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Six months ago my spouse and I left our jobs (we worked together) due to a terrible situation, since then me and my spouse had decided to move. In the last 6 months the people we used to work for continuously harass us, drive past our house constantly and I’ve been living in fear this whole time. We sold our house and have proceeded to keep taking blow after blow. Our first mortgage company pulled out of their mortgage after we bought our new house. We are supposed to be out of our current house in one week and we are desperately trying to get a mortgage. And if that doesn’t happen we will be homeless and probably sued by the person we bought the house from by breaching the contract resulting in us loosing everything we own. I needed this. I needed to run away and disappear so I’m not living my life in fear. The fate of our lives is hanging by a thread. I just want to throw up I feel so sick right now. I’ve been going through this living hell for the last 6 months and it just keeps getting worse and worse. I don’t even want to exist anymore. I can’t function anymore. I can barely breath right now. I don’t know how to go on anymore.
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depression
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I worked in a job that had a high probability of violence each day, and the chance that you would be directly involved in, or have that violence directed at you was high. I didn't carry anything for protection and more often than not we were short-staffed so if you were able to call for help, it could be a few minutes until it got there. A minute is a very long time when you are fighting for your life.
I was diagnosed with severe ptsd in 2010 by a psychiatrist. I had been losing sleep, I was withdrawn, moody, and unpleasant to be around. He put me on some heavy-duty meds that had me damn near sleeping on my feet and when I was able to stay awake I felt like a zombie. I couldn't be like that at work so I went off my meds and quit seeing him.
Fast forward to 2017, I retired from that job after 30 years. I thought the dreams, night sweats, hypervigilance, depression, and the host of other symptoms would go away. I was wrong, and some are actually getting worse. I feel like I'm going to explode.
Does therapy work? I'm skeptical because I don't know how that will help me with what I have seen and experienced. I guess I'm not sure who to turn to or where to get help for this, any help would be appreciated. Thanks for listening.
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ptsd
|
Hi all, my names Lianna, first time posting here. I just recently got diagnosed with PTSD, and am having a lot of issues learning to handle it. Loud noises, too many people talking, yelling of any kind can set me off, along with flashbacks at random, ticks, shakes, shutdowns, and I just, don't know how to handle it, it's getting harder and harder to make myself go to work, and I am always on the verge of losing it. Anyone have any advice, resources? I was doing ok until my insurance stopped covering my therapy, so I no longer has a therapist
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ptsd
|
Does anyone else hate listening to or owning songs that have a certain name or theme that bothers you in it? Like if you hate someone & you hear their name in a random song even though it's not about that person, or if there's a theme that scares you, you don't want anything to do with it anymore? kind of like people who don't like horror movies and won't watch them because of the themes. I've been told it's silly to not like an album if it has a person's name in a song who i don't like and therefore want to get rid of the whole album, but i wonder if other people do this too in media or other areas of life.
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ptsd
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Not looking for a professional diagnosis just a second opinion
i’ve been having compulsions since i was 10 or less. i suffer from them almost daily, and numerous times a day if i’m stressed or i’m about to do something i’m not 100% sure of. I also suffer from heavy intrusive thoughts. what could this be?
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OCD
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I’m learning programming, most specifically to become a front end developer. I had to drop out of college because of different factors(including money) and I purchased a full Front end course and right now I’m enjoying it but I get easily distracted and found out I just cannot sit and watch the whole video without a small distraction. Also, I suck bad at math. In my job whenever there’s numbers involved I use my phone’s calculator. Even for simple additions such as 1700 + 1320. Am I such a joke of a person? I really want to be a successful Programmer!
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aspergers
|
Sorry if the flair is wrong, this is my first post here! Also just want to do a disclaimer that this is probably gonna be quite a long post because I over-explain so apologies! My grammar is also horrific due to the rambling so apologies for that too!
I've been diagnosed with GAD a few times in my life, usually rediagnosed whenever I decide to go back to therapy, and up until this year I thought that was all I had. However in the last year, with covid and also going into my third year of university, my 'anxiety' has got much worse, as it had been pretty fine since I finished high school, moved out, made new friends, etc. I first noticed it when I was in a relationship and experienced what I now realise was very likely relationship OCD: constantly doubting that I had feelings for him and checking my physical reaction to seeing him/looking at photos of him and stuff like that. This sent me into a horrible way all summer and I ended up quite depressed as a result, went back to therapy but he wasn't a great therapist, he didn't believe in labels and was surprised to hear I'd been diagnosed with anxiety as he thought he was just treating a 'worrier', though he did keep talking to me about intrusive thoughts so that should've been an OCD indicator.
One friend had mentioned I might have OCD, and I had considered it myself, but I always decided I couldn't because I didn't have 'typical' symptoms such as cleanliness, hand-washing, doing things a set number of times, and, even the 'OCD' things I did do, they weren't out of fear of something horrible happening, but rather just a 'need' to, which I realise now is likely 'just-right' OCD.
The ASD thing comes into play because this has become an obsession of mine, I think it stems from my friends making (tasteless) jokes about me possibly being autistic, not because they thought it was funny, I think at first they genuinely thought I maybe had it but then saw how much it upset me (not because there's anything wrong with having autism, it's just a bit scary the idea of your self-perception being altered), and would reassure me by saying they didn't actually think I had it. The reasons they said this were because of things like missing sarcasm and jokes alot (i do understand how sarcasm works and often catch it, I'm sometimes just a bit slow to pick up on it), liking the colour red a lot, but not in any obsessive manner, some issues with food texture and just generally being a bit awkward (i believe i am a socially-awkward extrovert lol). I never really thought much of this for like a year, but recently its almost all I think about. I'm hyper-aware of everything I do and think, suddenly everything is an autism symptom, things I've never noticed before or never thought were strange are worrying me as I wonder if this lack of self awareness is a sign in itself. On bad days I spend hours going through the internet asking ridiculously specific questions trying to get to the bottom of whether i *really* have autism or not, the only thing that really subsides the worry is taking a very detailed test, which I usually get a result of being neurotypical, but only by a very small margin. A lot of my symptoms can be explained by ADHD, which I am also seeking a diagnosis for, along with the OCD, but there's some that just don't seem to be explained by either.
I am fully aware that this OCD obsession will be causing me to overanalyse things that are probably not a sign of autism, and reassurance-seeking is another one of my main compulsions so I am trying not to use this post as that, as it won't help in the long run anyway, but I just thought it would maybe be good to see if people think some of the symptoms I'll list here are characteristic of OCD, or if it's worth looking at autism too, as I know they often go hand in hand.
Some things that I think resemble OCD:
* rituals with eating:
* when eating pringles, I always have to eat either 3 or 4 of them and then take a drink, when it gets to the bottom with all the broken bits, I try and mentally work out how many broken bits would amount to 3/4 full pringles
* with chocolate bars, drink after every row, though sometimes after a row I'll feel like there's not enough chocolate to warrant a drink, so I'll have another row before drinking
* with a lot of foods that need cut up e.g. mozzarella sticks, i eat half the individual piece and then have a drink, then the other half, if it's two different foods like in little pieces like the mozzarella sticks and nuggets (my parents never forced me to vary my palette very much lol) I always eat one of each food after the other, ordering it so the one I like better is eaten last (e.g. mozzarella stick, then nugget, then mozzarella stick)
* I eat sandwiches in a really specific way too; biting the top row first and then going in a circle getting the crusts, so that the middle section is last because I like it the most
* This is the stuff that's worrying me the most as I didn't really pay it any mind until this obsession, so I didn't see much wrong with it though I knew most people didn't do it. It's also not really unpleasant to do, its more of a functional thing like to make sure I get a good balance of food to drink and to eat the nicest part last, so it doesn't seem very OCD? If I'm with other people I'm very aware of the chocolate and pringles thing so just don't do it, which doesn't seem to cause me much discomfort at all, but I'm worried this is a sign of masking.
* Oh and I also make nachos in a very specific way, in three layers with the cheese all even because I hate just having a dry one with no cheese, my flatmates all laugh bc its literally turned into some intricate art piece the more I've done it. Then I have to get my drink and napkin and laptop all set up in my room before the microwave beeps but I think that part's pretty common.
* symmetry: not very often, alot more frequent when I was younger, I had to touch some things with both hands as the feeling would 'stay' on one hand so I needed it to be on both hands for it to go away, sometimes with my feet too if walking on uneven ground or something
* outgrown this one but as a teenager if I was listening to music I always had to finish on a song made that year, otherwise I was worried I would be transported to whatever year the song was made in. The contents or title of the song also did this too, e.g. if a song was about being 'blinded by love' that couldn't be last or I'd end up blind. That still happens with like twitter and stuff, before going to bed I need to finish with a 'safe' retweet cos whatever my last retweet was about will happen to me
* When getting the train or subway I have to stand up and walk towards the rails when the carriage is pulling in and I have a specific carriage I always go to, though this doesn't bother me if running late/with other people.
