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My meds fucking suck and I absolutely despise them. They work like a charm, my grades are amazing, but I’m in a constant state of despair. I strictly look forward to sleeping or lifting. Only reason I haven’t killed myself is wanting to get big lol. I don’t really know how to let my emotions out considering I don’t wanna inconvenience anyone and let em know how I been. I’m struggling. Got a job interview today so maybe I can find happiness being busy. Don’t know if it’s my medicine or me, and definitely don’t know how I can explain everything to a psychiatrist when they aren’t too busy to have me.
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ADHD
|
I get very easily overstimulated and i Thought that a fast paced, chaotic environment was perfect for me because of my tendency to get bored but I almost feel it’d be better to be in a slightly boring job and pursue my passions on the side then be in a hectic, fast paced role that gives me panic attacks (ie entertainment jobs). Am I a failure?
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ADHD
|
I don’t want to exist at all, every second of my existence is a burden to me, it hurts me deeply, it makes me sick. This day reminds me that I wasted 18 years of my life, I suffered for 18 fucking years and I’ll be suffering for many many years.
Fuck it all.
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depression
|
I was doing alright the past couple weeks but I’ve been bad here and there but everything is so fucking boring like holy shit nothing really is fun anymore. I don’t know what id rather do but pretty much anything else.
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depression
|
First off, this is my first post on reddit, as I am a long time lurker. I apologize for formatting errors.
​
I was diagnosed with ADHD around June. My GP and I were trying to figure out why I am always exhausted. I figured I was recovering from my previous shift work.. Until a year after I quit it and I was still always absolutely exhausted. She starts diving into trying to find the reason for my tiredness, of course we did an apnea test, I have blockage apnea, not bad but I still shouldn't be as tired as I feel (according to my GP) Then she brought up this idea... Maybe I had ADHD? She has been my Family Dr since I was a young teen (I'm 23 now) She told me there are signs. She started testing me, and we dabbled in trying stimulants.
She started my on low dose BiPhentin and it made a huge difference. I was a lot more in control of my memory, my zoning out, etc. when I was taking them. We do more evals and such she says I show improvement on stimulants. I started diving back into my memory (or what I could remember.. as I barely remember anything anyways) and I could point out different things in almost every case that was a symptom, they just worsened as I got older.
​
Cut to now, I research signs once in a while, and then I stumbled onto this subreddit and started reading. You guys are the same as me. The emotional roller coaster, the forgetfulness, the "ADHD paralysis". Everything. I'm still learning a lot, and I'm trying to teach myself coping mechanisms and I am trying to get into habit and routines to help with motivation and such (especially now that I know what's wrong with me). I always thought something was wrong with me, I think differently than the average person etc. Until now, I am still learning to cope, but for the first time I don't feel completely alone about the small signs that made me think I was broken. Its a step in the right direction and I'm glad I have somewhere to come where I can talk about it and someone actually knows exactly how I'm thinking or feeling. So thank you.
​
TL;DR: I am newly diagnosed with Adult ADHD and it has changed my life for the better, and you guys don't make me feel alone at all. Which is all I have ever felt, even in past relationships.
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ADHD
|
Obviously I have my fair share of intrusive and debilitating thoughts but when I’m away from home and away from my wife and daughter it’s so much worse. I need to be around them but I also have to work and provide and it’s getting out of hand. It’s difficult because with OCD it was hard for me to be all in with my wife and family. But now that I am I feel as if I have to be 24/7 right now and I don’t want to be to much on them. It’s a struggle.
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OCD
|
There is always, always someone better than me lined up. I am forever someone's placeholder and that no matter what I do, what I say, how much I invest in someone else - it will not matter. Doesn't matter if someone is interested in me or a friend has common ground with me. They'll go away for someone else better, whether it's because that new friend or newfound interest has skills more developed than I do, looks better than I do, acts better than I do in everyway.
I try to tuck it all and build a personality where none of that matters, I'm just me in the end. I try to reinforce myself that it's okay and I try to be natural, try to be happy for them. But it all just breaks down in the end. I gift people games, money. I give advice, wisdom. I try being there for them and it's just not enough. All I get in the end is ghosting, underwhelming connections and other things that just waste my time.
I'm...I'm just better alone. I don't want anybody anymore. I want to vanish, just to go away. Away to a place where it's just me and everything I've built around me so I can focus on just me. It sounds incredibly selfish but I've been selfless and look what it's gotten me - emotional pain in the end. Everyone and their bullshit advice about how you should put others before you and all that. They don't tell you the parts of what happens when those others let you down, don't they? No, they don't. So it's full of shit.
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depression
|
It’s so hard to deal with this horrible monster, I fucking hate it. It’s so debilitating. God I wonder how many things I could have done if I wasn’t drowned with these thoughts. I’m 16 and feel like my life’s already gone to shit. I can’t even talk to anyone about this for different reasons, but I just want peace. I’m honestly scared because I don’t know how much longer I can last. I’m so physically and mentally exhausted, I don’t want to live the rest of my life this way. I put so many things off and avoid so much just to not trigger myself and I want to live a normal life where I can do things like everyone else without my brain racing.
HJSNWBEJKEBDBEHDJKSJDBDJEOKSBDHEJSNDBNEJDHGDJFNCHFHDHCHFGFJFFFJFJDJDJDJSJJSJDJRJDJDJRJFJJJJJFJDJDJJFIFIDIJDUDJDJDKJ
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OCD
|
It's killing me inside. No matter what, it's like I will never be sure and I can't make peace with it.
I have gathered useful information that says otherwise, but I keep getting intrusive thoughts about things that may imply my reassurance tools are fake. It's like I'm in a daily battle inside my head to protect my reassurance tools. But I can't keep going...
Every new problem starts to be more complex and debilitating. I feel I have to be constantly solving mind puzzles all the time to feel that sweet dopamine rush. But Everytime it feels harder to get, and more complex...
All of this is killing me inside. Everyone says "accept uncertainty", but I just don't know how to put it in practice.
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OCD
|
I’ve experienced a traumatic event recently. Ever since I haven’t been able to get any good rest. Every night around 2/3 am I have the same night terror and I wake up in a panic. I go to therapy and we’ve tried so many things but it just won’t stop. Can anyone offer any advice or just let me know I’m not alone in this?
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ptsd
|
1. Fear of swallowing something wrong (e.g glass, plastic, poison etc) that may kill me
2. Fear of forgetting to put on clothes/putting on someone elses clothes when going out or meeting the public
3. Fear of throwing stuff that is expensive/important/personal into the bin
4. Fear of putting personal information online/sending inappropriate stuff (e.g weird texts, obscene pics, porn etc) to others
5. Fear of sexual stuffs (e.g incest, getting someone random pregnant and not knowing etc)
6. Fear of contamination (semen from masturbating) on stuffs i touched
7. Fear of dropping things behind me when outside
8. Fear of posting into the wrong reddit group (imagine though, people would be judging me right now like "WHAT IS THIS GUY TALKING ABOUT????")
9. Fear that i didnt turn off my laptop and the camera is on so everyone sees everything i do in my room
10. Rumination/Double checking blurred memory/Memory isnt like it used to
Well this is my list of fears, not sure why i posted this but it did felt relieving to type it all out
Do comment which ones u guys face as well so i dont feel so weird about myself i guess haha.
i hate this life and im sure everyone in this reddit is too. im trying to not give into these thoughts everyday but they just keep coming. but i know i must be mindful and try to find peace with myself. and to hope that anyone reading this would get better too
|
OCD
|
I recently discovered this and love it, if you need something physical to do, I very much recommend this.
It's called Geocaching.
All you need is your phone and a pen.
(You can do this with special kits like I have, or a GPS device.)
The basic premise is that you use the phone or GPS to find these little (or big) hidden containers, like a treasure hunt. It's not too difficult depending on the difficulty rating. When you find it, sign your name, or a nickname on the paper, and bam! You're one of very few people to have signed it. Some bigger caches even have little things like pens, toys, and "trackables" which I can't be bothered to explain. Look them up if you find one or in advance before taking it. Other than that, you can take something, and leave something. Only take if you leave something in it!
If you want to do it, you can do it with the website at geocaching.com (not sponsored) or an app like Geocaching (mostly free), Cachly (one time purchase, iOS, uses geocaching.com) or C:Geo(free, Android, used geocaching.com and a few others). I like C:Geo because I can do everything for free and you can add many sources.
I recommend you try this, it's fun and physical!
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ADHD
|
I have 3 cats and a few reptiles living here. I hate germs, which includes coming into contact with germs aka cleaning. But they require so much care, touching piss and shit daily, not being able to use room spray because reptiles have sensitive respiratory systems (which I guess is a silver-lining as that's possibly a compulsion). What's worse is that there is cat hair everywhere, I swear to God I could brush my cat thoroughly everyday and feed them the right diet and I'm still covered in cat hair and so is my bed, which also has little litter beads because I can't make sure they stay off the bed when I'm not at home.
