to access counselling and fill him in, since I have a history of mental illness. I feel bad that I don’t want to waste anyone’s time.
** My brain keeps telling me that I’m over reacting, not being “tough enough” about it, need to “get over it”, there’s people that need more help than me and I will waste resources, and that I’m being “over dramatic”.
I can’t get the images, the sounds, the feeling, seeing my Dad like that - being so sick, out of my head. It keeps playing over and over. Last night I was experiencing auditory hallucinations for the first time ever in bed. I don’t have a history of this.
Every minute that goes by I’m scared something worse is going to happen. I almost can’t be near my phone because I’m so scared. He still has a long road of recovery.
TLDR: I was with my Dad when the hospital had to make a “Code Blue”. I have a history of OCD/anxiety. My Dad got very sick out of nowhere and was intubated on a ventilator in the ICU. They released him and moved him down a ward. I was visiting him and was advocating for him due to the amount of pain he was in. He started not feeling well and the hospital had to make a Code Blue. I was outside his door and it was horrific. They saved his life. I’m struggling and my brain is telling me to “toughen up”. I was experiencing auditory hallucinations last night and the sounds and images keep playing in my head. I don’t know what’s going to happen to my Dad.
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ptsd
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I basically feel like I’m on cocaine (minus the “I can do anything”) feeling.
Was diagnosed with ADHD as a child and had terrible side effects with every medication I was put on so when I turned 18 I was allowed to ween myself off them. Now at 35 realized I let ADHD run my life since then (basically procrastinated my entire 20s and early 30s) and decided it was time to go back on. Wasn’t impressed with way the new diagnosis/med hand out went (in Canada. Saw an ADHD “specialist” who talked to me for 5 minutes and prescribed Vyvanse. My ADHD isn’t strictly inattentive or hyperactivity and comes with a host of others things.
They started me out with 20mg to see how I am on them before upping the dosage but boy oh boy 20mg legit just makes me feel like I’m on cocaine. Can’t stop clenching my jaw, def cant focus on one thing, and also had a random urge to gamble (casual low $$$/stakes sports.
Has anyone else ever had this reaction to low dosage of Vyvanse before?
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ADHD
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Ok here it goes. My trauma happened when I was 6 so this goes back a while. I would pretend I was someone else even pretend that my environment would change, but I knew that it would be weird to act those thoughts out so I did it all in my head, it helped I am an introvert. I think that is normal for young kids but I did it untill I got my nephew a little while ago I am 33 now I just checked out. Please, can anyone tell me what that is. I've tried to Google it but it just talks about DID but what I did was completely different
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ptsd
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Do any of you also have the problem that you can not translate what you read into a report? I mean I read a article about healthcare (because I study nursing), I understand what they say in the article but I can not really translate it to the situation I am faced with. I need to make a care plan for someone and you need to have a lot of sources, but I feel like i cannot make it into language that i can put in my report. I hope this wasnt to rambling. Do any of you also have this problem and how do you deal with it?
I have to say I always have trouble with reports, it just feels like it won't come out.
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ADHD
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I have ADHD and I think I also have RSD, I'm really finding it hard to do my work right now since every time I try, an insurmountable amount of anxiety overwhelms me. It's honestly extremely debilitating, it's like I have a disconnection to something I want to do but my body won't respond to such.
I'd be glad to share your experiences, I'm honestly at a lost right now lol
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ADHD
|
Hi everyone, I hope you are doing alright today. I was very recently diagnosed with OCD and have begun exposure therapy. I also have ADHD (PI). My main problem, I thought was existential and moralistic OCD but it is fast being revealed I also struggle a lot with perfectionism and that "just right“ feeling.
I think perfectionism combined with ADHD is really holding me back in editing and writing. I take longer than others to do most things and I think it's because I get hung up on little details and feel unable to continue my work without fixing them, even if they are not going to be part of the final outcome. I've spent too long writing it out here to try and explain it so suffice it to say I do not completely understand it yet.
What is going on now is that I had to complete a really important document for my master's thesis and send it to my supervisor by last night. I conscientiously put the amount of time into the work that it should have needed but by last night did not have something I was ready to submit. I decided to rest and wake up early this morning to finish it, but then I ended up waking up in the middle of the night and tried to do it but as I look at the paragraphs I just cannot see what I can fix although it is completely wrong. In the end, as my self-harm thoughts were getting quite overwhelming I decided to stop thinking about the deadline and focus on doing something to recharge, prioritizing my mental health. This means I'm missing the deadline and coming out as unreliable which feels horrible of course but hey, I guess it's exposure!
I'm not sure what exactly is the problem and why I can't do it. I guess I am just writing in the hopes that someone can relate to perfectionism in relation to writing and editing and can maybe give examples of compulsions. Also if you have any tips to be able to break through this overwhelm so that I can just do the work in spite of the bad feels - that would be perfect and most appreciated.
