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I cried for an hour today. I asked God why no one, not even myself, in my life wants to talk to me or spend time with me or hug me.
I feel like a puppy now. I’m always asking people to love me and I’m always alone in the end. Everyone wants something from me and I’m all used up. I have nothing left. I just feel like maybe if I disappear, the world would be a better place.
I’m not sure where to go from here. I feel like my relationship is sucking the little bit of happiness from me. Is he a dementor or am I? My chest hurts and I don’t know where to go from here.
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depression
|
ive fallen again to the deep hole of uncertainty and stubborness of what to do with my life. I do know what i want to do with it but i do not know how to start going. Something is holding me back. Maybe the regret of things i did in the past. My parents bashing and degrading me everyday about how that im 18 with no job or license. My reltaionship that turns on and off. The anxiety of "what if something goes wrong?" Ive also been dissociating allot. theres just allot of things i cannot put into words. im just mess. This depression also has lead me to forget allot of things i did in the middle of my highschool years. Mainly Junior year. I forgot some people i met that year, and how do i know? Well there were two or 3 people that came up to me indivdually at a different time this year that recgonized me but i never recgonized them. i need help man. i feel like i have nothing to lose but i need to just get out there to set my priorties straight. thank you to whoever read this whole mess.
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depression
|
Nothing I do works, my inability to socialize, process info and properly vocalize my problems has lead me to fail just about every venture in life. I've lived for 18 years and have literally no accomplishments, I'm incredibly stupid and ashamed of how my school life was, I barley passed the easiest courses in school because both my autism and adhd are constantly working against me. I have no friends who respect me because I'm walled off dumbass who's not only has nothing to show for his life, but also can't hold a proper conversation without mumbling or tripping over his words. The worse part about my life is the fact that NOBODY gave enough of a shit to help me, my parents knew about BOTH my autism AND adhd when I was SIX YEARS OLD AND DID NOTHING BUT STUFF ME UP WITH CONCERTA(inconsistently btw) although my parents love me they're blind to my problems, idk if it's just stubbornness to the problem at hand or they view reality with rose tinted glasses, either way their blissful ignorance led to a incredibly unintelligent man with obsession issues who cannot have a clear and concise conversation. What's funny about my life is that I only really started to notice how alone I was during the beginning of highschool, and because I was alone I turned to online friendships for my social needs, but turns out it isn't good for mental development when you put a bunch of mentally unbalanced teenagers together to rot away playing the same 2 video games for THREE YEARS, all I did for three fucking years was talk to horrible, disgusting people online because I had nothing else. I was literally a discord loser and I'm disgusted with some of the things I heard, saw and said. I didn't mentally grow for the entirety of highschool, so probably about 4 years of my life, I say 4 years because I remember the last time I was truly happy was when I was in grade 8, where I had friends who cared about me,I grew a bit in that grade, unfortunately we never kept in touch, highschool is when everything went to shit. when plopping a kid with both Asperger's and ADHD into a environment not made for them they will ultimately fail without any outside help, they'll crumble mentally, ik I did because all I've felt for the last 4 years is nothing but constant anxiety, almost every symptom of depression, anger, resentment, and fear. It's truly been hell, and what did all these experiences turn into? It turned into someone who is plagued by CONSTANT thoughts about never being good enough and thoughts of violently lashing out at literally everyone in my life who's played a decent role, speaking of people in my life I gotta talk about how everyone treats me, I'm treated like a incompetent child who can't take care of himself, even though can I do almost everything NT can, I cook, I clean, I have good hygiene, I have a decent amount of money, I work out, I go out on my own, I could literally survive on my own but I'm treated like a fucking toddler by my "best friends" and I absolutely hate it, I've literally grown to kinda despise most of my friends that I genuinely loved. Every now and then I'll bounce back and think that they're real friends of mine, but I'm always brought back to reality sooner or later. it causes me mental pain knowing that I have nothing with people I've spent and shared most my life with. The funny thing about everyone in my life is that they all CONSTANTLY LIE to me and say I'm normal, even though when I point out a flaw caused by my condition they agree with me and say I've always had it, like it seriously pisses me off to no end, my entire reality has been SHATTERED by my realization that I'm a victim of my disorders, I don't control them they control me, I seriously don't know what to do anymore, everything in my life is broken to a certain degree and there's no fixing it rn, I would get a counselor but I'm on a loooooong waiting list. I didn't even cover everything because it's 3am here and insomnia caused by meds is not fun to deal with so apologies for any spelling mistakes
So what do I do now? The false reality I was living in has been broken, I can't go back to living in blissful ignorance to everything/everyone around me, I feel like everything in my life has come to a end and it makes me feel just so worn out
what can I do to change my life for the better?
Edit: if you need me to further elaborate on something feel free to ask :)
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aspergers
|
Hi Everyone,
So I was diagnosed with ADHD about a year and a half ago. In that same time my career has taken off. Nobody in my family has ever made it this far. I'm looking for a certain population segment who've experienced imposter syndrome but who also have ADHD. I'm a first generation American, first with college degree, first with a professional job. And mostly recently took a high level position with a tech company and nobody looks like me. Any advice is welcomed.
Thank you.
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ADHD
|
Okay, so I have struggled with major depression for a few years now. I have been taking anti-depressants which help with anxiety, but right now, I am feeling trapped because life at work and home has been hectic. I feel as if my only resort to peace and happiness is sleep.
I went on a cruise the first week of this month, and it was an amazing experience; it really helped me unwind and find myself while exploring and trying something new. However, even before my trip, I was feeling extremely stressed and depressed due to my work life; it’s a super disorganized workplace, and I feel as if my work goes unappreciated and that I’m being taken advantage of. I have been applying for new jobs, so hopefully I will find something better. However, whenever I come home from work, I’m just so mentally exhausted and get hit with bouts of depression that I can’t even think of doing anything else.
Life at home is also stressful because my dad and my brother yell and argue all day long every day. My brother has ADHD and started taking meds, but my dad gets *furious* and yells and threatens to “ruin his life” for not listening or focusing. I’m frankly over the constant fighting; I want to call somebody to help out (kinda like Supernanny only without the television aspect) but don’t want to risk being put out while I’m trying to get my life figured out. It’s frankly demoralizing and I don’t want to live with it.
I know that I can’t change the behavior between my dad and brother, but I think some kind of help is necessary. What do I do in that instance? I think my brother needs extensive help with his disorder and my dad needs help managing his temper, but how do I get them that help? And how do I stop feeling trapped like I am now?
|
depression
|
My mom died in early April.
I dealt with a lot of it, during her hospital stay. I cared for my sick family, and dealt with handling my mom's care when she was in the ICU. March was Hell.
I want so badly to go back to February and stop it. Try to stop my family from getting infected, try to stop my mom from getting bad.
I keep thinking about the days leading up to it all. I took a job. If I hadn't have taken the job maybe my mom wouldn't be dead.
My therapist says it's a miracle I can even work right now. What choice do I have? I have bills to pay.
My mental health hasn't been the best in the past couple years, but since my mom died my depression seems almost treatment resistant and I've been getting periods where it's super bad.
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ptsd
|
I don’t know if I have OCD and I never honestly payed attention to this recent thing of mine but it’s getting out of hand. I have been having intrusive thoughts for over a year now but have started the “knocking” ritual around 2 months ago. Whenever I was out or even like super busy I’d ALWAYS get intrusive thoughts of my dear ones dying/getting ill or even more absurd ones such as “the world ending tomorrow” and I’d knock 3 times to get it off my mind and sort of prevent it from happening. I didn’t think anything about it until it started getting more frequent and required way more than three knocks. Currently, it can get up to a 1000 knocks a day each time tripling a set of 3. It’s seriously bothering me at that point because I now carry a piece of wood with me and if I don’t have wood with me I’d run around looking for something wooden to knock on. Does anyone know any coping techniques?
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OCD
|
Just curious to see what you're all taking and how it's helping. I'm currently on 10mg Lexapro and 150mg Wellbutrin. I fucking hate the Lexapro because it's ruined my sex life, but I guess that's better than having panic attacks every day. I might ask my psych about going off of it in the near future, as Wellbutrin's been pretty helpful for me.
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OCD
|
Which medication is the most effective overall to treat OCD between the following: Luvox (fluvoxamine), Zoloft (sertraline), Lexapro (escitalopram), and Celexa (citalopram)? I’ll be glad to read your comments based on your experiences. Thanks!
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OCD
|
I struggle with depression, though my particular form of depression does not rise out of a troubled past, cursed genetics, or structural failure of the mind. It is 100% self-induced from a collection of rational beliefs that I can't seem to overthrow logically. These beliefs are a collection of things like determinism and atheism, that collectively state that there is no meaning to balance the equation between the ambivalent universe and this thing called I. These beliefs when put together call themselves, Nihilism, which is the idea that meaning is nonexistent and the reason it is so toxic to happiness is because Nihilism undermines purpose, ethics, justice, rights, responsibility and anything that can represent hope. Nihilism states life is random, meaningless, hopeless, groundless and most tragically seems to be an entirely logical point of view, because it would appear that truth can never be arrived at. So, we are only blindly grasping at meaning, whenever we come up with a moral system or meaning to life. However, this is a bad metaphor because we will never know if we have grasped it, are yet to grasp it, or if it can even be grasped.
For those who come to accept that life is without intrinsic meaning, there are three main ways to react.
* Embracing or creating a meaning framework, such as a religion or a spirituality framework, because they believe it’s too hard to sad or difficult to live on without one
* Acceptance of the lack of meaning, and living on with, and in spite of, this knowledge
* Suicide, due to life being ultimately meaningless and therefore either too boring or too painful
These three main ways to react are paired up with a belief system. The first is the continued belief in nihilism, which holds that not only is there no intrinsic meaning in the universe, but that it’s pointless to try to construct our own as a substitute, so it can only lead one to react with acceptance or suicide. Secondly, one could reject nihilism and turn to existentialism or the belief that through a combination of awareness, free will, and personal responsibility, one can construct their own meaning within a world that intrinsically has none of its own, so it is an embracing of a framework of meaning and discarding of the thought process that brought you there. Thirdly, one could say yes to both and turn to absurdism or the belief that a search for meaning is inherently in conflict with the actual lack of meaning, but that one should both accept this and simultaneously rebel against it by embracing what life has to offer, which is a combination of acceptance of the lack of meaning and the embracing of a framework of meaning despite its "absurdity".
