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Me and my gf we’re watching a movie together online and I feel like a terrible partner because I got bored and turned it off. I don’t have a good attention span. I don’t want to upset her she thinks I’m still watching and I don’t know what to do 😢
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aspergers
|
I've made friends in kindergarden and school. But those were places I was forced to go, outside of thwt the only friends I made were kids of my mom's friends or their friends. I've never made a single friend as a result of my own actions. I've never managed to do anything great without anyone's help. I always need guidance or introductions. I've never upheld anything that I tried on my own, I've never kept in touch with anyone I've met on my own. I've lost seeing the point in everything that I could want. When I do something for someone else though I manage to figure something out most of the time, after all I don't want to be a burden to anyone, quite the opposite, nothing makes me happier than someone I know asking something of me that requires effort from my side. If I can make someone's day better then god damn do I want to see them happy.
But I'm still human and I can't force myself to everything, in fact I can't force myself to anything at all. Every interest I have is either mild or i lack the motivation to pursue it, or it turns out to not be my cup of tea. These 3 results have been the only ones to ever come out of my actions. And now I see no point in anything. I've tried drawing digitally, I've went all out on something and I would've given it more but I don't know how to do it and I stress too much about doing things right. If I don't do something right then what good am I? What use could anyone have for me? But you can't get good at something unless you're forced into it or are passionate about it. This is kinda the whole root of my misery. That and loneliness. Sure i chat with friends on discord and talk to my mom at home everyday but my mom is my mom and the guys just wanna play video games.
I know it wouldn't fix my problems but I still feel like if I could just find someone to give myself to, whether to be a protective husband or a housewife, and they'd be happy about just knowing I'm there for them, I could finally be satisfied with myself. But being autistic, socially deprived, and hopeless to everything, meeting anyone is impossible, even just to find a friend, I just can't. I can't relate to anyone and everyone already had friends thst they prefer to be around, no one needs me, no one cares to have me around, I have no one to live for. And as I said before, I have no passions, no talents, no hopes, so I'm not important enough to myself for me to care about me. I've looked around the Internet for jobs and hobbies, none of them sparked any special interests. And having no people to make my life valuable, I can't just live to work, I want to have what everyone else has, friends, love, help, competence, normal bodies, normal brains, no worries about whether speaking up makes any difference or if it'd an inconvenience for everyone in the room.
I can't say I'm suicidal because I'm somehow still clinging to the hope that I'll magically manage this someday, although by all means I shouldn't. But I still keep thinking about death. Disappearing is scary, hell is scary, and if this unfair world is gods idea of love, then I can only imagine heaven is reincarnation, which is also scary.
This really sucks.
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depression
|
I think I have HOCD for about 1,5 years now. Over the past few weeks it has been very bad the past few days especially and for some time now I've been going through a phase where I'm still getting all the OCD-related things happening to me but my anxiety is very low towards all of it, but I still like something is wrong and still do all the OCD related stuff. A few days ago I got a false attraction to someone of the same gender, I've had it many times before and there was a clear distinction between false and real, but this time it felt extremely real and it sort of feels like it broke something inside of me. I feel like a completely different person, the idea of having a relationship with the same gender doesn't seem to give me as much anxiety anymore and my attraction to girls is pretty much dead at this point yet I still feel like I know I like women and not men. I'm worried that I've actually turned gay or something due to this false attraction and I'll never go back to how I used to see things, I'm not sure if this is legitimate or if its just OCD on another level. I've also been feeling ok-ish since midday yesterday, I've tried my hardest to avoid any situations that could trigger me as well as checking or reading anything about OCD
I've told my mom about all of this yesterday and what has been happening for the past year and broke down many times when describing what has been happening, not in detail as it honestly felt horrible describing this stuff to another person in real life but she said we'll look for therapy somewhere and I've started to look into it, but I'm having doubts whether I actually need it, as what if I tell all the above to the therapist and they say that I don't have OCD and just discovering myself or that since my anxiety has diminished then I should just learn to accept it? The anxiety being very low is the biggest throwoff for me right now
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OCD
|
I'm not easiest person to exchange information or communication with. I'm forgetful very easily. Clumsy. Shy and anxious. Can someone please help I'm delirious right now and I am falling apart
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ptsd
|
So this year in late spring or early summer my employer ended the mask mandate for employees who were vaccinated as long as they signed a sheet saying they were vaccinated under penalty of termination. Me being the youngest employee I had the last crack at the vaccine and even though masks can be annoying I wasn't going to lie to say I was vaxxed when I wasn't. Shortly thereafter I did become fully vaxxed but the numbers in my county got higher and we've been required to wear masks ever since. Because it offered me no benefit to let me employer know I was vaccinated and because I live in a rural area where nobody checks vaccination status my card had been placed out of sight and out of mind. I swore I could find it if I needed it but here we are months later and it's nowhere to be found.
This seems bad right? Well, just this week I contracted covid 19 and called my boss to let them know that I was put under quarantine orders and couldn't come into work. My boss asked if I was vaccinated or not because apparently if you are unvaccinated my company pays you to stay home. Where if you are vaccinated they do not pay you to stay home. I have no idea why this is the case but because I never formally claimed vaccinated status to work because in my mind it didn't matter I'm officially listed as unvaccinated to the employer so I'm going to get paid to stay home and quarantine. This is one of the really rare instances I've experienced where instead of getting bit in the ass by not turning something in on time I'm getting saved by it.
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ADHD
|
I am not sure about anyone else but travel can be overwhelming for me with all the loud noise and my brain trying to figure everything out ,to see if it a threat . I found out that audible books help me (other things such as music might help, if you hate listening to books.) I found two books that have helped me develop , the first one was ‘the ethical slut by janet Hardy, Dossie Easton.’ Now I am not telling you to be in an open relationship but this booked helped me open up and actually started going to proper therapy which I encourage everyone to do . The second book that I recommended if you are triggered by the usage of drugs is “Idiot by Laura Clery” even though it her story about her struggles there is a positive message . Some of what she did helped me as well . I now draw a heart on my self in bad days. Please remember everyone’s journey is different and we’re going to try our best every day.
If you have any books that helped you I’d love to know what they are so I can try them 😊
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ptsd
|
Is the mindset to approach OCD is to accept that HECK a billion things u thought about may happen but fuck it, if it happens and the problem reaches u, we will solve it. if not, just ignore it and accept the fact that it may happen regardless of u knowing or not.
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OCD
|
I know it's no good thinking about the past. I can't be that person anymore. I deleted all messages, photos, everything from that time so as to not dwell on it.
I can't delete memories though. Holiday 2019, I was baking cookies with my boyfriend in my apartment, talking about which friends we'd give them to, I was confident and competent in my job, we had vacations planned for 2020. Holiday 2021 I've been no-contact with my now-ex for nearly a year, am homeless, keep fucking up at work. I haven't spoken to friends in months.
There's no point to anything anymore. I'm tired of therapy, of pretending I can be fixed, pretending that I can even have a fraction of 2019-me back. It's over, there's no going back and there's nothing ahead.
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depression
|
I don't know why I even went in for the test in the first place. Like having something to blame the way I am on would help, it's still just me.
I'm honestly kind of pissed and I don't know why. I feel like I'm faking it, or that I could have been more honest with my answers.
How am I supposed to even tell anyone? It's just one more in a long line of excuses for what a fuck up I've been. I don't think I want to tell anyone, it's just another thing for them to think less of me for. My mom knows I went through the process, but I think I'm going to lie about it if she ever asks.
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aspergers
|
I've always had this problem, probably since I was at least 15, so the past 20 years. Seems to be getting worse. Anxiety, fatigue and reflux are also getting worse.
So far I have tried escitalopram plus bupropion for 3 weeks and then just escitalopram for 4 weeks. I think I was seeing some improvement with escitalopram but was having bruxism problems.
What medication might work best for me?
|
OCD
|
Ooh boy, I hope not to offend anyone and apologise in advance if I do.
For years I was 'tormented' by a colleague who would sit outside my house at odd hours of the day. Sometimes in a car, but most of the time on his insanely noisy sports bike. When I would try to confront him he would drive off. He would rev that bike whether it was 10pm or 2am in the morning. He clearly wanted to draw attention. There was something special about 10pm and 2am. It didn't matter if it was freezing cold and raining or in the middle of a hot summer day. It started with him following me home from work after we had to work together for a few days on a work project. He could never make eye contact when we spoke and most of the time he had someone from his department with him talking on his behalf of sorts. But because he was the appointed senior in his team it was his duty to interact with me. I remember I was surprised when he got 23 documents signed in one day. When I asked him how he got it because most of the people that needed to sign were off on vacation leave or not on duty. He just casually told me he drove throughout the night getting it. He was always described as shy by the others that knew him better. A few times he reeked of alcohol and it was off-putting. I didn't think him driving in the same direction as me strange at first, because it is possible he lived in the area. I didn't know him well so it could be possible. But then I found out he lived 20 mins in the opposite direction from our work. That's when I became suspicious. Things escalated from there. I suspect he was in my house as things would be moved around or go missing and weeks later be back in place, like my perfume and a book etc. Just to note I would search for these items all over the house and think I misplaced them at work or a friend's place. He would be walking around in my backyard at night and stand outside my window. Once his phone gave him away and it was a long time before he had the nerve to enter my backyard again. Our garbage bin got stolen and we ended up putting the garbage in black trash bags in our backyard until it was ready for collection on garbage day. Items such as an empty blueberry container (among many other items on various occasions) would be removed from the bag and placed in front of our back door. The bags were never torn to indicate an animal got to it. I saw his sillouete standing next to my neighbors gate one night and this gate lead to the backyard as well as could have given him access to my back yard. I screamed because it was late and I just got back from a friend's place and was on my own. The final instance of him being in my yard coincided with the time I was terrified enough that we decided to get a big guard dog. We woke up one night to the sound of the dog chasing someone around the back. I could hear clear running thumping footsteps on the grass. Then there was a loud thud and a groan of pain. The next day this guy was off from work for 3 weeks due to a injury to his hand. It was peaceful for those 3 weeks. This last instance might just have been coincidence. I could go on and list 3 years of these experiences.
