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I am not formally diagnosed with OCD yet, however I have done a lot of research and I empathise greatly with the symptoms and also the experiences of people on this subreddit. My family members and I have noticed my OCD-like tendencies ever since childhood. When I was 7, for instance, I remember having a crippling fear of stains on the ground passing through the middle of my legs. Whenever I walked through a crack/stains on the ground or whatever, and it went through the middle of my leg, I had to physically walk back and ensure that I went around the imperfection on the ground, never over it. That's just one example, but, yeah. I'm like 95% sure I have some form of OCD. Anyways -
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For the layperson this sounds so stupid, but if anyone has any advice for ways to manage/minimise my psychological response to my triggers, then that would be greatly appreciated.
So for basically all my life I have been somewhat of a hypochondriac in that I've always obsessed over my health. I've had obsessions, followed by compulsions all my life regarding the bolstering/preservation of my intelligence, however recently I'm not sure how to really manage this.
Whenever my head comes into contact with anything I immediately begin to have an extremely strong psychological reaction. I instantly become drowsy and my arms and body just flail drop and I begin mouth breathing like a moron. I feel like any contact with my noggin always delivers force with the capacity to rewire my neurological circuity, even on a subconscious level or some shit. I know, it sounds like I'm just being overdramatic but I'm actually obsessed. It's gotten to the point in where sudden loud sounds are triggering me now - I'm afraid that the sound vibrations in the air are capable of hurting me neurologically. Random loud sounds, for example the loud slam of a microwave triggers my symptoms. I guess you can liken this to misophonia.
Whenever I'm sitting, I make sure to never move my head. I sit like a robot, basically. I try so hard to keep my head still that I refuse the natural motion of my head at times in an effort to keep it still. Sometimes when I keep my head still for a very long time, random involuntary jerks happen, whereby my head jerks very slightly and the sudden movement catches me off-guard and the crippling anxious fear of brain damage entraps me once more.
Even walking, whenever I take an awkward step or walk on uneven ground, I'm always cautious to walk slowly and carefully, so as to evenly distribute the weight of my body on both of my feet. I feel like I can feel the impact of sudden awkward steps travel through my body and to my head, wherein I process that the impact poses detriment to my cognition.
I feel like the immediate drowsiness that follows whenever my triggers occur is the result of an immense onset of anxiety and stress, which in turn causes my body to shut down. My coping mechanism is basically to just wait it out - wait for the anxiety to subside. I also have mental phrases/things I constantly repeat on a daily basis. I have obsessive thinking patterns and - to be honest I don't know how to describe this, but I repeat certain song lyrics in my head and use my imagination to form characters which act corresponding to the flow/rhythm of the song at that point in time. That's the best way I can describe my coping technique.
I feel like it's only getting worse. I've developed a new obsession which adds another layer to all this - and that is to breathe in and out only through my nose. For whatever reason whenever I breathe in through my mouth and out through my nose (rarely, but sometimes it happens), I feel a great change in my state of mind, and I liken that to a mental flaw so I'm now careful to breathe in only through my nose and mouth. Also, whenever I type on my laptop I've noticed how my body moves in relation to pressing down on the keyboard. When I'm on my soft bed and typing, I've noticed that I sink into the bed and my body rocks very slightly. Again, I find this movement dangerous and out of fear I now only type on a laptop on very flat surfaces, where nothing but my fingers move. I'm basically fearing inertia at this point.
I know that one of the best cures for OCD tendencies is exposure therapy, but for me I don't really feel like that applicable. I genuinely feel like if I start tapping my head or whatever I'd die lmao and I don't want to do that because I don't want to risk brain damage (<--- again this is me being stupid but it's literally uncontrollable, what can I do?).
Anyways, fuck this sucks. I'm really glad to know that there are other people out there with this shit. My god, this has debilitated me so much in life. Nothing good has come out of this. I'll gladly appreciate any advice offered, if any is offered. Don't feel obliged though, I'm just venting.
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OCD
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OCD wins I cant do this shit anymore... I'm done fighting, nothing works...I've tried meds a bunch of different ones, therapy none of it works fuck this shit
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OCD
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Hi there. Firstly, I hope this post is ok and secondly, I'd love to hear from people's experiences.
I'm 41 from the UK and throughout my life, have always struggled with many issues associated with ADHD but tended to ignore them as much as possible, just getting by in the various ways I've adapted to.
Until about a year ago, I didn't even know what ADHD was (I think I confused it with OCD) until I read an article where an adult with ADHD explained their life and diagnosis. I literally hit my head with my hand, because almost everything she said, resonated with me and I was stunned how I'd never come across this condition before.
So, I ummed and ahhed about what to do with this information and left it for a while until I actually felt worse because I had a potential match for my frustrations and now this was now taking up more of my consciousness than any other issue (and there's a lot of cr*p swimming seeing in there 😂).
So with a completely open mind - ie not going in and saying I have ADHD - I decided to speak things over with my GP who was incredibly supportive particularly with what I felt was a decline over the last few years. I've since spoken to a mental health clinic and my doctor again and after a few simple tests, I've been put forward for an official diagnosis.
My worry is that I always felt that if I ever found out what was wrong with my head, I'd be ecstatic. I could take positive steps towards a bit of a normal functioning existence and get stuff done occasionally! But in reality, I just feel completely empty. I'm not a depressive person but I just feel numb and heavy. Surely I'm taking steps towards a positive resolution or at least towards helping in other ways, even if it turns out not to be ADHD. Surely doing ANYTHING is better than nothing???!! So why am I so bloody miserable? 😂
I'd love to hear whether any of you had enlightenment, euphoria or relief... Or whether it turned you into a miserable sack of potatoes like it has done to me
I appreciate the diagnosis isn't complete and it could be nothing at all but the process, surely is a good thing to be going through?
Anyway, thank you for allowing me to write all this up and I apologise if it's against rules.
Cheers!!
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ADHD
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Does anyone else suffer this? I feel so alone. I’m becoming dehydrated and am losing weight because I refuse to eat anything or drink something if I left it unattended. This is in the comfort of my home or at friends homes
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ptsd
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I'm so scared. I feel like I'm just telling myself that these are false memories and I'm just in denial. Maybe I forgot what happened on purpose bc I didn't want to face that I could do it. My brain is telling me that I actually did this, I feel like I actually did this and I just don't want to accept it. I'm so scared. Otherwise why would the memory be so specific and keep coming up over and over again? Why does it feel so real? Why would I do something like that? I want to hurt myself so bad. I feel like I'm a predator who takes advantage of underage people. I'm just like my abuser. And to make matters worse I'm trying to come on here and get sympathy and make myself feel better. No one should sympathize with me. I fucked up and I shouldn't be allowed to exist. If these were false memories I wouldn't feel this way. Everyone with false memories knows they're false to some degree. I'm just in denial. I need to stop avoiding the truth. I hurt people and they're going to be scarred for life and no one will ever forgive me bc who would like someone who does that. I'm not worthy of love and I have to accept that. My abuser turned me into this. Why did he do this to me. I hate him so much. I'm so sorry for being a piece of shit. I'm the worst kind of person there is. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm sorry
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OCD
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**edit: dang turns out object permanence isn't actually an adhd symptom...**
now out of all the drawbacks that come with ADHD, this seems like one of the ones where i see myself not being able to even understand what the "normal" is. like i'm a fairly sociable guy and make (a lot of) friends easily. but i can't for the life of me keep them. now i largely blame myself for this, because . oh and also quick sidenote, i also feel like my adhd is partly responsible for me getting really, really close to people really, really fast(like they'll tell me their deepest, darkest secrets that they've told almost no one else bc they think what i've told them is huge.. but it really isn't bc i just have bigger stuff hidden so this stuff seems easy to tell people about in comparison i guesss - also i swear it's not to try to get them to trust me or anything nefarious. it just so happens that i have nearly no control of what i say when i'm having a good conversation, i just get really involved in it and it just flows and stuff comes out). and then also getting really bored with said people and moving on to a new person or a new friend group or something. oh but also me growing up seeing not a single marriage in my family work out fs has a lot to do with why i feel like i'm sick of this "icky" person i just got to know inside & out and want nothing more to do with them. but that's a whole nother thing and not even why i started making this post in the first place. crap. sorry. ok, so basically, i oftentimes struggle with differentiating between reality & what feels like isn't reality. like right now i just saw a message from an old friend that i haven't spoken to in a while. and i don't know, that friend doesn't exactly seem real, like it's only been a few months since we last saw eachother & hung out but right now i just feel like that was in another lifetime & i'm having a really hard time replying because now i feel like i no longer know them or what they are and yeah. in the past i've gotten into shit bc when it comes to relationships, if i haven't spoken to the person i'm dating in a few days i sorta feel the same way, like i think of it as something in the past & lowkey forget about it in a way and move on... which is very fucked up i feel and i also fear that i'm going to end up in a very, very, very codependant relationship(if i ever manage to stick around in one for long enough) if the very concept of that person only exists in my mind as long as i'm talking to them everyday. and next comes my family. like i cannot being to tell you how much i love my brother, my mom, my dog, my family, but... it feels crazy how often & how long i forget they exist just because we no longer live together. my mom gets mad at me saying if she doesn't call me i would never call her. and i tell her this isn't true and i've told her that i'd probably, organically, end up calling her once or twice a week. but in reality if she doesn't call me, it'll be around 8-10 days before i realize we haven't spoken and at that point i'll feel like it's only been 2 days since we spoke so i put it off and so for me it takes like 2 weeks to get to the point where she's at within a day or two. and probably the worst part is that the first 3 or 4 days i'll literally forget about their existence, which doesn't make sense when i say it, but that's how it is i just sorta can't imagine other things going on around the world that i can't see? idk there's a bunch more but i keep going off into tangents so i'm gonna stop here for now
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ADHD
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I don’t know if this is really ocd related, but I have question.
I’m like really picky on the type of clothes I choose to wear. Not only clothes though, but it’s just something recent that’s on my mind as troublesome thing.