* I'm also an empty box hoarder, I read over emails loads after I've sent them, replay conversations too to make sure I didn't say anything weird, though not a lot, overwhelming sense of guilt and needing to 'confess', especially in the aforementioned relationship, overly cautious of stuff being dirty, and a lot more but that's probably enough lol
I know a fair few of these are textbook OCD, but some of them are worrying me because, as I said, I didn't really notice them until this obsession happened and thus they don't cause much discomfort.
Other random symptoms that could be attributed to autism, but my friends have told me are just things people do, so I think the OCD is clouding my judgement of them:
* Find eye contact a bit hard, but usually because I'm looking at everything going on around me so probably ADHD
* I sometimes say the wrong thing/am misunderstood when trying to comfort people
* I'm a bit awkward with comforting people, I'm really good at giving advice over text and can be alright in person but with just like comforting people I kinda just resort to a 'it will be okay' and a pat on the back, though in romantic situations I am fine with physical touch and emotions once comfortable
* I can remember number sequences I use a lot, like my phone number, bank card, but I wouldn't say im *fascinated* by numbers
* I was really quiet in school and didn't really fit in, but at uni I've really come out my shell and I'm really extroverted, so I can get quite attached to people and be full on.
* Often changed friend groups in school because I took things very personally and got really upset over small comments that probably weren't that bad
* My friends say I have a really monotone voice and can sometimes seem rude without meaning to
* Really bad at flirting and can't always tell when people are flirting with me
I keep trying to tell myself that these things are probably just personality traits resulting from social awkwardness and being quite sheltered as a kid, but obviously its an obsession so that doesn't do much. The reason I'm not sure it's autism is because I don't have a lot of the main issues, I can relate to people fine, characters in tv shows fine, I can read facial expressions (I know *when* someone's upset, I'm just awkward with comforting them), tone, read between the lines (most of the time), I understand social conventions fine, I've also never had a special interest as intense as described by people on the spectrum, my monster high doll obsession when i was like 11-13 probably came close but I think that's quite normal for a kid? I don't have a preference for being alone, I really like being with people, I understand word-play fine, don't really care about routine, except when it helps me with work and bettering my mental health.
I'm going to end this post now cos I doubt anyone will read this all the way anyway, but if you have taken the time to read this and maybe even respond, you are amazing so thank you very much!!!
TLDR; have very clear OCD and ADHD symptoms but this has manifested into an obsession with possibly being autistic. Most symptoms can be explained by the first two but there are some that don't quite seem to fit, something just feels 'different' about me, however I don't have classic ASD symptoms like a disconnect with other people, etc.
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OCD
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Four years ago I was orally raped, it took two more to get better with dealing with it. On the three year anniversary of that event my ex girlfriend sexually manipulated me and nearly choked me to death. That experience threw me back into an abysmal mindset with my trauma over being raped. Now I have to be alone on the day that I'll be hyperfocused on it.
I don't know what to do.
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ptsd
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I've noticed that when I am in other subreddits unrelated to autism that if I comment on stuff people sometimes look through my profile and then call me a re\*\*rd or harass me. Is this something that happens to you guys as well?
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aspergers
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Idk if this is normal or not but sometimes I feel happy that I’m feeling guilt,whenever I have a thought and feel guilt I hate it but then recently I started to feel more or less kinda happy and relieved that I felt some sort of guilt or pit feeling in my stomach and also sometimes I still do something that I used to do a lot which was if I had an intrusive thought and I didn’t really feel anything towards it like I wasn’t in a panic mode about it I would basically make myself panic or feel guilt about it just so I could show I felt some sort of remorse and idk if that means that I’m just a bad person trying to prove that I’m a good person most of these kinda started after a month or so of dealing with all of these cause at the start it was horrible and I was very suicidal and I wish I would’ve found out what Pocd/ocd was at the beginning cause then maybe I wouldn’t be like this and would’ve got help sooner
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OCD
|
Hey, so earlier this year my stepdad died from a heart attack, he was getting pains and while we waited for an ambulance he ran to the bathroom to get sick. I didnt hear him puking so I went to check and he was lying there dead, I've been really have a tough time I've been to the doctor and have started counselling, I get pains in my chest, arms anywhere and I think I'm going to have a heart attack and have really bad panic attacks. Eating has been quite tough the last 2 days I feel like puking but then i relate the puking back to him saying he was going to get sick and then died. My first panic attack was roughly 3 months after he had died and out of no where I got a pain in my back and though this is the end. I just wanted to know is this normal? I know I'm also grieving the loss of him I am upset but the last 2 days have been so horrible. Thanks to anyone who replies. Btw I'm 21 years old (M) if that mattere
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ptsd
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I will be having my appointment with an OCD therapist son and I want to ask for advice. Would it be wise to tell them my intrusive thoughts You know, the thoughts that are erotic, violent and such. I've read some posts about therapy helping a lot but some others said it didn't I'm very secretive with my thoughts, intentions, ambitions, etc and I want to open up to help others help me but I don't want it to back fire.
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OCD
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Does anybody else here have this? If I try to think positively about future, like "I wanna get a good job and married" my brain goes: "if you think positively about the future, you'll get a serious disease and die". This is very frustrating
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OCD
|
I'm 14 and was just found out I had aspergers but had the diagnosis a year ago and haven't been to school since I was diagnosed on monday, is there any way to handle this beyond giving up on life?
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aspergers
|
I have PTSD. I have experienced several tramas over my life. I witnessed horrific accidents as a young child, was sexually abused, and other events that I do not feel comfortable talking about, even in an anonymous setting. I used drugs and engaged in criminal behaviors in my teens and into my mid twenties. I was arrested 10 years ago and spent time in supervision. I violated my probation and got resentenced. I was ordered my the court to receive mental health treatment. I bounced around from therapist to therapist until I found one who cared about me. I opened up and can say that I have begun healing. I spent 20+ years in turmoil never realizing that PTSD was affecting me in so many ways. It always will affect me but now I have the power to understand it and work through it. You will not heal overnight, but if you truly open up to a therapist that you connect with there is hope.
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ptsd
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This is something that bothers me so much. I'm always almost angry when I get one from a restaurant. I understand it's better for the environment and all, but it feels SO AWFUL in my mouth.
It sticks to my lips, it feels weird and it gets soggy. It's like a sensory punishment.
It annoys me at this point and I just throw it in the trash, and I've then wasted a straw.
I'd rather have no straw than a terrible paper straw.
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aspergers
|
# the edge of lost years
i've seen parts of life not so beautiful.
i love the way i've tried to handle the aftermath of this part of life.
but the days get so long, and i feel myself drifting over the edge.
i'm being pushed here, pulled over there, and i'm through.
I'm through with being pushed around.
I'm through with being tired.
I'm through with people trying to change me.
It is what it is.
Hiding in the nook of an uninviting environment
When the nook is a large place where I get lost
I believe time is laughing at me as the clock is dangling in the air, struggling to keep it.
They say life is unfair, they never told me it would be this difficult.
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depression
|
I got an intrusive thought while watching one of my favorite movies.
I'm now scared that I'm going to associate the thought with the movie forever.
I know this sounds dumb, but any advice?
|
OCD
|
Every week deadlines to programming asignments, I sometimes have to even do schoolwork in the weekend because there is not enough time in the week and there is also a major presentation deadline after a vacation.
Also, with theory subjects, students are procrastinating because of the high workload. They say: "I will catch up on the theory in the vacation" . They seem to think that it's completely normal to let them steal even more time of your life. Vacation should be free. (Btw, we need to apply the theory in our software project, so they can't be procrastinating, but they still do.)
Wtf. It is like school doesn't care about our wellbeing at all. Some students are also behind on the programming asignments and are really struggling.
It already is unfair: 5 days school vs 2 days freedom, but they make it even more unfair.
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aspergers
|
I have a really hard time jelling with traditional exercise. I enjoy a run when I'm on it, but it's been hard to get out recently. I signed up for a half marathon a little back which I was training *really* good for. It was supposed happen March of 2020 but for some mysterious reason it got canceled, maybe I'll send them an email sometime and ask why....🤔 /s
Weight lifting... Awful... So much counting and keeping track while doing stuff that doesnt feel very good. Also generally repetitive, and requiring a lot of attention/planning to keep spicy. It feels like a torture chamber.
The things I've really jibed with is playing a sport, especially soccer. Having a goal to focus on completely changes things. Getting tired feels like a tank of gas to be managed which only feels really bad when things slow down. I was able to get into an "old guys" game during the summer but of course, that hibernates for the winter.
