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Hi,
Sometime after nightmare that were particularly stressful I wake up and trow up. I almost don't have time to get to the bathroom.
Anyone else ?
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ptsd
|
I had such a beautiful relationship with this person. Everything was amazing. Literally everything I could dream of in a relationship. Then suddenly everything changed. She changed into a person I hadn’t seen before. Always putting me down, saying I’m not good enough, and just all this hurtful shit for literally no reason.
It has really taken a tole on my mental health. I started taking meds about 6 months ago and I was just about to hit the 6 month mark and was starting to finally feel better for once this shit happens. Now I’m depressed af again and can’t get out of it. No matter what I do. I’m just getting super exhausted of this vicious cycle. I honestly don’t know how much longer I can take.
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depression
|
I perform very well at my job but my coworkers and manager basically increase expectations proportionally, making me exhausted and tired. I don't have the condition myself but I relate to people who have ASD because of this. it sucks and i feel as if I should explain that I can't perform at more than my best 24/7 or clock out. These days I don't show people my best so they dont turn greedy and immediately get frustrated when I can't give them more, even outside of studying or the workplace
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aspergers
|
At work I have to do very detail-oriented tasks, and sometimes get in a big tizzy when I feel rushed or overwhelmed. This causes me to make mistakes, but I won’t realize I’ve made a mistake until I’m at home getting ready for bed, or I’ll wake up in the middle of the night with an image of the screw up in my head. I’ll get to work early to try and fix it, but I just wish I could do it right the first time. This latest one had me sending fedex es to wrong addresses. I’m furious with myself. I have to try and recall them on a Saturday morning. Is this adhd?
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ADHD
|
I really don't know what to do with myself. I truly hate what I have become. I've been a teacher for about 8 years now and my job is literally killing me. Thankfully, I've recently put a resignation on my boss' desk. At least I had enough bravery in me to do that. Sorry if I'm rumbling, English is not my mother tongue.
Anyways, I don't know what to do next. I feel like there is nothing waiting for me out there. I feel super lonely in my marriage, I keep getting lost in my past (I've had it rough, I guess. I was adopted into an abusive family, my step-father was a raging alcoholic. My step-mom died just 2 months after I had given birth to my son. I've been depressed ever since. No, actually, I've been depressed my whole life, now that I'm thinking about it.)
I can't get my shit together and I don't think I will ever be able to. My husband is out there taking over the whole world (and I am really happy for him, he deserves it) while I waste away, having no goals, no passions, and constantly crying about everything. Just walking out of my apartment and looking at people's faces makes me mad for some reason. I don't fit anywhere, it's just as if I was transported here from another planet. Sometimes I look at the night sky and just wish I could go back wherever my true home is.
I can't end things. I would never do that to my baby boy. He's autistic, he needs me more than anybody out here. So I'll stay.
Thanks for reading. Whoever you are - I'm with you.
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depression
|
You’ve checked off all the tasks you need to do already, so you take your meds with the specific intention of focusing on a video game you’ve been wanting to play for ages, as a reward for good behaviour.
(I find it hard to “let” myself have fun, as I always feel behind on the productive things I need to do, so actually going “yes, I have worked enough, I will specifically spend my time on something fun today” is a big deal for me.”)
How does everyone else define a successful ADHD day?
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ADHD
|
I just got into an argument with my wife and she said, "I hate you"... Whelp, that's kewl, I hate me too so... Welcome to the parade.
This happened just after two weeks ago I told my only brother to fuck off and lose my number because all he does is tell me how great his friends are doing but never responds to my messages. Even after I helped him by making him an authorized user on my credit which in turn made him a home owner. Not one thank you. Actually got ghosted in return. More kewl.
I told my wife that I had to meet with HR to discuss personnel issues, was met with the condescending response, "oh yeah, is she cute? Did you get her number?" Even. More. Kewl.
My wife knows I have major depression and have most of my life, hid my gun from me (I found it lol) and still decides to be a catalyst of depressive, suicidal thought cycles. Most Kewl.
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depression
|
This is a serious question. I just need to figure out what's wrong in my head.
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depression
|
I struggle to just be happy and live life when I’m not living it for myself. Instead of working and doing the things I like I try to please others and follow the pack. It’s a whole procedure almost do this, do that and stick with it everyone will be happy. I don’t want to meet these expectations because they are ruining my mental health but also don’t want to disappoint others with my decision.
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depression
|
I find myself enjoying "trashy" things. Like cluttered messy rooms, ash traps filled with cigs, the smell of cigarettes, the smell of mildew, dust (even though im allergic), dirty clothes thrown about, ant infestations, led water, etc. Just the kinda stuff you see on Hoarders or r/trashy really.
For me it's... Comforting. Growing up my household wasn't as crazy like it is on Hoarders but shit happened where I was neglected mainly- but things would be so bad that the house was neglected too. Roaches, stained carpets, roomed filled with things. Mildew. Stuff like that. It actually affected me physically too because breathing in all that felt like it was clogging my body somehow. Whenever Id breathe fresh air, Id have a coughing fit and would clear my throat as if I just got out of a smoky environment. The few friends I had were also kinda hoarder-ish at the time, their families were- I didnt realize that at the time.
And you'd be think I hated it. I mean... I did hate it. But now that Im out it's like I want it back....? Is this a PTSD thing?
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ptsd
|
I remember the first time I had suicidal thoughts I was around 16 in high school. Of course it was scary, and most of the time it was probably me being over dramatic about teen stuff. Six years later, I’ve learned a lot about my depression and suicidal ideation. For a lot of us, myself included, suicide became a defense mechanism, a programmed default response to stress (of all magnitudes, big or small). Suicidal thoughts became a comfort zone as warm as a fireplace in a cabin in the winter. Suicide and all of its intricacies—the planning, the self-loathing, the severity, the power and control—all of it aggregates to a perfect feeling/mental state that lives inside you rent free. Funny thing is that it’s always felt surreal until recently. Life’s gotten so painful and exhausting that I can finally see myself going through with it one day. I’m going to spend as much time with my family as possible, try to make life better in the ways that I can in the next decade or so, but from now on I have decided my depression is terminal and that I will designate myself an end date. I will kill myself in the future.
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depression
|
So I am awaiting for my diagnosis appointment (Dec. 3), all my testing is done, but I am waiting on the final report. So I don't know if I officially have ADHD, but will soon.
In general I have struggled with anxiety/depression and this is what I have been treated for without much success, but one thing that I have always seen is a major problem area is confrontations. Any argument or obstacle causes what I would describe as an over the top influx of adrenaline that causes me to want to flail or run away very far, which I do and often both at the same time. In addition I find myself shaking extremely uncontrollably.
So I am wondering if anyone else with ADHD has it, and if yes is it a part of ADHD or not? What kind of management techniques do you guys have for these situations? If it's not part of ADHD then my search continues, but I have seen a post on here, that I cannot find, that described something similar, which is why I am posting here in light of my pending diagnosis.
Currently I am looking at DBT management techniques since they are designed for helping regulate emotional intensity, but DBT workbooks are brutal to work through, got about half way through a few before losing interest.
I had a bit of a severe episode today, my first week of working 5 days (on overnights) with a rather bigoted couple of coworkers whose opinions are rather vitriolic, and still passing as a cis-white-male they think I'm one of them. I can't say anything because of the above situation with confrontations, and today I called in sick because I was an absolute mess, really bad. Edit: I had a full meltdown, with pacing, uncontrollable shaking, and panic attacks, and all that fun jazz... /edit But I am already feeling bored of the work, prior to this I was only working Fri-Sunday, during days, and I only enjoyed it when I wasn't stuck on cash. It's like I see elements of ADHD in these freakouts, because as soon as I called in sick and could stay home tonight, I felt a major sense of relief in the same way that I do when I cancel social plans with people I actually enjoy spending time with. I am just at a bit of loss, trying to see if anyone else has experiences with this.
I hope this on-topic for the sub.
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ADHD
|
I have personally found it weirdly helpful. It feels like everyday, my mind gets more foggy and my mind races a little faster. But after like 10-15mins of meditating, it feels like I can think straight for a little while. It definitely doesn't last all day for me and that 10mins can feel like absolute torture sometimes but it definitely has helped a little. I do feel like that also has to do with the fact that I'm primarily inattentive so I don't suffer from the hyper side of things which could definitely make meditating harder
So, I'm curious about your experiences. Have you tried? If yes, how did it affect you?
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ADHD
|
I [19F] might be really depressed. Maybe it’s trauma, or ADHD, or some other thing. But I feel so slowed down. My speech and thinking slow, and I struggle to physically hold it together sometimes. As if I’m drunk. I have professors and friends and others I have to respond to, but I don’t even open my phone anymore. I’m home for winter break, living on my couch. I can sleep 20 hours at a time and have been sleeping 12+ per day. I watch the darkest shows not to even feel negative, I think to try to find some meaning from them, I still barely feel anything watching them. And I don’t have any sense of time anymore, it could be Tuesday or Saturday, I really don’t know.
I don’t want to die, it’d take effort and thought, but I don’t want to do anything. I’d rather sleep and live in my dreams forever, even being in my head alone all day I’m fine. I prefer it.
Is this fixable?
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depression
|
Hi friends, I was wondering if any of my fellow contamination OCD sufferers could recommend a healing hand lotion. I’ve tried the gold bond intense as well as some others but with winter here my hands are so raw and I can’t find anything to soothe them that actually lasts. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!
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OCD
|
I just need to get this off my chest because I'm feeling frustrated.
So I went to a psychiatrist today to talk about PTSD, ADHD and to ask if I'm maybe possibly on the autism spectrum. In his opinion, pretty much no on ASD. Fine, that's not what's giving me issues I just wanted to know.
Problem is, he didn't seem to cotton to the idea that older adults can have ADHD so much, and he seemed to target fixate on anxiety. I have anxiety, sure, but it's pretty much manageable.
What isn't manageable is my problematic levels of concentration. But now I'm facing months of therapy for anxiety before they'll even consider medicating for ADHD. I can deal with anxiety, problems with focus not at all. The social worker for the VA who referred me was sure I'd be on meds.
Funny thing is I'd have had a prescription for SSRIs today if I agreed, even though they never worked in the past. My daughter has similar issues, and after taking every anxiety med under the sun was finally helped by taking Adderall.
Sorry y'all, just needed to vent. Thanks.
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ADHD
|
I suffer from PTSD due to being abused for 17 years of my life. I am safe now. I just have an extremely hard time working anywhere, especially some place that we are supposed to be quiet and the only reason I can gather is I get left alone with my thoughts and my mind just races. I am working now, but yesterday afternoon I had a meltdown before time to leave to go to work. I couldn't stop crying, sobbing and just had this feeling that if I got away from my husband's reach I was going to completely fall to pieces. This has happened about ten times in the past few years, sometimes we have worked together and sometimes we haven't. One of the times we worked together, they wanted to sit us far apart and I completely freaked out.
