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I’ve recently started taking adderall again and I’ve seemingly developed a new side effect, impatience and irritability.
Anyone else experience this? I’ve taken adderall on and off for a very long time, but I’ve never had this before. The prescription sheet says it’s a a side effect that is possible so I know it’s the pill.
Anyone else experience this? Anyone have a recommendation? I really don’t like this feeling.
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ADHD
|
Ive been in therapy before, the sitting talking about everyday life therapy but never ever trauma therapy so im not sure if what im going through is normal. I had a follow up appointment at the hospital, my son got into an accident 2 months ago and this was a conversation the hospital gives everyone who has a child under the age of 2 that is involved in accidents such as broken bones & burns. I was a bit nervous before the appointment but I went.
The nurse asked me how it was for me, how it felt, if there was anything that got stuck. I informed her that I do have images when I close my eyes, I remember how he screamed and so on and I told her it might just be because I have PTSD but she said it was normal even if you did not have PTSD, but I might feel it more than those without it and my PTSD might have gotten worse.
And it has quite a bit so she adviced me to go to my doctor to get someone to talk to.
Its been 9 hours since the talk and I try not to close my eyes because I keep reliving it much more than before,flashbacks,smells, everything scene by scene.
I lost my appetite,im dead tired, im close to dissociate again,nausea and so on. I struggle even with talking.
Is this normal when you go in dept into trauma, when you start picking at painful and traumatic memories. I decided to ask here because ive never felt like this before. My body is reacting at the same time as it feels more at peace and it makes me confused.
Any thoughts?
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ptsd
|
when we first started dating, they offered to come repair a hole in my screen because I was afraid bats would come in and give me rabies and I was spiraling.
Now when bats get mentioned around me they roll their eyes. This is the proper response. I told them so when we first started dating- don’t indulge it. The proper response if for you to not reassure me and for me to tell myself dang i guess it’s true i’m gonna be the third person in my state to die from hantavirus goodbye forever
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OCD
|
im so tired. is there a good way to deal with constant thoughts of "what if i dont care about \*insert hobby i like here\* anymore"? i just want to enjoy myself. does anyone else deal with this, and if so did it go away?
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OCD
|
(Sorry for bad english i'm not from an Anglophone country)
I, 14M, think i have adhd.
I don't know how to talk about this with my parents or how to bring up the argument.
I am only recently aware that i think in different ways in comparison with my classmates and friends. I struggle a lot with really long homework, but excel in small homework. I can't study properly. I can't remain still for more than 5 or 10 minutes, i have to move my legs or flip a pen with my fingers. Under pressure i start mumbling and shaking, even if i'm not anxious.
I become angry very easily and quickly, and whe i'm angry i can't control myself.
I once tried to tell my parents that i feel different from other people, that i can't do something without my mind thinking of completely different things. They telled me that it's "normal" and that everyone feels like that. What should i do? Could it be adhd?
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ADHD
|
Today I woke up from an awful awful nightmare. All my usual signs that it was related to my PTSD were there: drenched in sweat, muscles tense, disoriented (I can’t remember if I was shaking this time or not). The dream wasn’t anything personally related to me - or at least if it was, it was all symbolic and not apparent that it was related to me, I wasn’t even in the dream - and it played out like a movie, it even felt as long.
I don’t want to share it here because I don’t want to trigger anyone and it has a ton of potential triggers. It was completely outlandish and gory and I can’t for the life of me understand where it came from.
Basically, I was wondering if anyone else had really awful nightmares that don’t seem directly related and are kind of out-of-body? I don’t know what to make of it, at all.
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ptsd
|
you can comment the subs you joined if you want
here are mine:
aspergers
autism
anime
bisexual
pansexual
teenagers
askphilosophy
askpsychology
nihilism
femboy
graphic_design
barca
and some anime subs
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aspergers
|
I think if people were more attuned to themselves they'd be much more sensitive to everything going on around them and they'd be able to notice things the same way I do. Therefore they'd admit to themselves that eye contact is too intimate to be done between strangers (for example), they'd admit that flourescent lighting is viscerally disgusting and would refuse to use it, they'd admit that things are too noisy.
I just don't agree with this idea that I'm the one with the issue. It's not me and never has been. My nervous system is fine, and it's how most nervous systems should be operating if we're being honest with ourselves.
I see a lot of people with Asperger's feel debilitated by it and I get that, from the point of view that it's a disability (which, I guess it can be but that's because of other people who aren't attuned to themselves, not because autistic people are "wrong"). To me all of these things I mentioned are things that are unhealthy about our culture and society (too intimate eye contact as a social expectation, flourescent lights, too loud chaotic environments, etc) and they're unhealthy for everyone, not just autistic people.
Does anyone else feel this way?
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aspergers
|
I know you can’t stop them but does anyone have experience with it or can tell me why it’s happening despite me being on my meds as prescribed?
It started yesterday accompanied with a tension headache which I still can’t shake. They make me very nauseous and dizzy.
I’ve already called my psychiatrist. But they’re taking forever to get back to me to discuss it.
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ptsd
|
I’m talking like everyone was so lazy that I had to invent a game called “pick-up circle” which mind you- shouldn’t be a normal childs game I just lived with my younger sister and brother and helped my mother who never actually implemented any proper knowledge to her kiddos on how to clean and to be fair she would always tell us “ she had it! Don’t worry! ” because she didn’t want us to like do it or whatever until one day she just got depressed or something and stopped cleaning and since none of us did anything, I don’t know. I mean I’d like to say as a teenager I helped a lot but I also didn’t stay home either because it gave me panic attacks because nobody would do anything.
Um, I’m 23 and live far away with my boyfriend of some months and I love him so much but I find myself frequently blaming myself for not spot cleaning to make sure it won’t ever get like that BUT that also leads me to think that’s what lead my mom into depression and isolation.. HA!(,:
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ptsd
|
A few months ago, I created an autism dating survey on google docs. The goal of the survey was to better understand how people with autism navigated romantic relationships and to also see whether or not people with autism struggled with dating relative to those without autism. I felt like there wasn't enough research that covers the topic of dating among people with autism.
Here are the complete results.
**Section 1:**
*446 autistic men were surveyed*
*552 autistic women were surveyed*
*63 neurotypical men were surveyed*
*70 neurotypical women were surveyed*
**First Kiss:**
26% of autistic men have never kissed
13% of autistic women have never kissed
15% of neurotypical men have never kissed
12% of neurotypical women have never kissed
**First Date:**
27% of autistic men have never been on a date.
14% of autistic women have never been on a date.
15% of neurotypical men have never been on a date
7% of neurotypical women have never been on a date
**Virginity:**
40% of autistic men are virgins
23% of autistic women are virgins
28% of neurotypical men are virgins
20% of neurotypical women are virgins
**First Relationship:**
32% of autistic men have never had a boyfriend/girlfriend.
14% of autistic women have never had a boyfriend/girlfriend.
17% of neurotypical men have never had a boyfriend/girlfriend.
14% of neurotypical women have never had a boyfriend/girlfriend.
**Section 2:**
**I have a strong desire to be in a romantic relationship.**
178 out of 232 autistic men agreed or strongly agreed (76%)
191 out of 293 autistic women agreed or strongly agreed (65%)
107 out of 175 who are autistic non-binary agreed or strongly agreed. (61%)
52 out of 70 neurotypical women agreed or strongly agreed (74%)
48 out of 63 neurotypical men agreed or strongly agreed (76%)
**I am satisfied with how my dating life is going**
50 out of 232 autistic men agreed or strongly agreed. (21%)
137 out of 293 autistic women agreed or strongly agreed. (46%)
101 out of 175 who are autistic non-binary agreed or strongly agreed (57%)
40 out of 70 neurotypical women agreed or strongly agreed (57%)
19 out of 63 neurotypical men agreed or strongly agreed (30%)
**I have very little problems finding dating or sex partners.**
27 out of 232 autistic men agreed or strongly agreed (11%)
80 out of 293 autistic women agreed or strongly agreed. (27%)
48 out of 175 who are autistic non-binary agreed or strongly agreed (27%)
35 out of 70 neurotypical women agreed or strongly agreed (50%)
22 out of 63 neurotypical men agreed or strongly agreed (22%)
**I have a high sex drive.**
134 out of 232 autistic men agreed. (57%)
91 out of 293 autistic women agreed. (31%)
66 out of who are autistic non-binary agreed or strongly agreed (37%)
**I frequently feel lonely and depressed about my lack of love life.**
141 out of 232 autistic men agreed or strongly agreed. (60%)
76 out of 293 autistic women agreed or strongly agreed. (25%)
39 out of 175 who are autistic non-binary agreed or strongly agreed (22%)
17 out of 70 neurotypical women agreed or strongly agreed (24%)
25 out of 63 neurotypical men agreed or strongly agreed (39%)
**If I break up with my partner, I won't have much trouble finding someone new within a year.**
21 out of 232 autistic men agreed or strongly agreed. (9%)
57 out of 293 autistic women agreed or strongly agreed. (19%)
33 out of 175 who are autistic non-binary agreed or strongly agreed (18%)
18 out of 70 neurotypical women agreed or strongly agreed (25%)
15 out of 63 neurotypical men agreed or strongly agreed (23%)
**I am willing to date someone I find unattractive if I like their personality.**
49 out of 138 autistic men agreed. (35%)
67 out of 148 autistic women agreed. (45%)
79 out of 154 who are autistic agreed (51%)
26 out of 70 neurotypical women agreed (37%)
17 out of 63 neurotypical men agreed (26%)
**I believe my dating life would be easier if I were born the opposite gender.**
69 out of 138 autistic men agreed. (50%)
27 out of 148 autistic women agreed. (19%)
7 out of 70 neurotypical women agreed (10%)
27 out of 63 neurotypical men agreed (42%)
**I am happy in my current relationship.**
29 out of 47 autistic men agreed. (61%)
61 Out of 82 autistic women agreed. (74%)
29 out of 31 neurotypical women agreed (93%)
15 out of 20 neurotypical men agreed (75%)
**Section 3:**
*For this section, only results are shown for autistic men and autistic women.*
**On being aromantic or asexual:**
244 out of 293 women are neither aromantic nor asexual. (83%)
216 out of 232 men are neither aromantic nor asexual. (93%)
**Have you been in a relationship before?**
92 out of 232 men have never been in a relationship before. (39%)
33 out of 293 women have never been in a relationship before. (11%)
**How old were you when you had your first relationship?**
88 men said they have never been in a relationship before. (37%)
38 men said younger than 15.
