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I’ve read a lot about how hard it is to maintain partners while having OCD but I’ve never come across anyone who had such severe reactions to it, whenever I like someone or even manage to get a partner I suddenly have to talk to them 24/7 or not talk to them at all because despite me having feelings for them my brain finds other things I love more important. Let me explain myself.
I had a partner and I liked them a lot, idk I haven’t been able to experience love with anyone, and my brain would constantly tell me things like you have to ignore him for X long so that Y could happen because lately I’ve had many important things in my life. It’s very frustrating because it’s not just with ignoring it goes deeper, for example, ‘be super rude or etc’ and I come to sabotage any good relationship that I have because I simply cannot say no because for some reason the other things in my life are registered as more important.
I was just wondering if anyone else felt the same or had this happen to them because I can’t find anything about my specific situation.
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OCD
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These fast few weeks I’ve been feeling a lot more traumatized and emotionally/cognitively a mess to the point where I’m getting daily migraines. Last night I was feeling very traumatized and had a pretty bad night emotionally. This morning I woke up with a fever and headache with no other symptoms. Throughout the day I was just spiking fever randomly. After doing some research, I’m pretty sure it was a psychogenic fever. Just wondering if anyone else has experienced getting psychogenic fevers from bad ptsd episodes ? Thanks <3
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ptsd
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I quit my job a month ago, and literally just started a new job today. Came home and broke down. I feel like I’m trapped. I can’t do anything right. I don’t think I’ll ever find a job for me.
Is it always like this?
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depression
|
I am 18 years old. I was may be 10 when I was trying to discover my body by touching with my peers 2 other girls around my age we were all just curious we stopped when we got caught by our families we didn’t get punished cuz it’s normal for kids in this age to discover their bodies in that way that is not what concerns me though at the same age I touched 2 boys private areas their ages were 5-6 I guess. It was just once and I recognised that it felt weird to do that with younger children so I stopped although those boys were curious too and never did that again to anyone in my life. I started having thought like this “ you are a bad person”, “you should kill yourself”, “you hate pedophiles and molsters but have you asked your self if you were one of them?” I am not a pedophile or a child molster I don’t have thoughts or fantasies about doing that to a child I am very known to be good with children my sister and brother trusted me with their children these thoughts don’t even get triggered while being around children in general so what the hell is wrong with me! Those 2 boys and 2 girls were my cousins it never affected our relationship we still laugh about this. Why I have thoughts about being a criminal although I was just a child ? I aslo have other intrusive thoughts regarding cleaning I don’t spend hours cleaning of course but even If I just finished cleaning the bathroom or my room some missed up thoughts will come like “You are dirty you should wash your self with bleach” or once when I was in the medical centre there was an old lady who had some issues with her knees she asked me to switch my ticket with her which was 79 and mine was 80 since she was in a lot of pain I refused and told her she can sit on my seat if she is in a lot pain instead of standing up but I will not switch my ticket and I started having thoughts like “ you are a bad person for doing that” “ one day you will be that lady and you will receive the same response” etc… I don’t act according to those thoughts but what the fuck is wrong with me why I have such missed up thoughts about being a bad dirty person or a criminal I know that I deal with depression and I am used to depressive thoughts but this is new to me I am obviously not looking for a diagnosis I just want to know if any body had similar thoughts I will ask my therapist about when I get the chance but what the fuck is this?
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OCD
|
My alarm goes off at 5:30, I hit snooze until 6, I'm only human. I forget to eat breakfast because I get lost in the midst of the morning chaos involved in getting out the door on time, I'm only human. I take the same pill every day to allow myself to focus, but I forget to take it at home, so I scramble through my bag at the beginning of zero period to find my pills but find they're spilled because I forgot to screw the top on after my previous dose, I'm only human. I feel wetness spreading down the insides of my thighs, I touch the wetness and find blood has dyed my hands the color of a killer's knife, I'm only human. I sit in class worried about the eyes around me while I scavenge through my bag yet again to find a tampon, but I realize I have none, I am only human. I feel blood seeping through my thin black shorts on to my seat, but I sit silently in the blood and don't move my feet because I am scared of what people will think, I am only human. I check my phone to escape for just a minute, but as soon as I unlock it I receive three notifications reminding me I have 3 assignments due before the next period and I didn't complete them the night before because by the time my second dose of medication had worn off, it was 1 O'clock and my mind was turned off, I am only human. The teacher announces there is a test and I know I need to do my best but I don't know the material because I used the remainder of my night to rest, I am only human. I explain to my teachers what I am battling in an attempt to get an extra day on the assignment but they deny my request, even though I tell them I am trying my best and there's pains in my chest, they only see me as a mess, they don't see that I am only human.
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ADHD
|
so last night i did a stupid, i read a fanfiction that was tagged underage, the characters actual age is like 20-23, but they aged him down, they left the age ambiguous so i did imagine him atleast above 17, i do have a slightly under age kink, or atleast i think i do. i don't think i was aroused by anything at all when i was jerking off. i did it out of boredom to pass time. i was actually originally reading a yaoi manhwa which is where i started jerking off, but then my thoughts went to smut fanfiction, the manhwa was much better for my mental health, even though i didn't want to masturbate to it anyway.
anyway as i was waking up this morning, i was having somewhat of an inner monologue kinda thing, i think it was tied in with what i was dreaming about, when a weird thought about children seeped through, i don't remember the original thought to well, or i'm still trying to make sense of the thought, but i think it was sexual for a split second, or my thoughts were trying to convince me it was a sexual thought. i don't know,
someone on the ocd reddit said try to live with the uncertainty of the thoughts, and i'm going to try that. but i'm just abit anxious cause im scared of these thoughts, and i want to be normal.
i mean i think with the medication im on right now, its getting alittle easier to push thoughts away, but its only been a week of taking it.
i feel like i have more to say about this, but in all honesty, i can't really remember right now.
any advice?
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OCD
|
Hey! I suspect my ADHD son(10.5) also has aspergers. He has many of the traits. Poor social traits, no friends, talks to himself, fixates, can memorize random facts extremely well i.e. music lyrics and artists, lacks empathy, and he's extremely smart.
I'm cashing the pediatrician today, but how can I help him? He literally only has one friend who is, lack for better words, odd. I want him to have friends because he does. He sees his brother thriving socially and it hurts him.
Help, please. I love this boy of mine so much!!!
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aspergers
|
I keep having dreams of me getting raped. I’ve never been sexually assaulted before or at least I can’t recall. Does this happen to anyone else? Someone I feel like I’ve been assaulted and I simply don’t remember it, multiple therapists have said the same thing since I show signs of sexual assault
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ptsd
|
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W9ZD3\_ppcPE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W9ZD3_ppcPE)
Yeah. "Stop. Don't make that comment. Don't say that at work . . . . etc."
Sometimes we just need to accept that we're not going to hear or listen to that voice. We should. And we will continue to work to be better at it. But we can't beat ourselves up for "not listening to Wonka" because any self-hatred created just makes everything worse. Hang in there, fellow dynamos!
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ADHD
|
I have self diagnosed ADHD and depression and until I go to therapy for it, now that I understand and I have accepted I have problems I need to deal with I feel like not talking to people again it just doesn't matter at all to me nothing gives me any kind of satisfaction and Im constantly push myself to not think so I don't feel pain from my emotions I just feel completely blank now
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depression
|
So, I (M 22) recently got my first chewlery necklace and showed my gf, and because she thinks the public use of chewlery is a little questionable among adults, she posed the question of
'do piercings maybe grant the same kind of stimulation?'
So I wanna pose this question to the pierced people in this community?
Do you experience any kind of benefit or stimulation from your tongue (or other) piercings?
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ADHD
|
For the longest time I thought I had bipolar disorder since my low points were LOW and my high points were HIGH and all my other emotions in between were much bigger than my peers. However, after getting diagnosed with ADHD over the summer, my psychiatrist pointed out that due to how quickly I go through emotions, it was related to ADHD and not the typical mood swings of bipolar. I remember growing up and being so frustrated over small things that I'd have meltdowns over things as small as not liking the texture of my clothes against my skin. I always had big emotions, even as a kid, and it's great to know that I'm not broken or anything--my brain just operates differently, but how do y'all handle your feelings? I started ritalin and it helps with focus and attention, but for me, the emotional side of ADHD is the toughest part for me, but medicine doesn't seem to help from what I've heard.
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ADHD
|
I was discussing my OCD with my partner sort of nonchalantly, just casually recounting the episodes I’ve had, the symptoms I suffer from and what OCD looks like. I suffer from a variety of compulsive behaviors and intrusive thoughts, but I told them I actually had never experienced any number/letter sequencing compulsions or ones that required doing something over and over until it felt right (like turning a light switch on or off, or stepping a certain way).
Taking a left turn that I promise is related; I have always been a person that uses more than the average amount of TP. Just always have. I always chalked it up to just wanting to ensure I’m extra clean/hating the way it feels to wipe with little TP. Well, I was going to the bathroom just now and realized — my wiping is the “do it until it feels right” kind of compulsion and I just never clocked it as being that. TMI warning, (but what part of this post hasn’t been TMI already) I will just keep wiping until it “feels clean enough.” Even if the TP comes back clean after a wipe, I just *have* to wipe until it “feels right.” I know this is OCD and not just thoroughness because if it was just that then I’d have no problem stopping when the wipe comes back clean. But I can’t stop! I will literally pull up my pants, realize that it still doesn’t feel right and wipe even more, even if I’ve already washed my hands! What the hell!
