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I’m doing sooo much better, the therapy mixed with meds are finally all helping me get better. And I can finally live my life again. The anxiety is almost completely gone which is amazing because I thought It would never go!
However, the thoughts are still there. It’s like I’m used to it now so it doesn’t cause anxiety but still. Every now and then I realise them actually being there and it will occasionally make me nervous. Is this now me? Am I actually those thoughts? Has this always just been me but I never noticed it? I suffered badly with harm ocd, it absolutely crushed me and I thought I had to end my life. Now that I’m better, I realise the thoughts that used to crush me are still there. And now the fears that I’m going to grow up to be this person has kicked in and I’m terrified again.
Do the thoughts ever just go? I never had these thoughts before this ocd episode kicked in, but even now when I thought it was better the thoughts are still there. Do I just need to continue managing the anxiety around them? Or should I expect them to go away?
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OCD
|
I am making this post because I have been going through earworm ocd where music is constantly stuck in your head all day. Now let’s go back a few months. (TW, I will be mentioning some ocd themes). I think one day In April or May, I was sitting at my desk and I became aware of my breathing. And I was thinking about too much where I was manually breathing, and that’s where my anxiety started.
So all day, everyday my anxiety was through the roof manually breathing and becoming obsessed with it. Then with further research, I quickly found out that it was an OCD called sensorimotor OCD or hyperawareness OCD. It is basically where you are hyperaware of normal bodily sensations such as breathing, blinking etc. AND you are also hyperaware of things in your vision such as noticing your nose in your vision. Or sounds you may be hearing. And finally, another theme is being hyperaware or songs in your head, or keep on being reminded that a song is stuck in head.
So, the way to overcome this ocd is to simply ignore it, and live your life as normal as you can.. and I’m telling you, it will work. The more your focus on trying to get rid of the song in your head, the more energy you give it, the more it’s going to keep popping up.
Now I know it’s hard to ignore it. I thought the same thing with my breathing thing, because I’m constantly breathing. But by ignoring it, meaning you just have to accept that there is a song playing in your head, and move on. It may still be playing, but you just gotta not give it any thought it that makes sense. Again, the more you think about it, the more it’s going to keep bothering you.
I wish you all the best of luck, and don’t be afraid to message me if you wanna talk about this. Thanks!
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OCD
|
Now tomorrow is the day. The last sun went down and I didn’t blink. The final moon is hovering and grinning as I type this. I saw that Jupiter and Saturn were in the sky. This can’t be the last time she is underneath them. I can’t believe this is real. My brother is in the other room cuddling her and I just can’t take it. I look back and I can’t believe she’s been with us so long through so many journeys and pains.
I’m so scared. But I know she can’t suffer anymore. I’m so scared for the guilt to set in. That I caused her pain cuz we should have done this sooner. I hate that my ocd brain goes straight to that but it does. And I know I was doing what I could at the time and if she was in pain I was in pain with her. I’m so overwhelmed. This can’t be real. How can I wake up tomorrow. What time do I wake up? Do I even sleep? I’ve honestly been suffering a lot with this dog. And tomorrow it ends. But I know my journey with her doesn’t end tomorrow. It will continue until I’m gone and I put my final hope in “energy” or something similar. I’m so scared. But I’ve also been suffering so much too. I’m wondering if I’ll feel relief. And worried about what guilt that may bring. I’m so scared of this turning into another ocd spiral.
I’m sure someone has been through something similar and had similar thoughts. I’m really scared and don’t know what to do or think I’m just lost in an emotional tsunami that swells differently every hour. I’m so scared but I guess all I can do is breathe. But even that freaks me the fuck out. And it’s not even about me.
Edit: how much can someone grieve before it kills them or you go crazy? Can that happen? I know I’ve asked this before and it’s probably a compulsion but idk. It’s past midnight now and hours are just ticking down. How can anyone do this.
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OCD
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So I asked my friend if he has pictures of me and he asked “why you think that?” and I said maybe you have pictures of me and he said “well I don’t follow you on the streets to take pictures of you” but when he said that I didn’t listen carefully to what he said and I’m so worried that he said “I follow you on the streets to take pictures of you”.
What should I do? Ask him again or would that be weird?
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OCD
|
Yesterday I was on the verge of insanity. I tried to end my life yesterday by taking 9 tablets of Tylenol 500mg thinking that it would damage my liver and finish me off. but It only made my stomach hurt. Now I feel ashamed of myself for trying to kill myself. I’ve always felt guilty for being depressed but it’s on another level right now. The guilt is amplified when you do not succeed in killing yourself
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depression
|
i’ve learned no one actually cares abt you in this world. there’s no genuine love left. no good deeds just because. there’s a catch to everything. no one is left pure.
u ever j been at a party or room full of people yet still felt totally alone in isolation? u j never fit in no matter how hard u try. you’ve changed everything abt you, you don’t even remember what you were like before all this. ur dad remembers u as the little girl who’s curious abt everything, always laughing, confident and most of all happy. but i don’t. the older i get the more i feel worthless, like i mean nothing to anyone. i know it’s true i just don’t want to be reminded every second of my day. i cant do it anymore. everyone at school silently judging u or clearly making jokes behind ur back. u j act like u don’t know or care. u start laughing with them, while actually inside ur breaking more and more each time. remember all those times you’ve heard ur sister talk to ur mom abt her day, her concerns, y she’s mad or sad? and then remember also hearing ur mom say u can tell her anything? so u decided to write down everything that’s built up for the past 5 years and put it somewhere they would find it? what did they say? oh yeah right “stop acting”. then everyone has the audacity to ask u why u don’t talk to anyone, y u don’t have more than 2 close friends. are they even ur “best-friends” or just people that ur too afraid to lose because if they know what ur actually like they’ll leave? when u literally don’t fit it at school at all, when no one wants u there, and when ur own family j starts to take u as a joke my guy that’s when people start to get messed up. ever notice when you do things for people they suddenly like u and talk to u but as soon as they are done with ur “service” they’re gone. actually you’ve got it wrong, they were never there to begin with. i’m done. there’s no point in being here anymore.
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depression
|
So today I was at an extreme low again.the whole week got worse every day.
But when I was near giving up, I remembered what my ex told me some years ago.
I was struggling with psychosis and ptsd for around 2 years back then. I felt so weak for not overcoming my demons. I dated this incredible girl, battling with similar issues, so we shared our experiences a lot.
Then one day, she looked me dead serious in the eye and said "you're a true warrior. You're the strongest person I've ever met."
This was the most empowering thing anyone ever said to me. I wasn't weak, I was strong for still fighting and battling my demons, I will not give up. I AM a warrior.
You all are. You are the strongest people out there. Thank you for not giving up.
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ptsd
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Hi guys, I was diagnosed in December and I never thought I had PTSD.
Because I don't have the traditional symptoms like vivid flashbacks and reliving an event, instead I just feel the emotions I felt at the time, and most of the time it is not attached to a specific event but the collection of trauma and feelings I felt in the past.
My therapist and I have been discovering a few triggers, but they usually end up in me having a intense emotional reaction and act in a way that is self destructive for me. Not necessarily the traditional symptoms like flashbacks and nightmares of a specific event.
Sometimes I feel like I don't have PTSD and I am just being dramatic and emotional.
Is this normal? I feel like my PTSD is so different from what I have heard it is and I am confused I just feel like I need to learn more about my diagnosis. I would love to hear from some of you with similar experiences.
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ptsd
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I have PTSD. I was well initially and after some time found myself being triggered frequently. At first I was okay between the episodes I was triggered, now I'm very low and suicidal.
I have tried to get help:
- GP sent me to counsellers
- Counsellers discharged me as I work during their opening hours
- I couldn't afford private counselling
- I asked work to send me to a counseller they obliged
- This counseller said I was too unwell for counselling
- Back to GP
- Off to mental health hospital
- Diagnosed with PTSD about to start treatment
- COVID pandemic so discharged
This process somehow took six months, but in that time I have been getting worse. Initially my motivation to bust through it was really high... But now I feel that does it even get better? As far I can tell its all about changing the way you respond to triggers, trying to fall in love with life and people again and learning tricks to sleep at night etc. I've found some things that help.... But mainly I just want that dread I always carry around to go away. Its such a sunny beautiful day and there is nothing stopping me from enjoying it - but when I go outside and participate I still feel that same kind of burning pain/rage/hurt and nothing quite seems real like I'm not really "in it". I mean what makes that go away? I can't read a book on finding happiness, colour in, exercise that away? Don't get me wrong I'm not saying my trauma was the worst or my life is terrible - I'm just saying I feel terrible and I can't seem to get out of it. I also feel like I can't talk to anyone about it without feeling this irrational rage whenever someone says "life is wonderful" or "it gets better" or "hurt is a part of life but there are such beautiful things to look forward to" - seriously, I get so irrationally angry about it I have cut literally everyone out of my life except my family. I know at this point it's just me and my rage, there is no excuse for cutting people out of my life - but I just can't.
I know someone here must have felt the same way and be years down the line - does it go away and how?
Thank you
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ptsd
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Does anyone else get fears about developing new obsessions? For example, you'll notice an irrational fear about something, fear that it'll develop into a new obsession, which turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy because you worry so much about that fear turning into an obsession.
