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I excuse myself in advance for my english since I'm not a native speaker.
I've known I had aspergers ever since I was 8 and my mom studied a master's degree on asd to understand me and me and my dad but even though she had good intentions she teached me to repress my autistic tendencies because she wanted me to be normal. I've always been obsessed with socializing and being included because that's what my mom raised me to do and I even felt sad If I didn't have someone to talk to and I needed to be constantly socializing which made me obssesed in being accepted and included and putting myself in other peoples' shoes before thinking about myself because my mom always taught me that my behavior was selfish. A couple days ago I saw a psychiatrist with asd and she made me realize that and she diagnosed me with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (probably because I forced myself to try to think and act "normal" 24/7) and realizing this and taking this mask off has made my anxiety feel much more managable. Don't put on a mask to be included, especially because we need to realize we don't need that many friends, in fact, at least in my experience trying to handle many friendships is extremely stressful and being used to that as an aspie isn't healthy.
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aspergers
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How do you answer the questions on the PHQ-9? I’m 33 weeks pregnant. I have OCD (pure-o with intrusive thoughts). My main intrusive thoughts are self harm and S word related. I don’t want to do the S word. But it’s a common theme of intrusive thoughts. I had my primary dr appt today and obviously scored terribly on the PHQ-9 because I’m pregnant and literally every pregnancy symptom is something on the PHQ-9 (tired more than usual, poor sleep, irritable, anxious etc). We got to the self harm section and I debated not sharing my true answer which is I regularly have the S thoughts. But I did and she’s now concerned and wants to change my meds and do extra therapy and such. I wish I would’ve never said anything because I knew my primary would not understand that I don’t want to do the thoughts. They’re just a reoccurring theme +I’m effing tired from being pregnant, I have a toddler, I work full time in social services, and I’m in grad school full time. Like of course I’m going to have things come up. But I’m not feeling S!
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OCD
|
Ever since I was a kid I’ve always had problems with turning in the library books on time. And now as an adult it’s even worse because no one is reminding me except myself. I once had a book from my hs library for over a year bc i was just too embarrassed to ever return it. I paid the fine my senior year (they dropped the fine from like $90 to $30 or something)
At this rate I’m tempted to ban myself from the library and only BUY the books. I don’t have a kindle or anything but it seems like in the long run its gonna cost less anyway even if I buy a $20 -$30 book every couple months. (Also I almost never have enough time or motivation to finish it anyway with the time the library allows)
How have you handled books/materials from the library? Anyone been able to come up with a system to get them back in time??
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ADHD
|
I got tired of burning gas so I’m sitting in a parking lot making this post.
The joys of autism.
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aspergers
|
I've suffered with anxiety and have had many panic attacks in my life - I know what a panic attack feels like and how to describe it. I've recently(started in May) had some deep deep trauma decide to present itself after getting 'triggered' from a bad situation.
I've had a few times of these 'attacks'. It's like my whole body freezes and I'm crying and feel like I'm not there but I know I am. It's almost as if I leave my body (I've found this part of it is called dissociation) but how to describe all of it? I want to call it like a full mental breakdown but I dont think that's correct. I *finally* will be starting full time with a therapist on Monday and just want to prepare myself on everything and want to know what to call these breaks. I'd also like very much to not have them happen anymore. It fucks me up for a bit and I hate it.
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ptsd
|
I'm like really happy about it but like what now. Like I literally got medicine for it that I haven't even started yet but like I don't really need it right now. Like nothing really bothers me. I'm confused but happy that it's not bothering me.
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OCD
|
try calling it hibernation.
Imagine the darkness is a cave
in which you will be nurtured
by doing absolutely nothing.
Hibernating animals don’t even dream.
It’s ok if you can’t imagine
spring. Sleep through the alarm of the world. Name your hopelessness
a quiet hollow, a place you go
to heal, a den you dug,
Sweetheart, instead
of a grave.
Andrea Gibson
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depression
|
How do you actually go about this? I'm 27, never had a gf, limited job experience, and no friends. Now, the no friends part doesn't bother me much, as solitude is pretty valuable to me at this point in my life, and i'm working on bettering my job prospects. But i'm still a man, i'm still attracted to women, and i would still love to have a romantic interest in my life. Problem is that i don't feel like i can compete with neurotypical men in dating, as my condition sort of defaults me into a "lower" social status than them, if that makes sense. It's not that i'm lacking confidence, really. But i just feel like i don't live up the expectations that women have of me when dating. I've tried internet dating in the past, but it didn't go anywhere, and with no social circle i'm pretty lost on what to do here.
Can anyone relate to this?
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aspergers
|
wondering if anybody else finds they can really obsess over new friendships or people. i’ve found this to be really frustrating for me recently as it can easily smother a new friendship. sometimes i want nothing more, not a relationship etc yet i’m so obsessed with chatting and hearing from them and simply cannot sit back and relax. it’s as though i’m so appreciative of the connection that it becomes a strong focus in my mind. but it’s not a healthy level and then when it’s not reciprocated causes a lot of doubt and overthink surrounding the friendship. any advice on how to chill would be great.
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OCD
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My therapist will literally just mention one thing like, how old I was, or the location and it makes me go straight back there immediately. Anybody else?
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ptsd
|
Hi there! Not looking for medical advice - just similar experiences.
I (M, 43) sought the help of a psychiatrist for ADHD late last month. I was diagnosed in my late teens, but never accepted treatment. The doctor started me off on 25 mg of Strattera, with the idea that we would work up to what is supposed to be a functional therapeutic dose of something like 80 mg.
With the 25 mg dose, I had side effects of terrible insomnia. I would be able to get to sleep at night, but would wake up after an hour or two with terrible racing thoughts, completely unable to return to sleep. I would end up drugging myself to sleep with larger-than-recommended doses Benadryl, which got me to sleep but would leave me groggy for the entire next day. Not a fan of Benadryl, but it was an emergency measure.
I contacted the doctor, and he prescribed me 10 mg Strattera. Then, he directed me to increase to 20 mg over the course of anywhere between 1 to 3 weeks, at my discretion.
On 10 mgs, I have been getting a peaceful, full nights sleep for the past week. I am within the timeframe where I could try bumping it up to 20 mgs. However, I'm very anxious about doing this, because it will put me close to the dosage that gave me so much trouble before. I *am* planning on doing it at some point within the timeframe my doctor told me to, but am super-nervous.
Anyone else out there have experience with hypersensitivity to Strattera, or conquering its side-effects?
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ADHD
|
If this isn’t allowed, please feel free to delete.
My fiancé (probably) has ADHD. He was diagnosed as a kid, his parents didn’t tell him, and now, as a 34-year old in a master’s program, we are trying to figure out how to get him diagnosed again.
He has struggled with the school thing since I’ve known him. He’s now in year 2 of his Masters and is consistently 2-4 weeks behind on all his work. He frequently struggles to get started on a project, even as he’s stressing about it, only to finally do it and it only take 2-3 hours. I don’t particularly doubt that he has ADHD, I’ve been reading all the resources he links to me and have watched so many YouTube channels about it that they are almost dominating my YouTube feed. I’m really trying to be accommodating.
However, I have to ask, when am I allowed to call him on his behavior? Am I ever?
He’s behind on school work. I get that. School obviously should be the top priority, and I didn’t give him nearly any problems when he kept canceling lunch dates with me (I prolly got a bit snippy and moody time 8-10, I no longer even ask him on dates). Am I allowed to be pissed that he’s picked up another raid night each week (now 3) that he brags that he never, ever misses?
When major important things need done, I’m the one taking basically it all on by myself [ex.finding us a new apartment, paying all our bills on time, coordinating both our social obligations, etc.] while also working full time and then I get, idk, scolded?… when it’s not done the way he wants it done?
Mind you, I have my own disability that I need catering to that I feel he just doesn’t really accommodate to near the level he expects me to accommodate his ADHD. I have TBI, there is quite a bit of overlap with ADHD, but instead of having, say, executive disfunction, I have chronic pain as I literally do not know what it’s like to not be in pain. My brain can get overstimulated easier than a normal brain, and it will both increase my pain and put me in brain fog for several days after overstimulation occurs. I have memory issues and several other things.
I often feel like when he is having a bad ADHD day, I’m not allowed to say anything or expect anything from him, but if I’m havin a bad day (like pain levels at a 7, shooting myself in the head would hurt less levels) I’m still expected to cook us dinner (or at least have a plan for both of us to eat) to listen to him ramble about whatever has caught his attention, even though he’s being loud and causing me more pain, double check anything that needs to be done and basically just still take care of everything. I feel let down and left adrift, but if I try to bring it up, I’m “doing everything you shouldn’t do to someone with ADHD” saying all the “worst things you can tell a person with ADHD” and “why can’t you just be understanding” or “ I finally was thinking you understood”. The word “understanding” is starting to become triggering, it’s starting to sound a lot like “submissive” or “subservient” .
But I do worry. Am I not being understanding enough? Am I not being accommodating enough? Do I have a right to be frustrated and angry right now?
EDIT: sorry for not responding. Some of the responses have been thought provoking but also overwhelming. What I’m getting is that I could probably work on the way I approach these issues (I wholly admit that I don’t always open dialogue in a productive manner) but that overall, he really needs to step it up too and that my frustrations are, at least in part, valid. Thank you all for the insight you have given.
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ADHD
|
my 13 year old shows signs of aspergers but its too costly to get her properly tested and treated. what is the best way as she is struggling big time and i want to help her. her mother wont agree to her getting tested because it was a nasty divorce and shes super oppositional. my daughter thinks her mother is the angel and i am the devil and treats me like dirt and its killing me and her siblings. i want to get her treated before she looks to other means of escape : running away, drugs, alcohol, bad people. what do i do?
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aspergers
|
I’ve had to sell my house. An excruciatingly painful heart breaking decision I had to make. I remember when we bought this house. I pictured us growing old in this house. I pictured us raising children in this house. I pictured us having more than two years of memories in this house. This house was dream worthy perfect for me. And a terrible situation my husband and I ended up in forced us to sell our house and flee. One week today I move out. One more week. Our mortgage fell through on our new house, I don’t know where we are going to go. And now it’s really hitting me. As I sit here and type this, in the room I’m in right now, on week today I won’t be here. Someone else will be here. When I lay in my bed tonight, one week today I don’t know where my bed will be. We have each other, we have our cats and our dogs. But it’s hitting me so deeply right now knowing the house I planned on spending forever in will no longer be mine in one week. In one week a new family will be making memories while mine are packed in boxes. One week today I don’t know where I will be sleeping. I appreciate deeply that even though we don’t know where we will end up we have each other and our pet kids, but this is starting to make me feel sick. I didn’t have a choice, I had to sell my house and flee the town I live in so someone stops harassing me, stops driving past my house, stops making me too afraid to leave my house. It just breaks my heart to know the house I fell deeply in love with, the house that was supposed to be filled with a lifetime of memories is almost gone. I will never come back here. I will never be in this room again. I’m scared, tired, stressed, exhausted, and most of all I just need a break I have taken blow after blow for a few months now and they just keep coming. All I want to do it give up, I keep going I try my hardest to keep it all together for my family. I don’t want to exist anymore but I know my family needs me, and I need someone to cut me flipping break. Sorry for the long rant, I feel like I’m falling apart and needed to get this off my chest.