I’m really scanning the entire product before I actually choose to buy it. And I actually never buy something because there is always some weird reason not to. Where I scan for is the particular vibe it gives me. I’m scanning to notice anything that feels scary to me. Especially the type of color matters.
This might seem not like a big deal and for personally it’s definitely not the worse thing I deal with, but it’s pretty annoying feeling so limited:/
I wonder if there is someone else that deals with the same.
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OCD
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I saw this post on Facebook that grossed me out. I have done something in the past that I'm ashamed of and sickened by and it kind of reminded me of that and this woman said that children know what they're doing and that people are born rapists and murderers and it scares me like hell. I'm disgusted and sickened with myself and I don't want to repeat what happened but how do I know that it isn't just going to happen? I'm going to be honest I'd rather not be alive if that is the case.
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OCD
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I am undiagnosed but I deal with tapping on things, counting, some intrusive thoughts I think.
But one thing I've noticed is that if something is going well with a person I like or I start to care about someone, the thoughts come in. and they're horrible.
What if they secretly hate me?
What if they want to fuck my mom?
What if they try to kill me?
What if they are faking liking me?
What if they try to kiss me?
What if I reject them for sex?
What if they come to my house because they're mad at me and kill me?
Just these thoughts!
It makes my brain feel like it's on fire. Is this OCD?? It never turns off and I feel like I become a whole other person in relationships because these thoughts are all so loud!
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OCD
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I’m diagnosed with ADD and ADHD, not super severe but definitely something that affects me every day.
I’m fucking sick of people not taking me seriously. I’m a pretty funny guy, and I feel like humor has always been my go-to in most social situations. Unfortunately, for some reason, my humor is kinda dumb. Like making myself seem dumber than I actually am. But it’s just like a habit I guess, I can’t stop myself from doing it. I’m not dumb, I’m fairly smart, but for some stupid reason I portray myself as slightly “slow”.
I would definitely say that people enjoy being around me. I’m fine in social situations, but whenever people have serious questions, either about college work or any “normal” conversation, they ALWAYS go to someone else.
It makes me fucking die inside, CONSTANTLY seeing people automatically go to absolutely anyone besides me when talking “normal” or “grownup” or “serious”. I’m never asked for school help. Literally 90% of the time people talk to me is just to joke around.
To basically everyone, I seem like a very happy, relaxed, and light-hearted goofball. This sounds great, and honestly I do like this about myself! But it’s too much all the time.
Idk what to say, it’s hard to explain.
I try and change how I act so people would treat me more serious, but it’s so hard because they already know me. Like if I act more grownup, then it seems like I’m not being myself.
I can be genuinely serious from time to time, but since I’m not like this usually, people STILL don’t take my words like they have a drop of importance.
This has caused me to try and avoid social situations, because I just know already how they are going to go.
I feel like a damn dog, watching the humans live normal lives while taking a couple of minutes from time to time to pat me on the head :(
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ADHD
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So I just started therapy for my ptsd and bipolar. We haven't gotten into it all yet, but he said he wants to do EMDR therapy with me, and had me get this book called "Getting past your past" and it talks about EMDR therapy. Well I'm not all the way through it, but I kind of have a problem with this.
It basically suggests so far that if something is bugging you in the present, to think of the first childhood memory you can that has the same negative feelings as you feel with your current issue. It suggests that that is the root unprocessed memory, and processing it will help with your current issues.
Well I'm sorry but I'm a skeptic. Because being upset at myself for not making payment arrangements for my passed due phone bill before it hit collections, I really freaking doubt that has anything to do with the memory of being molested as a kid!
I think that multiple memories and issues you have I'm your present cab have the same negative feelings without being connected. I just don't think that the first memory that pops into my head from my childhood has anything to do with kicking myself for not paying a bill.
It just seems dumb. Has anyone else tried EMDR? What was your experience?
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ptsd
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I’m ashamed of myself, I failed again, it feels like I can’t talk to anyone because of the shame. I can’t go through this again. I can’t put my family through this again.
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depression
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Hey y’all! I was wondering what y’all experienced when your vyvanse dosage was either too high or too low? Mines too low and I’ve been experiencing feeling like a zombie, no motivation, and just tired. I started my dose of 30mg back in may/June. I was on a non-stimulant before. Just curious to see if anyone experienced the same thing!
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ADHD
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CW: family death
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For context, I'm medicated (wellbutrin and celexa, I reacted poorly to both the stimulants we've tried so far), have a therapist that I see weekly, and a psychiatrist. Currently between PCPs because my previous was a pediatrician (and I'm an adult now), but haven't been able to get into the process of finding a new one.
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\*\*TLDR:\*\* went back to college, struggling to keep up in classes. Grandfather passed away and I went home, I mentally feel fine, but went behind on work and have been completely unable to pick up working on my classes again.
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About a month ago I moved back to an apartment for fall quarter of university classes, and have been getting along with my roommates. I was going out and doing a lot, and finally being as social as I've wanted to be (bad social anxiety, basically nothing changed for me when quarantine started, for example). Still, I'd been really struggling to keep up with my classwork, and was just barely keeping pace with it. I can definitely feel depression trying to worm back in to my life, and it's been hard to avoid getting discouraged at every turn.
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A little over a week ago, my grandfather passed pretty suddenly. I lived with him before moving back on campus. I hadn't really been attached to him since about middle school (he has a really toxic personality and doesn't respect boundaries at all, among other things). He was in his 80s and was having issues with heart failure. Still, his actual death was sudden, and I went back home asap to be with the rest of my family. I wasn't the most heartbroken. I said goodbye knowing that I may not see him for months and that he may not have had months, and I won't lie and say that I miss having him around now that I'm living at my uni's campus. Still, it was rough and I wanted to be with my family (although mostly for my grandmother). I put aside all of my schoolwork for about 5 calendar days (Thursday through Monday) then came back on Tuesday morning last week.
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I just haven't been able to do work again, almost at all. I've been able to take care of food and self care, but haven't been able to do \*anything\* else beyond that. At this point I'm more than a week behind in 4 separate classes, and just have no clue how to get moving and catch back up. I've tried so many different things, and just,,, I don't have the motivation to make any of it work. Where do I go from here?
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ADHD
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Started with 10mg daily. The second month prescribed 3x10mg. The first weeks were really good. A single dose of 10 mg helped me focus and do things for nearly 4-5 hours. But now I feel good and productive only for an hour. Then it starts fading away. I take my first dose around 11 am, second at 2 pm and the last one at 5 pm (usually three hours apart). It feels like an emotional roller coaster. The worst part is the evenings. I feel so depressed and aggressive. Before the meds, my mood was 5/10 all day, but I wasn’t able to do anything. Now I start my day with a mood score 3/10. Going up to 8/10 when the med peaks. (During that 3 peak points, I can work and study, but that’s 3 hours totally) Then down to 3/10 between doses. And it’s 1/10 during the whole evening. I really don’t know what to do. Should I ask my doctor to increase the dosage? Even so, what’s next? Obviously he can’t keep increasing it forever. I feel so hopeless.
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ADHD
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Oh man now whenever I see anyone cute I test myself if I like them or what if I get to the point of wanting them .... but I only want my bf no one else only my bf is the one I love and I am scared of going to continue career and now even in person classes because I don’t want to see anyone cute ... I don’t wanna love anyone else only my partner . I am sacred of meeting someone I would always chose him ... or whenever I see in tv medias about cheating I go crazy I am scared I would meet someone cute I don’t ever wanna I just wanna have eyes on my bf
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OCD
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Many thanks for reading my post, I really need some peer advise from you all. I think there is a lot of experience combined here, maybe someone can relate to me.
I was diagnosed with Asperger at agee 5-6. I'm currently 25 and in university, but things are going really very bad for me, to the point that is causes significant depression and lack of willingness to live. The last 2-4 years I've noticed a dramatic increase in sensitivity to stimuli, particularly sound, but also e.g. flashing lights (like an Ethernet LED) or the flickering of the text editing cursor on Windows. It can be an extremely faint sound (like the hum of the ventilator in my laptop) that is almost inaudible, but for the life of me as soon as I hear it, I cannot unfocus from it. No matter how hard I try to ignore the sensation, I'm unable to unfocus and relax, or redirect my focus, and consequently am unable to do any mentally challenging work. It has been particularly bad this last year, with weeks where I cannot do any school work. I also have quite bad tinnitus, so wearing noise-cancelling headphones has provided no relieve. I seem to be able to tolerate some noises much better than others, especially if I know they are not permanent or if they are natural (like rain or wind, but strangely if it's from a digital source it becomes annoying again). For example, I have little issue concentrating with a loud lawnmower in the background, but a lot of issues with soft unknown sourced or permanent sounds.
My psychiatrist says this is probably due to my autism spectrum disorder (Asperger). However, it's only the last couple of years I have struggled with this. Before 22 I rarely had issues concerning sound (only the ticking of a clock annoyed me, but that's easily fixed). Also, I experience very little social impairment now, and this has, in fact, significantly improved in my teens and early twenties. How can autism get a lot better in one way and a lot worse in another, and only after your teens? Autism is supposed to be a developmental disorder, right? When I read books on autism I can never relate. Even reading this subreddit I cannot find anyone that functions socially quite well, but is completely handicapped by subtle sounds. If I read something on Asperger and sound sensitivity then it's always about the loud and overwhelming sounds (big city noise e.g.). I don't have a lot of issues with noise as long as I don't have to do school work (focus). For me it's really about distraction, not overwhelming noise.
Can anyone relate to me? What helped you? Nothing so far helps me. I've tried dextroamphetamine and even the antipsychotic Risperdal (but that seems more catered to autistic meltdowns triggered by overwhelming stimuli). I also tried mixing in other sounds (white noise, classical music), but that also irritates me. My psychiatrist now only has Abilify left for me to try. If that does nothing I don't know how I can continue to live.
Best wishes from Amsterdam, John.
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aspergers
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I would like to know about any countries in Europe, but I am particularly interested in folks’ experiences in the Iberian peninsula (Portugal & Spain), as well as France, Holland, Belgium, Germany.
Merci. Danke. Obrigado. Gracias. Dankjewel. And, for the UK contingent: FANK YEW! :P
Fingers crossed I hit the character limit.
