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One of my obsessions is wanting to protect children? I put the question mark because I realized I dont know how to phrase that lol. But I’m overly sensitive to harming children basically and do a lot to try and prevent that. I work at a hospital and a lullaby plays over the speakers every time a baby is born.
I already am overly sensitive about birth to begin with. But today when the lullaby played my co-worker immediately commented “Oh great another stupid baby” and I just broke down. The very first impression this baby received upon entering the world is getting called stupid. ^I want to emphasize my co-worker isn’t evil or even hateful lol, it was just an off-handed comment (because births mean more work for our department). But god damn I am just WAY too sensitive about my triggers. I do find it funny how easily I cry at absolutely nothing sometimes but other times it really is debilitating. Today though I can find this minor episode funny.
Idk does anyone else relate to being extremely sensitive? I feel very weird about it because I cry so so easily.
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OCD
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I was diagnosed with ADHD more than 10 years ago, in my pre teen years. I was on medication for a couple years (concerta and cipralex for antidepressants), then i quit for some reason and my parents didn't insist so i guess there was no major effect. Fast forward today, me 26F, is struggling each and everyday. I can't put my head onto anything and dedicate myself, I have extreme mood swings especially during PMS.
I learned how to cope with some of the symptoms but i still need help. I quit my job a year ago due to covid and I'm at home, not working for more than a year. When I was working full time i had to organize my life or I'd get fired etc. Life was easier, but now I have to do things if i want to, and not do anything if i just don't feel like it. My life became a mess, i can't clear my head. I don't do anything I thought I would if had the time. I can't commit to anything and it makes me so depressed. I believe i still have ADHD, but i was always told it was a children's disease, adults usually don't have it, and I'd be fine when i grew up. But it doesn't seem to be the case. So i decided to seek help.
I also did seek help 2 years ago, started seeing a psychiatrist, he was against medication for ADHD and just told me to try to learn to live with it, with no help, no guidance. We had 3 sessions and i stopped seeing him since all the sessions was just him listening me and not saying anything and not giving any real answers to my questions.
Now I have an appointment with another one in a few days and i don't feel like it's going to work. I don't want it to end up like the ones before, i don't know if she'll stall me for another 3-4 sessions or maybe more. I don't know what to expect. it is just so overwhelming, living with it and not finding the help you absolutely need. I really need some support and didn't know who to ask for it, so I'm here.
Edit: my diagnose at age 12 was ADD
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ADHD
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Today I had a fifth round interview (!) for a position as a coding coach at a startup bootcamp. The idea really appeals to me - help underprivileged background graduates to gain employment as developers in top rated companies in London.
I have had lots of conversations with the CTO and CEO and today went for a walk with the CEO. I had disclosed Aspergers in my first chat with him and the interviews had been warm.
I expected an offer of a coaching role (I know but I had to travel a bit to have the walk). Some points relating to me not listening and interrupting were raised along with the fact I was being considered for a more senior role.
I was upset (I can't help this sometimes especially when tired) but stayed very calm.
I emailed my concerns reasonably sternly to the CEO on the train on the way home.
The response stunned me. I was expecting "ok thanks" having received this alnost 100% of the time in the past.
He apologised, promised to appoint an advisor and expressed disappointment that he would not get to work with someone so hard working and open. He also stated he follows apology with action and will send me an offer tomorrow.
I'm thrilled.
THIS is a leader.
Be yourself - always. I was suicidal a few months ago. Now I am potentially being offered a senior management position (CTO) in a *very* well connected startup hoping to help talented people with social mobility.
It's perfect.
Believe in yourself and be true to it.
That is all.
Update: he followed through and I got an amazing offer today. I start in two weeks 😃😃😃
Honestly all - I was beaten. Life can be amazing. If you are having a rough patch please read this again. You can do it.
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aspergers
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Hey all
So, I lost my 10 month old son tragically back in the summer of 2019. I was medicating with marijuana and I was actually handling things okay. I was a role model for others in the same boat, I was definitely lost but I was able to talk about my boy with others and felt like I was healing well according to myself. I'm also seeing a homeopath who has also been helping me heal with natural remedies.
She warned my however that once my body got to a certain point of healing, that I would naturally push myself away from substance. And it happened. Pot started giving me anxiety when I would smoke so I decided it was time to kick it. That was over 59 days ago now.
I went through the worst withdrawal, I didn't even know you could go through withdrawal with pot. I hunted myself a good grieving therapist who specializes with infant loss as I felt alot of this was surfacing from my son's death alongside the withdrawal, and it seems I was correct.
Last week during our session, I mentioned that I was thinking I have some sort of surfacing PTSD now, and she agreed. I have all the matching symptoms. Derealization, severe anxiety, I'm always in flight or fight mode, I've lost interest in all my activities and it's just so hard to go through daily life.
I'm starting EMDR therapy next week, but besides that, is there anything more I can do? I meditate, I do use some CBD oil sometimes, but only .25 ml of 5mg stuff. Nothing crazy. And only once every week or so. I'm trying really hard to handle this all naturally but it's hard.
I guess I wanna know, will I get better? I so badly want to and will do whatever it takes. I still have two other kids to be happy for and I want to live my life again. Please tell me it gets better...
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ptsd
|
Today I finished my very last assignment for my bachelors degree 🎉 . It took me six years to accomplish getting it. I only got diagnosed with ADHD in the past year, and after starting medication, school was effortless. Which was awesome, but frustrating at the same time lol ( why couldn’t I have had that from year one !) .
I didn’t really want to celebrate my degree to be honest. I feel embarrassed and ashamed that it took me so long . I know my parents are super displeased about it. Most of my friends have good jobs already, and are working on their post grad diplomas.
But my therapist reminded me that for me this is an awesome milestone and accomplishment. And I should celebrate myself. So I’m trying so hard to do that 😂. I’m in another country from my family , in a lockdown, so I don’t have anyone to celebrate with.
But, I ordered myself huge balloon bouquets, a very expensive bottle of champagne I’ll be too cheap to ever open, high tea, sent myself flowers and chocolates, and a love letter 🙈!
I just wanted to say that sometimes we might not get things done “on time” and there can be a lot of shame and embarrassment around that. It’s hard to say “ don’t have those feelings”, but I do think that despite feeling that way we should push ourselves to still celebrate our wins .
I wasn’t excited to celebrate at first, but now I feel quite loved and excited thinking about the little party that’s arriving on my doorstep tomorrow 🥰!
Edit : Thanks so much to everyone for writing such wonderful wholesome responses 🧡 They’ve made me feel so understood and less alone in this experience 🧡 you guys rock ! I’m definitely drinking that champagne now 😂 🥂
Edit 2: Is this a cult ? Because after all this love bombing I’m officially joining !😭🧡
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ADHD
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I envy my friends who can just take a seat and start studying for hours.
I hate it when I'm studying and then when I hit a new concept or a concept that I can't easily understand my body decides to go on take-a-break mode for hours.
I hate it when I try to force myself to study early, when I read the texts in my book, I don't process any of it and when I do, It takes a long time to.
I hate it when I zone out when listening to my professor's lecture.
I hate not being able to sit still on my chair
I hate being ambitious for my future but failing presently and seeing my future slip away slowly.
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ADHD
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Part Two of my story, this one is more personal, some trauma that happened to me, as opposed to something that happened to someone that I felt directly responsible for.
Possible trigger Warning
Sunday 4th of March 2018, exactly a week after my sister was released from hospital after her fall. (See part one for the full story on that one)
I spent most of that day with my boyfriend (ex at this point) and his mum and sisters, celebrating his birthday which had been earlier that week. we did what normal people would do at a small family celebration, play games, eat cake all that jazz, then later that afternoon, early evening, my boyfriend and his youngest sister packed up and headed out to go to their dads house, and I tagged along, because I didnt really want to go home at that point. We took a bus to his dads place and when we went there I was reintroduced to the guy, since I vaguely knew him from when my when I was close friends with the oldest of his two younger sisters, in primary school.
We stuck around for maybe an hour or so and everything thing was fine. We talked about stuff, my boyfriend got a few presents then we (me his sister and their youngest brother) went out to the yard to see his dads dog, a stumpy pitbull/bulldog shaped mutt that I'm fairly sure had a bit of staffy in it. I wasn't told any words of warning about him, no do's or don'ts or anything, but I do know not to go anywhere a chained up dog in someones yard, though this dog wasn't chained up at all and he had seemed friendly enough at the time when we went out there so we sat by the steps, or more specifically the sister and the little brother sat on the step and I stood on the path since I didnt feel like sitting and there wasn't much room on the step with the two already on it. As far as I remember my boyfriend was still inside, talking to his dad, but I'm pretty sure he was on his way out the door to chill with us when shit hit the fan.
While I was talking with his sister I was petting the dog, since any sane person wouldn't be able to resist patting a good boy said to be friendly, but when he started growling I immediately stopped and backed off, assuming maybe I'd hit a sore spot or something, I never thought anything of it.
Within a minute somehow the dog, while I was still standing, managed to get up to my neck and latch on, I'm still not sure how but I did end up with a small scrape on my arm, just under my elbow, either from a tooth or a claw, or maybe something I hit when I fell to the ground. But either way I ended up on the ground, screaming, with the dog standing on by back, my hand in its mouth trying to relieve the pressure and keep it from tearing into my neck.
I have no clue how long I was down for, since I guess I blacked out for a little, but next thing I knew I was staring at the edge of the path, paralyzed with terror, gasping for breath and expecting to see blood pooling under me, but nothing. I was terrified to try moving, scared of being paralyzed for real, and for a solid while, even after I managed to start moving again, I felt like my fingers were stuck in a hole in my neck so they stayed in place until I was both brave enough to attempt to move them, and was given a towel to replace them in holding pressure over my new injury.
