body
stringlengths 51
39.8k
| subreddit
stringclasses 5
values |
|---|---|
You ever believed something with all your heart, and it got dismissed? Last week was the second time I visited my psychiatrist and her along with her supervisor, some old white guy finally declared that I have *some symptoms* of adhd, but I don't have it at all (he said add) after I poured my heart out about my struggles.
I know strength of conviction isn't a reason to get a diagnosis, but it feels like instead of solid proof through testimony from friends and family members peppered with clinical jargon I just poured out emotion like a busted faucet. It always feels like at the 11th hour words fail me and then I end up ranting like a crazy woman because I finally have some one to tell it to, and it ends up invalidating anything that would've helped me be taken seriously.
I honestly feel like I am "crazy". A crazy, lazy loser who feels like a fake. That feels like relating to other people's accounts and experiences don't mean dick because I don't present it like stereotypes seen on TV, like in antiquated medical journals with information written around the time I was born or like how men present it which is the model they study.
Yet, here I am thinking is my partner upset at me because I had a meltdown at the grocery store because I couldn't function without a grocery list. Has another potential friend ditched me because I don't own a car or know how to drive? Why is my elderly mom nagging me yet again about keeping her home clean? Why am I at 40 not where I should be with a completed education, driver's license, car, job, my own home and a circle of friends? Instead of being an adult, I'm still where I was at 18?
How last night I was talking to my mom about how important it is that I have a means of security, because without the home she's provided me, I'd be homeless in the event she passed on. I can't stay with friends or family again because my issues poisoned them on the idea of me living with them ever again. How important a diagnosis is to me, that I can get a better understanding of myself and the focused help that I need to pull me out of the black hole of suck that's been my existence as long as I've been cognizant of it.
I just need someone professional to believe me and in me. I want to be functional and start living my life at last.
|
ADHD
|
A often overlooked trait of OCD is intrusive thoughts. Generally they're highly disturbing and distressing. Usually sadistic, violent and highly off putting. This can range from constants thoughts of getting stuck with your phobias or worst fears to imagining a slaughter where you are the perpetrator. And you have absolutely no control.
And autism makes it difficult for me to connect to people. I just can't 'feel' with them. I'll still help and try my best to make them happier and I do feel like shit but it's impossible for me to show it so I often come off as a cold careless person. I've mad wit worse by intentionally staying cold and disconnected from people after a series of screw ups that probably landed me on some kind of watch list. Can't fuck up if you don't get the chance to.
I had me convinced I was a horrific psychopath. Maybe I am a horrible person and this post is just a cry for attention. I hope it isn't, but a part of me is constantly screaming this as I write this post.
|
aspergers
|
There's a commercial on TV currently where a woman gets locked out if her house. Her door, and everything around the door, is made of glass panels. She calls a locksmith and is told 3 hour wait. The purpose of the commercial is then how she spends her time while locked out.
When I saw it, I immediately remarked "why wouldn't she just break one of the panes of glass and call a repairman from comfort in her house instead of being locked out?"
The NT people around me reacted as if I'd just suggested she jump off a cliff.
Apparently, it's RIDICULOUS to suggest breaking a small pane of glass to get back into your own home instead of waiting in the hot California sun for 3 hours for a locksmith.
Does anyone else encounter similar things, where a perfectly reasonable solution is outright rejected as unreasonable for even being suggested? And your entire way of thinking is questioned by proxy?
For a people constantly seeking "outside the box" thinkers they sure don't like any ideas outside their box!
***EDIT: For everyone pointing out that breaking the glass would render your home unsafe, insecure to home invasion, I'm pretty sure having a glass door with glass panes around it already did that. 😆 I've never understood glass doors or windows close enough to doors that you could reach through to unlock with. 🔑
For everyone saying it's more expensive to break the glass than call a locksmith, the person in the commercial is a rich actress. For you and me it might be a consideration, so absolutely half a point there, I didn't consider that. I figured the cost would be similar and that at least you'd be inside and comfy. 🤔
|
aspergers
|
I’ve read and heard several opinions that not all generic adderall is created equal. Has anyone noticed a difference in generics, and if so, which is the best? My XR is currently made by Teva and my IR is made by Mallinckrodt. I think the actual brand name adderall is made by Takeda but I’m not too interested in that because it’s so expensive. Would love to hear your thoughts.
|
ADHD
|
If so, what kind? Are there any links to spells/rituals/other things you did? I don’t really know I feel about the concept and if I believe it is what people claim it to be. But, I’m at my end ropes and am looking to try anything that may help.
|
OCD
|
I love acting but I have ADHD, and memorizing my lines has always been the most difficult part. I am unmedicated for my ADHD at the moment.
Right now I use an app on my android called ScriptRehearser and it has worked very well for me me in the past. I used it and thought I had at least most of the lines down before my acting class (and of course waiting till last minute). But when it came time to act my scene I completely blanked,, put sections of line sin the wrong spot, missed entire chunks of dialogue...i was very embarassed about this. Long story short, I'm looking for some ADHD trips on how to memorize lines... Or really just memorizing anything in general. Thanks!
|
ADHD
|
Sometimes shit happens and its all that remains in life and why would you want to go to therapy for that? Its not like life is gonna be any different. I ll just learn to be ok with whatever shit I have. What if I dont want to be okay with it? Makes no sense to me to be ok with something you hate.
|
depression
|
i've been out of my anxiety/depression meds for like six days now i think and i've finally hit my breaking point. between work and everything, it's just finally hit me how lonely i've been feeling these last couple of days.
my partner has been super sick with a nasty cold recently and has spent most of his days just working the best he can and then sleeping. so we haven't had a chance to get to talk or anything outside of him just playing battlefield and him streaming it to me. we had no real talks. my friends have all been busy with their own lives, working new hours and stuff so i've really just been left alone with my thoughts. i haven't gotten to share some of the good news in my life about a promotion i'll be getting or getting to vent about the amount of overtime i've been pulling to help train some new employees. i haven't gotten to talk about how fucking cold it is in the morning or how i've had a hard time sleeping because of my anxious thoughts. i haven't even gotten to share how sad i've been feeling. my meds help me keep my emotions in check, giving me control i don't normally have bc my anxiety just sends me spiralling with anger and sadness and shitty thoughts. however, my depression has finally hit. i've finally realized that i've just been so lonely. i just want to be able to talk with my partner. i want to hear his voice and talk about our days. i want to be able to chill with friends and talk about things that have happened in my d&d games while i show off my recent drawings bc i am so proud of how they look. i've been on my own and i hate it. i miss everyone. even my family has been busy. i have no one to tell that i've started wondering if maybe i shouldn't be in their lives anymore. i'm falling into the dark pit i'm always so scared of. it comes after the panic attacks, the freak outs about what may never be. i'm being to hate myself, hate my existence, wonder why people like me and why i'm worth the effort. i'm beginning to wonder if it's really the starting stages of everyone deciding to abandon me. my fears are eating at me and i don't know what to do. i jump between frustration bc of scenarios in my head that i want no part it, and the pain of realizing that i'm nothing. i'm just so sad. i'm tired. i cannot breathe bc my emotions are so heavy. i don't blame anyone for how lonely i feel. i only blame myself. bc at the end of the day, everyone always leaves me. i'm never worth sticking around for and this is probably just the start of my greatest fear becoming a reality.
​
idk if anyone here even cares. i really just needed to put my thoughts somewhere, especially now that i know what it is that has been broken the dam of emotions and sent me spiraling. it's at least kinda therapeutic. i can at least breathe now, until the thoughts start up and my social anxiety breaks me again.
|
depression
|
I sometimes do things that make perfect sense to me but my parents or friends dont get. i know that it can actually be my autism but im scared that if i say that my autism prohibited me from understanding the subtle social cues that they will say that im using it as an excuse. how can i get them to understand that autism actually does affect me and doesnt just make me stim and obsess over one thing?
|
aspergers
|
Thinking it would make you more aware of life, but now you're too aware to the point of anxiety a high expectations on yourself
|
aspergers
|
I'm annoyed rn bc reddit fucked up twice so this is gonna be rambley. My life isn't even bad. A parent attempted suicide but that's the worst that ever happened to me, I have a roof over my head and two parents that provide everything for me. I have no right to be all woe is me while homeless orphans exist on this shithole of a planet.
Is something physically wrong with me? Am I stupid? Why does nothing make me happy, why do I have no passions or dreams or goals? Why does it feel like everyone else I've ever met has some grand plan for their lives while, for my entire life, I've been scrambling for purpose and finding nothing?
No, it most definitely is not just me, I'm just being self centred. Nothing about me is special. No one is born knowing what they wanna do but how the fuck do people find out what they wanna do? Did I miss the fucking memo? What the fuck even is passion?? Why does everything feel like nothing??
Fucking first world problems. "Wah, I'm so depressed, I don't have life goals!1!11" fuck off I'm so fucking annoying
|
depression
|
I remember scouring this thread for answers on how to treat real event ocd. It wasn’t until I started learning more about ptsd that I realized that was the issue. My therapist said ptsd is often misdiagnosed as ocd.
I say this because ptsd requires treating and processing the trauma. For me, my ocd systems were constant rumination, checking, etc. This was stemming from ptsd around my safety and past trauma around uncertainty etc.
I say this because sometimes exposure to ocd fears are not enough if you aren’t unpacking the trauma. I’m not there yet but I feel hopeful realizing that my symptoms can be unlearned!
|
OCD
|
It really sucks being broke during the holidays. I bought all my Christmas gifts. Paid all my bills. And now I don’t have money to see the doctor. Could I get the fees waived? Or better off switching doctors?
The receptionist was a major BITCH. I made my appointment last week. She calls me up saying my insurance expired and I need my new insurance info or else I have to pay $108. I’m like okay, so then I waited on hold for 3-4 hours on the phone. Cigna fucked up my shit and only had my group number.
She said I have been late 7 times but she’s capping for sure. Been seeing them for 4 years
|
ADHD
|
I've been in a hospital for a month after suicide attempt, i'm not sure if i wanna do it or not. Met a girl only to fall in love with her, she gave me hope and then cheated on me with several people. I'm now drinking a lot and I'm constantly on stimulants. My heart is slowly falling apart but I really don't care. I loved once too much, I don't wanna die but I don't wanna live as well, so I just mix antidepressants with liquor. I now only think about two things, the girl that broke my heart and my friend who was really worried about me mixing meds with booze. I'm not sure should I share this with you but I'm just so fucking lonely, and constantly drunk and on drugs.
|
depression
|
I'm hopelessly depressed and feel like I hit the bottom of my barrel. I can't even explain how much I wouldn't care if I peacefully just ceased to exist. I only care about leaving the handful of people I love but I don't even feel loved back anymore. The smallest things have started pushing me over the edge lately. My cat needing the bathroom to shit while I'm trying to shower, sharing my Netflix and Hulu with a friend (I pay not her, I'm just overly nice and don't kick the friend off), an upcoming doctor's appointment on Monday that's stressing me out. Even sounds have started to bother me.
I can't convey how deeply over being alive I am while at the same time I'm terrified of dying and don't want to become ill or injured or harm myself. I just want to disappear. Like the Radiohead song. I don't think anyone really cares about me anymore and I've become too annoying to live. I don't even have one friend I can send playlists too because the last time I sent a friend something I liked she flat out said "I'm not listening to that".