So what do you do? Are you like me where you largely need your brain tricked or do jibe with a hot sweaty pushups and sprints workout?
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ADHD
|
My therapist says it's PTSD and anxious/ambivalent attachment behind most of my distress. Given our appointments, he says the primary drivers of my mood seem to be interactions with others - particularly when they remind me of traumatic experiences. I was diagnosed with depression a long time ago, and that might still hold, but it's possible that trauma has been behind the wheel a lot longer than I previously gave it credit for.
I guess for context I experienced a lot of emotional abuse and childhood neglect, then domestic violence later in life.
Anybody else?
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ptsd
|
Hi! so I have this problem and the internet tells me it might be OCD however I’m not sure as somethings here I can kind of relate to but most I can’t.
Basically sometimes I get into this state where all my fingers really stress me out bc I have to press the keyboard buttons of my laptop just the right place and pressure and over and over and equally press arrow up and down button. It actually pains me not to do it in my hand and my mind however it is really irritating as when I play a video game it causes me to press a button that won’t help me and therefore is frustrating when I’m trying to win. Another example I can’t delete part of word I have to delete the whole word if I type it wrong, as otherwise there is a cold gap between the letters in my mind and it hurts my eyes mentally.
This kinda sounds like OCD I guess however I can NOT do it, but it just leaves the urge which leaves me unfulfilled however I can just not do it if I really wanted it’s just I always end up doing it bc why not but then it just takes me longer to type for example. Also most days it doesn’t bother me although I may do it, however somedays it’s really strong and mentally hurts and I shake my hands in frustration. However for OCD I’d imagine it’s a constant problem.
What’s your guys opinion, OCD or just random/other thing? Thanks for any replies!
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OCD
|
I am a 23 year-old female. Not clinically diagnosed, and I don’t plan on doing it, because I don’t think I need accommodations or resources requiring an official diagnosis, and I don’t want to spend $2000 or possible more.
I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder a few years back. I believe that was and still is a correct diagnosis, but I know something else is missing here. I have been doing research on Aspergers for a few years now. I’ve done everything from videos, online articles, books created by diagnosed adults to academic research papers. I also looked at ADHD, Borderline, Bipolar, Highly Sensitive Person, or just Sensory Overload on its own, and I strongly resonate with Aspergers symptoms.
I am moving to a new city soon and I think starting to tell new ppl I meet about this might be beneficial. Maybe I can be more myself and mask less so I can be less tired all the time.
1. Is this “allowed”? What do those of you who have an official diagnosis think of this?
2. Has anyone done this and how’s life going for you?
3. If you think I should invest in getting a diagnosis, what would I gain from it that I probably don’t know I need yet?
Would love to know any of your thoughts, thanks and stay safe everyone 🖤🖤
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aspergers
|
I'm not sure why but as a get older my adhd seems to be making life harder for me than it used to.
I have disordered eating, akin to binge eating but probably better described as compulsive overeating and i have struggled to find a way to better them. I do go to a psychologist about it which is semi helpful but i find that food is the biggest stress of my day, consistently.
My main issues are sitting to to organise a meal plan is next to impossible. Its like my brains decides it is something i am not capable of doing and just shuts down. I even went to a dietician who gave me a meal plan but now the struggle is going through the plan and finding recipes for each meal and then writing it all down and buying it.
The other problem i struggle with is I get constant cravings for sugary/fatty foods. If i have a healthier meal and am full i don't feel like i am satiated until i have something like chocolate or dessert afterwards. I don't have a problem with eating those things but eating them every single day has caused health issues for me.
so i guess I'm looking for tips that have helped you be better organised and fed, no matter how minor and maybe your own stories of struggles that you have so i don't feel so alone in mine.
Thanks :-)
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ADHD
|
Dear fellow OCD-endurers
I am currently going through the waves of an existential solipsism OCD theme and it is the most horrifying theme I have ever had. When I google for supportive ressources online, it seems that none are available. The only things you can find on solipsism is different kinds of philosophical debates, but no information pages for people with OCD / DP-DR / schizophrenia or others who are prone to experience this kind of existential doubt. So I figured I would make such an online resource!
​
My background is that I am a danish neuropsychologist - yes, you can be a psychologist and have OCD at the same time, feel free to ask away and feel free to make a joke about it, humor is one of the strongest weapons we have :-) From time to time I write popular scientific articles and I believe I have found a really important hole in the resources available on the internet! I figured I could might as well use my position to correct this.
​
So dear fellow OCD-redditors: Have you been through an existential solipsism theme in any form? That could be brain in a vat, boltzmanns brains, the great deceiver, pure solipsism and whatever else is out there that I have not thought of /don't know of. What started it for you? How did you make it through? any advice for people going through the motions? I promise to post it here once I am done. I normally write in danish but I of course promise to offer a translation so this resource will not be useless for most people :D
Anything else you would think is crucial to include for such a resource to be useful?
​
I hope everyone is having a reasonable day. Love to you all <3
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OCD
|
hi guys, please share your techniques to “ground” yourself, to become more in your body. I notice that when I’m doing my study or a lot of thought and creative work I become introspective and feel isolated, I become very “deep thinking of life”. So what are your ways to become in balance?
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OCD
|
I do nothing productive. I don't workout or read. I force myself to go to work because the pay is good and I feel guilty just staying here in my apartment watching tv all day and night. I just don't have any desire to do anything anymore. Right now I feel like curling into a ball and never uncurling out of it. My parents are my only social support. I don't want to keep bothering them with my problems anymore since its nothing compared to theirs. I just feel helpless.
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depression
|
Well, guys, I suffer from sexual PTSD for three years now. It started the day I was threatened with rape by a guy who was stalking my social media after I ghosted him since he was VERY direct about how he wants to hook up and everything, not to mention he was too obtrusive, even though we were strangers when he messaged me trying to flirt with me. Later I discovered that he had known my family, but I never knew or met him, so we were complete strangers anyway.
And you know what? I'm tired because something similar is happening again.
So I'm a freshman in uni now and one of the guys who is studying with me is trying to flirt with me. To give you some context, we have never met in person and never talked about anything but our studies, but a few weeks ago he started getting, um, kinda too much when I was just helping him with our homework.
To give you some more context, I help everyone, literally everyone and it's obvious from our collective chat where guys and girls are asking for help so I wasn't giving him any reason to act like this. But anyway, it's probably ok to him to ask a girl about when she is going to visit the uni or where is she from (I live in another city), considering that he only knows how this girl looks like and nothing more. I guess he even got angry when I said that I don't know about the time I'll be visiting the uni, even though he switched the subject.
I'm SO UNBEARABLY tired of guys who view me like this. Why on Earth do they act like this towards me? Why I'm viewed as a piece of meat that is suitable only for sex? I'm an alive person and I never asked anyone to treat me like this. I know a lot of ladies who like to be sexual and it's their business, but I'm just sick of it all considering being a Christian woman who was abused sexually. I'm tired of people who just interested in my face/body and think that I need to know about their interest or that they have any right to express that to me directly. I bet they won't even talk to me if they know who I really am and not my face.
Maybe I'm overreacting here, but I am just tired of the fact that the only men that respect my boundaries are my male friends (they are the best cinnamon buns in the world, no doubt, I love them), but when it comes to relationships then I'm just viewed as a proud holder of the vagina but not as a person.
And I'm very uncomfortable with the thought that I need to keep up the conversation with a person who is unpleasant for me so I won't be threatened with rape again. You know, I'm texting with him RIGHT NOW and I wish I was rather dead than talking to him. I know there are lots of good guys out there and thank you guys for your existence, but sometimes living in this society is just too much.
Anyway, I feel like I was raped mentally today for some reason which was is a perfect colorful extra-sprinkle for my major depressive episode so I don't even know why I'm writing this, but thanks if you read the post.
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ptsd
|
I've recently sought out therapy after years of my SO's concern about my trauma. I never considered PTSD because, like many of you I assume, I did not realize it was an issue outside military. I'm struggling to understand my situation post-diagnosis and I'm hoping I can get insight from others in a similar situation. I'm not sure if it matters for context, but my trauma is from childhood physical/mental abuse and neglect by my mother and her boyfriend. I've been living in this condition for the last 10 years at least, I'm not really sure how long exactly.
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ptsd
|
Hello,
So I don't know if this is a common ADHD thing, but for some time now, I have been extremely bothered by the noise my devices make. It's this constant vibration that I only hear at night (all the people who stayed over say they haven't heard much) and it is making me completely lose sleep in addition to driving me crazy. It's 5:30 AM here, I haven't slept at all and I have a migraine when I have an exam in a few hours. Due to sensory issues, I cannot pu anything in my ears to cover the noise. Does anybody else experience this ? And if so, do you have any tips ? I haven't slept in days and I'm on the verge of collapsing.