An Ambulance was called, but ultimately, since I was still responsive, enough to warent an ambulance being delayed a long time, I was given a lift to the Emegency Department by a neighbor. A Car ride, A couple raspy teary eyed phone calls and eventually I'm sitting in the ED with my dad and my boyfriend. Where I remain for about 6 or so hours. And while I don't remember the exact number of stitches I got now, I'm certain it was somewhere between 14 and 17, with some of them being internal from a deeper laceration near my jugular. Everyone said I was lucky to be alive, and even luckier to make it out without some form of head or neck injury aside from the open wounds I was given. I went home with my dad a little before midnight that same day, where I spent a couple weeks to recover. Though recovery alone was tough enough, dealing with Post Traumatic Stress, and having to be around dogs since everyone I know owns one of some kind. I had trouble sleeping for several days, the first one or two being the worse thanks to the impending thought of 'I'm going to suffocate in my sleep' after I was told my neck might swell a little and to go back to the hospital if any complications came up.
I had to recount the story to animal control within that first week, but nothing was ever done about it. The dog was supposed to be put down, but they apparently negotiated to muzzle it. Though as far as I've heard that never happened either.
And now I live in Fear, always looking over my shoulder when I'm passing through that area, even when I'm on a bus. Since that dog had a taste of my blood it's probably out for me still... And some nights, like last night, I Guess it still gets to me, since I still can't close my eyes without seeing the hole thing over again...and part of me even still worries the reason the dog wasn't ever put down was because they turned the situation on me, maybe said I was provoking it. and while I wasn't never told this was the case it wouldn't put it past the guy.
unfortunately since it's been almost two years, so I don't think I can do anything about it anymore, as much as I want something to be done. So I don't think anything can really be done to help me.
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ptsd
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Yesterday evening, I had several intense flashbacks.
I had been smoking pot with my SO and a friend. I suppose the pot relaxed me quite a bit. For years, I have been having blackouts/psychogenic seizures in which I just fall down unconscious. However, tonight I didn't blackout.
I did, however, dissociate. I wasn't fully in control of anything I was doing or saying - at least, it felt that way. And I had several long moments during the evening in which I relived some things that happened to me when I was a child - things I have somewhat remembered for years, even if I don't fully remember what happened.
My uncle's friend (an older teen) used to come to the house to play video games with my uncle. But while he was there, he came into my room and sexually assaulted me. My grandmother (who was raising me) heard what was happening and came into the room.
She was angry at the friend and sent him home. But she was also angry at me for what happened. And she grabbed me by the hair and threw me around. I threw up and I was so scared that I'd done that I tried to eat my own vomit. (I was about 4 when this happened).
Then finally, my grandmother got me into the bed and choked me.
I relived this whole experience yesterday evening. I even found myself choking - found my body being tossed around as if someone else was throwing me around and I wasn't throwing myself around. It was just plain surreal.
I guess the good thing - if you want to call it that - is that now I have a bit better understanding of what happened to me back then. Though I still keep trying to tell myself I'm making this up.
Though it's not the first time I've relived that trauma. I had a blackout where I was being thrown around - my head being whipped around - before. It's just that this time, I had a better understanding of what was going on with me during that episode.
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ptsd
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I think the hardest part of all of this... is when it just takes you. I feel like I've come so far but then, it comes in again. I'm not even sure exactly what triggered it... but i had been working on reprogramming my thinking through japa meditation. What this practice revealed to me yesterday was something sort of terrifying. My abuser and how he made me feel, is still in my head.. when triggered it runs the show. The things I am telling myself are disturbing...
​
When I tried to chat "I am free. I am strong"... I literally heard what my brain was actually saying from behind the curtain... "I am crazy. I want to die". I just kept repeating my chant 'I am free. I am strong"... Then i heard "I am nothing. I hate myself. I want to die. All i do is fail. Nothing will change. I am the problem"
It's like we have a virus and our brains are attacking us
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ptsd
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I do have a family and a few friends, but I can’t stop feeling alone, and it’s breaking me down.
It sometimes feels like I don’t know how to connect to people, seeing people talking and laughing makes me feel like I’m so strange and weird.
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depression
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So I have a blood glucose reader that alerts me if my blood sugar is dropping. This morning I was thinking about it and then it started beeping! I’ve also had a thing where I wake up just before my alarm goes off… even though I set my alarm to various things. I know these are just coincidences but how can I stop my OCD latching on and thinking it’s some sort of sign or special ability?
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OCD
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So i got diagnosed with POCD and been on treatment for about a year. One of the main intrusive thoughts i have is about the things I used to watch when masturbating when I was a kid and teenager.
So i started masturbating from an early age and since that moment until I was around 17 i used to masturbate a lot while seeing rule34 of lots of animated characters i used to watch in shows, aside from that i also watched lolis and that kind of stuff. At the time i didn't gave it much thought and never got anxious about it.
Fast-forward to now and every now and then I have a sudden rush of anxiety and fear because I remember i used to masturbate to that and it makes me feel absolute horrible and like a pedophile. It's absolutely horrible and every time it happens I feel like shit.
I know it sounds absurd because it's not real cp but in a lot of countries what i used to watch is illegal and it makes me feel extremely bad.
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OCD
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because it usually feels impure? And you only want pure relationships with others without any potential intentions or benefits.
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OCD
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Hi.
I'm 31, recently diagnosed, and I'm on my second day of elvanse, which is the first medication I try for ADHD. I was warned that i would have trouble sleeping if i took it to late in the morning, but I never imagined I would only be able to fall asleep at 5am, when i took it at 9am the previous day.
I've actually been an emotional wreck since last friday (my cat, which was my best companion, left us unexpectedly), which might also contribute for the lack of sleep, I guess.
My questions are: Should I be worried? Would it be my body that needs to adjust itself to the meds? Is it because of my emotional state? I would appreciate some insights.
Thank you, everyone!
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ADHD
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im not asking for a diagnosis i have a diagnosis i just want to know if this is a common experience!!
ive always struggled with new things that i havent tried before. like i resisted going on walks to new places a lot as a child but now even as an adult its so hard to do things like book a new medical practitioner, even though booking ongoing therapy appointments is easy.
adding that i also have anxiety and was raised in a resource deficient house so never went to a doctor etc
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ADHD
|
I have been dating my suspected Aspie for almost two years. The first year we were almost an hour apart and saw each other once or twice a week. I always initiated texts but he always promptly responded.
I moved to his city so we could advance our relationship. I stay at his house more than my own. Most of the time we get along super well. He’s very regimented, does not like to go with me on walks w my dogs or sporting events I like and I’ve accepted that. He is not very affectionate and I’ve accepted that too. My love language is words of affirmation and nope, he doesn’t do a lot of that either.
What we have shared is conversation each day (in person). We talk about our day and what’s going on with us pretty extensively. We have similar sense of humor and watch shows and sports together. He’s very intelligent which I love. Our chemistry is really good even tho he doesn’t like to kiss that much.
We do love another. I feel he does. We have been talking about “one day we will get married,” and he’s never seemed afraid of it until the other day. Out of no where, he’s said he will never get married again—not to me or anyone. I was so hurt and he seemed annoyed. He’s always good to me and has never tried to put distance between us before. He said he didn’t want to break up but we agreed to take some time apart. I felt like he is contemplating a breakup even thoI feel like he loves me. It’s fair to say I have always done the most to keep our relationship going. I do think he needs to see what life will be like without me.
The first day I just cried. The second day I reminded him I love him over text and he reciprocated. Today I haven’t texted him and he hasn’t texted me either. I’ve told him a bunch of times how much that means to me if he sends me any type of text so I’ll know he’s thinking of me but he still never initiates that when we are apart.
It’s just Day 3 apart but it’s the weekend and I miss him terribly but I want him to miss me too. I do not want to text him even tho it is so hard not to hear from him. Any advice?
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aspergers
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I was curious what everyone listened to. I think music can say a decent amount about some people. I wanted to see what type of genres everyone likes. And if you enjoy going to concerts or performances— if anxiety gets to you etc.
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aspergers
|
Being raised around with the stigma that ocd is just wanting everything to be clean, I’ve never really given thought to it until having a deep read on it a few days ago.
When I was a kid it was really bad apparently, but I thought it was normal. I used to pray multiple times a day, and although I thought my religiousness justified that, I’ve realized I mostly prayed because I thought if I messed a prayer up, God would get angry and kill my family. I also did the thing where if something touches one part of my body, I have to touch the other side or it’ll be uneven.
But that was a couple years ago and it doesn’t affect me as badly. Occasionally, I still get thoughts that something bad will happen to my family (getting into a car crash, getting murdered, bashing their skull into the street if I don’t hold on to them well enough), and I usually have to check to make sure they’re still alive by monitoring their breathing when sleeping (I know it’s pretty creepy lol).
But the thing is, I don’t know if I’m just faking it?? Like, I don’t know if I’m just making myself fit into the criteria now that I’ve read about it. I also don’t think it’s messing with me as much as ocd really does.
I don’t know. I’m scared that if I go get help they’ll tell me I’d been overreacting
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OCD
|
I have
* major depressive disorder
* emotionally unstable personality disorder (EUPD)
* chrons disease
* bowel resection last july that took out 1.2 meters of my small bowel, so now i shit constantly all day long
* pains and aches in both legs and both feet / ankle joints that are there every single fucking day and they dont get any better from any painkillers other than alcohol and nicotine
* a wife that keeps telling me that i never am patient enough
* a 4 year old daughter that doesnt understand much, neither listens to anything i or her mother tells her, and often uses violence to get her smaller 1.5 year old brother to stop touching her toys
* her mother confronts her with words and "explanations" to try teach her not to do this
* i am banned from doing anything about it because my response would be spanking, confiscation of toys, locked in bedroom for set time as punishment
* my son i feel the most sorry for because he is being hit by his sister and my approach to discipline my wife wont allow
* due to all the above, happening on a daily basis, i feel i am on the verge of suicide / insanity / self destruct all the time.
the only times i am happier is when the wife and kids are out of the house, away for some hours, or when i am at work, or when i am asleep in the living room on an airbed on my own (because my wife breast feeds my son during the night, so the bed is never clear and he wakes up multiple times, and she also did this for my daughter as well, and we have not slept together since the end of 2017, and we have not had sex much either since then, maybe about 10 times or less).
i dont know what to do. do i kill myself and just leave them all to their own stupid "woke" / snowflake household, or do i leave and make things for myself even worse by having to pay child support for x2 kids until they are 18, pay my rent and bills, taxes.. and work 7 days a week to be able to afford that?