My depression therefore arises from my realization that intrinsic meaning does not exist. I cannot forget this fact nor do I believe that humans can "create" meaning and values (see determinism or lack of free will). So, it would appear that I am left with nihilism and a choice to make: accept this fact or die. Perhaps this is a false dichotomy but to those that say "just change your beliefs" or "don't think of it that way", I didn't choose to think this way or come to this conclusion, it happened to me and is now a part of me as a logical evolution of thoughts and ideas. I think to change this would be akin to expecting a fish to breathe in air because they are out of water, perhaps this too is a representation of my depression. If so, then why do I have this nascent desire to live, when even now, I question the validity of my life's continuance? Is it just the most basic of human urges that can only be overridden by sufficient grief or anguish, that I have yet to experience? Why do I place just value on logical consistency, when I know that’s its validation of nihilism, essentially undermines its own authority? Why can’t I delude myself into meaning, to atleast feed into the meaningless and skim off some pleasure along the way? Why is it that truth is only thing I yearn for and the only thing that can’t be obtained? If answers to these questions even exist, would they even satisfy me?
And of all the things that I’ve mention, perhaps the worst part, is not the conscious realization and confrontation of these ideas, but rather the return from the breaks in between bouts. Where they slip into the unconscious, briefly out of sight and mind, only to return to the forefront as if to torture you with the negation of what you had experienced.
​
I should expand upon this and mention that this is not "Baby's first brush with Nihilism" but a rather exhaustive search for potential answers or perspectives and a post to generate discussion.
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depression
|
Me again! So much lately! But as I play the waiting game with my GP, I am hoping to get thoughts from those who have used natural medicine and found it to be helpful. I’m specifically dealing with graphic intrusive thoughts, and it has been hard to let them float past without getting distressed. What are things that have been helpful for you if you’ve used natural medicines?
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OCD
|
I restart video games no matter how far I am in them. I find out I could have done something better, and can’t stand to continue playing. I try to ignore the urge but the reoccurring thoughts make it impossible to enjoy anything. Animal Crossing and Stardew Valley were the worst. I would forget to do ONE THING, ONE DAY and restart the whole game. Animal crossing was worse though because I had to have native roses, native apples, and a yellow airport in order to stand playing the game at all. So that was a billion restarts to begin with. It’s so stupid that I can’t just enjoy a game it has to be a perfect run, which turns into no run at all.
What makes me really sad is Fire Emblem. I have started Fire Emblem: Awakening over maybe 200 times and almost finished it maybe 50 times but I can’t stop thinking about how different people should be married or they should have went through different string of class changes. I started the next game and after the third restart I knew where it was going and I didn’t want to get invested.
World of Warcraft was the first game I noticed this in. It started when I was like 12. I would get to right below max level and delete my character. A different reason every time, I wouldn’t let myself have the satisfaction of reaching max level, because the run wasn’t perfect in my eyes. And I loved making new characters and doing the same quests and dungeons up to level 60, it was comforting to me. I was embarrassed to tell anyone that I played WoW though because if they wanted to add me they would know I never had a max level character and was always level 30 or something. Haha.
Other games I’ve done this with for long periods of time: Fallout, Dragon’s Dogma, The Elder Scrolls.
The only game I haven’t had this problem with is Final Fantasy X… I’ve finished it three times and it is my favorite of all time. It makes me CRY.
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OCD
|
I'm just going to keep this short for the moment, but if there is anyone here that has TOCD can you respond? I've had tics for a while (it runs in my family) but it wasn't until this year that I have been able to pinpoint as an OCD issue, rather than just Tourettes or some other tic disorder. I hate trying to research it though and having minimal resources, or trying to find people I can relate to on TikTok or Reddit and finding very few people. I just want to know some one is out there that relates and can help out:/
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OCD
|
Does anyone else have a thing with even numbers? Like things either have to be even or they'll bug the crap out of me. When I type I'll backspace when I don't need to or wait to use autocorrect when it's already loaded up, because if I don't it really bothers me. My dad thinks I'm lying, so he started giving me odd numbers of things, food, supplies, even changing things I have specifically so I'll be okay with it, and he'll just tell me to "not pay attention to it and focus on something more important" it really pisses me off and whenever I confront him about it he tries to call BS by giving me an odd number of something (M&M's for example) he'll say "close your eyes and eat it, you won't tell a difference, but don't worry, it's even" but when I tell the difference, I spit one out because he lied. He says I'm lying but I give him the exact number of M&M's he gives me and he's shocked like I didn't tell him I do that type of thing when I constantly tell him I do.
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aspergers
|
Is anyone willing to listen to me explain my horrible experience I had with my therapist? It was something she told me. It’s killing me and I’m falling apart...
I don’t feel like writing it publicly here at this time
***Trigger warning for physical abuse &; suicidal ideation
Please help, very desperate
Thank you!!
*please comment or DM me !
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ptsd
|
It's Black Friday, meaning it's time for everyone to buy shit. I got paid today and so I decided to try and pick up some things that I need.
Even though they're things I know I need, I still feel so guilty for spending money on it. I feel like I'm being wasteful and being a terrible, ungrateful person.
It's absolutely not reasonable, to feel how I do. Yet I do anyway because of a mix of stupid things going on in my head. I hate my brain so much for doing this shit to me. I know it's unreasonable but there's still that guilt, shame and just utter disgust for myself at buying myself something.
How can I have the "treat yourself" mentality when I don't feel like I deserve it? Does anyone relate to this at all?
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depression
|
I’ve spent time on this sub but never posted, and wanted to post something I hope will help others. I was raped 12 years ago, shoved it away for several years, and then it came back and I experienced PTSD for about 7 years, until I completed Prolonged Exposure (PE) Therapy this spring. This [Dateline video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ViOlBfFu9qk&t=5s) is a good summary of what it is, but I wanted to give some more insight for anyone considering this therapy or looking for some sort of relief.
It took place over 10 sessions, during which I would recount the story of the assault in present tense with my eyes closed, record that, and listen to the recording every day (30-40 minutes) until the next week’s session, where we would do it again. During that time I was also doing in vivo exposures - things I’d been either purposely or inadvertently avoiding for years (sitting next to men in public, watching documentaries about rape cases, listening to certain songs, etc).
It was terrible! But it absolutely worked for me, and from the first session, the logic of it made sense to me, as awful as it was. Over time, the memory became less and less distressing while I was telling it. What happened will always have happened, but now when my thoughts turn to the assault, it feels like a memory of something that happened in the past, instead of like a flashback that makes it feel like it’s happening all over again.
At the beginning of the therapy sessions, I would shake in my sleep, almost like my body was trying to expel all the energy I’d taken up over the years trying to avoid dealing with the rape. I was even jumpier than usual. It was really hard. But it got easier, then harder, then easier, and now, while I won’t say I’m cured, I no longer meet the diagnostic criteria for PTSD. I never really thought that was possible.
When I look for the PTSD inside, instead of the sharp, black jolts of energy from flashbacks, anger and hyper vigilance, I find blank, open space. I know some people have had bad experiences with PE therapy, but it changed my life, and if you have any questions, I am more than happy to answer.
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ptsd
|
i (20s, afab) have confirmed diagnosis of ASD, ADHD, depression, and anxiety (for context i guess). does anyone else on the spectrum have issues identifying those of different races? i feel like i can never tell and i always feel really dumb when one of my friends correct me since it seems obvious to them. the topic is never in an intentionally derogatory way, usually attempting to describe someone for another friend and a third party chimes in and corrects me. this extends to all races, including white, so i don't think it is some ingrained white washing thing or something. obviously not a super big deal, but i genuinely feel bad identifying people incorrectly on accident and want to get better at it. honestly just wondering if this is a thing other people who have ASD deal with since i know other parts of ASD deal with similar things.
notes:
\-i wasn't raised around only one race and was very exposed to people of all races growing up
\-on a throwaway mostly because i was already logged in tbh
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aspergers
|
I'm really bad at bureaucracy. Which makes living in a country other than the one I was born in so damn stressful.
I've got constant anxiety around the immigration office which I need to visit every month or so: Did I remember the right forms? Has a policy changed that will complicate everything? I don't speak the local language because covid has had us all locked down for the last 6 months, so will I have to guess my way through a conversation?
Yesterday I went in to the office and filed all the paperwork. They asked me to come back today for a visa stamp. I missed their open hours. Now I get to stress all night about whether I'll get a fine or whether this is the mistake that breaks the camels back and they just deport me.
I can't even get medicine to help me here.
Last time I accidentally overstayed for nearly a month because I misread the paperwork.
Rationally they'll just fine me, but that's not what the ol headmeat is telling me.
I hate my brain.
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ADHD
|
I am curious if anyone else has this issue. Happens to me all the time with my beautiful ADD/OCD mix. I will be thinking about something (often important). Then there is a momentary distraction. Then my brain goes, “Okay, what was I just thinking about?” And I get into this loop of “what was I thinking about? I will never rmemeber; my brain won’t let me remember.” Like, I obsess over the fact that I know I won’t remember and I am unable to just focus on actually trying to recover the thought. It’s so frustrating. It happens to me all the time.
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OCD
|
Like the title suggests - I wish my phone had the ability to listen in on my conversations (especially in work meetings!) and add a reminder to my calendar every time I say something like “oh yeah, I can do that”, along with a snippet of the conversation for reference.
I’ve lost track of the number of times I’ve agreed to do something and then immediately forgotten about it - only for the other person to follow up later, and for me to have the sudden anxiety-spike realization that, yep, I’ve done it again (or alternatively, the occasional “wait - when did I agree to that? I don’t remember that conversation AT ALL” which is also fun).
I’ve been trying to be better at writing things down in a list, but I’m sure I’m like many of you in that I have multiple lists, all over the place, and no in-my-head organizational system to coordinate all of the Things I Have To Do.
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ADHD
|
Hello everybody, My 18 year old son has aspergers and wants to get his driver's license. I honestly would love him to get i. But I have a few concerns about some of his abilities and how he reacts to things. One of the biggest concerns is situation awareness. He is pretty bad at not paying attention to what is going on around him. Just recently he was on an electric scooter in a mobile home park. While riding he was basically weaving through the whole road way and blew through stop signs and unaware of a car behind him that was trying to go around. Another time he walked infront of a car trying to turn into a parking lot. He also gets upset at times when people do stuff the wrong way or go out of turn which at times make him lose focus. So my questions is what worked to help you over come some of these hurdles if you had them.