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depression
|
i am tired of everything , nothing makes me happy , i dont enjoy anything , i dont care about anything , i am just existing for no reason , everyday is the same bullshit. its been 11 years like this but its getting to the limits this past couple years , university isnt helping fk classes and everything else. No friends , nothing. i am fully withdrawn from society and i couldnt care less
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depression
|
So I often have intrusive thoughts in my head that I have to "solve". They are generally very repititive and I don't get rest until I google a satisfactory answer or come up with an answer myself.
The same obsessive thought comes over and over again in my head and I must repeat the same answer to myself over and over again or Google an answer (that's my compulsion).
If I don't respond to my negative intrusive thought/mental argument, I'll feel like I have "lost" and whatever my brain thinks is true (since I couldn't counter what my brain said at that specific time). Another strange thing is I must reassure my brain multiple times of the same thing. (Even if I get a satisfactory reasonable answer to my argument, I think to myself do I "really" believe this answer and I think my negative thought is true despite evidence to the contrary).
I'm tired of repeating the same arguments in my head over and over again. Is there anyone way that when I do get an obsessive thought in my head, I can control compulsively coming up with many arguments in my head or googling something?
Does anyone relate to my problem? Can someone respond to all the points I made in my paragraph?
I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense.
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OCD
|
Hello, I'm a 16 year old person, who has been researching adhd quite a bit for the past two-three years. I think I have it, even though I don't exactly fall onto the hyperactive side of it. I have done a lot of extensive research and talked to other people with adhd, yet when I asked my parents about taking me to a doctor to get a diagnosis, I got brushed off because I wasn't hyper enough, and they said "If you have adhd, you can't figure out you have it. Other people around you have to notice it first." even though multiple times ever since I can remember, I have been recieving trouble for being an inattentive, lazy and forgetful person. Is there perhaps any way to know if I have adhd or if I'm just lazy..? thank you.
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ADHD
|
A few months ago I was finally diagnosed with PTSD due to major childhood traumas. It has been the missing answer my whole life through decades of depression and suicidal ideations. Today, I reached out for officially getting help and for further medication advice.
I don't know any of you but I'm sorry that you have to be here too. Just know I appreciate finally having a community that understands.
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ptsd
|
So, at risk of rambling about the same thing I did on Facebook to an audience of no-one, I have to pick a song for my summer musical theatre exams soon. I want to do Close Every Door from Joseph and his Technicolour Dreamcoat. One problem; that musical and PARTICULARLY that song is pretty pro Israel, not a good time with everything going on over Israel/Palestine. I feel like performing this, even though it suits my voice, makes me a contributor to the conflict and choosing the side which currently is (so I am told, and I don't know enough to know better) normalising genocide. I already have a sketchy history in libertarian circles despite being a progressive personally, and I feel like I'm going to both get a lot of guilt-tripping and it will be justified, if I use this song. Fuck, doing the exam was enough stress as it was!
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OCD
|
I know that the stereotype is that OCD means you need everything in order. And I will say that when I clean I don't really stop until it's to my standards. This makes it really time consuming and mentally tasking, so I tend to live in a very messy environment. I clean once every few weeks.
This being said, when I do clean it's usually an all-day affair. Today I had the motivation to step up and finally do it. My dishes were molding and my trash bags were drippy and when they get like that I wash my hands like a mad man. But the dishes are sparkly and my trashcan smells nice again. I moved to my room and started picking up trash to discover a beetle on my floor.
I have COCD and bugs are my absolute worst trigger. They make me twitchy, they make my skin crawl, and whenever I see them I freak out. I can't kill bugs either they freak me out so bad. As far as its concerned, my bedroom is now that bug's room until my sister comes home from work. I keep washing my hands because I feel so disgusting and I my mind is running wild with the possibility of more bugs. I don't even know how he got in here, I have a third floor apartment with an indoor front door so there's kind of a lot of barriers for a beetle his size (probably penny or dime size).
Anyway now I'm just here scratching my head because I saw a bug and I don't think more cleaning is happening today. I feel so discouraged 😪
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OCD
|
I have been on 45mg of methylphenidate per day for several months now and while it does improve my concentration a bit, I don’t feel that much difference. It does however make me feel kinda numb and empty.
Recently I didn’t take my meds during school and instead drank two espressos. It made my head feel more clear and i was able to concentrate very well, considering I had only slept 3h. After class I downed a 3rd espresso and my mind felt clear?? Like no brain fog, just calm and able to concentrate?
Does anyone else have experience with high doses of cafeïne helping better then actual meds?
|
ADHD
|
it can take me up to 30 minutes sometimes an hour just trying to get in bed at night, and up to 5 minutes trying to get from the bathroom to the living room downstairs and its really draining.
edit: spent* omg thats setting me off so much but im too lazy to redo the post i cant do this💀
[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/niuvu1)
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OCD
|
Hey all, kind of need somewhere to lay this out here anonymously and off of my PTS page due to the ex having stalkers that report back to him. It’s been two years since we have separated and I finally decided to “try” to date again. I say try because while I thought I was ready, tonight the individual I am dating got frustrated with me in a manner that the ex behaved in and it all came flooding back.
I have tried numerous times to explain that trying to pressure me to talk in the middle of an episode and not listening to my needs isn’t a great idea. I’m not really sure I’m ready to get back into this game. I can’t deal with the upheaval it causes to my body. My IBS got so bad in my marriage that I would wake up out of a dead sleep with intractable vomiting. While staying to myself has worked wonders for the feeling of safety this past year, it’s obviously not healthy or the right answer. Does this ever get easier because I’m ready to just say no to the relationship.
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ptsd
|
Everyday I feel like I’m on the verge of tears or self harming because I can’t talk to anyone how I feel. They won’t understand, I don’t understand. Something must be wrong with me, why do I feel like this when I have a wonderful husband, a decent job, and I’m finally living my life how i want to live it?
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depression
|
i got into uni. in my country tit can be done for free if you pass your exams well enough, and i did, so im thanfully not in any debt. point is, i hate going there. maybe i got trauma from being a straight A student up until high school, bit educational facilities just fuck me up. my mental health just straight up disappears while im there. and i can not take an academic leave either. i can only push through or drop out.
i would drop out, but im extremely scared i won't be able to find a well enough job if i do. im terrified to be a disappointment. i do have some skills i could get a job with probably, and i want to learn to code and get a job in that sphere, but the possibility of failing just makes me so, so scared. it doesn't help that i have anxiety and ocd, and depression from going to uni all the time as well. i took a sick leave for 2 weeks and my mental health has been doing so well, but now i've been back at uni for a month and it is completely destroyed again.
i can't jusrify my existence. i'm a fuckin failure who couldn't stomach uni and who will not be able to make anything out of themselves ever. i have my passions, i have people to live for i guess, but this situation just makes me want to die. i can't take this anymore, im just some weakass bitch who can't handle life. im venting on reddit, isn't this low as hell? why couldn't i be mentally fucking healthy?
i hadn't been exceptional as a kid, in school i lived to be a perfect student, and now when i want to actually live for myself i have this conundrum on my hands. and nobody can really help, people can only support you that much with words, and having dissociation is something that has no cure yet. i just wanto get better but apparently im destined to be a miserable bitch
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depression
|
How much mirtazapine would it take to kill myself? I'm just curious. It feels different to other meds I've been on
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depression
|
My doctor prescribed it to me but I haven’t read much about it. So I was just wondering.
|
OCD
|
Hi everyone, this community group has been a blessing, as suffering with OCD can feel like the loneliest experience in the world at times. As much as i wouldnt wish this mental illness upon anyone, it is reassuring knowing that others have similar experiences, but also stories of success in coping and moving forwards with their lives, despite how difficult OCD makes it to do that.
I have had OCD from an early age. I think in part down to genetics, but also i was told at an early age that my father had murdered my mother and i think it has been a knock on effect ever since. I was then raised by grandparents as an only child and had a very lonely childhood. i think this then gave more power to my thoughts and the older i got the more disturbing they could become and having more control over my everyday life.
My OCD symptom seems to be the voice in my head trying to say the name of someone who has passed away. Then trying to convince me it may have said something negative or horrible about that person and that their spirit will punish me as a result of having that thought. Despite how much i tell myself i would remember if it had, that 1% of doubt ends up taking up so much of my day to day thought. When things do go wrong in my life it then gives more power to the illness by me then thinking. 'Omg am i actually being punished because of an intrusive thought i may or may not have had?'
This has resulted in depression and me pushing people away. I have had this form of OCD for over 10 years. Before that it was doing the compulsions of having to wash my hands certain times or do things certain amount of times. I also had it convince me in my early teenage years that people could read my thoughts and i was in turn then scared to leave the house. This resulted in me putting on weight and missing out on doing things i loved to do.
It has had such a huge hold over my life for so many years. I think it knows that because there is no proof if a spirit can hear voices, or if you would be punished as a result of an intrusive thought about someone who has passed away then i can never get the full reassurance that i need. I have found myself apologising and saying out loud to names of people i have never even met i am sorry for my ocd thoughts and that it isn't me. However, knowing i will never get an answer back to reassure and say 'its ok' or 'apology accepted' means that my OCD can always cling on in one form or another.
I find myself having to say over and over in my head in rituals of 4/5 or 10 times that it is my ocd, i apologise and also repeat that i have been punished enough because of my mums death. I have had some things going wrong with lots of stress recently, it seems to be in these moments that my ocd comes back more prominent and stronger. It ceases the chance when your mind is all over the place and come back with vengeance to try and make you feel like a terrible person again.
People have no idea the internal and exhausting struggle sufferers like us have every single day. It is like a running tap that cannot be turned of. We keep putting a bucket under the tap to stop it flooding our mind, but no matter how many buckets we fill up the water keeps on running. It is when in our hardest moments we forget to put a bucket under the tap and it then flows and runs through our minds to give us another worry and stress when not in a position of mental strength to fight.
I am not a bad person, I am just suffering from a bad illness as we all are. The doubt, the constant questioning of did i or didn't i, is something that non sufferers will never understand.
It has helped me to write this down. Like i said my intrusive thoughts are trying to say things about people i will never be able to truly apologise for or get reassurance from. I do not want to keep having to panic about these thoughts, but also worried that if let them run through my mind i will be punished. Its a catch 22 and it is these situations that give this illness its power and control. I also do not want to keep speaking out load and apologising to any potential spirits etc as makes me feel insane. The joy of this illness is no matter how stupid and irrational the thought, it can always convince you that despite all logic and common sense that even if there is a 1% chance its enough to worry and distract you and cause the anxiety that comes with this illness.
If anyone has had or has similar experiences, then feel free to reach out. Recently my ocd has been so bad that i have pushed my wife, my friends and family away. They do not understand the internal struggle like members of this community will. It is why i am reaching out as i have seen the support others get in here and where i am currently it might be just what i need to help me through a dark patch.
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OCD
|
I do get a high from hanging out with people, or just preparing to. Especially with a romantic partner or close friend groups. But then while we hang out I'll get moments of feeling totally isolated, disconnected or slighted somehow.
I'll withdraw, and when i try to engage after that get incredibly emotionally and socially drained. It feels like I'm putting so much effort into the social exchange and getting so little out, or diminishing returns throughout the hangout.
Then when I get home, even though I've been waiting to be alone and doing something i want or just relax, i fall into a pit of depression. It's like I can't do anything at all. I watch tv without interest, scroll on my phone to kill time. Or I put myself into a spiral of social anxiety. All my plans for the night alone are shot and i hate myself for it.
I desperately want someone there with me in thkse moments and feel incredibly lonely. It's like i need that personal connection, a closeness, or I feel completely empty.