50 men said either 16 or 17.
30 men said between 18 to 21.
18 men said between 22 to 25.
6 men said between 26 to 29.
2 men said 30 or older.
32 women said they have never been in a relationship before. (10%)
85 women said younger than 15
107 women said between the ages of 15 to 17
48 women said between the ages of 18 to 21.
19 women said between 22 to 25.
2 women said between 26 and 27.
No woman reported having their first relationship older than 27.
**For those of you who have never had a bf/gf before, how old are you?**
Out of 99 men who reported never being in a relationship before. (4%)
4 men said they were under 15. (4%)
4 men said they were older than 40. (4%)
6 men said they were between the ages of 15 to 17. (6%)
26 men said were between the ages of 18 to 21. (26%)
28 men said they were between 22 to 25. (28%)
15 men said they were between 26 to 29. (15%)
16 men said they were 30 or older. (16%)
Out of 37 women who reported never being in a relationship before.
1 woman said they were under 15. (2%)
8 women said they were between 15 to 17. (21%)
10 women said they were between 18 to 21. (27%)
7 women said they were between 22 to 25. (18%)
5 women said they were between 26 to 29. (13%)
6 women said they were 30 or older. (16%)
**How old were you when you had sex for the first time?**
105 men reported being virgins. (45%)
6 men said under 15. (2%)
41 men said between the ages of 15 to 17. (17%)
47 men said between the ages of 18 to 21. (20%)
16 men said between the ages of 22 to 25. (6%)
10 men said between the ages of 26 to 29. (4%)
6 men said they were 30 or older. (2%)
61 women are virgins. (20%)
28 women said they were younger than 15. (9%)
104 women said between the ages of 15 to 17. (35%)
73 women said between the ages of 18 to 21. (24%)
22 women said between the ages of 22 to 25. (7%)
2 women said either 26 or 27. (0.68%)
No woman reported losing their virginity older than 27.
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aspergers
|
Hello guys! I wanted to make a post on here and just ask people to share their experiences (obviously if the person posting is comfortable!) as I am in a new relationship with an amazing guy who has OCD. I would love to learn more about OCD through other peoples experiences with it and hopefully educate myself on OCD in general.
You can comment your experiences only if you feel comfortable! :)
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OCD
|
My mom killed herself when I was 5 in the same house as my dad and brother and sister. I used to have dreams all the time of me and her on a table and skeletons trying to grab us.
My past relationship was a really hard breakup and I have horrible dreams that feel so real and painful, and I wake up in such a bad mood because of them. It was a toxic relationship, but I caused alot of damage and have always regretted it, but was never able to fix things. Its haunted me for 2 years now.
About 5 years ago I flipped my car upside down, wasn't badly hurt just kinda shocked. It was my first accident. Whenever someone drives too fast around a curve or a corner it scares me and I get a rush of anxiety and think of that time I flipped it.
These are the only 3 things that haunt me, other than my son's mother not letting me see him, and I also often dream about that, and it really affects me mentally. I miss him but I have no job, no car and no way to see him or pay my child support right now and I haven't seen him in a long time.
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ptsd
|
My real event ocd has me convinced that there’s a chance someone from my past will come back and kill me. I told her boyfriends friend about her sending someone death threats and I’m scared if they breakup because this she’ll lose that friend group and her fiancé / boyfriend. The only way I can overcome this I feel is by waiting years and then feeling as though the coast is clear. I can’t keep living like this, everyday I feel like I’m dooming and I’ve ruined my life and will be killed by this person since they’ve got issues too.
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OCD
|
So context about me. I'm a 16-year-old male with autism, ADHD, and social anxiety. I became self-aware at about 15ish and once I became self-aware, that's when my anxiety came in. Well, my question relates to a youth camp I haven't been to since I was (get this) 15ish, so pre-quarantine. Basically, I acted like a total social buffoon the past years that I have been to that camp. I either acted really self-contained and quiet, or I was in my "I'm gonna meet new people!" phase and talked to EVERYBODY and since my parents never taught me how to talk to new people I just flirted on instinct.
Long story short, this year I'm going with the approach of being completely quiet and letting an extrovert adopt me. One thing I plan to do is always be drawing in my notebook and wait for somebody to walk by and try to talk to me. Is this a good idea? Or am I being really dumb again? I just want to know so I don't cringe later on about this year like I do the other years
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aspergers
|
Hi Everyone, I got engaged in July to my soulmate (yay!!) and now we need to plan a wedding. I have ADHD that is not well-managed by medication and my symptoms are worse than ever due to some irrelevant-to-this-post life and work stuff. Out of control ADHD + the prospect of planning a wedding + anxiety = not an ideal combination. I just can’t seem to take the first step. Unfortunately, eloping isn’t an option and we can’t afford a wedding planner.
My partner is wonderfully supportive, patient, and low maintenance. We are both overwhelmed – wedding planning is overwhelming for ANYONE, not just those with ADHD – and frozen in fear. I’m significantly more particular than he is and have more of a vision, and he is on board with whatever makes me happy. I’m so grateful to have such a supportive partner but this makes me feel even more pressure to take the first step. Something I’m not good at in any part of my life.
Of course I’ve talked with my partner about how I’m feeling, and he asks what he can do to help and how to best support me during this process. However, I have no clue what to say to that. I don’t want the pressure of deadlines to fall on my fiancé or for him to feel responsible to keep me on track. He‘s overwhelmed enough by shouldering 50% of the process, without having to “babysit” me.
I just don’t want this process to be miserable for either my partner or myself. I don’t want to have to deal with the stress of procrastinating and then mentally torturing myself for “failing” by procrastinating yet again. I LOVE the idea of planning events and I want this to be fun for my partner and I. I don’t want this to be a constant battle that I use as ammo against myself and my value as a person.
I’m looking for advice from this community for things that worked for you all at any point in the wedding planning process and for the wedding itself. Or how to ask your partner to help support you without putting too much pressure on them. I’ll take whatever I can get and any advice is appreciated. Thanks in advance!!!
ALSO: If you want more context on how I operate and where I see future issues arising, I will give more info in a comment. I know long posts can be overwhelming so I don’t want to lose people by making this too long.
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ADHD
|
Right now he is yelling and screaming explicatives, he is talking about suicide, he is slamming things and jumping to the point that my floor shakes. This has been going on for a good month. The police have been to his apartment about seven times at the least. I grew up around domestic violence. My father has Bipolar Disorder and had a stressful job. He would take out his anger on my mother and I. He would even use his Judo training to pin me to the floor and use pressure points.
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ptsd
|
(I'm going to put a trigger warning here just in case.)
I will not go into detail, as it's not the main focus, but I was physically and emotionally abused by my father. During that time, I had to learn that I could never make him mad and so I grew up either trying to avoid him or doing what made him happy. I couldn't be emotional either, especially when he was being abusive, because that would make him feel bad and would make the situation worse. I didn't really feel like I could be myself till he was kicked out of the house for a violent episode.
I have a problem with wanting to please everyone and being "The best friend" and "chameleon". That I try really hard have people to like me and get upset when I'm rejected, mainly due to how I feel like I'm not good enough and I need to be punished or else I get paranoid. Sometimes because I choose try and gain the respect of people who don't care because it's convenient or they make me feel good about myself. I didn't realize this until I started to go to therapy months ago and let go of some toxic people because I soon got to the point where my inability to make them happy lead me into days long suicidal depression.
My life has slowly getting better as I've move on from the stress of pleasing people. I no longer have weekly panic attacks due to drama or guilt because "I'm being a terrible friend for crying in front of everyone and that makes them uncomfortable". I still get them with my dad. For the most part, I don't think of him often, and what I do I try to recognize it, and then let it go.
I think my silver lining is that, after realizing that I still have things to do on this Earth, I'm going back to college to get my Masters along with eating an exercising properly. I'm happy to report that I just got accepted into University and I've lost 72 pounds since October.
I was hoping to get some perspective as to how it build up your self-esteem after abuse. Also, I would like to not be so much of a people pleaser, as I don't want to feel obligated to put others before myself because of my insecurities. So advice on that would be helpful.
Edit: Wow, my first Silver! Thank you Kind Stranger! I just wanted to let you know, especially if you have PTSD, that you are not broken or unloved. You are not defined by the truama. You are strong and loved by your friends and family.
I wish you the best of luck with your health.
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ptsd
|
This is something that plagued me when I was younger. There was one specific girl that I was madly in love with and she clearly liked me back (not sure if loved back though). I was given a window of about two years to act on it, but then my dad wanted to move away despite me objecting to it.
I used to talk to this girl just like she was any other person - just trying to act causal despite the profound feelings I was getting. Once my dad said we "had" to move, I pretty much went mute with her. I started avoiding her and wouldn't talk. I never had the balls to just ask her out. She was somewhere between a friend and acquaintance. BTW, this was before social media.
I thought I had gotten over this years ago (it's been at least 15 years!!!), but I had a dream about her again. I don't think about her much anymore, but that triggered it. I know it seems creepy that I still think about her. It gives me the most rotten feeling in the world. There was a specialness to her - felt like a new home feeling. It felt more at home than at home :)
​
Since the move, I never found anyone that made me feel the same way AND on a logic based level, she was the best as well. Even thinking back as an adult, I can tell that I really F-ed up.
I don't think she was on the spectrum, but very close to it. Her dad was an engineer/architect and she seemed very logical and intelligent, BUT she was still very feminine. It's rare to see a women who thinks on the same wavelength as me and at the same time, doesn't seem like a guy.
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aspergers
|
I'm not sure if this is the right sub for this, if it's not please feel free to delete.
So for a while, Japan was one of my special interests. I tried immersing myself in the culture and learning the language. I went as far as considering living there.
The interest eventually died down though, and I never really gave it much thought until today.
Earlier today, I realized that now that I have job (thanks to an uncle), it's now possible for me to visit Japan. Maybe not to live there, but to visit and get an idea of what it's like. I've also been feeling like I'm not doing much with my life, so I'm considering studying there too. It's fun sometimes, but I don't think I want to repair pallets for the rest of my life.
The problem is, and I think this also might've been part of the reason I lost interest, that I'm VERY bad socially.
I'm horrible with people and can't hold conversations. It literally took my uncles kidnapping me and taking me to the factory they work at for me to get the job. I cannot survive on my own. I've also NEVER left my hometown, and the thought of leaving and going somewhere I don't know is horrifying to me. We went to a beach at another state today and I was completely lost and confused.