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ADHD
|
Yeah I don’t have the energy to change the way I’m now. It isn’t that I don’t want it but I just lack about everything. It feels nice to hide in the darkness, but looking at the future now it’s just so scary. Knowing that nothing’s going to change. Absolutely not if I don’t do anything, but it all just seems so meaningless. I want to be worth it, I want there to be a meaning, but here I am just sitting on the couch complaining about how me and my life turned out. I’m so broken, tired and fed up with life.. just let me disappear.
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depression
|
I'm just so sick of all the routines and compulsions and everything. I feel like it's all I ever think about and it's so mentally and physically exhausting. I want to go to sleep because I had to get up early tomorrow but I can't because I had a million and one routines to do that'll take me an hour to complete. I just spent 10 min repeating the same thing over and over and it's so incredibly frustrating. It feels like nothing I'm trying is helping and it just keeps getting worse and I honestly just don't know what to do.
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OCD
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I don’t know yet if I have OCD but I suspect it. I’m in the military, and have an appointment with mental health next week. I also know that I have anxiety disorder however.
1. I can’t leave an episode of a show or a movie unfinished on a streaming app. I will either finish it even if I don’t like it or I’ll remove it from my list.
2. Everything on my phone screen needs to be symmetrical or even. Also my social media needs cleaned up. I’m following so many people and pages that I don’t like do I’ve been spending my waking hours deleting those.
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OCD
|
It’s so weird.. it’s that feeling when ur like damn I had a good idea but I forgot what it was. But it’s happened more than just a few times lmao it’s so weird..
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OCD
|
Hey!
I’m 18 years old male, and I have PTSD because of girls, yeah you heard that right.. Because of girls...
Why ? - Well because of them I’m stuck in my room, I’m scared to go outside because I know that girls are walking outside..
They always treated me badly, they bullied me, and they made fun of me.. That’s the reason why I don’t like them, and I’m scared of them.
I want girlfriend too, but of course I’m gonna get rejected, and rejection is going to make everything worse..
When I go outside and I see girls front of me, I don’t know what to do, I pretend that I’m playing phone, sometimes I have to stare at them, and they will laugh at me..
Sometimes they say “Hi” to me, and I don’t evem know them, when I reply something they will laugh but if I ignore them they are going to call me names like “deaf retard” and I hate that...
What should I do ? I’m scared of them I hate them...
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ptsd
|
i turned 16 in october of this year and i haven’t felt true happiness, relief, or excitement since the age of around 10. my life is a constant mess of stops and loneliness and fear, i just want to end it and start over somewhere else in this world or universe. my doctors encourage my mom to let me see a counselor for my eating problems and overall mental health but she doesn’t think anything is wrong and brings up how much money counseling is. i only have two friends and i only see one of them at school. besides that one class i have with that friend, i’m completely lonely. i don’t talk at all at school until that last class of the day where i see my friend. it’s genuine pain. i’m struggling with school grades, currently failing both of my academic classes for the semester and i don’t know how to get the courage to fix it. i also am busy working to earn my own money. it’s all just too much for me. i have too many problems physically mentally socially and educationally. i just want to fucking die. my life is such a god damn drag. i have no siblings, my dads never home, and my mom has anger issues that never allowed her to be affectionate or anything motherly. my friends have such great lives socially and educationally, i feel like such a lazy failure. i don’t ever feel happy or excited about anything because there’s always something that im worrying about. my life feels like a bad glitch that wasn’t ever supposed to happen.
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depression
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The short of it is that I have complex ptsd from years of sexual abuse from the age of 3 to 11. In adolescence I responded by becoming over sexualized and all that jazz. I became pregnant and married at 17. Fast forward through two children (same dad, now 18 and 16) and two divorces from two abusive husbands, my ability to have a healthy self esteem and view of sex is still stunted.
Last November, I attempted to engage in casual sex with a man I barely knew and what started out counsensually did not end that way. I was left with internal damage that did not heal properly which exacerbated pelvic floor dysfunction as a result of the childhood abuse and two hefty babies. The new trauma caused my pelvic organs began to prolapse. I ignored the pain and other issues until they became unbearable any longer, and I made an appt with my ob/gyn, but kept the details of the incident to myself. My gyno, upon examination, referred me to a reconstructive specialist, my first male gyno. I had a rather dramatic panic attack in his office and was promptly referred to a psychiatrist, a psychologist, and a pelvic floor physical therapist. 6 weeks later(this past Monday), back in his office, having completed the physical therapy, properly medicated, and regularly seeing my therapist, I didn't have a panic which is huge progress. Unfortunately, the repair work is going to be extensive: repairing a cystocle and a rectocele, in addition to a hysterectomy, installation of a urethral sling and a uterosacral ligament reattachment.
I am trying to come to terms with the magnitude of it all. I think I'm in some sort of shock. Part of me feels like I'm being kicked out of the menstruation club, a loss of some deep sense of womanhood. I'm terrified that I'll never be able to enjoy sex again, that I might lose my ability to orgasm, or that somehow a partner will be able to tell that I'm wrong inside. I'm worried about the retraumatization of the pain. But mostly, I'm terrified of losing what shred of self worth I have which is, as a result of my c-ptsd, intrinsically linked to my sexuality and I am about to literally have my sex organs ripped put and re-arranged.
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ptsd
|
i have ptsd from a gun violence incident. It's always difficult to deal with the fireworks, and the days leading up to new years eve (and 4th of july) are incredibly stressful.
​
how do you guys deal with fireworks holidays? i feel like not a lot of people understand.
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ptsd
|
Avoiding certain roads, parking far away from all other cars and always checking to make sure I haven’t hit a person or an animal. I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety and I was wondering if it’s just general anxiety or if I might have OCD.
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OCD
|
Hey there, having a bit of trouble managing some stuff that’s ongoing.
Been referred to psychiatrist after both GP and Psychologist said I almost certainly have ADHD. Got hold of some dexamphetamines and the difference in my mind was substantial.
Have a history of stimulant abuse which seems more like poorly guided self medicating in retrospect. However, whenever I take dexamphetamines I get super anxious and depressed when they begging to ware off. It’s almost like I’m trying to outrun the chaos brain and it’s scary. I feel like immediately all the cravings from the stim abuse now make sense and they’re back - it’s a way of getting away from the adhd brain.
I don’t get high but I crave that stillness. The ability to not be frightened all the time and have a successful train of thoughts that I can manage, or not to beat myself up for not having everything all done at once.
Looking for advice or guidance as I’m torn - I want to escape the chaos if I can but I don’t want to end up just swallowing stimulants and getting sick or something.
What is a generally high dose? What is excessive? And is it possible to become addicted if you have adhd? I was addicted to the other stuff but I can’t stress enough it was the ability to sit still that I seek. Not getting pumped up or going out or partying, just the ability to not be angry and overstimulated all the time.
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ADHD
|
I isolated myself for a whole month to work on things, and the moment the things to work on stopped my mind basically degraded to a stupidly insane amount. It took me just 3 weeks after the work stopped before I went and broke down to a friend on call. I can't take the loneliness, why am I such a clingy, needy, and dependent piece of shit? How the fuck are normal people able to be completely happy alone? I got isolated for a whole month and I'm a fucking mess.
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depression
|
I feel like my voice was very expressive when I was younger, but as I age it feels like I’ve gotten less expressive maybe due to anxiety and depression. Idk if I’m on the spectrum but I feel like y’all may relate.
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aspergers
|
I read a story of a girl she was my age and she found out she was a pedo she then tried to kill her self but survived and she even avoided anything with kids etc until she stopped fearing it and just got comfortable with it and she found out it was pedophilia (she didn't have pocd or OCD or anything) and she said she feel guilt and shame and depression. I even talked to her and she told me all of these things, and that she is now an advocate for non offending pedoes. I'm so scared that I am the same as her. :( bc it just feels way too real.
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OCD
|
I’m late identified, I’m 23 and only realized I was autistic in the past year. I hate it. At first it was a relief to realize there’s a reason I’ve struggled so much my whole life but that doesn’t change the fact that my life sucks and isn’t likely to get better from here.
I feel almost incapable of forming real connections with people. I want to but I just can’t. I feel nothing for most people. I have horrible executive function and get overwhelmed so easily I can barely do anything. I would do literally anything to be a different person. I understand a lot of autistic people don’t feel this way but I really really hate being autistic. All I’ve ever wanted was to be normal, charismatic, motivated etc and I’m none of these things. I wish I’d never been born.
