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**OCD can make us feel like we're terrible people.**
**How can psychologists measure this, and how can we help?**
Intrusive thoughts and OCD are often understood as being about ***anxiety***.
But sometimes, ***shame*** is the driving force behind obsessions and compulsions.
We think it's important to understand this better so that we can offer the best treatment to people who are struggling with shame-related OCD.
If you have something to say about this, we'd like to invite you to a confidential video interview as part of our research: [https://sites.google.com/view/shame-ocd/](https://sites.google.com/view/shame-ocd/)
What is your Study: Understanding and treating experiences of shame in OCD
Lead Researcher Name: Benny Lewis and Alex Coles
Lead Researcher Credentials: Doctoral Trainees in Clinical Psychology
Institution Name: Salomons Institute at Canterbury Christ Church University
Advisor (For thesis level): Dr Tamara Leeuwerik & Dr Clara Strauss
Will this work be published?: Yes, to the online repository at Cantebury Christ Church University and potentially in academic journals or conferences.
Compensation: £10 available for each study
Method of study (In person, online): Online
Time required: 30-60 minutes
Link for participation: [https://sites.google.com/view/shame-ocd/](https://sites.google.com/view/shame-ocd/)
Email to contact for questions: Benny [bl207@canterbury.ac.uk](mailto:bl207@canterbury.ac.uk) or Alex [ac985@canterbury.ac.uk](mailto:ac985@canterbury.ac.uk)
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OCD
|
We are in the middle of moving and I think it’s setting off all kinds of panic. I’ve felt like I’ve been having a panic attack all day and I don’t even know how to come out of it. I regret the decision to move and don’t want to do it anymore. I feel like I’ve ruined my whole life by deciding to move. I don’t know what I’m asking for but I’m really desperate for peace and calm.
|
ptsd
|
Concentrating is something that I struggle with a lot. I love music but I have such a hard time trying to focus on making something or playing the piano (I wish I could finish any beat I started producing).
Been going to therapy for almost 3 years. Sobriety has helped me a lot. 2 years clean. No alcohol, no drugs.
Lately the only times I feel comfortable is when I’m practicing sports. Either running (ran for 2 hours on Monday, 12 miles total), or surfing, skateboarding, biking, etc. Also can’t deny how I’m so passionate about driving, bought myself a stick shift car cause I feel like I needed something else.
My point is, I’m 29 y/o and I’m feeling lost. Rn I don’t have a degree, I love studying and reading, I love understanding how things work, but I have a hard time focusing and finishing things. I don’t know what I can do to have better discipline and I’m really afraid of medicine cause of addiction (example of adderall).
How do you guys deal with that feeling? The feeling of being stuck and lost? I feel like time is passing by and I’m stuck in life. This is so weird.
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ADHD
|
I've never been officially diagnosed or anything, never gone to therapy. MY BAD I GUESS. I just don't trust """mental health specialists""". I've wanted to die since I was 14, thought I would be dead by the time I'm 18, wanted to throw myself off 7th floor a lot but the odds of surviving were too high. Wanted to hang myself on my belt when I was 23 but chickened out. Now I'm 26 and everything is just fine: I have a job, work from home, live with my family, saving money for my own place but why??
Everything feels like such a meaningless grind. I don't want to die, I don't want to live, I gave up on all my opportunities, I contribute nothing to society, I have no friends, I'm not interested in romance. I have no interests, I don't want to talk to people or do anything. So why bother.
I know the whole "point" of life is that there is no "point" and you should just do whatever you want but I don't wanna do anything. And no matter how I look at my problems they are ALWAYS MY FAULT and if I'm not HEALING, OVERCOMING or whatever other bullshit I'm the bad guy. I'm toxic. No one should be allowed near me. I set bad example to everyone else and it just makes seeking help even harder.
|
depression
|
I was getting coffee and the barista was wearing a Strokes shirt, so we were talking about the albums and she said they were outta drip. I just looked down, looked at her shirt and pointed at mine, and said “seems like you have plenty of drip.” After a pause the barista just went “no? We don’t have any!” And I had to explain the humor.
I noticed I really enjoy ambiguity, not just in small verbal situations where it doesn’t matter much, but in any situation— stuff like pretending to get offended because I ‘misheard’ something or reacting the wrong way. What’s frustrating is when people just seem to take it point-blank as if something’s actually wrong with me or I actually was wrong, or acting weird-when really my brain just relishes the opportunity when you’re not sure what a situation means or how to interpret it.
I feel like I try not to be too judgey about it, but I noticed I can get pretty dismissive like just now when it keeps happening because otherwise people just misinterpret humor for social gaffes.
Wondering, do others here find there’s a healthy and appropriate place for condescension for even derision?
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ADHD
|
idk why I guess it's just imposter syndrome. but I can't ever relax until I get officially diagnosed.
I'm so scared of them just telling me I'm fine and that I just never got any good habits made, that I wasn't forced enough as a kid to do things I didn't want to, that I'm just lazy.
but I don't feel lazy at all. i want to do things but I can't. big difference.
it's like a constant battle in my head.
I talked on the phone with this woman for an hour and a quick interview before I started therapy. I told her a lot of the reasons I thought I had adhd, that I've been trying for months to find out what was wrong and why everything was so hard and I think I did it. but whenever I try to say anything I say the wrong thing and don't realize it until hours later when I have the chance to think about it.
she told me, "wow, if you're so worried about it, do you think it's just anxiety?"
which is really heartbreaking to hear. i felt like she didn't hear a word I said about my symptoms.
and then I went to my first therapy appointment a couple days ago and I got told I would have to wait up to 4 months to see a psychiatrist. which sucks because I can't afford to wait that long, so I decided to drop out of high school and get my GED once I get medicated.
but what's so scary is what if I don't have it? what if I truly am just lazy and I can't get medicated and doing my GED will be just as hard as high school and I just wasted my time?
idk. i have a list of my symptoms here, clearly not all of them but when I read other people's symptoms it helps to know I'm not alone. i hope at least one person can relate:
•i always feel like there is a barrier between something I need to do and myself doing it (like a laptop with a virus)
•can only do work in specific environment
•always messy room even as a kid
•partner likes to watch videos quietly when we go to bed and I just get distracted sometimes and watch them and can't make myself stop so when they go to bed I turn the tv off
•self harm
•forgetting what I'm thinking/feeling/saying/said/what someone else said instantly/bad short term memory/losing train of thought
•easily make mistakes on assignments
•talk too loud without realizing or too fast (infodumping)
•unintentionally interrupt people
•look like I'm not listening when people talk to me
•think without speaking
•echolalia- vocally stim like a parrot every day/have something playing in my head over and over (rn its Walter white saying I don't know what you think I've done)
•skin hurts if the same spot is rubbed for too long
•super picky eater, can't stand when food touches and hates trying new food/continually eats the same foods over and over
•bad textures like dry towels, socks, underwear, cotton shirts hurt my finger tips- wear socks inside out, shake hands when I feel a bad texture
•cant sleep when something is wrong- shirt hunched up, long sleeves hunched up, fan is too loud, tv too loud, wedgie
•not being able to stop scrolling on social media
•executive dysfunction- hard to start new tasks I'm excited about, do something that I deem boring- cried because i wanted to go to school but couldn't make myself go
•want to do a routine but can never keep up with it
•constantly fidgeting/doodling to pay attention
•not finishing tasks before moving onto something else
•need lists to do anything- assignments hard to do without a clear list of instructions, make my own lists to make tasks more bearable
•hyperfocus on things I like- icp, madoka magica, monster high
•try new things and get upset when I'm not good at them- felting, clay, painting
•always have a song or a TikTok audio stuck in my head. always.
•being exhausted all day, finally getting into bed and losing the tiredness (doing that rn lol) finally going to sleep sometime around 12-4, being exhausted the next day and cycle repeats (even when I have school and get like 5 hours of sleep the night before)
•forgets why I walked into a room
•losing stuff everyday even when I just had it- phone, keys, pencils, makeup while I'm doing it, poof it's gone.
•binge eating disorder
•not realizing I'm hungry when I'm super engrossed in something and will remember to eat because my mom tells me when dinner is ready
•cant focus on things for very long, even if I'm interested- gotta switch around a lot
•get side tracked extremely easily
•loud internal monologue 24/7
•my thoughts get side tracked with unrelated thoughts and it's really frustrating
•torture to focus on something boring for long periods of time (school, cleaning room)
•unable to contain excitement
•strong imagination and lots of daydreaming
•low stress tolerance/easily frustrated
•two or more ppl talking at once/too much bg noise I can't pay attention to what they're saying
•procrastination- motivated by deadlines
•read page and not actually read it and have to reread it a couple times
•dealing with stress or emotions makes me exhausted
•little emotions- I get over things extremely fast
•sometimes my emotions don't come through and the world will be ending and you couldn't even tell because my face is blank
•emotionally immature
•spend lots of time making lists then to never follow through with them
•hard to put thoughts into words and then I'll think about what I said later and regret not saying something else. happens every day. i can't explain how I'm feeling very well that's why I'm writing this list so I don't come off as an idiot that has no idea what I'm talking about
•conversation on the spot makes my mind go blank
•forget what I'm saying mid sentence
•brain works father than body and I stutter
•antisocial and extremely introverted- being with people is draining and I have to have my partner leave me alone for a couple days so I can recharge. we still text but they aren't physically with me
•hate small talk
•bad emotional permanence
•cant keep long term goals
•brain always extremely loud and full of disorganized thoughts
•distracted easily during sex
there's a lot more but these are the most noticeable. i already looked into autism and it's definitely not that. i just don't see another explanation. i hope someone finds comfort in my list
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ADHD
|
I'm not a suicidal person, but I want to die, I really don't see any point or things getting better in my life.
I'm a burden for most people, my mother said that I should be in a mental institution like my dad was. Nobody cares, and people who say they care only fear not doing nothing and live with the burden.