Then there's me not knowing what to study. I want to do more with my life, but I'm lost and don't know what to do. I'm not going to college now for that reason. I also don't know where to start.
Has anyone gone through this, fellow aspie Japanophiles maybe? Any advice?
Sorry for the long post.
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aspergers
|
Hey all! I’m having to switch from Adderall XR to Concerta bc I’m moving to a country where Adderall isn’t available. My psychiatrist prescribed me 18mg Concerta and told me that was roughly equivalent to 20mg Adderall but I tried it today and it’s had almost no effect. In your experience, would 27mg or 36mg Concerta be more equivalent?
Thanks!
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ADHD
|
Some people in my life know about it. However, the majority of them don't, including a few people I'm pretty close to.
Lately I've had the urge to be open about it, but I feel like it'll lead to prying and scrutiny about my trauma. I don't know how much I want to reveal. I also wonder if I actually want to be open or if I just want people to know what my symptoms are and be more considerate.
I keep changing my mind. One moment it seems like the right thing to do and the next it seems like a terrible idea, especially because I'm very suspicious of other people and their motives. I feel like I'd be giving them ammo to potentially hurt me at one point.
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ptsd
|
Hey, I have have “O” heavy OCD with only cognitive compulsions. My theme switches in between graphic violence involving knives, sexuality, everyone around me secretly hating me and lying to me, menstruation, and my neighbor seeing me. I can rationalize all of the intrusive thoughts except the last one—it makes sense to be afraid of violence/not knowing myself etc. but right now I’m so terrified of my neighbor just seeing me. The thought is debilitating and I feel like I’m on the verge of a panic attack and I don’t know why I’m scared of him. This has been going on for years on and off. I will be moving out in less than 2 months and I can’t wait, but I know the fear will just find another theme to torment me with.
The only thing keeping me going is that I know my theme will switch some time relatively soon. I just hate this so so much and I hate that there isn’t a medication that can calm this (is there?). I’m tired of constantly doing exhausting work in therapy just to keep my head above water. Has any medication worked for u? Not asking for recommendations, just wondering what has worked for others. I don’t need any therapy suggestions atm. Sending serenity and freedom vibes to everyone reading this. I hate OCD
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OCD
|
It's taken me almost 2 months, since I moved in. Most of that time there wasn't room to walk and had all my belongings sitting in random piles and boxes covering my floor and almost every service. It got really overwhelming and I just made it through a pretty rough patch and started finally going through everything, weeding things out to donate, throwing stuff away, and finding homes for all my random things. It feels so good to get into a groove with an overwhelming task that I've been putting off for a long time.
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ADHD
|
And also unmedicated i feel immature and like i cant function no matter what i do. I can never get my "stuff" together at all. I think im doing something right and im not. I try to do things i have to do and i cant bring myself to it. Honestly i feel like im in the ocean with no floaties and no knowledge on how to swim. It feels like everyone can swim just fine while i cant yet we are in the same ocean. In a figurative way.
|
ADHD
|
hi, so i’m fairly new to reddit and the adhd world but i have suspected i have it for over a year now. i finally spoke to my gp about it a few months ago and after a few failed attempts, i finally got put through to my mental health team, filled out the forms and i now have an adhd assesment (via zoom) at the end of this month. i’m 23 and live in the uk (wales) and i’m just so anxious about the process. does anyone know what happens after this assesment? will they tell me straight away that i do/don’t have adhd or will i have to wait a while for a letter confirmation or something? i’m so scared they’re going to just disregard me and say i don’t have it or be waiting months for another call/assesment. i’ve just quit another job because i physically couldn’t cope with the amount of work and pressure which i definitely think was due to having adhd. so any advice on if you’ve been diagnosed through the nhs would be much appreciated!
|
ADHD
|
I always hear people hating on Christmas music after thanksgiving but personally I love it. Presley, Sinatra and Buble make me happy..
|
aspergers
|
I'm jewish. Ethnically and religiously. People say we are privileged but it's beyond the opposite. I'm a woman of color. I'm gay.
The easiest thing to unpack is me being gay. I feel like no one will accept me or I'll die alone, and I'm undeserving of love or maybe that being the way I am isn't natural and its actually mental illness. I feel like a creep when I find girls attractive.
The biggest thing is being jewish. Everyday I carry the burden of these 2 things and a million other things I can't even start to get into. Growing up I've experienced antisemitic abuse and so has my family. I've also grown up in a country where because of my color I can't get jobs and my countries poor and failing. People in my country don't like jews. People in America don't like jews. No country likes jews and I plan on moving in like a year.
I haven't had many friends growing up (I'm 15) and with the ones I did, even if they weren't hateful they still deep down played into stereotypes OR were hateful. I'm sick of the abuse from classmates. I hate living in constant fear and feeling like I'm disgusting for breathing, I can't control how I was born. I've had online friends the past few years (covid hit and I was super anxious to go out before), and I've lost a lot of friends just because of who I am. I'm sick of the abuse. I'm actually nearly in tears writing this. I wish people would accept me. And I'm sorry if you read this and think "oh haha look at this jew trying to play victim" because that's what a lot of people think about us. I'm sorry. I am.
Thank you for reading and have a good day ❤
|
depression
|
Before I was Dx my neurologist suggested I had an unknown issue as he was treating me for three separate neurological problems. I since learned neurological issues are seen at much higher rates in "Asperger's" patients. Rarely are the issues painful or degenerative but can still be very impactful. Fasciculations and cramping, motor issues, easily damaged nerves or susceptible to neuralgias are examples. I believe even walking differently than most is a neurological issue. I bounce when I walk and walked on tips of toes when I was a little one. I'm just curious if many of you deal with these issues and if you were told it is linked to ND?
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aspergers
|
In February my friend of 10+ years stopped talking to me and on the one hand I'm fine with it because she was an annoying Yas queen but on the other hand I don't really have anyone to do anything with. My mom and my sister are my only companions so I guess I'm a-grade weird. My ex friend was busy a lot so I didn't really have anyone to do anything with even when she was around. But I went from 2 friends to 1 friend and the one left is married and told me she had a week of fancy dinners planned so she only had one free day that week Soo...
The problem is I've never had a ton of friends. Idk why. I moved a few times in school. I feel like strong bonds are created in middle school and I missed out. I lost my friend group from high school because of a rumor and had to start over senior year. I was in a wedding with the girl who started the rumor last year and the bride told me to get over the rumor. But part of the reason I find that so hard is because that shit happens everywhere. In college, my jobs teased me to my face or bitched behind my back to management. I had a group project that went to the teacher and complained about me. A friend lifted my resume off indeed and got a job when I couldn't. Everyone just gets weird when they decide they don't like me. People don't tell me, they just act weird. It hurts. Everything hurts so bad.
I'm trying to make friends on bumble bff and it fucking sucks. I quit sometimes because it's just so much rejection. I try to be nice and interesting and interested but it doesn't seem to matter. I have a few online friends and they're both acting so weird right now. I don't know what I did. If they don't want to talk, I wish they would ghost instead of slow fading me. Slowfade sucks. The whole time I'm just overthinking what I said. I hate myself.
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depression
|
Being diagnosed at my 23 with OCD, having undergone and completed a long cycle of psychotherapist sessions -three years non stop-, having moved some steps forward with my life outside obsessions and what ifs, it suddenly sucks to be here, at my 30, in this spot all over again.
I still am not sure where all this reboot is coming from. Isolation, a contaminating, potentially deadly virus, horrible socioeconomic atmosphere in my country of residence (Greece) definitely add up to a general anxiety.
However it still feels like this downward spiral was something to be controlled and potentially prevented. After all isn't that what therapy is about? Two years ago I moved in with my boyfriend to give our relationship a proper chance, without all the second guessing and the questioning. Two years later anxiety and insomnia have peaked, boyfriend has broken up with me because my symptoms made his depression only worse. Two years ago I was submitting applications for jobs abroad. Two years later I am back at my parents house, with literally no idea about the future. Two years ago I still had the option of communication with my therapist, who has been very insightful about my condition in the past. Now unfortunately sessions do not move on, it feels like she is constantly repeating things from that past cycle, in a very stylised manner.
Somewhat deep inside me I still know that the only way out is through this. But it just feels very lonely from now and then.
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OCD
|
Hi all,
I am wondering if anyone else constantly wonders if they are being authentic when talking to others? Or even over think how they should talk, why they talk the way they do, wonder why you just said what you said? It’s hard to explain but it’s almost like I have two sides, one that is engaged in the convo and another that is wondering about the conversation?
Hope all is well! Would love to hear if anyone else has this.
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OCD
|
I dont know if this falls under depression or under something else. Is there anyone else that constantly self-sabotage's things in their life, making sure they can't enjoy them? For example, you have a lot of time off from work for the holidays (time off work gives everyone) and about a day or so before the start of it, you will find something to make you worry about work, give yourself anxiety, and live like that throughout the time off. At the end of the time off, you then tell yourself that "Man, you really wasted all that time off with anxiety worry. That was pretty stupid of you".
Rinse and repeat for many other things / situations that come up where you should enjoy yourself, but that something inside just will not allow that to happen. And that something does a damn good job of making sure it doesnt happen, to the point you just stop trying and ride it out......
Sound familiar to anyone else?
EDIT - Before and after the time you were supposed to enjoy, you go back to being a pretty normal self day to day.
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depression
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It doesn’t matter what day it is
I wish I could just sleep forever
When can I fall off this earth?
It’s tempting to pull the plug
I don’t want to be here anymore
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depression
|
Hi! We recently started a project called “Humans of OCD”- similar to that of Humans of New York, except we feature the stories of people with OCD. You can follow us on Instagram @humansofocd. If you’d be interested in sharing your story (can be anonymous if you want), check out our Instagram, or use this link: https://forms.gle/7CdczF1nuTjdV33r7
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OCD
|
To say my boyfriend is suffering is an understatement I.e. cracked bloody hands, deteriorating self care, inability/ lack of motivation to get help. He acknowledges he has a problem and it is my hope that if I were to leave educational material around the house, he would read and benefit greatly from it.
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OCD
|
I can tell what thoughts are mine. I can tell my thought process is changed, but trying to return to my normality. My normal thought process is probably not what most people would consider proper or healthy, but I enjoy it and don't want to change it. I think I should go to therapy, but I don't want a therapist telling me I shouldn't think about torturing women or whatnot when that is what I want to think about. I know I'm really selfish, but I don't want a therapist to say I should think certain things to achieve a more healthy mindset. I know I'm sick (outside of OCD), but harmless. Some things I'm not willing to compromise as I don't want to sacrifice something I've enjoyed for so long. I don't want to compromise for OCD anymore. But I also don't want to get any worse. I hate OCD. It's like I can't even be myself in my own mind and that is pathetic.
