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I just can't. When I get to the last couple bites of the sandwich, the last pancake, the last couple spoons of the soup I start thinking that the food went bad in the hour that I've been eating (I eat very slowly...fear of choking) and then I have to force myself but it makes me feel like I'm gonna throw up, but then I feel really guilty if I let the food go to waste...
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OCD
|
…..for that dang point on the edge of the sock seam!!
Edit: whoa, I’ve never been award before! Thanks!
Edit^2: thanks y’all for the many suggestions, haha. I’ve heard of a few of these, but most I hadn’t! I’m excited to try something better than my current dress socks.
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aspergers
|
I have realised one thing, I SUCK AT PEOPLE SKILLS.
I hate meeting people everyday and prefer staying at home even when i have to meet my old friends.
My root cause of depression is my anxiety and social skills to begin with, i speak with a weird accent(somehow does not happen when alone) or too fast at times, i get nervous in groups and make terrible jokes most of the times.
I get bored of conversing, feel like i am not contributing when in it and feel like i should to get better at my social skills and then I don't.
It's weird that i hate talking to people face to face but enjoy talking to my gaming buddies (well while gaming) cracling Jokes and having a good time.
Now in my 20s i have realised you can't succeed in life unless you are an amazing orator and get peoples attention or leave some rememberal remark, atleast let them know of your talents (which i hardly do), I really find this though to be very shallow, making others lke you, which is also why i avoided telling anything good about me and went to a self depreciation route in life, i felt its narcissistic to be proud of who you are. Now that i know my mistakes in life i avoid this.
I just wish i could succeed without having to be a big key in social groups or just get over this issue of mine and be a normal human being for once.
Sorry for ranting over something so stupid.
|
depression
|
Why i'm still alive??? I was home alone, decided to end it all and i fucking survided, WHY DID I SURVIVE, WHY DIDN'T JUST DIE THAT DAY, i'm not gonna get into details, but basically it has to do with a knife and a bunch of veins, i passed out, and then boom, i'm at a hospital.
WHY?
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depression
|
The thing about intuition is that you can only sense it before it happens, but it doesn't tell you when or how it's going to happen, and it doesn't tell you how to protect yourself from the danger that gave you the feeling in the first place. I questioned what made this movie about human trafficking give me the feeling that something terrible was going to happen to me, yes, what happened in the movie can happen in real life, but I couldn't even imagine something like that happening to me, because I was fat. A year later, when I was in my twenties, I lost weight, and later, my life began to spiral, and that's when an older guy I met introduced me to cocaine. A few months later he said he is in love with me and asked how I felt about him, I told him he is a great guy, and a great friend, but I love him more like a brother, I apologized to him for not feeling the same, he said it’s okay, he understands, he’s cool with it and I don't have to be sorry. Nothing changed, we hung out twice and everything was okay and normal, on the third day I had such a terrible feeling but I didn't care because I needed cocaine to feel better, as I pulled into the parking lot to meet him, that feeling grew stronger so I asked him if he could come inside my car this time, but he said no because he had already taken it out of the bag and prepared it for me in his car. After I closed my window, I told myself to just relax, because today is no different from any other day, I didn't trust my words of reassurance, so I left my car doors unlocked and when I sat in his car I left the door open with my leg hanging out the door, he asked me to close the door, and I said I can’t because my car is unlocked, that I had to be able to attack whoever tried to steal it, he didn't ask me again, and that calmed me down. He waited until I was high off the cocaine to offer me the weed, I took a few hits and started choking, but he had a full bottle of water for me. As the drugs began to take effect, he started driving with my leg still hanging out the door, if I hadn't been so high, I would have thought to jump out of the car, but instead I shut the door. I have smoked weed before and I mixed it with cocaine, mixed drugs with other drugs and alcohol but none of them had an effect on me like this, something must have been in the water, I think I blacked out, when I opened my eyes we were on the highway, I asked where are we were going, and then I fell asleep, I kept waking up and passing out. One of the times I woke up, I remember hearing him say that he sells woman and makes a lot of money, and then I fell back asleep, I slept the rest of the way, and when he woke me up, we were parked in someone's driveway. We walked into the house and there was a man standing there with a bottle of vodka, he ordered me to drink it, I said no, and then he and the guy who kidnapped me forced it down my throat. I remember the house, there was no furniture, and in the bedrooms there was a mattress in each room with a blanket and a pillow, but the mattress did not have a bed frame or any furniture. As the two guys spoke in the kitchen, I had the worst feeling I ever had in my life, the l human trafficking movie had crossed my mind, I thought I was never going see my family again, as high and intoxicated as I was, I had to try to find a way out of that house, because I didn't want to find out what might happen to me. I walked into one of the bedrooms to see if I could open the window just in case I needed to quickly escape, the curtain was dark, and the window was boarded up, I remembered when my kidnapper told me he loved me so I asked him if I could speak to him in private, I said it was really important because I can't keep this secret any longer than I have, he walked up to me and asked what is it? I said I lied when I told him I love him like a brother because I was afraid if I was honest with him, it would hurt me if I ever lost him. He asked if I was serious, I said yes and I hugged him tightly, he was totally shocked, excited, and then he told me he will be right back because he had to call off a deal he had made with his friend, I was standing in the empty living room when I heard a glass bottle shatter and I was afraid the friend of the guy who kidnapped me had killed him. When my kidnapper walked into the living room, unharmed, I felt so relieved, the other guy was also unharmed, as we were heading towards the door, I turned my head to the kitchen and saw the bottle of vodka shattered in pieces on the floor, and the guy seemed really angry, because he was silent when I said goodbye to him. On the car ride back to the Walmart where my car was parked, he told me that the deal he made with the guy was not his friend, it was his client, and the deal he made was to sell me, that man was going to buy me, with real money, buy me when I am a human being, not an object. He informed me that the house I had been taken to was the first stop, and I was going to be transported to another house somewhere else, I asked him which location and he said his client couldn't tell him because he knows me personally, it's a security thing to prevent him from coming back to pick me up if he changed his mind after I had been sold. He said he just wanted to be honest with me because he didn't want the beginning of our relationship to begin with a secret hidden from me, especially when it is a secret that involves me, I knew I had to watch what I say because my behavior and my actions were closely monitored, and I was petrified to be taken back to that house. I said, I forgive you baby, because I understand that some people just have to do whatever it takes to make money to support their families, I know that your father had passed away and you are trying to take care of your mother, I said this doesn't change my love for you, nothing ever will change that, he smiled and kissed me, he believed me, he held my hand, and I made sure I didn't let go while I was awake, I felt like it was the right time to close my eyes and sleep because I was still high and intoxicated, so I told him I was going to take a nap, he said, go ahead baby, I love you, and I said I love you too baby. When he woke me up, we were parked next to my car, still feeling petrified that he would take me back to that man's house, as he closely observed my reaction when I looked at my car, I had to keep playing it cool until I was safe, I said in a funny way, wow, nobody stole my car when the doors are all unlocked, he laughed, and then we hugged and kissed each other goodbye, I sat inside my car, acting like I was doing something as I was waiting for him to drive away, and after he drove off, I broke down in tears and thought of all the girls in the world who are victims of human trafficking, all the girls who are being held captive, my heart breaks for them and my heart goes out to them all. I know that I have no right to say that I know how it feels to be a victim of human trafficking, but I felt the terror that comes with it, the fear that I will never see my family again, and the end of my life as I knew it before. This was by far the scariest and most traumatic day I had ever experienced in my life, please do not tell me that I am lucky to have escaped, or that this makes me a brave person because I am not. I feel disgusted with myself and I feel so incredibly guilty for what I said to him, I hate myself for feeling so petrified that I had gone so far as to pretend to be okay with the fact that he sells innocent woman to make money, I wish I said screw my life and stood up for all the victims of human trafficking, I am so sorry. How to identify a human trafficking house? There are high security devices, non-transparent windows, boarded up windows, bars on windows, barbed wire and surveillance cameras in the work or living areas.
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ptsd
|
I live alone in my mothers house while she lives in virginia, i will be moving with her soon much to my shigrin. I was working on something for a project im working on with others, and i was printing something and ran out of paper, so i went digging looking for paper in her room, and i stumbled across things from my childhood she had been saving from school photos to a journal i had made when we went to banff in 2008. I also found my medical records. In those records my diagnosis sheet. Now previously i had believed that my diagnosis came when i was 10 as a late diagnosis, i was always in schools for those with learning disabilities but always thought it was just that, learning disabilities.
Then reading through those records i finally had a proper age of diagnosis: 5 years old, autism (the aspergers nail down came when i was a teenager)
Now, considering everything my mother did to get me into schools where i wouldnt get crucified (except high school which im sure everyone got a peace of that beatdown), had a sigh of gratitude.
However.
Considering life at home was a living hell, i still remember all of the fights we had, still vividly remember from when i was 6 or 7 overhearing how she wanted the police called so that she wouldnt have to deal with a problem child, all of the times whenever i got in trouble and she wouldnt speak to me for months (i do not exaggerate the months part) and of course the penultimate which was being thrown out of the house 5 years ago.
She knew i was autistic, always did know, did all of that and still treated me like she did at home, and lets not even talk about trying to have friends that didnt have her seal of approval.
Needless to say after seeing those records ive been on a roller coaster of emotions. I don't know whether to despise her or be grateful.
I hate this diagnosis. Why did i have to be born this way.
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aspergers
|
I was told my ADHD medication was not in my insurance provider's "preferred" medications and that I'd have to some sort of letter from my psyquiatrist or switch to another medicine treating the same thing. Hopefully it's not a hassle but this all still makes me nervous.
I've been waiting for a long time to get treated and I'm afraid I'll end up with something that doesn't work. I've tried many medications before and my current medication has worked for me in the past. I know that there are stigma's around ADHD medicine, especially stimulants, so I guess I'm more worried about my insurance not accepting any medicine and not being able to be treated at all.