I eventually had to start getting therapy due to nightmares from this stalking. Sadly we could never afford a camera system, but we're able to get a good home security system with panic buttons and upgraded our front and back entrance gates. I always knew it was him. Fortunately he got transfered to a branch more than an hour away and I didn't have to avoid him at work anymore. I would still hear him outside and see him sitting in his car occasionally. Then he moved to my area and things picked up again..
Things finally stopped when our country went into Covid19 lockdown and he moved back to his hometown in a different city. I'm still having therapy. My therapist mentioned that it is a possibility that he could have Aspergers, but she obviously doesn't know him and couldn't say for sure. There was no dead animals on my doorstep or love notes and text messages which you would typically hear about. Just psychological things. And the occasional silent phone call in the middle of the night.
I guess I want to know if this behaviour is possible from people diagnosed with Aspergers. I'm trying to work through what happened as part of my own therapy and also see it as a learning curve about something I don't know much about.
Sorry for the long post. Feel free to ask me questions.
Shlain
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aspergers
|
[My last post](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/puhw5m/my_mom_agreed_to_get_me_tested_for_adhd_on_the/)
​
Unfortunately due to exams, I was not able to do yoga daily as I had to study. My mom has probably forgotten that "contract" by now, so bringing it up won't help my case.
Public board exams will start for me within a month, and we're already in the middle of the pre-board exams, so my parents would probably advise me to forget about that ADHD test for now and to just focus on my exams.
​
(What should I flair this post as?)
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ADHD
|
I have been recently diagnosed and while doing research on what might help with ADHD symptoms, I keep reading that protein rich breakfast is something one should do.
I have been intermittent fasting for a bit now, it means I skip breakfast completely, have my first meal at lunch and my last meal before 8 pm.
It kind of works for me, but my ADHD symptoms are quite severe and are a problem at work.
Does anybody have any personal experience with protein rich breakfast to start your day?
|
ADHD
|
i am a pure O and i think i have ROCD, i have been seeing someone recently and i am trying so hard not to fuck it up, but its so hard not to overthink stuff and its so Damn easy to silp into the deep rabbit hole of "but what if?"
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OCD
|
Most people procrastinate sitting at their desk scrolling Reddit on their laptop. I’m knocking about our office annoying everyone, fiddling with everything and causing havoc. Always used to get in trouble for it in school and it woek it makes it very clear when I’m not doing any work. Good for morale though. However when I get home even if I haven’t done much I competely crash. I wake up and spend most days with 0 energy and can only do a couple of hours or anything a day without feeling exhausted. How do I fix this
|
ADHD
|
I don't 'grow up'.
I am 29 years old, I am fully dependant on my parents, I had a few jobs I failed at because it felt like dying everytime I had to put on an effort in it. I am unable to study, I lack de mental fortitute to it. Everytime I attempted studying, it felt like nothing was happening. Learning new things is something I've completely blocked, even though it's proved I don't have any cognitive disorder of any kind, I've been tested expensively. I have an average IQ, so I know I'm not specially dumb or nothing. I have no dreams, only fantasies. I lie a lot to maintain an appearance of a sort of a person with pride, goals, knowledge (that's my go-to bullshit, knowledge. I memorize somebody else's opinion about some trendy subject and vomit it at parties in order to bring some kind of value to myself or whatever attention my ego is arbitrarily demanding at the moment. Not having a career or any type of investiture in anything consequential brings me to do this kind of thing).
I have no real fundamental values, except the ones tangent to myself and my ego. I behave as if not to damn myself from the opinion of others that can be of some use to me. Like, I try to humour my dad. Little because of a real connection that there's with him, and more because he sustains me. Same with friends, or girlfriends. I just say shit to keep the relationship going. Otherwise, I feel lonely and horny. I lack empathy, respect, tenure. It's like I'm just a big mouth and a penis and an asshole. No soul behind it, no real investment in anything. Sometimes, I feel like American Psychopath's character Patrick Bateman, or the guy from Notes From the Underground, the asshole protagonist.
I've been like that for about 13 years. Now, I'm a consolidated man-child. And I don't even feel shame for it, although if you told 16 years me about it, he would rage against it. The rage is gone. Well, the good part of it, at least, the fire of life, that meaningful edgeness. I don't feel shame, but I have to keep appearances up in order to try meeting girls, or to keep a dignified face at dinner with people. I mean, being a man-child is not something someone would wear it in his face. I'm constantly aware of it, self conscious to the gills. Even paranoid.
I've had a normal childhood. My brother is an overachiever, my mother was a ball buster (nice, loving woman, but everyone has defects), I moved from city to city growing up because of my father's work, so there are plenty of readily psychologycal reasons for small trauma. I've worked them out many times in therapy, many times. It was like nothing. Words in the wind.
It's kinda of astonishing for some people around me to find out the extent of the amount of nothingness I relate to and work on. My last girlfriend, for instance, is a hard worker, ambitious, young woman. She sees me like this and just goes "How can you still live like a teenager?" Well, it's just that I don't know how to do anything else. And it's a shame, really, because I'm a curious person, I read a lot about people (not that it brings me closer to humanity in any way shape or form), and it's fascinating how invested some of them are in learning, relating, being in a story of their and someone else's life. I don't relay.
I'm not sure why I'm writing this here. I guess it's a realization I've had for a long while. It's odd. I felt odd for a long time. Knowing that you're parasitical and empty it's quite something.
I'm sorry, dad.
Well, thanks for reading.
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depression
|
Recently life has been really hard. I (24f) was diagnosed at age 6, and recently my father (main caretaker) and I got evicted and he got fired. I've been working at taco bell for almost a year, and make $12/hr biweekly. At the moment, he's living in his car (I wish I could do something for him) and I just barely scraped by with a tiny apartment and I pay $400 a month. I've been working overtime just to make ends meet.
Any advice on how to elevate my sense of self and be successful? I want to help my dad out too but I feel useless right now.
Any feedback is welcome, and thank you
|
aspergers
|
I was diagnosed with PTSD this year which was a huge eye opener for me as I’ve dealt with symptoms that I didn’t understand for years which then made complete sense when I was diagnosed.
I had no idea what would help as I have dealt with PTSD symptoms for over 10 years. My therapist and I worked towards a “reliving” session which included me talking about my most traumatic event in detail. I recorded the session and we also wrote a script in which I have updated with what I know NOW instead of just then. I was sceptical but hopeful as I was at breaking point before I started therapy.
I am amazed and fascinated that it has been a very helpful experience so far. It’s been around a month since I did the reliving session and my PTSD symptoms have been improved by a huge amount.
I guess this post is for anyone that is going through what I have or similar and feels unsure about what effective treatments are out there (of course not everyone will benefit from this method)
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ptsd
|
I feel this overwhelming sense of sadness. And there's a negative voice that starts chiming in with all my interactions and I start to wonder if people really like me or are ignoring me. I start reading into things way too much. I remember having this voice around all the time (pre-adderall). Now a couple times a month, it peaks its ugly head out and **I can't seem to find the trigger/make it stop. Any tips you have towards get out of this would be great.**
I don't have anything to be sad about today that i can think of. I am surrounded by people I care about and good food. My whole family is together for the first time in a long time. I've been feeling like this since last night. It feels like a small weight on my chest.
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ADHD
|
Having my wife beside me and the dog she got me helped for a while, but I'm still seeing what happened. I got hit by a car today walking down the street I couldn't see it coming. Instead all I saw was a dead man sitting down on every block I looked down. I've been thinking about ending it again. I wrote my will today as I lay here in the hospital. I feel lost and I feel like I'm at my end. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I need help I know I do, but I know that I will never ask for it.
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ptsd
|
All I see anymore is people making jokes about how life isn't real and how we aren't real... I don't know, it's become this kind of meme? Its making my ptsd, anxiety and depersonalization worse. I know it's a joke, but that doesn't stop it from sticking with me all day. Maybe I just didn't notice it as much before, but it seems to be a constant thing now.
