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It feels like I’m in a constant state of “could be better, could be worse.” I’m very influenced by my surroundings, so when life around me becomes more hectic, so do my thoughts and feelings. Some weeks are better because life is relatively calm for said week. Other weeks I feel overwhelmed, tense, melancholic, etc. because things around me are so hectic. It feels like each week I’m in a different mood…
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depression
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I have my first therapy appointment today - I am freaking out....
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ptsd
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My ocd has taken over my life and has gotten to a point where even the compulsions that used to help, don’t help anymore. It still feels not right. I’m sick and tired of it so today I told myself to kiss my old life goodbye and I called the therapist and made an appointment and I’m not going to miss it this time like the last one. Last time I was still scared but I’m ready to look my ocd in the face and say, you don’t belong here anymore! I’m tired of putting my life on hold and letting the haters win because they see me down in the dumps as a prisoner in my own home. A prisoner to my mind. My anxiety and ocd has been really bad lately and I just want it all to be over, I want my normal life back. I just have my doubts that therapy alone will work. Everyone seems to want me to just do talk therapy, but I know how severe my ocd is, I don’t think that alone will help me. I want to explore multiple options at once, so therapy and medication. Did anyone else have doubts that the therapy/medication would help but then were surprised when it actually did? I’m not scared of getting help anymore, I’m just scared that all the therapy/medication will be for nothing? I don’t want to be a prisoner for the rest of my life.
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OCD
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So in September of 2020, I checked myself into a psych unit because I was having obsessive thoughts of suicide. I didn't want to harm myself, but I couldn't stop repeating situations where I harm myself in my head. I freaked out and drove to the hospital, the whole time parsnoid I was gonna crash on purpose. I figured "it's a hospital, they'll help me feel better." I couldn't have been more wrong. I only spent 5 days in there but it felt like months. From the time I woke up to the time I went to sleep it was nothing but horrifying, intrusive racing thoughts. I expressed my concern with them, which prompted them to give my Trazadone and Visteril (which did absolutely nothing to help me.) In a sense, my stay in the unit inspired me to start pushing through my bad phases instead of completely freaking out, because all the psych ward did for me was allow my intrusive thoughts to fester 24/7 with no stimuli to help take my mind off them. Has anyone else had similarly terrible experiences in a mental unit?
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OCD
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Its such a jarring break from routine. And I have nothing to do over the summer. I spend entire weeks without leaving the house, it just feels like such a waist of time.
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aspergers
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I often have a tense feeling in the top of my head and on my temples. It feels heavy and my jaw is also very tense and sore. It goes away after a while but when I focus on it , it becomes more defined. With the use of ERP, how would I apply this feeling and ignore it? How do I ignore a physical sensation . Thanks in advance for my fellow recoverees.
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OCD
|
Does anyone else feel like their PTSD amplifies their anger way beyond whats normal or acceptable? I always find myself losing my shit after 1 or 2 things go wrong and its so infuriating. No matter how hard I try to keep calm over literally anything i cant. And if i keep getting angrier i get a full blown panic attack, i had one the other day from losing too much in a damn game. My therapist told me its cuz since ive been a kid ive always lived in "Soldier mode" and thats just how i had to survive. Now...im past that, my life has kind of calmed down and being in this "soldier mode" just makes everything harder in my day to day to life. But ive been stuck in it since i was 10 and im almost 30 now and its such a struggle, ive been in and out of therapy and am currently out rn. I need people who struggle with the inability to stay calm to talk to, and im 1000% certain of it being cuz of my ptsd since ptsd fucks with the connectors in your brain and makes you jump to strong emotions way too fast.
edit: forgot a word.
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ptsd
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ADHD obviously means a lot of excitement, motivation, and prep, followed by a sudden lack of interest or investment with whatever you were fixated on.
I always wondered why I thought about women, dating, etc. so often. Then I realized that it was probably just my ADHD. THEN it sort of hit me that thinking about dating is sort of my "default" or "go-to" fixation. Obviously not by choice, by it's still weird.
Does anyone else experience something like this?
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ADHD
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I have OCD from so many years but I didn't know about this problem. Later I searched alot on this and found that it's called OCD and read about it. Before pandemic it was fine, it was minimal. But during lockdown, its going worse. Even in small actions its affecting me, repeating all things. Its consuming too much productive time of mine. Not able to work properly on daily routine things too. Please advise on this. What should I do?
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OCD
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Like the title says, I have depression, ADHD and anxiety. I am on medicines which have helped; at least I notice improvement when I take them faithfully.
Problem is, I know there are things I can do to make myself feel better but I can't seem to do them. I know exercise will help, but I can't seem to will myself to begin. When I do, I don't continue. I know doom scrolling is bad but I won't stop. I know journaling or drawing could help, and I enjoy those activities, but I refuse to do them.
It's like self sabotage on top of lack of motivation due to depression and ADHD.
Can anyone relate?
I know if I just start to do things I will feel better, but I just CAN'T or simply refuse to take steps to feel better. Why??
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depression
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My girlfriend of 3 years recently left me so I decided to go on tinder to maybe find some one and the first girl I matched with fucking catfished me. We talked for a while too. Can’t ever catch a damn break anymore
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depression
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okay so ive been thinking about this a lot, and i am more comfortable telling strangers who dont know me but as a whole can understand me rather than friends who know me as a specific person and i have an intense fear of acting out of character and making people hate me or something idk thats something to unpack another day
ANYWAY. so, up until perhaps 21 or so i considered myself to be completely 100% sex repulsed Asexual. for those who do not know what asexual means, it means you have no feelings of sexual attraction. whatever that is for you personally differs from person to person. for me, i didnt want sex, i was terrified of it, i wanted NOTHING to do with anything sexual. or in my mind, anything "immodest". i didnt necessarily believe that modesty and sexuality were linked, but it bled into that aspect of my thinking, and so seeing the naked form made me very uncomfortable. a roommate of my best friend got her nipples pierced and wanted to show me and i shut down and kept saying no while she berated me for equating boobs to something bad (or whatever. she was a shit person but thats neither here nor there). when i was finally alone with my friend i broke down crying because i felt a deep sense of shame and hatred towards myself. i hadnt even seen them, but the thought of it made my skin crawl.
when i was with an ex of mine, "we" were "comfortable" enough to shower together. them because they desperately wanted to, and me because if i said no they would throw a fit and have a breakdown, and also because their eyesight was so bad that they wouldnt be able to see me without their glasses. i NEVER let them see me naked, i refused. we never had sex, though they tried to pressure me into it. (as you can tell it was abusive) but this was the only example of anyone ever seeing ME naked.
this leads to me being 21, id been out of that relationship for two years, and hadnt been in one since, so i had no other experiences even romantically. One night, i experienced something i never had in my life. A wet dream. i didnt know what the fuck it was when i first woke up, but as soon as i did i had a horrible panic attack and felt violently ill and i begged whatever powers that be for it to never happen again. i dont really like to ask for anything from any sort of deity, i dont like the thought of not having total control and freedom over my life and my decisions or how i choose to live. but it shook me to my core and i hated myself for it.
well, no one listened, and for MONTHS straight every night i would have a wet dream. it was the cause of SO much distress for me. i couldnt tell anyone about it either because admitting i had these dreams was like admitting that a whole part of me i didnt want to believe was there existed and was waking up. the only way to get rid of them, i found out, was to masturbate, which i had rarely ever done (seriously not even once until i was at LEAST 18). i went from never ever doing it to having to do it multiple times a week and eventually to once every few to once a month if i was lucky.
it was like an identity crisis. who had i become? what changed in me to make this start? i wanted it to end. eventually i became numb to the shame and self hatred and just did it as a chore to keep me from having to experience it.
i assume this has something to do with a childhood i dont really remember. i know of one instance, though i try to not think about it, but i feel like something happened when i was too young to remember, because this feeling of shame does not come from nowhere, and it was something i had experienced my whole life. i will most likely never know, and i hope i dont honestly. the amnesia i deal with on a daily basis didnt happen for no reason. my fear of men, the ghost touch sensations, the absolute panic of seeing patrick swayze in dirty dancing holding baby's waist that sends me into a month long dissociative panic attack where i cannot leave my room because ive somehow triggered myself that intensely, that doesnt happen for no reason.
but this isnt about that. im almost in my mid twenties now, i have grown SO much from then. am i comfortable with people seeing MY body? absolutely not i have body dysmorphia and cant even look myself in the mirror cause i dont recognize myself at all. but can i sit in a room with people naked/half naked now? yes. i desensitized myself to it on my own time, with my own strength. i willed myself to do it once i realized that this wasnt some internal punishment, that my body wasnt "betraying" me. im not ace, im sexually repressed. and my body and mind found myself healed enough to let me experience what people normally experienced once they hit puberty.
everyone talks about their "sexual awakening". how they saw kiera knightly on the big screen, how they saw this or that and it was like a switch was flipped. and they would speak so happily about it too. mine happened in a very jarring and upsetting way, but im happy it happened at all and that i can start to tackle this part of me that i never understood because i didnt feel it because it wasnt safe to.
also idk who tf said that women cant have sex dreams or have an orgasm from it like men can, but um thats some bullshit.
idk i feel really proud of myself for getting this far in my healing. i may not be ready to show people this, but it doesnt make me any less proud. my next goal is to get people to stop seeing me as some sexless pure being who would never want anything more than a peck on the lips because that couldnt be further from the truth! i am super touch deprived, as well as touch adverse, so it takes time but i am no longer baby!! i want power!!!
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ptsd
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I had a nightmare yesterday and I am really not feeling secure about talking it to my therapist. I had the courage and I trusted my therapist to tell her about my real event ocd, something I only trusted to a pastor and my mother, but I feel if I tell her my nightmare it could be different.
Basically I had a nightmare about being arrested and I am ruminating since I woke up over this. I dont know what to do. I keep thinking about my therapist talking about this with other therapist and thinking I am a horrible person, a bad person.
Idk if I should talk about it. If I talk about this I dont really want to go deep on this. Maybe I am dealing now with magical thinking ocd, but about this nightmare. It has been so many time since I had a dream or nightmare that worsened my ocd. And the worst is I know its all my mind, but I dont know what to do to not believe in these thoughts.
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OCD
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or if they get triggered at very very very very certain things?
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OCD
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I always get intrusive sexual thoughts when I'm around males and its really annoying. I'm religious and I also get blasphemous intrusive thoughts (for ex. they usually come up when I see a guy I'm friends with and my intrusive thoughts will say "he is my God" or something like that, or other intrusive thoughts where I insult God). This may be an odd question, but is this really how I feel about these people? I honestly question at times whether the thoughts are intentional or intrusive because it happens so often. Is this how I actually think, whether consciously or subconsciously? How do I fix this?
