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I'm 17, almost 18. I prefer hanging out people older or younger than me. I can relate most eith people around 30. They're not living fossils, but not young. Usually talk about whatever interests them.
Or little kids. I generally try to avoid them as most people would think a 17 year old hanging out with a 6 year kid is weird. It's fun playing with toys and making vroom vroom sounds.
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aspergers
|
I had flashbacks and been dealing with this for almost a year now. and I've been dealing with doubting it too.
my father sexually abused me when I was a child. its not a surprise for me, and the way I acted as a kid, and the way he would talk to me about sexual things, I mean, it make sense to me (sadly).
but I've been overthinking this. I've dealt with doubts when I had flashbacks too. but like, now I'm more dealing with those doubts since i don't really get any more flashbacks (at least for now...)
and I keep seeing those images in my head about what was happening from those flashbacks and memories, and I am very dissociated by the way. but I just fell into this black hole of doubting it and not wanting to believe it.
I'm trying my best to deal with it but god, I guess I just wish so hard it wasn't true that I force myself to believe that way.
it make sense that it happened, but lately I just can't believe in it. i doubt those flashbacks... even though it was terrible for me, even though it makes such a perfect puzzle for whatever problems I had and still have that related to it.
I just feel lost, man. I'm real down here... I can't deal with it, I really cannot. please someone tell me that it was real, and how can I believe myself again?
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ptsd
|
I’m just so tired of everything. I just don’t want to exist. I can’t find the strength to kill myself though. And I don’t want to hurt my family. But then it just feels like I’m living for them and other people. I have no one to talk to about this. Mainly because I’m convinced I can’t get help. I’ve been to therapy, psychiatrist, been on medications, talked to friends. Nothing helps. My friends will just tell me no don’t kill yourself we love you. My family will become deeply concerned that I live alone and baby me and possibly put me in a mental hospital. My SO will just get mad at me and think it’s because of him. I’m too embarrassed to go back to my old therapist or even a new one because of the situations I’m in and I know what they will say about it. Even if I believed medications will help me I don’t want to have to take them everyday. I have nothing to look forward to in life. All I do is work. Work to survive and pay bills even though I’m in terrible debt which feels never ending based on my income. I don’t think I’ll ever get married or have kids. I don’t have desires or goals in life. The one thing I enjoy in life is probably eating but I have gained a crazy amount of weight in the last year and now I can’t stand to look at my body and am disgusted with myself. I just don’t get what the point is in life. My family may be sad if I die but they will move on right? People die randomly all the time. I just wanted to let this out somewhere. And I hope I find the strength one day to end my life.
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depression
|
Today was a good day. The best I've had this week, actually. But im still suicidal. It never goes away. I always want to die I can't make it stop.
I failed a suicide attempt just a month ago. I tried to OD, ended up in the hospital and a mental health facility instead.
I am so angry that I survived. Even the good days aren't worth this. I hate everything about living. I don't want to be a part of this life.
I want to go to sleep and never wake up. I want to hand the controller to someone else and watch them play. I want to be done with this.
This was mostly just a vent i guess I needed to get it of my chest.
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depression
|
Hi y’all, I’m 27NB and was diagnosed with ADHD about 5 months ago. I’ve always had difficulty keeping my life in order consistently. I love organization and checklists but keeping the habits and the momentum going is a pain and I get discouraged easily when I see a new method didn’t work the way I envisioned. Is it foolish to think there’s some golden method of life organizational skills that will just click and make me feel like I’ve got a handle on things? I hope not because I’m still searching so I figured I’d ask y’all.
I work in a salon/barbershop and am able to juggle all the moving parts of clients, state board and COVID compliance, ordering, cleaning, etc but when it comes to my home life similar tasks get jumbled and forgotten about.
With my work schedule being very consuming right now, I’ve felt a lot of internal pressure to hone in on making home life more streamlined because my long term live-in partner has taken on extra home duties to support me moving up in my career. She’s been amazing, I feel so supported and I want to make sure she feels the same way by not having to do so many chores on her days off or WFH.
Basically, I plan on making my home organization mirror how my work is organized but I wanted to see if anyone has done similar things.
How do you keep checklists being made for daily, weekly, monthly duties? How do you keep your life consistently managed? Do you have apps or journals? A laminated duties paper? What about your chosen method makes it easier to make a lasting habit?
Any advice is greatly appreciated!
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ADHD
|
I don't want to keep going. I feel tired, betrayed, everything and everyone around me lied to me, hurt me, and now i have to keep going, but how? How can i still work on the things i need to do if i feel like i want to die everyday? The only person who keeps me alive and made me not straight up jump from my 9th floor is my mother, the only one who i still love. I don't even feel like living, i just feel like i have to keep going for the sake of it, because I'm obligated. So, how can i keep going? how can i still push it, if now that i felt i was finally getting out of this state i feel like i went back from where i started?
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depression
|
Title pretty much says it all. I've gone on a few roller coasters where I've gone off meds, tried others, only to come back to vyvanse, but here I am again, approaching the precipice of going off meds again.
Does anyone else worry about this and possibly sacrificing their future health simply to be a more productive employee? I guess I'll talk to my psych again soon, but figured I'd pay something rather than dwell on it.
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ADHD
|
That'll be the first, only, and last impact I'll ever make. Material possessions are as worthless as I am, right? Might as well make my point with a bang.
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depression
|
I dont think it was anything bad about them, because I dont think anything bad about them but not remembering anything has got me paranoid
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depression
|
I suffer from OCD, anxiety disorder and depression. I am now taking the following medications:
1. Paroxetine CR 75mg daily
2. Mirtazapine 45mg at bedtime
3. Aripiprazole 25mg daily
4. Olanzapine 15mg nocte
5. Clonazepam 0.5mg tds prn
6. Lorazepam 0.5mg tds prn
7. Pregabalin 300mg om and 300mg nocte
8. Valproate sodium CR 600mg nocte
9. Promethazine 100mg nocte prn
I took the 9 medications above mainly for my anxiety. I take clonazepam and lorazepam regularly. I do feel less nervous but I am still anxious in some occasions. I still have no motivation to resume my university study. I have a lot of intrusive thoughts. I have tried sertraline, escitalopram, clomipramine, fluoxetine, desvenlafaxine, quetiapine, risperidone, alprazolam and bromazepam. I tried dTMS for my OCD and rTMS for depression. I see my clinical psychologist, counselor and social worker regularly. I do exercise and join interest class to kill time. What should I do at this juncture?
Yes I know that taking 9 medicines hurt my body and can be very dangerous. Can anyone give me solid advice on what changes can be made in my prescription? Can any psychiatrist help me? Thanks.
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OCD
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Last night I was admitted to the hospital voluntarily because I was having a psychotic break with all the recent news going on. For some information I was sexually abused as a child. And in the last 4 years I have been raped and sexually assaulted 3 times by different people. I normally internalize 50% of my emotions because its so hard to vocalize things when you just want to shut down. I am also a black woman and with the recent news of Ahmaud Arbery mine and my familys anxiety levels have risen to an unbearable point. I also have ocd which makes getting these triggering images of his final moments out of my head almost impossible. I keep thinking about his final moments and how scared he must have been. Im already a very emotional person and i have a tendency to pick up on and be extremely affexted by the emotions if thise around me. Anyway fast forward to about a week of non stop intrusive thoughts and images i finally snap and lose touch with reality. Because how tf can any of this be real. Why would this world allow terrible things to just slide all the time, gave up hope. So after some convincing i went to the hospital for a psych eval which ive never had before. The social worker who came in was at first very seemingly understanding but as i started to explain what might have caused this and my extreme sadness and anger over this lynching thats been haunting my every waking and sleeping moment her body language changed and she seemed to question me as she didnt know of the news. I explained to her what happened to him and as i was i broke down crying because its so overwhelming. She then said i was getting too emotional. At this point i felt extremely insulted as how can one not get emotional over this, and i wanted to go home. So i put a lid on my emotions very quickly and tried to calm down. I then proceeded to ask her what the next steps were as i was back in reality and acknowledged the fact that i have to come to terms with this being the real world. As i was calming down and asking questions about the process she interrupted me saying that shes very confused over how quickly my mood has changed and is very confused about it. Most peiple would, i get this but she asked me with such disdain in her voice as if i was a burden in the moment and she just wanted me to shut up. She then told me that my options were to go to a hospital and if i didnt want to then i would be transferred to a state facility. I began to feel very trapped and i asked her if it was possible to go home. She then said that in order to do so i would need a safety plan. I told her i had a therapist appointment the next day and she said that wasnt good enough. I didnt want to go to my mothers house as im 19 and live with my boyfriend and i didnt want to involve him either so i asked what the other options were. She again told me my only options were to go to a hospital. I then asked if it wojld be possible for me to stay here at my local hospital until my appointment at which point i would have the therapist speak with them to set up a plan which I knew would be in my best interest. She literally looked at me like i was insane and said why would you want to stay here. Because i dont want to pay a 100000 hospital bill and be committed for a week. What the heck. I then asked her if i could have my rights explained to me. I know im not in jail but as a patient i do have rights that i would like to be made aware of to see what i was allowed and not allowed to do. She said she couldnt give them to me. What the heck. I ended up havjng them call my boyfriend and have him pick me up because had i spent one more minute in there i would have had a panic attack. They had my door shut. I wasnt sure if i was allowed to leave my room and they had the outer curtain closed so i couldnt see outside. I felt so trapped and anxious but knew if i showed this they might have me involuntarily committed. The moment i got out of there i felt so traumatized. Like every single bad thing traumatic experience i had wver had hit me with a wave. I want tk know if this is normal ethical behavior on the social workers part and if anyone could please offer some insight onto her behavior it would help tremendously.
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ptsd
|
Probably a week or two until I'm gone and I can't wait. Don't think that this is a bad situation for me, I'm at peace with my decision
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depression
|
in really Feeling the urge to SH right now Even though I'm generally in the best Place I’ve been I'm just not feeling good Right now, Ive been thinking since Ive seen that tik Tok last week that was like “What almost took your life” Ive been Thinking about, how I could have died. I also think about his arm around my neck and him holding me underneath the water and my vision going twisted and it’s scary as shit. And I don't know it he was bluffing when he said he would kill me if I screamed, if he was actually going to kill me if i didn't do what he said. I Just know what he told me and it makes me question myself, like do I really get to mourn over that and greive about Someone trying to kill me, because was he really trying to kill me or was it a bluff? but I'll never know if he intended to murder me because he obviously didn't murder me and I cant Just ask him. If he wanted to kill me he could have but he didn’t. I don’t know why, I don’t know if he tried and it didn’t work. It's Just that Separating intentions is so hard , and its like all That time I spent wishing he would have kiled me. Like why didn't he ? was It because they would have noticed if I were gone longer? did he know I Just wouldn’t tell? was Killing me the line he wouldn't cross ?
Was it because he didn't care. maybe he did know, know hat leaving me alive
was more painful, maybe he didn't
care if I lived or died so he left
me blacked out to wake up breathing
in water, leaving me to wonder
if I was crazy, wondering what
happened and what I did to desere
that, leaving me to believe my existence was enough to warrant being raped and left for dead. But all the bruises and bleeding doesn’t matter because I feel the need to know if he was trying to kill me. Because it doesn’t really matter in the big picture but it matters to me. I don’t feel like I get to take up the space because I don’t know for sure. If I say he tried to kill me am I attention seeking? I know things don’t fit into categories. But I don’t remember and I want to give myself permission to take up space but I can’t.
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ptsd
|
I've been dealing with mild CPTSD from a messed up upbringing, and although difficult,it was manageable. Then I went into the AirForce and since being discharged, I've struggled with severe PTSD for five years now. Been trying to finish my masters, and I've been extending my already extended dates for deadlines, but I haven't been able to cope under COVID situations.
But it's been encouraging to know that I'm among many who struggle the same way, with PTSD taking up so much of their life; I feel like most of my 20's have been taken from me-- when I first started getting treated I was so brain-dead that I couldn't understand the difference between a spoon and a fork.
I'm at wit's end with responsibilities and life's burdens, and wake up feel like killing myself every day. But something tells me that there's got to be an end to this, one day.
I wonder if many people who have recovered come back to this place to share their stories?
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ptsd
|
I picked up my last prescription on October 22.
I went through a rough patch and didn’t take my pills for a few weeks. Because of that I haven’t had to pick up a new bottle and it’s now December 7.
I’m a bit worried and wondering if I should just pick up a refill. Like can it get taken away for not taking it as im prescribed (daily)?
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ADHD
|
I don't like being inappropriate socially, but I can't help it. It feels like every few days, I say/do something really weird/off/creepy and it hurts. I hate the look on people's faces when I've done something inappropriate. About 50% of the time I realise straight away and then I feel bad and have to sit in the social situation feeling shitty, which affects my ability to continue. The other 50%, I don't realise until like 6 months to a year later and then it's this horrible "oh my god, that was really bad. I was so rude/creepy/unacceptable" feeling.