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OCD
|
I have decided to tell someone about my ADHD symptoms, but I am not sure who to tell, I do not have a psychologist until Tuesday and I do not have much patience to wait, then my therapist does not know when I will have an appointment with her (I think I was on vacation for the whole of October but I don't know when he comes back) and with my parents I'm afraid to tell them, I feel like they would say something stupid to me or say "I support you" but then not do anything to support me, I want to tell someone soon because at having been born as a female, I saw that there are many women who do not have a diagnosis even if it is evident that they have ADHD, and that also scares me, the fact of knowing that I have something but may never be able to confirm my suspicions makes me lose motivation in my plan
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ADHD
|
I have a friend I was close while I was experiencing my trauma. I coped by drinking A LOT. Everytime we talk at some point she will mention how crazy I was back then. It used to be something we laughed about but now after treatment and therapy and knowing how much pain I was in at the time it makes me so angry. I keep her at a distance and learned I can’t have her visit, we only talk in the phone every few months. I just ended a convo with her that went really well until at the end she said “and you so crazy and that’s what I needed crazy.” And it makes me want to cry. I wasn’t crazy I was hurting. It’s not funny it’s tragic. I don’t want to be seen as crazy anymore
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ptsd
|
Im done with feeling like shit every single day and wanting my life back. I tried to talk to ngos that provied free therapy sessions but of course i have to wait for months and i cant afford therapy.
I know i cant totally heal on my own but i have enough information about ocd ( not doing compulsions or reassurance seeking ) and i know about exposure but idk how to do it if that makes sense? My main ocd theme right now is harm ocd and a big fear that im a psychopath..
My compulsions are usually checking if someone else is like that here on reddit.. getting reassurance from my sister or just googling in general.
Also ruminating in my head is a big compulsion.
If anyone here knows how to do exposures for this kind of ocd that would be awesome. I really want my life back and im done with this shit
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OCD
|
It feels blocked. Like something needs to come out, but it won’t. Does this happen to anyone else, or do you have advice as to how to just feel it and face it, let it surface?
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ptsd
|
I always see advice along the lines of ''whatever OCD says just agree'' now my obsessive thoughts are usually relationship oriented, so for example thought says BF now hates me and is probably looking to meet someone else, and I ''accept'' the thought, I start to believe it and still feel really bad, how can you accept the thought without believing the content?
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OCD
|
Door locked- keys on the handle so another key can’t open.
Door chain- in place.
In bed-I hear a noise.
So I get up and put a chair against the door.
I go back to bed.
Oh shit.
I get back up to put a bag on the chair so spirits won’t sit there.
Yeah…
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ptsd
|
The man I loved said this to my son. What the hell is wrong with me that I didn’t see this coming?
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depression
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It drives me crazy. Especially at night, I wake up every few minutes.
I try Milk thistle, Ashwagandha, Turmeric and teas (valerian root, passion flower, ginseng etc.) + exercise & cold showers everyday. Hope this will help.
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OCD
|
I'm currently studying abroad in UK and, in theory, I've made a group of friends here, but I'm THAT friend, you know the one. The one that stays behind alone when the sidewalk is too small, or stays on the sofa unable to join, focus on or start a conversation fluently for the most part. I used to be like that in Spain, but with my friend group there I actually became pretty good at holding conversations. But in here I'm back to feeling like a third wheel or something in a group of over 10 people.
Today we were celebrating a birthday and playing this drinking game, and I lost the last round because one of them had a headache and wanted to go home with her boyfriend but didn't want to be the one to stop the game. I'm not blaming her or anything, mind you, because I actually also felt like finishing the night already. The thing is, the reactions to me losing from the rest of the group were..lukewarm at best compared to when everyone else lost, with "WOOOOOO"s and the like.
Everyone else besides the three people that used the chance to leave kept playing, and I decided to go on a walk in the middle of the night.
I now feel alone and extremely out of place within my own group. I don't have the chemistry everyone else seems to have with all or at least a couple of the others, and I don't think they have even realized I've been gone from the flat for an hour now. I don't even know if this is related to my ADHD, if it's more an anxiety thing or what, but I'm kind of tired of feeling like this, like I don't even belong in this group. It used to happen with my group of friends in Spain, but way less and I got over it way faster because my friends there know what this shit is like and are way closer with each other I guess.
I don't even know why I'm writing all this here. I guess I'm tired and, like the tag says, I'm just looking for some empathy.
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ADHD
|
I haven't seen a DR. in almost a decade or more. My job is having open enrollment for insurance plans. One of them doesn't take as much off my check, but it requires a referral to visit a specialist. The other one is more expensive, but I can see a specialist within the network without a referral.
I'm not totally self diagnosing, but the reasons I feel I might have some type of disorder is:
I can never really sit still, I have a habit of fidgeting around whether its twirling a pencil, moving paper around, or even my body by shaking my leg up and down as I'm sitting or even bring my knees back together, almost like I'm doing now as I type this.
I tend to not listen as effectively, unless I'm absolutely interested. I know this isn't really a big flag, but it happens with almost every interaction. I get told something and its like I just lose focus and pick up small pieces.
My memory isn't the best. I tend to forget where things can be, or what I did a day or two before.
When I am focused on a task, like an assignment, I do manage to sit still, but its almost like a tune out everything around me, so I get startled easily when someone sneaks up.
With that being said, I also seem to react to loud noises by flinching and even if I know its coming, I feel like a flinch more than normal.
There are times during the day, where I would have a large amount of energy, almost like I drank a lot of coffee (which I do) but then it would just dwindle to the point where it feels like I'm not motivated.
Speaking of motivation, I seem to always want to do something, but then when I fail, I stop and feel bad. I try again, but it could take a few days.
Anyways, the point of this post is for me to ask, is it difficult for a DR. to be certain that i should see a specialist? Is the process as simple as asking him I feel this way, or will require testing on his part and prolong the specialist visit. Thank you for reading.
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ADHD
|
I was asked to describe my parents by someone and I honestly really struggled to do that. I was wondering if this is an autistic thing, or if this is just a personal quality I have? Thanks!
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aspergers
|
Note: One of my points in this article may be triggering for those with harm OCD, I wasn't sure how to put the trigger warning in the title. But without further ado:
It seems to me that the problem in OCD is not reassurance, but repeated compulsive reassurance. One way I've really decreased my OCD symptoms is by telling my fears to someone who doesn't have OCD, usually my parents. I have a rule for myself: if someone without OCD tells me not to worry, then I need to stop compulsively doing things to dispel the worry. I usually am able to say to myself, "I have already asked for reassurance and the issue is therefore solved." Sometimes when my OCD is really bad my brain will try to convince me with things like "What if you didn't explain the situation accurately enough?" "What if the person you asked reassurance from is untrustworthy?" etc. So it's not totally foolproof. But when I'm able to put my trust in someone else and do their advice while ignoring my fears, then it usually really helps. In fact, this is one of the recommended ways to treat scrupulosity: putting total trust in a spiritual director and doing what he/she says.
This also brings me to another question about OCD. I always hear that we need to accept uncertainty, which is true to a degree. But the question seems to be not one of accepting uncertainty per se but accepting unreasonable uncertainty. For example (THE FOLLOWING EXAMPLE MAY BE TRIGGERING), lets say I'm hunting and I see something move. I'm legitimately uncertain as to whether it's a human or an animal, but I pull the trigger anyway, telling myself that "I just need to live with the uncertainty," this seems wrong. You need to have some degree of certainty that you're not shooting a person. It seems the same with OCD; you need to have some degree of certainty that your fears are irrational. One way to come to this understanding of the irrationality of your fears is to ask someone else about them and trust them completely. I could be wrong about all this, but it's been troubling me, because it seems like you need to use reason at some point. If you just keep agreeing with the thoughts or saying "maybe, maybe not" without coming to an understanding that they're irrational, you'll always be terrified.
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OCD
|
So whenever I have intrusive thoughts or just any anxious thought in general I have to make a sound to feel better, sometimes it’s just loudly saying stop, or just making a vocal sound. However when I’m around people i am able to stop it and instead I will just clear my throat instead or roll my eyes. Can anyone relate to this at all??? Is this ocd?
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OCD
|
I remember I finally mustered the courage to let my boss know that I have PTSD and sometimes things become too much for me and I'm at a point in my recovery that I need to be cautious for myself and not overdue myself. His response was "so? Everyone has PTSD." And I tbh I haven't been able to be as open about it as I used to be since.
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ptsd
|
I have this thought that i could have done this absolutely terrible act in the past. All of my friends that have known me for a long time, say that im a good person, and that i would never do such a thing. Why do i disagree with them. I picture myself in this particular situation, and see myself doing the act. Could this just be my ocd that has distorted my self-image?
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OCD
|
i had weekly counselling back when i was 10-11 but dropped it because it made me uncomfortable and also because i was still protecting my abusers in the assessment because of the mindset i had back then
i feel like if i continued it or if i tried again back then maybe id feel better and have healthier coping mechanisms now
im 16 and my current school still isnt informed with my involvements with social services and counselling
they have an onsite counsellor that a few of my friends see frequently and I feel so envious of them
i dont feel valid because I don't get professional help
i dont feel valid because i put up a facade that people dont see past
i dont feel like any of the problems i go through everyday are true or severe because theres nobody there to tell me that
id really like counselling again to talk to someone but it might be a hassle
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ptsd
|
especially with the ruminations and anxiety.
please tell me there are people who feel the same way.
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OCD
|
Who even started that trend? People are using OCD to call it Obsessive Christmas Disorder. Not only is it very harmful for us who suffer from it but also makes it look like OCD is a joke (and we know it’s extremely far from being one). I hate this seriously. When will people realise we suffer from something serious, debilitating and painful?
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OCD
|
I only just found this sub, I don't know if OCD counts as a depressive disorder so if this isn't the right sub I'm really sorry, I didn't know.
Ive had it drilled into me from day one that swearing was a Sin; so it became so ingrained in me that Swearing is Bad, Thou Shalt Not Say The Lord's Name In Vain, Thou Shalt Not Associate with people who swore or mentioned sex or who didn't put their knife and fork together in the proper manner, the very thought of my swearing, or the like, made me self-harm. Like it was such a betrayal to do so that I needed to punish myself.
