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Throughout my childhood I would wake up early one day and get a wild hair up my ass to just move everything around. Furniture, posters, lighting. I'll keep the room clean for about a month or so and then I just can't keep it clean anymore.
Does anyone else have this issue. I think I'm about do to pull everything out and out everything back.
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ADHD
|
Hey, I don't know why am I even posting this. I think I just need to vent or something. So, I've vitiligo white patches on my feet and few spots on my body and people in the cesspool where I live in treat me like shit over that, like really, why are you fucking doing this to me? Like that is not enough, I have a very bad case of stuttering and look like a huge fucking clown every time I try to communicate so I stopped talking to people unless it is absolutely necessary. I've been lonely by myself for too long that I feel like I don't need the fucking society anymore, but somewhere deep inside of me I feel I like I crave human connection. Every time I try to make some friends, they treat me like shit, like I'm less of a human being, I can't do this shit anymore. Like, I'm not going to kill myself or anything, but I'm fucking sick and tired of this shit. Honestly, I didn't deserve this for whatever fucking reason.
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depression
|
Hey, ive heard a lot about law of attraction and manifestation. And I’m very interested in them and I love the idea of people manifesting their dreams and goals.
However, Its become an obsessive thought of mine and it’s now come to the point where I am afraid to tell the people around me how I feel and what I’ve been dealing with- in case I manifest my worries and anxieties.
I’m not really sure how to fix this belief of mine. Any advice would help a ton. Thank you :)
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OCD
|
**Intro:**
ADHD comes with lots of self-doubt and the inability to trust oneself. This is typically because of years of being unable to follow through on a task, forgetting basic things, emotions coming on quickly then dissipating just as fast, and a whole other slew of symptoms that erode your self-esteem over time. But my question concerns the **legitimacy of your emotions** \- specifically **anger**.
**Question:**
Because of the pervasive self-doubt caused by ADHD, do you also have trouble trusting whether your anger is **justified** or not?
**My personal experience:**
Well, my personal experience is basically just that. I often doubt whether my anger is legitimate, and I usually side with the fact that I'm overreacting and it's another one of those "Oh my emotions are coming on too strong again, just let them pass." While conscientiousness is good and keeps me from rashly acting, that self-doubt leads me to get **walked all over, disrespected,** and **not speak up for myself or others** even though I *know* it would be the right thing to do. This was especially worse when I was younger with even lower self-esteem.
When I finally do speak up for myself, I'm flooded with thoughts moving a mile a minute with the general gist of "You're overreacting, you're wrong, you shouldn't have said that, you're taking things too seriously, they didn't mean it like that." So instead of being proud of myself of standing up for myself, I'm left feeling like I did something wrong.
**Maybe It's Not ADHD?**
I know there's a tendency to pathologize everything about yourself after finding out you have ADHD and attributing it to that. I know I'm guilty of it. So I'm aware it very well could be socialization and childhood issues seeping in, but I know I've always been this way. Socialization is a hell of a drug; I (27F) grew up with the idea that girls are to "sit still and look pretty" and that any emotion other than happy/cheerful is not becoming and agreeable. So that of course adds a dumpster truck load of self-doubt onto my already overflowing pile.
​
Ladies, gentlemen, non-binary friends-- please share your experience! Would love to not feel alone in this lmao.
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ADHD
|
I was prescribed Adderall for my ADHD after I graduated college and I have been taking nearly the same dose for several years. However recently the side effects have gotten worse for me. Eating has always been hard while taking my meds but I always forced myself to eat and exercise and I didn't really have any issues.
Since covid started and I've been working from home I've let a lot of my good habits slip, it has been incredibly hard to eat anything and I feel fried/lethargic at the end of the day. I keep getting muscle cramps and the muscles in my neck are always clenched. I feel fine at the start of the day, really I just feel normal. At the end of the day, I almost feel depressed, and it's hard for me to be able to do anything, especially cook, eat, take care of myself. I also just hurt physically. My muscles are tight and I just feel sick.
I know that long term I need to get back on track with exercise and eating well, but are there any supplements I might need to take, especially for my muscles always being tight/tense? Am I deficient in something? Maybe its just been the work grind, maybe covid/lockdown, or all of the above but I'm looking for any advice and if any of you have experienced something similar.
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ADHD
|
I've gotten myself into a bit of a state over this. I am in my early 30s(M).
I found out about being on the spectrum just 5 months ago. It's been a lot to deal with at my age. I am one of the apparently rarer men that has been pretty good at masking. I feel isolated when I read that only women mask their whole lives (with "success"). I have been unpicking every memory, conversation and relationship I've ever had. I am cursed (blessed?) with an undeniably good long-term memory that delivers near picture-perfect clarity, almost video-like quality sometimes).
Anyway, this post is about trust and being suspicious. It's dawning on me that I've never had a clue. I've been used, strung along and taken advantage of in past romantic relationships, even when I logically deduce something is wrong at the time by picking up on tiny details and scrambling them together. But I just CAN'T "SEE" it with any certainty. I think part of the reason for refusing to see what's right in front of my face is the fear that I've got it all wrong. I theorise and play out so many different scenarios in my head and it overwhelms me. I don't know if I am being too vague here, it's the only way I can describe it. This of course affects my social relationships with new people as well. I get so paranoid because I am always suspecting some kind of ulterior motives in them by default!
I am desperate to trust romantically. But I am worried because I put people on a pedestal and become so single-track minded in my thinking that I can't see the big picture (the reality). I am worried my deficits in theory of mind are so bad that I can't even articulate them and that's why I am attempting to here. Black and white thinking is a huge issue for me - she's either blessed with god-like status or a total bitch and a demon.
I am at the age now where I'd like to get married and have children. But it just feels like I'm on the edge of a minefield. In addition, I am acutely aware that it is not as easy to scratch out serious relationships at my age (which could involve marriage) as it was in my 20s.
I suppose I'm just reaching out here to be reassured that I'm not losing my mind. Does anyone have any tips or experiences they'd like to share regarding romantic situations and learning to trust new people? Should I take things extra slowly, text less and be more offish? How can we spot when people aren't being straight? I don't want to live a life of perpetual suspicion. It just isn't healthy.
Thanks for reading.
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aspergers
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And I mean anything, like standing up and walking across the room sometimes. Or even just laughing, cooking, cleaning, walking up a hill, being in the heat, exercise…
Where your blood gets pumping even just a little bit extra, and not even in your conscious awareness you’re all of a sudden just like 😳 and then get super hyper-vigilant and fight/flighty?
So basically the trigger becomes your own adrenaline, even just doing simple everyday normal human things that are not in-and-of-themselves triggers?
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ptsd
|
I got my covid vaccine yesterday and wasn’t nervous about it at all, i have no fear of needles etc, my ptsd originates from finding my late boyfriend who OD’d.
Te second she pulled the needle away and i looked at it anxiety built in my stomach. Seeing the needle was so triggering and immediately send me down a well of thoughts about what i found that horrible morning. I felt the anxiety get worse and worse and i stood up to leave and as i was walking away my vision went completely black, i kept blinking trying to see and i said “i cant see” “can someone help i cant see anything “ and someone said “you can’t see? Do you want to sit down?” And i knelt down to sit and completely lost consciousness, collapsed, blacked out and woke up on a gurney with several nurses above me, I was probably out for a minute or two and came completely back in about 5 minutes I would say. They thought i was having a seizure because i was making “seizure like noise.”
I know that people faint when they get shots, but ive never done that before, and the anxiety was brought on the second the sight of the needle induced a flashback, i felt it build and build until everything went black. I also think it was ptsd related because it was so gradual, i probably had a full 30 seconds of no eyesight and i was bumbling around convinced the vaccine made me blind.
Anyone else ever black out like this???
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ptsd
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I frequently get very brief, only a second or so long, images from my past (not always what I think was particularly traumatic in itself, though always negative), and I always feel really bad from it, like I reckon I felt at the time. Sometimes, they are genuinely traumatic episodes as well, though. Are these considered flashbacks?
I hope it’s not a silly question but most google results seem to claim flashbacks are longer and more complex, with the whole losing grip on reality bit so I don’t know
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ptsd
|
I went into therapy today and I had my mom come in for it. There, I showed her a video called "Letting Go of Control and Rethinking Support for Autistic Individuals", which is about how society should move away from regulating autistic behaviors no matter how harmless they are and towards emotional regulation. I told her that being subjected to ABA has caused me massive anxiety and rage that only can be cured by attending a social group for autistic adults that I go to weekly because they're far more accepting of my stims even when we're in public. I also told her that my rage has led me to trying to pursue a career in music, and I said that the type of music I wanted to make was something she couldn't endorse, and that of course was hip hop (I didn't tell her that the particular variant of hip hop I want to pursue is horrorcore), but she said that I could write rap in my room. I told her that I wanted to move out so I could start recording, so we're working on improving home life skills for me, mainly cooking and cleaning and things like that. My mom cried a bit, and I honestly couldn't look at that (how could anyone?). That being said, the therapy session went over much better because I had my therapist there with me when we were discussing this, and I couldn't see her reacting to what I had to say without my therapist around because I just couldn't do it on my own. I can *definitely* consider this a success.
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aspergers
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Have you or had you been in friendships that operated on their terms? For example, you can't text or talk to them the same way their other friends do. If you bring these issues up, they dismiss you like you are overstepping their boundaries. The irony is that they are the ones that set them up.
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aspergers
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I am 24 and was diagnosed with ADHD last month and prescribed a stimulant this week. Today I worked and took my first one, and am just shocked at how differently my day went from every other day I’ve had in my life. My head feels quieter, I feel functional, I feel a little sad that I didn’t know what was going on with me for so long. I spent all of my school years and college experience thus far feeling like a lazy worthless person, and thought I’d never be able to get it together or sustain myself. Receiving that diagnosis alone and reading about it all has already changed so much. I feel some relief today
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ADHD
|
I haven't been officially diagnosed with OCD but both my therapist and psychiatrist have told me that I probably have it and recommended that I try exposure response therapy. I first heard of the term 'hyperfixation' somewhere on twitter at some point before anyone suspected that I might have OCD and thought nothing of it, but today I was reminded of it and decided to do a little research, because I started to think the word kind of sounded like the nature of some of my interests. There have been certain points in time where all I would talk about is a certain musician, video game, or TV show, and I would buy a bunch of stuff related to that one thing, spend hours looking online for any information on it that I hadn't already learned, and make huge tier lists or write a few paragraphs explaining my opinion on that thing (without ever sharing or planning to share it to anyone.) Sometimes these interests would cause compulsions, like needing to snap if I ever heard or thought of a certain quote from a TV show. Am I just reading too deep into this or is it a symptom of mental illness?