I have to have the courage to kill myself, I can seek help, but can't. People say they care, but they don't.
|
depression
|
Anyone planning to play? Was about to start back up on WoW for something social to do this winter when all of the Blizzard Activision stuff dropped
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aspergers
|
particularly for pocd, tocd and other taboo related ocd
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OCD
|
I'm not here for reassurance because to be completely honest with you I've been researching online for the last couple of days! This obsession is the worst, I had it in the past for nearly a couple years and I've been free of it for 6 months..until now. And yup, now that I'm obsessed again...well what do you know....i feel like I could be Schizophrenic Oh the Shock!!!! Gotta love ocd.
Anyway! I actually created this post to be motivating for anyone else out there struggling right now like me! I'm gonna live my life, if I wanna get a professional opinion that's the only thing I will do moving forward and only once, so it doesn't become a reassurance marathon. My last therapist was absolutely adamant that I wasn't Schizophrenic but... they don't call ocd the doubting disease for nothing.. so cheers to anyone reading this. I'm choosing my life over the illusion of certainty that ocd dangles above me. Sick of compulsions! Cheers to uncertainty, maybe I am in the early stages of Schizophrenia but maybe not. :) Oh Well!
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OCD
|
As the title states, sometimes i try hard to focus on remembering something that is important/i feel is important then later ruminating to make sure that is the right memory and not what nasty things i think would happen. It always gets the back of my head with tension headache. I have no control of what i feel important though, OCD just takes the wheel and if i didnt try to remember, i would feel so stressful in my chest.
Also, sometimes i would doubt simple things e.g if this particular food could be eaten and try to remember the last time i ate it to make sure yes its the same thing i can it, i feel like i can eat it, i ate it, i wont die and it makes simple tasks e.g eating, throwing rubbish, really difficult
like why cant i remember stuff like a normal person? is that ocd anxiety causing the issue or is that something wrong physically with my brain?? ITS HAPPENING EVERYDAY IDK WHAT TO DO? like do i continue trying to sit with the anxiety feeling with my head being all empty and not remembering if i did something or not, does it really stop the ocd?
|
OCD
|
does anyone have any recommendations of books for ocd or about ocd?
could be workbooks, autobiographies, fiction books, anything :)
|
OCD
|
I don’t want to struggle. I don’t want to fight. I don’t want to have to learn to accept that I’ll never be happy, or that I’m not happy. I don’t want to learn to accept that I’m gonna be alone forever.
I just… want to live without these thoughts. I just want to be happy, dammit.
Oh well, I suppose. /shrug
|
depression
|
I'm not sure if im depressed.. sure most days i feel like i have no energy but i always get done with the things that matter (studies or outside chores or meeting with people etc) so im not depressed in the sense that I'm destroying my life with my lack of energy or motivation. Im not sure how to explain it. Anyyways, i keep up with everything except my laundry and cleaning and organizing my room.
Its BAD. very very very very very bad. Last i cleaned the room was in March. Same with laundry, im a medical student so i get away with washing my scrubs and undergarments only. I just cant get myself to clean my room!!!! I've been procrastinating it for 5 days now! (Because im trying to end this bullshit) been cleaning for 10 minutes everyday but i just cant get this shit done ughhh. Its affecting my quality of life. I dont even own plates or dishes or cups or anything, because i KNOOOOWW i wont clean them. Physical labor makes me feel like im dying slowly. Its so agonizing and i fucking hate it. Please dont tell me to grow up and clean my room because if i was able to do it, i would have done it!
If anyone goes through the same thing don't feel alone im going through this with you. Plus im typing this here maybe someone knows a magic tip that will fix my life or something... Idfk
|
depression
|
So for about a year and a half I've been diagnosed with GAD and thought all the anxiety I was experiencing throughout the day was due to my generalized anxiety disorder. However, after talking with my therapist about my obsessive thoughts, random compulsions, intrusive thoughts, and the constant need to seek reassurance she believes there is a strong chance I have OCD, and within the next couple of weeks I'll be starting ERP therapy.
I guess my questions are: does this ever get better? Has erp therapy improved your life?
My obsessive thoughts feel like they're destroying my life sometimes, and it can be really hard to deal with all of this everyday. I hardly ever get good sleep anymore and I feel so overwhelmed everyday. I feel like my intrusive and obsessive thoughts are pushing away my loved ones because I seek reassurance so much.
are there any OCD specific coping mechanisms I could try to alleviate any stress?
Thanks.
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OCD
|
I've reduced how much I wash my hands, I'm worrying less about contamination and im moving out to a new state into my own place, with my own things. I'm extremely excited to basically start over.
I havent been excited, happy or motivated for years now and I'm finally excited for the prospect of the future and it feels great.
|
OCD
|
I was going to post this in the r/psychology thread, but I couldn't for some reason. Anyway, I have Asperger's syndrome and I have certain triggers.
This post is about certain sounds people will make that will actually make me angry.
I know several people that do these things, however, I'm going to use one of my friends as an example.
I have a good friend who drinks very loudly and is very vocal when he eats ('mmmmmm'). I want to be clear that these are not issues I think he needs to work on, this is an issue that I need to work on and I don't know how to. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people are vocal when they eat or drink and he does it like 20 fold. How do I make this not bother me so much?
|
aspergers
|
NT: "If you don't like the way someone does something that's your problem. It's no the world's job to change for you. You can't control how people act, so just learn to live with it."
​
Same NT: "You're holding your fork in a way I don't approve of. Do it better. You're tone made me uncomfortable; never speak that way again. You just scratched your head wrong. Don't ever do it that way. Now you're blinking wrong. Don't blink like that. You're breathing wrong. Breath better. You're existing wrong. The cells making up your body aren't configured the way I'd prefer. Rearrange the entirety of your being to my exact specifications this instant, etc..."
|
aspergers
|
I have a different type of ocd than the more classic version. I do not have obsessions over hand washing or checking (though I did at one point have checking obsession and compulsion).
Over time my illness changed. It used to be unwanted sexual thoughts and constant, repetitive thought racing unrelated to any particular topic. Sometimes violent thought too. Believe it or not I was still kind of happy back then.
For times sake i will skip ahead- my compulsions are now marijuana use and masturbation. I obsess about these things and worry if I don’t do them (particularly before social interaction) that I will lose my mind on people, pass out, run around screaming etc. Just absolutely disproportionate fear.
Its to the point where ANY time I have to get out of my routine or my normal setting, I feel like Im going to lose it. Im so rigid in my patterns. Im going on a trip tomorrow to see family and am so so scared. I feel like im a caveman not fit to share a home with family for a week cause of my habits. Any disruption or change makes me feel like Im drowning. I think the change of settings fear is also ocd based on its own and not even solely a result of the other patterns. Spikes my anxiety so much.
Has anyone felt similar? Does anyone have advice? I have been with therapist and psychiatrists for so long and nothing has really worked.
Can anyone talk to me?
|
OCD
|
I have been diagnosed with CPTSD. I used to love to ski in my childhood but as an adult woman the lack of control, speed, and danger frightens me. There is no way it feels to push back. Whenever I am skiing downhill I feel like I am going to die. It is not fun. Does anyone else have this issue with adventure sports?
|
ptsd
|
I am severely struggling with a issue with a friend I reached out and I feel I’m getting no where I have been in a very dark spot please anyone willing to help or listen and that’s willing to help get in touch
|
ptsd
|
To get things straight, I have this thing where whenever there's a noise, it hurts me. If it's a 7/10 pain, for example, that pain will hurt me for 2-3 hours if quiet. However, if I hear more noises, then it just adds to the pain making it less able to cope. If the pain is a 10/10, then I have this thing where I fall on the floor, and I can't move where the worst pain imaginable comes to my ears, and it won't go away until everything is quiet. However, even when it stops, I still get side effects. For example, I suffer the most excruciating pain for 24 hours, can't focus, I am extremely tired, and can't sleep. I'm in a family of 8, so it's hard to not be in pain all the time, and my parents are extremely idiotic, saying that “it's just a teenage/hormonal thing”, except this has been happening all my life and each year it gets worse. My parents can also be quite abusive at times. I've tried the police, but they don't do anything and are useless. I've tried everything that is humanly possible to stop the pain, but nothing helps. I'm extremely depressed, and I want to kms. I can't take it anymore, SOMEONE HELP!!!
|
depression
|
I have obsessions mostly pertaining to my future, like I want to get married and have kids, but my brain constantly tells me that I don't. Since starting ERP, my anxiety has gone down somewhat, but it only makes the thoughts feel more real. I get feelings in my gut that I shouldn't get married or have kids, but the anxiety only comes after I realize I don't have anxiety. I think this is the backdoor spike, and I'm wondering if it could be hampering my success so much because I've always had OCD. People always say they want to go back to what it used to be like, but I have no idea what that is since I've always had it. I'm afraid if I keep continuing with treatment, I'll give up on my goals in life. How do you guys deal with the backdoor spike, because it always makes me feel like my thoughts and feelings are just the truth.
|
OCD
|
Idk wtf I’m doing. I keep waking up to the same day to log in late for the same unfulfilling job and be met face to face with my boyfriend. I just know we’re not going to last. I don’t trust him anymore despite how sweet he’s trying to be.
I can’t get ahead and have no one helping me other than my parents that I feel I’m constantly bumming off of. It’s not supposed to be like this. I went to college and worked hard. I got my depression and adhd diagnosed and went through treatments. I tried so hard to be everything I could be for my boyfriend.
The tasks keep stacking up and I keep stumbling my way through then or putting them off until things get worse. Omicon is headed this way and I’m tired of changes and I’m tired of feeling afraid and the added anxiety to every decision and outing.
There’s a part of me that wants to die. Not permanently. But I just seems the only way to take a step back anymore. Every day I wake up to more stress and more work and tasks and health issues. Living with a partner that you know is going to hurt you again despite how much they love you. Knowing you’re trying your hardest to smile at them every day while you slowly fall out of it. Deeper into your depression and out of love with him. He’ll be fine. He’s always known how to talk to others.