And that's just the times I actually realise. There has to be a bunch of times where I don't even realise I've done something wrong, and I'm seeing the social consequences but I don't understand why people are disliking me etc.
I say such stupid things sometimes and my coping mechanisms are garbage. I've never properly learned how to socialise and I feel like a child on the inside even though I'm late 20s. When someone hurts my feelings or when I say something really embarrassing, I just feel like crying because it just reminds me of how I felt as a kid, being ridiculed and ostracised and lonely etc.
I feel really alone sometimes, because I can't relate to many people. I have a few people in my life that are there for me which I feel lucky for, but I hate living in the real world with all the normal people. I want to find a place where I can exist and fit in, where people don't expect me to act like a NT person. The only success I've had in that is when I isolated myself with the few people I have, didn't go to work or uni and basically just relied on other people to support me. Whenever I try to go into the real world to do something, it feels awful because I can't find anywhere I feel comfortable. I'm 2 weeks into my masters course at university and at first I felt like I was doing really well and actually making some friends, but it took a turn where I felt like I did/said some socially unacceptable things and now I feel distanced from the people I met. I feel discouraged, because I know that even after I graduate and apply for jobs, I'll just be in the same position. People will like me to the extent that I can pretend to be NT, and then when that drops, I become the extremely weird creepy person who does/says strange things and can't do their job not because I don't know how to do it, but because the instructions aren't clear enough because I require meticulously detailed instructions in order to do anything at all.
Not sure exactly what I posted this for, just a rant I guess :(
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aspergers
|
I’ve only just begun to uncover memories, flashback, and “feel” any of the pain of my childhood. I was only diagnosed about two weeks ago, so this is all very new. CPTSD from childhood trauma.
I find that I’m dissociated a majority of the time and have been for about three years. Since I started flashing back or just simply remembering things, I find myself feeling like “me” again. It’s only when I’m crying - letting something show itself and hurt me. The remembering sucks, the flashbacks and memories hurt, but I finally feel so aliiive when it’s happening. Like, the fog is gone, the walls and down, l have no fears. The weight has lifted. I finally leave survival mode. This, unfortunately, only lasts for about half an hour. Once I’m done grieving and crying and letting myself break, it’s back to dissociation until the next memory or flashback unfolds. I wait for them like a kid waiting for Santa.
I’m wondering if this is common, or if anyone else experiences this. I almost just want to remember everything and feel everything and cry about everything and just HURT because I feel so alive while it’s happening. The dissociation makes me so small and lifeless. It makes me choose a simply, easy life. A routine. Something I can do while I’m on autopilot.
I stopped crying about an hour ago and I feel like I’ve just crawled back into my shell. What do I do to get out of this thing?
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ptsd
|
I have been given a decent grant by the UK government to get an ADHD coach. I am trying to find someone who has at least an understanding of OCD.
It's been a couple of hours now working through directories, websites, articles.
There are a lot of ADHD coaches. There are a lot of OCD therapists.
For a condition that is *so frequently* co-diagnosed, and has very similar genetic origins, why is it so hard to find someone who has experience with their interplay?
It's actually a pain in the arse, because working with a normal ADHD coach is very likely to trigger OCD issues.
|
ADHD
|
This is going to be a vent post.
I really wish that I was able to process small, minor annoyances in a way that didn't lead to me feeling overwhelmed and genuinely upset. I have a seriously bad habit of letting one problem turn into multiple in my head for no reason other than I can't help it and don't notice it until it's too late. Here's an example:
An hour ago, I was at my computer browsing "Barnes and Noble" looking for another book to buy since I'll probably be finished with my current one within a few days. However, I couldn't find anything that I wanted, which led to me getting frustrated. I ended up spending almost an hour just consumed by negative thoughts that had very little to do with not finding a book, such as:
1. Not having enough money to buy more books.
2. Remembering how disappointed I was in the last book series I committed to.
3. Being mad at myself for wasting so much time mindlessly surfing the internet.
4. Being mad at myself for being mad in the first place.
5. General fatigue and frustration.
I started off wanting to buy a book and I finished off hating myself for being incredibly juvenile and overly emotional. It would be funny if it weren't so exhausting to go through and if it weren't such a constant thing.
|
aspergers
|
#**Bills countrywide seek to address PTSD in comp**
>Several bills were introduced Wednesday addressing post-traumatic stress disorder claims in workers compensation, according to drafts of legislation filed in four states.
[Jan 20, 2020: Business Insurance is the authoritative news and information source for executives concerned about risk and the impact on their business ](https://www.businessinsurance.com/article/20200109/NEWS08/912332503/Bills-countrywide-seek-to-address-PTSD-in-comp)
Funny how the Business Insurance Community has headlines on this issue, but the general media are silent. How many Journalist and Anchors have work-related PTSD?
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ptsd
|
People ask me to give presentations frequently. I always say yes, even though I hate it, because I know it’s really one of the few effective ways to further my career. The problem is that I come off incredibly uneducated, because I have such a hard time translating thoughts to actual speech. Everything is garbled and comes out in the least eloquent way possible. This often means that other people get opportunities for which I am overqualified, but I always get refused because people think I am less experienced or don’t fully understand my areas of expertise. It is significantly holding me back. I thought carefully planning out my presentations would help, but it often just makes me blank more and entirely forget my material. Don’t get me started on answering peoples’ questions, which I do incredibly poorly, despite being able to respond properly in text form. It’s basically as if my mental storage is great, but my RAM is terrible.
It honestly gets incredibly frustrating and depressing. I want to do better, but I haven’t found anything that works. Has anything helped you?
|
aspergers
|
To get the more icky stuff out of the way quicker for context - I was sexually abused between around 15-17, and I didn't disclose this until I was 20, I'm now 23. I had always felt uncomfortable and had intrusive thoughts that made me feel ill but didn't realise those 'events' had messed with my head so much until I brought it to the university counsellor. This getting dug up again made me realise how messed up the whole thing was and I started doing what I now know is dissociation at a semi-regular basis.
However with that stress and pain, it made me realise a few things felt rather familiar so I'm wondering if it was possible I had already been suffering from mild trauma since earlier in my childhood. My memory has always been horrendous for seemingly no reason, and what I do remember is usually emotional extremes, I remember the happiest times in my life but I also remember some horrifying moments and what I honestly think was an outer-body experience, possibly some form of dissociation?
From 5 years old to puberty, my body was, put politely, screwed up. I didn't know why anything happened at that time but I would have semi-regular fits, and would end up in hospital or passing out a lot. My body would grow too hot, I would be sick, and I was constantly scared something bad would happen to me. One memory appears to be from the outside watching me collapse in front of my mum, like I was watching it happen on a screen. The 'good' memories I have from before 13 mostly consist of playing video games, because they felt like one of my only sources of happiness. I remember from primary school to high school I was constantly afraid of death, I thought at each major milestone, going to high school, going to college, that I would die before I even became an adult.
The other source of distraction from those thoughts were daydreams, I was a constant daydreamer from about 8 to 20, and I've only just gotten a grip on them. I focused them into actual fantasy stories when I was 12, but the goal was always to be happier in that world than I was in the real world. Because of this coping mechanism and that constant fear between those medical incidents, I think that's why I have so few memories of before I was a teenager, and my memory has always been patchy even going past when those medical issues fixed themselves with puberty.
I still have that constant fear of dread since childhood, I constantly look at those daily reference numbers when I'm eating food and if I feel my heart get a little bit faster, I get obsessed with tracking it, which obviously makes it faster but I don't have any reason to worry about it.
Is this a sign I've had been suffering from trauma much longer than I thought I have been? I don't know what's normal behaviour anymore, it feels like something's been controlling me my whole life and my memory is such a blur because of it. I don't have any physical issues that could explain that memory loss so I'm really at, well, a loss.
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ptsd
|
Average job application: "We need someone who's detail oriented (....fuck), attentive (hahaha nope), great listener (sorry what?), great at multi-tasking (definitely no), focused (maybe if you have me do something interesting, so mostly no), highly motivated (lol yeah right), diligent and organized (oh come on!), great at prioritizing different tasks and responsibilities (...that's it I'm fucking done)."
Sometimes it's almost like they're just listing off the textbook symptoms of adhd straight from a DSM-5 and being like "yeah, so like, don't have any of this."
It gets even worse if you have any kind of social anxiety or depression. "Yeah we also need someone who is extremely outgoing, is invigorated by constant personal interaction, comes to work with a big fat smile on their face every day, and always cheerful and has an upbeat positive attitude."
|
ADHD
|
I am 16 years old, I was in depression last year and I cannot accept the fact that I have wasted the best time of life. In 2 years I will become an adult and my life will be over. I'm totally scared about the age of 18 .How can I accept?
|
depression
|
So I’m seeing my bf on Saturday, my rocd is rlly bad rn asking questions about when me n him briefly broke up. It only lasted 2 weeks but we both flirted with other ppl when we broke up n I keep asking him questions about what he did he says he’s told me everything but I’m scared.
A girl from my school sent my bf a selfie when we broke up and u could see her cleavage. However I’m scared he’s lying and that you could see her whole boobs. He says she was wearing a top n it random but the thought of him seeing and enjoying the sight of someone else’s boobs freaks me out n makes me mad n upset. I’m scared he has saw her boobs n not just the cleavage. I just keep asking questions and no matter how many times he tells me I just keep telling myself he’s lying snd I can’t get it out my head. Most ppl will say it’s trust issues, just leave him. But it’s not like that but Ik ppl in this community will give me real advice.
Please if anyone has any advice no matter how big or small please help me. I’ve been so excited to see him on Saturday but Ik this will be stuck in my head and i won’t be able to enjoy my time with him or relax and I will just keep thinking about this thought. I really want to enjoy my time with him but with this in my head it’s going to be so hard to relax
|
OCD
|
I have some sensory issues because of which I have decided to take a train instead of a plane. The train ride is for 16 ish hours and it’s overnight. You get a bed to sleep and that’s it. I am going in the coach which has 4 beds in a 2X2 format. Can someone give me some ideas on what to do? And how to manage my sensory issues so that I’m comfortable:) Thankyou
|
ADHD
|
I've abandoned the idea of actually reading actual books since I physically can't sit and read for longer than 20-30 minutes. So I switched to audiobooks, but I have been struggling with comprehending the material. So the other day I decided to start reading again and try to do this consistently this time (who am I kidding, of course not), and usually I read educational stuff, but I was under the impression of the new Dune movie and decided to enlighten myself with this wonderful world.
Usually, I listen to audiobooks when I'm working or on a treadmill. So I've been listening for about 4 hours and found myself that I comprehended maybe 10% of what I've just listened and even then it's because I watched the movie and can roughly recall what happened. And it's been like that with every book I try to pick up, I can read the entire War and Peace and remember maybe a few major plot points. Hell, I can't even recall the details of the conversation I'm having right now.
Usually, when I finish a chapter I would retell the story to myself in my own words to remember it better. But in this case, when I'm doing something for prolonged periods of time listening to the book simultaneously it's like I become hearing impaired and none of the words said actually reach me. It just becomes background noise so I don't even register it. So I have zero memories of what I've just listened because I didn't hear it in the first place. And having English as my second language doesn't help either, because it takes the additional processing power of my brain to decode what is said, so it gets exhausted much faster.
So I'm left with either 20-30 minutes sessions of actually reading because I comprehend written text better, but it's near impossible to do it consistently. Or listen to audiobooks and remember only 10% of it.
How do you guys manage your inability to read?
|
ADHD
|
I’m pretty much sobbing as I type this. I feel pathetic ashamed. I’m sorry this is so long, I just don’t know how to formulate this any shorter. I don’t know what is happening to me.
Every time anything minor happens with my partner, I grab on to it and I just take it straight into my heart and thought after thought after thought crams into my head until I’ve spiraled into asking myself how could I have turned something so small into something so big? Into something that feels life shattering? And then the realization of
how I’ve turned problem 1 into problem 10 and spliced in a part of the alphabet, I feel so guilt ridden and shameful I’m unwilling to fix it or accept any reassurance or help, because I feel undeserving of it. As if I’m stuck, and it winds up taking spiraling into the night and eventually passing out to finally snap out of it in the morning and confront how much I messed everything up. Ruining a perfectly good night, one that would’ve or even could’ve been incredibly happy, just tipped off by one tiny little thing that maybe made me insecure in some way or that I took too deeply to heart, and I just.. collapse in on myself. It takes the mentioning of something small like my partner having been intimate before me (not a real example, we’re one another’s firsts, it’s just that, it’s capable of being ANYTHING, no matter how petty) and all of a sudden I’m asking self destructive questions in my head, wondering if she were prettier or fulfilled Partner more than I do, just question and thought after thought after thought, like they just don’t slow down or go away, and when Partner tries to reassure me, I feel overwhelmed and reject it entirely. It leaves him confused and guilty for having mentioned something I could’ve very well been okay hearing any other time even if it’s sensitive, it’s random and overwhelming and it makes me feel crazy and irrational. It IS irrational, maybe crazy too. I feel so ashamed of myself for putting him through this, and I start to feel that guilt that rejects his attempts at being compassionate, that I don’t deserve it, he’s lying, he’s obligated to say this, he just feels so guilty because I’m such a monster. I start to think, “yeah I know I just melted the hell down over something completely irrational and made YOU feel guilty for a passing comment, but now you need to reassure me and make me feel better.” When of course rational AND irrational me would never want that, but the shame and guilt is OVERWHELMING and grounding myself feels impossible when it’s happening. I don’t know what this is, I don’t know why this is happening, I don’t want to hurt anyone, I don’t want him to feel pressured to support someone who’s so pathetic and who makes him question every passing thought he has at risk of me just.. melting down. What is wrong with me? Is this my ADHD? It’s all I’m treated for and I notice it happens WAY less when I regularly take my medication, but I also have anxiety paired with C-PTSD due to negligent, narcissistic parents and emotional/physical abuse as well as abandonment, but it’s untreated, and I don’t know if it’s related, or what to do. I usually self manage my PTSD triggers and I have a good grasp and support group when I need it, I don’t reject all attempts at making anything better like I do with this, but for some reason this just sinks a hook into me and I can’t break free until morning or hours and hours later.