Where I am working now, if he drops me off from work or even if I drive myself in that day I have a very hard time leaving him. I don't know if it is the fact of leaving someplace I feel safe, or leaving a person who I feel is my protector in the case that something happened to me (not saying anything would happen, just using an example). I don't really understand what is going on here. I don't mind to work one bit in the least, I do enjoy the work I do, the supervisor's aren't the best but I mean you will find that anywhere. I have had to run some nights to the bathroom and just cry for a few minutes, go back to work and try to get through the rest of the night without breaking down again. Is it just me? I just have a hard time figuring out what is going on here, we aren't supposed to talk very much at work at all. I mean they will have a hissy fit if you even turn around and ask the person behind you for something.
I miss the job that I had talking on the phones to people honestly. It didn't pay as much but I felt like I was actually helping someone. I have thought about going back to call centers, I really do like the call center atmosphere. I can talk over a phone line, that doesn't hurt my anxiety. Mine is the face to face kind that throws me into a mess.
I just wondered however through all my rambling, does anyone else feel this way when they work somewhere? Atleast this time I signed the ADA form so they know that they hired someone with PTSD and anxiety, and I even told them so before I signed the paper. Never can tell when someone might not want to hire another person due to those problems. I know they aren't supposed to discriminate but places do this all the time.
I just don't know if this is some sort of seperation anxiety or if its something in my mind causing my thoughts to race and over think things? I have thought about applying for disability because this makes the fourth time that I have lost a job due to my anxiety if I do lose this job. I am trying my best not to do that but its hard when you fear something so much that you can't force yourself to walk one foot in front of the other to do something. It is like being thrown into a dark room if you are terrified of that and I apologize if anyone is, I am highly terrified of the dark. I don't see how sometimes I even function with the fears and anxieties that I have, but I am trying to make it work. Just looking for maybe some reassurance. Thanks for whatever you might have out there for me.
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ptsd
|
Hey, I have a job interview at monday and I'm slightly nervous. I'm glad it will be online through Zoom but still it's my first job interview ever. Also I feel weird about it, not sure why. Is there any advice how to prepare for it and handle it?
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aspergers
|
I just wanted to share a little bit of my learning experience this year. Prior to beginning therapy a few months ago, I had started doing a little research, learning about ADHD and executive function impairment. I asked a few questions on this sub and tried to figure out if my symptoms might suggest ADHD, and I read a lot of posts from people who did a lot of their own research and struggled with psychiatrists who refused to diagnose them with ADHD.
I read a lot of posts on this sub and thought "yeah that's definitely me", and I read some other posts on this sub and thought, "well, that's not exactly me, but everyone is a little different, right? There are different presentations of symptoms."
Long story short, my therapist decided (and I agree) that my symptoms are more likely caused by a moderate anxiety disorder, and are not likely to be caused by ADHD. As I started researching the interrelationships between various disorders and they way they can all affect executive function, I realized how reasonable it is that they can share similar presentations.
I wanted to share with this sub, because I feel like there are two somewhat conflicting sentiments:
1. People refuse to acknowledge ADHD as a valid condition
2. People who don't actually have ADHD claim to have, or understand ADHD
Both of these are understandable positions to take: If you feel like your condition is not being accepted as valid, you will feel upset. If you feel like everyone else can claim to have ADHD when they do not, they are also tacitly invalidating your condition.
However, they are contradictory from the standpoint that #1 is expressed by people seeking validation, while #2 is expressed by people refusing validation to others.
Ultimately, I think that part of the reason for the confusion on this subject is:
* **Many people who don't have ADHD still express symptoms of executive dysfunction and inability to regulate their attention.**
That brings me back to my initial point, which is that I thought I might have ADHD, and I did not, but I still had (and have) many similar symptoms. I think that is part of why this sub is so popular, because so many people CAN relate to it. This sub is a great place to find tips and support when you're struggling to keep things together.
The reason I thought this was worth a post is because I don't want other people reading this sub to feel like they have to be diagnosed as ADHD, or even claim to have ADHD, in order to 'fit in' here. But similarly, it's worth learning as much as you can about your condition, and to make sure you can differentiate between the symptoms you have and the actual clinical diagnosis of ADHD.
Everyone here is generally really respectful, but as a lurker for a few months, I felt almost pressured to validate ADHD as the explanation for my experiences, but you should keep an open mind and work with professionals to understand yourself as accurately as you can.
I recently watched [this video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tV3XcJw_HNs) about conditions commonly misdiagnosed as ADHD, and the bit at 9m30s really hit home for me:
>"Is there one that ranks #1 as most commonly misdiagnosed?"
>
>"Oh, mood and anxiety disorders for sure. I think that, because it comes with an attentional deficit presentation with many people. Again, if you're really depressed, like, in your thoughts, how are you going to focus on anything? You're not.
>
>And also, you're kind of having this low motivational aspect of being depressed, and so that's going to affect your performance as well.
>
>Anxiety: if you're a ruminative person, you're always considering your worries, well, your mind actually can't multitask very well, so if you're in the middle of ruminating about something, people will say 'hey, this is the third time I've said this to you, how come you didn't listen to me? Do you have ADHD?' Well, maybe they don't, but they've just been in their own thoughts worrying about what's going on in their life right now?"
Anyway, I love how supportive everyone is here, and I don't want anyone to feel like I'm accusing them of NOT having ADHD. I just wanted to remind everyone that there are many paths to attention regulation issues, and all of them are equally valid, but they're not all exactly the same.
|
ADHD
|
My clinical psychologist who I see weekly believes I have ADHD, but I need to go to a psychiatrist for proper evaluation and pharmacotherapy. This comes after 4 years with the same psychologist.
I'm a psych student, 27 years old, and I have no idea how I didn't catch this earlier. Honestly, I'm not proud to say it, but I use to hear descriptions of ADHD and be like 'oh yeah how convenient would that be...' you know, the classic line we all come to hate. You're all obviously aware how common that perspective is in the psych field, unfortunately.
Still though, I refused to learn to read until I was 10 when a particular author caught my interest. Then I was in all accelerated programs in school until 15 when I just gave up. Somehow clawed my way into uni under pressure from parents. Then I took 8 fucking years to get my 4 year psych degree, my thesis is due in 2 weeks.
I did my study part time. I copped extensions for every assignment, often lying to get them. I lived in abject squalor because I can't be tidy. I bore the social shame of labouring for my dad because I just sucked working for other people, and he couldn't fire me. I'm privileged in that regard, but it is great fuel for impostor syndrome.
I spent years wondering what was wrong with me, blaming my issues on abusive upbringing, but that never covered the full constellation of my issues.
Now even with this diagnosis, I still feel I didn't earn my degree because of all the leniency I required. I always dreamed I would reach a point in therapy where working became easier and more balanced with my own fulfilment. I wanted to do a clinical doctorate or PhD before becoming a psychologist.
Now all that seems unlikely, and that I am over-entitled in hoping for those dreams. As though I've been cheating in order to work beyond my ability thus far, and achieve things I was not entitled to.
Anyone here got a good argument against these thoughts, or a similar experience or guidance? I'm kinda lost and losing it.
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ADHD
|
I don’t know what to do anymore. For me body contact with somebody who really cares about me calms me so much down. It helps me a lot. But I’m single since a long time and I really can’t handle it well without the body contact it’s like I need it as much as food or breathing. It’s like loading up my battery’s. I’m alone with this?
|
ADHD
|
I was recommended that for obvious reasons, I watched the first two episodes and I felt a little bit uncomfortable, to some degree even more ashamed of myself
Michael is the one I feel sorry the deepest, the guy would be full labeled as incel in internet, maybe Kelvin too. Both are way off Asperger I think, those too look like some nasty evolved autism
Chloe is cute, I liked her, I like the way she talks even tho it is considered a speech problem, it adds a lot of personality and charm in my opinion. Maddi and Ruth both have a very fun personality but didn't attract me
Those were my impressions. Also in comparison to all of them my place in the spectrum is mild. I don't suppose my case would be intriguing enough to be part of that show, but it definitely is to make my life hell on earth
|
aspergers
|
I feel my body and soul blowing away flake by flake. It's been 10 years since my laat firefight and it's just now trying to kill me.
|
ptsd
|
I think that I've come to the end of the road. It's been a long battle. I've struggled with anxiety for a long time. This anxiety and overthinking is my demise. I have OCD, sensorimotor OCD now and there is no way of escaping it. I'm OCD used to be exams and studying. I remember it like yesterday. When I didn't study, I would get anxious. Even though I studied enough, I would still get anxious. At that time I didn't think it was abnormal but looking back retrospectively, I had severe OCD. I've worked for 6 years now and I'm done. Looking back now, I really miss the good old days of high school and the innocence. I hate being an adult. I really do. I had a goal of going to university. I was so fixated on it. Now, I obsses about my body or if something happens I get attached to it. Last year this time I was pretty good and now I'm in a miserable situation . I'm on antidepressants now though they provide relief I don't think I'll get better.
Death smiles at us all, all a man can do is smile back.
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depression
|
feel like my head is going to explode everyday because my boss constantly gets mad at me for missing minor details here and there and is constantly asking me why I can't remember to do certain things. Its getting frustrating because she gets more mad at me for things that she let's other people get away with. The office is already disorganized as is and I can't keep things straight. What do I do?
|
ADHD
|
There has been a couple of attitudes i've had during recent years:
1. I enjoy only socializing and doing intellectually challenging stuff. Most of part of life and everyday life is boring to me. But I CAN focus on my work since it's intellectually challenging. But generally I don't enjoy life. Most of it is boring to me. Majority of movies are boring to me. Majority of computer games. Majority of things one can do.
As a result, I never live in the moment. I always think about good memories or worry about future.
2. In conversations, I always guess what the other person is going to tell and can't wait for them to finish and interrupt them that you are saying this or that.
3. I'm suffering from huge amount of ruminating thoughts that I can't get rid of (this might be OCD though). My mind is super pessimist and in situations my mind always finds a thought that is negative or super weird. When I was a child, in some situations, I used to think "What is the most embarrassing thing in the world that i can do?". I didn't want to do it, but I guess these sort of thoughts were and are some sort of fuel for my mind.
4. I'm a perfectionist and try to consider every detail as much as possible, do everything perfectly.
5. Since life by itself is boring to me, I have been through a series of depressions. I have been on SSRIs but not sure if they have actually been useful.
6. Sometimes I talk pretty fast.
So when I visited a psychiatrist for anxiety, he told me by the way I prescribe you atomoxtine (strattera) since you have some symptoms of ADHD. I asked him if I should do a diagnosis, he told me even if the test is negative, his prescription is the same.
I don't feel any difference while being on this strattera. But i'm curious whether or not i actually have ADHD. Based on this symptoms, what is your general feeling? Do I have ADHD? Ironically, I really like to have ADHD. Because then at least I find out my problem and by taking ritalin,etc I can reduce the suffer of aforementioned symptoms.
What is the process for ADHD diagnosis? I go to a family doctor and ask for a referral to a psychiatrist? and then the psychiatrist does the referral for diagnosis?