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OCD
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I want to tear my skin and hair out when someone snorts, grunts, chews, it just hurts me a lot, and it always has, at first I tried to be ''polite'' and not say anything since I over react and I am tired of over reacting since to me it is a normal reaction to being in pain and having to tolerate it in order to not be normal because screaming is bad, but being silent hurts me a lot, and asking - can ya stop chewing - I am met with - No. and thats about it so in life I always have to remove my self from my triggers. I also seem to drop objects and do poorly a lot more when someone is looking at me doing it
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aspergers
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I had my first flash back this morning that I was able to identify. Before I was diagnosed I didn't realize that's what they were but I now I know. Usually what happens is Itll start with one trama and then all the others come back to me and I feel overwhelmed and have a full on panic attack. This time I was able to identify it right away and I started doing coping skills to snap myself out of it. I used bilateral movements. I'm still feeling jittry and anxious right now and I don't want to get out of bed. I'm just worried I'll have another while driving to work as they usually come in waves.
Thanks for listening 😁
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ptsd
|
Do you have unpleasant flashbacks of situations from your past (like before your diagnosis) when you’ve acted inappropriately or strange (etc.) which torture you at random moments? If yes - how do you cope with them?
Recently I have them all the time. They often can instantly change my mood or even make me act strangely (like mumble, make face spasms or other involuntary moves). Is it maybe because I have only just recently started to understand my autism problems?
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aspergers
|
When I was a kid we lived across from a bad neighborhood and people would go into the woods to pass out drunk anyways we were trying to find wood to build a fort and I found a hat so I said look a hat then i found jeans picked them up and their was a leg in them them I saw a whole person screamed fucking run and ran faster than I ever had and ever will. Im sure this is not near the level of the other people on this sub.
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ptsd
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Anytime I search up anything and type the word autism, the only things that come up are for parents of young children with autism. I want to be able to read about how to go to university, move out, remember to feed my self, keep up with hygiene, maintain friendships and relationships etc. etc.
I already feel embarrassed having to search how to pretty much just function and it doesn’t help when the only thing that comes up is potty training and learning to put toys away.
I’m sure that is very helpful for parents but I wish there was a way to only get results for teens/adults w autism :/
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aspergers
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I’m 29F and I honestly think my life will never get better. I have a couple great friends and a sister who is my biggest support system. But I’m just exhausted. Everyone is moving on with their lives and I feel frozen in time. I feel alone. I just want to find my person and have a family. I’m scared I’m that person that isn’t meant to have a family. It’s just frustrating trying to explain how I feel to my sister. I know she wants the best of me but I wish she could feel what I feel. That I’m treading in sinking sand. It’s not easy to not feel this way. maybe things will not work out. Maybe I’m that sad story.
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depression
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I’ve asked waay to many question in anticipation of my diagnosis appointment. I’m excited and nervous because I’ve been dealing with adhd my whole life and didn’t even know what the disorder really was until a couple years ago. The obsession to “fix” my problems overtook my life until I realized all the fixing just compromised didn’t aspects of my life including how I socialize. How did the medication help those that had trouble with social skills? Also how soon did you receive medication after diagnosis?
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ADHD
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Any advice for how to regain sexual drive, desire, etc.? My therapist says that my trauma from a loved one passing away simply makes it so that intimacy is now difficult for me. But I had a very strong and lively sex drive even in the two years after the trauma of my family member’s death. So I don’t know why now, all of the sudden, sex is the last thing I can muster energy for. I don’t take medicine that depresses sex drive, no change in my diet. I don’t get it.
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ptsd
|
First, English is not my native language and I am sorry in advance for possible grammar/style errors.
I am a man suffering from depression/bipolar disorder and anxiety for 6 years. I was quite stable for about 3 years on lithium and Zoloft (past 14 months). I have discontinued Zoloft like 4 months ago and Lithium 3 months ago before talking about it with my psychiatrist. We both agreed that it is time for me to live without meds after 3 years of remission.
I was feeling quite okay those several months without meds–I quit smoking 5 months ago, started exercising again at the same time, drastically reduced alcohol and sugar consumption, etc. On the other side, I almost divorced my long-time girlfriend and expressed my dissatisfaction about our relationship almost every day, sometimes very angrily. I apologized many times, I love her so much and I don’t want to divorce. When I think about it now, I believe it could have been a hypomanic state (I believe I had manias after every depressive episode I had) and I am angry at myself that I did not notice and discontinued lithium in the first place.
About 5 weeks ago, a severe piriformis syndrome started, restricting my ability to exercise. Accordingly, I noticed my mood worsening and 2 weeks ago, I visited my psychiatrist with the aim to take the meds again. I got Covid a week ago and staying at home doesn't help too, but this is not the main reason of my worsening mood, everything started earlier.
I came to her prepared, and I said I would like to try Lamictal (lamotrigine) instead of Lithium because of lithium’s side effects and overall impact on health. She agreed.
However, things she said during my visit 2 weeks ago and on our additional phone conversation 1 week ago made me doubt her expertise.
Things she said:
* Start Lamictal at 50 mg per day, increase to 100 mg after 4-6 days and to 150 mg after another 4-6 days if needed. I stick to standard protocol, take 25 mg every day and I will increase to 50 mg after 2 weeks, 100 mg after 4 weeks, etc. Huge red flag to me.
* I also expressed my concern about the possibility of Stevens-Johnson syndrome while taking Lamictal. She smiled and said–let’s hope you won’t get it. No warnings, nothing. By the way, the first thing I asked her was if she was familiar with Lamictal and she responded ‘sure’. Another red flag to me.
* Since my mood worsens day by day and I have some uncontrollable crying almost every day, I have called her a week ago and suggested we should add something extra to handle my anxiety and low mood since it might take time for Lamictal to kick in and we even don’t know if this medication will suit me. She prescribed a benzodiazepine Lexotanil (bromazepam) and told me to take it daily for a month since Lamictal kicks in. Another red flag to me since usual Lamictal’s therapeutic dosage is 200 mg, and it takes around 2 months to reach it. However, I must admit I take 3-6 mg of bromazepam every day for a week since I cry every day now and I want to escape that awful feeling.
* Finally, I asked her for psychotherapist recommendations, but she told me that I should wait till I stabilize and that psychotherapy might be too hard for me at this unsteady moment. With this I can agree, but I am still not sure. I cry and feel bad every day, so I don’t see why I couldn’t do the same while taking psychotherapy.
I strongly believe I need to find a new psychiatrist, but this is not an easy task where I live. During my 6 years period I had contact with 3 psychiatrists and this one I write about now seemed the best of all three.
**According the above things she said, do you think that I should look for a new psychiatrist?**
I would be really grateful for any input, I truly want to get better and I can’t stand the idea that I might be bound to bed like I was 3 times before. The worst episode was about 4 years ago when I basically stayed and ruminated at home for 5-6 months.
Sorry for the long text, I thought everything is important and I still tried to be concise..
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depression
|
I fucked up today and did a compulsion by googling and finding out something I did NOT want to know about which has triggered a lot of anxiety for me.
I’d been doing amazingly for the past 2 months and felt almost completely recovered. I’m so mad at myself I feel like I’ve undone all my progress. I don’t know what to do I feel so hopeless I can’t stop crying.
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OCD
|
Anyone take Prozac? So I went to the doctor for anxiety attacks from the vaccine and also mentioned I was experiencing ocd symptoms since the pandemic started.
He was originally just gonna prescribe me blood pressure medication, but I asked what to do with the anxiety so he said ok, he’ll give me something.
So I only find out after I pick the medication from the pharmacy that he gave me 10mg Prozac and now I’m reading about possible side effects including suicidal thoughts, harming people and manic episodes?? Considering a lot of my intrusive thoughts are violent images I saw on Netflix shows, I’m freaking out.
Like wtf...my ocd or anxiety isn’t that bad! Should I call the doctor and tell him if I can stop the medication. It’s only been 3 days. I’m scared about the side effects.
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OCD
|
I know it early in the game for me, at 36 I have only just been diagnosed and am on day 4 of medication. It’s a game changer in so many ways. I have been thinking of ways to describe it to people.
It’s like I have been walking around with the backpack of rocks that keeps getting heavier and heavier, the meds are like a person that comes along and helps take the rocks out of the bag so I can move forward again.
It’s been like running a marathon in quicksand and finally being allowed to run on the same track as everyone else.
It’s like having 30% vision, thinking it was normal levels of sight until someone handed me glasses and shapes, colours and distance are all now 20/20.
In my professional life (and god knows how I have managed to white knuckle being a lawyer for so many years with this) its been a total game changer. For instance, I had a 90 minute conference today and was mentally present the whole time. I didn’t want to un-alive myself after 25 minutes like I usually would.