And I live with (objectively!!) morbidly messy and unhygienic family members. I'm very messy myself and I still understand I'm supposed to clean up spills right away and definitely NOT step on them to leave tracks all along the house, I cannot escape dirt and grime, having a contamination obsession is just the punchline of my life of a joke. I at least try to maintain the image that I am a cleanly person, but these people somehow broke the fucking dryer and no matter how much I scrub and use plinks in the washer my clothes smell like mold and mildew, and my towel won't wash right so I smell after my showers. I'm constantly grimey and living in dirt, my acne has gotten so severe since I moved back here, and I'm almost 21. My acne was gone for a while!! And now I have acne in places I've never had before.
I want to save up for a deep cleaning service and buy a whole inventory of PROPER cleaning supplies and not dollar general toothbrushes and musty, withering sponges because no one else bothers to clean, but I'm barely making it through every paycheck and it's realistically not going to be kept clean for more than a single day so what's the point? I want perfection and I can't even come close to the bare minimum. Everyday, there is a new spill that I find dried up or food left out and gone grossly rotten. What is the point?? this house is too big. It's 2 stories, 5 beds, 1 bath, the basement is just a hoarding space for unorganized laundry that's been air drying in a musty basement for weeks at a time and they feel comfortable in it.
I just want to get rid of all my animals and run away where I can start somewhere new and clean for myself so I can keep things the way they're supposed to be. I fantasize about this for hours daily when I'm not staying up late to find new ways to clean things. I'm really trying to not let it consume me, but I feel like it's constantly getting shoved in my face. It makes me severely anxious and depressed and paralyzes me in bed every morning because I feel like I can't interact with anything or any space in the house, and this is a very big house!! I should feel clean and comfortable in at least one room outside of my own!!
|
OCD
|
High school senior here. I frequently draw on the margins of my notes after jotting them down while my teacher is still lecturing, so I can give my hands something to do and still (somehow) absorb the lesson. I try to make the doodles relevant to the lesson to help me remember new info too. Also, I usually have a book of sudoku on me that I work on to help me too, or else I end up biting my nails super short.
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ADHD
|
It’s official I’ve been on Reddit for over a whole year now, I wanna thanks y’all for helping me through this and conversing with me for over a year on various things related to autism and other subjects.
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aspergers
|
I like to think I'm too good for making posts like this, but this is untrue. Sorry for the pretentious title, it was supposed to be attention grabbing. That makes me sound like a douche. But why else does anyone make posts like these?
I'm sure plenty here can empathise with routinely finding themselves monologuing inwardly about vague things such as purpose, love, satisfaction, importance, and responsibility. Over and over. Does anyone ever find themselves in an extremely fleeting state of acceptance? The feeling of being the centre of the universe vanishes completely for a period, and you just *are*.
I've been trying to develop personally. I'm not above average in any way that is meaningful to me. Of course, what's meaningful is subject to change, but not in any way my present self can understand, so this is irrelevant. But yeah, I'm really fighting hard against what's sometimes colloquially referred to as main character syndrome. In order to find peace, I need to accept that I am not exceptional in any way I've been taught is desirable.
This usually tortures me. I grew up using my maturity and temperament as my one tool for survival. Then I entered the adult (or "adult" to some of you, perhaps, given I'm 20 years old) world, and what I'd assumed to be the thing that gave my life meaning became clear as nothing more than a fiction spun by a mildly troubled child. But recently I've been experiencing an emptiness. Suffering doesn't make me special. I'm not saving it all up for use as a compelling backstory or anarchist monologue for some later date. It just exists. It's an item of nature, like quarks, icebergs or bonobos. The evolved psychological response of a cultural animal. This isn't to understate how remarkable nature, especially humanity, is to observe.
My point being, everything feels two dimensional, now. The clock ticks on. My telomeres wear down. It's liberating, in a way. My emotions are still there and still potent. I still worry about myself, family, dogs, my degree. I still find wonder in the world. But there's this nagging feeling that I've squandered my early years to such an extent that I never developed the framework required for the synthesis of some overarching meaning, later in life. I don't know how I'm ever going to really appreciate being alive, or feel alive, even.
I don't know, man. This is all pretentious bullshit. That's a defence mechanism, in case someone decides that this was all pretentious bullshit. I always do this-- begin writing something with thoughts or emotions I think I understand enough to communicate-- and it always ends with me not knowing why the fuck I spent 20 minutes lamenting my troubles to the internet, especially given that I haven't even delineated my point, it's just "life hard, me sad".
I feel suspended. In a world so vast and so dense with information, that I only hate myself more when I somehow distil from this vastness and denseness these incessant, angsty, mumblings and denials, futile grasping for control of myself. Jesus fuck, why can't I say these things like a normal fucking human?
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aspergers
|
I am 25 years old and have never had a relationship with any girl. I never kissed. I never had sex. I'm attracted to girls, but I can't talk to any of them.
I never had the courage to go up to a girl and say "I like you". I always had a lot of insecurity. Since when I was a little boy. I am very shy.
Years passed and this insecurity got worse. After all, I was already a teenager and still didn't kiss girls. I was never able to take action. I've always stayed in the comfort zone.
And here I am today. At nearly 30 and no prospects. No friends, no girlfriend, no normal life. It destroys me inside.
I just wanted to be like everyone else.
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depression
|
While I’m trying medication I should not expect I will be a different person aka a superhuman or behave exactly like a neurotypical. I’m allowed to have ADHD symptoms and I must except that not all of them will go away!
I guess I’m grieving/unlearning/learning to embrace myself despite my obstacles, but I’d be lying if I said I’m not a getting bored of having to always feel like I need to keep myself ‘in check’ to behave in a ‘normal’/expected way.
I guess I’m angry but also trying to feel empowered about it.
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ADHD
|
So as I type this Junior Fa is fighting Joseph Parker, Junior is the father to a child with autism and has it on his trunks.
Just thought someone might find this interesting.
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aspergers
|
I remember taking sertraline about 5 years ago and feeling wired but semi clarity, eventually that wore down and I got a bit more forgetful etc and I stopped taking them. I'm sure it unlocked another level of adhd as an adult and I haven't been the same since.
Recently restarted on them(for anxiety and depression) and i'm on the fence weather this is a good path to be taking whilst in the process of getting diagnosed.
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ADHD
|
I am trying to get into a treatment center as soon as possible and the only one who has beds immediately seems to be Foglia. If you have been there what was it like, was it a good experience?
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OCD
|
First test, 5 mins in & I’d pulled up on the left too close to another car, I was trying to avoid the bus stop behind & check the drive way too… Pulled out and almost hit another car on the other side of the road… Not making excuses, it was a bad bit of driving. Only thing that bugs me is I’ve not actually passed or succeeded in much my whole life? I told way too many people about it & I 100% believe that they’re gonna be more disappointed than me. I’m not that bothered I didn’t pass, I’m more bothered people were rooting for me & I let them down.
Not really an adhd issue, had my meds before the lesson & test - was literally me being a moron.
My fellow adhd people, how did we find tests/driving? What did you do to help focus FULLY? I now want to instantly book my next one & try again, my instructor thinks I’m able to pass, I’m sure the examiner did too, it was just a stupid mistake…
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ADHD
|
Been taking zoloft for ocd and so far i don't feel any relief. Did anyone here have a positive experience with zoloft ? What's your dosage and for hiw ling have you been on it ?
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OCD
|
I guess according to me when we are happy and are laughing somewhere we get to know our real self and then if these thoughts come up trying to destroy your happiness and then you feel weird/anxious/nervous Maybe that helps you to know what is for you and what not?
But in my case I start doubting everything again like why did I get this thought? what if it’s true and the reality? What if everything was a lie till now? What if that's what I want and I am just nervous/anxious because it's new to me? What if it’s true and I just don't want to accept it? But why can't I accept it if it's true what's happening? Etc etc
Then I think is this ocd or not
I THINK EVERYONE NEEDS TO AVOID THIS
But does this mean I don't have ocd?
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OCD
|
My ptsd has recently progressed to include freeze attacks which is so frightening considering that I’ll be transferring for college and living alone in a few weeks in a town where I know no one. Not being able to move or call out for help during those freeze attacks has made me realize that my conditions progressed to the point of me needing a service dog in order to function and live as a 21 yr old adult. Any advice on accepting this need of help as well as possible routes to get a service animal in the us (ca specifically) would be so greatly appreciated:)
Edit: I’ve spent lots of time dog sitting for family friends for extended periods so I know that solely caring for a dog and dealing with their behaviors as well a care needs is something that I can not only handle but actually enjoy. Thank you for that concern though I see how that can become an issue.
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ptsd
|
I turned 18 today and the first and last things I did were both ocd rituals. It makes me wonder if I’ll ever truly have my freedom.