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ADHD
|
It bothers me the fact that I am in a spinning rock in the middle of nowhere, that I am a 3D matter in a 4 dimensional spacetime, that a point smaller than the proton “existed” in nowhere and in no time ( cause time didn’t exist, btw wtf is the concept of time ), so that point because of high energy EXPLODED ( btw no big explosion sound cause apparently there was no space so the sound couldn’t move ) created all this ? Am I supposed to believe this ? and then other forces created bubbly rocks that now rotate and there are trillions of them and we live in one of them and there can be other lives too but we are clueless, and we evolved from a proteinic membrane in water, from one cell organisms and then multi-cell organisms to many more organisms to the mutual ancestor we and chimpanzees have and then us, the homo sapiens, us with the ability to think, walk, have a consciousness, process emotions and feelings, being aware. Like how am I supposed to believe that, the universe is 14 billion years old but what was before that ? how can nothingness be, how can I accept the fact that I am literally in a fucking big spinning rock that to us looks big but to something/someone else might be small. How am I just a brain, I am just an organ that is created by cells those cells by molecules and those molecules by atoms and those atoms by protons, neutrons and electrons and those by quarks and even smaller “things” that we have no idea about and they somehow have the exact force to stay put together, somehow gravity has the exact force to keep planets in place , somehow dark energy has the exact force to keep things put together and in place, somehow nuclear energy is exact to keep protons and neutrons together to create all this matter and therefore energy. Like I am just a brain, that perceives information from outside and inside, that keeps other organs working, that makes me who I am but in the end all the thoughts, emotions, memories, consciousness, senses are just bio electricity and chemicals running through my body, nothing more, nothing with higher meaning and on top of that even though we are completely irrelevant and insignificant, humans have created this “kingdom” with money, work, school, morals, religions, God, Jesus, prophets, music, happiness, laughter, movies, series, everything is created to keep us “sane”, lie to ourselves that we have a higher meaning or to keep busy with challenges so we can feed our EGO, do you hear how stupid, pointless, dumb, scary, surreal that sounds. And there are other people that think this is magic, wow it’s so cool that we exist, it’s magic and that’s what makes me think that I am the only one that exist or I don’t exist at all I am just part of a system created by others, I am in a simulation, I am in the matrix, I am depersonalized and derealized constantly, I am asking these questions constantly and they scare to my core, and my anxiety is through my roof and I just want this to end, I don’t want to have a body, a consciousness, to perceive all of this, I just want to not exist but at the same time not to die, dying is terrifying and dumb and like I am so overwhelmed I just want it to stop
I am sure nobody understands anything from what I wrote cause it doesn’t make sense but actually it does if you think deeper and is it really a mental illness or just I thought something nobody has and I reckon that this is all stupid
|
OCD
|
I'm starting to look into this pattern in my life (at my young age of 40ish..) and wondering if my behavior is tied to OCD.
I have a hard time making decisions - could be something minor like an Amazon purchase (it took years to decide on earbuds or winter boots) or a bigger event such as a job, a move, etc. -- not only can I not seem to make a decision, but the decision I *do* make… At least to me, is the worst choice I could've made. As soon as the decision 'kicks in' it's like life or death regret.
And then, I immediately obsess about how to quit, how to change it, returning the item, whatever it may be. The anxiety and regret of whatever decision I made courses through my head to the point of obsession.
I guess an easy example would be accepting a job. I've quit many jobs within a week or a month. A week after I start I realize for whatever reason the job is not a fit/I hate it and I obsess about telling the manager I am quitting, which is extremely stressful obviously. (Not all jobs of course but this has happened a huge number of times)
Right now I am unable to sleep over my decision to adopt a pet (someone else abandoned) out to someone: did I choose the wrong person? Is their living quarters too small for the animal? Did I do enough research? Could I have kept the pet? What have I done? I could go on and on. In my head I am almost convinced to go and ask for the animal back. I'm close to it.
I guess you get the point. This has been my whole life and as a result I suppose I'm not moving forward and it's mental torture.
I know I need to find a therapist, of course I usually just talk myself out of it. But it's really too much torture at this point. Help.
Edit: posting to see if anyone else is this way and maybe some insight. Thank you for reading.
|
OCD
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I'm 13 y/o male and I think I may have ADHD, I'm going to my school brain tester person (I forgot the word) soon but I want to know if I have it or if it's just my personality. in school I zone out from 3-7 times a day, this is an issue in ways I'm sure you can imagine for about 20 seconds at a time (I do this frequently at home as well but the amount of times varies too much to pinpoint). I randomly obsess over things, a few months ago for the whole day I was really obsessed with the fact that my leg kept moving on its own at night, (it was a brain thing it's fine now lol) and today I spent 40 minutes of lunch (not out of boredom) analysing the blue floor lights in my school's auditorium along with the pattern on the door. I've heard the next one is related but idk, throughout the day I tend to repeat scenarios like little films in my head. Immediately after I speak (which I'm horrible at, I can't speak properly lol it takes me forever to get words out) I replay what I said in my head and sometimes I'll replay things from films or stuff that happened years ago for no reason. If it sounds incoherent from here sorry I forgot where I was up to and on that topic I constantly forget things and am unable to remember basic things, in science when given instructions I tend to forget them in under a minute. With hyperactivity, I can't stop moving if I don't move for around 5 seconds I get uncomfortable unless I've "megafocused" on what I'm doing. I don't know about this one but sometimes when in doing something mundane that in my eyes could be fun I get a weird jolt of excitement, I feel strain on my cheekbones because I'm smiling so wide, I tense all my body parts aggressively, eg. Yesterday I was messaging a guy and I did it for lit no reason it wasn't an intimate or interesting convo either. Last thing is periodic interests, I always got though periods of being very eager to learn a topic, currently said topic is Norwegian (I'm learning it for some reason) and usually ny desire to learn about a topic includes me buying a book relating to the topic and then losing interest immediately. So ya Yee yo that's my application for asking (idk) if I have ADHD. Sorry if the whole text is weird, I'm bad at splitting up text and bad at explaining stuff.
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ADHD
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So I was born to father who was disparate to have a boy, he tried 6 times a head of me and all of them was girls and now he got the boy he wanted and tried couple more because having boys feels good for him so now we became 9. 2 boys and 7 girls.
At the age of 19 I started to realize how things would be, my dad was just a laborer contractor. And soon to be not able to work and I had to support for my family, years goes by and I carry the responsibility for everyone helped 2 of my sister in their wedding expenses and pay his debt and send the younger 2 to university and I just realize that me? I don’t want anything. All my challenges and ideas are subliminally carved in me through my father, it was simply his Own failures,,, so now what? Everything is cool and enough money for them to until the last 2 of my siblings get to work on their own and booom I wanna die, I’m in my 30’s and I just don’t want to do anything. I just want my way out ! Somehow they locked me in a ward before and set me free after 3 weeks but now !! I’m trying hard to Unser this question… was my dad soo evil that he didn’t let me figure out my own ideas and motivations to live or he actually was so good that he gave me one that helped to distract me for 30 years.
A side note, I’m considered very successful in my career so I’m not running away from failure, I’m running out of reasons
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depression
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Hey everyone, just wanted to share my little success story. In the beginning of the year when I was first diagnosed with OCD I used to take shower over an hour, like close to 90 minutes. But last night I managed to take one in 28 minutes. Two months ago I hit my first sub one hour shower and now this. So if you are struggling and want to make change just want to let you know if I can do it, so can you!
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OCD
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After seeing my therapist for many many sessions, she finally felt knowledgable enough with what was going on with me to diagnose me with OCD and im not sure how to feel about it. I was always told by that there was no way I had OCD because my OCD release is cleaning. A lot of people, especially others with OCD, tell me that I can't have OCD because that's just a stereotype and not what it actually is so I refused help for many years because of those comments.
A part of me still doesn't feel like I have OCD while another part of me is glad that I got some kind of answer and can just tell others to shut up. I think a lot of people just think im a clean freak, but what they don't understand is my OCD isn't just a tidy nice looking house. I clean 3-5 hours a day monday-thursday and 6-10 hours Friday-Sunday. The skin on my hands are so dry from chemicals that the skin is cracking and my nails are brittle. I work 8-10 hours a day 5-6 days a week and I can't come home and sit down. I paint the trim in my house almost once a month because if they get slightly dirty then my brother will die. I can't sit down, all I do is clean and I hate it. I get anxious when im not cleaning. The thought of dirty and germs makes my skin itch and i'll break out in a rash if I don't clean.
So many people tell me that im "lucky" that I have cleaning OCD instead of another kind because cleaning is beneficial but that's all I do. I HAVE to deep clean my whole house every single day. I've tried skipping days of cleaning and I can't sleep. I have panic attacks and meltdowns if I don't clean and it causes me a lot of stress. Im just so exhausted and I just want to relax but I can't.
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OCD
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If you don’t know who Son Heung-Min is, he’s a football (soccer) player for Tottenham Hotspur. He’s also the captain of the South Korean national team and is an icon in the country, enjoying a pop culture status comparable with K-Pop stars.
On Sunday, during Tottenham’s 1-1 draw at Everton, Son fouled Everton’s André Gomes. The tackle caused Gomes to land on his ankle, twisting it gruesomely. Son could be seen having a panic attack, visibly shaking and unable to continue playing, as his yellow card was changed to red due to the severity of Gomes’ condition.
The outpouring from the football community, not only towards Gomes, but to Son, was outstanding. Reports on Son’s mental state after the game were not good and it is alleged that he continued to have an attack in the locker room and needed to be comforted by several players, including Everton captain Seamus Coleman, who had suffered a similar injury some years earlier. After outrage from pundits, Tottenham successfully appealed Son’s red card, which would have meant him missing three games. Tonight, a visibly muted Son scored two goals in Tottenham’s 4-0 win over Red Star Belgrade, a game nobody thought he would be able to play.
Just wanted to share this because it shows that mental health and trauma are gaining a lot of awareness, even in a community that can be as hostile and machismo as football can.
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ptsd
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My past T got me hooked on bilateral music. (Music goes slowly from one head phone to the other stimulating both sides of brain allegedly)
It really seems to help me open up more in the office. I guess it help you stay calm but I find that it helps drown out other noises that would distract me or make me uncomfortable like people talking a room down.
Have y'all tried listening to music during session? If so what type?
I feel weird wearing them but with cheap technology now days I now use wireless ear buds that fit in your ear and don't stick out real far. It's less strange then wearing head phones.
If you haven't yet I in courage you to try biLATERAL beats. You need some type of head phones or ear buds since it needs to move from ear to ear. Try it for ~15 mins during or after stress and see how you feel. It's not perfect but helps especially during therapy session.
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ptsd
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So I’m pretty confident I have OCD already. As a teenager I suffered from constant intrusive thoughts, but as an adult I’ve managed to get them completely under control. I will still on occasion turn my car around on the way to work just to check the gas stove knob 3 times, but it’s gotten extremely rare.
I noticed however I do have little ticks that I thought were unnoticed, but have been told I do frequently. My biggest one is that I blink hard. I don’t know if they’re “involuntary”, but I just literally can’t stop. If I could stop, I would, but I just get these urges to do it and then I do. I also cough a lot when I don’t actually need to cough, again I just do it. Another one (and it’s kinda silly) is that I squeeze my butthole and it used to be so bad that I would do it for like a minute straight.