But also, I can just about feel the moment the meds wear off. I can feel the fucks that I have to give simply disappear into thin air…
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ADHD
|
Hey guys so im coming with something in feeling quite shitty. Before i delves deeper i wanted to say im an 18yo male
In uni moved in england in one year and ish ago from a third world country
Firstly please dont spoil persona 5 as im going to talk about it
Before my ocd when i was 17 in lockdown in the UK. I discovered a game called Persona 5 its known as one of the best games on the ps4 and i love it when its about games that are deep or i can relate to. Ive had a shitty childhood and teenage-hood lots of rejection and feeling i dont belong videogames and manga and anime and music are an escape to me, i love diving deep into a world away from a shitty reality( dw i know a coping mechanism from being stupidly addicted)
and ofc ocd attacks whats most important to you me being that game i havent finished due to me dropping it cus of depression and other ocds keeping me in bed. I had a compulsion to check spoilers which ruined alot ( PLZ DONT SPOIL IT FOR ME). I reached half the game at the time i had a few simple ocds, but got the doubt if i like videogames or not.so i dropped it scared
Everytime id try to pick it up the spoilers would come as a reason
Here’s another ocd that lies to try to get me to be scared and not play the game
like any anime fan i had anime crushes ever since i was a kid even now, i love fictional characters wether its a rolemodel or a waifu.
I fantasise about the waifus i did when i was underage and now romantic scenarios and sexual
But ever since i turned 18 i realised how toxic the community in anime and games were , suddenly liking anime characters that are underage but CLEARLY DONT LOOK THEIR AGE OR LIKE A NORMAL TEENAGER , is pedophelia you can see how this fueled my POCD ever since then i couldnt look at the game the same, i hate these people I KNOW SOME PEOPLE WILL USE IT AND MIGHT THINK IN A BAD WAY BUT THATS THE SAME THING ABOUT GUNS AND CALL OF DUTY
but clearly i dont have ill intentions.
when im in the game i dont think about my age i think im part of it , the game has the option to date characters you play as a 16yo boy. I love all the girls but due to that social justice thing i love fantasising about only one girl , not necessarily sexually but romantically, i love her as a character so much( ik i sound like such a weeabo rn forgive me) but ofc then sexual thoughts come in half is compulsion intrusive half is cus i love her romantically and part of me says yes my sexual attraction inst wrong since 1) she turns 18 in game she’s 17for just 14 days of the game, and thats before she even shows up.
IK im obsessing over this and im sorry.
but today i tried i guess to see that my compulsion is stupid, and i acted on it due to waking up anxious from a nightmare i went to see hentai of her, and try to touch myself to it. Plus it was only by one artists who states “all her characters are aged up” so a part me was a compulsion the other was like im not doing anything wrong i checked safely, before i finished my head said” you like the fact she’s 17” then i felt something then said no out loud
but when i finished i realized i felt so wrong i cant even look the character i love. Instead of beating the compulsion it looks like i made it it worst
I would never abuse someone thats underage, even here with the consent being 16 i feel weird dating someone younger i did when i was 17 she was immature and abused me. But fiction is different when i see a character i dont think oh its a 15 or x any age, i see the
Characters as they are. Opposite of real life where i see a kid on a street
Its a kid.
Whenever they keep Mentioning how the characters are kids and that dating or lewding them is wrong etc even when its not directed at me, just me peacefully going through my
IG Stories
it feels like i should see it as a dumbed down kids game so i can enjoy it u get me? But it robs the experience its clearly
A game with deep topics not everyone can get I dont want
That to i want to experience the
Game fully not think about real life
As i play i want to be emersed and feel all emotions
Back to the point by what i did today Its like my own brain challenge me, yet wanted to do this to me , its so crazy i cant stand ocd anymore, so i can hate the game more?!
I just want to love the characters and play the game not feel forced or feel oh im around kids, i just want to be 17 again so this guilt of what i did today will go or people will stop judging and the game and listen and play the music of it without this feeling im going insane.
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OCD
|
I'm forced to shutter and hide like a scared field mouse to my ptsd that is a mighty hawk. Left with the tape over my mouth to suppress my screaming.
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ptsd
|
Do you guys stay up late to work? Now it's 2am at my place.
I do. And I like working at night. It's the time when I can be pretty focused.
But it's not about productivity recently. It's because I'm behind schedule at work and I need to catch up. And I'm scared of failure. And there's a lot of pressure at work because my ADHD "made me" a great out of the box solutions finder. So I got promoted. And trouble started.
Every time I say to myself "ok, this time I will push through, do an all-nighter, fix all the things or at least plan how to catch up on my tasks". Then I get tired at 1-2 a.m. and go to sleep for an hour "just to get some freshness". But I wake up at 8-9, and the usual day starts with all the information noise coming from my mailbox and phone.
So then every time I tell myself "this time I won't finish at 5pm and will just continue into extra hours until I finish everything". But I get tired at 4:45 and shut down everything. Go to sleep. Wake up at 9pm. And plan the all-nighter again.
Was any of you trapped in such an endless cycle? How did you managed to deal with it?
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ADHD
|
does anyone else go through depressive episodes where you can’t even bring yourself to participate in your special interest?
my special interest has been cannabis for about 5 years now and i have a medical card to help with symptoms. i also love researching about the topic or making art about it, etc.
recently, though, my boyfriend had to move out and i’ve been so depressed that i cant even bring myself to smoke or do anything related to marijuana. i really hope this passes, my special interest has always been able to distract me or even help me work through problems, but now im even losing interest in my special interest.
please tell me someone gets this :/
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aspergers
|
I’m struggling with a diagnosis. First it was bipolar ll, then borderline, then “maybe neither and we’ll wait and see”. My therapist recently brought up OCD because of my intrusive thoughts and I’m curious; what are your symptoms? I get intrusive thoughts about death. To the point it’s ridiculous. I can’t drive at night without thinking a meteor is going to come out of nowhere and BOOM. I won’t fly for fear of the plane crashing. Crossing bridges? LOL. Elevators? Panic. Recently I’ve started with a fear of locking myself out of my apartment or locking my keys in my car, to the point I’ll put my keys in a pocket or purse, hit the lock button, pause because what if I DIDN’T put my keys where I just put them? Hold keys whole closing door to make sure they’re not in car. It’s getting worse. I’m only recently realizing not everyone has my morbid, wild thoughts so I never spoke to my psychiatrist about them. I don’t have healthcare at the moment so I can’t see anyone either. This just sucks.
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OCD
|
Hello, work advice question here. In my job I look after several different admin duties that all have different timelines and moving parts. I say "regain" in the title but the truth is that I have NEVER really felt like I was in control over any of these things.
Much like the things I own, there's so much STUFF here and I have no idea how to organise it. Where do I start? There's a dozen different spreadsheets and timelines and a hundred people's life circumstances I have to keep track of and understand, some information is confidential, some of it is in the form of a vague memory in my head, much of it is buried in my emails.
I don't want to feel like I'm only ever putting out fires in my job. Especially when I'm the one who keeps on leaving the gas top unattended.
Any advice appreciated!
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ADHD
|
i told a psychology professor of mine a little about my story, and i am feeling a little exposed and embarrassed rather than relieved. i told her she could ask me anything at all. i really thought it would feel good to finally tell someone. she was so supportive but i still feel like something is wrong. has anyone else ever experienced this? how did you cope with it?
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ptsd
|
TW sexual assault and (possible) flashback description
Last night I’m in the shower and I get triggered. The first thing that happens is I completely freeze with this horrified look on my face. My mind starts racing thinking thoughts like “he’s touching me he’s touching me”. I curled up into a ball and shut my eyes tight, and my skin felt like it was crawling. All of muscles tensed up, until I began to cry hysterically and hyperventilate. I was able to grab my phone quick and text my boyfriend “help” and he was upstairs and in the shower comforting me in the next few minutes. I was so out of it, like my mind was somewhere else. I was just staring blankly at him. He helped me wash up, and had to ask, and then count down before touching me or I would start to panic again. The rest of the night I was so exhausted and I couldn’t really speak above a whisper. I was also nauseous afterwards.
I guess I’m just trying to get all this off my chest, but I’m also wondering if this is what a flashback is. Does anyone else have similar episodes happen?
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ptsd
|
Other than the generic blood test which was fairly straightforward to make sure that my symptoms wasn't just due to a lack or an abundance of something. Should I be surprised about being asked to fill in this form right after my initial consultation?
I was asked to fill in a self report for adhd but I wasn't expecting that my psychiatrist thinks that I may have autism too. Is it normal for people with ADD to have both?
PS for word count
I'm not sure if that was already 60 words and if it has reached the minimum word count and I can't really paste this elsewhere to find out the exact number I hope it goes through.
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ADHD
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My first half of high school exams got over, and I didn't do good!! this really worries me since getting good grades is important in my country or else no admission in a good university and if no admission in good university then no employment!!
I thought of just getting over this stuff once my exams get over, but idts I am able to, since everything I liked to do doesn't seem to interest me even stuff like YouTube and Instagram aren't fun. also the situation gets worse! My parents have high expectations from me in terms of grades, and they always compare me with my friends, relatives, cousins which makes me feel worthless!! They always say that "if you score bad then what are we going to say to our relatives?" and "if you don't work in a office environment it will be really embarrassing" and "do a very respectable job" and "jobs that will secure your future"
My parents don't even look at anything else that I am good at, if I say I'm good at this! then they will say "are they going to ask you this during admission?" only thing that really matters to them is admission!!
Since they have high expectations, I try my best to study! even though I try, I am unable to reach their expectations!! Also studies seem to get harder everyday!! and due to this stress I don't even want to study!!