I'm lonely, I'm full of anxiety, depressed worse than I've ever been, and somehow I just keep waking up and hoping the day will be better. I'm not cynical. I just wake up every morning and despite being a God fearing person who prays a lot alone in my room I just can't find a reason to be happy I woke up. I know that makes me a bad person. My therapist is great but I feel like she's tired of me, too. I don't know what to do. Do things get better? Is there more than feeling on edge and crying and paying bills and eating just to stay alive?
|
depression
|
I recently got diagnosed with adhd so I don’t know a ton about it yet. One thing I’ve always had a really hard time with is getting super super stressed and anxious when I’m not being as productive as I think I should be. Even though I worked late today and just got home, I feel like I need to be washing the dishes or vacuuming instead of letting myself breathe for literally even 10 minutes. Is this adhd related?? If so, are there any tips to help this??
|
ADHD
|
I feel like this is something that should trigger everybody’s ocd I’m surprised it’s not more discussed. it’s been over a year since my breakup and my ocd tells me for hours a day that I have lost the most perfect girl ever even though I know there were issues and I’ll never find anyone like her. I can’t be rational with myself. Anyone else had this experience?
|
OCD
|
I've been dealing with symptoms my whole life and pretty sure if I get tested (trying to figure out how I can go about that without insurance/money currently) I would easily be rated on a Severe scale. I literally feel paralysis when my brain just shuts off and tells me to procrastinate FOR EVERYTHING. It is the direct catalyst of my severe depression (non-suicidal, I still love being alive, just not doing what life demands of me).
This has severely impacted my relationships, mainly with my partner.
My specific inquiry though is, whenever my partner tries to help me by sending me Job postings or research and such, or making suggestions on how to better manage my time or just suggest fun things for us to do to unwind, I completely ignore it. It's not that I don't value her help or her intuition, I have always been like this: Unless it's my idea, I don't entertain it, even if I really truly want to try, my brain just junks it as garbage data and I go back to my video game or whatever I'm doom scrolling on reddit. It has been this way with school, family, everything. And even if I really try to force myself into doing something with her or on her behest, I don't enjoy it at all and just sort of exist in the space until it's over or until the depression kicks up and the self-pity party starts up on cue. Unless I have my random "eureka!" moments, nothing gets done. When I am alone in the house, I get my dopamine fill on video games and then go full steam productive housemate, or the reverse order. I am unstoppable when I am alone, or if someone is paying me to do the job. But when I am around others and it's just personal life, i'm in my own head ignoring the world around me unless someone asks ME (of all people) for advice, and I'll only respond then if it actually immediately sparks my interest or I immediately have some valuable insight that I just pulled out of my ass.
Please tell me I'm not the only one who does this...
|
ADHD
|
“Stop using your autism as an excuse!”
“Stims and tics are different, but you CANT have tics without having Tourette’s! Autism doesn’t make you do anything!!”
“You never used to do that dumb clicking noise or shake or twitch before, stop making fun of other people who actually do it >:(“
Im struggling a lot because my family can’t seem to understand that I have chosen to stop masking at home, and that I’m just.. how I am now, because it used to be DRAINING to mask at school and home. They call my autism an excuse, and they consider everything I do for attention or praise or to get out if situations they assume I don’t like.
|
aspergers
|
Hi, (M16) Right now, theres like ~a month until my 17th birthday and I've been living with (sometimes) crippling PTSD. for the sake of my own mental health I want to explain why, to get it off my chest, I guess.
I find PTSD because I have flashbacks when I'm just doing harmless things. Sometimes im just alone in my room, painting and listening to music at night and I think it's the combination of those things that brings it on. My body feels smaller and my mind is racing and I feel terrified that someone is gonna grab me or something. Other times I'm just washing dishes and again, body feels smaller and I get suicidal for no apparent reason. I dont wash dishes anymore.
I was diagnosed when I was 11 but I have hippie parents so the never allowed me a therapist that would prescribe me anything. (My mom took an SSRI for about 30 years and doesnt want me on the same path, idk). The illness, me and my therapists deduced, came from the multiple times I've been sexually abused and also accused of sexual assault throughout my late childhood. It also comes from being bullied at public school for being gay but that has more or less been dealt with.
1. The first time I think was when my dad brought me to his drug dealers house when I was errr maybe 6 or 7? My dad made me play with his dealers two kids (both boys) who kind of felt me up/exposed me/touched my body etc...
2. The second time was not long after that when I was probably 8. I had an older friend (maybe by one year) who was very hypersexual (looking back on it, he used to convince me to steal my dads playboys and take my dick out etc) and he brought me over to his house and when we were alone in his room he convinced my impressionable, young 10 y.o. self to give him head. I did it and I can still remember only remember the blue walls in his bedroom and his telling me "dont use your teeth"
3. The third time was pretty complicated. So I had this friend my age, I was 11, and he had just moved into my small town and I was already I weird kid so I didn't have many friends. Naturally we became good friends. After some time I started to have a crush on him. I didn't know I was gay at the time so i didn't really understand that it was possible to have feelings for another dude.
As I got to know him over the course of 5th grade I realised that he was really interested in porn. He had a very conservative, mormon family that was very aware of this whole porn thing. According to him, at the time, his mom planted cameras in his room so she could catch him watching porn.
So one night, I'm spending the night at his house and he asks me if I have ever seen lesbian porn. As a gay, 11 yr old I say no. He continues to make a fort and when we're inside it he proceeded to force me to watch lesbian porn with him. Were in our really heated tent of sheets when he suddenly pulls his dick out and asks me to pull mine out. I am scared of what he'll think if I don't and so I do. But as if that wasn't enough he begins to """""show me""""" how to masturbate and starts doing it for me. I liked this dude but this made me very uncomfortable.
Fast forward to the next day when he decides that we're going to go on a hike. He lived out on the edge of town by some rocky arizona mountains so it really wasn't but a 20 Min. Walk to the base of them. One were at the top of this mountain he tries to convince me to give him a blowjob and I say no, over and over and over again. He gets frustrated and we go back to his house when I quickly called my mom and had her pick me up.
FAST FORWARD like a week and were at my house wandering through the wilderness of my neighborhood afterschool and once we're pretty deep in the wilderness he tries convincing me again, telling me that if I dont do it he'll tell everyone I'm gay.
I still said no even though it scared me.
And now, about a few days later were at my house, in my room afterschool when he tells me that I don't have a choice anymore and then proceeded to force me to suck his dick and also r*ped me. I'll spare you the details but it was traumatic. And because I refused to be his friend afterwards, he actually told a lot of kids in our grade that I was gay.
This lead to all kinds of bullying mainly because it was obvious and I didn't deny it.
I tried to get him back I guess by telling people I sucked his dick and that just made things worse. I had a kind of psychotic break after that I think and did a multitude of things like making multiple accounts on social media to contact his and watch his profiles on different apps, I carved his name into my arm at one point (which, thank god I don't have a scar from anymore), I also tried to spread rumors about him which didn't work.
Eventually his mom went to the police to get a restraining order on me which was fair. But she also told the police that I had forced HIM. this made me hysterical and was ultimately what really pushed me to attempt suicide the first time.
He still enrolls back in my school every year or so for a half a semester. I was held back one year on account of a year I spent deathly ill in a hospital so I dont see any of my bullies anymore, so that's good.
I never told anyone. Only my closest friend knows.
4. The fourth time was when I blew one of my boyfriends in 8th grade (so I was 13) and afterwards he regretted it and told our mutual friends i forced him so that sent me into another spiral.
5. The fifth time, was the second round of 8th grade when I had a crush on this new guy. His parents were very conservative, mormon parents. When he found out I liked him, he told his parents and they told my middle school that I groped him on the bus on the way to a baseball game.
This happened right before our 8th grade trip, which was a trip to my least favorite city in my least favorite state: San Diego CA.
My 8th grade class has 6 people in it including me and the principals solution to this alleged sexual assault was to grill me for a whole school day and then proceed to grill my classmates. I balled, like BALLED my eyes out the entire time she was grilling me. I didn't know it yet but I was having a flashback. Particularly of the time the 3rd boys mom and police grilled me.
My classmates obviously all said it never happened and they made me go on the 8th grade trip the following weekend anyways because they knew I didn't want to and they wanted to punish me (principals words, not mine).
I went, miserable and after those 3 days I got home and attempted suicide for the second time.
I was 14 turning 15, I tried to commit suicide on my birthday in November.
The point of all this was so I could get that information off my chest, first of all, because I no longer see a therapist and I dont want to speak of any of it to anyone I know. Second, I wanted to know how to deal with the flashbacks? I still live in the house and bedroom I was r*ped in and I get them almost every night lately. It's been 6 years. And I don't know how to cope.
Lately I've been feeling more suicidal than I have in a long time and I'm searching for a way out of these feelings of loathing and hopelessness I guess.
I started drinking this summer, smoking cigarettes and taking painkillers and its regrettably the only thing that keeps episodes and trauma away from me.
Any advice on what I can do without medication or therapy?
TL;DR I have a history of sexual abuse in my home and I don't know how to cope healthily 6 years later. Advice?
|
ptsd
|
I feel alone with this. It’s not as common like. HOCD or POCD. My hobbies are my life or at least they were till they started giving me anxiety. I love anime and video games and my OCD attacks these things and says theirs stupid and I don’t like them. I know it might sound silly but it’s killing me and I feel like I can’t go on if I don’t have these things in my life.
|
OCD
|
😔… I want to cry myself to sleep and never wake up ever again
|
depression
|
i often think about what my future will look like, potentially with a partner by my side. at the same time, i think i will be alone forever because nobody will 'put up with me'. i already annoy myself with all my rituals, compulsions and things having to be done 'a certain way'. everytime i have friends over i'm extremely anxious because i know they're different, which means they're gonna do things differently, which means that my ocd will go wild. it seems that i can't stop myself from being annoying and telling them to do stuff according to my rituals or rules, so i can't imagine what it would be like living with somebody 24/7, nobody would put up with it (and neither would i tbh). it just feels lonely sometimes because i don't want to be like this and i just can't get out or stop. no one seems to understand how draining it is, so i'm scared i'll end up alone.
|
OCD
|
Hello peeps,
I have a friend who is currently seeking her adult ADHD diagnosis. She's with psychiatry UK, but is possibly 2+ months away from a diagnosis, and even further away from medication.
She's really struggling with her job because of her ADHD which sends her into a loop because she feels like her job should be "easy". It's really heart-breaking listening to her cry as usually there is some remedy to the situation, but with the lockdown in the UK and the surge of ADHD diagnosis, the NHS is backed up.
Does anyone have any advice for someone like her? Are there any alterative paths for diagnosis that are faster (that are not £800+ private GPs), any over the counter help, self help etc?
Any advice would be appreciated so much. Thank you guys.
|
ADHD
|
These thoughts have overtaken every ounce of my energy. I feel like I have no control. I’m crying and horrified by the actual power of OCD.
I have my good days but then it slowly wraps itself around me again. I’m just so damn tired.
|
OCD
|
That at least works somewhat to mitigate symptoms for a majority of us if reading posts here is any indication.
What other things that help you do you wish you had known earlier?
|
aspergers
|
My class was talking about a type of music I never showed much interest in and it hurt realizing once again I don’t fit in. It seems like everyone else just naturally knows how to live, and idk what I’m doing. Even my nd friends seem to do it better than me. It seems like everyone else knows how to share contacts and social media’s with your classmates but me i just don’t. Ig I feel like I’m not allowed to. I’ve dealt with trying to fit in by being nt and non queer and have accepted those things. This is different, idk why, I just feel I inherently don’t fit in. And Ik most feel that way but it feels like if everyone else has thin glass separating them, then mine is like 5 inches thick or something. Does this make sense?
|
ADHD
|
So I’ve been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about 1.5yrs and she has ADHD, I’ve been doing my best to understand all of it and how it can affect relationships but due to Covid and some family problems on her side she had to move back home so they distance makes it harder.