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OCD
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One of my main OCD themes hyper-responsibility and sometimes I remind myself things like ‘You can’t help everybody.’ It helps me a lot and keeps me from panicking. It doesn’t necessarily rid me of my intrusive thought but it sort of softens the blow. Is it a compulsion or a healthy coping technique?
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OCD
|
I have a depression fuelled by my social anxiety, which got a boost from the social distancing and isolation from the pandemic. My depression is just lethargy and emptiness and comes in waves. I am not suicidal but occasionally I just really do not want to exist.
I started seeing a therapist for a couple of weeks now, but every time I leave I feel worse. I just feel empty and lonely to the point that I just won't do anything anymore, except laying in my bed and sleeping.
I think I am doing something wrong, since I always end up telling him all the things that went good and how I am pulling through instead of about my low moments. I haven't even cried yet. Does anyone have advice for discussing my actual issues/feelings with my therapist?
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depression
|
I have been just a tiptoe away from a full-blown panic attack for hours now. you know the feeling- like the obsessive thoughts and panic and gut-churnjng anxiety are bubbling, almost spilling over your level of emotional capacity. you're not there yet; you're trying to distract yourself and you're trying not to fall into cyclical thoughts. but it's still there.
if you're feeling this way today, too, I'm sorry. Remember that you are strong, capable, and that this panic will pass. it sucks and it is hard to get rid of, but it will. pass.
sending good vibes to all who need them.
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OCD
|
Hey - I don't know if this is an OCD type of thing, it may not fall under that category at all, but not sure where else to post to try and get some help (if you wanted to point me in the right direction that would be cool). Here's the deal:
I get obsessed with products, shopping, and comparing items with one another to a point where it's detrimental to my health, and it's almost all I can think about. I REALLY dive in and the shopping/comparing takes up all of my focus. This is 95% online shopping. I have been researching and looking at thousands of different Bedding items lately (mattresses, sheets, comforters, etc.) and I have like 15 tabs open in my browser at all time. I still feel no closer to choosing what bedsheets I want to buy, after looking at about every brand of sheet that is made. On the positive side, the endless comparing one product to another and indecision leads me to purchase less stuff, so I'm not spending a ton or in debt or anything, but I don't know how to get out of this addiction/obsession which is becoming a big problem, and which I'm not enjoying at all. Maybe 2 or 3 hours a day online shopping/comparing, but even when I'm not actively shopping I am in my head thinking about it.
If you have any ideas how to help, I would be very appreciative. Thanks!
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OCD
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It’s a small thing, but it gestures to this whole field of frustrations that work against your sense of routine, desires or needs, personal time, that you took time to set up or look forward to. For me, it’s watching a show I’ve waited all day to see, when family such as my mom will say, “look at this,” holding up her phone to something that—it turns out—I’ve already seen, if not can see on my own time (if I haven’t already…). Ultimately, I’m disturbed from my wants/needs, or pulled to focus on someone else without any acknowledgement that I was into or focused on what I was.
Maybe I’m silly to get angry or “tantrum” about it, but I’m pretty direct that I don’t need to see some things, let alone that I pay attention to my brother’s Instagram (he travels) or sister’s Snapchat (she’s an artist), too. Thoughts?
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aspergers
|
My wife has OCD with cleaning, it has gotten worse over the years and has now got to the point where I am feeling like a outsider in my own home.
She spends all day cleaning, she constantly loses her temper at myself and our 3 year old son. She gets angry at our son for playing with toys, doing what normal 3 year olds do. She constantly on his case.
She tells she to sit on the sofa and not move. I'm not allowed to shave in the bathroom as she doesn't like hair getting anywhere, even though I clean up after myself. She sorts out all my clothes in the cupboard and keeps an eye on me when I'm finding things to wear.
She loses her temper continuously throughout the day, shouting at the top of her voice if I do anything in the house (not allowed to go in the bedroom during the day). I could go on forever.....
I have tried to help, I have helped clean the house but she only ends up going over it again, she states that my cleaning is not to her level.
I have tried speaking to her about cleaning OCD, but she views it as an attack and immediately starts and argument.
I don't know what do, I have exhausted all options. She has become extremely difficult to live with. I am scared to live in my own house. Her anger outbursts are getting worse with her OCD, almost controlling behaviour
She has litterally spent the whole day cleaning today, over 9 hours. We have a small house, it takes me 1 hour to clean the house.
Please help!
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OCD
|
Not totally sure if this is Asperger's but It's so annoying idk where else to ask. it's like randomly out of nowhere my head turns on it's own and I shut my eyes tightly. It's totally involuntary and is very uncomfortable to resist
I just want help making it stop or happen less
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aspergers
|
it gets better,don’t give in,i’m not recovered but i feel so much better than what i have been in the last 9 months.i accept that i may have low points again but what’s important is that i know it’s possible to feel what i’m feeling,and that’s normality(ish),i know it’s a struggle,i know there are times you feel beaten,and it’s ok to be knocked down by this illness but it’s important you get up,get knocked down hundreds of times because eventually you will stand strong and ocd won’t have the power to knock you down again,i want you all to know that regarding this illness there’s answers,solutions,a way out,a light at the end of the tunnel and you can find it. please don’t give in,i know how it feels and it gets better,stay strong and best wishes x
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OCD
|
One thing that’s rarely discussed (in my opinion) is how much joy indulging or even talking about our special interests an autistic person gets, my friend is aware of this and will often engage me or just let me go on about a special interest if I’m feeling down or anxious.
But it rarely mentioned, and I feel it should be, Autistics have fun just not always the same way non-autistics do and this is often how we do it.
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aspergers
|
my mum knows i have adhd and keeps shouting at me that i’m not trying hard enough and that i forget things by purpose and i’m lazy and if i really wanted to i could change my symptoms. she’s literally looking to get a diagnosis for me so i thought that she would understand why i forget things or get distracted etc but instead she makes me feel so bad about something i literally can’t control. she was like shouting at me saying it’s my choice to do these things and no medication or doctor would help. basically saying i’m not doing enough to stop? my symptoms. i literally cried at my job cos of the stuff she said to me. nobody understands how hard it is for me anyways and how i’ve been trying so hard to keep up with everyone around me my entire life when my brain literally functioned differently to them. i know there are tips and tricks and stuff to help ppl with adhd but i hate being told that it’s my choice to be this way and if i tried hard enough then i wouldn’t have these problems. like she’s literally shouting clear symptoms of my adhd and depression saying stuff like “your room is always messy, you sleep so much, you don’t shower, you’re so messy and forgettful, never spend time with friends or family” etc etc and i just felt like screaming at her cos she can tell i’m struggling but she’s just making me feel bad about not being enough. nobody knows how hard i’m trying just to keep myself alive everyday and my mum is telling me my adhd symptoms are basically cos i’m not trying hard enough.
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ADHD
|
For backstory, I’ve been on Adderall IR for almost three years now since my diagnosis, but have been looking at switching to non-stimulant options due to increased anxiety and sensory stress. I’ve also lost a lot of weight, and with some of my hormonal issues, I really need to gain back what I lost.
I still need to find a new psych to prescribe me meds (that’s a whole other story, I’m in a new area now and coming up close on the last of my adderall), but I was wondering if anyone had any experiences with Strattera? Adderall works fine for me, minus the hyperfocus on random things and increased anxiety issues, but I think it might do me better to be off of stimulants.
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ADHD
|
I got my diagnosis 2 months ago as a 24 year old AFAB. First I was happy and excited to finally get an answer/explanation but now I am going through the "god, what if I had gotten the diagnosis earlier" grief period. Even my mom agrees that an earlier diagnosis could've literally saved my life but in a small town in Eastern Europe, mental illness was not discussed. My family didn't know ADHD was a thing until my diagnosis.
How did you overcome this grief or came to terms with everything? I'm having such a hard time accepting the fact that it is what it is, I can't go back in time or change anything. (I mean, better late than never, right?). Anyways, If anyone has any tips or advice I'd be super happy :)
Thank you!
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ADHD
|
Hi all, I thought this might be useful for you. I've written a little article on what CBT for Trauma/PTSD would involve and what you might expect if you go for this treatment over EMDR. [https://questpsychologyservices.co.uk/an-in-depth-look-at-cognitive-behavioural-therapy-for-trauma/](https://questpsychologyservices.co.uk/an-in-depth-look-at-cognitive-behavioural-therapy-for-trauma/) If you have any questions please let me know, Dr Warwick
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ptsd
|
I noticed I feel very weird when I have to touch food. Let's say I open a frozen pizza and have to put it in the oven. It will feel so wrong and almost disgusting for me to touch that cold pizza. I'm always trying to hold it in a way so I don't touch more than I need to lol.
It is almost always cold food though, don't have that much of a reaction to hot cooked stuff.
Writing this out makes me feel like such a weirdo. For whatever reason I just always accepted this as a part of reality and never really questioned it until recently.
Does anyone else have this kind of a reaction to the way food feels to touch? Can this be an autistic symptom?
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aspergers
|
hey everyone,
I just want thank everyone for sharing their stories. things have been tough going undiagnosed going from having a 3.7 high school gpa to moving countries and graduating high school with 2.0. I always felt like something was wrong just never had the guts to go with it. Everyone thought I was just lazy to the fact that I believed it. It made me seek approval from people on everything , terrible choices, and worst of all low self esteem. Im currently 23 and just got diagnosed and started medications. Everyday I look back and just wonder what if. I know many will say your too young but I graduated college already with a major I didn't want just did it because it was easy. Moved back overseas have no career prospects and plan to go back and do the major I want that's what lead to me analyze everything from my past and get diagnosed. I just hope I can look back at this and things turn better for me and everyone reading.