I want help so badly, I’m so exhausted of doing this, it makes the next day or two physically and mentally numb because it takes so much out of me, and the guilt is just weighing on my heart so heavily. I feel guilty on top of my guilt for feeling guilty. What the hell is that? I’m so sick of hurting the people I love. I’m so afraid of pushing them away. I’m so afraid of forcing them out. I’m so afraid of being my abusers. Why do I do this, when I love him so much? Why do I do this to him? What’s wrong with me? I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want to beg myself to be better anymore.
|
ADHD
|
I don’t want to leave the house tomorrow to get my car seen to. I have no energy to, yet feel incredibly anxious about it at the same time. Anyone else hate leaving the house? I feel I’m becoming agoraphobic because I know once I’m out the house for these kind of reasons, especially as my car will be not accessible for me during this time and therefore I can’t just come home easily. I feel safest in my home, even more so in my pyjamas in bed just watching loads of movies. I know the best answer is to expose myself to more outside situations, but I’ve dealt with enough trauma in my lifetime that I can’t take any more negativity. I can’t trust people, I’ve lost everything and everyone that really meant something to me. I feel like I’ve age regressed big time, yet when I was a child I felt like an adult (probably because I had to be my own adult). It’s all so confusing and I just want to be taken care of and loved but gone is that opportunity for me. Even if the love of my life presented them-self to me, my ability to trust is broken.
|
ptsd
|
I am having a LOT of trouble focusing on any work. No guides, articles or advices has helped me. I don't have time to meditate and my meds don't really help (concerta).
I need real help from others who have overcome this. So please, give me the words of wisdom for the poor to use and gain from. Thanks!
|
ADHD
|
I believe my partner has OCD, I suspect ROCD but possibly HOCD as well, I don't think he's been diagnosed, if he has he hasn't told me. He suffers from depression and anxiety.
I love him with all my heart. Seeing him struggle with intrusive thoughts absolutely kills me inside because I feel powerless to help him. I try reassure him but it takes a very long time and often when he's like that he either completely shuts down and won't talk or ends up triggering me (I have PTSD and GAD) so it's a difficult balancing act trying to keep my own mental health in check as well as his. I love him and I want our relationship to work, and I want him to be happy.
How can I help him? He got a referral for therapy but missed the appointment unfortunately and hasn't rebooked one yet. He isn't on antidepressants yet, he was prescribed Seroquel for sleep but it seems to make him more depressed.
I would be so deeply grateful for any advice, wisdom and/or support. TIA
|
OCD
|
I just need a quick bit of advice cause it’s been eating away at me for a little while and I’m not sure what to do. I’ve been with my partner for well over a year, he knows I have trauma and I’ve mentioned it a couple times but he always shuts it down. He tells me it’s too sad for him to hear. I have a lot of trauma that I haven’t fully worked through yet (I am working on it) but the fact that he won’t even let me talk about it kinda hurts and I’m not sure what to do. Any advice is appreciated😇
I am actually currently diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but I’m in the progress of a reassessment because some of my symptoms “look like it could be c-ptsd as well” my new psychiatrist said. I posted it on the bipolar subreddit too, but I think it may have went against their guidelines (I’m not sure) so here I am seeking some advice.
Im sorry if this goes against this subreddits guidelines, if it does just let me know and I’ll remove the post. Thank you!
|
ptsd
|
Nihilism is an interesting philosophy to me, and one that plays well with my perception of the world, the things that happen in it, and their (lack of) meaning.
I feel like things just happen and exist, and there's no real rhyme or reason as to why everything we know is *here*.
A lot of people are freaked out by the (probable) inexistence of a higher power, or of laws instituted by such a power, but I find it liberating.
I feel things like morality are completely man-made constructs, with no existence in nature. I think the only "laws" that really exist are those that can be observed scientifically; like the laws of physics. I think that if we were to call anything "God", the laws of physics would be the closest thing there is.
Yes, I am straying from full-on nihilism here, but it's still a philosophy that greatly influences my view of everything.
Now, I'm not particularly interested in debating my beliefs. What I am interested in is if anyone else here shares similar beliefs, or finds this sort of thing to be of any interest.
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aspergers
|
Hello all, I am not sure if this is the right place to ask, but I am worried and would like to help my friend - I have no one else to ask this, and no money to go to a therapist atm. I will describe how is my friend acting, and I would like an opinion if they seem depressed, and what can I do for then so they know I won't go anywhere and that I am there for them.
First of all, this has been happening on and off for the last couple of years, and I am really sad that I only now realise that it might be depression. Might. I am not a doctor, not trying to diagnose them, just trying to understand them.
They act indifferent to everything. They will say "great", but there is no passion or reall happiness behind those words. They will be bored, not motivated to do anything at all, not wanting to do anything at all, for weeks. Then they come out of it, they seem happy, cheerful and like their old self, but then, in a day, the mood changes, and even if something really cool or good happens to them, they are nervious, anxious or indifferent to what has happened. They could stay silent for an hour without the need to talk. But they still go out.
At first, I thought that maybe this friend doesn't want to hang out with me anymore, and that is fine, however, we have known each other for a very long time (more than 20 years), and I know that if they didn't want to hang out, they would say so, or would turn down the offer to go for a coffee or a walk.
The question I am asking is, I guess, what can I do to make this friend more comfortable, or is there anything I can do to help?
Thanks in advance to anyone who replies.
|
depression
|
My husband has just been diagnosed with ADHD. HELLO! Everyone my name is Mariah & I'm married to George. We've been together 12 years & married 11 years. About 4 months ago we started marriage counseling. Today was a televisit with our councilor and I have to say I am left annoyed and frustrated. I also have feelings of selfishness and guilt. I am very new to learning about partnering with an ADHD adult & after today's session it feels like the marriage problems aren't a 2 people problem but I'm left feeling like I'm the problem.
My husband & the counselor say he's like so & I have to accept that this is his personality. When I asked if people diagnosed with ADHD may take responsibility for any marriage problems they both acted like I offended the whole world of ADHD people.
She keeps on saying how many great qualities ADHD people have as well...??? I asked both to please share those qualities their answers "it varies from person to person" I thought we were moving forward I thought he could try and communicate with me better since that's were I feel we both are lacking. I feel terrible for having these feelings since it isn't about me but what the heck! Does this mean? I read the stuff online and I understand it but what's killing me is how does this apply to our relationship. I've been asked to be patient. I've been very patient.
Please,I need some advice from maybe partners of significant others with ADHD. What should I focus instead of this feeling of selfishness? It feels like I'm all alone. He has to find himself & the ADHD and I am left out feeling like all these problems have been just on me or in my head because he has ADHD. What do I do?
|
ADHD
|
I'm a teacher and that's been incredibly taxing on my mental health so I didn't take the next career step this year because I'm terrified, which left me doing daily supply work. I haven't worked more than 3 days a week all school year because I live in a pretty rural community. It's looking like 1 day this week.
My boyfriend hasn't complained that I haven't pulled my weight with rent, but this month I'm behind on basically everything and if I miss my car insurance tomorrow I'm at risk for cancelling. My phone gets cut off next week.
I have nothing worth selling. I have no bills I can cut. I'm out of credit. My nice boots are literally falling apart and I can't zip up my winter coat because I got fat but I'm so far from affording new ones and I'm afraid people at work will judge me. This stupid job isn't sustainable at all.
I've been applying for different careers I am qualified for for 4 months now and not had a single call. I've tried to pick up some freelance writing, but no bites.
I feel so broke that I don't have options. The family screw-up. I try so hard to do things right but I never get ahead. Hard to work on my depression when my debts are crushing me. I am a smart, capable person with a good education. How do other people seem to be "making it" and I'm a flop?
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aspergers
|
Hello, I’ve been going through a rough patch for the last few months suffering from depression my doctor sent me to a Neurologist specialist who then put me on Nortryptyline Hcl 10mg. I was apprehensive at first to take it because I’m really sensitive to medication.
Fast forward 3 weeks and I start to feel palpitations/fluttering, get spooked and stopped the Nortryptyline cold turkey. Both my primary care and the specialist said it was ok to stop the medicine suddenly. The specialist is adamant that I shouldn’t be feeling withdrawals because it’s such a low dose and I hadn’t been taking it long.
(I had also tried Fluoxetine and Nortryptyline both 10mg at the same and stopped the fluoxetine after 4 days because both at the same time made me feel disassociated and awful.)
Now a week later (today) I feel like I have been feeling progressively worse since stopping that Nortryptyline. I have gotten irritable and had really violent nausea and vomiting today, and couldn’t sleep at all the night before due to restlessness and body aches. Again I brought this up to the neurologist when I saw him today but he was adamant it was my anxiety (my anxiety has never been strong enough to make me vomit violently) and not withdrawals.
Personally I think it is 100% withdrawals from the Nortryptyline
Am I wrong? Or is my body just breaking down and something bad is happening?
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depression
|
A recent study found a connection between childhood stimulant usage and obesity (link below). I (30F) have an average BMI, but my family on my mom’s side all did until their fifties and they are all obese, so I do feel there is a genetic predisposition to worry about.
I asked my psychiatrist if this was a risk after on-going stimulant use and he said it was. I was on stimulants for 10 years before getting off a few years ago because of this fear. Unfortunately, I am self-employed as a freelance writer and basically unable to work very efficiently or for very long since I quit stimulants. Now I am trying to decide between taking stimulants again or settling for underemployment. Thoughts?
[Stimulants Used to Treat ADHD Influence BMI Growth Patterns Through Childhood With a BMI Rebound in Late Adolescence](https://publichealth.jhu.edu/2014/stimulants-used-to-treat-ADHD-influence-bmi-growth-patterns-through-childhood-with-a-bmi-rebound-in-late-adolescence).
|
ADHD
|
I made a post on the AITA subreddit and it's a good thing that this is a burner account since I'm being downvoted to hell.
There is a [comment](https://ibb.co/fnnQfXY) on my post which made me so confused. I didn't even bother to reply.
Isn't laziness and being undisciplined a symptom of ADHD?? And it's not like I want to?? It's basically the reason why I forced my parents to get me diagnosed. ADHD is ruining my life and that's why it's called a disorder.
)): I'm drained. I keep repeating my comments again and again. I still feel like I did nothing wrong though.
Tyia
|
ADHD
|
I'm going to keep this brief because I am currently dealing with an abusive parent and don't have a ton of mental energy but if someone could please help me out here, I would really really appreciate it.
Basically I have been in a long distance relationship for some time. I used to be a pretty toxic and shitty person, and I honestly was not a good partner to have. Once, I expressed frustration at my boyfriend because we hadn't sexted for like 2 months. He just hadn't been in the mood, and was worrying about other things in his life. I immediately went to the extreme of "I don't know if I can be in this relationship because I have needs" attitude, which was me catostrophizing. Not necessary at all and completely shitty, unacceptable behavior. Obviously, could have just tried to talk to him with concern like a normal person, but I didn't do so. The next day, he initiated something sexual through text.
That being said, I worry this is because I made him feel obligated. I literally brought this up to him recently and said this to him, mind you I have been in recovery and have not displayed any toxic or harmful behavior for a long, long time, and do not intend to in the future ever again. He stated that I didn't make him feel obligated. He stated on a separate occasion that he doesn't feel that it affected him deeply, when I brought it up. That should be good enough, right?
Well, no. It's not. Reason being, my brain is telling me that I did something sexually coercive, which is the same as rape. This is on top of the fact that I have ALWAYS respected my partner's consent in person. I do believe there may have been another time where I did not express my emotions properly and I do understand that this could come off as guilt tripping (this also did not happen in person, though it probably doesn't matter).
The process:
* Had memory of acting this way and doing this so that my partner ended up sexting me the next day.