OCD developed. I started obsessively repeating phrases I formulated over and over and over and over in my *head*, just to avoid even *thinking* a "bad word". I still do, and it goes on all the time, day and night, thinking phrases on autopilot, with no way to turn my brain off or slow it down to sleep or talk with friends who swear to stop me from cringing when they're talking. Stops me sleeping, instead I tell people I'm an insomniac, and THEN I read about a guy in a book who takes other people's pain away, but experiences it himself. From then on my obsessive brain extended the same thing to whenever ANYONE ELSE swore, or when or whenever anything that was remotely "bad" was mentioned, discussed, or even thought about. I would be filled with self-hatred.
And it still goes on. All. The. Time. I'm trying to hide it from my friends and be a normal guy for them, but it's led to my being filed in peoples' minds as a "wierdo" when I've acted strange or become upset at what they consider a normal sentence- what I KNOW is a normal sentence but my brain doesn't. I'm scared to tell my friends because I don't want the same thing.
Phrase repetition is my only defence from the desire to self-harm, as it means I'm constantly thinking about something else, but what I want is to be able to think about NOTHING. Can I distract myself from phrase repetition while avoiding self-harm?
Any more information you want, bear in mind there's stuff I don't want to share.
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depression
|
I've recently read the book "NeuroTribes." Now I have a positive view of Dr. Asperger. He cared deeply for children with the condition and tried to protect them when monsters took over his country. I don't mind the term named for him anymore. In my head, though, I think of myself as not "outgoing" but "ingoing."
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aspergers
|
[[BACKGROUND STORY]] ~ I was diagnosed with OCD exactly 2 years ago. I've been on fluoxetine pills as well as CBT, although the CBT wasn't helping (tried two different counsellors), so I have been primarily dependent on meds.
I took the pills regularly throughout 2019 (10mg, 20mg, 30mg, 40mg) and was doing great...then just started forgetting to take them until I totally stopped them (around Dec 2019/Jan 2020). However, I wasn't in a very good place mentally back then (perhaps quarantine made it worse), so I did feel the symptoms shooting back up. By July 2020, I was really alarmed, so I revisited the doc and restarted fluoxetine (60mg). Now I've been taking them regularly since then and am feeling great.
[[PRESENT]] ~ Since I am mentally at a far better place now, I have (after thorough thinking) decided to get off the meds. But my psychiatrist is clearly an ass and just wants me to keep taking pills and visiting him. He just didn't take me seriously when I said I wanted to stop the pills. He literally said, "yeah well we'll get there...". He also never made any changes to my dose whenever I said I was feeling better (during the visits in 2019 and 2020).
So I read stuff on the government's website and sites like healthline, lybrate and others and it appears that it is quite feasible to start tapering my dose from 40/60mg. However, I am short of time since I'll be moving to a different place in a month and getting on meds over there isn't a great idea...regulations over there make it really cumbersome.
So if anyone has successfully given up meds, can you please share your experience? How long did it take, in what pattern did you reduce your dose, etc.? Thanks!
P.S. I am physically very active and have started maintaining a strict sleep schedule.
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OCD
|
Today was supposed to be good, there was a lot of nice people around me, I was told that I am cheerful, really nice to be around and make people dealing with me comfortable and happy. I was told I am good at what I do.
I desperately want to believe it, I want to convince the voice in my head that I am worth it, it's just not working, it feels hard to breathe, hard to smile, to eat, to talk.
I felt so pathetic hiding in the office bathroom waiting for the anxiety attack to pass, clawing at my hands to distract me from the constant noise in my head, my inner voice telling me to just end it all.
I don't know what to do, I have been breaking down for days, crying at the slightest trigger. I want to know what is like to be happy, no voices, no anxiety.
I am sorry there's no structure, I had to say something outside my head
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depression
|
What's your strategy to get your ass up and start doing things? I often fail to start even the most basic tasks (showering, cooking, ...) until there is literally fire on the roof - even with tasks I enjoy to do (writing, photography, ...). I mostly excel in the things I do - I'm good at them - but I lose focus pretty fast and then I have to start over again. It's a vicious circle.
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ADHD
|
It's really stressing me out, my current diagnosis is severe PTSD, Depression and my new Psyc says Bipolar as well. In 3 months I go before a judge and only have enough money to survive until then. The thought of getting denied feels like life or death. I know I can't hold a job because I tried 3 different jobs that lasted 2-3 months each and all ended because of attendance and altercations with superiors and co-workers. Before the illness I had a good job for 5 years, the last year was spent using FMLA, which allowed me to come and go as needed but eventually I was fired. I haven't worked at all in a year and a half. The thing that's worrying me the most is that a physical illness can be seen and mental is basically invisible. Has anyone been through this and won? What questions will they ask? I feel like I'm doomed and this is going to end bad.
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ptsd
|
I’m just feeling really down on myself today. I just moved to a new city and I just feel like I’m terrible at making conversation, and I have nothing significant or interesting to say bc my mind is always either blank or thinking about something completely irrelevant. I have the day off for thanksgiving and I stayed in bed until 1 (a habit I had before moving here and was proud of myself for breaking). I just feel depressed and ashamed of myself for not getting out and doing something for the holiday. I moved here for more recreation and social opportunities but I haven’t done much at all in the month that I’ve been here. I just feel like such a boring and non-relatable person, and I feel like ADHD has deprived me of cultivating much of a personality, if that makes sense.
Thanks for reading my rant.
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ADHD
|
Hi,
One of the biggest problems I’ve had with ADHD is speaking before thinking. Often at times I say a lot of things that are hurtful or rude and I don’t even mean to be. I don’t even have the thoughts that come with it. I’ll say things that I don’t even think are true. This has caused a lot of issues with my girlfriend of 2years. She’s put up with me blurting out terrible things since we’ve started dating, and it’s causing a rift in our relationship. Even though she was the person who first realized I had ADHD, and helped me get medicated (atomoxetine), She’s almost broken up with me multiple times because I haven’t been able to change it and she feels that it’s actually who I am. I don’t want to lose her and think that I’m an asshole because I’m not but for some reason the stuff I say just doesn’t come out right and no matter how hard I try I can’t fix it. How do I stop this? Has anyone had this same problem?
Thank you.
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ADHD
|
I feel like shit. Is this normal? I smell gunsmoke. I feel dazed, angry, and nervous and I *really* don't want to sleep right now because I don't know what will happen when I do. (nightmares)
I checked my CPT Coach and it said we're going to talk about "stuck points" in our next session, which makes me think that I overdid it with five pages, but once I finally made myself do it, I couldn't stop writing.
Anyways, like I said, I feel like shit. I hate the world and I hate life. Oh, and I'm not suicidal. Put the phone down.
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ptsd
|
im currently in one of my last years of school, so there are lots of posters up about r*pe crisis centers, s*xual ab*se, how to notice the signs, etc. there are even lectures about it and theres a required health class where they talk about it, as well as other types of abuse.
i dont know what to do anymore. i need to rant about this, so this will be long.
when i was 13, a boy that i had known for most of my life messaged me and we started to get along. i noticed that he had a girlfriend but he was still very flirty with me and would ask for pictures or try to kiss me or hug me. i didnt think it was weird, i was happy somebody finally wanted me around. well, sometime around then, i was admitted to a mental hospital for hallucinations, self h*rm, s*icide attempt, etc. he was extremely upset and kept messaging me and my parents the entire time. when i got out, he kept asking to see my scars, asking to send him nude pictures of myself, telling me he wants to do things to me that i wasnt okay with, stuff like that. i went along with it because he told me he had broken up with his girlfriend, but apparently he didnt and it caused a -lot- of problems. anyways, eventually he DOES break up with her, and he gets into a relationship with me. it was fine at first until he started to get.. weird. hed only talk to me for nudes, and if i didnt send him any, hed threaten to hurt himself, blackmail me (he would save pictures), ghost me, etc. when i went out in public with him he would grab me hard and pull me close to him as soon as i talked to my friends, who he eventually made me stop talking to. anyways, a few months go by and he tells me he wants to do things to me while im asleep, or he wants to force me to do things and see me cry. i told him i didnt like it but he kept doing it so eventually i went along with it out of fear. well, who would have guessed it? i was at his house one night and had fallen asleep, and when i woke up, he was on top of me and groping me. i tried to push him off and i screamed and told him to stop, i hit him and i scratched him, but he didnt move. that was the first time, and when i told him later that i wasnt okay with it, he told me hes going to kill himself because hes a terrible boyfriend and that he thought i wanted it. he told me then that it was my fault anyway for falling asleep.
it became a weekly thing. i would get incredibly tired and would wake up to him touching me in some way. he would even do this in public and if i told him to stop, hed threaten me. i was scared to tell anyone because he still had pictures of me that i had sent, and even ones that he had taken while i was asleep. one day i was at his house and he did something particularly terrible to me which left me trembling with bruises everywhere. after that, i didnt get my period and when i told him, he yelled at me that it was my fault and i shouldnt have been such a slut if i didnt want a kid. he told me that he cant have a kid at 13 and got really mad, not once thinking about how i was feeling. things progressed and he started pulling out knives and threatening to stab me there. he c*t himself in front of me and asked me if this was what i wanted. he stabbed the walls and the floor in his room and told me that im lucky hes not doing that to me. after that, he started to ghost me. i wont get into much more detail of the things that he did to me, but its important to note that i eventually became notorious in my school for being a "whore" because of pictures, videos, and things he told people, and kids would come up to me with collars and leashes telling me to get on my knees. they would ask me if i want c*m in my mouth, if i spit or swallow, if i like being choked, etc. i dont trust myself or my memory anymore. i lost my memory for about a year because i pushed everything down and because he would constantly tell me he didnt do something and im lying or it was a dream, etc. im still incredibly, incredibly messed up from this, but i do know basics of what happened to me, even if i dont remember all of it.
long story short, 2 years later i was diagnosed with ptsd. i had to move cities to get away from him because even being in the same building as him would cause me to breakdown. well, i finally moved into a really nice city with a really lovely school. nobody knows anything about me except for my very close friends. but sometimes even they forget. they dont joke about r*pe, but sometimes it comes up in conversation and i end up freaking out. theres posters in the hallways about it and i freak out, so i have to travel in large groups with my head down just to not see it. today in my german class, my teacher said something about r*pists, and i started to freak out. some of the people around me laughed and one of them took a video. i dont know what to do. i dont want everyone to know my life story and i dont want people to think im a snowflake, but i cant do this anymore. its tiring and i cannot handle the stress of it everyday. luckily my friends know how to comfort me well but it doesnt make the pain any worse. i dont know. this was a long, long post, but i needed to get this off my chest.