I’m definitely leaning towards anxiety disorder/OCD as I don’t know if my body does these by itself. I think I’m voluntarily doing it, because they in a way soothe me while also being annoying. I feel like I could stop if I wanted, but at the same time if I’m thinking about it in the moment, I’m going to do them.
I hope I’m not being insensitive and I’m not trying to self diagnose. If everyone replied “yep Tourette’s” or “yep OCD” I would still go to a doctor before saying I have XYZ. Just would like some idea of what may be going on with these ticks
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OCD
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It really gets me down and I occasionally think about suicide because I feel like nobody will accept me for the person I am, and it makes me really anxious.
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aspergers
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first of all i have OCD my thought is i am in dream or reality.. 3 days ago i watching videos in youtube and after video finish another video automatically starts because my auto play is on. The another video is about lucid dream i watch full video i only imagine i am in dream or reality then suddenly i feel worry i google about lucid dreams ( that's my biggest mistake) and i found false awakening means you dream about you're are waking up going to bathroom or follow your routine and the suddenly wake up because you're in a dream but the scary thing is false awakening is a loop you dream waking up many times above 10 sometimes. then i starts worry and from 2 days i am in fear or worry about thinking i am in reality or not? . I do lot of reality checks all show i am in reality but i always think i am in dream. and i also have cardiophobia ( fear of having heart attack or heart disease). and my english is weak sorry for mistakes.
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OCD
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A 30 something male here. Maybe this is very peculiar but we've all been told that exercising releases endorphins and make you feel good and all that but somehow, it makes me really depressed for days afterwards.
I've been feeling really low, can't sleep well at night, I'm always ruminating over the past and how others, especially my family have wronged me, it just keeps going on and on. Yesterday, I started crying while driving. This morning, I couldn't control my tears while having breakfast. I don't know what's wrong. I'm not on any medication but I do have a weak digestive system. They say 95% of serotonin is produced in the gut and maybe that explains it?
I don't know. I feel okay on some days and then some days like now are just cruel to my well being. But, this feeling low and upset post an intense exercise session is real because it has happened far too many times to just brush it off.
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depression
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hi, i just started a new medication called escitaloprám (aka cipralex) last week. I usually have a few meltdowns a month (give or take), but since i started these meds i have had 4 or 5. Some were fairly managable but yesterday I had one where I ended up being unable to talk, curled up on the kitchen floor. On saturday i had one in a grocery store. They usually dont happen this often so I’m wondering if my medication could have upset something and is making me more prone to meltdowns :/ I’ve tried looking online but there isnt info on this specific issue.
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aspergers
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\*\*\*\*Trigger Warning: Sexual Abuse and Domestic Violence\*\*\*\*
Tl;dr: I experienced stuff that I'm not sure qualifies as traumatic? Maybe I'm exaggerating or I dreamed all of it? I'm struggling with my recent PTSD diagnosis and want to know your experiences post diagnosis.
Hey Everyone,
First time poster here because I got diagnosed with PTSD after my 21 years of life. I also have anxiety and depression. I'm just having trouble with coming to terms with my PTSD diagnosis because I got diagnosed on Friday. This is very new to me and I'm questioning if what I went through was even abuse? Here are the five significant events I told my therapist about that led him to come to this conclusion:
1. My biological father used to hit my mother when they were together. He'd come home, accuse her of cheating, and begin beating her. This is one of my earliest childhood memories: him beating my mom.
2. My oldest brother (30M) often groped me when I was a kid. From about ages 8-14, he'd either come up and randomly cup my ass and make some weird comment, or he'd touch my developing boobs. I hate that this happened, because if my boob accidentally brushes against something random (say, a blanket or a headphone wire while I'm in bed), I feel disgust and anger, even in my college dorm, where I live alone. I also feel conflicted because I still have love for my brother for all he does for me: Aren't I supposed to hate him? If I don't hate him, was it really abuse? I don't know and this is one of the biggest parts that makes me struggle with coming to terms with my PTSD. I know that I HATE it when he taps me on my shoulder and I get very angry, and I hate being alone with him, which also makes me sad because he relies on me for friendship, like going to the movies. But I HATE the feeling of being alone with him.
3. My second oldest brother (24M) would threaten to physically fight me growing up. Me, having been a rebellious preteen, would get upset with him when he'd talk to my mom disrespectfully. This would quickly spiral into a fight, to where he'd raise his fist up at me and try to physically fight me as if I was a boy of his size. I'd tell him "If you're gonna hit me, do it!" and he'd end up leaving the house. My mom would cry and ask me why I made him leave. He'd also frequently argue with my mom and brother to where it would escalate into tears and shouting. Our most recent verbal argument was about a year or two ago, where he started screaming about me over a phone call with my mother and said "Tell her not to talk to me before I slap the shit out of her". The reason I never saw this as fucked up is because people have been telling me "oh I fight with my brothers too!" and I just shut down because maybe I'm just exaggerating.
4. One of my mom's (now ex) boyfriends came home drunk and bruised at about 4am. He woke me up and tried to get on top of me and made kissing faces at me. I tried to pull him off, but couldn't. My mom ended up pulling him off and dressing his wounds from a bar fight he'd gotten into. If this was abuse, wouldn't my mom have kicked him out or questioned him? I never brought this up because I know my mom would tell me that I'm exaggerating or that maybe I dreamed it.
5. I was sitting on a stoop when I was about 15, and a guy in a white van pulled up in front of my house. He was using his tongue to make really gross, sexually suggestive faces at me. I was frozen in fear, but eventually ran up into my apartment. When I told my mom, she got upset with me for not texting her so she could open our apartment window and yell at him. Later that evening, my oldest brother was recounting the event to my mom's partner (amazing guy), and said that I was stupid and that "if I ever got raped, it would be my own fault".
In my eyes, I never saw these as trauma. I just saw them as a couple of kinda fucked up situations, but it was childhood and life. Some of these are incredibly foggy too, so I don't see them as trauma since I can't remember the specifics of the events, so what if I just convinced myself that these events happened? I can't remember it specifically, so what if these events were, in fact, just dreams? Since I've talked about it, my dreams are vivid and I haven't been able to sleep well. This whole "PTSD" thing is really fucking me up, but it'd explain why I hate sudden loud noises, doors slamming, sudden shouting, people touching me, and why I can't walk alone at night without looking around me an excessive amount.
Idk, I'm new to PTSD (or rather, it being called that in my life). Do any of you guys take medicine for PTSD (not asking for medical advice, just asking about your experiences)? What are your experiences? I guess I'm asking because I didn't think I had PTSD or that my life would result in this. Any comments appreciated.
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ptsd
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So I’ve had this problem for as long as I can remember. Basically any time someone touches me on one side of my body I HAVE to touch the other side so it’s even. If I scratch one leg, I have to scratch the other side, if I hit my arm I feel like I have to hit the other one to level out the pain. If I don’t, the sensation of the touch or whatever it was becomes well.. irritating? I don’t know what else to describe it as other than it becomes almost unbearable, mental anguish. Sometimes when I’m repeatedly touch on one side and no the other, I tend to freak out and I feel like I can feel every inch of my skin and I hate it. Hugs, pats on the back, any sort of affection has become difficult for me because of this and I want it to stop. I worry that in the future a when I find love I’ll struggle with physical intimacy and ruin our relationship.
So if anyone could answer this I’d be so very grateful. I want to find help but want to find help for the right thing.
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OCD
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Hello. I'm sorry if this question is stupid or extremely obvious, but I'm losing my mind and can't deal with it anymore. I create memories/thoughts in my head of myself doing terrible things, and then my brain somehow convinces myself that the memories are real. Then I'll spend hours in agony obsessing over whether those things really happened or not. It's literally hell. I feel like the worst person on planet Earth some days.
Is this a normal symptom of OCD? Please help me, I'm kind of new to this.
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OCD
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Hey everyone,
My life has been pretty good lately. I've achieved a lot of my goals, I have lots of friends and family and things are just good.
BUT I'm pretty sure that because things are better than they've ever been my mind is opening up the vault of my childhood and early twenties which I've repressed pretty much all of. A lot of the memories are coming back and it's way easier to trigger me these days. Like for example we were talking about heat exhaustion in my first aid class today and a memory of my abusive ex making me go biking while I had heat exhaustion flashed in my mind and it was something I'd forgotten completely. I coped well. I did mindfulness exercises and then treated myself to a nice lunch and I'm okay now.
I want to know though if anyone else has experienced this and what I can do to make it less jarring when it happens. I want to remember my past. Positive or negative but I can't have it disrupting my life. Any advice other than therapy? I know about that option already.
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ptsd
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Hey guys, I work at a pizza place and in 4 different positions. One is washing dishes two is making salads and washing floor mats from around kitchen, three is busrunning food, four is topping the pizza.
I frequently get sensory overload and flashes of anger when doing these tasks. I hate working. I come home tired and worn out. But sadly I have to keep working to pay rent, bills, college….etc. to make matters worse I’m still working on getting my diagnosis, so I can’t get accommodations, although my managers are nice I don’t think they would understand. Also I recently got “in trouble” because I was being overly friendly with people and touching them (even though the other employees were taking turns smacking each others butts, which didn’t get them in trouble because they never got talked to) and so I stopped being friendly with employees and only talked to my friends and roommate (who is also my significant other) that work with me and I got complained on again that I made a manager uncomfortable because I touched my friends/roommates’ hair and their arm??? So I have to stop being friendly with my own friends because I’m not being “professional enough” I don’t understand how that i someone uncomfortable? What about the two other couples at work? They’re always touching and kissing and they never seem to get talked to or in trouble If I do something wrong again then I will be let go. I am frustrated but they pay well sorry for the big rant I just needed to get it out
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aspergers
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I have 3 overdue assignments and time to do them right now. I literally can't. I actually can not do them. I can't explain it but the feeling is so overwhelming. I feel like my life is falling apart due to other circumstances and I just simply can not do these damn assignments. I want to. I really really want to pass this class. But it's SO overwhelming. I'm 23. My entire school career has been like pulling damn teeth. I'm so tired of it.
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ADHD
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I've been using my halo to analyze my tone. The app has health programs to help improve how I come across. Is anyone else using it?
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aspergers
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I believe I may have adhd as an adult as I share many of the symptoms. This question is more for those in the UK and was wondering how long it has taken to get your diagnosis on the NHS, Have looked into private diagnosis but I just can't afford £125 per hour. I would be interested in a private diagnosis providing it was sbit more affordable . Thank you in advance
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ADHD
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peopel have always told me I am too sensative and worry too much mostly people who do not understand OCD. I also have anxiety and bipolar. Is it the OCD that can make you "too sensative". For instance I was in patient mental health and some staff was curt with me and I might have took it over board feeling i was a victim and I reorted a doctor to medical board but I could not get over how I was treated and the pain it caused me, but I think i over reacted with the complaining, I really was hurt though. Anyone relate to this or am I off blaiming it on the ocd. One of the reasons I blame ocd is I ruminate on it when someone wrongs me but to a crazy extent.