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ADHD
|
So this kinda happened mainly when I was 12-13, i get it sometimes still but overall my ocd has switched to different things since but at the time I remember I would get these intrusive thoughts such as "I wish I would die!" ( when I was in no way suicidal ) and I would have to say "No i don't wish that" and I would feel like if I want to reverse that "wish" I would have to do something stupid like tap the wall with my nose 10 times, or my mind would give me instrusive thoughts like "if you dont tap your feet against \[ an object \] 10 times you will be haunted by ghosts/demons forever" and then when I do it 10 times the intrusive thought says "Now 10 more times" and sometimes the thought wouldn't even be satisfied until i hit 100 times, God I hate the ocd i deal with now but looking back that was such a pain to have
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OCD
|
but i feel great. like, fine. im not tired or hungry. ive tried sleeping i just can't. i have no appetite. i feel normal but i shouldnt be. i dont really know what im supposed to do
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depression
|
I find it boring and can't get into it. It's not interesting nor is it skill-based enough to be about improving myself. Most card games are just reacting to certain events that have no relevance to anything going on but some little trait in how the cards meet a certain criteria (what that is depends on the specific game of course). I also have to get out of my own train of though (which is a perpetual case of spacing out) and constantly have to remain attentive to what is going on in this inane game and also act engaged. And I find gambling unfulfilling because even if I were to win, it was luck-based and that doesn't improve my self-esteem. Earning money feels better. Of course if I won the lottery I couldn't complain but I have no incentive to buy a lottery ticket usually. When I do gamble, it would be because I'm at some location or event where there are other things going on, for example I might be buzzed after a few drinks and my inhibitions are down or I'm at a casino due to happenstance.
I guess it's a way for people to connect while also being an outlet for stimulation. I find it socially boring, because it limits the social bonding to what's going on in the card game, and the card game isn't even that interesting. It seems like a contrived way to entertain and connect with people and in a way sort of seems like the embodiment of neurotypical entertainment.
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aspergers
|
I did a microdose capsule of shrooms on a whim the other day when my life felt fucked, but I feel like now instead of feeling fucked but like I could at least process the grief and work on it and could still feel validated and like I might be fucked but that I could understand how I was feeling and work on it and eventually feel better, but that now that after I did this I feel forever panicked and like it changed me and who I am and invalidated this lifelong trauma I’ve had when I would’ve finally just been able to face this and fix it and before I would feel like everything was fucked but could at least put on a song and feel validated and calm and relaxed, but it feels like now this invalidated the deepest parts of my mind and forced me to move forward in my mind a little bit in a way I wasn’t ready for and feel just panicked and invalidated and I regret doing it and like I feel like everything would’ve been fine if I just hadn’t done it. Before I did it I would talk to friends who had done it who bought into it so hard and how they had “seen the truth” etc and I decided I felt grounded in who I was and just wanted to function better, but I regret doing it because how I felt was I like the real me and who I was on the inside and just wanted to work through my grief issues to bring this out, and I feel like doing this microdose forever changed me and how I feel about life and death etc when I didn’t want that and appreciate my viewpoints and how I felt. Like I felt like I could just focus on living the best life I could while I was here and moving forward and at the end of the day when I passed away, not be thinking about what was next but just focus on and say goodbye to the life I had lived and feel closure, but now that it has me thinking about what’s next and all this stuff and I feel like I’m caught in this loop I didn’t want to feel and I’m forever fucked by this stupid impulsive decision I made, and I wish more than anything I’ve ever done I hadn’t done it and could feel like myself and how I did before.
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OCD
|
Hi, I'm new here! I have an ADHD assessment booked for January and I'm already worried. I show basically all the inattentive symptoms and most of the hyperactivity symptoms, so I'm fairly sure I'm going to be diagnosed with ADHD. But my worry is about the treatment. I've had Wellbutrin before for depression, and it had horrid effects on me and I'm never touching that stuff again. Went through all SSRIs and SNRIs, and even a MAOI, none of them have worked for me. So I'm thinking they'd want to start me on Concerta (the most common one here AFAIK), but I'm quite tiny. I'm only around 45 kg (BMI 18ish so technically underweight), and I've always been unable to gain any more weight.
So, the point is: Will they refuse to medicate me with stimulants just because I'm thin? I've heard that loss of appetite & weight loss is a common thing with them, but I'm sure I could combat it with extra nutrition shakes like I've done with some of my previous medications that have made me nauseous with zero appetite.
If it's more location/provider specific, I'm in Scotland and assessed privately by ADHD Direct. But any generic advice would be great too!
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ADHD
|
As a person with ADHD, do you struggle with impulsive purchases, are unable to keep track of your account balance, and are all over the place with your finance. How do you manage finance? How do you keep track and limit your expenditure, and most importantly - how do you avoid impulsive purchases? Need some financial discipline tips.
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ADHD
|
i hate that i was doomed with this face fuck genetics
looking in the mirror makes me want to throw up
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depression
|
I'm proud of myself I guess, but at the same time I'm worried that I'm going to just feel worse when I inevitably stop going again. I want to feel stronger, but have no energy due to chronic health problems (type 1 diabetes and end stage renal failure, on dialysis). I feel like I'm just going to be stuck feeling weak and brittle forever, and that feeds my depression even more. Sorry for the rant, I just wanted to get it off my chest and hear if anyone else feels this way or has found a way around it.
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depression
|
what do i do guys , i've lost all of my hope in future , i got ocd when i was 11-12 , i've read somewhere that people with ocd have lower iq and its hard for them to learn and study new things , im just heartbroken , i've lost all of my hope for future , like why am i like this , i just wanted to have normal life , some poeple call people with ocd "disabled" , why am i different , why am i like this , i just wanted to have normal life nothing else , why are there always problems in my life , ill update more info later, thanks.
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OCD
|
Hi, I’m [F26] diagnosed with ADHD-C although I lean more towards the inattentive type. I can be very impulsive and often feel very restless when I’m in a situation where I need to be still. I have a habit of doubting my diagnosis and often feel like I’m “faking it” or just trying to “take the easy way” by subconsciously tricking my healthcare providers into believing I have ADHD that way I can get medication and university will be easier.. anyways, one common thing I see people with ADHD often talk about is having racing thoughts… which I do not experience .. I feel like I also rarely deal with anxiety but sometimes mild depression… is it possible to have ADHD without having racing thoughts or anxiety? Or is this a sign that I’ve been misdiagnosed?
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ADHD
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Hi. I’m new to both Reddit and the idea of having ADHD. I haven’t been diagnosed, but I do have a meeting with my doctor this week. There’s a lot of things going on in my head right now about ADHD and I’m definitely obsessing over it. My main question right now is basically about medication. If I get diagnosed, will medication be the first thing? I know when I was in therapy for anxiety (although now I don’t think it actually was anxiety), my therapist said medication is the last resort in most cases. Is this the same with ADHD or is medication the first step? I’ve done quite a bit of research but I can’t really find much on the topic of medication. My other main question is: Does the ADHD medication make doing unbearably boring tasks (like laundry, dishes, tidying up, etc) easier to do? No matter how much I tell myself that I need to get that done, it never happens until someone is coming to my apartment. Even then… it’s a toss up if I’ll actually clean. When I was in school, homework was a nightmare and I barely passed any of my classes because I rarely did it.
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ADHD
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(I added a trigger warning because I wasn't sure what kind of details I can go into here)
First time posting here, I made this post because I feel so so alone with this, I don't feel like I can stand it anymore, just needed to get it off my chest. Sorry if it's long.
I had a relatively messed up childhood, although I know people who had it worse. My mother had alcohol and addiction issues, as well as an eating disorder, I along with my siblings did a lot of caring for her, because of all the abuse to her body she died when I was 16, this along with bullying in school and by my then stepmother left me quite a bit messed up.
By the time I was 17 I was severely depressed, self harming and tried to kill myself. That's when I entered the mental health system and that's where I feel the real trauma started. I had my first psychiatric inpatient admission when I was 17 and many more followed. I saw a lot of things on those adult psych wards that a teenage girl shouldn't have to see, I saw people quite graphically attempt suicide in front of me, I was felt up by an older man on one occasion but those weren't the worst things.
Now days my local mental health trust has a policy called "no hands first" aimed at reducing the amount of physical restraint on wards, and truth be told from what I can tell it's gotten a lot better, but back then it was pretty bad. The first time I ever got restrained I had self harmed earlier in the evening, as a punishment they made me stay in a single room. It was getting close to 10pm so I asked staff if I could go to the other room to take my lenses out (you can't sleep in them) they ignored me. They continued to ignore me until 12pm, I just wanted to go to sleep so I thought screw it and walked out of the room to get my lenses. They were on me instantly, 4 or 5 of them, they threw me face down onto a mattress, one of them was twisting my arm behind my back, I started to scream and cry that they were hurting me. Someone else pressed my face into the matress, I couldn't breathe and I was in so much pain. Whenever I could force my head out of the matress I would tell them I couldn't breathe, I was fighting like crazy. They just laughed at me and called me a baby. ( Now face down restraint is banned in this trust because people have died). Eventually a nurse came in, yanked my pants down in front if male staff and injected me with sedatives.
This one event started a horrible pattern, the staff in this hospital were already very hands on and used restraint like a weapon or a punishment but I made it so much worse. I've heard people say that flight fight or freeze are the bodies natural defence mechanisms, well I would fight every time one of them came anywhere near me, because I knew they would hurt me. I must have been restrained and sedated hundreds of times. It got so I would feel like I was out of my own body a lot of the time, I became like a wild animal.
This was all made even worse by the police getting involved on multiple occasions when I was having mental health episodes, they were even worse than the hospital staff. When I was 19 a police officer took me to hospital because I had tried to kill myself, I didn't think I needed to be there and kept trying to leave. His response? He threw me on the floor, handcuffed me, tied my legs together and stamped on me, repeatedly and deliberately. I was black and blue the next day but I never reported it because I felt like I deserved it and I felt like no one would believe me. I have been repeatedly verbally and physically assaulted by the police over the past 10 years, again made much worse by my frantic efforts to escape/fight (when I say fight I don't mean physically violent, I mean fight to stop them touching me). This had resulted in a strong distrust and fear of police officers. In all honesty I think most of them are scum. I hate them more than I've ever hated anything in my whole life, they made me feel less than human.
