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I want to devote 8 hours a weekday on working on mainly a project (college project) and other school things, but I seem to hyperfocus in the first few hours and then lose the ability and/or willpower to continue at that level. I start procrastinating.
I can't work relaxed. It is always a hyper fixation. I seem to not be able to just work casually and slowly, like it is a normal thing I am doing, but with a sort of perfectionism. I want to pass everything in one go, I want to present without mistakes, I want to be done with school as soon as possible and get a part-time job. I think this causes that. I'm just done with school. I am often trying to focus on the now only and only on learning , but that doesn't work that well. My brain just still wants to rush everything. It does the work well, but at a cost. A cost of time.
Also, context switches drain energy too, first having to watch a lecture, then prepare a presentation, then work on project, then do a home task.
Or going to school, sit there and watch a lecture and then doing a presentation. Then going home and still working on project is really hard. I barely have energy left.
The reason I want to be able to do this is that I will have no problems working in the real work environment.
I want to work part-time, but still 9-5 on the days that I work.
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aspergers
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I really don't what I am at times and I feel like I don't my true nature. There are times where I would intentionally act antisocially to avoid a conversation because I don't feel like talking.
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aspergers
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I know its pretty valid to have odd triggers depending on our trauma, but sometimes I feel like they make me a bad person or hurt others because of how they effect me. Such as buzzcuts, on men or women, they scare me and my mind almost immediatly thinks that person will hurt me, even though it feels very mean to say because OF COURSE not everyone but it feels like such a redflag for me. Or people who almost only draw buff men or have profile pictures I see as “aggresive” because it isnt some cutsey hello kitty shit or something. It feels wrong but also it makes me panic, and it can be the most specific thing! I start thinking these people who look like, or draw that matierial are all apart of some group that hates me, with my ex abuser being their leader of sorts, its hard not to believe when i feel like around every corner theres going to be someone to hurt me.
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ptsd
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So I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD for about 2 years now and have gone through several months of therapy to learn to cope with it. I used to have very vivid flashbacks and nightmares early on that have subsided over the past few years.
However, yesterday at work I had a weird thing happen that I haven’t really dealt with before and I can’t really get my mind off it.
So I work at a hospital and was working a shift in the psychiatric part of the ER last night. So usually it’s normal to have people screaming profanities, threatening you, or attempting to hurt you in confused or angry states. I’ve worked here a while so I’m pretty used to it and normally it doesn’t really bother me all that much.
But last night we were dealing with a restrained and violent patient that suddenly got very agitated and began threatening me and one of my coworkers, saying he was going to get out of his restraints and choke us to death. We were talking to him and trying our best to explain the situation and deescalate things best we could, but we had to call security once he began to get lose.
The security guards, some other nurses, and myself went into the room to modify his restraints and give him some anti anxiety medication but when I actually got into the room I went to go help and suddenly just stopped moving and got a weird, dreamlike feeling. It felt like forever but couldn’t have been more than 15-20 seconds that I just stood there. One of the security guards grabbed me by the arm to get around me and I finally snapped out of it when the nurse asked me to undo the restraints and move them somewhere else on the bed.
The security guard who grabbed me talked to me after and just asked if I was okay but to be honest I felt embarrassed and really confused about what happened.
I’m usually okay dealing with these kind of situations so I’ve been kinda upset with what happened, especially considering that my coworkers or patients could have been hurt if something happened.
I don’t know if this is normal or if other people have experienced similar reactions to threatening or stressful situations like this. In the workplace or otherwise. If it does, are there ways you all ground yourself or try to snap out of it?
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ptsd
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I've never been formally diagnosed with OCD (POCD) since what I deal with is way more related to cPTSD, however there are times I can't help but wonder.
Ever since I realized something wasn't right, I've been obsessively looking up my issues and posting about it, trying to figure myself out. I know doing this rn isn't helping that. I have gotten better though, and it's far less frequent
I'm just so worried about what is wrong with me that sometimes I'm wondering things that are so outside of my actual issues.
For example hoarding. I sometimes get this overwhelming fear that because I can be a little dissorganized I am somehow on a slippery slope to becoming a hoarder. Thing is if you saw how I lived you'd be hard pressed to find any hoarding tendancies. I'm far more of a minimalist than anything. When I moved into my new place it only took half an hour for example.
This obsession with finding things wrong with me is getting in the way of just letting myself exist and I'm really struggling to feel like a normal person.
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OCD
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Hate living at home and can’t afford to move out. What can I do?
As the title says I hate living at home mainly because the environment is hostile, I have no privacy and the commute to work is horrendous to say the least.
I currently don’t earn enough to match the average rent in even the cheapest area and as a 24 year old I’m clinging onto the hope that I can save for a mortgage so high rent is less than ideal.
I try to stay out of the house for as long as I can but it doesn’t minimise the feelings I have living here.
What can I do to stay sane?
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aspergers
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does anyone else have this problem?? i have to eat before i take my meds or i feel way too jittery and my anxiety gets worse. knowing this, i end up procrastinating making breakfast (i have to take the dog out, i have to brush my teeth/shower, i have to wash the dishes i need to make breakfast, etc). sometimes i’ll end up not eating until noon or 1pm (as i work from home) and then i spend the entire day in a haze and completely mess up my schedule because i didn’t get anything done. this increases my anxiety like crazy as everything feels out of wack.
i get so annoyed with myself because once i’m on my meds everything i do is so much easier. i can think clearer, help set my expectations for the day (which is a technique my therapist told me about that really helps), and actually get most of those expectations met.
so WHY IN THE WORLD is it so hard for me to eat a banana and some toast, take my meds, and actually be productive for the day? sometimes i’ll lay in bed for hours just staring at the ceiling knowing i *have to get up* and it just doesn’t happen.
does anyone have any tips for getting started, or an easy morning routine you do before taking your meds? something needs to change and i just can’t figure it out on my own. i’m at my wits end tbh.
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ADHD
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Anyone try these yet? I have had terrible luck lately on securing tevas. Have had bad experiences with Aurobindo/northstar...so much so that I switched to Adderall XR brand name as main med, but still have 30 boosters a month. Anyone have any experience with these? The company seems very small, and not much info about them online. Thanks!
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ADHD
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I am sure the Methylphenidate is working for me.i am less prone to relapse on my addictions.I feel the push to do Tasks.And follow a Routine.I am taking only half of the pill that was prescribe to me.As the drug is strong for me.I get so warm and hot when I take that.So to even that out I will do activities like Reading or playing Video games.Sometimes I Do productive stuffs Like Finding a Solution to the Bugs inside a Program or Finding how to Do certain tasks (Colorizing,and stuff) ..Also I read books and also had the push to routinely do some Exercises .(not physical ones)..
The thing is I am more tend to follow a Routine when I Take this drug in a daily manner. but I am a Little bit scared also.Like in this reddit and in many groups I red about stimulants.There is lot of dogma against stimulants.So I am having this guilty feelings that I am taking Something to override someone else.That I am a greedy person by heart and I take This Medicine because of that.This made me sad and leads to developing low self esteem.
Does anybody else have feelings of guilt when they take this meds ..especially when you think you are using the power of this stimulants for the negative in some others life.Like using the focus and attention gained for a negative purpose like Filing a legal suite against someone ..
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ADHD
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I wake up every morning and come to this subreddit. That's how I start my day. I've probably read thousands of posts until now. That's thousands of people struggling with their lives. I wonder how many get better. I wonder how many come back to this place and think "Oh yeah, back when...". I wonder how many just gave up. I'm scared for everyone.
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depression
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Obvious TW for sexual assault mention below!
Okay, so to preface this I'd like to point out that I already have PTSD from a separate sexual assault that occurred two weeks before the second incident. They werent related and occurred in two very different situations.
The one that I'm referring to now was a sexual encounter that began as consensual but didn't end that way. I stopped liking it and said no many times and tried to pull her off of me but she was stronger and kept going. I was 15 and it was my first time.
My PTSD symptoms started showing up about a month later but really only applied to the first assault as far as I could tell. I was fine with the second incident, I even made crude jokes about it with the girl.
I'm in therapy for many things but my PTSD is a big thing I've been trying to work on. I can't remember how the conversation moved to this direction but I began talking about my exes with my therapist. I brought up the girl and the incident and it all kind of came rushing back and I talked about how I said no but she wouldn't stop. It devolved into a major panic attack and I've been thinking about it nonstop since. I feel really weird and gross about it, I can't look at the girl without feeling anxious and I've had worsening panic attacks since. It's been 2 years, I'm 17 now.
I feel like I should also mention that I have a female body (but my pronouns are he/him).
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ptsd
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I speak mainly in Spanish and soon I am going to give a presentation for a group of people about autism, but for this would a Spanish-speaking community be useful, any suggestions?
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aspergers
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Hi all. Wondering if anyone has advice for how to handle emotional dysregulation in a relationship. Sometimes I get in a really bad mood for no reason at all, and my boyfriend always worries that he’s done something to upset me. He usually hasn’t- I’m just moody as fuck and need to be alone. But it’s hard because I end up having to reassure him and show affection, which is draining when I feel like crap. I sent him an article about ADHD and emotions yesterday so I am hoping that having more info about it will help him accept that it’s just brain chemistry and not his fault, and also not something I can help.
Any other tips for how to handle this would be really welcome. He is a wonderful person and partner and I hate making him feel upset. Sometimes though I just need my space.
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ADHD
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Just out of curiosity how many people in this sub have experienced a severe trauma as a child or young adult?
I feel like I'm noticing a pattern, but maybe not, just curious.
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aspergers
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With Thanksgiving tomorrow I'd like to share something I will forever be beyond thankful for. Something personal, that I've been working on for therapeutic reasons. It might have taken me almost 2 years to face my trauma, but creating this video, going through all of the past videos and pictures and truly letting it sink in that these events actually occurred, has lifted such a weight off of me. The reason I suffer from PTSD is because my brain was incapable of processing one of the most heart wrenching traumas a parent can experience. Instead, I stayed in fight or flight mode well after the events were "over". Its taken a village of Doctors, family support, and my own motivation to help me rise from the grasp of my demons. I'm finally making progress & I am hopeful that life will be filled with colors again here soon! So, this year I have so much to be thankful for! But, above all things I am grateful for God and his over-whelming, never-ending, reckless love. 🙇♀️🙌❤
[My Son, My HERO!](https://gopro.com/v/o6mvLyPaGXrg2)
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ptsd
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So I’m 15 (m) and almost everyone who knows me well have said to me they think I have adhd not even me bringing up the conversation most of the time, just people asking me or just saying that I do. I have done multiple tests which all came out as very likely. I’ve spoken to my parents about people thinking I have adhd which they have agreed with. However I don’t think they would let me be seen by a professional and put on medication or go to therapy. So I really want to ask if I can be tested but I just don’t know how. Any tips ?
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ADHD
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The title pretty much says it all.
I've struggled my way through a BSc and an MSc medication free, although I have tried to get medication a couple of times, it's really damn hard to get here.
I want to thank all of you amazing people for creating such a supportive and inspiring place.
Thank you brains! I love you all!
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ADHD
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Did anyone else use to do a lot of things that weren't ok and you never even thought about why it's not ok. I met my boyfriend when I was very young and stupid and I did so many things that weren't okay that it never even occurred to me that it wasn't okay. I would purposely show my cleavage to people I thought I had a crush on or purposely look at TikToks where it's like "dad reveal!" because I wanted to see if their dad was attractive or I would do flirty things not with the intention of flirting but it was just obviously something that came off of flirty and like idk now I realize that a lot of these things weren't okay and I don't understand why I didn't realize they weren't okay before??? It sucks because I feel so guilty about it all now becaus I did a lot of fucked up things. Please tell me I'm not the only one who's has this problem of doing obviously wrong things but not even thinking about it?
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OCD
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Does anyone notice that when there symptoms flare up that they can't sit still? I use fidget toys to help me but they aren't always an option, so I was wondering how you guys cope if this happens to you as well..