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ADHD
|
It wasn’t a serious argument, it wasn’t even an argument it was just a funny reaction to doing badly in the game which happened in a raised voice. I’ve heard these people raise their voices before and I have too (not in an angry way just a fun way) but this time it sent me straight back to my dad getting angry over something trivial and unexpected. Idk what happened to me I just started being really mean to anyone who spoke to me, I then stopped being able to talk or move and I just sat there motionless for 30mins. They noticed and asked if I was ok I just nodded or gave them a smile but I really don’t know what to tell them. I don’t even know if it was a proper flashback. I don’t want them to think they triggered me but I also can’t cope with that happening again. It feels so trivial and minor but it’s really dissociated me now and effed me up. Advice?
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ptsd
|
I feel like my mind is blank. It doesn't think. I don't have interests. I didn't build myself as an interesting person.
In many ways my treatment is helping me come out of the depression (ok it is failing now again maybe) but no one tells you how to start a life after lifelong mental health struggles.
I feel like people in daily life measure the worth of a human being by their IQ. I don't mind having a low IQ personally, but I feel like others look down on this and use it as an insult :(
I don't know how to speak to others. I am what is called a "dull" person. I spend my days sleeping and what other people would call "wasting time".
It is very hard to feel like it is ok being me. I know this might sound like a ridiculous question, but why do people only like "interesting" people?
Why can't it be ok to be like a vegetable?
|
depression
|
(Note: I'm going to see a therapist, but might ask here anyways)
Hi everybody! So on march 13th I had a bad trip due to weed, which set off DPDR. I've managed to come out of that DPDR episode but, during the episode, I started to dwell on philosophical questions. One of those philosophical questions got stuck in my mind. Ever since I read that (about two months ago), the thought hasn't dissappeared nor diminished its power. It really messes up my everyday life. Before my "incident", I used to be somewhat anxious, with some periods of heightened anxiety, but a thought has never lingered this much in my mind. Does this meet the criteria for pure O? I'm afraid I will never shake off that idea from my head. Any advice?
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OCD
|
I am currently trying to get diagnosed. I talked to my doctor and they gave me a sheet for my parents and teachers to fill out. Looking through these, I don’t particularly fit a lot of the questions. I’m a very quiet and introverted person, so I don’t act out much and don’t really talk in class. A lot of these questions pertain towards the hyperactivity side of ADHD vs the inattentive side. It doesn’t help that every time I try to talk about my symptoms to my parents, it’s dismissed as me being lazy or my teenage hormones. I’m also a pretty bright kid, so I feel like that masks a lot of my symptoms. I just feel like the people around me don’t see the problems I am having and it’s going to hinder any kind of support I could get. Even if I don’t have ADHD, I do feel like there is something going on that I have no control over.
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ADHD
|
I was wondering if anyone else gets this as it's not exactly a common symptom that you can find in diagnostic criteria lists.
So after I've woken up, I won't immediately jump out of bed, eyes open, fresh as a daisy. I'm groggy and I usually keep my eyes shut for a bit waiting to feel a bit more ready. Sometimes when I'm lying with my eyes shut I'll get what I can only describe as a stream of flashing images cycling through behind my eyes. All seems totally random and going so fast I can only make out maybe one in five or one in ten. This morning I can remember seeing some trees, a hedgehog and a couple of images that looked like someone screenshot a forum post or news article on their phone - one of the titles in those was "Anyone want to break up?".
Previous times there's been people, places, animals all mixed in but rarely are they real people/places/animals that I've definitely seen IRL, or even in photos online. They're all novel, I mean, not memories.
Is this something anyone else has experiences? It sort of feels like my brain dumping a bunch of info out as it boots up and it'd be good to know if this might be an ADHD thing!
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ADHD
|
If anyone else has nightmares, do you have advice that helps them go away, or makes them stop, they’re getting so bad it’s effecting my daily life. I’ve just been bottling up everything and now I’m getting more emotional. I’ve never been diagnosed with ptsd because I could lose my job, but my wife has stated that from how she has seen me, that she heavily thinks I have it, and I need help. But I just need these nightmares to go away for now, and hopefully it’ll get better. Any advice would help so much.
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ptsd
|
had a model united nations conference today (the organization and clear language format was chef’s kiss) and i don’t think i read a single social cue from the other delegates. i thought i was having a good back and forth with some people, then they looked at me like i was insane when i gave them my snapchat. i’m overthinking this, i know, i just needed to vent.
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aspergers
|
I don’t know where they are. I came home last night tipsy and somewhere between me opening the front door and me going to bed I put them somewhere.
I’ve checked all of my usual places (by the front door, on my desk, on the kitchen table) and nothing. I then checked the less usual places where they often end up (the dirty clothes pile, the extra chair in my room, on top of the fridge) and still nothing. I then tore apart my entire room looking under every piece of furniture and digging through every clothes pile I have- and still no fucking luck. I even did one of those “go through every action you remember yourself doing” walk throughs of the house.
By this point I was already running late for work and just decided to drive my dads car because he wasn’t going anywhere today. I asked everyone in my house if they had seen my keys this morning, I asked the person that drove me home last night if I left them in their car, I even looked in the fridge and the laundry room in case they somehow ended up there and yet no one has any idea where they are.
I’m back from work now and am still trying to find my keys. I’m sure they’ll pop up randomly later, either in a place I’ve sworn I’ve already checked, or someplace completely random like the back porch. Object permanence is a bitch regularly. However, in a not sober state it is even worse.
Tldr: my keys got eaten by the void and literally no one knows where they are
Update: literally 5 minutes after I posted this I found them wrapped up in my blanket. Ya know, the one in a pile on the floor because I ripped it off the bed this morning to see if my keys were tangled in it…yup.
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ADHD
|
I’m doing everything repeatedly, I can’t stop im trying to resist my self but I can’t stop please help
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OCD
|
Hello all, I’m the mom of a recently diagnosed kid (not quite NT myself, but that’s another story for another sub). He was evaluated at the start of the school year and his father and I plan to share the details with him over the upcoming holidays, so he has the calm and mental space to absorb and ask questions if he wants.
Now for the question I hope you haven’t been asked tediously often: if you were diagnosed as a kid, how were you told? Upon reflection, was it the best way, or would you have preferred a different framing? Whether you were diagnosed in childhood or not, what do you think is especially important to share with a kid who’s hearing about his diagnosis for the first time? A neuropsychological fact, a well-known figure on the spectrum, something endogenous (that is, not related to society’s demands, others’ expectations that you mask, or even common sensory irritants) about having this syndrome you appreciate, something about it you find intolerable (whether or not you think those things are common among individuals with AS), or really anything that helped you understand or eased your loneliness in some way.
He’s 7, hyperlexic, expresses a lot via drawing, and is really into comics and graphic novels. I want to give him as much info as he can handle, though I know most of the information is just in fact his phenomenological field, which will be unsurprising to him. The practical side of it all will wait (though he’ll probably appreciate knowing more about why it is that he gets to go to his beloved therapist every week), I just want to frame this in a way that doesn’t under- or over-state things. TIA
|
aspergers
|
Struggling to just get by everyday.
Wake up but don’t eat. Probably have your first meal in the evening.
Manage to wake up but can't pay attention in class bc all you think about during that time is ways to ---- yourself.
Even getting yourself to do homework requires those thoughts somehow as motivation bc it's the one thing you look forward to.
Look at the screen and see the work you have to do. Feel overwhelmed and realize you can’t understand everything in this span of time.
Spend a ton of time on the work. And it’s not even just solely focusing on the work. It's also stressing and cursing yourself out.
At the same time, as you walk to class and head back to your dorm, you realize how lonely you are. Roommate does not talk to you and you don’t really have a deskmate to converse with in your classes. You feel so alone, and at the same time, you know you don’t feel worthy to be around others. You feel like a ball of negativity and that all you do is act like a human repellent.
Your life feels like it's spiraling and you feel like all the energy is zapped out of you. You take every moment possible to lay in bed and hope that the more you nap, you'll feel just a little bit better.
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depression
|
i’m F15, i’ve never really talked about this before but i need to.
for years i have had this problem with my arm. i’m not going to get into it but i know something is wrong and i know i need to tell my parents about it.
something is genuinely wrong. i know it’s serious and i’m scared for what’s to come when i go to the doctor, so i’ve put it off for years.
i know that sometimes things are just in my head but this is not one of those times.
i think i have some other problems too. i never tell my parents what’s wrong because i don’t want to worry them and i’m scared of going to the doctor.
i just want to be healthy and happy i don’t know why this has to happen to me.
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OCD
|
Is it normal to have moments of extreme excitement after being in a very depressive state that's very short lived and the you fall back into depression again? This happens to me quite often and I think it physically I affecting my health because my body goes from two very extreme emotions in the matter of like 10 mins.
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depression
|
So, I went back to college as an adult (now medicated)
I had been a challenge, but I struggle with one teacher/subject in particular.
It's a very theoretical subject in an otherwise practical course, that's one. So the boredom is real.
But I realized today the way he words/outlines tasks is specifically ADHD-unfriendly.
To begin with, his description are often unclear and ambiguous, which makes me have to re-read the instructions several times and still not quite getting it.
The parameters of the assignments are always VERY outlined, up to the point of micromanaging - stifling any actual creativity.
He sort of "scatters" around information and important data in different places, so it's not centralized. All that, while being really boring. So, I constantly have to search for important info in several places, getting distracted all the time, making it take much longer.
I have tried to bring up the latter with him, which made him quite hostile toward me.
This is an individual in quite high standing in my school - and I hate that people like this wil likely sit in that spot until they die and never change anything.
Full disclosure: I used to be a journalist and KNOW I can write. I used to love writing. But any assignment I do for him is just devoid of any sort of soul or creativity.
|
ADHD
|
I am a 22 year old male, and I've felt empty and angry since I was 14. I saw a therapist for 2 years from when I was 16 to 18, but nothing was helping. The talking, the meds, nothing. I had been diagnosed with inattentive ADD, General anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder, and manic depression(major depressive disorder.
I've pretty much given up trying, no matter how much I try to will myself.
I decided to start seeing a therapist again along with a psychiatrist to give it one more go.
I was asked what kind of childhood I had this time, so I told her the truth. Both my parents were drug addicts, and my dad would always beat the hell out of her. There was one time that's stayed in the back of my head. When I was 4(this may be the only thing I remember clearly also), my dad had his work boots pressed on my mom's neck, one step away from crushing her neck. And I watched the wholething. Even now I remember the eyes of my mom when he was choking her with the boot.