Idk if this is depression, social anxiety, or just lacking a fulfilling social and personal life. Just a self-realization I had to get out.
|
depression
|
By "good", I'm talking about in comparison to your normal classwork grades.
I've always been a B/C student for pretty much my entire life, but I've aced probably every single test. I've never had to worry about being nervous before some big algebra quiz or stuff like that. On state tests, I consistently scored at or above the 95th percentile. In fact, I was even invited to take the ACT/SAT back in 7th grade as part of some program for gifted children.Yet, despite this, I SUCK at normal stuff. Daily activities, reviews, worksheets, stuff like that. It just doesn't come easy to me. My grades were riddled with missing assignments, too.
Is there any connection to this and ASD? Could it be a sensory thing, with stuff like a loud classroom vs a quiet testing hall? I'm kind of in a rush, so that's why this post might seem weirdly worded.
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aspergers
|
I have PTSD and seasonal depression. My mother left for the week because she had a business trip,so i slept with my father on the same bed because it was a pretty big bed. He drank . I feel something up my shirt. I wake up, I'm shocked but i don't open my eyes. I push the hand down . The hand goes up my shirt again, nearly touchin my breasts. I push the hand down again. Then to realise my father was the one who did it. He's pissed, then goes to the restroom. I sit up traumatised thinking and making myself believe that i was just having a nightmare. I realise that my father might come out the bathroom soon. I come to my senses then run as fast as i can to my room i lock all my locks. Petrified. I cry. Then i hear a knock on the door. Expecting it was my father, I wipe my tears and open the door. My father then says that he's sorry and he just thought he was my mom. I say "pa" stopping him mid sentece "it's fine" i close the door. Slide down and cry all night.Then i go to school the next day. Cry some more. Of course, my classmates ask me why I'm crying. I don't say anything. And i just tell them that i can't say. I couldn't tell them "oh well last night I was almost raped hahaha,why do you ask?" Then they would just be persistent on telling our teachers.I have low grades,family members with high expectations,people who make fun of me and are calling me fat,mother who is always absent,i don't have the willpower to do sports like i used to. I do have suicidal thoughts. I don't want to die, I just want to end it all. I can't tell anyone i have PTSD, then i would have to explain to them what it is,why i have it. Then they of course would say "she's so fake". I didn't believe my classmate either when she told me she had depression,she's dead now
|
ptsd
|
I have lost hope. So I don't deserve to live regardless of if it's OCD or not?
|
OCD
|
whenever my intrusive thoughts get really bad and out of control, i’ll start to feel like the world is spinning around me and i can hardly breath, is this normal?
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OCD
|
I have primarily inattentive adhd but my biggest struggle is my executive dysfunction. I honestly feel like I could rule the world if I simply *do* which I imagine is a common struggle here.
I got diagnosed a little under two years ago and I'm now 32 years old.
I pay out of pocket about $150 a month for my medication so for that money I'd love a bit more effect.
I've tried Foquest up to 35mg but it being a slow drip affected my sleep and I ended up with a net negative after my sleep debt became big enough. I'm currently on 45mg of Vyvanse which was better but still not a huge difference with the executive dysfunction.
I know medication results are a mixed bag per person, I think I'm just looking for a hint at where I should point myself at my next GP appointment. He's been good at taking my requests seriously but he doesn't specialize in ADHD so his direct advice isn't much different than anyone here. I'll make an appointment with my specialist soon either way, but thank you all for your help in the mean time.
|
ADHD
|
Hi guys,
Been on Adderall (2x 30MG SR a day) but due to Genesight testing we are trying Concerta for me (she prescribed 27MG rk start and I honestly think it's a waste at that MG). She actually read the report wrong. She read it as no good markers for Adderall but it actually says there are no known markers they can test for either way. But it's fine, maybe Concerta will be my jam? If not, next month we can switch back to Adderall.
Anyhow, I'm Inattentive ADHD. Anyone actually have better results from Concerts than Adderall? My problem with Adderall is even the XR wears off after a few hours. Was thinking of 3 20s vs 2 30s if I go back. Any chance Concerta will be better? The once a day has me thinking no.
Anyhow, anyone have some good reports for Concerta or Adderall vs Concerta?
Thanks!
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ADHD
|
I'm wondering if others have had this issue.
I am age 52. I didn't make ANY attempt at dating until I was 30, perhaps mainly because of as-of-yet-undiagnosed ASD. My current girlfriend seems amazed that I didn't really have any strong sense of my own "ranking" in physical attractiveness until my mid to late 30s, and then only because of repeated assertions by others regarding this. I think if you had asked me about this before then, I would have said something like "I don't know, I guess I'm more or less average in this regard".
Has anyone here had a similar experience? (A lack of "accurate" self-assessment, as to how you "objectively" rank in physical beauty, compared to others)?
EDIT:
I don't think I have any problem with accurately identifying "objective" beauty in others, I just never seemed to develop any strong convictions about this when self-assessing, and am wondering if this specific issue is shared by others...
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aspergers
|
Don't know how much longer I can hang on.
Completely isolated from society. Everything is a trigger and I cant cope any longer.
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OCD
|
I’m 18 year old lesbian! Single can’t get a girlfriend! Most people bullies me! I try to be nice! I just get jumped on to because I said I was nice! Anything I say someone has something mean to say to me! I’m trying to make friends but it’s hard for me!
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depression
|
No I cannot *just* get over it. Yes it was real. No I cannot go back to "who I used to be". Believe me I wish more than ANYTHING that I could. I'm sick and tired of dismissive crap like this coming from people who have never experienced anything traumatic. They act like its just snap your fingers wave a damn wand so easy. There is only so much a person can take before they just snap and something in their brain just breaks...that's where I'm at and then some. My whole life just one big trauma dump. I try and try, I fight and fight, I go to therapy, psychiatrist, try meds, exercise, eat healthy. I did everything I was told to do to get better only to be fucked over again and re triggered almost daily now. I cannot *just* get over it....
I'm just having a mental breakdown sobbing my eyes out I can't see to type. **TW: Sexual/physical assault** Life is fucking cruel. After the death of so many loved ones, child abuse, homelessness as an adult, being raped and disfigured in an abusive relationship...it's just fucking cruel.
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ptsd
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I only discovered I had OCD when the pandemic started last year and we literally
locked ourselves inside our home and all I mostly saw was my tiny room throughout more than a year.
Now, when I’m walking around, I’m always afraid that everything could kill me...I could take my eyes off something for less than a second and a car could hit me from some angle I didn’t see, I could stare at a person for a second and he might get mad and kill me, I could move my head towards a person or an object to avoid getting hit by something on the street, such as a heat lamp, and have something done to my head. I could see the words kill or murder on television and immediately feel disturbed and feel the need to cleanse.
I don’t know. Seeing all the shocking things I saw happen in America and all over the world during the pandemic has shocked me. Things I never imagined seeing; scenes that look exactly from apocalyptic movies. Not to mention, I also belong to a demographic that is experiencing random attacks on the streets, as the news is reporting, that I’m afraid people are out to get me.
My doctor also put me on 10mg on Prozac for the past two weeks for anxiety attacks and I’m also freaking out it might give me side effects like mania or harming people. I’ve never taken an antidepressant before.
The symptoms seem to lighten when I’m with a friend or something outside of the household.
Last time I was experiencing similar to this was about more than a decade ago, when I was a little more isolated after graduation, but not to the degree of the lockdown.
I even tried a meditation I found on YouTube and it kinda out a scary image in my thoughts and made me freak out a little.
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OCD
|
I have ocd and tomorrow I-have my first meeting specifically for it. Ocd is a mentall illness that causes anxiety that can lead to depression. It can be called the illness of doubt and of what if.For example, someone has locked the door and triple checked but he still worries that he may not have locked even though he has checked triple. He doubts his own eyes. Some other examples of ocd have to do with order, with hygiene, with religion.
Due to ocd, I started doubting Jesus. I started thinking stuff like "what if christianity is a false religion, and there is a God from a different religion?" Then, I ended up worrying and praying for my inrusive thoughts to non-specific Gods that may or may not be from other religions.I reached to a point that I whisper words for every intrusive thought that pops up in my mind. I get anxiety that makes my ear buzzing and bloats my stomach.
Whole this started when I started making rushed promises to Christian God about not obeying my most common ocd compulsions and trying to ask for punishment in case breaking them, without meaning it. I just wanted to force myself not to worry about my ocd compulsion by using the fear of punishment. Before that, I used the same thing to force myself to stop smoking. I forced my self to stop smoking from fear of the promise/punishment but I smoked a few cigarettes in the past here and there.
Besides the promise/punishment thing, I also get sad or worrying thoughts about after death.
- 1)What if there are no Gods and there is just universe randomness that somehow creates eternal consciousness after dying that feels as-if being buried alive forever?
- 2) if after death is just nothing, I may not care when I die but it is really sad that dead are just nothing. My grandma will die soon and I do not know how to deal with it.
- 3) simulation theory, recurrnation, astral projection. There are stories and people that talk about astral projection, about weird events that could be glitches in the simulation, about taking psychedelics and finding the truth, about aliens, about having memories from past lives.
I also, worry about dying without faith while Jesus being the truth all along. I think I want Jesus to be the truth but there are things in the bible that I cant understand or agree. In order to put my trust there, I must understand or agree. I cant do that with the bible. It seems to me that o.t and n.t are claims from different people that added their own understanding of God. Something like the broken telephone game. Maybe thats the reason o.t is different than n.t.
There are many religions and I think some of them at least, have their own stories, scriptures, traditions like christianity? Why I should consider them all false but consider christianity the truth? The tactic of have faith or go to hell seems really something man-made. If God loves us more than our father and is justice, why He saves us through faith only when its difficult to have faith? Why He allowed other religions that will encourage people not to have faith? If Thomas who lived with Jesus wanted to feel His wounds, how I am going to have faith when I cant see Him or Hear Him while I have ocd and while I-believe that people can be deluded easily?
We live in a world that has suffering. Some suffer much more than others. People can be really evil. People lie and are eazily manipulated or deluded. We have to be skeptic about everything. If life is like this, isnt somehow natural or logical for people to place their beliefs somewhere else? Whe it comes to faith there will be people who will be wrong. Suffering eternally in hell for making wrong choices does not seems to me justice or love. Of course there are consequences of being wrong but I-cant see why the conesequence of unbelief must be eternal suffering when there are reasons not to have faith. Muslims for example really try to please God. They are taught that Jesus was a prophet i think. If they are influenced by their religious people from child age, how these people can become christians? Even if they are wrong, they cant see that they are wrong. Do they really deserve to suffer eternally for something that they cant control?
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OCD
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I think this is an ADHD thing I’m not sure… And how do you always pick up after yourself. I have a problem. I make all of these messes that I don’t have time to clean up all the time. It wouldn’t matter if I clean the whole house, it would still feel dirty. I don’t have enough time in the day to clean up all my messes as I am really busy making messes and doing other life chores however if anyone has any tips on keeping/cleaning up after yourself. I have so many open projects. I am so stressed. 😩
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ADHD
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So I would say I have treated and been in recovery from severe OCD for about a year. I’m medicated I’ve done copious erp and cbt talk therapy. I’ve been pretty good for a year. But somethings have happened and I feel like I’m on the edge of falling into the deep end right again after all my hard work. What advice or tools do you use to snap back into reality?
Because it has just been such a long time since I was deep into my obsessions and had to use tools to cope with my intrusive thoughts. I’ve honestly gotten lazy and just let them fester in me. Now I don’t know how to cope with them again.