Also they are the one deciding what am I supposed to study, I cant even choose what I want to do in life!! since in the past 5 years, there has been a huge explosion of tech companies in my country so everybody is doing something related to the tech industry and not what they like. And my parents are saying the same!! also most universities don't even have any other degree course other than "computer science engineering"!!
also my parents think that if I become a software engineer I will earn heck lot of money and will work 9-5 and work in a office environment, but they forgot that these degrees also teach engineering which may force you to work in factory environments as well!!
also if I want go into some creative field, they are very against it!! photographer, filmmaker, YouTube, entrepreneur are all a non existent options!!
due to all this I want to run away from them asap and do whatever I like!!
all of this scares me and I feel like I am worth nothing and I don't know what to do in my life next!!
I've started making backup plans and backup plans for those backup plans!!
\[edit: I cant even share my feelings to my friends cause I lost them all and I don't want to loose the ones I have\]
I really need some help!!
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depression
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I worked out without adderall today for the first time in years and oh my god it was so incredibly uncomfortable. I’m usually able to brisk walk at an incline on the treadmill for 40-45minutes but today I was barely able to get to 30. My feet hurt, my calves hurt, I suddenly forgot how to walk and kept losing my balance, it was just all round bad. I’m so confused about this lol has anyone else experienced this?
I literally did the same exact workout last week but while I was medicated and it was completely fine.
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ADHD
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||| *Not really sure what the proper flair for this post should be, if mods are unhappy, I can of course change it to something more proper * |||
Has anyone else experienced this? I’ve been medicated/treated with adderal xr for about 3 months now and just noticing that just *doing* small, ordinary things is just so much easier. Like, revisiting a video game that was very hard and just breezing through it.
But also being more emotionally/socially intelligent. And during times of reflection, cringing very hard at situations/people you thought you understood at the time but realizing that your interpretation/memory of a specific event or person has been very (sometimes tragically) wrong.
I’ve heard someone say getting on medication for adhd is like putting glasses on your brain, and I really felt that. But it’s also seeming to be, putting glasses on your recollection of memories and seeing them completely differently and maybe more accurately.
Anyone else gone through this?
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ADHD
|
Hi everyone,
I am on concerta 18 mg for three days now but I don’t feel anything. not anything new but feeling in general.
I just feel calm and clear headed thats it. when it comes to focus I don’t feel much focused but because I am calm I can get couple things done.
when the “ I can see now” feeling kick in?
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ADHD
|
Hey Aspies, I hate this question with a passion because of the way people react.
I thought maybe saying "I don't have to work, thankfully. I'm on a Disability Pension." but I feel like that comes off abit mean?
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aspergers
|
I have a relative that has told me and her family that she has depression. I work with this relative as well and grew up with her. When she was little, she would be a trouble maker, not doing homework when she didn't want to, skipping extra curricular classes and tutoring courses her parents signed her up for, etc. Her parents frequently had to go to her school to have parent-teacher conference meetings because of her doing bad. College time came, her parents asked her to go and she attended probably a week and quit. She has been working a family office job since and I work there as well. Work starts at 10:00am now but we expect her to come in at 10:30am. She comes in 11:30am-12pm sometimes, has an hour lunch break and leaves work around 6-6:30pm. So the thing is if she actually worked 100% or even 80% during the hours she is here, maybe we would all be fine. But she really only works 20-30% and the rest of the time goes to personal internet browsing. There's a lot of issues arising at work. She says she has bad memory and can't do so much and I have asked her to write things down. I've confronted her a few times about the work hours and work performance and tried to be as understanding as possible but she has only been saying depression isn't allowing her to work, etc. We have asked her to find a job outside if she thinks it's the job but she refuses. When we get into heated arguments and we actually demand her to find a job outside, she threatens to damage the office and ruin it for all of us.
I really want to help her and have been patient and giving advice like asking her to set small goals such as cleaning or setting an alarm to go to sleep and keep a consistent sleep schedule (she sleeps at 4-5am from what I know). Little accomplishments I believe could be encouraging and help. But she brushes it off saying she can't change her thoughts, etc. I have tried the hard way as well saying she will penalized for coming late, etc but nothing has changed. She always does it for a week or so and gives up. Our family has told her to get professional help but she won't. Basically in all her life, it's hard to force anything on her and to me, this is the reason she ended up like this because no one really enforced strict enough rules on her so she does what she wants and she complains about regretting too much (not attending school, not finding job outside, not being able to get drivers license). She married this year to someone she has been with for over 5 years and now she is regretting it and constantly says she has dark thoughts and wants to end it. We encouraged her to have a kid hoping that kid could help her "grow" but she is now thinking of a divorce. She probably won't act on it because she has said her way of life is "go with the flow". How can we as her family help her when she is so unwilling to act on anything including finding professional help?
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depression
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My mom and dad argue every alternate night,my mom is very sick and weak still my dad beats her and makes us feel guilty for being financially dependent on him I've hypothyroidism and my mental health is already down the road I am crying while typing this I have great ambitions I aspired to become something really great in future I am good at studies,quite disciplined but because of my parents arguements I always endup in a depressed lonely place and because of which I am behind every class lecture homework portion.they say it gets better but it never does.i am giving up on everything.world was a nice place I wanted to visit countries meet people but I don't think I will ever be able to do that.
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depression
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tw // discussion of eating disorders
has anyone else experienced this? early March of 2020, i relapsed hard into my OCD. it started as mainly obsessions and compulsions that i'd already had, and then it took a VERY sudden turn into not being able to eat. first i was limited to about ten safe foods, then six, and i'm now down to one (other than water). it extends to things other than food as well. i use one kind of soap for my entire body, including hair, one kind of lotion (unscented), and one kind of toothpaste. any deviation either leaves me devastated or completely paralyzed, to where i can't even attempt an exposure.
i've been in ED treatment for a year now, after the doctors ruled out anything physical causing my "food rejection," but it's gotten SO MUCH worse. i am malnourished due to my limited diet, and i've been in the emergency room twice in the past month for issues arising from that.
no one will approve me for a PEG tube to supplement oral feeding, and ED treatment is woefully unequipped to deal with the OCD side of things. all inpatient and residential treatments are either not options or on hold, because my insurance is garbage // they have wait lists into 2022.
i am very nearly at the end of my rope. has anyone had any experience with this particular combination? it's hard for me to even type this, because i'm afraid it'll manifest, but i can't eat/touch things because i'm terrified ill have a reaction and die.
thanks in advance.
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OCD
|
So I am new to being medicated and it feels like it works a little bit but not too much but I am taking a low dosage. This got me thinking and I wanted to ask: what are your experiences with taking medication for ADHD? How long did it take you to find what works perfectly? What did they have you start with? I want to know anything any of you want to share to help my curious mind out.
Thanks.
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ADHD
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So I've been Elvanse for about 2 months now, and while it has undoubtedly helped me (PI) symptoms, I'm slowly losing weight, about 5kgs so far. This is a pretty big problem for me as I'm already under weight and pretty self conscious about it.
I find that while I'm much more likely to have breakfast than I used to be I often skip other meals.
Is there any tips people have to avoid this? I actually want to put on about 10kg, but metabolism is an issue for me and now I'm clearly not reaching a sustainable amount of calories. So tips for weight gain in general would be helpful!
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ADHD
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Seriously, if you struggle with OCD related to philosophy, ethics and so on this is one of the best things you can do for yourself.
I know it's a common thing to say that you should stay informed and disengaging in politics is a privilege. It is, but I don't think anyone really benefits from you doomscrolling a bunch of negative news everyday. How many people truly change their mind from a random online argument? You're not doing anything to help anyone but trolls and currupt news agencies who profit from fear.
And no it doesn't need to be some extreme "digital detox!! Phone bad! Stop using social media or you'll die!" type of thing either. Look at some memes, play some games, recipes, cat videos, hobby stuff, read fiction online, anything. I know it sounds weird but taking up video games instead of this type of stuff online has actually helped me.
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OCD
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So last Monday I had to retell my incident that caused me to have ptsd. I felt meh for a few days until Friday I woke up from having nightmares. I went to work and could feel the sensations coming like I was going down the rabbit hole. My manager was understanding and let me have as much time as I needed in the back room where I broke down crying. I felt better after crying but my question for anyone is do you feel on edge for a few days after a significant trigger. It has happened a few times where I will feel like crap on and off for a few days.
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ptsd
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Hi.
My personal circumstances involve a desperate desire to establish a routine and follow a structure to my day, but I lack the executive functioning to achieve it. I also have little drive for organization except for when it pertains to brainstorming for a special interest. Like, giving my life some structure seems very conducive towards my mental health right now, it’s just that my executive functioning is suffering.
Thank you.
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aspergers
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I'll try to keep it short. I've had ocd for years but it wasn't something too bad, it was mostly about order and not dust, germs, bacteria and viruses but since the start of the pandemic I've developed contamination OCD, I've been going to therapy, it helped a little but hasn't helped after a point, i invited one of my friends over to stay for the night but two of my other friends also came along, i thought i can keep a lid on it but ever since they came in, my mind's been telling me "ooh they touched that, clean it, ooh they sat down, they were in an uber, they have "dirty" clothes and are making the couches dirty and will contaminate you"
What should i do? I can't go on like this
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OCD
|
I'm panicking right now there was a download to my computer and I don't know what it was. My anti-virus just notified me that it was a safe file but I can't find which file it was
What if I got hacked and it downloaded something illegal to my computer or something I don't know what to do. I asked on a forum and described my issue and they said it's probably fine and nothing to worry about. What should I do now. I can't stop overthinkimg this what if it downloaded something bad
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OCD
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Socializing feels so uncomfortable for me. But I think I can cope if I just accept I’m flawed and that’s fine. And not everyone has to like me.