I’ve wanted to bring it upto her but not sure how I can without it seeming like complaining or micromanaging her cause I don’t wanna hold her back from doing anything, it just gets hard at times when she can be so engrossed in something or distracted easily when we’re talking and at times just makes me feel unwanted or unimportant to her
This is maybe the wrong subreddit to ask for help but I guess from a perspective of someone with ADHD do you realise when these things happen or is it something you don’t necessarily have control of, any help or advice is much appreciated I just want to make it work in the healthiest way possible sorry for the long post
|
ADHD
|
It first started with me being worried that she would die I’ve been like this for 2 days and now I’m scared that she will lose one of her limbs I love my sister very much and I want her to be safe she has always been there for me and I always want to be there for her and thinking about seeing her vulnerable just makes me very sad and anxious
|
OCD
|
I've never had my own cat or dogs, but I've lived in multiple houses where the owners had them / had friends with them. We always make a connection and they feel super safe and comfortable with me - way more then with NT humans. When i finally get my own place (🤞🏿) I absolutely plan on getting some fur babies of my own. Anyone other aspies get along with pets now then people?
|
aspergers
|
Just need to get this off my chest.
My current obsession is my mental acuity, as identifying as “smart” has been core to my identity since elementary school (yes, former millennial “gifted” kid here). I am now obsessively career-driven, so remaining “sharp” is heavy on my mind.
This manifests in extreme anxiety over my cognition - constantly “testing” myself to see if I can remember names, dates, conversation topics, etc. And when I DO forget a name or something, I spiral into fears over me losing my intelligence. I envy those who don’t have this condition and can just amble through life, dismissing their little mental lapses.
For years, I was self-medicating with cannabis and recently, since officially entering recovery and going to therapy, I have tried to cut back. It’s a double-edged sword: it calms me down and makes me feel better, but also does impact memory, which drives my rumination around my mental performance, often the next day.
Apologies for the rambling - anyone have a similar experience or any tips?
Took me way out of my comfort zone to even post this…
|
OCD
|
You. . . yes you!
You non-neurotypical ball of adventure.
You who bursts at the seams for anything and everything - because everything is interesting!
Pat yourself on the back because you're a character unlike the rest - the boring despise you and the fun want you around because you are the party!
And finally, pat yourself on the back because you listened to your body and did the responsible thing.
ADHD isn't an excuse it's a lifestyle - thank YOU for noticing the symptoms seeking help and coping as best you can.
Because without each and every one of you, I wouldn't have found this community - and I (and many others) would be stuck thinking we were crazy, lazy, or stupid.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
|
ADHD
|
Hey fellow people. So I just wanted to write down this success I had today that made me feel so good. I was seeing some friends today and we decided to play this card game in which you get 2 cards each round which represented your powers and your 2 lives. So since there's a lot of different powers and rules, I never performed well, I often did dumb stuff simply because of lack of focus.
Today for some reason it was different. I put on some sunglasses and played the whole game like this. Won 2 of 3 games using strategies I never thought i'd be able to plan in such little time and looked like a total badass while at it. I even got to use the fact they thought I was a bad player to my advantage.
So that's it. It feels empowering to know I'm capable of performing well in more things than I felt like I was. I'm now so excited to look into getting medicated!
P.S.: If someone is interested, I can send a full explanation of the game, as it's a lot of fun. It's very niche rn and we call it "Little Douglas"
|
ADHD
|
Soooo it's getting cold out and I own a snake and his tank sits by my window on my dresser. So he wouldn't get cold, I moved him to my desk and placed my tv that was once there on top of the dresser, replacing my snake's place. Doing that filled me with dopamine and this was at like 3 am it's now 7 am and I've lying in bed for 3 hours trying to sleep, but since I've done a task my brain said there's no going back. So now I'm going to take a shower instead of sleep. Then I'm going to get more things done I guess! Maybe 😂
|
ADHD
|
tw:// sexual abuse, physical abuse
I moved out of state in August from my home state which I had been living for my entire life. This move was big, and I am now in graduate school. I knew a lot of traumatic stuff has happened to me, and I've been in therapy for five years, but after I moved, my flashbacks, nightmares, and general irritability has increased SO much. I started going to therapy twice as much as I had been prior to moving, and that has helped minimally. I keep accidentally blowing up on the people in my life because I feel like I'm going through emotions that I can't always put into words. but mostly, the constant flashbacks are so upsetting (which adds to the irritability because I can't convey that im experiencing a flashback). It's always the most random things too, like when I'm in the grocery store or a random song comes on. I didn't realize how much bad stuff had happened to me until after I got here, and my mental health has taken such a sharp dive because I find it incredibly hard to cope with this all. I don't have a super good support system aside from two friends who really know the extent of the abuse. (one is an ex-boyfriend, so thats complicated too)
I was physically abused, as well as emotionally, sexually, and verbally, for most of my life. My mother had been undiagnosed and unmedicated for bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder, and my father was usually working and drinking, so a lot of abuse happened when he was not home. He and my mother also fought, when she was not fighting with me or my sister. The thing thats been hard for me since moving is all of the events and abuse I keep remembering that my brain had hidden or downplayed for years. It seems WAY worse than I thought it was while I was living through it. I think my brain downplayed the abuse that was going on at home so that I was able to survive. I look back on some events that keep coming back and going "Oh my god I didn't know it was THAT bad". It's like i'm learning for the first time what happened to me. Does anyone else get that?
Does anyone have advice for coping with random flashbacks? I think the holidays are making it way way worse, as my stress levels are super elevated these days. I don't always get super visibly upset with the flashbacks, but they usually trigger dissociation. I know I can't prepare for them, and I just have to let them pass, but how do I cope with flashbacks in the midst of all my other stressors?
|
ptsd
|
Are those intrusive things conscious and thus they only occurs when you’re fully aware? Or are they subconscious and thus when OCD was triggered people would felt that your mind/brain was overridden by those intrusive things?
|
OCD
|
My therapist recently recommended I get a medical marijuana card. Ive been drinking to sleep for a long time now and it’s killing me. She said that it could help falling asleep and the nightmares. Has anyone else had positive experiences with it? It kinda scares me because I know how I am with substances. I’m already a drunk I don’t wanna add stoner to that lmao.
|
ptsd
|
I am not sure if this is related to ADHD or not but sometimes I have moments of awful coordination.
It does not happen very often, in fact I am usually pretty well coordinated. I have been doing martial arts since I was a kid and am particularly good at doing things that require my hands to work independently of each other that some people seem to find difficult.
But every now and then I will have a some sort of brain malfunction and I will do a series of stupid things in a row like stub my toe on the furniture and drop things on the floor for no reason.
Just wondering if anyone else gets these and if they are part of ADHD or I am just a goofball sometimes.
|
ADHD
|
I would rather work myself into an early grave than be alone with my thoughts!
|
OCD
|
The first 15 years of my life were actually pretty good. I was surrounded by friends, had a laugh and had a loving family. I honestly don't know how it ended up so badly, but I just do not think I can continue. Sure, there were some bad times in my childhood, but for the most part, the good outweighed the bad.
I look at my life now and I just do not see anything worth living for. I am completely alone, barely stay in contact with any of my old friends, live 200 miles away from anyone that gives a fuck about me, I hate my job and have grown to dislike people in general. My family has started to age and since I am the only child, I can see a point in around 10-15 years time where I will have absolutely no-one in the world that cares about me.
I honestly have nothing in my life that I enjoy. I work during the week, and the just spend every weekend by myself. What the fuck is the point of this worthless existence? I don't really enjoy anything and most things I view as an annoyance. I hate weekends as they make me realise how completely empty my life is. Most people enjoy spending time with people they care about and doing recreational activities, but I just rot away.
The last few days I have been thinking of suicide. I just cant get the thoughts out of my head. I will be driving on the motorway and just think "what if I revved this up to 100mph, took my seatbelt off and smashed into that bridge over there". I stopped enjoying life long ago. I was told by someone it would get better, but that was 5 years ago. It isn't going to get better. I am sick of everything.
|
depression
|
I’m just walking through life without any reason for my existence. I just breath and eat and sleep so I can go to work. I work so I can pay expensive bills that amount to nothing, and I’m just druggy with no family or true loved ones. I wish I bus would hit me so this bullshit life could just end. I have been thinking about jumping off a bridge recently. I never did that while I was in a relationship. I’m nothing but I shell of DNA 🧬
|
ptsd
|
Hello all friends here, I am a 14-year-old boy. I started a year ago from obsessions with diseases, especially I had a fear of cancer, specifically testicular cancer. I went to many doctors and they said that I am healthy and also breast cancer mania came (it occurs in men, but at a rate of 0.8 or less) and I was afraid because it is more dangerous From what women have, I also went to the doctors and they said that I was healthy, so that I ended up going to the psychiatrist and here I deteriorated further because I was the victim of two wrong diagnoses. The first person diagnosed me with schizophrenia and did a tomography of my brain, blood tests such as toxins, a comprehensive blood test, and others to make sure of my physical health and that no factors were involved. Others are mental health such as brain tumors and so on.... Finally, I was diagnosed with OCD. The doctor told me that it is a very difficult type and you may suffer from it for the rest of your life... Unfortunately, I learned that my life has deteriorated over the course of a whole year and I am now seeing a hematologist for fear I have leukemia. I have a very solid lump like a bone in my neck. I expected it to be a bone until I did an ultrasound and it was fine... I spent about $100,000 on this trip and my parents are collapsed and I'm on the verge of suicide please help :(
|
OCD
|
Not that I have any intent on rushing this and all, I just find myself a bit impatient and wondering how different drugs might work with me.
Currently prescribed Vyvanse 20mg which is underwhelming (no boost in motivation or focus, still have adhd symptoms, just mental clarity to a degree).
I would like to try Adderall IR and XR but I have to wait two weeks before I any sort of change (nurse's orders). Even then, if I bring up my symptoms (which are largely manageable), I feel that I be recommended a dose increase of 10 or 20mg which may elongate things even more.
I wouldn't mind staying on Vyvanse, I just personally believe that adderall seems fitting for me.
Anyone prescribed various drugs? The variety of different medications and combinations (e.g. vyvanse and ir adderall (for the afternoon)) seems a bit difficult to go through the whole process of trialing once at a time.
|
ADHD
|
well yesterday i cut my thigh bc i haven’t cut in a long time and i just needed that rush and i just had to see blood.i know it’s a dumb reason but i just had to do it.
after about an 1 or 2 after i cut i was laying in my bed thinking about death.then i had really bad panic attack.i felt like i couldn’t breathe and i was just freaking out.i ended up feeling so mentally drained that i turned numb,then fell asleep.i had a very interrupted sleep,i woke up at 2 fell back asleep around 2:30-3 then i woke up at 3:30 and fell back to sleep,then woke up at 4 to fall back to sleep to then wake up at 5 then fall back to sleep and wake up at 6:00 then i fell back asleep then woke up at 6:30.i was so mentally and physically drained and tired.i felt a little off at school,less energetic and i was just tired but i felt like i was having a panic attack all morning.i kept on zoning out and just couldn’t think.my teacher asked me if i was feeling ok and i said yeah.then my friends noticed something was a little off about me.i couldn’t explain it and i knew they wouldn’t understand.
|
depression
|
I was wondering if anyone had any advice for getting through a sort of... emotional pain fog? I feel like I’m probably in a triggered place and it hurts a bunch and I don’t have anyone nearby to hug me and watch a movie with me. I feel like I should be able to comfort myself but right now, I don’t know how. I feel too tired and stressed to do much of anything except lay in bed and hide from my family.
|
ptsd
|
I tried really hard to stay positive, despite feeling like a wreck of emotions 24/7. Every year, I pray for the same happiness that I've lost ever since OCD robbed me of it. Today was no different, I woke up, showered, had the usual lunch and surfed the net. On the surface, it seems like I'm doing alright, just like everyone else. The only difference would be that I was drowning in my head space throughout these activities.