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OCD
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I used to wake up with energy. Haven’t felt that in years, now I just get up because I have to go to work. At work I just mentally check out until I can go back to bed again.
I see friends out living their lives and loving it whereas I’ve stagnated and done nothing with mine. I work alone in a warehouse for minimum wage and hardly even speak to anyone anymore. I stopped messaging the bloke I thought was my best friend first and now it’s been 6 weeks without so much as a snap.
It’s at the point where it feels like I’m just waiting until my parents are out of the picture so I can off myself without hurting them. I don’t know where it all went wrong
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depression
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i cant get rid of em and i cant get meds because no diagnoses
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OCD
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I'm sorry that you're all scared. I'm sorry that no matter how many times you check something or feel like you know something, it never feels right. I'm sorry you can't gain any certainty and everyone else seems to get on with their lives.
I'm sorry you feel you have to keep it all together and everyday's a fight. I truly love you all and know no one deserves this.
I hope in the next life we can find peace. Just quiet. Even if it's nothing but black and nothingness. Even for a second at this point would mean everything. It would mean the world. I'd give so much for that. Everything and anything.
I'm scared everyday. I'm uncertain every single day and it eats me alive.
But it'll end. Life is short and peace is an eventual inevitable destination. We all tried so hard in this thing and every single one of us deserves peace at least.
I hope you all find that. Through whatever life throws at you. I hope in the end you have the willingness and the happiness to let go. To finally feel the peace you've been craving your whole life for
Love you all and Goodnight <3
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OCD
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I sat watching (not for the first time) videos on the youtube channel - Invisible people. Its about homeless people. I sat there crying, which is a big thing for me as in many ways i dont feel some feelings.
As i listen to their stories, i always feel this depth of compassion but also that sense it could be me. I felt grateful but also an immense sadness for them, as society does not understand childhood trauma, addiction, abuse etc, and the impacts. They empathise with the kid on tv, but not the adult that child becomes.
I feel this sense of deep connection to them and their stories, as they feel more like my people, the unseen, the mis-understood, the lonely. I cant relate to normal people as a whole, but to them i could.
just sharing, and sending my love to you all here
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ptsd
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So, one of the themes I deal with is false memory ocd. But the entire time I’ve dealt with it, I’ve had one particular detail that keeps me coming back to it.
I will be thinking about having possibly left my house and harming someone, and my mind will be like “Do you remember walking to their house?” And I’ll randomly remember myself walking somewhere with NO context, so my brain goes “See, you did it.” But then a second later I’m able to realize that it came from a different memory. Other times, I’m not able to tell what memory something came from and I’m just left to worry if I was having a flashback of the “event” or not.
I also have definitely struggled with feeling like I actually recalled the event for a split second, and I don’t really see anybody talking about that either. Typically false memory sufferers just say that they know they’ve never done it before and they know it’s not actually memory, but that’s definitely not the case for me. Hopefully this can ring some bells for someone.
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OCD
|
Freshman year for me in high school was the roughest time of my life. I've suffered from childhood abuse and emotional neglect. Seen my mom's blood after she was beat by my dad. It all just built up inside of me.
I was a smart kid but my parents would never give me the validation I begged for. Whether I got an A or an F they'd treat me the exact same. So, I continued to get Fs. There was no point in trying. I failed 3 classes freshman year.
Now as an adult trying to apply for scholarships, I have a 3.1 GPA but a 31 ACT score. I ironically got perfect scores in Reading and English, despite the fact that I failed English my freshman year.
This unfortunately has locked me out of so many financial opportunities. Even though I've improved so much with my depressive habits recently, it means nothing.
My depression will always be a stain on my life that I can never wash out, and that hurts so bad. I wish I gotten on medication. I wish therapy worked. But it was never in my control.
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depression
|
I know I am high functioning autism but I had a speech delay in my early years, needing speech and language therapy.
Does this make me Asperger, or classic autism?
Also, are life outcomes necessarily different between those who had an early speech delay and those who didn’t?
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aspergers
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I already had PTSD before this, but after my most recent admission I feel like there was so much trauma that I went through. But I feel like that can't be true because it's supposed to be a place for treatment and healing, not a traumatising experience. Has anyone else found an inpatient stay incredibly traumatic? I'd be interested to hear your experiences... Sorry. Thank you.
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ptsd
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When I (25M) was in university about 4 years ago, I made friends with a girl in my class. The program we were in turned out to really not be great for either of us, so we both ended up leaving and heading off to separate schools. About a year later we got back in touch over social media and have been keeping up there since then.
I was thinking about asking her to meet up for a coffee or something sometime soon. We've talked about the idea before, but life has gotten in the way of us meeting up a few times, and then there was the pandemic to worry about. She actually brought up the idea of meeting up the last time, which was about a year ago I think, but that was during the second covid wave so that never really came together.
I was thinking about trying again, since covid cases are pretty low and decreasing in our area, but I have a couple of concerns. First of all it's now been almost 4 years since I saw her face to face and I'm not sure how to ask out of the blue. Second of all she has a boyfriend and I don't want her to think that I'm creeping on her or trying to get between her and her boyfriend. As far as I know it's a pretty long distance relationship and he lives a few hours away.
So basically, how do you think I should ask?
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aspergers
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I have spent my entire childhood undiagnosed and only recently gotten diagnosed as my symptoms have somehow suddenly worsened. I was always sensitive to lights and sounds and textures, etc but it has worsened lately to the point where I get severe panic attacks. This causes a lot of trouble especially since I’m in college and I need to go to the dining hall to eat. It is very noisy and bright and I end up leaving mid meal. I can’t afford over the ear headphones as of now and my ears hurt from over usage of my noise cancelling ear buds. I don’t even know whether this sudden worsening of symptoms is normal and I would love absolutely any advice. My anxiety also has gotten much worse lately.
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ADHD
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I had the weight lifted off my shoulders with this prescription and thought it was a lifesaver. Then it began messing with my vision, making everything abstract blurry, and made sure by stopping and starting again. It was so. Has anyone had similar experiences? I am not on anything now and going to the doctor soon with hopes of something else.
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depression
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I’m 18, and my diagnosis was given at age 7. My father (the cause) has been physically out of my life since I was 6, and entirely out of my life since I was 13. Between 6 and 13 the only contact we had was phone calls on my birthday, which always ended with me performing poorly in school and dealing with night terrors for about a month, as well as vomiting at dinner the same night. Speaking to people I’m unfamiliar with on the phone is a trigger that I need to handle, seeing as I’m an adult now and I have to do that sort of thing for work and appointments and stuff. I always get tremors and an increased heart rate whenever I do it, such as earlier today when I called my doctor to ask a question and when I called my local grocery store to check on the progress of my application. I think exposure would be the best way to tackle this, and I’m fully willing to try that. Problem is, I feel like I can’t just call random people and strike up a conversation or anything. What do you guys recommend I do?
TL;DR: talking on the phone triggers my PTSD. I feel like exposure (just doing it often) might be the best way to handle that. How should I go about it?
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ptsd
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On thursday, I was scrolling through tiktok and saw this post about psychosis. That’s one of my biggest fears. I started having a really horrible panic attack. My whole body became numb, i was pacing around crying my eyes out, was so nauseous and like i was on the verge of going crazy…took an ativan, felt a little better until hours later..started freaking out again. Last night, it got so bad, i couldn’t sleep. I woke up twice, at 3 and 6am. Every time i closed my eyes, I felt terror and panic. I started pacing around the house crying until my bf dropped me back home. Now everything is making me jumpy, the noises outside, every movement. i just want to feel normal like i did, that panic attack changed me. I feel so out of it. I cant get anything done. i feel weak, I randomly disassociate. i actually feel like i’m going insane
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OCD
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The original lyrics of a sailor leaving behind his girl and missing her while he’s at sea are strangely relatable, to me at least. The sense of being apart from society, of longing for that sense of connection that comes so rarely seems like a pretty common autistic experience.
And it’s just a hokey love song, and I enjoy those too.
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aspergers
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Hello all, in recent exposure of rapper Lil Mosey I have been triggered with my ole pale rape ocd.
I feel fucking awful about an experience that happened a little over 3 years ago. I was at a party and noticed a girlfriend of mine (friend that’s a girl) was very drunk and making out with random dudes. I was a little drunk, and 19, but I wasn’t nearly as drunk as she was. I walked up and pulled her away, playing the nice guy card so she’d make out with me. She did, we made out for quite a while. She remembers that, and doesn’t care. That’s not what fucks with me. What fucks with me is that I took her to the restroom to pee, I had to pee (so mens restroom), and I peed while she stumbled around. She was way out of my league I thought, so I figured this was my chance. This is where it gets blurry cause I had been drinking and it was over 3 years ago. I don’t remember if I tried to move her hand down or try something, but I remember people walking in and we leaving. Atleast that’s what I think. Truly don’t know, for all I know I could’ve shoved her head down towards my crotch which is a big fear of mine too. It felt like I was gonna try something though. Truly it was in my mind and she was much much drunker than me and I viewed that as an “in”
I’m now 22, and realize how fucked that shit is, and how fucked a lot of my interactions were at 19. But now I’m scared, constantly fearing this will come to light and I will have my career and love of my friends and the woman I love ripped from me. I feel like it’s just right around the corner.
I’m so scared, i feel like I deserve to die and rot in jail. I’m so so scared. When I reached out to her about a year ago she just kinda said “I remember us going to the bathroom and being like what? And then leaving. Don’t really remember anything other than that happening. Also if I was uncomfortable with what we were doing I would’ve said something. Even though you were expecting something to happen, nothing did happen”
Now I’m like well we don’t know that though, and I kinda spinned it as “idk if it happened, but I don’t think so” so maybe that influenced her and she was just too drunk to remember and didn’t wanna try to remember?
Idk I’m so fucking scared. I feel like a freak. Please help.
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OCD
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I fuckkkedddd up. So bad. I'm an engineering student who was primed to graduate last May. Obviously never have been the best student, but was getting by just fine due to having genuine interest in my field of study. Fast forward to online learning. Failed too many classes. Was given my "last chance" this semester and failed a class I couldn't. Again. I had gotten COVID (and told them immediately), but the fatigue and cough had lasted around a month and I never told them that part... Ended up falling behind. I feel so much shame for not communicating that I was struggling. I feel so embarrassed that I am likely going to walk away without a degree after spending years in college and being so close to graduation. Failure and shame are not new to me, but at this magnitude it just feels impossibly overwhelming. I've heard a lot of "everything happens for a reason" and "everyone has failures". But it just feels so much bigger than that. I just hate my brain right now more intensely than I have before
I dont know when I'll be able to find a therapist. That in itself is overwhelming. I am truly at a loss.
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ADHD
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I find a lot of times I get caught in a cycle of “oh, I only have x amount of time, I can’t do anything.” And that’s how dishes pile up, laundry doesn’t get folded, etc. Until recently, I came up with a game for myself.
The best way to describe it is by giving an example. I had thrown my dinner in the microwave for about a minute, and hadn’t had a chance to clean up yet. In that minute, I thought *I bet I can wash that pan before the microwave beeps.* So I did. I finished with several seconds to spare, and then thought *I bet I can throw that sheet pan in the dishwasher before the timer goes off.* And I did! Sure I still have more dishes to do, but it won’t take as long because I already hand washed what I needed to.