​
Sometimes my complaints get out of hand and cause trouble for instance when in college there were many things that bothered me about apartment building i complained and complained and was obsessed. I complained all the way to the mayor and to the owners of the apartment. When I was in pffice of th owner of the apartment building i was threatend that i needed to stop then i want and complained about that to the police. there was some paranoa involved to because i started to think the aprtment building owner was mafia and going to kill me .
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OCD
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i'm a filipino and after listening to patriotic songs, watching videos about american culture and foods and gun-ownership, i've became fascinated of the united states, even saying things like "wow, this country is great" but my brain keeps telling me that i hate it even though i don't, i know that the u.s have a very dark history but that does not mean that's the nation's goal , they do not represent what the country is fighting for. actions of the government does not the values of the people yet my brain thinks it does
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OCD
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I keep self-sabotaging and I don't know how to stop. I just transitioned a to a new job that is like \~the\~ job I've always wanted. I've told myself for so long that the thing I wanted was to be in this profession. And it's so insanely hard. Above all, it's completely destroyed my self-esteem. I want so badly to be perfect at this job. It's a public service job and I really fucking want to actually help those in this profession to the best of my abilities. But, I keep failing. I don't even think I am actually failing; I just feel like I am. I interpret the slightest criticism as a "you're failing." Today, I was otherwise having a lovely day and then received an email from my boss with a "final warning" for a deadline we needed to meet and it sent me into a complete spiral.
And this is where the ADHD kicks in, once my mind has latched onto something, I don't know how to let it go. I try to distract myself but I just keep thinking about how I haven't done the stuff I need to do. It's completely destroyed my productivity for the day (further setting me back in this profession) and any sort of self-care I planned to engage in. Now, I'm just numbing everything out by browsing reddit and instagram. I'm not depressed in that I don't live with a cloud over my head. But my mind doesn't know what to focus on and just only focuses on the bad and I don't know how to break out of this habit. My life is otherwise fine but any small thing that happens sends me into an hour-long spiral I don't know how to break out of. Although, honestly, and this is again the fucking ADHD, I know what I need to do to break out of it (exercise, actually immerse myself into some other activity) but I just can't bring myself to do it. It's easier to sit and just feed the spiral.
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ADHD
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Hello, I was diagnosed with Aspergers / High Functioning Autism at 41. It came as a shock but then made so much sense and lots of memories of certain situations where I could not cope came back that just suddenly made sense. Putting all that aside, I’ve got a good job, own my own home etc so you could say it’s not held me back. (I live alone and have social phobia, anxiety and lots of stuff but I mean career wise)
Anyway, every now and then I have a meltdown in work but hide it mostly. I’m so stressed I’m ready to explode. This is a lot to do with my job but also my inability to stop always trying to reach perfection and just communication. I am very good at written communication but poor at verbal. So I send great emails but sound terrible on calls and try to avoid them. Reason I’m here is that every now and then I send a rant of an email that gets me in trouble. It’s like the only way I can deal with a bad internal meltdown is to send a long mail putting my thoughts down in words. This is usually to explain my frustration or annoyance at work decisions that led to me working extra long hours or just because I thought it was the wrong decision. Some people copied on the mails think I did the right thing and are positive about it but I always insult the person the mail is sent to and I come across badly. I also have a problem the way work is fed to me. Like it’s ok if my manager asks me to do anything, I’ll work all night. But if some other senior manager breaks process and tells me to do something, I flip.. as it breaks routine. How dare they not follow process!
I was only diagnosed a year ago but see so many obvious symptoms. I’m wondering should I tell my employer?
Im worried they’ll think I’m some sort of weirdo and try to get rid of me or else decide that I’m not capable of doing my job? Or just laugh at me behind my back. I’ve got this far in life without anyone knowing: I’ve only told a close old friend. Then again, if I told them, it may take pressure off me and they might understand me better and not get mad when I insult them by speaking my mind in an email. I know some managers think I’m a keyboard warrior as I come across aggressive by email but then awkward in person. I’ve just worked so hard that I don’t want this to ruin it but also worried it may ruin it for me because of my actions.
Any advice much appreciated! Thanks for reading.
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aspergers
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i don't want to self diagnose myself, but i'd like to know whats going on with me. i'm falling behind in school, (i'm online schooled, so everything is up to me to keep up with) and it makes me feel like a failure, but every time i think of doing school work, my brain tells me that it's either not the right time of day, or that i shouldn't. not necessarily that anything bad will happen. just that i shouldn't. i don't know if this is ocd or if i'm just lazy. i have other symptoms that are more "traditionally" ocd, like safe and unsafe numbers, rituals, etc, but this effects my life most negatively. i know part of not doing school is from being depressed and unmotivated, but this idea that i just can't or shouldn't sticks around and makes everything worse.
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OCD
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I have 5-6 years religious ocd
And since february pure o
I needed to pray for one prayer 4-6 hours
Now I did it in 2 hours
Yeeeeessssss
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OCD
|
Before I continue let me give some needed context. At the ages of ten to eleven I was molested by my best friend's grandfather. She was my very first true friend and sadly lost after I exposed what he was doing to me to my parents. Once charges were brought and he last an agonizing two weeks in jail his family, along with my dear friend, hated my guts and sided with him despite the evidence.
Ever since then I've always wanted to reunite with her. I feel as if our friendship was cut off unfairly and keep finding myself pondering ways to somehow contact her once more. This feeling grew even more once I made a realization with my therapist he was more likely molesting her and was trying to replace her once I came into the picture.
Should I try to find her or should I just let her fade away from my life seeing how much the event effected her? Am I just grabbing at straws to see if I can fix an already broken childhood by pursuing this search? More importantly, can anybody relate to this feeling?
(Also sorry for not knowing what to tag this I couldn't find any "vent" or "advice" tags)
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ptsd
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I am starting to think I am the special friend to invite only for the yearly events. I have friends I feel we are drifting apart because of different interests. So when I meet people I want to continue hanging out, I get put in the acquaintance circle on social media. Some unfriend me some time later.
One friend I knew from long ago has many circles and makes new ones all the time. I am never invited while she knows I am into hangouts that are a persons place, would be interested in playing board games, and drinking. I see on social media new friendships she made being invited to events. I did try and offer to have her over and someone else before. It was my lack of fun stuff and equipment that made it boring.
Then I started noticing they asked if they could come over, but it more sounded like use my place not my company to chill. It would happen during bad weather. I don’t have a growing collection of board games or twitch. I am more into watching shows off my computer. I am into learning and have mentioned my interest in participating in their board game hangouts more often. They would happen at a person’s place that has furniture and have a whole apartment over a room I rent. But I don’t get invited and have seen events happen there.
They are all more successful having real jobs over minimum wage jobs that I have. They have weekends off. I feel I am the special friend or one who you don’t be real friends with because of my quirks.
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aspergers
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I'm starting to wonder If I even have ADHD. I'm just curious because I was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid, but I don't have every ADHD symptom that are super common like losing things, forgetting appointments, being late (I'm always early for stuff). I do often feel restless though and have problems staying focused on tasks as of now. Throughout my life I've always had trouble staying asleep. It is very common for me to wake up over 4-7 times a night (for no reason I rarely ever have to go to the bathroom more than once in the middle of the night).
I got diagnosed by some psychiatrist I believe when I was in 3rd grade and back then there wasn't 3 different types of ADHD diagnoses I believe. I believe I would have of had the primary hyperactive and impulsive version. Never had bad grades up to that point was doing perfect in terms of learning, didn't have attention problems at the time, but I was very hyperactive and impulsive. I would blurt out answers if other kids were talking to long to come up with one when it was their turn, and got into some fights on occasion on the playground (no longer hyper active as an adult, but very physically active). Whenever the teachers asks me if I took my Adderall and I said no they would send me home they hated me when I wasn't on it. I hated taking the Adderall as a kid because it turned me into a zombie and made me read super slow compared to my normal self (was on 45 mg per day of IR 30 mg in the morning 15 mg afternoon in Elementary school). I also never wanted to hang out with friends or do anything when it was in my system.
Anyways now that I'm older I've been back on Adderall. I asked my primary care doctor to put me back on it since I currently have problems staying focused on important things and was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid. I thought maybe it could help me. I started on 10 mg XR and the only thing I noticed was an increase in motivation to finish tasks like house cleaning and laundry from start to finish. I still would finish these things off medication just didn't enjoy doing it as much and often waited longer to start and messed around more. I never noticed an increase in focus or working memory.
I had a dose increase recently to 30 mg xr and now it's causing irritability, agitation, and reduced focus & working memory vs being off medications. It also gets me buzzed and feels like I'm on speed (opposite effect of what It did to me as a child.)
Is it possible that I just got diagnosed with just hyperactive symptoms and out grew them? I know the inattention symptoms normally don't go away if you always had them. I'm pretty positive I didn't have problems staying focused as a kid. I'm starting to think my inability to stay asleep is causing the focusing issues I have now because I'm always feeling restless. Seems like restlessness is the only symptom I had as both a child and an adult.
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ADHD
|
I'm 18 and I've been struggling with depression for 5 years and in the last year I felt numb I can't feel anything only anger sometimes or just little happy when something I really love happen but it lasts for 5 sec or less but what I'm really worried about that I've been with this girl for 9 months and I known her for 2 years and we broke up and she ghosted me I didn't feel nothing but I was kinda disappointed because I trusted her and told her about my depression and my traumas and how I want to kill my self
So I just need to know if it's normal to not feel sad but disappointed for just a day and then forget about it( I really loved her and she kinda made me happy)
Sry for my bad English lol
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depression
|
I started having all day long super aggressive panic attacks over a year ago now, to the point where I couldn't hold a job. They are very severe and I'm currently on 75mg of Effexor XR and 2.5mg of Valium 3 times a day.
The combination has definitely helped with my anxiety (I was taking 225mg of Effexor at one point but its made me very depressed and going below 75mg starts panic attacks again), so to offset the depression and help with the remaining anxiety my doctor has suggested 150mg of Welbutrin.
I have ADHD and OCD, not sure if that matters.
So I'm wondering if anyone has had a good experience with Welbutrin and severe panic atttacks? I don't want to start having all day panic attacks again.
Literally ANY insight is appreciated. Thank you.
|
OCD
|
I feel like I just want to have a mental breakdown. Just something to really justify how I am feeling and something that makes it clear to others that I’m not fine.
I have hated my life for a long time - started when I was 12 and now I’m 19. But I was always sane throughout, I rarely seriously contemplated suicide and was always able to somehow do the things I had to do, even though I always pushed them back until the last minute or just skipped stuff that wasn’t too important, I was always able to just barely scrape by. So I just crave a moment where I just completely lose control, where everything goes wrong, where my mind won’t be able to keep up and I just breakdown and show it all. I have done everything I can to provoke this (sometimes consciously; sometimes unconsciously) I had insane drug benders to cope with my feelings, I took LSD when I was feeling bad in hopes of a bad trip - yet I never broke down and never got an explanation or a reasoning for why I was always feeling this way. Everytime I get a glimpse of happiness it always seems to get destroyed by outside sources or even by me and simply because of how I am (which i just can’t entirely change).