Is it really possible I've been misdiagnosed this whole time? I don't know what PTSD is suppose to feel like, so I'm asking here.
I hate this about me, but I don't want to try anymore. I use to be able to force myself to go out with my girlfriend of 4 years, and I still felt like there's no point to go through hell just to live. We ended up breaking up in 2016, a year after graduation, and I stopped even leaving my house and moved back in with my mother.(dad's gone)
I'll list how I feel symptom wise so I can get more of a opinion. I trust my therapist, but I always end up feeling trapped whenever I let my guard down. Then I start thinking I'm just a paycheck etc etc, even though my therapist clearly has passion for what she does
None of the antidepressants I've took ever worked. Medication that did manage to snap me out of it was adderall, but once my body got use to it, the racing worries came back.
Symptoms I have every day
- chronic anxiety
- feeling of no purpose
- major mood swings, sometimes I suddenly just want to attack someone, and have done so to my older brother.
That's just a few, but they effect me the most. I know I didn't have a perfect childhood, but I've always thought of PTSD as a experience that even overwhelms disciplined, brave soldiers who see things I can't imagine
One last thing, from when I was 10 to 18, I was mentally and emotionally abused by my mom's boyfriend. And from 15 to 18,(see the correlation right?) I had enough and started to fight back physically. I moved out at 18, but live with my mom again.
-
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ptsd
|
A long story short. I feel I'm easily targeted and victimized bx the hatred because of my behaviors and thinking atypical.
Has anyone had similar experience?
Your advices about how to avoid those enemies would be appreciated!
Thank you
|
aspergers
|
My long time girlfriend has always been really bad at starting text conversation. But when she is out with friends or at something she NEVER text me.
I would be kind of okay with this if it was not for the fact that she gets upset when I am at something and don’t text her update at least every now and then.
She has recently started to hang out with a couple of friends a bit more and this comes up pretty often. She says it’s her ADHD but it kinda feel like she just says that. Is this true?
|
ADHD
|
Hello just soliciting here. Trying to find someone to fawn on me and laugh at the things I say. And someone to give and get 0 in return. Cause all I do is take I don’t give. I hate everyone. Honestly feel bad and angry when others r happy/have success. Feel like they’re gonna leave me. Compare myself to them. There isn’t a world where someone with general animosity towards everyone and only taking will result in a stable happy relationship.
|
depression
|
I only started having first facial hair on chin when I was 17 and now I am 19 and I only need to shave like each 1-2 weeks but even if I do not shave for months my facial beard hair are so light and not that dense enough and in high enough quantities to be visible if they are not inspected upon closely so I wonder what is everyone's else's beard growth here?
My Testosterone levels when I was 17 and tested them was 475ng/dl Total Testosterone yet in that ChubbyEmu's video about a woman who had PCOS it was mentioned that she already started growing a beard and according to that video she did not have more than 200ng/dl of Testosterone so I wonder of what are all the mechanisms involved in beard growth I know that Testosterone, Dihydrotestosterone, Androgen receptor density, overall nutrition plays a large role in that but there are probably many other factors too.
One of my special interests are endocrinology/biochemistry/bio hacking/health basically understanding how specific traits and things in the mind and the body are influenced by the molecular level state of the body.
If anyone has tested their hormone levels (Testosterone, Estrogen, Cortisol, Prolactin, Dihydrotestosterone etc.) what were they like and when did you start growing a beard?
|
aspergers
|
My ocd is about how I feel after seeing certain people. For example, my neighbor is a depressed alcoholic and whenever I talk to him/ go near his house I’ll feel depressed for awhile and have ocd about said person. Almost as if im viewing the world as they are. I don’t know how to explain it but does anyone feel anything similar?
|
OCD
|
Hey there,
though I dont have PTSD, I suffer from severe anxiety symptoms (social anxiety). I have heard that smoking marihuana is not really indicated in social anxiety disorder, but I would like to hear your opinions on its anxiolytic effects. To those who take it, which symptoms does it improve? Sleeping or nightmares are not an issue for me but does it improve symptoms like hyperarousal, hypervigilance, startle response, sensory overload, body tension, tremor? Please report your experience
|
ptsd
|
For a long time ive been surfing through information about ADHD, Bipolar, etc. and there was a ton i connected with but it didnt really sum up everything. Until I read PTSD, it was something I was avoiding for so long. “My trauma wasnt that serious, leave it in the past, etc” - but there are parts in my memory i cant remember and are too painful to even attempt to talk about a lot of the time.
After I discovered this reddit, i realized I connected A LOT. So much so, i shake reading some of these posts... i feel my heart racing uncomfortably whenever i think about anything slightly related to these topics. I want to bring this up to a doctor or the councelor but Im scared of being diminished or invalidated. Any tips when talking about the trauma is very painful? I have been looking for a diagnosis to explain everything i have been feeling, but i often get ignored. It took me years to get someone to take my allergies seriously and i almost ended up in the emergency because of that, it becomes really discouraging
|
ptsd
|
So like one month ago I had a thought about smashing my mother's head off. I cried like for an hour thinking I might do that. I've always had thoughts about Killing people in detail. Like torturing and stuff.
Edit: so I just realised I made a mistake in my title, it's Psycho not physcho
|
OCD
|
Its either they use my aspergers against me or my back. Im losing faith here since I cant find work. I apply and do the interview and when they ask about my limitations I tell them that I have aspergers and a back problem. Then im told they need someone more capable for the job and to have a good day. Its like this at the dozens of jobs I've applied to. Im looking at retail work and limited automotive work since my disability doesn't affect my ability to do suspension alignments and brakes on most passenger vehicles. Yet social security says im not disabled enough for them. So im at a loss here on what options I have available to me. Do I continue to pursue disability with social security or do I do vocational rehabilitation?
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aspergers
|
This community is for people who are having problems socializing with people, and also looking for friends?
|
aspergers
|
Sometimes I obsess over certain things that might not necessarily pertain to the most common OCD themes. I have trouble classifying whether or not I react to these thoughts because of genuine concern or if this is typical OCD. For example, I may constantly obsess over what I would do I in these made up scenarios I tend to have. They always correlate to things I care about. And if my answer is not exactly what my brain wants I become anxious, and I have to replay the scenario to figure things out. It’s a constant cycle of anxiety, and it’s very tiresome. It’s like my brain is constantly badgering me. I don’t know if I should treat this as OCD or what..
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OCD
|
I feel like I’ve hit a brick wall. I’m 22 and I’ve suffered with depression for the past 6 years. Winters tend to be the worst for me it gets really bad around this time of year. I’ve wanted to stop existing for 6 years straight with a few breaks in between but I always seem to return to this same life is not worth it routine. I’m currently in Uni (college for the Americans) I came late after messing up an apprenticeship and repeatedly quitting for various reasons and I’m living away from home.
I smoke weed & play loads of PlayStation it seems to be the ONLY thing that I enjoy and even enjoyment is slowly disappearing from that.
My biggest problem tends to be self sabotage it’s like because I know I won’t kill myself at this current time I try to make things worse so that maybe I’ll force myself to do it.
Uni is making it very easy to continue this behaviour, I don’t really leave my room I order food shopping online I never go to my lessons and whenever I go home to my Mums it just makes me not wanna come back to uni.
I can’t seem to do ANYTHING I’ve got exams in just over a week that I’ve not done any work for and I just don’t care… I know in my current position I will fail and this debt & time spent will be for nothing but I don’t care I just don’t want to be alive so I wake up late, lay in bed for hours then end up just smoking weed & playing PlayStation again.
Im so fed up of the ‘how are you?’ Question cos truthfully no one gives a fuck deep down and that rare few that do just don’t understand or worse off they are in the same boat. Some people like relating to other’s problems but for me it reinforces the fact that it may never improve.
Im lazy as shit with or without smoking I just don’t want to work or have the urge to achieve anything, I’m so close to just ordering a rope but I know I don’t have the balls to go through with it yet just in case it failed. So I guess I’ll continue to self sabotage until it’s bad enough for me to do it. Or until I end up a homeless bum cos my mum is fed up and if I drop out of uni I won’t be allowed home unless I’m working full time.
So yeah I’m at this brick wall and I don’t know what to do. This is super long I guess no one will reply or read the whole thing but I had to get it off my chest somewhere
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depression
|
I’ve been struggling with anxiety practically my whole life and what I belobe to be depression for a while. It’s gotten a lot worst the last few months and my friend is encouraging me to go to my gp.
I’m constantly feeling down unless I’m actively doing something with my friend and even then it feels like a facade. I no longer do anything I used to enjoy as I just have no interest in doing anything. Every time I try I just lay and do nothing. I can’t get to sleep at night and even when I do, no matter how much I sleep I just feel exhausted. I’ve struggled with self harm for a couple years but the scars have caused other issues so I’m in a constant battle with myself to not do it. I took up vaping just for to feel something. I also struggle with suicidal thoughts with a few pathetic “attempts” the past few months but I don’t think I actually want to die.
I’ve tried exercise but it didn’t help and now I’ve lost motivation to do that too. I force myself to go out and do things with my friend, it’s a good distraction but I’m still left feeling empty at the end of it. I talk to said friend about my feelings which is nice but it doesn’t make me feel any better so I don’t think therapy would do much for me.
My main concern is my friend is also depressed, went to his gp got messed about and ended up at some referral place that does CBT only to be told it’s just who he is (basically). I get very anxious with going to the drs and when I go to book the appt it looks like the dr I’ve met before and trust is no longer there so I’m anxious about talking to this new dr.
I’m very anxious about going but if I do what will come if it? Is there better ways I can voice my feelings so that I don’t get brushed off. I think I need antidepressants and I know my anxiety will cause issues if I have to keep going to other referral clinics.
If my gp does listen, will he be able to diagnose me? How long would I have to wait for antidepressants? What’s the process like? Any advice is greatly appreciated.
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depression
|
When I would go to sleep overs my friends would tell me i would cry, whisper scream and sometimes audibly scream in my sleep one friend got it on video. We all kinda laughed it off but i found out years later from a family member i still do it. I feel really embarrassed about it. I have been taking an edible before bed lately and it does help with the nightmares so i imagine it stops the screaming. i was thinking of recording myself as I sleep to see if i still scream even when i have an edible but i don't feel like combing through hours of footage to see. Anyone else have experience with this?