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ptsd
|
Has anyone been in a situation where TSA did a pat down / search and the agent touches a triggering area? What happened? What should one do in that situation?
Context:
I saw a post about a woman who had her breasts squeezed hard by TSA agents during a search. That would fucking send me into the largest flashback. IDK if I would fightback or just collapse crying.
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ptsd
|
It is so demoralising to constantly see success stories of people getting diagnosed and prescribed medication and the medication instantly works for them.
I know I shouldn’t compare myself but I’ve been diagnosed since I was 21 and I STILL haven’t found the right medication/dosage at age 23. Not to mention I have PTSD so when I take stimulants it amplifies my symptoms. I am just so frustrated and disillusioned.
I don’t know what standard of expectation to set for myself since I’m unmedicated. To what extent am I being lazy/undisciplined and to what extent is it my ADHD??
I tried Ritalin and it just made me even more hyper and unsettled. I don’t know if this is common for inattentive people?? I’ve tried a host of other medications as well, each one with their own unique problem. At this point,
I know the issue is with me but literally don’t know how to solve it and neither does my psychiatrist. He literally asked me what I should do as if he is not the one with the expertise!!
But yeah I am very frustrated. And yes, I am sure I have ADHD.
|
ADHD
|
Hi people,
I just watched this How to ADHD video where she showed an electric tea kettle that looks perfect for me. Does anyone know what kettle this is? [https://youtu.be/posZhu\_YIl0?t=124](https://youtu.be/posZhu_YIl0?t=124)
The kettle has a digital display where you can set temperature and is glass so you can see that you've filled it up, but they key part that I love is that when it starts heating your water it has red LEDs and then when it's done heating your water it turns green! This would be great for me because LEDs that just turn off when it's done don't remind me at a glance that I was making tea. Anyone recognize this kettle or know one that does the same thing with the LEDs?
|
ADHD
|
Anybody else feel this way? I had a habit of listening to music and getting excited and jumping around, wasn’t a bad habit though it was something I just liked doing.
However, I developed really bad anxiety over the past few months, which made me not do it. But my anxiety attached onto it and now because I don’t do it because my anxiety is so high of it that every time I get into certain situations where I used to do it my anxiety is making me feel like I need to do it. Like I’ll feel restless and my brain will start telling me “do this so you won’t feel anxious about it anymore” and when I resist it starts telling me “oh, I guess you won’t be able to do this ever again and live a normal life like you used to without the anxiety” and the anxiety keeps cycling over and over again. Even when I tell it that it’ll be fine if I never do that habit again in my mind I’m still scared that I’ll never be “normal” again.
How do I beat this? Thing is it’s not the typical OCD cycle where I actually do the compulsions when the obsession arrives, but the obsession is constantly trying to make me do the compulsions even though I just can’t do them. It’s scary because I’ve never had something bother me like this before.
This started about 2-3 weeks ago when my anxiety started having a problem with not doing my habit anymore and ever since then it’s been a battle.
|
OCD
|
The past year I feel like I'm dying, slowly. I have a bit of hope left but it's not enough for me to go on. I have dreams, desires but those dreams feel so far away and unachievable. I feel like I'm being squished(tight chest) more and more as months go by. I have a therapist but I don't want to say I'm suicidal because I don't want a 5150. I needed to vent this out. I don't have anyone personally who understands me.
|
depression
|
Please let me know if this is not allowed or should be posted somewhere else.
Basically, this question is for parents out here who have ADHD. Did you want/plan to have children? If you did, were you 100% sure you wanted them? How much do you like children in general? How was it once you had your own children? Was it difficult with ADHD? Do you have any advice about how ro handle parenthood while dealing with ADHD?
I was diagnosed with ADHD very young and still struggle with it (especially for chores and work). I also get extremely anxious (not diagnosed though) over things I can't control/feel uncertain about and I tend to procrastinate as a coping mechanism.
I want children in the future, but I'm worried about my capacities. I think I do a good job taking care of myself and I'm currently doing therapy to work on my anxiety in order to improve myself, but I'm still worried and I'm aware it's difficult to truly know what it'll be like to have children until I actually do. I also would hate to let my worries over "what ifs" stop me from ever having children.
And so I thought I could ask other people who have similar ADHD (and possibly anxiety) struggles for their experience in order to maybe get a better idea of how it can be like and maybe get advice from people who know what it's like. I am aware that your experience won't necessarily be like my experience.
Thank you.
|
ADHD
|
Has anyone experienced family members treating you like glass because of your OCD?
Mine does. It makes it a lot worse. It’s so insulting when someone treats you like a little kid and doesn’t understand you’re a normal person just have a couple of wires crossed. I am just as smart, just as mature, and just as much of a person yet people who have seen me at my worse still treat me like i am incapable.
|
OCD
|
I asked my family doctor about whether or not they can refer me to a neurologist for an ADHD assessment.
My doctor told me first let's do a blood test.
The reports came back saying I'm low in B12 and vitamin D, surprise surprise.
He's put me a on a regiment to take b12 and vitamin pills because they might be the reason for my short attention span...
I feel like this is pure BS. He's set a follow up appointment in november to reaccess.
feels like the normal family doctor routine to get you to come once a week your b12 shots.
What has your experience been for ADHD assessment?
|
ADHD
|
Any one else get depressed when taking Addie when you have a slow day with nothing to do? I feel like not taking it since I’ve become unemployed. Just moved to new state and looking for work. I feel it gives me such focus end it makes me hungry for purpose. When I don’t have one it just seems to exacerbate my anxiety and depression.
|
ADHD
|
I came across some posts on TikTok and Instagram about things people with ADHD commonly do, and thought it was kind of funny that I related to nearly every single one of them, but I didn't think much of it. Later on, I found a post explaining what it's like doing day-to-day chores with ADHD, and was like, "hey, isn't that funny, that's EXACTLY what it's like for me." I didn't think much about that either at the time, until I saw yet another post about having undiagnosed ADHD, and holy crap.
So I did a bunch of research, read up on it a ton, and I'm almost positive I have ADHD, but my family doesn't believe me no matter how much evidence I give them.
I was diagnosed with extreme social anxiety, so they always use that as a reason to why I don't have ADHD?? Because apparently in their eyes, I can't have it if I'm not being loud and obnoxious all the time (that's just how my family views ADHD I guess). I'm not very social around my family for various different reasons, but all of my close friends agree that I show a lot of symptoms.
I'm currently a minor, so I can't really get help on my own, and my mom won't take me to a doctor because she thinks I'm just being dramatic. Does anyone know of anything I can do? Or any way I can convince my mom to take me to a doctor?
|
ADHD
|
I've been having nightmares lately, and it's hard. It's hard to be unconscious. I'm in pain, and I'm exhausted from worrying about this every day. I feel like I'm going crazy. Everyone just says I should go to bed. If I could do that, I wouldn't be in so much trouble. Even if I don't act like I'm going to die from stress and pain, for example, I'm going to die suddenly before I know it, because I'm too stressed and in pain and unable to act like a normal human being. I'm tired, but I'm afraid to sleep. I'm really going crazy. I always force myself to take sleeping pills and go to sleep. But I don't want to force myself to keep living that long. I'm tired. Maybe I won't kill myself, but it's too hard to live with this pain.
|
OCD
|
First some backstory, I’ve struggled with OCD for years. At the beginning of the pandemic it started out as rigorous cleaning rituals, I was so afraid that the virus would infect my loved ones and they would die. I started using gallons of sanitizer a day, and I would sanitize literally everything. I couldn’t sleep at night due to my worries but also because my hands were damaged by alcohol so badly to the point where it was red all over and it hurt so much. I got help with that during therapy and my OCD for cleaning stopped completely.
If only I knew what I was in for next. My monstrous OCD grew bigger and more mighty. I developed harm OCD, guilt OCD, and doubt OCD. Every single day was filled with crippling anxiety, guilt and depression. I went through the worst period of my life. If you kill someone I love, I wouldn’t wish what I went through on you.
I was crying every single day. I didn’t know a human could go through pain like this. I became a lifeless zombie, and almost committed suicide twice. But then, slowly I turned my life around.
Here’s some advice that I pray helps you through your OCD journey.
- Realize that everything the OCD tells you is a lie; Ignore everything it says. It will be hard, really hard. If you keep doing this, it will become easier and easier, and the voice in your head will weaken and weaken and you’ll reclaim your life back. (Skip this paragraph from here if you latch on unto new compulsions or new things that your OCD develops into easily)............... OCD may try to convince you that if you don’t act upon your compulsion, these feelings of guilt, anxiety, etc... will stay with you forever. That is how it had its hold on me, I would act upon the compulsion because of that thought. Recently, I started ignoring that though and the compulsion. The bad feelings would stay with me for an hour tops, let alone a whole day or forever. Please realize that your OCD is lying when it tells you this, ignore it I beg you. Otherwise you will feed the monster and it will grow stronger. Fucking starve that bitch. Tell your loved ones that you will defeat your OCD, this will make you incentivized not to fail and carry out compulsions.
- Occupy your time. I’ve noticed that when I’m working on a project or something—my OCD almost completely goes away. But if I’m doing nothing or something like watching TV then it becomes much worse. I realize that OCD can be debilitating and remove the energy for you to do something, but please push yourself.
- Meditate, meditate, meditate. This helped a lot, meditation will help you see the thoughts as they are and it will be easier to ignore them.
- If you notice yourself returning to a previous thought that gave you anxiety, and now you have the urge to carry out a compulsion. Take a deep breath, and tell yourself audibly “There’s a reason my anxiety went away when I thought about this before.” And just ignore it.
If nothing else, please please understand that you are not alone. I understand what you are going through, I really do. I am better now and you will be too. My DMs are open to anyone, I’m here to listen and talk. I love you all and wish you
|
OCD
|
this crap affects everything. everything i do. even the way i use every. damn. social. media. instagram, reddit, even goddamn pinterest, everything. i'm fucking sick of it
i wish there was a cure for this shit. oh god this is so awful
im gonna sleep now though, so probably wont have to think about it for a while (unless i end up dreaming about it??? if i do im gonna PUNCH my brain hhhh) so yeah wish me luck
edit: just woke up, didn't dream about it
|
OCD
|
They told me I’d always have a home with them, only to find out they are trying to move me out because they are sick of my isolating in my room.
I’m terrified to live by myself as when I’ve done it in the past I’ve always gotten very depressed. I’ve told them this so my Mom said let’s talk with your therapist next time.
