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So I got a severe illness, I almost died and that implies I was in a hospital for a long time. I felt very happy after I left, treasuring life a lot, I didn't get flashbacks or anything just recently, I've been starting to do stupid things without much tought, all I can think about it's the abuse, the hospital abuse, the way the made whatever they wanted with my body, the odors, the pain, the dreams, the drugs, I'm getting so desperate cause I was okay, I was happy, I didn't have anything mentally and now I feel so broken.
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ptsd
|
Hi everyone, (I'm sorry in advance this will be a long message)
I'm writing to you guys because I've been dealing with depression and anxiety symptoms that are very connected to a traumatic event I've experienced in the past, but I have always been very confused about how traumatic it actually was, and whether it was "real" or if I am just making a big deal out of it. I have this constant guilty feeling that makes me doubt everything. I had a medical appointment today to talk about this and straight out asked if it was possible for me to have a form of ptsd, and even if he said that it does sound like it and that it is written in my appointment summary, I can't get rid of this feeling that I might have been lying to myself or that my memories and emotions are not that reliable... Has this ever happened to anyone? Is it possible for someone to convince themselves that something was more traumatic than it actually is? I am so confused... Here is my story:
When I was 16 (I'm 27 now) I was in a very toxic relationship with a guy who forced me to have sex with him or to do things with him that I didn't want to, in places I didn't want to, etc... He started by making me feel guilty when I said no, then was getting more and more angry and threaten to leave the relationship or become violent. He never hit me though, but did hurt me physically a lot by accident in his violent angry fits. On the other hand, my parents, especially my mom, were very concerned about me becoming sexually active and became very controlling, and once they figured out I had sex with this guy, my mom started calling me a slut and threatening to kick me out of the house. They didn't know it wasn't consensual until very recently, but it still hurts to be called a whore or other names when it wasn't even consensual in the first place right? This was a very stressful situation, I was constantly rpessured from both sides to do very contradicting things, everyone I cared about was always disappointed in me and threatened to leave me in a way or another, and my boundaries and needs were never respected. There is one event that I consider particularly traumatizing, when my ex was getting very frustrated at my mom for trying to forbid me from having sex and at me for "obeying" her. After a big, long fight over this and a violemt fit from him he managed to convince me to do things (I accepted just so that he would stop harrassing me and we could move on, as I often did). Once it was done, we left and immediately after, my mom who was suspecting something was going on behind her back, entered the room for evidence. And when she did find some, she waited for him to leave, and then pulled me by the arm, pushed my head down to force me to look at it and then insulted me and accused me of lying to her, among other things that I forgot. I felt so ashamed, betrayed and alone... I hid in the bathroom for safety and called my ex to tell him what happened, more to show him that he got me in big trouble than anything, and when I thought things couldn't get any worse, he came back to my house to have a fight with my mom. To this day, my mom is still mad at me for this and still mention it everytime we have a big fight.
The abuse lasted for about a year with a few very dramatic break ups and make ups along the way. I won't try to explain why I stayed in this relationship because it would be too long and because I am still mad at myself for not leaving him sooner, but I remember feeling like I had no control on my life anymore and that I was constantly afraid of losing everything that mattered to me in an instant, after everything I've had already lost, all the damage that was done and all the sacrifices I've had to make just to try and fix everything. The weird part is that I never really took the time to think of how bad what was done to me until much after the relationship was over and it struck me very suddenly that it was actually very wrong. I started asking myself if it was rape or not (and I still am, I am still not able to answer this question myself and I can't even say "the r word" when I try to talk about this to anyone) and much much later started asking myself what I should think of what my mom did to me.
All of this affected me a lot more than I thought, which I only realized a few years ago: my relationship with my mom is awful (I tried adressing this last winter and she still refuses to aknowledge any part of my story when she is not blaming me for all of it, including the sexual abuse part because she "told me so" when she said I shouldn't have sex); I have a very complex relationship with sex, sometimes wanting it a lot, sometimes feeling disgusted by it, sometimes feeling disgusted by myself for even wanting it; I have had a lot of trouble with relationships because of how often I feel triggered by their apparent disappointment and the feeling that I need to please them, because I'm always afraid that I won't be able to get someone to respect my boundaries or that I will be lied to, manipulated and used again, because whenever I try to explain what happened to me guys become distant or leave me, now I feel like I can't trust anyone and that whatever I do no one will stay with me or respect me, and of course, whenever I am not busy and I am not distracting myself, those memories and feelings of fear, disgust and hopelessness will come back to me as if I was still there and I will have panic attacks.
There are other parts to my story that I won't detail here because my message is already way too long (a surgery that happened at the same time as the toxic relationship with my parents, the suicide of an ex before the relationship with the toxic ex, another abusive relationship with a drug addict much later, a traumatizing event at work, etc)
​
The thing is, my panic attacks are not as debilitating as what some people describe. What happened to me was such a long time ago... I was not attacked by a stranger in a dark alleyway and my life was not threatened. Even if I was pressured, manipulated or forced to do things, I can't help but think that I did kinda let this happen to me after all... even if I didn't want to, I did end up saying yes... so I always feel very guilty even considering that what I am experiencing is even that traumatic...
I am so sorry that this message is this long, thank you for those of you who will have the patience to read the whole thing and maybe give me their opinion! have a great day/night everyone.
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ptsd
|
I was recently in the hospital. Stayed for a while, had some medical emergencies. I wish it would have just ended there. I would have been done with this. The pain, the loneliness. I’ll never get better. It’s cruel, that I’m still here when much more deserving people haven’t survived.