TLDR; making a game out of how many small things you can get done in very small amounts of time makes menial tasks so much easier to manage
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ADHD
|
I've been abusing my meds for days straight because of the damn anxiety attacks I get from my abuse. My dumb head always overthinks and tries to rationalize things but I don't like my thoughts. I don't want to be corrupted myself but fuck I feel it, slowly killing my morals. I know a lot of people who end up being abusive because they were abused before and didn't find anything wrong with that behaviour, so they pass it on to others? Am I next? I'm a lowlife out of school with nothing to show for my absence and my abuser is living the life and I can't stop thinking about her. Months of emotional and verbal abuse, my family has spent thousands of dollars on my recovery and almost a year went by AND I'VE GOT NOTHING TO SHOW FOR IT. I'm on more meds than ever, I still feel like shit and I haven't done anything aside from learn an instrument. I just think "what am I doing wrong, how can I succeed?" and all I can think of is how she abused me and left me to rot facing no penalty for it. Didn't pay a cent while all her money goes to fitting in like a wolf in sheep's clothing. Because of her I know an abuser and a rapist succeeding in life with no repercussions to their actions and I can't help but think, is this what adulthood is? Do we violate people and carry on? Is this the secret? Should I be a bad person? It's what they did and they're living good. Same people you see in church, same people you see smiling in public, same people in your group projects, fiends, and I am filth to them. Fuck it I'm taking everything after this post. I don't want to be corrupted, I don't want to hurt anyone, but I can feel the influence. It's been seeping in, part of me even thinks about forgiving her and feeling like I was the one in the wrong for believing her lies and staying as long as I did with her. Holy fuck and that's what she wants, I can't take it, my innocence, FUCK
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ptsd
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If you go see a therapist, I am sure you have heard of this. If not, please watch this. Or watch this to remember.
https://youtu.be/RybY4zIecQ4
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ptsd
|
Sometimes I get triggered out of nowhere. I don't know what happens, but all of the sudden I'm living the worst moment of my life all over again, and I can't stop myself from thinking about it. These last few days I was feeling better, because I wasn't thinking so much about it, or I was controlling my thoughts. Anyways, just when I thought I was getting better, I started having nightmares. I woke up feeling like there was a bomb in my chest. Does anyone have an idea if it's possible to do something about it? I mean, maybe it's not possible to end this nightmares, but does anyone knows how to cope better with this?
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ptsd
|
Just venting. I have two younger brothers on Reddit that see all the memes that joke about wanting to end their life and/or wishing they were dead or never born.
I lost my dad to suicide when I was 17 and he involved me in it. I struggle myself with it and I guess just feel strongly when it’s promoted to vulnerable, depressed people.
I understand that many people who use Reddit are depressed and maybe take solace in a mutual joke about wishing they were dead but I hate that so many kids use Reddit and are being exposed to that attitude.
I want my brothers to know it’s worth valuing their mental health and continuing to work through stuff and don’t want them to think their life is over before it has hardly started.
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ptsd
|
Everyday I try to move on from this topic, the entity comes back and fucks things up for me. Just about 3 hours ago, the entity was manipulating me into thinking that I should've been LFA, and said that I should've stayed in a special needs class and said my autism should've been worse than it is now, and once again threatened to go back in time by basically using some magic to change everything about me. It's convincing me that I made another bet and needed to win the bet within an hour (which already passed), when all I did was try to ignore it! Everytime I try to move on, I get intrusive thoughts and this entity strikes again and again. It won't leave me alone! What should I do at this point? Are any of the stuff I said possible?
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aspergers
|
I feel trapped in my own mind. stuck. no matter where i go, i’m always there. i can’t escape it. it’s like i can feel myself in my brain screaming, crying, pounding on the walls to be let out. crying for help. i can envision it. i always see her. i always see me. sitting on the floor, head on my knees, crying. lost. stuck. there’s no escape. there’s nothing i can do. it never goes away. i wonder if this is a ptsd thing? i feel my/her pain, but i also feel detached. i don’t feel like myself anymore. i don’t know who i am or what i’m feeling. nothing helps.
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ptsd
|
I can’t do this much longer. It doesn’t help that i’m not officially diagnosed. I feel like I could have a chance at battling this if it weren’t for the guilt. I usually just wrack things up to being ocd, but then I get pulled back in for hours at a time because I can’t get over the get. What makes me any different from the things I’m scared of? If anyone else had these thoughts or compulsions that didn’t have ocd they’d just be some disgusting person. Am I? What makes me not? I’ve struggled with sexual ocd themes, and recently IOCD has become a new theme. Today my sister was taking a nap on the couch and it’s like I had to look at her multiple times to make sure I wasn’t into her. Specially her like, ass ig. I felt disgusted and almost threw up. What makes me any different from some pervy pedo?
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OCD
|
I'm doing all the things y'all. I'm on medication. I'm in therapy 4 times a week - an OCD group, 1 on 1 OCD therapy, and good old regular psychotherapy. I've had moments where I feel a lot better but the obsessive thoughts, the self hatred, feeling like I can't escape.
Basically, no matter how hard we work, it's a struggle out here. Our brains are wired in a way that makes life harder for us. And when it gets rough all we can do is remember that we've felt okay before, and so we will again.
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OCD
|
I only just got diagnosed and started meds (Vyvanse) two months ago, and I had my first two COVID shots before that. I had a vaccine hangover after my second dose, and I'm expecting another vaccine hangover the day after my booster shot tomorrow. Should I take my meds that day or should I just skip? My meds don't normally give me any bad side effects. What did you find with your meds vs vaccines?
Thank you!
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ADHD
|
i constantly feel guilty for existing. I just got a wave of depression and i feel so bad for even having it bc my life is fucking amazing right now. I just got a really good scholarship to one of my top colleges, im finding who i am, but i’m sad. I can’t escape my mind and i’m scared i’m a disappointment bc i’m sad for no reason. my panic attacks have been so frequent in comparison to the last year and i feel just forgotten by everyone. Idk i’m just so tired of living and feeling like a disappointment and just an extra pain or waste of money in others lives.
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depression
|
I've been titrating on Elvanse the last few months and found it quite beneficial overall - some major ADHD symptoms have been easier to manage, others have been easier to deal with because of the reduction of other symptoms. It's got me to a stage of working out good ways of dealing with my life.
However, the last week has been a bit weird, and I'm not entirely sure why. I'm still experiencing the positive effects overall - but had more days where stress has built up and it seems I've had less beneficial effects from medication. A couple of bad stressful days last week where I ended up late, dealing with the death of a pet (and my wife's reaction to that), as well as a couple of similar days this week have all seemed to stop any effect of the medication I am on.
Then there was yesterday too - I went to the dentist, didn't see the one I usually do, who started a procedure a completely different way which was painful, and ended up trying to extract a tooth that had barely any anaesthesia on - the pain was so bad I ended up screaming. The adrenaline I had was so intense from the pain of that I could barely stand, my hands were trembling really badly - I had to call it off and was not letting this guy near my mouth again. Shame as I'm so close to completing a long course of treatment. And annoying as I've been given a new appointment with the same f&\*%£$g dentist... Something else to stress about and have to deal with.
What I noticed afterwards was that my usual afternoon state was completely wrong - I was anxious, fidgety, restless, my mind racing much earlier than normal. I forgot things completely, was clumsy (cracking my head on cupboard doors I'd forgotten to close for example).
It got me thinking - did the stress of the previous days, and the adrenaline rush from this botched procedure contribute to preventing the medication from working on these days?
I've tried looking into this - but can't seem to find anything about it. The usual things are what to avoid when taking it, etc - but not anything that stops it from working as effectively after this point.
It's something I'll be bringing up in my review anyway next month, but wondered if anyone has any insights.
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ADHD
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In May of 2019 I began to date a guy long distance but we met a few times. We dated for 9 months and he abused me in many ways. He belittled me, physically hurt me, manipulated me with his mental health, and coerced me into things. It has added to my ptsd causing moderate ptsd instead of mild. Since meeting him my dissociation has gotten so much worse it lasts from minutes to hours. If I have a nightmare it lasts to some degree the rest of the next day. If it’s a flash back it can be minutes to a hour or two.
I already had mental health issues but was in recovery from my self harm issues but being with him made me relapse.
I don’t know how to stop the dissociation and it’s interrupting my life. I’m in therapy every two weeks and we’ve started to work in the ptsd last session but now I’m in self isolation and can’t see him. So I feel really stuck in the progress I can make. I’m wondering if anyone has any tips for dissociation? We have been working on making me less numb to how I feel and allowing myself to actually feel instead of distracting myself from. It. I feel me avoiding feelings is another manifestation of the dissociation. I’ve always been the type to run from the issue so it makes sense I dissocaite eve. I can’t handle something. It’s just so hard. Feelings scare me so much. I’m afraid if I start to feel the floodgates will open and I’ll never be okay again.
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ptsd
|
This is hard to put to words so if you need me clarify on somthing ill try to put it clearer. The world is a scary horrific place and it seems to me humans dont fit in it. In a dark emotionless world why do humans seem so emotional and sentimental. Intelligence does not equal emotion. Why are we not like cold, emotionless ai which are smart and efficent but lack the torture of emotional anguish that humans can feel. Why do people feel sad over comparitevly small things when there are animals who watch their species members (maybe even their parents) get brutally dismembered before their very eyes very often? Why do people feel the need to well... feel? Why do we wonder what is beyond our planet when only purpose is to live as long as possible and reproduce? Idk if there is a reason or not but it feels so wrong that humans exist in this world. How do animals not get reduced to total madness and beat themselves to death over loss when it happens so much and the conditions they have to exist in are so bad? I know this is a bleak outlook but ive lost faith in my religion and idk if there is anything out there at all at this point. We are a speck of suffering in the cosmos constantly in an arms race of painful ways to kill other species. I cant even imagine the horror of a fly in a spiders nest helplessly paralized and being melted alive. Sorry if I got dark there but in a world with things like this why do humans not also behave like animals rather than have urges to create things as comparatively pointless as art or music when all the other creatures of this world are so savage. Sorry if this is jaded or ranty or even immature but i cant wrap my head around any of this.
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depression
|
~ i think that as long as someone isn’t putting others down for having ocd or other mental illnesses / conditions they can make jokes ? especially because a lot of them will have ocd characteristics as well. if u like things to be clean and it makes u anxious when they are not, that is something that i ( and many others with ocd ) struggle with. even if u don’t have ocd or haven’t been diagnosed, those comments can resonate with others as well ? i understand when it’s someone who refuses to see that ocd is often more complicated than that and is mean to others, but if someone genuinely doesn’t understand, why would u say to them to “ shut the fuck up “ ? if u mention to someone that those things someone is saying make u uncomfortable, then they shouldn’t say them to u, but pls remember that there are some of us who really don’t mind and often find them quite amusing .. i think that it really depends on the situation and the fact that there needs to be more education about ocd, but pls don’t be unnecessarily mean to there pls 😔 i hope this doesn’t offend anyone and is only my unpopular opinion within this subreddit ☺️☁️✨
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OCD
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I wake up every morning to go to work, I come back home at the end of my shift and I just stay in my room and do nothing. I can’t motivate myself to wash my face, or brush my teeth, even eating is hard. And it’s not like I’m not trying, I make my groceries for the week and I try to shower at least every 2 days, but I’m throwing away my food and I lay in my dirt all day. The fact that I can’t sleep makes me feel worse. I just don’t enjoy doing anything anymore and I’d rather rot in my room. I find it hard to be awake.
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depression
|
I want to write about how I am feeling. Or rather how I have been feeling over the last few weeks.