Now it's over 10 years later from that first incident and I feel like a shell of a person, my whole life revolves around avoiding triggers and trying not to remember what happened. I feel like reminders are everywhere, sights, smells, sounds, I can't even escape in my dreams. Today I saw some police officers enter my apartment building, I recently put in a complaint about the police to a solicitor and for some reason in that moment I thought they were coming for me. I got so scared I locked myself in the bathroom with a knife, I told myself I would kill myself before I let them near me again. (Turns out they were questioning a neighbour)
I feel like my life is unravelling and the anger I feel is all consuming. I tried looking for help for PTSD online relating to police brutality, or experiences in psych hospitals, I looked for hours and found nothing. It made me feel so alone and so powerless.
Sometimes I feel like because I wasn't raped or in a war I don't have PTSD and because of the way I reacted in those situations they were all my fault. I don't even have an official PTSD diagnosis yet, sometimes it turns up on my notes sometimes not, I saw a therapist a couple of years ago who says I have all the symptoms. It feels a bit paranoid to say it but I don't hold my breath waiting for the institution/organisations that traumatised me to acknowledge that trauma, why would they?
I've mentioned it in the past to CPNs and Psychiatrists and they just look uncomfortable and change the subject. I'm sorry this was really long, I appreciate anyone who took the time to read it, this all just kind of spilled out of me tonight.
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ptsd
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A petty matter, but wanted to share this anyway. I was playing Roblox and I accidentally fell off a map because I activated something that I knew would give me a boost while I was on a thin platform. I thought it was funny how I died on my own in a PVP game and my incompetence cost me and said "fell off lol." I probably could've given more context but just wanted to share something I found funny. I was then met with comments about being "unfunny." Maybe they're right, but it still sucks as an introvert that all I'm left with is "unfunny" when I try to share something I find joy in and be left with no clear feedback. Another thing that bugs me is when people say "I didn't ask." I don't have good conversational skills but I know that conversations revolve around more than questions and would be mere interviews otherwise. If you're not interested in a topic say so instead of deterring me from sharing anything. Can't say this is a common thing though.
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aspergers
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I have a fairly large immediate family of 7 people including me. We do not live in the same country nor are we close to any other relatives, so I don’t know their status.
But certainly in my family I am the only autistic one. All my other family members are great at socializing, have many friends, and seem to have no trouble getting people to like them and entering relationships. They don’t have any routines, special interests, or repetitive behaviors that I’ve seen in knowing them my whole life. Moreover, my family is a lot more proactive than I am. They are more comfortable making decisions and being independent. I am very passive, often need to be told to do things (with great detail otherwise I mess it up), and overall just have terrible executive function.
I know that they love me but none of them understand me. They see me as “very sensitive” and they don’t understand why I have so much difficulty just doing things.
It’s very isolating. On the one hand I am glad that none of my loved family members have to go through this. On the other hand, I thought this shit was genetic and I don’t have anyone who understands. I have tried very hard to be good for them and be the person they want me to be, but no matter how hard I try I can’t seem to make up the difference. That is the nature of a disability I guess.
I am constantly torn between loving my family and wanting to be closer to them, and wanting to stop caring and get as far away as I can because I know I can’t achieve that. This last feeling comes with guilt, because in my culture (and many others) family is the most important thing in life and to abandon them is the worst thing a person can do.
I guess I just wanted to see if anyone can relate. If they have found a solution. Have you moved away and found peace from a distance? If so how did you deal with the guilt? Do you stay nearby? If so how do you deal with the daily reminder that you are not like your own people?
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aspergers
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Usually I am okay I can live my life free of panic attacks. 4th of july gets me anxious but not overly so. However as it gets closer to Oct 1 any loud noise seems to trigger me. Someone honking next to my car can make my entire body shake and if I'm not careful I can slide into a crying panic attack with ease.
I don't know why this is happening it's so frustrating I know I am safe and yet my entire body reacts so fiercely. I feel like I'm losing my mind and I Hate that this has been happening year after year despite making gains and recoveries everywhere else. Even just talking about this is setting me off... I don't know how else to vent.
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ptsd
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I feel like with OCD, you're always on the precipice of something. I suffer from pure O, and for the last few years my OCD has centered on gender identity, and wondering if I'm trans or not, and I've always felt like I'm one rumination away from having the "perfect" gender identity and finally "figuring it all out." But I feel like that with every element of my OCD. Like always almost having the perfect apartment with everything in its right place, or being so close to listening to music in the "right way" so then I can fully enjoy it. And of course, I never get there. For me, and maybe for others, it's all about figuring something out so then I can finally enjoy my life. And lately, I've been realizing that the kind of future I imagine will never come. I guess that's sad, but I also find it liberating. Because instead of everything being just around the corner, I can start to enjoy exactly what's in front of me, imperfections and all. Of course, this is an ever changing journey and I am in no way fully healed from my OCD. I just had this realization lately and I wanted to share it with you all, and hopefully some of you can connect with it. It reminds me of this quote from "The Unbearable Lightness of Being:"
“There is no means of testing which decision is better, because there is no basis for comparison. We live everything as it comes, without warning, like an actor going on cold. And what can life be worth if the first rehearsal for life is life itself? That is why life is always like a sketch. No, "sketch" is not quite a word, because a sketch is an outline of something, the groundwork for a picture, whereas the sketch that is our life is a sketch for nothing, an outline with no picture.”
With OCD, I thought I was always preparing for something, but now I'm slowly realizing, as Yung Lean says, "What I seek for is right in front of my eyes." <33
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OCD
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I’ve struggled with depression on and off since I was 14. 20s we’re pretty good until I had a gnarly break up and fell into the dark abyss again. When I was 27 I got into drugs pretty hard on top of being an alcoholic. 28 I tried to kill myself by OD, and ended up in a coma for two weeks. I moved back to my hometown into my parents house with my toxic step father. I am 31 now and the last 3 years have been a complete waste of my life. I’ve had two jobs, but I spent most of the time being isolated and sedentary. I finally moved out of my parents house and now I’m living alone. Which is obviously not great, but it is a roof over my head and I have a dog now. I am now dealing with the health effects of being sedentary and all of the other compounding effects of being severely depressed for such a long period of time. I have stoped drinking and I am at entering a intensive outpatient program. I was hoping that I was going to feel better, but I still just feel terrible. I really want to move on with my life, get a job, and do you things that I once did. But I have such overwhelming anhedonia and pain it makes it so hard to even think about getting a job again. I don’t know what to do, I am making positive steps, but will run out of money soon. Any help would be much appreciated. I just want to feel better. I am super open, so feel free to ask questions.
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depression
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TW: suicide, abuse
Today is the 5 year anniversary (the irony of my username isn't lost on me but it's an artist reference lol) of my last suicide attempt. I ended up being scheduled to the psychiatric hospital my psychiatrist worked at. My parents were in the first session I had with him after I was admitted and brought *the* note I had written in my diary, but also a passage about an abusive relationship I was in.
My parents bringing it up resulted in my dad having to hold me while I was sobbing and screaming because this had been the first time I had had it brought up with my parents, and the first time I remember explicitly telling anyone (I ended up being diagnosed with dissociative amnesia after this session because I've completely blacked out any other times I'd talked about it).
I've been seeing a trauma psychologist for the past 6 months (I haven't been mentally well enough to work on trauma previously) and we're making some progress but if it goes too far in session I become almost catatonic and it's just so frustrating because I feel like I should be over it considering the abuse occured nearly a decade ago (this is something I *only* think about myself, I have a lot more sympathy and compassion for others and would never say this about anyone else).
Anyways, my body / brain must have subconsciously known this day was coming because I've been getting majorly triggered re: abuse the past month-ish, waking up crying, having nightmares etc. It's just all completely messed up and I guess I just needed to vent because it's doing my head in today.
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ptsd
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Feeling incredibly pissed off right now.
I was cycling to work. Waiting at the correct side of the road for traffic to pass. It was still very dark.
All of sudden this idiot taking a turn on the wrong side of the road without lights nearly crashes into me on his bicycle.
The guy gets really pissed despite it obviously being his fault. He blocks my way. Then starts to threaten to beat me up (joke is on him if he tried.. done 20 years of boxing and 6 muay Thai 4 days/week..).
Then has the guts to grab me. I had to really try my best to stay calm and calm him down..
Eventually he went away shouting.
I'm clueless wtf is wrong with some people.
How do you deal with such people in the streets? I know obviously I shouldn't get into a fight with them, a lot can go wrong and I can get into legal trouble. But what should you do? I still after 3 hours feel incredibly pissed.
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aspergers
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Finally trying to get an ocd therapist, find a few options.
$200/ hour? Yeah guess I'm fucked.
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OCD
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Being alone gives my thoughts alot of time to think about everything I have done wrong in my life...
Having quiet time gives my thoughts a louder voice
Can't find piece in being alone and in the quiet...
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OCD
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Hello my name is Joushua Maria I am a soldier in the US Army. Ive created a podcast about Military Mental Health. We are Raw and uncut, we speak to soldiers from lowest level to highest level and speak about the real issues soldiers are having. we have soldiers speaking about their attempted suicide, transgender soldiers speaking about the policy and their issues, drug and alcohol addiction and helping open more then awareness but communication with real soldiers and attempting to help reduce the numbers of suicide's we currently have among service members. I would love to have soldiers, civilians, doctors who would want to be guest or even listen in. we are trying to become big enough so that we can reach higher command and become wide enough to destroy the stigma of asking for help in the military. I know the post is long But I would love to have any of you on the show if you've had a service member in your life and seen effects. We completed season 1 and are working on season 2 now I hope some of you. come listeners I've listened to a majority of peoples podcast on here, and you inspired me to make a post and share a bit about what I do.