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depression
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Just got told that the medical exemption for my job expired last week (exempted me from having to be enrolled in class credits). I had requested it through December of 2021, and it had been approved. So, I just assumed that meant it was approved through then.. No one bothered (until now) to mention to me that the approval only lasted through mid-August.
Guess I didn't realize that there was a timeline to "get over" being sexually assaulted. I don't talk to my abusive parents, don't have friends here because I moved during a pandemic to go to school for this job. Police never actually did anything to go after the guy who assaulted me. Like, okay, I get it. I'm not worth being cared about, not allowed time or even justice to heal from what happened. Idk
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ptsd
|
I love love love my boyfriend but more often than not I LOVE my alone time (even more), so… almost every day when he is supposed to get out of work I start calling him to see if he is already on his way home, but not because I want him to be home already, I actually just want to know how much alone time left I have. I just feel like there are so many things that I enjoy doing when I’m alone (I.e. the hyper focus of the day) that I don’t necessarily want to share that time with anyone else.
Does anyone else feel the same way? Or am k just super selfish
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ADHD
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idk what I've done exactly but I've had a few therapists lose their patience and sometimes try to rush me. I asked why but they never really admitted and didn't provide me feedback. they either ended up quitting on me or I them. ig I have a hard time opening up, ADHD, social anxiety, and depression brain fog don't help. it's also kinda hard finding ND friendly therapists, the few I've found didn't work out either. maybe therapy isn't for everyone.
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aspergers
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Has anyone had any success in terms of getting over an obsession about getting pregnant? I’m 19 and a female and my brain keeps finding ways for me to worry that there’s semen on my underwear or when I’ve been intimate with my SO that somehow the semen has travelled across clothes to sWiM to me.
It sounds funny and stupid but like, the actual fear of getting pregnant is quite intense and it interferes with daily life things like going to the toilet and getting dressed. Even sitting down sometimes.
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OCD
|
Hey, this is the first time i've been on this subreddit, and im not too sure where to start, but doing my research on my intrusive thoughts, and developing OCD with different themes. The more I think back to my youth, and time in high school and middle school, I can tell that I had many many difficult days, and nights, and for 2 years I was feeling great and I stopped having major debilitating anxiety. 2 months ago, i had a panic attack, a FULL BLOWN panic attack. this panic attack happened for 2 days straight. My cycle went from being happy, and care-free to having multiple panic attacks every day or every other day.
I went for reassurance from multiple people, and i decided i needed therapy. I've had 3 sessions so far and i've been feeling very defeated because my life has changed so much. I've convinced myself i'm a bad person, and intrusive thoughts have been a part of my life for these past two months. My life has been turned upside down, and things are difficult, but I know its being positive, and going through with treatment that really helps.
Ive stopped smoking, watching porn, and quit all my addictions. I just want to feel like i did two months ago.
So i guess, hello, this is my new life, and i have to learn to love myself again.
Lets beat this together
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OCD
|
Probably sounds like a no brainer like “duh of course not has nothing to do with it” however I’ve been researching and looking into it and there’s a few articles saying that it in fact can mess with sperm production and other factors but how about women? My husband and I aren’t preventing pregnancy (like we want to get pregnant however we aren’t in a rush) like i stopped taking my birth control and we aren’t using condoms however now im worried about the meds affecting fertility and I’m basically CANT function normally without the meds I take Strattera for anyone asking. Like at work I’m unbearable I do metal fabrication and have to do a certain amount of parts like without the meds I’ll be chattering and focusing on other things and finish the day with just 10 parts when with the meds on a good day I’ll do 40-50 so it makes a big difference. Has any women here been through the same issue? Please help 😅
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ADHD
|
Alerts, reminders, whichever shape, form or sound they come in - they don’t do anything for me.
I easily and completely let them pass me by, I am not irked or jolted or even stopping for a millisecond
to think and ask how am I going to do what I literally just set an alarm to do, willingly.
I think maybe I’ll make a really cool alert sound, like Samuel L. Jackson shouting at me: “English Motherf*cker, Do You Speak It ?!”. Like, get da off up! Do something, anything. Stop standing still. (Rest assured I spent more than a normal amount of time searching for Samuel L. Jackson alert wav files. Because that’s important time not wasted. Eh, still enjoyed it though :))
I’ve thought about creating lists on my desktop as wallpapers, or a piece of paper taped on my closet door. Or maybe a magnet board on the fridge. The location, also, means nothing.
Anyone else like me? I want to do better, be better. But these “self hacks” or rituals do not touch me or my brain.
Am I the only one?
Advice? Ideas? Many thanks!
Full disclosure: I have a pretty hardcore ADD, diagnosed before we named it at all. Therefore my natural state of being is either frozen and fixated on mindless things (💊) or listlessness at most (😶🌫️). There, context. 🧠🧐🤔
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ADHD
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I apologize if this is a stupid question. So I’ve been having symptoms for a while now from trauma that happened years ago. I can’t get help yet for various reasons. However, ever since my most recent trauma happened (which was almost a year ago), the symptoms now seem to be more about that. Can someone please explain what this probably is? Thanks
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ptsd
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i always delete messages i haven’t read yet to get them away from reminding me that i’m avoiding talking to other people
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depression
|
Hi I am a complete newbie here, but I am like 99% sure I have adhd and I don’t even know how to go about getting diagnosed here in the UK, or if I even want to because I’m like can I be bothered to go through that whole process or possibly just be rejected from the doctor (rejection issues). FYI I am 27 yr old female.
I just wondered if anyone has an tips that help you, my worse things are impulsivity and my thoughts are none stop like they’re whirling round my brain and I just grab one and think about it but all the others are still fighting to be thought about. I also literally cannot listen to what anyone is saying when they’re talking to me unless I put all my strength and focus into listening to what they are saying, but that makes me feel really drained … thanks in advance for any tips :)
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ADHD
|
Hello guys,
I've been suffering from Erectile Dysfunction for about 3 years now, without a proper diagnosis. All the doctors I've visited in this time keep telling me the same story: They are unable to identify anything wrong with my genitals/penis/testicles and that I'm probably depressed and that's what's causing my ED.
I'm inclined to agree, since my personal situation isn't exactly the best, but the one thing I just cannot wrap my head around is that I have since had literally zero, and im repeating, ZERO "normal" erections (meaning a strong erection that stays intact without my input or external stimuli). My erections now are both weaker than before, aswell as lose their strength immediately after I stop engaging in masturbation. The random erections throughout the day, which I used to get, were about 100 times stronger than my strongest erection I've had since my ED.
Before my ED I'd usually get random erections up to multiple times per day, sometimes so often that I kept being bothered by the unwanted erections. Now i don't get them at all.
Also before you ask, I dont masturbate more than 2 times per week, and that's already streatching it. Sometimes i go by a week without any masturbation at all.
Has anyone in here dealt with / is still dealing with depression, and can maybe share his story about ED? Because I'm slowly but surely going insane after being told over and over again that my body is OK, but still suffering from ED.
Is ED caused by depression seriously this consistent? Even over a timespan of multiple years?
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depression
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i feel very empty almost everynight and it’d led to me having addictions and trouble sleeping just from how bad the emptiness is. does anyone else struggle with this? i don’t see people with PTSD really talking about it so i’m not sure if i’m alone with this (just recently got diagnosed)
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ptsd
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So I was diagnosed with OCD a couple of years ago and things have gotten a bit better. I also have anxiety and depression. I was talking to my cousin the other day about everything that I’ve been going through bc we share a lot of the same issues. I mentioned how I could never concentrate and I forget really easily because I get caught up in doing other things and how I get stuck in patterns all the time. Like I stayed up until almost 1 AM cleaning my room for no other reason than I just felt compelled to do it. And I’ll read for hours on end completely forgetting any other responsibilities I have, among many other things. She told me that everything I’ve been experiencing was what she experienced before being medicated for her ADHD. Now I’m beginning to wonder if what I’ve been experiencing is an amalgamation of all my other illnesses or if I also have ADHD. I know everyone’s is different and women present differently than men. But if any of you guys have experience with this I’d appreciate it. I’ve brought it up to my mom and she says I should let it go bc “I don’t need another diagnosis”.
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OCD
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This was my second day on vyvanse, 20mg to start. I was hoping to feel some noticeable effects, but so far I think (and I’m really uncertain at this point) I might be a bit calmer than usual. I’m not really sure what I’m suppose to feel or notice. I’m wondering what other’s experience was. I’m planning on upping my dose in a few weeks, but I’m just curious to know what are some of the things that I can focus on to notice the effects more.
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ADHD
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Eh. Weird question. Let me explain.
In many social situations, I often feel like people don't register me. Not just as a woman, no, sometimes I wonder if people even register me as another person.
It's just the way they treat me. Especially men. They look at me and literally say "aww, cute" like to a fucking puppy. They give me headpats. Or pinch my cheek. Not directly in the way of talking down (like Aspies are often treated, aka baby talk), but still like they don't register me as a fully fleshed woman.
And then when I try to gently act like one, they become visibly...uncomfortable?
Like everyone is making dirty jokes or flirting. And then I flirt jokingly and it's like I'm a 6yo who just asked what sex is. Like I'm literally behaving inappropriate...somehow. And everything becomes awkward.
Friends aren't better. Often treat me like I'm innocent & pure. And sure, I guess I like to be cute sometimes, but it often becomes so automatic that I wonder if I'll ever be taken seriously. Like if there will ever be a guy who sees me as "pretty" and not "aww, cute"
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aspergers
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I hate this, and I feel like this is a very, *very,* stupid thing to have PTSD over.
When I (21/F) was younger, and I would get depressed, self-harm, or whatever. My 'mother' would scream/mock me by saying in a kinda Karen tone, *"No one likes me, everyone hates me, might as well eat worms!"* Every time I'd cry or show emotion.
At points, she would scream that I have nothing to cry over/be depressed about.
And, now, at 21, I still get scared/PTSD over it, and no longer allow people to see me cry, in fear that they'll scream, berate me, or mock me...
People have worse PTSD, and I am so sorry this is minor and a very stupid thing...
Have a wonderful night... I won't blame anyone for not even reading this...