I don't really know how to properly structure this, or even where to start. So I'm going to just write what's on my mind, and hope to conclude something coherent.
Today I have been unwell. And it used to be I would feel unwell once or twice a week, but now it seems to have reversed, and I am mentally well about once or twice a week, with the rest of the days challenging to get through.
Every day I usually wake up with my head feeling bricked. The feeling can be described as a blunted, dry feeling, also with excessive *pressure*. I always wake up very tired feeling, and the amount of hours usually doesn't change that. (However, being sleep deprived obviously has adverse effects on me during the day, but for reference I'll talk about getting enough sleep). I can sleep from 8-11 hours a night, enough for my body to feel rested throughout the day.
Lately my days have been mentally exhausting. For almost every day I am burdened with overwhelming emotion, and a constant pressure/pulling feeling in my head. There's a constant pulling in my head, with a strong desire to want to cry or scream or break down. And I feel this all throughout the day. I manage to push through it, I get through work, but at the end of the day it can leave me feeling so drained and exhausted. During the evenings I feel dizzy, sometimes sick to my stomach. I want to nap, but my mind races and it becomes a challenge to nap. It has also afflicted me with a lot of racing thoughts throughout the day, I try and keep busy to minimize it.
Lately I've noticed my behaviour has become a lot more closed off. I don't want to spend time with anyone, make plans, or go out. It was my sisters birthday 2 days ago on the 16th of December, and I worked and had to take the girlfriend to work after my shift. At the end of the day I told her I was too tired to give her her gifts. I had some gifts I wanted to give her. I just wanted to go home. And I did. In my mind, I didn't want to see anyone, I wanted to be alone. I went home to my computer and played more mindless Diablo 3. 2 Days later I still have not made the plans to give her her birthday gifts, and I feel like a horrible person.
I have been neglecting my men's step-study group. For almost a year now I attend a recovery step-study group every Monday. I have not attended every Monday, and some times I'll miss multiple weeks. Lately I've been personally feeling disconnected from the step-study group and its members. I have lost a lot of interest in it over the last few weeks. Plus it's challenging to try and attend it when I am unwell, trying to attend it in the evening when I am completely mentally drained. The last few weeks during open share I talk about stuff similar to what I am writing tonight. It's like my counsel without guidance; my struggles are heard but I cannot figure out what to do. (Note: the group is designed to support one-another, not fix one-another, I understand that and not expect to find therapy in the group, but it's nice to have my voice heard and let go of my struggles and emotions for the week)
About every third day I journal my thoughts, my struggles, and I try and make sense of things. Understandment is one of the vital keys to solving anything, and yet I cannot understand why I have been struggling so much lately. I cannot understand why I have lost all my emotion. I internally cry when I think about not being able to feel emotion, it brings me down and locks me in a depressed state. I think and focus a lot on myself, because I am trying to find connections or links to why I am the way that I am, or why I am unwell today. I can go back to previous journal entries and meditate on what I was feeling a few days ago to try and figure out a thought or feeling. Sometimes I find those connections of why I was unwell.
I think a lot of my issues stem from a poor childhood. A lot of behaviours I had as a child I notice are still reflected in me today. I have one sibling, my sister, and she struggles a lot harder than I do. God bless her.
A year ago today I was doing so extremely good, I could of told you I beat depression and would of felt confident in doing so. I can't believe how extremely difficult things have gotten in the last few months, and the hardest part is being unable to figure out why.
I do also struggle with severe emotional blunting. (Anhedonia?)
--
Thank you for reading. I omitted a few paragraphs that were either off tangent or excessive. I think the important thing I can say is I have not given up working on myself. Things have been getting extremely difficult, but I continue to work on myself and make conscious decisions to try and get better. But the mental struggles are real.
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depression
|
I was diagnosed with ADD years ago and i’m sure i’ve always had it but I don’t take medication regularly (even though I should) due to side effects. I have been getting by unproductive and scatterbrained for years and years and i’m 27 now. Couldn’t finish college. Bullshit my way through every job i’ve ever had. I’ve been working an office job since last year and am lucky if I can get an hour of work done a week. I don’t know why they don’t fire me.
What is constantly hindering my life though is the fact that I can’t shop for ANYTHING, whether groceries, clothes, furniture, etc. For example, when I go into a grocery store for only a few items thinking i’ll be in and out, I end up spending 3 hours there and I don’t know how or why. It won’t even feel like 3 hours, feels more like 30 mins. But then I won’t have anything to show for those 3 hours because i’ll literally walk out with like 5 things. I can’t have people come with me to the grocery store because if they’re in the car, they’ll complain about me being in there for so long and then think i’m mental when I come back with barely anything.
Clothing is even worse. I will go to the mall or a department store or outlet or whatever and assume i’ll be in there an hour tops. I will then proceed to spend 7 hours there and half my whole day is gone. 7 hours of me hyperventilating, crying, pulling my hair out, sweating and wanting to give up. After all that time, you’d think i’d have purchased a good amount of things, but again, I literally walk out with what I can count on one hand.
It’s gotten to the point where I genuinely hate shopping and view it as torture. I won’t go grocery shopping and instead opt for fast food which I feel shit about. I won’t buy new clothed because of how overwhelming having to pick and choose a wardrobe is for me. I desperately need new clothes but I shut down when i’m presented with too many options and am unable to make decisions. It’s winter and I don’t even have jackets. I’m wearing the same shit from years ago that doesn’t even fit properly. I desperately need shoes but there are too many shoes to choose from and I have this problem where if i’m going to spend money it has to be the best/most popular.
I moved into my apartment a year ago and still haven’t bought furniture because even after a year and hundreds of hours of online browsing, I still can’t make up my mind.
Today I went to Target to get a new planner because I think it’ll somehow magically make me productive even though I buy one every year and hardly even look at it. But my mind is like “I just need a new pretty planner, then i’ll for sure focus and organize my life.” I left the store 3 hours later with a bra, LED lights, and an ugly dress that i’ll probably return if I can gather the will to do so. “I can probably find something better on Amazon.” Even though I spent 2 hours browsing on Amazon earlier today.
I have 23 tabs open on my laptop right now, a mixture of clothing/makeup sites and work assignments that i’ve been putting off. I can’t do the work until I shop and I can’t shop because I can’t make up my mind. So I shut down completely and take a nap and then things just pile up which causes everything to feel that much more overwhelming which then causes me to go back to sleep to avoid it. Cycle never ends, naturally.
I had a date a week ago but I canceled because I didn’t have anything to wear and my makeup is old and expired and my skin has been awful because I haven’t taken care of it because I am overwhelmed by the amount of skincare available and I can research for weeks and months and still not buy a damn serum of moisturizer.
Fuck. This was meant to be a short and to the point type of post. Of course nothing is quick and simple with me. I hate being me. I’m absolutely sick of myself.
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ADHD
|
*TW being taken advantage of*
I don’t want to go into too graphic detail about what happened to me recently, but long story short I had drank too much at a party and my “friends” left me with this boy a year older, he took me and we made out but I was too drunk to properly consent. It did not go further, though he tried to make it, and now this terrifying and predatory occurrence is the only thing I know about kissing or anything of that sort. I didn’t enjoy it, and I think i’m realizing i’m asexual or not into men, all being heightened by the fact that flashbacks from that night keep appearing as intrusive thoughts. I’ve spoke to a few friends about this but I don’t think anyone understands the magnitude that this has been affecting me due to the nature of my OCD. The thought of what happened makes me feel utterly disgusted and i’ve had a bad feeling in my stomach for days. I’m not sure what type of advice i’m looking for, but anything would be helpful at this point. I just ask that you don’t tell me to just go kiss someone else, because that really doesn’t seem in the picture for me.
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OCD
|
Is it normal? Maybe the anxiety manifesting physically?
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OCD
|
TW: MENTAL HOSPITALS, RESTRAINTS, BLOOD, NEEDLES/SHOTS, CHILDREN IN MENTAL HOSPITALS, SUBSTANCE ABUSE
I’m a young nurse. I’ve practiced for a year, doing pediatric behavioral health, mostly with teens. It is something I’m VERY passionate about, because I know mental health facilities are lacking in people who give a shit. Recently I decided to take a few months off, as I reached a very dark time in my life.
I know I’ve caused children trauma. I’ve only had to use mechanical restraints once, luckily I’m usually able to de-escalate things verbally. But I’ve given forced shots dozens of times. I fucking loved that job. I was good at it, all the techs would be excited to see me working because I knew what to do in a crisis.
I think stuff changed when I got hit (purposefully) by a teenage boy. I started dreading going to that job, I felt like a failure for some reason. I began dissociating on and off during my shift. My substance abuse (at home, NEVER at work) got worse. So I switched facilities.
This facility was WAY worse. Often 1 nurse and 2 techs if you’re lucky, they wouldn’t send help from other units unless we were really high acuity or more than 18 kids. The seclusion rooms had concrete walls, so if you locked someone in there they would just beat the walls until their hands were bloody. The director of nursing didn’t really care and came up with excuses. They refused to use ativan on the kids so it was much harder to de-escalate with medication, they’d rather throw the kids in the seclusion room. If I told the techs no, they wouldn’t listen to me for the rest of the shift, would stop respecting me, and would keep picking on the kid until they snapped. It was a really scary place.
Now I’ve taken 2 months off, and I still don’t feel better. My substance abuse is off the chains. I feel dissociated almost a majority of the time. I cry sometimes when I talk about certain instances.
I recognize the trauma I caused is theirs. I’m not trying to downplay that. People will tell me to switch fields, but that’s just ignoring the problem, leaving kids in the hands of people who don’t give a shit. I have several other conditions that include chronic daily migraines, depression (VERYtreatment resistant), anxiety, ADHD, and polysubstance abuse (mostly my perscriptions)
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ptsd
|
It’s a weird comparison but let me explain. I didn’t realize it until a youtuber pointed it out but season 4 of big mouth has a specific subplot that more or less demonstrates OCD perfectly.
Maybe it’s a bad thing to diagnose fictional characters but sometimes I think it’s alright if there’s enough actual evidence. And since mental illnesses are underrepresented it’s cool to watch a show and say “this is what it’s like!”
In one episode, Andrew reveals to nick he has a method to “stop boredom” and it’s super long and overcomplicated and involves checking to be sure the door is locked three times. And if Andrew misses a step or nick interrupts him, he has to start all over. Regardless he must do it or something bad will happen.
And it does. >!Andrew’s grandpa dies.!< obviously andrew had nothing to do with it but Andrew starts ruminating and thinks >!he killed his grandpa.!< and starts to have anxiety and panic that he did must’ve did something. Or thanks to his mom, he thinks he’ll die any second.
Maybe it’s not true ocd, but if somebody asks me “what is OCD like?” I’m using this. Like “why do you have to knock on the bathroom door three times even if nobody is in there?” Because if I don’t my zeyide dies.
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OCD
|
I cannot get if I am making this whole disorder up in my head. I was diagnosed 5years ago( I was 17). I was a very successful student up until then but incredibly forgetful and insecure. It took 4-5 months of psychiatrist visits for my doctor to diagnose me with adhd, he didnt want to give me the pills before being sure. I am a med student now. I get mad at myself everyday that I am still in need of medication and cant stop blaming myself. The system in my country makes the process incredibly hard by postponing and leaving me without medication for 10 days every few months, no explanation. Today I asked a friend of my father’s who is a doctor and instead of acknowledging the situation she goes straight to berating me about how I shouldn’t need this meds anymore now that I got in med school and how SHE also feels distracted a lot but it doesnt interfere with HER daily life so it doesnt make sense for ME to be treated…
-Adults here who have been using methylphenidate for a long time now, how do you deal with the judgement from others (even the doctors maybe)?