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ptsd
|
I was recently diagnosed with ADHD at 18 (still in high school), after about a year of asking my parents to help me find a psychiatrist. My parents have an anti-medication attitude, which they’ve tried to instill in me. I decided to medicate after a period of research and overlooking my options.
Right now I’m on Adzenys XR (similar to Adderall XR) and an Adderall IR booster dose for when it wears off. It’s been incredibly helpful thus far, and I’ve been taking them every weekday. My parents ask that I skip weekends, because they’re worried I’ll become an addict (especially because of the word ‘amphetamine’).
They think I should take the meds just to get through school, but I want to treat my ADHD overall. I feel better overall (more responsible, organized, less insecure, less racing thoughts) when taking them.
During my last visit I asked my doctor about weekend breaks, and all he told me was, “It can’t hurt”, which only plunged me further in this blur of confusion.
I explained to my parents that my doctor prescribed it for taking it every day, and not just as a “take as needed” type of deal. But my father, who has a long history of addiction/medication withdrawals, doesn’t trust doctors.
On these weekend breaks I feel miserable. All my ADHD symptoms are amplified. I’m anxious, short-fused, impulsive, and exhausted. I still have priorities and obligations to cover on the weekends, all which require focus, energy, and organization. I fuck up everything people rely on me for, and I feel like a piece of shit in turn. It doesn’t make sense to skip my dose on a day where I still need it.
They get mad at me for the consequences of my worsened symptoms.
He always says, “I wish I could see what goes on in your head”. Claiming wishes he understood ADHD, despite never making an effort to actually research and learn. Neither of them have, even after I’ve given them books to read and websites to look through.
These issues have caused fights and emotional episodes between my parents and I, and I feel like they’re treating me like a junkie. It’s fucking degrading.
I understand that their suggestions are coming from a place of love/concern, but its been getting in the way of my treatment, causing nothing but problems.
I don’t want to feel anxious, guilty, or ashamed of consistently taking a medication that I feel is incredibly helpful. ADHD is just so commonly misunderstood and downplayed. They don’t see how detrimental it is, especially as I become more and more responsible in the coming years.
I just feel lost and confused, I don’t know what to do.
TLDR: My parents medication stigma is taking a toll on my treatment and mental health, but medication is the only thing that’s ever helped me.
|
ADHD
|
Hi guys so I suddenly got the hyper awareness of manual breathing since like 3 weeks ago and it hasn't gone yet I'm so scared I can't live normally and I keep thinking about the times I lived a life without having to think about breathing constantly. Whenever I saw these "you're breathing manually" memes in the past, I suffer from manual breathing for a short while, laugh and carry on with life. But now this seems permanent and I can't seem to get rid of it... I'm 16 btw and scared of not enjoying a normal youth life. Also I'm so sorry if I accidentally activated ur manual breathing. I posted this on the r/anxiety subreddit first and they advised me to post here but I couldn't crosspost so I copy pasted the post from there onto here
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OCD
|
(If anyone thinks what I was wearing makes a difference.)
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ptsd
|
does anyone else get these intense compulsions that happen really fast? like i know they're not tics and i know it's ocd but they're so fast and its really hard to stop them. i'm used to my compulsions being slower in nature and more methodical so this has been a whole new thing to deal with. does anyone get these too?
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OCD
|
i sincerely, do not believe that i ask for much. i’ve done all the therapy. i’ve done all the meditation and coping mechanisms. i’m fucking tired. i’ve done enough therapy and work on myself to complete someone’s whole lifetime. i’m a great communicator. and i still manage to ruin every single familial or platonic relationship in my life. i know all the techniques blah blah blah don’t blame the person when ~communicating~ not ~arguing~ just calmly explain your point of view and allow for understanding of the other person’s point of view. listen to listen and not only to respond. apologize when wrong. all of it. i do all of it. i ask for nothing. i am an amazing friend. i am a wonderful human being with a gigantic heart and i fucking know it yet no one seems to really notice. they only notice when you stop being the way that you are because you get tired. but i never get tired because i am fucking incapable. i am a human doormat and will let anyone step over me but i ask for the simplest of things. i get everyone has their own lives and their own things and feelings and i’m not the only human alive with needs. but i don’t fucking ask for much my god. an update here or there. some words of affirmation every once in a while do the soul good. simple things. and i would go to the ends of the earth for anyone i care about. but it just seems that no one will do the same for me. and then i’m like oh yeah my therapist told me that no one owes me a single thing and to not have expectations and to fucking get it through my brick skull. and i try. and i let everything go and just apologize for my mental illness.
i’m so tired. exhausted.
reddit, enjoy my stream of consciousness 😞
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depression
|
How did you do it? What was the process like? Who did you talk to? Can someone just take me t he ouch the process? For reference, I’m in the US.
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aspergers
|
So, I have an eating disorder, anxiety, depression phases, maybe OCD issues and I thought they were linked to my bipolar disorder.
I get addicted to things like alcohol, caffeine, other drugs and I binge eat or starve myself and chalked it up to the bipolar. The fact that I have such a difficult time socializing. I just put down to anxiety.
Well the psychiatrist I saw a couple days ago doesn’t think I’m bipolar.
He thinks I’ve got ADD, anxiety, depression and trauma with a couple borderline personality traits. He thinks the mix together is what the “bipolar disorder” actually is.
I think he could be wrong, but I used to think my therapist who thought I was bipolar was wrong too for a while.
So today I went into therapy and told my psychologist about my visit with the psychiatrist. Also that I was about to relapse with my eating disorder after about a month of recovery, where I basically just switched my eating issues out with alcohol.
So we ended up reaching a point where we realized I use alcohol to comfort myself, I use starving to comfort, I use binge eating for comfort.
All to comfort in different ways with different triggers.
I cried a bit, tried not to but she started talking about how I didnt get very emotional when I told her about things that actually happened in my childhood, I laughed even. So me crying I guess is new.
I don’t know why I cried over her showing me that each impulsive habit was just a different painkiller for each pain.
My dad used to stand in front of me and call me down to shit and mock me while I stood there and cried. Then make fun of the crying.
I remember it a little every time I have to deal with a difficult manager or customer in the workplace and have to hide my emotional response. Anger will be met with louder anger and I can’t deal. If I win out emotionally or logically they could make it physical.
If I cry I’m a loser. If I tell them to go fuck themselves I’m fired.
Below likely triggering, not important to overall post. So don’t read the italicized chunk if you don’t wanna hear about verbal abuse.
*Not sure why dad did but have a bit of an idea; I hated myself for being a piece of shit, because of how people treated me like shit, so I self harmed, my dad told me I was a piece of shit for self harming because he sure as hell wasnt going to take blame for breaking me down as a person. So he just fed into it on purpose. That I am worthless shit. He cornered me every once in a while to do that. I just wanted to die and shrink under the floor.**
I have other related things to say.
I think they have context together but I’m going to split it between posts so it isn’t a wall of text.
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ptsd
|
I am lying in bed unemployed. I'm almost 32, I've had 20 different jobs in my life that I always quit after 3-6 months. I have about 5k in debt, various personal loans I deposited into Robinhood to trade options in an attempt to gamble for financial freedom. Of course it went the opposite way and I lost it all. I want to file for bankruptcy but it seems silly cause 5k isn't a lot in the scheme of things. I would love to get some THC edibles today but I have just enough money for my monthly payment. Next month? I don't know, my life is fucked. I don't wanna die, I just want to escape, and dying feels like the only way.
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depression
|
**Background**
I was a young first dad at 19. Had a daughter,son (at 21) then another daughter (at 22)
Me and the mum are together and are happy and fulfilled
My youngest daughter (13) has been diagnosed with ADHD. We tried to get local healthcare to do the diagnosis but kept being diverted and fobbed off. Eventually we reached out to a private and well trusted diagnosis company. Paid them a not insignificant chunk of change and she was diagnosed as high on a recognised ADHD test ( I forget the name) and they indicated autism traits and to get her diagnosed with that too.
Prescribed medication and has regular appointments to monitor her progress and/or issues
She is my youngest of 3, always struggled in school and has confirmed dyslexia and suspected Dyscalculia.
I'm scared.....really scared for her. She is socially aware and 'street smart' unlike her older siblings but is failing in school. I worry for her future, I know that a parent has a lifelong duty but I also know that as my kids turn into adults, they'll *need* me less and less and take on responsibilities for themselves, failing, succeeding and learning from both. I'll advise and mentor them,set them up with love and encouragement and let them walk the ups and downs of life.
With my youngest I worry that I will have to be there far more and I hope this doesn't *stunt* her maturity. I want to be able to let her figure things out for herself and find her own way but I stress about being too involved and stopping her from learning from the ups and downs,being too shielding and limiting her because of that. In a perfect world,I want her to have all the resources she is entitled to. I want her to have just enough to not give her an advantage but an equal opportunity.
Is this wrong or right? She is in line for a recognised learning structure,it's something that's attached to her during her school life and outlines her diagnosed issues and all the things that the school **has** to provide.
I hope that this will level the playing field for her and let her have the some fighting chance as any average student. She is my everything, she is a very very self aware ,charismatic and loving daughter. Out of an education setting,she is a normal everyday teenage girl but in school she is way below the standards when it comes to reading and learning. Give her something she is invested in and a teacher that caters for her issues and she be engaged thoroughly and excel! I've seen her edit videos on a laptop and I have no clue how she does it! She just gets stuck into anything she's interested in and blows me away,I'm so proud of her. I hope we get all these tools put in place for her and we can put this behind us.
I want to be the one that shapes and sculpts a whole custom suit of armour for her and let her be the one to battle through life in it, coming back to me when she needs that encouragement,love and support. Then sent right back out to fight for whatever she wants and is driven by!
I don't want to be the one fighting all her battles,I want her to see what she wants and build up her own fight and fire inside her.
I am there for her and always will be,maybe it's because currently we are fighting for the resources and procedures to be put in place and as soon as they are being effective,she can grow naturally and independently and I can stop worrying.