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OCD
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Just curious here, as I've got this blanket I've had since I was about 2 and sleep with it every night, everywhere. I get insomnia when I don't have it with me and get panicky if I can't find it. Is it weird to have such an attachment to an inanimate object, or does anyone else on the spectrum experience this as well? I just feel strange and like I shouldn't be attached to it, or that it's wrong to be but I don't really know what to do otherwise. I'm just interested to hear other people's experiences :)
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aspergers
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So.... it's strange to say this, but i ''miss'' OCD (i don't want to mock about people who suffer with OCD).
I was suffering really bad, then i prayed and it's stopped, and this is wonderfull! But then i felt strange like i was unprotected.
Now i get worried, thinking that any moment i will have bad thoughts on purpose. What should i do? Is this normal?
I don't want my OCD but i feel like i'm not the person i was before i developed it
(Sorry if i used bad words and offended you guys, english is not my native language)
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OCD
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Whenever I(18) feel bad, or something bad happens to me, I don't know why but I just can't handle it. Like, I can go from fine to suicidal thoughts in a few minutes. I just get so miserable whenever something goes wrong, and I revert back to thinking I'm a disgusting monster, that everyone should hate, and that nobody really cares about me. And I know that it's really stupid that this can be triggered so easily, but I don't know how to make myself respond less badly to this. Does anybody have any suggestions? Thank you so much for any advice.
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aspergers
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When I was a child (circa. ages 6-10), I was diagnosed with ADD and prescribed ritalin (i also tried strattera, from memory they both made me nauseous). I took this during primary school and stopped taking it at the beginning of high school (can't remember why). Since the years have passed, i've completely forgotten about ADD and never thought back on it. It was only until i restumbled upon it through social media and It started clicking and everything started to make sense. I stumbled accross this reddit thread and all these posts are so relatable and it's been such a sign of relief to realise that my everyday 'norm' and chaos is actually because of this.
I've booked in to be reassed as an adult, however my appointment is not until June next year (sigh.. so far away).
I just wanted to understand everyone elses battle with ADD / ADHD and how they feel mentally.
I used to think I was depressed, however I have nothing in my life that is a 'negative', I'm not sad at all and I don't have any thoughts of regret or anything at all. Everything in my life is going amazing which I'm so greatful for.
The easiest ways to describe it for me is having the symptoms of depression, without feeling sad or having any prior issue that would make one depressed, though having the symptoms such as;
\- spontaneous anxiety
\- bad emotion regulation
\- I cannot make my mind up at all. I can't choose what I want for food. I can't choose what movie to watch, this is debilitating. I don't know what I like. I struggle to buy clothes. Anything that involves making a decision is really difficult most of the time.
\- I can't start anything I know I won't finish right away, and when I do start something I barely finish it anyway.
\- If I start something It needs to be done perfectly, and if it isn't 100% completed perfectly It frustrates / annoys me and makes me demotivated to do it.
\- doing 1000 things at once, and being easily distracted without completing said task
\- bad at keeping routine, however once I get into something it's insanely fixated and then just completely stopping once i get over it
\- Nothing excites me - No amount of activity, conversation, buying new things, holidays, etc. The thought of any of these things does nothing for me and doesn't incline me to persue any of these.
\- No interest in anything - everything seems so dull and just 'meh'.
\- If I'm having a conversation I'm listening but nothing is absorbed. It's like i'm gazing into the abyss. In any of these situations I zone out and yawn excessively. I can't remember the names of people well at all, I can't recall what I've just heard in a conversation with much accuracy, I can't recall what I've just read in writing after just reading it with much accuracy. For example, I've just typed this post up and can't rememeber or recall what I've just written without re-reading it.
\- Not enjoying the moment
\- No hobbies, can't get into anything and nothing is interesting at all
\- Brain / mind races however it's empty (if this makes sense it's like lights on no one home??)
\- Absolutely 0 patiences at all and always in a rush. I'm always at 100miles an hour with no stopping. If i'm not at 100miles another, i'm 0 not wanting to do anything, with no energy or motivation at all.
\- Caffeine addict (consuming excessive amounts of coffee without any energy boost / perk up from it - it does nothing)
\- Extremely fidgety and can't sit still
\- forgetful, only way I can do life is with multiple lists, writing things down and using an online calendar
\- Poor motivation & Never have the energy to do anything
\- Poor Sleeper (wake up multiple times a night)
I don't know if this post makes much sense, However I think I am just trying to confirm that my previously diagnosed ADD is still alive and thriving in me and that's what's causing these things in my life.
I'm not to crash hot on taking medication, however I think it's getting to the point where the above is so detrimental to everyday life it may be the best option moving forward.
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ADHD
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There’s no point in getting up early, if I don’t work or have a planned event/thing then I just curl up under my covers and sleep as long as possible. The less time im awake means the less I have to deal with. Usually this ends with me checking my phone around 1ish and getting hit with an overwhelming sense of “you useless sack of shit get out of bed it’s the middle of the day why are you like this”
Yay me
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depression
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I wanted to ask this, because as a single guy with recently diagnosed ADHD in adulthood (and probably have bi polar disorder to), when I think about how hard to cope with it in my own life and how dissapointing life can be for me and how much of a burden it is to live with it, I get worried that in the future I will be just a burden for my future gf/wife.
So I just wanted to hear some positive experiences to get some hope.
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ADHD
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I can feel so normal for a while until one day people want me to go to a restaurant or something. Restaurants are just places you go when you're too hungry to make decisions, and they play loud music and hand you a list of decisions to make. I get overwhelmed and can't decide. People don't understand why I didn't order and I have to wait hungry without the energy to do or say much. Life is good and mostly I don't want to be like other people but sometimes I'm reminded I'll never be quite like other people and it's a little discouraging. It's all worth it though. Life is pretty good when you don't stop working with it.
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aspergers
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Hello everyone. Hope your having a great day
This post is rather long and I know most people don't bother reading this, but I had to say this to someone, anyone.
So a few days ago (3 to be exact) I was browsing one of the sub reddits until I came upon a post about how hard it is to date as an autstic person.
That particular post made me curious about autism, so I browsed the internet about the syptoms etc. Suddenly I got a lil bit anxious since I had almost every single basic signs of an autistic person.
I decided to take some tests and gather more information. After reading many articles I came to the realization that I've been struggling with this spectrum since I was a lttle kid. That was the weirdest hours of my life. It's like suddenly every single event of my life made sense now. I was overwhelmed so much that I couldnt understand if I was happy with the realization or not. In one perspective I always knew that theres something wrong with me mentally and finally realizing what it was made me happy, on the other hand I was realy upset that from that day on I was an autistic person, a term that I saw people saying it to others as an insult. It was a part of me now.
The fact that I was always the elephant in the room every where I went for example, or having problems with sleeping and most importantly not being able to communicate with people the way a normal person would and so many symptoms made me sure that I have this disorder. But i am not sure how intense my autism is.
Since I was a kid I was realy bad at any physical activities. Sucked at every sports, you name it. I was also struggling with mathematics but in the other hand, I was always the genius of the class in the
Littereture and English classes even tho I was not even trying. I got my TOEFL back when I was 17
After I graduated from high school I started studing accounting in college and suprisingly I was good at it at most times, even tho there was a lot of mathematics involved in the courses but still I was always one of the best students in the classes even tho I probably was not even trying as hard as everyone else did. Even suprisingly I have always been realy good at giving lectures and presentations back in college.
Given the abilities and dissabilies that I have mentioned, I am still not sure I have am a high functioning autism or not. I am not sure if I was an autistic when I was a kid and my situation improved when I became an adult or I am just an aspie. My friends usualy consider me as an smart person but in my head I'm not even as smart as a normal person. Sometimes I struggle with finding the best words to tell someone, and that makes me feel a bit dumb.
It's been a weird journey these past few days, and i'm glad there was a community I that could share this with.
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aspergers
|
Things such as Junk food LOTS of junk food, Masturbation, risky sexual behaviour that could be dangerous for my health. Entertainment like dumb TV shows, videogames...
All whilst neglecting things like rent, uni work, job searching, keeping up socially with boring encounters throughout the day to appear atleast half functional and alive.
I'm lying down right now really sh*t faced with a lecture I have In two hours and I haven't even slept yet, how do I escape this downward spiral?
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ADHD
|
Hello,
I have been severely struggling over the past week when I made the mistake of falling asleep with an open window. I awoke with a stiff neck/muscle tension, and my mind immediately jumped to 'oh no, a bat must have come in and bit me in my sleep without my knowing.'
This sent me into a spiral of research and intrusive thoughts that the bat not only bit me, but he escaped out the window without alarming me. I know logically this seems unlikely. I know that rabies in bats appears in less than 1% of them.
Exacerbating my concern, I found that within the past month, two bats with rabies have been found in my county. This sent me spiraling and I ended up going to the Emergency Room, pleading for PEP treatment. I was of course denied this, because I could show no evidence of a bat bite, and I didn't actually see a bat come into my room through the window.
I don't know what to do. I am having trouble focusing. I don't have an appetite and I feel hopeless that I'll be able to feel better.
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OCD
|
It seems like everytime I try to have a conversation with someone neurotypical, it's inevitable that at some point in the conversation I'll say something and they'll look at me with a blank stare.
Its driving me crazy that I can never figure out what they're thinking when they do that. I feel like its obvious that they think I've said something strange but when I ask them if they think I'm weird or awkward they say no.
I cant figure out what causes it either because I think what I'm saying is normal, and I cant find any fault with it but they always look at me like I have a third eye.
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aspergers
|
28M
Married w/
4 kids
Backstory: After 28 years I finally hit a breaking point in my symptoms (which I didn’t know were symptoms for most of my life) and am now in verbal therapy and testing out medication. I deal with attention issues, focus, and pretty intrusive anxiety. Although I haven’t let this hold me back in life…I can feel my symptoms becoming worse as I age and from going untreated.
I have my 30 day follow up with my doctor this Thursday. The last 30 days I’ve been on 10mg of adderall XR in the mornings and another 10mg of adderall In the afternoons. I work a weird schedule of 5am-1pm. So I tend to take my XR around 7am and my second dose around 3. Unfortunately I wasn’t given much guidance on best times to take my doses so I’ve just stuck with that.
Ive noticed my focus is a tad better and my motivation to get things done is better. I’m questioning if the adderall is worsening my anxiety though as it’s been quite a roller coast for the last 30 days.
Did any of you see a night and day difference when trying to find the right medication or dosage? Im having a hard time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel right now.
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ADHD
|
Its the stand out scene where Timothy Chalamet is ordered to put his hand in that box that creates a huge amount of pain. He can take his hand out *at anytime*. But if he does so he will get stabbed by a poisonous knife and die.
I feel like the creepy old lady who orders him to put his hand in the box is my OCD. she is tall and empowering and ruthless. If you've seen the movie she actually uses a thing called 'the voice' where Timothy's character is completely stripped of his free will and is basically flown towards her.
The box is the pain we are all way too familiar with. The crippling anxiety and the depression that comes along with it. And every muscle in my body just wants to get my hand out of that horrible thing. Every part of me just wants to go OKAY FINE I WILL DO WHAT YOU WANT TO JUST LEAVE ME ALONE. so i do the compulsion... but a part of me dies when i do that. I have let it defeat me.
But if i just SIT with that pain and breath through it. If i just keep my hand in that box and refuse to let it win eventually the pain does stop!! It truly does! Its very hard to do sometimes but everything does pass and eventually my brain just get used to it and it goes way way into the background of my mind. The only way out of hell is straight through! Say NO. its the only way to recover :)
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OCD
|
Does anyone else take extremely long to get over something their partner said to them? I need constant reassurance but it can be cloudy if we have an argument and things are said in the heat of the moment. I obsess over it and it really construes the image of anything going forward.
I have really awful panic attacks when it comes to confrontation due to being in a past abusive relationship. I tend to go off the deep end and the last time my bf and I fought he said some pretty mean stuff to me. I just obsess over it constantly, I just think he doesn’t like me and that those were his true underlying feelings. I also feel like if I do anything else it’s going to make it worse or it’s going to carry on to others who are going to have a distorted image of me.