I want a different life so much I’m already mourning the one I have. I just don’t know how much longer I can wake up to this shit. And I don’t even have it half as bad as others.
|
depression
|
Hey folks. Are you all ever off-put by ADHD / ADD jokes? For example, my friends or family members will often say things like, “I’m so ADD!” When they are not clinically diagnosed, but they misplaced their keys or clean the house in a non-linear way. It bothers me because it feels like they are belittling the real struggle and experience of someone with ADHD. But maybe I am being too sensitive. What are your thoughts?
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ADHD
|
For example saying hello will equal good response and saying something bad will equal negative response. But as the conversation becomes more complex the equation becomes complex?
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aspergers
|
For us ADHD people the "flow" state, or being totally lost in something, is something we do more often than others. .. Maybe not on the task we should be but.. lol. Anyway do you guys think when you're hyperfocused on something you feel a deep sense of happiness in the moment? Is this one of the few perks of ADHD?
|
ADHD
|
I'm obese. No doubt about that. 230lbs at only 5'0, female. Yeah, okay that's bad.
No matter what i tried to do to lose weight, if I didn't notice a good difference within like....a month, I'd call it quits because it lost my attention.
No, long term reasons like "better health", "looking better," "getting stronger" aren't good enough reasons for me to do anything.
I'm hungry. I want food. I want to eat anything I want. No, I can't be bothered to exercise because it hurts too much short term. I don't like pain. It's not fun. I hate it.
So basically, I hate eating healthy and I hate exercising. Like, I have other fucking things to worry about.
I hate being uncomfortable. (any changes from normalcy makes me uncomfortable except for school and when I got my dog)
Okay all my bitching is outta the way.
​
What I want to ask is, has anyone else with ADD/ADHD (I have autism too yippee) found themselves in this sort of position?
I can't think of a good motivation to lose weight that outweighs living how I've been living.
I know I need to lose weight but honestly, all these long term reasons feel pointless. I could be fucking dead tomorrow for all I know. Why would I spend time doing things I hate for my last moments?
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ADHD
|
I went stopped eating meat summer of 2020 and since then my OCD got significantly worse. I always thought it was due to the pandemic but I'm seeing protein rich foods help OCD be more manageable.
I know there are beans and lentils packed with protein but I can't cook every day due to my OCD being worse.
Anyone have advice or have experienced/heard something similar??
|
OCD
|
I’m kinda sick of seeing the same reassurance seeking posts over and over again on this and other OCD subreddits. Most of the discourse on here is unhelpful as it’s just people comparing their obsessions and compulsions, which is s inherently reassuring because it makes you feel less abnormal- which don’t get me wrong is a wonderful feeling bit it Does. Not. Last. It makes it worse in the long run.
I wish the rules on here were a bit stricter but /r/ROCD has a rule about reassurance seeking/giving and it doesn’t make much of a difference. The mods just let it get posted anyway. I’m considering leaving these groups because they don’t really bring me anything, but I also sometimes comment encouraging people to disengage which I think is a helpful thing to do and I kinda don’t want to stop doing that. We need someone to gently remind us to stop trying to reassure ourselves sometimes.
Rant over but if you read this please try to check yourself if and when you post something on here. Even the “yay I beat it” posts could trigger a back door spike. I think it’s best to give OCD as little airtime as possible outside of treatment.
|
OCD
|
Does anyone else experience obsessive thought patterns about someone else? My obsessive thoughts seem to be centered around a particular person and fear of abandonment.
|
OCD
|
TW!!!! Since a child I acted more mature and tried to be more mature and never really had a childhood after that, or so I feel like. I was raped at a very young age, roughly 5-7. I basically repressed any emotion I could and became severely depressed and had anxiety by age 11. I finally processed my trauma at age 18 and still am trying to accept it. Slowly I’ve come to accept that I do not need to let this define me. Anyways, I remember really loving dolls and adoring plushies and watching cartoons as a child and I’ve had a realization now at the age of 20 that I still am that way. I find that buying plushies or any that I currently have now bring me lots of comfort and I act like a child when I see them and want one. My boyfriend has told me as well I have some child like personalities that others would see odd, but because he has been with me for so long he doesn’t mind it or think much of it. When I’m out in public I get excited like a little kid and run to stuff and pick it up off the shelf and run back to him and show him the item or I see something I’m excited about and tug at him like a child. I’ve been reflecting and wondering if my innocence being ruined at a young age is finally coming out now as an adult? If that makes sense? I personally don’t find anything wrong with who I am and the things I take interest in even if they’re child like, but I’m curious in another aspect if in a way I’m living out my inner child self as an adult because I never got the chance to as a child since I didn’t feel safe with the people around me and had to have me guard up literally 24/7 or if this healthy and normal? I’m interested if anyone relates or has an knowledge upon this? Please be kind and considerate about this post, I’m genuinely curious about this and would like feedback. Thank you! :)
Edit: there’s so many replies I wish to reply back to but it’s hard to keep up with for forgive me if I don’t reply! But I want to thank you all for commenting and reassuring me that this is normal :’) for a second I believed it was unhealthy, but I feel pride in myself once again for my child like traits and plushies!! I’m so happy and glad to know I am not the only one who also feels this way. I’m so proud of all of you for sharing this with me and most importantly proud of you all to be able to love something with as much passion as I do and take pride in it! Thank you again, much love 💗💞💘💜
|
ptsd
|
Hi,
I am a lifelong OCD-haver who is experiencing the most severe level of this disorder, that I’ve ever experienced, ever, and it was triggered by traumatic events so it isn’t about the subject I’m posting about here but it manifests in every single move I make and thing I do now...and although I could write a book here.. I’m short on time.
I just wanna know, after seeking advice from several subreddits about magic and crystals and witchcraft etc, and receiving conflicting responses about when is the “right time” to do a moon ritual... like what should I listen to if my OCD is automatically making me extremely paranoid about when and how to do something, so that it’s not “wrong and bad,” but there are some advising to not do things at a certain time because it breaks astrological rules, or rules in paganism, and so on.
My OCD is literally ALL RULES all the time, so I just feel more panicked after people advise me on what to do or when do perform a ritual. But I’m the one who asked.
So I’m always conflicted between hearing my therapists voice in my head saying that everything is ok and nothing is bad or wrong or tainted, and then being like well maybe there are no rules, but then I’m like well, everything can’t just be meaningless and if there are rules/guidelines within astrological magic and other traditions/practices then idk what to listen to. I don’t wanna bring bad luck or energy to myself by doing something at the “wrong” time but that automatically feels like well I’m being my OCD self making these rules or listening to them.
Thanks for reading this jumbled rambly thing. I can’t get too into the details of my OCD cuz it’s like horrific and the trauma stuff (I have PTSD as well, and multiple other issues),but I’m trying to see if anyone else with OCD has experienced something similar and maybe has some wisdom about this.
Thanks again.
|
OCD
|
The type of cancer I think I have is esophageal cancer. The symptoms make sense and I had un-treated GERD for a while because I didn't find out I had it until recently. Potentially 3 years or more of GERD. When I was homeless living on the streets, something happened where I was rushed to the ER and was checked for a stroke- and that was when the doctor there said I had "abnormal lymph nodes" and said it was urgent to get a full scan by checking in with my physician. I didn't have one at the time, that was back in Summer of 2019. I still never got one done because I honestly didn't think it was a big deal- mainly because I was terrified of seeing a doctor to begin with.
I actually did set up a doctor's appointment and it'll happen on March because I legit had a hard time eating / swallowing at the time. No appetite and lost 4 pounds in one week without trying. I'm so worried now. I don't know if I should mention it to him in case I'm wrong. My OCD makes me afraid but then shamed me for being afraid- brings flashbacks where my mom would always call me a "hypochondriac" for feeling ill. Hell, I was lactose intolerant and was dealing with acid reflux for years and never knew it was the case because my mom never took me to see a doctor everytime I felt bad.
I honestly can't tell if my concern is irrational or not. That's what gets to me the most. It's so confusing.
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OCD
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I have the most difficult time listening to people with foreign accents and trying to figure out what they say. I had no idea why I had such a hard time with it but then I found some research that said it’s harder for people with ADHD to process accents that are not their native language. It’s so frustrating, especially because I work in a job where I work with people globally from all over the world. I will do literally everything and anything I can to only write an email as opposed to calling because I can’t understand them.
Does this happen to you? What accents do you have the hardest time processing? For me British accents and Indian accents are the hardest for my brain to really comprehend.
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ADHD
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I started feeling like I don't like my partner that much anymore, until I understood that love doesn't have to do with feelings, but now I have another problem that is making me so ill every day...
I have a best friend, he is a boy, and I'm a lesbian, for some reason my mind keeps telling me that I like him, even when I know FOR A FACT that I do not like him romantically, but I still get intrusive thoughts about it, that maybe I do like him even when I know I don't, it's not like I'm confused about my feelings, but the intrusive thoughts don't disappear, how can I cope with this? Is this normal? I get it that sometimes people feel attraction to other person that is not their partner, but I DON'T!! I just want my gf and no one else, but these thoughts are making me feel so guilty even when I know they're not true
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OCD
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The past month I've been drinking lemon water constantly. Not only do I feel healthier, I feel happier (it's a natural mood booster), I feel in control, my skin looks AMAZING and I have mental clarity/stability which has been making me forget about my OCD habits! It's like the lemon water is helping me become more rational lol. I came here to just tell you guys to try it. It won't hurt to try. 4-5 bottles of water with fresh squeezed lemon juice, daily. TMI warning: It even flushed out my UTI. Freakin amazing.
Side note: I've also been taking 1500mg of turmeric supplements every morning. Not sure if these two combined have been helping.
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OCD
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I am wondering if people have noticed this. All of my anxiety now is related to my OCD. I just don't have "anxiety" on its own now as I did before I ever had OCD. I feel fine in social situations, et cetera.
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OCD
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I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD for a while now, but I still get confused about my symptoms.