I can be legal age to smoke, vote, gamble, etc. but does any of it matter if I conform to my obsessions and compulsions?
They hurt me in ways i can’t even explain, it’s like this piercing dread. I know a lot of the obsessions are completely irrational but there’s still that what if factor that kills me every time.
Today makes me reevaluate my life, and my ocd.
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OCD
|
My career has always been social work (with some law and law school tossed in there). Seven years ago I left my professional life because my depression and PTSD made it impossible and irresponsible to continue on.
In that time I’ve had a couple serious suicide attempts. One that has left me with permanent spinal damage despite 3 neurosurgeries. To be honest, my last one was in January.
I’ve recently been talked into working with a friend (and former colleague) helping victims obtain protective orders. When I am there, it feels natural, and I don’t feel stressed. The work really was never the problem for me, it was the interpersonal stuff.
Anyway, I had a hard time deciding where to post, but I needed to reach out. I have severe PTSD from childhood abuse, severe depression, numerous physical health issues. Most recently my PTSD has been manifesting very badly at home with my startle response at like a 12. I’m irritable. I can’t sleep at night. I can’t get things accomplished. I’ve started skin picking really horribly. It was a mild problem in the past at times, but it’s very much self soothing despite trying to stop.
I think that a lot of this may be signals that it’s not time for me to be back out. I cannot even shower regularly or wash my damn sheets. My house is a wreck. My skin is a wreck. I am not quite a wreck but my spidey sense tells me I could be on the way down.
I don’t know do any of you have the same kind of thing? I really need to put it out to the universe and see what comes back because I don’t know where to turn. My therapist is retiring at the end of the year and I can’t find a new one because of COVID. Schools have closed locally due to COVID and both my kids are home. My husband has been working from home since March. It’s not that I’m suicidal (and frankly it’s not an option because kids) it’s that I just can’t bring myself to care and when I do my PTSD gives me a nice hard kick in the anxiety.
Thanks to whoever reads this.
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ptsd
|
20, sophomore, dropped out of a ton of classes, can’t keep up or even motivate myself to keep up for shit. I’m done. I don’t even care anymore. School doesn’t seem worth it at all.
I feel like a piece of shit though. My parents are gonna be pissed because they’re helping me pay my tuition, and I can’t even do anything. I’ve just been having sex and playing video games and listening to metal and working a shitty job instead of what I should’ve actually been prioritizing which is school. They’ll never understand how absolutely helpless I feel. The sense of overwhelming dread I feel every time I try to start an assignment. It’s as if I physically can’t do it. I thought it would be better than high school because I like what I’m studying. It’s so much fucking worse.
I don’t live with my parents anymore and I pay for my own shit which is the only reason I feel like I even have a choice in this matter. It’s still terrifying. I feel like shittiest son there is. I feel stupid as shit but I don’t even care anymore.
I know it’s what’s best though. I’ll have more time to save money, I’m just hoping I can make a decent life for myself without getting a degree.
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ADHD
|
I (21m) I’ve had a best friend for about almost 7 years(also 21m). We did everything together. We went to college together we hung out all of the time, we even go t the same job. Then all of a sudden it went south. The second he helped me get the job, it was like an immediate shift.
After her helped me get the job, he started acting super distant, mind you, we didn’t work together almost at all, like I would maybe see him at work once a month. He started to stop being so pen about what was going on, he started being very hostile to me. And then today, he straight told me to “get the f*ck out of my face” in front of several people at work, because apparently today was his last day, and he told everyone except me.
I don’t know what I did, I never bothered him, never hovered, never expected anything( to be treated like this. I don’t know what to do. Because it’s already very hard for me to make friends, and I just lost my best friend. I left work early today bc I’ve just been trying all day, I don’t know what to do.
Edit/Update: We didn’t even get to talk. He blocked me on everything. Snapchat, my number, PlayStation, every social media. We were almost starting a business together, and just like that, nothing. I don’t know what I did, I gave him the space he asked for and thought things were going to get better, I don’t know what to do because he was like a brother to me, now I know I meant nothing to him.
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depression
|
I love anime, i think in many aspects it saved my life.
Im now watching Mobile Suit Gundam , i ve seen other Gundams before , i thought i might not enjoy this one since it s quite old but its very good and it helped me to better understand the story and will continue with other older gundam anime.
My fav anime are Legend of the galactic heroes, Overlord, Hunter x Hunter, Youjo Senki
Wich are yours?
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aspergers
|
I mean how do the two compare feeling wise. I'm on 5mg Dexedrine which is short release and i feel it after about 10 minutes and it lasts roughly 4-5 hours but i'm curious if i started Vyvannse how it might feel different.
I know for Dexedrine the first 1-2hrs feels pretty intense and a little overwhelming at times before it fades out into a come down.
Whats your experience using both?
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ADHD
|
So I've been meeting with this special ed person once every week on average and the dude is super nice, we work well together and I'm really glad to have access to this ressource to help me become a more functionnal adult.
Ths week we were talking about the process of having emotions, like how it starts with you perceiving something and then looking at your way of interpreting it depending on past experiences, beliefs, fears, etc And how it affects your reaction to see if the reaction is disproportionate or if it's socially acceptable to try and reach a point where you have the "correct" reactions. And I guess I kind of get it, but at the same time I felt really pissed off by it all.
Like how patronizing is it that NTs would think there is a right and wrong way to react to things. What if I don't care about being socially acceptable ? What if I just want to be myself and have my own reactions ? How dare they decide what is an appropriate response or isn't ? I'm all about working on not letting my anxiety control how I react to things, but that last part really annoyed me in the phrasing. Thankfully I know my special ed person is just presenting this to me as a tool that I can choose to use or not as opposed to imposing it, but still it's frustrating to see. I can't wait to be done with this and to move on to another subject.
|
aspergers
|
I've been looking up this question for a while but cant seem to find anything ab it. My dr started me on 20mg of vyvanse which I took for a week, after that she upped me to 30mg even tho the 20 was still working. The 30 doesn't seem to do half as good a job, but its a higher dose so I don't understand why? Is this possible or have I just overthought this?
|
ADHD
|
Just recently my depression has been making more sense. After talking to a therapist and doing some research, I found out I suffer emotional trauma from childhood emotional neglect.
Growing up, my parents did a good job providing my sis and I with our basic needs. Food, shelter, and clothing. But not so much our mental needs. My mother is a narcissist and my father is her enabler and also kind of narc too. They had a very dysfunctional marriage. It got violent sometimes. But they often took out their anger at each other on my sister and me.
This explains a lot of why I live in such a painful existence. Through the childhood neglect, my mind learned that I didn’t matter. And so as I got older, my brain was rewired to think this by default about myself, and I lived life accordingly. This ended up with me developing trauma habits and side effects. People pleasing, not taking feedback well, inability to self love or accept love, insomnia, fatigue, irritability.
The people pleasing one is serious. They’ll be times where I’ll do something nice for someone, and I’m not sure why I did it. And then the person would look at me like I just did something weird. I subconsciously do this in hopes to get love in return. I was taught by my upbringing that love is conditional and I must perform in order to receive it. Which is why I developed that habit.
I struggle with crippling loneliness. It often times keep me up crying at night. Over obsessing over if I’m good enough to live in this world. This is because I have self love issues. Because childhood neglect taught me that my feelings and needs weren’t important, my mind by default doesn’t see me as lovable. Which is why self care was also always a struggle for me too. I always feel guilty whenever I do something nice for myself.
But this just goes back to the inability to accept feedback. People always think it’s the negative feedback that’s the hardest to take, but for people like me who have emotional trauma, it’s actually the positive feedback that’s the hardest. Even though we don’t like negative feedback, it at least feels familiar to us due to the often negative feedback I received as a child. This made me develop a habit of self criticism and self sabotage. I’m an art student, and critiques from my classmates and professors are very common. But I did notice a weird common occurrence that happens during critiques. When it’s my turn to explain my work, I tend to be me very critical of my own work. So much that my professor sometimes has to stop me and reassure me. My classmates always gave me concerned looks after moments like this. I didn’t think much of it before I found out trauma makes me do that.
I think the saddest habit though is the inability to accept positive feedback. I wasn’t self aware of it but I get nervous whenever someone shows interest in me or gives me a compliment. This is actually the part that makes it hard for me to accept love. Because love counts as positive feedback. Positive feedback gives me dysphoria that feels like guilt. Like I accidentally tricked someone into liking me, or into thinking that I’m capable. Or like they’ll find out how lame I really am and be disappointed. This affects my dating life. I’ve had to turn down a few people due to them showing interest in me. Whenever they show signs of liking me, I get very nervous and try distancing myself from them. My trauma only made me use to people who abuse me, not love me. This also makes me question my friends a lot. They’re always having to remind me that they enjoy me and want me in their lives, but it makes me feel bad whenever they say things like that. Because my trauma convinced me they would be better off without me.