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ADHD
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avoidance is one of my biggest compulsions when i have an obsession but i'm also a really avoidant person in general. if something makes me anxious i'll go miles out of my way to avoid it
sometimes i want to listen to a song then i think "i listened to it a lot when i was depressed so i can't listen to it again" or if i want to go to a bar then think "i said something embarrassing in there once so i can't go back"
i live a pretty quiet and isolated life because i avoid a lot of shit most people do every day. it's like my brain is hard wired to do it
any tips/advice?
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OCD
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I’ve just started frequenting this sub, but have dealt with issues that people here talk about for years. Thinking back to when I was a pre-teen, I remember thinking maybe I should get checked, but parents would always decide against it. And told me to just stay off my phone or go to bed earlier so I could focus. There’s also a stigma within myself, thinking that I’m just looking for an excuse for my issues. But the more stories I read here and research I do, the more I can relate with the people who are dealing with this.
How does one go about even beginning to start the journey to diagnosis, whether it be ADHD or something else? Do you just walk into your doctors office and be like “hey you can you figure this out?” Any help would be appreciated, I’m getting fed up of being berated for having a hard time even starting small tasks.
Now I’m just rambling, as usual.
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ADHD
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I'm not diagnosed, but I feel like maybe I should look into getting a diagnosis. Below are a few things I do on a regular basis that have been leading me to believe I have it, and I'm just wanting to make sure these could be valid reasons to search out a diagnosis.
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1. Whenever I'm at my friend's house, I have to walk a specific path on the kitchen tiles around his island seven times (no significance of the number, just one that feels like a right amount).
2. Whenever I enter a room, I have to turn the light on with my left hand and off with my right, specifically because I'm left handed.
3. Whenever I leave the house, I recheck if I locked the door three or four times, even if I know it's locked.
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OCD
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Good morning everyone, I'm a 23 year old man and I would like to ask if anyone has seen themselves in my situation, I was diagnosed with ADHD during childhood, at about 5 years old, I was treated with Ritalin and in adolescence with vyvanse, after leaving school I enlisted in the army where I spent a year, during this period I abandoned the treatment because of internal reprisals, the military environment was so intense and the rules were so strict that it was very difficult to adapt, I thought ADHD was a condition only for children and teenagers and I paid dearly for it... five years after abandoning treatment I also abandoned my architecture course, I lost my fiancée, my old job, my desire to make art, and I got a diagnosis of a bipolar disorder, but I believe I'm being treated with the wrong medications (lithium and Clonazepam) and quite frankly i dont agree with that diagnosis either, I would like to go back to being treated with stimulants but I'm afraid the psychiatrist would think I just want to do drugs, I made an appointment for emergency and I have my old ADHD reports and prescriptions in my hands to prove it, how to approach it in this regard? Has anyone neglected the treatment for so long or thought you had overcome it? because I'm desperate! I'm on the verge of losing my current job, I have nothing left to lose but life now
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ADHD
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Halloween is coming up. Some of us are fine. Those of us who suffer from PTSD or C-PTSD tend to have issues with the doorbell or knocking happening all night long. I love love LOVE Halloween but the door going non-stop triggers me something awful. Just a heads up to those of you who might have forgotten to prepare. Charge your favourite electronic devices with movies and shows, and get your sound blocking headphones. It's gonna be okay.
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ptsd
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Childhood: 0. I grew up in an emotional neglectful home. It was considered selfish to share negative emotions. I asked to be put in therapy in high school and my family laughed at me for thinking I need therapy. It was difficult dealing with ADHD, anxiety, depression, and phobia in that home.
Current: 8. I moved out a little over a rear ago. I live alone. I'm constantly trying to learn more about mental health and accept myself as is.
Reposting because my original post didn't have enough text.
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ADHD
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When people I know and love go through difficult times, it can make me very emotional where I sort of replicate their feelings. But there's other times where I can feel kinda numb, like I'm completely emotionally detached from a situation even though I actually care. My mother has pointed that out to me a lot, kind of implying that I was being mean or careless with my reaction to some things. But I can't bring myself to really feel anything about the situation, which eventually leads me to wondering if I'm doing something wrong?
I don't really know, this is kind of hard to explain for me, but if anyone experiences this, how do you make people aware that you do indeed care about what's going on, but it's difficult to feign an emotion that doesn't feel like it's there? I've read that this is something people with ADHD can deal with. I just don't know how I can go around without it looking like I'm completely apathetic to peoples' struggles.
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ADHD
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In my case I can feel it stored mostly in my pecs and chest muscles. It’s almost like like this buzzing and panic energy inside them and I find how bad it is is directly related to my overall level of (hyperarousal)
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ptsd
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I was diagnosed earlier this year and, as many of us, have had a pretty difficult time with it considering my community of friends, work networks, etc. here are largely neurotypical.
Figured I'd go for it and ask if there are any NYC people in a similar situation who would want to be IRL friends? :D
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aspergers
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I'm having one of the worst days in a while. I woke up and remembered something I used to obsess over ages ago and it's like it's all just started again. I've seen two different psychologists? (I think idk I get confused with the naming) the first of who got annoyed when I wouldn't tell him the nature of my thoughts (because that's really easy). I thought I was making progress with the second but she said due to me not wanting to do ERP at that moment it was unethical of her to keep seeing me. And now it's like any progress I did make, any techniques or things I was taught have dissapeared.
More importantly to me, there's so many things I've grown used to but I'm at the end of my rope with. The idea of getting up each day despite thinking I don't deserve to in order for some tiny hope things won't be like this in the future. The idea that mentally healthy people often don't get OCD and I have to accept that idk having a bad social interaction or something is a really bad thing for them. And ik it's not their fault or anything, I was like that before my OCD started a few years back, but I'm just so sick of it. I'm sick of not being able to explain to people over and over why it's difficult considering the peak of general knowledge on OCD is that you wash your hands a lot or order things neatly. I'm sick of being around other people who can just get on with things without doubting everything.
I keep thinking about killing myself, before anyone says it I know it's not the answer and I make sure to keep myself safe but it's more like day dreaming about it I suppose. Just feels like I've fucked up this life too much and even if somehow that's not true, that I'm too sensitive or broken or something to get by. For a while it's felt like I've been running into a brick wall over and over again only to get up more tired than before.
I appreciate anyone who's read all this and I hope youre having a better day :/
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OCD
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So I am an adult who has struggled from undiagnosed ASD traits for my entire life.
Luckily (?) I have been able to get this far (?) because of serious, obsessive camouflaging, and having high-level language/emotional expression. I always knew there was something foundational that made me "not fit" though, because I have been rejected, lonely and depressed since I was little.
Anyway, I've just been referred to my formal assessment (!), and in the meantime, I'm trying to find support from close friends and family. Except. (You probably already know where this is going...) I keep getting told I'm "not really autistic", or getting brushed off, dismissed, invalidated. Like they know me better than I know myself.
Even my close friend, who has ASD himself, basically told me what the title says. "Please don't talk to me about autism until you have a formal diagnosis." Everyone I talk to, I have to pretend that I'm not certain that this is what's been going on my whole life, or else I'm not taken seriously. I have to get permission from the doctor before I'm "allowed" to say that I know WHAT I ALREADY KNOW to the people who are supposed to care about me.
Maybe this is just me stepping in it again, like I always do.
I have felt so alone my entire life. Now I feel more alone than ever. IDK what to do.
Does anybody have any advice, please?
|
aspergers
|
I know I'm not alone in this at all. I cannot figure out what I want to do with my life. I have a BS in kinesiology and started my Masters in Athletic Training, then realized I would get burned out way too fast doing that. Since I quit, I've been thinking about different careers that line up with my interests and skills, but would also be flexible/accommodating to my needs.
Personal training would be okay if my social anxiety wasn't a thing, and I didn't have to be personable. I've considered doing research so I don't have to work directly with people, but again think I would get burnt out. Lately my partner has suggested nursing, which would be worth the pay, but I would need to go back to school and I already have lots of student loan debt (and don't want to make that decision unless I'm absolutely sure that's what I want to do).
Is/has anyone else been in this position? What did you do/are you doing to figure it out. I feel like I'm running out of time.
|
aspergers
|
I believe in you
No matter how hard it seems, you can do this. You've survived 100% of your worst days so far, you can survive a few more. I know it's easier said than done, but I know you can do it.
OCD is a bully. A liar. It'll try to convince you that you'll be stuck like this forever and that you're a horrible person for what you go through
But you're not. You are a strong and brave person for dealing with your brain's BS everyday
Keep going
"Tomorrow Holds Such Better Days"
|
OCD
|
Hi everyone i hope you are doing good !
I just have a question
I have Rocd and Hocd and now like 2 months ago i developped cuckold ocd, it makes me think that i like watching my girlfriend having s*x with someine else (but in reality i really dont it disgust me )
Anyways, today as a compulsion i decided to masturb*te
To the thought and this is what i did :
I was fantasazing about me and her just like everyday then
Compare with the thoughts of her with someone else to see if i would feel aroused but ouch ): when i was about to cu*m i imagined giving oral s*x to another guy and that's when i came ))))): like i couldn't control it and stop the orgasm but i didnt enjoy it i was anxious and felt disgusted
Is this sounds like ocd ? I think if it was ocd i wouldn't ejacul*te(cu*m) no ?
please respond to me im living hell i cant even look at her eyes i feel shameful
And anxiety is killing me
Is it ocd or im in denial ??
|
OCD
|
I recently got a nueropsych evaluation done where I diagnosed with OCD (and ADHD). They suggested that i go to residential for OCD treatment. Has anyone done that? I’m still in high school so i would have to miss some school. The average length of treatment for the program they recommended is 2 months. I am just wondering if its actually worth doing and id like to hear some peoples experiences.
|
OCD
|
Is it possible to just be borderline unhelpable? Like it really feels like nothing has helped me.
Practically all my life I’ve gotten worse and worse and I’m just so beaten down at this point.