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aspergers
|
I hate OCD so much. It has ruined everything I enjoy in life for me. I struggle with religious OCD and relationship OCD and it is killing me. I am constantly scrutinizing my daily life for things that are possibly sinful and examining my relationship for red flags and my own reaction to attractive people. This is the worst possible way to live. I constantly have a headache from ruminating too much and I feel so distant from God and my partner. It’s so lonely. OCD is greedy and robs you of anything you hold dear. I hate it.
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OCD
|
For a few years now, my father has been the subject and trigger of the most horrendous intrusive thoughts, and most life invasive intrusive thoughts I have ever had to deal with in my life. I cannot have a conversation with him without getting a horrible deluge of intrusive thoughts that are relentless and often require extensive amounts of mind washing with other experiences, over the course of days in order to get rid of. Sleep often helps too. But in order to fall asleep I'd need to take sleeping pills since it's morning.
PAll forms of potential intimacy, romance, and sexual activity outside or mental is completely turned off and suppressed during the entire duration of time that the thoughts are present. It is absolutely mind numbingly frustrating and invasive. Today is my birthday. On a regular basis, I never talk to my dad. We live together, but I avoid him like the plague for that very reason. But for the sake of "TRADITION" we all sat together to eat cake.
He started talking in the very ways that trigger me. Right before coming down my mind felt fucking great. Immediately after eating the cake, I feel like as if my ability to function has been unjustifiably compromised. Now the thoughts are relentless. And again, I have struggled with this for YEARS. Not weeks, months, but YEARS. I have been to hell and back with this problem. What works for me and I would pay any amount of money and suffer any financial problem or logistical problem in replacement of this is to not be triggered. The reason he is a trigger has its basis in a history of trauma and combined with my ocd.
​
Do I hate him? No. He is actually a very good person and a big part of me feels tremendously guilty for this problem. This morning I didn't say I don't want to eat in the same room because my guilty conscience stopped me. I try to be as respectful as I can, and that is in the face of a problem that most people who struggle with road rage and anger over small things would outright murder a bunch of people if given to deal with regularly. I have a life to live and I didn't choose to have this fucking problem. I'm at a point where I am thinking of permanently cutting him out of my life. Or for a long time.
​
I'd rather eat cockroaches and have a clear mind, than have this bullshit to deal with and eat gourmet food. Absolutely nobody especially my mother understands me. Now I have to deal with this bullshit again. If some random person came to me and said, give me 500 dollars and I will make the thoughts go away, and could prove that he could magically, I would. I'd give him 500 dollars even if I didn't have them. The last time I got triggered, I ended up shifting all my plans throughout the day and went to the gym and punched punching bags and slammed basketballs in the court to release my frustration. Eventually, I went and had a long conversation with an acquaintance of mine on saturday night and that helped to clear my mind.
​
I know I sound insane, but it is the way that it is. I have wrestled with this shit for years and done my best to not make my dad feel alienated but it is what it is. I cannot sacrifice my life and my sanity so that I look like a "good son" in the cultural colloquial sense of the word.
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OCD
|
Hi, I am working summer school (ESY) as a service provider and there is a 3rd grade student who has 45 min of speech a week written in his IEP for ESY. This student has severe behaviors. In his behavior plan it says he has attempted to stab staff with a pencil, punches, chokes peers, hits, kicks, throws things, elopes, and has peed on other students in the bathroom. He yells and screams too. His teacher said he has not done any work because of constant behaviors, primarily eloping. I attempted to work with him Friday with his 1:1 aid present. I utilized all the strategies and he was extremely non compliant. He threw my visuals, kicked my cart, and escalated to hitting me and shoving me. Hit me 4 times in a 10 min time frame. After 10 min I ended the session early. I don’t want to work with this student again because the violence reminds me of the violence I’ve experienced. My doctor wrote a vague note for me. This principal is blunt and a little aggressive in her communication so I don’t feel comfortable talking to her but will I have to. I am curious what anyone recommends? How can I get out of this without disclosing ptsd? I don’t feel safe working with him given he did exhibit physical aggression. Honestly the level of behavior I saw doesn’t even need speech either he screamed plenty of things at us. What route would you take to address this and keep yourself safe? I’ll add I’m a small adult (maybe not relevant but I feel I always have to explain this so people understand where I’m coming from). I also emailed the principal asking for a site safety plan to keep staff and students safe and she claimed there wasn’t one because this student didn’t display hitting or throwing before ESY. But I don’t find that to be valid because his IEP was written in June and it clearly stated a long list of extreme behaviors in the behavior intervention plan. So I don’t get why she’s denying that. She told me to call the parents and that the classroom teacher should develop the safety plan. She then emailed area superintendent and asked for their support and now they plan to observe for the “new behaviors” which are not new. I flat out do not want to work with him or be observed. This entire situation is stressing me out and I want to know how I can be protected.
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ptsd
|
Does anyone else get intense anxiety about thinking you've damaged something belonging to someone else but not being sure if it was your fault and feeling the need to confess just in case it was your fault?
|
OCD
|
For the past few days, I have found impossible to get comfortable, my clothes feel completely wrong on my body, I feel like this really strong, uncomfortable feeling in between my toes and in my armpits and nothing is helping it. It’s absolutely horrible and I’m so sick of it, does anyone have any ideas on how to help? I have used ice packs, tried grounding and none of my prescription meds have helped it out. Any advice is welcome.
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aspergers
|
How do I talk about my academic difficulties with my boss? Last semester I really struggled to manage my ADHD, and as a result, I ended up withdrawing from two courses. I am now retaking one of the courses, and I am doing better. My boss is interested in my academics (it is related to my job, but not necessarily vital to perform the role) but I have not really let on the difficulty I was having except to say "I am really struggling. Things are hard."
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ADHD
|
What do you do if you have a childhood diagnosis of ADHD, have been on meds before, and now as an adult can’t find anyone in your area that is willing to prescribe medication?
The effort and energy it takes is enough to give up.
Does anyone know someone in the Sam Diego area that will actually prescribe medication if you already have an ADHD diagnosis?
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ADHD
|
Going to a 3 day festival and I will be drinking and smoking we*d (just a bit of we*d, will mostly be drinking), I’m not sure if I should take my pills every morning or not, cause I don’t wanna have a mental breakdown after I come back home bc that happens to me I get the drinking blues, i feel skipping my meds will make it worse I’m not sure
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OCD
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I (19F) am scared that I will always end up being bored in everything I do. My entire life I have always had an issue of being really excited about something and wanting to do it before getting bored of the activity barely a month later. The only thing I ever stuck with long-term was karate, but we moved to another state soon after I got my black belt and I haven't found another dojo that fits me.
Im really interested in education, it has always been my passion. I've wanted to start a K-12 STEM school since I was 12. I worked in the public middle/high schools in my town during my junior year (I was homeschooled so I could do whatever I wanted) and I loved it. I loved the kids and I loved helping them learn math and science, but after a few months I found myself dreading it. I still loved the kids, but I hated going to "work" every day. It probably didn't help that I was doing my own schooling after I got off at 3:30.
I'm currently in university (Biomedical engineering degree) and I was really excited to go even with the covid situation, but I honestly just wanted to go home after the first quarter. Every time I go home I just don't want to go back to uni. When I finally get back, all I can think about is how much I want to go home.
The things I like to do are all "housewife" activities: cooking, cleaning, taking care of kids, shopping, organizing, knitting, sewing, etc.
I'm terrified that I will get bored of my dream of running my school and will want to stop. No one else in my family has these issues, even the ones with ADHD. I feel like I have a pedagogy that could really help people, but what if I get bored of my school and start hating my job?
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ADHD
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Basically, I get these intermittent rushes of a cool, tingly feeling up my back and into my head, followed by improved mental clarity and focus - it only started after I went on Strattera (a NRI) and it feels similar to the phenomenon of frisson, which is known to be linked to norepinephrine, so that's what I've decided it most likely is.
They mostly come on seemingly at random after taking my meds, but there are three reliable triggers I've identified:
- Meditation
- Going outside and getting fresh air
- And the weirdest: peeing
So, anyone who needs to de-scatter your thoughts or lift some brain fog... consider one of these activities!
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ADHD
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Life is good. Idk how to get diagnosed nor medication. Im stress.
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OCD
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Hello! My psychiatrist recently raised my wellbutrin xl. For context I am on Yaz (birth control) and adderall xr. It's only been about six weeks but my period has been crazy since she raised the wellbutrin. I had weeks of breakthrough bleeding then when I did get my period it's been really heavy. Has this happened to anyone else? Will it go away or is it decreasing the effectiveness of the Yaz? Thanks for any advice.
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ADHD
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I’ve been on Vyvanse for roughly two weeks now and I’ve been experiencing a decent amount of nausea. I usually eat with taking my meds too, however sometimes I’m not the best at eating “on time” so I’m wondering if that has anything to do with it. I take the extended release, so maybe when my stomach dissolves some of it later in the day my empty stomach causes nausea? I’m seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow and will definitely mention it but has anyone had similar experiences? My mom said it could be my dose is too high but I didn’t think it was high enough, I’ve definitely noticed increased motivation but starting and completing tasks are still often difficult. I can’t find anything online abt knowing if your dosage is too high though
Any advice is appreciated thank you
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ADHD
|
I got black out drunk and said some mean things to a bartender. I apologized to them today. I'm going to go to an AA meeting on Friday. I'm not an alcoholic but I abuse alcohol to shut my brain off. And it doesn't work. I know I made a mistake last night. I'm so disappointed in myself. But I'm really working at being more mindful and kinder. There's so much depression and medication changes and suicidal thoughts and actions. I haven't liked myself in maybe 20 years. I just feel so incredibly low and lonely. Maybe I'm just a terrible person. Or maybe I'm not and I'm just really struggling right now.
I never want to cause anyone any pain in any way. I volunteer and donate and do as much as I can to give back. And still I slip up from time to time. These mistakes make me want to die. And I've tried.
I've been partially suspended from the neck with an extension cord (I've done this numerous times) I padded the cord with a shirt to make it hurt less. I read all about it and tried to cut off the oxygen to my brain. But it wasn't working. Something in me wanted to live. This tiny tiny portion of me knew things could get better. That same glimmer of hope got me out of the trunk of a car last year.