We are available on:
Apple Podcast
Breaker
Google Podcast
Pocket Cast
Radio Public
Spotify
https://instagram.com/extra_duty?igshid=14h7oo0tyvwhx
https://www.facebook.com/groups/3896437597085634/
https://open.spotify.com/show/0x2HIMnlHo5tGrlRDUQAnF?si=8VSij-sfSZm4r-AczaTJPg
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ptsd
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The divorce papers are finally going being served to my abusive ex. PTSD is being triggered big time. I am sad and scared. I want this part of my life to be over, it's weighed me down so much.
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ptsd
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I saw a post about a person losing their best friend cuz they were themselves while being depressed and it’s sad but i have to say that it is true. You are gonna lose friends and your family will treat you like sh1t (depends on ur parents) and everyone will blame you and tell you that you are weird, stupid, lazy, retarded, that u can’t do anything right and so on.
People will give you weird looks and you’ll be left out and ignored and called a freak and you’ll probably get bullied too and there will be nothing you can do about it without getting professional help.
Depression is an illness and it can’t go away on it’s own it can only get worse. For example if u don’t treat cancer it’ll get worse and it’ll spread and the same thing will happen with your depression so you’ll either have to get some help or wait until it’s too late it’s on u to choose.
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depression
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i just wish i could have one single day where i could relax and not feel guilty or anxious about something. it literally doesn’t stop. i don’t know how i’m supposed to deal with confession ocd anymore. if i confess, i get relief and it moves onto the next thing or finds new things to feel guilty about. if i don’t confess, i feel constant dull anxiety in the background and my mind fixates on different things i’ve done or thoughts that popped themselves into my head and switches between them like it’s spinning a fucking wheel every 10 minutes. i can’t take it anymore.
when does it go away?? when does my mind stop screaming at me that i’m “hiding something” from my gf if i don’t confess each and every single one of the bad thoughts that have popped up in my head even though i don’t like them and they don’t align with my values or they’re just straight up intrusive? i’d give anything to be normal again and be able to brush off thoughts i don’t like or agree with and move on with my day instead of my mind fixating on them and making me feel like a horrible person even though i’m not.
the ONLY moments of calm i’ve been able to get lately is when me and my gf call and hang out but funny enough my confession ocd revolves around her and my brain being anxious about what she’d think of if she knew the kind of things that popped up in my head but for fucks sake she literally said that i shouldn’t tell her or anyone my intrusive thoughts and that i don’t have to confess to her!! so i’m trying to listen to her on that because i love her and i’m loyal and she’s genuinely the person i wanna spend my life with so i try to disregard any bad or intrusive thoughts i’ve had since i don’t feel like those represent me and i try to label them as intrusive
what do i do? even if i resist confessing i’m still not doing okay. it just feels like there’s no way out and i don’t wanna lose the love of my life over thoughts that just put themselves in my head whenever my actions and values are in the right direction :(
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OCD
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I just want to die. I had enough of this anxious feelings like fog on my brain. I cannot focus when people around me are talking. I hate it because of my anxiety I cannot include myself in a discussion. I have been like this since I was a little kid. I had enough and I want to die. Worst thing is that I have no clue how to do it. My anxiety doesn't let me to an it. What shall I do, people?
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depression
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Title. TLDR on my background; I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child, but stopped treatment in my teens and was never diagnosed as an adult. I've been treated for major depression for years, but not a single medication I tried seemed to work well enough. Every provider I encountered was unhelpful, and navigating the American Healthcare is such a nightmare, so I just sort of resigned myself to suffering in ignorance.
So, after finding so much unexpectedly relatable content on this sub (and an episode of severe suicidal ideation out of nowhere) , I decided to press my providers and get a full Psyche eval. The Psychologist I found was fantastic. He gave me better better care in our short time together than I had received in years, possibly ever. Two months, a dozen different tests, and hundreds of diagnostic questions later, I got my diagnosis.
Some of the results were expected: Mild/well managed adult ADHD, some mild OCD tendencies and PTSD. But the other parts weren't expected: *Bipolar Type I*. I'm surprised, but it's not surprising. Everything I had been experiencing just sort of snapped into focus, and made sense for the first time. I should be starting treatment for both soon, and for the first time in a long time things are looking up.
So thank you, r/ADHD, for helping me facilitate this.
As a side note: If anyone here also has BP1 and ADHD, I'd love to hear from you about your experiences, and how your treatment has been progressing. It's largely uncharted territory for me and the solidarity would be appreciated.
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ADHD
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I don't know if you guys have this issue but it happens to me a lot when I am having a meeting for example and I am trying to explain something. I sometimes get lost on what I was going to say so I just start talking with bigger detail, use some filler words before I remember. Therefore, I have to be really focused so I at least minimise this issue. I also don't understand how people are able to give lectures and talk without notes. I always jump a lot from topic to topic, forget something etc. I always must my notes prepared so I don't forget anything.
Not sure if this is really ADHD thing or if this just common amongst other people.
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ADHD
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I have found that a habit checklist can be helpful for my mind and health, until the moment it becomes severely unhelpful. I recently started a simple daily workout routine. I lost most of yesterday simply because I didn't feel like putting on sneakers and jogging for five minutes. I decided I "couldn't" take a shower until after doing my workout, which meant I couldn't eat lunch, play an instrument, answer emails, or just read a book. Instead I got back into bed and ruminated on the past for a while, culminating in a needlessly long nap. There have been other times when I needlessly stayed up late trying to motivate myself to complete every single habit on my list. Sometimes I can't fall asleep until everything is complete.
Despite this, I still see a lot of value in routines. Getting outside and exercising is helpful, and so is cultivating skills daily. But how does one stick with daily habits without getting drawn into torturous rabbit holes? Is there anything you have found helpful?
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OCD
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I hear them talking to me and yelling at me and I have to do things to make them stop
I don't know what to do because it's an endless loop of thoughts and fear and anger
I'm so busy in my head it's getting difficult to do things in my day to day life
If anybody has similar sensory experiences with ocd I'd like to know if there's anything I can do to minimize them
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OCD
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Hey Community,
I’ve been trying to deal with this but can’t seem to find the answer. I hope you can help!
In 2005 my parents got divorced because one of my dads best friends had been cheating with my mom for 2 years…
I was 14 years old and saw in the upcoming years my dad going into a downwards spiral because he never could deal with this terrible situation...
He eventually passed away in 2012 and I believe that this is the main reason. He started to drink, smoking and became depressed. Always wanting to be the best dad and working way to much just to proof that he could raise us.. But he forgot himself. (pleaser)
Now, the year's later I did a lot of forgiving and releasing and I feel that I'm doing alright with the fact that I lost my dad and my parents got divorced. But something keeps coming up...
Every time I'm dating a girl and I have a good friend with us I'm feeling that I'm walking on thin ice and quickly feel annoyed and upset.
I feel always that they want to put me on the spot to become more ‘alpha’ to eventually walk off with the girl I'm dating.
Obviously, this is a trigger response from what happened with my dad.
But how can I fix this? I'm getting tired of myself judging and not living in the present moment .
Please help!
Thanks in advance
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ptsd
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This might seem like a repetitive post but I'm done with my life. I'm 23 y/o. I was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety disorder in Jan 2021. I did ketamine therapy because I ventured into severe self harm. I'd cut myself badly with a razor and then smear some hand sanitizer on the fresh wound so that it would hurt more. I've been on medication since Jan this year and now it all seems to fade away. I dropped out of my engineering course to start my own company. I ran that cybersecurity company for about two years, got clients and then everything went down hill. Had frequent disagreements with partners and what not. Then I was diagnosed with my mental illness. My partners were supportive at first but then started losing patience with me. It was hard for me to even get out of the bed let alone doing daily chores and meeting with clients. Finally I decided to leave the company that I founded and now I'm just lost. A person without educational background and broken startup experience. I tried learning new things but it's becoming difficult to sustain those learning habits in a long learn. Enrolled for a web developement course then left it mid way. Joined the gym, then left it after a month or so. I do have some close friends but I find it inappropriate to ping them and tell them that I am sad because they've got their own lives. I'm afraid to open up to anyone. All these months of therapy and I'm back to square one. Nothing has changed. I somehow get up every day, drink coffee, watch youtube all day have dinner and sleep. Nothing else. I find it extremely difficult to resume my course, resume my gym and or to read my pile of books. I was an avid reader back then. Used to finish ~400 page books in a week or two. I find reading very difficult now a days. Everyday I'm facing self loathing issues. Everyday I think what's the purpose of me doing good things to myself in the end I'm just gonna die and nothing will really matter. This keeps me from doing anything. I'm extremely fear doing something or the other thing. I'm becoming a burden on my friends and family. There's literally nothing that I do productive, I just eat, sleep and youtube all day. Sometimes I go out on my own and hope a car or truck crushes the heck out of me and everything ends eventually. Or I just go to a nearby lake and somehow pass the time. Then the night comes and it's the same thing all over again. I feel so hopeless now a days that even if a miracle happens I'll think that it'll bring something bad with it. I wasn't a person like this before. I was a person with good mood and had a dream to live my life on my terms. Although I wasn't bright in studies but always maintained good scores in science and computers. Hell I even started my own cybersecurity company and ran it for two years. Then someday, everything started going downhill. Now here I am, having self loathing issues, and living everyday with immense suicidal thoughts. I was afraid to commit suicide earlier therefore chose to so self harm with a razor. Now a days I feel even self harm isn't enough. I constantly search for least painful ways to die so that atleast when I'm dying, it won't be painful as such. I'm starting to care less about my parents and brother. I just want to free myself from this misery.
Sorry people, this might be a long post but I needed to vent out some pressure.
I hope you all have a good life.
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depression
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I am a sad human being who sits in their room and doesn’t interact with the real world. He sits in his room and presses digital buttons programmed by other actually successful ppl to make money, and being led on by algorithms all day. He goes in the comment section just to be annoyed. Just to fuel his anger and self-superiority. He wants to |<ill himsellf
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depression
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It was just an intake session to get to know my history, but I’m proud of myself for taking that step.