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ptsd
|
Often I feel like a moster and ruminate on my terrible past actions. I think of the people that I have hurt, wronged and disrespected and I feel deep in my heart that I was born a monster and don't deserve living in this world. I feel unworthy of my current relationship, friends and of my parents. I struggle with thoughts of punishing myself, all unrelated to OCD as it is not an obsession. I sometimes treat it as OCD and say to myself that yes, I am a monster and yes I am a piece of sh\*t and I shouldn't care about being one and should focus on being a good person however I feel like this will reinforce my already bad self esteem and some days I can't bear the guilt of knowing I am a monster.
I truly am not a good person so I know the solution is to be a better person but I am some days stuck in my past and can't separate who I am now from who I used to be. I know I am still the same person in my core and that is what scares me the most. I take some solace in being tortured or shamed because I know I deserve it but it holds me back from having a decent life and liking myself. A life like that is not a life worth living until old age. I wonder if I can just live with that occasional guilt and knowledge of what I am. And I wonder after all why it even bothers me. I should be able to live my life without caring about it but I do and think about it often.
I know I am not even worth 1/15 of the people I have hurt, I am a useless worthless person that probably shouldn't have been born and yet I somehow have chosen to accept and work on it. Sometimes I don't know why it even matters that much. If I had the choice to save one worthy person and sacrifice myself I would I think because the world would be a better place. I am not depressed anymore and OCD doesn't haunt me anymore. I should be fine but this is in the back of my mind often. It is sad to have to accept but I am doing a lot of work to move forward and be a better person. It is just painful to be worthless.
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OCD
|
Doesn’t have to be a current example. I (23m) just don’t meet many women like me so trying to find ways
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aspergers
|
I'm now 22 years old, and I was diagnosed just this year. I honestly can not tell you anything significant that happened before 8th grade. I remember 5 things specifically:
1. Being forced to compete in spelling bee competitions throughout primary school. I did win most of them but I just couldn't care less about it.
2. Going on the bus to and fro school everyday.
3. My first friend from grade school. She was a transfer student and I was asked to show her around.
4. My best friend from middle school. Now that I think about it, she might have been autistic too, definitely learning disabilities as well.
5. Working at my mom's store.
When people ask "do you remember this thing or that thimg or that person who lived in some random house in our neighborhood?" I'm like "no? How am I supposed to remember them?"
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aspergers
|
Hey guys, long post ahead but I could do with a friend.
I had my Pfizer vaccine two weeks ago and live in the UK. I was surprised they asked me, I do not have a GP as I have moved lately so had to ask the Dr who reviews my medication, he said he did not know why; they must have looked at my files.
I have severe OCD, which means I’ve essentially been isolating since the start of lockdown, but I’ve never really been helped by doctors or mental health services who just up the doses of my pills and send me away for another year with promises of a waiting list. I’ve been on a psych ward twice for suicide attempts, once for four months , and my eating gets very bad with my OCD; meaning my weight can drop as I stop eating altogether when contamination fear becomes too much and disinfecting food becomes too hard. I also started talking to an alcohol counsellor about my alcohol use which is caused by OCD (I also have to disinfect alcohol).
Now because I’ve been so let down by the services that were supposed to help me over the last ten years, I was naturally suspicious to be invited for a vaccine. Why would people who had put me on antipsychotics for sleep aged 16 because I was having night terrors and then look at me blankly for the next ten years when I mention how they’ve stolen my life as I’m so tired all the time and can’t sleep without them, even though they’ve admitted it was wrong to ever put me in them; suddenly want to help me? A year into them, I tried to get off them, now it’s been ten.
Anyway... I took the vaccine, much like I took the pills aged 16, because I was desperate and didn’t care for the reasons, or I did but anything had to be better than living in fear right?
Now I’ve taken it, I’m wondering why I was offered. I’m not a key worker. It barely seems doctors listen when I talk to them. My pills don’t seem to be immunsuppresants.
One of my OCDS is HIV. Two years ago, I slept with a guy who I was in supported housing with. Only once, and he didn’t cum and I also gave him head once and he didn’t cum. He died a month or so later of an overdose and I was called in to be questioned on the nature of our relationship; it turned out he had HIV. So, I had to be tested. I had a pin prick test and a blood test at the hospital, then I had another a few weeks later at a clinic. All negative. A few weeks later, I went to the doctors and requested another one - I think it had been around three months since I’d slept with him and I’d read about incubation periods. Again, negative. I didn’t believe it though so a week or so later I requested a full blood count. My tests came back there was nothing wrong with me. My doctor at the time said ‘there is NO WAY you have it. You need to get that out of your head.’
I read online about probability and knew I probably didn’t have it; but naturally I went to the articles that said it could have six months incubation period or more, and became convinced I had it anyway. Being selected for the vaccine.. I wonder if doctors know something I don’t? Maybe I have hiv and they haven’t told me?
Thanks so much for reading.
Do you think I have HIV? Why else would I be selected?
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OCD
|
My office job is boring. Its the same thing every week and it realistically equates to less than 3 hours of work a day, when I have to sit there for 8. Its boring and frustrating.
I am thinking finding something with a base salary with commissions. Seems more up my alley than my current job. One of my frustrations is that I tend to move faster through the work than others. A job where I could be rewarded for that would be nice.
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ADHD
|
It’s really hard to do exposures for Socd since anytime you talk about it everyone just assumes you are suicidal but I wanted to ask how to respond to thoughts that are like existential along with it like it says “what’s the point in living if you are going to die anyway?” And it ruins my mood anytime I’m feeling good and it feels like I want it and it gets really hard not to respond with a compulsion to argue and say “no” and then give reasons why I don’t wanna die like how do I respond to those intrusive thoughts?? Has anyone else had this?
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OCD
|
So get in touch with your pharmacy a few days ahead of your fill to check and make sure they have enough for your script.
​
Get hard (paper) scripts if possible and if the pharmacy is out have your doc contact them to confirm so they can send a script or give you a paper script so you can take it to another pharmacy.
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ADHD
|
I’m 21. I’ve felt this crippling loneliness for as long as I can remember. I feel I can’t really connect with anyone and any friends I make, I end up not being able to stand them, I don’t want their qualities to rub off on me so isolate myself, and I’ve felt this crippling loneliness all my life. My past friends have had a lot of good qualities too but my mind focuses on what I don’t like and I can’t stop thinking about it. It drives me crazy. I find myself not wanting to work on my friendships either because I feel like there is no spark or I don’t like them enough to work on it. I don’t want to talk to anyone in my life. I feel like I don’t belong anywhere. I feel like an alien who doesn’t understand how friendship or social interaction works.Am I expecting perfection from people or have I not yet found my community or am I an alien?
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depression
|
I’ve struggled with depression basically all my life, but despite that I still always got great grades. I was the top of my classes, even the top in my grade just last year. Though I never really had to try. I never studied or anything, I just did the work and got a good grade.
But lately that’s changed. Is this what gifted kid burnout is? Because I’m doing horrible, and I’m at the point where I just don’t care anymore. I don’t care about my grades, I don’t care if I fail. I mean I do care because I hate it, but I don’t care enough to actually change it.
I’m trying to do math homework right now and I just can’t. It’s 7 questions and I’ve looked at it for over an hour and only have less than half of the first question done. And I feel bad for my teachers because they still have hope in me and I’m just letting them down.
I would do it for them. And I would do it for my mom. But my motivation is so low I can’t even do it for the sake of others. I feel selfish and lazy, but I just don’t have the energy anymore. There goes any chance of a good future I had I guess.
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depression
|
I have been diagnosed with OCD profesionaly, but i've been wondering...so when i think about time, like months, years, etc., especialy in the past get "anxious" and "depressed", about the time in the future and my mind is constantly telling me that for example if i dont enjoy this last party of my graduating year, i will always look back on it and be super depressed and that my life will not be full, i get it it sounds dumb but like it makes sense in my head...i also worry about this in past time...i know it seems dumb but this bothers me so much to the point where im lost and start experiencing derealisation
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OCD
|
So a lot of my time is spent obsessing over being clean or my room being clean, and even when I know for a fact that I am clean I still manage to feel dirty even if all I’ve done is sit in a chair all day. It also happens after I eat, because my brain will convince me that the food made me dirty. Curious if anyone else feels like this and how they manage it.
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OCD
|
So for some reason I really struggle with coincidences. For example, I used to work with someone who moved quite far away and then I saw them in a store near me after quite some time, then the next day, I’m pretty sure I saw the same person again.
Or another example was that I saw someone on Instagram that is connected to a ocd obsession of mine in a roundabout way and then that same day, I saw the sister of this person whilst searching Instagram. I suppose I was searching Instagram for a local amenity and they are both locals, so maybe it’s not that odd. It’s just that OCD feeds off this stuff and reads a lot into it.
Does anyone have any advice for this please? Thank you.
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OCD
|
I want to try doing some exercises or ERP on my own, but I noticed a lot of OCD books are more oriented around people who have obsessions about harming others or themselves. My obsessions tend to be about external harm happening to ME and not to others, like fears of discomfort or death. Do you guys know any sites or books that are more related to that kind of OCD? Many thanks.