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aspergers
|
I am worried because I have been texting my friends alit more recently and I'm worried I bother them and I'm scared of forcing one of my friends to talk to me and it really worries me because I don't want them to dislike me or think I'm weird and I was talking to my best friend about it on friday and he said that you can tell if they don't want to talk to you by the way text like making short responses and it worries me because I don't want them to think I'm a weirdo and I don't want to really annoy them
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OCD
|
I am currently getting off anafranil and I feel terrible my heart is beating fast and I’m dizzy it’s horrible
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OCD
|
Posting because my boyfriend is worried I have ptsd and I’d like some more input:
I went through a traumatic (hate using that word bc it feels melodramatic, but the nature of the situation leaves me grasping for synonyms) experience in my teens, and I suspect that similar events occurred earlier in my childhood with less severity. I feel so two dimensional, like I’m pasted into a flat world, and I’ve been numb to both positive and negative emotions for years. The most prominent, recurring emotion in my life is anxiety. I have panic attacks, usually related to the traumatic event, at least once or twice a week.
As a caveat, I feel like I should explain that I frequently experienced things differently than kids I knew, especially physically and emotionally. I was homeschooled until college, so I lived a very isolated childhood and didn’t have a good gauge of how other people process their emotions. I was also raised in a very conservative household and wasn’t encouraged to talk about my emotional well-being, so I’m not sure what constitutes normal feelings and responses vs abnormal ones.
I’m wondering if these symptoms constitute ptsd or if my circumstances even warrant it. To be clear, I’m not asking for a diagnosis that only a professional can make, just opinions.
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ptsd
|
War is not always the most useful metaphor. In fact, there is no universally applicable metaphor because this disorder causes our brains to constantly engage in vicious self sabotage. Every day I have a new metaphor for what ADHD is like, because every time I design a system that works my brain will find a way to completely sabotage that system. This has made me flexible, creative or whatever, because I have to constantly invent new solutions. It just is what it is. I need to build a habit into my life of reassessing on a regular basis instead of waiting for the latest solution to fail. That should work... for a while.
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ADHD
|
I spent the entire day in my bed In the dark. No water, no eating, nothing. I feel so disgusted of myself. I’m so unproductive, unmotivated, and a loser. I wasted an entire good day. How am I going to achieve anything in life, being like this?? I wish I could just wake up and be a smart person. My roommates probably think I’m crazy
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depression
|
I have tried most common SSRIs/SNRIs, although not prescribed for PTSD specifically and found no change or difference.
My most common issue is fear/anxiety & avoidance, I constantly feel like I’m standing at the edge of a cliff, my heart is racing and I’m terrified, I also get into these huge meltdowns/mental breakdowns where Im quite scared and scared for my life whenever I am triggered/remember something/become retraumatised/abused. I was wondering if there was any medication to help with these meltdowns?
I have been taking clonazepam (not prescribed) whenever I feel these meltdowns coming on and it has helped tremendously, it doesnt prevent them but helps make them extremely manageable and where I don’t fear for my life/do something dangerous. But again, it’s not prescribed and is an addictive/dependable substance which I very much don’t like.
Thank you.
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ptsd
|
I suppose I've been on a medical/health obsession kick recently when it comes to my irrational thoughts but today sucked. I ate popcorn earlier today, and was very thirsty as a result. So I drank water. And drank. And drank. But then I thought "Wait... what if I get water poisoning?" Cue the time spent googling to see how much I could drink before I would die, symptoms, calculating how much I had had already, etc. Now here I am, parched with dry lips, convinced my headache (that I have had for a week mind you) is a symptom that I am dying of water poisoning. Thanks OCD. And I cant even take melatonin to try and sleep it all off b/c I've had a fear that if I take melatonin I will die in my sleep for the past month now.
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OCD
|
There's this perpetuated idea that those with ADHD thrive in fast-paced environments. Whilst this has been true once, maybe twice, for me in the past, the majority of the time I succumb to anxiety and have a complete meltdown.
Does anyone have any tips on how to take advantage of these environments? How to prioritise, focus, and actually get stuff done without collapsing into a heap on the floor and bawling?
Could this either mean I don't have ADHD or am struggling with yet another disorder, such as Asperger's? I understand there is an 80% overlap, give or take.
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ADHD
|
My wife is a lot to handle for me. A few days ago during an argument she said "I feel like I want a divorce." A few days prior I had broken down crying because I never seem to be "good enough." She suggested maybe we should just be friends. We have been married 12 years and have a 5 yo son.
I have fought through a lot. Discovered my Aspergers just a few months ago and started going to therapy. Still, my wife goes from telling me I'm making progress to telling me "You just have never gotten me. You've never understood me." She is not happy with our sex life. She says I don't talk enough. She says I've "never" flirted with her (seriously?!) And to top it off she said "I wonder what would have happened if I wasn't basically forced to marry you" (long story but that statement is complete bs. I proposed, she said yes. No gun to her head.)
I have always opposed divorce. However, all of these things make me think the writing may be on the wall. I feel maybe I should end it, end the pain. Apparently ASD people don't often get married, and I might just be another example of why things don't tend to work out. No matter how hard I've tried, it has never been enough.
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aspergers
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Other than no longer drinking. I mostly don’t, but I did tonight and now I feel anxious as all get out.
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OCD
|
I'm doing contracting work on rental properties. I'm alone in the buildings and it's self paced and completely unsupervised. I've got snacks (general junk food basically), high caffeine soda and my nicotine vapes.
I keep doing 10-15 minutes of work and then (the only way I can describe it) "waking up" realizing I just spent an hour on my phone wasting time.
I've put time limits on problem apps (chrome for browsing Reddit) and deleted others (instagram and Reddit apps). But I still end up sitting down fucking around on *something* I've even found myself watching the dumb snap chat promotion content.
I've tried a makeshift pomadora (sp?) Where I set a timer for an hour and if I work the hour I eat one of my snacks. That's why I have them. It never works I get distracted and then lose my shit on myself.
No stim meds, I take wellbutrin 150mg XL, have interviews all week so no smoking.
What am I doing wrong and how can I fix this?
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ADHD
|
Yep you heard it right! So, my gf without noticed sent me some of her personal sexual teasing. Personally, i felt i feasted my eyes with porn. You the know saying ' **You reap what you sow**' There's like a remorse and surge of disturbance on the back of my mind for ramification of bad lucks that is about to happen. To put it another way, anything that is indiscretion to my eyes. Subsequently, i try to conceal and detached everything related to that day. I meant, i know, that i grew up from a roman catholic fam and never discussed sex in front our table, nonetheless i believed this is one attributes of OCD.
​
Anyway advice would be much sympathize.
​
^(P.S. I'm Sexually Active.)
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OCD
|
I’m at a loss here. It’s really hard being in a relationship with contamination OCD. It can be limiting to my partner and he’s generally fairly understanding but it’s also exhausting for him, which I get. I’ve tried to ask for space so he deals with it less, and a few other methods but he wants to be close to me at all times.
The concern I have is that he’ll use the ocd as a reason to downplay my boundaries. For instance, I ask him to talk about an issue we’re having later because I need space to think about it. He then responds saying he needs to talk right there and then, otherwise he feels anxious. And then I say, can you work on it? And he says no, I do so much for you and your ocd you have to be able to handle this. And that’s where I get upset because it feels like he just holds my ocd over my head all the time.
While I understand that it’s hard to deal with someone who has contamination ocd, does this make it ok? I feel like I’m drowning and I’m not heard. I’m also scared to be alone because who is going to tolerate this shit?
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OCD
|
I don’t think this is true
I really want to get back into Jiu Jitsu, but I can’t handle the mental toll preparing for the class, paying attention in the class, and washing my clothes after the class takes on me.
I really wanted to learn how to hunt, but I just couldn’t mentally organize what I needed for the season and get it all ready in time.
Even travel, which I really really want to do, makes me nervous sometimes because I am prone to extreme forgetfulness.
I was able to do this stuff in college, but working full time, it’s just too much. But that doesn’t mean I don’t *want* to do it. If I had a clear brain with normal capacity to do things, I would totally do it.
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ADHD
|
I am constantly cracking my big toe because I like how it feels & sounds.. to the point were I can’t get to sleep sometimes because I’m doing it 24/7..could that be OCD related?
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OCD
|
I still don't believe how it was possible for me to believe in such a thing for such a long period time. How could my brain ever think that made any sense?
To be fair, I am asexual. My mind logic was like if I'm not attracted to women or man, then I must like kids... Only now I realize how terribly absurd all that was.
It's also worth noting that at the time I had young relatives in the family and I was pathologically afraid of harming them in anyway. Now that they're all grown up, I've not a care in the world. In what comes to that at least.
I'm glad I'm asexual as I probably won't be having any kids and hopefully not going through that ordeal again. Even though I think I'm stronger as a person now.