What's everyone's opinion on this? Has any parent, guardian or carer felt like this,does it linger or does it change and evolve?
Kids, how did your parents, guardians,carers etc treat and support you either positive or negative and what would have helped,what didn't?
Im sorry for the wall of text,I just wanted to spew my worries and thoughts out in a relevant place. You can comment if you want or you can just read my ramblings.
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ADHD
|
Hello everyone Im (19m) a uni student and its my first year ( aside from prep as it was online) In my country we are completely dependant on a exam which takes place on your summer break of highschool senior class (after 4 years of high school education.) So peeps usually start studying on the begining of 3rd year and bury themselves in tests and constant routine of school-library-home triangle. I wasn't really stressed out by the exam itself. I was both studying and making time to myself. But after covid hit, I had 4 months till the exam and I had to stay home rest of the time until the exam(literally didnt go out for a walk, I was that isolated.) So after 4 months of quarantine I took my exam. People usually get a relief after completing such work but I had a peculiar feeling; emptiness, depression, instability. I guess it reflected on my mental health heavily. I started having dreams and nightmares so realistic that it sometimes took me hours to realize that I was awake and the dreams were over. I didnt make much of it until one time when I opened my eyes my right hand was in punching position and I was strangling the pillow. I thought this was the line. And now Im planning to see a therapist. Im not really sure what to do though, should I wait it to get less intense or take it as a inital schizophrenia symptom. Thanks
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ptsd
|
First off I’m grateful for all the beautiful people in my life. I know I’m going to push them all away then bitch about how lonely I am. But I just can’t keep up. I don’t trust anyone, I’m so paranoid. It’s so hard for me to let anyone in. And when I do, it’s even harder and more exhausting keeping up. It seams like if you don’t give people constant reassurance and attention they they think you hate them. I think I’m just selfish. I think I take from everyone and burden everyone with my shit but then I can’t be there for anyone. After an 8 hour day (or a 3 hour for that matter) the last thing I want to do is give the rest of my free time dealing with other people. I’ve always been very introverted no one protected me growing up not my dad not my mom not my fucking older brother and I don’t trust people I’ve never really liked people to be completely honest. I just wanna go home and be by myself and read my books and play my games and clean my house and smoke my weed. I can’t take all the text messages and emails and even on video games you’re always online someone is always fucking bothering you always trying to get a hold of you. I pushed everyone away and then bitch about being lonely.
I’m a recovering heroin addict I’m 10 months sober and it’s been so hard. The exception for all of this is my beautiful lovely amazing supportive girlfriend it’s just that we haven’t had very much time to spend with each other lately. She also thinks I need more guy friends. I’m always talking to her about why the new halo is going to be so cool and trying to shower like the Diablo two resurrected graphic upgrade and she tries the car but she understandably really doesn’t. I don’t know it’s so complicated. I don’t really wanna make friends I don’t really want to be around other people but at the same time everyone’s always trying to push me to be more social like my therapist and my friends and my girlfriend and it just frustrates me. I have a very small circle and most of my friends know what I deal with every day but they really don’t understand it and I feel like they don’t really care to understand it I feel like a burden. I feel like everyone thinks I’m lazy or I dislike them which isn’t true. It’s just so fucking exhausting dealing with this mental illness 24 seven. Thanks for listening to me rant.
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ptsd
|
My current "thing" is making sure my toddler's room doesn't have any off gassing. I can't stop reading about it. The glue in plywood, the paint on the walls. Polyester fabric, foam mattresses. Wood stain, wood finish.
I recently bought him a fairly expensive all cotton mattress (couldn't afford the organic top notch all latex, so this was my compromise). It arrived. Opened it up and it has a chemical smell. I realized that the cotton probably has tons of pesticides, and they can't be washed out because it's a mattress. I cried. I've worked so hard to handle the pandemic, but I feel like I can't compromise on this his health is my number one priority. I can't win. Mass manufacturing, chemicals, toxins, VOCs.
Trying not to fall down the rabbit hole. Google is my enemy. Thanks for reading.
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OCD
|
Basically, I was tested when I was 10 on my teacher's recommendation, but doctors told my mom I was fine. No need for treatment, no need for extra testing, I was 100% Fine And Normal.
Few years ago, my mom met her neighbours autistic daughter. And the more she interacted with her, the more mom thought 'wow this kid's *just like my kid*, I should get mine tested again'. Part of getting me tested was getting copies of my medical records, so we did that.
Well, the medical records say *that I was diagnosed when I was 10. THAT WAS IN 2001.*
So I've been diagnosed for *TWENTY YEARS*, untreated for *TWENTY YEARS*, feeling like a freak and a failure for *TWENTY YEARS*, when the doctors *knew exactly what was wrong with me and told my mom I was fine.*
I've been so upset when I found out. My mom's now talking about spending thousands of dollars to go to a private specialist to get re-diagnosed so I can actually get the resources I am legally entitled to but can't get yet because we never 'followed up' on that diagnosis so it was never an 'official diagnosis'.
The doctor who diagnosed me never told her. Our family doctor, who the report was sent to, never told her. The school, who should have also gotten a copy, never told her. So how were we supposed to follow up on that?!?
My aunt thinks we should sue, and honestly, I would if I could. I am so, so, so mad right now. But who would we sue? The doctor who lied to us was through DCFS. Do we sue the government? I'm sure THAT would work out just SWELL. And, it's our word against his, because he made sure to cover his as and put in my report that he sat us down, told us, explained it to us, AND gave us a list of reading material to help us understand (NONE OF THIS HAPPENED).
So... yeah. I just found out I was autistic, after being unequivocally told I was definitely NOT autistic and all the problems in my life were due to me being a stupid little freak and it's all my fault and if I just *tried harder to be normal* I wouldn't be such a failure as a human being.
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aspergers
|
For around 5-6 months, I have had trouble reading any sentence containing this sign: =
Like for example when reading basic mathematic equations like y = 3x + 9, for the overwhelming majority of times I feel an inner compunction to read over and over again that specific equation, particularly stuck at the equal sign. I can sometimes spend even multiple seconds just staring at the equal sign like if I was hypnotized or something.
it's like every time I see it, I feel somewhat anxious and I am forced to say it again. it's really hard to explain, but at least this repetitive behavior occurs only when I see the equal sign.
I don't even know if it's OCD or something else but after a bit of research, it's the disorder that most aligns with my current symptoms. maybe my predicament stems from sleep deprivation or a bad diet, or a lack of confidence(the latter was always with me for the greater part of my life)
​
Please Reddit don't make fun of me, I told my parents about this many times, but all they do is laugh at me for my supposed ''childishness'' or even sometimes get annoyed saying that a 17-year-old shouldn't have this kind of problem. my friends have tried to be more understanding but they too do not have any idea what might be causing this.
​
has any of you ever encountered this problem?
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OCD
|
My family was really enjoying the “8-bit Christmas” movie until they made that cruel and ignorant joke about ADHD. The absolute LAST thing my son needed for Christmas was another message that he is the bad kid. And the last thing I needed was another message that an ADHD diagnosis is something rich neglectful parents give their spoiled children. Do Better HBO.
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ADHD
|
* 10 body weight squats
* Balance issues, find a chair and gently lower yourself down until you touch the chair. Then push through your heels and stand back up)
* 10 counter push ups
* Find a counter, desk, or table. Feet together do 10 push ups.
* Recover knee taps.
* Stand up tall, just gently lift your knee and tap it with the opposite hand. Left hand right knee, right hand left knee. Do this slowly and gently to recover your breathing.
We all know exercise helps with life and our ADHD, we also know that we fall off the bandwagon as well. So this is a nudge to do something today, to start the ball again. Set a timer and repeat the circuit until the timer goes off.
TL:DR: Set a timer for 5 minutes, do the 3 workouts until the timer goes off.
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ADHD
|
I have had zero appetite since the traumatic event happened. Whenever I try to eat I just feel insanely full and nauseous.
Has anyone else experienced this?
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ptsd
|
Sorry I know it's not necessarily Aspergers but i can't find a subreddit for this specifically and I've read they can co-occur in people.
I have a roommate who has an intellectual disability (mental retardation) and she has a big problem with temper control. She gets very worked up and mad about all kinds of things. Usually, it involves her ranting away to someone on the phone yelling, stomping slamming doors as she walks around the house, etc.
for example, she recently had an episode where she (from what I could gather) got in a fight with a BF or whatever and she was in her room crying hysterically throwing things around her room (could hear glass shattering), and yelling at someone on the phone about it. (not fighting with them just yelling her thoughts and feelings)
today she was mad at herself for her room being messy and not being able to keep it clean so she was again throwing things, loudly crumpling paper bags stomping to and from the kitchen to get trash bags or whatever, and just yelling to and growling to herself. things like "fuck me" "what the fuck" "I can't fucking deal with this shit"
she's also gotten into fights with us (her roommates) about all sorts of random things. for example, someone was in the shower when she wanted to use the bathroom so she was text ranting the group chat about how pissed off it made her
I am trying to understand it more. like how much of this kind of behavior is truly something she cant really control vs how much of is more from lack of discipline (for lack of better term) and lack of properly teaching her coping skills and behavioral management.
Also, these tantrums of hers are a major anxiety trigger for me. Even though 99% of the time I'm not involved in any way just listening to her fits gives me really bad anxiety to a point where it's triggered panic attacks.
I just need help to figure out how to deal with/manage all this and make a better living environment for all of us. she knows the behavior is unacceptable and will acknowledge it/apologize for it once she's thinking rationally and she has a therapist.
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aspergers
|
I feel like sometimes I’m focused on breathing and instead of being an effortless and automatic process, it becomes hard and I feel like I’m manually having to breath in or out otherwise my body wouldn’t breathe on its own and I’d collapse. Then breathing feels like a struggle and a chore. I don’t know if this is anxiety or OCD behaviour, but hoping someone can relate.
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OCD
|
I got prescribed with Strattera 40mg every morning, planning on starting to take it beginning tomorrow morning. Doctor kinda gave me a choice as to whether I wanted to take amphetamine based adhd medication like adderall or vyvanse, or start out with something like strattera, but he was kind of hinting at strattera being the safer option he was leaning towards so I said okay. Is there anything I should be worried about with it? I've never taken adhd medication before, I really don't want any changes to my personality or big time side effects like ED. Should I try asking for a switch to amphetamine based medication the next time I go for a checkup/update in 30 days or so?