Gosh, anyways. There’s another thing to add to the ever increasing list titled “Oh! That’s an OCD thing!” 😐
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OCD
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I truly don't. I just been feeling like a big pile of shit everyday and i don't know what makes me get out of bed at this point. I'm just going though the motions. I just don't end it because I'm too much of a coward to do so.
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depression
|
After experiencing a string of traumatic events beginning in early childhood, I began to empathize with abusers. I often lose myself to the thoughts of others — if that makes sense. I have an incredibly difficult time discerning others’ emotions from my own, which has left me with agoraphobia and a panic disorder. I think it would bring me comfort in knowing that I’m not the only one who struggles with this.
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ptsd
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I’m on my second stimulant trial (dex) and I’ve been taking it for 6 weeks and it had no bad side effects but I kind of expected more from it. Went back to psych and he said I wasn’t taking enough. It’s now my 3rd day of taking more and it’s like a miracle!
It felt like I was wading through treacle before and now everything is easy! I actually cried yesterday because I didn’t fully realise how bad things were and how much of a struggle every day was.
I’m terrified this feeling will go away 🥺
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ADHD
|
Hello! If you're like me you probably have a really hard time starting on a new task. Procrastination is far and away the thing that has most negatively impacted my life and has been the hardest for me to overcome. Medication has helped, but I still struggle. Recently I've developed a new strategy at work to help me cope and I've been having really good success with it. I'm calling it "cliffhangering".
Once I get into the thick of a task, I usually have no problem finishing it. In fact, I'll hyper focus and work until the task is complete, no matter how long it takes me. It's when I need to start a new task that I freeze up and waste hours or even days avoiding starting it. I have found that once I sort of kickstart myself into 'focus' or 'work mode' I have an easier time keeping the ball rolling and starting on the next task. Cliffhangering is where I basically stop myself from completing a task that I'm really focused on before it's done. That way I start off my next workday excited to work on that task (if not slightly obsessing about it) and it's much easier for me to jump into work mode. I spend an hour or two finishing up that task, and then my brain is primed and I feel more motivated to start on the next project.
It's not foolproof of course. I will still get stuck on things, and sometimes it's unavoidable to complete a task at the end of the day (when I'm running up against a deadline for example), but if that happens I always try to spend a little extra time at the end of the day getting the tiniest bit of my next project going, even if the workday is over. That way I at least have 1 toe in the water on the next project. At the end of the day, writing up a schedule of how I'm going to spend the next day helps so I can see my day visually mapped out. For example 9am-11am wrap up task X, 11am-12pm meeting, 12-12:30 lunch, 12:30-5 begin task Y, 5-5:15 prep for next day.
Cliffhangering has helped SO much with my time management. It's really hard to stop myself sometimes and I'm always tempted to keep working, but it always ends up increasing my productivity in the end when I stop myself early. Instead of spending 12 hours completing a task and then an entire day sitting there unable to start a new one, and then spending the next day working 12 hours to make up for 'wasting' the previous day, I am working something much more closely resembling an 8 hour day. My partner is happier too since my schedule is more consistent and I'm less cranky/stressed about my crappy time management.
Sorry that was a literal novel, but perhaps someone else here will find this strategy helpful!
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ADHD
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This won't stop happening. I'll have my intrusive thought and main obsession that "I'm gonna hurt x person" (always the same person), and whenever I have this thought I look at the clock and see either an angel number or a mirror number like 636 or 454. ALL THE TIME! Why does this alway keep happening!? Most of the time I'm not aware of the time, it's pure chance but like what are the freakin chances that this happens so frequently. It just happened with 222. 😑
I feel like I make lots of progress with therapy but I just can't get over this feeling that these coincidences are too inexplicable, and that something beyond is telling me this is all true and that I really am gonna hurt this person. It's absolutely terrifying and I hate it so much.
Anybody else dealing with coincidences like these? I just don't want to feel alone in this.
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OCD
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Just wondering because everyone likes you don't want to be a cop. And I am like I want to be a cop. Do you think I'm stupid for whating to be a cop.
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aspergers
|
I can’t understand why peoples are so obsessed with possession nowadays. “If you upgrade your house, you might have a gf”, “if you change your lifestyle, your fashion, you’ll be better”. No, it’s not. If you’re depressed, living in a penthouse or a townhouse is not different. Sometimes I just want to throw away all the stuffs in my house. Why need a sofa when you never have a guest? why need a fancy dining table when you never eat at home? Many ppl own so many things in their house just to impress their friends, guests, etc. They want to prove that their life is healthy but it’s not.
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depression
|
I was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid and at a later date with a form of schizophrenia with features of bipolar (high functioning hopefully). I had some signs of Asperger's syndrome but they were overlooked. On my original diagnosis they just wrote some vague statement saying "delayed development".
Some time later, I was first told that I have OCD, but I had just discovered Asperger's and asked them. They adamantly said no. Then, with a new doctor, he said the complete opposite, that I had obvious Asperger's syndrome. Several doctors have agreed since.
Now I'm completely stuck. I want the test, but that's impossible. I can't afford 2-3000 dollars and then there's the wait time (I'm ok with a few months, not years). It's too late for me now. If I had been diagnosed as a kid, and I showed a lot of symptoms, this mess wouldn't have happened. I would probably still be in my early 20s and friendless, no relationships, having trouble functioning in society, but at least I would have a diagnosis to get help. All of the therapy I've sought hasn't helped me, only in some ways.
My whole life has been impacted by this "invisible" condition. Bullying, social isolation, awkwardness, strong (sometimes) decade long fixations, extremely rigid, obsessive thinking, rigid schedules and desire for patterns, repetitive diet, can't handle change. I'm unhappy, I just want therapy, but I can't get it because I can't get afford a diagnosis. If I somehow got a test one day and don't have AS, then fuck it, I don't have it and that's fine, I will just live with myself and be lonely and my interests will continue to fill the social void.
I want to give up and move on, but how can I do that? I've seen 4-6 (wrote too many last time) therapists and doctors and I've had little progress in most areas of my life, not social, not fiscal, academic, or in relationships, not diversifying my interests, nothing. It's costing me hundreds of dollars, because they keep trying to treat the (possibly) wrong disorder.
Edit: Apparently I was diagnosed and I had no idea. I just found out today from one of my doctors. I don't have the paperwork, my old therapist has it. Jesus this whole situation is a mess. I need a break, at least a week.
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aspergers
|
So, last night all of a sudden I got the sudden urge to want to do harm to myself or even other people around me and there was no thoughts at all associated with this. It was an urge that kept happening and the urge got stronger and stronger - to the point where my anxiety spiked and I legit thought I was going to harm somebody or myself.
I was planning on going to a mental psyche ward but then I realized I eventually stopped ruminating over the urge and feeling when my focus is off of it. But as soon as I realize it is back on hurting myself or other people - that same urge will come back a bit stronger each time. I feel terrified and frankly nervous about this.
I feel so hopeless right now. I do not want to harm people and I am not the type of person who ever would harm somebody. When this urge and feeling comes up - it is of my body getting ready to get something to hurt somebody with. But luckily, I never do. Ever.
I need some advice. If anybody with Harm OCD can contact me or give me advice right now I would like it right now. I feel like I am going crazy with this Harm OCD bullshit.
|
OCD
|
This year life has not been kind to me. I acknowledged that and saw someone and was diagnosed with a major depressive episode. Cool, fine, I'm okay with that. My question is- now what? How do you end an episode? How do you get past it? What do I need to do to not be in this episode? I understand that mental health is a long term battle and takes time, but that's exactly what I don't have. I'm trying to save my career from falling apart and need a clear enough functioning head for the next 2 weeks in order to not fail. I know survival mode isn't beneficial, but I'm willing to suffer the consequences of that later if I can find a way to concentrate and be in a good enough place to be focused for the next 2 weeks.
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depression
|
I’ve recently been having some sort of Existential OCD and it is completely terrifying. I’m getting intrusive thoughts telling me something like “everything you’re experiencing is a future distant memory and we’re all going to die and nothing matters”. I also obsess over the meaning of life and get very very sad when presented with the possibility that life might have no meaning. I don’t know how this started but I just want to know how can I deal with these thoughts so I can get back to living normally as soon as possible. The thoughts also tend to tell me that because of their presence that I will never be happy again and that in turn makes me more anxious and more sad. I really just need your help on how to tackle this. Anything you have to deal with these thoughts please!!!! I just want to go back to loving my family and living life and achieving goals again. Thank you.
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OCD
|
the title question. i'll start: i left some lentils soaking overnight in the fridge and took them out the next day with the intention of cooking them, but for whatever reason i never did that and i didn't want to deal with the inedible lentils the following days. around 5 days later i realized that the lentils were still on my countertop so i took a video of them to send my friends, only to spill the vomit smelling rotten lentils and water on the floor. that happened a week ago and i'm still finding the lentils everywhere in my apt and i haven't gotten rid of the smell completely.
i could've got off with so much less work just by dealing with the little thing immediately, but procrastination was my end again.
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ADHD
|
I recently started my dream job working at an amazing plant shop that specializes in rare and unique species. It's the most I've ever loved a job and I'm excited to get up in the morning which is something I've never felt about work before. It's a small staff and while Im reminding myself I'm still new I feel like I've been having difficulty connecting with my coworkers past general politeness.
I just recently (a month ago at the age of 28) was diagnosed with ADHD with especially high hyperactivity and anxiety. I've begun taking medication and it's greatly improved my life to the point where I have no idea how I even functioned before.