I don’t want to do this anymore.
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depression
|
Hi,
for quiet some time I have a feeling that I am really bad friend. Here's the thing, me and my friend know each other for 6 years and I think that in 2019 our friendship changed a little. I got my diagnosis at the end of 2019 and since then I've learned a lot about myself and definitely matured a lot. Also at the same time my friend started dating a guy, and there is no problem with him, but I noticed that her relationship changed her. Basically, a lot of times I catch myself being annoyed by her, whether it's something she says or doesn't say or do. Also I have more negative thoughts about her. I don't know why is that, I don't think it's jealousy, but more an irritation by how well and lucky she is in parts of life that are important to me, and I'm not sometimes due to my autism. And I do realise that it may be not true, I only observe her life, she might be actually really unhappy with those parts, but thought like that appear in my head and it's hard not to belive it.
I don't know what to do. She is my best friend since middle school and I definitelly don't want to end it, but being her friend takes more and more energy from me. And I don't want to tell her, because it's not her fault and she doesn't need to change. She is actually a great friend to me. She did a lot of research about autism after my diagnosis and is super understanding. Yet the problem still exist. What are your thoughts? ?
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aspergers
|
Im 15 and although my mom watches a lot of shows and such about people with autism it would seem like she understands when i mess up or don’t reply to her yet she still gets mad at me for these things i cant control much like answering with a head nod and not words
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aspergers
|
Ive posted here before but its gotten so much worse now. Last week at the body shop where i work( which i used to love) i had a thought saying "i hate everything about the body shop" now i dont feel the joy i used to working there now and within the flick of a switch i think i hate it. In turn this works with things i hate im starting to feel like i them and i feels 10 out of 10 hundred percent real to the core. How can someone just involuntary hate something with flick of a switch. Please someone and answer no one has seemed to experienced the realness of the feelings ive had so far. Can anyone relate.
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OCD
|
I am going to try and make this as short as possible. So-not one, but both of my brothers have been diagnosed, both at an early age. My older brother really struggled because of it for most of his life, especially when he was younger. It was kind of always “his thing”, something that I *seemingly* could never understand. The struggles my younger brother has faced have not been as prominent but they are still acknowledged by my mom and stepdad.
I haven’t had the chance to be formally diagnosed yet but my therapist and I are pretty sure that I have it, as sure as we can be without the confirmation of a psychiatrist.
I have pondered it over the past 5 years or so but even more so in the last few years due to the fact that symptoms have started to really interfere with my life as I have been trying to navigate living on my own as a young adult. My therapist and I have been exploring it for about the past year or so.
Since coming to terms that this is what I am dealing with I have tried to make some adjustments to my routine and lifestyle in attempt to improve my mental state, which has proven effective so far, more so than anything else I have tried.
Today, I was trying to explain to my mom over the phone (she lives 15 hours away, so this conversation can’t be had in person right now) why I am only doing part-time at my very overstimulating job (in addition to delivery driving, where I can be by myself most of the time). As she has done multiple times before, she kept trying to dismiss me, saying that, “this is what everyone deals with-everyone gets stressed out and overwhelmed at their job”. I kept trying to explain to her that that’s NOT what it is, that I have been struggling with this for years, that my body and brain will literally shut down and so on. I get sick A LOT and realized recently that it is all correlated with periods of overstimulation, and mentioned this to her too, pointing out that not “everyone” deals with that-and she still didn’t seem to quite understand. I don’t know how she doesn’t get that after I literally have not ever been able to hold a job for more than a year (usually only 3-6 months) due to it, but whatever. Anyway-she then went on to say that she thinks therapy actually hasn’t been very helpful for me as it seems that I dig so deep into things that I end up creating new problems for myself.
I told her, which I cannot stress enough, that it’s quite the opposite-I think having Aspergers explains SO much of the struggles that I have always had. If anything, it has given me room to breathe. I feel like I am finally getting answers that have already helped me improve my quality of life a little. I think it was easy to overlook the possibility of me even having it because I was diagnosed with an array of mental illness(s) at a young age-anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, and a few others. Honestly, I now think there is a chance the Bipolar Disorder might have been misdiagnosed. My highs and lows have a pattern, and it all seems to be correlated with overstimulation and social distress.
I just don’t know what to say to her. I don’t think I should say anything until (or if) I receive a formal diagnosis, but it’s also exhausting trying to justify all these things to her without being able to tell her that yes, it is all very real, and no, these are not things everyone goes through.
I just think it still may be hard for her to understand since it looks so different in me in comparison to my brothers. I have always had symptoms, but I guess they have just been more quiet. I am a girl, and I think that has played a large factor in the way it has all presented itself, a way that my parents are not used to since they already have such a fixed idea of what Aspergers looks like. I also don’t think they even have a great understanding of how it affects my brothers to begin with.
I’m in a rut. I don’t even know if it’s necessary to tell anyone at all. Perhaps I have been really fixated on it lately. But if I am, I feel like it’s only because it’s one of the only things in my life that I feel has ever made sense. Do you think I should tell her? If I do, how should I approach it given the background?
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aspergers
|
Hi guys! First of all if you're on here I'm sorry you have to be on here, it really truly sucks ass. If you ever need a specific stranger to reach out to for judgement free support my inbox is open.
I just wanted to get my feelings out somewhere to discuss something I've really been struggling with now that I've turned 20, and that's how I was conditioned my entire life to feel like I didnt deserve to take up space or that my voice wasn't important.
I'll spare you the sob story, if you're here you already get it. I have a shitty father and a shitty ex-boyfriend as well as a history of assault.