But yeah that’s what I’ve been learning. I’m hoping this means I can heal now. Maybe this would help some of you guys.
I’m just tired of my existence being agony.
|
depression
|
Hi there everyone! Diagnosed at 7 and went off med at 17. Now at 25 Im realizing that ntrpics and natural supplements just aren't helping enough with my symptoms. I'm looking into online prescribers such as cerebral, donefirst, klarity etc. And seeing if the community has any experience with these and could point me in the right direction?
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ADHD
|
I have been suffering for about 10 years, and stumbled upon some PTSD articles about two years ago and was like ‘oh my god’. I knew I was super messed up and severely traumatized by many things that happened to me, but I was just so relieved that I wasn’t alone and that there is a way to get help. Writing this makes me cry. Unfortunately, at that time, I was in a really bad place where my traumas consumed my health and I was caught up in a cycle of being terrified of everyone and had difficulty making the right decisions, especially in terms of getting help.
The first therapist I went to after my first real trauma didn’t even want to talk about what I went through (even though I wanted to, and knew it was essential for my recovery). I was really young and didn’t understand I could get a different therapist.
I guess, I really want to do it right. I have pretty bad anxiety, and panic attacks have been a daily presence in my life for a very long time. Flashbacks happen often too, but usually are due to being triggered. What has worked or helped? What kind of therapy have you gone for? What kind of medications do you take? Any other things that helped?
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ptsd
|
I was a late kid, i was born when my parents were 40 and my sister was already 12. Ive been thinking my whole life that they didnt want me and im an accident, like why tf they would wait 12 years after my sister to make another child. Anyways, my sister became jealous of me because now parents had to give me more attention than her, and she had never really loved me as a brother my whole life but we had to live more than 10 years together in the same room. My parents took care about me but they never really loved me as well, they were like a caretakers, i didnt feel connection with them at all like they are my parents or relatives. My father was a provider, he worked and earned all the money in our family and felt very entitled about it, he thought that he could abuse anyone while being drunk. My mom brought me into christianity since my birth so she was very religious and thats the reason she didnt divorce my father, because its complicated and not easy in christianity, and she thought that she wouldnt be able to raise us without fathers providing, but my sister was almost an adult and i was the only one to take care of. so i had to live in a toxic environment which is called family my whole childhood, to go through abuse and stress, to be punished when i got bad grades at school and be under appreciated when i made progress in anything. my father always complained how im worthless and i cant do anything yet he never taught me anything and barely spent time with me, usually he watched tv after work, but he never missed and opportunity to harass me when he was drunk, i had to sit next to him several hours till he falls asleep and listen to bullshit how he loves me and my mom, how i need to study and how bad i am. but when he was sober, he acted like nothing happened.
​
There were times in my life when i was bullied hard by whole class in school, couldnt tell it to my parents because they wouldnt understand, i felt so alone and miserable that i started to hate myself and my life. i changed school later but it didnt really help because in my teenage years i started adulting later than my peers and i was never taken seriously by my classmates because i seemed much younger than them, so i was an outsider. ive started comparing myself to everyone around me, ive started to feel like im subhuman or something because my parents didnt explain to me that its alright and i will grow up like everybody else but a little bit later, my parents didnt explain anything at all to me. they only screamed and shouted at me every fucking time that i need to study hard, that its the most important thing in my life, that i need to finish school with good grades to get into university, but they didnt tell me whats it all for. but when i graduated school and got into one of the best uni in my country, i just felt so disconnected and lost in life, i didnt understand why do i need to go through this shit, whats it all for. i started to question life and its meaning and got into depression that i still have. i was so into thinking about death and meaning of life that sometimes i just couldnt go to classes because it was all meaningless to me. so i abandoned uni after first semester and started playing poker because i liked it and thought that i can win money and become independent from my parents, which i was hated so much for by my parents that they had put me into some christian rehab for addicted people (drugs, alcohol, gambling, prisoners etc.). so i had to spend half a year with these scumbags of earth because i had nowhere to run.
​
fuck its so exhausting to type, sorry i cant no more
|
depression
|
I went to the store today and I felt my depression heighten. I couldn’t enjoy shopping or look at people because I felt horrible. It was really bad because I just wanted to go out and ignore everything but the moment I saw people I got drained and distracted. At this point I feel emotionally numb and numb to the thoughts which only makes me worry worse. Any Advice? :///
|
OCD
|
I’m just wondering how can I tell it I’m just shy or introverted, or on the spectrum?
I was diagnosed with ADHD inattentive at 20, after getting depressed and getting into drugs.
In school I was pretty quiet, but in elementary I was more outgoing and could not stop getting in trouble or being a clown.
But in middle school things changed, I slowly went into a shell. I remember when we went out to play in recess when everyone was playing, I would go with this group but just watch them play basketball . I would literally just stand there and watch them play for like 30 minutes. I had trouble to iniate physical/verbal communication or play without great force. It was even very hard for me to act in a school play. However with close people or family I didn’t have a problem.
I was a little quirky sometimes but no where near nerdy in fact I usually dressed well and would mostly act normal. People have commented back in school how I was obnoxious and would say really offensive things . Even my siblings comment sometimes how I would say a lot of weird or irrelevant things and say whatever pops in my head.
It’s just that sometimes I felt super mute in class and had terrible social anxiety. Sometimes in situations with large crowds I would freeze and shutdown. It was literally horrible at times during my teen years. Part of it could also be that I was kicked out in HS and was depressed during those years.
|
aspergers
|
For about 2 months now my mental health has been spiraling out of control. I want to tell my parents but don’t know how to ask them. I’ve missed many unexcused school days and my parents don’t seem to question why I refuse to go. Please someone give me advice
|
depression
|
I read online that autistic people can have phobia of black reflective screens, i.e. computer screens, TV screens, that are switched off
Try turning away from the screen, 180 degrees turn around and face the other way.
Do you notice any cognitive benefits from doing this?
Does anyone have any knowledge of this topic?
|
aspergers
|
Especially considering I’m a guy, I’ve never thought I was depressed, just someone who prefers being alone. I thought this way up until I recently hung out with my lifelong friends, just to wish I was alone at home. Anywho, no way in hell I’m going to a therapist, other than that any tips?
|
depression
|
Im 13 and
I was masturbating but the window was not covered the curtains were up and my apartment is on the first floor so you can inside and i looked at the window i didnt see anyone and i masturbated and then i thought "what if a kid is there and i didnt see them or they pass by" but i still continued.
Am i a pedo for this plz help??
|
OCD
|
So about yesterday evening, I was having these bad memories from a decade ago of this kid from my old school, bullying me by telling me that if I messed with him again, he will kill my family. At first I didn't take any of this seriously and thankfully none of that happened, but the problem was is that about a few weeks ago I was having delusive thoughts about said kid wanting to go back in time and kill my family! The first time I had this delusions thought, I tried to ignore it, the second time I had this thought I ignored it again. The third time I had it, was because I was afraid my thoughts about it transferred to the internet, because I clicked on something. The most recent time I had this thought once again, was because I talked to myself about this delusion thought while clicking away from something! Now this entity of the person wants to go back in time and do what it said it was going to do! What should I do?
|
OCD
|
I hate this I hate myself for existing I and just don’t want to be here anymore.
|
depression
|
It's a silly question, I know. But getting out of confinement is so hard!
I was diagnosed with OCD before this crisis and feel extremely anxious about getting back to normal (it was never really normal for me). I got used to it a lot, since everyone started to have the same habits as me! I was very comfortable at home as going out was never one of my favorite things.
(Being in an emerging country, known as Brazil and with its sanitary conditions, doesn't help.)
|
OCD
|
I’m not sure how I feel about all of this.
I was in the military but never thought of my time in as being something that had a negative effect on me.
But after reaching out to a number of outlets for help, I was diagnosed with PTSD from the VA a few weeks ago. It’s service connected. They have me on a couple of different meds to treat the symptoms and I’m seeing a therapist 2 times a month.
Idk. I always thought I was “strong” or whatever. But over the last few years I’ve started checks by all the boxes. Hyper vigilance, extreme anxiety and depression, persistent and recurring memories, shrinking away from family/friends etc.
I feel like I’m finally getting past one identity crisis (leaving the military 5 years ago) and replacing it with another. It’s hard because I can’t really talk to anyone about it either. My s/o is made to feel uncomfortable when I bring it up (can’t blame her), I’m quarantining/isolating so I don’t hang out with people, and the friends I game with share the same trauma so I don’t want to ruin the vibe by making them all relive it.
Shit sucks. It’s not even knowing I’ll struggle with this (PTSD) for some time, it’s knowing that I now have to jive my own self definition with everything else. I know PTSD doesn’t make you weak or anything, I just thought I’d figured out who I was. Now that’s all turned around.