- Do the meds still work without upping the dosage and have you had any major side effect by now?
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ADHD
|
Hi everyone, I'm a senior student in a Canadian High School and I've been suffering from anxiety since the beginnings of time. Always anxious, fixated about something and generally, it's related to school.
I get great grades sure, but when it's time for a test, regardless of its nature, my stress levels skyrocket and cloud my reasoning, making me do stupid mistakes that I identify instantly after the exam. My hands shake, my mind paralyzes itself into loops of thoughts and furthermore.
I tried everything suggested to me in hopes to reduce my stress levels, but nothing really works and I don't want to take medications; there's got to be a way...Can someone help me?
TL;DR : Really stressed during exams, tried most solutions but nothing worked, need suggestions.
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aspergers
|
I feel a great deal of anxiety coming back here; regardless, I feel that I’m obligated to come back and at least leave a message for those who are struggling with their OCD.
Scrolling through the multitude of recent posts of those desperate for reassurance sparked my interest in writing this; I wish I could have found someone as candid and honest as I will be to all of you.
Before I start, I’ve never written a Reddit post, so mind my... technicality and structural issues (if any?)
-
I feel that a descriptive backstory of my OCD isn’t necessarily relevant.
As a quick summary, I struggled with ROCD and SOOCD (asexual and homosexual); this doesn’t matter in terms of OCD — it all feels the same. There is no need to compare.
I know what many of you want from this:
How did I get over my obsessions?
How did I move on?
How did I return to normality?
And to that I answer:
I didn’t.
I still have anxiety spikes, I still catch myself ruminating and performing mini-compulsions. I still am fearful of my mind sometimes.
But aren’t we all?
-
I feel that the entire backbone of OCD is valuing your thoughts TOO much.
I can think whatever I want, and it not be reality. I can think about killing people, and it not be what I desire. I can think about homosexual intercourse and not be homosexual. I have full free range of thought.
That is the beauty in humanity; it’s our biggest strength and weakness.
When my OCD flares, I tend to value my thoughts too much, and when it simmers, I tend to not value them.
I know that it’s difficult to just stop believing your mind, but it’s truly the only way to get over obsessions.
You are not your mind.
I could look at the blue sky and think “Red” and it not be true, correct?
But if I find fear in believing it’s red, I will continue to think this because of this fear — this emotion that is becoming attached to my thought(s).
I believe rambling right now.
My overarching point is to let go of your thoughts. They are not you.
Take a second to relax and clear your mind, and then read the next line, filling in the blank with your obsession.
Would you be worried about ________ if you weren’t consciously thinking it?
Or rather,
Would you be worried about ________ if you stopped worrying?
I have seen, and felt, two ways to get over OCD.
Numb yourself to the obsession, and show yourself that it’s okay
or
Reduce thought and energy put into the obsession.
Both of these require YOU to work to return to normality.
Are you going to put in the work to get over your obsession(s)? Or will you let them consume you?
-
To wrap this terribly disorganized mess up, I’ll tell you the simple way I got over my obsessions and compulsions:
Stop giving them energy.
I found hobbies and things to keep me busy. I went to work more. I took away the rumination and obsession time my mind was utilizing to terrify me and circle in fear.
You must work to get over OCD.
You are not your thoughts.
I truly hope this provided help to someone out there.
I love you all; you all matter.
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OCD
|
While I (33f) have been depressed longer than I have been in my current relationship, I still have a hard time talking about my depression to my partner (34m). I never know how he is going to react to anything I tell him. Sometimes very kind and understanding, sometimes very frustrated and blaming me for making excuses. That has made me even more cautious and prudent about sharing any problems. To be clear, I'm very bad at communicating, it is not all on him.
So what your experiences and takes on this problem? How do your partners, spouses, family members deal and cope with your depression? How do YOU deal?
Would love to hear about it. It might shed a new light on my problems.
Cheers!
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depression
|
because of some unfortunate life events, i had to end up moving back to the place where some horrible things happened to me. i actually think i might've been on the road to recovery before now, but moving back here has re-opened all the old wounds, putting me in a chronic state of fear and stress. it's made every part of my life harder. i'm especially struggling with work right now. i don't want to leave the house, but i also need space and time away from the people i live with. i'm lonely, but i also just want to be left alone. honestly, the only thing i somewhat enjoy right now is sleep. obviously, i'm super depressed. also, the trauma (which happened a few years ago) involved the loss of a friend, and i'm still crushed by grief every day.
i'm not necessarily looking for advice (though i'm also not opposed to hearing any); i mainly just wanted to dump these thoughts somewhere. i'd appreciate any kind words, positive thoughts, or virtual hugs you might send my way. thanks for listening.
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ptsd
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For those who have suffered any kind of abuse at the hands of others, does it seem like this is a cycle that keeps repeating itself? I feel I must send out a signal to people that I am weak.. or when people find out about my mental health that some of them automatically put me in a position to abuse me. I told myself I'd never tell potential partners about my PTSD and other issues, but it's so hard not to be honest.. still, when they find out or even if they don't, I feel like the perfect candidate for repeat performances.
I'm so exhausted.
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ptsd
|
Apologies for the long post.
COVID has taken a toll on my (24M) mental health - so much so that I have officially been diagnosed as depressed and have gotten medication for it. I only recently had the courage to reach out to the doctor to get this diagnosis and medication, and while it's helped a little it seems like every little bad thing will set me off.
I think everything bad started for me in September of 2020. Since May of 2019, I had been away from my university on an internship. I believe that the last day of that internship (August 31, 2020) is the last time that I have truly felt like myself. I had friends that I spent time with regularly and was well liked by my coworkers. That all changed when I went back to school.
Classes were held online for both semesters (September - April). While that pales in comparison to in-person classes for most people, it was particularly difficult for me for two reasons:
1. Because classes were held online, it felt like there was an expectation to be at your computer more often. I remember sitting in my desk chair from 9 am from 9 pm most days (with breaks) and also working on the weekend to finish up my assignments.
2. 2. I was alone, or very close to it. Most of my friends had graduated the year I was on my internship, so I didn't have a very good support system. I had one friend in most of my classes, and I asked her to check in on me every once in a while to make sure I was alright since I knew that something was off with me. She did for a while but eventually stopped. It's also very difficult to make friends when all of your classes are online, so I couldn't really make friends even if I wanted to (which, of course, I did). Going out to meet people was also not an option since the pandemic was particularly bad in my area, forcing most in-person events and venues to close.
To satisfy my urge for social interaction, I turned to Tinder. I met up with a few women and enjoyed their company, but eventually things fell apart with them. More often than not I would get ghosted. I did end up in a brief relationship with someone I thought was great, only for me to put in 90% of the effort. It took me a long while to get over her, especially because I didn't really get any closure until I reached out to her about 9 months after we broke up (she moved to a different city and returned for school). I did feel a lot better after getting the closure I needed, but it upset my girlfriend at the time because she wasn't comfortable with me seeing my ex (I understand her point. She knew I was going to but just not when. I didn't want to tell her because I was so anxious. I told her right after I saw my ex and she was very upset).
Eventually, after that failed relationship, I used Tinder mainly to hook up for a while. I did find someone that I got along with really well (our first date was 31 hours long!) But eventually she told me that she wasn't in the mental space for a relationship right now, even though she did want to eventually want to be in one with me. We kept chatting after that until she ghosted me. This one didn't hurt so badly because I knew that she wasn't ready and that we weren't actually in a relationship.
At the same time I was talking to this woman, I was also talking to another one who eventually became my girlfriend. She was pretty shy but warmed up to me eventually. What I really liked about her is how much she cared for me and was concerned for my mental health and wellbeing. Things were great at first but eventually they started going downhill. I tried to be there for her as best as I could, despite my mental health, but there was just so much to deal with. Her family had a lot going on. One particular item of note was that I attended my first funeral with her - and it was a murder-suicide. That took a lot out of the both of us.
Things were also getting bad because I had signed up for two commitments before we started dating and was just not getting the time to work on them because I would always be spending time with her. I clearly said that I needed my space but she always convinced me to be with her instead. (I know, partly my fault. I'm an adult who could have said no. But I digress). That meant the work just kept piling up and I was getting more and more stressed. I started taking things out on her - just being short tempered and not really wanting to help her out. I feel awful about that. Eventually it got to the point where our relationship was basically me coming over for the evening, we watch Netflix after I asked if she wanted to talk and she'd refuse, us going to sleep and just before we slept she wanted to talk, me falling asleep because I had a long day and was exhausted (eventually I made a rule that if we were going to talk I would stand up so I wouldn't inadvertently fall asleep), her crying herself to sleep, repeat. It was awful and took a serious toll on my mental health.
That wasn't the only major stressor in that relationship. As I mentioned, I don't really have any close friends. I struggle to maintain relationships out of business, or I would always be initiating conversations and activities with people who would only respond half heartedly or would ghost me. As such, I don't really have anyone that I can reach out to. And I don't want to scare away new friends by opening up about all of my shit right away. I did have one close friend who I've known now for about three years. We've been friends on and off - mainly it's been her disappearing. I did reach out to her in December of 2020 and we had been chatting, but it was probably not until July of 2021 that we started hanging out again. It was great - I actually had someone besides my girlfriend that I could talk to and open up to. When I would have relationship problems, I would vent to her.
Unfortunately, our friendship ended recently. I had always intended for my girlfriend to meet her but it just never worked out. For some reason my girlfriend had a hang up about being friends with people who worked in the same mall as her?? She was starting to get over it, but by that time we were fighting a lot. I didn't want to introduce my girlfriend to my friend while that was going on, so they never actually met. So my friend and I would hang out. The last time I saw her, we went to a bar. It was a lot of fun - the time really flew by. She had a lot more to drink then I did. After the bar closed we got some McDonald's and just sat in my car and talked. She was very vulnerable because she opened up to me about some serious stuff. She then told me that she found me really attractive at that moment. I turned her down by saying that I wouldn't cheat on my girlfriend, but I did (and I know I shouldn't have) but I flirted a bit with her. I then went home to my girlfriend, who was waiting for me. She was upset that I hadn't texted her (I was paying attention to my friend and when I'm out I generally don't look at my phone). We fought for about an hour before falling asleep. The next day, my friend felt guilty and decided we had to end our friendship. I understood but was reasonably upset. I wanted to talk it through with my friend first to see if we could talk things through before I opened up to my girlfriend about what happened (a bad decision, but I didn't want to be forced to cut off my friend. I know now that that was wrong). But that wasn't the half of it. I was texting with my friend about it, and before we had ended our friendship I was talking about that I was unhappy in my relationship and was considering leaving for my mental health. My girlfriend broke into my phone while I was sleeping and saw the texts. She confronted me at like 4 in the morning, and we fought for a bit before she dumped me (understandably). I went home at like 6 am before going to work. We kept talking over the course of the day before making up and temporarily getting back together. I don't know why I agreed to, maybe just because I wanted her comfort? Who knows.