Sending kind vibes to you all, keep fighting the good fight!
\*TL;DR: \* OCD and ADHD-PI making editing and writing difficult. Do any of you who have experienced the same have any advice to share and maybe examples of compulsions I might not be noticing myself?
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OCD
|
I don’t know if this is the right sub for this but I couldn’t find a sub that was fitting for my story, my problems and my search for advice, but first things first, I grew up as a child that never took care of herself and didn’t give a damn about fashion, my hair was a mess because I showered every day but never brushed my hair, my mom brushed my hair once a week and it took her hours to get it normal and knot free, I always hated shopping for clothes as a kid and pre-teen because it was boring as hell because my mom always picked the clothes, I never got bullied for all of this in elementary school, till I turned 13 and entered high school, it was a special kind of school for troubled kids that weren’t expected to get good paying jobs so I got bullied because of my clothes and messy hair by these 3 girls, they always told me I looked like a homeless person and that they will beat me up if I don’t dress normal, this made me skip school a lot and got me depressed, I decided to dress like a rockstar and asked my mom to get me a pair of real leather jeans at 14, that was my worst decision ever and the bullying got worse, older boys kept grabbing my ass and called me a whore and even the teachers thought it was funny and grabbed my ass. One day I got a new pair of Nike sneakers and then those 3 girls screamed at me “just buy new clothes instead of new Nikes!”
This really changed me, I took better care of my hair and decided to let it grow till my waist but a few years ago I decided to become a hype beast because these memories kept repeating and I keep feeling insecure and ugly and I keep buying designer clothes and bags from brands like Louis Vuitton, Philipp Plein, Louboutin and Moschino, now my mom is begging me not to buy that 3000+ euro jacket I always wanted and I never told my therapist about this, I don’t have depths or anything but the things I buy are getting more expensive and I only make 1000 euros a month, what should I do? All I can think of is that this terrible school made me do this because as I said, I didn’t give a damn about fashion as a kid till they bullied me.
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depression
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Just putting this out there as a gentle reminder, we cannot mind read. I keep seeing on this sub, especially, people jumping to conclusions about what other people are thinking when they say aomething we dont like, or just in general. We cannot read other peoples mind, we have no clue what theyre thinking and cannot know if we don't ask. Also PTSD can warp our perceptions of safety making it all too easy to assume that someone saying something with the best of intentions has some alterior motives, when most likely were completely wrong. Like I saw a post where someone said they hate when people say they're "so strong". Which I can understand, but then the comments were just full of people replying with the negative things they assume that people mean when they say that, when in reality there probably isn't any alterior motives there and the person is just trying to be genuinely nice, because just as we can't read their minds, they cannot read ours and know how we take this unless we tell them.
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ptsd
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Lately ever since my new pc setup, with my cords to the left of my head, I constantly feel the need to push them in, at first this was just making sure they are all in but now I just do it because it annoys me if I don’t, last night I got up just to push them in, at this point it caused damage to one of the USB ports but it’s hard to shake the habit, mid game I lose fights just to push them all in top to bottom.
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OCD
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**TL;DR: My meds (10mg Ritalin IR) are great at helping me feel better and implement coping mechanisms, but they are a little hard on my body (which I’m trying to improve, though costs outweigh benefits) and I hate that I feel like an inconvenience to others and not as easy to interact/live with when I’m off of them, especially since I feel so much sadder when I’m not on them. I want to take meds to help myself, but I feel like I should take them to make the lives of those around me easier and that makes me feel weird.**
My meds help me be more patient. They help me focus on other things than the way that I feel so I don’t have a mind that’s constantly thinking about how awful I feel and translating that into making me think that it’s myself that’s actually awful. I’m able to implement coping mechanisms easier. I’m able to finish things when I start them without jumping in a million different places. My senses aren’t as overwhelmed. The tracks for my train of thought are straighter.
However…
I feel like they make me a more digestible person for people to interact with. My mood is predictable. I can act somewhat neurotypical with less of a heavy mask. I’m not as easily frustrated with others. I’m comfortable for people to be around.
I don’t feel super great on them, especially when I want to scream when I feel them kicking in. I constantly need to move. My stomach and sides kind of hurt, and I need to start exercising because I think I have high blood pressure. For reference, I’m on 10mg of Ritalin IR 2x a day since I have a funky class schedule for next semester with 7-10pms and then 9-11ams the next day.
When I’m off my meds, though, I’m so much sadder. It takes so much energy to talk to people, and if I don’t sleep enough it feels like my senses are turned all the way up and nobody in my life understands how I could be overwhelmed even when there is nothing going on and why I always say “I think I just need to sit in a dark and quiet room.”
Is this a common experience? Meds make life better for me, but I hate that everyone can tell when I’m off of them and they complain about it.