* Worried that I am essentially a sexual abuser, which gave me severe anxiety because I genuinely would NEVER want to hurt anyone like that, especially since I have been groomed.
* Sought reassurance from my partner, and apologized to him sincerely, for him to tell me that he did not feel violated in any way and that he did not feel as if he was obligated.
* Continued to have looping thoughts that I am a rapist and that I do not deserve happiness. Lost appetite, anxiety, etc.
* Worried about how others would perceive me if they knew "what I did", not because I think I am perfect or anything, but because for some reason it just horrifies me to think about.
* Continued to worry that I was a rapist. Worried that by not paying attention to the thoughts, I am not accepting responsibility and I am a bad person.
Please help, I'm so upset. If I am a sexual abuser I swear to God I will do anything to fix it and make up for it. I will never hurt anyone ever again. I don't want to be like that and I don't want to hurt others. I feel so scared and like a monster and my dad emotionally abused me and screamed at me today and I feel so, so scared and alone. But I also probably don't deserve sympathy anyway because I feel like I am a monster. Please help.
|
OCD
|
Twice now I have had individuals ignore me because of my PTSD. They will blame my triggers or having PTSD as an excuse to ignore something I am upset about or disagree with. Completely invalidating my feelings and voice.
|
ptsd
|
The thoughts are running faster and faster till I'm to tired to run, my mind can't wake up and makes me feel like I can't go on, I feel like I'm drowning in a never ending ocean of darkness and sorrow but you know "I'll feel better tomorrow"....
|
depression
|
I am almost done with the 2nd to last semester of law school and I have realized that I almost completely wasted my time. In undergrad, I never pursued anything around my major (engineering) because I was going to law school and I only focused on that. But when I got to law school it was like my brain flipped a switch and I was no longer interested. I kept looking for things to "save me" from the path I was on and sacrificed grades and mental health trying to "avoid a 9-5." But now that I have some internship experience, I realize that I don't have to work 9-5 and that I actually love intellectual property (what I went to law school to do.) I feel like I've wasted so much time and energy and sabotaged myself for almost 3 years now just because my brain didn't want to do what I was expected to do. It didn't matter that, for once, what was expected ended up being what I truly want. My brain heard someone give it orders and defiantly marched in the opposite direction. It's not too late to have a great career in I.P., but I can't help buy feel extremely frustrated and annoyed at the reward system in my brain. Why can't I find the things I want to do rewarding? I'm just tired of it.
|
ADHD
|
By mental compulsions, I mean compulsions that are completely thought-based, such as mentally generating an image or scenario in your head and testing your reaction to it. For me, it’s generating a mental image of my boyfriend naked or in the middle of sex in my head and testing to see whether I’m repulsed (I have ROCD and SOOCD). Sometimes they’re even intrusive, like a thought of my boyfriend in a weird sex position or in bad lighting will pop into my head and my OCD is like “TELL ME HOW THIS MAKES YOU FEEL.” I just don’t know what to do because this isn’t a physical compulsion like in the past, when I’d wash my hands ten times or have to touch door handles with tissues. Even though it’s hard, I COULD physically stop myself from performing those compulsions. But mental ones? Sheesh, that’s hard.
|
OCD
|
Hi! If this doesn't go here, I apologize, and I'll leave. I'm not someone with OCD myself, but I do want to learn more about the disorder. To be specific, I have a character with OCD, and I want to properly portray things, and symptoms beyond extreme cleanliness that everyone associates with it. I thought here would be a good place to ask about other symptoms and how to properly portray them. Again, if this doesn't fit here I'm sorry, and I'm sorry if I offend anyone or invade any spaces. Thank you for any and all help!
|
OCD
|
I’m starting to get really angry as I keep getting unwanted random thoughts and I know this sounds dumb and I understand but I am having this problem. I am really passionate with supporting my nba team and then suddenly ocd sucks the enjoyment out of it by telling me I go for a different team and I hate it. It’s sucks every bit of enjoyment out of my life.
|
OCD
|
I want to preface this by saying I have never been diagnosed with any mental health problems. Because my parents ignore my issues. And we are poor. Regardless, I can’t claim to have something I don’t. So, I don’t have OCD.
I’m not trying to self-diagnose. I don’t want people to confirm or diagnose anything either. This can all be chocked up to my anxiety. Let’s just say that my anxiety overlaps with OCD symptoms. Because I have nowhere else to talk about this.
Now having said that, my intrusive thoughts and compulsions have been really annoying lately.
I have a compulsion to slap/punch people. And if I don’t my anxiety gets worse. Usually I make it part of a joke or just explain that it’s an intrusive thought. Since I make sure it doesn’t hurt, people are fine with it. (Usually friends not strangers.) But it’s really embarrassing.
I also have a compulsion to tap the roof of the car every time I see a car with a headlight out. My family puts up with it and no one has questioned it. But it’s getting really annoying to have to explain with new people. That and I just started driving, so I’m in a near constant state of anxiety because if I tap the roof I might get distracted and die. But if I don’t then that’s all I can think about and I might get distracted and die. You can see the problem.
This happens with my writing too. I have to fix every problem the system flags, even if I know that it makes my writing sound worse. It takes time away from writing, and my writing ends up sucking anyway.
Thank you if you read this far. It feels better to just vent about this. And if the mods take this down, I get it. I don’t blame you, this probably toes the line or ignores it.
|
OCD
|
Hi all,
I really need help as I feel like i'm going crazy because I'm stuck in a endless cycle that i can't escape from. My issue is i have so much down time at the moment and have stuff i should be getting on with like studying etc. My issue is that it just feels impossible to last longer than 1 minute studying before closing it down and wasting my time instead.
What are your mechanics to deal with this or get past it and break the cycle. I'm still waiting for my diagnosis and I'm really hoping that the medication will fix this issue, but i could be waiting another 6 months for that. I just feel so helpless and alone with this issue
|
ADHD
|
It makes sense because drinking is fun, therefore ocd intensifies. Can anyone relate?
|
OCD
|
i don't know what to do anymore, it was hard for me to tell my dad that i was depressed and he shrugged it off, my mom drives me insane, everything is getting so redundant, the stress is getting to me, i'm close to absolutely nobody now because i pushed them all away trying not to burden anyone with how depressed i am but now i'm alone. i feel like everyone is tired of me, i don't have interests anymore, i feel like i'm so close to running away or just killing myself.
|
depression
|
I've had obsessive compulsive disorder since I was a child, but it never troubled me as much as it does now. It used to come and go, but now my compulsions hit me on a daily basis. It takes a lot of mental energy. I was fine until the summer, when things became worse. So I'm attempting to figure out what could have caused my ocd to get worse. Around the summer, I began taking pre-workout for the gym for the first time in my life. This is the only thing that comes to me as a possible cause for my ocd to worsen. Does anybody know if the high amounts of caffeine in pre workout cause ocd to worsen? I just recently got off it to see if I can feel better.
|
OCD
|
I think this is why I’m perpetually depressed and suicidal. I just can’t envision a future where I’m happy. I have no idea what that would look like because everything I want I simultaneously hate. It doesn’t even make any sense but somehow it’s true. So I don’t even know what I’m waiting around for because, logically, it’s impossible for things to improve because I’m like this.
I can’t have anything to do with my family (even though the pandemic has forced me back into my mums place which is killing me slowly all on its own), I can’t have friends, I certainly can’t have relationships because despite being so incredibly fucking lonely down to my core, as soon as I’m around people I feel more alone and want to be by myself again. And people say it’s cause I “haven’t found the right people” but I have before and that was worse somehow and now they’re not even a part of my life anyway.
I can’t hold down a job because if I work for longer than about 6 months it triggers a psychosis or I become extremely disconnected and dissociative to the point of complete debilitation, yet I feel like a loser constantly when I’m not working and I’m existentially bored. And yet despite being bored, as soon as I try to do a hobby or learn a new skill, I somehow become *more* bored and then frustrated because I can’t focus on it because I don’t even want to be doing it anymore.
I can’t drink or do drugs or self harm because people who aren’t even in my fucking life anymore got me to stop and now I feel too guilty and ashamed about it to make it worth numbing out for a while. I can’t commit suicide cause I might fuck it up again and get institutionalised.
I can’t live alone because I get suicidal and do stupid shit because there’s no one to stop me but I can’t live with people because I hate never being able to be truely alone.
I just don’t know what I’m still waiting around for. Nothing can get better because as soon as I get what I think I want, what I want does a full 180 and all of a sudden I hate what I got and want the opposite again. I don’t even know how to fix that, the dozens of medications haven’t helped at all, it seems to vex every therapist I’ve ever seen, I can’t do drugs like people suggest because I have super bad reactions to them. I’m just at a loss, like I said, logically I don’t even think it’s possible for things to improve. How could they? I’m a walking fucking contradiction. I don’t have any hope because I don’t even know what it is that I would be hoping for, other than to be a completely different person with a completely different brain, which obviously isn’t gonna happen.
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ptsd
|
Ive been fighting more than i want but watching someone i care about ruin there life is making me want to go back to hard drugs and and end myself to make everything so much simpler i dont have friends i dont have family im alone and people i know on facebook always put ill listen to you because i dont wanna go to your funeral and i message them and they ignore me im alone and i cant anymore i just want to have a simple life and forgot the work maybe death is the option maybe i just need a friend i just hate everything
|
depression
|
ignoring or just letting it be there while living your live?
|
OCD
|
I've planned and attempted suicide in at least five different ways in my life. The closest one was the most traumatic leading to a traumatic brain injury that required brain surgery and neck surgery. It's been 13 years since then and the majority of that time life has felt like a mystery or a nightmare.
I don't have plans to do it now but I have a strong desire to do so. I do have ideas and they're attainable but I'm not with the means at this very moment.
I had a method this last year and all the way to a couple months ago that would have been peaceful but now that's no longer an option and it saddens me. It could have been my way out.
I feel possessed at times, I feel like just a failure the majority of the time. My sickness and twisted sense of humor has kept me captive and alive for far longer than I'd like.
I just want my life to be over. I've been in enough accidents and witnessed enough pain for me to want to call it quits. Life is not something I enjoy and the future looks worse than what I have currently.
|
depression
|
Hello everybody, I am 27 years old, male and have severe OCD. I have been doing CBT for more than 5 years with different psychologists and psychiatrists. I have been taking Zoloft for more than 5 weeks now, currently at 50mg (I am aware that I need a higher dosage but have still quite a lot of side effects especially GI stuff).
Now, I just want to vent about my day. First of all I did not sleep until 3 am, too many intrusive thoughts to sleep. When I woke up they were even worse. I tried about 4-5 times do get up but could not. First of all I had intrusive dreams including violence and sex. When I woke up I feared that there is semen all over me and my bed. This fear comes from a phase a few months back when this actually happened 1-2 days a week while sleeping. I had uncontrollable ejaculations back then. Haven‘t had them in a while but only thinking about it triggers the contamination OCD. Because of this I could not leave my room for more than 3 hours. Going to the bathroom would mean to contaminate everything I touch. At 3 o‘clock in the afternoon I finally managed to get up take a shower. I then ate a little and took my medication. Luckily my mom picked me up and I had some dinner. Would have not been able to cook today and would‘ve not eaten probably. Now I am back at my apartment and the intrusive thoughts are creeping back in. I just try to keep going but days like this make make feel absolutely terrible and I am not seeing much hope currently. :(
Any encouragement?
|
OCD
|
MY OBSESSION CYCLE:
I find myself thinking I have mental and physical health disorders often. I allow myself to be swallowed by waves of rumination. When I invariably research the disorder, I read books and studies. Genuinely thinking I have the disorder I continue reading literature on it for a few months, time elapses and I am granted a clearer view. I realize I don't have the disorder I thought I had and I feel guilty and ashamed for thinking I had anything to begin with and then I ruminate on a different disorder and the cycle starts again.
EXAMPLE:
I was concerned I was schizophrenic for some time because I was worried I paid too much attention to house noises at night.
GUILT:
More recently, I was convinced I was bipolar because I was trying to be more outgoing as a way to challenge my anxiety. I told my therapist that I had more energy and that I felt elated for no reason other than feeling elated. I also told her that I felt I could go without sleep when in reality I did want to sleep but I overthought it (am I sleepy or do I just think I want to sleep and if I yawn am I yawning out of boredom or true exhaustion etc. etc.)
I feel really guilty now because I realize that I don't really struggle at all with mood regulation, but I told my psychiatrist I did so she thinks I am. The most "manic" thing I did when I thought I was bipolar was wear false eyelashes and try a new makeup look...and I mistook that for mania. I've been on lamotrigine 25mg for "mood regulation", really it helps me with my anxiety; I appreciate that aspect.
CONCLUSIONS/POSSIBLE OCD?
I've been seeing a therapist weekly for a little over a month now, she characterized me as perfectionistic, an empath, socially anxious, detail-oriented, having a high sense of responsibility over others and things, and attention-deficit because I do have a tendency to go on tangents and over explain things. She also thinks I might have ocd which is why I'm posting on this subreddit, I'll have to have more sessions to know for sure.