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OCD
|
I think anyone else said it here before
Today I was looking Netflix and saw a serie. "Atypical" it's about a autistic guy but I want your opinion did you see it yet?
What do you think? Is it another cliche serie about autism?
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aspergers
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I have ADHD, anxiety and depression. I don't get any enjoyment out of things like I used to love. For example, I love video games with a passion and it is my escape from reality, but for whatever reason when I try to start a new game I just lose interest within hours.
I feel the only person that can truly understand me is... me. It's a harsh reality but I always used music to cope with that. Listening to people who have the same struggles as me makes me feel so much less alone. But even with that, I don't even have the energy to listen to music like that anymore. I don't get the same feeling of happiness, sadness, excitement, it all just feels hollow.
Working gets me into a depressive state. My job isn't particularly difficult and it's all tasks that I am very much capable of doing. But my concentration and motivation are nearly non-existent. When I
(I had to stop writing because I don't even have enough energy for that, I feel so empty)
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depression
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for those that aren't aware, a 200 is the highest score you can get on a single test and a 175-200 means that you're college-ready.
idk i'm just super proud of myself and the lady at the ged place was praising me, saying how she's never seen anyone score above 185 so that's pretty cool
not too bad for a 17 y/o high school dropout 😅
note: my other 3 scores were in the 155-165 range tho lmao
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ADHD
|
Sometimes it feels like there is a huge ball of energy in me. It sits in the middle of my chest. I often end up mistaking it for things like nausea and then the energy just grows and grows and by the time I'm trying to get it out of my by hitting/ shaking my hands (my usual stims), it doesn't make a difference.
So the only thing left I feel I can do is to physically get it out of my body and since I can't reach in and take it, I do the next best thing which is inducing myself to vomit my food since the energy is in me and close to my stomach.
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aspergers
|
hi everyone, not sure I am welcome here , I've read some threads and I felt a bit ashamed for the neurotypical that mistreated you :/
I recently met a person that later on told me has Asperger , i have to say I knew a little bit about it, I also asked him a bit and did some research, he's a very interesting person and I enjoy his company a lot
sometimes tho I struggle to understand him, for example sometimes he disappears for several days , he says sometimes he forgets to answer or he's very stressed , that he is bad with multitasking (which I believe him) but at the same time I don't understand if its his own way of avoiding me??
so I'm here to ask you, how do I distinguish between a ""rude""" behaviour that he doesn't do on purpose and one that is infact done with intent?
please note Im asking this just because I genuinely want the best for him
(I did speak to him about this but he doesn't understand my point of view and I don't want to stress him about because he might get offended obviously)
thank you for your time if you decide to answer ;)
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aspergers
|
I was diagnosed with PTSD on Saturday. I have no idea.
I've Had mental health problems ever since I was a kid. I had no clue how to distinguish it from the normal anxiety, depression and ADHD had been managing. I've been receiving psychiatric treatment consistently as well.
But ...i haven't had a support system, I tendency to self isolate & emotional deprivation issues.. I'm just going to talk about it here. I'm sorry if it's weird or poorly written , I don't really talk about this stuff
....
Even though the trauma started whenever I was a kid, I didn't start losing enjoyment in life until I got into a relationship with someone the exact same type of abusive she was... I was with him most of my adult life (24) in June of 2019, he tried to end mine an our 6 week old son's life.
I had to go into witness protection... I was assigned a victim's advocate by the army as they built a case. I got transported home... I got my son settled to a new state..... I started seeing a guy within 6 months... Things started to calm down...
My son and I stayed with my grandmother right over 6 months before my mom moved in. (She didn't ask, she just showed up with a U-Haul truck & my grandma was kind of forced to let her stay at that point)
She's a drug addict that implemented pretty sadistic punishments against us as kids (locking us in our room for over a day sometimes... Pissing in Lego boxes in the closet... Being forced to drink it after she remembered to let us out... Locks on all the fridges and cabinets... Being forced to wear shackles.. torture type stuff). Since My grandmother is a woman who married her rapist and she said my mother has always been like this.... It isn't something she thinks twice about. She's more scaref of her, than anything so whatever she wants happens - her behavior is severely abnormal now that the drug abuse has gone on for a decade.
I felt like a kid all over again.
My partner got approved for housing, with his custody agreement. I instantly took an opportunity, without thinking twice - I repacked everything and got the hell out of there as soon as I could. It was a little uncomfortable, since it was the same army base, but all I can focus on was the relief..... No more tension everyday, waking up at every stone.. (I guess I should have started to realize, there, the intensity of the avoidance behaviors should have gave me an idea it was PTSD but.... That was literally the last thing on my mind, it was like survival mode)
Life's full of surprises -I was surprised to find out I was pregnant a month & a half after. Coronavirus was just announced. My son started to show significant developmental delays at his appointments. I lost the therapist I had had for the last 2 years , and struggled building the new alliance at first. It was extremely rough to focus on school while all of these Life changes, along with the relentless nausea... I never had morning sickness with my first.
All of my ultrasounds were fine.. all 1 of them.
I was 28 weeks 5 days pregnant, cleaning out my car.. *half of my placental fell out.*
At first I didn't realize what had happened, I felt something wet.... I went to the bathroom, as soon as I sat down, there was a massive splash
. I didn't recognize what it was at first but it was bigger than the palm of my hand. I didn't have any contractions, nor did my body feel bad... I think I was on autopilot at the time, but my car wasn't even running at the time. I called my partner calm as can be, he started freaking out and rushed home from work and helped me figure out what was next (I really don't know why I just didn't think to call 911.... I guess I didn't understand what was going on)
I started to reallyyyy bleed out... I vaguely remember the paramedics arriving, but I don't remember being transported to the ER. I ended up hemorrhaging in the back of the cab, had to be rushed into surgery. My partner didn't have a chance to see the birth of his daughter... He had to figure out where to find someone quickly to watch my child at a short notice and didn't get to the hospital until later , when someone can drive him(covid restrictions barred him from coming in) whenever he got there, still, I was so knocked out..... Whenever I woke up, I couldn't really comprehend what happened, or where my daughter was. I was having to be monitored pretty closely as well they told me she was in the nursery & I'd get to see her as soon as they were done with me.... & It was about 24 hours before I could see her. Whenever I didn't comment the first thing the doctor told me is that they were going to have the transfer to another hospital - didn't go into much detail but he briefly stated the name of other condition I never heard before (I'll get to that) all I remember was being scared and wanting to see her at that moment.
Whenever I first saw my baby, it was surreal - my son was overdue so it was strange seeing an incubator. I only had about 30 minutes with her while they briefed me and waited on the medical transport team. They said she had some heart condition but they weren't sure what the cause was, I wasn't allowed to hold her because her blood oxygen was fluctuating way too much. They mentioned something about blood levels and needing to give her a transfusion her first few hours.... I honestly had a lot of anxiety and my only focus was following her to the next hospital (2 hrs away). I terminated my hospital stay to go be with my daughter (they wanted me to stay for a week after losing so much blood)
Seeing her was really rough from then on - since it was covered, they were only allowing one of us to come in at a time and no children... It was on the 5th floor of the building, they were implementing three different levels of checks and just getting to where my baby was took about 45 minutes.
.... I don't remember ever looking at her and feeling like anything looked out of place. She didn't even look like she was only 28 weeks... She was perfect.
She *was.*
My daughter has 2 rare genetic conditions called Fanconi Anemia - a bone marrow disease (1 in 200,000 births) & the first three of VACTERL-H Association (1 in 140,000) my daughter was not able to produce white nor red blood cells on her own, and had very few platelets - she needed blood transfusions every 2 Days on the spot. She had an extremely underdeveloped immune system, & they said that regardless, Fanconi will always develop into leukemia. She had vertebral anomalies - smaller vertebrae in her upper back & something missing. She had hydrocephalus (Dandy-walker syndrome) & Even though she didn't necessarily need a respirator, her blood oxygen levels were compromised because of her heart condition - they would not tell me her prognosis until they got a scan because that would be what determined her outcomes.
I started freaking out, almost screaming at the doctors, why these were not things that were noticed at my anatomy scan.... (Of course, it was misdirected, it was not done there .... ). Apparently, my ob did make a note about her spine but not as any abnormality, but she DID mention in her notes that my baby had signs of hydrocephalus... without ever telling me..... It was absolutely no mention of a heart problem ...Thank God I wasn't in the city, I really might have gotten confrontational and driven to the ob's office just to scream at them...
.... My mind started racing in overdrive. No one straight up and told me what to expect or what was even going on with her and I hated being in that vague, gray area. I spent every second I could with her, even though I couldn't hold her or touch her too roughly (blood oxygen) I wanted her to know that I was there.
I don't even know if she was aware because she was on painkillers her entire life. Hypoplastic left heart syndrome - the doctor came in and said I should go ahead and prepare for today or tomorrow to be the last time I could see her. That was the hardest I've cried in front of people in my life.
I was very fortunate to have a little fighter that almost made it to her first month "birthday.".. for some reason I started to get a weird hope because if she were to become old enough she would have qualified for heart surgery... But, the The first time they tried to feed her my breast milk, the first time she ever had food while being alive, intragastroently... She didn't have enough circulation flowing to her gut. She developed NEC (necrotizing enterocolitis)
I had to make a decision. I could either allow her stay on her machines, allow bacteria to get into her bloodstream, and die from sepsis.... since she was too young and small to be eligible for surgery... or, I could take her off life support, the doctors can give her pain killers and I could let her go peacefully in my arms.
I chose the second option. *she did not go peacefully, at all....* She was alive almost an entire 20 minutes after they took her off of oxygen. She was on a ton of fentanyl and some benzodiostapine, but she still... Gasped for breath, reached out to me..... That was the very first time I even got to hold her since she was born. And it would be the last time. I never even got to see her open her eyes.. I never heard her cry... She spent her whole life inside of a cage, and pain and being said the bare minimum nutrients intravenously... She had to breathe through ventilator the entire time, she had to get blood transfusions half of those days and... I hope she never felt scared or was at least a pace enough on the drugs they were giving her to not realize I wasn't there the whole time... Little baby .. I hope she never knew she was alone...
... The genetic testing we got is part of this confirmed that the guy I was dating and I were both carriers for fanconi. I went to a NEW OBGYN almost immediately, so I could get birth control, maybe my tubes tied... I also wanted a different perspective on my pregnancy, what could have been different, was it my midwives fault etc... being in the middle of bereavement, I couldn't handle thought of possibly outliving another one of my own children... I felt really guilty for putting My daughter into this room with the *shitty*, short life she was barely even given a chance to live...