Despite this I've been pulled aside twice now and been gently corrected for trying to do too much or trying to help too many people. I understand the problem but I'm uncertain of how to fix it. When we are busy and have lots of guests it can be hard to manage everything. I do need to be better about asking for help but does anyone have any tips on how to focus on a customer, help them quickly, and move onto the next without getting lost in the middle?
I'm terrified of losing this job but when you're time-blind and excited about sharing your favorite thing with people what can you do? All the advice and accomodations I've seen are for office work or aren't practical at all in a fast paced specialty retail setting. I'd appreciate any insight y'all have. Thank you in advance.
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ADHD
|
I'm in my 30s. I could have a PhD by now. Maybe even two. Or several masters degrees in different fields. Where has Adderall been all my life?
This is a post about not giving up on meds until you've tried everything. This is a post about rising from the ashes of the dumpster fire as a raccoon happily ambling through a city of unlocked bins.
In my first year of university, I was placed on Ritalin, but I couldn't handle the anxiety it gave me. Strattera. Vyvanse. None were well-tolerated. I gave up. Only this year did I decide to try Adderall. Holy, am I ever a different person.
In my 20s:
- dropped out of university several times, couldn't finish my undergrad degree
- hated writing, even on subjects I liked
- had no idea which degree or career I truly wanted to pursue. Where did I want to be in five or ten years? Such a funny question. Am I psychic?
- Absolutely zero sense of time. I had fifteen hobbies at once. I would tell people, in all honesty, that I was into reading, gaming, hiking, cooking, science writing, indoors gardening, collecting music, drawing, photography, lockpicking, fireworks, and disc golf, all at the same time. I had no idea how batshit insane that sounded. Possibly, people assumed I was on drugs. (Meth: not even once.)
Now, in my 30s, properly medicated:
* returning to school, hoping to get at least two degrees
* researched potential career paths *intensely* and ruled out several of them
* I read my professors' research papers, ask TAs questions, go to office hours, ask for feedback on how to do an assignment, etc.
* I am a LIBRARIAN. (A metaphor. Library science involves organizing and cataloging and attention to detail.) I actually really enjoy organizing things and planning for the future. It's soothing and satisfying. Mmm, routine tasks.
* courses that used to intimidate me, like calculus or programming, don't scare me anymore. I've seen that I'm capable of much more than I'd expected.
* I don't mind writing! (I wonder if anyone else can relate to this point?)
* I've narrowed down my list of hobbies to just a few.
* I feel calmer.
Like a significant number of people here, I feel disappointed that I didn't spend my 20s pursuing (or finishing) my education. Now I'm playing catch-up.
If you can relate, would you leave a comment so that I know I'm not alone in my angst?
Friendly wave to the other late bloomers in this sub!
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ADHD
|
Well, it happened. I got a D+ in a class and I am feeling extremely shitty about myself. I still passed all my classes and in a way I am relieved that it's finally over but I am also terrified. My parents will want to know what my grades are sooner or later. For now, as weird as this sounds, I am trying to look on the brighter side of things and try to be positive. I at least still held on through depression, suicidal thoughts, my unmedicated ADHD, and still managed to pass everything even if it was just by a single hair.
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ADHD
|
I obsess over what people think of me constantly and I also frequently have intrusive thoughts (Pure O). It's usually pretty unbearable for me and I have no idea what to do.
I can't afford therapy or a visit to the psychiatrist and mental health isn't subsidized where I live.
Please help
|
OCD
|
This whole semester has been such a shitshow from start to finish- my depression and anxiety has worsened to the point of having more panic attacks and missing class, and I'm utterly convinced I have ADHD. I'm taking a psych eval soon.
I'm sitting here scrolling through reddit even though I should be in class right now. It's a 20 minute walk away.
I used to be such a star student who got all A's, and now I can hardly read or focus on my work. The things I used to love mean nothing to me now, because I can barely start anything and barely finish either. I'd elaborate more but I'm just so damn tired and looking for support.
I'm so tired I'm so done.
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ADHD
|
I’m new here, but certainly not new to depression. I’v been diagnosed since I was 20 but I’ve been living with it for most of my life so I’ve gotten a somewhat of a handle on my suicidal thoughts? Is it normal to think about ways other people could kill you, or other ways you could die? I’m thinking of any logical way I could die with out being my fault that I died. Weird way to see it but that’s where I’m comfortable with. Soooo I’ve been stuck in a rut for a few months now, and I’m having a hard time gaining control over myself again. I love my job, I love my family, I love my boyfriend, I love the life I’m in, however I have this tendency to care for others before myself. I care more about others than myself to the point where I skip meals to take care of others, I feel selfish anytime I’m talking about myself and/or my feelings, I don’t even like going to the doctors because I feel like I’d waste their time just being there. The thought of taking care of myself as a physical being, makes me feel selfish. I always feel like I’m trying to prove myself, trying to make people see that I can do it, I can drive, I can talk to customers, I can be the best that I can be. My best is taking me down though. I feel like if I cut back any work I’m doing, I’ll fall behind. I feel like if I slow down, people won’t see me at my best anymore. Okay, yes I may be putting myself into my job more than I probably should but I can’t help it! It’s a family owned business with a family that did not plan on a full blown store with deliveries, freight and large equipment flying in and out the door. They did not expect to turn their little garage home business into a fully function warehouse. I’m learning how to do my job along with my bosses learning how to run a business. Also, couldn’t ask for better people to be my bosses, shout out to them! I’ve worked about 9 jobs in the 25 years I’ve been on this planet and I haven’t had bosses like these people, and I haven’t heard from anyone about having bosses like mine are. I’m incredibly thankful for my job, but I devote as much time as I can handle to my job. Then when I get home, the rest of my time goes to my boyfriend and family. I also live kind of far from my work and I don’t get a lot of time at home. (Home schedule, leaving everyday M-F nlt 7:30am, getting home around 7:30pm M-W and Th-F I get about around 6:30pm, off most saturdays, and off sundays) I did say that I’m not planning anything else this Christmas break besides Christmas festivities and one day that I’m working while we’re closed. Don’t worry, the task I have set for that day is the only thing I’ll be doing, it is a big task but I can only do this when we’re closed. That’s it! The rest of the 9 days I’ll keep to myself. I can’t take any more plans. I’ve been going since the first of October. I wasn’t home for most of October, and November was dedicated to reconnecting with family, work, and the day to day life errands. December just about killed me because of work. I was the only manager for a solid week, received a record breaking amounts of truck loads this month, took care of as much freight and deliveries as much as possible, and I still feel behind. We are low in stock of everything even though we’ve been receive stuff like crazy this month. At this point, the next truck I’m getting is practically all sold at this point. I have help, I just didn’t expect to have mooorre to do after I got help. There isn’t a thing at my job I hate doing. Every minute I spend there is a minute gained in my mind. I’ve already set goals to speak with my bosses to help me work out my schedule so that I’m not working as much because that seems to be my problem. I’ve also made goals to actually learn out to eat again, I haven’t been eating and it’s pretty bad now because I can skip a meal no problem, when I do eat, I eat very small portions, eating and chewing in general makes me sick. I know I don’t have misophonia, but I don’t like to chew my food. It’s exhausting and annoying to do. I said to myself today that I’d rather drink my food. It’s easier to get down the throat, I can be doing stuff while I eat, I don’t have to make meals, just blend it up! It’s all going to end up that way anyway in my stomach. Ugh I just hate how fucking out of control I am. I dedicate my energy for what I believe in, then I don’t have any left when I get home and I just end up laying in bed all day, sulking in my own puddle of absolute crap. Also I practice self discrimination unconsciously. I’ve worked with therapists before and they work for a little while, but I don’t want to go back yet. I can’t tell if I’m still going to be like this after I get this Xmas break. It’ll be here in a few days but still, if I don’t get better, then I’ll have to start scheduling appointments again. This fucking sucks. I hate the way I feel and yet all I want to do is stew in my own bullshit. I’ve had my period for over two months now, off and on. I can’t seem to get rid of cold sores, and they keep coming. My hair has always had split ends and I don’t know how to help my hair and make it look flawless like so many women I see everyday. I haven’t found a hair product that actually works for my hair. I don’t know how to cook very well, nor do I have a lot meals up my sleeve. I love cleaning and doing house duties, but they become dreadful and overwhelming to do. OH MY GOD IF I COULD JUST TAKE ONE STEP AT A TIME, THAT WOULD BE FUCKING FANTASTIC! I can’t seem to focus my energy on on thing at a time. K, I’m gonna go cry now. I cry a lot too. Bye
|
depression
|
I know EMDR is not necessarily proven to be wildly successful with CPTSD but just wondering if anyone else has had success with it as a medium?
So far I have not had much progress..maybe it's my constant resistance that is hard to break down, but just feel super stuck and not sure this is the way.
Thinking of going to a therapeutic massage place next. I dunno. Wish something worked.
Thanks for reading.
|
ptsd
|
Feel free to explain in the comments
[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/nxue2d)
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OCD
|
I feel like getting admited in a psych ward would be better than where I am now. Am I the only one that just wish to be disconnected, no responsabilities or expectations to live up to? I feel like it would be the dream, to just be away from the "real world"
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depression
|
For the past week or so I've noticed that as I interact with my other half that whenever there is a hint of any kind of misunderstanding or conflict, my brain quite literally decides to shut down. My partner is very understanding and sweet when I get this way but I'm very confused as to why this feeling comes up.