I’ve gotten to known some people that have PTSD after suffering through a horrible event as an adult. I always seem to notice how their symptoms are different than with my CPTSD symptoms.
I guess I wanted to know more about the differences in symptoms between someone who has PTSD and suffered through a traumatic event once in their adulthood vs the CPTSD symptoms of those who had to withstand repeated and long term abuse in their childhood.
I find myself questioning my diagnosis a lot because I feel like I don’t relate much to the regular PTSD symptoms. Am I the only one?
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ptsd
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Hey y’all.
I’ve just been diagnosed with OCD, leaning towards Pure O. I am having horrible intrusions, it just feels like a nightmare that I want to stop but can’t. I adore my therapist, but she does not specialize in OCD nor can she prescribe me medication if that’s what I need.
I’m in the Seattle area and hoping to find someone, does anyone have any tips or tricks on finding a practitioner?
Anything that helps get you out of your head is appreciated in this thread too, I’m trying to work on a show at the moment and it’s really difficult with my intrusions popping up. TIA
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OCD
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I've been on 25mg of Straterra for a few months now. I asked my Dr. to try it instead of a stim because the ADHD symptom I have the most trouble with is emotional regulation. It generally works well, but I've noticed I get spacy sometimes (like when I started on 40mg, but not as intense as that). I have CPTSD and when I'm in a flashback I can have a lot of trouble focusing, so I figured maybe that's what I've been feeling lately.
This week I've been really unfocused, so I skipped my dose on Thursday and took it several hours late yesterday (on purpose). I felt really anxious before taking it yesterday afternoon, and by the evening I was super relaxed and just wanted to melt into a couch. Today though, I took it in the AM as usual and I feel good. Calm, regulated, gently focused, and generally tolerant of life's experiences. This is the experience I appreciate about Straterra.
So, what are your experiences with Straterra? I'm seeing my Dr. this week so I'll work with him, but I wanted to hear from people who actually take it what their experiences are. Have you tried anything other than just adjusting your daily dose? I've considered slipping 1 day a week, combining with stimulants, switching to stimulants entirely, and just sticking with it and trying behavior modification to manage the spacey-ness. Anyone tried any of these, or have other things you've found success (or failure) with?
Thanks!
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ADHD
|
Hey all!
I have diagnosed OCD and am currently working on ERP with an OCD specialist. I have to schedule a wisdom tooth extraction in the next month (while I'll be in the thick of therapy, if that matters), and I'm worried that the anesthesia is going to make me loopy enough to say an obsessive thought out loud to the person picking me up, either my mom or partner.
I want to know if there is any evidence of this being a possibility so that I can prepare accordingly if this might happen.
Thank you!!
EDIT: Thanks for the Platinum!! :)
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OCD
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i feel like i’m in this endless loop where i try to run as fast as i fucking can from something… maybe myself or the reality or both. i just run and run away from it and in the end i’m just more stuck and fucked up than ever. then i get a hang of things for a week to a month and then the loop just starts over. this gets me really depressed and tired.
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depression
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I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder and Major depressive disorder. I am lucky to have enough insight to be able to somewhat tell myself that my brain is off and some things aren’t the truth. But sometimes it feels like the truth.
At my job, I know everyone likes me, or at least they don’t NOT like me. But it still feels like nobody really listens to me or cares. Like, I’ll try and tell a joke and no one will really laugh. I’ll be telling a story and someone just talks over me so the group moves onto that subject. I just wonder how much of it is me looking too deeply into it. But I feel the same with fiend groups.
I know this sounds really dumb and cringe, but it’s like, nobody understands me. Or I don’t understand anyone. I want to communicate and feel close to someone but I’m always left in the background and I hate it.
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depression
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People talk about how therapy teaches you to learn to be happy with these thoughts and i dont want to. I dont deserve happiness with these thoughts. My mind has convinced me im a serial killer,a rapist,a racist,a child predator,a pedophile,a sociopath,a psychopath,a narcissict. I dont wanna live with these thoughts anymore bc it feels like i genuinely enjoy them. I don't want to mother fucking enjoy them. Death sounds so soothing to me honestly. Hopefully the after life is peaceful and I dont get intrusive fucked up thoughts anymore.
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OCD
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My heart hurts... it's empty...
I'm alone all the time...
I wish I had a family of my own, pets...
The lack of human interaction is killing me.
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depression
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Life looks and feels so scary, hopeless, and sad. I just wanna curl up and cry all day long. The only time I feel comfortable is at night, in the dark, but then i just get super sad :(
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depression
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So whenever I get my period my stomach always goes weird and for someone who is usually constipated, my poo gets looser I think I probably notice it more because I'm usually constipated. But ofc now I'm freaking out that my poo is looser because I have covid and secondly I'm worried because when I went to the toilet after I had been when I wiped myself my hands weren't completely clean like I'd been touching stuff in my room that wasnt 100% clean and I'm kind of worried that I've somehow transferred the covid virus into my body through my bottom I know this sounds ridiculous I don't blame people if they laugh at this because honestly it would be laughable to me too if i wasnt so paranoid about infecting myself. I also feel kind of suicidal and disgusting and guilty right now in case it's not my period causing my stools to be looser and it's an actual illness or virus I don't want to infect anyone
[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/pbl4vv)
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OCD
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Hi,
So recently, I was talking to my therapist and he claims that in order to heal I have to be able to live through my story. I'm trying to help myself for years now but I feel like I'm stucked. I am having an issue to fully connect to my memories. I know what has happened (well I remember some), but for the most part I feel like it wasn't all that bad or it wasn't me. And almost feel guilty for being that affected by it. It's like all my abusers live a normal life, and they can even seem like nice enough people. And every time I try to confront them, they say I have it all wrong or something. Confusing my brain. As always.
I decided to share it here with you and maybe you can help me see it better. And will have some suggestions, how to unblock myself.
So, I was living in a very confusing and abusive environment. I grew up in a party house, Surrounded by drugs and alcohol. My mam left to work abroad when I was very little and I do remember feeling abandoned and neglected when that happened, especially that a few years later my sister was born and she traveled with my mother, while I was left behind, and that deepen my feelings of betrayal.
So, I was left with my emotionally unstable, drunk and drug addicted father. On the top of that I had the rest of the family (grandparents and aunties on both sides) who were in a constant conflict, full of hate and I was their tool to communicate ; so early in my life I was exposed on statements like "your aunties are whores" etc. When I started to grow up I also got under attack just for resembling either side of my family in any way (so I was constantly criticized for my looks and personality traits). My father was also on ongoing war with his and my mother's family, so he took part in that game as well.
For the most part he kept me with him. Convincing me that no-one loves me like he does, that even mother doesn't really love us and it's us against the world. Even though later on he said he wished I wasn't born, same as I heard my grandmother saying that if it wasn't for me my mam had a better life. Anyway I believed him and thought I'm special For him, even though For the most part I was there to bring him cigarettes and buzz when he was too hungovered and when he had enough of me, he'd drop me to my grandparents.
His friends were horrible people too. They were doing hard drugs at the time and I remember one day, one of them sat me on the outside part of the window sill and closed the window behind me. We lived on the 3rd floor. I was maybe 5 and it took my father around an hour to notice. I was terrified.
They once locked me out outside of the house. Hungry and tired, I cried for hours, hearing all the fun they had inside. I fell asleep on the door mat. I was also around 5/6 y/o. They gave me cigarettes and big amounts of alcohol to see how it's gonna impact a little girl like me. I was their entertaining monkey, and if I was getting cranky, I was locked in a room or brought to my grandparents to be fed with hate.
I had all of that going on and on the top of that had to look at the show my dad was putting on when my mother was coming back from Berlin, playing happy family, hearing all about how nice it is abroad, but she misses us, my sister all dressed up in new nice clothes, while my bike, playstation and every piece of nice stuff I got was exchanged for drugs. When I tried to say what's really going on, I was called a liar. Early in my life I learnt that I am a liar.
When my mam finally joined the family for good, the real shit show started. My dad would constantly come back home drunk&high and any excuse was a good excuse to beat the shit out of my mother. There were countless times I covered her with my own body, terrified he's gonna kill her. The next day he'd cry his eyes out, apologizing. She always forgave. I saw him rape her twice.
There was a lot of good times as well. Fairly stable times and during those he was the best father who ever lived. He was funny, engaging, told us a lot of great stuff about music, books, love and compassion etc. He was very intelligent and it was just nice. When he loved someone, he loved with his whole heart. And no-one really made me feel as loved as he did.
No-one also made me feel as despised and hated as he did.
So I tried really hard to make sure he'll be in a good mood and he'll love me. Even though at some point I realized my efforts are not even appreciated. They were required. I turned into a people pleaser.
He would abuse us physically, but the mental and emotional games where the worst. Always guessing what mood is he going to be in. Always worried about his reactions. What pleased him one day, annoyed him the other. He'd give me a silent treatment and treat like a piece of shit for no apparent reason. I second guessed everything I did. I still do.
He early started to try and turn me and my sis against each other by making me the golden child and her the bad child. Either way it sucked, cos the expectations he had for me were impossible to achieve and at the same time trying to achieve them, stripped me from my own identity. I never had a chance to learn who I am. Still, abuse was unavoidable.
I was made great for talents and achievements I never had nor actually wanted to have, and was constantly afraid that someone will see through it and I'll be abused again.
The funny thing is my actual achievements and talents were completely dismissed and not noticed. My parents never made to school venues to actually see me getting rewards etc. It wasn't really about me.
When I hit puberty, my dad constantly was making inappropriate jokes about my body. Saying I should undress in front of his friends or that if it wasn't for his love to my mother he'd have a go with me. He'd also abuse me for any extra weight I'd put on. Till today I have a very unhealthy relationship with food and disturbed body image.
One time when drunk he lied next to me and confused me for my mother and did touch inappropriately. I was paralysed from fear, guilt and shame.