... I had my routine appointment, I went home and started to talk to my daughter's father about time tubes versus vasectomy options.... The OB called me back in in 2 days, and said they needed to run more tests.... After that, *again,* I was told to come back into the office wayyhh earlier than my scheduled appointment
.... I had cancer. *Cancer*.. instantly, I went into a fit of self blame.. my body may have been the reason that I went into early labor, why placenta previa ever happened.... I started crying in the obgyn's office. And in the moment of emotions, I told them I hoped it was advanced, so I can just go on, too
.... They called ems. At this point in my life, I knew the drill.... I mean, when you're getting tortured as a kid, my mind would torture me with questions as to why I was even alive & attempted it twice.
I was honestly just in a moment of... Complete and utter exhaustion from the string of events that happened in my life so quickly....
While I was being transported to the psychiatric hospital.. something *weird* happened in me... It didn't feel like disassociation, it didn't feel like I was interpreting reality normally, either. My emotions cut off and it didn't hurt.... I wasn't at peace, but it wasn't falling apart I just... That's whenever it started to feel different
I was only there for 24 hrs , I was determined to be going through the normal emotions of bereaving your child...
Cancer was only stage one. A decent bit of my uteruses now removed... It took my daughter a really long time to make it home because of covid but, she's with me everyday now.. my son, ended up having ASD-2 and how to start extensive, multi-week therapy sessions (physical, occupational, speech). I only had a month for family emergency leave from school before I had to get back into that routine..... I know how to get back into the swing of things whenever life is always up and down and you've had to prepare....
.... My partner was not emotionally available for me during the entire time. We grieved entirely differently. He refused to go to therapy with me, or talk about it, anything involving the emotionality behind losing our kid was off limits. I started really isolating myself. I didn't have any energy outside of transporting my child of therapy and home, falling asleep at the desk became regular for me.....
.... I started to have weird focus issues that I wasn't used to. It was.. I'd zone out? And at first it was just like kind of a blur I'd catch myself staring at the wall and it was 30 minutes later. I didn't know if it was because I was so tired that I was sleeping with my eyes open or.. maybe I was trying to process things I'm not sure.
I lost enjoyment and all the things in life I used to feel passionate about. I used to love to draw, photography , sew, cook, write, find nature spots and explore.... Even just driving around in my car and listening to music with my kid was very therapeutic before. Now... *I don't even listen to music* who doesn't listen to music??? .... I've lost all interest in friendships and interpersonal relationships. I do not enjoy really leaving the house or going out. For some reason I started to spend a lot of my time reading, actually the only thing I did was read..... It's not that I enjoyed it but it was practical information... Started off with scholarly articles regarding bereavement and I just started to research things that I was more interested in (abnormal personality psychopathology, anxiety disorders trauma in the role on development etc)
... Reading the about trauma and the effect it has on people is what really started to make me begin redirecting focus onto my mom. I'd never come ro full terms of the things we went through just due to avoidance factor.... she became a constant trigger for me. I got furious at the thought of her, and I expressed my fury to my grandma when I spoke. The little family I have my grandma, that's the only person I really value aside from my son..... and I started to think of her, what she was doing and the fact that I know she verbally abused her but my grandma was too scared to admit (she's a whole another story for... never) at the same time my grandma just is a sweet woman that wants peace and for all of her family to be happy... She also has a very terrible mentality that "you'll never move on in life if you don't forgive them"n while I believe that it's okay to not forgive your abuser if it's not a necessary part in your healing. There's no way I can forgive my mom for what she did when she's never apologized or expressed remorse for it.
I've always had nightmares about my mother, but now they were recurring ... Even if it was just to come into my dream and make things uncomfortable, my mom would be there. I was really distraught over the fact I wasn't able to even go visit my grandmother because she was there... My grandma loves her great grandson and wanted to see him. She's getting old and has dementia so I was very dark and cold thought of losing her and not being able to visit prior because of my mom.... Along with the fact she was violating my requests for her to remain no contact with me (continuing to send me texts on my birthday and Christmas)
For some reason, my current psychiatrist is very dismissive about my change in state, I didn't know what to describe it as like a weird anxiety/worse depression (I'm already on two Anxiety meds, 4 psych drugs total) and every time I ask for something different they just like tell me to give it a few weeks or rushed the session to where I can't even speak... So I decided to just get a full assessment from Dr Fox. I was convinced there was something wrong with me bigger the depression, anxiety, ADHD, and I couldn't find anyone on my insurance in the area to do a full assessment of personality and schemas, so I wanted to get it done * right*...
.... I have PTSD. I really thought that you could not have PTSD if the event was not recent. It's still kind of absorbing, my diagnosis and such. & Since it was just an assessment I have to figure out how to find out where to go next , from here... I don't even know what to do like as far as therapy, treatment...
*I'm also terrified* there may be something wrong with my brain, after going this long without ever treating it or anyone knowing... At the same time though. I don't even care enough about things to I think I could feel alarmed, if I heard it was.
I don't really remember catching myself , but at this point I feel like I'm going to have to learn to be a human all over again, if I even can.... I grew up eating trauma for breakfast and never questioned whenever it was getting served for lunch, dinner and dessert. I don't understand why there's a lack of education for public knowledge or even through my psychiatrists.. I also thought this was something that only happens during extremely traumatic, single occurrence situations.... But I guess it works when all of the negativity is associated with my mother (my daughter's in a better place so I have to at least be thankful when thinking about her)
Thank you for giving me a place to vent. I just came to terms with the events that happened to lead to this and.... I think this helped me. I lost all of my friends in the last few years I just not keeping connections
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ptsd
|
Studies say autistic brains struggle to see the big picture.
I'm struggling to understand how this is true.
I feel like I can make lateral connections pretty well, but maybe I'm wrong.
How do you think this blindspot manifests in our lives?
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aspergers
|
Im too exhausted all the time to work. The only jobs that I find are customers service related and I feel like I want to straightaway die when I come home after masking the whole day. I have a degree but it's unlikely that I'll find a decent job in the future that allows me to unmask.
I guess I'll have to die before I end up living in the streets, because that thought terrifies me
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aspergers
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TW: miscarriage
I was diagnosed with PTSD in 2017 due to an abusive relationship that ended in 2015. Despite an occasional depressive episode, I was mostly "rehabilitated," that is, my PTSD symptoms were gone but generalized anxiety remained. In June, I found out I was pregnant. My current partner and I were so excited, even though the prospect of becoming a parent gave me a lot of anxiety (the hormones didn't help).
Unfortunately, my pregnancy ended in miscarriage in July. Now, PTSD is back in full force. I am having panic attacks for the first time since 2017. I can't sleep. I cry every single day. I have meltdowns about small things. I have to force myself to shower and go to work and eat. I think I'm about to get my first period since having the miscarriage, the cramping is causing flashbacks which send me spiraling. I never liked to drink but I find myself looking for wine everywhere. I purposefully dissociate so I don't have to deal with real life. I owe hundreds of dollars in medical bills due to my miscarriage and I can't afford a therapist.
It feels so fucking unfair. I felt hope for the first time this year, that I could move past my PTSD and live a happy, fulfilling life. Now that hope is gone and it was replaced with grief, anger, confusion, and anxiety. I don't know how to cope with this. I feel such a strong urge to be self destructive.
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ptsd
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it's like "oh so that's why things are so hard" and it's kind of relieving to know you aren't just lazy and disorganized, but then you make connections to everything that's wrong with you and go "...oh. I'm like this forever."
i thought maybe with some simple habit changes I could be better but I'm going to struggle forever, unless meds work...
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ADHD
|
i do believe ocd can be cured, or something you can 100% recover from, how do i know? my mother suffered from it for over 10 years and i asked her today and she states she ocd-free, her life is no longer determined by her intrusive thoughts, she rarely experiences them anymore and whenever she does she can brush it off as someone who doesn’t have ocd can, i claim that one day i will be in her state and will be completely free of them as well, or to the point they no longer bother me, she is very supportive of me, even if you had ocd since you were a child, even if you’ve only started to experience it at a certain age, we can all 100% recover from this, good luck!
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OCD
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i was doing so good for like 2 days fuck why can’t i just be happy
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depression
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I have this every day, it never stopped and it's so repetitive... I truly hate this.
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OCD
|
I work for an I.T company and I do helpdesk work. We look at the tickets that come in each day either by email/call and then assign the ones we will work on to ourselves. I’m pretty used to this by now but once in a while there comes a ticket from a difficult person or the issue is about a problem I don’t know how to fix. So I leave it in the queue but often times my other coworkers won’t pick that one up as well, probably because it’s difficult. Then I get really unsure about what to do and have anxiety from it. In some situations, when I have done the “wrong thing” my boss raises his voice at me and gets kinda upset. I have a lot of intrusive thoughts relating to work, especially the thought that I’m worthless compared to everyone else in the company.
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OCD
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Which kind of games are a no-no and which ones are ok?
Social deduction games like Among Us?
Intense and noisy games like Left 4 Dead 2?
Somewhat intense cooperative games like Overcooked?
Party games like Pummel Party?
Open-ended games with crafting and exploration like Minecraft, Don't Starve Together or Valheim?
If you have any game to suggest I'd be very appreciative!
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aspergers
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i don't want 2 b me. i hate myself so much i hate what goes through my head imn so sorry n idk what's real n what isnt n what's me n what isnt. i want to isolate myself from everything n everyone. im goin 2 puke.
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OCD
|
Hi all,
I'm not sure what to even say. I'm posting during a brief reprieve in what I think has probably got to be my worst flashback ever. The trauma was more than six years ago, and I have come so far in my treatment and recovery since then. Tonight my boyfriend did something that set me off big time. It wasn't really his fault but it's really bad. This is the worst things have ever been. I can smell the smells from what happened, which I've never even remembered before. I cant stop shaking and I've bitten myself and hit myself to try to keep from screaming. I'm normally not like this at all, and I'm embarrassed and ashamed and feel out of control.
​
I was able to get up and eat a few bites of ice cream because I thought the cold would help, and that has snapped me back to reality for a minute. I took a xanax (though it was a tough choice... I'm a student and my university services won't prescribe benzos for long term b/c they think students abuse them so I am almost at the end of what they'll prescribe me. So I didn't want to take one because I try really hard to save them and stretch them out, but I think I really really had to tonight.) And frankly I am drinking a little bit, too, right now which I know is not the right thing to do but I'm just trying to do anything I can to keep my shit together right now.