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ptsd
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Whenever in my life that i have to choose between two things or more , whether it be small or big , it seems like an easy decision but as time passes by my mind just wants the perfect spot and because of that i get super anxious and i reach a placr that i become paralyzed , guys literally paralyzed!!!
it affects my mood , my feelings toward people and in every aspect of my life like communicatinh with my surronding people .
it has happened to me when i wanted to buy a shoe!! i couldnt decide whether i buy it or not , is it insanity to put that much of money in this show?!!!it was like my mind was locked at that moment and i couldn't decide whether it is better to buy it or not !! and at last i bought it but i really regreted my decision from the time i bought it till now !!! can you imagine that ?
also it is happening in every aspect of my life too , just imagin!!
when i am stuck in this loop of decision making i walk a lot , just want to get an answer immediately, and when this happens my other problems show up and at last i get deppressed and all i have made so far to feel a little better just ruins befote my eyes.
It's like there is no perfect decision for me and whatever i choose has its consequences so i'd rather not to choose at all but sometimes that i have to choose i get super anxious.
Can you help me out please? right now i want to see a therapist but the time hasnt come yet so i want some help
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OCD
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If you’re a survivor, chances are you have been victim blamed/shamed. In the past when it came to sexual assault, it was often the woman that was blamed for “asking for it.” I recall reading a book called “Can’t Buy My Love” that talked about the influence of advertisements. There was a specific rape case where the judge ruled that the woman asked for it simply because the brand of her underwear was Victoria’s Secret. Now, we are finally holding men accountable for sexual assault, but why not for abuse? There is a stereotype that low income or minority females are too “uneducated” to not leave. This is false. Abuse can happen to ANYONE of any social class or ethnicity. Abuse is rarely shown right away. I’m sure if we saw it in the first week we would have run but that simply isn’t how it works, especially in narcissistic abuse. There is a “love bombing” or “golden period” that can last up to a year or more where the narc acts perfectly, the change in their behavior starts slowly and is a brainwash process that has us hold onto the love bomb period in the hopes of them being capable of being that way again. Once brainwash is complete, abuse is the new normal and the voice in your head telling you something wrong is still there but yet you feel trapped to leave. I’ve learned a lot about this type of abuse from this account \*\*@he\_never\_hit\_me\_but\*\* dedicated narcissistic abuse survivors. The handle alone makes me feel validated since I was never hit. Never let anyone judge you for not leaving right away. Leaving is a process and often involves extensive planning to be able to do it safely. No one understands your reality unless they’ve been through it themselves.
Edit: the “account” I refer to is on Instagram. Sorry for the confusion!
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ptsd
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one of my biggest compulsions is to constantly readjust myself and my clothing in bed because it never feels comfy ever. its so frustrating having to never be fully comfortable and lifting myself up every two seconds, and being hyper aware of every fold in your clothing.
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OCD
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How was this week for you? speak your truth and let it out! You deserve for someone to ask you & care. So right now, I’m doing both.
I’m the only human in this house I’m renting (can you tell?!), and it feels a little empty. But when I come on here to send y’all a little bit of 🥰 and✨, I know you’re out there on the receiving end. It really brightens my night to hope that you smiled.
🌟
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ptsd
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Hey all, looking for some med recommendations.
I switched jobs so I have new insurance, and I just found out while picking up my scrips that they don't cover Vyvanse. I got diagnosed very late in life and Vyvanse is the only thing I've ever tried. I started on 30mg and have been on 40 for some time now. It generally worked great for me, though I did sometimes wish I had a way to vary my dose as needed, since I find at the end of some days I wished I'd had a lower dose while others it was just right. Is there something those of you who've responded well to Vyvanse have also found useful?
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ADHD
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So why did i cry the entire hour home? Im not sure, its been years since my wife passed away, I'm not sure i can let her go enough to give another woman a shot. I've gone on more than a dozen dates in the past few months, but never wanted to cry afterwards.
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ptsd
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So Im diagnosed with ADHD, I didnt go by online tests.
Ive tried many medications. I always hear people that dont have adhd get a rush or something (not what Im looking for)
I myself feel nothing on anything, like nothing even with a high dosage.
Except Concerta at 54mg, I feel a bit more energy.
What I wanted to know is: is adhd med tolerance a sign that I really have ADHD?
I only ask this because some people say ”well if meds dont work then u dont have adhd”.
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ADHD
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Someone to say I’m proud of you son. Someone to hug when times get tough. Someone to go to for advice. Someone to shoot the shit with. Someone to share my dreams with. Someone to sit on the back porch and pass a joint with after building a shed or something. I really just want a dad.
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ptsd
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Hello. I might not have PTSD but I did suffer lota of neglect and minor traumas during my life.
I wonder now, what does really help healing it?
Are there any good techniques beside physical exercises ans grounding techniques?
Thanks
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ptsd
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I moved to a new place and it has a keypad lock instead of a key lock. When I close the door and press lock, it makes a beeping noise and that gives me a bit more satisfaction that it is locked, as I hear the mechanism locking the door inside as well.
It kind of gives me some paranoia that people will know my code and come in, but as for the actual fear of leaving my door unlocked, I can now try to reason with myself that I heard the beep and mechanism and then eventually my panic and obsession starts to cool off. (The obsession is still there but it's much easier than trying to remember if I locked it manually without any confirmation other than turning the knob a bunch)
Just thought it might be interesting to share and discuss, let me know what you think, and if you'd be into trying this sort of thing, or just feel that it placates symptoms and isn't helpful.
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OCD
|
Does anyone ever feel like committing the unalive (I’m not going to commit to the act for I like being alive I just don’t like this world) but not because you hate yourself. I like myself. I like the way I am and do things. But I just hate that I can’t because I have to constantly try to fit into this world and work and waste away. I don’t want to work 40 he work weeks. I’m basically in a never ending shutdown because of it. Constantly overstimulated and due to that on my days off I don’t have any time to do what I want because I’m tired and re-charging from everything I went through the other days I worked. I feel as if I’m endlessly trapped in a world that I don’t fit in and no matter how hard I try and reach I can’t seem to “get better” at handling anything. My mind is a hazy thoughts are just foggy. My memories are also blurry thinking is hard. Emotions are hard. And sometimes I want to die. Not because I hate myself but because the world doesn’t accept me, my parents traumatized me and my friends (while they’re cool and everything) don’t understand the struggles. They just say that I’m depressed and to accept myself and to do my hobbies because they bring me happiness. But how can you do something when you’re so tired and overstimulated. I don’t know. I’m at a loss for everything. I’m stressed and upset.
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aspergers
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I honestly don't know where my OCD came from or how I got it. I have had symptoms basically all of my life! Sometimes I wonder if it's a curse.
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OCD
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I have a dilemma because I have a sore throat/cold and half of me wants to go to bed, I've already brushed my teeth so I don't have to worry about that so I could just get into bed if I wanted to. However it's normal for me and routine for me to go to bed late when I say late I mean like 1/2am it sounds silly but I just find comfort in going to bed late when everyone else is already asleep. But I don't want to go to bed really in case I die or something.
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OCD
|
I'll try and keep this short because the title already pretty much covers it.
I've always found that I forget specific details of a movie as soon as its over. I will definitely know whether I enjoyed it or not, and be able to talk about it as a whole, but no specifics.
If i've been to a movie with friends, when we leave usually the immediate conversation as you're walking out of the building is "so what did you think? etc. etc." and they will start talking about specific parts they enjoyed, "what did you think of the part where..." "omg i loved the scene when..." blah blah blah and i have NO IDEA what they are talking about. Like i literally just watched the movie right then how is this possible!
Just me? 😅
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ADHD
|
I'm messaging with a friend online and I don't have the energy to mask and respond enthusiastically or some other NT way at the moment. They caught on and asked me if I find them boring. I feel bad because I don't know how to answer that in the "polite" or "normal" way or do some socially accepted mumbo jumbo to ease the situation. So I just told them I'm busy. I feel pathetic about it but honestly I don't know what script or whatever to pull at that point and I just feel bad.
Something related to this. I could go for weeks or months without chatting with somebody just because I have no idea what to chat about. And I guess it can come off as me not caring about them. And other times I really have no idea how to respond to some situations like small talk, catching up with a friend or acquaintance I haven't been in contact with, or topics I have no interest in. And these things just add to me looking cold or being a bad friend. It's like a dance that somehow people already know the steps to and I'm just there being clumsy and feeling like an obstacle that makes it difficult for other people.
Sometimes friendships are complicated...
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aspergers
|
For years ago I dealt with some identity issues and did some very VERY embarrassing things throughout the year. It haunts me, all the time I am so worried about what people think of me and how could I have done those things! I'm in a much better place right now and I wish I could get passed that! I learned what I needed to learn from those events! I shouldn't suffer this much!
Do you have any tips on how to deal with this kind of embarrassment? On how to get pass the fear of being judge? On how to stop this obsessive thoughts and feelings about something that I can't change and that happened so long ago?
I'm in need of some advice...
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OCD
|
hello. i know some of my thoughts are legitimate but i take them to the extreme. every one washes their hands after going to the bathroom but i also see that to wash your hands you first open the water with those dirty hands so i also need to wash the water handle..
now my shower got to 4 hours long!! only because i take the shower right after using the bathroom and by sitting on the toilet i feel like all my back is getting dirty from the toilet seat and by going to the shower, my dirty body will contaminate the shower walls so i always wash the shower walls (because i only afraid i touch the walls but probably didnt).
then i wash my self with soap, rinse and then rewash. the problem is that i need to be 360 degrees clean and like every square CM of my skin needs to be scrubbed really good and thats sums up to 4 hours.
when i wash my hair i also wash my face,my nose and inside the ears but so thoroughly.
i also feel dirty in my butt because i sit on the toilet and of "poseidon kiss".
i also wash my feet like crazy
i dont know how to get rid of all the (unneccessary) steps of my shower
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OCD
|
Hey all,
I just wanted to share some positivity I've been having in my life ever since I made the move to talk to a psychiatrist and getting medicated for ADHD. I didn't think it would change much in my life, but it has made all aspects better so far.
I've been on 10mg of Adderal XR for a few months now. Since this time I've realized that I am enjoying my hobbies a great amount more. In the past, I would habitually check my phone during movies, games, and other activities where I struggled with focusing.