I do have fears and unwanted thoughts. I don't have my license yet (I'm 20) because I have a fear that one day driving I'll doing something wrong and kill a family, and it always is a family specifically that I imagine when I think of that fear. I imagine the crash and then people driving by and having to see a photo where a young boy that I took the life of in the crash died and so morally I would be a terrible person. I also worry that my muscles will atrophy significantly because I'm not active enough. And I always check the stove a few times before going to bed because I don't trust my memory and if I accidentally leave it on, their death would be entirely my fault.
I apologize for the long post.
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OCD
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28 F the usual stories I’m sure you’ve heard before so I’m going to be incredibly restrained and not bore you with the details (which I know you’ll skip by anyway)
Therapist suggested it a few times - doctor thinks sounds very likely - I feel like everything in my life finally makes sense and I’ve finally found many others who think like me here. But it’s a laborious process officially being diagnosed I’ve heard.
I’ve been a notorious self-medicator being essentially stoned since I was 11 years old to quieten the ‘noise’ and provide an excuse for being weird I guess. Im 1 week sober (currently off work 2 weeks and I work a super high pressure job which I love but right now I am really struggling with keeping this under control self medicating or not) and no amount of exercise can calm my body or brain down. My partner is exasperated with how annoying I am and I feel like I’ve given the relationship a death sentence (he’s essentially never seen me ‘sober’ for any substantial amount of time and then my behaviour he describes as excitable and fun - and he didn’t know)
Anyone got any good tips please for moments when it’s really taking over!?
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ADHD
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I was diagnosed with pure OCD last wednesday by a Psychiatrist and she prescribed me zoloft as she said that my ocd is now life impairing and need medicines. However, I am always very concern about my intelligence so will taking zoloft for a long time (6-12 moths) affect my cognition, memory and thinking?
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OCD
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hello everyone! I keep having ocd and overthinking of something until I imagen the best spot and its messing with my head.
what do you guys do with this?
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OCD
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I have ADHD (and am useless at cooking) and my partner is autistic and disabled, so we're both constantly too burnt out and dysfunctional to make real meals for ourselves. It's 100x worse when we're alone, and since we'll be apart for 2-3 weeks soon, it got me thinking, how do you all handle feeding yourself??
Our go-to meals with minimal prep:
* P.F. Chang's Honey Chicken + instant pot rice. You just throw the chicken in a pan and stir occasionally for 10 minutes, SO easy and plenty of food for 2 people.
* Mac n' cheese packages from Target. Pretty tasty for microwaveable mac n' cheese, and it's enough food that it feels like a meal and not a snack.
* Fettuccine alfredo, and other pasta variants. Easy, tasty, feels like we've actually made something.
* "Chicken cake" (chicken rice casserole). Instant pot rice + green chiles, sour cream, cheese, and chicken (we recently discovered *canned* chicken from costco, which reduces a lot of prep time/energy) thrown in a casserole dish and baked. It's delicious, and lasts us several days.
* Green bean casserole <3 honestly casseroles in general are great.
* Stouffer's lasagnas/bakes. Since they usually take 90+ minutes to bake, it requires us to prepare for when we'll be hungry ahead of time (which tbh, rarely happens), but they're good to have around.
* Frozen pizza!
* Egg toast, quesadillas, and tuna sandwiches are quick and great for solo breakfast/lunch meals.
* Honestly, microwaveable/oven snacks like chicken nuggets and taquitos have saved us numerous times, when we're both starving and too exhausted to make food or decisions. We also keep around cheese sticks, granola bars, and fruit snacks for a quick pick-me-up when we just need the energy to find something else to eat. (Or for some much-needed stimulation, in my case.)
tl;dr: If you have go-to meals, or tips for easy prepping/cooking, please share them!!! (Please no shaming others for "unhealthy" meals, we're all coping the best we can, and any food is better than no food.)
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ADHD
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Hello! New to this community. In the last year I’ve been hit by texting drivers four times and I’m struggling to regain my ability to commute / get to work. I shutter and choke when someone follows me too closely. I pull off of the road when I see someone looking downward and in that same sense - I pay too much attention to the eye sight of the person behind me. Does anyone have any advice regarding this type of PTSD? I love my job and need to drive- I also love to hike and would like to drive to do that! Help!
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ptsd
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Lately my favorite pass-time has been driving around after midnight, going down deserted roads and feeling lost. But the more I do it, the more I wish there was someone in the car with me. Anyone. I spend so much time alone, and for most of my life I've been content with that. But now that I finally want to be around people, I've realized I have no friends left even remotely near me. My closest friends live literally on the completely opposite side of the country; about as far away as we can be while still residing in the US. And that's hit hard. I would day dream about being more social, and now it feels impossible. I have no one.
I tend to only get attached to select people. I only had one close friend for most of my life, and he was my only source of real human to human interaction. But he died in 2019, and from that day forward I have no friends to hang out with. And it's a struggle to make new friends. I've been diagnosed with 4 different mental illnesses, and I'm overall a very unlikable person. When I do meet people, they never stay around for long. And lately I've had intense paranoia and it feels impossible to develop trust with anyone. I feel like my existence has never been more lonely and it feels impossible to fix. Everything feels impossible, and it feels like there's literally no way out other than to remain miserable until I eventually die alone. I'm so fucking sad.
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depression
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I have struggled with depression and anxiety for the last 10 years and recently I got diagnosed with bipolar. I have helped my mental health through research and I'm going to be starting a YouTube channel sharing the things and techniques,what have helped me, in the hopes I can help others.
How often have you used videos to try and Improve your mental health. These videos will be coming from someone who still suffers and knows what it is like.
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depression
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On February 9th, 2019.
Just as the pandemic started here in the U.S. and the day after my birthday I got a concussion for the dumbest fucking reason.
I left the birthday cake from last night's party at a Drag show with friends in trunk of my car cause it was 20 some odd degrees outside and had more space than my fridge.
I wanted to indulge in my inner fat kid and have a slice of the raspberry chocolate birthday cake for breakfast. I went downstairs got the hatch back of my trunk open, but for some reason the pistons didn't work properly in that moment and after lifting the door up over my head I let go and it started to slowly move back down without me realizing it. As I lean forward to pick up the cake box, the door comes down at the same speed and the top of my head makes contact with the solid metal buckle that latches the trunk door. I didn't hit it hard enough to welt, I didn't pass out, it only left a red line for a mars and made me feel a bad sting in my scalp. I curse a bit at the misfortune and grab my cake box before heading back upstairs to my apartment.
Nothing seems out of the ordinary, but I feel tired as I'm eating my slice of cake and getting ready for work, but I just think that it's because I was up till 2am having fun and I just didn't get enough sleep that night.
I get to work early to buy some energy drinks, getting 2 for $5 cause the sale is worth it and I can drink the other the next day... But I drink both... Cause I'm so freaking tired I feel like I'm gonna pass out.
Neither of them work, I still feel physically and mentally exhausted. Then the dizziness hits and that's when I start to realize something was very very wrong.
I get myself to the hospital cause I wasn't about to wait for an ambulance and the place was only one road away, no turns needed.
I get their safely.
I get a confirmation by the doctor that I have a mild concussion, and that it should get better within 1-2 weeks. I think that's not too bad, but.. after two weeks it is so much worse and I start to worry. I find out that I got the 35% chance of having a prolonged concussion, despite me only having a minor one.
I couldn't work for 6 month, my physical therapist helped me through it and that's all I felt like I had the energy to do, practice my physical therapy, attempt to clean then stop when I got dizzy. Go for short slow walks till I got dizzy, then lay in bed most of the time feeling heavy brain fog and sometimes experiences actually paralysis, both mentally and physically. (Luckily only for super short periods of time and only when my head injury was stimulated.)
After six months I got a part time desk job at the health department and was able to save myself from homelessness. It's obviously been a while, but I have come to realize that I am not able to function the way I use to, it feels like everything is such a heavy mental struggle to get through, I get into ADHD paralysis a hell of a lot more, I'm more indecisive, my home is becoming a dragons hord of Doom piles, my dishes are two doom piles on their own and I maybe only have like.. less then a dozen that are clean right now, even though I've try to get all go this clean, I feel like my brain is just fighting with me constantly and I get hardly anything done or just make things worse. I do my laundry out of shear worry that I'm not gonna have enough clothing for work.
My life has become a complete and utter mess and overwhelms me every moment I wake up to see it.
I'm mentally exhausted all the time, getting way more headaches than I use to and they're not because of the concussion, I'm talking the ADHD headaches, you know the ones.
I forget to drink water a lot more than I use to, I feel like my focusing stamina has been decreased all the way back to when I was a kid.
I have started to talk to my therapist about all of this and at first I thought my mental health was disrupted by my concussion due to the fact that it made my emotional state far more volatile than before, but I made a full recovery, so what is going on that makes me feel like I've lost control of my life and it's gradually spiraling into disarray.
It wasn't my depression even though I feel more depressed over this shit, it wasn't my bipolar disorder even though I feel like an emotional wreck, it wasn't my anxiety even though I was experiencing more of it due to my environment and situations in life. It wasn't my PTSD even though I was getting triggered more easily after the concussion, but it slowed down after my brain settled again after treatment.
I started checking out ADHD TikTok on YouTube after seeing that guy that started calling ADHD D.A.V.E. (which I liked a lot better) then I started seeing a lot of connections, I had distanted myself so much for so long from ADHD, because I thought all the other mental health illnesses that I had carried for so many years were actually the main problem, when now I could see that ADHD was one of the focal issues of my mental health and it's stability, but there was one major problem.
I felt like something was seriously off, something seemed drastically different and now for the first time I could actually see what it was.
My ADHD symptoms had gotten worse, a lot worse. I had a good handle on them for the 13 years of being unmedicated for them, I learned how to handle my brain, but now I was faced with a drastic and almost monstrous change, the symptoms became overwhelming, my controller has diminished so much that I feel like I can barely make my life function, my attention has gotten much worse, I'm stimming five time more than I use to, my brain is a hurricane of everything possible and nothing at all, ideas don't stick around as much, I can't even get ahold of them like I use to in time to write them down.
It's not only aggravating but it's also becoming debilitating, I feel like I can barely function and it's all compounding my other mental health issues and making them worse too. I don't want to treat all of them at one, but ADHD was always my first and foremost issue. I was diagnosed somewhere between the ages of 4-5, it has been a part of my whole life, as long as I can remember.
So now that it's like this, I've spoken to my therapist about seeking someone to prescribe me ADHD medication.. they acknowledge that I have had a diagnosis for ADHD as a child, but now they want me to be reevaluated as an adult as if they need to confirm that I actually still have ADHD and this isn't just something else. I understand the paper trails are kind of necessary in the medical and mental health field, but still. Now I have to wait almost a full year just before I can be seen by a neuropsychologist just so I can have confirmed what I already know is a fact and has never changed, just gotten worse.
For the first time in 13 years I actually feel like I need the assistants of medication, even though it aggravates me that I need that kind of help, but i can't let my emotions and shame get in the way of making actually positive change to help me overcome the ADHD demon that possesses my body and makes it so hard to gain control and be a responsible and fully functional adult.
I'm 33 now and go the first time I feel like my ADHD has gotten to the point that it feels like it's preventing me from being in control of my life, it feels like an actual disability now, not just something I have to work around when it's being a little extra. There's a wall I have to climb every single day and it's exhausting. I live alone so I have no one here that can help me be accountable, I want to invite someone over to help me so I can clean and body double, but I'm so ashamed of my living situation and the state of my place that it prevents me from doing that. It doesn't help that the only friend I had here that understood and also has ADHD has moved away and couldn't even come over anyways cause they're at risk from COVID.
I'm getting to the point that I'm willing to hire a cleaner to come over and help me clean for a couple hours a month, but I also don't have the money for that either.
There's no support groups here in my area for people with ADHD and I'm feeling like I'm inches away from the edge of the deep end.
It took so long to climb my ass out of that pit and now I might be falling right back into it.
I know that this is a lot and in a lot of ways I feel like I'm just emotionally dumping on all of you. It makes me feels selfish and inconsiderate, but deep down I know that being able to talk about my troubles to others and utilizing the tools I have to have outreach to others that might understand me is a selfish act, but I have every right and reason to be selfish when it comes to my mental health. I should do the right thing and seek the help I need and talk to others that might have similar experiences and possibly answers.
It's self care.
I don't know when I'll be able to get the assistance I actually need, but I'm hoping it's possible for me to at the very least keep myself from going over the edge into darkness till I can at least get my first does.
I shouldn't have neglected this part of me for so long just because of the stigma and lack and health insurance. Even if it would have put me into Dept, I should have still tried.
I still need to have all of this confirmed by a specialist, but I've had to live with this mess for most my life and now that I'm noticing a hug drastic difference between before and after my concussion, it only makes sense that getting a bad bonk on the head has led to my already differently wired brain to get shaken up and have a few thing come loose and start to act up.
I hope I can get things worked out.. Sooner rather than later.