​
I don't even know why I'm posting or what I'm hoping to get out of it except that i need to say all of this to someone who I know knows what I'm talking about. I feel like I want to crawl out of my skin. I'm with it enough right now to know intellectually that this is just a flashback and it will end eventually but at the same time I feel totally out of control and I can't see the end of this.
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ptsd
|
I’m 21F and I have been struggling with depression since I was 18 so I never got to finish high school as I dropped out on the last month of school. I had outstanding grades and was hoping to get into med school but I pushed myself too hard and ended up completely burnt out.
Ever since then I’ve tried to get my high school degree every year but end up dropping out as my depression gets worse because of school. I have BPD too so my mentality is either getting straight A’s and studying as much as possible and beyond or not engaging with class at all. I started the school year and my mood was great but as soon as the first exam was dated I never went again. I have 8 subjects and obviously failed all of them.
Ever since I stopped going to school I’ve been feeling worse and spending all day in bed without socialising as well but I’m scared of going back because I’m basically a whole term behind.
I’m scared I’ll never finish my education and people will perceive me as lazy and unworthy of love.
I’m so disappointed in myself I don’t know what to do, please share any advice.
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depression
|
Hey all! Recently I have been struggling to accomplish very basic task, getting out of bed, brushing my teeth, showering, and eating adequate amounts of food. However I am not concerned about that in particular. Because usually I can resolve that problem even if it takes a couple of days to do so. However I feel like it is leaching into the lives of my friends and family. I am deliberately avoiding them, not talking to them, texting them, or anything. I am finding it increasingly more difficult to give them any sort of attention.
I have been talking to my friend for over 5 years. She has been someone who I can trust deeply and someone who I can express my emotions with. And more recently within the past 2 months we expressed our feelings toward each other. But as time has gone on within these past 2 weeks I haven't spoken to her. I am not sure if it's some sort of chronic procrastination or if it's my inability to speak, or if I am just afraid. I am also doing this with some of my other close friends too. I feel like I am letting everyone down by not being there in the moment.
Currently I am not on any medications, nor am I speaking to a therapist. Currently I am in school/working part time and it is finals week so I am extra stressed out. I am just looking for some advice to maybe help out with the situation or how I should approach fixing this.
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ADHD
|
My loneliness could spark from my OCD, but could also come from other emotional issues, so I want opinions.
COVID sent me throw an awful spiral given I have contamination OCD. I live in Mexico, I just received my vaccine a week ago, very early for someone my age (23) in my country. 90% of people are not vaccinated, everything is opening up because cases have been dropping though, but we still have them.
I just see people and my friends hanging around as if nothing happens and it makes me feel... really angry? Deeply disappointed, specially in my close friends?
I get that my OCD is irrational, but I am very aware of how the virus spreads. Does anyone relate to that feeling of "my brain can see all virus/bacteria and won't shut up"? So when I see my friends playing in concerts in a small venue without bothering to put a mask on, or planning gatherings... I find it utterly selfish and dangerous, and that feeling gets amplified given that it has been one of the worst years for my mental health.
It makes me not want to hang out with them at all and even wave goodbye to very old friendships. I know my resentment is exaggerated, that's why I don't give them any complains. But I can't help to feel that I don't want to get close to a human being ever again, because I won't be able to relate to anyone at all. I am left feeling very lonely and without hope for my future.
This is part venting, part asking for help, part asking if someone relates. Idk if this is derived from my OCD or if I have some other type of issues. I do go to therapy, and I'm about to start CBT this month.
Kind wishes to all of you who are having a difficult time during the pandemic.
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OCD
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There are allegations that Hans Asperger was a collaborator during the 1930s, which I admit I didn't know. It transpires there's been some debate about the name *Asperger's Syndrome*, and whether it's still appropriate to call it that.
The only other suggestion I heard was to use *autism spectrum disorder*, but I don't like that third word.
What your thoughts?
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aspergers
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33 m here. I get severe anxiety just talking to my mom, even for phone calls. No dad around. A few friends of my mom will be at Christmas.
I'm definitely thinking about using a bullshit excuse ("I have COVID").
How bad is this ? How fucked up am I.
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depression
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Just joined the group today. I am curious if others have difficulty Remembering the exact words said only moments earlier during an argument? My SO will ask me to repeat what was just said moments earlier and I can't. I bothers the hell out of me. And she thinks I'm making that up.
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ptsd
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I've been married to my husband for two years and we've been together for a total of six. This is the first healthy relationship I've been in, yet I still have difficulties with intimacy. My trauma is sexual in nature and I find that I get stressed sometimes when my husband wants to have sex. There's absolutely no reason for me to be, I am comfortable saying no to him if I'm not in the mood, and asking to stop if I want to stop. He never gets upset or gives me a hard time if I don't want to. We communicate what we want and what our boundaries are very well. He knows my triggers and makes sure not to do those things. In all our years together he's never made me feel unsafe or afraid and I genuinely enjoy doing it when we do.
Yet, I still react to sex with stress and fear while simultaneously wanting to do it, which creates this emotional confusion. That confusion starts my 'amygdala loop' and I just cry and get what I call "activated" or "symptomatic" if that resonates with anyone. (I also have bpd if that means anything in this situation)
How can I stop this?
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ptsd
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Am I the only person here when people try to generalize people with autism? Like ill see SJWs all over the internet saying shit like "leave them alone its not their fault". like mf we dont care. speaking for myself and others I know with autism, we dont give a fuck about "bullying", we usually find it funny as hell.
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aspergers
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I think I’m liking the thoughts. I readthat paedophilia is egosystonic and that it aligns with their beliefs and self images, and I was calm because I found it repulsive. But these past few days I’ve been scared that I’m switching my morals and that I might like it. Everything I read that calms me turns into a nightmare because I start doubting it. And I’m taking anxiolytics for this but I’m scared because I still get groinal responses and I don’t feel as anxious and I’m scared that I might be liking them or that the sensation feels good. I’m scared. I don’t want these thoughts I’m so horrified by them. Is this even OCD? it feels too real. I swear that if I’m convinced I’m a paedophile I’m killing myself no hesitation whatsoever. I hate this I don’t wsnt to be one. But I don’t know myself anymore. It’s driving me into madness. I avoid children and people tell me that’s a sign of OCD, but now I start doubting that I’m even getting anxious around kids. I’m scared I can’t do this anymore each day that passes feels worse. My therapist says it’s OCD but it feels so real now. I’m scared I doubt everything.
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OCD
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Does anyone want to be in a smaller chat group for POCD or honestly just anyone with OCD who wants to talk, vent, or feel less alone? Love this reddit but it feels a little big sometimes.
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OCD
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So for over week my head has hurt on the back left side. Over time I became anxious and hyper focused on it and I started feeling dizzy and it felt tingly. My mom checked it out and there’s an infected hair around where it’s feeling like that. That same night the right side of my head started hurting and it’s been both sides off and on. Today when I left a restaurant and went out into the sun my left eye started hurting and it’s been over 3 hours and it’s still hurting. I’m so worried this is a tumor. Am I about to die? My mom said I’m not going to the doctor because there’s no reason
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OCD
|
Hello, everyone! I was FINALLY diagnosed with ADHD and severe chronic fatigue (related to the ADHD) about six weeks ago at the age of 34. I first tried Wellbutrin, which did absolutely nothing but give me a headache every day, and then was switched to Adderall.
Adderall is the ONLY thing in the past fifteen or so years that has relieved my daytime sleepiness and overall fatigue. I used to fall asleep everywhere....driving, in lectures, at work, sitting up in a chair, etc. I could barely get anything done and found it impossible to keep a job or have a life. And, of course, when I was awake it was hard to focus on anything. However, I am now struggling in a totally new way. The meds keep me awake, but I also seem to sleep through the ENTIRE next day. I'm talking, sleeping for 18-20 hours and waking up drenched in sweat and confused. I've basically been functioning every other day for the past 3 weeks, and losing time/days for the rest of it. It's so strange. Yes, I used to sleep for too many hours at a time prior to taking Adderall, but this feels worse somehow. I'm dead to the world now when I'm asleep.
I have a follow-up appt. with my psychiatrist in two days, but I was wondering if anyone else has experienced something like this before (on Adderall or any ADHD meds). I'm disappointed to switch because it's helping my fatigue so much, but I feel like something is wrong.
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ADHD
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To start, I don’t know if any of this is due to ptsd. After years of trying so many psych meds, it’s hard to know what I’m actually dealing with.
I had some fairly traumatic events happen three years ahi, like getting kicked out of my parents house, sleeping in the cold under a tree, and being put in a psych ward in bad conditions with horrible staff.
Anyway, I used to cry all the time. I wailed when I lost my pets, it was totally natural.
But I haven’t cried once since getting kicked out three years ago. I feel no sense of motivation or excitement and I can’t feel love or affection towards anyone.
I’ve taken mood stabilizers which do nothing for me. The only thing I feel is either severe depression or the euphoria of drugs. There is no normal functional contentment.
I’ve never really considered the possibility of ptsd but I’m starting to think my symptoms may be common with that.
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ptsd
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you're telling me i was forced to play a game i never consented to, then dealt a shitty hand of cards, and even though the hand i was dealt wasn't my fault, it's surely my fault if i choose to fold, right? but why am i not allowed to give up? i didn't want this. no one fucking wants this. i'm tired of fighting only to end up right back where i started every single time without fail
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depression
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I thought I was getting better but ive falllen into old self destructive habbit of staying ridiciously late thinking illl crack down on work but then ill end up on youtube or distracting myself im on meds but i guess it isnt working. also im just nervous about meds because when i told my friend they told me alot of the research showing how it messes up your body. im falling behind again and feel so unreliable.
​
sorry for them rant ahahh im going to book a therapy session today and maybe find a new psychatrist
​
But how did you guys get your sleep schedule on the right path. What happens if you dont take the meds at the right time?
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ADHD
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As much as my OCD makes me want to claw my eyes out and escape to a reality of complete nothingness, I can’t help but feel like my OCD is some sort of gift in disguise. I mean obviously the trauma associated with OCD makes it an absolute pain in the ass to live with, but I can’t help but admire my ability to *overthink situations to the complete max*. Not sure how this could be taken advantage of, just thought it’d be something I mention out of pure interest.
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OCD
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I got diagnosed with ADHD early this year (31F). Since then I’ve done a lot of research and reading and it’s been so helpful to understand my world and my brain. I’ve noticed a lot of people mention sensory processing issues and I always equated it to touch, not liking the feel or texture of something and I don’t have that. It wasn’t until this week when I realized that SPD covers all the senses (duh) and it made me think. I am horrible at spatial reasoning, I have no clue if the desk I want to move will fit through the doorway in front of me or not, I can’t play or am horrible at most video games that also require spatial ability and hand eye coordination and I’m super clumsy. I also get really bad motion sickness.