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OCD
|
...its the people around me that make me feel this way. So no aspies don't not understand the world the world dosen't understand us. I mean we aren't meant to get the world anyway but I've met a shitload of people who make me feel like the wisest most understanding guy ever compared to how heartless or naive they are.
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aspergers
|
I feel like I've been depressed since I was a child. I come from a household broken and ravaged by sexual abuse and where depression festered among the survivors. ( This is the first time I'm mentioning to anyone. )
However, I remember glimpses of happiness when I used to get lost in my mind and the surrounding areas close to my neighborhood, alone. Being a kid then wasn't hard and I don't have many memories of abuse, but I'm certain that there was. The trauma lingers and has been creeping out of the shadows more unrelentingly lately.
I often daydream about simply getting lost in the world with a backpack and a tent. I feel like I could find happiness that way again but my heart is scarred, almost as much as my old soul. Trusting strangers seems beyond my reach.
Also, life isn't as easy as my naive mind would like it to be.
Glimpses of sunset rays through forest branches in autumn dusks taste like heaven, the true heaven people talk about. I can't tell if it's real or not but I have the unshakable feeling of having been there already, it tastes like afterlife. It's the place that I wish to find and stay forever and it's the place that I feel awaits me beyond the veil.
Whenever I can muster enough strength to meditate, I try to draw energy from that place, and it helps tremendously. When I return, I do so in a much better state than the one I started with but the cold and harsh reality hits me mercilessly.
The birth of each human being is an act of the utmost selfishness perpetuated by their parents.
We are forced into this world without an opinion on the matter only to serve someone else's needs or whims and ultimately to become part of the cannibal capitalist machine. Not often is our future well being taken into consideration, let alone our existence or value as living beings.
I still dream, though. About kind souls being able to travel between safe havens and being free. Free to love, live and heal. No ifs, buts or howevers. Just naively free to be free, to be nomad.
It helps me to keep going, even though my depression as turned me into a recluse, I still dream.
I wonder how many of us it would take to turn a dream into a reality?
Regardless, I'll keep dreaming another day and let the warm light of that sunset wash over me one more time.
Maybe one day I'll find the strength to relinquish all my possessions and let the wind be my guide.
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depression
|
How do I stop spending so much time on my phone? I'm not sure if it's related to ADHD, but I spend on average 8-10 hours watching videos and looking up random facts. When I'm being productive and away from technology I'm so happy and more calm in general. I prefer drawing/writing instead of spending my time in front of a screen, but it's as if I can't stop looking at my phone. Why? I can only be productive for a few days when I try. Will I ever be able to be productive on the long term and get rid of my phone addiction? How? I feel so helpless.
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ADHD
|
i dont want to be told that what i went through happened for my own benefit in some cosmic way, abuse doesnt make you stronger all it has made me feel is weak and dysfunctional
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ptsd
|
Hi nice to meet you, I'm 23(M) and I am currently active duty Air Force. I've been battling the thought of having ADD/ADHD for about 6 years now.
TL;DR - Pretty sure I have ADHD, been coping with it for a while now. Attempted to console in my superior and it didn't go well
Kudos to you if you can understand my word vomit below. I've literally been typing this for about 25 minutes now and I can't seem to find a closing statement or organize my thoughts. Who knows maybe I have reached peak ADHDism. Also, this is my first post so if I violated any rules I am deeply sorry.
I have this pattern where I focus on researching ADHD and then completely forget about it within two weeks of interest. I wanted to know if there was anyone out there with similar life experiences. If so, please go ahead and type your equally nonsensical paragraphs below, maybe we can be friends or something. Idk if I have ADHD. I just feel really dumb rn.
I think this is the second or third time this year that I have researched this topic this year and I'm tired of it. After reading the posts below, it has motivated me to actually do something about it now. My only issue is that I'm afraid that I'll just end up being told I do not have ADHD.
Previously at my last base, I contacted Mental Health and was told that I had a "Procrastination" issue. I was instructed to contact her after 3 weeks of the first "Diagnosis" or whatever the hell you want to call that, and she officially came to the conclusion that I just needed to learn to manage my time. So, here I am 2 years later, having learned how to, "Manage Time, Cope with Stress, Set priorities, and Utilize a planner". (Just a heads up I'm entirely sorry about how confusing this post is, even I don't really know what I'm rambling about.)
Today I tried my best to explain ADHD to my current supervisor. It got to the point where I basically told him to watch a video about ADHD and take a walk in my shoes and afterwards MAYBE come talk to me. No matter what way I draw out these issues to people they just don't understand. I've also realized that any time I get into a school environment, I rely HEAVILY on coffee to even sort of focus. I have been putting off beginning school for this exact reason also, I am terrified that I'll spend all of this time and money to just neglect it all. I feel like a huge failure constantly wondering when I will actually begin to start to even inch toward any of the goals I've set up to this moment. Yet here I am typing complete nonsense into r/ADHD on my brand new MacBook Pro that I purchased out of pure impulse wondering why I even exist or how I have even made it this far.
And just to put this out there, I know I'm not dumb. I just don't know what I am. I just know that I have A LOT of things that I have aspired to do but NOTHING has stuff besides the military. And that's because I'll literally go to jail if I just decided, "Screw this I wanna go make YouTube videos cuz it's fun!" Hopefully this made you laugh or cry, and now you can use me as realization that there level to this hahaha.
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ADHD
|
I’m too focused on this color I saw dash while watching a video. Was it a reflection? No, it couldn’t be, or could it? My mind is convinced that this is a sign my intrusive thoughts are true, even though part of me knows that doesn’t make sense.
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OCD
|
Hi, I was finally diagnosed with ADHD and prescribed Adderall (I've got a generic but it should be the same stuff). I was instructed to take a 10mg tablet first to make sure I had no side effects, and then take 2 or 3 (so 20mg or 30mg), and do that twice a day (since it lasts 4-6 hours).
Today is the first day I've taken 2, and... I don't know. I was expecting more I guess. People make it seem like there's a euphoric moment where you can finally complete tasks and you can think straight without noise in your head. I think it definitely helped me focus more, but it wasn't anything spectacular. Also, it wore off after only 3 hours, as I could tell that I was back to normal by then. One thing it did do, however, is give me a lot of energy. I didn't even go to sleep last night XD
Does this mean I may need to try 30mg? Does Adderall take time to work, and I should wait until a few days of taking it? Am I expecting too much from it? Thank you!
Edit: When I say euphoric, I don’t mean literally euphoria. I see people mention how they become overwhelming happy when they realize they can finally focus on things. I guess I was expecting that to occur for me.
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ADHD
|
i dont really know how to do this. i haven't done anything like this before. i'll just jump into it. i started dating someone back in 2017 when i was 17. i was blinded by the fact that someone liked me back for the first time and ignored all the red flags. he began manipulating me from the start but i didnt notice. soon he became mentally and verbally abusive. i was never comfortable having sex with him but i knew it was what he wanted so i went along with it. in the beginning it was exciting because i was a virgin but it started to feel like something i had to do, like chore. he also made me feel like i had to perform oral sex on him multiple times every time we hung out. after being together for about 8 months he raped me for the first time. this was the first time i said no. he wanted to do something i didnt and he forced me to. i kept saying no but he thought it was funny. that happened multiple times. around 10 months into dating he dumped me over text. a couple weeks later i found out he was cheating on me when we were together. finding that out after all the abuse he put me through sent me to rock bottom. i was furious at him. i was furious at myself for allowing this all to happen. i was so upset. while we were together he manipulated me to the point where i felt i couldnt live without him. so when i found that out, i tried to take my own life. this was july of 2018.
its not january 2020 and it still effects me. i thought i was getting better. i am in a healthy relationship with someone i feel safe with. i've been able to admit what happened. my nightmares weren't every single night anymore. i still had them most of the time but i would get a night or two without them each week. the past week though, i have been blaming myself so much. ive been feeling so worthless. i dont feel safe leaving my room. the only place ill go other than my room is to class and my boyfriends house. i dont understand this. i thought i was making some serious progress. at this point i feel hopeless.
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ptsd
|
TW! I've been dealing with OCD for as long as I can remember. Mainly skin picking and biting, which has become manageable in my adult years through the use of fidgets. However, recently I've developed a new compulsion that has me losing sleep.
Regardless of what I am doing, I have to check the electrical sockets in my room at least a dozen times before I feel calm enough to rest. Checking them includes pushing in each plug into the extension piece holding them all, and pushing in the actual extension piece, which with how often I am doing it, is probably doing more harm than good. I have developed a huge fear of my house burning down in my sleep due to an electrical fire.
Regardless of what I'm doing, if I feel the urge to check the sockets, I have to or else the anxiety eats at me. Playing a game? Must pause. Doing homework? Stop and check. Just got into a comfortable sleeping position? Get up and check.