Now, I can get immersed in movies with my partner and be able to dissect the plot with her (something we LOVE to do, but I used to struggle remembering things like character names or smaller details). I also feel like conversations between my partner and I have become better and we just get along more fluidly after 4 years.
Another area where I feel improvement is enjoying games more. In the past, I would struggle with games just like I mentioned I struggle with movies. Getting on my phone in between chapters or matches, not remembering names or key plot points, etc. Now I feel myself heavily invested in those stories and characters due to me being able to be completely immersed and paying attention to everything!
Currently, I'm back into Final Fantasy 14 and I never really paid any attention to the story, writing, or any small details (yes, I am fully aware that is basically a crime). Now, I can see all of this and really appreciate everything about this game. I'm communicating with the community more, actually watching cutscenes, and appreciating the music and visuals.
Overall, I just wanted to share these small victories with you all. I had no idea the struggles I've had all my life were due to ADHD. I just thought that was how everyone felt. Knowing that I was struggling and now receiving help for it, it's basically a new chapter in my life. One I am growing to appreciate and enjoy even more.
I would love to hear all of y'alls stories and successes if you'd like to share them as well.
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ADHD
|
Hi everyone.
I was diagnosed with OCD last year and honestly it was a bit of a surprise. I had a lot of “checking” behaviours that I mentioned to my psychiatrist, such as getting up at night to check that the door was locked three or four times before I went to sleep, or checking that my alarm was set at least 10 times before I could sleep, among other things. My doctor said it was OCD, and that was a hard pill to swallow for me. I have a laundry list of other mental illnesses and every time I get diagnosed with something else it just feels like another exhausting, daunting thing for me to deal with, even though rationally I know it’s just a diagnosis and it’s meant to help me and help professionals know how to care for me best.
Anyway, I’ve been dealing with those types of behaviours for most of my life and I’m used to them now because I’ve lived with them for so long, and I’ve learned to just accept them and deal with them.
However, recently I started a job in a not-so-nice area downtown, where I actually almost got attacked last summer by a stranger, and I have a lot of remaining anxiety/trauma attached to being downtown from that incident, and being downtown triggers my OCD in a way I’ve only ever heard of, not experienced personally until recently. I’ve started doing things ritually, like clicking the crosswalk button exactly 3 times, and if I don’t press it 3 times I get extremely anxious and I have this foreboding feeling that something awful is going to happen to me, and I may even die.
Unfortunately my psychiatrist has retired, and I don’t even have a family doctor right now despite my best efforts to find one, and this is all becoming so exhausting and stressful for me but I cannot quit my job or avoid downtown altogether.
Any advice? :(
Edited to fix a spelling error and added clarity to a sentence.
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OCD
|
And it’s very annoying when people say, “Oh, people with PTSD are just weak. They just need to get over it.” When someone is traumatized, the amygdala is in overdrive mode. And this often results in some of the most common symptoms of PTSD you see such as hyper arousal. When the amygdala is in constant overdrive mode, this makes it harder for the prefrontal cortex to regulate emotions such as fear, etc. As for the hippocampus, when a trauma happens, this may cause the hippocampus to be unable to get rid of those memories and it may make them extremely vivid. In turn, this will often cause a fight-or-flight response in the sufferer.
https://highlandspringsclinic.org/blog/can-emotional-trauma-cause-brain-damage/
Edited: So I just realized the tree argument isn’t really a good one so I just removed it. My sincere apologies.
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ptsd
|
I remember something happened to me when I was 11 but I have no idea what happened. Like I have flashes of memories but i don't I don't the context and the situation and dont know what triggers me. And when there is a trigger suddenly I just feel like my life's at stake and I just feel pain and panic and everything just looks so big and sounds are too loud. My therapist who studied psychology and counseling says I have PTSD but I never got officially diagnosed(I plan to).
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ptsd
|
I am moving from southern california (San Bernardino) to northern california (Santa Clara) sometime in the next few months. I am on medi-cal now but my husband got a new job with insurance benefits that start 12/6. I have a doc appt to talk about it next week but that's on the prescription side of it.
How do you find a doctor who will be supportive of all the care I've already gotten the last 3 years? Do you just call them and talk to them?
What steps did you take to make this transition smooth as possible?
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ADHD
|
Back in 2015 I had the chance to start therapy for my ptsd, but I was too scared and didn't return after our first meeting. Currently I'm on the waiting list to actually start therapy, now that I regret not going through with it back then, knowing I'll never actually be "ready" to deal with it. But I want to, because I'm going crazy with how badly I have let it affect my life and myself. I'm not good with confrontation so I know I'll be facing the same issue at some point, but I was wondering if anyone had any advice or could share something they wish they knew before starting therapy? Thank you.
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ptsd
|
Within the last few months I have been having a lot of issues with intrusive thoughts with imagery. I just keep getting so paranoid as well. I just keep worrying that something is going to jump out at me in my vision. Or I am going to hear screaming or someone is going to pull my head back from behind me or something. And I can feel the fear. It is just so upsetting to think that this happens to me so often. It just won't leave.
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I thought I would mention, I do take various medicines, and I have ASD and bipolar (unsure of what type)
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I just have no idea what to do about this. I am only posting in r/OCD because of the things I have read about intrusive thoughts with intrusive imagery to. I have no idea if anyone else experiences this, I just have no idea what I need to hear. It is just such a struggle.
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OCD
|
Hello,
First time poster on here, you may have seen me commenting on other posts however.
As it states in the title, I recently started a new job and I'm on the second day and I didn't go in.
It overwhelmed me, the shifts were long and the warehouse was unfriendly.
My partner of 14 years has decided she has had enough of me, and has moved out to her parents with our child.
I'm am back living with my parents as a 33 year old man, sat back in my old bedroom that felt like a prison all these years ago.
The self pity and shame has started to irritate even myself.
What do I do? How do I pull myself out of this? I have left and started jobs so many times that I've lost count. Longest I had a job was 2 years and that mentally drained me to the point of panic attacks.
Will I ever get a job? Or am I destined to be a loser living with my parents forever.
I want medication but as some of you are aware, its pretty complicated to get a diagnosis as an adult in the UK. I don't have the money to go private.
I often feel a fraud, like I'm just lazy and pretending.
I often feel no emotion and then feel every emotion at once.
Loneliness and bitterness at failing are dragging me further into a pit of sorrow that I feel will kill me.
I'm suicidal but scared of leaving everyone behind to absorb my pain, how is that fair to my family and child? It isn't, but then again I've never been good at making the right choice.
Its the people around us that are affected by our condition that are often overlooked.
Sorry for the rant, just needed a outlet.
Any help would be appreciated. Have a lovely day.
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ADHD
|
* **This is a lot, I'm sorry. I may have done this wrong. Don't waste your time on the other stuff (I rambled), I just need help with what's bulleted.**
Last night I had a crisis or panic, not sure what to call it now - freakout, attack? I failed two major exams in a class that I honestly wanted to and should have dropped at the start of the semester because the professor didn't make the material engaging, and it was an online class (so all of the responsibility and fault is on me, huzza). I'm most likely going to fail those class, which means I am going to be kicked out of the honors program and lose my full-ride scholarship (those two things are more tangential than related to one another, they just have similar requirements). I equate this to failing college.
Which means I'm going to kill myself. I have a bad thoughts journal (that's finally getting some use) where I outlined/rambled what I think of my future, and I included a clause that I would kill myself if I failed college because I am a absolutely worthless human being. Now that that's happened, I freaked out because there is probably no way for me to salvage this, I was afraid of killing myself (maybe it was if I was going to do it in that moment, or just what process I would pick in general) and I was afraid of death. I drafted a text to my boss saying I would be out to deal with a mental health crisis and would be back tomorrow as usual, and something more panicked for my counselor (therapist? I'm not sure the difference) - wrote that in the bad thoughts journal first before typing it. I then plugged my ears and forced myself to sleep after taking some stress-reducing pills (over-the-counter stuff, and it was a normal dose I think. One intact pill, one 1/4 chipped, and what remained in the form of powder).
* **I wake up this morning, extremely well-rested, actually one of the best nights sleep I've gotten this semester, & I think I no longer care.**
* **First thing I did was cancel the messages to my boss & counselor (it's still in the journal should I change my mind) and I am much more calm than last night. I don't know if I'm brushing the whole ordeal off, as in I won't kill myself over this stress, or if it's more, oh well, may as well coast until they actually deliver the verdict.**
* **This doesn't feel normal, even for myself which is absolutely not normal. Is it though? Is it some form of post-panic calm or clarity (not sure if it's that, I'm still very confused right now) where I'm fine until something triggers me again? I'm not sure. I'm not sure if this is good or bad for me either.**
My temples are tight. Usually when I have something like above it's the center of my skull that gets that way. Actually right now when I am writing this out now (and typing, huh), it is. Or that may just be my posture, I'm overweight, lazy, out of shape because I'm to chicken to start a swim team like I wanted - or hah, even communicate with the person I'm supposed to be helping out on a newsletter because they're intimidating and probably would talk bad about me to everyone else - rather say how disappointed they are in in me to my dad and blah blah blah that's a tangent not in the journal.
I don't know if I'll come back to this in a serious capacity that isn't apathetic, so please don't stress yourself over trying to wrack your brain around my nonsense. I hope I don't trigger someone else with this I'm so sorry.
* **I just wanna know if what I'm feeling in this moment is normal.**
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depression
|
(TW) This is an alt account, just so I can get this off of my chest. I've never accepted the fact that I've been traumatized. I have not been diagnosed with PTSD, but I'm posting here because I feel broken, and I can't really talk to anyone else about this—I know nobody here can diagnose me, but I'm wondering if I have it, or at least if I have symptoms that need to be checked out.
I've always buried my feelings and I tend to bottle things up, which is not a good thing to do. I'm the oldest sibling in my family (I have 3 siblings), and I've always had to pull it together and be strong, especially after my parent's divorce, which was rough.
I watched my father beat up my siblings and my mother, and I've been beat up by him as well. I always try to forget about it, but I get dreams about it and the thought of it will pop into my head everyday, and it's very stressful for me. I can't get yelled at by anybody without shutting down completely, because of how my father yelled at me when I was younger.