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ADHD
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I swear I started to study 3 weeks ago and for some reason I have not study at all. All I’ve been doing was staring blankly to the book. I have been looking at my book for like 2 hours. Before that I tried to read only to realize I suddenly read 20 pages without realizing or understanding what I’ve read. And now it’s 00:00 (12 am)
I dropped out of college and started a new one this year. Which means I’m late for college. And I’m scared that I’ll have to repeat this year. I didn’t know where to go I just needed to vent. My hands are shaking and getting numb and my heart is racing right now. I couldn’t sleep so I thought maybe I could study but nope I can’t study either. I’m an idiot.
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ADHD
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I’ll go first: Tonight, I am fighting OCD by playing with my favorite fidget toy: a squishy plushy. I am watching Dance Moms (because I like trash TV) and trying to focus ahead on the future. Sometimes, it is really hard. Part of my OCD is dermatillomania. Tonight, I really want to pick. But I am trying hard to keep my hands off my skin and fidget with sensory toys.
You are not alone.a
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OCD
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Especially like in school I can see everyone else beside me talk to others and make friends. It honestly makes me feel even worse than normally when I'm alone.
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depression
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I'm 36. I've tried therapy, medication, more therapy, more medication. Nothing works. I take care of myself, eat well, exercise... none of it helps.
I'm wondering if it's time to accept that my OCD will never get better and just white knuckle my way through life.
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OCD
|
*DISCLAIMER* I am not advocating cannabis, nor am I telling anyone to go out and purchase any. This is my subjective experience that happens to work for me. This may not work for everyone.
When I get brain fatigue daily, it doesn’t just work less optimally, but I am exhausted even to the point of thinking exhausts me.
After being so active in the day physically and mentally (constantly thinking/having a conversations with myself in my head and constantly learning), my brain gets to a point where it no longer takes in new information as well as physical fatigue to the point where I have to lay down with my eyes closed with minimal sensory input coming in from external stimuli such as my phone, laptop or TV.
A brief nap will help me tremendously, but as with most of you experience, my brain is so stimulated that I can’t sleep in the day. So I’m left with no choice to use cannabis if I don’t want to feel that way. On this occasion, when I refer to cannabis, I am referring to the whole plant which contains the psychoactive component THC. Once I have ingested a small dose my brain feels relaxed and all fatigue gone, which will be gone until the next day where I’ll need another small joint to have the same effects.
I use cannabis twice daily. The first is for the issue stated above, and the second is to go to sleep. Not being able to sleep until late due to my brain feeling too stimulated, and getting up early because I’m an ‘early bird’, which gives me about 5-6 hours sleep if I get off at a reasonable time, leaves me no choice to use a sleeping aid, which cannabis is the master at.
I thought I’d share my experience as I know I wouldn’t be alone in feeling this. I’d encourage you to do your research.
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aspergers
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Is it common for people on the spectrum imagining or creating a fictional/unreal character's voice inside your head, like while reading manga or a novel for an example?
While reading manga I can easily create the characters' voices and even animating the pictures into dynamic actions(like anime, I mean) inside my head. Also I was wondering does this condition have a name? or is this just vivid imagination?
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aspergers
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I just got my honours thesis results back, and theyre rubbish. Just managed to pass, and it took me 7 years of hard work to get to this position. Feels like an absolute waste. I got this far without diagnosis, but thesis bought it all to a head and I could no longer cope and lead to my diagnosis.
I want to hear other people's crash and burn stories, particularly adult diagnoses where people finally crashed into their ADHD full pelt. What horror story lead to you getting diagnosed?
I know it might seem counterproductive, but sometimes it is nice to just share burnout stories so we know we're not alone.
If anyone knows of a pre-existing thread in this vein and can link it then thatd be cool too!
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ADHD
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I hate this condition so fucking much, why can't i just feel okay like everyone else???? Its taking away every single bit of joy from my life. I'm not a pedophile, i never molested a kid, my girlfreind does love me, not everyone hates me. What can I say for my brain to just thing logically. I hate this disease so much I just want to go to sleep and not wake up
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OCD
|
I went to a private Christian school for 10th grade only (the reasons why I went there is a long story. In short, I have Cystic Fibrosis and was getting sick all the time in bigger schools, so I figured a school where ten students made up the entire high school would be relatively germ-free). Everyone except for this one girl was relatively normal. Albeit, very sheltered from the real world.
I made the grave mistake of being quite friendly to this one girl, as I was with everyone. I’ve been bullied before lots of times for being scrawny and wheezy all the time, so I’ve always made it a priority to be friendly to everyone, so long as they respected me. I don’t want to hurt people like they hurt me.
I don’t know what I did or said (I found out I’m on the Autism Spectrum just last year at 19, so I definitely suffer from some social blindness), but whatever I did gave this girl (who was two years older than me) the green light to act like we were besties for life. I knew something was up with her from the get-go, but I couldn’t put my finger on it, and I didn’t want to ostracize her. For the record, everyone was just as friendly to her as I was, but for whatever reason, I attracted her the most. So, I simply put up with her the best I could.