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OCD
|
I’ve been diagnosed with ptsd not while back, I’m currently 17 and I got sexually abused by my father about 5 years ago. Sometimes I feel like it hurts much more now than a few years ago I feel like as I grow up I start to understand the way my father was thinking and I don’t know why it hurts more but I’ve been really numb and is that a normal I feel like I don’t have any emotions and I don’t why it’s hard for me to keep close friendships I just feel like I have to push them away
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ptsd
|
College student, here.
The prescription for my antidepressants ran out yesterday. I can't get new ones because I have actual negative money and I can't ask my mother for more money because a) she gave me a whole bunch just a few days ago and asking again would just be wrong and b) how the fuck am I supposed to explain to her that I need money to refill my prescription but that I need more money than it would cost to refill it? \[To be clear, this is not me asking for money. You spend your own money on you, my basic needs are met and I'll find some kind of way to get by otherwise. Please don't Rule 12 me.\]
But it was fine. Kind of. I was making it, at least. \[Like I said, needs are met.\]
Then I woke up and remembered that I have a 10-page paper due. If I don't finish it, I fail the entire class, no exceptions. This is one of the two classes that had a professor that was actually willing to help when my depression and ADHD got bad, so if I fail, I just wasted that professor's work. I had less than a full page done of the required 10. I got to two and a half pages before I ran out of all of the energy that I had left. I emailed my professor to say that I was going to fail.
What do I do? Do I talk to my mother? That seems...daunting. Do I talk to a friend? They've got their own shit to deal with. I can't go to my advisor, she's useless (not her fault, the school just refuses to hire an actual advisor and just have a professor doing the job). I can't go to a therapist or a counselor, they either cost money or aren't available soon enough. What am I supposed to do?
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depression
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So about a year ago me and my boyfriend and his sister went to our friends Halloween party. The Halloween party got crazy and when I drink sometimes I like to dance. I was dancing a lot at the party but not on anybody just by myself bouncing my ass lol I am so in love with my boyfriend and I would never ever cheat on him not in 1 million years he’s the love of my life but sometimes my other side comes out I’m a Gemini so I do stupid things yeah like I danced at that party but I never cheated on him. He had to leave early from the party because he’s Muslim so it’s just me, my other friend ended up talking to a girl and left me alone at the party for about 20 minutes.
During that time I kind of really had no one to talk to but then these three girls came up to me and started hyping me up and then I ended up dancing with them and having a good time this went on for like 15 minutes. As I was dancing with them this guy came behind me I thought I was dancing on one of the girls but it was a guy and then I looked at him and I was like I have a boyfriend go away and then he went away. Then I kept dancing with the girls and then my friend came back and I was like where the hell were you and he ended up fucking that girl. But the girl he was with was hanging out with us and she was super drunk and acting a fool basically sexually harassing me and begging me to kiss her and she tried to stick her hand down my pants and I was like absolutely not I have a boyfriend this is not happening.
But I ended up dancing with her and my friend left to go find his friend because we were going to leave and I was so drunk and she kept begging me to kiss her and I was like you know what fuck it my boyfriend wouldn’t give a shit so then me and her kissed for like 10 minutes straight. My boyfriend told me he likes when I kiss other girls and that he doesn’t care if I do so in my brain I was like why the hell not let me just do this, I was the star of that party it was all eyes on me at the party because of the embarrassing way I was acting. But I made a conscious decision to kiss her because I knew my boyfriend wouldn’t care and I told him about it and he didn’t care, but he did get a little upset that I did it when he wasn’t there so he kind of felt angry with me but he never specified that he had to be there if I ever kissed a girl lol but that was miscommunication on both of our ends.
But that is not my question, I don’t like how I ended up kissing a girl when I was drunk it makes me think what if I did other things at that party but I just I don’t remember? I know for a fact I didn’t talk to any guys and I asked eight people that were with me at that party if I did and they all said no. They all said they just saw me kiss that girl and that was it and that I was just dancing with myself and other girls. But I can’t stop obsessing about what if I did something with a guy and I don’t remember? What if when I was dancing with a girl I buy accidentally grabbed the guys dick or I kissed them and I don’t remember. I know this absolutely did not happen and I never spoke to any guy that night but I can’t stop convincing myself that I cheated on my boyfriend and that I don’t remember it. This is making me really upset and it’s making me feel sick around him.
This was almost a year ago so I don’t know why this is even relevant now, but there’s basically proof that this didn’t happen because even when I drink I still can basically remember what I did. I think the thing that triggered this is a girl told me that I kissed her friend and I was like what the girl that I made out with was she was like no someone else I was like who?
She was like you kissed one of the girls you were dancing with before the other girl. And I don’t remember doing that so it kind of made me be like OK if I don’t remember doing this then what else don’t I remember. This all happened within an hour, I don’t think the hour after my boyfriend left I would just start going wild and doing things out of character. I have a history of kissing girls because I feel comfortable doing it I would never just kiss a random guy and cheat on my boyfriend and I have no memory of even speaking to a guy that night unless it was to yell at them lol someone please help me get over this I know I’m telling the story in a funny way I know I sound like a thot but I’m not, I’m completely loyal to my boyfriend and I would never cheat on him and I can’t stop thinking that I did and it’s making me sick. I asked eight people from that night if they saw me dancing with a guy or if I kissed a guy or if I was with a guy and they all said no you were only around girls and your friend who is a guy.
Every single time a guy even got near me at the party I would tell them I had a boyfriend. But there are a lot of guys around at night so I’m scared that in the midst of all this chaos I did some thing and I just don’t even realize. And it makes no sense that I think I would do something like this and not remember but I would remember everything else? I could remember telling all the guys that I had a boyfriend, I can remember kissing this girl (but not Peking the other girl lol) but somehow in the midst of this I did some horrible act that is completely out of character and don’t remember? That makes no sense and I keep trying to tell myself that but it’s not working.Someone please help me, because I know deep down that this isn’t true and I wasn’t even that wasted I didn’t even black out but you know how things got a little blurry when you drink and memories don’t always a line.
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OCD
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Hello, I'm 16 \[F\]. I recently was given Prozac 10mg for my OCD, anxiety, and depression. I never have been medicated before. I experience pure-o symptoms and not the kind where you do physical rituals (although I used to as a child). I was obsessing over a past even theme, and spoke to my therapist about two days before I started my meds and I felt slightly relieved at what we discussed and her reassuring me, I still was anxious as usual for me. I had a decent day afterwards and then I started my meds the day after that. Which I take everyday in the morning around 11am (I get up at around 7:30 for my online classes). I also take melatonin on school nights to get me to sleep at a decent hour.
The intrusive thoughts will pop up but I have no emotion with them, even when I dwell on the thought purposefully because if I don't I worry I am a bad person (yet there is no anxiety with it. It's just the thought that persists). At most I will cry and feel down for at most two hours, and one time I acted on a compulsion by searching online which usually never makes me feel satisfied and sometimes even more anxious, instead I found reassurance and felt so much better, and the negative answers I got did not effect me like they usually do.
Overall I feel content and even excited, sometimes I get anxious or feel down, but it doesn't last long and I am able to function. But now I get the thought that I lack empathy and I'm a narcissist, or that I didn't have OCD about the past event and I just wanted to hear that I wasn't a bad person or what I did wasn't that bad from my therapist. I fear that me being so happy is a bad thing and what if it's not the meds, it's just me. But also like I said, I don't actually feel the fear (if I do it doesn't last for long) it's just thoughts.
Sorry if this was way too long. If anyone knows anything, or has a similar experience please let me know.
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OCD
|
I am 23 years old and feel like a 10 year old kid. Since I was a kid, I was slow and lacked common sense/presence of mind. I don't know, how to speak to people, what to say and when to say. Such leads to a cloud of judgement that penetrates my self esteem to a point, where I say gibberish things.
*Now I am an adult and treated like a child and leave a idiotic opinion on strangers/co workers, that I am intellectually disabled*
Everyone I meet feels that, I am challenged. They need to help me with tasks like opening a bottle or folding my shirt.
I can't follow simple instructions and have to ask people 10 times. (It is difficult to intern)
I avoid going out because, I have no clothes because I have no fashion sense and also no money.
No desire to learn things, no desire to seek medical attention and just hoard stuff.
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ADHD
|
I'm bipolar and i take a bunch of stuff but i feel emotionless. I can't be happy or sad , just mania all the day
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depression
|
I have awful mental health. I'm bipolar, I have severe adhd and, naturally, ptsd as well, and a lot of it is from childhood neglect and abuse. My parents and I have a fucked up dynamic. They raised me as their friend. Drinking, pornography, pain pills, benzodiazepines. I was left alone for days at a time before I was 15. I never realized any of this wasnt normal until about 2 years ago. My wife finally convinced me when I quit drinking and abusing prescription medications that the way I grew up was fucked up.
However, until I started reguarly seeing a therapist weekly, I wouldnt have called it abuse or neglect. I mean, nobody hit me (not my parents anyways), there was always food, and I thought it was cool to be left alone for days at a time with no rules when I was 13--whatever could possibly go wrong . . .
It's a long story, but I hate my father (this is another recent revelation to me). I become frustrated with my mom, but I tend to give her a pass as she grew up just like I did only 3x or 4x worse. She was hit. She was raped. She was beat. She was abandoned. She really didnt know any better. My dad however grew up in a pristine suburban atmosphere; sure, his dad never came to his baseball games, but that's hardly a reason to give your kid percocet and whisky before you left for the weekend.
It never fails, if I'm having a good day and then speak with either of my parents (I'm 35. They're in their 60s)--its over with. Its beyond frustrating. My mom is always SO fucked up and makes embarrassing faux pas by the minute. And my father is completely fucking delusional and acts like nothing ever happened because hes over it. Just fucking lying about himself over and over again for no fucking reason and refusing to talk about all the drug abuse and pornography. Like, I was a kid. You were supposed to protect me!
Sorry for the rant, been missing therapy due to the covid. I feel better.lol
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ptsd
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Rambling ahead. Thank you in advance to anyone who reads this. It feels really good to put into words, especially if the people reading those words find things in my story that are similar to their own experiences. I just need to hear that I'm not crazy.
Hi, all. I've been suffering from OCD for probably 15 or 16 years, and for the lion's share of that time it went undiagnosed, even by me. I'm now 30, so more than half of my life has been...if not consumed, then *heavily* influenced by this horrible, hideous thing. It took covid isolation and a fair amount of introspection for me to realize that they way I think isn't normal. It took about fifteen minutes of research for me to start putting the pieces together, and another few hours for me to self-diagnose. I cannot describe how gratifying it was to admit that I have a problem. The things OCD makes my mind do - to see that I wasn't the only one, to see that basically all of my symptoms are experienced by other people in one way or another - it felt very freeing. I also felt (and continue to feel) really dumb for not figuring it out sooner, but I have chosen not to dwell on that (although OCD has its own ideas, natch).
Both my GP and the therapist that I began seeing agreed with my diagnosis. I began the work with someone who I like a lot as a person but whose approach to OCD treatment felt a little...incomplete. Something was a off about her therapy style; I think maybe she was just new to practicing and hadn't quite found her own voice yet, but it always felt like she was just reading out of a guide. I convinced myself that she had given me some basic tools and that I could go it alone from there.
Well, you can imagine how that has gone. My form of OCD is, I guess the term is pure-O? I have few outward compulsions. But inside my mind is a different story. I've most often described it to myself and others as a mental filing cabinet, and I'm hoping that other sufferers will know what I'm talking about. My friends and family, while sympathetic and wonderful, can't know the experiences I have on a day-to-day, hour-to-hour, minute-to-minute basis. When every thought needs to be listed, stored, cross-referenced, and put back in its place, over and over and over again. These lists and files and constructs are not real things that impact my life or the world, but groupings that OCD has insidiously decided need to be blasted on repeat daily. The fear and anxiety that I experience if I don't run through the filing cabinet...well, you know.
The thing is, my awareness of this being the work of OCD has made the problem worse. Every time I blow up the filing cabinet, I start coming up with strategies to stop it from re-forming. Lists of the different types of OCD thoughts that I experience, the different ways that I experience them (when does a feeling become a partial thought become a full thought), etc. It's hard to explain, but since the diagnosis, it's almost like my mental immune system has been kicked into overdrive. Every thought that I have gets attacked and examined - is this OCD? is it a healthy thought? If it's OCD, what is the proper response? In this sense, my thoughts start to eat themselves.