I'm also a bisexual, transgender guy, and I've endured abuse from my siblings because of it. As a teenager, my siblings beat me because they wouldn't accept me for who I was. When I was 15 my mother almost kicked me out for it, which I also still remember.
I've attempted suicide twice. I struggle a lot with self harm. I'm currently diagnosed with OCD and bipolar, which are both medicated.
I don't know if I should see a doctor for this—I've never brought it up to my psychiatrist because I didn't want my family to get in trouble or be seen negatively. They've been horrible to me but I still love them. Part of me is ashamed to talk about it, because my family keeps convincing me that nothing bad ever happened.
I'm so broken by what I've been through. I'm still in contact with my family so every time I have to visit them it's hard. My father isn't in my life anymore, luckily. I feel ashamed especially because my younger siblings beat on me—I was the only girl in my family, before I came out as trans years later, so I was weaker than them.
Sorry if this post is a mess—I have days where I struggle more with what happened to me, and this is one of them. I just need to talk about things and can't go anywhere else. I'm starting to accept that these things actually happened and had an affect on me.
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ptsd
|
lost my fucking laptop charger cord again now i have to spend another day being bored depressed and suicidal unable to distract myself hhahahhahahahhahahahahahaha i fucking hate this all
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depression
|
Hi guys I switched medicine about 3 weeks ago ,this new med is incredibly good and incredibly low on sides (decreased sides by 80% compare to other one ) but my stress level increased and I got RLS , I can’t stop my self from shaking my leg ! Any suggestions ? Am i need to worry or i can shake my leg as long as I want ?
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ADHD
|
I was recently diagnosed as someone having adhd. I now realize that everything I did in school was because of my adhd.
I am a 32 year old woman and all my life I have thought that people are laughing at me.
I went to an all girls school and I was the class clown. I am naturally very funny and used to love to be a prankster in school. Pretty soon, I noticed that people laughed at everything I did. All I had to do was walk around school, and someone would be pointing and laughing. People used to laugh with me and slowly they started laughing at me because they could not see beyond how funny I am. One of my most embarrassing memories is when I was 14 and the teacher was asking everyone what they wanted to be when they grow up. Each person stood up and said "Doctor", "Engineer", "Teacher" blah blah. When my turn came and I said "I want to be a dentist", the whole class burst out laughing. That incident completely ended up fucking with my self-esteem. I asked a few friends why they laughed at me and they replied that "I have a funny face", "My expressions are funny", "the way I talk is funny", "I am unintentionally funny".
Since that incident, I have tried to mellow down and not show my funny side to people. I only show my true side to people I am comfortable with. Very close friends and family. In undergrad, I tried my best to shake my "funny" reputation.
I am now working in technology and since the pandemic, have been home. I am pretty much in meetings all day long. My husband noticed me in one of the meetings and said that I sounded very stiff and unnatural. Ever since he made that comment, I have been mulling over it and I realized that I am so scarred from my teenage incidents, that for the past 2 decades, I have had 2 personalities. The fun, outgoing, silly personality for close friends and family. The stiff, conscious, awkward girl for colleagues and people who didn't really know me that well. I finally realized how much it has affected my entire existence. I get panicky at work when someone asks me a question I don't know the answer to - like they are all judging me and laughing at me. And in meetings, I talk very fast to explain myself, lest someone should think I am an idiot and a clown. When someone grimaces or smiles, I overthink that they are smiling at something idiotic I did or they grimaced at something weird I said.
I know it sounds ridiculous that as a middle aged woman I still think people are laughing at me, but for the past 2 decades, I have constantly had that feeling in my mind. I’m not sure if this is a common symptom of people with adhd to over analyze everything but would love to hear your thoughts.
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ADHD
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I'm looking for some commiseration.
I'm on a corporate creative team. Recently I've had a ton of issues with this coworker who frequently requests projects from us.
They are a marketing strategist. I ask lots of questions when we kick off these projects 1) to understand the strategy and where we have leeway to be creative and 2) for my own curiosity about things I don't know. She has told me that this makes her feel like I don't think she can do her job and I'm undermining her (?????).
Nothing I say to her/that team is taken in good faith. Anything other than "yes, we'll get it done" means I'm an asshole. Examples include:
- "I see what you mean, but we did it that way because ____." (I'm defensive and won't take feedback — even though we make 95% of her changes with no discussion.)
- "The system actually won't let us organize it that way. Here's what I'd suggest instead." (I won't do things if they aren't my way — even though it's a system limitation, not my preference.)
- "That could work. But what if we did something like ____, to reinforce the primary message?" (I won't accept that strategy decisions are outside my purview — even though their team pressured ours to be more strategic for ages AND IT'S JUST A SUGGESTION).
- "If we do change the approach, it'll extend the timeline. Does that work, or should we keep as is?" (I'm stuck in the old way & a roadblock to an agile business — even though this is factual information about a process.)
- "We had high-priority rush projects come in, can we push this one back a few weeks?" (I refuse to do what she asks — even though it wasn't needed right then and she said yes.)
My #1 note through my whole career is that I have a lot of valuable expertise & skill, but don't speak up enough. I've stepped that up significantly in the last year and have gotten really positive feedback from **everyone else.** To the point that a promotion is imminent.
But to this team, me participating in the conversation with my POV/knowledge (or asking questions about theirs) is the same as being a defensive asshole who refuses to cooperate and doesn't think they can do their jobs.
This happens to the NT people on my team too, to an extent, so I think there's nothing I could change. But the convo with this specific person still felt very targeted and personal ... and I'm feeling progressively less and less inclined to be there. It's ruining a job I otherwise really love.
WTF?
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aspergers
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This man whose father suffered from ptsd created an app that gently vibrates a smart watch based on sleep patterns and heart rate that can gently counteract the beginning of nightmares without necessarily waking the person. If you have apple you could check out "nightware." I'm currently looking for one on android, but this seems like a very kind and thoughtful idea.
https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.cnn.com/cnn/2020/12/13/us/son-father-ptsd-nightware-app-nightmares-trnd/index.html
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ptsd
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I don’t understand this sub. Every time someone posts something, about how they’re going to “end it all”, everyone’s like “no! don’t it. U have so much to live for” or by being supporting and relating; as to discourage them. Like why r u people so negative?
Where’s the ‘for cases’ for suicide? I say “you can do it! Believe in yourself and u can do anything!” Ya know? Where’s that kinda malignant positive vide in this sub?
Obviously don’t commit suicide. But I mean, how come ‘for suicide’ arguments’ or ‘yea, depression is the best!’ can’t work? I mean Emil Cioran even refers to depression as ‘Sweet melancholy’.
Is it like some weird social conditioning thing? Wouldn’t saying “think of all things u could do or all the people u would hurt” make that person feel worst? It would me. If it did, wouldn’t that make the ‘argument against’ suicide counterproductive if not selfish. But ‘arguments for’ doesn’t work either, so... Kinda stuck either way
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depression
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Hi, sorry of this isnt the right place to post this but im at the end of the road.
Late diagnosis at uni and have spent the rest of the time trying to make sense of what it means. I have lived 43 years with this and have never taken any meds.
Has anyone else started taking meds and how did it affect you? Was there a type that you could take for a flareup? I did the same thing with sleeping tablets over 3 months or so and that worked really well. Haven't needed them in about a year.
Im not wanting to take them but at the moment im failing to keep control of my temper. Ive ended up holding a hot spoon on my arm it stop the cacophony in my head. Im now at the point where i know im not in control. If this continues my partner is going to leave as nobody should have to put up this.
Ive tried speaking to my doctor's who have said it 'low moods' they suggested CBT but when the things setting you off, work and IBS, out of your hands its not really helpful. Last time i did it i was already doing the things i needed to.
Excuse the typos but i left the house without glasses. 👍
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ADHD
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I’m about 2 weeks into a 4 week EMT course and I think I’ve found my calling. I’ve never been more dedicated and focused in my life. It’s also something that my AD/HD kind of helps with because it’s very important to connect all this different factors and link them with a potential problem. It also kind of allows for some creativity and a personal touch in some aspects.
I just want to share and let people know there really are things you can succeed at and even use ADHD to your advantage.
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ADHD
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I have intellectual disabilities that only make people uncomfortable, and I also have bad paranoia and delusions of harm. Actually, my level of English is so low that I think everyone is looking down on me. I have the worst idea. I wonder why I'm posting in English when I don't understand all my native language and ask people again. I want people all over the world to know......?
I don't know......
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OCD
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This is on the asd online test. What does this mean? Do people with aspegers usually do this or not do this?
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aspergers
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Preface: I have not been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD, nor am I self-diagnosing, but I have done research and suspect I have ADHD.
So I messed up. My mom had extra tickets to a show and she asked if I wanted my girlfriend to come with us. I told my gf, and then she just had to ask her mom, and let us know. That was last week, and last night we were talking about the show. I asked my mom if my gf should meet us at the house or if we would pick her up. Then my mom looked confused and said "What? She's not coming." I was so confused. Apparently, I never told my mom that she could go to the show, and my mom sold the extra ticket. I was extremely upset because I was really looking forward to seeing the show with my gf. I literally went up to my room to cry, but I was more upset that I made that mistake. I still think my mom should have asked me like oh is she going or not, but yeah I guess it's on me that I never got back to her.
Making mistakes like this and just seeming like I have a shit memory in general makes me feel so stupid. I feel like I'm incapable of such simple things, and I feel dumb a lot of the time. I'm so upset about this because I feel bad (even though my gf says I shouldn't be sorry) and I'm upset because I was anticipating her being there but of course I fucked it up.
As I prefaced, I'm undiagnosed, but I feel like I might be in the future. If not with ADHD, at least with something tangible so I can get help. I don't want to be like this and feel like this forever.
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ADHD
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I’ve been taking flovoxamine on and of for about 20 months now. But usually stayed on 50 mili último it riding help at all. After a time without medication that I realized I couldn’t do without it so I got back and amped the dosage.
And now at 100 mili I am feeling every single adverse effect possible: nausea, migraines, diarrhea, dry eyes, everything is brighter, insomnia, heavy (heavy) sleepiness, depression, anxiety, tachycardia and weakness in general.