In the mornings before school a couple weeks after summer break ended, she started sitting uncomfortably close to me. Like, practically sitting on my lap close. I tried to tell her, first by scooting a few inches away from her, then by saying, “hey, um... try not to sit on my lap, ok? I don’t like that.” . But, she didn’t get the message. She’d just stare at me with this massive grin stretched across her face until I stopped talking or moving, and as soon as I was silent and still, this girl (who by then was 18 years old, and I was 15) would sit against my shoulder again, and start talking to me about how much she loved Transformers or this book she was reading or whatever. She did talk about these things with everyone, but not nearly as enthusiastically as she did with me.
Again, I have no idea what I said or did to invite this. My hobbies at the time were centered around art and nature. I didn’t like Marvel movies or fantasy books, or anything that this girl liked besides art, and I wasn’t the only artist in the school. Most of us in the high school were into art.
This girl was also a stereotypical legbeard type. Rarely wore deodorant, didn’t shave and was proud of it, was overweight (and gained thirty pounds over the course of the school year, even though she claimed she exercised and ate healthy daily). Her hair was always nicely styled, and she really liked eyeliner but no other makeup. She was also relatively acne-free. If she had been more unkempt, I would’ve suspected strongly something was going on at home. But, besides her BO and unshaven legs, she looked just fine on the outside.
As the year wore on, this girl (or I guess, woman, as she was 18 years old), only grew increasingly fond of me. She would run up and wrap me in this big bear hug in the mornings, and would sometimes pick me up in a fireman’s carry throughout the day, even though by then, I was pretty clear with everyone that I didn’t like to be touched unless I gave them overt permission.
She’d also talk my ears off in the mornings until second period where we had different classes, and again between classes and during lunch. She also started bringing a sketchbook to school, to show off her drawings of transformers and superheroes to me (which weren’t very good tbh, but I lied and said they were really good). She also had my phone number (which students were only supposed to use to text each other if we were working on a school project), and would text me “good morning” at 6 AM every week day, and “good night” at 9 PM every night, with something like “I hope you had a good day at school! I know I did! See ya tomorrow, friend.” An hour or so after school.
I tried to tell her in the nicest way possible that we could be school friends, but I wasn’t interested in being close outside of school, and at school I didn’t want to be followed around and hugged, and that this had nothing personal to do with her. Still, she acted as though I never told her that, and was soon asking what church I went to (I no longer went to any church and was actually an atheist), and when she could come to my house.
I didn’t know what to do or what was going on, so I asked around. I learned that the girl was adopted when she was a baby and had dyslexia, but that’s it. I met her parents a few times at school functions and when I went to her house to pick up my little brother. My little brother was good friends with her little brother (who were both attending the same elementary school). Again, nothing seemed off, and I’ve always been extremely intuitive and can sense when abuse may be at play.
Finally, I went to my parents and asked them. My dad just told me she was *that* kid and to just ignore her. My mom told me she just liked hanging out with me because I was friendly and cool, and some people are just super extroverted and bubbly. However, In the past, I’d befriended super extroverted and happy-go-lucky people, but they almost always respected my space from the get-go, and were especially conscious about not violating my space when I told them I wasn’t the touchy-feely type. Again, that girl I met in 10th grade was really weird, and by that winter, my patience was wearing thin.
I don’t know how I did it, but I survived that school year without snapping at that girl. The weekend after school let out, I blocked that girl’s number. That was that. I did spot her at the local grocery store a couple times that summer, but managed to keep my distance.
Anyone have any ideas of what was going on? This is going to be something that’ll haunt me until I finally figure out a decent answer and put it to rest.
Since I learned that I’m on the spectrum, I strongly suspect that girl was also Autistic. That would explain a lot, except for constantly violating my space after I told her many times not to. I’ve since met and befriended other people with Autism and/or ADHD, but they have always been respectful of my need for space either from the get-go, or when I told them I didn’t like to be touched. Something tells me something besides being a neurodiverse individual made that girl act the way she did.
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aspergers
|
Hey
Prior to 3 days ago Everything was normal I was quite happy and out going, idk what happened after that last night that triggered this in me, I’ve been getting groinal responses all day over men or animals, it is so intense to the point where I broke down. I searched up why is this happening and my symptoms relate a lot to HOCD. I’ve been suffering from depression a long time ago, but recently I been happy and in good spirits idk what caused this and why. Is it because I have exams next week? I really don’t know why. I don’t know if this relates to this but yesterday at 2 a.m (I stay up at night all the time) I was shivering and parched, i went to fill a cup of water but I couldn’t, I was so clumsy, my vision was so screwed I felt like this is the end of it, I filled my water and I forgot it ay the kitchen table, went to my room and fell on the ground and started drinking from my phone, all I could see was black or dark images and all I could hear was static and my heavy panting while I was sweating. I thought I was gonna die that night.