There was that believe going on around the family and friends that me and my dad have some special bond. That I have calming effect on him, so when he was acting crazy and violent my mam and sis would leave the house and stay somewhere else and I'd be left on my own with him. I was being left alone with drunk, aggressive and violent man, who was just after physically abusing my mother. It was overehelming and terrifying.
There were times when I would run, in my pyjamas and slippers across the town to my auntie to get help, worried he's gonna kill my mother and the next day, my mam and dad would be back in love and angry with me for telling lies.
They were messing with my reality constantly and till now, I get lost in it. Not knowing what's real and what's not.
For the most part I felt quite neglected. My mam would work long hours, my dad would constantly drink. And I was walking around town aimlessly. One time when I was around 8 I run away, middle of the winter. Just in my pyjamas and slippers and after hours of walking around the town, hungry and tired, I fell asleep on a bench. Was found and brought home by a stranger in the evening. Noone notice I was missing.
My grandmother beated me up a couple of times for insubordination. My father while high, tried to sell me to an Arabic man for 1000euro.
I was pulled into a basement by my grandfather's friend and sexually abused, but managed to run away before it went too far. When I got home crying, I've heard, that this is what you get when you come back home late.
In school, I had a nice time for the most part, I was a good student and likeable, engaged in a lot of projects so the teachers would like me, but there was a group of kids that hated me for it. They would constantly bully me and send messages threatening my life, etc. When I told my dad, he said I have to man up and learn how to deal with my stuff and not rat on people (I was only like 12-13 y/o). Part of that group of kids, was a guy who took a knife out and pulled my friend into a basement, and wanted to use her. I was there and managed to help her run away.
After my prom night, I was walked back by my male friend who tried to sexually use me. I pushed him and run away, and learnt the next day that he told everyone what a slut I am, even told his mother.
I was attacked by 3 guys in the middle of the day, who tried to get my clothes off and were unhappy with my appearance ( long jeans and big baggy shirt), as they thought "such a good looking girl, should show off more of her body".
I was attacked in a pub by a man who wanted to rape me, ambushed in a toilet, managed to get out of it, but he followed me. No One reacted to that, even though I was clearly in distress and asking for help. I locked myself in McDonald's toilet and waited for my friend to arrive and take me out of there. Still, I wasn't able to properly articulate to him what happened as I got overwhelmed by guilt and shame.
I have a few more situations like that but you get the picture.
I also found myself in two emotionally and mentally abusive relationships. In one of them I was sexually abused. The other mentally devastated me so much that I started to loose contact with reality.
Plus my father did fry his brain in the end. He committed suicide, but before that there was like a whole year of properly crazy behaviour (walking naked, wearing watermalon as a hat etc). He was properly manic. He locked my mother up in the house and I literally had to prepare a rescue mission to take her out of there. He'd talk to the sink and trees and be a proper lunatic. Stalking us and trying to kill me. He decided that I was the reason of his madness (not the tons of MDMA and heroin he took) and he was on a constant mission to hurt me, unless he got confused what year it is, who am I or just simply remembered he actually loved me. In his own twisted way. I would still go to him and clean him and the house, feed him and look after him. Go on his crazy adventures despite the fact that he could easily attack me at any given moment. He literally threw stones at me once. It was crazy.
It's been like that up to last year. There's more stuff, but I could write a book if I kept going. It's constantly something going out of control. I find myself in those situations all the time, but earlier I was a child. Now I am a grown, intelligent woman, but I still don't know how to protect myself. So there's shame adding onto all of that. I'm nowhere near the person I dreamt to be. In fact I started to get aggressive myself when poked and I hate myself for that. I have that rage inside of me and I worry that one day I won't be able to stop it and I'll destroyed every thing and every one on my way. It scares me.
I still just want to be loved and accepted. And I think simply acknowledged as a human being who's deeply wounded. I feel horribly lonely. And even more so since my dad is gone. I know it sounds crazy. I have no sense of belonging. I don't know who I am and what to do with myself. I feel like I'm floating aimlessly.
I feel like my own brain got twisted. I'm emotionally unstable, paranoid, can't say what's real and what's not. Who loves me and who's trying to use me. Who's the friend and who's the enemy. I'm isolated and socially awkward. I'm constantly alert, tense and don't do well in crowds and noisy places. Can't stand loud people. Loudness can physically hurt me and overwhelm me, unless I feel safe. Which is almost never. Being ignored hurts me. If I talk and someone stops listening I literally feel like I'm drowning. I can't stand drunk or high people, cos they make me feel paralyzed inside. I can't get out of my head. All I can think of is my past. I get stuck in loops. And get uncomfortably obsessive about things and can't snap out of it. I deal with intrusive thoughts. I overeat to the point I can't move and hate myself for it and then I fast and over exercise to the point I exhaust or hurt myself. I have intense mood swings. I have nightmares and intense anxiety/panic attacks on a regular basis and they can last days. Days hidding undercovers from a danger that doesn't exist. But in my head feels very real and very threatening. I feel worthless and a failure. I have delusions and mild hallucinations sometimes. I feel like I'm getting crazier and crazier with every year. With every new poke I get . Since last year I'm not able to go back to work cos any amount of stress is unbearable for me and becomes an immediate trigger. I feel Like I'm falling apart and I constantly think that I want to die. I just want to finish this suffering. I just want to stop the noise in my head. I just want to vanish.
Inside of my mind is full of darkness and I try hard to look away and not see it. Put on a fake smile, overwork, make loads of plans and commitments that I can't keep up with, focus on other people. Just please don't make me think about my stuff, even though it's always there. It's all that occupies my mind. It's slowly killing me and I don't know how to get out of that trap.
I despretaly want to believe that world can be a good place and there's a reason behind this madness. That things can be changed.
And to make it all worse I still look for my mother's approval, and she refuses to accept my full story and gives out to me, for not looking at the bright side. You know, daddy loved me, I have to stop remembering the bad things. Plus I have serious issues with The feeling of neglect from her and that is still constantly deepen to this day. The rest of the family now not fighting anymore but I visit them and hear "How could they say this or that, we'd never did that to you, we'd never say that", even though it's exactly what they said but confronting them With it ends in a fight and confuses my brain even more (I can't stand confrontation) . I run away from my house when I was 18 and my family basically dropped the contact for over a year; last call was from my grandmother who beated me up the day before, what pushed me to the edge, so she rang just to tell me that I'm a slut and I'll endup under a bridge with a baby with no support and then I learn my lesson. Over a year later I finished high school and had great results on my leaving certs landing myself a spot in one of the top universities in my country in a law department My family heard about it and all of a sudden, I was again a welcomed part of the family (they had something to brag about) .
But it's like they all moved on from what has happened I'm the only one who didn't. I feel guilty because of that and like there's something wrong with me. I dunno how I should react to them, how to talk to them. I don't know how to process that shame, guilt, confussion, pain, anger and sadness and fear I have in me.
And they surly not make it easier for me, so I just bottle it up and pretend it's not there.
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ptsd
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I'm a male, almost 30 now. I have been diagnosed with ptsd due to things that happened when I was 19. I was violently raped multiple times by two older and bigger guys when I lived in a sort of halfway house. Since then, I've self medicated with all kinds of drugs. I just got out of rehab, I'm 33 days clean. I've been experiencing flashbacks, panic attacks, intrusive thoughts, nightmares, dissociation, all that stuff. Only a few people vaguely know what happened, I've never been able to share details or anything. I have a hard time opening up, I'm always the listener and I'm good at that. I'm going to an NA meeting tonight, I'm hoping that goes well. Any thoughts or suggestions are appreciated. Thanks
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ptsd
|
I kinda wrote about this earlier but I realized I worded a lot of stuff kinda weirdly and it was very rambly so I decided to try and make a more cohesive post lol. Also sorry if this is long lol.
So I do know i have health anxiety and agoraphobia. When i feel bad physically, there are a lot of repetitive actions I do to make myself feel better. Like checking my pulse, BP, breathing, etc. Multiple times until I feel better and even after. But I feel like that's kinda normal for HA?
Other than that though, I have these "rules" and "rituals" I have to do all the time. For example everyday after I wake up, before I do certain things, I have to go on certain apps on my phone in a certain order and interact with them in a certain way. Also I have to say goodbye to people a specific way a lot of the time. For a while I used to have this thing where I had to say goodnight to my sibling in a really specific and long way otherwise I thought something bad would happen while we were sleeping. If something bad happens and I'm wearing like an outfit that I don't normally wear for example, I won't wear that outfit again. And I can't do certain things unless certain people are around me and I know they dont have plans to leave (watch videos, play games on certain consoles, etc). There a bunch of other little ones but those are the most prominent off the top of my head. For a lot of these things theres a feeling behind it that if I do or dont do them something bad will happen at a later point. Even though I know that doesn't make logical sense.
Also recently someone suggested I look into tourettic ocd, because I have a movement in my abdomen/diaphragm area that's like a tightening/jerking kinda thing that happens mostly when I exhale. It's mostly involuntary but I can suppress/control it if I try. It has to jerk or twitch until its "right" or "feels finished" and then I can inhale again. Idk how physical or involuntary ocd tics are. Or how they start. I believe its related to my anxiety because I spent years very focused on every inhale and exhale and how it felt and if I was taking good enough breaths. Still do sometimes. So it makes sense. But again, idk if that's how it works.
Any insight would be extremely appreciated. Idk if these things are ocd, my regular anxiety or some other form of mental illness. I want to talk to my therapist about it but I don't feel like I know enough about ocd to feel confident in suggesting it to her. But regardless this has been bothering me in the meantime so, I'm not asking for a diagnosis or anything but like I said, any insight would be helpful.
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OCD
|
Been on Concerta for the last two weeks. First week 18mg and this week 36mg. I’ve been hearing great things about ADHD medication and got my hopes up but honestly if anything Concerta has made me feel worse. I have had one good day on this medication in the past 14.
Am I meant to have results from Concerta right away? Should I ask for a new medication already?
I am so exhausted with feeling this way everyday.