Whenever I think about the good old times, it gets tainted by the thought of how I'll never be as happy as I used to. How I wish there was a device designed to differentiate & label the ocd thoughts. It would have stopped me from seeking reassurance and wondering if I've fallen into another ocd trick.
Deep down, I'm getting impatient. I've been waiting patiently to heal from ocd tendencies, my struggles and flaws. Of course, progress is not linear and I'm no stranger to failures, but I have never failed this badly. Why can't my brain just accept an answer and move on? I don't know how to work with a self destructing brain all the damn time. In therapy, I was taught not to engage with the intrusive thoughts. If I was able to disengage, why would I have OCD in the first place? Oh wait, this new intrusive urge might not even be OCD. Ha, jokes on me. Thanks brain, I can always count on you to make me feel like a monster in the making.
I'm so done.
|
OCD
|
I'd just like to start with that fact that I'm not intending to self-diagnose, simply looking to see if anyone has similar behaviours to me, or recognises them.
I live in the UK and although I'm lucky to have access to private healthcare, the level I have only covers generalised issues such as anxiety and depression. I'm waiting for a referral to a psych through the NHS but have heard this can take up to 3 years to get any diagnosis and over a year for an initial appointment.
Covid19 has led me to realise that I've suffered from various types of anxiety and some depression throughout my entire adult life, but the more self discovery I make the more issues I uncover.
My reason for coming to OCD reddit is because I've realised that so much of my day is contained by compulsive behaviours. I'll list a few below
1. Phone addiction - mostly games like suduko, nanogram, candy crush etc. I also get the tetris effect when I've been playing a little while.
2. Excessive hair play - my hands are always in my hair to the point the hair at the front of my head is damaged.
3. Thumb sucking - definitely old enough that I should have grown out of this 😂
4. On/off cigarette smoker
5. Cleaning - I don't really have an obsessive clean-freak thing, but I find it difficult to start cleaning because I'll then want to clean/sort the entire house, one thing rolls into the other and it becomes overwhelming in my head.
6. My parents have a husky dog, her fur often comes out in clumps and gets stuck. As soon as I see these lose clumps, I HAVE to get a brush and pull them
7. Skin issues - I have some bad skin on my chin, even though I know it'll improve more if I leave it alone, I have to pick any dry skin and spots.
8. Talking - I can't stop rambling once I start. It's non-stop and because I'm quite fixated on my mental health at the moment I'm often oversharing. I'm aware of it as I do it but can't stop myself.
There are plenty of other examples but that should give you an idea.
I originally asked for a referral to a psych after spending some time on tiktok and realising I had a lot of inattentive adhd tendencies, but now I'm beginning to wonder whether it's my compulsive behaviours that are causing me to be inattentive generally. A big example that really bothers me in day to day life is forgetfulness, such as I have vitamins by my desk, I go to take them each morning, when they run out I need to write it on a shopping list then, otherwise I won't remember until the next time I go to take a vitamin. If I forget to buy vitamins for like 4/5 days, it'll slip from my memorised routine and then ill completely forget to buy any until someone else or a TV advert mentions vitamins and even then ill need to add them to a list straight away. I'm also happy to try new foods when offered, but I never think to pick up anything different when doing the food shop.
Anyway, thanks for reading if you got this far. Again, not looking to self-diagnose but if anyone recognises any of these behaviours or the forgetfulness please let me know.
|
OCD
|
Sooooo
im scared that I might lose my current bf because I cant seem to control my panic attacks. They just happen all the time. It has become super exhausting for myself and him. How have you taken control of your thoughts? I feel so weak when I get stuck thinking about my trauma. The only thing kind of helps when im in the attacks is talking about what happened, but then I usually have to keep talking about what happened to me until i pass out. Like wtf. My therapist suggested writing about what happened, which would save my loved ones for having to deal. but I am scared of having worse panic attacks while being totally alone. Do you have any tactics for healthy thought control?
|
ptsd
|
I am a 20 year old college student and have been struggling with depression for a years now. What I don’t understand is that I’m studying something I really enjoy, have a job in the fashion industry that is on the come up, have good grades, am considered “conventionally attractive” but I feel alone and ugly and unworthy of anything. I wake up nearly everyday just in agony regardless of how good the night before was. Sometimes I feel like im being an ungrateful bitch.
|
depression
|
> Marking an impressive milestone in the development of MDMA-assisted psychotherapy for PTSD, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has approved the treatment for Expanded Access, allowing certain patients access to the therapy before full market approval is granted. Ten treatment clinics in the United States are reported as ready to commence administration of the therapy, while Phase 3 trials are ongoing and full approval is estimated for 2022.
>
> It takes a long time for a new pharmaceutical treatment to move from initial discovery to market approval. The process of human clinical trials alone can take anywhere from five to seven years, and that is assuming everything goes perfectly. The non-profit Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies (MAPS) has been working for decades to establish MDMA-assisted psychotherapy for PTSD.
https://newatlas.com/health-wellbeing/mdma-psychotherapy-ptsd-expanded-access-fda-maps/
|
ptsd
|
When I was around 7 my mom had to get deployed so I went to stay with my not so good day so a year. This was probably the worst year of my life and it left me being scared to do many things and hating many things like alcohol,gambling and sex. (I’m too young to have sex but I still hate it because of my dad)
Anyways almost every Friday night my dad would take me to Buffalo Wild Wings along with a couple of his friends (keep in mind I was 7). He would drink at least 3 beers and then afterwards he would drive us back to the apartment. I didn’t realize how dangerous it was until recently. We could’ve crashed because of drunk driving
Anyways we would get home around 10 to midnight. Next day he would drop me off at his ex-girlfriends house or my godmothers house because he had to “go to work”. Never once did he show me or tell me where he works (maybe because I was 7 idk).
I would usually go to sleep at my godmothers or his ex-girlfriends house and he would show up around 2 A.M. to pick me up. One time this didn’t happen though.-One night I was sleeping at his ex-girlfriends house and I started to have a nightmare so I woke up and I heard my dad and his ex-girlfriend in the room together. (My dad was engaged with another woman). I walked in and I see my dad in a missionary position with her. He then says “Get out of here nigga” so I run out the room and go cry myself back to sleep. Next day I wake up and we are back at the apartment. And that’s the end of the first part of the story.
This is the second part.-Occasionally on weekends my dad would take me to his friends house where they would drink,gamble and eat. I would usually watch cartoons while they do that. A couple of times my dad would get so drunk off of liquor that he would start saying random stuff to me and he would slap me which would leave a mark. I could never prove this because first of all I didn’t have a phone at the time and if this happened on a Sunday I wouldn’t go to school on the following Monday.
The third part is that my dad used to use me and my half sisters to get women. And when he would get women he would push me to the side because “the woman was more important”. Everyone on his side of the family knew what was happening to me but no one did anything about it.
There is a lot more to this but now my dad is happily married and I haven’t seen or talked to him in 3 years (I am 15 now).
|
ptsd
|
Not sure this is the right place to talk about this, I've never really used reddit before. Hopefully someone can help or at least understand what I'm struggling with.
I've been through major trauma 8 years ago, as I was walking home from school a man attacked me. He had a gun, started taking my clothes off and raped me. I just couldn't move, it's like I was not even there in control of my body. I just kept thinking he would kill me after he finished what he wanted.
He eventually let me go and I called the police as soon as I ran out of sight. They arrested him.
What followed was a series of exams, questions by the police, having to identify him, working with a lawyer, going to court and many things that make me understand why so many victims don't even report their abuse to the police. To be fair, they were extremely professional and did their best to not make things worse.
I've had to take a lot of medication to prevent STDs, which made me throw up twice a day for 6 months. At one point I'd feel sick just by looking at the pills.
My family and I have been through so much because of that, it was also right after my grandfather committed suicide (he was schizophrenic).
I couldn't stay home anymore, we had to move to my grandpa's apartment for a few months so I could breathe. But to my dad that meant to live in the place his father killed himself. I felt super guilty for it and told him we could move back to our house after a year. I was still not ready for that, but I also didn't want to hurt my family even more.
I kept going to school and trying my best to not let that control my life, and I think on the outside it looked like I was ok, but I just felt like a ghost. I couldn't hold memories for a while and if you ask me about my last year in high school it's pretty confusing, I just remember parts and not in order. Depression, anxiety, fear or strangers, panic attacks and dissociation would come and go.
Sometimes I'd just not feel anything, and sometimes I'd be angry at people for not understanding me.
I started doing therapy and slowly healing but still found it hard to deal with my emotions.
Eventually, I went to this Buddhist temple and started meditating, which really helped me and brought me back to reality. I stopped having panick attacks and was able to not think about it so much.
Going to college also helped, cause it felt like a new stage of life and I quit therapy because I felt no need to keep going. I spent a year abroad and felt more safe, so the fear started fading away too.
Now, I've been doing pretty well in my life and most of the time don't even think about what happened. But the other day I read on the news about a 3 year old who was sexually abused, she was found with her diaper full of blood. Just typing this makes my eyes well up.
I can't stop thinking about that, about how fucked up the world is, and keep having flashbacks of what happened to me. It's making me depressed, affecting my relationships, my sex life and daily life.
I'm living far from my family, and I don't wanna tell them what's going on because they will just feel upset and powerless.
I try to forgive myself for not doing anything like running or kicking him, or just paying more attention because I didn't even see him approach me..
I guess now I'm just having a mix of emotions, I don't wanna live in the past but I'm not feeling connected to the present no matter how hard I try.
I feel very lonely because the people who love me can't really understand my feelings and I know they hurt too, but in a different way. I feel helpless.
I'm not even sure this is just PTSD or something else, if there is anything I can or should do...
Thank you for reading. Any advice, comfort words or even just a "I understand" is welcome.
|
ptsd
|
Was woken up this morning and asked what I planned to do today. I mentioned how I was thinking of getting the new mail keys for a place we just moved into. After saying I needed to locate the lease for that I get yelled at for being irresponsible and then I get yelled at more for not going out for a walk or 'doing more cleaning'. And that I act like my phone and TV are my lifelines as though I am a teenager and I need to grow up. Or told that if I lied about something I will end up on the streets. Or that it is my fault when the cats do something they don't like or think that the cats are being destructive.
|
depression
|
Not asking for medical advice or a diagnosis, more just using this as a place to write out my thoughts and learn from others' experiences too. Please remove or let me know if I'm breaking any rules!
I've dealt with an eating disorder for many years, which I know can have symptoms that are similar to OCD. Lots and lots of intrusive thoughts and compulsions, majority connected to food and exercise.
This year, I've been dealing with tons of intrusive thoughts related to other things, especially natural disasters and medical emergencies. I think there were a couple triggers, some COVID-related and some related to other life events.
I started to realize that this might be what people call "intrusive thoughts" after talking to someone whose dad is very paranoid, she said my thought process sometimes resembles him. I go from 0 to 100 real quick and lose perspective on the fact that what I originally was thinking about, actually hasn't happened or isn't true.
I don't really do anything specific to make myself "feel right". I feel like I need to think through every detail of terrible situations so I know how to save myself & my loved ones if it does happen. I used to have more un-ignorable feelings of needing to do xyz, usually completing parts of my hobby perfectly or arranging my room in a certain way.