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ADHD
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I'll be honest with you guys, I didn't know where to post this and just googled the premise, and this sub came up. I've been wondering if I have ADHD for months now, due to a real lot, and this is like the 5th time I've made a vent post and this sub came up. So, if you wouldn't mind the read, I'd love to hear you take and if maybe it would be worth getting tested. Thanks.
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I have enough faith in myself to believe I’m in the right, but I think there’s always value in an outside take.
Essentially, I’m “giving up" on nearly everything I try, and I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t make me fee a bit guilty and lazy.
I was let go from my last “real” job at a golf course in early 2020. As a college student, and with the pandemic, I decided not to look for work. Mid-year I took up an online customer service job, but I was in bad shape mentally and not the most outgoing person, so I gave it up pretty fast. By the end of the year I needed cash, so I took up gigging (DoorDash, Grubhub, etc.) and did that until the snow came. By then I just wanted to relax, school was stressful and against my better judgment, I took unemployment. I lived on that until it ran out mid-year this year, and I didn’t extend it. A LOT of guilt came with that, but I can't change the past. I somehow managed to spend all of that money, because I just compulsory buy shit and that's another huge source of guilt. Anyway...
I started gigging again but work was much more scarce than the previous year. At the same time, I was working on myself (in retrospect, performing CBT on myself) and came to the conclusion that I needed to drop out of college my senior year (I’d been contemplating it since Sophomore year). Yes, I could have finished it out, but I came to realize that my major was just a hobby and nothing more, and I didn’t want to waste another year of my life/take on more stress. I’d rather keep my credits and apply them to another major down the line, instead of going through with a major I didn’t want (film, btw).
As I searched myself, I found that carpentry interested me, so after a month or so I found a guy willing to hire me with no experience. Now here’s when I really began to feel like I was giving up too easy. It was just some guy and his partner, not much of a company and I was their first employee. I was told we’d be doing mostly carpentry and trim work, but when I arrived it turns out that demo still needed to be done. On the 4th floor of an apartment building. As expected, I took on all the grunt work of sweeping and collecting the trash, doing some light demo where they trusted me to. I must’ve emptied 50 of those 32 gallon trash cans full of sheetrock. It sucked. By the end of the day, my hair was white and I was coughing up dust all night (even with a mask on). At one point the boss had me pulling nails from the wall, and by the end I was pulling up staples from the floor for about an hour. Mid-way through the day, I’m sweeping by wire and using it to collect a pile (not wanting to mess with their power tools). The boss sees me doing this and belittles me by saying (\[name\], you gotta lift the wire, buddy” in such a condescending tone it brought me right back to high school. I hadn’t felt so small in years. We worked 9 hours that day. I was beyond exhausted (and dirty).
The next morning, I texted him saying that it was too much and I wasn’t coming back. I never got paid for that day. That showed me enough of his character. Throughout the day he had made small remarks like the earlier one, but that one in particular got to me for some reason. It really was the way he said it, like he genuinely believed I was a damn fool. I felt it in my gut right after that I wasn't coming back. I was hired as an apprentice, not a slave. I didn’t learn anything but instead carried out the work they didn’t want to do. I was prepared for hard work, not to be completely used. But I always find myself taken advantage of.
I decided carpentry wasn’t for me, and moved on. I did bits of gigging here and there the next few months. Mostly I was trying to find peace within myself. I’ve been incredibly insecure and people-pleasing my whole life, and needed to just take some time to work on myself. I really didn’t know who I was- just some kid who pushed himself way too hard in school to impress people he didn’t like. I got tired of being weak and all that.
Last month I decided to look for work again, something simple to get me by while I continue to take time for myself. I decided on the UPS Personal Vehicle Driver position, a seasonal job that has you delivering packages from your own car. At $21 an hour and temporary, I was ecstatic. To put a few grand away in only a short months time would be fantastic. Well, I thought so, anyway.
After a week or so they scheduled me for a phone interview. They never called. So I rescheduled as I had seen a few posts online about this issue, and rescheduling worked for others. Still no call. I finally reached out myself and was interviewed on the spot (by a support technician?) and they told me I got the job and to expect an email with details.
Well, I never got that email (or even asked if I accepted the job, actually), and suddenly my location had changed on my profile. There was no building address, but I was due to start that Friday. The city was decently far from me (45 mins) and I was really hoping to work in my hometown as the ad stated. Not to mention, nobody had informed me of this change. On the Wednesday before, I checked the site and had some paperwork to fill out, but still no email. On Thursday I called again and the support person told me not to go in the next day as my background check had not passed. It had been about a week and a half, but what else could I do?
The following Wednesday I get a call from the same number- asking why I missed my orientation. I told them I had no address and someone from their line told me not to go. They asked for the person's name (as if I would remember?) and told me that my new first day was the next Monday, and I’d get an email with details (here we go again).
Luckily, I actually did. The location was unfortunately the same, but I was ready for my first day. When I arrived, there was someone else in the same boat- and we were promptly told that there was a disconnect between the support HR and local HR- we were actually supposed to be in a town another 45 minutes away. For some reason, I accepted this and went there. It was the correct location, though the front door was locked and I had to go in through a truck terminal to find an office. Once inside, I was greeted by two rude employees who demanded to know why I was bothering them. They set me up with paperwork (about union dues and all that, despite being a contractor and not in the union) and checked out my car- all good. They said I’d be getting a call and email from someone else (seriously?)- and again, I thankfully did. This time it was for training, which consisted of 2.5 hours worth of anything but that- simple safety and policy videos, not how to do the job. I got a call the next morning at 7am about coming in for my first day (???). When I called back, I was met with loud chatter, a loud “what???”, and then put on hold 4 times before the guy who initially called me answered- and then told me to expect a call tomorrow as he was busy. Groan.
Tomorrow morning came and I got a text- not a call- asking if I wanted to take a route almost 2 hours from my house. I ignored the text as it didn’t seem like it was for me (I had no training or anything). Hours later, another text comes from what I thought was an automated line asking me to come in to the branch I was at the first day- I agreed. The man from the phone the day before came out, shoved some papers in my face, asked me to sign one (my soul?) and told me to meet some guy at a location 45 minutes away. By this time I was ready to walk, but decided to hold out until I at least tried the job- maybe it wasn’t bad once I got going. I met the driver and told him I had no training or anything- he told me the basics, gave me a phone with the system, and sent me on my way.
Well, the actual job was the easiest fucking part of the process. I almost enjoyed it, except for how far and unfamiliar the route was. The driver assured me that I would likely get a route in my hometown, though, and was only covering for an absence today. It was pretty self-explanatory, so I didn't NEED training- but it would've been nice. And I got lucky that all went smoothly- had their been an issue, I would've been fucked. The roads were shit, windy, and confusing, half of the houses were missing numbers, but I got it done and I can’t complain about the job itself- like I said, I almost enjoyed it. I had one undeliverable package since the address was mis-labeled on UPS’s end, and one other task undone as it was a pick-up, and the driver told me that he’d take care of it.
I head back to the hub (as the driver told me to do, not my actual fucking bosses) and am met with an empty office. I call the number and am told to go to an OMV office- I see no such labeled place. I find a room with people in it, go in and ask- it’s the right place. A woman suddenly gets flustered asking why I have a package and where my phone is- I hand over the phone and the package, and before I can explain, start getting grilled. Why didn’t you deliver this? Why didn’t you finish all your tasks? Keep in mind, I don’t know these people and they don’t know me. They don’t know it’s my first day or anything. In fact I have no clue what department this is or what these people are doing here- half are dressed like drivers. Once they calm down, I explain and they take care of it- without showing me how to. By the end, some guy pulls me aside and lectures me on the importance of letting UPS know when I can’t deliver a package as it’s just as important as the ones that do get delivered- as if I tried to hide the non-delivery or something. Once they had their fun with me, I ask for a vest- that’s right, I never even got a vest or a badge, so I was this suspicious kid driving around an unfamiliar neighborhood slowly and delivering packages. The guy comes back with a generic yellow vest, not a UPS one, and I go home. Again, I felt so small, almost violated. Maybe mentally violated. Whatever that feeling is, I despise it with every fiber of my being. I’m beginning to love myself and I don’t need that shit, not anymore.
The next day I get the same text- asking me to come in for the same route. I decline and go back to sleep. The day passes.
This morning I receive no text- until about 10am, from some guy named “John” in a group chat asking 10 or so people if we want to work today. I don’t answer, but many do and ask where and when- the response is, verbatim, “Here at building at 10:30.” ?????? What building? Who the fuck are you? What route? It’s already like 10am? Am I expected to wait on a text each morning to let me know if I have work or not?
I ignore the text and carry on with my day.
Soon after, I get a text from the bot number (which periodically texts me things about safety and shit) using my name and asking if I want to come in today- it’s already maybe noon. I ignore it again- fuck this.
Then maybe an hour later, I receive this text:
“All, you're expected in on Monday and working every day, unless there are reasons that you are unavailable from now until Christmas unless there are circumstances we are aware of. Please confirm that you're working on Monday.”
I block the number, shut my phone, and enjoy the rest of my day. I’m done.
And that’s another job I gave up on, day 1. Well, day 45 at that point. I just feel like I have more respect for myself than to be treated and tossed around like that. I’m not bending over for these people. I don’t expect to be bowed to, but where’s basic human decency? Can I get some basic courtesy from any of these jobs or people? Or am I asking too much?
I worked in a sort-of retail job for a little over a year, and a warehouse job for half a year. Also the golf job for about a quarter of a year, but I had no intention of quitting when I was let go (damn you COVID)- but even there, they never let me know I was let go- I just never heard back. What’s with the lack of human decency? But anyway, having those jobs means at the least I know I can put in the work at shit jobs. I don’t expect a fantastic, perfect job at my age. But I do expect to not be demeaned and belittled. To be treated as incredibly expendable, to not be treated as a human. And I would expect anyone else to have the same respect for themselves. How can you take on this work? I’m so fortunate that I don’t need need it, I’m not desperate enough to accept this bullshit.
I should also mention that I got my first job at 17, working as an office assistant. It was a small lawn and garden place that, again, didn’t train me, and didn’t have much work for me. I was always asking what to do, and usually would get met with “clean” or “just be quiet for a bit.” Not long into it, I’m fired for “not doing enough”- which is bullshit when there isn’t work to do. They were hesitant to hire me since they had just hired someone else right before me, and I think they just didn’t need me and didn’t want to tell me. Whatever.
This turned into a real shitshow, but so do all of my posts. Look, the bottom line is this- after reading my of-course biased story, is it me? Am I giving up too easy, or am I just constantly pulling the short straws on jobs? Even at the warehouse job, the other employees (again, much older than me) were pretty unfriendly towards me, and I kept to myself. Not so much demeaning as these other jobs, but I did also feel small there. The only “decent” job I had was the customer service/retail one, which honestly wouldn’t have been so bad if the work wasn’t. It was the only job I had employees my age and felt kinda welcome. It has its moments of disrespect, but nothing compared to the rest. While I'm at it, I may as well mention that I don't have any friends and miss working with people my age. I really took that job for granted, but I think I was also only 17.
I don’t want to be that guy who puts in 5% and gets back nothing, wondering why. But at the same time, I feel justified in my decisions. Of course I didn’t handle them all the best. I could call UPS right now and probably straighten it out. But it’s really a principle thing for my since I don’t need the money. And I don’t really think I’m that uptight or picky- I just really think I was majorly disrespected and don’t need to take it.
But is this just how the world is? Will I ever be respected at this age? It doesn’t help that I look quite young, too (I’m 21 btw). But it seems that no matter where I go, I get backed into a corner and take the easy way out. I have no issue quitting things- I trust my gut instinct. But when I find it going off for nearly everything I do and try, well, I can’t help but question it. Again, I do trust myself and genuinely believe I’ve always been in the right on these decisions. I’m just as deserving as anyone else, why take shit?
I acknowledge that I could have done more and stood up for myself. But should I have to? Is the default for employers to just walk all over their employees?
I plan on starting my own business next year- I’m beyond frustrated with the job market. And seriously, I get it. I’m not opposed to hard work. I hate coming on here and essentially just making excuses. Like I said, the carpentry job and UPS job BY THEMSELVES were fine- I let the people around me ruin it, because, let’s face it, who you work with determines how the job is. I enjoy an honest days work. That’s why I want to start my own cleaning company- work on my terms, choosing who, where, when, etc. Fuck being pushed around and belittled, I have value as a fucking human being, and I’m tired of pretending my whole god-damn life like I don’t. I’m ranting now, but even my grandparents and such make me feel small. What is it about me? Is it because I don’t respect and value myself, because honestly I never got a chance to and am just learning how to now.
But I’d really like to hear from you now. How rude of an awakening am I in for out there in the world? The retail general-public experience I have was a spa day compared to how employers have treated me. So, put simply- is it me?
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ADHD
|
Have any of you been prescribed sleeping pills along with the stimulants?