Has anyone experienced a compulsion similar to this? Does anyone have any tips to help curb this? Anything is appreciated
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OCD
|
So I have been working for this horrible company as a boring office job worker for about 3 years now. I hate every day there and I hate my boss, who takes joy in stressing me out all the time. I have some very mild experiences with IT and I would love to learn programming or coding. But I just CAN'T START! I created an account on self-learning website, I flagged helpful videos on yt to watch later, I did research on recourses....but I am just completely paralyzed.
I am afraid to start, because I'm scared that I will find out that I'm **bad** at it. That would mean that I will never grow and never escape this hellhole I am profesionally in. That would mean that I am stupid and a failuire and good for nothing, at least in my head.
But I am also afraid to start because I'm scared that I will find out that I'm **good** at it! Because then it would mean that I could have started YEARS ago and by this time, I could already have a career and good money, but I didn't start years ago and I am just basically suffering for no reason, while I could have done so much by this time....aah.
Why do I have to overthink everything to this recidulous extent? I just can't get myself to start even on one lecture...why am I like this :D
EDIT 1 DAY LATER: thank you guys for the overwhleming amount of support. Yesterday evening I have finished first 1 hour lecture on HTML. I will try to continue at least 30 minutes/day for as long as I can!
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ADHD
|
My spouse is so supportive, but I see that he is holding back his own vulnerability to protect me. Any advice to encourage him to accept my support? He’s been through a lot, too, but stays stoic to be strong for me. Would love any guidance on how to level the emotional playing field.
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ptsd
|
Before I start I want to clairfy, I have not dated anyone under the age of consent, I have not watched or consumed a single piece of CP, and I'm not attracted to kids. But still this is driving me nuts.
I recently got a girl friend. I was 18 when we met and she was 16. A lil big of an age gap but I really liked her and she liked me so it was all good. Her mental age was on par with mine and everything seemed good. But my birthday passed before hers. meaning rn i'm 19 and shes 16, turning 17 in a couple months. Despite the fact that the age of consent here is 16, it bothers me. Why am I attracted to this girl more then other girls? I've had flings with people my age and it has fell apart for the most part. Is that because i'm only capable of liking younger girls? Somewhere in my heart I know the reason why I'm so attracted to her is because of her personality, and her humour, and her insights. But somewhere deep in my head theres a voice that keeps bothering me. WHY is it that the girl I love more then any of my past partners happen to be YOUNGER then me? like is there a correlation?
This strange thought has developed into worse things, especially because if I ever tell my friends they kind of give that judgemental stare. sometimes I walk around and notice girls in uniform, and wonder wtf is wrong with me when I realise they are like 14. and when I say notice I just mean literally notice, like "huh wonder what school that is". but my brain warps that into something terrible, or at least trys to. it's like "Why did that catch your eye? what the fuck is wrong with you?" and it drives me nuts. I've liked people my age and older before, its never been an issue but suddenly since i'm dating a younger girl its been bothering me. Sorry for going on and on. Its been really bothering me to the point i'm constantly googling if 19-17 or 19-16 age gap is ok. Has anyone else gone through something similar
Also, I haven't yet been medically diagnosed but my counselor from highschool has stated i may very well have OCD, and I do firmly believe so. My OCD sometimes tells me otherwise, but thats kinda how I know I have it.
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OCD
|
I am so tired of feeling this way. I am trying so hard to work through this and it’s starting to feel hopeless. I just want to finally get out of my head and let go of these intrusive thoughts. Please someone provide some tools you use to push through this god awful thing…
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OCD
|
I'm new to this forum.
I've always liked Reddit posts, but I have never participated in them.
I feel as though I'm going to do a binkie right now.
Everyone here is not afraid to contradict each other. Everyone here seems to just desire to come together and be as rational as possible.
What is this place? Have I discovered the utopia of Logic and Reasoning?
Yet despite the contradictions, no one is rude or gets offended.
This is great! This is what we need! People dedicated to something bigger than themselves. Knowledge, Logic, Reasoning, YAS YAS YAS YASSSSSS.
Math is the all powerful God though, let us not forget. heh….
Binkie time!
\*spasms\*
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aspergers
|
Hey guys! Whelp, I’m glad I’m not the only one who hyperfocuses on crushes or potentials, buuuut. It’s kinda hard to distinguish whether I’m really into him or not because is it my ADHD who’s so excited that I finally met someone or someone I’m truly into? I feel like “relationships” in the past don’t end up being one because being sensitive to rejection, I like to know whether he is interested in me or not even though it’s early on. I’ve noticed this is a defense mechanism of mine lol. I do want to take it slow, but sometimes it just occupies my mind. Also when does it get to the point where I am being patient or too patient with him? Any tips, truly appreciate it!
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ADHD
|
Hi y’all! So recently I was diagnosed with OCD and some other disorders. I’m trying to be in tune with my body and mind more and recognize why my brain does certain things
This is stupid. So, so stupid. But if I get a song stuck in my head, I will repeat it and repeat it until everyone around me is pissed. For example, recently I went onto Tik Tok where that one Fortnite song is viral right now. You know the one.... “it’s the number one victory royal”.
I’ve heard this song two days ago and I can’t stop thinking about the lyrics, repeating it in my head whenever I can. Repeating it out loud whenever I can.
Thoughts? Ways to halt this? Any advice is welcome.
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OCD
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Or anything that makes me look very happy and positive. Like I feel like on sites like Facebook me smiling or saying stuff like "what a wonderful day," like I see everyone else do just makes me seem too...soft? I dunno why or how to describe it I just don't want to look too innocent or attract too much attention.
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aspergers
|
When I first started taking medication, I instantly noticed that I was less sensitive to comments, and it was way easier to push the negative intrusive thoughts. I used this opportunity to practice holding off my rumination and talking myself out of my negative thoughts.
I'm on the last days of weaning off, and predictably, I've noticed that my negative thoughts are getting harder to push back (and more are showing up in my head), and I'm more sensitive to certain things. I can't watch certain shows again because I get offended.
Any tips or tricks to help me get past this? I was better than I was pre-medication, but I'd like to continue progressing as I wean off the medication.
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depression
|
Hi, sorry if I do anything wrong here, not used to being here.
I've been on this sub for a while mainly out of interest of PTSD but today my report came back from my psychiatrist and I have been diagnosed with PTSD after long term issues in my old school.
I don't really know what to say, it's been pretty strange today, I kind of guessed I had it, but now I've actually been diagnosed I guess I feel a little lost? I don't really know what to do now, or who to talk to, so I thought I'd just come here and say hi. I was coincidentally already on meds which have helped quite a lot so that's good, but it feels strange to know I have this condition that is talked a lot about in the media, and that I don't really know much about. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is does anyone have any advice for someone just diagnosed? Maybe something that you wished you'd known when you were first diagnosed?
Sorry this post is a mess, I'm a bit tired and today's just been strange haha
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ptsd
|
I once saw a "Monk" episode where one guy drank poisoned Coca Cola and died. That has been a fear of mine and now it kinda manifested as OCD.
Usually, the bottles I buy are branded with the words: "Original Taste"
However, some bottles also have "refreshing" or something like that written on them as well. I believe that those bottles are poisoned and avoid them
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OCD
|
I’ve had plenty of exotic pets:
Bearded dragon
Hedgehog
Ball python
Crested Gecko
I also have cats and dogs
I always go overboard researching care when I get a new pet. This PacMan frog is sort of sending me into OCD researching more than I like.
When I got him I was told he’d be fine at room temperature and just keep his home really humid.
After researching I found very specific details about temperature and humidity and a variety of other care needs
The problem is, like most pets there are a million different opinions about what is the best way to care for them.
I ended up spending a couple hundred bucks on supplies to make everything just right. Then, as us research OCD peeps do, I looked some more and everything conflicted. I don’t know anyone personally well enough to get them to tell me what’s the best.
Anyway,I got it set up based on the first care sheet and I’m trying to get my brain to just let it go.
The groups I visit are filled with people discussing this health issue and that and I’m just like crap. I don’t need this stress.
I know part of this is just my OCD but there is an element of truth in their need for proper care.
Any suggestions?
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OCD
|
Im someone who's still holding on on a ended relationship almost 2 years ago. Im still suffering feeling the pain. Crying asking where did go wrong. I give all the love the time the effort. I support everything and in the end it seems that im still not enough. Everyone been telling me that its not me. Everyone told me that who ever i love will be the luckiest person but why i end up with someone who doesn't see me that way? I have no one right now and a massive problem came on my family and im the one who take all the hatred. I can't move anymore. I don't know what to do. I want to end everything. I just want to rest and think nothing.
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depression
|
I am almost always ignored in social situations. Before I learned how to socialize I wanted to be ignored but now I dont. It's really annoying, I'm trying to improve my social skills but it's like everyone has an immediate instinct to ignore me, even if I am making an effort to get into the conversation.
Can anybody relate? Why is this so? How do I stop being ignored all the time?
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aspergers
|
I feel so weird right now. I feel like it's been building up recently. It feels like something's just wrong or just not how it's supposed to be. I'm not depressed or sad, I think. It's also not worry about some responsibility I have, as I think I currently have all my school stuff under control. I can feel happy and laugh about stuff. I just don't know how to express this weird feeling. Maybe a bit of anxiety or a weird kind of guilt? A bit of a feeling of emptiness. Anyone relate or know what it would be called?