They won’t.
I just get trapped in this cycle of trying to figure out why the outcomes I predict or intend don’t seem to occur, and how people seem to like effortlessly sync up like Wi-Fi.
I’m blessed to be likable enough. I know this is true because people include me, and they put me on an “outsider pedestal”.
“Him? Oh he’s just so smart!” Which I guess explains my eccentricity’s in a nice way. And it beats being frowned upon or disliked.
But I would love to just “click”.
Oh well, not giving up. Just letting myself feel the uncertainty and the difficulty. Adversity is a bitter pill to swallow, but it’s a precursor to growth.
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aspergers
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I have pure o ocd and have “tried” erp therapy but really have no idea how to do it with pure o. I have mostly suffered from existential thoughts with of course other stuff coming up now and again. I was just reading a post about someone watching shows/movies that triggered them so they could practice erp and im wondering if this is a good idea because i have certainly avoided movies (horror and philosophy/sciencey)that would trigger me. Also what should be going through my mind when exposing myself to ensure that im not mentally reassuring/ruminating?
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OCD
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Lately I've had little work to do and so I've just been reading all day. I'll stop to get lunch or make coffee, do chores or go for a walk, but then it's back to the book.
I read slow so it still takes a few days to finish a book, but that's like 2 books per week which is nice.
I've got a lot of anxiety, old PTSD, and this is really helping my mind.
I only stop when I'm too tired to read. Like it's almost bedtime now so I'm done reading.
So I guess this is one of my obsessive interests. It's almost all I ever want to do.
I need to find more work though. I'm broke.
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aspergers
|
In terms of friendship/ socializing I can’t get over how important clubs/ activities are for those on the spectrum.
You may not make a ton of great friends in them but you get to be accepted/ spoken to by a large number of people.
Middle school and high school were not totally fun for me but I sort of lucked out by doing Band and cross country running. I made some decent friendships in both and was always included in their events etc.
I didn’t know this art the time but real effort/ proficiency in sports, instruments etc can actually open some pretty large doors later on.
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aspergers
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I have been dating my current partner for just over 8 months now, and my issues with trust have escalated and are causing distress in the both of us. I am struggling to work out whether the things I am worried about are purely in my head or not and it is turning me into someone I don't like and is unhealthy to be around.
There seems to be an equal number of times that my fears have been founded on irrational thought or 'what if' situations where I connect things together assuming they mean that my partner is cheating on me, and literal, physical things that I have seen or noticed that make me feel deeply suspicious.
We've spent a lot of time discussing these things and i've always taken the angle that I don't know the truth and that I am seeking it out by having an honest discussion, and that I am aware of the potential that I am experiencing sever trust issues, although my partner finds this understandably difficult as I am indirectly accusing her of cheating. She insists this is a mental health issue and is pushing me to seek as much support as possible with psychiatric assessments etc. I am open to this and already participate in weekly therapy sessions, my therapist has expressed that she needs me to operate under the assumption that these negative distrustful thoughts are just that, and my partner is faithful, and that I am exhibiting OCD-like patterns of behaviour.
I find it very difficult to work out whether the issues are real, she is lying to me, and this intuition is putting me on high alert, resulting in irrational fears and unacceptable behaviour like checking up on her or being indirectly invasive. OR the irrational fears are a symptom of a serious mental health issue, and that is making behaviours or events seem more suspicious than they actually are, triggering more irrational thoughts and destructive behaviour.
To give an example, recently we were working together at hers, when I looked over at what she was doing I believe strongly that I saw a specific window open on her screen that was an online chat app. It stuck out because I had never seen her use it before and to me it looked very clearly like that, a chat with messages on both sides implying a conversation between her and someone else. She opened it and closed it very quickly and I remember this happening twice. Initially i tried to suppress the distrustful thoughts and this worked for several weeks however they eventually spilled over and I asked her about it, she asked me to show her the app so I opened it and it was empty. To this day, internally I do not have doubt about what I saw, but she insists she never opened that app, that she's never seen it before, and that she doesn't have an explanation. This has made me more suspicious as if it was something benign, why would she lie about having used it?
I am asking here if there is some way that I might have misunderstood the situation due to something like OCD, if I am suffering from OCD, or other mental health symptoms does that mean I could have hallucinated this chat window, or mistook something else for it? Or maybe she used it briefly for something work related and forgot? (the app is Microsoft messages and she uses office 365 for work.) I feel like this is too much of a stretch for me, and that there is something wrong here, but I also cannot ignore my mental health issues, she says she loves me very much and I feel the same way towards her, many of her actions show me that she is invested in me feeling happy and positive, so I don't doubt that part, but I can't shake the suspicion that this is because she benefits from me being supportive and loving to her, and that I help her when she is going through difficult things.
This might be too much of a relationship advice type post so I apologise if it is, I just feel like the only rational explanation that would mean she wasn't manipulating and abusing me, that allows for me to have seen these things as I have, is some kind of serious mental health issue. Since my therapist has mentioned OCD before I thought I would ask here to see if anyone had any thoughts on my situation or be able to offer advice or support.
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OCD
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Just a little background info on myself... every since I was 16/17, I was diagnosed with severe OCD/Pure-O/BDD/ADD. It was really, really bad when I was younger and now, at 23 I have a pretty good hold over it considering how far I've come. The primary nature of my OCD is obsessions about doing anything to my head leading to a concussion causing severe brain damage. It's not so much the hitting head aspect as it is the fear of the consequences that can follow. Now, I'm not a compulsive head banger but every time I "think" I hit my head, I'm compelled to repeat the movements continuously. I want to become a doctor, specifically in neuroscience which is ironic but I have a passion for it. I've been doing really well these past couple of years but about a week or so ago I had a very bad relapse. I was brushing my teeth and bent down after dropping it and for some reason the thoughts took over out of nowhere and I thought I hit my head. I repeatedly redid the motion of it to see if it was hard enough to cause damage, and in the process I definitely did hit it but not extremely hard because I was very close to the wall (which felt hollow btw). Long story short, I know all too well what the symptoms are and they're frustratingly ambiguous/variable. I had no dilated pupils, loss of consciousness, severe nausea, or mind numbing headache. However, I have for the last week felt pressure in my forehead, slightly off balance, and can't read/think straight. I'm scared because I know the symptoms are loss of motivation, willpower, and ambition. I'm all of those things and deathly afraid of ruining that. I'm at a place in my life where I'm doing a lot, starting a fitness/diet regimen to get my health back , and learning how to drive. I'm scared because I haven't been feeling motivated to do any of those things while also starting school again. I can't focus. My mom knows about this and keeps brushing it off because she herself has had quite a few concussions in her life, and swears I shouldn't be worried. My mom has been there for me every since the beginning diagnosis and supports me through it. She swears it's my OCD. Plus she knows the doctors won't do shit!!! Disclaimer: I've been on 150mg of zoloft for some years now which helps tremendously. I'm freaking the fuck out and emotional lol. What is some advice.
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OCD
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Advice? Support? Not really sure, could use both. This is my first post in this sub, and honestly really first post in general please be kind.
​
I have been suffering from PTSD since I was about 15, at least thats when I was diagnosed. My PTSD is very complex as it was due to >!sexual assault and sexual molestation as a kid at school from 15 and younger. !< My Parents are very unsupportive and it was HELL for me at 15, and I'm surprised and still amazed at how I was able to be able to still find a way to keep myself here and alive. They've gotten a bit better since then but still genuinely would be considered unsupportive despite some financial help. Ever since then it's been hard for me to continue school and keep a job. My goal has been to have enough money to move out of my toxic parents environment since I have no friends or family I can move in with. I finally at 26 got me a real big girl job with benefits and everything in a field that I love. However, I've recently had a setback with both school and work and feel as though I'm spiraling down a dark hole and I'm not able to get out. I had to leave work early because I almost had a near breakdown, bosses were semi-understanding but seem as though they'll fire me. PTSD is so hard and I've tried everything since I was fifteen, EMDR, hospitalizations, partial hospitalizations, programs, medication, and all sorts of therapy and nothing is working.
I'm feeling so stuck and so scared and I'm so upset that PTSD is again rearing its ugly head and making it hard for me to do anything in life when I'm in the middle of trying to make something of myself. I'm afraid I'll never be able to be a regular human in society or be able to hold a job down for more than a few weeks or months at most. I don't qualify for disability since i've never been employed for a full year and unemployment won't get approved. I've tried work at home jobs as well as regular ones and I keep having a break down every time and end up being hospitalized. Is there any hope for me at all? I want to be okay. I want to be okay so badly. I want a life. Nothing has to be perfect, I just want a life.
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ptsd
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It is triggering. Nagging annoyance. The man tried to identify himself but no one would listen. They massively dosed him with psychiatric drugs and ignored him when he told them who he was. Then they used the affect of what they were doing to him as justification to go on doing it. Finally a doctor listened and inside a couple days, proved his story true and released him.