It's like I have a bunch of thoughts going through my head then they are suddenly wiped away because I get scared of conflict. When my mind goes blank like that, it feels very scary because I feel even more vulnerable and I start crying or need to separate myself from the conversation until I calm down a bit and regain clarity mentally.
I'm sure this is a trauma response put in place by my subconscious as a way of protecting me from harm. I am in therapy but I haven't brought this up to my therapist yet.
It's been a long time since I've had these kinds of reactions and it makes me feel very helpless when it happens. Has anyone had a similar trauma response and if so what are some ways to cope with it? Anything helps, thank you!
|
ptsd
|
So recently my company hired someone new, and the person looks a lot like the person who abused me when I was a kid. It kind of freaks me out, he has the same eyes and nose and he just looks like him. I feel like it's stupid, but sometimes when I see him around at work, I tense up and my brain just goes on red alert and I feel like I cant breathe. I feel bad, because it's not the guy's fault, and he's been nice so far, but I just cant look at him without being reminded of it. The real guy is dead so I dont know why I cant just focus and be okay... I don't really know what to do. I cant do anything like switching jobs or anything at the moment, and I'm trying to deal with it somehow. I've never been here before, I'm kind of new to reddit, but I thought maybe I could post this here and maybe ask for help? Or at least just get it off of my chest
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ptsd
|
I was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder only just a few weeks ago. I am 18, 19 in two months, and I just started college two hours away from my parents. I always had friends in elementary and high school, but I always had trouble communicating and connecting with others. I was able to attend community college during my last two years of high school in order to earn an associate's degree, but that meant I was not socializing with many kids my age.
For a long time my autism was just thought to be a mix of depression, anxiety, and gender dysphoria. My family and doctors assumed these were the reasons I could not relate to and communicate with others. Most of the friends I did have were always extroverts who "adopted me" and kept me around for a few years. I thought that because I was trans that was another reason I struggled so much in life, but now that I am in the middle of my transition and am much more comfortable with my body, I still struggle with symptoms that can only be identified as autism.
I am writing this post because I don't think I am going to be able to make it through college. I believe I will have to move back home and figure something out there. I just feel so stupid. It is not the school piece that bothers me, I am naturally good in school, and I excel in my classes, it's the college environment, the loud noises, the roommate and dorm situation, and many other things.
The doctor that diagnosed me with autism left for another hospital right after my diagnosis, so I don't even know how to deal with this. I see a therapist and have graduated from DBT therapy, so I know how to handle my depression and anxiety, but I have absolutely no idea how to operate in this world as autistic. My therapist doesn't even know I have autism yet due to a break she has taken, and I feel so embarrassed telling her.
I am so disappointed. I thought I would go to college, move away from my parents, get a job, get married, and own a house. Now, I am not even sure I can work full-time. Most of all, I feel bad for my parents because they have barely just accepted me being trans, and now they have to deal with my autism too.
I don't think that autism has ruined my life, and I am not going to fall back into my depression. I am going to make it through this hard period like I always have, but I just never imagined that this would be my life. Sorry for the long post, this is all just so new to me and I need some advice in handling it. Thank you.
|
aspergers
|
little background of my situation
My family sucks i don't wanna be with them i dont wanna meet them. I have been bullied alot. I have been raped and i have been in 2 bad relationships.
Im currectly in good healty relationship with 2 cats and its dream come true but i cant shake my past off and future does seem nice with this person but i still struggle to want keep living. I have bad case of sosial anxiety and depression on top of that why you might ask cuz things i have had to go throught i really cant stand crowds im afraid of being in malls or events even group of ppl larger than 20 ppl gives me trouple. So earlier i was talking with the bf how i think i have ptsd cuz of my panic attacs and getting selfharming state of mind in situations like this and how i dont think i would have survived without my cat who is now 3-4 years old cuz i would have given up on life if it wasnt for him and im gonna soon see a special doc about going to therapy regularly and i dont know how to ask them that id like a paper that proves my condition so i could possibly have support animal for me any thoughts?
|
ptsd
|
Today was the first day at my new job (Companionship and Home Care) I love everything about it but for some reason I feel like I should be feeling a certain way or differant to how I am? Everything about it seems so normal and part of my nature, but I feel like that’s weird or strange even though it’s a good quality to have.
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ptsd
|
A couple of weeks ago I wrote a post about stop using Venlafaxine. It is a terrible experience. I just want you to know I made it and I am ok now.
|
ptsd
|
So I keep having POCD images in my mind. I keep having intrusive images of like 12 year old girls sitting on my lap around...that area. It’s never happened so I don’t know how it feels but in my mind I “feel” like I would like it. Is this bad? Does that mean I’m a pedo? I feel like there’s a since of false attraction which freaks me out. The thought of being a pedo never even crossed my mind until “what if I’m a pedo?” Entered my brain
|
OCD
|
Does anyonw have them? Like
I love music. But its difficult to stay focused on if im just listening to it. I l9ve hearing it when riding, at a car, when making stuff or other things.
This makes me feel troubled specially because Im a musician and producer.
Amazingly somedays I manage to stay a couple hours hearing it in peace without moving
|
ADHD
|
I have been on a journey to find the right meds for me for 2 months. Started on concerta which didn’t work properly and gave me bad crashes and switched to Vyvanse (or Elvanse as im in the UK). I react quite intensively to stimulants, even recreationally.
I started on 20mg 8 days ago and whilst it was better than concerta with no crash, I didn’t feel like it was doing THAT much for my exec dysfunction etc. I have started today on 30mg and feel more motivated however everytime I start a new dose or medication, I feel super speedy and don’t know where to place my energy. I am not working at the moment which maybe isn’t helping bc I have nothing to do, but I am meant to be helping a friend with some consultancy, so I thought today that I’d try and get started on that but I just couldn’t. I sat and done one slide of the document but that’s it.
Basically, what i’m trying to get at is does anyone else feel quite speedy and high for the first few days of a dosage increase or medication change? And do you find that you can’t place all the energy you have?
It generally seems to calm down within a few days/ a week but i’m not sure if this is a universal experience as can’t seem to find anything on this. If this will calm down and I can place my focus properly then great, but so far with meds i’ve felt although i have a bit more energy, I don’t know what I want to do or how to make use of this medication.
I’m so confused, what do i need to do lol :(
|
ADHD
|
As an adult with depression (29) I find it still effecting my relationships. I’m supposed to be visiting my family for Christmas but this last week has knocked me out. I can barely get out of bed and I don’t think I’m going to make it for the holidays with my family. Does anyone have advice in explaining this to family? I know they will be devastated but I do not have the energy to travel. I’m barely making it through the days.
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depression
|
I’m on the verge of tears. I desperately need to get a job. I’ve been applying to different jobs since Thursday and all of them seem so extremely unfit for me. Most ”unskilled” student-type jobs include working in supermarkets, coffee shops, factories and other busy environments.
Meanwhile I can’t even get groceries in a large supermarket because it takes me ages, and feels like torture. The music and noises are too distracting, the colours too overwhelming, and the products are impossible to find. It makes me feel as if I was floating in space with no sense of time or direction. Meanwhile everything around me is happening too fast. Everyone is running and I’m trudging through sludge. I get sidetracked and distracted. It’s a labirynth with no exit. My thoughts are like 5 out of tune radio stations stuck inside my brain. People keep getting annoyed at me because I’m standing in their way.
Job listings ask for people who are punctual, organised, good multi-taskers, disciplined, persistent, attentive, quick; all the qualities I painfully lack. I have to lie on the job applications as much as I can but it can only take me so far. I can’t even make it past a job interview because I’m too awkward as I can’t speak under pressure. And when I do get a job, it’s a factory job. I keep getting in trouble for not being able to keep up the pace and making errors. Like a dog I have to walk to my boss’ office to explain myself. Then I get fired.
A lot of jobs require me to take a test. Sometimes this test is timed. I can’t do timed tests. I had this problem throughout the entirety of my education. Before I even start, I’m destined to fail.
I messed up a job application today because I didn’t follow instructions correctly during one of these tests. I won’t be able to apply for this company for the next 6 months. My ADHD and autism symptoms are ruining everything in my life.
Yet I see people with ADHD and/or autism who are doing just fine, who can get and hold down a job. I try not to compare myself, but it’s impossible under this economical system, which is built around competition. I don’t know how I’m ever going to survive when I can’t take even the most basic of jobs. I honestly feel disabled but I’m not disabled enough to be seen as such. Nobody will accomodate my needs. I live in the liminal space of disability. I feel worthless.
On the other hand, I’m angry at this system for being so ableist. If only my disabilities were taken seriously, maybe I could do better. If only ADHD and autistic people were given a chance before we are written off, maybe I could prove my worth. Sadly, we usually need more time to adjust to new environments, and this is not profitable for the capitalists. Nobody’s going to give us a chance. There’s no equality of opportunity. We aren’t valuable members of society to them.
|
ADHD
|
Does ERP Work For Everyone?
I’m tired of forcing myself to do things I don’t want to do in recovery the last 4 years. I’ve been in ACA, and other childhood trauma healing paths. I have just ended up filled with rage, resentment, shattered and angry and sometimes in extreme frantic despair that has led me to the ER afraid I’d take my own life. *BECAUSE* I’m unsure of facing fear VS safety and avoiding what makes me so frantic.
Now I’ve learned about ERP, and OCD therapy. MORE work to do… before I can one day rest and earn enjoyment of a second of life…
But I have thought-based OCD that can sometimes make ambivalence and paralysis happen. I’m isolated and afraid.