Yet I can finally just relax and think of nothing, I don’t even feel the need to always be listening to sound or getting distracted in my phone. So I think it’s worth.
You guys think I should expect it to pass? Or should I try something different? Is this normal?
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OCD
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Just stared at myself in the mirror for a while (maybe 30 minutes? I’m unsure) and sort of blanked out, I guess. My vision went weird and I kind of just kept looking. I wasn’t thinking excessively I guess, but some disbelief and distrust in my “realness” were blurring my vision even more. I was sort of fixating on how memories felt fake and some other existential-type thoughts, but for the most part I was just staring. I hadn’t heard of ruminating until I joined this sub, so I don’t know if this is that? I do it sort of often, it just happens, but tonight it was more severe. I guess I’m just foggy on the definition.
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OCD
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Holy fuck it’s not the worst thing in the world that I’m able to remember music so accurately in my head, but at this point it seems I almost always have some earworm or another. Sometimes it’s the chorus of a song, sometimes it’s just the beat if it’s just too fire. I’m always happy when I get over one, but then it seems another just creeps right on in. I can even remember some of the worst ones I’ve had before they lasted so long. How do y’all deal with this? Not the worst thing in the world but sometimes it’s annoying how bad I want to jam out to some shit while I’m trying to study or focus. And of course noticing when I don’t have a song playing in my head makes me start playing one a lot of the time lmao.
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OCD
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I am an engineer in the construction industry. Which is really dumb choice for me considering my severe covid anxiety and the amount of in person meetings/collaboration required for this job. I just started a new job and we have a meeting tomorrow and IT'S IN PERSON. And that is making me sick to my stomach.
I thought taking this job would be good for my career and it pays more than my last job. And it was an opportunity to move out of my parent's house. But now I think I am regretting it since I cannot get over the covid anxiety.
Anybody have any advice???
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OCD
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does anyone else wake up with nausea shaky (just ill in general) after a nightmare? sometimes my nightmares don't even include the specific traumas, but have small details that make me triggered enough, like the setting, the lights, the people in it etc
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ptsd
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Pretty much as the title says. I got a new med for my ptsd related night terrors, took it last night, and then had an absolute whopper of a night terror. I'm guessing it's just an unfortunate coincidence, but damn. My brain did not need to go THAT HARD.
Anyways, med is prazosin 1mg. Anyone have any experience with it?
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ptsd
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This morning I saw a video of a Chinese Muslim being beaten by Chinese military officials, it was a very graphic video and was very sad. The video itself didn’t trigger me or anything particularly, I’m not a stranger to violence and stuff like that. But It had me reflecting on the true suffering around the world, and how bad some people really have it. On the one hand It made me feel grateful for my life because of how well off I am, I may deal with ptsd but I feel like I don’t suffer like that man and many others do across the world, even among my own friends who I see suffer and go through hard times. But then I realized how I also think I feel guilty and beat myself up for my lack of suffering, or at least my perception of my own lack of suffering and hard times. Because I know everyone has hard times, but I think I don’t allow myself to admit to myself that I have those hard times. Part of it I think has to do with validation of my traumas and struggles, because that has been a long time issue for me. I often think What I’ve been through is nothing in comparison to other people’s traumas and struggles. But I’m also realizing I keep telling myself over and over in my head “I don’t suffer. There’s no way I can possibly suffer or go through hard times when others go through things as brutal as that man, or any other particular instance of suffering.” Idk if that’s negative self talk or what, but this happens to me from time to time and I realize only after hours of it how awful I feel from this. I still feel extremely grateful for having the life I live, because I am one of the luckiest people in the world to be in the circumstances I’m in. but I’m wondering if I need to have a healthy balance of acknowledging and allowing myself to feel bad when I do and acknowledge I struggle sometimes too. Because I still deal with ptsd every day, hypervugilance, anxiety, dissociating, all the works, and it does get hsrd sometimes, but idk maybe I’m just so used to it by now it’s not that bad to me. Or maybe I just still can’t allow myself to accept it, or get past the guilt or truly validate it. Does anyone experience similar thoughts or feelings? Any tips or comments? Not really sure if that’s even my complete thought, just wanted to try to type it out and see if anyone can relate.
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ptsd
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So I’m 23 years old and I started college this year during August. I feel kinda demotivated because I postponed and deferred years from college, and I kinda feel like I should’ve been done with it yeeeaaars ago.
I feel so bad for myself because I had a chance to do it all at 19 years old but I couldn’t because I was in a bad situation.
Does anyone else have a similar experience?
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ADHD
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Where i am it's the middle of the night. I'm lying in my bed and don't want to sleep, because im afraid of the next day. Today was so hard that I'm feeling like I don't have the strength to do it anymore.
I just want to cry. To cry everything out, but because of my depression i haven't been able to cry for the last six years. I feel like it would've been so cathartic, that i would feel better after, but I'm just not able to cry.
Depression sucks and I feel like the meds aren't doing nothing.
Just wanted to vent.
Sorry for any mistakes, English is not my native language.
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depression
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I know I’d benefit from a good cry, but I never am able to. I try a lot, but it just never comes. Any advice?
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depression
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Are there any autistic programmers here who specialize in Python?
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aspergers
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Hey guys, just wondering, if I wash my hands ( very, very thoroughly) after eating Pringles , or any food for that matter, and my fingers still smell like food, does that mean they are not clean !
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OCD
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I had been on Vyvanse for 10 years. I quit for a year because I wanted to see if I could do life without meds. My insurance changed so I can’t see the old psychiatrist who prescribed my Vyvanse. I haven’t been able to get any work done off meds so I need a refill. I have official paperwork (two years ago I was tested for ADHD through the university’s psych department) which should help. But I can’t get an appointment until Dec 8. I don’t want to wait that long and plan to start taking a backup supply of adderall until my appointment. I want to be honest and tell the new doctor I’ve been taking adderall because it will set my tolerance higher for whatever he agrees to start me at (meaning I’m worried if I lie that he’ll start me on too low a dose and it won’t work because I’ll have already started over a month earlier). I’m worried that it will look like I am illegally using meds (even though they were prescribed for me as needed, just a while back) and then he won’t want to prescribe me anything. Is this a valid concern?
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ADHD
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I’ve been hella depressed, anxious, and angry these past few weeks and so I finally started looking into therapy again but the therapist I signed up with fucking sucks. She can’t keep her word on what times we’re going to meet and always reschedules and I’ve been looking forward to today’s session all week and I’m just absolutely flabbergasted by her. Why is it so hard to find a good therapist? I don’t wanna live like this anymore.
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depression
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I've been wanting to post here in a while, but I'm never sure what exactly I want to write about.
My life has become so meaningless and pointless. My days consist of just waking up, working from home, eating, sleeping. I sometimes listen to music or play guitar, but I'm never really immersed in it. It all just feels like a chore.
I gained so much weight, I start looking like some fat ass.
I've been 'fighting' this disease for so long. I constantly feel like I can't move on with my life because I have to recover first. I never tried therapy. I just doubt if there's a professional where I live that would be capable of helping someone with my presentation of OCD.
Or at least that's what I myself. Maybe I'm just too scared of actually sharing the contents of the thoughts with someone.
Here's where it gets weird, though; I actually don't really have a theme right now. I used to have different kinds of them, but taking Lexapro eradicated the thoughts to such a degree that I don't even know what I'm actually obsessing about.
I visited a new psychiatrist recently; she asked me what my theme is, and I literally could not come up with anything. I know I do still have those thoughts; but they seem to be scattered all over, my mind just makes up some intrusive content spontaneously, in the moment, based on what I'm looking at, etc. The thoughts are not really linked to each other, they don't form a theme. Or maybe I just don't see it.
I don't feel anything.
Like, there are just no emotions in me.
Sometimes I think that all of this suffering, all this shit that happened in my mind, and all the stupid self-destructive shit I did in the past few years just eroded everything good in me. All the light is gone; my soul is a stinky ball of shit.
I know I do compulsions, too. But I cannot really name what that compulsion is. It's like I'm 'pushing out' the thoughts out of my mind. I think that's why I don't have the intrusive ones as much; the medication blocked them to a significant degree, and then I 'push out' what's left.
But this 'pushing out/blocking' is most likely why I don't feel anything. I'm not just blocking out the intrusive thoughts; I'm blocking all mental activity. I'm lifeless, emotionless.
I guess I feel better than before I started treatment. But is this really better? What the hell am I living for? I no longer know who I am. I feel like I'm not human anymore. I have gone past the point of no return, I feel like I deserve eternal damnation. I should be forgotten about, and it's a shame that I still walk this planet.
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OCD
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I have been taking Zoloft + Risperidone since May and have recently reached my maximum dose. The point is that so far I haven't felt any effect from the medicine and I'm still anxious and obsessed and wondering how it should work. For those who benefited from the drug, how did they help your OCD?
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OCD
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Why do I constantly feel like I have to remember every single detail of an event? How come when the person that I believe to have harmed says that they were not harmed, but then I doubt it? Why is it that I spend hours every single day on this event only to end up confused and exhausted in the end? Why do I desperately need to know if I am evil or not? How is it that I have been diagnosed with OCD by three separate professionals, yet I doubt it - it must be that I am lying and using it as a guise to not seem like a bad person, right? When presented with assurance, why is it that my brain cannot accept it?
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OCD
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It will be obviously showing that I have one. I don’t want to tell it or show it to the world yet. Honestly I just want to drop out this class.
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ptsd
|
I switched from immediate release Adderall to taking Adderall XR last year because I was taking extra when I would need to continue working (had a very demanding job at the time and was in grad school) after work and on the weekends and it never last long enough to cover the time to needed to focus. Now I’m finding that my XR isn’t lasting the entire day- I thought it lasted 12 hours? I have on and off also been doing the same with my XR which I do not want to do. Addiction runs in my family and I don’t want to develop one with my Adderall. I don’t want to take a higher dose either especially it’s still not going to last the whole day. Thinking about switching to a non stimulant but haven’t heard great things. Anyone else experience something similar? I just want to feel “normal”.