I haven't beaten my OCD fully, but I beat POCD which is already quite the achievement for me. But boy, those were some crazy years...
I guess once you stop caring or paying any attention to an obsession it just subsides at some point. Maybe another one will come up next, I don't know, but it can't be worst than this.
So uh... I guess I'm kinda happy about it!
I hope I can inspire some hope in those who are going through the same thing! Stay strong!
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OCD
|
I made a post a few weeks ago about how it felt like everyone had moved on but I still felt stuck right where this horrible incident had left me. Recently I had made it known to one of my closest friends that I wanted to know when a particular person would be at events because this person caused my trauma. I was told that I should get over it and don’t deserve to be informed because it’s not my event. I feel horrible because of course I don’t want to cause anyone any inconvenience, but at the same time I would give anyone that courtesy if they needed it. Now I just feel so lost because this person is like my sister, and to have my trauma invalidated by her feels like a knife in the side. I just hate feeling like everyone’s made me out to be the bad guy just for having boundaries and still trying to heal from assault.
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ptsd
|
OCD: "Hey, why aren't you ruminating?"
Me: "Oh that song sounds nice, I'll save it. Oh sorry OCD, didn't catch that, what were you saying?"
OCD: "Here's a distressing thought . Now ruminate"
Me: "I feel like studying right now. I'm sorry, you're just not that important to me right now OCD."
This is my way of showing OCD I have the real power, not "it" . This is one of my guilty pleasures. I know it's easier said than done, but resisting compulsions for a couple of minutes is no big deal. You can tell yourself that you can obsess after 10 minutes are over, but the funny thing is, you probably won't. As OCD begins to realize it doesn't have any real power over you unless you let it, it's basically a whimpering puppy.
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OCD
|
Are all fears unreasonable fears?
Intuitively not, but if you get into an argument about the "reasonability" of some fear. Then is it possible to conclude on it?
E.g. say that one has "fatphobia". Unreasonable, if fat people are not dangerous. Reasonable, if one finds fat people repulsive? So is it reasonable or not?
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OCD
|
I’m leaving their little community to another place, and at the last night before my flight, I told her that I felt we were more distant than before, and it seemed like you guys didnt really care about me, at all. she was just like”we treat you always the same, it’s you that changed, you choose to drift away from us, your face was like a murder when we had dinner just now, you did that to us and please don’t hurt somebody treat you nice with these bullshits and accusations ”….
Well it’s really my fault I thought we were “close”
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depression
|
Pretty much that. I am trying to keep up with 12 hour daily work shifts, but still want to try to learn more while I work. Any suggestions?
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ptsd
|
I’m growing closer and closer to just finishing my life. Can anyone chat, if I can talk to someone about anything my brain’s hopefully gonna clear the thoughts away at least for a little bit. Don’t care what we talk about just wanna occupy my head.
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depression
|
Hey guys, I'm new to this group and have been suffering undiagnosed ADHD for almost my whole life. I had suspected it because my brother had medication for it but my parents never checked for me because "I was quiet". I realized over the years that my hyperfocus and distracting tendencies have bled into my school work now in college and I need help! If anyone has any advice on how to make myself sit and write a paper, that would be greatly appreciated!
Also anyone else hyperfocus on anything other than your responsibilities??
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ADHD
|
I am beyond saddened by the recourses that my state has available for individuals needing mental health. I want to create a resource center locally but am not completely sure how to. I have tried so many different avenues but its hard when it is not a “profitable” idea. Why would that even be a concern when it comes to mental health to begin with?! I don’t want to make money I just want people who need help to have the opportunity to receive it. Any ideas would be appreciated. In GA/AL area.
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ptsd
|
does anyone know if there's a link between intrusive self-harm/self-destructive thoughts and having survived abuse/abusive relationships?
I haven't had these thoughts for a long time, but am in the middle of breaking it off w/ partner who has been increasingly aggressive in conflict, and am experiencing these thoughts actually quite often atm...
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ptsd
|
My automatic breathing is fucked up and i cant stop "breathing" words under each breath. This is so painful and im not strong enough to get help. Idk what to do. I just want to be calm and breathe like normal. How to i not think about something as important as breathing?
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OCD
|
I’m about 3/4 finished with a book called, “The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D. I have been glued to this book ever since I’ve opened it. Has anyone else ever read it? It’s taught me so much about PTSD that I feel as though I can begin to explain some of my behavior better to other people. (I usually have difficulty explaining my situation to others) So I’m looking for more literature that I can read that’s along the same lines. I’d like something more informational rather than just a self help book. (Not that self help books sent informational lol) Does anyone have any suggestions?
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ptsd
|
I sleep all day to get out of my thoughts, my life is ruined I can't do anything I used to be able to, now I just sit in my room all alone no way to get help in this shitty town just trying to not think about it or stay away from triggers, I'm gonna be honest the only thought I don't feel anxious about is killing myself so it makes it seem so peaceful.
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OCD
|
I haven’t posted on Reddit before, but I just need a place to vent and talk. I do have a therapist, but he is currently booked so I just want to talk here. I have been struggling with intrusive thoughts telling me I’m a pedophile for a while now. I am not even an adult, and I know I’m not, but whenever I try to tell myself that the thoughts get worse. I’ve had to try and “test” myself, or analyze my previous actions to look for malicious intent. I don’t want to say I have ocd because I haven’t been diagnosed, but I felt this might be the place to find some answers. I don’t really have physical compulsions, everything stays in my mind. As of recent the thoughts have lessened, but that causes my brain to tell me it’s because I have accepted that I’m a pedophile and that I’m ok with it. It scares me so much and I feel so alone. I feel like a horrible person. No matter what I try to tell myself, there’s always a but what if respond from my brain.
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OCD
|
I was originally diagnosed and on meds as a child but then i was taken out of my home by CPS and put to live with my aunt and uncle. They told me that I didn’t need meds anymore and that I simply just outgrew my ADHD. Now as an adult, I know that that just simply wasn’t true. So now, I’m taking charge of my future and trying to see a doctor on my own and was hoping that some of you could answer my questions and maybe point me in the right direction?
My questions are as follows:
1: do I HAVE to have a recommendation from my PCP? Or can I just find any local psychiatrist that takes my insurance and ask to see them?
2: how do I even find out who my PCP is? The last time I tried to find out from my insurance they just gave me other numbers to call and they all ended up being no help, they just sent me back and forth and I eventually gave up because I was getting nowhere…
I’m sorry if my formatting is crappy or if my sentence structure is bad it’s just so hard to write when my thoughts are going a million miles a minute. (Which I’m sure you all understand)
Thank you!!
Edit: I live in the USA in the state of California, and my insurance provider is cal-optima.
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ADHD
|
A mild rant ahead.
I am a music education major with ADHD. I love music and it's one of the few things I can consistently do. I think it probably has to do with the stimulation. for example, when singing I have to think about: hitting the right notes, tone, emotion, dynamics, other people, ETC. basically, there's a lot to think about so I can focus on it even when I haven't taken my meds.
This usually causes me to get a song stuck in my head. usually, nothing about that bothers me. but right now I keep singing the same 16 bar phrase over and over again in my head. normally not an issue but I started having it play on repeat right when I got halfway through writing lyrics for a song. I thought "hey no biggie" I'll work on something else for a while. It's been an hour and a half and it won't go away. I want this damn thing out of my head.
It's called "The innocence" from Considering Mathew Shepard.
it's a beautiful song I just don't wanna hear it on repeat right now.
​
TLDR; song stuck in head how do get out?
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ADHD
|
I hate whatever this is I doubt everything. Like literally everything (Trigger Warning) I was talking to my therapist and how do I know if it’s OCD and she said that if it wasn’t POCD I would find pleasure in these thoughts and not be horrified. And it seemed logical, except maybe after 10 minutes I got the “what if’s” and it was so horrifying because it was “What if you like the thoughts” “What if you masturbate to the thoughts” and I started getting groinal responses and I’m constantly checking to see if I’m getting aroused by the thoughts. I wasn’t but, I was terrified because I couldn’t do my compulsion of checking because I was scared I would get aroused and started masturbating or something. Short story I couldn’t sleep. The worst part is that usually my dogs give me a sort of therapy, I sleep with my chihuahua in my bed and I can’t even do that anymore, because I remembered watching bestiality porn when I was younger and I got scared I might do something to them. So now I feel alone, because I told my parents what’s happening and they said that I’m not doing my part to help myself. That I need to go outside and everything will be fine, but I’m scared at the mere sight and sound of a child to the point, where my therapist has decided that this semester in College has to be online for me, because I’m too emotionally unstable. And they don’t understand that, they think I’m making this up. To the point where both my sister and mother were saying they were suicidal because of me. I honestly can’t, and then the doubt of “what if I’m faking this” arises and I get so scared because I still stand by it. I’d rather be dead than be a paedophile. And I can’t come to terms with the uncertainty because it’s my biggest fear. I doubt everything, the thoughts and images feel so real that they horrify me. I’m constantly googling symptoms and I feel certain it’s OCD for a second, but then doubt arises and I read about people who masturbate to their thoughts and I get so terrified. I get scared what if therapy and the pills don’t work. I’m so scared of this, and the fact I’m also hurting people is so draining. I can’t even be calm, because I start to think am I accepting the thoughts, did I like them, and that would explain the groinal response. I wish I could just shut my brain off, or go back to when I didn’t trigger any of these thoughts I genuinely feel hopeless and alone. I can’t anymore, my therapist says it’s classic OCD, but what if it’s not. I genuinely see no light. Sometimes I get groinal responses and I don’t get as anxious, becuae I kind of know what it is, but then I start doubting and get even more anxious. Please I can’t anymore.