ERP seems like a maze and a snake eating it’s own tail, stifling because you can’t ask questions or ask for support. It seems you’re shut up and stifled and suffocated - which for me as someone from a family where I was not allowed to express anger, only take it, feels very re-traumatizing.
I have complex PTSD, and OCD from alcoholic/dysfunctional family trauma.
Does ERP work for everyone who turns to it? Or can it harm some people?
Don’t care if this re*ssurance seeking, I want to know if I need to do this shitty process that I truly do not want to do, after doing 3 years of OTHER trauma work I didn’t want to do that brought me to my knees and the ER.
I’m open to healing, but I’m not willing to risk my life and becoming frantically petrified and confused again. My body and nervous system can’t take that anymore. I have been repeatedly shattered.
The fear of ERP makes me OCD, and I seriously doubt it, given my track record with other complex PTSD and inner child healing paths. I’m tired of forcing myself to do shit I don’t want to, and getting worse.
Now I have OCD about ERP.
So, what that in mind: Is ERP good for everyone? How do I know it’s right for me if the idea of it makes me fill with extreme rage, resistance, resentment, and it makes me feel awful? How can always living like that be healing, and not just make you worse?
|
OCD
|
“Omg I’m so cancer because my cough is bad today, haha”
Like almost everyone knows that’s offensive to cancer patients, but why hasn’t society realized that using OCD as a synonym for perfection is offensive?
|
OCD
|
TRIGGER WARNING: Small mention of suicidal thoughts in the last paragraph.
I didnt get dignosed for adhd until I was 18. I was 17 when I actually learned about it. Until then, neither me nor my family ever really knew what it was outside of whatever we picked up from media or casual conversations.
For my entire life, I've struggled with jobs and school. I was able to get decent grades, which I'm very proud of, but not without plenty of tears and self confidence destruction. I've always seemed to struggle with things that most other people in my life haven't. I felt like I was just bad at everything. It lead to a lot of self hate and damaged my relationships. I never understood why I could be so bad.
Finally I got dignosed and worked with a pychitrist a few months ago. And slowly but surely I've been learning to stop hating myself for my symptoms. I've stopped forcing myself to think and act as if I didn't have adhd. I started working around my symptoms with aknlowedgment instead of focusing on how much I hatedmyself. For the first time in my life, I have a job that I've managed to actually enjoy. I'm happy throughout the day. I've built friendships I could have never had. I've accepted that I'm hyper and talk alot and it turns out, when you accept those things, socialization gets easier! Of course, im on medication too. That really takes the edge off all my symptoms. No, it doesn't take them away, but it certainly makes them easier to manage.
I'm making money, making plans for my future, trying to get better at socialization (and slowly succeeding). Things aren't easy for me still. I'm still struggling, but I've made improvement. It's really taught me that I'm not a hopeless case. I can do this life thing. I used to be really sucidal, not because I was depressed but because I thought life just wasn't for me. And I can actually say now that it might be worth staying alive and seeing how much more I can achieve.
|
ADHD
|
Hi everybody,
I'll be brief: I suffered of OCD in a very strong form until when I was 22; now I am 24.
Luckily I found a good medication for it (I wanna thank my doctor) and now my obsessive-compulsive thoughts are very mild.
I'd like to give you hope (there is a light at the end of the tunnel, don't give up, you can overcome OCD and approach an almost normal life), but I also need to vent my feelings.
I need to vent my feelings because nobody will give me back the teenager years I lost to OCD, nobody will give me back the University years I lost due to too many compulsions...
But mainly I find nobody who can understand the pain I suffered of.
So I came to this Sub, hoping I could find people who understand what this burden was.
I need(ed) to share these thoughts to move on with my life.
Thank you for having read this.
|
OCD
|
I have not been officially diagnosed. I don't know where to start really. I can recognize depression since grade 2 when our house burned. I still have night mares about the whole thing. We lost everything. My cat ran away from the house only to be bit by a rattlesnake and came back and died in my arms. I had lost his sister to a dog attack a few months earlier. We were basically homeless from late September 1987 to April 1990. We lived places but it was with family or temporary guest houses. We lived in a camper for 10 months and a hotel 6months. During this time my dad lost his job and we moved from our family home town our security. We were isolated. I went to 3 schools in 3rd and 4th grade and we lived in 3 different states. Then in my parents religious paranoia we began to home school. My mom who barely finished the 9th grade decided public school was an evil plot to indocrtinate kids.They both worked swing shift so I was responsible to watch my 7and4yr old sibling from afternoon till well after bedtime. We were isolated again. In 1987 my parents decided that holidays were wrong to celebrate so the only thing that brought me joy was taken away. I know it was more the financial burden but the lack of honesty was so hurtful. I have a very hard time being with people. I want to have a village. I want support. I want to be happy and enjoy life with my kids. I can't trust people. I don't see a reason why I'm on the earth. I feel so on edge and screamy all the time. It is really starting to effect my ability to parent properly and I hate the person that I am. What do I do?
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ptsd
|
i’m trying to watch twin peaks but i keep getting distracted. sometimes i rewind if i feel like i missed something or feel like i didn’t soak up every bit of info a character said, if i don’t rewind then i’ll feel guilty. and other times i keep wanting to write a note in my phone after someone said a line i like. also i want to write recaps of episodes so 1. if i wanted to rewatch a episode it’ll be easy to pick 2. i will forget everything i watched so i need to write down key points. at this point i’m irritated with myself because it really shouldn’t be this hard to watch a tv show, goddamnit it requires no work whatsoever.
|
ADHD
|
Free of obsessive stuff, free of overthinking stuff and live a life free of compulsion.
|
OCD
|
My aorta literally ripped a year ago. I thought it was my stomach but it was my aorta and now that my muscles have ripped to try to patch it nothing shows up on imaging.
I vomit and pass out constantly, my back feels ripped, BP is 140/100 however because it’s not low and nothing shows on scans so no doctor will believe me. Also I just had CTA and nothing showed up but if CT scanners had the ability to be positional then it would have shown. But they don’t.
It pisses me tf off that if I had just gotten a CTA of my abdomen and chest in the ER earlier this year when I had pneumonia I would be diagnosed.
I know my body and I know something is horribly wrong. They took my blood pressure in the hospital from both arms and my left arm didn’t even register and they didn’t do shit about it. I don’t want to die but I can’t take the gaslighting anymore. I’m going to stab myself next week and bleed out.
|
OCD
|
I don’t like to hug people. That doesn’t mean I don’t love them...
Yes, my special interests are incredibly important to me. Just because I can love things doesn’t mean I hate people? He seems to think that I am a little robot, who only loves academics and aquariums and anime characters :(
The world is a hard place for me, and all autistic people.
My love is in my silences, my cups of tea, the way I never forget to turn the heating on before he gets home, so the house is perfectly warm for him.... our love is different, but it’s no less valid. I can tell him I love him, but it isn’t in my voice, or on my face- so to him, it isn’t there.
Sometimes, I feel like a silly little robot who doesn’t know how to love :(
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aspergers
|
Im 21 years old and since i started to take medication a few months ago (atomoxrtine aka strattera) (iapparently i have a mild version of ADHD not the whole syndrome) i was espectig to solve all my simptoms including my apparent dificulty to sometimes not undestand logical relations, the inteligence by definition, or at leas the academic intelligence or cleverness, but the result was just have a better focus capcaity and less necesity of constant estimulation (hyperactiviy) but im still being dumb. This is so sad.
Did some of you become more smart after taking madication or no?
(sorry for my broke english)
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ADHD
|
I’m 100% apathetic. The emotions I feel just will not come out. I’ve talked to family, friends, doctors, and yet I just can’t. I feel like a balloon that just keeps getting bigger and wont pop. My happy face is my sad face. It goes as far as my voice. Flat, no emotion. Most doctors think I’m faking it and it’s stressful. Apparently it’s intimidating to others as well. It’s always effected my life. I don’t know what to do anymore.
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depression
|
I mean really, everything is too expensive, it's impossible to find work unless you're related to somebody rich. Why is it so bad to give up when you know you can't win? I know I can't win and I never will. So why try?
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depression
|
Personally, I like to keep my hair long because it feels nice and soft, it gives me something to play with (my own biological stim toy!), and I just like the way long hair looks on people. I prefer my nails to be short though; I've tried growing out my nails before but it just feels weeeeeird and I freaking hate the feeling of accidentally them scraping against stuff like paper and stuff like that! I do like to paint them once in a blue moon.
What about you, you like long hair too? Have some sensory issues around hair? You got a thing for falsies? I'm really curious, haha.
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aspergers
|
We are expecting baby #4, but this is the first time that we don't have any help from family (aside from baby #1, but we didn't have other children to care for then). Husband was recently diagnosed with ADHD and seems to be doing much better with focus at work and at home now that he is medicated, but he still struggles when there is no one to help keep him on track or when his plans change in a short period of time.
For example, a family member of mine passed away and I ended up spending a week with our kids in my home state while husband stayed home (not able to get the time off). I came home and the dishes hadn't been done all week, his laundry was in piles around the house, and the home improvement project he's been working on was untouched. These are all normal things for him to take care of, but without me home, they were just ignored in lieu of video games.
Another example (and why I'm worried specifically about his upcoming leave), is when I and the kids got Covid last week. The kids were all asymptomatic, but it hit me hard. I was largely useless and spent out of my days in bed, but I still needed to make our meals and coordinate naptimes. I was so exhausted by bedtime that husband did that task alone...turns out the kids didn't bathe the entire week and only brushed teeth one night while I was sick. The kids sat in front of the TV while husband played his video games for a huge majority of the time.