I’m a little nervous because they ask all sorts of questions about your past and family history, and I’m honestly not interested in dwelling on the past. I’m in a place with my anxiety where I’m moving forward and making progress, and I just wanted to work with a therapist to help me over the hurdles that I’ve been facing on my own. I’m more concerned about focusing on the now, the present behaviors, not the reason why I am the way I am. Because frankly, it doesn’t matter.
I’ll see how it goes in our first real session. I tried to communicate some of this today but I was a bit nervous and rambled, so I’m not sure I expressed myself clearly. We’ll see!
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OCD
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Hi! I just started taking zoloft for the first time a little over a month ago for OCD. I've known i had ocd for a long time (like years) but just started medication because i felt like ERP wasn't working on its own and i wasn't making much progress due to really strong anxiety. anyway so I've been on this medication for about a month but I don't feel any different as far as i can tell. I'm still getting intrusive thoughts and they still feel consuming and quite anxiety inducing. I'm wondering if maybe there's been a small change that I haven't really noticed and it actually is getting better? or if i just haven't had the effect yet. I told my doctor I didn't feel much and she decided I should up the dosage so I've been taking that for a few days. I'm just wondering what exactly i'm supposed to be looking for I guess?
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OCD
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Does anyone else have a problem when they are in public or just someone is near you that your eyes get hyper aware of where they are looking?
Or your brain tells you to not stare or look inappropriately at someone so you have to like control your eyes and it’s really annoying Cus I honestly end up staring at people and they think I’m weird LIKE IM SORRY I CANT CONTROL IT
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OCD
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I (22f) broke up with my ex (24m) a few months ago because he was mentally abusive and had severe anger issues he did not want to control. I do not miss him but I miss being with someone. I’m constantly having panic attacks and the days feel longer and lonelier. I’m tired of being with friends and feeling so alone at the same time. I am trying new medicine for my depression and anxiety but it’s hard to wait for them to start working. The cold weather is not helping me either and the stress from it all is making my eczema come back and my dermatitis worse. I feel like a constant anxiety ball. How do I feel less lonely?
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depression
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As soon as I developed this obbsesionI started avoiding psychedelic drugs, weed, alcohol, scary movies, and even my schizophrenic aunt, which i’m not proud of. I’m even avoiding getting a covid vaccine because I read somewhere some patients develop psychotic systems when they get it.
This is what OCD does to you. Even if avoiding/doing something means hurting yourself you’re still willing to do it just to ease the amount of fear you’re harboring. I’m not proud, and I’m not an antivaxxer. I know I’m not helping the covid situation but I can’t bring myself to get vaccinated.
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OCD
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I was morbidly obese my whole life. Went on a massive weight loss two years ago, got in shape, it's time for happiness right?
I started balding rapidly right when I got in shape. Was so bummed out I became bald, I started binge eating out of frustration.
Now I'm bald, fat, lonely and depressed. And I thought I was gonna be happy lol
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depression
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Whenever I put it down I forget the place I put it, its doing my head in. Then when I can’t find it cue a mad panic in order to find it upturning every clean place. Its why I prefer messy over clean, to other ppl it looks messy but to me its an organised mess. This is the same for every other goddamn important/small thing I need to keep safe. I’ve lost everything from bike lock keys, to medical forms, and almost losing my stuff in a library. A ‘safe place’ or a ‘home’ for things has never ever worked. Now I’ve lost it again and I can’t remember where the heck I put it in my room, and its a PITA having to order a new one bc of changing all the online stuff. Disclaimer that I’m not diagnosed with ADHD but I do relate to quite alot of ADD/ASD traits.
Oh and if I ever do have my bank card remembering the stupid pin is another story if I’m not using contactless. One time my contactless wasn’t working so I had to rush home from the shop (after the cashier had scanned the items) to get cash because I couldn’t remember my pin, lol.
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ADHD
|
As a younger child I was diagnosed with aspergers. I'm currently in my junior year of high school, and I just moved across the country and this is my first year at my new school. Even at my old school, I didn't really have many friends. The friends I had were really just from a nearby daycare that lots of kids from my old district went to during the summer when we were younger, when it was so much easier even even someone like me to make friends. i'm worried about my social life and in turn well-being from having no friends now. I have tried alot, but starting conversation and maintaining it has always been impossibly difficult for me. I don't really know what to do, and the fear of life-long social-emotional solitude can really fuck me up sometimes.
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aspergers
|
I don't really post often... Anywhere, but I just don't know what to do.
Even a couple of weeks ago I was totally fine but a bunch of stuff and memories piled in all at once and I had the realization of "that was me, that happened, that was real." I remembered terrible things I've done, that I hid from myself and everyone else, it wasn't the worst thingw you could think of but I kept doing it, I know that's vague... I felt like a really terrible person for a while now, everything is terrifying, and I can't do anything, I can't take back anything I've done, the people I've hurt.
Is it depression, anxiety, something else? Does it matter? I feel like nothing around me is real, I keep flipping between being able to perceive things around me and being so stuck in my head that whatever around me is warped to high hell - it makes me feel like I'm in a dream and when I wake up I'll be completely alone, and nothing I've done will matter. I've done everything I can and I should be feeling better, I even got forgiveness for one of the things I did, so why does it still hurt? Why do I always feel sick, and tired, and never want to eat or find much fun anymore, no matter what I do?
Sorry this is a bit ranty, maybe its not appropriate for here or whatever. Even if this gets removed or something... I think I just needed to... Think that I was telling someone what's going on who understands what I'm going through.
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depression
|
honestly, I think I'm searching reassurance right now and I know I'm not supposed to but I feel quite bad.
I told my mom about how bad I feel and how I feel the psychologists I've been to don't take me seriously saying stuff like "Everyone has doubts!" yes, I know everyone has doubts. but I doubt everything and it paralyzes me, I'm always ruminating, doubting my life, the things I do, love for my partner, love for life, my health, EVERYTHING!
I told my mom this and she basically told me that it's my fault for watching too "many" horror movies (I've watched like 6 in my whole life) and she told me we are always in control of our thoughts and we can make them turn positive.
This made me feel so guilty and like everything's my fault. I've suffered so much learning that all thoughts are okay and they do not represent me or my values and then she comes and says this.
I started crying and I begged her to read more about how I feel so maybe she will understand a bit more but I don't think that will happen.
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OCD
|
I have a pretty good support system luckily my long term boyfriend and best friend are always there for me but I find it so hard to open up to them especially when I don’t even know exactly what I’m feeling. I feel like I was to talk about it or even just write about it but when the time comes I don’t even know how to start. Even just in my head I don’t know how to start explaining what I feel to myself. I don’t know what to do I feel like I’m drowning even though there are life lines all around me. How do you start to unravel what’s in your head? And how do you take a step to open up about it?
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ptsd
|
I suffer from PTSD from mutiple different things in my life, but one of the most intense and horrifying to remember is when I was homeless for a year.
In America at least (though Im sure in other places as well), once you become homeless or in poverty, you're no longer a part of "society". You're not a "member of society", you're a Burden. A 'leech', for needing anything, anything at all, even something as small as a listening ear or breadcrumb. It's an offense to even suggest you may need help, to suggest that anyone should even consider helping you. Because in their eyes, you must have done something to "deserve" poverty, or homeless. It's like a moral branding to them. It doesn't matter how you became severely poor/homeless, and it doesnt matter how desperately you're fighting to survive/escape your circumstances. "Poor/homeless" is all they need to know to "know" that you're unworthy of help, or of compassion. You're the scum beneath their feet. You're not even human.
Even after being homeless and tormented for a year, and then in poverty for 4, I still feel myself become crushed under the weight of people's disgust for poor/homeless people. It utterly shocks me. It steals the breath from my lungs.
The internet is full of cruelty and anger, obviously, but..... it's not just on the internet, anyways, not by a longshot. People are not shy about their disgust for poor people, and if you haven't been in extreme poverty you may not have even noticed how bad it is. You may have some deeply rooted hatred and judgement inside you, too.
It's. horrifying. And it brings me back to the most horrifying days/experiences of my life. I think i had a conclusion to this, but i feel like a child again, starving and absolitely terrified and being proven to that even the mostly seemly compassionate or kind people will turn on you the moment you have no money. The moment you become ""worthless"".
Here's a conclusion i guess,,, Anyone else traumatized by poverty/homelessness, or more specifically, how people treated you because you were in poverty/homeless
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ptsd
|
For the first time in a long time, I was able to have a perfect night (mentally) with my fiancé. I don’t know if it will happen again, but it’s the world didn’t matter outside of the room that we were in, and neither did my obsessions/intrusive thoughts. I was able to acknowledge it all, not obsess, and let it all go:)
I’m going to try to do better to acknowledge my obsessions and intrusive thoughts, and not actively push them away. They don’t make up who I am as a person, yet I exhaust myself running from them.
Oh also I almost forgot, my therapist recommended a book that helps me, it’s called “Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts”. Happy Thursday!
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OCD
|
I used to work in a team of three (a supervisor, a guy, and me). The supervisor assigned all tasks to me, and I had to work overtime. On the other hand, the guy in the team was assigned nothing or only easy tasks. I complained about unfair assignment to the supervisor, but she did not care and nothing was changed. I ended up getting sick. I left the team.
I moved to a new team, and it is good so far. I no longer work with the supervisor or the guy in the old team. But I still have strong emotion of anger which comes out of the blue. It is painful. What helps to let go of the past?
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aspergers
|
My sister got married today. My brother got engaged last month . All I have to show for this year is getting together with, getting herpes and a black eye from, and leaving my ex. Every time someone tells me I’m so lucky to be out of it I cry bc they don’t know how badly I’ve fucked up my life by leaving. How they don’t know how fully unloveable and totally fucked I am. I just want to go... give it a month or more so my sister never has her anniversary tainted, but I have nothing left. I’m worthless. I just heard the whole nigh, “why aren’t you up there slow dancing?” “Are you next?” You’re the only one left then?” And my mom tried to tell me yesterday I was “so lucky” to be out. I don’t feel fucking lucky. I still grieve that relationship ending because I know I’ve already been ruined. Tainted. Wasted. Reduced to worthless goods. I could infect someone I love the most with it. I could kill their kids with it. I’m so disgusting and I know it will never going away. I’m the last great fucking disappointment. I wish I wasn’t here. I love my family so much but I know I don’t contribute to their lives. I’m a huge fuck up that everyone tiptoes around bc I’ve tried to kill myself before. I see it now tho, everyone’s lives will keep getting better and my life worse. Eventually , they won’t even be surprised when I kill myself...