Honestly I just want to be happy and I’m doing a lot of things to support that, like working out regularly, eating healthy, going outside and seeing and experiencing new things. - yet no matter how many „positive things“ I do I always go back to feeling this way, sometimes after a slight setback and sometimes just out of nowhere. Even going to a therapist for several months didn’t help and I just don’t feel like doing this anymore - I wouldn’t commit suicide, but I just want to give up and stay in bed, smoke weed get drunk and forget about everything again and make it easy on myself - I get that life isn’t supposed to be easy but it simply has been hard for too long and I just need a break, I just want to be happy for once, I just want to feel genuine joy, I just want to feel loved for once…
I just don’t know what to do anymore.
I honestly don’t even know why I’m writing this.
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depression
|
Growing up I was always extremely paranoid of thunderstorms and “severe weather” because I was afraid of a tornado coming down and destroying my house and killing me. It honestly made me extremely anxious during storms and kept me up late watching the weather to get updates due to me being so afraid. Recently though I’ve found the rain, sleet and hail finally coming down to ease my paranoid state and helps me relax. Although I have always found normal rain relaxing.
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aspergers
|
Today my spike went crazy. I was more paranoid and anxious than usual. Doing my rituals not 100% perfect really itches me, because I have this complex that everything must be symmetrical. Even numbers. Freakin’ NUMBERS. Especially 5. This number gives me a sort of relief, because it’s in the middle. I can’t even write to my fellas on WhatsApp for example on 08:12 A.M. It must be 08:15 or 08:20 or 08:25 and so on … Everything must be 5 or 0 behind the number.
I can’t even work properly at my job, because I do these toxic rituals there too. For example scanning an area that everything is super safe and nobody can harm me with something. Or scanning my working area when I’m leaving, because my fucking corrupted mind (OCD) tells me that I forgot something on my desk or on my working bench. Same goes for my freetime. I barely hangout with my buddies anymore because I’m in this conflict with these paranoid thoughts and ridiculous questions like „Did I really close my oven? Is it on?“. „Did I close my door really or not?“.
I have these high and ups too. On somedays I don’t give a fuck about these rituals and on somedays I can’t even sleep when I’m not doing these rituals. OCD is so exhausting and time comsuming.
But still I’m not giving up. Gotta make it somehow and Gotta keep the fighting spirit high.
We are all in this together & We can make it.
I wish everyone in this SubReddit luck, patience and strenght.
Thank you for reading.
And lastly it‘s still FUCK OCD!!!!!
|
OCD
|
Hi all, I am hoping I can get some advice from you all. I am the mother of a 12 year old daughter who has been diagnosed as aspergers, she has not been coping for a while, she is always very down low mood, no confidence, thinks everyone is against her, has no trust and thinks no one cares about her! Which is NOT true, both myself and her dad love her with all our heart.
She has been self harming since she was 9, the self harm has never before needed medical attention (but spoke to Gp & Psychologist about this) however have been very bad GP classed it as superficial wounds , she has scars all over her body, she isnt doing great at school with her piers (struggles to make and keep friends) and recently has been self harming that is significantly worse than before to the point she needed stiches. I don't know where to turn as when I spoke to her CPN they just said "oh ok" I feel like we are getting no support of help for her and I am so scared it keeps getting worse.
She has self harmed at school at home out with a friend in her bed at night anywhere and everywhere! Please please help!
|
aspergers
|
I don't know if this has anything to with Asperger's, but it's incredibly annoying and misleading. Sometimes I feel like I'm making genuine progress socially or with skills surrounding a particular interest, and then it all comes crashing down. False advertising, I tell you.
So... I'm guessing it's an energy thing, but it honestly spans so shortly, so it doesn't appear to be "burnout", per se. Would be interesting to hear if it's common.
|
aspergers
|
NSFW, be forewarned
OCD has been latching onto my sexual thoughts lately, mostly stuff about ‘is it objectifying?’ and things like that. But it’s also kind of moved onto something else now. I’ve noticed that for whatever reason, sexual thoughts and fantasies greatly increase/become harder to resist having whenever I’m lying down in bed. Naturally, this means it ends up happening a lot when I’m trying to go to bed at night.
My older sister sleeps in the bedroom next to mine, we’re just separated by a wall. The problem here is that I have a worry that I genuinely can’t tell is actually rational or not, as OCD could definitely be involved. The strength of the urges I get while in bed mean that I always inevitably keep giving into them and fantasising over and over again, even when every time I stop and feel ashamed and like a creep for thinking about that kind of thing when my sister is only in the next room. It’s a continuous cycle of telling myself not to do it, doing it, feeling bad, and then repeat.
I’m motivated to post this now because something happened last night that really made me feel awful about it. For whatever reason, the fantasy is most vivid when I lie face-down. Furthermore, when I do that, I often exert pressure on and move my body around - I don’t necessarily know why, it just helps in conjunction with the fantasy. But - and here’s kind of a gross part, just a warning - last night after giving in and doing this multiple times I noticed I’d caused precum to come out, possibly partially as a result of the pressure placed on my groin.
Another gross thing - when I was younger, I used to masturbate sometimes when someone was in the next room. I’ve grown up and realised how disgusting that is, but the proximity of this incident to that worries me. Is it even that much different?
On one hand, I feel like the fact that I’ve never questioned this before means most people probably haven’t and it’s just classical obsessive overthinking, so it’s fine. But I don’t know for sure. Even if it isn’t fine I’m scared to realise I’d still probably find it difficult to stop. I don’t know, I guess I just want to hear another person’s opinion
|
OCD
|
Has there been any study that relates how to diminish or put an end to discrimination toward autistic people? Are there some known strategies to allow and make this disaster stop once and for all?
|
aspergers
|
Can p*dophiles think they have pocd before realizing they are p*dophiles? How and when do they realize that they’re p*dophiles, and do they feel bad about it?
|
OCD
|
I don't know about you but me I'm no mathematician.
|
aspergers
|
Prescription methamphetamine is available in America, in low doses like 0.01 grams.
Is anyone on here prescribed methamphetamine for their ADHD? Do you find it works in those small doses? Has it pushed you toward recreational use?
My partner finds that recreational methamphetamine is the only thing that helps his ADHD symptoms. It almost makes them non existent.
He is currently prescribed Vyvanse, but it has little effect. We are considering asking for a script for methamphetamine, as it seems an inevitability that he will reach for the recreational stuff to cope.
|
ADHD
|
TW: sexual abuse
Basically, I was sexually abused for years as a child by a neighbour. To this day sex makes me incredibly anxious. All my worries revolve around sex. I have OCD caused by trauma and almost all my obsessions are about sex too.
I get health anxiety about STDs
I get scared I’ve had sex with someone who isn’t my partner and I haven’t realised
I get scared I’ll get a chronic pain condition that will stop me having sex
I get scared I’m a pedophile (it’s called POCD, an ocd subtype)
I get worried about having sex with my partner in case it hurts
I never feel like having sex with my partner, sometimes I feel like I’m forcing myself
The list continues... Sex seems to be the cause of all of my worries, yet the thought of not being able to do it scares me so much. Ironic really.
|
ptsd
|
How can 812,157 people be alone in a world filled with over 7 billion people? And that’s just the people in this group life is such a cruel joke
|
depression
|
I am really trying to understand how my memory works. I have extremely vivid memories of random and unnecessary things. I can tell you what my classmates did their 3rd grade biome project on. I can recall a bunch of random trivia. I have an expansive catalog of song lyrics in my mind. But, can I remember where I placed an object? Can I remember a phone number/license plate number? Do I remember important info I need for a test? Of course not! I wish I understood how to fully utilize my memory because it’s so frustrating to forget “easy” things.
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ADHD
|
I switched to a new prescription the other day and my insurance didn’t cover it so I’m taking a very small dosage that was paid for.
I know remember how fucking loud my brain can be when I’m trying to focus on schoolwork and it’s so aggravating. I’m trying to knock out some schoolwork a week before it needs to be done so I can really focus on finals. With the low dosage, which might as well be nothing, trying to do schoolwork is nearly impossible without the last minute before it’s due to anxiety hyperfocus.
It’s just crazy how when trying to read something it feels like my brain is just a room full of people talking and the one guy that tries to talk but voice gets drained out by all the talking is how I feel when my conscious tries to read
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ADHD
|
I've been struggling with OCD and anxiety for the past 7 years, as well as depression for the past 5 and PTSD since two years ago, following my experience at a clinic and hospitalisation. I feel like I'm pushing my friends and family away and I feel so alone in all of it, so I was wondering if anyone would like to talk and become mental buddies
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OCD
|
I’m so sick of feeling like this. All I think about is how I’m going end it. I have no joy in this life, I hate waking up. Wellbutrin is shit.
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depression
|
Hi all, I have been recently diagnosed with PTSD, but have been living with it for a while now.
I have been having some trouble recently with waling up in extreme distress, usually caused by nightmares or just the general calmness of the early morning. I was wondering if this is normal first off, to wake up and feel extremely uneasy and unwell. I was also wondering if anyone had any tips for how to start the day so that I am less distressed first thing in the morning.
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ptsd
|
The govt. is planning some emergency alert system tests, which are gunna make your phone make a sudden loud siren noise! Times for when they will occur and other info is here: [https://www.gov.uk/alerts/planned-tests](https://www.gov.uk/alerts/planned-tests) and a way to opt out if you need to (for both android and iphone) is here: [https://www.gov.uk/alerts/opt-out#mobile-network-tests](https://www.gov.uk/alerts/opt-out#mobile-network-tests)
Hope you're all okay!
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aspergers
|
We are laying in bed reading, she rests her hand on me while holding her kindle and I just don't care for the sensation, so I move over a little which she eventually follows.
I roll over on my stomach to keep reading and she puts he Kindle down and snuggles in to sleep but reaches out and just pushes her hand against my arm.
I don't know why but I just don't like the sensory feedback I get so I ask her why she keeps doing it, "because I like touching you" which is sweet but I tell her I don't like it so I get a huffy "oh" and she rolls over to put her back to me and goes back to reading.
Not really sure how to handle a situation like this.
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aspergers
|
hello! i'm mostly just looking for a second opinion on this, and am also just incredibly stressed at the timing of this being midterms for me but what can you do lmfao
basically, i have a script for the generic for wellbutrin and the generic for adderall. i get a notification that something or other is ready, admittedly i let it sit there for a few days because i had a few extras saved and didn't need to pick up yet. when i go before class though, i only find the wellbutrin. the lady tells me to go to the consultation desk, and then *that* lady tells me it's out of stock, but that they'll order it and should be able to fill it by friday, 5PM. annoying because class, but okay cool.
friday comes around and i call a good while after 5 asking the status — after a lot of checking and shuffling around, i'm told it's out of stock. then that it *might* maybe get there by monday or tuesday. i say something like but they told me a few days ago they were putting in an order for today? which prompts the lady to answer along the lines of wellll, i dunno. you can try calling back tomorrow and see if they have it i guess? i kinda just mumbled 'alright, thanks' and left it at that.