In both of these situations, when I brought them up later, he says that the unexpectedness of them made it so he was unable to focus and plan and take care of the house/kids/projects as he normally would. But, baby can come any day now and I'm worried about the surprise of it, the sudden derailing of his weekly plan, and how that will affect the house and kids.
I will be home and able to keep the kids on schedule (I'm a SAHM and maintain a general schedule for my own sanity), but there are things I will not be able to do while I'm recovering from birth and taking care of the newborn. I do have meals for at least 2 weeks taken care of (filled up the freezer so I can "make" a home cooked meal with minimum effort), but laundry, naptimes, baths, teeth brushing, etc. will still need to be done.
Any tips for helping my husband prepare for this time or tips for while we are in the trenches and he has lost his focus or can't get on task?
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ADHD
|
I'm just wondering because I'm starting to realize that I might have a really bad phobia for death. Okay yeah, everyone is either afraid of it or accepted it but this isn't like a normal level of fear I guess you could say. I've had this fear since I was like 8 and it only got worse with age.
I haven't really spoken that much about it to my therapist bc I'm afraid that if I say it, it'll happen. This fear has taken a lot out of my life and made me not be able to sleep, leave the house, and now not feel safe in my own home. There's literally no reason for me to but the feeling is there and its eating me alive.
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OCD
|
I have an assignment that is due in two weeks exactly. Its a book study on a book called Indian Horse. The assignment is 8 sets of questions we have to answer with a minimum of 8 sentences, and you have to pick two questions from each set. So that's 16 sentences min times 8 which is 128 sentences in less then two weeks.
Each paragraph has to be backed up from notes and group discussion, but I'm too behind to include that stuff. The book is really hard to get though as it is about the truths behind residential school, and hockey, I know literly nothing about hockey. This book is is graphic and confusing and I have to write essay sized paragraphs to connect and go through book. We are going to fast, it's so overwhelming, and I realize this is the stuff I am expected to be able to do in grade 9 but please, 128 sentences? IN TWO WEEKS.
my entire class is already way ahead of me, on question set four I just finished question set one. WHY AM I NOT ABLE TO FINISH AS FAST AS EVERYONE ELSE?
My brother who also has ADHD AND absolutely HATES everything that has to do with writing or reading, it has to be the most depressing and stressful subject ever.
Help me I need motivation.
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ADHD
|
Does anyone struggle with depression and social anxiety and never having dated anyone? I’m a 21 yr old college student who has never done anything sexual and I’m not waiting for marriage or anything I just don’t put myself out there. And having depression doesn’t help. Maybe because I don’t trust people and I don’t like physical touch.
People are confusing, like is confusing. And I also think what is virginity and is it just a social construct ?
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depression
|
I started on 5mg of Adderall IR Tuesday and the first day wasn't like mind-blowing or anything, but I did notice a few big differences. My head felt clearer and while I was driving I realized I was actually paying attention to my driving instead of being distracted by everything. I noticed a little difference in my school work and being able to focus in the mornings, but by afternoon that was gone. Today I took my medicine around 8 AM and have been trying to do school work but find myself back to forwarding thru lectures and getting on my phone, then getting up, etc. For some reason I'm not only noticing when the medicine is helping but I feel like I'm noticing my ADHD symptoms in a way I never did before.
I go back to the doctor in a week and a half, I'm guessing she wanted to see how I did on a low dose. I'm guessing I will need a dose adjustment or something. Does this sound fairly typical? The first medicine she tried was Strattera which gave me a horribly urgency to pee (couldn't hold it one day and stopped taking the medicine), and it took ALL my energy and focus away.
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ADHD
|
My panic attack started with thinking that there was a parasite in my banana and then thinking that everything else in my fridge is contaminated therefore I can’t eat anything and therefore I would pass out (I hadn’t eaten all day). Aftwrwards all of my fears just cycled through in waves and it was so overwhelming.
Normally I can catch an anxious thought and stop it before I feel it physically affecting my body. What do I do when all of my fears/thoughts hit me at once? I still feel some anxiety about it two days later and I’m trying to sleep more and relax but it’s in the back of my mind. I’ve never had a panic attack that I couldn’t stop so I guess I’m just shaken up by the fact that it CAN happen to me and sometimes I might not be able to do anything about it.
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OCD
|
Titled "Lonesome Cowboy." The lonelyness... the not wanting to get into fights... keeping an attitude of social vagrancy in life.. and a faithful pet... "I aint nobody's fool" We ARE the lonesome cowboys.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6XStbIfIQFM](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6XStbIfIQFM)
|
aspergers
|
I have PTSD, anxiety and depression. My CPTSD is from abandonment as a child but also from a fatal accident 3 years ago where my friend passed away next to me. Anything helps. Even facts about PTSD to educate him. Thanks!
|
ptsd
|
I had rocd with my ex, after he broke up with me months ago rocd literally disappeared (don't worry, we didn't broke up because of rocd, i loved him). Now it's been some days that i'm worrying about the relationship that i have with my bestfriend.
She is amazing,the best bff that i could ever ask for, she is funny, supportive and all but lately i get "angry" so easily at her. We have a real dark humor, we call each other names and then we laugh about it, or we make fun of eachother but i found myself getting annoyed very easily when she does these things, even if she's not serious. Probably is because i'm EXTREMELY stressed for the school, i'm studying like crazy for a SUPER IMPORTANT EXAM (she is studying too), but idk..i'm so scared i'm getting tired of her, i don't wanna lose her... today, despite these little moments of annoyance, i had so much fun with her.
Why i feel like this? Am I losing her? And i getting tired of her? I feel like crying.
|
OCD
|
If you know someone who comes off as "bitchy" or "condescending" PLEASE know that MOST times it's not on purpose. It's literally the only way their brain thinks. A hardened thought process and view of the rough world they live in. It's depression. It's not to hurt you or push you away.
▶️ Normalize having patience for hardened humans who end up sounding condescending no matter what they say or how they say it. They are trying to change the way they speak but it's just not that easy.
|
depression
|
[Here's a resource](https://www.amazon.com/Mental-Health-Through-Will-Training-Abraham/dp/1796971839/ref=sr_1_3?crid=3T8QXRN1SQY3B&dchild=1&keywords=mental+health+through+will+training+abraham+low&qid=1630885521&sprefix=mental+health+thro%2Caps%2C166&sr=8-3) with a very interesting story around it.
Abraham Low was a neuropsychiatrist working in a state mental hospital, and he eventually noticed that despite his best efforts and the newest research, the patients inevitably came back, just as sick as before.
So he came up with a self-help program that's considered to be the foundation of cognitive therapy. You can read about him [here.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abraham_Low)
But the best thing is, they have [support meetings all over the world](https://recoveryinternational.org/). They're free. I hope someone finds this useful.
|
aspergers
|
It kinda just dawned on me today and it makes me feel like crap.
|
aspergers
|
The world is going to end in the future and there will be no trace of us at all. Although there is happiness and freedom in times of our lives it doesn't matter in the long run. I only live for other people so they don't get depressed. Although contradicting my statement, it feels wrong to leave them. I don't understand how people want to live until they die naturally. Sorry for the rant, i hope everyone is doing well.
|
depression
|
My special interests are pretty vanilla —
* Art
* Music
* Cats
* Psychology
* Quantum Physics
* Pink (the color, not the artist, lol [but don't get me wrong, she's a goddess!])
* Friends (the show, seriously, ask me anything!)
—though definitely special interests (I do one or all of these things daily and often to my detriment and I forget to eat or do anything else when immersed) and so I was curious what are some more uncommon special interests some of you might have out of curiosity!
:)
|
aspergers
|
Sometimes my mind can be free of stress and panic but I'm so used to those feelings 24/7 I feel weird when I don't have them when they subside for a few minutes anyone else like this?
Also if the grammar is bad I'm sorry I have dyslexica
|
OCD
|
A few months ago I came out to my mother as being bisexual. Her response was not good to put it lightly.
Ever since then I felt the need to get out. I moved in with my girlfriend's family (now fianceé), and have lived here for about a month now.
And, since I quit my manufacturing job in 2019, I have been struggling to get a job that pays well and doesn't make me want to kill myself. I moved here with the knowledge that it would be easy to get a job and start supporting myself and my fianceé's dreams. And I couldn't have been more wrong. Since coming here I've put in around 15 applications for IT, security, and food service. I have a CompTIA A+, military experience, and 4 years of restaurant experience. No one has called me back yet. The only companies that have offered me jobs so far are pyramid schemes. It baffles me why I can't get a job that pays 15 an hour.
I'm starting to think the only thing keeping me alive is my fianceé. I can't leave because she needs my support financially and emotionally, and I need hers. I've been hemorrhaging funds since moving here basically paying for everyone to eat. If I don't find a job by February I'll be completely broke or forced to leave her and move back in with my parents.
I just want a shred of hope.
|
depression
|
So, I did something stupid. My best friend/roommate said some things that upset me and instead of confronting her about it face-to-face, sleep-deprived!me made the mistake of sending her a long, meandering, vaguely-accusatory message about it on Discord. In the past, she's pointed out how I tend to shut down when I'm upset about something and has encouraged me to express dissent more openly going forward, and at the time, this felt like a safe way of doing that.
She responded with an even longer message pointing out all the ways sending a message like that is manipulative and toxic behavior, and tbh, she was right about all of it. I immediately asked if it would make her more comfortable to continue this conversation in-person and when she confirmed, I went over and apologized. Though she was angry, she said that she was more angry at my actions than at me personally and that she knew I wasn't intentionally trying to be manipulative. Sure enough, an hour later, she was being her normal friendly self to me as if it had never happened.