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ADHD
|
Im scared of being happy, sad, or angry because of my fear of bipolar/psychosis. I can’t stand the thought of me losing control. Every shift in emotion terrifies me. I always think, “this is it. I’m bipolar. This is mania.” or “this is a depressive episode.” I can’t win with my ocd. anyone else with similar obsessions get this way?
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OCD
|
21F. I am on SSRI for OCD and my sex drive has reduced alot. Normally I could masturbate using my imagination or erotica only. However yesterday I got very very tempted to watch porn. I only watched porn twice in my whole life, felt super guilty after. I had decided to not watch porn because of how there could be human trafficking and we would never know plus most sites are banned in my country (accessible thru vpn tho). Yesterday tho I got tempted and searched up porn on reddit but I felt bad and switched on VPN and found on a famous site (p*rnhub). I feel very very bad about it. A) What if the person in the video wasnt doing it out of free will B) its illegal in my country cuz of pornban. I feel terrible. I wanted to stop but I also wanted to get turned on so I went with it. What should I do
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OCD
|
I can't remember a time in my life where I was a positive influence on the lives around me. I feel like a parasite. No matter how many times I am given help, I will always find a way to self destruct in the end.
I have no excuses. My life has been wonderful, and filled with incredible people who have consistently reached out to me. I just don't know how to want to get better. I want to want to get better, but I don't know how. I don't know who I am without the part of me that hates myself.
My wife is the best part of me. Somehow I've met one of the greatest people on the planet. Kind, generous, caring, someone who looks out for the downtrodden without any consideration. The patron saint of helpless creatures decided that I was the person they loved. How could anybody be so lucky, and still find a way to ruin it.
I have been surrounded by people trying to help me and none of it seems to actually matter, because I do not want their help. I want them to move on. She deserves far better than what I can give her. I wanted to fade away so she can move on with her life, find the person she is actually meant to be with. I don't think it's me. I just want to disappear.
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depression
|
Hi, I'm (28F) feeling a bit anxious about living with roommates again. I've lived with other people before, some have been good while others have been bad. I have issues with cleaning up after myself and forgetting to do certain chores, which made past roommates annoyed and frustrated with me. I should make it clear that I'm not proud that I struggle with picking up after myself, and really wish I could be a better roommate.
My last roommate and I had a massive argument because I wasn't pulling my weight and I ended up moving back in with my parents because of it. This was all a year ago during COVID btw and we were both working from home.
I was diagnosed with ADHD a few months ago, and have been taking Concerta, which has helped, but I still struggle with certain chores. I have a new job lined up in a city that's super expensive, so I know I'll have to live with other people again. Plus, I don't want to have to live with my parents for the rest of my 20s. The thought of living with roommates is giving me so much anxiety because I don't want to have to be the 'messy' person again and be a burden to them. Has anybody got any advice on how to train yourself to stay tidy, or even communicate to potential roommates about having ADHD?
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ADHD
|
I had super intense intrusive thoughts and compulsions for about 6 months. Then they almost went completely away for like 3 months. But now they're back again. Is it normal? Do I have OCD?
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OCD
|
Hey all, I’ve seen so many posts today about the fireworks. I really feel for you all that are struggling. I just want you to know that it can get better. I thoroughly enjoyed watching the fireworks with my family tonight. I was not bothered by the loud noise. They were pretty. It was such a beautiful evening. Honestly it was a really good day.
In the past I’ve been scared by the suddenness and the bangs. I used to be jumpy. But it didn’t bother me today. Instead I loved them.
I also had a trauma anniversary recently. And I didn’t even notice it was ~that day~ until the day was halfway over! I didn’t anticipate it in fear, or expect to die. I was preoccupied with other things going on in my life. It was just a normal day.
I just want to let you know that things can get better <3
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ptsd
|
Hi everyone, I’m (22F) a full time university student and part time worker who has just become really overwhelmed and burned out. As a result I have not been trying at all this fall term for half of my classes, I was good the first two weeks but since then it’s been shit. I have free time I just feel physically incapable of sitting down and studying. The more I get behind the harder it gets, and the more anxious and avoidant I become.
Ideally I would like to drop some classes but that’s not an option. The drop deadline has passed and also I won a scholarship for this academic year. Dropping classes will reflect badly on me and decrease my chances of winning the scholarship next year. Also every class I’m taking is one I need and don’t want to put off.
Another option I’ve thought about is quitting my job but I genuinely love my job and don’t want to leave. I’m only working two days a week, and we’re really short staffed so I feel guilty about cutting down even more. Honestly I’d rather quit school than my job, but I know that’s a decision I’ll regret down the road. Usually I’m a great student I’ve just become so tired of trying so hard all the time. I also feel like even with free time, the problem is I have zero will left.
What I want to do is just muscle through this term and then never overload myself like this again. Does anyone have any tips on how do this and recover from a slump? I’m going to reach out to my teachers and explain my situation but I would like a game plan before I do that. Have any of you ever been in a situation like this, and if so, what advice would you give me?
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ADHD
|
After recently getting back on Adderall, I decided to make a fun list of random side effects that I have noticed, that seem almost certainly caused by the meds, and not made up in my head. lol I’d love to see comments of your odd side effects:
- More sweating, especially under arms
- Dry Mouth (possibly my least favorite)
- Getting slightly disgusted at the side of food, and basically making myself eat
- And the oddest one, I get goosebumps really easily? Sometimes they even seem like they’re random. Like, I’m not even excited or cold, and they just pop up on my arms. 🤔
All of this is still definitely worth it, though.
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ADHD
|
How often do yoy get immense anger and disgust for what your abuser did to you, and how much time was taken from you and what you couldve had/achieved if the situation hadnt happened? Havent been able to be happy, just have this incredible rage and distrust every minute this last few weeks.
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ptsd
|
Hello, I quit being in denial about having ADHD as well, I wanted to blame perfectionism for my academic problems but it seems to not be the only obstacle. I read an article on ADDitude about OCD+ADHD and it seems to really describe me. My question is how to best treat both simultaneously, or how to find a single professional that focuses on this combination. Any advice from people who have gotten help for not one but for both?
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OCD
|
Have you experience of giving up on a girl you love due to your depression? I'm struggling to understand how the processing goes, if you really love someone and you wouldn't want to keep them close to you when you're struggling with mental health.
Also, if you have been in this situation, have you contacted them again when your feeling better and how long has that taken?
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depression
|
So I finally reached for help which for me I think it’s a massive step. But my work and healthcare professionals are dismissing my feelings as normal. It feels like unless I tell them I’m suicidal they won’t give me any sort of help.
Next week I’m down to do an arduous course which I know I’m not mentally in the right place to be doing but work are doing everything in their power to force me to do it.
I had another phone interview with my GP tomorrow. I don’t know what else to say to him.
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depression
|
Same thing different day… has anything happened today? No nothing… it’s just a constant abyss of a black hole that is now my life.
Why do people not understand that it does not need to have been something that has happened today…
It’s almost as if no one understands how painful, continuous and constant trauma is and that it doesn’t need to have happened today.
In the end I asked them to leave as I was triggered in the end that they kept asking me if it was about today.
FUCK today….
People with PTSD don’t live in TODAY it’s the nature of the condition. I wish I could actually live like every day was new anymore but I can’t…
Shits broken people… I don’t live in today anymore it’s just what it is… how can you even understand if you don’t understand that PTSD is not about what’s happening now…
Maybe I missed the point in where they are saying that they’re talking about what’s going on with regard to my symptoms…
But “has anything happened today” is now one of the most ignorant things anyone can say to me…
I drank a quarter bottle of vodka to numb the soul crushing pain going on through my body. Maybe a decent person would understand…. Maybe it’s not about today but the years worth of shit that happened to get to this point?
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ptsd
|
Hello! I was diagnosed at 8 years old, but my parents weren't interested in seeking treatment for me. I did ok in high school, failed out of college 3x, and finally got medicated. Everything changed. I came out of depression, I finished my engineering degree with honors, I have an amazing job, I got married, I have a kid, I got my master's degree, etc.
Anyway I go off my meds sometimes and I like my personality better. I'm more fun, sillier, etc. I'd kind of like to quit taking them, but I feel like I can't do my job without. I kind of like my hyperactivity, and sometimes it feels like I'd have energy for everything if I stopped taking meds.
I know a guy who doesn't take meds and is really hyperactive like me. He seems like he's crushing it. Has anyone here successfully transitioned off medication? Can you contain your symptoms with diet and exercise alone?
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ADHD
|
for like the past 2 years i’ve been so different from how i used to be. I lost interest in a lot of things i used to love. and just feel an overall numbness to life. I was in denial about my mental health but i decided to take measures like journaling and self care and try to help myself. however i feel like i’m in a bad place yet again. i physically cannot do things that i want to do and that i need to do such as hobbies and even schoolwork i still do schoolwork but i have such a hard time getting it done. it’s the weirdest thing i have all these aspirations and dreams but it’s like i physically won’t allow myself to do them. i also find it exhausting to talk to my friends like i don’t want to talk to any one. i have also had social anxiety issues and people pleaser problems where i just get really uncomfortable around others and i get exhausted. sorry for the rant in summary i feel like i’m self sabotaging myself and i don’t know what to do.
|
depression
|
Remix: of Freddie Mercurys show must go on. This is Fair use.
[Verse 1]
Plenty compulsions, what do I do this for?
I do compulsions, You know this is a chore, on and on
Does anybody know if there is any cure?
Another fear, So, another pain in mind
Behind compulsion, there’s fears all the time
Hold the line
Does anybody want to hear this anymore?
[Chorus]
????????…
[Verse 2]
Whatever happens, I can’t leave it to chance
Another trigger, another thrown out pants, on and on
Does anybody know how long I’ve had this for?
I guess I'm learning
How bad this stuff is now
I'll soon be turning, on the faucet now
Outside i was raking
But inside of my mind anxiety hits me
|
OCD
|
Does anyone else get really weird dreams? Not flashbacks, just fucked up dreams.