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ADHD
|
Hello, I hope this note finds you all well. I’ve come here for some support and advice. I’ve been a car (and 911) enthusiast since i was 10 and I’m 31 years old today. I grew up in the projects until i was 17 and then went to college and onto law school. I’ve been very fortunate to have owned 2 of these glorious machines since the age of 27 - a 997.1 C4S and a 991.2 C2S.
In May of 2019, my life changed. I was driving home and then everything went black and I awoke in the back of an ambulance. I was told that I had just been in a 7 car accident. If you could believe it, my second question after is “1) everyone ok?” was “2) is my car ok?” The EMT smiled and said “everyone is ok. you’re lucky to be alive but your car didn’t make it.” I couldn’t remember ANYTHING that happened, other than calling my girlfriend to tell her I was almost home about 5 mins before the accident. As a result of the airbags going off and the collision, I had a concussion and a seizure (i.e. EMTs reported that I was having convulsions, I had chewed my tongue and I had urinated in my pants). Again, I don’t remember anything and I would’ve never realized how truly bad the accident was until I went to the junkyard the next day to collect my belongings.
Ultimately, I was not at fault for this accident. I have not bought another 911 since but one day soon I would like to.
The issue I’m having, however, is with anxiety driving. I’m now very nervous behind the wheel and I was never a nervous driver - always confident. I had also never been involved in any major accidents (clean driver’s record, no at fault accidents, no fender benders, no DUIs, no speeding, etc.). I always thought of myself as the model driver but lately I’ve began doubting my abilities. This is concerning to me because I one day hope to be a father (soon) and don’t want to feel nervous with my child in the car.
I would appreciate any advice anyone has for me. Hopefully, I’m not the only person who has experienced something like this...
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ptsd
|
It feels like at nearly 27, I'm starting my entire life over. And I honestly have nothing. I've never felt more alone in my life.
And it feels horrible to see how easy it has been for everyone to think I'm a horrible person, or move on without me in their life.
Was I really that disposable?
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depression
|
I have lots of friends, I'm hit on by girls more than I hit on them, I have good grades and an awesome internship. Sure I got shit going on, but why can't I just not be depressed? I feel like such an ungrateful asshole for letting childhood and religious trauma keep me down like this. Why can't I just fucking nut up, do what I know I can do, and then get right in the head? What the hell is wrong with me?
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depression
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Was diagnosed with OCD about 4 years ago. However, I wonder if I actually have it.
How my OCD functions is when I’m worried about something, I begin to have thoughts of “if you do/don’t do ____, what you’re worried about will happen.” For instance, if I’m fixated on the idea I might get COVID, I begin having these ultimatums in my head that say if I don’t listen to them, I will get COVID. However, as I understand it, OCD is quite ritualistic and these thoughts are incredibly sporadic. I can have a thought telling me I have to wear a certain shirt or if I don’t open a door the right way, I will succumb to whatever I’m worried about, but then these thoughts don’t become ritualized. They’re one and done. Constant, but different each time.
Anyone have an experience like this?
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OCD
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I've thought about the idea of getting tested in the future for awhile now. But whenever I do I wrestle with thinking, "well I know I have it, so getting diagnosed would just be getting some paperwork to prove to other people that I have it." Also the chance it could effect employment opportunities is worrying. I guess it could in some situations it could help to get diagnosed as far as "treatment" if you could even call it that, but I just don't know what to do. Either way it's a struggle.
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ADHD
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There’s a chance I have PTSD, and I’m scared.
My experiences in early childhood weren’t...the best, but they also could have been a lot worse. Nothing physical ever happened, just psychological and emotional stuff.
When I talked to my friends about it, all of them were like “dude that sounds like PTSD”. But I was in denial that anything was wrong, so I ignored their words and moved on.
Yesterday, I talked with my psychiatrist. After building up some courage, I told him about the shit that happened in my childhood, and the shit I have been dealing with as a result.
He said (not word for word, but the general idea) “those experiences are quite traumatic” and “what you’re describing sounds like flashbacks” and “this falls in line with symptoms of PTSD”.
He went over what I believe is a list of PTSD symptoms, asking if I experienced them. And the whole time I was like “yes. Yes. Yes.” to almost everything.
We agreed that we would talk more about it at my next appointment, and then I left.
I don’t know what to do with this information. All this time, I assumed this shit was normal. I assumed it was my fault that I couldn’t deal with it.
And now being told that it actually was traumatic, I’m not just making this stuff up or whatever, I don’t know how to feel. I don’t know where to go from here.
But most importantly, I don’t know how to tell my parents. I’m only a teenager, I still live with them and shit. I never told them about any of this out of fear.
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ptsd
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I am not really sure if I have PTSD or not. I don't want to give too many details so as to not trigger anyone, but my daughter died and I was the one who found her. Certain things that remind me of that day tend to cause a decent amount of anxiety, but it isn't debilitating or anything. I do struggle a lot with concentration, memory, and in general dealing with bad "brain fog" since then but I am not sure if that is just grief or PTSD. I was put on a very low dose of zoloft but it doesn't seem to help much. I am wondering if focusing on the grief/depression angle might not be the right approach? Or I guess did any of you deal with brain fog and did treating the PTSD help? I need to be able to do my job again and not sure how.
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ptsd
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I am a person that always seems to hide behind a goofy and overly hyper mask. I always joke around with people and events. I don't know when I really started this but I pretty much always have this clown mask on. Because of this I feel like I don't know how to be real and personal with people.
I'm pretty sure the only emotion I hide is showing care for others. Its really hard for me to tell close friends I like and appreciate them, its really hard for me to care for friends that open up about their depression and anxiety, and its really hard for myself to open up and talk about my struggles with my friends.
It might be due to insecurity since I feel unworthy of like being close and personal with people, despite having multiple friends open up to me with personal issues. Its always really jarring to me that my friends seem to really trust me with these things, but then I feel super bad because I feel like I can never really give them what they want.
I don't share my personal struggles because I don't wanna be "that guy" that unloads all his baggage onto others and I don't wanna be a bother to them. The very few times I opened up I got a kinda awkward "Ah well that sucks, im here if you need me but I'll give you some time if you need it," which tbh as awkward and mushy as it was I did appreciate that. That's pretty much how I would've done it anyways. The other time it was kinda squeezed out of me and then they spread it behind my back and somewhat gatekept my personal choices because "you have this, you should do this," which was kinda annoying and cringe. And when I went to my parents they more or less said I was lazy and to do the dishes.
It might be because when I started getting panic attacks at like 9 years old I didn't know what it was so it became this huge like "only I know im going crazy and no one believes me" secret that I had to just deal with by myself.
The point is MY way of dealing with mental health issues is just doing my own thing and hiding it from people, meaning when others come to me for that I don't really know how to help making me feel like shit. I've had a surprising amount of people trusting me enough to reach out and talk but I can barely muster out some awkward cookie cutter "uwu dont be sad :) " response...
Obviously I care about the people since it bothers me that I cant show them that I care, but I just can't seem to do it in a way that seems adequate. Now again maybe its normal for people to get super uncomfortable in these situations and I'm just being way insecure and paranoid about it. But knowing there are some people out there that are just naturally sympathetic/empathetic in these situations makes me slightly concerned about my own way of thinking and processing.
Now that I think about it is it just compassion? idk.
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ADHD
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I'm tired of myself. Really, feeling tired, exhausted. Same pattern repeating itself again and again in my relationships.
\- I travel, and my relationship becomes a distance relationship;
\- Contempt and resentment build up 1 week after travel, especially on her end;
\- Both go MIA, silence treat or ghost each other for 2-3 weeks;
\- Drama blows up: formal separation;
This happens now with current GF (probably now ex-GF). Happened with ex-wife (divorced after 3 weeks of MIA), ex-fiancée, and another GF (left me after 3 weeks MIA).
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aspergers
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(14F, if that means anything)
Looking back, I've been doing these things for as long as I can remember, but I didn't really know what to do about them.
So I've always wanted my body to be symmetrical, if that makes sense, so if my one hand is cold, my other needs to be cold, if I feel something on my one leg, it needs to be the same on my other. It was annoying before, but recently my mom put mats down the passage, since it was winter she didn't want my little sisters to walk on the cold floor without shoes at night. So obviously when I walk on them my feet would feel different. I'd always walk weirdly on them, because I need to either step with both feet completely on the mat and then both feet on the floor, so that they're even. That's when I really started noticing it was a problem, because it was so annoying but I felt like I had to do it.
Another annoying thing, I'm not sure what to call it. Also not sure if it's related to OCD. An example of it, if I'm watching a movie, and there's a scene in a movie where characters need to hold their breathe, whether it's because they'll drown, breathe in toxic fumes or something, I'll need to do it as well. I try to stop bit I feel like I can't. I'll also feel like I need to get to a certain point or something will happen, but I don't think it's that bad because the fear isn't that bad. So if there's a timer (usually on a microwave) then I'll need to get passed something or something will happen (I'll get cancer, I'll die and go to hell etc.) I'm aware that it won't happen, I'm not sure how to explain it, kind of a "game" only I can't stop it and it's annoying.
I also make patterns in things which is also annoying. The biggest one is making patterns in floor tiles. There's a "right tile". So it's kind of like a checkers board, if I'm standing on one, the tiles that are diagonal to that one are the right ones, not the ones right next to it. I've already done this to the whole house, so I know from any point which the right one is and which the wrong one is. I don't feel like I have to stand on the right tiles all the time, I can walk normally for the most part, but sometimes I need to avoid the wrong tiles or I feel really gross. For the most part I just make patterns like this, I want to stop because it's annoying, I want to be thinking of other things, I want to ignore it but I can't.
Also not sure if this is OCD related, but if I'm holding something sharp, I always worry that I'm going to stab myself in the eye, or if I'm near a sharp corner I am worried that I bash my head into it. Or if I'm picking up dog or cat poop and carrying it to throw it away I get worried that I'm suddenly going to touch it.