Does anyone else struggle with this? Does this sound like some sort of vision related processing issues? And if so, is there any point in bringing it up with a doctor or anything really to help?
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ADHD
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My wife and I are currently ready to have kids but we struggle so much with our day to day lives as we both have ADHD. We’re both on medication and we go through waves of managing our life well and waves of chaos. We both have jobs that require us to be extremely present Monday-Friday. We plan to take time off when we have a baby but we can’t get over the idea of the added stress and responsibility of adding a child to the mix.
I guess I’m just looking for some support or advice from current parents that have gone through this. Did you also have this fear? Does the excitement of having a child assist in giving an extra boost to take care of everything?
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ADHD
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I went on a plane one time and that was 12 years ago. I’m so genuinely terrified of the thought of flying now and I often have really realistic nightmares that I am seated on a plane that’s about to take off. I ask to get off but they say too late and I have a bad sense of panic when I wake up. People always tell me get over it and I understand why because it’s the only way to travel, but I’m so bugged out by the thought of being on a plane again.
Am I the only one?
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OCD
|
20 months ago. I almost killed myself in a work accident. It was bloody and traumatic. In the process of this almost two years. I worked on myself pretty hard.
Today I'm finally scalling down the pills. I finished with my ergotherapist. But the more important in all that. I forgave myself. The flashbacks have stopped. The fears and doubts are controlable. I sleep at night and I am no more hypervigilant. I am in peace with my inner beast.
Sure I can't go back in my original field of work. But I am fine with this. I have been accepted in a electricity class. I have been able to switch from night class to day class so I can have time with my daughter.
Thank to all of you. There is light at the end. Take care of yourself. You are worth and loved.
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ptsd
|
So my therapist said that we will stop sessions while we do anger management class. So I’m dealing with my depressive symptoms with no one to talk to essentially. I’m married to a homeless french guy who was abusive and even if they track him down to sign the papers, I know he won’t sign. I really want to move on though. I am finding comfort in being alone, however. I’m really scared to get involved again. There are a couple guys I like … but it’s like my therapist said during one session , “What is the objective?” And I never really thought about what the end game is. So anyway right now I am in between, and I think all I really want is to have someone chill to cuddle every night. It would make me forget. But I think I’d still be lonely because my depression is super pervasive. I was complaining about my job, and boom the universe granted me a new one that day. Should be happy, right? But instead I’m an anxious and depressed mess still. Always exhausted. There is no reason for me to feel melancholy, but I still do. I don’t want to up my Zoloft, also. But maybe I should. Idk. I’ll talk to the psychiatrist. Anything in the meantime that helps depression?
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depression
|
i dont know if i have ocd but i’m scared to tell anyone about it incase they judge me. i accidently told my friends thoughts i have and slightly revealed how bad my mental health is when i was drunk and they call me a psychopath and barely talk to me anymore. idek if it is intrusive thoughts anymore sometimes i think they’re just my thoughts and i’m only convincing myself i could have ocd to make myself feel better because i think i’m going to act on my thoughts i get so mad sometimes i have a pillow i stab/ hit to help but it doesnt work anymore. and i feel like if i don’t hurt myself i’ll hurt someone else and i need to be punished for how i am so i hurt myself but i dont know if that’s ocd or if i’m just evil.
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OCD
|
I have a seriously bad addiction/obsession to my phone. specifically tik tok. i know this sounds extremely ridiculous but it's actually really bad. It's the first thing i open when i wake up in the morning and i can be on it for 5 hours + ... I'm not sure if i do it bc my brain needs constant simulation, if i want to avoid my own depressive thoughts by keeping myself constantly busy or if i just simply have a psychological addiction to my phone.
ANYONE ELSE ?????
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ADHD
|
My dad had a ptsd attack today and we didn’t know how to handle it. We called an ambulance today and rn I’m in the hospital. Is there any advice to prevent or try to help him? My dad was in Iraq and i think that was the problem. I say i think because he never talks about it. Any advice?
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ptsd
|
I am so sick of being asked what happened to me or what's wrong with me by random people I've never met, and it being the first thing people say to me before they even know my name. I know having a hidden disability sucks as well in a different way... But I just for once want to get on the bus without being asked personal questions. It is a trigger for me, brings up the trauma as that is linked to the disabilities.
I couldn't count the number of times I've been targeted by evangelical healers, too. Today I was on my way home and a guy on the bus wouldn't get the hint that I didn't want to talk about it, even when I said explicitly I don't want to talk about it. He started saying he was a Christian minister and would heal me and had I heard about Jesus. I am not against Christians here I try to respect all faiths but its kind of insulting for so many reasons... As if anyone who is disabled is some kind of heathen and it's their fault for not turning to Jesus. He said he was healed of a spine problem by God and I asked how come he was sitting in the priority Disabled seat on the bus, then. Then I put in my headphones and tried to ignore him smiling at me the whole way like some Enlightened One.
Sometimes in response to people asking about my health I ask them for their medical history in return. It's just not something people generally ask each other on first meeting. Because it's, ya know.... PERSONAL.
I should be used to this by now. When I'm in a good mood I tell them a crazy story and see how far I can take it before they realise I'm taking the piss out of them. Usually ends with me saying I got rescued by goats or operated on by aliens before they get annoyed and realise I'm leading them on 😂😂 at least it takes my mind off the memories.
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ptsd
|
I’ve been going to therapy for the past 2 years now. I’ve had 4 different psychologists and 2 psychiatrists in my life. I’ve had to take breaks every now and then because it just makes me angry all the time, even outside of therapy and there have been waiting periods when I’ve switched to a new therapist but for the most part I’ve been in therapy pretty consistently. And I have to say I just don’t get it.
I’ve already heard all the “you’re not letting it work, you’re doing this to yourself” kind of statements so I’ll start by saying I’ve always tried my absolute hardest to keep an open mind and do the things they say no matter how ridiculous it sounds to me. But I just don’t see how it’s supposed to help people at all. All I’ve been told to do over and over again is stupid, pointless things like journaling or meditation or mindfulness or breathing exercises and they just don’t do anything. They don’t make the suicidal thoughts go away, they don’t help me out of a depression or make life more tolerable in anyway.
I’ve had all the sessions where they try to unpack and explain the reasons behind some of the things I do and how it’s linked to specific trauma, but again, that knowledge doesn’t help me at all. It doesn’t fix anything to know where it came from, it’s not some Hollywood movie where having someone explain your past to you gives you some life changing breakthrough, it means nothing to me.
I just don’t see what it’s supposed to be doing for me and I’m finding it really hard to believe that it would work for anyone that isn’t just completely lacking any kind of self-awareness or someone who actually liked talking about their problems as a form of processing them. The medication they give me hasn’t done a fucking thing either.
It’s not even that therapy isn’t working for me, but I was hoping that by doing it for a while I’d at least be able to understand how it’s *supposed* to help but I can’t make any sense of it at all. It honestly just feels like a scam to me more and more every time I go, like it’s just designed to take money from vulnerable people under the false pretence they can actually get better. I just don’t understand.
Maybe it’s just me though, maybe I’m just broken…
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ptsd
|
Just started on meds a few days ago and she put me on 10mg 2x a day… I literally feel exhausted mostly on these meds.. I seem to get a little spurt of energy, but it doesn’t last long… i have been sleeping like crazy, drinking water, eating protein… I feel like my focus and concentration is maybe even a little worse than it was before the medicine? Is this normal? Does it take a few days for your body to adjust? I feel so sad because my sister was diagnosed with adhd as well a few years ago and she takes adderall and adderall has been almost a miracle to her.. she says she started noticing improvement within the first day.. I feel so discouraged :(
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ADHD
|
Sorry for posting so much but I started ritalin last week, and twice now I've noticed small clumps of hair after my shower and just a bit more hair loss during the day. I'm unsure if its the medication, or if it could be something else.
I have been really stressed these past weeks as well, and whilst I have very little side effects, one I do experience is that my anxiety is increased and im handling stress a lot less.
Additionally I've been eating a lot less, both due to a lessened appetite but also because I had a tendency to eat *extra* cause of hypoglycemia symptoms I've had for 5 years now (until I started ritalin). I dont eat nothing, but for example today I had some quark(?) With a banana and cruisli, couple hours later I had 2 crackers, when I got home I had 2 bites of chocolate and a small mandarin with some tea and later ill have dinner.
And then there's fall, and apparently its not uncommon to lose more hair during fall season.
I am planning on letting my doctor or psychiatrist know about this, but im very on edge about it. I've seen it being a symptom for others as well, but im unsure if its the medication itsself or the heightened stress its caused me, or the diet changes, or literally just the season. Has anyone managed to treat it? I'm thinking about taking hair vitamins of some kinda to maybe balance it out a bit, or maybe even go for minoxidil or something. But everyone says something different about those things.
I really don't wanna quit medication, or even switch, cause while it hasn't helped my adhd that much so far (I feel the dose may be too low), it has practically cured my hypoglycemia* and thats been an ongoing untreated daily struggle for 5 years now, and I really don't wanna go back to feeling so sick everyday and feeling like I have no control. But I don't think I can handle hair loss, I don't mind side effects but that's just one I cant handle.
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ADHD
|
First of all, I'd like to point out that I'm a suspected aspie, and that I'm posting here because I think this is one of the few places where I could get advice and find others to relate to. Anyway, moving on with the post:
Today my mom got extra pissed at me, telling me that I'm "not normal" and "ill", because of my strong adherence to my routines and structures. I woke up to my phone speakers not working, and my Bluetooth headphones are broken, so I got really angry, which bothered her, so she began pointing out all my structured behavior and got pissed at me:
"I can't believe you need to always go to bed and listen to music after lunch, you're not normal, you're always doing the exact same things at the same times, you need to change, you're not normal, you appear like an ill person, blah blah blah".
I usually wake up, eat lunch, and go back to bed to listen to music; I also listen to music before going to sleep. It's always the same tracks in the same order. Another stuff I tend to do is play the same games at the same times of day, or do specific activities at certain times of day only. This, apparently, pisses her off.
She's skeptical of me being on the spectrum and hates it when I bring that up, tells me "you don't have anything, you're normal", but then she gets pissed when I do this sort of stuff. I don't really know how to deal with her. Can anyone relate?
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aspergers
|
So, a long-distance friend, who lives in another country, has sent me some concerning messages saying that they are going to end their life very soon. I feel unbelievably terrible reading what is essentially a suicide note, my whole body felt like ice and I became nauseous reading it. I do not know this person’s address or full name so that limits those I can contact to check on her. I have sent them a few messages begging them to not go through with it, telling them to go to the hospital if they are injured and to contact me if they are alive, but have yet to get a response. I also contacted one of their friends, forwarding this information, and have yet to hear from them.