Regardless I hope if you’re reading this that you have a nice day
|
depression
|
I’ve been really struggling with my OCD lately, and I don’t know how to explain what’s going on to my parents. I’m a teenager, and I’m afraid that my parents won’t take it seriously. My parents go on these walks everyday, and I used to go with them, but lately I refuse to go. We try to walk and stuff to loose weight, because we’re all a little over weight. They think I don’t want to go because I’m lazy and I don’t care about my health. That’s not true at all. I really want to go, but the walks are usually 2 hours long, and my intrusive thoughts get really bad. It‘s like because I don’t have anything to focus my mind on, the intrusive thoughts get worse. My anxiety gets so bad.
I’m afraid that my parents won’t believe me, or think I’m making up excuses. They’ve been getting mad with me for not going with them. My mom knows I have OCD, because the therapist I used to see diagnosed me, but I don’t know if my dad does. I’ve also been very healthy all my life, and have never had any mental illnesses or disorders before that, so I think they won’t take me seriously because of that. I don’t know what to do. I just don’t want them to be mad at me because of this anymore. I don’t know how to explain what’s going on.
|
OCD
|
I recently got myself a blood pressure device that measures my heart rate as well. For more context, I’m 25, overweight (not severely at all but considered overweight) have hypothyroidism and high cholesterol.
I’m on 54mg of concerta. I take my concerta usually around 9 am every morning. My resting heart rate and bp are within good ranges when I wake up. I also tend to measure 1-2 hours after taking concerta and my levels are okay then as well.
Come the evening (5pm-7pm) and my heart rate spikes to over 100 (usually 105-115) and stays in that range until I fall asleep. I don’t know if concerta is causing this or not. I have no way of knowing. I work from home and usually, I’m just sitting down on a chair when it starts to increase.
If concerta was the reason, would my heart be racing after taking the medication? Or is it safe to assume it’s not my concerta due to my heart rate and bp increasing later in the day (usually 5-6pm).
My doctor has no clue and is suggestion we stop stimulants all together. So I’m screwed either way.
|
ADHD
|
Recently read OCDaniel for the first time and Turtles all the way down for the billionth time.
Kissing doorknobs and Every last word is the only other book I've read that has OCD characters and proper representation. Can you think of any others and recommend them for me?
|
OCD
|
This will be very long, Ill summarize myself: Im 15, cis female, was sexually assaulted by my brother, almost kidnapped, no friends for 8 years, bullied for many years, still not many friends (well maybe none now), boring, useless, messed up piece of shit, gah. I hate myself so much. My dreams are to get married to my soul mate, have kids, and become a doctor. Broke up with the guy I thought I would marry a few months ago. We dated for 6 months. Not even 2 days later, he is already in a relationship with some random Asian chick (he has a fetish for Asians) with plans to marry her in 1 year. Then, I fell in love with three other guys who broke my heart. Now, all of them like other girls and one of them just got into a relationship. Everyone around me has a really nice relationship. I can‘t look at people smiling, holding hands, kissing, etc without feeling like someone just stabbed me in the heart. All my friends have crushes and are doing fine with their crushes and it just fucking hurts. I want someone to touch me, to hug me, to kiss me, to snuggle with me, to cuddle with me, etc, but it never happens. I cant kill myself because my parents child-proofed everything. None of the knives are sharp enough, I dont have access to my Dad’s gun, Im just suffering. I just want the suffering to stop. Im so lonely. So, about the title? Monday is the day I go back to school to see everyone so happy and kissing each other. I cant deal. I have no fight in me left. Oh, and I forgot to mention the guy I currently like I sent a love letter to. He told my friend, the person I didnt want to know about it, to read it. So, she signed in his account, and read the letter. I feel extremely violated rn. The letter contained extremely, extremely personal stuff. I feel so violated. My life is falling apart. Ill be 20 years old and still in the same goddamn situation. It never ends. The loop is never ending. Im so tired. I want to die so badly.
|
depression
|
My therapist told me they are not attracted to me: I feel rejected but also hopeful
I told my therapist I was experiencing erotic transference and was attracted to them again today.
They said they feel really clear about not being attracted to me and how they never would cross that boundary because it is not ethical. They told me they still care about me even though they are not attracted to me. We talked about how because of my Child sexual abuse history, i always associated caring/love with sexuality.. so it feels like they are taking away love for not being sexually interested. We talked about how there is transference going on where I am idealizing them because they represent what I needed and never got from a caregiver. I told them there is a part of me that feels I can make them like me and I wanted to know why they weren’t attracted to me. They said they were going to set a boundary there and not answer those questions.
I told them I felt mad at them and rejected for saying that they were not attracted to me. I told them it made me feel like I was unattractive since I have based my worth on others’ opinions and validation. I asked them if they felt disgusted with me for liking them. They said no, they were not disgusted. They said they understood where the disgust was coming from.. it may be because I am feeling disgust thinking about how my dad crossed inappropriate sexual boundaries and also because I am being queer for being attracted to my therapist (I am a woman and they are transmasculine/queer).
I told them I feel hopeful and safer now that I know they would not cross that boundary/are not even attracted to me. This is important work and breakthrough! Someone is caring about me without wanting a sexual incentive!! I still have hurt feelings and ego though, for them not being attracted to me.
Do you all think they could have said they were not attracted to me in a gentler way?
This is a good session, though.. I’d say. Support would be appreciated! Thank you :)
|
ptsd
|
i went through the whole process to get diagnosed, and my doctor said that i have the level of attention from her evaluations as someone with adhd, but because of my teacher's reports i'm aparrently not being effected enough by it to be diagnosed with adhd.
i thought if i was diagnosed i could finally get help, but what do i do now? i zone out thinking about random stuff and when i come back to reality it's been literal minutes sometimes. i am struggling so much, especially in ballet because i miss things i need to know and need to ask for information to be repeated by teachers/instructors or friends.
i was given advice from the doctor, but it's all the stuff i tried and could have learned from a quick search on google. what do i do since i'm still struggling?
|
ADHD
|
hey guys, I’m currently experiencing ROCD and I’ve experienced HOCD in the past. I’m in a 8 year relationship with the love of my life and the past month or two has been the worst whilst experiencing ROCD.
I used to be addicted to pornography and I stopped watching in February. However now, whenever I see an attractive woman I picture doing sexual things with them that I don’t want to. I’ve even had messed up sexual thoughts about people in my family, sister in law, etc. it shames me because I would never do anything like that.
I remember I never used to care about looking at other women and now it’s like I’m forcing myself to look at attractive women. I hate it
|
OCD
|
It is now after two in the morning for me. I have been up all night crying. Nothing has happened to cause it. I just feel so sad, empty, and alone. I have been crying nonstop for hours. Why can’t I make it stop? I don’t even know what made it start.
|
depression
|
I was doing great in my life despite my horrible family conditions. 19 years old, doing good on my grades, good friends that supported me in place of my family being horrible to me, losing weight I had gotten during a hard depressive phase, I thought I was going on a good path.
Then disaster struck. A 20% on one of my finals I felt really confident on, which will land me basically grounded for who knows how long. I lost a friend. My girlfriend broke up with me. A huge storm just hit the area I’m in and power and internet is out, and I don’t have anyone else to go to. Never been diagnosed for anything, because my mom and dad think my possible depression, ADHD, and maybe even autism just because of my phone, and that during their time, they were perfectly fine. My family have no trust in me, I don’t feel safe with them, and I can’t leave because they guilt me so easily. Last time I tried to go, they guilted me into coming back and I listened because I don’t ever have the heart to say no to anyone. I’ve hit most likely the lowest low yet and don’t know how to ask for a lot of help. I’ve tried suicide hotlines, as well as my college’s counseling, but my parents are so controlling they look through my iPhone messages and calls, and ground me if they find out that I had called a counselor or anything for therapy. I don’t know where to look for help and I’m considering ending it, but I don’t want to. I don’t know where to go or what to do.
|
depression
|
I just wanted to reach out into the void. I am feeling really down right now and I don't have anyone to talk to. I hope you feel better soon if you feel the same way. I am trying to focus on just one day at a time because that has worked for me in the past, but I feel so alone. It is hard to stay busy and it's like as soon as the sun goes down I start thinking about how nobody would care (or notice) if I died.
|
depression
|
Does anyone else feel this way? Like life is one Great Depression after another until the one that finally kills you? I doubt I’m alone in feeling this way but I can’t help but feel I am.
|
depression
|
I wish I could go back in time and beg him to not do this. I wish I could have told him that this one act would forever leave a scar on his little girl’s soul. And that every time he did it again, another scar would form. You can’t take that back.
I wish I could have told him he didn’t need to cover my mouth. My body had already betrayed me and all I could do was scream inside my head and beg my body to move. It never did. I learned to stare at the ceiling and float away. I was broken.
Ugh, so many more of these. I just can’t right now.
|
ptsd
|
it all happened six years ago and its only getting worse please tell me it ends i dont want what happened to eight year old me to ruin my entire life i cant function
Edit: thank you so much for the support, it's so nice to connect with other people who have similar experiences instead of feeling so alone
|
ptsd
|
this has actually been so Aggravating for me and I can't find anyone else talking about it! I can be distracted, lost in thoughts, or busy and something will randomly catch my attention like someone nearby talking or something on the tv... curious I'll pay attention and sure enough it can be tied to my obsession and it leaves me feeling paranoid and triggered. Essentially like magical thinking OCD, I start to worry about the whole event: why did that catch my attention? is that some sort of sign? panic often ensues... it's honestly Very weird, it's like the thing catching my attention often cannot be immediately tied to my obsession entirely but in part yes. I've dealt with this the most with my obsession of death but felt triggered today with another obsession. I'm thinking that maybe as soon as something can be slightly tied to a obsession, it catches my attention. anyhow I'm just curious if anyone else has experienced something like this.
|
OCD
|
I know reasoning with the OCD doesn’t work. In my experimente it just makes things worse. I’ve tried just ignoring the thoughts/compulsions and had success for about 2 months. Then I did one ritual again, and it came back with a vengeance. I want to try it again, but I guess I’m scared. Anyone have any success doing so?
|
OCD
|
They seem to have literally zero effect on me. Kinda weird. Is it the dosage?
|
ptsd
|
Dear Redditors, I would like to mention a TW for the mentioning of sexual abuse (of minors) and sexual assault (not going into detail). Your advice would be greatly appreciated, as I'm at a loss at the moment. I'm posted this on a subreddit for relationship advice but the perspective of other survivors would be very helpful. I do, wholeheartedly, understand that this is a complicated issue. I've been in therapy for 8 years and I'm seeing my current psychologist weekly/biweekly. I posted this on reddit to see if others have been in similar situations or to ask/see what other survivors would do in this situation.