It was nearly 100 degrees on that day, and I crawled into my trunk. I made some space by putting some things on the back seat. I was holding a contractor bag and was about to put it over my head. It was so hot. I was sweating so much.
I spent a week in a psyche ward after that. I wasn't allowed to go outside. I could just walk the same hallway over and over. None of the windows would open. It was just me pacing back and forth and waiting to get better.
While I was in there I got a group of us to try doing some meditation. In the entire week I was there, that was the only time people weren't screaming or talking to themselves. It astounded me that they never did meditation in that ward. In those few minutes there was something resembling peace among us. I remember a very ill woman was smiling after we opened our eyes. That memory of her gives me hope.
I'm not perfect. I guess no one is. But I'm trying. And I want anyone on this sub to know that when you feel like there is nothing left to live for, there is. There is always hope. In the darkest of places you can still find humanity.
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OCD
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Just curious to know… I had an appointment with a psychiatrist today, it was good and we’re onto something, but obviously we need to go back to my childhood. I’m not sure how that will go, because my report cards were all “I’m attentive, diligent, hard working, polite” etc etc, I got good grades and put effort in. However, at home I was always on edge with my siblings, classic snappy, short temper, all of that. Also have a history of *high* anxiety. Has anyone else experienced this sort of thing as a child, being “fine” at school and raising no alarm bells but then at home just being the complete opposite? My parents were quite surprised when I said I was looking into ADHD as they don’t have any recollection of anything being off with me as a child 😳
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ADHD
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Before I go to bed I always take a shower, clean my bathroom and always takes my towel to a specific clean place. I don’t touch on anything besides my towel and before lying down I spray 70/100 alcohol on my hands and feet. It’s very cold in my city and I don’t have hot water in my house ( like ever our shower broke so it’s only very cold water) today I decided to go without taking it (even tho I took a shower 4 hours ago) it’s midnight I have no one to tell this about my family will probably think that’s very stupid but I am very proud of myself
Edit: Thanks for all the kind messages and I am so sorry for terrible english it was midnight I was very tired and excited!!!
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OCD
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I always wondered if I had ADHD but then would be like "no it must be something else because my symptoms are more than just being easily distracted". Now I know ADHD is also being hypersensitive, rejection sensitivity, occasional apathy, etc. I kind of wish I'd known about that a long time ago so I'd have a diagnosis when I struggled in high school and college.
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ADHD
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hey all! first time posting here.
my girlfriend has severe ptsd due to physical/mental abuse her whole life by her parents and she is on medication.
shes 30 still lives at home with them. shes told me that they have control of most of her finances and manipulate her to keep her from getting away from them. i know that telling her to leave isnt as simple as it sounds, especially since shes been hearing it her whole life and i’m not here to nag her about what she should be doing. i have been encouraging her exit plan and getting help, but ultimately i cant force her.
she has intense episodes. they consist of flashbacks, crying, and dissociating mostly. i have only seen this happen maybe 4 times in person and i dont know what do when they happen. she has only told me so far that men yelling triggers her. other than that she says the flashbacks just come randomly like movie clips and it absolutely debilitates her.
since finding out about all of this, i have given her a key to my apartment so she has a safe space to go if things get bad in her house. i have been trying to read up on ptsd to educate myself in what to do when an episode happens and to stay away from triggers. the last few times an episode happened i tried consoling her, ive tried to communicate if she needs space to be alone or if she wanted me around. it seems like sometimes she wants to talk it out but i dont always know what to say or what to do. i try my absolute hardest to be present and calm and gentle but it seems like shes in so much pain when this is happening i dont know what the right thing to do is.
i love her and i want to do everything possible to make her feel safe and help her when the episodes happen, but i have no experience with this and i really would appreciate any advice.
TIA :)
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ptsd
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I am, just so, tired.
Both in the soul-sucking void sense that you get from depression, and the sleepy sense.
Im finally in Uni, great, I did it, hurray.
Though I had hoped by the time I got here I would have figured out a way to manage the insane workload that I've got.
Im so fucking sick of spending all-nighters just before the exams, so I can cram every single thing that I've procrastinated.
Im so sick of doing projects last-minutr and then finding out that I've missed some really key minor detail.
Fucks sake I got the grades, I surely did not expect to do well in the damn exams with no sleep and barely any study, but I did, so that clearly shows that I'm capable of *something*
But I cannot keep this up, even if it works, the panic attacks and the stress that keep coming in are too much. Assuming I can get through Uni this way, what's the point? I'm fucking miserable.
And I've tried and tried and tried to organize. No matter where the tips come from, no matter how much I plan on my journal how much shit I tape to my walls how much I hammer it into my head that I need to start *early*, That I need to *start*, it just doesn't fucking work.
And Every. Single. Time. I've asked for help Is the same.
Goddamit my Uni gives free psychological consultations! And I got one! And it was the same advice I got given years back by the counselor at high-school. Really helpful huh?
I just feel hopeless. I can't deny that there are certain methods that help, that perhaps there are the smallest things I can do to mitigate the problem, yet nobody gets it and I can't outright solve it, just always plan for the worst, rather than plan for it not happening in the first place.
I just want to work, to study, please.
Executive dysfunction is a bitch.
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ADHD
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I started taking medications(Concerta 18mg) and it seems, that when and how I take has a big effect. What time I eat breakfast, do I take them after or before, do I have coffee later, what do I eat etc.
I can go from being extremely unfocused first part of the day, to being overstimulated.
Anybody know a good app for keeping a journal about time/food/mood ?
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ADHD
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So my main goal in life was always to be nice to people. It is just sth I strived to be. Now well the issue is I have never gotten along with my family. Normally I blame it on me cos I feel like I am not a good person. The person I like the least is my cousin who is around a year and sth younger than me. The thing is everyone loves her and I mean I do get along with her sometimes, but mostly we fight because our personalities are very different. Anyways I am going to get to the point.
So my cousin got engaged(in my culture it is common for girls to get engaged as soon as they finish school) and my mum has been trying to force me to get engaged just like my cousin. Now I am not interested in marriage just really nothing I ever considered for myself.
Anyways my mum brought up the marriage thing again and then she mentioned my cousin about how great she is cos she is engaged and I should be more like her and well I got mad and said ''She didnt even pass her first two uni exams and needed 6 tries to pass them'' and then my mum got really mad cos she loves my cousin more than she loves me.
Then my mum said ''Because you said that you will never pass your exams because you are a bad person''. I know that what I said was really mean and maybe my mum is right maybe I am a bad person and now I am feeling miserable and I dont know what to do anymore. I never wanted to be a shitty person but no matter how much I try to be good. I always fail. Sometimes I think that this makes me unworthy of being alive.
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depression
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Im undiagnosed and I'm getting a therapist in a month and it's been so hard. The first month and a half I've had (to what I believe after reading countless articles) intense OCD about something I'm too scared to say. But recently it's been less fear and more just disgust and sadness. Having thought's about the people I love, thoughts an evil and horrible person would say and it just hurts so much. I take the most pride in being an amazing, non-hateful person (Which is probably why the thoughts are appearing) and it makes me so sad and questions whether these thoughts will change me and never leave. I'm scared of losing the ones I love and my brain somehow trying to make me detach from them and it's so scary and sad.
I've read about ERP and I wanna try it, but does OCD and ERP only work if you get anxious about the thoughts? It's almost like I'm being desensitized to the thoughts and the whole scenario I've been having and that now makes me worry and question whether or not this is all OCD. But would thinking of the thoughts and letting them flow help after a while and lessen them? ;\_\_;
And if it does, it feels like I wouldn't be able to live with myself after having the thoughts. The fact that I would have thought of awful terrible things just makes me hate myself and really makes me feel like not a good person. Like "How can I be a good person if I've had these thoughts before" and that scared me a lot too. I try so hard to be a good person and I'm so worried about never having these thoughts leave me, I can't deal with it for any longer.
Any sort of help would be appreciated, thank you <3
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OCD
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Of recently I have been suffering with my intrusive thoughts involving rape. I would never rape someone nor have I ever fantasized about raping someone. I'd rather kill myself than rape and even though I know I wouldn't these thoughts don't go away it's killing me. Thankfully I'm going to therapy soon and hopefully there I can get the help I need but for now I need advice on how I can make these thoughts go away.
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OCD
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This time two years ago I found out my narc was cheating me, and while ultimately it was the best thing to happen to me, I still remember the pain, shame, and insecurity I felt and just felt so fooled. Throughout our relationship, many friends of mine would privately ask if he hit me and offered to help me move out while he was at work, of course, I was too brainwashed and afraid to and couldn’t afford to live on my own at the time. I still live with so much pain and flashbacks from all of the horrendous things he did so I am easily triggered around the holidays this time of year and when I see posts of friends still being in contact with him and lying to themselves thinking we simply weren’t a match or give him the “boys will be boys” excuse infuriates me. I maintained contact with his friends for awhile since I moved to a new state for him not knowing anyone and eventually I learned from a lot of accounts online, my favorite being \*\*@he\_never\_hit\_me\_but\*\*, that even though I had no contact with him, associating with people who were ok with his behavior and/or still value him as a friend are not healthy to be around for healing. Some people are simply horrible people, it’s easier to admit to ones you see on tv instead of someone you went to school with, but this dismissal of behavior only perpetuates it and does not support you or other survivors. It also shows how manipulative your narc is to people who aren’t their supply. Learn to let go of those who are toxic, it is hard, but keeping them in your life is like drinking poison and keeping you bonded to your narc.
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ptsd
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Is it normal that I dont often have thought thoughts but I always see pictures and images thoughts in my minds eye? Is this really ocd or are they my secret wishes or desires?
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OCD
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I’ve been trying so hard to stay strong and get through this on my own but I don’t think I can. I need help and I guess it’s good that I understand I need help.
I’m a 16 year old straight girl and I have HOCD. During this summer I didn’t eat much. I wouldn’t say I had an eating disorder but I just didn’t eat like a normal person should. I remember the day before OCD hit me - I didn’t drink nor eat anything during the day, even after I went to the gym. I finally ate and drank at 9pm. A few hours after that I was watching a TV show and that’s when HOCD didn’t even knock on the door and just moved in.
I started high school this year. I have no friends in my class. I had social anxiety before but it didn’t bother me as much as before. I feel like OCD hit me because I didn’t get any vitamins from eating and my stress levels are so high.