I have been close to her for quite a while, but the only personal information I know is her first name and that she lives around the Tokyo area. She is a very private person.
This all feels like a nightmare, and I wish that it was. I am worried that she is either dead or hurt now. I can’t help but imagine that the worst has occurred. My body is very tense from all of this.
My best hope is that she has either changed her mind or survived. I do not know when, or even if, I will get confirmation of how she is.
Edit: They are alive.
I really needed to get this off of my chest. I will also talk to my therapist about it when I get the chance. Please take care of one and another in these hard times, you never know what somebody might be struggling with.
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depression
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I was just getting ready to go to bed feeling tired and actually going to go to sleep at a decent for once (lockdown has screwed up my daily routine). I'd had a shower and was putting on some pjs when something triggered me into 'fight or flight' mode. I have no idea what it was but from then my heart was pounding and I started to dissociate. There is no way I'm going to be able to sleep anytime soon. Even now I've grounded myself to a degree I still feel edgy and tearful. I'm trying to relax myself to go to sleep but I feel so alert. Does anyone have any techniques they use for when sleeping is a problem?
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ptsd
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For start beware my poor english I'm french.
This is not an ad, I'm a minimum wage worker in a crappy food retail store.
I've been depressed for the past 15 years(I'm 31 now) and it has been hell.
I started an SSRI (esctilopram) a month ago and I'm litteraly a whole different person now.
The effect started 3 days after the first pill, I was being happy again since a very very long time.
I've tried a lot of things before and nothing worked(CBD helped a bit) but I was affraid of meds and never tried antidepressant. And...omg it's amazing, I used to be anxious, shy, depressed, lazy, affraid of the future and it's all completely gone.
My libido is at top, I'm confident enough to try a lot of things with my gf.
I may be fired in the next weeks cause I said no to my boss who is always abasing me, but I don't care cause I can find another job easily.
For the first time in my life I want to have a long life and enjoy everything and I'm not affraid of what could happen next.
During my birth I almost died of asphyxia so it's the second time medecine save my life, so thank you scientific researchers the world is a better place thank to you.
TL;DR: I've been depressed for 15 years and a pill made me happy at last
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depression
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Im so sick of people doing this shit. It is a disorder not an adjective
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OCD
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Forgive me if this is an extremely obvious statement, but in your experience, do you feel like your depression symptoms and overall mental health is a lot worse during the night?
My sleep schedule has been messed up for nearly 3 months now, and I’ve been waking up around 4:30PM every day (where I’m at this is almost exactly when the sun goes down) and sleeping at around 7AM (when the sun comes up, essentially) and I absolutely have felt my depression is intensified by this (among other shit too).
I remember before this fucked up schedule, pretty much all my reasons for being depressed were the same except for 1 difference: I woke up in the morning, and I felt significantly better. Even if I was at home all day, just the fact that it is morning and I can see that it is from the windows makes me calmer and overall better mentally.
So, is this a universal thing? Or just person-specific? Does it have much to do with Vitamin D, because I have been taking daily Vitamin D supplements to compensate for the lack of sunlight, although I do understand it’s probably not as effective.
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depression
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What do you call the habit of not doing the things you find to be really fun to avoid getting sucked into them, but continually finding small stupid things to do and/or reasons to wait just a little bit longer before doing whatever important shit you have to do?
It's really annoying and I rarely notice I'm doing it until I've just wasted a couple of hours doing basically nothing. I would have been a lot happier with just doing something fun and then doing my work, but it's risky because if I get too engaged with it suddenly the whole day might be gone instead of just a couple of hours. And considering the sub this is being posted on I don't think it's necessary to explain why I don't just do my work then do the fun stuff. This is honestly one of, if not the most annoying part of ADHD, cuz it's literally just a pure waste of time. I'm not doing anything productive or fun, I'm intentionally hovering in between the two and sometimes it takes a lot longer to get to the productive side than anticipated.
Anyway, what do I call that? I'd prefer to not have to launch into that whole explanation every time I try to explain it. And yes, I'm well aware that I could have cut that down significantly and probably would in conversation, but a term would still be a lot better than a definition.
BTW, I'm really not looking for support on this post, I seem to have gotten very lucky and avoided the vast majority of comorbid issues that come with ADHD. But this one thing in particular is super annoying and I never know what to call it.
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ADHD
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Pretty much the title. I'm struggling with severe intrusive thoughts and I can't seem to concentrate or think of anything else for five days now. I don't think I can wait for non-medical therapy so how good or helpful are medications?
Thank you in advance.
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OCD
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I have 7 diagnoses and my therapist says I can’t get my ocd treated before I’m totally stable which can take YEARS. + it’s my ocd causing all the stress which is triggering the problems, especially making me lack of sleep. So if I actually got treated now, everything would be better. Idc about heavy exposure atm cuz I’m already having it hell.
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OCD
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I’ve been on Vyvanse 30mg daily with a 5mg Adderal instant release around 3 for 4 weeks now. Today, I decided to take a break and only take 5mg of the Adderal this morning instead of my Vyvanse so I don’t t become physically dependent. Well, I had a very rough morning - super lethargic, sleepy, high and heavy heart rate, and some anxiousness. I decided to take another 5mg at noon but suddenly am feeling the same way. I lay down to rest and my heart is just pumping away, fast and heavy, and I already feel my anxiety - of which all this makes me feel worse. Are these normal withdrawals and this fast after starting, or could it be something else?? I’m legit worried now 😬
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ADHD
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So my bestfriend is a boy, and I have a boyfriend. Lately I’ve been scared I’m catching feelings. It’s like I just think I have feelings for him and I’m so scared. My head is making me think id want a relationship with him. I haven’t known him for ages and ages but we’ve become really close friends. I’m so scared I have feelings i feel numb towards my boyfriend and feel as tho I shouldn’t talk to my best friend because it’s like I think I love him. Things pop into my head and it’s like I do like him. Please someone help me
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OCD
|
in my new job as a barista they are forcing me to do more than a drink at once and multitask with other stuff (and FAST!) and i just can't! my anxiety gets so high when the store gets crowded with a lot of costumers because it pressures me to do something i just CANNOT do - doing more than one thing at a time and at a quick pace... and i just freeze when i'm pressured! i just can't function! i don't know what to do, i cried so many times about this. i hate this inadequacy feeling, maybe i'm not made to a job like this...
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ADHD
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Ever since I was a kid I kept having obsessive thoughts about death and its so annoyingggg. Like it will just come out of nowhere and I'll start panicking its so frustrating
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OCD
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I still function, but feel miserable. I feel really anxious at times. I have some sleep issues with dreaming and waking up a lot. Some nights I can hardly sleep. I get dreams and hear sounds when I'm about half asleep. This stresses me out. My appetite is fine. I struggle with fatigue and headaches at times. I don't seem to care about being as social as I used to be. I visited a pcp and eventually had a mental health assessment. I didn't get any answers yet.
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depression
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Yesterday, I was dealing with intrusive thoughts about how I look and act when I have conversations people. This was very annoying and made it difficult to talk to people, but it didn't give me much anxiety. I was so frustrated by these thoughts that I decided to mentally force them out of my head and suppress them. I know that's not a good idea, but I was so annoyed that I got angry with my intrusive thoughts and violently suppressed them. The surprising thing is that they instantly disappeared. However, they were almost immediately replaced by a feeling of anxiety. My chest feels tight, my heart keeps pounding, and I have a lump in my throat, but I'm not having any anxiety-provoking thoughts. It's like the anxiety is trapped inside my body. It's weird that this anxiety won't go away, but I have had 0 OCD thoughts in the last 24 hours. Does anyone know why this happened when I suppressed my thoughts and how I can overcome this? I've even tried thinking about it again but I couldn't make myself obsess about it. This feeling of anxiety is horrible and I've barely eaten anything today.
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OCD
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“oh if your gf knew this she would hate you!” “if your gf knew THIS thing then she would break up with you!” “if this memory is real she would leave you!” its this CONSTANTLY. i can literally never relax. im always worried about something and trying to diffuse it in my mind and i can never just RELAX around her because im so stressed.
i love her to pieces and ive told her awful stuff ive done when i had my confessing compulsion and she still loves and accepts me. shes the most chill and accepting person i know and i wanna spend my whole life with her. but we had to take a very small break that lasted a week a while ago because i kept confessing, and since then i promised not to do it anymore and i havent done it for about a month. but now that my ocd doesnt have anything big to latch onto anymore, its making stuff up. ive had 3 false memories in the span of a few weeks and it dug up a bunch of small things from the past that just gross me out. i just wanna be happy again with my gf but my ocd is hellbent on ruining my fucking life
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OCD
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I’m having a lot of trouble with COVID intrusive thoughts connected to brain fog/symptoms of COVID long haulers. Im so scared of losing brain function if I get sick. I’m going to school in the fall and don’t know how that’s going to happen because people are dumb and wear their masks below their noses. I want to be able to learn in this place where I’m supposed to be able to, but I really need help. Does anyone have any thoughts one what I can do beforehand? Or how to stay extra safe? Please let me know.
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OCD
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To be honest I don’t know if I’m depressed just feel like I can’t be happy anymore I can make myself seem happy at school and around people but I just feel empty and can’t be motivated to do anything not even the stuff I enjoyed before
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depression
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Hi, I’ll try to put as much info as I can without making this too long.
My son was diagnosed with ADHD at age 6, he is now 10. At age 7, he started Focalin XR (I think 10 mg). It wasn’t perfect but worked for a while. He would zone out sometimes. He lost weight- probably the worst side effect. He was a respectful student, eager to please. Pretty average academically (when on meds), does well in math. Socially awkward.
We eventually tried adderall xr. The night after his second dose he went to his playroom to play video games at 2 am (something he has never done before and never since), he became frustrated with a game and smashed his remote into the tv, breaking the screen. Then he had a meltdown. I immediately stopped the adderall. He went back on focalin for a while.
Now he’s on Vyvanse. He was on 20 for a while, it was good while he was homeschooled during the pandemic. His work was either independent or one on one with me. Very little distraction. He went back to school and after a few weeks it became clear the vyvanse was not helping him. He told me he was struggling bc he couldn’t focus.
Other children are too loud. I got him headphones. He’s struggling staying seated. They gave him a sensory cushion to sit on. The school has been very helpful and responsive. His IEP is being developed.
The Dr. and I decided to raise the dose to 30, he’s been on it about a week. First couple days were promising.
Today he told me “the meds are making him depressed, the sadness is overwhelming, and its not worth being able to focus. He will just try harder to focus.”