Sometimes it's hard to tell if I really \*want\* to do something, or if I'm acting compulsively. Because, yeah, I do feel better after I do the thing. But if it's a compulsion, I tend to become very single-minded and I get upset if anything gets in the way.
I didn't tell anyone, but starting as a teenager and occasionally still today, I had intrusive thoughts of harming others or doing sexually inappropriate things (that I had no desire to do).
I don't really know what I want to do with this possible new perspective on my mental health. The main way it's affecting my life right now is by slightly interfering with my sleep. Also, my physical health has suffered in the past because of my compulsions around food and exercise, but I'm making a lot of progress there now. So I'm not in a super bad place, just trying to understand my own mentality.
I've already been trying to tackle my intrusive thoughts by not giving them fuel and trying to just like "shift gears" when they start coming up. Or just to remind myself, "this isn't happening" and refocus on the present. It's really helpful to write out or talk to someone else about my thoughts because it helps me to see where the logic breaks down
|
OCD
|
Was wondering if any of ye thought that subliminals like this one https://youtu.be/AvbZGeKizA0 help with OCD. I really hope it will help with my Pocd also if subliminals like this one https://youtu.be/mEoLye0y7Fw work aswell?
|
OCD
|
Paranoid about your safety, or someone else’s safety, about your health, about what “could” happen, etc. I would say there is no compulsive part to this unless you count preparing oneself to prevent these situations. Does anyone else with OCD often find themselves paranoid?
|
OCD
|
I was curious about this .. I broke my nose recently, 4 weeks ago to be exact, and I didn't go to the doctor. Do you experience this, where you are very reluctant to go to the doctor simply because you don't want to talk to anyone about yourself and what happened, and God knows what else?
|
aspergers
|
Has your OCD interfered with your tattoo choices (placement, perfectionism, whether to get them at all, etc)?
I’m kinda scared it won’t be “just right” and well, you know.
I’ve even wondered, what if I get tattoos and they’re fine but I develop some new compulsion in the future that makes them not fine 🤦♀️🤦♀️
|
OCD
|
I’ve been going to this therapist since I was 13 (I’m 22 now; stopped seeing her when I was in college) and overall she’s definitely helped me family but I’ve had multiple problems with her over the years (especially as a teenager) that resulted in me lying to her because I was afraid of getting judged or that she would be angry with me. I’ve been going to her again for a few months but yesterday was the final straw for me and I’m going to start looking for a new one.
For some context: about a month and a half ago, I started a new job at a law firm. During the training period we had virtual trainings and I was literally unable to listen. They weren’t boring and were extremely important for the job, but literally I wouldn’t be able to absorb and retain any information. I started doing ADHD research and realized that ADHD-C symptoms seemed to fit me to a tee. I talked to her about it during my appointment (I basically told her I was pretty sure I had ADHD and gave her a list of a bajillion signs and symptoms starting from early childhood that lined up exactly with the symptoms experienced by many girls/women with ADHD) and she dismissed them. For example, I literally CANNOT listen in classes/meetings unless I am either doing a puzzle, playing a mindless game on my phone (e.g. subway surfers) or drawing. I mentioned that to her and she said “well when I was a kid if I got bored in class I would doodle” and even when I explained to her that it wasn’t just doodling when I was bored; it was that if I WASN’T drawing (like, actual good quality sketches, not just mindlessly doodling) I wouldn’t be able to listen, she refused to see the difference. And I had TONS of symptoms. Almost every symptom in the book. ButI’m a woman so I didn’t present as the hyper twelve year old interrupting in class so to her that meant I don’t have it. And in that same session she told me I needed to improve my immense issues with impulse control and my obsessiveness (both symptoms of ADHD, which I told her). She said my issues were actually caused by immaturity and a lack of discipline.
I thought getting a diagnosis would help her believe me. Well, I got diagnosed by a psychiatrist and it didn’t help.
I was first prescribed generic amphetamine salts manufactured by Aurobindo, but I had horrible side effects from those. Basically, in order to feel the focusing effects (in order to feel any effect, actually) I had to take double my prescribed dose, which led to severe dissociation/derealization, complete emotional numbness, and insomnia. But if I took my prescribed amount they literally did nothing at all (it was like I didn’t take them). My psychiatrist told me my body was likely just super sensitive to generics/substances in general because the chemical combinations in generics aren’t exactly the same in terms of amounts as brand name adderall. I switched to brand name Adderall and boom, they worked perfectly with no side effects apart from maybe a slight headache during comedowns.
Yesterday, my therapist said that because the generics affected me so badly she doubted I had ADHD and believed I was probably taking them for “other reasons”, even when I explained what my psychiatrist said AND that it was just the generics giving me problems, not brand name Adderall. And at that point I’d had enough. I can’t keep seeing a therapist that refuses to believe I have ADHD despite me having a diagnosis and the fact that brand name Adderall affects me exactly how it’s supposed to affect people with ADHD.
I guess I just needed to rant. Has anybody else had similar experiences with therapists refusing to believe them?
|
ADHD
|
Yeah, I’ve been having intrusive thoughts, which may or may not be because of OCD.
Usually, a song I like runs in my head, but sometimes it’s like my subconscious starts to pick its own song, and generally I hate it. I remember people I don’t need to remember, as well as random stuff and facts.
But that’s not the worst part.
The worst part of it is that I keep imagining close friends and family naked and having sex (despite not wanting it), and it hurts like it probably did for Oedipus.
I don’t know if the topic is relevant here, but I’ve done a few Google searches on the intrusive thoughts, and it apparently links to OCD. I don’t know if it is though.
If this isn’t relevant, I’d be happy to delete this.
Can someone help me out if possible?
|
OCD
|
I am mentally so exhausted. I miss feeling so in love with my boyfriend that was all that mattered. My mind won’t leave me alone. I can’t leave anything alone. I feel like I’m gonna break down and loose it. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t I can’t
|
OCD
|
My workload this week was MUCH more than I usually have on my plate. I had to rearrange my daily routine around, but I was hanging in there. I'm great with adapting and thinking on my feet at work. Mon-Thurs I was exhausted but it wasn't affecting my mood or anything.
Then halfway through totally I totally derailed. I got a phone call halfway through my day that started with some VERY VERY good news.... and ended being informed of some very stressful upcoming things I have to take care of.
I went from grateful, excited, surprised to feeling panicked, lost and hopeless all within the span of a 10 minute call. That's all it took and the rest of my work day went down the drain. My mind was going a million miles a minute doing anything but work. I could not snap out of it for the life of me. I guess that was the straw that broke the camel's back.
TL;DR - I had a rollercoaster of a day and I didn't handle it well. It got me thinking about how stress responses vary. What does your overwhelmed reaction look like? Do you get stuck or easily snap out of it?
|
ADHD
|
I'm a vet with ptsd. Had some not so good experiences in the war that I thought I had a lock on. I found a great woman with not so great kids that hates me and everything I wasn't. Namely their dad; an abusive pos that ran drug and cheated on her and beat her and the kids. I was a guy who was doing well and making good money. I had a good life and was able to do everything I wanted. Life has ways of upsetting the order of things and I had problems dealing with the situation. Mind you I was never the abusive guy or was a drug or alcoholic. I wanted to do for the kids all that I could. Even to the point I cooked every meal for the for 6 years. When they cried I was there. When they fell down I picked them up. When they were scared I protect them. But it was never enough and I was always attacked by her family and friends. And she would never say any thing and one day she just stopped talking to me.
Well, I spiraled deeper into depression and self hatred for not being able to do anything to help her and one day I cracked and left. After years of constant verbal abuse from her parents who taught the kids to do what every they wanted and act like monsters. I gave up. What could I do. They call CPS on me for abuse twice. Of which I didn't do anything. The CPS agent told me stories of other men that had gone through the same thing as me and suggested I leave. But I loved her and I wanted to make it work. Also by this time I was sitting in the bathroom every day with a gun trying to talk myself into committing suicide. Funny enough when I left the kids turned on the grandparents and called CPS on them too.
But after that I was homeless for about 3 years. Couldn't keep a job and total alone and heart sick for the woman I still loved and left. She had moved on no issues but I still can't bring myself to even look at another woman without feeling guilty. Plus, I was living in my car dirty and unwashed but trying to make a life by going to school. I've been chasing a degree in computer science and hope to follow up with a run at law school.
It was not easy. To be the old guy in a sea of kids fresh out of high school. I struggled alot. Mentally I was all over the place and again I found myself with that gun. Yet, I don't know when it happened or why but my self hated became more of a driving force. Pushing me to succeed where my everything said I was going to fail. And that hate pushed me to do well. I gained recognition, scholarships and a home provide by student loans. I made the deans list and I was on my way to being me again.
Then covid hit. The school that helped me find myself and gave me meaning and purpose was gone. The stability of the work I did disappeared. I scrambled to find somewhere, anywhere to go. But for 4 months I was back in he car. And my mind drift off back to the last time I had a real meal or a relaxed night when I would not be bothered by security or cops for sleeping in a Walmart parking lot.
And her face came flooding back.Tears that I thought dried up years ago just flooded out. And again the gun found itself in my hand. I was so mad I drove into a secluded field and shot every round into the river I found there. I pulled out the firing pin and thrown it away.
I forced myself to get in the car and drive until I found another school to take me and teach men. And I did.
Yet even now so close to the goal set for myself I see her face, I feel her touch and that cold dark shadow in the back of my mind creeps back in and my thoughts go to a dark place. The cold dreams and nightmares will probably never go away and I will probably never be whole again let alone trust anyone. But, I feel like I my be able to win myself something if I don't fall now. My life; such as it is. I know one day I will eventually lose my fight with myself but I want to go as far as I can and hope I can save myself or someone else along the way. I don't want to be doing all this for nothing. I still want to make a difference in someone's life. Even if it's not that great. If someone comes to remember me as a friend and a good person then that is all I need to be happy. It's not much but it is what I got.
|
ptsd
|
Hi,
I was diagnosed with ADHD earlier this year , although I had been seeing a therapist about it since 2018. I have some history of being a little hyperactive as a kid but I’m also quite shy and relatively smart so they believe that’s why it was missed.
I started vyvanse (first 20 and then 50) around 2 months ago.
I do notice that when on vyvanse it helps me focus better, I manage to complete more of my work, keep the house more tidy and focus better in conversations (both work and personal). Sometimes I feel like it makes me a little tired. I definitely feel a little more “ I don’t want to do anything “ when I’m off it, worse than before even. (I’ve only skipped one day though). It hasn’t really helped my big organization issues other than helping me take time to tidy / clean things up a little.
I have noticed, since switching to the 50 dose after the last month… that I can continue working longggg hours. Like for the past 3 weeks I’ve worked until 10 pm maybe 3 or 4 times.. out of choice. I work from home and I’m NEVER done my work (I’m a programmer and team leader) so there’s always more to do. I definitely have been enjoying working late which is fine… but I’m wondering if this is expected behaviour? Like Is the vyvanse working as it should or am I on too high a dose or…? Additionally it’s the same when I’m doing chores I just won’t stop this seems to be quite often … this sometimes happened with me before vyvanse but was a rare occurrence
When I took the 20mg I didn’t feel anything at all, I asked to be upped and I definitely feel like I focus better now which is great and I get things done… but yeah just wanting to make sure my reaction is “what is expected”
Another thing I notice it makes me less shy and more talkative sometimes I find that I can be a little “much”
I did sometimes go on talking rants before but it was often limited by my shyness. Now I notice I speak up more in big meetings which is great…. But I sometimes feel like I go on and on to people whom I shouldn’t do … which is less great.