A few months ago I confided in my significant other and told him about the fact that I'm a sexual assault survivor (at 18 and 21). I've been going to therapy for over 8 years for various reasons and the past few years I've been in treatment for C-PTSD. I've worked very hard to have some kind of life quality again, to enjoy the company of my friends and loved ones again as well as to try to form healthy (romantic/platonic) relationships. The past year has been the most healing one thus far. At that point, I hadn't given any details, as I didn't know how he would react. Only enough information to respect my boundaries, know my triggers and to understand (one of the reasons) why I'm in therapy. I've also experienced sexual abuse as a child, which I've only come to realise during the past few years and I still have a lot of work to do in regards to that, therefore I didn't mention that to him at the time. He has read multiple articles to help understand what I might be going through and how he could approach being intimate.
Months after I confided in him, he confessed to me that he, between the ages of 10 and 14, sexually abused his sister (who is 2 years younger than him). Those events came to light years later during a therapy session of the sister. The family had a few family therapy sessions where it also came to light that one of the brothers (10 year age difference with the sister) abused her as well, which my boyfriend didn't know, nor did he know what happened exactly. My boyfriend is greatly remorseful of how he was as a child, has been to therapy briefly when everything came to light and will go into therapy again soon. He and his sister still have a relationship with one another, have talked about the past throughout the years and still keep eachother updated how their life is going (over a coffee or a drink). The whole family still meets up for family occasions.
I was utterly shocked, but I tried to handle the situation as calmly as possible. I tried to comfort him throughout the conversation while dealing with my own emotions (anger, sadness, disgust, worry, etc). I keep thinking about his sister and what she might have gone through, how she might feel right now, how this might still impacted her,... I feel a very protective urge towards her. I don't feel any form of sympathy or respect towards the other brother, only disgust and anger. Given the age difference, he must have been fully aware of his actions. What if there are grandchildren in the future in their family? (I don't want children but they are a big family so someone will have kids in the future) Has he commited again after that? The events itself are extremely problematic and the age difference makes it even worse. He wasn't some kid at the time. Not that I want to condone the actions of my boyfriend because the smaller agegap, he was a child back than but his actions were more than wrong and have caused much damage.
I have a truly hard time dealing with that information. He confided in me as he sees a future together and I had to know this before meeting his family. He has grown into an ethically conscious adult, he is very empathetic/emotionally intelligent, treats me very well, communicates clearly. I've been in very unhealthy connections before and he is the first person that has reacted with kindness when I told him about my past. Which makes it even harder to know this information right know. Seeing how he is today but knowing what he did in the past. We might go to a counselor together, but I first want him to be able to have a few sessions on his own with his therapist before getting an extra counselor.
We have had a few conversations since then about the matter, where I confessed that I not only had to deal with sexual trauma as an adult but also as a child. Which complicated everything even more. I have no idea how to deal with this, being on opposite sides of the spectrum (victim and perpetrator). I also have so many questions about how he views me, did the articles that he read make him realise what his sister might still experience due to his actions, etc. I worry about seeing his family in the future, especially his older brother. I worry that my anger, sadness, and disgust towards him might not go away. I try my best to see him for who he as: an empathetic, caring, loving, intelligent man. But it can be very, very difficult.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation?
I'm sorry for the long post but I hope that we could have a discussion about this, if possible. Many, many thanks in advance!
|
ptsd
|
I was diagnosed with ocd a year ago, and recently it's been getting a lot worse, I'm currently in counselling for it but I haven't made a lot of progress, since I really struggle to resist my compulsions and deal with the anxiety caused by doing that.
So a couple of weeks ago, I panicked at school because I wasn't able to do one of my usual rituals of tapping on a doorframe when I walk through it. Because I didn't do it I got panicked thinking that something terrible would happen and I basically spent the rest of the school day fighting off having a panic attack.
Then when I got home my mum tells me that my Nan has been taken to hospital for a heart attack, and when I found out I felt terrible, because it feels like I was the cause of what happened and if I was better and had done the ritual none of it would have happened. My brain kept telling me that I was actively trying to hurt her and that if I mess up like that again it could lead to worse consequences.
I spoke to my counsellor about it, and he said that it wasn't my fault and it was just a coincidence, and to be honest on some level I do kind of know he's right, but its so hard to believe, and I just feel like I'm a danger to everyone around me, and should be locked away. I feel so incredibly guilty and that I've gone crazy, and to be honest I really don't know what to do.
|
OCD
|
Hey all! I've been trying to find the right medication, and thought that I had come close with IR generic Adderall, but I'm finding that I'm actually experiencing a bit of depression as a side effect (I know it's a side effect because I only feel it on days when I don't take the medication or mornings before I take it--a problem I never had with Ritalin (though Ritalin never did as much for me, so I stopped it) and because I don't ever really experience tangible depression otherwise).
Y'all got any medication suggestions that won't aggravate depression? Let me know! Thanks!
|
ADHD
|
I'm reposting this from r/ADHD as I didn't get any replies, I wonder if anyone has been through a similar situation?
Hello, I wonder if anyone has been in the same situation and has got some insight.
So first things first, I'm in England. So I recently got a new job roughly 2 weeks ago, it's a fairly small company with 30 employees in the UK, my team (I'm a web dev) is me and three more people, two of them are based in Ukraine and my manager is based in London as I am. Now the company is asking us to go to the office 2 days a week, btw the rest of the engineers are based in Ukraine as well. Meaning I would be commuting to the office to work remotely, which doesn't make sense to me as I will be having meetings, etc all through video calls.
Now I have ADHD and I am ASD as well, the office is open plan and inside a WeWork space, which makes things even worse, my manager seems to be quite reasonable and asked me if I want to get to the office I can but it isn't necessary, now in an HR point of view, I'm not sure how will they enforce that rule through the teams as it seems to me that every manager has autonomy upon their teams. Now we get to the personal bit, I have 5 dogs so 2 hours commute a day would be quite a precious time as it is the time I use to walk the dogs, so I would benefit from not having to get to the office unless it's extremely necessary, now they sent us a questionnaire asking us the following questions
>**Have you or a member of your household had covid in the last 28 days?:**
**Were you advised to shield at any point during the pandemic?:**
**Have you been fully vaccinated?:**
**Have you recently been ill requiring medical intervention?:**
**Do you have any long term health conditions (mental or physical) that we should be aware of:**
**Are there any reasons why you are unable to come in for 2 days per week?**
So I don't know what to answer, should I disclose ADHD and ASD to them to justify and keep me clear from having to go to the office? Has anybody been in a similar situation and how did you go about it?
I suffered from severe anxiety and did therapy for 2 years due to my old workplace being too crowded and too noisy, I know I can just put headphones on but visual stimuli will affect me as well so all in all I don't see why but I don't know exactly how to approach with HR as it seems to me that they're just asking us to go to the office to justify having an office space. I wanted to raise the discussion internally with everybody but I really need the job and can't afford to be seen as a problem for the company, any comments would be highly appreciated.
|
aspergers
|
Found out my boyfriend is a sex addict and found text messages of him telling other girls how they’re “bigger and rounder” and “sexier” than his girlfriend. I just feel like shit about myself. I feel like I can’t compete with anyone. I feel like everyone gets something that I don’t. I hate myself and I don’t get what value I bring to the world. I just constantly compare myself to how other girls look and I try to imitate what they do. I just feel like I’m nothing and I feel like there’s a million other girls that can satisfy him. What’s my point? I feel so threatened by everyone all the time. I just feel inadequate and defective in every area of my life. I’m never fucking good enough and I’ll never be better than porn and all the other women online. I don’t want to exist in such a fucked up place. I’m fucking done.
|
depression
|
Been noticing my absence of a period lately. Going on three months. This is the last medication (most recent) I added to my ‘cocktail’. Has this affecting anyone’s menstrual? Currently just crossing all my medications against each other in Google searches to see why this would happen before I get actually concerned.
|
OCD
|
Overriding everything ocd tell me to do or every time ocd tells me something i have to remind myself that it’s going to be ok and they’re just thoughts?
|
OCD
|
Hey all,
I recently moved from AZ to CO (USA) and my AZ psychiatrist has been able to keep treating me and send in prescriptions to CO.
Well, just the other day, I was refused my medication at the pharmacy. I guess my AZ doctor’s license only allows inter-state treatment temporarily, and our time had run out. All of this was very abrupt as neither myself or my AZ doctor knew about it.
So, I’m due for my medication, (20mg x2 a day of Adderall IR & 60mg of Prozac) but I can’t have it because of this license stipulation. I’ve tried reaching out to several mental health providers in CO, but available apts are pushed to mid December and req. I meet with a doctor before refilling anything for me.
I’m having a rough time and becoming extremely depressed and irritable. I can hardly function at this point and it’s really affecting my relationship and my work. Does anyone have any recommendations on how I can get my prescription refilled within the next couple of days? If not, are there any coping mechanisms up for suggestion?
Thank you so much.
|
ADHD
|
Hi everyone!
I’m in college and have a few weeks until the semester ends. I have a big research paper due in about 3 weeks and I haven’t even started writing. I don’t know what’s stopping me but for some reason I just can’t! I have all the tools I just need to sit down and write. I’m getting more and more anxious as time ticks on. It’s a dark cloud over my mind honestly.
Does anyone have any tips or tricks they use to help them get started on something big?
I am formally diagnosed and medicated if that helps.
Thanks!
|
ADHD
|
I happen to love driving,i know how to drive stick shift too.Anyone else?