Being in the position I was in (My situations started from birth and didnt fully end until I cut off my father a year ago) I had it engrained in me that I'm not really a person, I'm here to serve others, I dont deserve to take up space, etc.
I've made a LOT of strides in recovery this past year, and this is something that's been really difficult to overcome. I dont feel like I should be allowed to speak, like, EVER. I feel super weird if I say my feelings, or try to make a new friends, or insert myself into any situation. I've been trying to actively do this despite the discomfort to sort of get used to the idea of being known, but it's so hard!
I feel weird even posting this - I dont feel like I have a right to write words and have strangers read them. It feels like I'm burdening you guys somehow by speaking. It makes social interactions so hard. Because in addition to general social anxiety, I also have the added layer of feeling like nothing I say or do has any value.
I'm sure some of you understand the disconnect from your rational self and your traumatized self. Its like, I KNOW that theres nothing different about me, rationally. I know that I bare just as much weight and meaning as every other human being. I deserve to be heard, I deserve friends, I deserve it! But the trauma feels like a monkey with cymbals in the back of my brain telling me to shut up over and over.
My trauma brain makes me feel like theres something really, really wrong with me. Like every single other person is deserving of love and respect and attention EXCEPT me. Sometimes I genuinely feel like a monster.
I guess I just want to let anyone who feels this way know that they arent alone. I also want them to know that what they're feeling is valid, but irrational. Putting yourself out there is extremely valuable. Your thoughts and experiences are beneficial to people. People care about you. People want to be your friend, and listen to you. People think you're really cool!
Uhhhhhhhhh idk what else to say! Do you guys deal with this? How are you coping?
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ptsd
|
I used to be a fan of a fictional character until i noticed the character i liked is a terrible written trash character that has no fans. I can't stop hating this character whenever i remember they did a lot of bad things and had no character development or seeing people hating them. I really need to move on and i really need help. People tells me to like whatever i want but i don't want to. People repeats these words instead of helping me. I am tired to thinking about that piece of worthless trash. Please i need help. How can i move on from them?
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OCD
|
Im curious if anyone else has experienced a recurring thought i'm currently dealing with, because its so different than my usual OCD triggers. For context: I am a 30 year old male who was finally diagnosed with OCD at 25 after a lifetime of struggle mostly related to obsessive and obtrusive thoughts.
In the last year, despite all the odds, my life improved in numerous ways. All around me, however, it seems like the lives of people I love and people in my city are getting much worse. This led me to a new obsessive thought that if i'm the only person whose life has gotten better that it's all an illusion and any day now it will all fall apart and things will be even worse.
Does anyone else's OCD make it hard to enjoy success in this way? I just want to enjoy the life i've worked for but its such a new thought pattern i dont know how to contextualize it.
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OCD
|
Hey guys, Ritalin has not been working for me so my Psych said next in line is Adderall. I’ve heard Vyvanse is the least addictive but my insurance won’t cover it. I’m nervous to try because i really just don’t want to become dependent and addicted to it. I have a semi-addictive personality.
I work in a sales position so i would only want to be using it on prospecting days where i need to sit and call people for hours at a time. But for everyone else, what do you do to keep your tolerance low and avoid dependency? How often do you take holidays? What’s a tell tale sign that you are becoming dependent? Anything helps, thanks!
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ADHD
|
Hello!
I'm an Occupational Therapy student with recently diagnosed ADHD and disordered eating. Turns out the ADHD is the primary cause of my issues around food. You know the whole, forgetting to eat, meds making you not feel like eating, eating everything you have because you're not paying attention, going a whole day where your only water source was iced coffee, dreading washing dishes, etc.
Looking into the OT resources, I'm not finding a lot related to specific techniques that people who actually have ADHD find helpful for getting themselves to eat or cook. I'm hoping to put together some resources that can help me and others with similar concerns, but to do that, I need to hear from you! Please please share any tips, tricks, or methods you've found that helps you eat, stay hydrated, or cook.
Some of my go to tricks:
1. Use kitchenware that gives that dopamine hit. You love fancy looking teacups? Cool, use em for your morning coffee. Have a thing for tiny silverware? Nice, use it to eat your breakfast.
2. Have a few water bottles in different places of your house. When you're thirsty, you won't always have to deal with the fact that your water is in another room.
3. Sticker chart!! I've done this for helping myself try new foods, or just even remember to eat a specific meal consistently.
4. Make yourself a menu for the week. For planning my groceries I recently made a menu that turned my peanut butter and jelly sandwich into a "raspberry preserves and roasted honey peanut spread on a hearty loaf". It sounds absolutely ridiculous but something about making it sound like a fancy menu tricked my brain into having fun with it, and actually sticking to it.
I have a bunch more to share but I really hope you can give me even more!
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ADHD
|
I thought my emotions were greatly represented by roller coasters but oh boi was I not expecting it getting worse. I think I’ve been crying every day now. I started college in something that really really motivates me. I’ve gained so much confidence and I have a really nice relationship with the love of my life. I’ve found life goals and my grades are really nice. I have projects and passions that still have not left me for months and makes my life healthier. However, I can feel myself getting overwhelmed at the same time. Im getting late on a bunch of stuff but I am also working hard. I still can’t get over the feeling that my parents can’t give me the emotional support I need rn. They’re not bad parents at all, I know they’re doing their best from what they know. But with them, if I told them my struggle (already tried multiple ways), I know they wouldn’t be able to help me, and it would just get "weird".