I just heard her talking to a potential landlord, she’s moving me out before we even talk to the therapist. I’m terrified I’ll get depressed and kill myself but she won’t listen to me.
I think she’d prefer me dead than to be a bother to her.
|
aspergers
|
For those of you who have tried drugs in both the amphetamine and methylphenidate classes, how did they compare? I know that drugs will affect different people differently but I was just curious to know if you saw any differences between them :) I'm on Concerta but may switch to a different drug soon. I still daydream a lot currently
|
ADHD
|
I’ll try to keep it short. I’m terrified of doing anything 6 times. That goes for normal things and other compulsions as well. I try to never do anything that amount of times and try to do either do things less or more than that amount of times. I’m scared that doing anything that amount of times will lead to something very bad since I associate the number with demon things. Any ideas on how to get over that?
|
OCD
|
This year is the lowest I've ever felt in my life and all I wanted is an escape. At the end of October, I took a lot of MDMA and it caused me to go into a deep psychosis for a little while after. After, once I felt a little better, I started getting these really vivid dreams (I never remember my dreams in the past). Every night I would dream about a new day in school. It felt like I was dreaming about a different reality where I was so much happier. Every night I look forward to sleeping and dreaming because it's such a good escape for me. However, when I wake up in the morning I feel so miserable and cry because I wish I could just dream forever.
|
depression
|
Many times when I am really stressed, treating me as a helpless child can relatively easily turn things to the good. However, the reaction of others is usually more something like "Come on, this isn't that bad. And it's your problem, not mine."
Being left alone often is the ultimate trigger for me to not being able to control myself anymore. As I cannot rescue myself, not getting any help implies endless suffering. It is somehow close to dying.
What are your thoughts on this?
Thanks.
|
aspergers
|
I was diagnosed with OCD two years ago. It comes in many different forms for me, but this is a new one, or at least I just recognized it, and maybe it is just being a worrywart more than anything else. I moved this past spring to a new state, and there is a pretty bad feral/stray cat problem here. I love animals, especially cats, so I started working with the town last week to trap some of them to get them neutered and vaccinated. My main concern has been a litter of kittens that has been hanging around my house for a while now. I've been keeping an eye on them and feeding them occasionally because they seem to be orphans. One kitten got picked up a couple of days ago and another one this morning, and I hope that the remaining ones will get picked up before the weekend. The animal control office told me that the kittens will most likely get fostered and adopted rather than released into the area again, unless they are too wild.
This has triggered something in my head. I have been obsessing about the kittens and whether I've done the right thing. Logically, I know that if they don't go to a shelter, they will start reproducing soon. They're already getting close to that age. And I know that they will most likely die young if they stay on the streets and don't get neutered. But ever since the officer picked up the kittens, I've been obsessing about what will happen to them and wishing that I could be there to help them at the shelter. I'm obsessing about things like if they're sad because they were separated from each other, if they will go to a bad home, etc. I actually cried the other day for the first one.
The compulsive part of me wants to call the shelter to see if the kittens can be placed together, even though they are coming in at different times. I guess it's a form of checking, wanting to make sure that everything is just right. And it's also the feeling of wanting to be in control at all times. And yes, I know that the people at the shelter know what to do and will treat the kittens compassionately. It's just driving me nuts that I can't be there to make sure it looks the way it does in my head.
I imagine this is something that OCD parents have to deal with. You care so much that you can't let little things go, and you just want to make sure that everyone is okay. But it also becomes a control mechanism when you're partly doing things to make sure that everything is how you think it should be. You can't allow others to make their own decisions and be the ones in charge because then you're not the one in control. I don't have kids, so I tend to fret over my animals (and any animals) when something like this happens. With OCD, this all gets exacerbated to the point I can think of nothing else, and I start to feel like I've failed somehow.
I am going to call the shelter later today to see if they can be placed together. I don't think I'm doing anything wrong by asking. But I am trying really hard not to obsess about the rest and just let it go. This is the reality of life on this planet, that animals suffer and have to go through things we can't explain to them. Is there a "save the world" form of OCD? Because I feel like I have it.
|
OCD
|
Im at my wits end.
Saw a psychiatrist about 8months ago and was diagnosed with Adult ADHD (25yo male)
I knew i had it all along. My pscy put me on 10mg Ritalin 3x a day, and for the first couple months it worked, well. Nothing amazing, but a noticeable difference.
8months in, now the Ritalin does nothing but put an anxious pit in my stomach. I have business paper work to do, i have assignments that need to be done. All this time sensitive stuff that is very important for my career, and none of it ever gets done in time. I know have to come back to class again next year because i didnt hand it 14 assignments, despite being top of every class im in judged by my inclass exams.
I dont know what to do any more. Nothing is working. I work out, i eat good, i take vitamins, have a good blood test result. Please i need some help.
|
ADHD
|
Hey, um, are OCD and Imposter syndrome related? Like many people with OCD (me included) feel like "fraud" or feel like as if they are "bad" people who don't actually have OCD and this is all fake.
It happens to me quite a lot and I wanna know if that happens to someone else as well?
And if know some medical correlation between them then please explain/link it :)
​
P.S. this is my first reddit post, sorry if I sound mean/incompetent to anyone.
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OCD
|
I want to start my own business and do freelance work with different skills (maybe just graphic design to start). So far, I have only been an employee and typical 9-5s really aren't my thing. I prefer being independent, being able to work at times I set, and working from home. But I also have adhd (undiagnosed for now) and still figuring out systems to help me be more organized, but I still struggle with this. For example, on week ends when I have spare time to work on personal projects or hobbies, I tend to just float through the days and waste so much time. I couldn't really see myself just starting my own business with adhd, it seems like I would be setting myself up for failure.
Anyone here their own boss and mind sharing how they manage to run their business on their own ?
|
ADHD
|
I'm so scared. It's a two-hour video call with a psychologist whose job is to determine if my disability is service connected and how disabled I am. I'm worried he's going to invalidate my pain and try to convince me I'm faking it or don't deserve to be as afraid as I am. I don't know how I'd react if that happened.
|
ptsd
|
Can silent panic attacks be a thing? My trauma involved me being choked in an assault. Now I will sometimes experience what I think are panic attacks where I can feel my throat closing, and I can’t breath. I can feel him choking me again, and his weight on my chest. I just lay there in silence, panicking, and unable to breathe until usually a yawn forces breath into my lungs.
I always thought of panic attacks as crying, hyperventilating, loud, chaotic experiences. It makes me question whether or not that’s what this is.
|
ptsd
|
Hello everyone, someone in my house is using my meds. I am very chaotic, I leave pill strips in my jacket, in my schoolbag and in my room. But it is also convenient because I know I always have a strip in my schoolbag for example. The last months the strips are disappearing. At first I thought I used them and never replaced them but a week ago I discovered that the 3 full boxes of my old medicine (I use a different kind now, but I didn't throw them away because I could use them someday) are open or empty. There were 3 strips left. I was very confused because I couldn't remember using them. I wrote down how much of the pills were left inside the boxes and left them in the same place in my room. I checked them every day and this morning I discovered that there are 2 pill strips left inside the boxes. The problem is that I don't know who ''steals'' them from me. Anyone of my family could have done it, if I think about it. A couple days ago I had a conversation with my brother and parents at the dinner table and my father said that my old pills are garbage. My brother confirmed it and my family talked about ADHD meds. I didn't think much about it and I said that I don't use my old ones anymore because they didn't work for me. My boyfriend stopped with smoking a few months ago and he told me once that he picked some of my cigarettes that were in the drawer in my room, the same one as where some of the meds are missing. But a month ago I missed some more cigarettes and he said he didn't pick them because he stopped completely with smoking. I thought then that my brother picked them but didn't ask it. He picks sometimes my cigarettes too but he asks it as far as I know. He once asked if he could use one pill to see if his mind went quieter. I gave him a half and said that he could try it too confirm it and to get to a doctor to seek help. He never went because it didn't do much to him. I am the only one that is diagnosed with ADHD and each family member has said at least once that they thought they might have ADHD too, but they never went to see a psychologist. My mom has recently a new job and I know that it is quite overwhelming for her, she is very tired when she comes home from the new job.
So I think that basically everyone of my family could have done it. But I don't know what to do... I am very sad and disappointed that someone is stealing my meds, probably someone who don't need them to function like a normal person. I read it sometimes here on reddit that someone is stealing meds from them. I always thought that it wouldn't happen at my house…
What can I do?
|
ADHD
|
I've currently been struggling with something that is going to make me sound like a piece of shit, even I recognize how messed up it's going to sound. Over the past couple months, I have been worrying about the proper way to interact with POC without coming across as racist. I know, this is already awful. I consider myself to be an ally who supports POC & civil rights movements. I'm ashamed of white people as a whole honestly, we've oppressed POC from the beginning of time. I've been even more so in the past year. I feel like my OCD has recently attached to this though. At least, I think it has, or maybe it's guilt knowing I'm white and part of systemic racism problem as a whole. When I pass a POC on the street, or in a place of business, I'll immediately start to get thoughts like "Am I coming across as rude? Am I being nice enough? Am I being too nice? Am I smiling too much? Am I smiling enough? Do I look uncomfortable? This isn't about me, so why am I anxious? Stop being so self centered. Are you appearing racist? What if this POC thinks I'm racist? That's awful to assume what they think. Stop making this about you!"
And basically the entire time I'm trying to interact with someone of color, I have all this anxious dialogue in my head and I probably physically appear to be anxious, which in turn I'm sure the other person thinks "Why are they acting so tense/afraid?" It's not that I'm afraid of, or dislike POC, I'm way too overly cautious, I recognize that, and it's actually coming across as racist. And I don't want to make this about me, because it's not, I can only imagine the racism POC have to endure on a daily basis. It's like my own OCD/anxiety is getting in the way. I hate it. I want to get over it. I don't know why it's coming up, but I want to get past this.
It's all really disturbing to me, especially when I walk past/ talk to a POC & all these thoughts are rushing through my head. I know I appear visibly anxious, I just know I do, and I'm sure it's coming off as racist. I wish I could come out and tell the person "I'm sorry for this visible anxiety. I have severe OCD/anxiety/intrusive thoughts & none of this is because of you."