I hear alot of people say they cant drive or they have a rough [time.It](https://time.It) def can be done.
driving around with music is good therapy!
|
aspergers
|
For my entire life I’ve dealt with ocd and periods of extreme depression. Only now later in life have I pursued medication to help cope with anxiety and depression. On this journey the past 4 months, I’ve tried varying dose levels of Prozac, Zoloft, Pristiq and Buspirone. I don’t feel like anything helps but I also don’t really know what or how I should feel. Can anyone share their experiences, how it makes them feel or support for doing the medicine journey? I really feel at a loss for finding something that works for me.
|
OCD
|
Hello all,
I am 23F and suspecting ASD as several therapists of mine have urged me to seek evaluation.
Before doing so, I am interested in researching how autistic individuals experience working.
These are the points that I would like to learn more about:
- do you work full time, part time, or not at all?
- what field are you in, and for what reason?
- what fields have you found more difficult to integrate in, and what fields have you found a little easier to integrate in?
- what are your biggest struggles when it comes to the workplace
- what do you think could help you / relieve stress in your current workplace and why?
- have you ever experienced burnout, and if so, how often, and for what reasons?
- how has your employer managed to accommodate you / or not?
- have you disclosed your diagnosis (if diagnosed) to your employer
- if you are suspecting diagnosis, or self-diagnosing, have you tried to mention this to your employer, and if so, how did they react?
If anyone wants to share their experience, I would very much appreciate.
Please feel free to answer only on points you are comfortable discussing.
I have experienced "burnouts" at work several times, with several different jobs, for different reasons (depending on the nature of the work) and I am becoming increasingly frustrated with myself because I seem to be repeating the same patterns over and over.
I'm not saying that I suspect this is directly or exclusively related to ASD, but as I have been advised to consider my own possible Autism diagnosis, I would like to gather some information in order to analyze whether or not I feel my own personal experience may be related to that possibility.
I feel that if I do choose to pursue evaluation, I would like to be able to explain my struggles clearly and explain why I believe they stem from ASD. (Or not.)
Seeing as evaluation is extremely costly where I live, and that it could be possible that I am not on the spectrum, I don't want to rush into evaluation without having considered other possibilities. I want to direct myself to the proper support teams/professionals in order to help myself improve my quality of life.
If anyone has questions about what I am experiencing in my current workplace, and what I have experienced in past workplaces, please feel free to ask.
Thank you in advance to anyone that takes the time to contribute to this post.
Wishing you a pleasant day,
Edit: "Before doing so, I am interested in researching how autistic individuals experience working, amongst other things."
I mentioned "working" exclusively for this post. I am doing research on several points before considering seeking evaluation, but for the sake of keeping things organized and simple, I only want to address autism in the workplace in this post.
|
aspergers
|
I'm new here and just been lost dealing with this existential crisis where I want to do something but can't at the same time as its not satisfactory to me anymore. It's to the point I just want to ball up and just cry and sleep now a days. I feel stupid always asking for help for things that are wrong with me but at the same time as I do I don't wanna feel alone as it happens and noone knows how to help when I do ask. I feel lost and legit ready to just disassociate.
|
ADHD
|
I'm trying to quit. But it's also the reward I use to get myself to do stuff my brain has no interest in doing. It's also how I get breaks at work, and part of how I unwind after. My cravings remind me to take breaks, and forces me to go outside and just stand there, which my brain needs from time to time. It's the excuse I use to get out of social situations when I feel overwhelmed or anxious. I also just like that it keeps my hands busy when I'm walking somewhere or waiting for something.
I'd consider it basically a medication for adhd if not for the cancer. (I did not have a good time with Vyvanse at all, and don't really want to try other adhd meds.)
Those who have quit, were you able to find anything healthier that replaced it for you? Maybe not for all of the things, but some?
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ADHD
|
So this is a really hard topic for me to talk about but my newest obsession deals with incontinence and the fear that I’m going to end up having to go to the bathroom and not make it in time. Whenever I’m in class, i get really anxious about the obsession which creates anxiety which causes me to feel like I have to use the bathroom. At first i thought it was some sort of medical issue but when I’m at home, i have no anxiety whatsoever about the topic, just when I’m at school. I don’t know what to do because it’s not like I don’t have any sensations, I feel like I really need to go and can’t hold it. Is there anything I can do because I really don’t want to shit myself?
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OCD
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[Link to study abstract](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0272735815001555)
DOI of full article: 10.1016/j.cpr.2015.11.005
**Key research takeaways:**
* Reliable ADHD-to-obesity associations were found with small effect among children and adolescents.
* Associations might be more clinically significant in adolescent girls with other comorbidities.
* Associations were found in adults with the most relevant effect.
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ADHD
|
Hey there I am looking for a pen pal someone I can confide in and also be able to talk on a daily basis, some encouraging words and thoughts we can pass back and forth, it could be various people.
Thank you guys for reading
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depression
|
I'm so tired of being broken and the harder I try to fix myself the harder I try to just be a good person and do the right thing the worse everyone else seems to getand the worse I get hurt and screwed over. And they always get what they want they're always happy. I never even get to be heard and I'm just fucking miserable. Like what makes me so much less than a person. What makes me not matter at all too anyone?
When is enough enough?
I am not a shitty person. I've tried to be shitty to people who are that way to me and I can't even do that right. I still feel guilt and feel bad for trying to treat someone how they treated me.
You get what you give right? Thats the way its supposed to be? You give respect to get respect and the same should apply to anything say kindnes. Well how come I can give it and give it and give it and I still deserve to be treated like I am nothing. I express my feelings of being ignored and well you guessed it, that's ignored too.
Awhile back I told my bf at the time( now ex) I was feeling so low and depressed and with my sister just dieing and out friend getting murdered, I told him that I wished it was me instead bc I felt that either one of them had more to offer the world, so he left me, broke up with me a few hours after I told him that the second time, bc of course the first time was ignored. Like wtf? Do i not even get common decency or acknowledgement from some one who says they love me? What is wrong with me for real?
I'm spiraling bad with everything going on and I just really don't know. Is this all circumstantial or is this just the way the world works or is it really just me?
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depression
|
I’ve noticed recently that there seem to be a lot of posts where people are asking if they have PTSD.
Am I the only one who thinks r/ptsd needs to be kept as a support network for rather than an online forum doctors office?
A lot of these posts seem to be moderate anxiety disorders or depression to me caused by day to day life rather than a traumatic event.
Edit: Thank you for the silver and wholesome award! Didn’t think so many people felt the same way.
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ptsd
|
TW: vague mentions of r*pe/abuse
i read a post on a sub i’m a part of where people ask advice about issues that come up in their day-to-day relationships, sometimes references to sexuality come up if couples have more cerebral issues in that area of their lives. it’s almost never as vulgar as the post i just read but this one contained a graphic description of what was clearly a rape, but (i guess?) since the OP was in denial that what happened was actually assault there was no trigger warning or cautionary statement that would’ve lead me to believe that reading the post could’ve been a trigger.
long story short i’m stuck in a hysterical state consumed by flashbacks of my abusive childhood/adolescence and the only person i trust to support me right now is in another state and currently indisposed. i can’t stop crying and i don’t know how long it will last without intervention.
if anyone has any tips for resetting your brain, if that makes sense, so i can think rationally again and help myself out of this place i would appreciate it so much. tia...
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ptsd
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Then I wouldn't remember my intrusive thoughts or accidentally make them worse, and not have the associates anxieties they cause. While the intensity does fade, I'm just saying that I wish.
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OCD
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I feel like I'm in recovery or I'm really just understanding my ocd and ocd I. General but I've been feeling so much better but have noticed an increase in intrusive thoughts about different themes? Does this happen sometimes when your ocd mind knows you're not giving in?
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OCD
|
So I have no idea if this is a normal feeling, but I am incredibly frustrated at the present moment because of my PTSD. Every time I attempt to talk about my trauma or anything remotely related to my trauma around my "normal" friends, they almost always tell me the same thing. "You should just tell your therapist this."
I mean, I know it's well-intentioned, but I feel frustrated. I am not the type of person who voluntarily talks about their trauma a lot, so it's really frustrating to attempt to talk to someone who is not my therapist about my trauma just to be told, "Just tell your therapist this." Like, I only see my therapist once a week. And there are times when I need to talk to someone else. It makes me just want to shut down and bottle everything up again.
Am I just being dramatic, or is this something other people experience too?
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ptsd
|
I have specific thoughts that I repeat in my head that sometimes (with the perfect storm of anxiety) will turn into a depressive episode. Often I go in a cycle of anxiety, intrusive thoughts, depression, then avoidance, then relief from avoidance, then the cycle starts again.
I have obsessive thoughts that my boyfriend could be gay ( I know this sounds insane but my ex was hiding his sexuality and make my life miserable), therefore it seems like a life and death situation. When I am with my current boyfriend, I feel good for about 2 weeks and then intrusive thoughts start, major panic attacks, and then depression where I cant get out of bed because of the thoughts.
Actually when this first started for me 2 years I did have the compulsion of asking for reassurance from others and non stop googling. But that stopped about a year ago.
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OCD
|
A few days ago I was doing homework on my laptop and was going to put on a pair of blue light glasses. This pair I put on was new and haven’t worn it. I cleaned and wiped it carefully with glasses cleaning wipes and a microfiber cloth. After I finished using them, from the light from a lamp in my room I noticed a small scratch on the side of the lens. I started to panic and cry because I was careful not to let my fingernails touch the lens, especially since it’s new glasses. I gave into the compulsion unfortunately of trying to clean up the area where the small scratch is with a glasses wood but the scratch still wouldn’t go away. I ended up putting the glasses away back in its case because I didn’t want the scratch to get in the way of my vision while wearing them. I am now deciding if I should still keep that specific pair of glasses, donate them to a thrift store, or get an exact replacement pair from the store that doesn’t have any scratches.
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OCD
|
Please just anyone
Edit: I meant to write "who gets it" in the title
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OCD
|
So usually the checking issue is solved by not checking and just ignoring the thought, but with ADHD I sometimes actually *do* forget to do something (like turn the oven off, flush the toilet, etc.) and checking resolves the issue. Now I know I don’t need to check several times, so after I initially check it’s usually okay, but it’s hard to not check every single time because it keeps being reinforced that sometimes I *do* need to check. Anyone else have this issue?