I have recurring dreams over loosing control of a car (nonspecific).
It started out with me being in the back seat gazing out the window and then suddenly no one is in the front seat, no one is driving and I have to climb into the drivers seat of a moving vehicle.
Sometimes it was a parked car I was waiting in and suddenly the car starts moving.
I've had situations where I'm going down hill towards, or towards an intersection, or both.
Over the years it's evolved into me being in the passenger seat and then me in the drivers seat. In the drivers seat the brakes never work.
|
ptsd
|
I’m Bipolar as well so my social skills depend on my mood. I’m currently in a depressive episode so they’re SHOT right now😅 But when I’m manic I can get along with just about anyone. Socializing consumes a lot of energy for most of us Aspies but I’d like to know how many of us are at least decent at socializing?
|
aspergers
|
Me: tries to sleep
My OCD: wanna see something horrifying, disgusting, and intricately detailed? Also, side note, JUMP UP RIGHT NOW THERE’S A SPIDER ON YOUR PILLOW, NO WAIT IT’S RIGHT ABOVE YOUR HEAD, JK ITS IN THE BLANKETS RIGHT NEXT TO YOU. CHECK IT ALL, QUICK! Also since you hated that image I showed you so much, you should probably ruminate on it uncontrollably for a little while and perform the corresponding compulsions needed to make it go away, which inevitably won’t work. Enjoy your anxiety and paranoia and have fun seeing things out of the corners of your eyes for the rest of the night, or maybe just straight up hallucinating
😩
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OCD
|
i was with someone for a year who sexually mentally and emotionally abused me. he made me think everything was my fault. i always had to take the blame for everything. i’m in healthy relationship with someone now and i still blame myself for everything. like if he forgets something at my dorm i say “i’m sorry i should’ve remembered and reminded you it’s my bad” or if we have a disagreement i always take the fall. he knows i do this and he tries to help me by telling me i don’t need to do that with him. if he’s in the wrong and try and take the blame he doesn’t let me. my abuser just messed w my head so much. even though my boyfriend tries to help i still always blame myself for every little thing. then i get so angry with myself for taking the blame but i still feel like i have to. my boyfriend doesn’t make me feel that way. i make myself feel that way and it’s really upsetting. i wrote myself a letter about blaming myself about my abuser raping me and that’s really helped me bc i take it out every time i feel that way and read it. maybe i should do that about this. i’m just so frustrated with myself.
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ptsd
|
I recently downloaded tik tok and camw across something called “adhd attacks”. from what I can tell, this isn’t a medical term, and I keep finding videos like [this](https://vm.tiktok.com/ZM8VerrDW/). look, I’ve been diagnosed since the age of seven and have quite a few friends with adhd, and I’ve never heard of anything like this. I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but is this really a thing?
|
ADHD
|
Hi there! I have these weird insane intrusive thoughts about my gf's past. I was never the jealous type, but something triggered my Anxiety and it grabbed on and spiraled out of control. This has been going on non stop for 4 months. I have no interest in anything what so ever. I have to force myself to eat, I told my gf to move out, everytime I look at her she would trigger me. It got so bad that when I see people outside they trigger me, door knobs look like "penises" to me, everything is giving me insane anxiety and its non stop. I literally can't do anything. These thoughts are so vivid and painful and I keep wanting to ask questions.
I'm becoming to become delusional, every guy I look at I think it's my gf's ex or past partner. I heard a song coming out of a guys car and I though "that's probably the song that dude was listening to after he had sex with her" what is going on with me? I've never dealt with anything this severe ever! I'm so desperate, it's been months and I have no way out. I can't deal with this, I've had bad anxiety before where i would be scared to go outside. But this is to the point of everything is gone. I have no life, all I think about is this, it's in my dreams it's all around me. Absolutely nothing interests me because I can't solve what is happening to me. Any advice? I'm seriously thinking about starting meds, please has anyone ever experienced bad OCD anxiety like this? I feel like there is no way out. I miss being alive, I miss it so much.
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OCD
|
My life's been pretty fucked and I'm wondering if and when my doctor recommends it, should I take it. Like if it works why doesn't everyone buy it when prescribed why would they torment themselves if they can function normally?
I hope this doesn't come off as a low effort post since this is all I aim to ask really : ) Thank you to anyone who responds
<filler filler filler they need 300 characters at least so I have to do this, forgive me><filler filler filler>
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ADHD
|
I have recently had some challenging and emotionally difficult situations. So it makes sense that I would feel some heartache and low energy. But it seems like I'm unable to bounce back up like I would before my adhd meds. Not sure if it's because these situations or events are just more difficult than the norm for me or if my meds are somehow keeping me down. I will definitely talk to my Dr. about this. I am curious though if this is something other people on adhd meds have experienced. If so does a short break get you back on track?
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ADHD
|
And it was the opposite of all my fears. My old gmail got a message saying he posted a pic. And I have him blocked on all accounts so I used my bfs to look him up. I was a victim of domestic violence, sexual assault, stalking, cyberstalking, harassment, and all that jazz. This was a few years ago. And I found out that apparently he's been sober from meth and booze for 2 years and is at least 2 hours away from me right now. I feel a lot of relief. his posts just seemed...less misogynistic and angry. I probably won't look again. The second restraining order is probably expiring soon and I've been worried about whether or not they'd grant me a new one. But I might not need one. Maybe there will be a day I can live my life without fear of retaliation and revenge for prosecution.
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ptsd
|
my doctor prescribed me fluvoxamine, and today is day 1, wish me luck 🤞
|
OCD
|
"do I have PTSD?" posts are going to be taken down.
If you are genuinely stuck there are better mental health online resources than reddit.
and a reminder that if your post has sensitive (potentially triggering) please mark NSFW and be gentle with your titles.
Cheers folks.
|
ptsd
|
TLDR- do you have an opinion on medication manufacturers : Accord Pharmaceuticals or Camber manufacturer of generic adhd meds, specifically ritalin IR and concerta.
I realize Mallinckrodt manufacturer of generic medication has come under scrutiny, and from my personal experience, I find their generics to be garbage. Pharmacy (walgreens) told me my other two options for generic ritalin IR manufacturers are Accord and Camber. The one I prefer is Sandoz but they said they can only order from three manufacturers mentioned before. Should i just go brand and suck it up that im going to be out hundreds of dollars a month for choosing brand name medication (even with insurance and coupon) ugh this is so frustrating!!
​
Also the pharmacist told me that I wont be successful if I just call random pharmacies because its a controlled substance and they wont talk about what manufacturer they use over the phone so what am I supposed to do here. I hate being treated like I am drug seeking just trying to find a medication that isnt made of crap and doesn't cost me thousands of dollars.
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ADHD
|
I believe this next year may present itself as being impossible to survive. There are several family and friend changes taking place. Having to confront all of them isn't something I want to do. I'll be honest, if I had the monetary means I would cut myself loose and disappear rather than face them. Putting on a mask and acting happy is getting more difficult. There feels like so little of myself is left, that duties and responsibilities is all there is now. No fun, no desire, no dreams, no hopes. They're there inside of me but there is no room for them in the physical world.
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depression
|
I’m a firm believer in Jesus Christ, but I’ve always struggled so so much when it comes to going to church. I haven’t gone in about a year, and it kills me. I still believe, I still have that desire, but I’m unwilling to put myself back in church.
I’ve always felt out of place, I can’t connect with peers, and I don’t learn in the small groups that are “designed for where I am in life”. (College student). When I’m not learning I get bored, and then just don’t want to participate because my brain is shut off. I don’t expect going to church to be a social visit, and I’m not there to “find the love of my life”, or anything like that. I just want to be part of a Christian body like how God intended us to be. But I always end up feeling alone, isolated, bored, and so drastically different from everyone else there
What do you guys do to help with this?
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ADHD
|
Its happened ever since I was young. I would always pour a little bit of water in the food my grandma made before I ate it. That then progressed to NEEDING to smell food before eating it, especially burgers. Lastly, one is blowing my food while its inside my mouth. It isnt hot or anything, I just do it for whatever reason.
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OCD
|
My family got horses when I was 8. At 9 yo my parents decided to go camping and bring the horses with us. I was spending a late birthday with my best friend and my mom picked me up to go camping. My best friend wanted me to stay longer but I also wanted to go camping. Worst mistake of my life
I was never completely comfortable riding horses so I was really happy I missed the first day of riding. It was supposed to be a ten day trip.
On my second day of camping we got on the horses. Within five minutes just heading up the hill I fell off the horse I was riding with my older sister. I was always the one riding second because of how uncomfortable I was on horses, even behind my five year old brother.
I get back on and ride with my mom for a while. Then with my brother.
My parents lager said four wheelers road on the horse and hiking only trail, which lead to the rocks getting loose. My youngest brother age 3 was behind my dad when their horse slipped. When she (the horse) got up she stepped on both my dad and my brother, hurting my dad a little and killing my brother. I know I got off the horse basically before my brother even stopped him, hurting my back on a tree because my brother wasn't paying the most attention to that
My sister took off to find the people ahead of us on the trial but got lost. My dad went after her but took a different path and it was only our dog finding my sister who saved her. I stayed around with my mom and little brother while my youngest brother's heart stopped.
I discovered last February I never developed episodic memory. Its called severely deficient autobiographical memory r/sdam though in my case its just a lack of episodic memory. My semantic memory is VERY detailed. This helps prevent a lot of flashbacks and such even though I'm also the one most effected by every traumatic event in my life because I guess life works that way, car crash, slipping on ice, panic attack on a swing at five, etc. I also lack emotional memory and have affective r/alexithymia.
I was talking to my dad last year when I told him about my memory and he told me he remembers me watching what happened. I was never entirely sure because of the lack of episodic memory. For some reason he never talked to me about it. I always kind of told myself it might have still happened if I didn't go or if I didn't fall off but I'm not entirely sure I believe it.