Thanks
|
ADHD
|
Most of my life I've been a sheltered kid and not really learning about anything valuable about the outside world. So when I hit the ground running as soon as I graduated highschool and was left to my own merits I had no idea what to do. Sure I had jobs during highschool and did some community service but never had to work to live.
I got my first apartment because my mother wanted some space to herself for a while because we lived ina tiny apartment, but it was at the worst possible time because I was in college at the time, 3 boyfriends, 4 jobs I was fired from and 3 failed college years later I feel completely hopeless and have no idea where to go from here.
My job record is eff'd up, my credit score is too, and I blame myself for all of it. I never feel like I am "enough" you know?
Just thought I'd share my story
|
depression
|
i’ve been regularly going to the gym the past 2 months bc everyone swore on their life to me working out in any way is beneficial for my brain but it rlly hasnt done anything for me no matter how much i want it to
i even run every morning, me, someone who hated running, looks forward to running 2 miles everyday before school, just so i can have some sort of routine down
maybe it’s seasonal depression or smt but my grades r horrible, i can’t keep track of time bc i always feel zoned out, i have a weird amount of energy that spend on doing impulsive stupid things that i end up regretting but i’m weirdly always tired, i don’t feel any sort of positive or negative emotion it’s just always bleh whcih is the weirdest headspace to be in bc the things that usually bother me ( example: my grades and the fact that i cant keep a relationship straight (i mean platonic ones) ) have no effect on me, IM ALWAYS FORGETTJNG EVERYTHING, and everyone keeps telling me that im too in my head and that i’m overthinking things and i finally get what that means but idk how to fix this issue
which is why i thought excessive should help considering it’s the one thing i like at the moment but i just feel rlly stuck and idk what to do
|
ADHD
|
So it all began this morning ( my intensively researching, watching youtube to assure and calm myself) , i couldnt get myself to sleep because im afraid i wouldnt get the chance to wake up for my Subooh prayer. Im a muslim. Its just everytime if i do fall asleep i would wake up feeling terrible (thats when im not very positive..) but when I do, i can actually rationalize it. I have had bad sleeping schedule since forever but it got worse when I was 17. Which was 2 years ago. Now im 19. Right at this moment im questioning myself if im even being true to myself, im having doubts. Im judging myself that I probably developed this myself. But i tried to fight it with rationalizing it, calming myself down ..saying that I didnt choose to be this way, etc etc. And right at this moment im questioning if i should open up to my therapist about this. Cus this feels so close to home, hearing about pure OCD for the first timethis mornin. Made me search more and more cus i been kind of obsessing of getting a diagnosed. I started therapy back in June this year.
I just dont know. i want to talk about this to someone right now. Someone professional or someone that had been through this. I want to share my experiences of what I think is my OCD. I cant believe that im actually writing this. But if you are willing tohear me out, do personal message me. Thank you in advance.
|
OCD
|
Be open with your Dr about your recovery or concerns with ptsd. Include your children’s Dr in your concerns.
Doing everything possible to prevent this illness from getting passed on should be a parent’s priority.
As I wrote this my son (14yo) is privately talking to his Dr. I’m nervous but this isn’t about me. It’s about them and they need a mentally healthy daddy.
Good luck parents! You got this!
|
ptsd
|
I have posted here a lot but it has been good to vent. I have started doing a hierarchy of ERP techniques for my newly diagnosed OCD. It has helped a lot for some of my minor triggers (health and sickness) but as far as tackling my major ones (ROCD, HOCD, money hoarding), I almost feel numb to my feelings because i have to now sit with the anxiety and sometimes it’s so debilitating. I’m laying down right now almost immovable and it is so tough to not do compulsions. I guess this is a part of the treatment.
Just want to say I appreciate the support everyone has given me. This has been a tough one. But I know I can do it.
|
OCD
|
Hello everyone, I've not been diagnosed but I have all the typical obsessions / compulsions as in Pure-O I think, I've been managing it more or less good with some days worse than others, but I always tend to resist, I have been very neurotic over my life and sometimes it gets so distressing that my jaw is starting to shiver when I'm anxious or excited, also have been developing some tics and it distressing. Well, most of my thoughts originally are based on imagination or a mental picture, but lately I've been like "harassed" with my own internal monologue, it's not like what if?, but rather just a word like "kill" and similar things and it terrifies me, I don't want to become insane or maybe I'm already , but sometimes I've been having some of these phrases as suicide ones while I want to live and I have hope about my future and the things I want to do. It is pretty horrible and sometimes I can't sleep until watching videos or repeating phrases of other compulsions ( sometimes it is like everything mixes up ) . I have been more desensitized to the thoughts and I've been improving my life but its still terrifying . I also meditate ( not always) in the mornings and do some pushups and exercise every day.
Any advice on this? I'm becoming insane or a psycho? My obsessions tended to be more mental and about sexuality but it has been heading towards other horrible things, even religious ones ( thinking I'll become a delusional and fanatic as I'm agnostic), I can't afford a therapist but I want to work on this and that's mostly why I'm asking for help , I don't want to be mentally counting the sequence of prime numbers just to relax or repeat mental phrases over and over
|
OCD
|
The mixture of horniness plus groinal responses plus anxiety just feels like a fever. I’m not sick but my body just feels hot all time and I just have this 24/7 lingering feeling of anxiety in my chest and the horniness doesn’t help because it reinforces the groinal responses that I get from my intrusive thoughts which proceeds to make my body hotter. Idk it feels like I just want to flush out my body, I can feel all the negative emotions just stocked up inside me. It really just feels like a bad fever and I usually get in this state when I relapse from stopping porn usage. It lasts for about a week and when I get in this state it’s like my intrusive thoughts are 10x more “arousing” if this feeling is real, idk how to explain it but yeah
|
OCD
|
I (18F) have really been struggling and I have genuinely suspected ADHD for a while. My dad (I don't live with him) has diagnosed ADHD if that changes anything. I have never looked too much into it and have dismissed all my symptoms for one reason or another, like the fact that I hand in things on time and do well in school, despite the fact that this is a major source of stress and it takes me really long to do things and that I'm an utter perfectionist, or that I will do nothing but still do well cause I somehow just absorbed the info by putting it into a random context.
Recently, I've been getting more posts about ADHD on my feed and I relate to most of the symptoms. Most of these posts say that if you feel like you have ADHD you should try to seek a diagnosis.
How do you do this? Do you just rock up to a professional and say that you think you have ADHD? I am talking to my school counsellor about my symptoms I show but I have never expressed that I feel like I probably have ADHD.
What should I do?
|
ADHD
|
So i paused collage and my parents told me i should find work and make some extra cash for myself witch i did and am doing while waiting for the next collage year ,but that required me to move to a new city and leave my friends and pc behind,but my 5 year gf moved in with me,i dont have to pay the rent and i still have contact with my friends.Sounds good right?
Dont need to study dont need to pay the rent etc,but i still feel like shit and its mainly from me missing gaming,my dad is very anti gaming and does not let me bring my own pc witch i bough into the apartment,im not an addict and the only issue is his hate for gaming,i am trying to be happy but i hate that when i come back from work i can see how happy my gf is and she is really enjoying our life together,and when she goes to sleep i just think to myself'why the fuck am i not happy'
The work is pretty shit as its my second job and its very mentally exhausting as its shitty customers and i need to stand on my feet all day too.
I cant really explain how i feel other than even tho i have everything most people wish for all i want when i come back from a hard work day is to play an hour or so after my gf goes to sleep and i just miss that,as for why i dont just buy another pc or laptop i dont want to as the one at home is bought with my own money and grinding for another one for another 4 months will just kill me inside,i dont know why i posted this here and i talked to her obout it too,i just miss playing with my friends..
|
depression
|
I do not have OCD, my roommate and good friend does. I hope it’s ok to ask for some advice here.
TL;DR: We are both stressed about bathtub cleanliness and they tend to take it out on me, who is only one of our three roommates, only lives here half the time, and knows the most about cleaning. I need to talk to them about taking out their stress on me but I’m not sure how to go about that when it’s one of their OCD symptoms.
Long version: Every couple of months my roommate with OCD (RM1) gets extremely agitated about bathtub/shower cleanliness. There are three of us who live together. I live here about 50-70% of the time as I help other friends with housekeeping and PCA-type work, so I use our shower way less than either of my roommates. I always rinse it down and clean up anything caught in the drain trap when I do, but sometimes hair drifts into the trap later from nooks and crannies, and we also have three cats who like to explore the tub and shed into it. My hair is 1/4-1/2 an inch and generally doesn’t get caught in the drain trap, the cat hair is longer than mine.
And yet when there’s a visible build up of hair in the trap that triggers RM1, they frantically message and call for me and break down in my direction. They assume the hair is mine and I haven’t been cleaning up after myself. It’s usually not my hair, RM1 and our third roommate (RM3) have hair several inches long and dark brown/black/pink, mine is very short and blond. I will pick out the hair for them if I’m around, but it’s been more and more difficult to not snap at them that’s it’s clearly not my hair and I haven’t showered at the apartment at all in the past two weeks anyway. It’s cat hair, RM1 and RM3 hair, and random hair from the shared laundry or public. I wouldn’t feel so defensive if they also told RM3 to clean up, but it’s only ever me. I know that their triggers and compulsions aren’t a choice and we generally do ok talking things out later, but their knee jerk reaction to blame me has really begun to stress me out beyond what I know is healthy for a good roommate relationship.
How do I talk to them about this? I’m fine helping them pick out the hair if I’m around and I don’t mind their reminders to clean, I remind them to pick up their dishes so that would be hypocritical. Being the immediate target of their their blame and breakdown is becoming too much for me however.
Another thing: they don’t clean anything else in the apartment, not even the bathtub. The expectation is me and RM3 clean the bathtub and apartment, they don’t do anything regylarly, which is another sore spot, but one I can work with better then this which is a different kind of issue. They call soap scum build up in the tub “caked on dead skin,” which it isn’t, but it really throws them into a panic attack, so I’m not sure telling them it’s not dead skin will really help.
|
OCD
|
I don't understand why I'm told I don't understand others feelings as an aspie when like 90% of all reddit posts I make attract at least one comment that shits on me and makes me feel like a complete idiot and so sucks out my self esteem. One post was where I thought Wallace Shawn was best known for voicing Rex in Toy Story and everyone reacted like I had let down humanity. Now whenever I think of him my brain is full of those shaming comments and this is just one of many comments that have such an effect where thinking about something is permanently ruined because of some smartarses.
|
aspergers
|
The other day at the gym I was experiencing some intrusive thoughts. I suffer from harm OCD and I also believe I have connections to pure O. These violent thoughts will strike me out of nowhere. At the gym I thought I got a text from a family member and suddenly had an intrusive thought about harming them. I started to break down at that point because it scared me. It made me feel weak and I wanted to leave. After getting up and walking around, I then noticed that my genitals had responded to this thought. I have been dealing with suspected groinal response and arousal non concordance for a while now as well. When I walked around, I noticed that my penis had swelled and gotten a little bigger and it felt like physical arousal. I did not enjoy any minute of my thoughts. I then started to panic more at the thought of me being some sick sadistic fuck. So now I’m writing this in a panic ... so, help?
|
OCD
|
Does anybody tries to really relax but being unable? Even if you relax a bit, the slightest negative thought causes all these symptoms.