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ptsd
|
I'm not going to make this too long, but I've got ADHD and I struggle to start tasks and it just generally makes me extremely lazy. I feel like a useless human being that's just a drain on my parents' money and love. I thought it would change when I finally got to college, but no. I still ignore assignments, still procrastinate everything to the point where I'm not ready for anything, and I'm almost certain I'm going to fail this year of college. I just don't know what to do after this. I've looked into going into the military because I heard that they'll either make me or break me (at this point I don't care which), but apparently I need to be off medication for a year or more to get in. I've lived a very comfy life and I've exploited every second chance I've been given over all these years. I really don't know what to do at this point. All I do is sit around and play video games whilst I watch my life fall apart. I don't want to keep living like a goddamn leech for the people who love me and care about me. I feel like the military is my best bet. I'm about the least qualified person for it but I don't care anymore. I need something to teach me how to work hard whether it kills me or not. I can't keep fucking living like this, something has to change.
|
ADHD
|
I fell asleep relatively quickly, after taking my sleeping meds. Woke up just 3 hours later, didn't even get the chance to dream. Was tossing so much I woke up my fiance by accident, who fed me a melatonin and tried to soothe me to sleep again. I even restarted the sleep podcast I listen to in an attempt to distract my brain.
Whole lotta good that did. I listened to it twice through with no results. I wasn't scrolling, I took my meds, I did deep breathing and the whole nine yards. I even tried not thinking about sleep and being non-judgmental. Fucking christ.
I gave up around 6. I'm working on 6 hours of sleep for the last 2 days and I hate it. I end up napping during the day and I know I shouldn't but what else am I supposed to do? I can't live like this.
It used to be nightmares. Now I don't even dream. I just want to die. Plenty of sleep in the grave.
|
ptsd
|
So I recently started using Vyvanse 30Mg and noticed I have a dry mouth and almost appetite along with Insomnia I rarely sleep. I’ve been on the medication for less than a week. Does it usually get better or do we just put up with these side effects? If anyone is experiencing this and has a possible Solution, please let me know.Thanks
|
ADHD
|
hi there...i am quite nervous to post this as i never talk about or acknowledge my trauma, so i feel rather vulnerable asking for advice. but i have been struggling with this problem for a while now but it's been very distracting as of late and i figured someone here may be able to relate or understand what i'm feeling.
i think it's common for people to feel like theyre faking their ptsd and i do have that sort of imposter syndrome-y worry sometimes, but this feels different. i feel like my memories are fake. when i think back to my trauma, i have memories and recollections of it, so it's not any kind of trauma-induced amnesia, but the memories don't feel real. for example, i was having a particularly difficult day last week and i wanted to talk to my therapist about it. i was talking about this one specific event that happened, and i kept catching myself glancing at my mom for reassurance and validation that what i was saying was accurate and true. i have vivid memories. and i know something happened. but when i really think about them, i find myself thinking things like "wait, is that true? did that happen to me? or did i see that in a show or read it in a book and i just thought it happened to me? is this how it happened? maybe in exaggerating this?" and it's so deeply frustrating and defeating.
i've looked into this a tiny bit and something called derealization/depersonalization kept popping up but im not sure that's what it is. because in the moment, things feel real and normal. it's only when i look back at memories that it feels like im recalling everything incorrectly. does anyone battle these thoughts too? is this normal? how do i trust my feelings if all of my memories feel fictional? how do i know what's true or not? :(
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ptsd
|
I have big trouble remembering things. But it isnt just short term memory, I mean things about my life. I get the feeling that if I judge asked me where I was last monday at around two pm I would not be able to answer. I don't remember most things that happened yestarday or today even. I have very few memories attached to images. I remember things like "I used to play soccer in middle school" but I cant recall an image of me doing that. Not a single one, I dont have any specific memorie of me playing soccer. None. Another example is that I have gone to Spain twice. I barely remember what I did there. I know I visited a church, a convent and a castle. There was a funny looking nun in the convent. I dont have any specific images of this places I just know Ive been there. I register it more as abstract information and not as a picture in my brain. And I was there for two months and its reasonable to say I did a lot more things but those tree are the ones I remember.
So like, instead of pictures my memory is just abstract data of things I did in a very general sense and not of specific things. My mom will ask me, "remember when you did this?", "remember the time we went here?", "Do you remember this family member?" and I will have no idea what she is talking about 95% of the time.
I thought it was normal. I mean, why I would remember every specific time I visited a restaurant? My brain just registers "this restaurant is good" and thats it. No memories. Just "cold" data. And when I come back from school and my mom asks me how I did I just tell her "I dont know" because at that point I alredy forgot, and all that stuck was the abstract information, like how the cell works, what causes this chemical reaction, the grammar structure of a spanish sentence, etc. I dont remember when I learned this or how I learned this or who taught me this I just keep the information in my brain.
What I wanted to ask is if any of you relate to this and if it has to do with ADHD.
|
ADHD
|
I'm very curious if anybody else has experienced this or if this is just something for me but after I've had one or two beverages, some of my symptoms mainly over examination, dissective thinking, easily distracted/hyperawar awareness completely ceases to exist and I don't tend to get the symptoms and side effects that other people (normies) experience.
I just feel like a normal person. That can actually pay attention to detailed conversations.
|
aspergers
|
i took a neuropsychological evaluation recently and i was hoping to get diagnosed with ocd, but i got diagnosed with ptsd instead. i don't think i've ever actually gone through anything traumatic enough to give me ptsd, and the symptoms in the subreddit sound far worse. I don't think it's a misdiagnosis because the psychologist said she was 100% sure i have ptsd. I kind of feel guilty? As if I'm not worthy of having ptsd or something. I'm not sure. I have a professional diagnosis and i don't think i lied on the test, but my mind refuses to believe that i've undergone severe trauma. does anybody have any insights?
|
ptsd
|
I know there is a lot of similarities between those 2, what would you say is different between them?
Also I'm aware that a lot of people have both, so what is your experience like?
I'm only asking because I've realised yesterday that I might be having some OCD symptoms, I'm going to bring this up once I get a call back from the mental health services (been waiting since September, NHS is so overwhelmed right now) but for the time being I'd like to hear of your experiences.
|
aspergers
|
When you have a bad thought and you want to do it like you really want to do it!The type of want to do it is, like you really want to kiss your crush or just something you really really want to do, but instead of it being something positive like kissing your crush, it’s you wanting to do your bad thought and then you are like what why? so you think it over and over again and then when you try to think you wouldn’t want it but you can’t and then it feels like it doesn’t make you anxious like it’s real and then you worry cause you’re not anxious when you think you really want to do it and you really do want to
But I don’t (want) to want to do it but I can’t make myself believe that I don’t want to because in the moment of the thought I’m being so serious with no doubt about it I really really wanted to do it even though it would be wrong so then I’m like “well you’re only worrying about it because you know it’s wrong you still actually want to do it the only thing stopping you is because it’s wrong” but I want to actually not want to do it like I don’t want it to be only because I know it’s bad I want to actually be able to think oh I don’t want to do that but I can’t all because I really truly wanted to do it when the thought happened but I don’t want that to really be me and don’t want it to really be what i want and what I’d want to do but like I said I AM NOT JOKING IM BEING 100% serious I REALLY REALLY REALLY WANTED TO DO IT in the moment of the thought so when I think “oh it’s just your OCD” I don’t believe it only because I really wanted to do it in the thought if I wouldn’t have wanted it I wouldn’t be worrying. I’ve been thinking about this for 2 months I can’t get it to go away because I want to change it like I want to know I wouldn’t want to but I can’t cause I did want it in the moment of the thought.
Does anyone else do this I know I have OCD but this was like one of my normal thoughts that’s the way it seemed seems like my normal thoughts and not my OCD but I don’t want it to really be me
|
OCD
|
obligatory on mobile so sorry if formatting is weird.
last month i suffered a pretty bad mental breakdown which honestly came as a shock bc i was doing so good. i was taking my meds when i was supposed to, i was on top of my school work, and i was doing great with my job. i’m not sure if i just got overwhelmed with full time classes and working a lot of hours and on top of that my boyfriend leaving for deployment and him being gone for awhile but, i think everything just came crashing down and i cracked. i stopped going to work, school, and isolated myself from everyone. i hadn’t gone to therapy for a few weeks so i decided to start going weekly again but not much is getting any better. i barely go to one class but have pretty much ignored my other ones and i haven’t gone back to work, i just can’t seem to do anything that makes me feel “happy”. i have major depressive disorder so my therapist confirmed that i was going through a moderate to severe depressive episode which is what i already figured anyway. i have things planned that will hopefully prevent or at least delay another episode like this in the future but even that isn’t taking any weight off my shoulders. i don’t have many friends that live near me so i don’t have that distraction, and i don’t even leave my room unless i’m going to my one class or if i absolutely need to go to the store. this episode has lowkey started to affect my physical health as now my sleep schedule is completely messed up and i find myself not even sleeping till the following night and my joints are sore from not leaving my bed on most days. winter has already begun where i live so even just sitting outside or going for a walk is completely out of the question. i’m just not sure what to do anymore, how do i get out of this or at least start to get out of this? i’ve had depressive episodes before but they were always very mild, i feel so lost and disappointed in myself.
|
depression
|
Here's what I've written so far. Feel free to add, change or even write your own paragraph:
Daddy, I’ve told you about my worries twice last time and you helped me, but it was only temporary. I think that you are ignorant to OCD and you have no clue what is going on inside of my head. I need a therapist and I’m nearly 100% sure that I have OCD. I need help and I need you to get me a therapist. I can tell you about some of my worries, which I’ve told you about before. OCD isn’t a thing that I can just shrug off. It isn’t just my overactive imagination. It’s OCD. I’m nearly certain it is. You've never had OCD and you don't know what it's like. This isn't overdramatic, this is the truth. I’m begging you, please get me help. I can’t just sort it out with you now, I need therapy to overcome this.
|
OCD
|
I think that if one day the guilt gets too much I can always kill myself and it actually provides some comfort . Is that normal ?
|
OCD
|
Although this movie didn't do very much for me, there were two elements of it that really exemplified certain aspects of life on the spectrum. I'm curious is anyone else on here has seen it and agrees.