I get intrusive thoughts basically every second if the day. From the moment I wake up until I fall asleep. Even with my own family members. For example my grandma put her hand on my shoulder and the OCD part of my brain created a sexual image of me and her, it’s disgusting.
In the mornings - I’ve never thought “Fuck. I woke up.” But now I do, every single day for the past 2 and a half months. I don’t want to live like this anymore. I’ve never been suicidal either, but now I really don’t care anymore. If I die I die.
Before all of this I dreamed of having a boyfriend, maybe even a family one day, if I got lucky. Now I can’t even think of this anymore, because the intrusive thoughts say I don’t actually want that. Never in my life I have imagined myself with a woman. Never. Don’t get me wrong, I support the LGBTQ+ community, but it’s just not me. Just thinking about and having intrusive thoughts like this makes me so fucking uncomfortable.
All the things I used to love before, OCD just has ripped them away. That’s also how I know I have it - it latches onto things you love and treasure the most. I can’t read books, hang out with my friends. I can’t be happy because the OCD just rips the feeling away from me. I’ve never in my life been this fucking miserable and I’m so tired of this shit.
I used to get A’s and B’s in school, occasionally D’s also. Now I’m getting F’s or D’s. I can’t study anymore. The anxiety is eating my alive during tests and in school. My mum actually feels like there’s something going on - she was on a phone call with my dad a couple of days ago, saying how she feels like I have something else on my mind. And it’s true. I’m just scared to tell her.
But what’s the worst thing that could happen? Me continually suffering or maybe my mum believes me and I actually could get help? But how am I supposed to tell her? I’m scared. What if she thinks I’m crazy? Making this all up? But maybe she actually could help me, get a therapist and stuff. I mean she’s my mum, she has always helped me.
I just want my life back. I want to be excited about the stuff and people I love. I want to be happy. I want me, the real me back.
Thank you if you read all of this. Tell me what to do, please.
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OCD
|
I have always "understood" my condition, but it's really hard for it to actually set in. *There really is a dysphoric feeling that makes understanding of OCD feel useless and causes recurrence in behavior despite an understanding of OCD.*
Anyway, I was having a walk, which usually helps my blood flow and my brain to clear up a bit. Something I realized while clearing my head is, that OCD causes me to feel unsafe, even when I have confirmed that I am safe through compulsive rituals. **I always wondered why I always fall back no matter how much reassurance I had just done.** I understood that my brain's alarm systems don't know how to shut off when safety is known, but it never settled in that OCD, *just by the fact that it exists in the brain passively, prevents the concept of safety to be even fathomed, even after constant self-reassurance.* That's why OCD is so deadly, so debilitating. **The thing about OCD that causes reoccurring obsessive behavior is the inability (or rather unwillingness) of the OCD brain to accept the concept of safety.**
It made me realize that OCD has to not only be ignored, but also accepted as flawed and false flag. OCD needs to ever be trusted, and one must learn to fully trust themselves and their own safety for OCD to fade away and die. It's just about ignoring the reassurance measures, but mostly about dismantling the **core issue that is the fear that one has behind these OCD rituals**. *One must be able to walk down the street, and accept that foreign feeling of comfort that had been removed from the sufferer of OCD for years.*
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OCD
|
I recently was prescribed adderall ir 10mg and have been taking it for two weeks. I am supposed to go in tomorrow for a two week check up but I’m working out of town all week. Do you think my psych is going to be mad I rescheduled and think I’m doing it on purpose so I dont have to drop urine I’m clean I just don’t want him to think I’m sketchy.
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ADHD
|
Was just reading this paper and it resonated so well with me. Reference link https://jeannicod.ccsd.cnrs.fr/ijn_00169602/document
Bernard was a precocious child. He invented complicated games that the other children did not understand and he had fits of rage when they refused to play. At school, Bernard was never the one selected for a team and he found this humiliating. His teachers appreciated his high intelli- gence but found that he was quite unable to work with others in a group. He learned in his own way, refusing to fit in with the syllabus.
When he was an adolescent he became obsessed with a particular classmate who was highly popular. He was surprised that this boy made an official complaint when he had copied every de- tail of his attire. He said he just wanted to be equally popular. Bernard increasingly showed signs of acute anxiety and was finally referred to a specialist, who diagnosed him as having Asperger syndrome. The diagnosis was very important to him because, according to Bernard, he now understood why he was so different and why he had so many problems with what he referred to as the social rules.
He avidly reads books and watches documentaries that are relevant to his areas of interest, but he never reads novels or watches TV drama, which he claims are not worth the bother and a waste of time. He lives with his parents but complains about having to fit in with their rules. When his mother had to go to hospital, he was angry that his daily routine was ruined. On the other hand, when one day she had a gastric upset and could only sip weak tea, Bernard brought her a big bag of fish and chips—to cheer her up. His mother accepts his blatant egocentrism as a part of his condition and she takes it with a sense of humour. She laughingly related that BernardÕs greatest wish is to live alone in a big house served by a large number of robots.
This vignette gives an impression of the limited, but by no means absent social competence of a not untypical individual with Asperger syndrome. In current clinical practice Asperger syndrome is still a controversial diagnosis, but it tends to be most often used for the milder forms of autistic disorder combined with high verbal ability (Frith, 2004; Macintosh & Dissanayake, 2004). In the following we will use the abbreviation AS to refer to Asperger syndrome. Since research has not succeeded in delineating clear-cut differences between the cognitive characteristics of high-func- tioning adults with autism and those with Asperger syndrome, our AS category includes both.
For our present purposes we consider AS individuals with normal or superior intellectual abil- ity who show the following features: difficulty in reciprocal social interaction, communication impairments, a lack of flexibility with obsessive tendencies, and a single-minded pursuit of narrow interests. Here we focus exclusively on the social impairment. We believe that a deeper analysis of this impairment is needed than has hitherto been provided by the notion of a lack of ‘‘theory of mind,’’ also known as mindblindness or mentalizing failure (e.g., Baron-Cohen, 1995; Frith, 2001; Happe ́ et al., 1996).
AS individuals are often able to pass standard theory of mind tests, yet their capacity to men- talize seems fragile. Could it be that their successful mentalizing is limited by a high degree of ego- centrism? Indeed, Asperger (1944) described the children he identified as ‘‘egocentric in the extreme.’’ Later on in this paper we will give specific examples to illustrate the type of egocentrism seen in AS. First, however, we will attempt to make a distinction between egocentrism and allocentrism.
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aspergers
|
I was shocked at first, but it fits. Aside from few things. I'm very decent in non-verbal communication - or at least I think I am. Never had a problem with understanding or using metaphors, irony, or sarcasm. But I assume psychiatry is unlike engineering, it's rarely a perfect match.
I've been dealing with mental problems for 20 years now. First, they said it's depression. Then depression plus personality disorder. And now this. I am relieved somewhat. If it's true, it would mean everything that'd happened wasn't my fault.
I was bullied at home and in school. Emotionally by my step-father and physically by an older kid. I got kicked out of home at age 15. All this time I've thought those events were a cause of my fucked up head, but now I'm starting to realize I couldn't do anything to prevent that. Like a puppet moved by unseen forces on a predestined path.
In the late '80s and early '90s, psychology was close to non-existent in my country. There was no way of knowing. Should my mother do things differently? Absolutely. She made so many mistakes, I lost count. But she was raised in a toxic family too. A rotten core relayed across generations. It's not an excuse, but it is a reason. For what it's worth I'm glad this madness will stop with me.
I don't know if there's any hope, I doubt that. Past is filled with nightmares, present immensely depressing, future brings visions of suicide. But I think I'm finally of the hook. There's victory in that. Cheers everyone. Thanks for reading.
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aspergers
|
Mod-mail is not a debate club, and the rules of the subreddit are not something that are changed based on harassment and opinion. We want to foster a positive community as much as possible, and while we are understanding that some rules are not appreciated by everyone, this is the way we have chosen to run this community. Harassing moderators in mod-mail will lead to bans from the subreddit (which might be permanent). The goal of this is not to seem totalitarian, but please note that we are volunteer, and every moment spent fighting/debating in mod-mail is time wasted from moderating and monitoring the community. The following things should NOT be sent in mod mail (or general chat for discord)
1. General complaints about rules (they are not negotiable)
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OCD
|
The biggest example I can think of is if I am walking down a sidewalk past people, I pretty much make eye contact with all of them until they pass me. It's not like I'm staring into their soul but I'm just looking at every single person.
I've also had this issue where I become self aware of myself making eye contact in normal conversation then have trouble wondering if I look weird looking at them.
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aspergers
|
When I was 10 years old, I was diagnosed with ADHD. I was a loud, hyper kid who couldn’t sit still, couldn’t concentrate for shit, and was very unsuccessful in school. Fast forward 13 years later, I’ve been seeking out getting on medication. Because I deal with low drive, no concentration, executive dysfunction issues, anxiety, and I have a lot of obsessive habits. I was put on 20mg of Adderall XR and it didn’t work for me. I was scatterbrained, anxious, unproductive, and almost felt “paralyzed” because my brain was so stimulated but I didn’t have the drive to do anything.
So now I’m stuck with the question: because this stimulant didn’t work for me, does that mean I don’t have ADHD? I’ve never liked coffee because of how it made my heart race and made me anxious. I was also prescribed Vyvanse to try but I almost don’t want to try it because fo how adderall made me feel.
Has anyone else with ADHD not had stimulant meds work for them? What should I do?
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ADHD
|
Hello to everyone. I am writing from Turkey. My English is not very good so please excuse my mistakes. I have been repeating the same word in my mind for two years. I hate to do this, but I cannot stop doing it. I cannot repeat the word in my mind all the time while I am doing sports, eating, watching movies. I used a lot of antidepressants but they didn't work. Have you ever experienced such a thing? Can you give advice? Unfortunately, the doctors in Turkey are not very experienced in this field. Can you tell me if you have any technique?
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OCD
|
I don’t matter, I’m such a disgrace, I’m a loser, a loser who just wants love, but fuck me right, why have that, I just want to sit next to someone who isint a family member forced to love me, someone who genuinely loves me, and have them tell me it’ll be ok, but I don’t deserve that, fuck
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depression
|
I can't help it but every single interesting person I meet, i can't stop imagining myself how married life would be with her, and how it is/is not a better deal than my current girlfriend. Anyone has similar experience ? How to address it or get rid of it?