Is it stress or something else?
|
OCD
|
My question is about subconscious spikes. When I get triggered, it feels like I am "willingly" putting the what ifs into my head in a half subconscious/half conscious type of way. Now obviously, as soon as I put the the "what if" into my head, I disregard it straight away and close the door that my OCD is trying to get me to open. Do your spikes seem more subconscious or do you feel like once you are triggered, you are essentially forcing these spikes in your head.
​
It sometimes feels like my brain is doing anything possible to get any slight bit of reassurance, but I am way passed that stage of recovery, and believe that it doesn't matter how the spike goes into my head, it matter how my fully conscious self reacts to it, and in OCD recovery, the reaction is to disregard the spike and \*put it to the side without attatching any meaning or fear or importance to it\*. (might have just answered my own question haha)
|
OCD
|
I hate myself for what I said. I hate that I could even get those words out of my mouth. I really regret what I said and I'm just extremely upset with myself and I don't know what to do. I said something really mean and wrong just so suddenly, I didn't even think about what it meant or what effect it could have on them, on our friendship. I hate that that's possible. I'm falling apart and I just can't take being like this anymore. I don't have anyone to go to. I've apologised profusely and I let them know that I deeply regret what I said. I decided to give them their space and I wasn't going to stay and make it worse and cause them more pain. I just don't know what to do.
Have any of you gone through something like this? How did you deal with it and how can I do the same?
|
ADHD
|
My ocd has already been bad but I’m nervous bc I’m about to go back to college and it always gets worse from that. I have to check canvas, grades, papers, emails, textbooks, literally everything over and over. I’m afraid I’ll get a test or a paper is due and I just don’t know it. In my senior year of high school my false memory would make me believe I had a bunch of essays due and I would write essays that weren’t even given for hw. I always have to record lectures to make sure I didn’t say anything during class and I didn’t miss something important. I’m just so afraid of failing. Anyone else?
|
OCD
|
I'm pretty unhappy in this relationship, but not completely decided to separate. We have two young kids.
We've been "partially separated" for about a year now with me staying the night at a relative's place about 3 times a week. I'm still in our family home most nights, often including kids' bedtime.
My partner has been relatively unhappy for a long time but we have only relatively recently discovered that I seem like I am on the spectrum. This explains a lot of trouble we've been having in the relationship as well as explaining my entire life til now. She's been bringing up the idea of separation, too, but without fully committing to the idea.
I don't want to make her guilty and I don't want her life to go like many women in relationships with autistic people do and for her to be unfulfilled and unhappy long term. She says she's already sacrificed a lot and she wouldn't have done that if she didn't love me and want to be happy with me. She and her therapist have been working on the assumption I'm autistic since before even I knew. She says she's trying hard to adapt, but I don't know if I feel it. She says she doesn't think I've been trying hard to adapt. But I've been adapting all my life, and trying pretty hard at it too.
Our bedroom's pretty dead. I want to be able to give her the intimacy she wants but I feel as if I've been trying to turn into a man capable of that for years and I feel defective in that regard. She says she's unhappy due to work and if she quits work it may fix things. But I know she's been unhappy with me too. I love her and if life could be happy and nice, and I feel like I belong in the house, I'd want to stay. At the moment I feel if I came back in the house full time I'd no longer have that break and my tension would increase. I feel defective in this regard too.
I've been doing a lot of thinking about what separation may be like. And now we've spoken about it cautiously together too.
I don't want to keep her waiting forever for things to improve and they never do. And I don't want to keep waiting forever for things to improve either. But if they did improve that would be awesome.
If I never have another partner again, do I have a chance of being happy if alone (and co parenting)? Maybe I could have another partner, but I don't want to subject someone to something that makes them ultimately unhappy. I don't know if I should keep working on this.
|
aspergers
|
So I posted 2 months ago as I was getting better. I am now 5 months into recovery.
In no ways am I free from COCD but my life has drastically gotten better and I have the tools to fight back. I know when my OCD is speaking and I know when I am compulsing. It keeps getting better and when I plateau, I see my therapist and we push back harder.
I started off not being able to touch anything. I couldn't touch the lower half of body, anything on the ground or random things around my house, like the Bannister. Now I touch/use almost everything in my house, I work in the public around lots of people so touching things all the time (many still I'm "scared" to), I coach youth sports so around a bunch of different equipment, kids etc. I still often compluse and have "safe" spaces. It's a very weird disorder.
Just wanted to share again, to keep pushing back against OCD, and I would be happy to help anyone on how I am fighting back against COCD. ERP works! It has been in the moment one of the hardest things I've had to do, but after the anxiety subsides I always say to myself "that wasn't that hard."
Only recently I have noticed my mindset slowly shift to a "who cares if it's dirty/I touched it, so what" mindset. Which I didn't know if it ever would.
Again, I'm far from being better but excited about the progress. Feeling helpless at the end of June to now feeling very very optimistic I can get my like 100% back to normal feels good. OCD is extremely exhausting so always be sympathetic to yourself and get rest. Reach out when you need help. Some people will never understand what's in your head so you don't need to explain it to anyone.
Feel free to reach out in Private or ask my questions here if you like. If you have the means, get a therapist well versed in ERP. I used https://iocdf.org/ to find mine.
Good luck with the battle!
|
OCD
|
I've been on concerta 27mg since May when I switched from Adderall XR 15mg. My main reason for switching was the Adderall didn't last long enough and taking a single concerta sounded easier than taking an IR in the afternoon. I didn't notice many issues in the summer other than my room started becoming difficult to keep clean again and I was neglecting tasks around the house, but the real issues started to show when I started school again in August.
My brain is extremely foggy and I find myself tired and unable to keep up with even basic hygiene (showering brushing teeth). School subjects aren't sticking like they used to and I'm once again afraid of failing. I feel like I can't talk as easily as well so asking for extra help or tutoring is very difficult ATM.
I have an appointment in a couple days and I'm not sure if I should get back on Adderall or up the dose of concerta. I'd love to get other opinions on what I should try to pursue.
|
ADHD
|
I feel like I’ve heard some good things about people taking meds for OCD, and I’m curious cause this shit feels debilitating rn. I can’t ever stop ruminating, and I think they would help me.
|
OCD
|
Bear with me, because this is a very long story. I just feel that the details behind the situation are important.
During my spring semester of junior year in college (currently about to enter my senior year), I slept alone in my campus suite many times because two of my roommates were studying abroad, and my other roommate would sleep at her boyfriend's a lot (there's 4 of us total). I never had any major issues with sleeping alone in the past, but starting in around February/March, I would hear extremely disturbing noises that sounded like it was coming from one of the other apartment units near me. When I say extremely disturbing noises, it was pretty much the epitome of a girl getting raped by her boyfriend (the noises were so detailed that I could even hear the conversations and name of the boy, and it just sounded like it was a relationship).
The first night it happened, at around 3am, I tried to ignore it because I couldn't tell if I was actually hearing what I was hearing (I was also really high and sometimes my hearing is altered when I'm high), but when I heard the loudest coherent scream, I immediately jumped out of my bed and tried to see where it was coming from. I roamed all the hallways on my floor and the one below me (I'm the top floor). Literally no sound from anywhere.
The noises were pretty consistent, I got many of my building's RA's involved, and it was just a really black and white situation where they couldn't do much about it. The sketchy part was that when I described the situation to the RA's, they all gave similar reactions, the "Oh, I think I know what you're talking about" type of reaction. Because of confidentiality reasons I guess, they really couldn't do or say much to me, other than that "they were there for me if I needed to talk about it." It was frustrating, but I kind of just let it go for a bit and continued hearing the noises.
I started to think I was maybe crazy or even schizophrenic, I was getting absolutely no clarity or solution to what was happening. It sucked because there really wasn't anything I could do. The worst nights where when I thought this girl was in real danger (her screaming things like "somebody help" or "please stop" at the top her lungs). I would up crying traumatized by the noises and my helplessness. Every time I called the RA's, nothing would be resolved, I didn't even know if they checked the halls to try to navigate the noise.
So, a lot of this continues, where I would try to ignore it certain nights (this wasn't something that would occur every single night, but at least a couple of few times a week), hear too gruesome things some nights that resulted in me calling the RA's, and then nothing really getting done. I lost so much sleep that semester.
Throughout all this, I mentioned it to my roommate and asked if she could stay with me a few nights instead of her boyfriend. She doesn't have the best hearing, but when there were extremely bad and loud screams, she would hear it as well. She even cried the first time she heard it because it was disturbing and distinct. We had absolutely no idea where it was coming from.
This experience is what traumatized me the most: when I was alone in the apartment one Thursday night, many students were going out, and typically they'd come home around 2-3 am ish. During this time, I hear some girls in a suite near me, and I have never heard the loudest cries for help in my life, along with a guy's voice yelling "shut the fuck up" and loud and consistent banging. The sound was so loud and clear that I was almost sure it was next door. I broke down and thought I was going to die or something (sounds dramatic, but damn it was fucking scary), but my resident director, who lives across from me, knocked on a door and I could hear her yelling to open the door, and then another man's voice. I thought the situation was gonna be taken cared of, but an hour passed and I STILL heard screaming. I called my campus police. I have never called my campus police or 911 before, but I actually thought my life was in danger. It was a very scary moment.
The police show up, and they get some info from, I tell them how I've been hearing concerning noises the past few months, but it escalated extremely tonight. I also told them I heard my RD get involved, but the noises continued for a bit and stopped again. They tell me to get some rest and that I would get an update the following morning. I heard them knock on my RD's door, and they went inside so I couldn't hear what was discussed, but they literally didn't even knock on any door around me. They did, however, go immediately downstairs to the suite below me, and I hear them knocking for what felt like hours, banging on the door, screaming at the boys' suite to open the door. It was SO loud and clear, I also heard a girl scream, "just open the fucking door." I didn't know if campus police didn't have a right to go into the suite or whatever, but the whole situation was just fucked.
I didn't sleep that night, couldn't study for my Accounting exam, and couldn't even make it to my class because of how sleep deprived I was. It was really taking a toll on my daily life, hearing the slightest banging noises in any environment made me so jumpy too. I never got an update on the situation from the campus police, so I call them myself in the afternoon, and they literally said that THE NOISE COMPLAINT WAS FROM A TV. Wtf?? None of it made sense.
Then, one night AGAIN, (I was probably seen as the crazy resident of my building by my RA's), intense noises occur, and I call the RA on duty. He comes upstairs and stays for a bit, and hears some of the noises. He literally looks at me, points up the ceiling, and goes, "these are coming from upstairs...you live on the top floor...". I'm lost, and he goes "I don't wanna freak you out or anything but...you have been reporting these noises a lot at 3am. 3am is witching hour...you have, like, a LOT of mirrors in your suite...those are portals for spirits...the full moon was last week, when you called the police..." So, as he's saying all this I'm like what the fuck. I'm not a firm believer of ghosts, but everything he was saying was freaking me the fuck out. He suggests I buy some incense and holy water, bless my room, and this guy literally asks if I want a hug and leaves. (that part was kinda funny tho lmao). So I live the next few weeks of school believing I was truly being haunted by a bunch of ghosts. This all happens close to the end of the semester, so I was moving out soon.
This entire experience was extremely traumatizing for me, especially that one night where I called the police. Still don't know whether it was spirits or real people, but I have an irrational fear every single night that my place will be invaded or that I will be choked by a ghost or something. I rarely slept alone after moving out though, because I spent a lot of time staying at my boyfriend's place. But the times I did sleep alone, I would always hear the SAME noises, or I just could not fall asleep because my heart would be racing so much from fear that I wasn't safe or something. When I would sleep with my boyfriend, I would still get jumpy from any slight noise, but having his presence obviously made things much better.