This is basically the same thing done to me as a child. The lady who found me and got me released actually got me sent on to foster care. She had no idea the bad actors still had influence and saw to it that I was abused there as well. In my case by my family and corrupt people in positions of authority not lazy stupid cops. The doctors I saw were pretty nasty people though. I was held and abused to keep me silent about what I knew about my family and to damage me so they could claim I was making it all up.
IDK what it I knew now except that one sexually abused me and tried to murder me for profit in staged accidents dozens of times and another physically and mentally abused me. The one who sexually abused me was a trainee at the place where it was all done to me.
​
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ptsd
|
TW- death, overdose, substance use
My friend died of an overdose nearly a month ago. It seems his death was intentional. His death has really just wrecked me.
I’ve always struggled with sleep. But after his death, it somehow got even worse. I just cannot make myself go to sleep.
I don’t know what I’ve been dreaming of (can rarely recall dreams), but I’m waking up drenched in sweat and feeling far more exhausted than when I went to sleep. I think I’m seeing him as I do in my waking nightmares- dead and gone, waiting to be found- and the thought makes me feel sick.
Needed to vent. Need any advice on sleep.
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ptsd
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My hands are literally stinging so bad because I’m washing them/using sanitizer to often. I put lotion on all the time but they’re still red and they hurt. Any suggestions?
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OCD
|
Okay so I started Ritalin recently and the loss of appetite is starting to take effect. I’m not hungry right now, but I haven’t eaten in 6 hours and the thought of eating is not at all appealing to me right now. Additionally, when I do get hungry, no foods immediately seem appetizing to me.
To anyone who’s been on a stimulant or hunger suppressing medication, what are good foods to eat just to get something in the stomach?
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ADHD
|
i'm unlovable, everyone is bored of me,
i want to be loved, adored and popular, but i also want to disappear
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depression
|
I’ve just started my PhD program and I’m just… floundering. Undergrad wasn’t easy with my unmediated brain per se, but it was still simple enough that I could get my assignments done at the last minute and still do well. However, I’m trying to do better in my grad program since I know these habits will be what I use in my career. I also want to be better so I can actually learn and challenge myself instead of just memorizing and cramming. Problem is, I’m lost on how to do that.
I’m on meds, and have an appointment set up for an intake with a school therapist since my community therapists’ won’t take adults but I’d like to get a head start on things before they spiral out of control.
Does anyone have any tips for success for graduate school, especially for breaking down projects, pacing myself (everything requires critical thinking now so I’m burning out), and starting early?
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ADHD
|
So I got in trouble at work today. I got a final warning for a mistake i made. I work from home, so luckily it was done over the phone, because I began shaking and crying and getting dizzy and nauseous. Now I feel drained. I am tired of feeling this way over and over. Luckily it does not happen that often.
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ptsd
|
At the moment, I am speculating if I have OCD. But with that in mind, one of the reasons I don't like brain is because of the random thoughts that I don't want, fusing thoughts together against my will (I can't think about them separately and it becomes impossible to separate them), and thinking negative thoughts towards people or things I like.
As an example of these thoughts, if there's a person I admire, my brain will conjure up an insult about them against my will even though I have nothing to say about them. Or my brain will infuse a thought with an image, song, or another thought so I can't think about one without thinking about the other. And it's impossible to disassociate the two together. It's extremely annoying and it sometimes prevents me from enjoying life.
Help?
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OCD
|
Trying to have a life. Trying to better myself. I work a job that I enjoy. The more I work, the better I feel. I don't have any days off but yet I want to work more. I asked to pickup extra hours but there isn't enough to go around in the factory. Supply shortages and all. I feel as if my only purpose in life is to work. I have no kids, no wife. I'm single. I've tried to apply to higher paying jobs with CSX across the country. I've been turned down constantly even when I LOVE TO WORK. I make sure to mention this in my cover letter. Oh well...
I don't enjoy anything like I use to. I've tried new things but don't enjoy them. It's like there's no purpose in even trying to do new things. I don't understand things and never have. I have no interest in learning things because why should I if I can't remember them. I don't talk to anybody at work because I'm there to work. Not to socialize. I don't get excited for things like I use to. Maybe it's because of the depression why my memory fails me. \*shrugs\*. I've tried seeking help multiple times but as a male living in a red state. I get told "just deal with it" it's hard to deal with a mid life crisis when I don't know what I want out of life anymore. So, until then I'll just lay in my bed staring at the ceiling until it figures itself out. Whatever....
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depression
|
i really really need an opinion on this. and i can’t go see a counselor at the moment so please don’t suggest that i already know i need one for other various reasons.
for 2 years i was in an abusive relationship that included forced sex/sexual acts as well as verbal/emotional abuse. a main thing is that he would force me to give him head a LOT. like nearly everyday. i’ve been out of that relationship for 6-7 months now, and i recently had been hanging out with a guy just as friends, but then we were in his room and he asked if we could cuddle, i said sure. so we were laying there and then we started making out. and then next thing you know he asked me if i would give him head. i felt frozen and did not know what the hell to say. i sat there with my mouth halfway open and my eyes all huge and my heart was racing and didn’t say a word. he asked again since we couldn’t have sex and again i didn’t say anything. i ended up doing it, but the whole time i felt so shaky and my heart was racing and every time i closed my eyes it felt like it was my ex all over again. this seriously is so embarrassing to post but i really don’t think i can do that to a guy in the future. like a future boyfriend. i don’t think i can do that. and no guy will want me because of that. i’ve been diagnosed with severe depression, severe social anxiety, and possibly now adhd. okay i don’t know where i was going with that last part but i just wanted to include that. but is it a possibility i have some sort of sexual ptsd?
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ptsd
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But in a way that’s like: if you throw an object out or alter it in some way (cutting a shirt) you feel like it is a sentient being that you’ve harmed and you feel terrible? I’m not a hoarder I throw things out but it always takes me longer than it should. I’ve heard this could be an autistic trait but I don’t know, is something else wrong with me?
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aspergers
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Everytime i watch some kind of video involving something or someone talking about it for example talking about how they feel once they transisionted i get some sort of anxiety like my heart skips a beat since it's feels so heavy for some reason, and now i'm scared that i'm actually getting anxiety for oher reasons, i can't watch a single video about the topic without getting anxiety, sometimes it even makes me feel sad once i ignore the anxiey it creates making me more anxious and one time someone talked about the transgender actually acomplishing something and it made me feel like i was very happy for them, like i was transgender, i know it's oke to feel happy for someone but it just felt so fake, this also happens once my dad says i'm so proud of you son i get sad or some reason, but i know this is not who i am. I don't know what to do anymore.
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OCD
|
I take medication throughout the day and 8pm is when It where'd off and I do eat throughout the day I eat a breakfast when I can I eat lunch always and I aways eat a dinner with enough calories that make me feel good but once it hits 8 or 830 I get a rage of hunger which can lead to over eating and making my stomach feel terrible.
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ADHD
|
Hi all. I have been battling medium to severe depression most of my life. I am now 46, on meds, and been seeing the same therapist for over 4 years. I have one major attempt on my life in the last three years and have recently been through a divorce.
Now that my background is established, I have to say that I am doing really good. I am working with my psychiatrist to come off of my meds and working with my therapist to change my thought patterns. I'm even working on dating again after the divorce because I feel more confident with myself and am starting to love who I am.
With that, I am working on starting a relationship with a longtime friend. We have amazing chemistry and always have. Now that we are both single (she is a widow), I thought I'd give it a go. We live in different states, but that has never stopped our friendship. I visited her after Christmas last year for a week. After that, it took me about 8 months to realize how strong my feelings are for her. I told her how I felt and she told me that she still isn't over her husband, but is open to the possibility of moving our relationship forward.
Last weekend (the weekend before Thanksgiving), I had the opportunity to play in a Magic the Gathering tournament in Las Vegas. I asked if she wanted to come with (she doesn't play) and she accepted. It was by far one of the best few days I've ever had. She was so supportive and we had an amazing romantic weekend. Now we are back to our normal, mundane lives and things have turned. She has started ghosting me. I feel myself falling into my old depression even though I knew this could happen. I get too excited when things are going well, only for things too collapse. I sent her an email telling her how I feel, thanking her for a great time, and telling her I was backing off so she and I could sort out our feelings. I have yet to hear from her again.
I feel like shit. The hole inside me, growing to consume me. I fucked up again. What can I do? I haven't felt like this in years (about a person) and now I'm falling. I do not have any suicidal ideations at this time, but with my pattern, it could become that.
Thank you all for listening.
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depression
|
I’m not going to go into detail about my obsessions here, though I am very sure it is OCD. I haven’t had even a few hours of free thought in the last 3 years, and the self-isolation, doubting, intrusive thoughts, dread/no happiness and all the other stuff is all there (I found out about OCD a month ago). My obsession also randomly changed 2 weeks ago so now there is a new big problem while I’m also worrying if I “accepted” the past obsession.
OCD being a lot about doubt of course means doubting yourself a lot, but it really feels like part of my brain is already convinced I am these things, not "what if I will become that?"