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OCD
|
It’s pretty easy to explain and I know some other people that have got to know me irl & online know this too. When I say I’m tired of getting my feelings hurt, I meant the words of my caption. The battle between good & bad never ends. Okay, enough bitching.
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depression
|
My highly organized/disciplined partner recently moved in with me (yay!), in a home I've lived in alone for more than three years. He has never lived with a partner before (third time around for me), and is going through a *lot* of stress at work, which I feel makes him disgruntled and prone to ascribing normal "living together for the first time" things as me failing to adequately control my ADHD.
This past weekend, when I again brought up scheduling a session with a couples counselor so we could talk things out with an impartial mediator guiding the conversation (like pre-marital counseling, just to have a professional help us make sure we're covering all the bases with the transition), he blurted out what I've always worried he felt deep down--**"there wouldn't be any conflict if you were just managing your ADHD. If a problem comes up, it's because you're either being lazy or being too sensitive, and using your ADHD as an excuse to elide responsibility for that. You have made zero progress since getting diagnosed"**. We cooled off and talked things out, he apologized *profusely* for saying that and admitted he had been too hard on me because of his own stress.
I just can never tell if I AM being lazy, or not cutting myself enough slack. I was diagnosed over a year ago, at 29, and I genuinely can't tell what a year of "progress" is supposed to look like. I'm on meds and see an ADHD coach/therapist twice a month, which I do feel is helping me a lot emotionally, but my partner is right that I haven't been committing to organizational systems or maintaining a recommended routine. I have been KICKING ASS professionally, but I'm not sure if that kind of hard work is really...enough??
I want to divide chores by tasks we're each always responsible for, so I can get into a routine of always doing x/y/z. **He says we should divide what needs to be done each day based on whatever's going on at the time, which obviously is vague and confusing to me, and makes me feel like I have to handle any task I notice immediately, because I have no way to know what he expects other than "half".** I bought a whiteboard for the fridge to write to-dos/reminders on, but I still can't get any clarification out of him as to what an acceptable level of "progress" in a year is to him, other than "less time blindness" and "more organized". I'm worried about us falling into a trap of accepting any criticism or expectation from him of me as inherently valid because he's neurotypical and I can't convincingly articulate what would be fair in "normal" couples.
**Tl;dr: How do you productively divide responsibilities and expectations with your partner? Do you have a workable definition of what "progress" means in terms of managing your condition and keeping it from impacting your partner?**
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ADHD
|
I keep getting so distracted.
I have had months to decide on my future as to whether I should go back to school or not, and I have had a lot of pressure to make that decision soon, but I haven't been putting as much effort into it as I should have.
What have I been doing instead? Oh yeah, scrolling.
I used social media as escape from the stress of making this decision and ot ate up a bunch of my time. I was hiven an extra day to think about it, and I fucked up by scrolling more.
I still don't know what to do, and I feel like I'll be a failure for good. I already feel like one compared to my co-workers with a zillion achievements under there belts and most of them are only a few years my senior.
Why can't I just fucking focus? If I were medicated as a child, I'd probably have a Master's degree by now.
The only thing that brings consistent joy and kills the depression is alcohol. What's the point anymore?
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depression
|
My legs are shaky. One knee keeps locking. It kinda feels like I’m creating a crop circle against my will.
I’ve been so cosy and hunched up indoors that I forget your shoulder blades shouldn’t be grazing your earlobes.
Let’s not forget being breathless because I’m tryna balance good posture with not looking suspicious.
It’s bright.
It’s noisy.
It stinks.
I’m very much over it.
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aspergers
|
Hi!
So, I’m 26 and I have been with OCD since the age of 6. When I was in preschool one day, the teacher was showing us the difference between odd and even numbers and at some point she said “Even numbers always have a pair, but with odd numbers one stays alone”. Since then everything has to be an even number; the bites when I eat, the times I open/close a door, the times I look myself in the mirror, everything. When I say “good morning/night, I love you, okay” etc. I have to say it a second time in my head, just not to sound weird to the person in front of me.
At the age of 13-14 I noticed that I started doing rituals right before I go to bed because otherwise my parents will not wake up (I literally knocked on wood 4 times when I typed that). Then when writing an essay I had to erase and rewrite certain words again and again (2, 4 or 6 times in a row) and this happens even now when I type an email for work because otherwise something terrible will happen. I also tend to imagine really bad scenes where I harm someone by closing the door too hard without looking if anyone’s behind, or by thinking something bad about them, or because I may have left the stove on (even if I checked 8 times before I leave the house).
Even when I scratch my forehead I do it 2 or four times, but sometimes something tells me I have to do it 14 or 22 times because something bad will happen.
Well, the list goes on and on with many compulsions, but I wanted to share my experience with you when I told my parents.
So I told them about 1 month ago that I think I have OCD; my mum said “oh come one I have these too, they will go away don’t worry! do you know how many rituals I have when going to bed?! ha! it’s very normal!” and my dad got very very angry and told me “it’s nothing, for some reason you want to be sick”.
In addition I told them that I had an online session with a therapist about 2 months ago and they laughed, something that discouraged me so damn much! Apparently therapists are a joke to them. We got into a big fight and I ended up in tears.
I was so happy I got the strength to visit a therapist after all these years and their reaction made me feel so dumb.
I haven’t visited anyone since then, I just suffer in silence.
Any advice from anyone in the same situation?
Thank you for reading this!
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OCD
|
I'm in my early thirties and freshly diagnosed (inattentive). I'm about two weeks into taking Adderall, and I'm curious about others' experiences with alcohol.
I've been somewhat unhappy with my relationship with alcohol for quite some time. It's gotten worse over the past year, where I rarely skip a day having at least 2-3 drinks (and usually more on weekends). I felt proud of myself if I skipped even one or two days, sadly. I successfully did a dry January last year, but it was mentally very hard for me (no physical withdrawal fortunately).
Curiously though, the first day I tried Adderall, that mental need that I had for alcohol totally evaporated. I haven't had anything to drink in 2-3 weeks and I don't even care. My wife has had an occasional glass of wine, and it looks tasty, but it didn't feel difficult at all to choose not to have it.
Has anybody else seen similar effects from starting stimulants? Based on this experience, I strongly suspect I was self-medicating. It always sounded so good to have a drink (or more) after work to help turn my brain off a bit and feel less bored and irritable, but the allure isn't there in the same way now.
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ADHD
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I really want to buy some more home workout equipment, but I am put off by all the prop 65 warnings and the heavy uses of plastics like PVC/vinyl. I've read articles hyping up the danger, and the chemical smells these things tend to have-- it seems to enforce what those articles are saying. Plus they usually have the prop 65 warnings as well.
However, as I get better at research, I've learned that a lot of these articles are based on unreliable studies or information that has been misinterpreted. And the prop 65 warning is apparently almost meaningless in most people's opinion.
So now I question if there is enough science to support the idea that it would be dangerous to have these materials in your home. I think I've spent too much time being paranoid for nothing.
Any scientifically minded people here who can put things in perspective for me?
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aspergers
|
Hello please reply I need advice. I am constantly having horrible thoughts about murdering my loved ones. I can image what would happen after the fact and during it. It disgusts me to the point where I gag. It scares me so much that it’s a possibility that I could do that. I’m always scared that I’m actually going to do these acts and I feel so so scared, please help.
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OCD
|
I wanted to tell a happy story that happened yesterday.
I recovered a trauma but I want this to be a happy story so I'm not gonna say what happened just how somebody at work helped me yesterday.
This is somebody who used to be my supervisor at work before we reorganized a few weeks ago. Last fall he took a cell phone video of what had been thought to be seizures but is actually psychogenic non-epileptic seizures from my PTSD without the video we couldn't have gotten the right diagnosis. When I told him that news...he wished someone had done that for me sooner so I would be farther along in recovery. HR found out about the video being on his company phone, he had helped me some outside of work, took me to a hospital once when my leg wasn't working because my back has an issue....HR told him he is my supervisor not my friend so we had to keep boundaries within the workpkace only, but he said he had no regrets just that he couldn't help outside work from now on.
Around the time of my new diagnosis he said I could come to him if I needed to talk through any memories. He also helps me wake up from my episodes when they happen at work. He sees how much this disorder affects me and really really is committed to helping in professionally acceptable ways.
Well I thought a long time about do I really want to talk through a thing....but for a while there was nothing substantial enough to talk through just snippets and facts not a story of a thing that happened.
Well yesterday morning I woke up after a rough afternoon remembering stuff the day before and I remembered a detail that made me feel like it was my fault. Like we always blame ourselves but I felt really stupid about this. So I came into his office and said "you had offered a while ago to talk through things if you changed your mind thats ok but if you still want to, I remember enough of something that is enough to talk about now" he said "sure. Come on in. I have a meeting at 9 we can talk till then." He let me make him 10 min late for his meeting because he really wanted to wrap up the conversation.
There was a part that still doesn't quite line up in my mind he acknowledged that some parts of this aren't fully lined up yet. But he let me talk and think and never interrupted, and asked me at the end how long it was before I got medical attention for my injury he knew it had been a long time but in thinking through this and another assault that caused lifong back trouble...it was years later...anyway...
I told him I would not have gone up to anybody insisting to talk through my sad story but I came to him because he offered he said that was why he offered. He said everything he read about people these things have happened to says there is a powerless vulnerable feeling about how we didn't fight back or do anything to stop it and we let it happen. He said he beleives that people are generally terrible and his wife makes fun of him for that. He said that he wanted me to talk to my animals at home he thinks that putting it into words helps us gain power over it.
He said that his office is going to probably stay right next to my desk there are no plans to move his office or his role, he said that he appreciates that I trust him to talk to, he says that if there are other things to talk through I can come to him again. He says that his office is a safe place to talk about these things anytime.
I don't plan on turning him into a personal therapist or talking to him every time I remember anything. But it feels so much better to KNOW that somebody is THERE even if I don't always need active support. I feel safer when he is around.