Anyway if this turns out as HOCD i am going to kill myself and I told that to my parents and close friends. With that I’m seeing online, that there is no cure is really bothering me.
I called my therapist today and told her I need to see her, she said it also might be a psychosis episode. And I’m going to see a doctor by tomorrow. Idk what to do at this point, I can’t stop these groinal responses and these intrusive thoughts they are really uncomfortable to the point where I don’t want to interact with anyone, it’s only been 2-3 days and I already wanna kill myself because of this, I don’t want to change and I want my normal life back. Any advice?
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OCD
|
Please help. I have an excellent therapist. I have been struggling with repressed memories trying to emerge. Today it’s out. Maybe not “it” but something new came out. I see my therapist tomorrow. I have used crisis line today. This is a new memory. Not a picture I can see, but a very strong feeling and sense of knowing about an event at age 2-3. I am 50. How do I know this is real? Gaslighting broke my brain. How do I know that what I think I know and physically feel was real? The only person who could confirm is the perpetrator(mom) and we are estranged by my choice. I feel like I know, my body acts like it’s living it, but I was 2-3 years old. Is this real? My mind wouldn’t just create an imaginary traumatic scenario for no reason, right?
Sorry for maybe not making sense or being hard to follow but I’m in a new place with my PTSD right now and I’m confused and scared.
Update: I now know one piece of the memory is real. I definitely remember it happening , I have had recall before that I forgot about. The other piece, the part I question, is pretty damn horrific but right on mark for the perpetrator.
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ptsd
|
My best friend is going through a very hard time right now. He’s not doing well in school (goes to a prestigious uni) and isn’t on track to take the MCAT. I want to do something for him but he doesn’t seek pleasure in anything anymore. We met through smoking Weed but it led him to develop an unhealthy coping mechanism that is hard to undo. His dog of 14 years died earlier this year and his dominant finger broke which never got repaired. What can I do to make him happy/feel better.
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depression
|
Usually high functioning autistic people and Aspies are confused for someone who’s either a sociopath or a psychopath. Is it due to the lack of emotion and expression because a lot of Aspies like ourselves have trouble showing that towards other. I saw a Reddit post on relationship advice on a 20 year old girl who was most likely autistic being called a sociopath by her boyfriend. However when I read more of her post and the comments her behavior was more of someone with autism than someone with sociopathy.
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aspergers
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I was really angry the other night and thought something while angry and while the thought happened I felt I meant the thought and I didn’t get anxiety from it like I usually do with other intrusive thoughts and then yesterday and today I can’t stop thinking about it and worrying about it because I don’t want the thought I had while angry to really be me like I wish I never had the thought and I don’t want it to be true. Am I the only one?
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OCD
|
Hello all, I really hope some of you suffer like I do, and I hope you can relate. When I was a child, I was uber messy, scatter brained and untidy. Then I became inspired by my brother and decided to copy his cleanliness/orderly nature. WELCOME PERSONALITY/IDENTITY CRISIS!
After years of horrific OCD I still really struggle to find the grey area between these states and have a lot of internal conflict between which one is the 'real', truest version of me! I'm either kind of obsessionally clean and ordered with my life, or I let it all hang out and am really messy. I even struggle to write to-do lists nowadays as it just makes me really want to go down the rabbit hole of obsessionally ordering my life to the zenith degree.
How do I relax and just find the middle ground?
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OCD
|
Slight trigger warning possibility?
I know I need medication and ERP and support but I'm scared to pursue that for fear that the psychiatrist I have plans to see will say it's not OCD and that it's all actually real. I don't know what to do.
Do y'all have any guidance on how I can make sure my psychiatrist will understand and be empathetic and not like manipulate me into believing my intrusive thoughts? I really am at a loss and just feeling very scared.
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OCD
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I don’t know what to do.
I was diagnosed with OCD about 2.5 years ago, and I have gone through two different ‘types’ of therapy: “Mindfulness/Meditation” and “ERP”. But I find that neither of these work that well. For mindfulness/meditation, it sometimes works when I am ‘moderately anxious’ but when I am ‘extremely anxious’ (e.g. I am panicking about something due to an obsession I am having), or if I am feeling suicidal, I find that it isn’t able to calm me down.
For ERP, when I tried it, I found that the ‘OCD theme’ that I was worried about kept on changing, so the ERP I tried to do wasn’t effective. For example, I wrote up a ‘hierarchy’ of exposures related to using social media (since this was one of my ‘OCD themes’), but then when I tried doing the exposures, I found that I felt close to 0 anxiety doing the exposures (even though just recently beforehand, I had felt a lot of anxiety around that ‘OCD theme’), and instead, I was worried about a different ‘OCD theme’. But then a few weeks later, I started worrying about the original ‘OCD theme’ (relating to social media) again. Is this common when doing ERP? If so, how am I supposed to deal with it?