I’m on Ritalin 3x10mg. But since its effect on me wears off very quickly (2 hours at most), if I have to study for long hours, I’m going up to 50-60mg somedays. I need to study until midnight, so I take the last dose around 7-8 pm. And I can’t fall asleep until 4 am. Problem is I also work, so I have to get up early. I feel like I’m going to collapse anytime soon.
Has anyone tried Ritalin (or Concerta) and sleeping pills together?
Does it interfere with next days Ritalin?
—I can’t use melatonin supplements because they’re too expensive in my country. Also since it’s not regulated truly, it’s hard to find real ones. They sell lots of supplements but only god knows what’s inside the pill—
|
ADHD
|
Hi all! I've posted in this sub before and everyone has been really supportive so I wanted to share something I discovered recently!
I'm not a good dancer by any measure but I've found that dancing for a few minutes every day (sometimes it's just 10 or sometimes it's an hour) has really helped me fight some of the long effects of sexual assault ptsd. For the first time in nearly ten years, I feel like my body is my own, like it's ok to feel sexy, that it's not wrong at all, and like I don't have to hide my body. I think part of what's so damaging about sexual assault is the sudden reality that your body is not your own anymore and that it can easily be taken over and controlled. Dancing for me has helped bring that into the light and made me feel so much more confident.
I hope this makes sense and can maybe help other people here who have been so helpful and supportive to me. Have a great day guys!
​
Update/edit: Ok after some googling it turns out movement therapy is a thing and dancing is actually a form of ptsd treatment! So interesting and makes a lot of sense. Anyway, the comments here make me very very happy that so many other people have found dancing makes them feel better :)
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ptsd
|
Do you believe NTs are innately manipulative, they do it subconsciously without thinking about it -or- do you think they are fully aware of it?
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aspergers
|
Hi!
After being off medication for about 15 years I'm trying them again. I'm a 30yo male and was diagnosed with ADHD as an adolescent and was prescribed 18 mg slow release methylphenidate. I had moderate effects on my grades. We tried 36 mg, but that made me too irritable.
I took my medication until I was about 15 years old and then stopped because my psychiatrist wanted to try a different strategy. It didn't work out in the end and I never went back on medication. I didn't want to have ADHD, so I convinced myself that I didn't have ADHD.
When I got older I studied psychology for 6 years and became a psychotherapist. My studies made it clear to me that I have ADHD, but I married a woman that don't like medication, so she was not going to allow it at first, but changed her mind after some discussion
Now after almost 15 years I'm getting meds again. Tomorrow I will meet my psychiatrist and he will prescribe lisdexamphetamine (elvanse) this time.
I have gone through a lot of therapy in these 15 years and have a whole new relationship to my body, my feelings and my needs. Hopefully this will give me an advantage this time. Also, I have never tried lisdexamphetamine before.
I'm a bit worried that it will not work or give me anxiety, irritability or something like that. I so want this to be a game changer!
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ADHD
|
just got diagnosed w/ ocd recently after ive been struggling with severe health anxiety issues. was just wondering if anyone else’s ocd manifests in this way?
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OCD
|
You know that feeling, specially PURE OCD sufferers...
You solve that riddle, that awful question that has been giving you tremendous anxiety. You solved it... The answer makes sense, and the fear stops. But suddenly, the question comes back, and it's like you forgot the answer. Or, if you remember the answer, it's like it isn't working anymore. And you need to solve the puzzle the exact same way you did it in the first time, or else the anxiety won't stop.
How do I get pass this feeling?
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OCD
|
Sometime within the last 24 ish hours my best friend attempted to take her life. She wasn't answering my texts for awhile. After a couple times of me asking if she was ok, she said she was just getting home from the hospital but was fine. I asked why she was in the hospital and she said she didn't want to text about it. So I called and I could tell by her voice breaking and the fact that she didn't want to text about it, that she had attempted to take her life. I asked her what happened/how and she said she didn't want to talk details yet. The only information I know is she was in the hospital for about a day and she was taken there via ambulance.
I care about her so much and am so worried. I just want to show her that I care about her and love her but I'm afraid of doing the wrong thing or making the situation worse. She has had a near life long struggle with depression and anxiety but in the last 6 months it has gotten really bad again. This is her 2nd attempt, she attempted years ago before we became friends. I always try to spend time with her or invite her to things, check in with her and encourage her to take her meds and go to therapy, but I feel like what I do isn't enough.
*For context she is 27F and I'm 35F if that helps any.
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depression
|
So school has started again and it was going quite well. Maths is my worst subject, but I’m really trying my best to practise and it’s not really getting too difficult right now. The problem is that this year we need a different calculator (graphing calculator) which led me to develop a new compulsion. I mostly suffer from the just right type of OCD and I have to do things just because I feel like I HAVE to. Now whenever I use my new calculator I always get stuck on a certain point where I feel like I can’t use it anymore and I have to turn it off and put it back on my desk. I then borrow my friend’s normal calculator or my old normal calculator, but whenever I do that the teacher gets mad, because she wants me to use my graphing calculator. I end up not being able to use any calculator and then I can’t do my work. I really don’t know how to solve this and I really just want to do my work, I don’t want to fail maths again. I’ll have a 15 minute conversation with my new form tutor next Wednesday, but I don’t know if I should bring it up to her. Does anyone know how I can stop this compulsion??? It’s really bothering me, I just can’t do my work.
|
OCD
|
I hardly ask any girls out, I like to wait for ones who seem like a good match for me before making a move. But literally the last 4 girls I've asked out in the past couple years, have said yes and seemed super keen when I asked them out. And then the day before the date they message and say they're busy and can't go anymore.
I don't even care that they're not interested. I just hate how they say yes and I get all excited about the date, only for it all to come crashing down. I get it's hard to reject people but it hurts more to say yes then bail rather than just saying no in the first place.
I can't help but think it's something wrong with me, but I just don't understand what it is and why they do it
|
depression
|
just introduce yourself and post things you like if you need to distract and if you need to vent to go ahead also POST MUSIC ANIME ANYTHIN REALLY BESTIES WE JUST NEED WAYS TO FIND TO IGNORE OCD SHE WONT STOP COMING INTO OUR HEADS AND TAKING OVER!!! So yh this is jst a chat thread
|
OCD
|
I've been unemployed for a long time. And I'm a month clean off IV heroin/meth. I've been an addict for 11 years since I was 15. Ive always used drugs to cope with the crippling anxiety and excruciatingly painful social awkwardness. I have always felt like an alien, and have spent my whole life masking to the point that I don't even know who I am. Today I had to do a full day course on traffic management for my employment agency and it totally triggered the fuck outta me. I had lunch with one of the guys there and I just got so self conscious and knew I was acting weird and knew he was picking up on it that something isn't quite right with me. I just get so anxious around people and it feels like I lose myself and I have no idea what to say, what to think about, or how to keep conversation going. Everyone else in the class was getting along and laughing and I just am the awkward weirdo who doesn't talk, and when I do get called on I say stupid shit that sounds weird.
IDK I'm just really scared about how I'm ever gonna work or get my life together when I feel like a 10 year old emotionally and socially inept child.
Feeling really down on myself at the moment. Does the social anxiety ever get better or do we just learn to live with it? I'm 29, so I'm assuming if it was gonna get better it would've by now.
Can anyone else relate? Sorry for the rant, I'm just struggling right now and I don't have anyone in real life who I can talk to about this. I'm in NA and my sponsor doesn't really believe in mental health problems and thinks I am playing the victim when I talk about my mental health stuff or my ASD diagnosis. Pretty sure he doesn't even believe that I have ASD. Its frustrating. And he's the only friend/support person I have at the moment
|
aspergers
|
No matter how hard I try nothing ever comes to fruition. Life is always teasing me with snippets of what it would be like to be happy, to be truly fulfilled and loved, but I never actually get to live a life like that. My life is just one disappointment after another, one lie after another, one betrayal after another, and one loss after another. I don't want to be alive anymore, I swear the more I think about it the less I want to live. It would be so much better for me and everyone else if I was just gone.
|
depression
|
I'm not always like this but this morning I was getting ready to go to work. I had my uniform on the kitchen chair, last night they were clean ready to be worn. I went to put them on today only to see my partner had thrown them back in the dirty washing over night. had JUST washed it and now my uniform was damp and smelled musty from being in the basket.
I just flipped out and started crying out of frustration, I tried to explain how incredibly stressful it is to have someone disturb my routine or just generally touch my stuff, I wanted him to ask me first.
I know this might appear as an over reaction but I hate being thrown off path, or having someone mess with my things, were all okay now but I'm curious if anyone else gets like this too?
|
ADHD
|
So recently I realized I blocked out a lot of my early childhood, I'm 14F and my first traumatic memory is from when I was 6, I was molested and about 2 years ago I realized what my grandpa had done to me for years was assault and I started remembering when he did it, I always was uncomfortable with what he was doing but thinking of an adult doing such a horrible thing to a child was terrifying. It had happened before but only by kids around my age, an adult doing that was even worse to me. It continued until recently, and after my grandpa stopped it still happened by other people. I have nightmares about it, and I'll have panic attacks when I think about it, it plays through my head on repeat. I'll hear certain phrases and I'll spiral, and I still have to be around him but when that happens I close myself off emotionally and try not to stay around him for too long. I suspect I have some kind of it, probably mildly but I don't know how to talk to my therapist about it. I trust her but it's hard to talk about and I don't want her to call cps or something.
​
Any advice on how to talk about it without completely breaking down?
​
​
edit: I forgot to add I'm also very skittish and I now have a fear of men.
|
ptsd
|
A lot of people in this subreddit seem to have a huge problem with cleaning up, but I can’t relate at all. My apartment has to be in perfect condition all the time or I will have a mental breakdown. For example as soon as I get out of bed I need to make my bed with NO wrinkles in the sheets (it takes me 30 minutes) honestly it is really exhausting. I have extreme perfectionism issues. Combined with my depression and ADHD it makes my life a living hell of executive dysfunction. I have to complete all my tasks in a specific order, I won’t allow myself to eat or pee or do anything until my space is clean and organized but at the same time I suffer from lack of motivation caused by depression and time management/executive issues caused by ADHD. I have poor organization skills mentally, but physical organization always has to be perfect. Does anyone else experience this?
|
ADHD
|
I dont know why I cant calm myself from having anxiety attacks about thr same thing over and over again. Im so terrified of driving at night and every time I think about the days I do drive at night, I keep thinking I hit someone or something despite being aware of my surroundings and being hyper alert. going through avenues is such a pain for me if im being honest. I've never been in a car accident or anything either, its just the fear of it ever happening and me being unaware that triggers my anxiety.
I started taking medication a couple days ago, so hopefully this helps with these irrational thoughts. I dont have anyone to talk to so it makes me feel 3ven more lonely. I just and to be happy again, I wish I didn't have to live my life in fear of driving or life.
|
OCD
|
I have tried time and time again to set boundaries with people who make symptoms worse. Often I have no say (probably because my rapist is a stalker) in being safe at the doctor, school, while driving, etc.
So I just have to put up with getting sicker because of crime. Which, legally, I should not be doing apparently.
How do you tell people to leave who alone who cause PTSD?
|
ptsd
|
Wasn't sure which flair to choose but...
I was hoping to be able to post a picture, but then again that would probably not be the best idea for a subgroup like this one. Oh, and I don't feel like posting it to imgur or another image sharing place and linking so I just have to paint the picture for you.
I was getting ready for volunteering (I volunteer at a cat rescue) and before I walked out the door, I moved my orthotic insoles from my work shoes to my "volunteer shoes". Or so I thought...
I'm not sure when I first noticed. Maybe it was on the way to the car from my apartment. Maybe it wasn't until I was walking around at the rescue. But I started feeling this sensation like I was unbalanced. I thought I may have slept wrong or was walking funny for some reason, and worried about my posture/balance having a negative impact on my back.
I think it was when I started sweeping that I found out the actual cause of the discomfort... I had two different shoes on! My left shoe was from my pair of work skechers that had steel toes and the right was from my raggedy And1 shoes. I realized that I moved one insole, and somehow just put the other shoe on instead of removing the insole to move to the other shoe. I felt slight embarrassment and disappointment in myself, but knew it would turn into a funny story to share and laugh about later on. Fortunately the volunteering is mostly independent and no one said anything so they may not have noticed, but either way I crack up about it now. My partner joked that I need to get checked by him before leaving the apartment (this doesn't actually happen because usually I'm leaving while he is asleep or at work).
Oh, and if anyone is wondering... I'm 27 years old.
Another thing I do which is not nearly as funny is plug my headphones into my phone or laptop to listen to music and then forget to play music.