??? makes no sense to me lmao? if it's just out of stock, surely the only option would be to wait until it gets there? am I right in feeling like they're being weird, or is it an overreaction? is it worth the trouble of calling my psych and getting a new script sent somewhere else in the hopes of it being filled?
sorry for the stressed out rambling lmao, but thanks for any help in advance!
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ADHD
|
I hate having company cause I can't control what and how they do things in my house and it drives me mad knowing everything I'll have to clean simply because of them wanting to come over and chill. It's even worse when the other person doesn't have a place to call theirs to chill at so we are just stuck here at mines.. me waiting for them to leave so I can clean and be at ease.
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OCD
|
Happy Wednesday my beloved friends! It’s the middle of the week so hang in there, we will get through this! You all are very loved, appreciated and cherished! Please send me any prayer requests if you need anything! Be a blessing and encouragement to others that are struggling!
“My son, if thou wilt receive my words, and hide my commandments with thee; So that thou incline thine ear unto wisdom, and apply thine heart to understanding; Yea, if thou criest after knowledge, and liftest up thy voice for understanding; If thou seekest her as silver, and searchest for her as for hid treasures; Then shalt thou understand the fear of the Lord, and find the knowledge of God. For the Lord giveth wisdom: out of his mouth cometh knowledge and understanding. He layeth up sound wisdom for the righteous: he is a buckler to them that walk uprightly.”
Proverbs 2:1-7 KJV
Gospel of the grace of God: I Corinthians 15: 1-4 KJV/Romans 3:25 KJV❤️
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OCD
|
I haven’t seen any dog owners who seem to understand this.
I guess that because they are ok with dogs touching their things, they think that everyone is like that and don’t mind it at all, but in reality, they cause a BIG problem to people with Contamination OCD
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OCD
|
Have read a few helpful posts on this subreddit.
Curious if "good" processed foods (if it is agreed some are good) can still be bad for people with ADHD. For example, I'm curious about things like processed veggie burgers, veggie sausages, almond cheese. I have been enjoying an "almost vegan" diet for some time now but I still have some anxiety and of course issues with concentration etc.
I have been considering going 100% fresh. No resteraunts, nothing processed. Sounds pretty tough and am wondering if anyone has any experience with this.
I tried Keto and dear God, I felt very zen but my inattention actually increased. Haha, like super calm and peaceful but couldn't focused. People probably thought I was on drugs. I also had some chest pains a time or two after eating so many animal products and fats from varying sources. 😐
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ADHD
|
some backstory: we have a lot of mutual friends, and in september we absolutely loved each other. since then a lot has happened.
one of our mutual friends, who i’ll name kate, started to really annoy both me and my best friend, who i’ll name julia. kate treats me weird because i’m autistic, and is way too involved in everyone’s business.
julia and i both didn’t like her for a period of time, and we would talk about what we didn’t like about her behind her back (not talking trash just pointing out what we didn’t like). julia even called me one night, broken down in tears, because she was at a sleepover with them a state away and kate and our other friends were being super rude and annoying towards julia.
i calmed her down and stayed up texting her all night, literally til 1:30 am, to make sure she felt better. i really care about julia, and kate and everyone else was being really unfair to her.
she often told me things about kate that she found upsetting, and i conforted her, and told her about what kate did that also upset me. i was going to bring up what i didn’t like to kate, but i was afraid of hurting her feelings, and i didn’t want to fight julia’s battles for her.
fast forward to november, and i made a bad joke where julia got called a dumb blonde. it was a mistake, it was rude, and i feel really bad about it. i then lied about saying it, in an attempt to spare her feelings, but she found out anyways. i’ve apologized many times and i wish i could take it back, but julia is still holding it over my head a month and a half later.
she has been being super passive aggressive towards me, and at times even blatantly rude. i asked her what was up the other day, and she asked me if i like her.
i used to like her, and i did for a long time. she didn’t know that i was gay, and i knew she was straight so i made sure to hide it and not act on anything. i never even initiated hugs because i was afraid that she’d find out and accuse me of something bad, when that was never my intention.
i told her no, which was the truth, i don’t like her anymore. she broke my heart and absolutely destroyed me a month ago, so i got over her quickly (that’s a separate story).
and she kept pushing and asking me about it, but i still told her no because she was saying the thought of me liking her was making he really uncomfortable. i did however come out to her, which she responded in a quite homophobic manner with, “Well for the millionth time i’m straight, and that is never going to change. just so you know.” which, i had only come out to her. i had even just told her i didn’t like her beforehand, and this really upset me because i was trying to share information i’d been keeping in for so long.
that conversation ends and the next day comes, i have a class with her and she was still being super passive aggressive and weird, so i asked her what’s wrong. she wouldn’t give me any reason, and mind you i’m autistic, so i was completely in the dark on the way she was acting. i knew she was acting strange, but i didnt know why and i couldn’t pinpoint what she meant, even though it seems like she expected me to know why she was acting off.
today i asked her what was going on with her lately, and she sent me a paragraph about how i’m a liar, how i influenced her and made her unrightfully mad at kate, how all i do is criticize her and judge her, and a plethora of other things.
now i don’t really ever judge her, i make jokes that could come off as though i am, but she has never brought this up before so i have no idea she didn’t realize i’ve been kidding. she is the one who was constantly upset at kate, and was literally crying to me about it.
i tried my best to be a good friend and comfort her when she needed it. i put in maximum efforts in our friendship and everytime i would have a meltdown or a get overwhelmed by my emotions and start crying, she’d roll her eyes like it was, “just savannah being savannnah.”
i am a liar and i made a bad joke, i also mess up in conversation a lot and nobody ever understands what i mean i always mean what i say and say what i mean, and there is never a second meaning to anything i say. i just speak what i think, but everyone assumes i’m giving them responses with double meanings.
i told her i no longer want to be friends, while i was very angry. i don’t actually feel that way, i was just hurt.
**TL;DR my best friend is upset over a joke i made, and has been for over a month. i have apologized many times but she won’t accept my apology. i came out to her and she was super weird and kinda rude to me about it. and i feel bad and just wish our friendship could go back to normal.**
i need any advice i can get, i’d appreciate any response on what i should do here and maybe possibilities on why she wont let anything i do go, when i can forgive someone instantly.
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aspergers
|
Hey everyone,
Over the past month I have had memories come up and flash backs that has lead me to becoming hypersensitive again. I am hoping to find people who may be able to understand some of the things I have gone through and I just needed to vent a little.
I grew up in a pretty rough area through middle school and Highschool. It was high in crime and meth was a really big problem. Very white trash place. I lived in a neighborhood where you had drug dealers and druggies living within walking distance of each other. I lived next to a small abandoned building that was being used to shoot up meth. You rarely saw anyone outside, I only went outside to the playground maybe 3 times and there were never any other kids outside. The only place you saw kids was down past the train tracks where there was a trailer park area. There would always be little kids running around unsupervised, almost the age of toddlers. The wealth in this area was pretty divided I would say. You could live on the other side of town and have no clue that there was so much crime and violence going on around you. They tried really hard to hide this with tourist attractions. I went to Highschool with kids who were very rich, lived in mansions and kids who were poor and dealing drugs. It seemed like the more well off kids didn't realize what they had. I remember kids who had well off families acting tough and doing drugs but anytime they faced struggles they would cry and be able to go home to their parents to protect them.
My mom was an alcoholic, along with her boyfriend at the time, I also suspect she was abusing her prescription pills. She would have lots of "get togethers" with friends. They would all get wasted. I would be asleep on the couch in the living room a lot because I didn't have a bedroom for over a year. Sometimes I would wake up to men who I didn't know staring at me while I was asleep. My mom would just laugh and be like "Leave her alone, haha he's harmless".
When I was 14 I was given a knife and told to use it to protect myself if I ever needed to. I was also taught to always go for the throat. At the time I thought nothing of this because my dad was in the military who also taught us the importance of self defense and I had already known how to shoot a gun at this point.
After some time we moved away from this neighborhood and in with my grandparents because my mom could no longer afford to pay rent.
When I thought most of this shit was behind us my mom got into a fight with her friend and she threatened to rat him out to the cops for something. In retaliation he threatened to send his son and his son's friends to come and gang rape me. I know this because when I came home from school my mom ranted about it to me. She had proof of this on text but when I told her she could go to the cops she changed the subject. Later I suspected this was because she had mentioned one time that her ex boyfriend was doing drugs with him or something. At times I was also suspicious of my mom selling her prescription pills to friends. By this point I wasn't surprised by any of this, I was more upset with my mom for dragging her problems with us after we left.
I feel really bad that I struggle with this because as a child I lived with my father and we were well off for sometime, it wasn't perfect by any means and I have trauma from that side of the family too but I didn't always struggle. I also grew up being told that I had a good life, had nothing to complain about and other people had it worse. So when I thought about kids who grew up in bad areas and around gangs, I thought their life's must be hell so who am I to complain about my problems. Also, I am white so I realize that I could have had it way worse and I was fortunate to find good friends and stay out of trouble. But, for years I told myself that I didn't have a rough time growing up.
I still struggle a lot though. I get paranoid about cars sitting outside of where I live, when people walk past or knock on the door. I have a hard time making friends, when I try to get close to someone or a group of people I have images of them turning on me and beating the shit out of me. I think that everyone secretly has it out for me or they are trying to hurt me. I still have a lot more that I struggle with too because of other things that I was exposed to. Recently my PTSD has been really bad and I have been very hypersensitive and having misunderstandings with friends that have resulted in arguments. It is getting really hard to deal with, I can barely get anything done because I constantly feel like shit and just want to scream or cry.
​
TL;DR: I grew up in a rough area. Around crime and drugs. Had my life threatened by a drug dealer. I was exposed to a lot of trauma that others don't always understand and I am struggling a lot recently. I go to trauma therapy but I want to find more people who understand. If anyone can maybe relate to these things or know of a place where I can find others who can relate please let me know.
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ptsd
|
I've had ptsd for about 3 years, but was never diagnosed because Israel's public health system is a joke.
Marijuana really helped me for a lot of time, but because it is illegal in my country, and it is very hard to get medicinal weed for psychiatric reasons (again, the public health system is trash), I've decided to lay low for a while and not risk myself in going to jail over this (because I've been interrogated by the cops twice by now for pot use).
In addition to that I take SSRI and SNRI medication for a few years, and it helped a bit, but not any more than that. I've started my second cycle of benzo medication, and I'm writing this after not being able to sleep for the entire night, even on sleeping pills (I just felt really high for about 2 hrs, but I was so stressed that I still couldn't fall asleep).
I also have an excellent therapist and also go to emdr therapy once a week.
Overall, these things helped me a little, but there is not a single moment that I'm not in stress, plus I think I've developed a little phobia from falling asleep due to the nightmares (is this common?).
I'm really not sure what to do anymore, I just feel so drained and tired. I feel like I'm doing everything that I can to get better, and I'm really starting to lose hope.
I would really appreciate if anyone more experienced than me can suggest what I can do at this point, because I'm really lost..