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ADHD
|
Whether it was just taking care of a box of crayons when I was younger, or struggling to keep up with my schedule now, I cannot handle even the smallest responsibilities. I'm irresponsible, chaotic, messy and indecisive. I'll take up things way above my skill set or spare time, yet cannot even manage the smallest responsibilities. I change my mind way too often. School was just not working ( adhd + anxiety+ giftedness) and my family decided to finally, after mental illnesses took over from the stress of school, to let me give self schooling a shot. I was so excited to begin with it but just cannot handle the pressure. Not sure what to do from an academic stand point. Any help is appreciated a bunch.
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ADHD
|
To me, there a whole fucking lot at stake if I eat their food, they won’t understand that though and I don’t want to explain that. I’m stressing out and I don’t know what excuse to make or what to do
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OCD
|
I'm \*really\* trying to take care of myself these days, a lot of bad things are going on and I'm struggling more than I think I ever have before with my mental illness and my overall depression and grief. A lot of people keep preaching the importance of self care, but I haven't really found a way to care for myself. I try yoga in the mornings, I go outside when I can though I don't feel comfortable walking around in my neighborhood alone, and I've started up journaling again. How do I find self care that works for me?
Meditation usually stresses me out & gives me flashbacks -- does this happen for anyone else? i've avoided meditation and mindfulness because it makes me anxious to even think about sitting still and alone in a room. I don't know if that makes any sense. Does anyone have any advice? I am attending therapy and I go bimonthly. A lot of people assume that just because I am going to therapy that these things wouldnt be issues but they still kind of are. I just need help
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ptsd
|
I’m starting Adderall for the first time in my life tomorrow and I just realized that I got the Aurobindo variety. I’ve heard pretty much only negative things about it, so I was wondering how I would go about asking my pharmacy to give me a different kind. I pick up from CVS- if that means anything.
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ADHD
|
This is a simple question which I would like some feedback on. Is it okay for someone who has been diagnosed with PTSD and is symptomatic (flashbacks) to not be in treatment on some level with a qualified professional?
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ptsd
|
A fun fact that I have discovered is that, to my recollection, I stim more as an adult (25 f) than I did as a kid. Has anyone else experienced this? Or have the majority of people experienced the opposite? Thanks in advance.
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aspergers
|
Is this combinations even possible and how would it play out? Would autistic symptoms be reduced in a person who is both autistic and sociopath?
|
aspergers
|
What if
What if
why did i do that
did i do that in the past?
What if
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OCD
|
So my whole like I definetly have an obsessive personality and if there is something I am anxious about I will obsess over it. My mom even told me that I was an "expert googler". I had an eating disorder over the past year and I know they have many similarities to ocd. Just as my eating disorder thoughts were improving in recover I just had a shift in my mind and became obsessed with the thought of what if I am a lesbian.
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OCD
|
I'm a freshman in college and my dad is picking me up at 10am tomorrow to take me home for fall break. It's just for a few days so packing is pretty minimal. The logical approach would be to pack the night before so that when I wake up I don't have to do anything, but am I doing that? Of course not!
Instead its 3am and I'm studying for my chemistry class. I've been trying to study *anything* for weeks now with very little results. The second I have something more pressing to do suddenly studying is a breeze and all I've ever wanted to do. Now I'm making a post on reddit after getting food for the third time tonight.
Why is it so hard to do what actually needs to be done? A lot of people say they work better under pressure, me included. The issue is that I always do the work on the wrong thing. Math exam in a few days? Make a video game completely from scratch, and get a 47 on the exam. Need to respond to an important email about your accommodations that was sent almost 2 weeks ago? Pace the length of your dorm room for hours at a time.
For me the inability to do *anything* is the most frustrating this about ADHD. It's caused me to throw away so many opportunities over simple tasks. Anway rant over. I'm gonna going to go do god knows what, and hopefully I'll have my bag packed and be in bed by 5.
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ADHD
|
hi this is my first post on here and ive never spoken about this online and its draining my energy and making me feel so isolated, im scared abt talking abt this. i hv ocd, recently been diagnosed and hv had it since a young kid. i hv been with my girlfriend for 2 years now and i love her so much. she goes to the same uni as me and stays over at mine most the time. she gets along with my flatmate really well, which makes me so happy but i keep getting these intrusive thoughts telling me she likes her and not me and shes slowly falling out of love with me and that my flatmate likes her back too. i find it hard to catch up with them in conversation and they laugh so much together and their chemistry is so good and i feel like i cant make my gf laugh like she does and they hv so much in common. im also terrified of abandonment and i hv trauma from bad bullying and masking my autism/ adhd for a long time because of it so i think ive got abandonment issues from that. i keep isolating myself bc idk what to say or do and im speechless when im with them both. ive mentioned this to my girlfriend and shes reassured me but i cant bring myself to trust her and ive cried so much over this and i feel so nervous and depressed. i also have big mood swings, i feel happy then the slightest thing triggers me and it makes me feel bad bc its a lot for my gf but idk how to control it and i feel these massives insecurites and intrusive thoughts inside of me. im really sad because i want this to go away and i want the intrusive thoughts to stop or whatever this is thats happening. i also really want to have peace of mind and live normally in my home and i dont want to hurt her or make anything awkward in the flat. im wondering if anyone is going through the same or can relate to this? :///
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OCD
|
Hey everyone, as the title states, I am often at a peaceful state of mind (no intrusive thoughts). However during this 'peaceful' time, I am often worried and afraid that something will trigger my OCD and I'll go into a long episode of overthinking/OCD. Anyone else experience this? How do I stop this fear?
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OCD
|
As I’m sure many of us can relate, I was asked to make a Christmas list and promptly forgot everything I’ve ever liked or wanted.
What’s on everyone’s lists? I do 100% plan to steal ideas.
I’m personally good on standard fidgets (spinners, cubes, etc) but if anyone has anything particularly unique in that department to add please feel free to share :)
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ADHD
|
I don't know if this has been asked before so I thought I'd ask!
[This is my comfort/stim song.](https://youtu.be/jSvWutW93-Y)
It probably seems like the opposite of comforting but I kid you not, the other day I played it through my bass speaker, wrapped that up in my blanket to increase the intensity of the bass vibrations (lol ironic), laid down, held it close to my chest, and within a few minutes of soaking in the bass, I was out like a light. It was just supposed to be a brief stimming session, just trying to calm down before I went to sleep. But I guess my body quickly succumbed to the sleeping pills I took once I relaxed LOL
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aspergers
|
On December 4th it'll be four years since my overdose and I can't help but wonder if I had any brain damage from that, as I had three seizures and was unconscious for I don't know how long. To this day I still feel persistent brain fog that is always there I don't know if there's anything in my control that I can do to get rid of it. Do I have permanent brain damage that is untreatable? And will I have to live the rest of my life with the defective brain that I have?
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depression
|
I am not doing well. I think my relationship is over. Nobody's fault. I do not blame her. She is coming from a place of love and sees me hurting. You are correct. I recently learned I had PTSD. I was raped in Middle School for being a bisexual kid in the deep south and bullied through high school. My therapist only recently got me to admit that. It has messed me up.
I should clarify. I have been struggling a lot with my depression. She genuinely loves me, but she is scared that she is enabling me and I am using her for a therapist rather than getting the help I need.
I think she may be right. I have been toxic and hurting for a while. She wants me to get healthy
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ptsd
|
How often do your Flashbacks happen? & How long do you go into them :( I’m struggling with mine they are so scary and I can’t recognise what’s triggering them
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ptsd
|
My head is just filled with fog and I’m so disconnected from everything in my life rn. Just kinda floating by I guess.. I feel so weird and I hate it so fucking much. I’ve had DPDR for about 7 months and I started obsessing over when or it I was feeling better.. One obsession I picked up is if I feel like my room or something around me feels normal or how it used to feel before I got dpdr. Now I don’t feel like I’m at the place I’m at. I have this weird feeling of being somewhere else. It’s a very strong and intense feeling too. I can’t get rid of it.
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OCD
|
Life with Aspergers is like being forced to navigate through a functionally infinite glass maze whose layout changes at random. Some parts of the maze are comprised of non-euclidean geometry that can drive you to insanity if you attempt to understand it.
You can destroy some parts of the maze if you really wanted to in an attempt to free yourself but good luck finding the tools to do so, also it's a social and legal taboo to damage the structure of the maze.
The worst part about this maze is not its difficulty or madness-inducing special sections. The worst part is that it was built specifically to torment you and others like you while being easy for people who aren't like you. The architects of the maze say that it's easy for everyone and the people who fail at it just aren't trying hard enough, the people who can get through the maze easily share similar views.
We all know the maze was designed to be unreasonably cruel and divisive. It was designed to be an eternal spectacle for its builders and observers who relish in watching the suffering of people who aren't like them. The Maze doesn't need to exist.