I know there have been posts like this in the past but didn't find any recent, so what are some more funny stories of ADHD moments you can laugh about?
|
ADHD
|
For example, X and C are next to each other on the keyboard, so I often mix them up (I even typed 'nect' and 'eaxh' while typing just now). The weird thing is, when writing with pen and paper, I make the same mistake, among my other typical typos, S and D, G and H, etc. Does anyone else do this?? Is this some sort of dyslexia, or a symptom of being on electronics too often?
|
ADHD
|
So, I am 19 and have been really struggling lately, so I looked up my symptoms and talked to my mom about how I was as a child, and she recommends that I get tested for adhd. I’ve been seeing doctors and neurologists frequently lately because I’ve been having migraines, anxiety, panic attacks, and seizure history. So my doctors appointment coming up is to follow up with just that and the migraines. My mom says that when I go I should also ask about an adhd assessment. Is my primary care doctor the right person to ask about this? I’m nervous to ask the doctor this because I don’t know if that’s apart of their repertoire and regular practice. Or will they refer me out somewhere?
|
ADHD
|
I feel like shit. I feel like no matter what I do it's wrong. I have so many wishes and dreams but no motivation to go thru with any of them. I have no real goal at the end of the day.
All my friends hate me and talk shit behind my back and I can't figure out what I've done that's so repulsing. I don't even know if I can call them friends per se, cuz even tho I've known them for 6+ years, I never get invited to hang out with them or get invited to their parties. I stopped being the one texting first a while back and my phone has never been drier.
The thing is, I feel trapped. I live a good 20 minutes from the city where I study and where my friends live. My parents are fucking paranoid and h*ypochondriacs* now because of covid so I only leave my house to go to school. I haven't been grocery shopping in forever. I feel closeted. I don't want this. I'm 16, and most 16-year-olds could very easily live by themselves. Hell, I know 16-year-old girls who live alone with their bfs. This "protection" my parents insist on is fucking my head right up. On the rare occasions I actually get invited to a party I have to beg my parents to let me go. I fucking hate this shit.
I'm poor as shit. All my life I've had to see other kids dressed in brand names and cool clothes, while I get hand-me-downs, 5$ tees, and 20$ shoes. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the fact that my parents go out of their way so I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back, food on the table. And it's not even their fault that we are poor as dirt, as my dad got financially fucked by his sister and the situation is really complicated, but basically, we have to live like peasants because of her. I hate this. I just want to fit in. I want cool clothes, I want to be able to brag about family trips and vacations overseas. One of my classmates is in Dubai right now, while I'm sitting in my boring ass room scrolling mindlessly.
I'm so fucking lonely and I just feel like I can't express my emotions properly. As I read back on this post it looks like I'm some bratty selfish kid who has 1st world problems. idk.
I just want a normal life. I want a friend group that isn't inherently toxic. I want a stable financial situation. I want the emptiness in my chest to go away. I want my eyes to stop burning. The only time my mental situation doesn't physically hurt me is when I'm sleeping. So many wants, but no responsibilities. Am I too selfish? Narcissistic, maybe?
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depression
|
I (16, M) have never been in a relationship and likely won’t be for a while. However, I’ve already convinced myself I’m being unfaithful in a nonexistent relationship. So let me shed some light on the situation, I had a huge crush on this one guy, and I specifically called him yesterday to help me with homework just to talk to him. I don’t know if he’s even gay or what but that’s what happened. No talk of romance at ALL just doing the homework with a crush. I doubt it could even be considered a crush considering I’m ALREADY over him. I also have had some romantic tension with this other guy for a while and asked to play games with him tomorrow. I’m talking to two guys at the same time. What a fucking terrible thing to do. I feel like a cheater. I actually feel like I might vomit I’m so anxious. What do I do?
|
OCD
|
I’m curious to see how/if others see this in their lives or media.
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OCD
|
##tdrl~ I blurt things out without thinking and recently a conversation with my mom went dark because i voiced something that was happening when i was little which i never told anyone especially her. She attacked me for it instead of listening and consoling me. I understand I should’ve picked a better time to address this but its always been un-addressable with her so this was just me at my last straw. I don’t want it to ruin my relationship with her so please help me
__________________________
I feel like such a burden because of this, I’ll do or say something on impulse just by it popping into my mind within the first -0.1 seconds. I’m coming on this sub for answers because it’s really taking a tole on me and my moms relationship, i love her but i just need help
Today me and her were talking about some childhood topics that I already told her I didn’t want to talk about since it’s very sensitive to think about, but she kept provoking me. Saying ***”your childhood wasn’t like mine so wtf could be so wrong?*** So I’m laying on the couch with a migrane and I didn’t have energy to move or leave, the convo before this was very normal, why it went dark so fast I still can’t remember cause I kind of lost it
she was like *”you kids today don’t have respect for anyone and that’s why you’ll never amount to anything. You think by walking around and doing stupid sh!t that it’s gonna get you no where?”*
I said **”It’s funny how you adults who are supposed to be our role models as parents put the blame automatically on us like y’all don’t see the sh!t that be going on in your own house. It’s pathetic to me because kids don’t last out for no reason, I wasn’t doing stupid sh!T for no reason and if you actually cared to talk with me then you’d understand but then again not at all”**
she said *”have you lost your effing mind? What are you talking about b!tch”*
I started getting choked up but my voice got louder so i said **”you ever thought why i was doing xyz? You wanna claim you was an attentive mother but ask your third born if she was molested? Ask her if she was getting beat to a pulp while you was at work? So many things happened to me but when was you going to fight for me Hmm? Alright then, I’m not saying its your fault but you never picked me when it came to everyone else so just listen to me for once”**
__________________________________
I knew the reaction I was going to get because even though she “claims” she loves me her actions always said differently when it came to buckling down and talking about anything related to her being a mom. Which i have always addresses respectfully despite her calling me out my nameBut I’ve never actually said anything about me and what I went through during my childhood to her, **ever.** Becuse of this reaso
This got blurted out because I’m so sick and tired of her disrespecting me like she knows EVERYTHING that went on in that house when she doesn’t. Why we never talk about it and how was she supposed to know? Because of the way she acts, yeah you can say “y’all should just have a heart to heart-“ there is none of that, she’s never wanted to hear me, has bad anger issues and for some reason talking to her about MY feelings always end up in an argument
She got up and started attacking me, I don’t want this to keep happenin in the future because i 100% acknowledge it’s my fault, so i just want to do better
|
ADHD
|
https://youtu.be/GPcIrNnsruc
Isn't this a bit extreme? I thought OCD was something like where you need to wash your hands for the slightest thing, or check 3 times if you actually locked your door. That I can understand, but this is just weird..
Is he aware that it's open or does his mind fail to register it because there's a little piece on the side? Is it all just due to not feeling satisfied? Then it's understandable, but if he fails to understand that he'd still be able to eat it then I'm worried for him
|
OCD
|
[Here's last week's Solitude Project Saturday](https://www.reddit.com/r/aspergers/comments/pm8ig6/solitude_project_saturday_what_projects_are_you/)
**So, /r/aspergers, what projects do you have on the go right now? Any ideas on the backburner for one reason or another? Any ideas just in the planning phase?** Even if you are working on them with someone else, they still apply here. If you can mention the interest that you have that relates to the project, that would be great; it may help others.
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aspergers
|
When I’ve been to a certain place, maybe on holiday or even just on a walk, and my OCD/anxiety was really bad upon the time of visit, I find it hard to return back to that place.
It’s like I’m too scared of all the intrusive thoughts/anxiety popping back up if I go back there, even if I’m in a better state mentally.
Does anyone else experience this? Is there a way to reduce this feeling?
|
OCD
|
Tw: contamination ocd
So a few times in the past few months I’ve had wet dreams. The last time it happened though, which was a few weeks ago, I actually woke up in the middle of the night seemingly for no reason. I thought it was just because it was hot, but I went to the bathroom to check my underwear **just** in case... and there were stains.
It scared me because I almost didn’t check, because I didn’t think it was a wet dream... which means I almost just went about my day with dirty underwear and pants.
This scared me a lot, and now for the past few weeks I’ve been going to bed terrified, and I’ve been waking up multiple times in the middle of the night, immediately going to the bathroom to thoroughly check my underwear. The panic combined with me having to wash my hands after for a long time wakes me up completely and I haven’t gotten more than 3-4 consecutive hours of sleep for multiple weeks now.
I am exhausted and scared of sleeping and I don’t know what to do. I am seeing a therapist soon I hope in the fall, but for now what can I do?
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OCD
|
I have no other place to tell how i feel so this seems to be the right place :) . I'm in a relationship with someone ,but my ocd keeps screwing things over .The other day ,he wanted to kiss me and in that moment ,my mind started to think all sort of things so i just moved and said nothing.
How do you guys manage to have a relationship while dealing with OCD? :(
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OCD
|
Hi, this is my first time writing in a forum, I don't even know what I expect, I just don't have anyone to talk to so I thought I might give this a try.
Lately I feel really stuck in my life, I just turned 21 and I feel like I already messed up. I remember being 17 and having so many ambitions and dreams and I was so driven about my future but I kinda lost controll over everything. After finishing school I took a gap year cause I couldn't decide on what I actually want and felt like I had to figure myself out, which was bullsh*t, I still have no clue.
During school I always struggled with knowing exactly what I want to study. I wanted to go into something stem related but when I actually had to apply I thought "What if I'm too dumb, I will probably fail." So I chose something that I was also interested in, which was English. And I've been studying English for 3 months now and I hate it so much. I can't even explain why but I can't go through with my studies, so I just send the form to drop out at the end of this term.
I lived in another city for a few months, where I also studied but I've never felt so alone in my life, because of covid we can't go to Uni and it's hard to get to know people. So recently I moved back home. But now I feel like such a looser, I'm 21 and I'm a drop out, so far I haven't achieved anything in my life.
The worst thing is living here atm, my mom is bipolar and doesn't go to therapy or is taking meds and my dad is just.. i don't know he doesn't really talk to anyone and always minds his own businnes I feel like he is unhappy and wants to leave but can't because he would feel gulity. But at the same time I'm the one that feels gulity because I feel like a burden to my parents. My dad gave me some money for Uni and for my rent and I can't give it back to him cause I don't have a job jet, I really wanna give him that money back, because it was so much and at the end.. it was all for nothing. I just wish I would have made different choices, I feel like I messed up and will never be the person that I always wanted to become. And now I fell down this hole that I can't seem to get out of for the last few months. I have no motivation to do anything anymore, I can't eat or even take showers, I barely sleep anmore and my head feels like its gonna explode any minute.
I'm really sorry for this long text, I hope whoever you are that you're healthy and have a great day. (also sorry my english its not my first language)
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depression
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Dont really have insurance atm. Im becoming detrimental to me and everything around me. And its also ruining my relationship. I need help.
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depression
|
Head pain, pressure and sometimes head rushes( like all the blood is rushing to your head) i find this happens more if the OCD is worsening probably stress anxiety just wondering anyone else get this my OCD is highly internal( mental in my head) rather than external so that could be why
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OCD
|
Im 28 yo, i live with my parents. Im fat right now even tho we are struggling to afford food every week. I have an old phone, very few old clothes.
I dont go out cause i cant afford dates and tbh no girl wants to date me cause im short, bald and ugly. My friend has a girlfriend and forgot that i exist.
I cant get a job to leave my house so i live in a fucking nightmare. My ex gf dumped me and im on anti depression meds for years because of it.
I cant move on with my life because of lack of money. Everything is fucked up because each month things get tougher.
I dont have a friend to talk to and no therapist will be able to change my reality.
I try to be strong and handle everything by myself but things dont work out. So many expenses and no money even tho i have a good college degree.
Depression is eating me alive for so long that im used to it and im getting angrier with everything around me.
Its just me fighting against everything.
I feel like im invisible and no one cares at all how the fuck im feeling inside.
I just needed a place to vent. Thanks you if you read this.
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depression
|
Disclaimer: I am not promoting the use of drugs, just wanted to have a discussion. I am not diagnosed autistic, however will be seeking help soon. My ex partner was diagnosed aspergers.
Yooo went raving over the weekend. Been so long. Not one of the sucky EDM raves (sorry if u like that stuff). Good old techno, sticky basement floor type rave.
Anyways. I was heavily anxious before heading up to my friends' city for the rave. I've recently come out of a relationship that's battered me and needed a release after that and the pandemic. Was going to be weird being around a lot of people again, also missed my partner since we used to go raving together. But it had me thinking.. My friend got some safe, tested pills (MDMA) from the dark web. I had 2 halves of 1 pill (100mg) for the duration of the 6 hour rave.
After dropping and coming up, I suddenly realise where I was. I was home again. So many people dancing and having a good time. Completely lost my hyper-awareness. Wasn't bothered about anything anymore, just tunes, mates, water and occasionally going for a cigarette for a breather. I felt normal amongst all these different other people. It was genuinely beautiful. I lost my existential dread, hyper-awareness, anxiety, I didn't care about my stutter or over thinking everything I would say to someone. Everything just felt so natural.
There's no need to really go on about it too much, but I was wondering.. is it because everyone is high or is it cause I am high? Is it the environment? My ex partner used to enjoy raving too, i met her going crazy on the dance floor and had to join her. While it gave her anxieties like me, we both loved it. Felt we could finally fit in somewhere.
Any ravers out here?
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aspergers
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