Things get as harder as they get better. I’ve been crying of happiness in moments of anxiety. I’ve never felt so alive. I am scared of it being a bad thing, but at the same time, this chaos looks like the perfect organization i needed all my life. And i know it is not forever. Im excited to begin living by my own.
I’ll put in in celebration, because i think im really becoming someone, and that makes me happy. The long life happy kind.
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ADHD
|
I am not diagnosed but have had symptoms of pure ocd. I have posted on this subreddit before, but need to talk some more. My thoughts tell me that I’m a terrible person, and when I stop having the thoughts temporarily, the next time I have those thoughts, they also tell me since I haven’t them in a while it means I never have had pure o and also I am accepting the fact I’m a terrible person. I go to church every Sunday, but as of late I’ve been feeling unworthy of anyones love and even God’s love and forgiveness. I’m afraid these thoughts aren’t from my head but actually from God telling me I’m terrible. I have had a leave Sunday mass because of my crying. These thoughts are tearing me apart and I feel so alone. I’m not sure how much more I can take of it.
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OCD
|
Laugh therapy is a real thing, feeling the need to control a sub Reddit and act like memes are awful because you may laugh a little is most likely from
The need to control your environment. Which isn’t even your environment it’s Reddit. That’s pretty toxic. I’m out .
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OCD
|
I have a good group of friends who mean the world to me, but I just met this guy about 2 months ago and I immediately became like grossly infatuated and obsessed with him slightly because I was into him but majority he was a new friend and like one of those people who I really wanted to think I was “cool” or something. It’s become so toxic for me though that I feel like absolute dogshit if I vent to this person, let alone speak to them. We established that we both deal with depression and are there for each other whenever the other needs to vent or anything like that, but I still feel so guilty and disgusting for even being around this guy like I’m somehow a burden or annoyance just by existing. Those thoughts are still prevalent around everybody else, but because I kinda like this guy it’s amped up 200% and my emotions are out of wack in regards to anything that happens around him. All I do in conversations over text is apologize to him for venting or being weird or annoying. Sometimes I feel so guilty or disgusted with myself for how annoying I was at a club meeting that I go home and self harm, it’s pathetic and idiotic.
This kind of thing keeps randomly happening when I least expect it and with people I don’t choose, like I’ll make a new friend and it could be super normal. But then I’ll make a friend and for some reason the dynamic is so different because I think they’re so great and cool that I want them to like me so bad that I destroy myself over it obsessing over everything I do or say around them and obsessing over them so much that my body gets that weird heart drop feeling in my chest if I see them anywhere for even a second.
I cant control it, I cant choose who I obsess over and it’s a completely horrible thing that I don’t know why I do. I just want to be friends with this guy, why I can’t I just have a normal friendship with this guy? Why do I do this with some people?
Any comments or advice you can give are greatly appreciated.
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depression
|
I just feel so down right now. I have no motivation to get out of bed, everything feels the same and things that used to bring me joy are just becoming boring. I’m losing the will to keep going, and I just want to quit trying. I feel like I should be sad, but I just don’t feel anything at all. I don’t know why either, as everything in my life is more or less fine. I can’t honestly tell if it’s just a phase of my life where it’s hard or if I’m bordering being clinically depressed. Does it end up getting better without treating it or should I try to do something about it? That being said I don’t know what I’d do.
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depression
|
i’ve never thought i had ptsd. and then on november i got into a car crash. quite literally changed my whole life. the paramedics told me they didn’t know how i survived
anyways. i went down hill from there. got into alcohol and messing with my perceptions. and then unfortunately leading to multiple times of attempt of suicide
anyways at the beginning seeing a white car coming at me would scare me. just the flutter of my heart. and getting anxious to drive with other people. and when i get comfortable driving i’ll randomly think of the crash and panic.
last week, same day i got let out the mental hospital, i heard a car crash literally on the same street i was just at. less than a mile away. i heard the crash and that was so horrible. the sound of metal hitting metal. and screeching sound of the tires. and then finally seeing all the lights from police and ambulance. after that i was scare to drive for the night. and then today. i heard the screeching of tires close to me. and it set me off. not like physically . just internally. and yeah i don’t know if that counts as ptsd. or idk
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ptsd
|
This is kind of a rant as I wasn't sure who to talk to about this, so I am posting it here. Sorry if I make any grammatical errors as English is my second language.
I am kind of in the process of a diagnosis rn. But I hate looking at my non-adhd friends and seeing them successful when I can't even get out of bed. I understand that the hate is directed more towards myself instead of them, but sometimes I look at them and see what kind of a person I could have been. One of my closest friends just got a job, and I was extremely happy for her. But then I look at myself, and I can't even get out of the bed in the morning, or take a shower on time.
My parents don't believe anything is wrong w me even though it's very clear to everyone else that something's not right. I am in my early twenties and in my country it is customary to live with your parents for as long as you want to. Even after having a job you can continue to live w them. So, that means I have to ask them to take me to a doctor because I'm financially dependent on them. I have my personal savings from writing small articles for a friend, but they aren't enough to pay for the doctor's fees. But each time I try to talk to them about it, the situation gets ugly and I end up having serious meltdowns that last for hours.
I'm still in college rn because I enrolled myself in a 5 year long course, which I realised very late was not what I wanted to do. I am now in a constant state of fear that I might never be able to do anything. My grades are bad and my extra-curriculars aren't enough. I will be preparing for a super tough exam, that you need to qualify, to work in civil services but now I don't think I will be able to study for it as it is one of the toughest exams in my country.