​
​
​
|
aspergers
|
Well, I do have one hobby, watching Youtube videos and Twitch streams to escape from my depression, but it's honestly pathetic and when someone asks me what my hobbies are, I'll say something like "skiing and kayaking", even though I do those things about 2 or 3 times each year. I think this is just one of many examples of how most of the things I do are based on what I perceive as socially normal or what others expect me to do. This, on top of the fact that I think that any trait I may have is matched with its opposite, makes it just impossible for me to know who I truly am. For example, I believe I am very argumentative by nature (in a devil's advocate way where I will take an opposing side to an argument for fun, which was always met with "you're going to be such a good lawyer some day") but at the same time, I am incredibly unconfrontational by nature as well and will often bend the knee to someone to avoid a fight. I also have flashes of being a total introvert (I'll lay in bed all day and have very little interaction with my roommates) as well as flashes of being a complete extrovert where I drive conversation in social settings. I do incredibly well and am a leader in group conversations and will often be the center of attention among the participants, yet when I give a presentation in front of a group of people, I have trouble breathing. Also contradictory to my ability to excel in group social settings is how awkward I feel one-on-one, even with people who I've known for years. There are very few people who I actually feel comfortable speaking with individually and I can't stand eye contact. Maybe it's because I feel more comfortable being an entertainer than opening up emotionally to people. To top it all off, as you may be able to tell, I'm a very self-analytical person and think a lot about my behavior, yet I have no idea who I am as a person. These are just a few examples of contradictory traits that I have, but you get the point.
On top of this, I have an absolute disinterest in every class that I take and have no idea what I'm going to do in a year and a half when I graduate college. I excelled in my classes from elementary to high school and because of that, attend one of the top universities in the country, where I met incredibly driven and intelligent people who have the rest of their lives planned out. When I was in high school and had no idea what I wanted in life, they told us that we weren't alone in that sentiment, and while that may have been true at my high school, this certainly wasn't the case in college. While I didn't care much about my classes up until college, at least I had this reassurance that I would eventually find my calling in life. Well, I'm about to turn 21, and that still hasn't happened. And I know people will say "don't worry a lot of people don't know what they want in life at that age", but that wasn't supposed to happen to ME. I grew up with a very structured life in an upper middle class neighborhood with lawyers for parents. Everyone, my neighbors, lower school classmates, and family have been made well aware of my "intelligence". As trivial as it is, I was the runner up for "Most Likely to Succeed" for my middle school's superlatives. My intelligence has always been the complete foundation for my self worth, and when I was bullied during my first two years of high school, what kept me going was knowing those kids would be working for me one day. That's almost completely gone at this point now that I'm surrounded by people who are smarter and more motivated than myself. A lot of people say not to compare yourself to others, but the fact of the matter is that if I turn out to just be mediocre, my peers will almost assuredly judge me, maybe not with malice, but with pity. The only positive trait that I can name about myself nowadays, especially since I've gained 25 pounds in 2 years and am on the fringe of weighing over 200 lbs and no longer would consider myself physically attractive, is that I'm pretty funny.
This ESPECIALLY isn't supposed to happen to me in the educational environment that I'm in now. Everyone has a plan and excels at and loves what they do. One of my roommates, a junior as well, already has a $170k a year job secured for after he graduates. Another one of my roommates is an engineering student and barely sleeps because he's always working, and the last is a premed student. Meanwhile, I'm a political science major who thought the idea of studying politics sounded cool until I actually started taking major specific classes and saw that literally everyone is obsessed with politics and spends hours everyday checking in on Congressional meetings and reading the news. I simply don't really care about our modern day politics; I think it's all a sham and we're led by incredibly narcissistic and selfish people. Really, law school seems like the only career path available after I graduate, but it's an incredibly labor intensive and expensive investment to make when I'm unsure of it. I'm absolutely not willing to take on the burden of student debt and take out a loan for it, and frankly I would have no idea how to approach my parents and ask them to pay for it since they do not shy away from reminding me how they've wasted over $100k so far on an education I neglect and don't take advantage of, which while totally valid, has been more detrimental to my mental health than they can comprehend. While I appreciate that they have somewhat attempted to by sympathetic towards my depression, they have refused to understand that guilting someone who already feels incredibly guilty is not an effective motivation tactic. When I am trying to put together scraps of any motivation I have left in the tank to write a paper that's two weeks late, my parents reminding me about the checks they have written and the checks that they will stop writing if I don't get the work done clogs my mind of the guilt I have for letting them and myself down, and that becomes my mind's focus rather than the paper.
I really just feel hopeless about my future and I don't feel like I'll ever find true happiness in whatever career path I settle for. I don't even know if I feel true emotions or if my brain tells my body "this is how you're supposed to react" and it does it, and I don't know if that will ever change. Ultimately, while I certainly don't think I'm the only person in the world that feels that way, considering the potential people from my hometown have always perceived me to have and the incredibly driven educational environment that I'm in now, there will be an incredibly giant spotlight on me if I can't find some motivation in life, flunk out of school, or don't find a well-paying job. While I don't think there's anything wrong with living a simple, average life, the expectations that everyone around me, as well as myself, have always had for me, have been set disastrously high and are leading to my failure.
I don't blame anyone if they don't read through all of this; it's ridiculously long. While I would love and encourage advice/conversation from others, even just writing this alone has helped me come to a better understanding for how I'm feeling. I think I'll read this to my therapist next appointment since I never feel like I'm able to truly express how I'm feeling into verbal words. And maybe if I ever get the courage or feel comfortable enough, I can use this to explain how I'm feeling to my parents as well.
|
depression
|
I just feel terrible. I feel like such a horrible person and i can't tell anyone about it. And my therapist won't listen to me. All i do all day is cry because whenever i try to do something productive my brain bullies me until i hate myself.
|
OCD
|
No more ads. No more "click yes and enjoy 30 minutes" no more stalling because of poor cell service. No more random songs playing. No more draining my battery or stopping the music because I got a call or need to make a call...
Sometimes the old way is better.
Why didn't I do this before?
Because I went from having a CD player in my truck and also an MP3 player to having a cell phone with good storage, making the MP3 player obsolete.. then had a cell phone with poor storage.. then had a car with an Aux port and cell phone with unlimited data and YouTube. A couple days ago my 12V adapter went out and cell battery became a limiting factor again. Today I woke up and one of the ideas my brain came up with in my sleep was this thing...
MP3 player has sat in a drawer for years unloved and now I'm realizing it could remove a few of those annoyances and make it safer to drive as well. I have 2.5 gigs of storage and it takes SD cards so I can put literally anything on there.
I'm one of those people who downloaded a ton of music off Napster and limewire back in the day when others were spending $13 on a CD but somewhere along the way I gave up that power for some kind of convenience that really isn't there.
Edit: BONUS POINTS cause this baby will connect direct to my sound system so I don't need to have the TV on anymore to listen to music on YouTube at home either.(My laptop has a bad sound card)
What a beautiful day!
|
ADHD
|
I \[20F\] have absolutely no support in my life. I am so lonely that I feel physically sick every day. I can't even remember the last time someone gave me a hug. The only people I talk to are my professors occasionally. I have been looking for ways to cope with this severe loneliness and all of the self-help articles say to just call someone you love, but I have no one to call. I try to do things like read and paint to distract myself, but I can never get rid of this pit inside of me. I've felt like this since August 2020 and it seems like there is no end in sight.
I try so god damn hard to make friends. I'm in clubs at my university and I am generally a kind person, but still no one wants to stick around. I can't even make online friends. I feel like there's something wrong with me and I don't understand why. I can't take this loneliness anymore, I relapsed on self harm for the first time since high school. I am crippled by it and I just don't know what to do at this point, I feel like I'm at the end of my rope. I would really appreciate some advice, thank you <3
|
depression
|
I got this term from Rebecca Jay on YT. It’s when you feel like you can’t do anything all day because you have one big thing you need to do. I always get stressed out before work if I work closing shift because I’ll feel like I’m just in “waiting mode” all day and like I can’t do anything until I go to work and then after work. Sometimes I even feel it (not as much though) while waiting for the day to end as I work the next day. Is there a way to deal with this?
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ADHD
|
harm / moral ocd has manifested into an exhausting fear of infecting (and thus killing) other people. I'm hyperaware of my physical health and I keep continuously checking for symptoms and treat every little abnormality as a symptom of covid. No matter what I feel, I manage to rationalize that it's covid and I don't even know what's real or not anymore..
|
OCD
|
I do not have diagnosed ocd since i've never seen a therapist, but based on what i've searched up the past year, it seems to be leaning there. I think i mostly have hocd based on my symptoms, and it has calmed down a little bit compared to when i had it last year thanks to my knowledge about the condition. However, not a day still goes by where i dont have the intrusive thought that im gay. I treat it differently now compared to last year when i basically had to time myself out just to calm myself down from the overwhelming anxiety.
My problem now is that i associate everything i see in the media with everything else. Like, i might be watching porn or hentai one time then randomly think of a youtuber. Now, i'm scared that i might ruin my liking of the youtuber because i might just think of porn whenever i watch their content or vice versa. Edit: recently i also remembered about the mr hands thing even though i've already forgotten about it years ago and now i'm scared that whenever i see horses i might just think of that. End edit.