I badly need help but I don’t know what to do.. My life already feels over to me. Please help...
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depression
|
I have ADHD and I've found that it's difficult for me to focus when reading, which sucks because I like to read. I did the math recently and I was reading at \~150 wpm. This isn't super slow, but it's below average. I've done the usual (eliminate distractions, use a pen, etc.) but I often find myself doing things like reading a line, continuing to the next line, then going back to the previous line for no reason.
What are some other things I can do to read more smoothly and quickly?
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ADHD
|
I genuinely feel like I don’t want to live anymore but I definitely don’t have the courage to kill myself mainly because of the impact it would have on my parents.
I just feel so low right now and I don’t know what to do so am writing this in the hope I’ll feel better. I did some ecstasy and coke over the weekend so maybe that’s why I’m feeling like this. Whatever it is my self esteem is suddenly on the floor and I’m crying for no reason. As a guy I really feel like I don’t have anyone, I feel really distant from my friends and family and keep wondering how unfair it is that I was born without asking to be.
Whenever I think of finding love or unrestricted friendship with people who love me for who I am, I can’t ever see it happening to me. I’m like a passerby in my own life. It all just fucking sucks and I hate it. Had to get that out somewhere
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depression
|
Hi, so over the last 5 years I have these "episodes" as I call them. Something triggers them and it always starts with a spike of anxiety I guess like a stress/pressure go through my head and body and then the process begins or as I feel I go into a state sometimes like the earlier episodes could be weeks then I've had ones wheres I'm just stuck for months until I finally I guess start feeling myself again. It best if I tell you about this perticular hell I've been in since May. I dnno where to start but I remember I was on xbox no stress having a good time my friend took a break I did to and I randomly had this thought about when we first met I spoke sexually to his girlfriend which made that feeling spike and feel intense guilt and questioning if I'd do something like that and I'd go over n over ruminating once that feeling spikes 24/7 I just feel weird and like a dark cloud over me. I started going through chats on Facebook the best I could then I found a way to download all the logs so it would be easier I had them up on my laptop and any chance I got I'd go through them from the start wen we met which was a few years ago trying to find if I said something like I thought I even reread whole pages of thousands of words because I was unsure. Thus was just the first worry or subject of this episode long past I can't count the others worries its changed to this episode its been do many ill try choose a few. old thoughts from a previous episode popped up and I thought about them over n over till I couldn't function. These tamiya spray paints have these small labels on saying in the state of california this product has chemicals known to cause cancer n birth defects. I'd think if me causing my mum to get cancer because of my carelessness and my brother having a child with birth defects with thoughts like "ill have to wait till my brother has a kid to find out and if he does and its got a problem it'll be my fault and if my mum dies of cancer that question will always be there if I caused it. Another event I was in bed mum was out I was tired but finally relaxed watching videos about 2 months ago and I had a thought Bout checking the doors locked I didn't get any anxiety or anything I thought ill check it after this video. Until I wake up at 2am I think **** I didn't check I look to see if mums car was back and think OK she'll have locked it after getting in obviously but I had a bad guilty feeling about not checking it what could've happened if it was left open I don't care enough if something bad happened to mum etc I woke up next morning the sane as the other subjects I'd obsess over feeling anxiety sky high worry major guilt ruminating over my intentions how bad I am until I can't get out if bed which happens alot. Recent subjects which I hate but sometimes think well its me thinking it on purpose I keep insulting and saying nasty stuff in my head wen my mums talking to me for no reason it doesn't make me feel good soon as I think of a sentence/insult I get that anxiety feeling and I say no no I love her in my head. Split second after another example wen she was leaving for work I'd think "I hope she doesn't come back" which I get that horrible guilty anxious feeling and split second later in my head say why would I want that I love mum then I doubt wtf I'm thinking I'm all over the place the insults and nasty things will switch to my little rabbit who died 2 years Go who I ******* loved more than anything on the planet (I'm tearing up writing this just at the thought of her so I don't understand why I'm thinking things which feel on purpose if I supposedly hate so much......sorry for going on that's just a few things I could go on and on but I'd have to write a book. I've been doctors many times in the UK I think the NHS for mental illness is disgusting tbh they just send u to changing minds until I said i want a diagnosis which the gp sounded like he didn't know what to do next about that Nd still I'm stuck right now in bed lost just existing for no reason.
Any ideas what's going on I'd rather hear from people who have suffered from illnesses?
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OCD
|
What type of traits do you hide when first dating someone? I have a feeling my boyfriend does something in the bathroom because he goes to the bathroom a lot when I spend the day with him at his house.
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aspergers
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Anyone else take stimulant type medications while they’re in recovery? I just started Vyvanse again and I’m a little nervous about it because of my history. Also I’m only 3 months into this round of active recovery. Also on Suboxone if that matters here, so I pee in a cup once a week and all that. Just wondering if anyone else is in a similar boat? Been on and off prescribed stimulants since I was 20, 33 year old now and I’m male. Usually take myself off them after a year or two. I don’t like the idea of taking a stimulant everyday or at least most days for the rest of my life. Any advice or positive input would be greatly appreciated 💚
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ADHD
|
TW:Sexual coercion. Ocd making me think I Sexually Assaulted my ex
I want to start off by saying, I never intended any harm towards my ex. I know who I am and I am not capable to have full intentions of harm. This was also 2 yrs ago when I was (18) and ex was (19) I will also like to add that though these events did happen, my memory is not great from that event, so there could have been verbal consent given but I don’t recall it soo these thoughts make it worse
So me and my ex had an overall fun relationship.He was my first boyfriend and it was exciting! So we didn’t have sex until 6 months into our relationship. which he was also my first to have sex with. Everything was great but then he moved and we had to do long distance, I didn’t mind I was in love with him. He came to visit after 5 months of being in a long distance relationship, so we had a great time! At the time I had a very high sex drive and was just ready to get in bed with him because I hadn’t seen him for months. We had sex the first night, everything was good. I think it was until the 3rd day where I asked him if we could have sex and he said “I can’t have sex, I’m not getting hard”. This is where my memory gets foggy, I don’t remember if I had asked him once or twice, and I don’t remember much of the conversation we were having but then after him saying no I do remember dropping it. But then he said, “let’s go buy condoms” we went to the store and got them. When we got home, we were making out and trying to get in the mood however it did not work (because he couldn’t get hard) I remember being upset because I really wanted to.
-Days go by we didn’t have sex between these days, I would ask but nothing and I believe it might’ve been the 5th or 6th night. We were making out and we could still not have sex. We talked about it and he said sorry that he couldn’t get hard, he wanted to but couldn’t. I also apologized! But then I remember telling him I would do anal with him (I knew he really wanted to, because he asked me a few times, so I thought that would lead to having vaginal sex) I remember him being excited & agreed. So again my memory gets foggy at this point. I don’t remember if we had vaginal sex before or after anal. I think it might’ve been after anal because he was erected while we had anal, so I remember telling him, “just f*ck me” and then we had vaginal sex-went back to anal & so on.
-After having sex we did talk about what happened and why he couldn’t get hard. He said, “I was just having a lower sex drive.” The was the last night he was staying. So months go by and he acts the same with me, we hit one year and celebrated through FaceTime. Everything was good, then until 5 months after he went and visited me he broke up with me..he gave all of these excuses but I didn’t seem to believe him. We didn’t have contact until like a week ago(because out of my compulsion, I had to reach out to him)
-I am fairly trying to get more into politics, so with many feminists movements, I thought I would benefit from learning. So, I started reading articles about sexual assault and how consent should be given. I enjoyed learning, because I didn’t know much before. It wasn’t until I learned about the word ‘sexual coercion’ that made my ocd get bad. Before reading about this, I had no clue what it was. I’m not trying to justify my actions, but I am just saying that kids need to learn about these words. I do feel like a lot of r*pe cases could decrease simply with teaching children about consent from an early age. My ocd started spiraling, I googled similar topics, got reassurance from my family & friends if I was a good person. I started questioning if wether or not I had pressured him into having sex with me when I never took his own input. I should have asked him how he was feeling instead of being so selfish and only trying to get intimate with him. The worst thing is that I don’t have much recognition from that experience. So last week I texted him and apologized for everything. I apologized for causing any harm if had done so. He told me that I was good to him, that I did everything genuinely well but that he didn’t see us lasting for a long time. After our breakup, I didn’t get closure from him and this was in some way closure for me. We had a good talk and we talked about how our life was going, it was good to talk to him. Though this gave me reassurance that I hadn’t caused harm towards him, my ocd is still making me think “what if in the future he will think it wasn’t consensual”. These thoughts are killing me, I can’t live at peace with this past mistake. I know it was mistake because I should have not tried to get him in the mood and I should have asked him about his feelings.
-Overall, I do believe I am a good person. Yes it took me two years to realize my actions from that event. But I do hope I can forgive myself for it. I hope that I can tell my therapist this, I’m just worried that she will call this a crime and get me sent to jail. I’m just mess right now and life is so shitty. For anyone who has experienced sexual coercion/sexual assault, I am truly sorry for what you went through. I hope life brings you happiness.
Regardless if you call this coercion or not, I was being a selfish immature person. I wasn’t informed about sex education, wish I was from an earlier age. I have made a change though, from learning about all of this I try to inform others about consent & I’m trying to prevent others from making the same mistake. I also have been trying to get more involved with programs for victims & overall trying to get more educated on the subject. I don’t really know what I am looking for in this post, I guess just any input. I just can’t seem to move on from this mistake, what should I do? I will never make this mistake ever again! I know I won’t. I am just unsure if I deserve to move on or not....Thank you for taking the time to read this & remember CONSENT IS IMPORTANT, always talk with your partner!