(Note, this wasn't an act on her part; she's very quick to thoroughly and emphatically call people on their bullshit, even loved ones, and then go on loving them soon after.)
The problem: due to PTSD making me extremely conflict-avoidant, I've never been in an argument like this before. My general IRL social style is to avoid hurting feelings at all costs. Having failed that today, I can't stop thinking about what she said about my actions being toxic. At the time, I felt so sure that what I was doing was reasonable and okay even though it wasn't, and that makes me worry that I'm a toxic person. I feel like some terrible, irreparable part of me has been exposed and that there's no way to change it or cover it up again.
She's forgiven me and moved on. How do I do the same?
|
ptsd
|
TL:DR I have a doctors appointment booked for Wednesday and I am really excited and really terrified! It’s taken me a long time to get to this point and I’m proud of myself.
A support for learning teacher at my school helped me write a letter which I gave to my mum this morning about how I want to see the doctor about possible ADHD and she booked me an appointment!
Admittedly when she picked me up after school she did spend a long time telling me about how everyone forgets stuff and how she forgets stuff too, everyone struggles to focus sometimes. She said I was just crap, disorganised and scatty but I don’t even care because I know that she doesn’t actually know very much about ADHD and that doesn’t matter because I’m just glad I can get professional help.
She was asking me lots of questions and she got mad when I told her that I’d forgotten to finish a college assessment once so I decided that it would be a bad idea to tell her about how behind I am in all my college stuff and about all of the school stuff that hasn’t been great either.
Sadly she reminded me why I didn’t want to tell her in the first place but at least now she can’t be upset that I went behind her back because she knows what I want to do.
Anyway I know it sort of turned into a rant I’m still glad I did it.
|
ADHD
|
I was sexually assaulted about eight years ago. He was 21, I had just turned 16 about two months prior. He had invited me over to watch tv and didn’t mention his family wouldn’t be there. He was my ride because I still wasn’t very good at driving. I blamed myself for a long time and my parents still don’t know. I was a child and he took any feeling of security from me. He knows what he did and now he has a daughter.
This is how I deal with it all when it gets overwhelming in my head. I hope it helps some of you who are going through the same things.
Red streaks across my skin
Which makes me come to realize
That I am just a clump of raw meat
Chew me up and spit me out
And that’s where you’ll find me
A spill on the floor
Visceral
Warm
A mere open wound for you to squirm into
But am I sleeping because my eyes are closed?
Am I here because I’m present?
Did I say yes because you didn’t hear no?
My legs are heavy
They throb
I shake
I shatter
I suffocate
Bruise
Choke
Spit
Push
Squeeze
Rip
Ache
I am dazed
My mind is in a cloud
But still yet there is a carnal fear
That has been instilled in me
Which reads the tales of stoning
Being tied and torn by horses
And I had heard before
Of such trials and tribulations
Yet I am the one who must forgive the sins of the flesh
And be grateful that a split second had occurred
And let some small light into a wicked heart
So that some latex was thought to be hastily grabbed and worn
How jubilant am I!
Blessed be the fruit!
Tell me
How am I supposed to forgive your sins of the flesh
When my flesh was not yours
To sin against?
I have burned in your place at this stake
For far too long
You
Though
Slithering worm
Will burn for much longer
I will expose you just as soon
As you crawl out from beneath my skin
|
ptsd
|
I’m at a point in life where nothing holds value anymore besides my sister. she shouldn’t be the only reason i wanna stay out of guilt for leaving her behind if i do. I just want to be happy again and feel wanted but my own head is my worst enemy and i’m trapped in it.
I have nobody to go to with anything and i don’t want to burden my sister anymore. Actually that’s the way to put it, I treat myself as if i’m a burden on everyone, knowing i’m probably not, but i cannot escape it. so that piled on top of everything else going on has severely been pushing me closer and closer to calling it the two weeks especially.
How do you find happiness in a dark
place?
|
depression
|
Hey, guys. I’m having a particularly rough time. I was repeatedly triggered for several days in a row and now my thoughts are out of control. I also experience feelings with these thoughts, and I’ve read that false feelings can accompany OCD but they feel so real. I feel completely awful and scared and ashamed and hopeless. I just need some friendly encouragement right now.
|
OCD
|
I have an emotional attachment to my laptop I got for my 18th birthday in 2008. tulip has helped me cope through so much, depression and everything. Anyway, I found a really good technician and he was very understanding and very helpful. He fixed her before when the motherboard failed, and I don’t know if she needs a motherboard replacement again because she is sort of coming on like the CD drive is working but there is no sound or anything on the screen. Anyway I took tulip today and he said he will have a look. But I really can’t bear I have to be away from her for so long. I may have to be without her for two weeks. And even though I’ve got a newer laptop and don’t go on her as much, it’s a sentimental value but I keep her and I hold the laptop to my chest when I’m upset, she instantly calms me down. It probably sounds extremely weird but I get really positive energy off tulip.
And it really annoys me when people say, oh well you still got a laptop to use. But that’s not the point, if I’m away from home for a few nights I have to take Tulip with me even though I don’t go on the laptop I just need to know that she isn’t far away from me.
But whenever she is away for repair like this I’m just constantly feeling so sick and I go off my food and everything. Does anybody get anything like this? I’ve already written and printed off a letter that if I am dying I need tulip near me and to be buried with me please give me some tips how to get through these few weeks. Also, whenever I have nightmares Tulip often comes in a woman form and helps me out like helps me get away if I’m being attacked and stuff
|
aspergers
|
For about 2 years my mom would scream at me for hours about how useless and pathetic I was for being chronically ill. I now have PTSD from that which is always fun. But a few months ago I accidentally told her about the trauma in an argument, and she’s been trying to reconnect and be nicer. I think she genuinely feels bad? But my issue is that I either have a panic attack or dive into a dissociative episode every time I so much as even HEAR her voice. I literally CAN’T reconnect with her and I don’t think I want to. I’m 16 so I still have 2 years until I can move out. What should I do??? Should I figure out a way to tell her to fuck off, or should I keep going along with it ?
|
ptsd
|
any suggestions for ptsd support groups? (online, in person, hybrid, etc.) i’m struggling to find a solid resource and groups that actually meet. thanks!
|
ptsd
|
The last time a meme on this subreddit, I was told by admin to stop it or else I will be baned from this subreddit. So I was wondering why aren't memes allowed fromnow on on this subreddit? I think it's funny and kinda good to laugh allitle bit about ocd. Please don't ban me, I'm just asking.
|
OCD
|
After first starting treatment for PTSD I spiraled for like a week, but after my last appointment a couple days ago I was okay! And I'm still okay.
The coping mechanisms I've been learning are becoming more habitual.
I feel prepared to deal with the triggers I encounter regularly (necessary for work atm).
I was having flashbacks earlier today and felt able to handle them. It's only been a couple hours but I feel pretty much back to normal now. I'm sitting here and I'm okay.
Just want to share some of the positives going on rn. Don't want to always be venting the negative. Anyway, I hope yall are having a nice day!
|
ptsd
|
My cat was sleeping and he looks so cute so I kissed him on his head. After that, I went to the stair and saw my uncle there. After passing my uncle, I feel a tingling feelings on my lips. Did I kiss my uncle?
|
OCD
|
For example, I get sad over the idea of an alternate timeline where someone didn't get the thing they wanted, a person acted badly, or something tragic occurred. They're not even real scenarios, so I'm not even sure why I feel the way I do.
But regardless, I was just wondering if anyone else has had this experience. Not sure if it's a more general Aspie thing or a "me" thing, so it would be interesting to hear from others.
|
aspergers
|
So I had been experiencing side effects from Prozac the last two nights when the doctor upped the dose from 10mg to 20mg, so after asking him, decided to go back to 10mg, but I had all the pills in the week-numbered pill container box and carefully transferred back the 20mg pills back into the original container and left the blood pressure medicine in the pill container.
I made sure to only take 1 blood pressure pill a few moments ago and looked at the pill closely before taking it, making sure I wasn’t taking Prozac. I was thinking of taking a picture just in case, but figured that was ocd behavior and maybe I should try to resist it. Now I’m worrying myself right now wondering if I took the right medication or whatever. I did right down in a note the words written on the bp pill I took. Now I’m worrying myself sick, but I remember taking a close look at the pill before I took it :/
|
OCD
|
I'm not going to assume I have PTSD, but I will say something feels wrong, like my experiences aren't exactly as bad as most here, so I'm really confused, should I really think I might have PTSD or should I just act like it's minor and it'll go?
But to give an idea of what I went through:
In primary school I was weird, rattled and couldn't seem to keep my head straight, school felt like an entrance to prison.
In secondary school, I was bullied, getting kicked, shoved, pressured into fighting and looked down on by others. I've had money stolen at times as well.