I'll give an example. This will likely be hard to follow. One of the manifestations of my OCD is a kind of...completionist attitude toward popular media. Books, games, tv shows, etc. I like to do everything there is to do in video games and remember all the details of books. Some of the files in the old mental filing cabinet dealt with this. Lists of rules about playing video games in order to fulfill the obsession, with other folders dealing with how to do so while not spending too much time staring at a strategy guide. Constructs regarding when to start a tv show from the beginning based on how long it has been since I last watched an episode. Bullet points about how, when other people experience media that I like, it isn't my job to get them to remember every single detail. These are just a few of the many; all in all, this is the most embarrassing and complex part of my OCD.
But at least I recognize it as OCD. I have gotten to the point where I can kind of let that stuff go, but then the OCD-about-the-OCD kicks in; the aforementioned mental cannibalism. So, I won't be playing a video game, but I'll think something along the lines of - "if I do [X] while playing [Y], that's going to make me anxious because of [Z]. it'll make me want to restart the game. how will I deal with that? what thought will I think at the time, and how?" And then I'll run through a bunch more, just like that. Another list of lists. And then, when that's done, I'll think - "those thoughts just now, those lists - those seemed obsessive. What type of..." and so on and so on. (Of course, my thinking is rarely that precise or ordered, but I'm trying to capture the rough process.)
Obviously, I've now realized that this stuff is just OCD finding a new vector through which to infect my mind. I blow up the mental filing cabinet and OCD builds a new one in the same spot, under the guise of protecting me from itself. I'll get to my first question, which is, is this common? The mental hypervigilance of OCD that turns out to just...be OCD? Because I have to say, every time I seem to be making progress I come to the realization that I've just been recreating the same issues for myself. It's fairly deflating, and it's been really terrible recently. I punched a wall today (no damage to it or me), which is the first time I've done something like that. Not great!
On the bright side, just typing this post *has* felt great! I totally see what people mean when they talk about how you can't run from OCD or else it's just going to loom larger and larger in your mind. By confronting it and leaning into it, you can call it out, and it becomes much easier to acknowledge the silliness of the individual thoughts that it inspires and tricks that it plays. It sucks knowing that things will get bad again even though I'm feeling good in the moment, but I am hopeful that I can maintain clarity of thought about the subject in order to stay one step ahead of OCD.
I do think I should go back to therapy (perhaps with someone new, but there are few specialists in my area), and I've been considering medication for a while now, but I'm open to guidance on that as well. Side effects freak me out (things can always get worse), so I'm open to hearing success and/or failure stories on that front. I appreciate this community and anyone who takes time to read and respond. I know I'm not alone!
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OCD
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Had to share my laugh of the day. I've been bested by my Asperbergers child. (Happens a lot) For helpful reference, much to my chagrin, she is a future entomologist and has been studying and "saving" bugs for years...
She had a huge pile of clay on the table for days. Every time I try and get her to put it away, she can't help herself, and creates more art. If her hands touch it, she HAS to make something. I'm frustrated, and told her she can't leave the diningroom until it's cleaned up. She keeps complaining that it's "too big of a job!" There's too much clay and it's over-whelming her. I remembered that saying about "how does a tiny animal eat a big animal? One bite at a time" so, stupid me just picks some random animals and says "How does an ant eat an elephant?"
She is glaring at me with the stink eye and says in a flat voice...."they work together".
Duh. Leave it to the future entomologist to put me in my place.🤣🤣
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aspergers
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the lyric you dont even know what i been through is to true if i told you my shit you wouldnt even belive me my dad putting guns in my moms mouth while shes trying to call her boss to tell him she cant come in to make money she needs because we are so poor we cant afforded food that was my life way before i hate these wanna be gangbangers and the real ones to they think its cool and something to brag about its not its fucked up and sad ive been around that its sad when a human can kill another living human and move on like nothing happened gangs arent cool or something you want to be a part of its sad and crazy mf like my dad or whats part of it hes a fellon which means he cant buy guns or be in possession of one but he carries a fucking pistol everywhere he goes and he has assault riffles and shit its fucked and sad im not just talking about bloods n dumb gangs everyone knows im talking 211 crew fucked up sad shit im not a gangbanger or a wanna be its just sad and thats not even my main ptsd i was touched by 2 people and almost killed by my dad i tried killing myself so many times nothing helps its hard to keep going on
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ptsd
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I have had adhd my entire life but never been medicated, I’m 23 now and I feel as I get older the more impulsive and stupid shit I’ve been doing and I was wondering if anyone had experience with medication and if it would help with that because it’s a part of my life I really want to sort out. Thanks in advance
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ADHD
|
TL;DR - does/can/will the ADHD brain hyper-fixate on something specifically as a defense mechanism to traumatic external stimuli?
I just finished reading a book about a woman with dissociative personality disorder. I won’t go into detail here (TW: child abuse - the book is called When Rabbit Howls) but it made me wonder: does/can/will the ADHD brain hyper-fixate on something specifically as a defense mechanism to traumatic external stimuli? I really do wonder how I managed to be the single over-achiever in a family full of alcoholics & drug addicts (and dont get me wrong, I’m one of them - i dont drink because I cannot & i only take what i am prescribed). Knowing what I do now about this disorder, I feel like maybe I had a fighting chance not to succumb to this genetic curse because I have a brain that will find something it really likes and keep me attached to it while blocking out everything going on around me. Most of my memories of the worst life chapters involve me being on my computer around the clock like it was my job. Starting from when I was like 7, my thing was the computer game Petz (IYKYK) and then it was Neopets and then it was something else, etc. I always joke that growing up in AOL chatrooms prepared me for social media platforms like Twitter, but it’s absolutely true. Part of the work I do now is because of nerdy computer stuff that I taught myself as a kid. I could also stay up alllllllllllll night playing video games. If I didnt have the cognitive ability to complete hone in on something and block out everything else, I might have been affected by my environment in a much different way.
Am I making sense or this is actually one of those “no shit, sherlock” common knowledge things that I should already be aware of
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ADHD
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I especially love small cute animals like small birds, reptiles, rodents, cats, dogs, and lots of other ones. I especially love seeing small song birds outside eating seeds from my bird feeders. That is probably a reason why I became vegetarian other than partly due to religion.
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aspergers
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I’ve recently discovered that a lot of autistic people have dietary issues that lead to gut problems, diarrhoea and constipation. What have you had to change to accomodate this?
Asking because I’ve had problems basically my whole life.
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aspergers
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Okay so obviously I have ADHD and my whole life I’ve had hyperfixations. Right now I just got a new hyperfixation and it’s not something I would ever want to be really into it if that makes sense. It’s making my wonder how or why we hyperfixate on some things and not others. For example, I started reading a super cool book a little while ago and I really liked it but I didn’t start hyperfixating on it but now I started watching a show and I don’t think it’s as cool as the book but I’m hyperfixating on it. Does anyone know why?
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ADHD
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I been suspecting I'm inheriting OCD; I came here to post this because the topic of OCD is pretty nebulous to me, so I thought there would be no better place than ask here.
FIRST OFF, my mental health has never been the most superb.
I have been clinically diagnosed with MDD (14), Social anxiety disorder (11), and dyslexia (14).
My first reasoning for suspecting I have OCD is because of my obsessive thoughts.
EXAMPLE: I have this one thought about murdering this trans-woman who I'm very envious of because how pretty she looks, I constantly think about murdering her and trimming her skin so I can wear it.
This thought arrives every day for me and when these thoughts arise, I do push-ups till they go away. (I JUST STARTED THE PUSH UP THING LAST WEEK)
Should I get tested for OCD or does this resemble something else.
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OCD
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I feel like I’m stopping myself from solving any of my problems for some reason.
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depression
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At the supermarket checkout yesterday, the cashier and I got in an enthusiastic, eye contact free conversation on the proper sorting and bagging of groceries. He held forth on his system of quickly organizing things on the conveyor belt so that cold things end up together, produce ends up together, things like eggs and bananas end up on the top of the bag, etc. That way even if the customer or bagger doesn't care about doing it right it still ends up at least halfway right. He appreciated my beating him to it, since this is my system too. And I was just like RIGHT ON MAN. Fellow Aspie spotted in the wild, actual enjoyable interaction.
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aspergers
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I'm just fucking tired. Everyday I get up there is no meaning in life for me, I just live in a cage. Plus there is some very bad things I have with my marks, it's almost over, new year is fucking coming and I am in the baddest mood I've felt in my life. If I wont go up with my marks I'm gonna stay for the second year, fucking Merry Christmas, Happy New Year! And anything I try to do it screws up, and the time flies so fast, and it only gets worse and worse. I see others doing great achievements, like my best friend, and he is a very positive man, trying and doing everything, and there is just me, exhausted and I don't want to live, there's no happiness for me, only problems that get me feel only worse. What I am living for? What I am catching for? Fucking nothing, I see no interest in life I am just a stupid boy who just fucking feels some very strange stupid feeling. The teachers are angry at me. And here it is, 2 weeks until New Year and I just fucking gonna have four 2 marks in the quarter and I'm gonna stay for the second year. I fucking hate life, why should I do something, try to do it IF I HAVE NOTHING TO LIVE FOR?And I fucking cant motivate myself because nothing gets me, I have no time or no motivation, and the school finnally screws up everything, wherever I try, I fail. I am tired of getting my parents sad. They come to the home every fucking evening, and here I am, lying on the bed without any motivation, just feeling fucking tired and exhausted, anxiety gets me, and they begin to shout at me, and I cry in myself more and more and the anxiety and the lump takes me more FFFFUUUCKKKKK IIIITTTT!!!
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depression
|
TL;DR Mom keeps taking my money, after I turned 18-19'ish I finally realised it and it hurts a lot. I could have done much more with the money than she ever did. And also I discovered some interesting information today that she is even lying to me and expects me to come with her when she eventually leaves my dad (their relationship is basically dead. Been dead before I was even born I think?)
When I was little, I had this tin box that had a crappy lock on it (It stopped locking it and the holes for a shackle were wayyyy too small so I couldn't re-lock it even if I wanted to) and my parents always gave me money for christmas and birthdays but stored it there. Eventually it reached \~1100 bucks, which is a fair sum to either pay my driving school or any other training course. Hell, even college.
Over the years, this money slowly just disappeared. It started off with my mom telling "Hey, we are going to take 100 because we have trouble making it through this month, we will give it back when we can" It was actually "We will give it back next month" but then my stupid mom changed her lies up.
So, rip my "life" savings. After those were gone, my mom went after any type of money my dad gave to me in front of her. 100 bucks for my birthday or christmas? "No, lmao. Mine. We give back next month." is how I viewed it.
Still waiting on over $2000. Still waiting to buy a birthday gift. Still waiting to get a christmas gift from last year. Still waiting to celebrate my driving exam pass. I could have gotten a gaming pc and possibly start streaming or alternatively, not struggle with my pc daily and worry that at any given moment my pc could brick out because it's getting very old.
I feel cheated out of anything I could have been doing by this point in my life. My dad recently drew a $2000 loan to buy a new car so that is also stuck in my subconscious, just tormenting me that we owe someone money. We barely make it through the month because of my mom's shitty cigarette addiction (I've noted how many packs I buy for her whenever I go to the shop and the pattern is 1 pack per day which costs $5.40)
I dunno, maybe I need a job. But at the same time I just feel done with living and I've decided to just enjoy my life while it lasts. And a friend of mine also suggested getting a debit/credit card so I don't get my money stolen.
I do have like $50 hidden for now. Used to be $80 but my mom literally sneaked into my room today and took $30 from my own fucking wallet, money that I was told is "Mine", apparently she had to go to a doctor but I decided to stay up just to time her time and she was back in almost an hour, and it personally takes me an hour to just walk to the doctor's cabinet and then back home.