Every time somebody talks negatively about something or calls it out (obviously things that ARE bad), it feels like I’m being spoken to. I feel called out. It messes with me so much. It’s like debating with your brain, showing evidence that you’re not something like that. And what makes it even worse is that the fact that your brain is convinced you are those things or might become them triggers this defensive gut feeling at first which in turn makes you feel worse because it seems like your defending horrible stuff. I also feel it makes me numb/less appalled by stuff which frightens me.
My head just hurts as it’s all I think about. My current condition also feels worse than the previous one which I didn’t think was possible considering there are FAR less intrusive thoughts.
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OCD
|
I love my parents and like living with them. I’m living alone at college but I am finding it difficult. I miss having that safety net anyone else feel this way? I go home frequently.
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aspergers
|
For a year I was on focalin, and it was awful and I lost a ton of weight because I wouldn't eat. While it deleted my appetite as expected, when I stopped using it, my appetite just never came back really. It definitely improved, but I'm still just barely eating enough food and having to force myself to eat.
Anyone have any ideas? Anyone else feel this way?
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ADHD
|
I've always had terrible handwriting and I've always been bad at spelling. I've always contributed it to my tendency to think faster than I can write. I'm a fairly fast typer though.
But basically the more thoughts I want to get down on paper the worse my handwriting is because I write faster and faster because I'm worried I'll forget something I want to get down.
I've been recently diagnosed with adhd, so maybe that contributes to it, but I haven't really seen anything about this.
Is anyone else like this?
|
aspergers
|
Is anyone else grossed out by food, but not drinks? I cant stand touching food, and putting it in my mouth. It feels like I’m getting dirty. I have to wear gloves for finger foods. Sometimes I have to stop in the middle of a meal because I feel so disgusted.
Right now it’s the worst it’s ever been. I’m starving, but refuse to touch the food. I want to eat so badly, but can’t get myself to finish a meal.
With drinks on the other hand I’m fine with. There’s nothing I can see that bothers me.
Please comment if you relate to this at all it would really help me feel not alone.
|
OCD
|
Hello all! I was diagnosed as a child, was on adderall at various times throughout my youth but never for more than a year at a time…. Unmedicated my entire adult life.
Fast forward to now, pushing thirty. I’m high functioning (pay bills on time, am able to stay on top of domestic matters etc ) but my cognitive function in the past year is seemingly deteriorating…
I am in my third year of jazz school and am finding that my brain just kicks into total blank spaces where I can’t cognitively grasp anything in front of me, as well I can at times if I am nervous or stressed I can just blank and totally forget what’s happening. I just had an experience while performing for my teachers and classmates where I totally forgot everything I had just spent weeks working on. It’s like I’ll play it over and over and be fine then once I’m actually performing I cannot pull anything to the surface. Total complete white space.
Had anyone experienced this?
It’s odd because I’m a confident person and never really struggled with stage fright or nerves, but over the last years as these vacuous memory blanks have become more common the anxiety is increasing as well as I can’t trust myself anymore.
Has anyone experienced this? Would going on medication help me in the long run? Or only while I am on the meds?
|
ADHD
|
I always thought dancing was somehow ridiculous, like i imagine people moving without any music. But funny to change the music at the same dancing.
Its hard for me to just relax and go with the flow. I overthink about the process, step 1 2 3 4 5 and how it should look like. I just cant relax and enjoy it that i decided its not for me for so many years.
I still think its healthy to use bones and joints while dancing.
Are you familiar with this? How did you learn to dance and not overthink?
Ps. Most dance music used these days are very stupid - at least where i am its mostly reggaeton, salsa, merengue bachata, etc most of them are about moving your butt as if you are having funny sex
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aspergers
|
Now I'm not.
Exhausted constantly, don't want to get out of bed on the morning. I can't focus on anything, not even new TV shows I keep watching the same things I've seen many times and I'm bored about it.
I dont know what to do. Also I'm broke, it's hard to enjoy life when you can't even afford to live.
|
depression
|
Muscle tension is a serious issue for me, sometimes I can't breathe properly because the muscles are so stiff and I always have a tension headache.
I can't get rid of this tension for long, maybe a day or two at a time.
|
aspergers
|
I have this but I’m not sure if my adhd causes this issue or something else
I just stalk way way way more when I have a crush them my friends do. I just mean Instagram stalk.. but I guess I tend to get stuck in the past. So I always start to like a guy after things kinda are over and I almost try to prove to myself that they liked me sometimes
Anyways when I hyperfixate it’s weird. I stalk the crush’s Instagram and than stalk all their friends instagrams so that I can read the comments and see if my crush commented anything. It’s almost like I just want to try to find ways to learn more about them or their personality. But I will literally stalk everyone they know on VSCO and find everything
|
ADHD
|
I can't take it anymore. I'm a f***ing monster. I suffered for 7 months with this pocd ( i hope ). I checked and tested the most disgusting things in my mind. But today I got urges and whatnot and checked if I get aroused and in the end I masturbated to disgusting loli shit. My mind was telling me " just do it" , " they don't even look like real girls" or " let it go, you will feel better" . It was greatest mistake I made in my life. Naturally after I did I cried and felt like throwing up. I just want to kill myself . Everyday and every night I will remember that I masturbated to lolicon. I crossed a line. I will never be happy
|
OCD
|
in fact its getting LONGER. 2 hours now. its gone 1 hour to an hour and a half and now its 2 hours. god i hope it cant get much longer. and then it doesnt stop there. then i have to clean the toilet every time im done so i didnt shower for nothing. theres another half an hour (including hand washing after even tho i wear dish gloves) and then brush my teeth which takes like another half an hour. god my days are so preoccupied with this shit. i want my life back.
|
OCD
|
everyday i get intrusive thoughts to stretch my muscles like every hour and it even stops me from sleeping. it’s really annoying cos i can’t be bothered to actually stretch but if i don’t listen to my thoughts i get extreme anxiety and stressed. what can i do?? this is has been going on for at least a year and is only getting worse
|
OCD
|
Do I go to my general practitioner, or psychiatrist at my college? I’ve been ignoring my adhd symptoms for a long time, because I honestly didn’t want to be on more meds, since I’m already taking depression and anxiety medication. But I feel like I’m not reaching my fullest potential with anything (school, life, etc.), and it’s been like this for a long time, and Im tired of questioning my intelligence for something I most likely do not have full control over. I just want to take the initiative in paying more attention to my mental health, and I feel like this is the next step.
|
ADHD
|
The ability to apply logic to some happening in life is diminished. Is that true?
|
OCD
|
I would like to hear your own personal experiences. I have been thinking that I (F20) might have ADHD. When I read the symptoms online, I felt nauseous of how accurate and relatable it was to me. I am going to get checked but I am just wondering about what coping mechanisms you guys used before getting diagnosed or what ADHD feels like without medication.
|
ADHD
|
I recently was given wellbutrin for ADHD/ADD and I take lexapro for anxiety/depression. But I wanted to know what I can do to stay more consistently "on" throughout the day. I'm willing to exercise for 30 minutes daily, maintain a proper schedule, etc. I want to know what other high functioning members due to keep themselves focused.
|
aspergers
|
so i made one to make friends, which in all honesty people are kinda looking for life long friendships, while i was looking for a more causal, lets play video games together on pc frienship, anyway it then lead to when i was swiping thinking about dating in general, which im slightly open to, but i already deleted my account twice cause i feel like friendships on the app are goign to be to diffacult for me.
i decided i'll make another on later anyway, for both things, but then i decided out of compulsion to download grindr, kinda want to make friends there, and you can, and im slightly traumatized from the last time i downloaded it cause someone asked be to do a really disgusting think with poop and then i noped out, but it also seems like people older than me want to chat, i also did the whold send nudes thing out of compulsion and i kinda regret it cause you cant change that. and one person already sent me nudes, and i dont want that.
anyway all in all im a dumbass and shouldn't have done it but once the thought popped up i just downloaded it and then mastuarbated to other profiles, which is creepy and i feel awful, i only want a friendship at least and maybe a no labeled relationship, im not ready for anything to seriously and im definantly not ready for sex in general.
i feel like im doing everything wrong.
|
OCD
|
A few days ago I was diagnosed with PTSD... but I literally feel like I have no right to be diagnosed with such a serious condition. I didn't go through any violent trauma, no emotional trauma, and I don't even think the people who made me feel bad about myself were aware of how bad they made me feel. I feel like my case isn't even about bullying; I basically just got dropped by a lot of people and felt betrayed. I feel like I'm just a wimp who can't get over such a simple, harmless situation.
I've always had anxiety, so I just figured my distress came me just being a very sensitive person. Honestly, it's still really hard for me to believe I might have PTSD. All I know is that I've just been feeling absolutely terrible and completely unlike myself. I don't know how I can possibly process my past experience and cope if I don't have past experiences worth processing.
I'm in need of some advice and honest opinion.
|
ptsd
|
I haven't managed to do a single thing all week. All I've done is stayed in bed and been paralyzed over all schoolwork I have to keep up with. Every week just starts off with "I can't deal with yet another week." for me. I am so exhausted at this point, and I just want to cry. I find it hard to motivate myself even with deadlines coming up, it all has become "whatever" at this point.
I don't know what to do, or where to get my motivation from. I've considered talking to my teachers because my mental health is obviously in the dumpster, but I cannot make myself do it.