I know it's best to consult a therapist, but my situation just cant allow that right now so reddit is all i've got.
|
OCD
|
Has anyone ever felt this? Is this another sign that I have PTSD? To me it feels and seems so.It feels like another version, story, or pay of saying I have PTSD and I need help ASAP. One of the many ways to get a diagnosis, but the thing is, is I was raped and my rape is real and was traumatic the rest of body.
I feel I’m screaming in my head for it to get out. I also became very suicidal, and wanted to kill myself.
|
ptsd
|
TW: Self harm?
---
Mentioned in my last post, I had a nightmare and now I'm remembering everything i did as a child [9-14? 15?] And its triggering my real event OCD and another subset I'm not comfy saying. I'm so scared that I'm a bad person, or an abuser, or that I'm attracted to something. I'm so scared.
I fantasize about getting a lobotomy a lot. Especially right now, I'm literally begging for one. I'd rather lose everything about myself then remember. I'd rather lose my emotions, everything, then live with this damn disorder anymore... I wish OCD had a cure
|
OCD
|
I’ve recently made plans for public Suicide because of not being able to return to my university. I don’t know what to do anymore. There’s no reason to continue living I’ve never been loved and I have nothing.
|
depression
|
Hi this is my first time ever posting on here and I just really dont know who to talk to even though the hundrends of people online on my facebook and stuff my friends are online but its just hard for me to open up especially having c-ptsd. So yeah i feel like i need someone to talk to about this situation but dont know who to go to so im posting here haha it wasnt an ugly break up or anything but i just dont know what im feeling right now i want to cry but i cant im trying to distract myself with happy things but nothing seems to work she was talking about her problems and how she needs space i just want to feel something to feel hurt happy sad i just dont want to be confused
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ptsd
|
all i think about is feeling nauseous and throwing up. it’s literally all i worry about. at the start of the year i had a panic attack about throwing up and ever since then i’ve just been obsessed with nausea and throwing up. i feel nauseous almost constantly and i’m terrified there’s some underlying health issue that’s causing it. i cant stop these thoughts and it makes me want to cry. i feel cursed at this point
|
OCD
|
Hi guys! I find that my OCD is usually related to anxiety and panic. I made a video talking about my experience with a panic attack and other mental health related issues. I hope some of you can relate! Life is too short to do it alone and I’m tired of living like that. Hope someone is helped! [my panic attack](https://youtu.be/crjjDdewHAg)
|
OCD
|
Little catchup: its been nearly 3 months since my evaluation and I haven't heard back from them since my last call. Theres another post with more detail explaining it from about a month ago
I have tried calling, they no longer pick up on tuesdays when the psychologist is in and in general just don't pick up to my number.
My school is of no help. They say hippa prevents them from making any calls so I haven't been able to find any patient advocates. I'm still far as heck from them, same state, but about 300 miles away and without a way to travel.
I don't know what to do. I've tried calling and it's gotten me nowhere, I'm still struggling, I don't have anywhere around me I can get another evalv, and I'm not even sure if I'd be able to find any others that would be able to do the evalv that my insurance would cover. Any tips?
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ADHD
|
Does anyone else have religious ocd? My mind keeps making me doubt Jesus and the words He says in the Bible but in my heart I know I believe in Him. Is that me doubting or is it my ocd? It hasn’t gone away for a really long time tbh,, it’s not just Christianity either I feel like my ocd makes me doubt everything ://
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OCD
|
[https://youtu.be/pLYJ95fXMzk](https://youtu.be/pLYJ95fXMzk)
Latest video i've done on how i combat my PTSD and other mental health problems.
Hope this can help some people
|
ptsd
|
I'm an autistic teen (asperger syndrome and possibly savant syndrome) and I'm thinking of watching the good doctor however after "music" the movie that calling a dumpster fire movie is far too kind to it, and the big bang theory's hit or miss representation I'm nervous on watching another show with an autistic main character does the show handle it well/make us actually look human?
|
aspergers
|
One of the thoughts that jump in my mind are these unwanted promises to do / not do certain things. They're really hard to control, and trying to counteract them wastes so much mental energy.
|
OCD
|
This is my third try at a new medication. Methylphenidate was awful, made me super anxious.
Elvanse gave me intolerable side effects including a massive crash.
Now I am on Dexamfetamine. The side effects are much less, but I have noticed that when they wear off I get incredibly irritable. Like I used to when I was a teenager and couldn't control my anger.
Today was the worst. I wasn't even coming down from them but just super bitchy the whole day. Could not find a single thing to feel positive about. Compulsively complained about anything and everything. I don't usually get pms but I started my period today so I wonder if that has something to do with it.
I don't know. I just feel SO DESPONDENT. I'm so tired you guys. I'm already so late to the diagnosis (mid 40s) and I feel like I've been robbed of the prime years of my life due to just not being able to function and respond to life with any kind of positivity and resilience. Lying down in defeat seems to have become my default.
I don't know what I'm looking for here. Hope I guess. Hanging on by a few threads atm.
|
ADHD
|
I have tried prescription meds for sleep, as well as ptsd meds to.mitigate the issues I have when I dream but lately I have been unable to sleep well. The problem is they aren't nightmares... That would be easier for me to digest, the dreams I have are just a replay of horrible things I've seen, so when I wake up I am jarred for the rest of the day... I try to connect with people but somehow I can't relate. I am doing therapy once a week plus going to start trauma therapy soon.
I guess I just need to write this so I don't feel as alone as I think I am.
|
ptsd
|
(Also called hapephobia) I know that germophobia and OCD have a large overlap because of Contamination-Themed OCD, and this might be related, but even when I know someone is clean, I hate touching. My neck starts tingling and it feels like small ants are trailing under my skin, and it becomes a tactile hallucination, and if I touch some one for a long enough period of time, or get too physically close it goes from annoying tingling to burning on my neck, and slight actual physical pain. I was wondering if anyone else has this fear of being touched, or if it was related in any way...
Now I'm hyperaware of my neck skin after typing that, thanks OCD
|
OCD
|
I am not overreacting with I say that I literally feel like I’m slowly dying physically and mentally. Each day I wake up and it gets harder and harder to want to live. I have a bunch of mental and physical issues that are making it difficult to even function.
My life is hard in every aspect right now. I have a support system but it’s only two people, both of which are involved in some way with my trauma etc and are family and my spouse.
I cannot stop thinking bad thoughts (5 previous attempts). It’s every minute of every day. The depression is heavy and needy. Worsened if anything goes wrong, no matter how big or small the problem. I just lose my shit. I feel as though all I do is cry and sleep.
Tried to talk to my only female friend who isn’t my family about how I’m feeling, (we live on opposite sides of the country but text everyday) only to be met with “yeah I feel like that sometimes too, proper sucks doesn’t it?”.
Is it just me who wants to shake someone, anyone and yell at them until they realise how bad things have got for me? Cause I have tried everything and I am going backwards at this point.
I don’t even know what I want or need anymore but this sub seemed better than my fucking journal.
|
depression
|
About 2 years ago I started having panic attacks coupled with dissociation. I decided I wanted to take action and was prescribed a medication for generalized anxiety. I’ve had OCD my whole life, but this panicked state was something new. I took it for about 1 year then tapered off because I generally felt better and didn’t want to rely on meds. I’ve never taken a med in my life besides this one.
Around that time, I read testimonials online of people saying the medication caused side effects that continued even after quitting it. After reading that, I became so fearful and afraid of my health. I’ve been so scared for so long that I have permanent brain alterations and won’t be able to feel the same ever again.
What makes this so scary is that I truly haven’t felt like myself for so long and this feeds into the obsessive thinking. Am I actually okay? Is this just a really long mentally demanding theme of obsessions and I’m burned out? Wouldn’t I feel better by now if my brain is healthy? Is the stress gonna kill me? How do I know if I’m okay?
I just want to feel safe and healthy and these thoughts are keeping me away from that. I went to the doctor, explained myself and even had blood tests run (to single out any other potential health problem) and was told that I’m perfectly healthy and am just anxious. He said he doesn’t think this was caused by the medication. But how could he really know? How could he be qualified enough to know how I feel in my mind? Only I know that. Being told I’m healthy made me feel even worse because my mind rebutted with “then why don’t you feel like yourself?”
What’s truly so exhausting is that I’m second guessing my own feelings and I don’t know what to feel anymore. I can’t casually do something without analyzing how I feel and wondering if I could feel better or should be having a different emotional response. Or I wonder if I’m functioning fully (memory, response time, focus, feeling present, etc.) Am I just tired or is this never going to change? I just want to be myself again.
I’ve had other health anxieties before but this is by far the worst one because I’m convinced there’s no way out. That I made a tragic mistake by taking those meds and my life is forever ruined. I’m only 20 and I feel like my life is over. I don’t want it to be. It’s like I’m throwing a funeral for myself every day.
I’ve been dealing with this for so long, I need advice, techniques, similar experiences, comfort, anything. Please don’t leave me in the dark cause I’m beyond desperate right now.
|
OCD
|
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