I doubt she went to the doctor, she's either going out with somebody or she went to a nearby pharmacy to get medicine or whatever. I stayed up instead of sleeping, which totals me to \~4 hours of sleep today. I might feel like crap, but at least I know that something's up and I'll take every chance at eavesdropping or looking around to piece the puzzle together. If my own mother hides things from me or my dad, I'd say that's unacceptable. She does unethical things (stealing my money), I'll do unethical things. I'm tired of this crap.
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depression
|
I never had any sort of attraction to kids in my whole life before, I just see them as kids. I never fantasized any one who is even a year younger then me. But now when ever I see a kid, I am imagining the kid naked and asking myself if I am attracted to them..
like I would imagine a random scenario, like what would I do if I was in a room alone with a kid, and then I would ask myself if I could do any thing. also then I ask myself if I could feel not attracted.
all these gives me intense anxiety. like I would start to breath heavily and would get a panic attack.
I would appreciate if anyone could give me any advice on this.
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OCD
|
[Trauma: but there's nothing explicit and details]
Maybe (almost everyone), have to deal with this thought: who am I without all of this?
In my experience I deal with the symptoms since very little. Doing therapy we reached the conclusion that it's very likely that my compulsions started after being sexually abused. I started to feel very "unclean", didn't have anyone to communicate so I became more and more anxious, till I started to do things to deal with the stress... like repeat words and sentences over and over, "protect" my mouth all the time when alone and some other sensitive places over my body...and sure, from time to time the compulsions changed, but the head was always a very weird place, full of violence, repetitions, and sensitive things, that always end in that time when I was a kid. What if... that hadn't happened? Could I be another person? Maybe a better one? It's the past I know, there's nothing to change, but I keep thinking that in all my years I could never be in charge of my life (sounds very rebellious teen, and maybe it is, I don't know haha)
It's like I never experienced being myself. Now with 26, the things keep going, sometimes I'm ok with all of this and sometimes not (cliche). And most of the time I'm too afraid to be a successful person, and be confronted with my past, so I became less that I'm capable of just to be sure that this will not happen. It's sad, but it's kind of funny too, because nothing in the ocd symptoms makes sense (the thoughts, the compulsions and all), but the brain just learned how to deal with me in this way hehe
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OCD
|
TW: brief mention of SA
Hi everyone! I was wondering if anyone might have some advice on this. I’m going to get my first skin screening done today and I’m kind of freaking out. Like many of you, I am a SA survivor. I know they’re going to ask me to change into one of those gowns and last time I was asked to do that I had a panic attack at the doctors office. I’ve never been to a dermatologist so this is already causing a lot of anxiety for me. Have any of you had experience with this? Do you think they’d allow me to keep on shorts and a tank top? How would I go about even asking that?
Thanks for any insight. Appreciate you all so much.
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ptsd
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I don't have any friend. No one to talk to. I lost the only friend I had because of my impulsivity. I don't know what to do anymore
I'm completly alone, I messed up everything
I'm lost, I don't know what to do with my life. I don't study, I don't work. I don't go out.
I feel like there's a long snake of anguish inside my chest. And I want to throw up all the disgusting things in me
It hurts me so much. All I do is cry. The pain is unbearable. I know I'm weak but I need help
I’m already seeing several therapists and I take medication. But it doesn't help me. Do you have any advice ? Should I just end it
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depression
|
Please don’t get offended as this is mostly my OCD talking but I’m kind of confused and a bit anxious. If you have a false attraction doesn’t that mean you’re attracted to it, how can you be falsely attracted to something it doesn’t really make sense wouldn’t that mean there has to be an initial attraction in the first place? If you’re feeling false attraction doesn’t that mean you’re still feeling attraction? I’m so confused
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OCD
|
I’ve struggled with OCD and anxiety/depression for a lot of my life. I have wonderful friends that make me feel supported and a great therapist, but sometimes I’d like to share common experiences with others who would be able to truly understand how much it can disrupt my life at times. If anyone knows of a virtual support group that I could join please let me know. It can be anywhere but preferably Chicago as that’s where I’m located.
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OCD
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Recently I have been feeling like one of my friends is stalking me but logically I do not have proof that this is happening. I tried to wait it out because this has happened to me before and I have cut people off only to regret it later because these feelings were delusions. It does feel very real and justified in the moment. Even though I am aware of the pattern, I can't help feeling fearful of this person and reacting negatively every time we have any interaction- heart beating very fast, hot and cold, anger, ect.
I have been stalked before so I am sure these fears are stemming from that experience and it always happens with my guy friends (my stalker was a man). I feel like the experiences get mixed up in my head and and it is usually triggered by a very small conflict or anger at the friend. I have bipolar so I will often break ties with the person suddenly in a manic episode but the feelings will continue sometimes for years afterward. I used to believe that all of my delusions about people were real but it came to my attention recently that I have some made up memories of events and have even blacked out during manic episodes. Therefore, I am really trying to be cautious in trusting my own judgement.
But because my reaction to this person is so strong I don't think I can continue the relationship. Even while confronting the evidence I am still having moments where I believe he is stalking me. I am not sure what I am suppose to do or how to break this cycle.
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ptsd
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I have been always on phone just to distract myself from reality and loneliness but lately i have become worse . I felt this massive blank loneliness when i was 12 and since then i've tried my best to avoid feeling that but i think i'm having that feeling again . Like I know there are some people who actually love me and care about me but still i feel so lonely and i feel like i'm the only one left in this world . I don't seem to be helped or healed . I can't stop crying and when i cry , there's nothing on my mind , i just cry and my heart feels so heavy . When i don't cry , my heart feels heavy but when i do , it feels even heavier . I don't know what to do , i can't figure out what's wrong with me .
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depression
|
Hi, I just wanted to ask someone with some experience what's it like to get an (adult) ADHD diagnosis in the uk
• how long is the waiting list typically? I know that it's relatively long but maybe I can get a more accurate estimate
• what are the costs involved with getting medication? I don't know much about this, do you have to be insured and the company has to cover the medication? Do you have to pay for it yourself? Or is it free? If you do have to pay then what would be the range so I can get an idea?
Thanks, any help would be greatly appreciated!
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ADHD
|
My mom knows that I get very overwhelmed about school. Something came up about it and i told my dad who was sitting in the living room with us that him coming home and announcing that he got an email from a teacher didnt help and he responded with "oh cry me a river" it's not my fucking fault my brain cant handle this. I dont wanna be here anymore i wish i could go to sleep and not wake up so i didnt have to deal with this anymore. I have no one near me that I can go to, even if I could I wouldn't because I dont want to be a burden on anyone else. I stormed out of the room and he continued to yell at me, I just dont want to deal with this anymore
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ADHD
|
I wont get a appointment with a physchiatrist anytime soon i have to wait till december, im in the military usa and working without my medicine is difficult, even when im not working and im having conversations with people, i just naturally drift out into different topics totally forgetting about what was the current discussion before. I have trouble concentrating and recalling verbal instructions, caffeine and that last minute time to do something helps sometimes but its not really helpful longterm
Im kinda annoyed and panicking at the same time because of future duties i have to participate in
Any advice for someone trying to make it through without medicine for the meantime?
I dknt know why it takes forever to get a hold of someone for behavorial health these days at my base
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ADHD
|
I’m just finishing up my first semester of Junior high, and I’m slowly realizing that school in general isn’t as fun as it used to be. Everything seems so boring and meaningless now. Sure, most of my classes are fun and energizing, and I’ve made some new friends, but one of my teachers is a complete hypocrite who despises my classmates, and revels in their collective frustration. At one point, they threatened to dock marks off of past presenters (Myself included) because 3 people were talking. Day after day, I start to loose my cool just a little more. I’m normally a well rounded individual, but high school is slowly wearing me down. Does anyone know how I can brush all of this negativity aside and just appreciate the little things in life?
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depression
|
I feel like OCD is so misunderstood. It's hard to tell people about because they almost never have a clear picture of what that means for me and my life. I didn't even think I could have OCD for years as a kid because I had always read that it was being clean and organized. It's so sad to me and I think it's damaging for us because so many people with OCD aren't even told what OCD can look like.
I've had OCD for most of my life, and I didn't know that tactile hallucinations, groinal response, gender OCD, and needing to sleep more were all normal parts of having OCD. Just this summer I looked up "mental illness that causes extreme guilt" and found out this is also associated with OCD. I've wondered why I've felt so many things for so long and I'm sure many others have. I wish this information was more readily available to us and people wanting to learn.
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OCD
|
is this an ocd thing? it drives me crazy. when i have some free time i’ll choose to watch a show, 5 minutes in and all of a sudden i feel the intense need to watch a different show so i switch. 5 minutes later i need to read a book, then a few minutes later i need to practice my ukulele, play animal crossing, exercise, take a walk. but i can never commit to something for more than like a couple of minutes without stressing that i’m doing the wrong thing and i would be happier doing something else. i cant enjoy anything bc of this, all i can do is think about what else i could be doing and it’s extremely overwhelming. i have bigger ocd issues but could this be a side thing?
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OCD
|
I wanted to share how I managed to find a more consistent way to play games, watch movies and TV shows and even books without overthinking (as much!)
What I find is having a dedicated medium and/or area you can go to drown everything else. Make it accessible and not difficult to set up. For gaming, I mostly do mine portably now. This means I can pick a game back up and put it down whenever I want, a dedicated machine to playing a game so I don't go down the rabbit hole of search tangents. I bought a little handheld emulator to play PS1 and older games and it's been such so much fun just picking it up when I'm out or just laying in a trance at home, not knowing what to do with myself. I also have a switch I've been playing a lot which has brought me back to enjoyjng games again.
For Movies and TV, I collect DVDs and of course that isn't for everyone, I have a portable DVD player that I have with me at home and a room in my house, dedicated to my movies which has a very poor internet connection to hold off that urge to jump on my phone and look up any one of my random thoughts that pop up. That room is also good when it comes to reading, so I always have a few books next to my chair in that room, so it's nice and easy for me to pick it up and not have to hunt the house for it.
If it's not a whole room, dedicate an area of a room to these activities. Make things portable so you have the option of picking it up anywhere. I know my biggest problem was "I want to do this thing, but it takes a little bit of effort to set up so I'm not going to do it"
I'm not on medication yet so these things don't work all the time, but I feel I've been able to at least complete some things having this system set up. The idea is just to make it as easy as possible to do the things you enjoy. If you like music, have the instrument ready to go where you normally sit.
I also find having someone else share the media with you, helps a lot. A friend of mine visits every week and we just dedicate a couple of hours to just watch a few movies. Might seem simple but having that other person there, almost forces you to take part, but in a good way.
Thought I'd share my experiences and hope I've helped anyone struggling with trying to take time back for themselves to enjoy what they used to love doing once again.
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ADHD
|
I am currently in lockdown in my city and my obsessions are getting out of control. Every day I am spending hours trying to organise things, and freaking out that things will never be organised. Like yesterday I spent hours looking at pinterest for ways to organise the things in my house until about 2am. Today, I am really stressed about the fact that my laptop files are not organised and I have so many cloud subscriptions too that are not organised. It feels like overwhelming and I feel like nothing will ever be organised enough. Just needed somewhere to speak about this because no one really understands in my life. But it is consuming me right now and I don't know how to stop because I am currently spending every day 12+ hours obsessing and focussing on them.
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OCD
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It's mostly fine when they're playing music or a podcast but when it's silent I can't go more than a few seconds without panicking.
It's really annoying and inconvenient. Does anyone know any tips on how to get over this?
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ptsd
|
I have long thought that I am ADHD or ADD or something similar. I have a traumatic I bringing and have read a lot about the role of trauma and ADD.
I am very healthy and don’t usually use a primary care physician as I often don’t need one and can use telehealth.
I’m trying to figure out what the next easiest step for me to find my way into trying ADD or ADHD medicines to see how they affect my mood and distracted mind.
i’ve seen some online 80 HD sites and I know most people go to a psychiatrist and then get medicines prescribed. Ideally I’m looking for the easiest and most cost-effective path forward.
A little help would be amazing.
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ADHD
|
So I have an exam today which I am extremely stressed for since it basically determines my next 4 years in college.