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ptsd
|
I got the ptsd diagnosis a while back, and sometimes I wonder
One of the things that usually come with it are flashbacks, but I have a hard time relating to this? Like I don’t even know what makes a flashback. I’ve never experienced one of those “going back” and experiencing it all over again like it’s happening right now in front you kinda flashback, which I feel like are the most spoken about flashbacks. I’ve researched a bit and that’s of course not the only flashback to exist, as emotional, sensory etc also exists of these flashbacks. I think I mostly experience the emotional ones where I feel the same feelings again, and sometimes sensation, and get panic attacks but I don’t relate to the “stereotypical” flashback which makes me often feel like, do I even have ptsd or is it just something I’m making up?
Could I also be misunderstanding my own experiences with flashbacks?
sometimes I feel like I can do everything and my trauma hasn’t affected me at all, but on the other hand it feels sometimes like I’m beginning to drown in this trauma all over again.
I don’t know, very confusing to me and I often feel very out of place compared to others experiencing the same. Hope someone feels the same or definitely knows what I’m talking about
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ptsd
|
- When people joke you’re not a morning person cause they can’t understand how tiring it is running for your life in nightmares 7 nights a week
- When you feel nothing and cannot connect to reality
- When the word “intimacy” makes you buy a one way ticket to anywhere but there
- When you have the startle response of a possum
- When you have to change your clothes after a flashback
- When you double check every lock on every door
- When you avoid certain seasons/holidays because of the triggering smells (fuck potpourri and cinnamon brooms)
- When you confront your abuser in your mind and always win
- When you’re told you should pray more
- When you’re told you’re being dramatic
- When you’re called a liar
- When you’re scared of the meds
- When you’re not invited
- When you hate yourself
- When you wonder if it was your fault
- When you feel bad for “them” and wonder if they meant to hurt you
- When you daydream what could’ve been if someone rescued you
- When you daydream what could be if you were “stronger”
- When you think you have nothing left and cannot see a future
- When you’re scared of what you cannot see and ready to fight what isn’t there
- When the loneliness envelopes you because no one understands and you’re afraid your trauma will hurt people…
You’re not crazy, you’re not weak, you’re not ruined, you’re not dirty, you’re not unlovable, you’re not useless and goddamnit you’re not alone.
I love you. We’re in this together.
|
ptsd
|
"Vaster Than Empires And More Slow" is a short story by Ursula LeGuin. It's main character is an autistic man.
There's a description [here](https://www.gradesaver.com/ursula-le-guin-short-stories/study-guide/summary-vaster-than-empires-and-more-slow), and the text is [here](https://nemaloknig.net/read-150057/).
It's an interesting read. The autistic person is unlikable at first, but the rest of the crew comes to appreciate him for his ability to understand the emotions present in others.
|
aspergers
|
I'm unsure whether I truly have OCD or not, but I suffer some of the symptoms and I have a a hard time coping. These thoughts are usualy triggered by my relationship, probably a normal thing for most people, but these thoughts occur one after the other over and over no matter how hard I try I can't drop it until eventually they go away with passing time. They're usually thoughts regarding wether someone is being truthful or not, what gets me is I may never know what someone is truly thinking and that there's no certainty in people's words, I'm just trapped in my own head with my own self and my own thoughts and it's all so head splitting
|
OCD
|
So, I have this box that I call “my trauma box” where I keep a bunch of stuff from my abusers that I’m too mentally weak to throw away. I keep it in the bathroom so I don’t have to look at it. So, inside it there’s a little wooden stick painted pink with nails sticking out of it, which one of my abusers called “test”. She hit me with it a couple times and then made me keep it (great gift, I know). Anyways, I went to the bathroom last night to find it on the toilet. I haven’t opened that box in a year and no one in my family would have a reason to. I got flashbacks immediately and a very long panic attack. I don’t know what happened, but all advice is welcome
|
ptsd
|
I've been self-harming for two nights in a row now. Currently have a bandage on my arm. They are mostly shallow cuts, so it's not like I tried to kill myself.
I barely have an appetite, and when I eat, I feel guilty afterwards.
I'm not in a good place mentally and been trying to numb it all with Klonopin.
I spoke to my therapist and he says I need to go to a hospital so a psychiatrist can see me ASAP, as I have a history of suicide attempts (though I shluld reiterate, I'm not trying to kill myself at the moment). I've been hospitalized in mental wards twice in the past.
I'm just scared that they see me and want to take ke to a psych ward again and cram meds down my throat that simply don't work. I feel like my days in psych wards are spent in a daze.
I don't like them because I feel a bit isolated and I can't do a lot of things I enjoy, like video games. I know it sounds shallow, but I don't know.
Should I go to the hospital to get checked out anyway? The cuts are really shallow, and honestly, not eating much and taking (a little too much) klonopin doesn't seem like a big deal.
|
depression
|
I've had mild suicidal ideation for a long time. I've never come close to going through with it, but the thought of being able to die was somehow comforting.
I've been trying to find more things I want to do before I die (like learning to play my favourite piece on the piano) and holding on to them, but lately I am scared that soon enough I would entirely stop caring about anything and just let go.
I have social anxiety and it's difficult for me to make friends with new people. I haven't made much friends in uni and right now I feel pretty lonely. I do have some good friends from high school I can trust with my life, and who also actually make me like myself for a small moment. (I could never tell them what I am going through though, because I don't want to be a burden :( ).
A few years ago I worked hard and got into my dream school to study medicine. I feel like I should be proud and happy, but instead I feel empty, and I hate myself that I am not trying my best with all the opportunities in front of me. I've missed half my classes, and I'm scared I might have to repeat a year.
Maybe I'm just under a lot of stress, but I honestly don't really see hope in my future, and if there's nothing to live for, why am I even here?
Is there a way out? Some days are better, but soon enough I'd feel depressed and hopeless again :(
I'm sorry for ranting so long, but maybe someone can relate..
|
depression
|
I have things and spots around my house that I feel like are so dirty and contaminate everything. For example, something pretty gross happened in the bottom floor room of my house so if anything touches stuff in that room such as my jacket, bag etc then I just completely stop using those items and I feel they’ve been contaminated. Please tell me I’m not the only one
|
OCD
|
Ughhhhh I just feel really stupid because I know how important it is to finish antibiotics but it feels so impossible to actually get through this pill bottle.
It’s like “yeah we need you to do something 2x/day for 10 days”
It seems so simple but it’s practically impossible
Thanks for the place to rant 💖
|
ADHD
|
Suffered extreme trauma in April that led to flashbacks and PTSD. After months and months of dialing in drugs, learning about meditation and mindfulness, counselling and therapy, I’m finally starting to have fewer flashback and panic attacks. More patience with my spouse and kids. Thought this message might help anytime just getting started in coming to terms with their trauma .
|
ptsd
|
I am a 41 year old male that has had a crazy crazy life. I can not maintain a job for longer than three years, my last job has left me traumatized. I am afraid to find a job because I do not trust my interactions with people, I become very angry and have problems with emotional regulation. I am obsessed with bodybuilding so I can come off as being very scary to people. All these years of feeling cheated by jobs, and taken advantage of makes me withdraw more and more.
My wife is a therapist and has sent me off to get help, I am getting rediagnosed in March and the diagnostician said she is going to make it so I qualify for help with DDS in my state. The suggestion of DDS help is scary to me, I had no clue I was that bad off. Everything is scary to me, people, noises, smells, I worry about the mail, or if I said something wrong in a conversation I had many years ago. I feel like I’ve fallen into a black hole, can anyone relate?
|
aspergers
|
I am so close to giving up. Giving up on myself, not on life. I am so tired of feeling like a lost cause but I do and can't fix it no matter what I try. I'm stuck living the same useless shitty day over and over again. It's so taxing on every part of me. Physically, I'm lazy and tired and exhausted all the time, I basically drag my feet everywhere I go because sometimes it's too much work and too hard to even lift them up. Mentally, I'm tattered. Literally broken into many little pieces and no, I'm not crazy or insane, I'm just very self aware on how pitiful my existence is. Not going to get into how it affects the people around me, because it does immensely and I hate myself for it, but I also am starting to finally come to terms with the fact that they are also the problem as well, it isn't just me. Sometimes they are the stressor, and sometimes it's someone I don't like. It gives me another number to add to the neverending pile of reasons why I'm depressed and having a bad day. No, not every day of mine is bad. But more often then not, I can't help but feel shitty. I'm not even pessimistic, or not usually. I don't wake up or go into work or go into whatever thinking its gonna suck and I will hate it. Now that I think about it though, it isn't like that anymore. I'm a little pessimistic now, but I don't assume a day will suck. However it always ends up sucking somehow. Haven't had a good day in a long long while. And today, now I worry I'm going to lose someone very close to me again. Not by them dying, but I feel like they are gonna walk out of my life. Someone give me some strength to keep pushing, please
|
depression
|
i’ve been a horrible person in the past when i was 13 and turned 16 8 days ago and became the best version of myself, who donates to charity, helps others and does good anytime i can, but i obsess about the bad stuff i did and i can’t move on and am scared some bad stuff might happen to me if i move on without doing something about it, several people told me i might have OCD, and i did an online test and it says i probably do, tho, some of my friends did this stuff with me and i don’t know if i should move on or talk to them about, they didn’t repent it in the past and i don’t know if they do now and are also trying to move on, please help me and give me some advice on what to do both on this topic and on the OCD, wish you all the best and hope you all are doing great, i also obsess a lot all day about if im doing bad things and about everything i do, do you think i should move on or do something? do you think i have OCD? thanks again!
|
OCD
|
I’m over it! I’m over my dishes constantly being too much to handle. I’m over not feeling calm because my space is a mess right after I clean it. I’m over hyperfixating on a project that I took on that I just can’t get perfect to the point I’ve forgotten to eat. Im over being hungry and not being able to actually eat because I don’t want what I’ve cooked (when i actually finally do cook). Im over running out of time on my tests and wondering if I’ll ever get good enough grades to get accepted to university. Im OVER going back to my doctor to up my meds every month. I cannot handle this shit. Life feels like perpetual chaos and I just want to take a fucking break!!!!!!!! I hate that I can never catch up and knowing that no matter how I hard I try there will always be something I fall short on being able to do like a normal person because I can’t stay organized and ok task to do everything! Whatever tools I use, they work for a bit, and SO well… until a week later I just don’t stay consistent and I’m back in this mess. Not sure what I expect from posting this. I feel like a big fucking baby always complaining and struggling and needing help from someone, to the point I’m here on Reddit making this stupid post
|
ADHD
|
I've had it as long as I can remember, being a kid and my parents would get mad at me because they didn't understand it. Now that I'm older (19) I've started to accept that there is nothing I can do about it anymore. I've tried medicine and therapy. None of it has really helped me other than for a temporary time, it always comes back. The thoughts and actions has in way become normal to me even though I hate it, and it bothers me to a point where I don't know what to do anymore, when I'm in public i get ashamed because I feel like people are going to judge me because I "act weird". I try to hide it but it's difficult sometimes.
What other options is there?, Because I'm running out of hope sometimes
|
OCD
|
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