That friend, the one I mentioned earlier, is the person I could have been if I didn't have adhd. She's everything I wanted to be when I was younger. I feel so guilty for being jealous, but looking at someone else living my dream breaks my heart into tiny pieces. Everyday is like a battle for me. I keep fighting to survive and by the end of the day I don't have enough energy left to do anything. I hate living like this. I hate the fact that others have it easier than me, and I hate that to most people these things are just excuses. I also hate that I constantly feel different and alienated from everyone else in my life which always creates an invisible divide between me and others. I am so tired of all of this, and I am so so so so scared that my life is now potentially ruined because of all this. I just don't want to feel so pathetic anymore.
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ADHD
|
i don't really know how to make anything i think of make sense.. so I'll just mush it all here
i still sometimes think about what happened.. the worst ended not that long ago.. I know it's finally over but I'm still scared sometimes that it will come back.. and everything I have will be gone again..
sometimes something random will remind me of one of my many piles of shit from my past.. and i can distract myself.. and other times I will think about it and all I want to do is sit there and cry.. i know I can stop it but I'll only sit there and think about every single detail.. and everything will start to hurt again.. I don't know if it's been so long that I can't even think of a time where this wasn't normal or if I'm still hurting.. or if I just pity myself so much .. I really just have no clue what's happening anymore..
i cant even really accept what happened still.. just thinking about how... I had technically been >!emotionally abused, groomed multiple times.. etc..!<.. and before all that i had been >!r\*ped.. !< I hadn't noticed what was going on for so long that it still doesn't feel right.. it still just hurts... I just can't accept that now i have to live with it..
i still blame myself for a little bit..
​
everything just feels like too much.
I'm confused about everything..
i sort of wish i just had someone that understood and could tell me im going to be okay..
to anyone reading any of this.. sorry it's a mess...
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ptsd
|
Anyone else struggle with oral hygiene?
I literally only brush my teeth if I have to go somewhere but I will always use my Waterpik cause ya know the odor and plaque build up 😅 If I had a partner it would be different
Not sure if this is an ADHD thing because I also have bipolar2. It’s probably a part of both diagnoses
Edit: it also doesn’t help that one of my vices is candy
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ADHD
|
Does anyone have a good recommendation for an inpatient for depression and trauma? In the US? I am
In Michigan but anywhere in the US would be fine.
Someone please help.
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ptsd
|
I have an obsessive thought that is so ridiculous that I have troubling sharing it because I feel like it will manifest itself and turn into reality if I speak about it. Nonetheless, I feel like I have to share it to progress in my life, so if you want to talk to me about it, we can talk privately.
This thought causes a lot of self loathing because it implies that I'm ugly and unlovable and there is nothing I can do to change that. I spend hours of my day forced to think about it, I have a lot of mental lists to try to disprove it and I have to go through those lists countless times during the day. If I see or hear about just one thing that fits the theory all my progress is lost. I don't know if I can keep living like this.
|
OCD
|
Got bulied in middle and highschool had a shitty childhood and my life is ruined so far, lost grandmother, uncle, grandfather, (which we shared same name and surname) some of my buddies died. Cut our ties with releatives due to blood feud, because of heritage my grandfather has left and now they want to evict us from the house we live in, the only person and girl that tried to cheer me up after those events, the only girl fell in love in my whole life. Has made a decision to stick with the person, which I gave everything, a.k.a son of bitch best friend which I know him for about 15 years, he took everything from me, crippled my self confidence, erasedmy happines, took my friends, just about everything and we are in same private school. This is my last try to get into university and I can't focus on anything. Everything I do is in vain. I forgot last time I smiled. I am dead but still alive for my family. I just don't know. I am starting to go insane. All I got is my family and thats partly true. I see no reason to live since my mother started treating me like an adopted child. I don't think I have courage to kill myself but still my mind is full of destructive thoughts,trying to slice my hands punching to wall till my knuckles are numb and bleeding. At this point, I'm just praying to God, to kill me. Please help me.
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depression
|
I'm losing my mind. Am I dreaming? Is anyone real? Help
|
OCD
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I was speaking with my psychiatrist yesterday and I was telling him how my meds have been working (focalin XR 10mg) and I said that at first I was really able to get stuff done, but now it's getting harder and harder. I know I want to do stuff, but I can't just think "oh, do this" and then do it. It still takes me a long time. Like I have so many mental blocks that I have to get through first. He mentioned that this is not a symptom of ADHD and ADHD is when you get distracted doing stuff so you can never finish anything you are doing (which I do as well). So now I just feel lazy? Like I always want to get up and do yoga, but I get so distracted that it takes me HOURS to get up and do it. I just procrastinate everything and my medication isn't really helping with that. He did up my dose but I mentioned I didn't know if it was the right medication for me.
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ADHD
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…who blames religion for their OCD. Religion being forced on me when I was a kid introduced concepts like magical thinking and a vengeful god that can read your mind and could take anything or anyone from you in an instant, which is the exact type of OCD I suffer from (one of many types, for the record).
Has this affected anyone else?
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OCD
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I get this thing where I think God is giving me a premonition like "this next thing your going to click on is about Christianity" That actually just happened and came true not very long ago today.
But I also I feel as though I might be thinking I'm telling the future, but only after it happens. I saw a video not long ago where someone gets scared by a horror nun costume. And I feel as though I new it was going to be something about Christianity before it happened. But I also feel like I might have only told myself that afterword's.
Is this a thing?
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OCD
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In 2019 I was so depressed, my emotions were too overwhelming to deal with, I went through a phase of thinking I was bipolar or something like it.
I have a cancer and dealing with that has been a struggle if its own, couldn’t understand why I wasn’t one of these cancerous people who’s life and health choices are better - or they turn around all their unhealthy eating/ smoking habits which I can’t seem to do.