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aspergers
|
Hello
I have long suspected I have ADHD (one of the great loves of my life told me I had it when she was diagnosed about ten years ago). I spent years hoping that if I just changed something about myself I would be able to live with it.
Truth is, I have failed everything I ever tried to do. I just can't focus on things. Never could:
* I failed all my exams at school.
* A history of impulsive decisions, such as:
* Running away from home and living in London for a year when I was 16.
* Moving onto a boat for 12 years.
* Starting businesses without a plan, putting thousands of hours of work in and then just walking away.
* The only jobs I have ever felt any kind of success in were ones where there was absolutely nothing to do but some sort of physical activity. I could never manage any job where I had to be organised and because I present as being really clever I always got "promoted" to doing something I couldn't manage.
* Failed at all my business ventures. Including the last one, which was my family's business. I am now winding it up.
* I have frustrated everyone I ever lived with by not being able to follow what I was being told.
* Letting everyone I ever cared about down because I just couldn't get it together. It didn't matter how difficult it was.
* Becoming really, really good at covering up the fact that I haven't prepared for something. I can give a talk to a room full of people without thinking about it or preparing.
* Years of drinking, compulsively spending time online. I can stay on top of these, just, if I focus on nothing else.
* A life I have never really felt like I got to live.
I finally (at age 44) plucked up the courage to go to my GP and ask for a referral (I've been thinking about asking for help since I was in my late twenties). Chased it up and the waiting time is three years. I told the doctor I can't see the point in going on for another three years.
They tried really hard. I have been introduced to another service by them, Psychiatry UK. But their waiting list is until October 2022 at least and they aren't even offering dates for appointments until January. They have told me to go for a series of CBT through their local talking therapies service. I did that (and it was really, really hard). On the last one, I ended up telling the therapist something from my childhood which was really, really difficult and I can't get out of my head. The conversation finished as did my course of therapy. I was told to reapply in three months, and I got a letter saying my anxiety score was worse than when I started and the number of the Samaritans.
I don't know what to do. I have failed to get all the jobs I have applied for. I don't have a way of generating an income. I worry that I might be homeless by the time my appointment comes round. Would I even be able to be referred by my GP if I don't have anywhere to live?
I am really lost. I keep thinking it would be better for everyone if I wasn't here.
I'm going to sell my car and look for private treatment. But it's such a minefield. I would not be able to keep paying for prescriptions without an income, so I'd need the NHS to help as soon as they could.
What to do? Can anyone recommend any services?
I am really desperate.
|
ADHD
|
I want to not feel numb, I want to be able to cry. I want to feel like everything is as fun and amazing and beautiful before this all happened. I need to know there's another side to this, and that with therapy it will get better and I will get back to my life, because I'm 2-3 sessions in to cbt and I feel overwhelmed and scared.
|
ptsd
|
Some of my intrusive thoughts are very offensive, and as long as they stay in my head, it's ok.
Recently though, I've started speaking them out loud.
About twenty years ago, before I was diagnosed, I nearly got a good kicking off four guys for accidentally speaking my thoughts. I hadn't even realised that I'd said anything. I managed to talk my way out of trouble, but the event has stuck with me.
I hope I'm not going to have to go through that again.
Does anyone else get this or something similar?
|
OCD
|
CVS has shamed me for the last time. Had my meds adjusted, and this time doc even wrote a note saying she told me to double up on lower dose and to fill higher dose now. When I got the standard answer from the tech, “the pharmacist says she’ll fill it in 8 day, “ I explained the doctors note. She says rudely, “hold on.” Comes back to the phone and says like a parent scolding me, “ the pharmacist says she told you she’ll fill it in 8 days.” I’m speechless. I muster an, “oooh Kay….” Thinking of what to say next. Then -click- gone.
I don’t understand how this pharmacist has a job. She acts like a prison guard and I’m an inmate or something. Unfortunately, because I live on an island I’m limited in pharmacies and this is the closest without crossing a bridge. CVS are such jerks everywhere I go. I understand they have a hard job, but there has to be a better way to handle that than treating ppl this way!
|
ADHD
|
everytime I want to buy something, I need to research all the options *extensively* and by this I mean: scrolling through all pages on Amazon , Pinterest, Google, Aliexpress and Craigslist for 10 different keywords. Opening and bookmarking countless tabs, reading every review, making screenshots of things I like and collecting them in an OneNote page, listing pros and cons for every item...etc.
I have quite a specific taste, so finding certain colors, textures, fabrics, materials can be difficult.
Does anyone else do this?
I feel like I *have* to do this, otherwise I am not able to make a satisfying choice. Some people don't care that much, but to me every detail matters, because everything serves a purpose and I am easily annoyed by even the slightest inconveniences.
|
aspergers
|
My grades were close to 70% almost always somehow even after party hard af.
After years of summoning motivation, hype and willpower to get things done, to the point where hyperfocusing makes feel like super saiyan .... I do feel tired as shit does take a toll if you don't take care of your physical health.
|
ADHD
|
I will be disclosing everything I'm currently experiencing after a total of 5-8 rolls within a span of 8 months.
I'm 24, Male, and I had my first roll of X in late October of last year - was one of the best experiences of my life, as most of us have said at some point. I was with two of my closest friends - at the time - and we had an amazing experience.
The two had already rolled way before me. After that, I had rolled 3-4 times within a span of a month between each roll, give or take. During that time, until my last roll in May, I was in a relatively decent state. After my last roll in May until now, I've been feeling quite "off". I also caught Covid in mid-February and I've been sober for the most part other than occasionally drinking out and smoking with friends but, other than alcohol or cigarettes, I haven't been taking any substances (I wanted to address my story on Reddit before heading to the doctor as my situation isn't alarming by any means but the fact that this state of mine has been ongoing and that this bland, monotonous headspace has been consistent for months, it's becoming quite frustrating by the day). I'm very aware that Molly has most likely altered my psychology and mild/common symptoms or states include being slightly impatient, mild short-term memory loss, some loss sense of time, lack of emotions, stress, less focus, a sense of loneliness, depersonalization - very similar symptoms of depression. I've done dozens of blood tests (but not in regards to this particular situation), all of which have shown healthy results.
Two of the strangest things that I've been experiencing are that **1. I feel like I have to "snap" myself back to reality by willingly shifting my focus in the present moment (most of the time I feel in a dreamlike state), and 2. I don't know how to describe this but my sense of touch has slightly** ***declined***(?) (the physical state of my body awareness).
For some reason, I've developed a very strange state of mild paranoia, something I would refer to as "passive-anxiety", which is this super irrational, constant fear of God (that pretty much came out of nowhere). I know, it's pretty weird...
Never in my life have I ever experienced the slightest level of anxiety, depression, or any other form of common disorders, but I presume drugs affect you in ways you never would have imagined prior to doing them.
Note, I did mention in the beginning I was covid positive so all of this may or may not be related to ecstasy entirely, as thus far studies show that post covid symptoms affect the body and/or the brain differently either temporarily or permanently, and, not to mention, either conscious or subconscious stress and stress-related factors. I've done quite a bit of breathwork and meditation to see if it'll help.
So in all, I'm not sure how I feel other than confusion and I predict your ultimate answer would be to go get myself checked out and find out what could be the underlying cause of this unsettling situation.
I also want to point out that, in essence, the things that I've mentioned above are not necessarily as scary as they may all seem - it just feels like constant tension in my head.
Lastly, I wanted to share my experience on this subreddit because it felt as if it's the subreddit that I feel reflects to my situation. It may or may not belong in this subreddit at all. If anyone thinks that my post needs to be elsewhere, feel free to let me know. All support is welcomed. I'm curious to know if others have experienced, or are experiencing anything similar to this. Take care!
|
depression
|
No matter how many obstacles I overcome by the skin of teeth I just can't beat the fact that I will never be part of the human experience and only get to play the demo version. Constantly getting overwhelmed by stimuli and dissociating because of it means I get instantly crossed out from any group conversation and hence can't establish my social position and so get left on the sidelines. No one wants to be an ally with an outlier. Friendships or relationship become impossible.
|
aspergers
|
hiya! i have no diagnosis (im NT, as far as we know) but i have been extensively researching asd for a long time and i’m not in a place to get a diagnosis, or where that’s available. how do you guys cope with burnout and procrastination?! i had to pack a bag for a week long holiday today, and i had loads of motivation to do something else today. i set it aside and spent hours trying to pack, which was draining, and now i’ve got no energy to do the other thing i wanted to do! it’s frustrating. help!
|
ADHD
|
Attend to the intrusive thoughts; accept them and allow them in, then allow them to move on. Don't fear the thoughts; thoughts are just that—thoughts. Don't let them become more than that. Take intrusive thoughts less personally, and let go of your emotional reaction to them.
Feel better friends. Don’t let your brain turn what if thoughts into facts!
|
OCD
|
Hi! I (19F) began considering that ADHD was something I might have around April this year, so I met with a psychiatrist I had seen in 2017 for depression and anxiety. This psychiatrist asked me literally three questions related to symptoms (quite generic ones too, like whether or not I had bad memory or if I felt that I spoke too much, etc.) before asking if I wanted to start meds. As someone who didn't know much about ADHD beyond what I had read about online, I was honestly surprised and hesitant because it seemed like he didn't put much thought into my diagnosis (or lack thereof?) but I said yes anyways. However due to some complications regarding pharmacy/insurance stuff, I never ended up trying any medication.
Flash forward to beginning of the Fall semester. I had a psych eval with a Behavioral Medicine psychiatrist at my university, and I was able to get a diagnosis for ADHD-C after around two or three meetings that consisted of thorough evaluation and questions that allowed me to recount experiences from my childhood that I wouldn't even have considered to be a sign of ADHD till now.