I have also been taking medication for over a year, but I have not seen any real improvement.
I'm always paranoid about something at any given point in time. There are multiple different ‘OCD themes’ I have and I keep ‘rotating’ between them (i.e. the thing I am worried about is always changing).
And I get anxious all the time, especially in social interactions. I feel like nobody really likes me or wants to hang out with me. I find it difficult to maintain friendships because:
1 - I am always worried that I have made someone upset so I always apologise for minor things (I guess this is a compulsion)?
2 - I am anxious/have a low mood 24/7, which makes it harder for me to interact with others.
I have never been in a relationship with anyone and I probably never will be, because of the above reasons.
Last year I tried to kill myself twice, and I am upset that it did not work. I felt like suicide was my ‘last chance’ to get away from feeling anxious/depressed all the time. But now I feel like I have no options left. I always feel so lonely and depressed. Besides my therapist, I have nobody to talk to about my problems, because I don’t know how to do so without ‘reassurance seeking’, and also because I do not want to be a burden on others.
I have nothing in life to look forward to. I am thinking about hurting myself because that might be a way to distract myself from my worries. But I can’t think of any long term solutions to any of this.
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OCD
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I posted about this on the r/abuse subreddit but in January a co-worker pinned me against a wall by my neck (there was more to it that I'd rather no go into). I always felt weird about having my neck touched, but now I can't have anything touch it without freaking out. I've cut the necks off almost all my shirts, all the way down to the top of my bust. My boyfriend can't touch me in certain ways. Even my pillow at night or the wind can trigger it.
My psychiatrist diagnosed me with PTSD but said there isn't really anything I can do but cope.
Does anyone have any resources or advice to help me deal with this? I'm furloughed right now but when I go back, my uniform is super high-necked and I'm worried. Also, I just want my life back.
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ptsd
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I work in a hospital as a chaplain. I was visiting patients as usual. One patient was detoxing/altered mental status. This is a long story, but the main point is the patient said something very sexually inappropriate to me. It triggered major anxiety/disassociation.
I went to my office to take my anxiety meds and start some grounding exercises. My boss saw that I was struggling. He asked if I needed the rest of the day off, volunteered to take over as the chaplain for that patient and asked if I was safe to drive home.
I asked for an hour in the chapel to decompress and told him I would check in to see how the afternoon was going.
So thankful to be surrounded by wonderful people.
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ptsd
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Everyday feels like I'm in hell. I wake up depressed and anxious, upset that I awoke. Knowing and dreading that I'll be anxious all day about something with my "health". I look in the mirror and feel nothing but disappointment and shame. I'm a shell of a person, who was hardly a person to begin with. From losing my mom, to the abuse my dad put me through..I've realized I truly have no one. My dad never cared about me. He never cared about any of his kids. My siblings think I'm a joke since I'm constantly anxious about health issues that aren't there. I've burdened everyone with my anxiety to the point that they're all sick of me and brush me off. I recovered from an eating disorder and hate how I look even more than I did before I lost all the weight. I have no goals or ambition. I struggle with chronic headaches everyday. No pills seem to work to fix my fucked up brain. The ER Dr's all hate me for constantly going in thinking I'm dying. You know what hell is? Hell is constantly panicking that somethings wrong with your body. Thinking you're dying. To the point that you are just so exhausted that you want to kill yourself. But I'm too scared. I have no money . I leech off my bf when I need help. Because I'm a loser. I'm too scared to find a better job or apply myself because my anxiety controls me 247. I can't do this anymore. I feel like I'm drowning. And the worst part is, I have nobody who cares. I'm in constant pain. I want out. But what happens after?
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depression
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I have pure O ocd (just thinking, no physical compulsions) and am trying ERP therapy and it seams to be to no avail. Every time I try to not react to a thought I just get stressed about the next one, and then I feel like I have to constantly work to make sure im not reacting/stressing about my thoughts which of course is stressful and counter productive. It seams like the only way for me to not react is to like entirely shut my brain down. Most of my themes are existential (religious ig) which is one where thinking about it often never leads to reassurance anyway so I need some help here. What should my ERP therapy think or feel like?
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OCD
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So, my primary care physician, who is becoming increasingly, visibly frustrated with me, recommends I see a psychiatrist in addition to my therapist, for medication. Has anyone had success with a medication other than Zoloft and Prozac, in terms of improving sex drive and not experiencing sexual dysfunction from those medications? Any advice is appreciated !