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OCD
|
I got diagnosed with PTSD like a decade ago and went through years of therapy, EMDR, all that. It was pretty good for a while after. I can't even believe I used to live through this every day, but it's back.
I mostly just need to get some of this off my chest with people who get it. My family desperately wants to talk to me about whatever is going on in my head, but I just can't. They press questions that I have to think about shit that just triggers the hell out of me. So I just keep giving bullshit answers to everything and suffering alone.
Last year, I quit long term employment over harassment. I had a multiple page small-print email that I sent to HR after multiple prior attempts of dealing with it, and that ended up getting me unemployment at least. Unfortunately, in the meantime, the stress and the year of constant bullying aggravated my PTSD SUPER bad. Shortly after quitting the job, even before I got approved for unemployment, I hit a car in a parking lot, just out of stupid stress and not thinking about what I was doing. I ended up burning through my 401k paying for that.
I tried to take a month off of work to recoup, and I even ended up talking to potential contracts. All said, I ran out of money before the unemployment came, which wasn't even enough to cover my bills had I not fallen behind at all anyway. Everything went to shit, and I basically ended up homeless. I'm sleeping on the floor in someone else's apartment after a few months sleeping in my car, and here, I'm waking up to roaches crawling on me and shit, almost making me wish I just stayed in the damn car. Almost seemed less stressful and less triggering to my PTSD after all.
I got into online school to finally finish my Bachelor's, so I got some student loan money that's not half of enough for me to pay my bills with, and even started a job. Unfortunately, I haven't even gotten paid for my work in July yet thanks to fucking up my direct deposit and accidentally putting a typo in my bank account number. My savings account that I've had for half my life just got closed, all my credit cards are maxed out, and I keep having to borrow money to pay for food. Thankfully, my rent for the floor I'm sleeping on is being held as just another debt I need to catch up on.
My work is "from home", and it's just been a complete disaster. Roaches, the bathroom exploding from the upstairs neighbors pipes bursting underneath them, paper thin walls with constant noise everywhere. I'm supposed to be working and going to school full time, because that's the only hope I have of even being treated like I deserve help, apparently. This week, the stress has been so bad, I'm barely getting any school work done and haven't put in a single hour for work, so there's lost pay to deal with, too. I feel stuck, because school isn't giving me enough to live on, but if I bail without my degree, that's already more debt than I can possibly handle to take on right now. So I have to say fuck work in favor of school, even if it's entirely just because my PTSD brain is a complete asshole and I'm doing everything I can to avoid stress to no avail. Even though I'm really fucking myself over, because apparently I'm incapable of being a normal human?
IT'S SO FUCKING LOUD IN MY HEAD. If that wasn't bad enough itself, it's like every little noise is a dagger randomly stabbed wherever my cruel body feels like reacting to it. I can't even listen to someone else talk in a confined place without feeling like my head is going to implode. The anxiety gets so bad I just seize up until I burst into frantic shaking and pacing around, muttering to myself how much I wish I would just die.
I've been convincing myself that I'm going to die again, too. Absolutely no reason. I just can't get it out of my head. I was so absolutely convinced that I was going to die before I graduated high school, everything was surreal when I didn't. Who am I? Is this even real? Too often lately, I feel like an undefined character wandering around a make believe world. That was really bad after high school, and it's been real bad again.
I feel like an asshole, because I keep trying to help my host, but they get super micro-managey and trigger the shit out of me, which just sends me yelling and raging out. I want to control it so bad, but in the moment, I just can't.
The worst part is that I feel like all of this... the big trauma that I got diagnosed with PTSD for and went through all the EMDR and shit isn't even the trauma that got triggered in all of this. It was the abusive bitch in my earliest memory and being left to fend for myself my whole damn life before that. Probably a little more. I just feel like my whole life is a giant ball of trauma and neglect, and this whole past couple years is the never-ending continuation. I never even came out as LGBTQ to my therapist. I never really trusted him. Never dove into really much at all except the one thing. I don't even know how to trust anyone. I've probably said more in this post than anyone I know could imagine knowing about me.
​
Damn. I wish there was something positive I could say at the end of this. I at least know my ass is going to get through this. I'm too much of an asshole to be put down. Right now it just really sucks and I need to get it out to SOMEONE.
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ptsd
|
Long story short im a gym rat who constantly pushes himself to the limit because a workout doesnt feel successful unless i do that. I now have shoulder bursitis in both shoulders from overuse. Its possibly some other condition that im getting checked out soon, but for the meantime i dont know what to do.
The recovery time for chronic shoulder bursitis is anywhere from several weeks to a few months. I cant just NOT do heavily lifting because i just NEED to do it to feel satisfied with myself. I dont want to just keep getting weaker on the offchance that this shoulder issue actually heals. I cant just not do anything, it drives me insane!
Im constantly just always obsessing over my shoulder pain and thinking oh i ruined it forever its ruined forever it will never heal and i dont even have noticeable muscle gains so it was all for nothing and ill never be the strong man in a relationship and ill never get a relationship because im too insecure and inconfident and this whole physical ordeal just makes it so much fucking worse. I feel like the weakest man on earth right now and the last thing i want to do is stop going to the gym. This problem has been on and off since 2019 i just cant fucking take it anymore
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OCD
|
idek if i can post this here but i need to let things out. me and my brother have been in a big fight the past few days. and i’ve been staying at my gfs house so i haven’t been home in days. i have bad attachment issues and separation anxiety. i need to text my family or anyone as close as family goodnight i love you every night or i can’t sleep. obviously lately i haven’t been texting him that or even checking up on him (which i also need to do everyday). so i’ve had a very very hard time sleeping which sucks because i was doing really well. luckily i’ve been with my gf so it’s a little easier. and anyway it’s hanukah so i had to go back to my house. my whole family’s here obviously. anyway when i walked in i seen my brother and i had to go to my room so i could cry. because i miss him and i miss being close. we were literally so close he was my best friend it hurts to have that all taken away in a day. i hate him so much but at the same time i love him and it’s so confusing. i just want a hug all i want is one hug. and when i came in my room i started crying because i missed it and i missed my bird. i just want everything to go back to normal i hate change. and i mean i could stay at my house tonight because he’s going to someone else’s house for the night but idk if my gf wants to and all i want to do is cuddle her i need love so badly. i feel like everything’s falling apart.
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ADHD
|
I always have compulsions that are. ( do x or this will happen to you) followed by an image created by my head of me with a broken leg, cracked skull. Bleeding out, with a fallen eye, etc etc. I get very gruesome images inside my head.
It’s especially bad when I do sports. I practice a lot of extreme sports, but I just can’t help myself picturing myself getting severely injured practicing those sports. Many times when I get those images my brain perceives it as a warning. ( as if it knew that if I do x thing while doing the sport I will get Injured) but I can’t help myself not do compulsions sometimes.
And sometimes it’s pure O. No compulsions. Just images of myself injured for no reason. It’s quite hell.
Any tips, or something?
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OCD
|
Idk why but ever since I was little I hated putting away clothes. Every Sunday my mom does her whole house laundry. I literally ask her every time I’m there and see the room full of laundry, I ask her how the hell does she fold and put them all away? She said she hates it but she has to do it. I just can’t! Like I know I can but it’s just a lot of work for me apparently and I’ll keep holding it off for “tomorrow”
It’s been 2 weeks since we did laundry. We have to go to a laundromat bc someone stole our apartment laundry card right after I loaded it! Then the apartment said they had to order more and Ive been waiting a good 2 months for a new one. I haven’t put away my clothes in 2 weeks. My man puts his clothes away the same day we do laundry. But I have a lot more clothes.