In college, things seemed to reach another level, I wasn't just bullied, I was gaslit. I was repeatedly told everything was just jokes, but it wasn't funny, I expressed my annoyance several times. Here's a list of things that was done but don't seem to be done between themselves:
Throwing crisp packets at me
Throwing bottles at me
Peer pressured into horseplay
Repeatedly challenged to fight
Name calling
Holding onto my stuff to annoy me until the end of class
Filming me getting angry
Falsely accused me of being in the wrong
Peer pressured into a fist fight, making me throw the first punch and made fun of me for losing
Tried to scare me with a knife (this was an electrician course so a utility knife was needed for cutting cables and wires or something)
Staring and copying my actions in class
Kicking my chair during an exam
Telling me I'm getting loud after a witty comeback
Constantly reminding me they were joking
Since that time I thought I was unaffected, but was I? The trauma seems to come and go, at times it gets very severe and sticks. It did make my depression much worse and kept me out of college at times too, I remember flinching when one of the bullies walked past me. I still get flashbacks and still avoid new people, avoiding sitting with strangers if possible, I avoid interaction with anyone unless they speak to me first so then I can see what they're like. I simply can't get myself to risk going through what I went through again, so I make myself look like the strong silent type, but really I'm just a pussycat.
I'm not sure what to do, my parents have heard me talking about mental health several times, I'm afraid they'll think I'm mad for suggesting PTSD is a possibility. I wish I had a car and money, I'd just run and get help.
|
ptsd
|
Today one of my friends asked Google some sarcastic questions and it didn't know that they were sarcastic and just said an answer that would be the asnwer if it wasn't sarcastic. It has knowledge of all kinds. He also said that it is dumb therefore after he said it I asked him you do know that Google is litarly like me. And so this post was created. Unfortunately I am not an AI nor am I as intelligent as the AI nor do I unfortunately not know as much as the AI. No sarcasm except of the sarcastic question he asked.
|
aspergers
|
Does this happen to everyone? I mean - I guess in a sense it it probably normal.
|
OCD
|
i’ve been having groinal responses to uncomfortable thoughts but it feels like my brain isn’t fighting as hard against these thoughts. i’m worried that after weeks of fighting these i was either in denial or whatever. i’m feeling concerned and ashamed. could someone please help?
|
OCD
|
I've been working from home since March-2020 (and I'm just asking this now, i know right) what has helped you with working remotely? I like the convenience, better work/life balance, etc...I personally love my 49in monitor, record player, decent ANC earbuds (these are especially handy since my son has had to quarantine multiple times and loves doing his school work in my office). Has anything else helped y'all stay on task without the invisible peer pressure/competition of being in office?
|
ADHD
|
Today I realized that I have a great facility to find objects. I always have, but have never noticed how fast I was even though I have mild vision problems. It's as if I passed my eyes and managed to identify and record every element and every detail extremely fast. I have a very good visual memory too. The same doesn't happen with people figures, just objects, drawings or words. Do any of you go through this?
I also have extremely developed hearing, but I know this has to do with Asperger. On the other hand, I have very serious problems with odors, I usually don't fells smell, just very specific things.
​
(Sorry, English is not my native language.)
|
aspergers
|
I've been struggling with ocd for 4 years i think (maybe more) and I'm 18 now, it's only me and my ocd, noone knows about it. Just because i live in a country where people don't believe in therapy, psychology etc (it's not a bad country, it's just people's mentality here). So I'm on my own and i need some advice, guys
|
OCD
|
Falling asleep, waking up, and getting out of bed have always been the three hardest things for me. I keep myself awake until late/early without wanting to, and then regular alarms do nothing to wake me up, because I just turn them off and go back to sleep. And when I do wake up, it takes me hours to get the motivation to get out of bed.
The falling asleep part has definitely lessened in severity since I started meds - I'm asleep around midnight most nights now, instead of 4am. For waking up and staying awake, Alarmy has been working wonders. However - I'm miserable every time the alarm goes off. It's ruining every morning, because I start them off hating being awake, hating that I'm going to have to get out of bed. It really sucks, and I have no idea how to fix it. It's like the only thing I want is to go back to sleep, even if I've had plenty of rest, and the alarm going off is the worst thing to ever happen to me. It's a really strong, negative emotion.
Does anyone have any tips or ways to help this? Or am I just going to have to learn to cope with it?
Edit to add: the misery goes away once I've woken up fully. It doesn't continue through the day - I just think it stops me from being as fully motivated/ready for the morning as I could be, because I spend the first few minutes of every morning miserable. I don't think that I'm actually depressed, because I'm fine for the rest of the day.
|
ADHD
|
at random times (usually once/twice a day) i thought to myself "if i dont do this, this will happen" like today i was walking and i thought to myself "if i dont rip this flower off this plant i wont be sucsessful in life" and only 0.1% of the time am able to keep myself from doing that thing. is this ocd?
|
OCD
|
I definitely wouldn't have had this same opinion a month or so ago, but I'm glad I have OCD right now. It has made me so much more of an empathetic person, and forced me to reconcile with the worst parts of myself. Also the work of keeping my values even in the worst OCD times has given me the mental ability to workout more, and I'm down 22 pounds and feeling really good. I would also say that it's ok if you're not in this place, or if you never get to this place. We are all on our own journeys with this and we all have our own struggles. I just wanted to share that you can take the bad shit of OCD and turn it into a good thing. DM's are open if anyone wants to hear more or needs help.
|
OCD
|
Hi all, I'm 24 and living in London, UK. I would like to ask you guys about my problem which is the fear of mentioning use of medication obtained illegally in the questionnaire required before psychiatrist appointment.
Some insight: For the period of the last 12 months I have been taking private CBT therapy with a psychotherapist triggered by severe depression episode and following terrible breakup of my 4-year long relationship with my live-in girlfriend. The therapist diagnosed me with a number of personality disorders, being \[1\] Bi-polar / Borderline personality disorder, \[2\] Generalised Anxiety Disorder, \[3\] Social Anxiety Disorder, \[4\] High Perfectionism. Because of financial difficulties at some point I was forced to stop my therapy and switch to self-reading on mental health disorders and their management. After doing in-depth reading and attempting to employ couple of coping mechanisms it has come to my mind that I might have ADHD. In order to get full diagnosis I am currently awaiting my appointment with UK psychiatrist, however the waiting list is awfully long (14 months). Therefore, I am considering switching to private service which is ridiculously expensive (£500-1000) and thus would like to make sure they will actually diagnose me with ADHD in order to get my medication legally (as currently I'm kind of breaking the law by acquiring my medication).
In the form that I received there is a box to include information on "Current and past diagnosis (including mental health diagnosis and substance abuse history). This is the point that I'm most concerned of, as I do have some history with cannabis use that progressed into LSD and magic mushrooms and ended up progressing into medicinal dosages of alprazolam (xanax) and Adderall. I am concerned about mentioning it. I am aware that ADHD is often connected with substance abuse and it would most probably help my case. However, I am concerned about mentioning using ADHD meds prior to getting diagnosis as in the back of my mind I feel like this might lower my chances of actually getting these meds prescribed even if I'm diagnosed with ADHD. These meds help me with my inattention, push away depressive and invasive thoughts and generally increase my standard of life allowing me to do normal daily activities and focus on self-development.
That being said, I would be keen on switching to dexedrine (dexamphetamine) as it is main ingredient of Adderall and is approved treatment for ADHD in UK (however, first line treatment is methylphenidate). I worry that my doctor would prescribe me first line treatment as it is less damaging for the organism. I haven't tried that (yet) so I don't know whether this would be better or worse, however, I know that my current supplementation of Adderall is giving me the desired effects. Since I am about to start a new job along with full time masters course and 4-months long certification program, I would like to avoid experimenting with new medication as I have to be the most productive and focused self. I can't afford spending this amount of money on diagnosis that would result in getting back to my depressed, anxious and inattentive self. Over the last two or so years my GP had me on SSRI which did not help at all and just gave me impotence and then SNRI which left me with terrible side effects for couple of weeks and so I had to stop the treatment. I simply can't afford wasting time and money on another experiment on my mind and body.
Has anyone of you had such a problem at the stage of your diagnostic appointment? I would be grateful for any input and sharing your experience and thoughts on the subject.
|
ADHD
|
Hi everyone. I'm again at my lowest cause I'm trying to get off ssris and it's not working . And I'm miserable and after 2 days of being off of them i had a emotional breakdown and cried for this past 2 hours and still feel like crying and tears come too easily to my eyes . Even though i tried to focus on something else . I will be getting back on them again . Also my family isn't really helping since they are egoistic dickheads. I apologise if this is triggering for anyone this is a vent post but I'm feeling messed up . I just want to go to my mum or best friend and cry to them and hug them all day long to feel protected . Also i think i might be struggling with quiet bpd but nobody takes it seriously around me and i have to analyze it with someone else before i consult a psychology but they just brush it off . It costs a fortune tosee one and i would rather not without a proper reason. I don't want to be on antidepressants because i feel too carefree and can't study while on them . I guess i have to try again or idk .what to do i just wished i could evaporate in the air . And i feel ashamed and guilty for feeling this way but it's a lost battle so idk what to fight for anymore why should i pretend. Oh another thing lately i have been hanging out with a guy and it made me realize that I'll probably never have kids cause of my condition. It's scary I'm so afraid of loneliness . But i won't even get into a relationship I'm too scared to traumatise someone by dealing with me o daily basis . Please share your experience if it's something similar to mine
|
depression
|
(tw for drug abuse?) i totally embarrassed myself today. I took too much adderal and got all cracked out and went to a friends house. Then I smoked too much weed. I started to overshare and got really hyped up about my trauma (but mostly our shared trauma) idk if hyped up is the right word but I was talking really fast etc etc and my face was red and my mouth was so dry I kept licking my lips and twitching and felt like an actual crackhead. Like if someone saw me they’d cross the mf street. I just hate when people see me like that cuz I assume they think I’m crazy and I really feel like I kinda am sometimes. and this was the second time I’ve met them. Now I’m home and having a breakdown lolol
|
ptsd
|
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