I'm feeling at my wits end over this.
|
OCD
|
Im one of those an betweener type of autistic people. Just neurotypical enough to pick up on most social cues, but autistic enough to occasionally not listen to my own emotions. Whenever I notice an autistic person struggling, I always try to google translate for them, because not only is there a mind blindness between us and NT's, but between NT's and us aspies. So please, any autistic people who feel like they're broken, don't be hard on yourselves, trust me, you're not broken. We just have a harder time listening to our own bodies, and our own emotions. That's literally it, that's what makes us autistic, none of thay social cue bs, that 's just a symptom of not being able to listen to our own bodies (no, not literally with our ears, but feeling the sensations on our skin, and how that's connected to our thoughts), and for some of us those sensations are so overwhelmingly strong, they're so painful that we feel the need to ignore them!
Our bodies are LITERALLY overwhelmed by too much social stimuli, but at the same time we desperately need it. It's a messed up paradox, and it's not your fault. Forgive yourself for all your social blunders.
EDIT: Fixed grammatical error
|
aspergers
|
My grandmother died on Sunday and as soon as I heard the news I had an onslaught of irrational thoughts like “what if you committed a crime without knowing it and you get arrested at the funeral in front of all your family”
This disease is a bitch.
|
OCD
|
TL;DR: How do I make my brain shut up?
I can't take stimulant ADHD medications because I have a heart condition and a previous history of heart attack. I also have kidney disease and myriad other health problems, so my ADHD is basically like a runaway train with no brake.
I can manage a lot of my symptoms, but the one that's driving me nuts is the internal monologue that won't shut up. I woke up at 1:30 this morning and never got back to sleep because my brain just won't be quiet. I am having a tough time at work, and my brain just keeps going over and over things I've said, things people have said to me, what I plan to say next week, etc. Even when I am doing something I enjoy, my brain just does not stop. Example: I love the symphony. But the only way I can pay attention is if I know the music they're playing and can "hum" (silently) along in my head. If I don't know the music, my attention immediately wanders, and my brain starts thinking about the dumbest stuff--things that happened 20 years ago, comebacks I could have used when somebody was being mean to me in high school, something mean my mother once said to me, what I'm going to cook for dinner. You get the idea.
Without medication, is there any way to make this more manageable?
|
ADHD
|
this is my latest compulsion; so we have kittens at home, every time i would open our fridge i would double check it before closing because i'm afraid that the kittens might have got inside and i will locked them up. Sometimes even though i've check it i will look it up again just to make sure. I would do like double glance all around the fridge.
|
OCD
|
I don’t have a family. I escaped the foster system and have been self sufficient since 18… that was 20 years ago. I am semi successful at office work and I have no physical friends. Im really out of new hobbies and internet stuff. I’ve done things like felting and fermentation but, I’m just really sad. I am an introvert so I guess I need more hobbies. I used to solo travel and it was my purpose. I feel like my life has no purpose now. Just to understand suffering more or endure as much as my physical body can handle. I lost my full walking mobility in 2019 and my ability to eat non fodmap at the same time. The rest of my life will be a struggle. I can’t see myself even a year from today. I will keep trying but, I’m really depressed.
|
ptsd
|
TL:DR whole life is just obsessing over bad and good things and I'm kinda getting tired of it.
When I was about 5 I had an extreme fear of "poison" mushrooms in my yard and was super avoidant of them and cleaned everything that might've touched them.
When I was like 6 I was really into computer games and glow in the dark books.
I was obsessed with mario games and had a list with every single mario game I could find hoping that someday I could play all of them.
When I was 7-8 I started getting really dark religious intrusive thoughts and would tell my mom about them. she just told me to "not think about it" and I just had to deal with them alone. I remember telling my mom that I was scared about being the only person in the world with these bad thoughts that weren't mine. This is fucked but I said I didn't wanna be born and she said if she knew it was gonna be lie this she wouldn't have birthed me.
In 4th grade I had this super weird thing where I felt like I was going insane. I started getting super paranoid about my thoughts turning into voices and how I was just losing my mind and no one could really help or understand. I started having daily mental breakdowns which made me even more worried because at that point I really felt insane. My teachers no doubt thought I was fucking losing it and I had to be sent home MANY times because I was pretty much inconsolable. I remember feeling like a ghost or like I was dreaming half of that year.
Around this time I also started writing down my thoughts because it became way too much to try and remember in my head, because I needed to tell my mom about them.
5th grade I had a huge obsessive crush on a girl. Think I was also really obsessed about getting a trampoline. Always wanted to go airsoft shooting.
6th grade I was obsessed with a friends ps4.
7th grade I got another crush that lasted to about 11th grade. Also because really depressed and "out of it" in 11th grade, not due to the crush tho.
7th-8th grade I started getting really paranoid that I might've been special needs even though no ones ever said anything about it. I thought they were all pretending.
In highschool I thought I had and basically religiously researched about: Huntingtons disease, brain tumors, ball cancer, skin cancers, autism, adhd, ocd, anxiety, bipolar, bpd, maybe if I was dropped as a baby, schizophrenia, add, diabetes's, heart issues, and some other health/disease things. I had obsessive lead, asbestos, and mercury fears. I had 2 huge crushes that I did nothing about except be depressed for a month or 2. I wanted to start a youtube channel and think about it daily since 2015.
There are things that I've always wanted or want to do still but I don't do, yet I still keep it all on my mind like skiing, snowboarding, playing guitar and piano. I always think about having a good summer despite never feeling good about them. I make huge plans and I always try to compare it to the past nostalgia but I can never enjoy it in the present.
These are some current thing that I've spent weeks researching and buying because I wanna make sure I have the best product possible: Gaming mice, monitor, shoes, hoodies, pens, mechanical pencils, notebooks, backpacks, piano keyboards, bikes, and im sure other things.
Currently I'm obsessing over my obsessions... I don't know if all my mental shit is just my hypochondria or if I actually have something. Not sure if this is a good source [https://www.ocdtypes.com/index.php](https://www.ocdtypes.com/index.php) but It literally describes me to the dot with
* [Contamination Fears](https://www.ocdtypes.com/contamination-ocd.php)
* [Sexual Orientation Obsessions](https://www.ocdtypes.com/so-ocd_hocd.php)
* [Religious Obsessions](https://www.ocdtypes.com/religious-ocd.php)
* [Superstitious Obsessions](https://www.ocdtypes.com/superstitious-ocd.php)
* [Uncommon Obsessions](https://www.ocdtypes.com/unusual-ocd.php)
* [Washing and Cleaning](https://www.ocdtypes.com/washing-ocd.php)
* [Mental Rituals](https://www.ocdtypes.com/mental-rituals.php)
* [Somatic Compulsions](https://www.ocdtypes.com/somatic-ocd-compulsions.php)
* [Other Compulsions](https://www.ocdtypes.com/unusual-compulsions.php)
My current thing are the lists. just gonna post their definition since im too drained to do my own. "People with OCD often fear they will forget something important, so they may make excessive lists to remind them to do daily routine activities (i.e. brush teeth, make breakfast, etc.) "
But yeah. My whole life has basically been fearing about my mental health and physical health. I long for the past and over plan for the future, but the present is always the same boringness. I want to do so many thing that I think will be fun or fix me but they don't. I just attach to things way too easily and drop them when I realize they don't do what I wanted it to do.
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OCD
|
I have basically been depressed since 2005 in middle school when my best friend moved away. I have never really 100% recovered since then. I have had highs and lows but lately the highs arent that high and the lows are quite low. I've come to terms that the decisions i've made in my life have led me to my current state of mediocrity and disappointment. I know my family is disappointed in me, my Girlfriend is disappointed in me and I myself am disappointed in me. I have come to terms that I likely already reached the pinnacle of my life several years ago and I didnt realize it at the time. False hope about future successes were what speared me to keep moving forward despite my social and physical limitations. I have always struggled being "normal" and i have a very difficult time just being in society going through the motions and pretending to care about it all. I am in my late 20s now, have a degree that is too niche to be marketable, no real work experience aside from retail jobs, no money or time to go back to school, no health insurance, and no career prospects on the horizon. Ive been turned down from dozens of jobs from city government to assembly line worker. My family lives in an alternate reality where they are so disconnected from reality they believe nothing is wrong and that i just need to toughen up and get a job and start living. I've sacrificed the best years of my life going to college to get a degree that i am not interested in to live a life i have no interest in living. people ask me what i want to do what i am passionate about. i have no answers to these questions. i'm no longer the responsibility free kid who can spend all day playing videos games and goofing off with no consequences. i make barely enough money to pay my expenses and every day is full of stress wondering what i am going to do next to pay the bills. i am just done with it all, done pretending to care about it all. i have no one to blame but myself and my weak will for not following my instincts sooner and standing up to my parents and saying no i dont want to go to college. now i am another overeducated underemployed bitter adult with no money and no prospects in life. i dont believe the world owes me anything and i am not on a soap box rant about how hard my life is. i am responsible for the choices ive made and this is the sum of all parts added together, a life of taking the path of least resistance and beating around the bush until there is nothing left to beat around.
|
depression
|
hi everyone im new to the group. i had just been dicoverig my autism and found An autistic specialist who spent his sessions with me completely devalidating anything everything I was saying threatening me making fun of me calling me names. he didn't actually seem to know anything about autism \[everyone is a bit autistic, your bi polar, manic, need a phychairtist, are gullible, are fixating on your autism, autistic communities are very unhealthy they make people more autistic, society molds us we must conform, you can either have on your gravestone you flapped your hands or you lived a happy and fufiling life, i know someone who has been locked up for three years after discovering autism (hopefully untrue as in the UK its very hard to sectoin an autistic adult), your addicted to computers, stop stimming, you make good eye contact, who said your autistic you are only you, youve are "amazing" you mustnt become more autisitc, theres no such thing as an autistic identity its just in autistic peoples heads, they are crazy, i specialise in nuerodevelopmental disorders, you must intergrate, your so gullibe if i told you to jump of a roof you would do it, go jump off a roof ha!. \] mostly focused on teaching me to mask. Ive fortunately got enough to getting kicked out from the register which I shall probably do but it doesn't change the fact that ive had a utterly horrific experience and hes caused me a lot of pain and suffering. any support is greatly appreciated.
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aspergers
|
I do go to the gym, plenty of people on this subreddit go to the gym.
It’s not fucking good enough and committing to exercise is hard even for a mentally healthy person.
People on this subreddit really need to stop suggesting this so fucking loosely.
I’m struggling to get out of bed just to go.
But in my heart all I can do is just be a worthless piece of shit that can’t do anything right.
And the thought of not going plays into my anxiety that I’m ruining all my progress.
Going to the gym is not fucking easy, dealing with depression is not easy, changing your life is not fucking easy
Stop just casually suggesting go to the gym, as if we can just do it.
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depression
|
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