I took my Vyvanse (30mg) at 7:30am, at 8:30 I took my vitamins, on an empty stomach which was dumb, then I threw up almost immediately. Does anyone know if I can take my adderall IR (5 mg) now, 9:45 am. Usually I take adderal in the morning then 3 hrs later I take Vyvanse. I really need to focus on this exam and not get distracted by the clock ticking or some dumb shit.
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ADHD
|
𝙄 𝙬𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙥𝙧𝙚𝙛𝙖𝙘𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙗𝙮 𝙨𝙖𝙮𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙞 𝙥𝙤𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙞𝙣 𝙧/𝙧𝙚𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙥𝙖𝙙𝙫𝙞𝙘𝙚 𝙖𝙡𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙮.
(We’ve been together for 4 months, long distance for majority of relationship including right now)
I’ll try to keep it short. My girlfriend is suffering from what I believe is either ADHD, severe depression, anxiety or maybe all of the above. She started having problems with her mental health back in September which progressively worsened (eating less, low energy, motivation) which resulted in her hitting a breaking point, so she’s moving home next month. All I know and understand up to this point is that she’s just overwhelmed by living away from her friends/family/home.
Snapchat is our default for communicating with each other. Always has been. She used to send pictures of her whole face or chatting my head off all day up until 3 weeks ago. Total opposite. We talk maybe once a day now; aside from me checking in on her, asking if she ate etc… I’ve talked with a few people about this already but they’ve never beeen in this particular instance. They’ve all told me to break up with her but I don’t want to because she’s honestly a great girl and I’m damn lucky to have her. Only one person I know had to deal with their so having major depression before so maybe I should ask her?
I’ve been reading about this lots believe me. I am trying my hardest to be the best support I can for her but I’m beginning to wonder if my efforts are amounting to anything. I’m uncertain if her depression is rubbing off on me or if I’ve created my own anxiety hamster in my brain. I do understand the best thing to do is just be there and be be supportive
Any advice/suggestions would be greatly appreciated. If there’s anything i might’ve left out that may help with that feel free to ask. Thank you
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depression
|
I had an episode a few days ago with no memory of what happened. All I know is one minute, I was cleaning something, the next thing I know, I wake up 2 days later with a half eaten taco in my hand & I’m surrounded by a bunch of wine bottles. I feel shame & self hatred for whatever I did related to the wine bottles. I’m still recovering from a drinking problem & even though my wife isn’t mad but is being extra affectionate & sympathetic, I still feel like I’m nothing but a burden that’s ruining the lives of those I love. Sometimes I think everyone I love would be better off if my horrifically abusive “mother” had killed me when I was born like she said she should’ve done. According to my wife, I locked myself in the closet crying hysterically before opening the door, breaking the locked wine cabinet open with my elbow, proceed to get drunk, order Taco Bell & pass out with a half eaten taco in my hand. Unfortunately I also have schizophrenia, severe depression & a severe anxiety disorder along with severe PTSD. Right now I don’t know wether I should cry in a corner or slit my wrists. Why does my wife put up with a fuck up like me? Why does she love me when she knows I’m a dark twisted nutcase? My abuser (my “mother”) told me to kill myself on several occasions. The woman who gave birth to me wanted me dead. If I wasn’t deserving of her love, how am I deserving of my wife’s love & my kid’s love? Any advice would be appreciated.
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ptsd
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I have been diagnosed with adhd and dyslexia when I was 13, because of the stigma associated with these "defects" I don't share it with anyone nither did I research about it for years. Now I am 29 and for the past year or so I am looking into what exactly adhd entails.
I have been going to therapy where I was suggested to go for medication. Now I have been prescribed methylphenidate (extended release). Over the course of a month my dosage has been stepped up from 10mg to 30 mg (20mg in the morning and 10mg after lunch). I weigh 90 kg (I guess that is relevant when it comes to dosage).
I haven't felt any difference even after taking the medication, that is 30mg a day. For a while I feel my heart racing and a feeling of nervousness but that too last for half an hour or so. And then everything is back to normal.
My question is that why am I not feeling any change after meds?? Does that mean that I have been misdiagnosed?? Or does that mean that my dosage needs to increase?? Or is there some other explanation?
It is a very helpless feeling I can tell you that!
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ADHD
|
I think they provide a companionship and give us someone who depends on us. The responsibility of keeping a living being alive can be a lot, especially the vet bills. But the reward for it is a loyal and loving companion.
My life changed when I got my dog. I had to deal with the same old stuff daily but when I got home I was greeted with enthusiastic affection. Just puts you in a better mood than coming home to nothing. Eases my anxiety even.
Do you have any dogs? Other pets?
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aspergers
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I'm a 17M trying to get a sick note from my doctor, problem is my depression/anxiety is so complex that even I can't explain it. There are so many thoughts always going around in my head I just can't really explain it that well. And I'm afraid my doctor wont understand me, and wont give me a sick note.
Any advice?
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depression
|
Before reading this I must say this, it is long but for the purpose of context. As well, as I mentioned in the title, I feel like she feels the same way as the victim of assault and how they would have trauma being around the assaulter. Which kills me, because I am a caring person and as you read I hope you will know that I tried to do everything with no malicious intent and just no intent for hurt. Yet she doesn't see this and that kills me.
So lets begin with the good. I am 26 and she is 28.
My ex and I were together for 6 years. I became very close with her family and siblings. Constantly going over to their houses for family events, dinners, and doing double dates with her siblings and their partners. Each week we made sure to go on a date forsure and spent many other days throughout our entire relationship. My ex and I were best friends, she doesnt have any friends. We took trips each year together, we got 2 animals together, we lived together for 4 years together. I would always do romantic gestures like leaving things on her car after work, or flowers randomly, or bath and spa nights. I put her on a pedastal and did my best to make her feel truly loved.
We never fought and honestly barely had any arguments about things. Thats how well we fit together. Similarly we had many of the same interests and even tried each others interest. I was there for her through tough times when both of her grandparents tragically passed away. I was an usher to walk the caskets down, which can tell you how close I was to her family. Each year I went with her family on family trips.
Further, we had similar values. We both didnt smoke, didnt do drugs, highly valued our religion that we share and had many similar world views and values for relationships. We valued each other enough to stay in communication every day no matter what by texting or talking. When we lived together, it was never an issue with cleanliness, cooking, etc. We both did our part and never expected the other to have to do such. We had similar future goals and dreams (travel, marriage, family, living on a lake, etc.)
I can continue, but lets just say that we both felt very happy and in love together. We both expressed this daily. I never lied to her, I never cheated on her, I never did many things that would hurt someone outright. Further, I always tried to support her with her trauma and her own issues.
Now for what happened:
My ex has a trauma history from her past 2 relationships. Abuse and lying. Neither relationship lasted more then 6 months. This happened when she moved away for college before she met me. She mentioned it to me, and told me how she can find it difficult to trust at times because of this. I always remembered this and made sure to never do anything sexual when we drank because I didnt want her to feel any negative way regarding that. As well, I consistently tried to build that trust and never hurt that trust until this last year.
She grew up homeschooled with all of her siblings in a strict household ran by her narcissistic and autistic father. For example, living at home at 28 she still has a curfew otherwise her dad yells at her. She fears her parents and wanta to make them happy and proud, seeking validation by doing right constantly. An example of this was when she started college it was for a career they suggested. Being in this environment, she has social anxiety and thus has 0 friends. All the years I was with her she made 3 friends and cut them out within 2-3 hangouts.
My ex was diagnosed with CPTSD, depression, anxiety, and that was before we met. Those things all but went away or here I thought the first 5 years.
So no issues for 5 years, 6th year we have 3 things happen. I was planning to get engaged in 2021. As well, after college (end of 2019) we both moved back to our parents houses as we searched for our first jobs post college. Covid began, making it hard.
Traumatic Event:
Now another month forward we are now into the beginning of 2020, we find out that we are unexpectedly pregnant. We used birth control but it must have failed. She brings out the test and as I wait I am smiling thinking about everything. When she brings them both out they are both positive I hug her and then I begin to have a panic attack. Let me make an important note here, I have an anxiety disorder which she knew about. My panic is breathing heavy, heart racing, face likely looking panicked, and intrusive thoughts. These thoughts began to come out, as I explained to her this: "I am so grateful and happy for this. I am worried though because neither of us have jobs, we are living at our parents and you dont want to live with me because of your parents, as well your parents are going to be mad at me even more then they were with the accident." She begins to cry, and tells me this is suppose to be a happy moment. I tell her I agree 100%, and I am happy, but we are going to need to figure some things out so that we stay happy. I dont want her and I to struggle financially in any way, I grew up poor and thats why I push myself to work and find a career. She agrees but still seems really sad.
I see her about a week later and she begins telling me we need to go to her therapist. I ask why and she says we need to make a big decision. Continuing I ask whats that. She said we have 3 options, keep our baby, give our baby up for adoption, or abortion. I tell her thats okay and we go to her therapist. During this session she breaks down crying because she is worried about everything, she speaks for atleast have of the session about her parents and why she is worried they will disown her, and why she is worried about their opinion about premarital sex and a baby our of marriage. We leave with the therapist telling us to come back in a week with pros and cons for each option.
After seeing her cry and worry, I spent the next month looking for work 8 hours a day. Yet it was covid layoffs happening and so I couldnt find squat. Anyways, a week later I bring my pros, my cons, as does she. I preface the talk with saying I want to keep our baby, I have been looking for work, and I dont want her parents to be a reason why we choose something like this. Then I also say I will continue to step up.
We give our pros and cons for each and hers are mostly focused on her parents and the lack of financial security. I understand and we talk about the options in therapy.
Another week and at this point we are going together to all of the doctors appointments. She talks to me and asks me what do I want to do? I tell her she seems pretty set on abortion based on our talk in therapy, that I want to keep our baby, but if not then I still want children in our future. She tells me she is leaning on abortion, and I tell her I will have to support this decision.
Finally she and I go to a doctors appointment and the whole time I am nervous because the night before I was highly debating buying an engagement ring and proposing to her. Yet, I was arguing with myself because I didnt want her to feel like I was doing this only because of the situation. During this appointment I was in my head and distant as I contemplated it. Afterwards, she mentioned how my actions were pretty clear in this appointment that I was against having our baby. I told her I was only distant because I have something on my mind I cannot share with her, because mentally I still hadnt decided. She didn't believe me. I couldnt pull the trigger because like I said I didnt want her to resent me thinking that I was only doing it for this reason.
A week later she scheduled the abortion and told me that she decided to go forward with the abortion.
The day comes and I drive her there, outside I tell her we can leave and that we do not need to go in. She trudged in, and seemed very distant, understandably why. We go into the room and I am asking all of these questions out of concern for her during this. And then we wait, I told her we could leave, but she said no.
It happens and then I bring her home and do my best to make everything both comfortable and enjoyable by making her favorite dinner, and watching her favorite movie etc.
We do not talk about it and do not have sex for 2 months. I told her I am not going to pressure any of that and when she is ready we can go slow into whatever she wants to do. We are having good sex again, but she is very worried about anything getting into her. So we begin to see her therapist again, still we both are looking for jobs.
Fast forward to the break up: she tells me that I was unsupportive, and that my actions were shit. She said if I cared I would have proposed to her, I would have found a job, and that my panic attack showed her that I didnt care about her. This hurt because all of this was wrong. I tried telling her but she just kept saying she cant trust me any longer. She said that I was not the man she thought and that I was a boy and that I broke her heart into a thousand pieces. She said that my actions showed her and this just killed me because I tried... I truly did. But she had these expectations that seemed like she wanted me to have a job, propose, and make sure we keep the baby all within a month before the abortion because "if i did that I would have shown I cared". Further she took my panic attack that was worrying about realistic things and even more so focused on how I would provide her with stability and happiness and said that when I panicked it showed her that none of this was right. She said "when a baby is announced it is suppose to be an amazing moment for a couple, but you ruined it and made me feel rejected and made me panic. Had you not panicked I likely would never have considered the abortion.". As I detailed above I was as supportive as I could have been and she just lived by these expectations and when they were not met, she blamed me despite my efforts. "Your efforts were shit. You could have done it if you really cared and you know that. But you just choose to blame it on your anxiety."