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ptsd
|
My life its definately not as bad as other but i wouldnt say its great, ive been struggling with my relationship with this girl, we have been together but broke up a while ago we since then have been getting closer but one night she met another guy with her friend to smoke and now she always brings him up, has invited him to a concert we are going to and has been really distant and blunt with me, so ofc im assuming my chances have gone and she would clearly rather choose him over me, i check out his instagram and he is better than me in every way, i just want her to atleast tell me that this thing with me and her has to stop so i can let go of it and move on instead of wanting to do something stupid even more everyday alongsode that im, on my 3rd dad and tonight my mum has told him she doesnt want to be with him, theyve been marroed for 10 years so i do see him as my dad, this is just the main 2 topics of this month and my head just keeos getting filled with so many thoughts and i breakdown almost everynight, i know this is porbably something stupid and everyone on here has something so much more serious but, i just need someone or something to let it out to because, i have no one, no friends or family i can rely on.
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depression
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Hi there.
Probably like a whole lot of you my story is pretty much the cliched one of being a putatively gifted kid with (i'm told) pretty high scores on aptitude tests and good grades (despite a total inability to work or study at all), which eventually led to a tidal wave of high--academic-expectations crashing down upon my clueless lil head, this sudden deluge of expectation being paradoxically combined with an equally sudden absence of external guidance and authority and relaxation of all consequences for failure, in the spirit of what i presume was a whole sort of leave-him-to-it-it'll-be-fine kind of parenting/teaching-style and a how do you say it unconscious belief in some projected destiny i'd no matter what somehow stroll or struggle or maybe even drag myself towards the horizon of -- and then of course on my part through-out all this the endless procrastinations (which as the years went on became less and less feasible a means of securing the high grades expected of me as a bare minimum), leading to the consequent educative downgrading, the frequent missed deadlines, withering inwards into shame and guilt and humiliation, the three of which in turn surrendered me to increasing emotional withdrawal, which fertilises the hyper-anxious fixations that breed in such a withdrawn state-of-living, and these hyper-fixed anxiousnesses eventually out of exhaustion implode in on themselves into a crater of complete emotional vacancy that itself increases the withdrawal, and that is expressed most often in the inability to get the most minor tasks completed, and in the anxious deferral of all and any major task -- not to mention throughout all these years the extreme and contradictory and seemingly irreconcilable personality traits -- (for me, horrible social anxiety expressed as blushing, twitches, alternating with ridiculous exuberant confidence that makes people remember me as someone charismatic and garrulous and humorous and entertaining and then makes them surprised next time they meet me and i'm far from that, on top of which you eventually become aware *they're* aware of and concerned by the apparent personality-change, and so you spend endless psychic kilojoules working to convince them that you're still the very same exuberant guy expressed as that side of your personality you're convinced is the only one anyone actually *likes*, all of which only compounds the secretly building anxiety till it avalanches inward and you're alone in your room entangled up in the endless possibilities and variables and factors attendant upon any one imagined social interaction, a sort of paralytic analysis that make you late to and exhausted at the prospect of any actually impending social events....) -----
i've finally been diagnosed with combined-type ADHD (i'd already had anxiety and depression diagnoses) and been on the NHS's current first-line treatment (Xaggitin XL) and the effects on my ability to work are certainly palpable though underwhelming to say the least. I'm way more organised in every sense, for sure, especially w/r/t to small menial tasks and to the minor daily routines such as sleep-times, meal-times, doing shopping and washing, replying to emails, making reminders for myself etc. - but i have to say my ability to work on longer more arduous tasks which right now are necessary for me to complete (essays, etc.) has as far as i'm aware hardly improved, maybe only very slightly, if at all.The thing is is that for me this very minor improvement w/r/t work ethic doesn't seem satisfactory considering how much i feel the meds have changed my fundamental personality - because when they wear off theres almost nothing going on in my head. I feel vacant and vapid and almost kind of psychologically bovine. Aphasic, too. Not even bad thoughts; just no thoughts. No words, no images. Even people i'm totally comfortable with leave me sort of dumbfounded and empty when it comes to responding to them during a conversation. I was at a social event recently on a weekend on which i came off the meds so i could drink, and i was just so so not myself. I ended up forcing the most taxi-drive-style small-talk with people i'd usually be laughing my head off with, and was putting them through sort of bored discomfit by my apathetic bland questionings, questions and small-talk that were so uncharacteristic of how i usually am; and now my awareness of this withdrawal effect has now increased an anxiety which minus the whole lockdown debacle i'd just finally begun to get a tentative handle on.
​
I'm also just kind of feeling like despite the messiness and disorganisation of my life prior to meds, i feel that i sort of liked who i was, quite a lot even, and especially liked an imaginativeness and creativity i'd always felt made me unique. If the meds get rid of that but allow me to work well and succeed in the forthcoming tasks i'm currently locked-in to, doesn't it just mean i'm doing the wrong thing in life?