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ADHD
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Growing up, I was a mixed bag, I did pretty well in school and didn't make too much trouble. However, I was always more reserved and kept myself busy by messing around with the computer and keeping up with school. I never really cried too much, but whenever I did, it was always about being bored at school. I would wake up in the middle of the night weeping that I didn't want to go. Nobody really paid attention because my grades weren't falling or anything. when I was 9/10 we took diagnostic tests and they determined that I was "above average", but that didn't lead to too much except some extra homework. I desperately wanted to skip a grade, but that doesn't really happen here, unless your parents are super vocal about it and my parents didn't want me to skip.
This lack of attention from the school led to some pretty bad mental health issues, that I mainly had to go through alone. I won't get into too much detail but I was pretty depressed from the ages of 9-12, which I suppose is quite far from the norm, all due to really bad boredom?
I've always had really sucky memory, and I wonder how I've made it through school this far with it, I really enjoy math and have stuck with it for the time being as it plays to my strengths fairly well. Nonetheless, I have a really bad habit of rabbit holes and have gone through my fair share of nights staying up till 3:00 AM reading generally useless material, I have no trouble reciting what the function of amylose is or retelling the stories of people who have fallen from high-rise buildings but ask me what I did in class a week ago, I couldn't tell you.
What does this mean, I plan on consulting a doctor, and I can't give you exact examples to defend my reasoning, but any help would be much appreciated and I'll happily answer any questions to better provide some information.
NOTE: I'm not seeking a diagnosis through Reddit, just wondering whether this warrants some additional attention, especially since starting my last year of high school soon.
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ADHD
|
I've had depression since I was 12, so it's been 5 years now... Lately I've been feeling extra depressed and tired and anxious and sometimes even suicidal. I feel like death would be easier than putting on a fake smile and showing everyone my stupid face everyday.
With exams coming next week, I haven't been able to study because I'm too mentally exhausted. None of the things I read go in my head, even when I try practice questions. I just can't THINK anymore and now is the worst time for it to happen.
Does anyone have any ideas on how to fix this? I talked to a school counsellor and it was okay, but I need something more effective. I don't have time to see a professional because exams are next week and the closer they come, the more ready I am to die.
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depression
|
I went to a new doctor recently, just primary care not a psychiatrist so maybe this was my fault. I went there for a prescription on Zoloft that I have been taking for 10 years and to talk to them about these symptoms of PTSD.
She said maybe I need to come off Zoloft and try a different medicine. Instead of focusing on these new symptoms of PTSD and anxiety, she wanted to focus on why I was prescribed Zoloft in the first place, which was OCD. Zoloft has worked great for me. I don’t want to be off of it. Yes it’s not a miracle worker, but it’s keeping me from going over the edge.
Then she said maybe the anxiety was caused by low thyroid and vitamin D levels.
Maybe an increase in vitamin D would help, but I’m pretty sure the majority of my anxiety is from watching my mom die a sudden unexpected death.
And then she said she would refer me to a psychiatrist. She never sent me the psychiatrist referral. She had a counselor come in who said that my mom would visit me in my dreams when I am ready because she doesn’t want to visit me when I am so upset. What the fuck.
I understand her not being able to treat me, but at least listen to me. Or at least give me the referral.
Money is tight atm so I can’t afford a psychiatrist and therapist like I need to right now. That’s why I went to a general doctor to just give me medicine that I’ve been on for a decade.
(Also please don’t worry about me. I ended up finding a doctor who is prescribing me Zoloft and actually increased the dose so I at least won’t have to go off of it. But it’s a lot more expensive. Just needed to vent about that terrible experience. This is the first time I’ve ever had a bad experience at a doctors office.)
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ptsd
|
Tw: gun violence
.
.
.
.
In September I witnessed a shooting. At the time it happened I truly thought I was going to die. In the immediate aftermath, I started therapy to work through the trauma. I’ve had so much improvement in handling the acute stress and ptsd, but I still think about the shooting every day. Even almost 3 months later I still sometimes breakdown sobbing thinking about how close I was to dying and what that means (for my parents, dog, etc.). I don’t want this experience to live in the forefront of my brain. How much longer will I be so focused on this event? When does it get better?
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ptsd
|
So I \[30 F\] was molested between the ages of 7-13, I don't wish to identify who but I will say that it was not my father. I have been working through all of this with a therapist. One of the biggest discussions that my therapist and I had were that I could never really get over this until the people I *needed* to know were told--namely, my mother. My mother had no idea about the molestation. She was not a perfect or very attentive mother, she made her share of mistakes and was by no means perfect; however, my mother loves me very much and I have no doubt in my mind that she would not have knowingly allowed such a thing to happen to me.
It started with telling my mother that "something bad happened to me, I can't discuss what"; a few years have passed, and the discussion has come up again in therapy. The other day my mother and I were having lunch together. It was great. And then.... I blurted it out. It just seemed like it was the moment. Like, I had known that this was supposed to be the exact moment. So I said it. Mom was very supportive and expressed so much regret that she had not caught the signs of it. She reassured she was not mad at me and that she loved me and none of this was my fault and she supported my healing process however it needs to be done. My mother was also a victim of childhood sexual abuse.
However, I feel like a piece of shit for telling my mom.
Please note, that this is not from anything she said or how she responded. This is all internally with me. I feel like... I just fucked everything up. Like I just told my mother and now she knows and now she is going to blame herself for it. She's going to spiral in a depression and everytime she sees me she will only be able to see how she failed. And that now she will have to carry this burden for the rest of her life. I feel like I should have kept my mouth shut and took it to the grave like I was planning to. I feel like I hurt her. Like I've victimized her. I can carry the knowledge of what happened to me, I don't remember any time when I didn't. But now this is fresh for her and like an open wound. I told mother I felt bad about telling her and she tried to reassure me not to.
Got an emergency therapy appointment set up. But now I have to sit here and listen to my internal dialogue remind me of how I've hurt my mother.
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ptsd
|
Starting to think I could possibly have some form of adhd. I’m not very knowledgeable about it all.
For a while now I thought I could possibly be Autistic but from looking at others personal experiences and symptoms I’ve seen relating to adhd or Add(sorry if I’m wrong) I feel I resonate with some. I’ll try and be as clear as I can.
Here are some of the reasons I’m thinking this:
-I’ve always felt misunderstood or different in my way of thinking. Don’t know if that has anything to do with it.
-no matter how much I try I lose things constantly the amount of times I’ve lost my debit card…I get incredibly frustrated to the point of tears when it happens cause I can’t fathom how I’ve done it.
-when I was in highschool I feel like the routine of it all kept me in place but now in adult life and university I feel like I cannot focus or get past the lack of drive.. I feel I need more attentive support than most my peers and when I do not get it I feel lost and frustrated and defeated(I do deal with depression and anxiety I’ve tried two antidepressants I get some form of brain fog anyway) I want to succeed but sometimes I feel I truly cannot focus no matter how much I try. I feel like my procrastination isn’t normal. I struggle at getting uni work started. Which I thought was my depression so I thought meds would work yet it has not. I feel like it seeps into other areas of my life too like even focusing my energy on other people is effort.
-I don’t know if overthinking has anything to do with it but I analyse every single thing and my brain can’t shut off until I explain things properly.
-I know adhd isn’t all about not being able to sit still. But I’m always doing something my friend has pointed it out multiple times. I’ve also noticed it when in uni everyone else seems to be stationary but I seem to have to be doing something. Could be a symptom of my anxiety also. This could be swinging on my chair coughing when I don’t need to. Trying to crack my neck when I don’t need to tapping my foot bouncing my leg. Nodding my head like I’m listening to music when I’m not. It feels like I’m never fully focused and it’s annoying. Yet I can be consumed and focused massively on my PC hobby’s to the point where i can’t multitask anything else. Like I’m in a world of my own. Sometimes I get too into my hobbies when it probably has no purpose in the long run.
-my memory is awful and it frustrates me. My organisational skills are terrible even if I try to be as organised as I can. I feel I cannot multitask. I used to be a massive bookworm just the thought of reading now feels so tedious. I feel as though others think I’m lazy yet I don’t try or want to be. I’ve gotten in trouble for being so disorganised. My time management is poor. Unless I have a reason to be somewhere like university that’s mandatory to be there. I tend to start things and never really finish them or think of the end result which may not be viable without thinking about how to actually get there. I feel if I have a routine then I can cope better.
-I feel like I’m not living up to my purpose. I feel guilty when my parents say they’re proud because I feel like I’m doing the bare minimum or I’m underachieving. Even if I’ve done a couple of great things.
I don’t know. It could be just my mental health but I’m in therapy and I’ve tried two antidepressants so far and I still feel stuck. Maybe I need to try some others. I hope I haven’t offended anyone with what I’ve said I could be totally wrong or so far away from having adhd. But it would be nice to know why I work the way I do and why I feel that I’ve been looked at differently my whole life. I know no one can tell me for sure but it would be nice to know if I’m along the right lines.
Sorry for how it’s layout mobile is annoying. And sorry it’s so long. Thank you for your input :)
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ADHD
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Hello! I take adderall 20mg XR and I like the energy it gives! I also feel good emotional regulation. I am wondering what people take for genuine focus, like sitting at a computer, reading a page, listening to a video or class. Should I keep my prescription? Try vyvanse? Try an xr and ir combination?
Looking for others experiences with this so I have some anecdotal evidence for when I meet with my doc!! Thanks in advance
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ADHD
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A lot of the compulsions I had because of these thoughts were disastrous and I still worry about them to this day.
One of them was the thought, “don’t look at the sun, you’ll go blind forever.” It was so bad I felt like I needed to look to reassure myself I would not go blind. I ended up looking for 20 or so seconds and even though my vision seems fine, I still fear whether it’s damaged.
Another was the fear that if I was holding a pair of scissors I might lose control and castrate myself. The compulsion I ended up engaging in was holding them against my pants to “prove” I was not capable of harming myself. However, now I haven’t been able to stop thinking about whether that compulsion actually did something to me, such as, “what if you’re secretly infertile now?”.
And finally, and perhaps the most disgusting, was “don’t eat poop or you’ll get a parasitic brain infection.” This didn’t lead me to act out, but it lead to me thinking of times in my early childhood it happened and whether I could have one.
So, how do I feel better about these past events?
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OCD
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