The psych got me started on 18mg Concerta XR. I took that for two weeks before I decided to try out 27mg for one week. That didn't do anything either, so today I took two of my leftover 18mg pills as instructed if 27mg was still ineffective. So far I have not noticed anything different, and now I'm honestly starting to question my diagnosis and whether or not meds will even help me. I would like to preface that this isn't me saying medication in general is useless. I know this is far from true! I'm just really uncertain now whether or not I even have ADHD, even though I am constantly reading up on things and personally experiencing things that almost seem like the epitome of ADHD. I do not know what kind of benefits I am supposed to be looking for; I can't tell if things like my mental incapability to get something important done, time blindness, or trying to break out of a new hyperfixation no matter how hard I try are just results of a horrible case of laziness. I guess I feel this way partially because meds do not seem to be working yet, but I also want to get some insight and general sympathy because this is getting quite frustrating.
|
ADHD
|
I can only do like 6 hours of work and after that i feel mentally worn out like my battery is out of power and it takes a long time for me to recuperate.
|
aspergers
|
I (30M) consider myself to be a functioning depressive. I can keep it together at work, but tend to lose my shit outside of work hours. However, I always seem to get uncontrollably irritable, frustrated, and angry before going into the sadness spiral. Does this happen to anyone else? If so, how do you navigate it? I hate lashing out emotionally towards those around me—especially loved ones—and always feel like a dick afterwards who’s undeserving of said loved ones.
|
depression
|
I've done maybe about three EMDR sessions with my therapist with smaller targets but we tried the *big one* today and I guess I always get a little confused by what it means for a memory to be 'neutral.' She asks me from a scale of 1 to 10 how disturbing the memory is before and after we do the session, and I guess is it just like how it affects me in that moment as I think about it? Because the memory is still horrible, but I guess it feels like less 'intense' at the end versus the beginning. The goal is to get the number down to 1, but I just don't see how that's really possible.
Like if something really, really bad happened, how can you ever view the memory objectively without having some sort of emotion tied to it? Is that something that your brain can actually do?
|
ptsd
|
how much time I spend with my head resting in my hands. Usually with my hands over my eyes.
|
aspergers
|
in a way, it's comforting. i became so used to being uncomfortable and scared that actual comfort makes me sicker than fear itself.
but i feel like medical facilities have a chokehold on me in ways I couldn't have seen coming. all of it. I can't drink lemonade because it was a tool to calculate my blood sugar. I can't wear heels on hard floor, the sound it makes gives me nausea. I'm not scared of needles, I am a taylor after all, but blood, especially when it oxidizes makes me feel numb. certain kind of metal makes me feel uneasy.
and then jagermeister joined the party. it used to smell like christmas bread, a holiday staple, like a round cake with dried fruit and spices in it. but for some reason it reminds me of the liquid cleaner the clinic used to clean their floor.
i'm just tired. it's physically painful at this point. cheers up but not with jaeger.
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ptsd
|
Why do NT students always procrastinate when working in teams?
I have been in projects where they always shove all the work to the end, to discover that it is too difficult to finish on time. But I wanted a sufficient grade, so I worked on the project at night because of this, to still meet the requirements of the project. This has made college way less fun. Actually not fun anymore. There was constant stress of working just before the deadline and also the tiredness. It has become more about surviving than about having fun in learning.
We did get grades as a group in projects and not individual. It would be better and more fair to grade individually though.
Now my trust is very low when doing projects. I want to work as soon as possible. I'm also trying to guide teammates by saying thing like: "Could you say when you are done early? Then I can hand it in. "
or "Will you do part x before the deadline and also hand it in?".
It is really annoying.
Luckily, I don't have to work in a team anymore this year at school.
|
aspergers
|
Expectations:
- Can't focus
- Fidgety
- Organization struggles
- Time management struggles
- Physically hyper
- Talking a ton
- Forgetting everything
- Always late
- Got in trouble/acted out a lot as a kid
- Meds help reduce negative symptoms
My Experience
- Trouble focusing on things that aren't interesting in the moment
- Executive dysfunction at times
- Super creative
- Hyperfixations
- The most core fundumental part of who I am is that I'm very explorative and I have a much much heavier need for exploration than most people
- When I'm restricted/can't explore it feels like being tied up, locked in a closet and left there until I become a dissociating rabid animal (this is why i dropped out of highschool to pursue circus and nomadicism)
- TINY TOUCH HURTS NO NO NO NO NO NO NO (sensory issues)
- I love philosophy bc its just exploring what the world is and means and life and what
- Was publicly humiliated and had exploration taken away even more as a kid when I "acted out" (acting out to conservative teachers meant i stood up and walked in circles for a few minutes, I talked to someone about a current hyperfixation or I drew on my paper)
- Started self harming when I was only 10 due to feeling so stagnant and restricted and disconnected and like my body is filled with a million bees or my body is electrified from school
- Chaotic
- Addressing the pacing in the middle of class and a million bees/electrified thing; if i dont move or explore or go outside often enough it feels like my body and brain is aaaaaa like if too much stuff on the same circuit is running you know if can get damaged or start a fire (too many things is too much restriction, fire would be running away, anxiety attacks or burnout, and self harm would be the circuit breaker tripping)
- Makes it hard to read long rambling sentences while simultaneously making me write and speak in long rambling sentences
- Very weird fashion
- Am the coolest person I know
- Sexy (obv bc of the ADHD /j)
|
ADHD
|
Hey everyone,
Is there anyone else on this page a teacher dealing with ADHD? How do you all cope/stay productive? There is so much to do at every point in the day, but I have not been able to accomplish anything whatsoever because every task feels impossible and overwhelming, or I get distracted by another task and forget what I originally sat down to do. I have only been teaching for about 3 years, but I have become so frustrated and overwhelmed that I feel like changing my career.
Anyone else having a hard time teaching or having any advice?
Thanks in advance.
|
ADHD
|
A number of jumbled up thoughts/questions (did you expect anything less?!)
Specifically, does anyone know of any that can be controlled using Siri? For example, saying hey Siri, take meds and it’ll check off the task “take meds”? I downloaded Habithub that says it has this ability and was excited to use it however, when I dictate to Siri the shortcut words I have set she doesn’t know what I’m talking about? Can anyone help to either trouble shoot this or suggest alternatives?
Secondly, do you have any other recommendations for helpful apps that are compatible with Siri, for example a shopping list app you can add to via Siri?
although I can be glued to my phone at all the wrong times, technology isn’t my strong point. It may be that I’m making this more difficult than it has to be - any advice or pointers welcome!
Thanks in advance 🙏
|
ADHD
|
i am completely losing my shit. i left my toaster on and it caught fire. was a whole situation. thats not even the bad part. when i went to take out the trash the bag had dragged on a part of the outside ground that is in no way shape or form acceptable. then i stupidly didnt hold the bag out far enough and it rubbed on my pants and boots.
now i am forced to buy new boots and pants and if that werent bad enough, I CANT CHOOSE ONE BECAUSE THEY ALL FEEL 'BAD'. im in a really bad way. i hate this disorder with all my little heart. im so sad :(
|
OCD
|
I’ve been a high-functioning, chronically depressed person for pretty much my entire life.
I started Effexor in early August and am currently taking 187.5 mg per day. For a period of time starting end of September to mid October, I felt a lot better.
Recently for the past 2 or so weeks, I’ve fallen back in a slump. I don’t know if I’m just feeling mentally and physically exhausted (as the last month has been particularly busy with social engagements) or my depression is making a come back.
When I tell my husband I feel depressed, I feel guilty. When he asks me why I feel depressed, I can’t answer him. From the outside looking in, I don’t have much to be depressed about. I have a loving husband, support network of friends, a great career and a very stable financial situation, and lots of social activities.
I go to the gym 4-5x a week and speak with both my psychologist and psychiatrist regularly. And yet, the last 3 days, I haven’t felt more miserable. I can barely get off of the couch for more than 10 minutes at a time.
I don’t know if I’m looking for advice or just to vent. I’m just tired of feeling like this.
|
depression
|
A close friend is very adamant against 'TikTok diagnosis', and I agree. Just because someone on TikTok explains a very broad symptom that you resonate with, doesn't mean you have ADHD, since they often are exhibited by 'everyone'.
Recently we went through a list of ADHD symotoms/explanations: "Often loses things." "Forgetful.", when she read these she was outraged, claimed that 'everyone has these'. However as someone with diagnosed ADHD and Aspergers (which exacerbates my attention deficient symptoms), I just felt really invalidated.
I experience these every day to the point that it's crippling me, and to be told by my best friend that this is 'normal' really makes me feel like shit. Not to mention my mum has been telling me all my life that 'it's normal, other's have it worse than you do'. Then I am told by my boyfriend that I am 'lazy' because I struggle to clean my room, yeah it's been a pretty shitty week.
How does one tell the difference between what's disordered and normal? With the advent of TikTok self-diagnoses it's hard to tell between real and 'normal'.
Edit: A lot of people have been telling me to dump my bf and ditch my friend, but I'd like to reassure that these are really good people with just a few misunderstandings about my lived experiences and ADHD in general. I'm going on a bit of a tangent now but it's a little disappointing for so many people nowadays to jump to the "ditch them" bandwagon after hearing about one experience of a person. I'm sure most have good intentions telling me this, but it's a healthier mindset to approach methods on how to communicate in relationships rather than jumping to conclusions.
Edit 2: After talking with my friend she elaborated on what she meant by "everyone has these". She says that term because she's exasperated that when some TikTok creators explain these symptoms they don't emphasise the severity required for a diagnosis. Therefore when they explain something that's very broad, yes... everyone does have these symptoms, but they fail to realise that it needs to be severe in order for them to have ADHD, and they assume they have it when they probably don't.
|
ADHD
|
I don't know what's going on. I know I haven't been the best lately but it's got to a point where I can barely get out of bed, like my body feels weighed down like a heavy rag doll. I have trouble showering and brushing my teeth but in the morning I can usually manage to do my makeup but it takes me a few hours to gather enough energy for it. If I do get up early for something I end up basically sleeping like half the day and then the rest I spend sitting in my bed. I used to go out to museums and parks and interesting stuff in the city but now my stomach turns just thinking about actually getting up, leaving the house and getting on the tube. I had planned to maybe meet up with a friend today but the idea of even getting up to go to the park like half a mile away just feels impossible. I don't know how to deal with this. I feel so guilty and so bored with just sitting in my bed all day long but I can't bring myself to do anything else and sometimes I mix alcohol and benzos if I'm really feeling lonely and can't deal with it. I am eating enough and as far as I know and I am ok and healthy/a bit underweight although I do use nicotine and use it more and more because it gets me through the day, which just makes me feel even shittier. Anyone else get this weighed down feeling? I don't know what to do anymore.
|
depression
|
It’s hard to imagine a future for myself that doesn’t involve loneliness or self hatred. It seems to get worse every year with less and less hope. I’m exhausted living with such a desolate mind and pessimistic nature.