I was smoking 8 joints a day so I asked the GP to refer me to a psychologist. After waiting a while, I get contacted by a psychiatrist for an assessment and I’m honest - tell them about my issues, including the cannabis addiction - and she discharged me based on the grounds that cannabis was the reason I felt the way I did “quit and you’ll be fine she said”.
I move to another city, I re-referred myself but this time I had read on ADHD - so I suggest it to the mental health nurse I believe I might have ADHDx as I didn’t know all of my symptoms could be gathered under the same umbrella, and he told me it was impossible for me to have such a diagnose since I was an adult, so I took his freaking word for it AND oh I wished I pushed through.
Since I was 15/16 I have been struggling with depression and anxiety, I went from being an extroverted social butterfly to be an introverted emotional mess.
I always lose things, misplace things, so much I waste time every day looking for them.
I interrupt people as they speak (boss, teacher, friends…), I am impulsive with my finances, and my health. I have a chronic cancer for which I take oral chemotherapy, and I’ve been forgetful with my treatment & appointments - my doctors even threatened to discharge me if I missed another appointment. In 2017, I stopped taking my treatments in hopes of getting sick enough to get a transplant and started partying like there’s no tomorrow until I finally came to my senses.
I’ve been dealing with anger outbursts, where if I was proper ticked off I would things to be heard, being unable to focus at uni or now at work, getting frustrated/ overwhelmed in big crowds or in shops - to the point of snapping at strangers, hell I can’t even queue. I had an OCD for a while, I would occupy my time dusting every room and corners I walked into to, I was so ashamed and it was like literally my dirty secret, I could spend hours doing this. Even someone else’s house & I don’t know how I kicked the habit but I stay away from shelves, TV & TV stands, and hidden corners now. I also have obsessive thoughts, I fixate on something and can’t seem to let go until I’ve hurt myself enough with it, replaying every scenario in my head.
I can barely keep up with convos, I always space out or interrupt when a thought emerge - I talk excessively and so forgetful that I tend to let it out before another thought comes in. I’ve been spacing out and retreated into my own world since I’m a child and now feels like a sickness.
I used to think it was just my personality, when I was younger people would say “when Nancy passes, all heal break loose”. I’ve had boyfriends telling me I had to try harder to be less clumsy, that it was a choice and boy that did not help my self esteem.
I’ve recently lost a job because I can’t focus on important details, I did stupid careless mistakes that led my boss to believe I was incompetent. I felt depressed in the office and can’t seem to put my mind into the same repetitive task.
I’ve talked to another GP and this time she believed me, I told her why I felt I had ADHD - she told me not everyone has all the symptoms, completing the list of possible symptoms and I’m ticking practically all the boxes but it will take 18 MONTHS to be screened. I am fuming, that means 18 MONTHS of being that way with no support - I am 25, I am no where near having my life together and it sickens me. I also understand why it’s so hard for me to keep up with my treatment and I don’t understand why my Hematology doctors would threaten me with such a harsh decision when they know I’ve been struggling with mental health.
I feel like I have no control or self control over my life, and I know I should, I read so many things on how to apply certain things to my improve my life but I can’t keep up it’s so frustrating.
Can anyone with cancer relate?
Edit: I’m asking as I beat myself up about not being more thorough, focused or even careful with my health/ treatment
Edit: pretty sure there is one or more underlying mental health issues boiling in me
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ADHD
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The nature of my job requires me to check on things, specifically cleanliness, but in a fast manner (hotel).
And my OCD goes haywire and really slows me down and that takes a toil on my performance.
"What if you didn't check the cupboard?"
"What if you didn't look well enough?"
"Look again (and again and again...) to make sure there's no dust/dirty cups/rubbish"
It gets to the point where I imagine that something was dirty just right after checking it, I can clearly form the picture in my head and I just have to recheck it again and again and again...
And don't get me started on the management side and room numbers and making lists and ticking and writing and rewriting...
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OCD
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I usually have co-existing hyper-fixations, with some only lasting a few hours or days and others lasting months at a time. Whenever I look it up it usually only mentions short term hyper-fixations so i’m just curious on if hyper-fixations can last for months to years? I have a list in my notes app that I started a few years ago before I was diagnosed on things I was “obsessed” with over several months which were obviously hyperfixations and they all roughly last 4-6 months for long term ones but my current long term one has lasted 7+ months 🤷🤷
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ADHD
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I also posted this to r/gay but I need help deciphering between ocd and real feelings 😞. It’s very hard to sort through all of the shame and fear.