​
I'm confused because i've always been touted to be an academic or something intellectual, even by uni lecturers when my procrastination was at an all-time high (feel free to vomit at any parts of this where the exposition segues way too close to anxious 'i-swear-despite-my-failures-i'm....' type of bragging) so part of me thinks there's no other job i'd prefer and be better suited to. But then my inability to meet deadlines, focus on a task for a sustained period of time, generate internal drive and direct it at one task at a time - my lack of all these things makes me think i'm just not going to tolerate that kind of environment...... but then the jobs that suit a more haphazard and externally-oriented stimulus-based mind-set don't seem to fulfill my like dreams and tastes or whatever....... i wanna be creating stuff and writing and reading and consuming art and cultural media as fast as possible and as much as possible and analysing it and whatever but i have no clue what career would suit that whilst maintaining a good amount of intellectual firepower......
Also (by now im realising this is too long for any one to probably read without irritation - either way it can be personally useful to externalise the dumb dim intracranial swirls of bland grey thought into concrete letters and words an imagined other's eyes might skim through) anyone feel like all their symptoms exponentially increased over extended lockdown? Tiktok especially augments everything, as has having been cooped up, having no social contact, losing financial independence and due to being in the middle of a grad degree not having enough time or wherewithal to secure financial independence once more. I'm stuck in my home town at my ma's house atm and want to move to a bustling city, but sort of can't cus i have uni work to finish first, but then can't focus on the uni work because no social life and am anxious about missing out on life stuck at home, in my best years, now finally noticing i'm beginning to age faster than i'd thought my familial genetics'd promised me, and spending my prime locked away, and so on and so forth: all of which is probs just only a kind of false catch-22 knotted together by the horribly dextrous but diseased mental fingers of my very own brain.
​
I also think (and i know this kind of impressionability is itself considered an adhd symptom) that since i've been diagnosed i've started to see the world through a rigid adhd lens in a way that's totalised my perspective and is starting to feel a bit unhealthy? It's like an ADHD-shaped mesh has been imposed over the world for me. Like minor behavioural inclinations of mine are now all captured under the rubric of 'adhd' symptoms and way too rigidly defined, too much subordinated to this diagnosis, as though it's become ALL i am; and as though the confidence and security - a secure confidence afforded to me by my newfound ability to glibly explain away these behaviours - has sort of made me reductive about them; has made me box them in and then tuck the boxes away into some derelict nook in my imagination's seldom-visited attic-room. Like it becomes easier to dismiss self-scrutiny cus you can immediately and unthinkingly relate the behaviours to a prefabricated medical diagnosis that is reductive to the extent it is authoritative. I can;t enjoy the parts about myself i loved most (when they're still there and not muted by med withdrawal) because i've picked up a habit of immediately labelling and externalising them as a set of symptoms; rather than as, like, the core of my personality.....It's also made me more self-absorbed, more narcissistic - i find myself turning loads of conversations into a sort of casual-yawn humble-brag where i present myself as having adopted a demeanour of radical openness and carefree sincerity, but know (and I know everyone else is also wise to it) that the whole radical sincere openness thing is itself another falsehood, but is a falsehood that i feel i literally can't help but do automatically - i don't *want* to do it, i, like, can't seem to help it - i speak way faster than i can think, most of the time.
​
I've probs annoyed loads of people reading this so apologies in advance - was meant to be a coherent question and ended up some horrible complex wriggling tarantula-version of the simple thing i'd been wanting to get across.
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ADHD
|
So I wanted to share my own particular brand of insanity and see if anyone else does something similar. Since I was a kid in a broken home I've had an obsession with numbers. It started off as counting stairs and having to land on my right foot. I thought it was just a little game and didn't think it was a problem. Bad things would happen at home and in order to attempt to gain some good juju I started aiming for my left foot. Thought process goes like this ; Left starts with L and so does Lucky. Of course all my new good juju did nothing for my situation so I started experimenting and decided that stairs that have 6 or 13 steps were very bad juju and stairs with 7 or a multiple of 7 we're good juju... 21 being extra good juju. This later evolved as my life got more and more fucked into the system it is today. Everytime something really bad would happen I'd add it to the bad numbers section. Now it gets kind of complicated but I'll try to make it simple. Same concept as the stairs but now just with numbers in general, objects, patterns, actions, literally anything. 6, 9, 13, 20, and 23 are now the really bad juju numbers. 7 and multiples of 7 are the only good numbers. All other numbers are just neutral and fine. But now there's math involved. If you have a multiple digit number like 15 for example now I add those digits to get a single number so in this example 6 is what you get making 15 a bad number. There are some other rules though. No multiplying, dividing, or subtracting.... Yet. And I do this all the time with everything somewhat subconsciously. I'm fully aware of it but if I could stop and be comfortable 100% I would. But if I try to force myself to ignore it I get really really uncomfortable. I just wanted to share this here and see if anybody does something similar and if so what your numbers are. Thanks for reading I know this is pretty long.
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OCD
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