It doesn't help my dad passed away on June 8, 2021 so now I can't talk to him about it anymore.
Thanks for the place to share. I'm not sure I have PTSD because the memory thing but I am diagnosed with BPD with has ties to CPTSD so its something I think I want to talk more about with a professional. Finding alexithymia helps me realize why I just had small talk about my last week while in counseling.
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ptsd
|
The worst part is I can never get a straight answer. Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. (Probably didn't). I can't take this anymore, I'm on edge 24/7 and therapy doesn't do anything as she just repeats the same things over again.
I may get medicine on Monday, but if that doesn't work out I don't know what I'm going to do.
|
OCD
|
I can't remember a time when I wasn't affected by OCD and I've had a problem with picking before (leading to bald spots on my head) but this time is different. I've started to pick the skin on the inside of my ear and no matter what my other OCD voices are saying (panicking about infections, loss of hearing and dirty hands) I still can't stop. Before, when I was picking my scalp, my head tried to "justify" it as an experiment to see if my body would change the way it healed because I was picking the wounds (sounds stupid I know but you know what thoughts can be like) but this time there's no "justifying", it's just a need and it doesn't matter how much it hurts. My partner is trying to support me to stop picking but I'll get up in the middle of the night and spend time picking my ears in the bathroom or anytime I'm alone I'll automatically start doing it without even realising. Does anyone else struggle with this? Or has anyone struggled in the past and had a technique that's helped them stop?
|
OCD
|
I know that sounds silly but that’s just the comparison that keeps coming to my mind when my SO tries to ask me what’s wrong, “For too long I've been parched of thirst and unable to quench it. Too long I've been starving to death and haven't died. I feel nothing. Not the wind on my face nor the spray of the sea. Nor the warmth of a woman's flesh. You best start believing in ghost stories... you're in one!”
I’m engaged, I bought a house this Spring, I have a professional job. However, I’m doing the bare minimum at everything and don’t feel excited or motivated. Nothing is wrong but I feel like a ghost going through the motions. It’s so hard to explain to people that my life looks good on paper, that I’ve achieved some major goals, yet I feel numb.
My house is still pretty clean but not as clean as it should be if you know me. I have to rally myself to take a shower. Watering plants is an epic chore so I’ve let so many die. I thought that after buying a house I’d be so motivated to decorate but I’m listless. I thought after getting engaged I’d be so motivated to plan a wedding but I’m listless.
I’ll literally be drinking with my friends…partying with loud music and laughter all around me. I participate to not seem out of place but I’m really just frozen inside and thinking, “I’m not having fun.” I feel like I’m bolted to a wall. And the feeling of the bolt is like a void in my stomach that swallows up all the joy and gratification I’m supposed to be getting from doing these things.
It’s like I have a tapeworm but instead of it eating my food it eats all my satisfaction for itself and leaves me no energy.
There’s so many things I want to do but the bolt keeps me sitting. Then my brain shames me for being lazy and pathetic.
I haven’t broken because I keep going to work and keep going through the motions. But what’s the point? I’m just laying on the ocean floor day after day waiting to be brought back to the surface but no one even knows I’m down here.
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depression
|
So basically, my OCD has taken control of. My whole life pretty much. When i walk, breathe, eat, drink, literally just do nothing, my OCD is affecting it. Even washing myself, brushing my teeth. I mean almost EVERYTHING. And if i "disobey" my OCD (if thats the way to say it), then i fall into an anxiety/panic attack and start crying. What can i do to get my life back or at least start to?
Please, if you can help, do.
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OCD
|
Before I knew about my brain being autistic I would every now and then get this push inside to finally "become social". Now I just let it be, and I have much more energy. And less worry.
Sometimes people loop back because they are unsure whether I like them, or if I am angry. But all in all it is so much easier this way.
I recommend those of you that are spending a lot of energy to be social and emotive to let it go for a month and see how you feel.
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aspergers
|
I’m in treatment for OCD and currently doing ERP. It’s honestly changing my life. I was curious if anyone else had a parent or family member with OCPD? My mom had a lot of habits and quirks that, while not obsessive, really impacted myself and my siblings when it came to how our household was ran when we were growing up. I think I get all of my black and white thinking that can be so textbook OCD from her.
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OCD
|
27/F. I have not officially been diagnosed with ADHD. I have almost every symptom, including being diagnosed with depression and anxiety at 19 that has not been well managed. I am in the process of trying to get tested/ officially diagnosed, but getting in with a specialist is hard right now.
I am curious if anyone has ever experienced paranoia. Not like the government is watching me, but I’m paranoid towards people close to me. That they are lying to me, hiding things from me, don’t love me, don’t want to be in my life. It is horrible and it affects my relationships because I lose trust for these people and it hurts them.
Has anyone else gone through this? I am struggling.
|
ADHD
|
I recently discovered that I have RLS. This is a sleep disorder that makes you want to move your legs especially when tired. The theory is that lack of dopamine causes RLS so I wondered if there was a correlation between RLS and ADHD. After doing a quick Google search I found a research paper from the University of Rochester showing the possible correlation between the two in children.
I've always wondered if I had RLS because I do have issues sleeping and it tends to coincide with my legs feeling extremely tight. On Tuesday and Wednesday I took Benadryl and my legs were the worst they have ever been. RLS runs in my family so I asked my dad and he said that Benadryl can actually make symptoms worse. Another Google search revealed to me that Benadryl actually reduces dopamine. This made me realize that yes I do have RLS.
I thought it was an interesting rabbit hole I would share with the group since I know many of us have sleep issues. There are drugs that can help with the symptoms of RLS that also increase your dopamine (just like we do when we take stimulants). The major side effect is addictive behavior so beware of that side effects.
TL;DR: If you can't sleep at night because your legs are uncomfortable ask your doctor. There is a possible correlation between RLS and ADHD.
|
ADHD
|
My chest hurts. I cannot calm down. He’s never seen me like this. I’ve been really open about my mental health. However, in this moment I feel like I’m suffocating. There are a lot of unknowns. I want to be supportive. I want to be there for him. Right now I’m just scared.
|
ptsd
|
I remember when I was 13 I would troll people online and sometimes say stuff that’s racist. I’m worried some day I could become famous and get cancelled then lose my life.
This intrusive thought has just come back
|
OCD
|
My life right now isn’t that bad to be honest but man, I feel like I’m missing something and I can’t figure out what it is, I’m starting to have a sense of hopelessness and anger as well as a sense of sadness, I often catch myself doing things I used to do in my younger days when I had the thoughts of ending things but this is different, I don’t want to say I’m depressed but I’m rather in a hard spot, I honestly just don’t know what to do, I’m only 19 but I feel like I’ve missed so many opportunities in life, feel like I’m wasting my time, I fear of becoming a loser or I guess just becoming a social reject.
|
depression
|
I mean I personally go to come party’s/gatherings around certain holidays or family events as I’m kinda forced to. But other then that I have enjoyed most of them as they seem like just giant parties. Although there are some other “festivals” that are not themed around family that I’ve also not minded participating in. For instance some Mediterranean themed ones from places like Greece and Italy sound interesting and thus why I’d not mind joining a Roman/Hellenic club. What do you think personally?
|
aspergers
|
I had some very disturbing thoughts last night because I watched a video discussing something that triggers my anxieties and OCD (at least, I hope it’s just OCD). I won't get into specifics, but I will say it involved children and inappropriate things. I’m scared I may be attracted to these morally reprehensible things because of the ‘forbidden’ and ‘taboo’ nature of them. I don’t want to be, obviously, but it’s just got me very upset and scared it might be true because it feels so real.
Has anyone else experienced something like this? I posted this on another site, but haven't gotten a reply yet...
|
OCD
|
I’m a single mother of a toddler who struggles with social anxiety, OCD and intrusive thoughts. Because I don’t have a partner or strong support network when I get stuck on an intrusive thought it can take me days to move on from it.
Today we had a play date at a pool with two other kids and their parents. After we left the pool we had a small picnic lunch with all the kids. My friend’s daughter was sitting cross legged in front of me and I glanced at her and then noticed that her swimsuit was gapping open how she was sitting. Of course I said nothing, I looked away immediately and just continued eating. However ever since we got home I have been CONSUMED with the thought that her parents noticed me looking and think that I have an ulterior motive or am a sick predator who stares at little girls in their swimsuits.
I am a great mom and I love my daughter. I would NEVER do anything to harm her or another child as a I think they’re precious. This is just killing me though and I’ve felt sick to my stomach all night. I’ve just started to develop friendships with other moms after working through a lot of my anxiety issues in therapy but I just feel like I’m not worthy of having parent friends. Of course I feel like they’ve decided I’m disgusting and not someone they’d want around their child either.
My mind is telling me this isn’t rational and that It was an accident/ not a big deal. Why did I look though?! And what if someone saw me? I really hate myself and am truly in a bad place right now. Posting here cause I’m in hell with my thoughts and I don’t see my therapist until Tuesday.
|
OCD
|
I am 29, I have been medicated for ADHD for 2 years now. I am currently on 40mg of Methylphenidate a day. (2 x 20mg Equasym extended release). The meds have worked for me and have definitely helped me achieve things over the last two years that I wouldn’t otherwise have been able to.
I do however feel that they are becoming less effective. I’ve already had an increase in dosage.
I have been told that Vyvanse could potentially be a more appropriate medication for me and I just want to hear from anyone who has made the switch from Methylphenidate to Vyvanse and what your experience has been?
(I know this is a decision to me made by my doctor at the end of the day but I would like to hear from you before I even have the discussion)
|
ADHD
|
I get extremely hyper vigilant around things like noises - if I hear a loud whirring above, I won’t assume it’s a plane, my fight or flight kicks in and I panic thinking it’s something crashing to earth. If I hear a bang, I’ll assume it’s gun shots etc etc etc. My question is, does the PTSD hyper vigilance response have to be connected to the trauma itself at all (as I have no trauma around any of those things or anything related)?
|
ptsd
|
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