This obviously broke my heart and I’m having serious guilt. I told him he’s not going to take it anymore and I will come up with a new plan. His Pedi and I also discussed Concerta. My Pediatrician did tell me that if we change meds again maybe a specialist would be in order.
I’m going to keep him med free for at least a week to see how it goes. He forgot his med once when he was 8, and his teacher called me because he was running around and couldn’t stay seated. He’s two years older and this teacher is more understanding so I’m hoping it will go ok.
I have also been calling a counseling place (for weeks), still having trouble finding someone who can see him. Not enough mental health professionals- too many struggling kids.
I feel my son has moderate ADHD, but also anxiety, depression (possibly from meds), and he may have ASD-level 1/Aspergers.
So now that you know the situation I’m looking for advice. I know you are not Drs but I’m at a loss. I need to advocate for my son, but I don’t know what he needs.
My head is spinning- Should we stay off meds, try Concerta, try a non- stimulant?
Any input or advice is greatly appreciated.
Thank you.
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ADHD
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Hello, I have been trying to get myself to study for weeks it takes so much emotional work and anxiety to get myself to do it, it's not working anymore, I think I am building tolerance to my anxiety and I can't get myself to do anything productive, I am on Strattera and I don't think it's helping. my psych said my ADHD is Mild So I am not even sure if meds are able to help in my case.
Can strategies help me be more productive?
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ADHD
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Just when I overcame my last obsession and finally started having some peace of mind, a new obsession came up. It's even worse that the last one. I'm too ashamed to talk about it here or share it with my boyfriend... He might not take it well. It hurts so much. Why does OCD have to trigger what might cause the most destruction? The very existence of this obsession could destroy my relationship. On top of that, I finally decided to google my severe mood swings and found information about bipolar disorder. It explains so fucking much. I'll see a psychiatrist today and talk about my issues... hopefully the medication he'll prescribe will be better than the last one.
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OCD
|
Can flash backs be kind of like a scene that didn’t happen 100% but it has some aspects that did and since the abusers are all friends they were all together. This happened sometime ago and when I get off meds and get super anxious it kinda happened again. I didn’t identify this as a flashback but as I was telling my therapist she said that it sounded like a flashback because I made me feel really bad when I got them and I would engage with the thoughts and get really distressed and angry. What do you guys think? It’s always the same scene too never different
Edit: I will say that one time I accidentally ran into one of the people in the scene and I felt so panicked and I ran out of that place with so much panic :/
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ptsd
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i tagged this as a spoiler since it contains themes of making people uncomfy and i didn’t want to trigger anyone :)
hi! i’m not sure if this counts as reassurance so if it breaks the rules i’m sorry!! but i’ve genuinely been worrying/wondering for a while now whether this facet of my life is OCD-related. i always worry that i am weird or gross or creepy and that I’m making people uncomfortable. like someone told me that i gave off a positive vibe and i have a hard time believing that they’re being honest; i worry that they’re just saying that because they’re uncomfortable around me or they’re too afraid to say otherwise. i try not to push boundaries anyway because i just think it’s respectful but sometimes it gets to the point where my self-confidence is really low because I’m worried that i’m a creepy person.
any advice??
again, if this doesn’t meet the guidelines, i apologize!! :)
<3
note: i’ve struggled with intrusive thoughts before (according to my therapist) but i haven’t been diagnosed with anything so i’m not trying to lay claim to OCD, just curious if it could be related ^^)
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OCD
|
TW/CW - antidepressants, depression, sui., prescription medication, sex drive, side effects
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Hello, fellow jumpy angst ridden humans.
I'm a long-term CPTSD sufferer (since age 4) who has been medicated (Zoloft) for 10+ years.
I am not expecting a full recovery from my PTSD, and honestly, I don't really remember a time when it wasn't a part of me/my psyche. I have been a lot more stable whilst I've been using SSRIs, and Zoloft has been my most helpful drug - I don't feel like a zombie (Prozac) and my nose doesn't run all the time (Citalopram), but... I have a terrible (and worsening) memory, bad periods of insomnia, and a general lethargy and brain fog which makes my life pretty tough some times.
I am not currently in therapy, I reached a point where I felt that I was just going in circles, really, and going over my trauma time and time again wasn't helping me. My coping strategies are functional, and I have a support system.
I just want to feel... more human? I'd really like to sleep at a normal time and for a decent length of time.
I've read some concerning things about long term Zoloft usage, and I also have numerous side effects that, whilst not totally prohibitive, are pretty impactful on my life; my sex drive is non-existent, for instance, whereas when unmedicated I'm "hypersexual".
I'm wondering - how do I know when it is time to come off the pills, if my CPTSD isn't "gone" and is unlikely to get any better? Am I supposed to be medicated for life? Should I switch meds, just for some variety in what I'm putting in my body? Is there a drug/drug combo that you have found works better than Sertraline/Zoloft? Do I have to choose between a) Less panic, less suicidal thoughts, no sex, no sleep and no short term memory and b) Panic attacks, urges to commit die, great sex all the time, naps and less fog? Because that's a tough one.
Should I just get MORE pills and use some sort of sleeping aid?
Pills are great, by the way, this is all self referential and not intended to come across as pill shaming. Just my personal feelings.
A list of my current symptoms/side effects (honestly, the line between PTSD symptom and Zoloft side effect is a very thin one for me right now and it can be hard to differentiate), if anyone here can draw any parallels between them and my questions regarding Zoloft; Perpetually tired, lack of motivation, weight gain, insomnia, night sweats, anxiety, nausea especially in the morning, no sex drive, occaisional hives, memory loss, forgetfulness, lethargy, executive dysfunction, sadness, aches and pains. I'm sure there's more, so do ask if I have (x) thing if pertinent.
Please make me feel less crappy, if you can, or just give me your experiences so I'm not alone.
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ptsd
|
I realize this isn't exactly what this sub is for, but I want to get a second opinion on this.
I applied for a job at this one place that I've already interviewed for 3 times now and didn't get it. They just called me to schedule another interview. Nothing about my resume has changed since the last time I've interviewed for this place, and the last interview I feel went better than any of the previous. It's not like I really want this job more than anything, it's just a job that I would like to have.
So should I just cancel the interview?
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aspergers
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Does this mean my brain is subconsciously trying to say I'm trans or another gender identity that isn't a woman???
Like I don't want to be a man and I was comfortable with identifying as a woman and being woman until like 4 days ago where I started to get more intrusive thoughts about my gender/sex
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OCD
|
Two years ago I \[17F\] escaped a 3-year long abusive relationship. Those two years I dated someone new, but she threw all my triggers back in my face when we broke up and left me devastated for months.
In the past year I've made friends with a great guy \[18M\]. We're best friends and he has stuck with me through the good and the bad without complaint, and I've done the same. He's smart, kind, funny, caring, and overall amazing. He always makes sure I'm comfortable and makes sure to accommodate my needs and is just overall better than I could have ever asked for. In the past month we've started going on dates, but not quite dating.
One of the biggest problems I have is I just can't let him in. I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop, for him to turn into one of the monsters from my past relationships. I can never let him pay at restaurants because I'm terrified he'll use it against me. I never let him comfort me on bad days because I'm afraid he'll use my feelings against me. I never let myself be vulnerable around him because I feel like it's too good to be true, like it's a trap.
Logically, I know he would never do this to me. I know that he's my best friend, that he's never shown any red flags and that he's nothing like the nightmares from my past. Logically, I know I'm safe with him.
Emotionally, I'm always on edge. I'm always waiting for him to snap and become the monster I'm used to. I can never relax, I'm always terrified.
More than anything, I want to let him in. I want to be able to be happy with this guy who makes me feel safe and loved in a healthy way I've never known. I just want to leave this behind and be happy, but I have no idea how to. I just wish I could feel alright, I'm so tired of this.
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ptsd
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Hey all, been exploring this part of me for a little while now and slowly realising its stuff i've dealt with for a long time and just been labelled as 'unmotivated but talented' etc.
I saw a psychologist earlier this year to help me work through it and we landed on implementing some management strategies which were mostly miss rather than hit - like, yes I'll put a reminder or leave a note etc but then I just forget to look at it or it blends into the background etc. She didn't go as far as saying "Yes you have ADHD" so much as "you ticked some of the boxes but I'm not 100% sure, let's try this other stuff first".
I've got an appointment with her next week and I'm trying to figure out how to work through this with her in a more successful way. I've seen a bunch of success stories of people getting some meds for ADHD and having grand successes. I am not looking for an easy way out or magic bullet but after seeing all this, I feel like I'm doing myself a disservice if I don't try. My work is mentally draining and I'm also studying for a masters, it's really getting to me at the moment and I'm not being productive in either field, and also it's making things harder for my partner.
Appreciate your tips. New to this sub so apologies if I'm doing the wrong thing, please let me know. Thanks guys<3
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ADHD
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like its gotten so bad that i dont even know if its ocd or im just a future monster, i just want to cry
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OCD
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Hi! I’m 26F and I’ve grown up in a toxic environment so some of my issues are probably caused by or exacerbated by that. I’ve been called lazy for having no direction and guidance on top of executive dysfunction, stupid, disgusting or careless for being disorganized, spoiled and childish for my aversions to food, the whole lot, but the thing that has been getting me lately is that I am super insecure about my hyperverbal tendencies. People always think I’m being defensive or angry when I share my opinion. I’m sure a lot of it is from never being listened to. My family doesn’t acknowledge my thoughts/feelings, or anyone else’s well in conversation. They just argue and get defensive. My dad was a narcissist so we all don’t know how to communicate. We are learning from scratch now that he is out of the picture. Ever since I was a child I’ve been like this. My therapist and I suspect that I have ADHD. My mom also probably does as she is the same as me in these regards, but right now my CPTSD is taking the front seat so getting an official diagnosis is on the back burner.
Anyway, as you can probably tell, I talk a lot. I talk in circles and get frustrated because if I get interrupted I can’t remember my point. I repeat myself. When people message me I send 10 paragraphs by the time they even get a chance to send one. I always tell them up front to let me know if it bothers them. I’m always holding back. I have an issue with interrupting people, and talking about myself a lot. I feel really self-conscious about it. Whenever I explain anything people are like “no need to get defensive” or “geez you don’t have to go off on me” or “wow why are you so angry.” I hate it. I went to a new therapist last week and it all went well, except for when she said “You’re hyperverbal, are you anxious?” I explain that I am always anxious but no more than usual, and I’m always like this. Ever since then I have not been able to stop ruminating on it. I feel like I’m super annoying and I avoid messaging people all together for this reason. I feel this way pretty much any time I open up my mouth. Idk how much of it is ADHD related and how much is from my abusive childhood/family dynamic.