What was really messed up is that she texted me "I found out that you were mostly telling me the truth" when I told her what happened the morning we broke up. I asked her how she knew. It turns out that she went to my friends work (who she had never met) and confronted her about it! My friend decided (understandably) to cut me off. I got back together with my girlfriend for a couple weeks, but losing my friend really hurt me - especially since I barely have any friends. My mental health took a nosedive after that. I knew I had to break up with my girlfriend. I just couldn't forgive her for losing me my friend, besides the other issues we had. I was actually concerned that I would end up in hospital because of a suicide attempt had I not broken up because I was just so miserable. Once I broke up with my girlfriend, I waited a few weeks before reaching out to my friend and apologizing for what happened. She never actually accepted it, and ghosted me. That made me sad all over again.
Now you might ask yourself, what about your family? I still live with them but plan to move out in the next few months. The problem is is that I've never really fit in with them. It's always felt like it's been my sister and parents are one family, and I'm a guest in the house. This has gotten worse over the course of me being in university (6 years). They don't ever invite me to do things and they never really talk to me. I know they love me but they could show it a bit more. I feel like a guest in my own house. I've tried to take the initiative but it seems like we have nothing in common. My sister is always out and my parents are always watching Netflix. If theyre watching something and get interrupted, they get upset. I want to improve my relationship with them but I just don't know how.
The one light in my life is my job. I worked at a terrible place for 3 months right after graduation. I was gaslit and generally mistreated. I have since moved on to work with their competitor. I'm a lot happier. The issue is that my mental health is starting to affect my work. I've gotten slower and it's been pointed out. I don't know what to do and I definitely don't want to lose my job.
So in summary, here's been my life since September of 2020:
-Ghosted by a close friend
-No real friends to speak of
-Two failed relationships
-No improvement in family relationships
-Terrible job followed by great job
I know that people say that things will get better eventually, but I'm just having a hard time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I know I've made mistakes. How can you see happiness when your worst enemy is your own mind? What do I do, and where do I go from here? When is it my turn to be happy?
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depression
|
December 2020 - March 2021 were by far the WORST months of my life. I had a huge breakdown just before xmas and it left me with agoraphobia and needing anxiety meds (which I’ve been on since January).
Nearly a year later and I thought I was well on the road to recovery - I’ve been having no trouble with leaving the house and my anxiety bothers me less.
However, my family and I put our xmas decorations up on Sunday and I immediately broke down crying. Since then I’ve been feeling so so incredibly anxious and it’s like all my work to get better has been erased. I’m usually a huge lover of xmas, but I couldn’t feel any less festive than I do now.
I’ve done a little research and I think I’m suffering from the anniversary effect :( My problem with this is that I’m worried as to how long I’ll be feeling like this.
|
ptsd
|
Until I got to 13 14, my father and step father constantly yelled at me and would easily lose their tempers. Getting whipped with a belt was common. I have for long time since have hard time keeping conposure when anyone raises their voice. I get real stressed and scared when this happens.
|
ptsd
|
I’ve never had such a horrible outlook on life until now. I’m assuming this is from withdrawals from alcohol. I’m 23 btw. Slept for 12 hours today until 2:30 pm because when I’m asleep I don’t feel like this, so I slept until I couldn’t anymore. I have to go to work in an hour and I’m honestly worried I’m gonna break down in front of all my coworkers. I don’t know how I’m supposed to continue on when everyday it seemingly gets harder not to drink and I get more and more depressed. I’m a shell of my former self, I talk to my mom and she tells me she doesn’t think I’m “trying” hard enough to snap out of it but if anyone could snap out of it then why does anyone have depression. I told my friend that I feel like I’m reaching a breaking point and all he says to me is “damn bro I’m sorry”. I know some people aren’t great at comforting but damn I feel like I can’t talk to anyone.
|
depression
|
I hate my life and everything in it. Been researching the easiest ways to die because I can’t even muster the courage to get out of bed, so doing something like jumping in front of the train requires too much effort.
I know this seems against the above paragraph, but I would really like to just go to a different country, completely vanish and burn every form of ID I had, then go off grid. I know there are ways to buy new identities in other countries but I don’t have the money. I’ve even been tempted to try befriend someone in another country and see if I could live with them until I die, but I’m afraid of being caught.
I’d love to just set up a new life in another country, work illegally, not get caught, and forget about my previous life.
|
depression
|
It’s called Overwhelmed by Royal and the Serpent. Honestly there is no song I’ve ever related to as much. If you want to, I’d definitely recommend listening to it. If you do, tell me what you think
|
OCD
|
Like growing up I thought I was kinda dumb but like academically more so. I was silly funny loyal kind and I would just assume I would grow up to be normal if I just had everything a normal person has and with age.
I almost waited and wasted time thinking I'd be normal. I pushed myself hard in ways I don't ubderstand. I thought at 27 everything will fall into place. I always heard your brain is still forming until 25 here I am at 30 post covid and its like family and friends don't even know me anymore. I don't either. Even my silly social skills that some found indearing, I can't do.
All I want to do is hide cuz I can't be what I was. Which makes me feel like a bigger loser.
Researching aspergers hasn't been the best thing. When I knew I was different but didn't know why, I was more able to embrace my silliness, and call myself a dork and what jit. And now aftwe fucking up.my life, turning 30/and researching aspergers, I just want to cry more than I used to. Im almost afraid of acting silly even though I know neurotypcals do. I'm afraid anyone can just google aspergers and connect the dots now.
|
aspergers
|
Hello everyone,
I (24m) was diagnosed at the age of 3 with high-functioning A.S.
I have recently secured a role in accounting as a Junior Accounts Payable Assistant which is also an AAT Level 2 Apprenticeship. I’m getting paid a living wage (above apprenticeship wage) so it’s a very good opportunity starting next week.
I cannot help but overthink with a racing mind, all the bad things that could happen and how I will fail and leave the job. I ruminate to the point where I am exhausted and I am now back on Propranolol for anxiety because of how I am feeling.
Does anyone have any experience in starting new jobs and how you deal with the awful imposter syndrome I already feel? I’m sorry for the negative post everyone but I’m not feeling good lately; I hope others out there can help me.
Thank you.
|
aspergers
|
I am currently taking 10 mg short acting Adderall 4 times a day to get me all the way through my work day (middle school teacher). (I was taking Adderall XR when I woke up, then the IR at lunch & halfway through the afternoon.) It works reasonably well, but I have to remember to take it four times a days, and even with multiple alarms set, I still regularly forget at least one dose which results in me being unable to herd my ducklings effectively (and usually end up in a sensory overload in the process).
I recently learned about Jornay PM, which, from my understanding, you take before bed and is 24 hour. I am absolutely intrigued by this. My psych is willing to try it but doesn’t have any other patients currently on it. So I thought I’d look here for people’s experiences before I take the plunge.
**TL;DR** I’m considering transitioning from Adderall to Jornay PM (with dr blessing), but want to hear others’ experiences with Jornay before making the switch. (I am not asking for medical advice in any way and am in full communication with my doctor in this process).
Thank you so much in advanced!
|
ADHD
|
I won’t go into details because I don’t want to set anyone off by accident. I’ve had my ptsd since childhood but wasn’t diagnosed until June, where I had a complete meltdown and needed partial hospitalization. Im currently on 90mg of Cymbalta, 50mg of Atarax (four times a day), 3mg of Risperdone and as of this week 15mg of Buspar (twice a day). My psychiatrist was hoping if they could help my anxiety then maybe my depression won’t be as bad but that seemingly isnt the case yet. The Buspar helps a lot but only for 2-3 hours after taking it which isnt very helpful when Im panicking all day long but it’s better than nothing.
My therapist, psychiatrist and primary doctor all agree that I should be hospitalized but will compromise with a partial hospitalization again. Im torn on if I feel like it will even help but I was told they would have any easier chance to change up my pills in hopes that whatever they change helps a ton. Im skeptical on that too especially now with how many pills Ive tried in the last 5-6 months.
Does anything have any experience that they could share with either partial or full hospitalization to help calm my nerves about the situation?
|
ptsd
|
Depression is a hell of a…well, depression. To use the colloquialism “is a hell of a drug” would imply that one was choosing to be depressed, as if it were a lifestyle some would aspire to live. Depression is the lack of motivation to even find an analogy to complete that sentence in a witty manner rather than just saying that depression is depression. It sucks. It’s early onset Alzheimer’s, second drink unsteadiness, fear of public speaking, lack of motivation, lack of any desire to do anything other than literally nothing.
What gets me out of bed when I’m depressed? Obligation, plain and simple. The need to keep my job, pay my mortgage, keep the lights on and the house warm. Not for me, but for others. When I am depressed I could care less about my own well being. House is cold? Throw on an extra layer and pull the heavy blankets from the attic to better my “nest” where I wouldn’t mind staying until the darkness inevitably recedes. Need to shower? Muss my hair, reapply deodorant, change my shirt and drawers. No clean drawers? Febreeze and inside out, good for another day. Hungry? Nothing easy to nuke or ready to eat? Bread and water, ice cream(the whole fucking tub), water, soda, water, alcohol, water, junk, garbage, water, fast food if I can muster the energy to leave the house.
Misery loves company. While obligation forces me to do the things I would love to rot away not doing, misery makes me have to share it. Come down here with me, the water is warm. Smile? Hardly. Fuck off, or join me in my slough of despond. Eventually I will ask for help, but one may be so driven down and away at that point the willingness that may have been there is gone, without the understanding that my sharing this might help to bring.
Worse yet is when that person who would help is also suffering from depression. Obligation to not drag each other down keeps one from sharing with the other so that we’re both so down, but trying to act normal for the benefit of the other the problem never gets addressed in a healthy way. We eat and sleep, or starve and insomnia, our way to numbness, which is better than feeling so down in a pit of darkness that we would prefer to be numb than to feel anything at all, even if some of that could be good.
Even if some of that could be good…in hindsight after a major depressive episode it’s always easy to find good things that at the time we ignored. Why couldn’t we just see those things? If we’d tried harder to find them we wouldn’t have been so down for so long? As if we had a choice. It’s never a choice to experience what one does when depressed.
“Just smile!” How about you go fuck yourself? If you don’t know what to say to someone who is in the midst of a depressive episode, say nothing at all. Just listen. IF they want to share their feelings, as irrational or misguided as they may seem to you, it’s a sign that they know where they are and that they are ready to start climbing out. Having someone to listen, other than the wall of ones bedroom or the cat, can mean the difference between an extra week of “winter” and spring. Don’t ignore the groundhog when it comes out. It may run from its shadow back to its den if there’s no point of light to see beyond the darkness around it.
|
depression
|
I made a big mistake a couple of weeks ago, my extremely toxic ex from 2 years ago messaged me when I was drunk (after no contact since he dumped me), saying things I wanted to hear. I ended up going to his and hooking up. He was such a grump after the sex so I just left when he was asleep. I felt so fucking stupid. He never reached out afterwards, I unfortunately did cause I had questions . I just said hey and he ghosted me
I feel so goddamn dumb. I’ve been hating myself and started self harming again. I just can’t believe I allowed him to use me. I’m still so naive, idk what I thought had changed.
|
depression
|
My girlfriend is amazing and they are VERY tidy and clean. We’re going to be moving in together at the end of 2022, and my goal for the next year is to get good at keeping things neat and tidy. Obviously this is very difficult for me. Does anyone have any tips? My worst nightmare is that my difficulty with keeping things in order would cause relationship issues next year, my executive dysfunction makes this hard. Any ADHD specific tips y’all have would be amazing
They know I’m working on this, and I want to improve significantly over the coming months. The thing is I need to be at the point where I automatically do this, as my current strategy is waiting a few days and then doing a lot at once which wouldn’t work for them. I don’t want to be a shitty partner to live with who doesn’t keep her half of the bargain.
|
ADHD
|
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