The biggest problem I have is hand washing. If I feel unclean, even if I just get some water on my hands, I need to go and wash my hands. My hands look weird and they always get dry. I need to regularly put cream on my hands because they get so dry, and I'll usually end up having to wash them shortly after then I have to put the cream on again, it's the only thing I do that genuinely makes me distressed instead of just annoyed that I can't stop.
This is kind of long so if you read this far, thanks. What do you think? Am I just weird or could this be OCD? If so,when can I be diagnosed? I'll probably only be able to be diagnosed once I move out because my parents will think I'm faking.
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OCD
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hello! recently i (f14) got diagnosed with aspergers, however my parents really dont want to accept it, they think its because of my phone, and the fact i stay inside all day, my therapist and i tried to explain it to them, but they just dont seem to listen. I even had multiple suicide attempts just because of it, they dont care. So any tips on how can i make them accept my diagnosis?
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aspergers
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Dear all my son has to sit in certain chairs at usually quite empty cafes . He hates staring but the compulsion is very strong. He catches other people eyes and feels dreadful and knows its wrong. It is also his peripheral vision. He basically is so tired from it he wants tobend his life. He is 32 and has had it from 19.
Other people stories would be very helpful. He thinks he is the only one.
Thankyou
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OCD
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Hi all, a fairly new obsession I have developed is a fear of knives and other sharp objects or just a general fear I will somehow stab my right leg , makes me so nervous and leads to me not being able to touch knives and often I just freeze , that's like my compulsion in response , I cannot move my legs it just happens so fast, sometimes last a few minutes sometimes nearly half an hour
Just wondering if there's a name for this type of thought or OCD? Or whether it's just considered a type of violent intrusive thought ,and does anyone else experience the same or similar thing?
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OCD
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Long story short, I had a midterm exam a couple weeks ago and I was worried about my score.
Scores were being released today and I was mega worried and made sure not to do anything bad or I would “contaminate” my day and do bad on the exam.
So I’m doing work and I’m watching a documentary for the same class i had the exam, and a naked girl (blurred but still very evident) shows up, and that’s like the single biggest trigger for my OCD.
I was so worried that I would somehow ruin my chances of doing well on my exam, but the score came back soon after and I got an A+, superseding my expectations.
Now I’m feeling weird, I know I was irrational this whole time but now I feel more so
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OCD
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ok guys im watching e3 and saw when halo infinite is realesing ok
now i have mcc on console but i feel ill have more fun on pc so now im just having a stress full time cuase im like you have all other halo games on consel and halo released on console but then im also like ill probably have more fun on pc so then now i cant decide
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OCD
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So I got put on meds(vyvance) for the first time since junior high and I'm both incredibly happy and angry at the same time.
Happy because I finally feel like I see what needs to be done and then just do it, which I haven't been able to do for years.
And angry because all the problems I caused myself by forcing myself to go off meds in high school because I didn't want to feel different and because I thought I could handle it. My life could have been so different then what I made it.
I can't speak for anyone else but to me after being on this again I don't know why I ever wanted to stop feeling like this.
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ADHD
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I need an app that can read my textbooks for me across multiple apps. I use Chegg eReader and kindle and browsers. I hate reading textbooks, with the fire of a thousand suns, and I just need to graduate next spring and reading texts is holding me back. Do you have any suggestions??? I’m willing to pay if it can read everything.
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ADHD
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Like I would fidget with toys and stuff or sometimes I would just walk around my room for an hour for no reason. Is this OCD or am I just a weirdo?
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OCD
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You can pretend to be whoever
It's hard to define who you really are
Because you change based on environment
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depression
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I'm having a really stressful period coping with way too many intrusive thoughts, to the point that I'm crying too much during the day for the last months. Help me please!! What has your therapist told you to do when these intrusive thoughts come? Some exercise, sth to think? idk I'm just desesperately trying to calm my head, but I can't. PLEASE HELP ME.
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OCD
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I’d like to make it clear that my intention for this artwork is not blasphemy, nor is it to offend anyone with religious beliefs. If it has indeed offended you then I apologise, but hear me out and perhaps you’ll understand why I chose this particular imagery.
Now, Jesus is a figure who represents innocence, and that’s how I see those of us struggling with Pure O. We are not the monsters our thoughts try convince us we are; we are all innocent of the horrible things we are subjected to. But there are those in this world who do horrible things and just living in this place can be an OCD trigger. And so, much like Jesus suffered for the sins of others, so do those of us with OCD suffer for those things which do not characterise us.
Now, I am not saying we are equal to Jesus or should be revered like Jesus. But, like the saying goes, we all have a cross to bear. But for those of us with OCD, our cross is a question mark. It’s the unknown which is the true torment of this thing. The questions we ask of ourselves in some kind of continuous loop. The questions without answers.
https://preview.redd.it/96m7zzj4whb71.jpg?width=1251&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ed2ef9e9b4940d5c9b4c76bb8fcd715465ca2277
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OCD
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I had a huge flashback episode today, but nothing bad happened? Maybe it’s because It’s close to a trauma anniversary, but I completely broke down. I was almost hospitalized from how bad it was. Could someone explain this?
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ptsd
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Is it because of my depression ? Whenever i try to study all i want is to get up from the desk and go lay down.
Does anybody have a realistic solution ?
I’m on medication already
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depression
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Heres my journal entry today. Im a lurker and some days are rough. This morning was rough. I have... very negative thoughts. And this journal entry isnt the best way to show you that, but believe me when I say that this community, as well as several other communities that I lurk around, have already helped me. Im sharing this because im tired of living in the dark. I need help. I need support. I need you, strangers of the internet. The journal:
I love me.
I quit an addictive and destructive hobby abruptly. My relationship with my parents ended in a cold way. My wife and I are less connected than ever before. My job changed so much I might as well have got a new one. I did something that bordered on unfaithful. There was a lot of change and events that altered my perception in a negative way and I didnt know how to cope with or deal with it - mostly due to losing my numbing hobby. Thats 2021 for me.
I started reading again. I take the kids skiing in the winter. Im involved in hockey. I take part in parent teacher interviews. I made some new friends. I became comfortable with my new job. My wife and I are soulmates still and forever. I developed coping mechanisms and support systems in my life that mitigated the problems and changes I encountered. Thats 2022 for me.
These are my goals. I am aiming to achieve my goals for me, no one else. I will share my goals with the people I care about as it will help me with accountability. I dont need to meet them all. Im not perfect but I am positive.
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depression
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So i've been diagnosed since july and have just finished my first medication trial (ritalin IR 10mg for 1 month).
My psychiatrist prescribed one with longer effects to rry out next. It's called Ritalin Modified Release (Novartis Pharma). I started today.
The IR ritalin made me emotionally very frustrated, kind of wound up or angry and sad at the same time. It also made me feel very stressed.
The modified release one is giving me a headache, sweats and a very uptight feeling. I also feel a bit more anxious.
I do have a history of anxiety and overthinking, but i never felt this chronically, physically stressed and tired. The end of the day really feels like that crash at the end of your exam period.
Have these side effects subsided for you guys or did you change meds?
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ADHD
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I often feel like I can't make it through even the most normal, everyday situations on my own and it frustrates me. I want to be independent and not live with my mom until I'm 45 (not that there's everything wrong with it if it works for you) but I get easily overwhelmed and anxious. Sometimes I find myself wishing I had someone with me at these situations to guide and reassure me, like in the movie Venom, although him eating humans and possibly my organs is kind of a minus. Maybe a support dog, easier to train.
Feel free to vent, share your experiences or tips with this, I'd love to hear from others!
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aspergers
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It’s recently come to light that I am most likely on the autism spectrum. I also have ADHD. I’m getting evaluated soon for a definitive diagnosis. My boyfriend was very surprised when I told him about all of this. Turns out that he also had a very narrow view of the autism spectrum, a lot like I did when it was first suggested that I might be on it.
Anyway, he’d like to learn more about the different ways that aspergers/autism and ADHD present in women, and how he can help as my partner. Trouble is, he’s super busy with two jobs and finishing up his master’s degree, so he doesn’t have time to read the books that I have or use social media resources. He does like to listen to podcasts, though. He could also listen to audiobooks, but podcasts are better.
Does anyone have any recommendations for podcasts about having a partner on the spectrum and how neurodivergences present in women?
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aspergers
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Im not really sure what the point of living really is and really often overthink and if it’s worth it
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depression
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38/F. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD but have suffered with severe anxiety and depression since my teens. I’ve been on Lexapro (10mg) since 2013 and was recently prescribed Strattera (25mg) for ADHD. We chose Strattera because I have a history of panic attacks that I was worried would be exacerbated by a stimulant med.
I also have a complicated history with medical anxiety. I do see there is a major drug interaction listed that says this combo of meds can cause an irregular heart rhythm and I’m worried about this.
My doctor said it’s a “moderate risk” and I can take it if I want or I can choose not to take it—which really isn’t helpful at all.
I’m wondering if anyone is on this combination of medications and what are your experiences.
Thank you!
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ADHD
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From the time I can remember until now, I've loved black brimmers. Military style, milkman style, police style, pointed caps with a black leather brim.
I've owned many of these hats, mostly throughout my childhood and early teens and always wore them proudly and felt soooooooooo cool when I had one on. As I got older I slowly got more and more tired of being made fun of for wearing them and finally let them go.
I really think I would enjoy being a locksmith. Helping people, working with my hands, doing (sometimes involving and intricate work), and best of all working for myself.
It just dawned on me, my wife and I are drinking, that if I start my own business I can create my own uniform!! That means, ties are required every day. White button up shirt, vest with collar and lapels, jacket is optional, slacks or khaki pants, dress shoes a definite and above all, I can wear my favorite hat! Even with my company logo as a badge (on the hat)!!!!
I don't know if anyone else will be excited about this, but I never thought about it until just now! I can wear exactly what I want, be comfortable and project the image I see in my head as the ULTIMATE COOL.
I'll probably be made fun of or asked questions about my uniform, but all I have to say is, "it's my companies uniform" and shrug my shoulders.
I'm pretty excited about the thought. I would like anyone's feedback, positive or negative.. preferably constructive either way.