I’m wondering if anyone else experiences this so I’m not alone. I hope there are people out there who will be okay with or even like my talkativeness. I was an anxious kid and I’ve always tried really hard to hide my differences from people so as not to embarrass myself. I just can’t help but hate on myself for it. I feel like they think I’m a narcissist because I talk about myself so much and make examples to empathize and relate to people. I know I’m not because I’m pretty sure narcissists aren’t eaten alive by their empathy, but I’ve been gaslit so much I just question myself a lot. I hate being this way and hope I can learn to love myself despite my quirks. I feel like if I surpress it any more than I already do it will be toxic for me and eat me alive. I feel like I’m bursting at the seams whenever I talk, and I can’t stop and listen well because I just feel this compulsive need to be understood and accepted. To be actively listened to in an open way. I try my best to do the same and am always working on it. Any input or shared experiences would be highly appreciated. Sorry for rambling and thank you for reading all of this.
Tl;dr: I talk too freaking much and I hope I’m not the only one/I’m not an insensitive jerk because of it.
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ADHD
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Anyone had a similar experience?
Been going trough a pretty bad burnout the last few of years, and one of the worst parts has been a reduced ability to find the right words to string together sentences in a clear way. I used to be known as a witty guy before turning burnout recluse neet. At my lowest I needed my parents to accompany and speak for me when visiting things like the doctor or the unemployment office, which pretty much destroyed my self confidence.
Thankfully, thinking about how most meetings and social encounters has gone the last few months, it's pretty clear I'm recovering well . I can finally advocate for myself in a clear, relatively confident manner again and it feels great.
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aspergers
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TRIGGER WARNING
sorry for the length…
I am not ready to share the full on story and I’m strongly considering writing a book about it but am still undecided as it is still fresh for me..
*25 year old female in a small Midwest area
Long story short, I was about to be arrested 6 months ago and had been struggling with my PTSD in the months leading up to the arrest. When I was told I was under arrest I knew right away it was going to be hard for me because it was male police officers and I am a victim of sexual and domestic abuse by males. I put my hands in the air and repeatedly said I have PTSD from being raped and have issues with being touched and restrained but the cops didn’t listen or try to talk, they grabbed me and my fight response kicked in quick.
Ultimately they took me to the ground which resulted in bruising and cuts all over my body. At one point while i was already handcuffed they had a taser pressed to my back and only didn't use it because my dad (who I called to come to where I was pulled over) stopped them and asked them what the hell they were doing.
With blood pouring down my leg and my face instantly swollen and bruised they had to take me to the hospital before jail.
By the time I got to the booking area in jail they decided they were going to charge me for felony battery towards a police officer and When I found that out I got very upset and even then tried to explain to the cops that I wasn’t trying to fight them but that I have severe ptsd and how these charges aren’t fair because of my mental health. They told me I could talk to the judge at court about it. Ultimately I got super upset and I started to try to hurt myself in the booking area, their trained response is to strap you to a restraint chair, which they did and very tightly. I ended up getting more injuries including long term nerve damage in my hand from the restraints. When I told the cop I belong in a mental hospital if they are really going to hold me, he told me no and if worst comes to worse they would keep me strapped to the chair until I was able to see the judge.
When I finally got to see the jail nurse and told him about my initial injuries and the new injuries from the restraint chair, the nurse told me “if you didn’t act so crazy they wouldn’t have to strap you to the chair” I was also not given any medication (Tylenol/Advil) for over 12 hours of me asking for it.
They put me in the suicide watch holding cell which is the typical holding cell but with a lot of windows instead of a solid door with a tiny window. Eventually I was able to leave the restraint chair and lay on the “mattress” they put on the floor. Not long after I was on the floor I started looking around me and realized there was blood and poop smeared on the walls of my cell. At one point a crisis worker had come to check on me and I showed her using toilet paper that it’s not stains on the walls and wiped some off the wall to show her that this isn’t okay conditions for someone to be in, especially while already suffering with mental health issues. Not to mention this is during 2021 so we still have a global pandemic going on..
I initially was charged of multiple felony battery charges and resisting arrest. I had to hire a lawyer for 10k who helped me work out a deal so I’m now only facing a regular battery and resisting arrest charge but I’m currently in a differed agreement which means if I don’t get anymore criminal charges they will be dismissed (still there for a background search). If you know how the legal system works it’s the best way I could of went about handling it because I have no proof to provide in court besides my dad being an eye witness which isn’t great evidence when trying to convict police officers due mainly to qualified immunity and other hurdles you have to hop to try to hold police officers accountable.
I shouldn’t have any charges because of my mental health and sadly not only did I have to go through the horrible experience the night of the arrest but the US government’s justice system is so screwed up that I literally feel like I just got charged for having PTSD and even though the charges will eventually be dismissed they will always be hanging over my head and on my record.
The cops lied multiple times on their report and never even stated that I had mentioned being raped or having. PTSD even though a cop had a lengthy conversation with my dad about my mental health history. The new trauma that this has brought me is sometimes unbearable and I’ve thought about killing myself multiple times in the past 6 months. I’m not sure what to do because I’m so afraid of the outside world. Whenever I see a cop car I get triggered and often get bad dreams. What are you supposed to do when your afraid of people who are “here to serve and protect”
How do you carry on knowing how corrupt everything actually is?
I am in therapy I just feel so scared and need some support.
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ptsd
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For me, my diagnosis and subsequent treatment came after years of misdiagnoses and mostly unsuccessful treatments and meds for a long list of mental health issues to the point where I no longer had any hope left that I was ever going to get better and felt like the downward spiral I was in just kept getting steeper and faster.
Even after getting ADHD meds that actually made a difference in my day to day life, there was a pretty long period of time where, in the back of my mind, I still felt like the improvement was just a temporary "vacation" from what I had started thinking of as my natural state of emotional instability, chaos and failure. I was pretty much just waiting for my chaotic ADHD-brain to take back it's hold over me and continue wrecking my life.
I don't think I'm alone in having this experience, it takes time to start accepting and believing that you might actually be getting better. One of the first times I noticed it had started to sink in was when I felt kind of sad and tired after a long day and my brain suddenly just threw out a completely natural thought of "you'll feel better tomorrow, you just need some rest" and I suddenly knew it was actually true. I don't know how to explain it exactly, but it just felt like my brain just slowly stopped following the same rigid thought patterns and I just slowly regained control over more and more of my thoughts, feelings and actions. Honestly it was the best feeling, and so I'd love to hear if any of you had a similar experience, and if so, what was it?
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ADHD
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i want to go over to my gf’s house and knock on the door and when i see her ill kill my self infront of her. Why am i doing this? Bcz i want her to not forget me until the day she dies. Please dont tell me dont suicide and all that bcz ive planned it all so thats all.
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depression
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So I know it is really common for ADHD folks to have other conditions. With me I have always struggled with directions to the point of my parents making jokes about it, had troubling learning left from right when little and usually use my dominant hand as reference now. I also hold my pencil really weird which people pick up on.
I'm a quick learner and do well in school now, but when little I was in a program to help with reading/grammar (I think this is adhd related, I'm just throwing things out there). Additionally, this is not a sympton, but I also weirdly have a verbal reasoning intelligence in the 75th percentile, but perceptual reasoning in 34th percentile according to wechsler (usually theyre both around the same percentile so I added this).
I'm not sure if these are all adhd things, but it feels like there may be another condition? Could just be adhd. Not asking anyone to diagnose me, I was just curious if some of these of these things sound like a comorbidity?
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ADHD
|
i dont actually know if im having a hard time right now, maybe i am or maybe im not but i really wanna end everything. i dont know how to handle stuffs like this, i sorta need some help?
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depression
|
Instead of letting my suicidal thoughts take over, I’ve been channeling that energy into planning a less permanent escape. Think Gone Girl, but without the >!framing someone for murder!< part.
I’ve been fantasizing about cutting all contact and starting a new life somewhere else. Tonight, I even saved a few job listings on the other side of the country. Last week, I packed up a few boxes and looked into uhauls. Every time I feel unwanted or close to the edge, I’m going to take another step towards disappearing.
I know this isn’t a solution for everyone, and I don’t know if I’ll ever actually do it, but it’s been really helpful so far.
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depression
|
My boyfriend and I have a long distance relationship. We've been apart over Covid, so one of the things we decided to try to do was watch TV together and movies. He'd play it, and stream it over Discord for me to watch with him.
But this obviously meant I had no control over Play and Pause. I had to ask him if I needed it paused to go to the bathroom or whatever. We use voice chat, so this is fine.
Well we decided to watch Westworld. I got to "that bit" in episode 1, and completely froze up. I wanted to look away, to tell him to pause it, but I just... couldn't, anything. And I had the mother of all flashbacks.
He did praise how I recovered from it, said he thought I'd improved a lot, I've had far worse reactions than that.
But I still wish I could face them better. I feel like a coward.
|
ptsd
|
I (21f) have recently started seeing someone (21m) I met on a dating app and we kissed tonight for the first time and I really enjoyed it but I’m just would like some advice on how best to proceed.
For context (TW) , I was raped almost every day after school for a good portion of my childhood, ages 5 to 10,11, maybe even 12. As I’m sure some of you can relate I don’t really remember large swaths of my childhood as I learned to dissociate to deal with the trauma of being sexually, physically, and emotionally, abused by people I loved.
I really wanted to be kissed tonight, and something I really like about this new love interest is that he’s very slow to make the first move.
I told him I wanted to be kissed and we ended up spending 20 minutes talking about our past experiences and I mentioned that sometimes when bad things are happening and it’s too much for me to handle I’ll dissociate and won’t say anything even if I don’t want what’s happening to happen. I was like, “Like I won’t say no, or stop, because I’m dissociating because of previous experiences that I don’t want to get into tonight but I’ll probably tell you more about them in the distant future. And then we kept talking and the conversation faded and I was like why haven’t you kissed me and he was like you just told me sometimes you dissociate and won’t say no.
And I was like, well eventually you’ll figure out my tells. And I said, l In the meantime I guess we’ll just have to be super communicative.
I know this isn’t gonna be easy especially with my all of my past trauma and triggers but I want to try and let my self be intimate with this new person without being overwhelmed.
Please share what your experience has been with new partners especially if you are a survivor of childhood sexual abuse.
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ptsd
|
Something has triggered me and now my body feels out of control I am struggling to eat, sleep or do anything. I am shaking much more I feel numb, but wired sometimes. Feel very dissociated, having more flashbacks. And very sad. Is anyone else feeling this way? I feel very alone
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ptsd
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