Possible spoiler 1
>! When the Croods meet the Bettermans, they can't seem to wrap their minds around the concept of privacy. I have felt almost that level of frustration around extroverts who don't like being left alone.<
Possible spoiler 2
>! When one of the characters turns out to be fluent in the language of the punch-monkeys, he is not very happy at the prospect. This mirrors my own reluctance to interact with neurotypical people. I know better than to take their "punches", personally, but I still don't enjoy it.<
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aspergers
|
I know that OCD has a connection with genetics and that you are more likely to have it if a family member has it but is it possible to have it when your family has no history of it? My family does have a history of anxiety and depression if there is any connection there.
|
OCD
|
I forgot to make an apt to get refills on my rxs, which I have to do every 6 months. So it's been 3 days cold turkey from vyvanse, desvenlafaxine and bupropion. Which means 12-16 hrs of sleep a day, split into two sessions, with inability to get out of bed in between. Pretty miserable, suddenly laconically suicidal but of course too tired to do anything about it. Unfortunately it's the weekend now so I won't be able to get an apt for another few days, but if I stay stuck any longer I'm pretty sure the multiple people who've already tried checking in with me about my sudden absence will start to seriously consider that I'm dead lol.
Anyway, how have you had success with snapping yourself out of it? I'm at the spot where I'm now embarrassed at having not replied to those reaching out to me (cause it takes wayyyyyy too much energy w/o meds ya know), so I feel like I have to hide from them forever, which really isn't an option as I don't want to drop out of school again heh. I know that in hindsight I'll wonder why it was such a big deal to me at the time, but I still haven't figured out how to get the process of reintegrating into my life going again after temporarily completely checking out. Advice? 😅
|
ADHD
|
So it turns out that the benefits of Vitamin B12/Vitamin D for OCD have been known for awhile, [here's](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7066598/) a recent study collating the findings - but for some reason no-one talks about it?! Here's another study on Vitamin B12 - https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3271502/
Holy moly. I recent had an OCD 'melt-down' so to speak, and I think it was largely caused by Vitamin D deficiency (I was working 12 hour 14 day swings in an office... That's another topic). Anyway, I started researching vitamin D and went down the rabithole.
I got myself a number of vitamins today - vitamin b12, vitamin d and magnesium. After taking them I've almost stopped ruminating entirely, I've actually cleaned up the house a bit which was unthinkable yesterday - I feel so much better. I'm going to try and get myself folate and l-theanine as well as they're meant to be of benefit as well.
It could all be placebo, but given that there's scientific evidence that these vitamins are of benefit to those with OCD I'm going to stick with it. I'm also pretty frustrated that these weren't raised by any medical professional I've seen to date. I'll update this post over the next few days to say whether the effect was short-lived or if I'm still feeling better.
|
OCD
|
Forgive me reeking of desperation, but the only thing I can look forward to is the chance at some romantic bliss. I realize that's in short supply, especially for the depressed. Other avenues of fulfillment are not for me, not for lack of trying.
I have no idea if I am even capable of love or whether it will actually matter to me. In the past, I've found it easier to stay invested in life if there was some mutual care. I went back to college, got a 'good job', and moved out--all ultimately motivated by that faint hope that it'll keep me tethered to the earth.
I can't keep the gnawing doubts at bay. As I sit here alone in a dark room lit only by my monitors, I cannot help but wonder if the past few years were a bunch of stress and empty hope for nothing. I'm put off by online dating, paralyzed by the realization that I have no life--nothing picture-worthy anyway. I don't go anywhere, so chance meetings are unlikely.
Perhaps I should just give up, but then what? I cannot think of anything else except years or decades of toil, only to still be alone at the end of the day.
|
depression
|
all these instructive thoughts make me sick. i just want them gone and live a happy and healthy life.
|
OCD
|
So recently I have been diagnosed with what's called Spermatophobia which is an extension of my OCD which makes me inherently very uncomfortable with sperm. For example, I really won't masturbate at all, because I don't want to deal with clean up. I will usually take a long hot shower afterwards. Obviously, this isn't exactly something I can do every time I have sex in the future as I won't always have access to a shower after sex and also it's just impractical. So my question is, would exposure therapy be the best course of treatment for myself. My therapist briefly brought this up, but I'm wondering if anyone else had a similar experience with this, and if exposure therapy helped them out.
|
OCD
|
Help, how do I deal with nightmares? They’re so disturbing. Severely disturbing. It’s messing me up and I can’t sleep. I’m shaking uncontrollably. And do they ever go away
|
ptsd
|
I just went to my kind of war zone and received PTSD from it.
Please read and share my story.
I know this is LONG post, but PLEASE read and SHARE & Share & share.
Dec 5th, I went to the ER (Tanner in Carrollton, GA USA), because my anixety got out of control.
The first person in my isolated room was a security guard, who started yelling at me.
Before the Dr saw me or spoke to me, he wrote a 1013 on me. He committed me to a mental health facility, where I had NO choice in the matter.
It was
Riverwoods Behavioral Health in Riverdale GA USA, where I went through HELL instead of getting help.
My husband & I was lied to, starting at the ER.
I was locked in the stretcher, during my hour ride in the ambulance. The driver drove on the side of the road during that ride. An ambulance driver just wrecked and killed the patient here in Georgia.
After getting to the facility, I was put in an LOCKED room with multi papers to fill out, where NO employee explained anything.
I was put in a Unit with Men, Women, Teens, Alcoholics, Drug Addictes and Homeless.
One patient had a cut open arm, where I could see down in it. They never covered it.
I did NOT receive other meds I take for other health issues.
I needed a Dr order to get an extra blanket.
Yes, they had laundry services but I felt it was better to wear my clothes without using the services.
Wake up time was 0600 and Bedtime was at 2200. I handed over my clothes at 2200 and at 0600 they were not done. I handed over my pj's at 0600 and did not receive them till 2300.
I ask multi times for disposable underwear, where I finally received them.
My room's bathroom never had hand soap.
The Community Restroom would run out of toilet paper and paper towels. I would have to clean the community bathroom with hand soap and paper towels before using it. If I told the staff, they would get to it whenever they wanted to.
My food and drinks were limited and if I ask for more, I would be yelled at. There were no fresh fruit or vegetables. After telling them about my special diet, they did not fulfill that request. I ate enough to get by and lost more weight. I had to wipe food off the table before I sat at it. Some of food was not real, it was made from powder. The food temperature wasn't correct, because hot food shouldn't be cold.
I didn't sleep for 5 days, because I was scared I would be raped or killed.
All I did ALL day was color or watch TV.
When my husband started fighting to get me released, they got more mad at me.
He spent multi hours, meeting with up to 7 people at once. All they did was make up lies about me to hold me longer. He knew it was LIES, because we've been married 25 years. He told them to get all my medical records, because they won't find any of that stuff they said in it.
I was exposed and tested POSTIVE for Covid, because sick employees did not wear mask. They did not test for Covid. They did not sanitize anything.
My husband now has Covid and he's high risk and missing work.
On the posted schedule we had "Fresh Air Breaks", but it was really smokey air breaks. It was small area outside, where a lot of patients smoked.
They did not follow the posted schedule, they broke HIPPA laws.
They took my wedding band, but my roommate had a diamond on her hand. They cut the stings on my pj's, but my roommate had stings on her hoodie. Everyone was treated different, but still badly.
No visitors were allowed.
Three times a day I was ask how I was doing and it had to be a positive word, so I had to lie.
I was forced to remember the day & date, but there was no calendars to look at.
I'm a Navy Veteran, who thought she was receiving help. I was not given a mental health assessment, just pills.