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aspergers
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I continued mimicking/mocking my OCD signals. The only faux-signal I've made is telling myself that I fly a spaceship instead of car, and I don't automatically check to see if it's true since I am already confident that I do not fly a spaceship.
It's easy to do and quick to think about, and it kind of reverts my attention away from my real ruminations because seeing my false OCD signal makes me realize how irrational my real ones are. It won't help cure OCD, but it's one of the factors that will help cure OCD (alongside medication, therapy, exercise, self-esteem therapy, etc.)
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OCD
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Hey, I’ve always had issues with dressing. I have trouble matching, I have trouble picking my outfit, and I feel like I’m never well dressed.
The issue is not that I don’t have enough clothes. I think it’s that I have way too much.
I’m thinking about buying the same shirt and pants seven-time, so I don’t have to bother picking outfits each morning.
I was wondering if anyone else does this, and what tips do you have?
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ADHD
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title pretty much describes it. i’ve been dealing with internalized lesbophobia so badly and i just need to talk to someone. i was informed that i was “in line” for a counselor but never received one. life rly sucks and then it sucks some more lol
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ptsd
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Earlier this year my mother told me that I was almost diagnosed when I was a child, but she didn't follow because at that time, she had the opinion that it was being overdiagnosed. This lead me to investigate about the symptoms, and now I rationalized my behaviours around ADHD, making me feel distant to the feeling of being me.
Did this happen to you? How did you cope with it?
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ADHD
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I just started college this week and some things are harder than I thought they'd be. I get so impatient when classes get too long and especially when professors teach things I already know or repeat them. I get really weird and so jittery and impatient. I really like all the topics yet studying is so hard. I get so hyper during rhe worst times and every time I sit down to study I find myself doing sth completely unrelated after a while. Today I got disctracted and all of a sudden I was downloading new themes and costumising google. Yesterday, I started to clean my bag out while looking for my notebook, to study. Any tips and does it get easier?...cause right now Im exhausted. I tried coffee but it makes so tired and sleepy that Im almost knocked out before I even get studying. Meds made me unable to sleep in the past and focus, but not necessarily on what I needed to. Help from any older students?
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ADHD
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I've been doing ERP therapy for a little over two months, and while I've seen healthy improvement, I feel like medication would benefit me, especially since I struggle with depression is well.
I fully support other people getting medication if it helps them. But ironically, I can't help but put judgment on myself for feeling the need for medication. Not in the sense that I'm "weak," but I more so feel somehow like I'm "failing" my OCD therapist and my parents (who are helping pay for therapy) by needing extra help beyond just ERP. It makes me feel like I'm not "trying hard enough" with my exposures or something, and that I'm wasting my therapist's time and my parent's money. I know deep down that I'm putting wildly ridiculous judgment and expectations on myself, but these feelings are hard to set aside.
Any encouraging words would be appreciated.
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OCD
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Hi there, I’m a yoga teacher who’s main focus is to help people with ptsd lead a happier life. I’ve been looking into training a therapy dog to help during class because I was hoping it would be a comforting presence as well as a way to help people stay present in the moment. I know its nearly impossible to do much of anything if you’re worried about being safe (I have ptsd myself), and it’s especially difficult doing breathing exercises and meditating for those of us who experience powerful flashbacks, racing thoughts, etc. so having a dog by your side to pet and bring a light hearted energy to it might be helpful. If any of you have any opinions on if you would enjoy this, what breed of dog might be best, or any other advice that would be great! Thankyou
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ptsd
|
I feel so numb. Like I can't shower, can't move. Forget cleaning the house. It's like I can't even bring myself to watch a show or do art. Just barely, mindlessly scroll through Instagram. I don't even feel like I'm existing. How do I stop this pattern?
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depression
|
So I have very little resources for coping with ocd, I was diagnosed around 12-13 but was and am extremely afraid of doctors/psychiatrists. It's always been kind of a stab in the dark figuring which of my behaviors are OCD related, or if they're random, or sometimes if I even have it :p all this to say, I've never had any resources and trying to consult the internet has resulted in so much confusion and anxiety. Recently I formed an obsession with swallowing that seems to fall under a subgroup of OCD having to do with sensory awareness? I had no idea that was a thing and now so much of my behavior makes sense. I haven't been able to stop doing it for days and I have no clue how to stop. It's causing me a lot of anxiety and an inability to focus on anything. Sorry if this all seems sort of random and disorganized (the swallowing thing is making it very hard to focus), I would really appreciate some sort of insight on this issue!! Thanks in advance
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OCD
|
So basically IV been in therapy since I was 16 and in 19 now . It all started because of this relationship with an older guy who broke it off that I COULD NOT let go of and I would miss class and cry and leave school and just couldn't stop obsessing . Anyways I now know that was OCD as I couldn't go anywhere I was with him for a long time after and stupid irrational stuff would trigger me . Everyone just thought I was depressed and anxious but in hindsight it's pretty obvious Because my obsessions just shifted into obsessive excercising for hours a day and stuff when I started getting sexual intrusive thoughts about my dad that ruined our relationship at the time and I couldn't touch him . I just thought that the way I thought was normal thought until my most recent breakup where it's been 6 months and he cheated and I developed this irrational fear of women to the point I had to quit my job and couldn't leave home . Like it was so fucked and I just have been thinking about it for hours everyday . Anyways I only realised when I got diagnosed a few days ago that the music playing in my head involuntary wasn't normal and is a compulsion , like I had gotten do used to it I did t even think about telling my psychiatrist . I also get violent intrusive thoughts about hurting my ex whenever I think about the cheating and it's very repetitive. I have had tons of different more standard OCD traits but I realise I don't need assurance of proof from this sub and nobody actually cares how much info I give BUT anyways I had a complete breakdown 2 days ago. I woke up from an OCD nightmare and began stressing straight away . It had happened 5 nights in a row and I was exhausted physically and mentally and when I went on the meds I had this compulsion/ suicidal ideation to overdose and would imagine my funeral for hours anyways I told my parents to hide them but that was like 2 months ago and they stopped doing it so at 4 am I went and I took all the pills left and then because I have like guilt / confession OCD I told my mom and they took me to ER. I took around 15 and I'm fine now and out of the hospital but they asked me why I did it and I said I don't even know it's like my body just wanted me to and I wanted the thoughts to stop and th psychiatrist talked to me for 5 mins and said I was textbook OCD . It's FUCKED Tho because why the fuck have I been paying hundreds of dollars for years to a psychiatrist who never ever gave me any diagnosis except for anxiety and depression. Like my life has gradually been getting shittier and shittier,loosing friends, iscolating, quitting my job, I even cut my hair for the 2nd Time In 2 years yesterday and found out that's a compulsion. Like I fucking overdosed after seeing my first female friend after 4 months . That was what triggered it because I felt like men were looking at her and I was in the city around other women and It sounds so stupid but I barely left the house in months so it was scary af for me . Like I told my psychologist that I was scared about bring around other women and that I was suicidal (each concern was in seperate sessions) but like she was like what makes you want to kill yourself and we talked but like she didn't ask if I actually would or follow any of the other standard protocol around it , Like it was kinda brushed over and I think she could have taken it more serious Because she never brought it up in other sessions again . And my last session when I TD her I was being scared of women she surely Could have given me actions to work towards or some kind of plan or guidance. Me going out to see my mate was all me trying to challenge myself and be "normal" . Like id gone out in the past few days to the mall and stuff and I was OK but like all my psychologist told me to do was breathe deeply and say so what in my head when I see another women but like I couldn't stop staring at them . Like old young everyone and fixating on how they look and then my psychologist said I was sexualising them just like my ex sexualised women and now I know it's OCD IV latched onto that and feel creepy and I'm mad she said that. Legit a rant about my psychologist being shit AF . Anyways I'm only On 50mgs but I was wondering what is everyone's experience going from 50 to a higher dose for OCD and what dose worked best for you
Any feedback MUCH appreciated xx
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OCD
|
Sometimes- I feel as if I just lose all empathy-. My brains just like “yep! That’s enough people time for today!.” And when this happens, I just lose compassion and care for others and just want “my.” Time. It’s like I go through phases where I just don’t want any type of human contact, even from people I have deep emotional bonds with, and I just lose my empathy for them in these moments and just need to decompress.
Does anyone else go through this or something similar?
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aspergers
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Hi all,
I’m a 25f. About 4 months ago, around May, I began experiencing derealization/depersonalization. It got pretty bad to where everything looked/felt weird, felt like things and people I know were unrecognizable. I had felt these feelings before in high school (not as bad) when I was diagnosed with GAD. I took Lexapro then which helped and weened off of it about 4 years ago. I tried Lexapro again in July and it made everything exponentially worse; dp/dr worse, panic attacks, anehdonia, etc. I stopped taking it and felt good for a little while before anxiety started creeping back in. I’m now on Zoloft, 25 mg for the past 3 week and feel that it’s helped some with anxiety. I’m also doing therapy for potential OCD (self diagnosed, although both my therapist and I agree that I’ve probably had it since childhood). I have a daughter. I’ve dealt with some harm ocd, intrusive thoughts, and I’m terrified of losing control and becoming schizophrenic or psychotic. Since experiencing the dp/dr I feel like that might be the first signs of psychosis for me. I create scenarios of having to be locked up in a mental institution and not being able to be the mom I want to be or having the life I imagined. I’ve started or at least began paying more attention to what I think are hypnagogic hallucinations where it feels like I’m dreaming as I’m drifting off to sleep. I’m scared this is another symptom of it. I’m constant hyper aware of any little sensation, noise, etc. I just miss my life 6 months ago when I felt “normal” and not in this constant fear.
I just hope someone has advice to give. Personal experiences, symptoms, etc.
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OCD
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[The picture are in the link.](https://imgur.com/a/gb53ejQ)but it’s really annoying because you can’t even properly explain it to them so I just told them to Google “I still remember the day my brain broke” and read the article. I’m sure I’ll be told I’m wrong..like I’m not being treated for it daily
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OCD
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So I’ve always had a hard time remembering things, but lately it’s become really bad. I also have started to feel like events have happened very recently or very far back in time; time also seems to go by extremely fast or horribly slowly. I don’t know if this is just a personal thing or related to my PTSD.
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ptsd
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