I’m not sure if I’m gay or not (maybe bi or pan), but am currently in a heterosexual relationship. I am certainly territorial and jealous when my partner talks about past partners and have many betrayal dreams about him cheating on me with other women. When he interacts with past partners or past romantic interests I feel fiery and raged as hell. This makes me wonder if I’m not gay? I have a lot of trauma surrounding men so I feel that they represent feeling trapped for me, with women always being the safe ones. That doesn’t change my physical attraction response to some men, including him. But I also have a sexual abuse history, with the perpetrators being men. I keep wondering if my attraction comes from a history of needing approval/needing to earn love from male caretakers. But I also feel an impulse to give love freely to my male partner, I want to love on him, it just feels like there’s a lot of resentment in the way. As I’ve become more embodied through trauma work I’ve felt increasingly more attracted to women. I’ve never dated a woman, only been somewhat involved with some (one snuggle session with one and proposal of being involved, one kiss), and I really don’t want the consequences of leaving this relationship but I’m hurting inside. I feel like a coward not “knowing” and staying, or knowing that I’m gay and staying. I have communicated all of this to my partner. I have broken up with him twice while high over this because while high I become sure that I’m gay. Then we get back together because I feel really attached to him and don’t want to let go of physical intimacy when I come to. Sex feels really traumatic, though. I have Mormon roots and OCD, and my therapist says that she thinks getting high elevates my OCD as I also became convinced that I was in love with my sister during a high (in my sober body I feel disgusted by that, cue moral scrupulosity, but I was so convinced and so disgusted with myself that I came very close to killing myself in the days following). My therapist said that since the prefrontal cortex shuts off while on weed, our thoughts become more symbolic than literal, so this could have been me feeling deeply about where I felt accepted and loved. I don’t know if this is a legitimate claim and have only felt validated by some of my research. I also just went through a divorce from my best friend because things felt too platonic on my end, and I’m worried it wasn’t the right decision. I think it was because it feels like I’m getting closer to myself, but sorting through abuse and trauma makes it painful to get closer to myself.
Most essentially, I am feeling heartbroken and hopeless.
Any insight or advice is welcome.
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OCD
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Hi
So I wanted to ask a couple of questions (the second relating to the first). This is related to my Pocd
So basically, this year I've had a really bad year on the internet. Online I've come across illegal stuff without searching for or wanting to find it. It's appeared on completely legal searches. This year has been by far the worst year for this to happen. Last night I even had to report an image because of how gross and disgusting it was
So firstly have any of you experienced this or noticed that its worse this year?
Second, are there any legal consequences from accidently viewing this kind of stuff? This keeps bothering me.
Edit: it's happened again. This time I was on a website dedicated to erotinc literature - one of the top search returns on Google - and in one of the sections it returned a quite disgusting story. I clicked off it (of course - I would never end something that disgusting) after reading at the very top (above the heading, well above the main bulk of the story) some of the themes which were abhorrent. I didn't go looking for it. This is horrible.
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OCD
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Well, my name is Gabriel, I'm 17 and finishing high school in december, english is not my first language so I'd like to ask for yall to don't mind little mistakes here and there, tysm <333
I am basically terrified of living, whenever I think about college and work I get so freaked out, my childhood was ok, not very good, not very bad, there were some incidents whatsoever but it honestly is WAY better than my teenage years, I just can't not feel that I wish I could go back to my childhood, I can't stand the feeling of growing up and I feel like I had to mature too soon therefore losing a bit of my childhood, either way I have a few dreams that I'd like to accomplish but nonetheless I don't feel that working or studying is the right thing to do now, I'm probably depressed ever since my late childhood and I'm frightened to deal with that kind of stuff now.
Life was always tough for me (don't want to ellaborate on it though), but the constant feeling of true happines when being a child stick with me and probably will stick with me forever, I just wish I could relive it once again, even though it wasn't the best, it's still better than what it is, I wake up, look around and I just hate everything, I hate my country, my room, my parents, myself, my life, my future, my past, everything, and I also hate feeling like this. :(
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depression
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I was recently diagnosed with an unspecified obsessive compulsive and related disorder. I have no clue what that means. Why not just OCD?
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OCD
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TW - brief mention of SA/RPE
Hi :)
So the we’ve just had an unexpected fire alarm which made me jump but then dread settled in my stomach and I went back to the event that caused my ptsd but it has literally nothing to do with loud noises or fire etc (it was r*pe). It’s like whenever I’m caught off guard I react so strongly and feel so on edge even when it’s complexly unrelated?
Does this ever happen to anybody else?
Thanks x
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ptsd
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Since grade school it’s been a problem to commit to any constant routine. At most I get to like a week and then I run out of willpower or something falls apart. Is there anything that’s helped for you guys in creating routine?
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aspergers
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I have never posted here but I’ve been diagnosed with ocd for years now and I need help from some like minded individuals.
I hope this post doesn’t come off as stupid or insignificant because I’ve honestly been struggling a lot lately and need a happy escape.
In the real world, at my current state, I cannot go outside and touch things, door handles, basically anything that is categorized as dirty to me without being incredibly anxious and distressed.
I’ve wanted to get Animal Crossing for a while though because it is a small world where I don’t have to worry about cleanliness and feel somewhat normal. I want to buy the Nintendo Switch but it’s expensive and I’ve been trying to figure out how I can keep it clean without feeling it’s ruined. i have to keep my phone in a plastic bag all the time because I feel it is not clean enough to touch. I dont want to feel like this with the Switch so I want to protect it right away. I know it has to be covered because I don’t think I can bleach it (as I do with most things). I also don’t think putting it in a gallon ziplock will be okay either because I couldn’t operate the controls. Does anybody have any advice on how to fully protect the switch so I can just enjoy this small thing without so much worry? I was thinking plastic wrap but I don’t even know anymore…
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OCD
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6 weeks, that's how long I lasted. I had managed to stay out of it for months, but things have only gotten worse, and now I did it again, I was just driven to the knife. At this point I feel like it's beginning to become a drug, I almost enjoy the pain. Next time it might be 5 weeks, then 4, and it will keep getting worse.
I'm such a fucking mess, and I don't see any way out other than to just end it, but I'm too much of a coward to even attempt it. I have so many issues in my hands, I'm trying to swim with a backpack full of bricks and I'm just letting myself drown at this point. So many of these issues are going to be so hard to fix, and some aren't even fixable at all, and I just barely have any willpower left.
What did I do to deserve any of this?