This ^ has been the most traumatic thing in my life. Abortion and then for her to blame me during the breakup 8 months afterwards. But not once talk about those feelings before.
6 months later...
Well by this time, I was pretty depressed by the abortion and now my lack of finding work. On top of all of that, with her working so much, I only got to see her max 9 hours a week. I associate that to both her busy work schedule and her withdrawing from me. But during this time, I would mention getting married in our future and having a family when we are ready and simply telling her I still wanted that. I maybe brought it up once a month and she would cry and tell me she is not ready right now for those and that in the future she might be. I would tell her, I fully understand and that I only bring it up to assure her I still wanted that with her.
Well for 3 months we handle this, and juggling little time spent together on her end, I had a bunch of free time because I was still looking for work. I would ask her to go out and do things (hikes, walks, water activities, movies, etc.) And she would tell me how she is busy and cannot until the weekend. Before all of this her and I would go on walks almost 4/7 days if not more with her dog for like an hour. I was becoming needy because I would ask her to include me in those things. I would sometimes cry and ask her if she wanted to see me, and she would respond that she sees me already as much as she wanted to in a week (9 hours).
She had me over for a family bbq and mind that at this time I had not been over to her house in almost 9 months. When I use to come over for many hours every week and help out her mom and spend time with my ex and her family. When I was there I was nervous. I stayed outside in the backyard with her siblings. When they wanted to go into eat, I denied the food because I didnt feel welcomed by her father and thus I didnt want to eat the food out of fear of him saying something. Well they grab food and come back out. My ex however does not. 3 minutes later I get a text telling me to leave and meet her near her house because her dad just yelled at her when they were alone in the kitchen. I slipped out and we take a walk and she is hurt, her dad told her that if she didnt get me off their property he was going to divorce her mom because of her. This hurt me deeply that he would say that. I texted her mom telling her thank you for inviting me and that her husband told my ex those things.
Now to the most current thing:
Still in this realm of feeling sad due to time spent, and everything, my ex and her family go on their family vacation. The one normally I always go on, yet I was not even invited and my ex never brought up considering inviting me. They leave for a week and I am happy for them to be going.
When they return I plan a date for my ex and I the following day. It goes really well until the end. She begins telling me about the trip and how her sisters friends went. This made me feel sad and left out and I began to cry. I explained that I just felt excluded from her life the past few months. Especially now between the bbq and the trip where other people not even affiliated with any family member aside from being friends with them was invited. As well as the lack of her inviting me to do things we use to do together.
She is mad and tells me it is completely out of her control. And I tell her I understand completely that part (cabin/bbq) yet I wish she would try to invite me to more parts of her life I can be a part of.
The next day she is majorly distant, and so I call her and she tells me she is pissed at me. I give her a few days. Then we meet up and essentially she tells me that she doesnt know if she can give me what I need anymore. Going on to tell me that she doesnt see a future together, she doesnt want to have children with me, doesnt want to get married. She tells me that she spent a week having fun and that I ruined it by bringing all of that up. Then that we need to have space and a seperation. 1 month but we are still together she clarifies and that were not dating other people.
2 weeks pass, and she texts me she cannot do it anymore. She calls me and tells me she wants to break up. I beg and plead, and she tells me she doesnt trust anything I say, she feels heart broken, she feels I hurt her, and that my actions have showed her this. She tells me she has given me many chances and that she keeps getting hurt. I try to defend myself by saying I understand but I have never made the same repeated mistakes of hurting her. She says nonetheless that they happened and unintentional or not, she is done being hurt. This hurts me because I truly never did do the same mistakes over and over again. She ends the call by telling me I love you.
A week later we meet in person to talk about the break up. We talk for 3 hours. During this talk, she tells me many things that floor me mentally but I simply just take it because I didnt want the possible last moment to be negative.
She tells me that she has had so much clarity the last 3 weeks. She said that she realized first that I broke her trust and that really hurt, but then being she was in such a vulnerable place from this moment with the accident that when she had to decide about our baby, that I WAS THE REASON she chose to have the abortion. She goes on to say that my actions showed her I didnt want to have our baby with her, that my actions of having a panic attack and being distant were clear to her (despite me never once thinking I didnt want to have our baby with her). She broke down telling me this and I simply told her repeatedly I am sorry you believe that but that was not the case and it seems what I tell you, you do not believe. She said my actions were clear. So she essentially blamed me for our abortion, and the accident. Yet I chose her in the accident by both supporting her and blocking my family, as well, with the abortion I was supportive of her and keeping our baby, not to mention she never brought this up ans her reasons were focused on her parents opinion and her fear of that.
Then she goes on to say our relationship became so toxic the last year that she now needs to find herself and heal. That she needs major space and time and that maybe in the future we could be together. Then she said she may need years of space from me to have a clean slate from what I did to her. She said she loves me, that I am an amazing person and I will have a great life. She will always care about me and is grateful for the amazing times we spent together. But she said she needs to do what is right for her.
She removed myself, my friends, and all of my family members from social media. Removed all of our photos and posts. Did not block, but asked me not to contact her. Which I have respected for months now. She said I can keep the animals and all of our belongings in storage from when we lived together. She has 0 friends as I believe I mentioned before because she has trouble both connecting and trusting them. But her one sibling that I am still friends with has posts on her wall that my ex posted and tagged her in so I can see them. They are about essentially "Someone who loves you wouldnt do this, or someone who loves you shows you in their actions" and other stuff seemingly out of resentment towards me.
Since our breakup I have felt deep deep remorse, for our abortion, and the blame she put onto me. As well, grief, from her leaving me and outright projecting so much of her pain she never mentioned previously onto me.
I have been doing better each day, working 3 jobs now, planning trips, and my future. Been on depression medication that helps also my anxiety for months since our breakup and seeing 2 therapists weekly.
So of course this was a long story. Sorry. But I wanted to get it out of my mind since I havent been sharing this with anyone except my therapists.
I am struggling deeply with all her blame. I feel like I was supportive and she told me I was not as much as I could have been. Meaning I didnt meet her expectations and ultimately she concluded by that, that I was just downright NOT supportive at all. Which like I said I feel is so untrue.
I tried to communicate but it just feels like now she only listened to what she wanted to hear and only saw the actions she wanted to see, which unfortunately are the ones that hurt her. I told her I never intended any hurt, pain, rejection, or trust breaking. I realize intent or not she was hurt, and would ask how she could forgive me. Unfortunately she wouldn't forgive me and left me with chances, like "I have given you more chances then I should and I just continue to get hurt." To which I just felt like it was a losing battle since I never once repeated my mistakes once they were brought to my attention I tried diligently to never do them again. Panic attack - therapeutic options explored, taking the test and arguing about my family - cut off my family members, struggling with depression and not seeing her but 1 day a week and having times of negativity and crying during that day - when mentioned I got onto depression medication and started therapy and even asked her to go to therapy together. She kept score of her hurts and would not forgive me despite not repeating mistakes.
I honestly feel like since breaking up, she considers me her reason for her trauma. She blamed me a bunch during the breakup. Similar to someone who was assaulted and how they may feel around their assaulter. It kills me because I am a very caring person and even just knowing this has made me contemplate suicide because it kills me to think that she feels that I did any of this to hurt her or cause her trauma.
What is your take on my story with my ex?
TLDR: My ex and I had no issues, then it all fell apart after her abortion and blaming me because she felt rejected, and a lack of spending time together this last year. She blames me for being unsupportive and says I was not there for her when she needed me. Finally I feel like she thinks of me as someone who caused her trauma and scars despite all my actions to try otherwise as detailed above.
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ptsd
|
Can anyone quickly share some help on their ADHD experience in the UK? Especially getting diagnosed or how to live without access to NHS treatment as it is so hard to get?
I am 22(M) and have been exhibiting every sign of ADHD for probably about 8-9 years. Always been blamed on being ‘sparky’ and ‘a big personality’ but since leaving school I have struggled massively, symptoms have been getting much more profound and causing a bigger impact on life. Got diagnosed with depression a year ago and prescribed meds. They help but my concentration is still terrible. I have requested an ADHD assessment and been referred to NHS clinic but waiting time is unconfirmed.
I’ve got a call to review my antidepressant dosage tomorrow, wanting to request a higher dose as when I try to concentrate too hard it feels like my head is going to implode because I get so angry and frustrated.
I’m going to bring up ADHD and say that it may be impacting my depression and mood as well as my job (I work in high end precision manufacturing). This is my third job entry level job in three years and I don’t want to fuck this one up...
Any advice on my situation is appreciated.
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ADHD
|
I’m 28 and just got diagnosed with ADHD. I’m also starting to think I may be on the spectrum after realizing some stuff about socialization and whatnot (and after relating to a lot of the memes).
Basically I find myself wanting to go to social events and gatherings like parties or bonfires, but for some reason it’s so incredibly uncomfortable. It’s not even social anxiety really. I have no problem going there and saying hi to people. It’s just that over time (like 1-2 hours) I start to feel a bit on edge and restless and eager to leave, even if things have just started. I feel as if I’m hyper aware of myself and of how people look at me. Conversations are tough too. I feel like I can only keep it up for a short time. When I manage to leave I always feel great physical relief when I get back to my car.
I’m trying to figure out of this is a common experience here or if it’s something everyone deals with.
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aspergers
|
Some days I feel so off and just heavy. I am seeing a therapist who believes it is hypervigilance and cortisol. I am getting trauma therapy in a few days which absolutely scares me sick. But this hypervigilance is so annoying and exhausting, I cannot complete some days without feeling like dropping on the floor to sleep. I can drink coffee, but it is a hit or a miss that it can make me feel more irritated and on edge. Is there any advice to not feel so on edge?
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ptsd
|
i went to the supermarket with my mom yesterday and at one point, we went on our separate ways to find what each of us needed to buy. i left my backpack in the trolley which she took because i thought she would be staying nearby... she didn't, as always lol. so, i grabed what i needed and went to find her and it took me more time than i anticipated and i started to get anxious and slightly sensory overloaded. then i noticed i was humming and tapping my nails really loudly on the lid of some product i had in my hand and people were kind of staring so i stopped. and then i realized that i was getting more anxious and frustrated to the point i feared i was gonna have a meltdown. so, i started humming and tapping again, to see if it could calm me a little and it did!!!! i managed to find my mom and dont lash out violently at her like i would have previously done.
i know this might seem kind of stupid but it felt good, like im accepting a part of myself that have been repressed and shamed for so long. for context, im an adult and recently diagnosed (and also not a native english speaker so sorry for any mistakes)
i feel like this is necessary: thanks for all the kind comment and the awards! it so surreal to have so many people understand what im going through and relate to it. thank you!
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aspergers
|
I’m a almost (24F) with multiple chronic illnesses, CP, basically a huge plethora of bullshit I’ve dealt with all my life. I am now at a point where I’m living back in Minnesota, where I was raised, more depressed and drained of life than ever. I’ve been clinically diagnosed with severe depression/anxiety before, but this is something different. It’s almost like I know the US has set me up to fail, and I fall through the cracks because I’m not fucked enough to get support/help. I think I’m honestly starting to give up on life.
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depression
|
I have undiagnosed ptsd (soon to be once I can get an appointment with the mental health doc and my doctors office.)
The ptsd stems from family members abusing alcohol,being drunk and belligerent and family members attempting and committing suicide.
I work as a cashier at a grocery store. We have a older lady who comes in whose a local drunk.
We aren't supposed to sell alcohol to intoxicated people but she gets around it by asking other customers to buy it for her.
She came in yesterday and I'm not sure if she was going through withdrawls or drunk but she was sweating and had pissed herself.
Like we have our regular drunks and junkies(usually functional ones) I have no issues with them, its always her and she always is belligerent.
Do I talk to my store manager bout this or what, I'm new to the store so I'm conflicted.
|
ptsd
|
Sometimes when things get really really hard my body just shuts down emotionally? Like every emotion I feel becomes really fake and it gets so much more emotionally exhausting to do anything ever. And it lasts for months on end. I can usually feel when they're coming on and I know I'm starting to go into one. Life's been so difficult and I don't want to be numb. I really don't want to go back there. It's been months since my last one and I'm so scared. And I don't know if I can stop it, I've never been able to stop them before. I was numb last Christmas and I really don't want it this Christmas when I know very well it could be one of my parent's last.