Later I told him that some of my friends at work talk to me about their lives too and I don't ever want him to think I am too sad or broken to help him if bad things happen in his life because bad things always happen he joked that so far "there are a couple things I could complain about" but things are generally going well for him.
Later that afternoon my legs were being a problem and I panicked when we couldn't get me up and went unconscious for 45 minutes and he finally got me awake by putting a little plush critter in my lap and calling my name a bit louder. He tried leaving me alone and keeping an eye on me from his office because he thought his presence might be making me worse but he said he eventually decided it was time to be worried and try more persistently to wake me up. By then my service dog was upset and he comforted her because she gets worried about me when I'm really bad, she has a hard time understanding when things get so bad for such a long time. She likes him a lot.
It took me a very long time to feel good about accepting and even seeking help from him. He knows I do not have family support really just people at work who help a lot. He is a really really good person. It seems from multiple conversations that he has done some research about PTSD and sexual abuse etc because he mentions that he has read this or that and everything he says sounds like your standard "what to do or not do when someone shares their story."
I hope this maybe gives some vicarious validation if you can imagine someone doing this for you and imagine that you have felt heard and understood. I appreciate how rare it can be to find this quality of support. I feel very good about myself now that someone knows as much as I know about that event and knows how much it affects me and doesn't patronize me but helps me feel valid. I am so lucky.
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ptsd
|
I don't have OCD. I have other issues involving obsession and rumination, but definitely not to the extent of someone with OCD. My little brother, though, has these little quirks that are certainly not "normal" (i.e., neurotypical), and really seem like symptoms of OCD. At the beginning of the pandemic he would wash his hands until they bled. He's not that bad anymore but he still uses a ton of soap and takes forever to wash up. He also constantly asks me questions to reassure him, like whether he washed his hands enough, or if he did his homework, or if he locked the door, etc. They're mostly about cleanliness, though. Sometimes I get frustrated and answer him in an angry way, which is totally wrong of me, and I'm working on it. But sometimes I reassure him calmly. Just saying things like, "Yes, you're clean. You're fine." Is this an appropriate thing to do?
Also, I'm aware he should get help. But I don't think my parents will let him. He's pretty young, and although my parents realize some of his quirks aren't "normal," they don't seem to think there's a serious issue. They're not very pro-therapy. But what can I do to help my brother?
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OCD
|
I live in an Eastern European country where you can't really get mental help and ADHD is considered a complete joke. On top of that everyone, including my parents just say that I am very lazy and refuse to elaborate. I've been thinking about traveling to a different country just for mental treatment. The thing is, I don't know which countries I should consider going to, and if I go, I'm not sure if I need something like citizenship for example first, which would take years to get. Any help would seriously be appreciated.
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ADHD
|
I was just reading a thread on here where a lot of people were complaining about how they find it difficult as autistic people to articulate their thoughts and logic to other people. I also have this issue. Is there any way to improve this skill as an autistic person? I tend to be able to do this much more easily in writing, but how could one do it verbally with at least equal ease?
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aspergers
|
Thinking about my mom, and how she died, and how messed up it still is, hurts so much.
The cptsd isn't so bad now unless my therapist digs for those feelings,, but the recent PTSD still hurts. It's a different hurt. I want it to stop so badly. I want to be free from the stabbing emotional pain, the instrusive thoughts.
I want to get the mental images of out of my head. I regret being with my mom when she passed because of the pain, but I think I'd feel guilty if I hadn't.
I want so badly to erase the entire month of march and April from my brain.
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ptsd
|
When I do ERP it feels terrible at first but after a while it settles and I feel amazing. Is this normal?
I feel unstoppable that my ocd can't control me.
Give it a try. It's hard but works. I also find not associating my ocd with anything also helps.
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OCD
|
Like I want to get help and stop these thoughts and ask questions and figure out why these thoughts are happening, but I always feel so guilty. Like “you don’t deserve help because your crazy for thinking these things” or like “you deserve to suffer.” Idk but just things like this.
So when I do ask questions I feel like it’s trying to make me seem like a better person than I am because of my thoughts.
No clue if any of this will make sense to anyone. And sorry for the vent kinda.
|
OCD
|
I don't know shits haywire wife left fir a dude to make me mad but I deserve it....... and I get that and I feel she wants to something I don't know things got ke fucked up.
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depression
|
I’ve noticed there’s a lot of focus on the bad in forums focusing on mental illnesses, and would like to shed some light.
PTSD can be super tough, and frankly, life-ruining, but I want us to all think about the things we wouldn’t have weren’t it for our PTSD: whether that’s skills, friends, opportunities.
What did your PTSD give you?
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ptsd
|
I have a history of toxic relationships since I was a child . I found my now ex I dated for 4 years with another guy this was 3 days ago. I've had about some crazy ideas since then .
I'm going insane I feel like I need to prove a point that I'm a man . I wanna mess this guy up that's all I've been thinking about to the level of driving around town looking for his truck .
I'm so fucking lost , I feel like I wanna burn the whole world down. I'm done being the guy who's always nice & trys to be understanding. I have a hole in my heart that is now filled with rage & depression.
Idk why I'm even writing this .
Thoughts in my head are going off like a nuclear bomb. Why do people do this to people they "love".
Love is nothing but a fucked up imaginary friend .
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ptsd
|
It'll all come through when my Do Not Disturb turns off at 4:40am, Because that's the time I have to be up.
My alarm is never enough. I usually have my friend text me, but his phone limit (idk what his parent does but he has some sorta limit on his phone) and he can't text until 9... and we're at school at 9... so its useless.
I need to stick ro my schedule, but its so stressful!
Anyone else awke at that time?
I need some motivation, anything- thanks!
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ADHD
|
The only difference between us and other animals is our ability to communicate and rationalize thought and explain the world around us. I think we as human has gotten so caught up in civilization that we have been brought to negate our roots, to detrimental effect to everyone.
Violence, suppressed emotions, shame about sex, conflicts between people of different ideologies.... all seem to have a flair of denial and 'being above the rest of the animals' somehow.
We aren't much different than Dolphins, monkeys or elephants. Even snakes has an instinct for survival everyone who's a human being can recognize just the same.
If we suppress our instincts, and are ashamed to talk about them because we are 'supposed to be more evolved', then we end up with toxin masculinity (desperate people who are clinging on to a fleeting ideal of what a man is 'supposed to be').
Ego trippers who are so obsessed about improving themselves to the extent that it becomes a competition between people to be the best, also in a stride to run from the fact we are just animals and we don't have to actually compete amongst ourselves to prove anything.
What about just striving towards being a decent person, whilst accepting all our flaws, strengths, origins and mixes. We are an amazing species. We just have our head up our butt about where we come from.
Humanity? Get over yourself, and grow up. It's time.
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aspergers
|
I don’t think I’ve ever felt such long lasting depression in my life. It’s like it won’t end. I’ve been taking Bupropion for three weeks now but it hasn’t reduced my depression yet. I know it may need longer time to work.
I hope to learn more about how to help myself by joining this group.
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depression
|
Finding a therapist sucks. It’s a long process that usually ends up with more misses than hits. So when I finally had an appointment for one, I was thrilled. The first two sessions were alright, she listened and seemed fairly nice. The only thing I didn’t like was her style of therapy that involved me telling her an issue & her responding with “and why is that?” without following up my response with an explanation, constructive suggestion, or coping mechanism.
So by my 3rd appt I figured I could work with that, and tell her what I was hoping to get out of therapy. In fact, that inquiry was how she started my 3rd appointment. So I told her that I have heard about many people having success with CBT & DBT, and was wondering if that would be helpful for me as well. The look on her face, the pause that followed, and the noticeable shift in her mood was…not great. The appointment went downhill after that. She asked what my main issue was, and I told her I struggle to make any decisions, and when I do it takes way more energy/effort than it should, including everyday decisions. I told her I think it’s mostly due to my ADHD because I even put off doing things I want to do and am paralyzed by the anxiety that accompanies it. To summarize the rest of the visit, she asked me over and over again “why do you think that” with everything I was saying, not acknowledging what my responses were. She then advised me to “just do it” (referring to whatever activity was causing the anxiety). I tried to explain why that was difficult for me, and she literally said “I’m just hearing a lot of excuses, if you’re really in that bad of shape then I suggest you go to an inpatient medical facility”.
I was stunned. I’m not in great shape mentally, but I am far from needing inpatient care. Talking to her was like talking to the bitchy negative side of my brain. I’ve had the exact conversation I had with her but in my head many times over, asking myself to “just do it, other people can, why can’t you?” She offered no coping mechanisms or any ways to work through the thought paralysis. Everything I brought up was shot down and trivialized.
The more I think about it, the more annoyed/upset I get, enough to make me dive back into searching for another therapist right away instead of procrastinating on it. So thank you, Martha, for being so unhelpful that I don’t want to procrastinate on not seeing you ever again.
Edit:formatting
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ADHD
|
I didn’t serve in combat
I haven’t been abused
Nobody set out to hurt me
I feel extremely guilty because of something I’m having trouble explaining. Nobody seems to understand.
I feel like everyone I know with PTSD can say that their trauma was caused by the decisions of another person, for example domestic violence or child abuse
But mine, I was a witness. I was in the wrong place at the wrong fucking time. I didn’t make any conscious decision to be exposed to what I saw. Neither did anyone else... unless you believe god or some deity thought “hey you know what would be fun? let’s traumatize this kid”
I can’t put my blame on anyone. I don’t have an abusive family member or violent partner that I can resent. I can only blame myself for becoming traumatized in the first place
I hear similar situations being described as “just a sad situation for everyone involved” and that’s exactly what this is. No party did anything wrong. Nobody could have done anything different. Nobody’s fault. Nobody to blame. Just “an act of god”.
I’m going to the doctor tomorrow to talk about starting therapy again and I’m scared that anyone who hears about what happened to me is gonna think I’m overreacting. Like my psychiatrist is acting polite on the outside because the job requires that but on the inside they’re thinking “other people have it so much worse, and she’s traumatized by THIS?”
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ptsd
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