No one deserves what I had to go through. I came out in SHOCK from being traumatized and I was sleep deprived.
PLEASE HELP if you can.
|
ptsd
|
Always thought it was about the people at my first job (very toxic crowd), the kind of work at my second, slow and older folks at the third and the scope of work, and so on. I’m at my fourth now, four weeks in, but I’m already SIGNIFICANTLY BORED!!
So much that I just wish I could quit. And in that boredom, I do not attend to the tasks at hand either, because a) I know they’re shitty af; b) they won’t make much difference in anybody’s lives; c)it’s not a fire i have to put out.
I’m so worried that the career switch I’m in the middle of is going to keep me bored as well and that I’d never find fulfillment in any line of work.
FYI: i am on Vyvanse 30mg. It did it’s trick the first week or so. Now I’m back to being bored af.
Do you feel (this) bored at work? How do you work around this? Also what line of work are you in?
|
ADHD
|
tl;dr: Anybody else here who has ADHD and has been diagnosed with heart failure?
I'm wondering if there are people in this subreddit who have ADHD _and_ who have been diagnosed with heart failure, and if so, how are you managing your ADHD? Or are you managing it at all? I'm a bit confused. (Luckily I have my three-month check-up with a cardiologist this friday)
I had an episode back in the beginning of September, where I ended up in the hospital and was diagnosed with heart failure, due to a yet unknown reason. I've been off stimulant medication ever since, since the situation was pretty bad, especially since I am still only 38 years old.
Long story short: I was diagnosed with left-side heart failure back in September. I've been using stimulant medication ever since I was diagnosed in 2013, but had to stop due to aforementioned heart issues, and things have been a terrible mess ever since. Anybody in a similar situation?
PS. Remember to check your blood pressure.
Edit: forgot to mention my age
|
ADHD
|
I have yet to be diagnosed with ptsd, only because I really don’t want to talk about that day.
4 years ago my best friend had taken her own life. I’m not going to give any details because they’re not important (and They’re mostly triggering) that day I saw everything, and she was still “alive” and was brought to the hospital, and I just left because I couldn’t watch her like that.
Every 5 minutes of every day I forget that she is gone. I don’t sleep because if I do I wake up and it hurts. I do not sleep because every time I close my eyes I just see her staring at me crying as of that day when everything happened. I can’t bring myself to talk about it, not many people know, not even my parents know and no one believes me and What I saw hurts me and it really hurts me that no one can just believe me. I don’t know what to do.
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ptsd
|
Was just wondering if you can develop new stims as you age. I know you can get rid of some stims if you work at it. I myself got rid of a throat clearing stim when I was a kid with my moms help. However there are other stims that stayed. I was wondering if you can develop new ones as you age. I feel like I have especially when the pandemic started. I seem to be stimming more with my hands (like flicking my nails and such if I feel like nobody is watching. I have noticed I have been doing it in therapy too) as of late and was just wondering. Thanks in advance.
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aspergers
|
I remember when I got blacklisted permanently from a store I regularly shopped at for two years due to allegations that I made all the other customers feel uncomfortable with my behavior and that they told me several times about it but I never listened (and that they'll consider it trespassing if they ever saw me near their store again and call the police on me).
Ever since, I've been constantly paranoid if any other groups I'm currently affiliated in are considering doing the same thing to me for the same reasons, because I apparently made everyone feel uncomfortable with my behavior and that I've been "ignoring" them the entire time (when really, they never even ONCE called me out on them).
Believe me, I don't actually care about being extraordinary. I don't care about being someone like the late Steve Jobs. At the least, I just want to be accepted as no less a human being like everyone else. (Just like Quasimodo or Shrek) But all it takes is one single misconstruction of your different psychology, and I'm automatically represented as the asshole, which I'm expected to accept without question 1000%. And any explanation will all be cruelly dismissed as excuses. I'm basically getting sanctioned for being different. Name any case more bruh than this.
|
aspergers
|
I take Medikinet (methylphenidate) 40mg.
I feel that its really hard to think and process things. Personally to me it creates really unnatural thought patterns and it takes really long time to process something. It makes me forget common stuff (for example words) and constructing sentences is harder than when not on it. Short-term memory is also out the window.
Anybody relate? Opinions? Advice?
|
ADHD
|
My depression hasn't even been back long enough to be considered clinical at this point (i.e. it's been less than two weeks). Now I feel even more afraid of reaching out to him about how I'm doing.
|
depression
|
Hello friends. I hope this is okay here. I’m new to this world. 21F, I’m on lexapro for anxiety but nothing for adhd right now.
I struggle a lot with keeping my house & car clean. I really genuinely enjoy cleaning, but I perfer making my spaces a huge mess, doing a huge clean & then satisfaction.
This isn’t a sastainable style anymore because I have a child who needs a clean space, lol.
I’ve realized my biggest flaw here is that I don’t pick up as I go. In fact, it literally doesn’t cross my mind. Every thing just ends up in the last place I touched it. Plates don’t make it into the sink, shoes all over the house,food on the counter,etc.
I try to do a 30 minute clean up every night but some nights it’s just not easy to convince myself.
If I could just generally clean up throughout the day, I think i could avoid a huge mess & then do deeper cleans once a week. But I just can’t get myself on board. Every night I swear the next day will be the day I change my habits, but it never happens. Anyone struggle here?any ideas?
|
ADHD
|
Im struggling figuring out how to help my brother, but we just found out. He’s 28 and has been conditioned to believe things he shouldn’t by my parents (anyone is his friend, homophobia especially, and etc).
They wont put any effort into him and I have to find a way for him to trust me without us arguing (He doesn’t like being corrected and believes I’m immature because my mother told him that while she wont help him).
I’m only 21 and don’t know what to do... What if my parents die? If so, will I ever be able to move away without disrupting what he knows? What kind of jobs can he have (he is not good in customer service even though he thinks he is— maybe something repetitive instead?) Is him living by himself even an option?
I want him to have the life he wants and deserves but also be realistic☹️
***I am not assuming all aspies are the same, this is about my brother specifically***
|
aspergers
|
First of all, I know it sounds really stupid and desperate. But I am like that at the moment.
I have been putting off my thesis for months after I told my promotor I have depression in March. I promised her to get back at it in September but I couldn’t bring myself to work on it until today. I should’ve sent her emails explaining my situation but I keep delaying because everything related to my thesis triggers anxiety and turmoil inside me. Yesterday my promotor sent me an email which I dread to open. It took me a mountainous amount of energy, some tears, and screams to open it, and I found out that she was asking how I am doing and reminded me that my thesis is a part of a bigger project and that basically, I need to start working on it and update her. I feel guilty to the bones now.
I know, this probably sounds very childish and desperate but could anyone here help me draft my email? I have the draft already but I don't know if the content is appropriate enough. My mind is so stupid right now that I don't know how to write professionally and how much I should share. Honestly, with my foggy depressed brain, I can't really differentiate what is right or wrong, politically and culturally whatever that means.
|
depression
|
So, my manager is having a meeting with me this week about what changes could be made to help with my ADHD.
I work in an office where we have meetings with customers at our desks pretty much back-to-back. I'm fine with the meeting and speaking to customers. It's all the fiddly admin stuff in between appointments I struggle with. The admin side is really important to the role and, as we can be dealing with legal stuff, I can't too many afford mistakes.
The reason this meeting is happening because my manager basically said "maybe this job isn't for you if you can't handle all that stuff".
I want to know what adjustments have you made or want to make in a similar work environment. Thanks in advance!
|
ADHD
|
im not here to get a diagnosis but i just want to understand whats going on with me better.
Also do ptsd nightmares have to be recurring or can they be random nightmares unrelated to each other? sorry in advance if its a stupid question
|
ptsd
|
So I used to post on here. I was so lost, desperate, depressed, and barely hanging on. I wasn’t happy for months and every day was filled with fear and anxiety that I’ll never be happy again. I finally got help and have been on Zoloft for two months. I’m glad I didn’t give up seeking help even after being dismissed by two doctors and even a family member. I’m finally starting to be able to do the things I avoided again like driving and watching tv. It’s still hard a lot of the time and I still panic and get stressed, but it’s not nearly as horrible as it was. And luckily, my dosage on Zoloft is only 50 mg so It will only get better from here as I increase my dosage. If you’re struggling, it will pass. I thought I was doomed, I couldn’t leave the house, I was glued to my bed crying ten times a day. I haven’t cried in a week now! Please don’t give up! I was close to giving up too, but I didn’t and I’m so glad I kept going :) sending much love to all of you 💗💗💗💗
|
OCD
|
Birthdays are the most Depressing days for me........its almost like it gets worse on that day.....sort like adding fuel to the fire.....when you wake up on that day all you things you think about is how life could be better.....l turned 21 this year....and it was the most Depressing day of my life.....didn't wanna celebrate anything cause like what's the point......celebrating won't change anything.......l just wanna end it sometimes
|
depression
|
[Here's last week's thread](https://old.reddit.com/r/aspergers/comments/okuxxp/hows_your_week_going_so_far_weekly_post_178/)
Suggestions are ALWAYS welcome on how to improve the threads I post at any time. After all, I do this because the community wants these threads to exist, and I take the time out of my day (every Thursday and Saturday) to post the weekly threads, to ensure the community gets what it feels it needs.