Does anyone have any tips on how to make it easier for me to put my clothes away? Why is it so exhausting for me to put them away? How tf do I tell myself to throw away or give away all the clothes I don’t wear? Every time I clean my room, I just pile up more clothes, clean or dirty.
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ADHD
|
my life has been turned upside down this year. i'm from england and i left secondary school and now i'm in my fourth month of college. in school, i felt weird. i had no energy and always felt disconnected. every day felt like i was living ground hog day and its sad to say but i dont remember year 11 or year 10.
i had no friends and i was constantly getting chest infections (i have cystic fibrosis) so i was in hospital for two weeks three times in year 11 and had no one who missed me at school. my family couldnt visit me because of covid so i was alone for two weeks three times in hospital. i was so depressed.
i'm now in college and its much worse. i was in hospital for the fourth time and i had a blood test and my blood sugars were through the roof. i found out i had cf-related diabetes and now i'm on insulin and its made me hate eating. it makes eating feel like a chore. the diabetes also explains why i was so tired all the time. even though i'm now on insulin and have energy it doesnt help because mentally i am drained.
the diabetes thing isnt the only thing that has happened. i lost my grandad and my parents divorced and on top of that i'm still getting terrible chest infections.
i'm also the eldest of five kids and now that my dad has left i'm constantly having to help my mum with the babies ( a 1 and 2 year old) and i am tired. i am tired of living. i'm tired of getting up every day. my back hurts, i'm fatigued every day and i'm always sick.
i have started therapy but i'm taking it slow with my therapist. i just wanted to rant on here because i'm feeling so lonely i have no one and i'm crying right now.
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depression
|
While texting, using a full stop (.) in my text seems rude and gives a message that 'I don't wanna speak anymore', and giving 2+ exclamation marks (!!!) means that I've gone crazy. Most of the time I don't even end my sentences with punctuation unless it's rlly necessary! I often think my friends are bored and/or uninterested to talk whenever they use full stops, and I'm pretty sure they think I'm a weirdo for using too many exclamations
Is anyone else like this?
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ADHD
|
I contacted my psychiatrist and she told to go to the hospital to get hospitalized because I’m just too depressed and the suicidal thoughts are getting more intensified.
Today I had an anger outburst and I screamed at my dad for invalidating my mental illness and for guilt tripping me in staying at home, instead of going there.
Then I s/h my arm because I just wanted to feel valid for once and I want the pain to end.
After that my mom came home and she was obviously upset that we had to go to the hospital because she has to be absent at work.
While I understand that working to earn money is important, you should be supportive to your child, as they literally want to k word themselves.
I swear I’ve never felt so much pain in my life, even one word of encouragement could be the last thing I hear, because everyone just do not understand me and they never will.
Honestly rn I just want a peaceful painless death, please I beg you. Save me from this endless pain.
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depression
|
Oh my godddd.
it's sooo great i love how i can use the databases to classify whatever thought i have in my brain, it's like Word, excel, evernote in one app.
​
i have a table database where i can just reflect on how a certain piece of content (podacsts, youtube, movies....) makes me feel, or what thoughts/ideas i wanna further explore. This is just so great and amazing and AAAh
|
ADHD
|
its like either they judge you for having scary thoughts or they minimize your problems by going off of stereotypes that arent even close to what ocd is about??? like tf????
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OCD
|
Hello,
I have struggled with employment throughout my young life. I am 24, nearly 25 and male with high-functioning Asperger’s.
I recently took a plunge and applied for a job at Tesco as a Personal Shopper but I have really bad work anxiety because of past situations and I’m not sure if this is a suitable job for me.
I have an interview today at 5pm and I don’t know what to do. What career paths are good for people with GAD and prefer to work with less people?
Thank you.
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aspergers
|
I suffer really badly from mental compulsions and it’s harder because sometimes they just feel so automatic ugh! I’ve been getting better at saying “maybe, maybe not” or “it’s possible” and it’s been really freeing but sometimes I feel a strong need to either counteract “wrong” thoughts with other ones but I know it’s reassurance and I don’t want that! I just want advice on how everyone who might have had this dealt with it! Hope y’all are safe and having a great day so far 💖
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OCD
|
I have trouble reacting to things that other people would react to when the situation demands it. When something happens that demands a reaction from someone, I would feel something but say nothing. Like if someone walked into me or spilled something on me, I wouldn't be able to tell them off for it.
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aspergers
|
Yaa I Know your boards are not going well, I am here with you.
but dont worry we will study hard for term 2 🫂
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depression
|
I sometimes will do random things, even if I didn't have an obsession right before it, like light switches, almost anytime I pass a lightswitch I'll push it into whatever direction it currently is in. Or like, my head will say do something, and if I don't do it i get an obsession
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OCD
|
Can anyone help me give up my YouTube addiction. It is keeping me from attaining my goals.
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ptsd
|
I feel like the world is moving on without me. I’m graduating soon and I still have no idea what I wanna do. I can’t seem to figure out my purpose. It doesn’t help that my sis will say that I have no direction in life. It’s true and it hurts. I just came out of a long term relationship and it’s been 2 months alr. I still find myself wanting to reach out but I know I can’t, because I’m always the one who had to reach out. But I just feel like it’s all my fault because I couldn’t take care of myself and communicate my needs properly. I know I need to move on but I’m still holding on to that small glimmer of hope. I’m started to think I’m being delusional for wishing. Every time I feel super sad I just wished I’ll die and I’ll imagine myself going to the highest floor of the building and taking the leap. But I never ever have the heart to kill myself. I feel unworthy of love and I don’t want to live in this world anymore. I don’t want to be here anymore.
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depression
|
Tmrw I’m going to finally ask my mum to help me with reaching out, because after a full year it’s getting frustrating that I feel this shit. I probably won’t share too much until I have a professional to talk to and then hope for the best I guess, wish me luck cause I feel this is gonna be difficult
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depression
|
I’ve been struggling and been low-functioning for the past month. But I just wanted to let anyone that is reading know that brushing my teeth and changing into fresh clothes made me feel much better. Just incase it might help someone. You can do this!
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depression
|
I sometimes read posts on both of the ADHD reddits I know about but I often refuse to blame things on my ADHD out of fear that everything will become an "ADHD thing" or that ADHD will become a personality if not my only personality trait. Yeah a lot of things are ADHD things but not all of them are and if I don't draw a line there will be no line but I get the feeling I've drawn it too close and that's a thing I feel it's easy for people like me to fall into. In avoiding one trap, I dove face first into another.
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ADHD
|
I’m sorry for swearing lol, but it’s the only way to get my point across.
How the fuck do I talk to a therapist about my thoughts? Like the dark intrusive ones? The ones that I could get locked up for? Cause that’s what I fear might happen. Even though I’ve done nothing wrong, my biggest fear is that the therapist will end up calling the gaurds or something. This has held me back from talking about it - idk what to do anymore.
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OCD
|
I’m currently battling many mental health issues, but none fucks me up as much as my ocd. The constant battle is getting absolutely exhausting. I suffer mostly from ROCD and POCD, but honestly it attacks just about everything in my life. ROCD is making my relationship really hard sometimes because feeling like you don’t love your partner and then you do and then you don’t is exhausting. Last night he spoke me to sleep when I was really depressed (school has started recently and I’m a mess because of it, I’m basically numb) , and made me feel truly in love again. I know I love him. But my ROCD is convincing me that I find him annoying, that he’s not funny to me anymore and that he’s not the one even if loving thoughts of him float through my mind the whole day. Anyone going through the same thing or have any idea how to help?
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OCD
|
Heya, gonna try keep this short but I needed to vent this.
So, I don't get overstimulated very often, I can't remember the last time any major overload was. Even during a hectic move out of our last apartment wasn't this bad. But I had one today, just a few minutes ago.
My mom drives me to work every morning and usually she puts on slower/ calmer music at a low sound level. Loud music of genres that I like usually doesn't bother me, I'd probably have be fine today if say, metal musix was playing, but today she had some Prince on. Hip-hop/ pop rock etc whatever Prince's music style is, isn't my thing but I don't mind if it is on quiet in the background. But one song came on, I assume it is called "Sexy Motherfucker" was absolutely terrible. My mom had turned the radio up a bit too high for my liking and the song was too much for me. It was so busy sounding with too many instruments all at the same time and I hated the lyrics being sung. Non-satirical sexually explicit lyrics just really drives me crazy (so basically most of Prince's music) and I felt like my head was going to explode from the song. I didn't mean to but I finally snapped like half way through song and told my mom the song was extremely annoying and she skipped it.
Thankfully a way more catchy song from Prince came on right after, and now I have "My Name Is Prince" stuck in my head.
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aspergers
|
It’s like a brief jolt a small one but I can still feel it and it almost feels semi conscious. Anyone else or is this just me?
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ptsd
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