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OCD
|
It is like the NRA or PETA of the autism community. It is the biggest organization for the community so people who don’t know any better will support them when in reality they are more harmful than helpful for the community. The smaller organizations have done far more for the communities and are far less scandalous
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aspergers
|
I wish life had a pause button so I could get some basic things in order on which I can then, life unpaused, build other bigger-picture things. It's not that I'm not capable of the bigger things. But it feels like I'm so occupied in extricating myself from the quicksand of the present that I have no chance of stepping into the future, even though it is visible in all its gleaming potential. It's why I think ADHD is not about the lack of capability to achieve one's dreams but the inability to free up room to do so. It's very much a problem with the present and not with the future.
Does this strike a chord with anyone?
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ADHD
|
does anyone else just hate staying in a hotel or apartment or just a place in general that isn’t your house due to how many other people have slept in that same bed or sat on that sofa. i always feel the need to strip back sheets, sniff them, search for hairs and i feel uncomfortable sitting on sofas or chairs or using any blankets because of the thought of all the germs. i get super stressed out and sometimes even cry but my parents just say i’m stupid and think i’m being extremely ungreatful which really frustrates me
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OCD
|
I tried to make this post simple so people who are adhd as fuck like me are able to process what Im saying, think quicker and RESPOND quicker to encourage more discussion. Because when I tend to ramble on about subjects for too long we get distracted and then forget to comment or upvote.Lets just keep this simple for us extremely low attention span group of people.
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ADHD
|
Thanks to the community for having me here and being a good community. Hope i also have assisted some of you, too
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aspergers
|
I have a high-pressure job where mistakes could have very bad financial or reputational consequences for my company. I have to send lots of sensitive communications and I am really struggling lately.
I’ve started checking things over like 30 times or more… checking the text… checking I’ve not pasted or attached anything in error… checking the recipients… even then sometimes I still can’t send it, I’m paralysed, certain that I have done something wrong.
I need to stop this escalating into an OCD (which I’ve had before), what can I do. I can’t avoid the triggering situation because it’s my job :(
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OCD
|
Maybe if I could focus on something I could work on myself but god I can't focus
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depression
|
So winters are super rough for me. Only during winters do I get this extreme feeling of dread, dissociation, panic and awful OCD. I just ended a relationship with my ex. Usually when I have someone else winters are a ton better and to an extent enjoyable. Winter is coming fast and I’m alone now. I can already feel the awful emotions coming on from winter and I’m not sure what to do.
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OCD
|
Hey guys, I have recently decided to defer from education for 2 years due to coronavirus and my inability to work remotely. So to fill my time and gain my first working experience I am trying to find work (Even though it will be hard during a lockdown.). I am using "Indeed" and I am trying to compile a CV. I would like help and advice from anyone that has made a CV whilst being on the spectrum or has helped others before. I am primarily struggling with writing personal details and making a note of my skills.
I am also curious whether or not to include my diagnosis. I live in the UK and I am unsure if there is any discrimination when it comes to hiring people on the spectrum.
Any help is greatly appreciated!
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aspergers
|
Recently I’ve noticed myself feeling grossed out by my shower (showers in general). I’m picking up smells and I’ve had to lay a towel down to stand on because I couldn’t stand the feeling. I’ve been obsessing over scrubbing it but when I do I gag and it’s not like it’s dirty it just really uncomfortable for me. Is this something anyone else has dealt with?
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OCD
|
22M. This happens to me especially while watching films. If I have a minor part spoiled in something I’m interested in watching, I won’t want to watch it because I feel like I won’t enjoy it. Last time this happened was a few years ago, I got spoiled on a very minor part of the movie I was watching and after that part passed, I shut off my television because I was so frustrated. I felt robbed from this experience. Even though I found out this particular scene was in the trailer for the movie, it’s still hard to watch that movie without getting frustrated. Has anyone else gone through this problem and if so can I please have advise on how to stop little things like this ruin my experience?
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OCD
|
Literally i dont know what to say. I went to a therapy appointment a few days ago.
Basically she always refers to my problems as "your ocd" so im assuming its a diagnosis right? no.
She said I have ocd tendencies which is weird considering that pocd and harm ocd almost took my life, but I was like okay thats weird,
I then asked her what the difference was between tendencies and the actual disorder.
we went through every symptom which I had and she agreed, but she still wouldnt diagnose me because "i didnt understand it enough"??? what?? she kept saying "oh but ocd is a nightmare, its way worse than what you think". ???
what does that even mean?? I feel like i have experienced ocd, from self harming daily due to sexual intrusive thoughts to performing the same compulsions everyday for literal years, not letting myself travel or out in general to not let myself break "the rules" spending hours everyday literally obsessing over intrusive thoughts, which feels significantly out of my control.
anyways, i tell her that shouldnt i be diagnosed if i meet the criteria? but she was like "no, you still dont get it."
???
mind you, this is the same therapist that repeatedly asked if my intrusive thoughts were true, and got suspicious about me (which was HELLA triggering by the way)
Im quitting this therapist and finding a new one, unless someone gives me a reason not to, advice is welcome.
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OCD
|
I know that this is obvious to the people here, but it is not always so obvious to the neurotypical/mainstream world, but autism is a disability. Shows and movies like The Big Bang Theory or Rain Man tend to push this narrative that autistic people are quirky geniuses. It's not even just in media or television. It is also pervasive in society in general. As much as I am for autistic acceptance, I disagree with the idea that it is this amazing superpower and the biggest key to success. For every successful person like Bill Gates, Temple Grandin, or Dan Akroyd, there are hundreds of us who are struggling to do basic things such as holding a job or living independently.
I hate the fact that our media and inspiration culture push this narrative that autism is solely about being quirky, awkward, and nerdy. They don't see or understand the reality that we are forced to live in every day. They will never understand us having a meltdown over everyday sounds. They will never understand us having to constantly wear a mask (in the non-COVID sense). They will never understand how hard we have to try and work at being like them just so we can get some basic acceptance and respect.
Also, they may assume that just because we are "high-functioning", that means we are essentially on the same level as an NT or other allistic people. It is also perceived that just because we may be "smart", that means that we are not disabled. The fact of the matter is that autism is a disability regardless of functioning level. With that stated, it needs to be more understood that while it may be an amazing asset in some aspects, it is a disabling hindrance in many others.
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aspergers
|
Hello everyone.
I've not been diagnosed as asperger, but I have collected, through the years, a lot of evidence that I might have ASD, from forums, books, videos, interaction with autistic or persons who know autistic people, and I am planning of presenting these to a psychologist.
So, I finished the french equivalent of High School, and am now in an art class for a year in order to prepare for art schools. Even in order to enter this class, it was quite difficult and I had to show what I could do.
I've started there this Thursday, and, obviously, it was a big change in my life. I don't actually have to go live somewhere else, but what changes is: the school I go, the people I meet, my daily activities, the organisation of my time in general.
The problem is that every time I experience this kind of change, I go into some kind of depressive episode where everything seems meaningless and I have trouble even being a functioning human being, because of the sheer exhaustion that I feel. I just feel like I can handle it, until like, you know, I can.
So, anticipating this, I decided to take the bull by the horns, and I went out of my way to socialize with all of the people I met. I've gotten pretty good at understanding the "social codes", and I am not really able to feel awkwardness in general, so I did pretty well at this job.
On the outside, I think I made it pretty well, but on the inside, it was, I think, a bit too abrupt, and I was tired as hell Thursday and Friday afternoon, and today I am not able to do anything. It's worse than it has ever been before, and even if I have outperformed myself socially (I know everyone's name and everyone knows mine in one day, made a few acquaintances, and don't have problem finding people to work with) I feel desperately shattered mentally, I feel tired, and I feel like I have nothing to hang on to because everything I do is new and unknown. My room doesn't do the job of being a cocoon anymore, I already have homework and I don't even have the physical strength to do it. All of that supplemented by a crippling imposter syndrome. If you have advice on how to handle that, I'd really like it.
TLDR: I am used to losing control when I experience change, but this time is worse and I don't feel like I will overcome this.
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aspergers
|
There's something odd about me -- and I'm wondering if it's an ADHD thing, maybe an autism thing, maybe a GAD thing? So I'm curious if anyone has any experience with this.
Yesterday, I decided to try watching one episode of an anime yesterday, and promptly found myself way too full of energy to sit still, pausing it a lot to settle down, and missing chunks because I'd jumped up and run out of the room. Trying to work out how I was feeling in my body had me notice heavy breathing and heat in my chest.
With friends, I'll often put on earmuffs and watch subtitles or even put a blanket over my head if something gets unbearably uncomfortable for me and I need to escape.
As a kid, I couldn't watch tv shows and if made to would often cry. As a teenager I only sat through them for high school by tying myself to the cinema chair, but left the cinema when trying to watch with friends. I can sit through one maybe 1/4 of the time?
Anyone experienced anything like this? Thoughts?
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ADHD
|
Anyone have a list of core fears? I’ve seen the one on Michael Greenberg’s website but I’m wondering if there’s more. I’m trying to figure mine out (with the help of a therapist) but none of the ones on his list resonate for me.
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OCD
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I used to do this a lot more when ai was younger. I since then stopped until recently. I feel so fucking horrible. I had to lie about a close friend dying just so I can take a break from work and process my depression and trauma - I’m on overload and want to cry which is rare. However, I despise that I had to resort to this tactic. I’m not sure if anyone else can relate..
For those that may not understand here is an example. I have a very bad depressive episode that I cannot hide or mask. I have to explain some horrible tragedy happened just so people don’t look at me weird that Im having a depressive episode..they aren’t frequent and have beem very rare but damn. I think I might need medicine.
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ptsd
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Hi everyone,
When I get triggered I have an outburst. I can’t really describe what it’s like but here goes: trigger, overwhelming sense of terror, overwhelming pain and then I feel intense fear and then i guess anger and then I have an outburst (shout/scream). I can’t control it - people tell me I have a choice to control the outburst but it really doesn’t feel like i do because it happens so fast and the feelings are so overwhelming I don’t feel like I have any control.
It can happen in a blink of an eye.
Can anyone help me please? How do you stop yourself between the trigger and the outburst?
Thank you J
Ps too scared to seek therapy
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ptsd
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