|
depression
|
Hello. I am 36F. I am pretty sure the chest pain I experience every now and then is because of depression. I have consulted 3 cardiologist in past 10 years and everyone has said that my heart has no issues. So it’s clearly psychological.I don’t want to take any medicine for the depression and trying meditation and other natural ways to fight it. Some days I just weep and the chest pain gets worse. Have you tried any home remedies that has helped?
|
depression
|
Anyone else find the daytime stressful, and the night less so? I just feel this constant pressure during the day from the moment I wake to when I sleep. It subsides a bit when the sun goes down. It's like day to day life is just too much pressure, even if it's filled with nothing but tiny things to do here and there sporadically. It's not completely gone at night, and I feel like I got nothing done during the day so it's saddening that way, but the pressure does go down a bit. Not to mention that the day light itself overwhelms me too, like too bright a light.
|
aspergers
|
I’m a 24yr old man who hasn’t dated since freshman year of high school and I’m fed up with life and people and this ain’t no suicide note, I couldn’t leave my parents with the grief. But I have no will for anything , and I’m easily angered but I hide it pretty well but some days I just pop a fuse and don’t want to be bothered. I’ve tried doing many things on my own to find peace and happiness but being a guy now a days there really isn’t anyone I can turn to when I feel the way I feel , I’m slowly being forgotten by my group of friends who I grew up with , since me and another friend got into an argument but everyone likes him more than me so..only two really seek me out but even I know they don’t care to listen to my crap and that’s fine I know they got their stuff going on as well, me and my brother have become estrange and all he does is argue with me every conversation we have and he just leaves to his girlfriends everyday. On top of that I lost my job because of COVID and haven’t been able to bounce back and getting rejected in some spots which is crazy because of the lack of work force now a days and I’m not a lazy person and good resume proof read and everything. I would just like a break , some peace and happiness because everyone deserves happiness… right? Because I’d like to know how that feels again, or to be hugged by someone. Anyways I just wanted to blow some steam and whomever reads this m. Thanks for taking the time to read this nonsense.
|
depression
|
i have posted this to r/mentalhealth as well, just so i can accumulate a broader assortment of answers :)
so, as much as i didn’t really want to go down the route of taking medication, my mental health feeling like it was progressively getting worse and falling deeper and deeper into this void of whatever the fuck, along with the additional weight of other personal and also domestic problems, had encouraged me to get myself booked into the doctors. after a couple elaborate appointments, they were very enthusiastic to prescribe me an antidepressant, namely, citalopram.
i have been taking 20mg of citalopram for 2 months now, but the consistent routine of taking medication everyday is still new to me and something i’m still trying to get used to. for the first time, today, i can’t remember if i’ve taken my dose. i’m trying to replay, so to speak, this morning in my head (i take it in the morning when i make my cereal), but i really can’t remember whether i have taken it or not!
i guess my question is as simple as what should i do? if i take another one (if maybe i have already taken it this morning) will this have an effect on my tolerance for the drug? or if i don’t take it will i suffer some sort come down?
i need to make my decision on what i do soon but i just want an educated answer before i do.
thank you!!!!
|
depression
|
I horribly obsess over anything medical related, especially new medications or substances going into my body. So a brand new vaccine was a big “nope” at first. But I did it!!!! Sitting in the observation room now.
I have extreme trouble mentally tolerating being sick, so I’m pretty scared of the side effects later. But I know that it won’t last forever. I can do it!!!!
|
OCD
|
I don’t know if I’m simply burned out because, of school. But I been lacking motivation since the fall. Been feeling I can’t do anything, and whatever I do is not enough. I also get anxious when I’m not distracted by music or a video. So idk what I got myself into. But, it sucks. There’s tons of work that’s needs to be done and I just can’t do them.
|
depression
|
im watching my grandfather suffer and i cant do anything about it. he’s getting more and more health complications, dementia is also a thing now. he’s the only one i have and seeing him go through this is making me spiral back. im starting to lose interest in things again and i dont know what might happen if i were to lose him for real. it’s not helping how he’s in another country and the next possible visa interview is on 2023 for me. he’s in a nursing facility with no fucking television in the room. he has no one with him. i dont think he’s even being assisted to go outside for walks. i want to be there for him but this pandemic is making things hard. i stopped seeing my therapist and medication because i thought my life is okay now but this happens. i literally have nothing to live for. im doing everything to make him proud but it’s pointless now.
|
depression
|
If given the option I would never choose this. I feel more like dirt than a person. When I'm dead at least my body can give plants some fucking nutrients. God, how pathetic lmao. The only accomplishment I have looking forward in life is my body being used as a fertilizer
|
depression
|
I decided to open up about my mental health and how it's affected my life to a few of my close friends and when I mentioned OCD one of them said exactly to quote, "I wish I had OCD I can't stay organized to save my life." I wanted to slap her so fucking bad, people don't realize that it's not being organized it's horrible, repetitive thoughts playing in my head over and over again and I've tried to commit suicide 3 times because it's made my life a living hell.
|
OCD
|
I can't look in the mirror. It's painfully sad to see what I am, what I've become, what I'm not.
|
depression
|
Just this morning I posted here rhapsodising Ritalin… it’s my 6th day on it and so far it’s been working well and feeling like a natural focus… well today I took it as usual and the focus was a little more robotic than the previous days, nonetheless I got through some rather boring work… then about 4 hours after taking it I noticed I was feeling off… this got more and more intense until it felt as though my brain had been scraped out and sludge poured into my cranium.
I had a one on one study session with a girl I’m low key interested in and I could barely think at all - it’s as if my short term memory was erased. All I wanted to do was sit in silence. My emotion was completely drained from me; I was like a psychopath, she told me something that would ordinarily excite me and I just stared with dead eyes, I couldn’t even pretend to care. I felt dizzy and disoriented - when I closed my eyes I felt like I didn’t even exist.
I wrapped up the study session saying I had a headache and skipped a family birthday dinner saying the same thing. I went straight home, took panadol and just lay on my bed like a vacant soul.
2 hours later and I’m more or less feeling back to myself.
What the fuck was all that about? I made sure to eat and drink today and I had 7 hours sleep last night
Have you guys ever had a crash that bad?
I don’t think I’ll ever take the shit again
|
ADHD
|
Hi! Been on 60mg Vyvanse for a few months, slowly been pushed up after diagnosis in June.
I've noticed an improvement in focus which lasts all day long, but it only helps with my motivation for a few hours - so I've started breaking up my dose throughout the day, so I can prioritize depending on the day. This means, though, that each day I'm having to make the call about whether doing my dishes later is more important than finishing a certain ticket at work, or whether running that errand at 2pm is more important than wanting to go to a thing at 6pm, etc, which is kind of exhausting in itself and....surely it doesn't have to be like this?
EDIT forgot to mention - I've had this exact problem since I started medication back in June, and I bring it up with my doc when I see him, and he bumps the dose, but for the last few months he's been wary of bumping it since I'm so close to the maximum dose for Vyvanse.
EDIT also I've never taken a medication break - it feels like I just have too much to do - but should I? I didn't think they were needed for prodrugs like Vyvanse.
|
ADHD
|
I received some plastic book sleeve covers in the mail for my books. My mom was helping me put them on because I didn’t want to ruin them myself even though I’m careful. My mom tried putting one of the books into the book cover sleeve and I told her to be extra careful not to bend the front and back covers but still one of the edges got bent. Now I’m worried how the other books in the plastic covers will turn out, especially since they are new. I have a tingly feeling on the left side of my head because of the stress. The bend was really small on the inside of the corner edge but it’s still annoying because it’s noticeable to me.
|
OCD
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I got this girls insta and snap back when I was still working at chipotle, I was 16 back then, I was so happy that a girl showed interest in me after being called a f*g, or being told I am a not a man because I don't have sex by my family and pears I was happy, we were texting over night and she said ask if we were trying to meet up, I was like sure after the date we are walking out the restaurant to the train station I see a group of drug addicts talking under the bridge,I put on my hoodie and look at the floor to avoid contact, the next week we're texting and she said I was acting retarded on or date, I told her that I had I high functioning autism she replied with "ain't no black ppl with autism bruh you just slow 😂" then she stopped taking me seriously after that and I became the butt of the joke in her social circle,
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aspergers
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I've always struggled with the fact that I neeeed to do this and I neeed to do that. It plays over and over in my brain that I want to achieve these things and the thought just overwhelms me because I feel that I'm being behind and got to keep up with everything. The anxiety thoughts of being "normal" like everybody else in this world just gets me at times. I have been on meds on and off for 15 years and life is a bitch. I got a family and house now and "living" the American dream, but I've learned that it's OK to take breaks. It's OK to fail and It's fine to literally just do nothing at times. I think back in my teenage years and I was always the type to be the clean freak and just wanted to be organized but my brain was always on the go!! I'm 37 now and It's just not worth it anymore. Take breaks and don't take life so serious. Enjoy those down times and realize it's going to be ok. The world is cruel but our mental and physical well being is the most important. It doesn't matter where you're at in life and when you just sit outside or wherever and just sit/meditate you can just appreciate being alive. Stop taking life so serious!! Love you all
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ADHD
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Let me preface this by saying I am in no way anti mask or anti vaxx, and I completely oppose the politicisation of a global health crisis.
The bloody masks are driving me NUTS. The sensory problems they cause were manageable for months upon months, and just recently they have started to rapidly multiply and appear out of nowhere. Every day there is a new reason I can't tolerate all of my masks, that were fine the day before.
I do not want to be that arsehole who goes around without a mask claiming medical exemption just to get out of wearing it, while I can skip most reasons to leave the house I do have to attend school and that must be in person, so I can't work around by just staying home.
Anyone else experiencing similar problems? Could you share how you deal with this?
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aspergers
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I want to hate my abuser but I feel like I can’t. I feel like nothing happened even though I know it did, have photos, photos of the bruises, the marks, the tears, the broken doors, the blood. It DID happen. Why don’t I feel like I hate him? He hasn’t changed, he’s not a better person, he’s done nothing to try and fix what he did to me and my family and I still feel nothing, I wish I could just make it black and white and just hate everything about him but I don’t. Does anybody struggle with this?
I feel so disgusting and wrong. I’m considering going back to therapy since I never really got to start on trauma work with my last therapist because of covid but I don’t know if anything will ever fix the way I feel.
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ptsd
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