The simplest of tasks seem so stupidly impossible. I have never felt this stupid in my life. I haven't even been diagnosed with ADHD yet (trying to get a diagnosis currently) and I find it hard to complain about because of some type of impostor syndrome about my possible diagnosis.
These last few weeks and days have been like a constant paralysis, and only thing I've actually done is gotten hours upon hours into solitaire. I wish everything wasn't so difficult and I didn't feel so fucking alone about it too. I wish I had someone who related to my issues :/
I am struggling really bad and I just wanna be a functioning adult at this point
this is probably a cry for help more than anything
sorry to anyone reading this rant lol
|
ADHD
|
I [28M] was diagnosed with ADHD two years ago, not long after meeting my partner [26F]. At first, our communication was good, slightly flawed but something that worked for us. I was a pretty good listener, I was thoughtful, and she told me she felt cared for.
Over the last 10 months, it feels like it's all fallen apart. We're almost never on the same page with out communication anymore. I have a hard time being precise and she needs crystal clear communication at all times which feels impossible for me. Part of it is stress-related, part of it is the fact that I can't afford medication, and still part of it is my (seeming) inability to fix my problems while helping with hers. For example, I've come to terms with the fact that I mask a lot of internal problems by lying and since I've admitted it to her, she has a hard time trusting me. I never lie about big things and when I do, it's typically in a defensive way. I've been doing my best lately to stop and realize when I'm not telling the truth but the damage has already been done.
On top of this, I'm never confident in my decisions and I feel like I can never do the right thing. Some of this is informed by trauma and some of this is just pure lack of self-esteem. Whenever my partner is feeling down or has a problem or calls me out for something that I've done wrong, I immediately start to feel anxious and my brain completely freezes up which leads to inaction, arguments, and pain for both of us.
We've been on the verge of breaking up for the last 4 months or so and it sucks. We both love each other a lot but she feels really hurt by the things I do that sometimes feel out of my control, things that are impulsive or reactionary. I've been seeing a therapist again for the last 6 months or so but it doesn't feel like her advice is really working. I would love some advice or encouragement here, I feel really lost.
|
ADHD
|
Asperger's, check. Seizure disorder, check. Guess what my favorite pass time is? Video games! I don't have seizures while I'm on my medicine, but the gaming or losing sleep will bog my brain down in negative ways. I guess I just came here to complain. While I'm at it Tinnitus is the worst.
|
aspergers
|
I get really evil, horrific thoughts (about other people of a certain group which I am ashamed to say I have a dislike of, which I won't go into detail here so as not to trigger/worsen others) and sometimes just after I will think, "Why can't I just think whatever I want?/What if I just want to think this?"
Further, what started as the "what if," thoughts have turned into sometimes having feelings of wanting evil things. It's gotten to the point that sometimes I'm not sure I can even distinguish between good and evil and/or care to do so. Which leads me to try and convince myself that evil things are indeed evil, however, it often takes a lot of time for me to do so and "snap out of it" and see it is wrong and even then it's not the same as before I became like this. I used to be certain that the subject of my thoughts are horrible and I was an amazingly empathetic and caring person. Now I feel evil and every day it just gets worse. Is anyone else like this?
|
OCD
|
I’m not sure why I do this but I think it may be a part of my adhd
When I’m talking to someone or watching a video I will notice myself just reach for a single string of hair on my head. Than imagine ur fingers in a pinch formation .. I’ll like run my two fingers like that over my hair strand. And I’ll do this for a really long time just switching strands of hair
I have no idea why
|
ADHD
|
I am a 28 old female. I have quadriplegic cerebral palsy. About 6 months ago I was diagnosed with ADHD. I take 25mg Ritalin ( Methylphenidate) a Day. I never forgot about to take it EVERY Day…. I feel that i could be addicted to it.. because isn’t forgetting to take meds twice a day one of the main symptoms of ADHD? Everyone that I talked about meds who also had adhd tells me that they don’t take meds during vacation or weekends…
I am worried 😦
|
ADHD
|
\[***Song***: *The Verve* \- *Bitter Sweet Symphony*.\]
I remember college days a couple of years ago.
I had time to walk, *I never took a bus or a taxi*.
so i traveled long enough to listen to good music.
Every day, in the morning, afternoon and night.
This song reminded me...what I am,
and who I want to be.//// ---> I miss those days.
\----> no, "***I can't change my mold***".
\- I remember that when I heard this song,
The people on the street were so distracted
That they avoided every other human being.
\*In the original video, Richard Ashcroft ignore
Everyone in the street, but when I listened to
This song, the others ignored everyone,
it was the opposite of the video... but....
\*Still, I felt like Richard. I walked to my destination,
Nobody ran into me, I went in a straight line,
Everyone passed me...
\*When this song was repeated in my playlist,
I realized that sometimes we are more awake
Than others, each person on the street has
Their story, a story that must be great, but
You will never have the opportunity to talk
To them ... they belong to a great video clip
Of your own that only you will remember.
\- Like the video, sometimes I like to think
That those who look us in the eye when
We walk with big headphones, may also
Be like us ... but that's just a fantasy ...
\**do you have a song that makes you feel like this*?
Link:
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lyu1KKwC74](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lyu1KKwC74)
|
aspergers
|
I'm so mad about this all I want to do is join the club sports team my other teammates are joining but my coach works there and I'm constantly worrying that he thinks/can tell that I'm into him or something idk. I want to ask my friends so bad what they think I think of other people so that I can correct them on everything false but I know that it's a new compulsion my ocd came up with. It's so annoying that I'm completely aware that it's a compulsion and I still need to do it. I don't think I've ever had a compulsion that was this public that I've felt such a strong need to do. I'm just angry at this point this sucks none of this is constructive but idc anymore and I can't even vent to my friends because I'm not gonna dump this on them
|
OCD
|
Hi fellow aspergers !
I need some help to know how to adapt in social situations to help me get focused on listening and be useful (exemple : helping someone doing homebrew rules on a tabletop rpg discord server while there is many other poeple talking and giving advice too)...
I want to be more involved without fluttering around in group discussion (i talk about three to six poeple plus me).
Do you have any techniques to do that ?
|
aspergers
|
Last year or so, I was put on Wellbutrin for ADHD and after some dosage tweaks I felt like a new person. I got a 4.0 that semester, I could actually focus, I wasn't procrastinating nearly as much, MY ROOM WAS CLEAN (!!) and I really really had my executive function symptoms under control for a wonderful minute.
About 3 months later it all went back. A year into the RX, same result. Just... nothing.
I would appreciate any insight, experience, or ideas. Feeling v hopeless lately it won't get better.
|
ADHD
|
Been having a really REAALY hard tome lately. Recently quit opiates and cigarettes (yay) and got away from an extremely abusive relationship and have been living out of my car for about 6 months and working full time.... I cant seem to find any enjoyment in anything at all, im so fatigued all the time i cant bring myself to do anything except sleep and work and occasionally write in my journal.... I dont know what to do, ive tried therapy and they suck.... Medications didnt help much.. I want to enjoy life again
|
depression
|
Being that I've never gone to a hospital after a distressing situation, I found myself wondering if anything would have been different if I did go. Once they do the physical evaluation over the issue (r@pe kits, beatings, abuse victims, domestic violence victims, etc.) what happens after? Do you just...go home? Do they give you a mental health evaluation? Do they refer you to therapist? Do you talk to the police while in the hospital? Also, how long is a hospital stay? A day? Two days? A week? I just have a lot of unanswered questions that I don't think I can't find anywhere else.
What happens after?
|
ptsd
|
It's so strange. It makes me feel like such a bad person because I struggle to be immediately compassionate. If my husband is sick or hurt. My sister in law's dog being attacked. It takes me like 5 minutes to work through the initial emotion that feels like rage and then become sad, compassionate, etc. that really should have been the first emotion.
|
OCD
|
Hi guys,
I am a 20F, I'm not diagnosed but I firmly believe I'm on the spectrum.
So in the end of my senior year at highschool I had kind of a really bad meltdown, because I was doing many things at once like I was finishing my english studies (It's not my first language) and preparing for FCE, I had to finish my essay for my technician course and studying for final exams. My anxiety was totally bad, I lost weight and as here we have to take a stressful test called ENEM to get into college, my parents agreed to postpone college so I could take care of my mental health. (It was good because I didn't know what area/field to go to).
Last year I decided to finally take the test after 1 year and a half totally exausted. And then the pandemics got worse in my country and the test got delayed, it was scheduled first to be in november but I had to do it in february of this year. Because of that the college near my city didn't accept ENEM and they only accepted their own test, which I didn't do because I was hoping to use ENEM. And I can't move to another city as I can't afford it. But as every college was doing classes online, I applied to mathmatics (but after I would transfer to here), but I hated it. Online classes weren't working for me, besides the fact that graduating in mathmatics here means you'll likely be a highschool teacher, but I can't imagine myself standing in front of 30+ people in a class AND the payment is ridiculous, not worthy. So I quit.
And now I'm just stuck. I feel late in life, as I have many old colleagues almost graduating, ones are getting married or having children. When I don't even know what I want to graduate in. Could you guys suggest courses which the job field do not involves too much contact with people? Or any courses at all?
|
aspergers
|
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