Does anyone know how to stop it? Please.
|
depression
|
What a fantastic way to live. Genetics and system failed me. Community can't do anything and doctors are morons that throw pills at you to mask your problem.
The whole country is scummy.
|
OCD
|
I’m still learning about real event ocd now that I know what it is. How often do you all find that what you remember and obsess over is worse than what actually happened or do you find that you remember correctly, but your reaction to the events is more extreme?
|
OCD
|
22F. I want to get evaluated after a lifetime of feeling different. I took the two tests pinned in this sub, and scored a 35 and 133 if that matters.
I’m hesitating to follow through with getting evaluated, because I’m worried about what will happen if it comes back “negative”. I’ve been trying to figure out what’s going on with me for so long, and I’ll feel really hopeless if this isn’t it either. I don’t want to feel like a freak anymore.
|
aspergers
|
I was put on 20mg fluoxetine for anxiety and depression 4 months ago. After 2 weeks, the side effects of fluoxetine subsided and i felt pretty great. But I was not able to focus, I was impulsive, my mind raced a lot, I had risk taking behavior. Because of this, I suspected an episode of hypomania and my psychiatrist agreed with me and put me on risperidone and later aripiprazole(abilify) and fluoxetine was reduced to 10 mg. But it did not help much with the focus or impulsivity. Later in therapy, I realized I might have ADHD along with GAD and right now I'm in the process of getting properly assessed for ADHD. But could it be possible that I had adhd all along and my adhd symptoms exacerbated with fluoxetine?
Now I'm on 10 mg prozac and 2.5 mg ability. But I want to get my adhd treated first as it's seriously affecting my studies and I am even ready to get off all meds to get my focus back. As fluoxetine is working for anxiety, is it possible to get treated with both fluoxetine (for anxiety) and adhd meds together?
|
ADHD
|
(15m) I’ve had different types of ocd for longer than I thought. I remember it started a long time ago but nothing specific like hocd, pocd, etc. I remember my pocd started over a year and I’ve only just recently realised that I’ve had it for more than a year. It was at its worse a few months ago, then hocd then pocd again, then hocd again, then pocd again then hocd again and it felt so real. Then I’ve also started to worry about it I was a psychopath because I’m use to be really empathetic and sympathetic but now I’m not as sympathetic and empathetic as I used to be and I’m just slowly turning into an a**hole. Idk if I’m still as empathetic and sympathetic as I used to be but I keep testing to see if I am. It only started about a month ago and got worse. Then I had something similar with Autism and could’ve stop thinking about it, u kept testing myself, researching and worrying about it. Around 2 months ago I accepted that I have a weird kink. I accepted it and decided I’ll enjoy it. It’s a weird humiliation kink. I ended up coming across cross dressing and for no reason at all my brain thinks that I probably like it. Same with pegging when I know for a fact I don’t like it. I keep doing stuff to test it and I feel like I like it when I don’t and didn’t get any sexual arousal from it and im now worrying that I’m trans and gay even though I know I’m not. I didn’t wanna post here about it because I genuinely feel like I don’t have any form of any severity of ocd (mild, moderate, etc) and I’m just over exaggerating it to feel pressed or something. I’ve decided to admit that I have more than a few symptoms because I’m actually really stressed now. I’ve admitted to myself that I might have a mild case and not just a few symptoms. I genuinely don’t know what’s going on I probably sound stupid but I have no one to talk to about it.
|
OCD
|
I’ve been to two rehabs in the past 5 years, I suffer from severe depression, crippling anxiety, insomnia and god knows what else that hasn’t been diagnosed.
My first rehab helped but also gave me some other issues but got me out of at the time my suicidal thoughts. Second rehab I left about a month ago but sadly it was more centered around addiction so I didn’t get that much out of it but it helped at the time. I can feel myself spiraling, my medication isn’t working I’ve tried cbt, ems, hypnosis, nlp everything helps for a little while and then I’m back in a dark hole. I need help and I can’t manage by myself, I’ve had a psychiatrist for years and we’ve tried countless antidepressants and I just want to give up at this point. It’s been about 10 years on and off and I’m tired of being tired. I can afford going back to rehab which I know I’m lucky and should be grateful but I just would rather not exist anymore. Does anyone recommend a rehab clinic that specializes in depression?
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depression
|
I'm in my senior year of highschool and I have absolutely no idea what I want to do afterwards nor can I think of or find any colleges I want to go to because inorder to that I need to find out what it is I want to do after highschool and I can't for the life of me dedicate any thoughts to what I want to do after highschool because I can't control what goes on in my head because whatever I'm thinking about is way more interesting to me than what happens around.
I was just curious if anyone else has this problem too because this is just stressing me out whenever I think about this and don't know how to tell my parents this
|
ADHD
|
First post here. New to the group. New Reddit because family stuff. How does one cope with work issues and PTSD? I.E. I have diagnosed PTSD due to military service and other life events. My biggest one is having a gun held to my head on numerous occasions while a fellow battle buddy was playing Russian roulette. Got some help and felt pretty good over the years.
Fast forward to now, I work in IT healthcare so temps are taking at least 2 times a day for everyone no matter position or status. As of last Monday, they switched to an infrared thermometer that has to be roughly 3-5 centimeters from the forehead. So, like a gun being held to your head. I don't like it. I just don't. Every time I go through it, I'm getting the feelings of full fledged panic attack. This morning, I noticed it starts as soon as I park my car. I don't like to start my mornings like this after so many years. After I get through the temp checks, I have get to my office and try to calm down. Today I had to take a anxiety med to even attempt to relax .
I suppose my question for ideas is, would it be wise to let my supervisor know of my issues with the temp checks? She knows of my military service and has some knowledge of it but it hasn't affected my work until recently with this new change. I just don't know if I can go through that check day after day after day until who knows when.
|
ptsd
|
I realized recently that I’ve been giving myself micro credits for doing certain tasks but not finishing them.
And I started it subconsciously haha.
Its when I have tasks on my to do list, for example clean my room;
Ofcourse when its done I check it off.
But say I only tidied up but didn’t clean, I just put down half of a check. Since it exists of two stripes.
I see im making progress but its not done yet. Still rewarding! ;)
|
ADHD
|
I've gotten a little bit better since my last post but I have noticed a few things
Whenever I have a intrusive or what I think is intrusive thoughts my face muscles tense up it doesn't feel like I'm forced to tense my face muscles but I guess that's what it kind of feels like
I saw a article on the internet and apparently you can have late onset pedophilia and this has got me overthinking everything how common is this? Am I forcing my eyes to squint in order to forget about a intrusive thought or am I doing it on purpose?
Sorry about this just the POCD subreddit is dead as hell
|
OCD
|
Let's talk diagnosis awareness. Have you been diagnosed with a physical/genetic disease that could be related to the autism?
Personally, I have a chronic lethargy which I think could be an issue with energy production (maybe something like "adrenal insufficiency" or "mitochondrial disease"). But I haven't been able to get this diagnosed. I'm wondering if someone has been diagnosed with something along these lines?
Physical issues I experience:
* Chronic exhaustion (to the point where I worry that my lungs won't have enough energy to function);
* Chronic migraines (which appear with nausea, pressure behind the eye, neck/shoulder/back pain, and muscle/bone pain);
* Joint pain (my bones are always popping, warm, uncomfortable... all over my body, including feet, knees, spine, neck, and fingers);
* Executive disorder (simple tasks feel really difficult, like if I need to prepare a meal, I feel like I'm lifting a 100kg stone that is trying to push me down);
* Light/sound sensitivity (on sunny days, I need to close the blinds, or I can't think);
* Celiac disease and dairy allergy.
|
aspergers
|
I really cant do this today. I just want to go home. I dont want to pretend to be happy for everyone around me anymore. Why do i have to worry about everything. Why cant things in my head just slow down and calm down. Why do i keep fucking up any friendship i ever make.
|
depression
|
Tried doing the things I like more often, didn't work.
Tried to get myself cleaned up, didn't work.
Tried some new hobbies in hopes of meeting new people, didn't work.
Tried getting a girlfriend, got one but knew I felt no real attraction to them, so broke it off as to cut the head off the snake.
Tried appreciating things more, didn't work.
Stuck in a college program which I know isn't really what I want to do in life but took it because the associates was free.
Nothing makes me happy anymore.
|
depression
|
I'm a sophomore in college and I've been struggling a lot with one of my classes.
For one, the professor doesn't use the university's classes website. Instead, he usually sends everything through email and expects us to submit everything via email. And, it's been so hard lately to push myself to work because it doesn't feel like I've accomplished anything. I send an email but I don't see any form of 'assignment submitted' and so it doesn't feel like I've done anything. He doesn't send emails back and so I'm left to assume he got it. Not only that but he never reminds us about submissions and we just have to remember it based on the syllabus.
It's also hard because seeing a visible due date and submission box helped my anxiety push me to work. I know using my anxiety to cope with ADHD isn't ideal, but it helped me have some sort of urgency and that always helped make sure I was on top of everything.
I tried being consistent, but recently I didn't submit an assignment on the due date and I've been struggling to push myself to work on it. Every time I try to do it I either don't feel enough urgency to focus on it or I feel too much and end up being way too overwhelmed. I keep telling myself today's the day I'll do it but then I'll sit there and fail to push myself to actually work. I know I should do it but I can't.
It doesn't help that I have to directly send him the work if I do it now. Not only that, but because it's meant to be feedback about other people's work, I'll have to send it to them as well, and that makes the guilt and anxiety feel way worse. Everyone will know how late I am.
I was too scared to talk to him about it because the one time I tried asking if I could miss a class because of the topics being too triggering led to me getting a lengthy email about how it didn't matter and that I will be deducted marks if I skip. (I've emailed him now but I'm terrified of how he'll respond).
I feel so stupid and I hate myself for not being able to do it earlier. I wish I could just work normally, and be productive but I can't. I managed my ADHD fine in high school but college is completely different. It's also hard because most of my friends don't get it so they just brush me off when I try to talk about how ADHD affects me personally. I don't have a big support system so I always just struggle alone.
Sorry if this is messy and all over the place I'm just feeling overwhelmed. Also, this is my first post so sorry for it feeling janky.
tl;dr - I can't push myself to do my assignment because it's already late and my mind needs the urgency of a due date to do anything.
|
ADHD
|
Hello, a while ago I posted this short comedy about living with impaired exec functioning called 'Russian Doll'… which seemed to resonate here. Thank you all so much again for your feedback which was really useful & encouraging…. I’ve finally (2 years later! after a lot of blood sweat and hysteria) made the rest of the spin off show I mentioned in the comments.
I'd love to know what you make of it. It’s a matryoshka doll of shorts & sketches, which all fits into one half hour comedy pilot that I’d love to get funding to make properly for a channel or wherever. (It’s all been done on no-budget/self-funded while in covid unemployment.
Amazingly it’s been adopted by the UK’s ADHD Foundation. From the Pre-Frontal Vortex to the Frontal Adulting Lobe, the ADHDictionary & 'ADD FML' funny horror tales - it is full of really weird science and silly sketches that have been relating a lot - especially 'Filling' and 'The Finding your oyter card olympics. No budget, 3 years in the making, 25 mins long - please watch and share if you enjoy it - I'm really trying to raise awareness of how hard it is to get diagnosed as a woman in the UK, and how misunderstood it is as a condition. So many more episodes still to film - all about the superpowers we have when we actually function to our full potential... but for now this is it so far: [https://youtu.be/VTdiyPM\_NW4](https://t.co/JzQXwQSBLQ?amp=1)
(link to previous reddit post below - and the 'marbles/bag' metaphor that i love so much!)
[https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/kmdk06/does\_this\_resonate\_with\_anyone\_here\_comedy\_short/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/kmdk06/does_this_resonate_with_anyone_here_comedy_short/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
|
ADHD
|
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