**So, continuing with the theme... /r/aspergers, How is your week going so far?** :)
|
aspergers
|
Not very good at this and it’s my first post on here,I’ve been battling depression since 15 and I’m 47 now,in the past I’ve used drink and every drug out at the time just to deaden the feelings inside,but I give up booze and hard drugs 16 years ago now but I do still have a puff and on painkillers for spinal injury,which I think helps to some extent also on antidepressants and due to go on antipsychotics soon as my blood test come back,the last few weeks have felt harder than normal,I’m breaking down several times a day and can’t see no light,I feel like I’m stuck in a loop of everyday feels the same except maybe the odd day when I feel on top of the world but it never lasts long,everyone says I’ve gone this far and I can do it but if they felt like I do I don’t think half could do this a year yet alone over 30,my worry is how long can I handle it,a year 2 or ten,then I ask myself is it worth it in the end as we all die anyway,what’s the point in doing this year after year only to pass on depressed,sorry for the wall of text and sorry for putting my negativity out on here,I feel I need to say it
|
depression
|
I know that’s gross. I’m sorry. But I am a female and I forget to flush so often. Like 9/10 times My partner gets very annoyed and has asked many times, “how do you forget something like that?” I am not sure why I forget it. Usually it’s because I am thinking about other stuff and I just forget!!! It’s really hard to remember small stuff like that. Are you the same?
|
ADHD
|
I’ve been battling with OCD and anxiety for almost 5 years now. I genuinely don’t know how much longer I can keep going. My mind is so far gone, I can’t even trust my own thoughts anymore. I just had one of the worst intrusive thoughts I’ve had in a long time, and I don’t know if it’s my mind convincing me if I did something wrong, or if I truly did. I can’t even believe my own memories anymore, I’m a prisoner in my own head. If I told myself 2 + 2 = 4, I’m not even sure I would believe it. God, it’s so fucking bad.
|
OCD
|
I have very severe health anxiety related OCD, I am medicated and during the day time hours (roughly tied to when the sun in up) it is incredibly manageable. Unfortunately during the evening for some reason my OCD gets the better of me and I often get engulfed in a panic state that makes it very difficult to function at all. My employer changed my working hours from an early morning shift to a late evening shift about 2 months ago and in that time I have had a seen a drastic jump back in my ability to manage my mental state. It seems a bit odd and I don’t know how to approach the situation with my employer and/or doctor to try and work out a way for me to only work a morning shift. Is it even possible? I love my job and my employer but the mental strain of this shift change has severely impacted my life outside of work for some reason and I am not exactly sure how to broach the subject.
|
OCD
|
I haven’t been having the nightmares.. Which has been some relief. No dreams, just blackness. I just woke from a dead sleep shaking and covered in sweat. I hate that he can still cause this response. I feel the touch. I feel physically sick. I’ve tried grounding myself and I’ve tried breathing. I’m very much alone in this house when it comes to these things.. I’m not sure what the point of this post is. I just needed somewhere people understand..
|
ptsd
|
So, I was wondering if this was an ADHD thing. I have a lot of things I regret doing, simple and complicated ones. And I don't know what exactly are my brain's criteria to choose which ones will hunt me, seems pretty random. But out of nowhere I just remember these moments, and it is just like I relived them, and I feel pretty shitty, scared, whatever I felt in the real moment. I usually have to say "STOP" out loud to snap out of it, and I have had this thing for as long as I can remember, it seems like I'm collecting these memories and the longest the list gets, the more often this will happen.
So, anyone can give me any perspectives on this? Is it part of my ADHD? Is it another thing? or does everyone have this thing?
|
ADHD
|
CW: assault, rape.
I have been having a really hard time for a long time. I've had like seven psychologists, many were cruel and made me feel worse. One had told me I was making excuses not to meet this guy when I wanted to cancelthe date. Next visit she made me feel bad about putting myself in a position where I got assaulted by him.
Anyway I've been a real mess for last two years since I was raped and have been trying to get help the whole time. Feeling so helpless reaching out but not being able to connect with anything.
I do talk to friends and my boyfriend about it but it feels like I have poison inside of myself and I'm sharing with people I care about.
I had two appointments with my new psychologist this week and she is so nice! I was scared it would be hard to trust someone now but I just launch into really heavy topics and life experiences. I've been needing to for so long that I'm actually keen to talk about it now.
I was so anxious it would be traumatic but today I have come out of it feeling so much better about myself and my life.
|
ptsd
|
The title is a euphemism because I don't want reddit to remove this post.
I feel like an old man screaming into the void. Pathetic and shriveled, I yell incoherently. Nobody seems to understand me - I don't understand myself. I am in constant turmoil - I know that something's wrong, but I don't know what. I want to curl up and start crying, but why? I have no clue. Trying to find a therapist just gives me a headache. I am but a burden to others. A joke to be easily ignored.
I work a lot at a miserable job I hate but I can't quit because I barely make enough to survive.
I don't want sympathy - I want answers.
|
depression
|
I really struggle in relationships. I had a good relationship once but he couldn’t handle being with me and it made me feel hard to love because of my many obsessions and compulsions. I feel like no one can handle being in a relationship with me. I recently got diagnosed with severe OCD and it’s just tough for me to function let alone be in a relationship. Can anyone relate or tell me about their relationship experiences?
|
OCD
|
Mine are:
Repetitive thoughts, obsessive checking, Having issues dealing with uncertainty, intense stress when things aren’t orderly or planned perfectly, following a strict routine, needing constant reassurance.
There’s probably more that I can’t think of at the moment.
What are yours?
|
OCD
|
Hey! Yesterday I was with my colleague drinking beer in a bit busy location. He brought a folk that I didn’t know and at first it was pretty awkward. I tried to be kinda sociable but it was exhausting. But with every drink I had I think the tension was leaving me. When I got a bit drunk I even felt quite good with the people I don’t know. I even started to wonder whether AS was maybe misdiagnosed. I finally was able to speak freely and didn’t feel anxious. Ofc, as alcohol was evaporating I felt my old self again and again, I felt absent.
Do anybody else felt something like this?
|
aspergers
|
As someone struggling with depression...I feel obliged to help other friends when they are sad.
Even if they don't have depression..they just get sad at times, yk it happens..
And it does overwork me sometimes, and make me feel worse for myself, but it's all online so it's really easy to hide my feelings from them...just like always :3
But like...*should* I feel obliged to help them? And then comes the question what if you are *dating* someone with depression...? and then it's like you have to help them, but it's not easy to help another person when you are going through the same stuff...
​
this might not even be what I wanted to write as "questions" I kinda just zoned out...sorry
but I needed to vent it out somewhere...so thanks for listening ig
|
depression
|
Just when i accepted my fear and the risk of it happening, i felt relief because i wasn't pushing the thoughts away. I was feeling amazing and then my ocd whispers in my ear: "I see you're not panicking, I don't think you understand this risk properly. How can anyone live normally with this kind of risk?". My ocd thinks I'm somehow too stupid to realise what it's saying😂.
|
OCD
|
everyone i know is out there doing things and i'm stuck in my own head. i hate this feeling so much i want to get back to normal
|
ptsd
|
evernsince forever i just love the smell fo dogs. when they scratch their ear, or shake off water after going in the pool, i just love how they smell. dont know if its wierd posting this here but was wondering if its an aspie thing cause most people dont really like the smell lol
|
aspergers
|
I wasn't planned. Me being born has indirectly caused so many mistakes my parents have made, poor financial decisions, my parents have stayed together when they hate each other and should be divorced, I have 3 younger siblings now that have to deal with this shit too. If I wasn't born my parents could've avoided all this misery and bullshit. I'm not a good enough person to make up for existing. And now I can't kill myself because it would hurt people. It's such bullshit.
|
depression
|
I have been taking meds for the past 4 months or so and they have helped me a lot, I usually take mine at 10 AM and it lasts most of the day... Until it just doesn't. I understand this is normal (I do understand the pharmacodynamics of it) buuuut...
By 11 PM my ADHD is back in full control and I usually end up staying awake until 2 or 3 AM because I get distracted with anything, from videogames, memes on reddit, reading mangas or reading about topics of interest. And since I do that, I forget to brush my teeth before sleeping (I do always brush it in the morning, thanks for that pill) or I forget many other pre-sleep things.
Does this happen to you? Do you have a methodology or something you do to trick yourself?
|
ADHD
|
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