I interned in another city this summer and got a place alone (yeah sounds really stupid now that I think about it, but I don't think I understood how bad it was to actually sleep alone after the experience at school), and every time I would sleep alone, I would be scared out of my mind and couldn't fall asleep for hours. I got lucky because my boyfriend moved to the same city full time to start his job (he's a year older), so we were able to spend a lot of nights together throughout the summer.
Now that I'm back home, I have not been able to sleep alone in my room because I am the only one sleeping on my floor (parent's master bedroom is on the third floor and my older brother has already moved out of our house). I've been going upstairs to my parents' room every single night to sleep with my mom since my dad is out of town on a business trip right now, and it's so embarrassing. Thankfully, my mom is the sweetest and most caring woman on this planet, so she takes it all ready well and is understanding. She was actually the first person I called before calling the police the night of the incident. Last night, I went upstairs to sleep with my mom again, because I thought I heard footsteps near my bedroom (we live in a house, not an apartment btw), and was almost convinced we were having a home invasion. I had to call my mom to come downstairs so I could go up with her (damn, typing it all out actually makes it sound so much worse), and slept upstairs again. But the scary thing is, even when I had earplugs in last night, I started to hear the same girls' voice in my head. It sounded so real, I even got scared for a second that it WAS real, but obviously it wasn't. That also wasn't the first time it happened, where I think about the noises before sleeping, and I hear it again just by thinking about it.
So, given the past situation/incident and what's been going on with me after it, does it sound like PTSD?? It's taken a huge toll on my sleep when I'm alone. The only thing is that it hasn't really taken a toll on my daily life after moving out, as this is only something I fear at night, alone. I guess my biggest fear is a combo of having my home invaded and coming across a spirit of some kind. Not really sure what to do, not really sure what I wanted to get out of this post, but glad I got to really write out in detail what i've been going through.
TLDR; I consistently heard disturbing noises last semester at school and can't sleep alone now because I have developed a fear of a home invasion and ghosts.
|
ptsd
|
day 2 of my birthday we did something today but me and my sister got to arguing about nothing and i said i wish i never made it to another birthday under my breath and she said i should've died im tired of everything im tired of being here everyday gets harder
|
depression
|
My attention span has been extremely bad as of late. I’m very easily distracted. I’ll be in the middle of doing dishes, then stop to do the laundry, and forget detergent. I go to look for detergent that I bought then I’m distracted that my groceries weren’t put away. It’s getting so bad these past few weeks. Even at work when I’m usually able to focus and multitask, I find myself misplacing things and being forgetful. I need advice on how to finish tasks to completion. What helps you the most?
|
ADHD
|
I really do want to die lol. Been thinking a lot about it on top of work. Fun stuff. Anyways I’d be pretty well off but my parents are fucking me over with their debts. Went from 10k in savings to 40k in debt because they had no savings when my mom quit her job last year because of covid. I want to support them but this is just stressful as hell. Paying for rent and my bills along with their bills is draining me so much. My brother stopped helping them out too and now it’s basically just me keeping them afloat. Sorry just wanted to rant. I was right about to start building my life and now I’m fucked for my twenties :)
|
depression
|
So I have been wondering about this for a while but I have never really been able to talk with other people with Aspergers. I did really well in school (I probably would have been in the gifted program if my school had one) up until about junior year. Then I started struggling but it still wasn't too bad. Some grades were lower but still pretty good. Then I got to college and its like I just crashed and burned. I feel like my brain just quit on me. I struggle with keeping up with everything and with getting larger assignments done. Sometimes, I can't even get myself to start them. Also, I study for exams but still struggle with most subjects. The only thing I don't struggle with is my main major (which I want a career in) but I still need to get through other classes. The stress then triggers my depression and migraines and then I start spiraling. I feel like my love of learning is still there but I can't pull it to the surface. I feel like a failure. Like I have let everyone down. My whole life, the only thing I had was that I was smart and now I don't even feel like I have that. And I feel like I will never be able to get into a career that I love (all require more school) and I will struggle at a job I hate. And I feel behind with my Aspergers because I was diagnosed late and I am struggling to add the skills that other Aspies pick when younger.
I was wondering what other Aspies school experiences were like? Have any of you experienced anything like this? And if so, do you think I can still get past it?
|
aspergers
|
By getting better I mean I was in kind of a neutral headspace with a few highlights for about a week after two pretty rough weeks.
And then horrific nightmares. For what? Nothing triggered me. I was briefly frustrated about some trivial shit, nothing to write home about. I had, all things considered, an easier day than the preceding days.
This just sucks. I hate it. I'm trying to learn to control what I can control and then the things that I can't just blow up in my face.
|
ptsd
|
Is it possible I gave my kid an std ?
So I have MAJOR anxiety. My bladder is admittedly very weak. My kid and I were in public and she touched a piece of my wet pants and put her hands in her mouth. Is it possible that IF I have an std she could contract it this way ? Also when I’m showering she will pick up my dirty clothes off the floor and run away potentially again putting her hands in her mouth. Am I being paranoid ? Is it possible that her touching my dirty clothes that has my used panty liner will give her an std ?
|
OCD
|
22 F and I live in an Asian household. I’m sick of being my parents translator and I’m sick of them being overbearing. Their demands are never ending and they always make me feel like a failure. Nothing is good enough for them. They are the reason why I hate myself, have no confidence, and struggle with self love. I’m getting to the point where I want to hurt myself again because Its been so stressful living with them while dealing with other stressful things such as school/work. I just want to be done with my degree and save a little so I can finally move out. I was seeing a therapist for my issues, but they were incredibly rude and called me gross. I am dealing with all this alone at the moment and I’m on a waitlist for another therapist. How can I cope during this time ? I’m planning on moving out in the next couple of months as well. Any tips on that?
|
depression
|
i noticed there was a demand for OCD recovery stories in order to let individuals know there is hope! thought i would share from going from a person with suicide on their brain daily from OCD to who i am today. i’ve had OCD my entire life but the symptoms didn’t seem to directly debilitate my life until i was 17 years old. it was like suddenly for no reason i had to spend hours grooming myself. i would shower for a long time, dry my hair for a long time, but the bane of my existence was spending four hours minimum daily putting on and taking off makeup. this obsession was later revealed that it was a link to body dysmorphia(an OCD subset) that had me feeling like if i didn’t look absolutely perfect all the time(right down to magnification of my brows and eyes while applying makeup to ensure no tiny little detail was out of place) i would make no friends and no body would consider me a competent human being. this obsession took my senior year of high school away from me and the first three years of college. it was after breaking mirrors during anxiety attacks white getting ready that i went to see a specialist. i know ERP doesn’t work for everyone but it worked for me. (i also tried meds but my symptoms were so severe highest doses did nothing) after about a year of wearing purposefully ugly makeup and undone hair to class, i transformed from a shell of a person who made no plans because i couldn’t get ready and out of the house for them with bad grades and not many personal relationships to an individual who now wakes up and leaves for class fully ready and less than an hour. my quality of life is so much better and i have been able to connect with friends and spend more time with them within the last year than all my time in college combined. i still experience a lot of pure O, thinking what if i am ugly? what if i am not beautiful enough to be worthy to others? are people looking at my smudged eyeliner? however i’m working on learning how to sit with these thoughts too!
the point of all this is to let you guys know there is a light at the end of the tunnel! it’s some of the most stressful work i’ve done in my whole life but ERP gave me my life back. you won’t be stuck in the loop forever :)
|
OCD
|
My obsessions are starting to get worse and I'm trying so hard not to ruminate and make it worse. It feels like I've completely changed as a person, and I'm so scared because this is not me. This isn't who I am. I am so paranoid in my daily life these days over thoughts in my mind that aren't real, but for some reason it will not go away. I wish so badly that people would understand what goes through my mind in a day, I feel like I'm going crazy. I start medication in December, so I hope that helps me keep myself grounded. I don't want to lose the love of my life over this illness, I love him so much, more than life itself. Dear god, I don't know why this had to happen to me, I can't live without him, he's all that matters to me.
I just wanted to vent, hopefully someone here can understand how I feel right now, I feel so alone and scared.
|
OCD
|
I’ve been dating my current (ADHD diagnosed) boyfriend for about a year and a half. We are undoubtedly spending the rest of our lives together and I would marry him yesterday, except… we’ve never argued.
We have differences in opinion. We have debates. But we haven’t ever really fought or genuinely argued with each other. It’s crossed my mind that we didn’t want this to end up like previous argumentative relationships or that this was our representation of a healthy relationship.
But dude!! Not once have we raised our voices or been angry with each other. It almost makes me worried about what would happen if we do eventually fight. I’ve started wondering if it’s an effect of our ADHD, and how often people with ADHD might argue with others who do or don’t have it. I have had PLENTY of arguments with people without before, but with my boyfriend it’s all quiet.
I don’t know! Maybe our emotional dysregulation impacts it? Or maybe we’re both masking so so so deep down we don’t even realize it? What’s your experience with arguing?
|
ADHD
|
I have been on meds for some time now. I take Lexamil. The max I can take is 20mg. I'm on 18mg... and it came to this point of dosage after several increases in them over the time. I have been on 18mg for about 2 weeks now and I am suicidal and depressed as ever. Even before I felt they never worked. I told my doc and it was increased. Worked a lil better I guess but not much. Am I doing something wrong? I mean I gym and try my best...
|
depression
|
I don't feel sad, I just feel... tired, bored, like everything I do is empty and pointless. I just want to enjoy what I have, but my brain just won't let me. I'm so fucking tired of the days just dragging on and on, I just want this pointless boredom to end.
|
depression
|
So this happened a few months back and thinking back on it , it may have been ocd, so basically I was cooking a paratha for my brother and then i'd noticed that I think a piece of itwasnt cooked and then I kept saying to myself like if you give it to him he could die but then I also went no its fine he's not gonna die and I know I had no intent to murder him or anything like that so I gave it to him and he ate it and that was it nothing else happened but now im thinking back on it and feel a bit guilty about it all
|
OCD
|
so today was my best friend’s birthday and i was supposed to plan an entire day for him. i really, desperately wanted it to be a memorable day for him and i wanted him to feel like someone made an effort for him for once because he’s the one to always make efforts for everybody.
so i got to planning. and it was an absolute nightmare. i love him to death but i couldn’t for the life of me get myself to sit and figure anything out. i couldn’t plan a single thing. even the thought of it freaked me out. i couldn’t coordinate with his other friends. i couldn’t even plan out a day of us to spend and whatever plan i had in fragments turned to absolute dust when it came to execution and now i hate myself. i hate myself so very much. CAN I DO ONE THING RIGHT JUST ONE TIME? can i not be a mess for just once? nothing is fun when absolutely everything overwhelms you and you end up getting nowhere because rejection sensitivity becomes the worst nightmare when other people are involved, specially the ones you value.
im so tired of avoiding things just so i don’t end up messing them up. every situation is an opportunity for me to disappoint someone. i was literally hoping it would rain today just so i could have something to blame if things go bad because i felt so scattered. im so tired of dodging taking responsibility and accountability for my failure. i can’t keep blaming every thing that ever happens on one situation or the other.
I know he’s disappointed, just as much as I am. I know he won’t say it to me because he knows i’d go into a self hate spiral if he did. It doesn’t make a difference though. I know how he feels
also, i apologise for the inconsistent punctuation and incoherent text. i’m too tired and scattered to revise it
|
ADHD
|
I have this obsession that private videos of me that I have on my phone or that my significant other has of me will get leaked. But then I started to think, how do private videos even get out to the public? Or even videos of celebrities being problematic? This goes beyond the scope of my OCD but it got me thinking.
|
OCD
|
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.