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depression
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I’m a 30f that has been diagnosed since super young. I feel like I remember a lot of negativity about being medicated, but I don’t necessarily remember if it was actually that “traumatic” or if it was just portrayed that way to me cause it was really stressful on my mom. (Seriously, teachers were such dicks to her and me thru all of school) My doctor said that they don’t medicate adults unless it “severely effects your daily life” but like what does that mean for someone who’s always struggled and just suffered thru everything?! I have worked through my depression and anxiety and found just the right mix of medication, but I still think my executive dysfunction is really messing with me. So I guess I need your help. What’s the thing that you just couldn’t do that finally set off your alarm bells? Or what was the symptom that really disrupted your life? I generally do better from other people than being introspective…..
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ADHD
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I’ve been contemplating if I have rejection sensitivity dysphoria, and I feel like this is one of the biggest signs for me. Not only did they disagree with my opinion, but they went on an entire explanation of why they did. It actually hurt a lot- felt like something was pushing against my chest. I’ve been trying to not get my actual opinions the best of me, because I’ve been criticized a lot recently. I also get super scared whenever I get a notification from Reddit, just because I’m afraid another disagrees. It doesn’t happen just on Reddit, but tik tok. I’m afraid another’s gonna correct me, and then they’ll get more likes than me. I’m afraid people will think I’m an idiot or fool. It’s been happening recently and it scares and embarrasses me
Edit: thank you all so much for the support and awards! It means a lot :)
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ADHD
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i was always emotionally neglected as a child, just thrown off for no fucking reason, not matter how much i tried to tell my parents they said i was acting crazy and would just make me feel more miserable and im tired of it. help me or i might just kill myself
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depression
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***TW: GUN VIOLENCE, ASSAULT, ROBBERY, SELF HARM, SUICIDE, RACE***
Hello everybody, this topic is one that's been very hard for me to address and come to terms with. I feel like I can safely unpack my thoughts here, but I do request that no one tries to make me feel guilty about this topic, as I am already consumed with overwhelming amounts of guilt.
I grew up in a predominantly white area on a farm in a town of less than 300 people in rural Ohio. I had never experienced any level of crime, and the only confrontation I had ever been involved in was honking at a foolish driver who pulled in front of me. After graduating High School, I moved to Toledo, OH in pursuit of higher education at the University of Toledo. I (22m) met the woman who would eventually become my wife (23f), dropped out of college, opened up a candle business, and bought a home together. The tables were turned this time around, we were the only white family in our neighborhood. Needless to say, I grew a lot as a person and the diversity was incredibly refreshing.
In the years I've lived in this city, I've truly grown to love our black brothers and sisters in this world, and have become very close with my neighbors. However, things began to take a turn for the worse once the pandemic began. My once seemingly "safe" neighborhood has become a warzone, with shootings, assaults, and robberies becoming almost a daily occurrence. This past year has been the most trauma I've ever faced in my young life. I've been involved (innocent bystander) in 7 shootings, most notably one that occurred in my front yard while I was out having a smoke. Over 50 shots were fired by 7 individuals across the street, and my house was struck and bullets whizzed inches away from my head (I'll never forget that sound). A while later, our house was shot for unknown reasons (we have no troubles with anyone here, we don't call or talk to the police, we mind our own business, shovel our neighbors driveways, mow their lawns, take their trash to the curb, etc. We are good neighbors).
I developed pretty severe PTSD from this major shooting, and have been seeing a DBT therapist. Recently, we've been working on exposure therapy and part of that entails going on walks and sitting with the severe anxiety for at least 20 minutes. On one of my walks, I was harassed and robbed by a group of black men. On another walk, a shooting broke out within feet of me and an innocent bystander was struck, killed, and crashed their vehicle into a neighboring home right in front of my eyes. On another walk, a car filled with black men ran a stop sign, swerved toward me to try and hit me, and yelled "f*** you white b****" after I jumped in some bushes and they hit the curb. On another walk, a black man pulled up, rolled down his window while caressing a gun, and asked me what I was doing walking around in this neighborhood (where I live). On another walk with my service dog (approved in my PTSD treatment) I was held at gunpoint by 2 black men with pitbulls who were trying to make their dogs fight my service dog. I just picked up my 60 lb scared service dog, and turned my back to them accepting the fact that I was going to be murdered today. They walked away laughing and called me a "stupid white b****". These events are all incredibly traumatic, and have really got my mental health completely f***ed up.
In this year, I've changed from someone who would go to every BLM protest that I could, linking arms with my beautiful black brothers and sisters and mourning with them, to someone who is too afraid to leave their home. Because of all of these events, my wife and I sold our home and are working on relocating.
From these events and the PTSD that came with them, I've discovered within myself some newfound racial bias/potential racism that makes me sick to my stomach with the guilt. Any time I see a black man, I turn around and quickly make my way somewhere safe. Any time I see a black man, my heart drops and I get uncontrollably nauseous. Any time I see a black man, I fear for my life and pray to God that these won't be my final moments. Anywhere I go, I actively avoid black men because of the overwhelming levels of fear. It's so bad that I've blacked out before, had a seizure once, and thrown up many a time. I can't sleep because the faces of these black men who have done these atrocities haunt my dreams and cause me to wake up sweating and physically ill. The part that makes me the most guilty is that my new home search only encompasses predominantly white areas now, which I don't feel is a coincidence. We found a house we liked, but our neighbors were black and I had a severe panic attack that almost led me to being hospitalized so we passed up on that house.
I dont know what to do anymore, because this guilt is killing me. Not figuratively either, I've been accidentally self harming (while dissociating), contemplating suicide, not eating, not working, and not exercising. I feel like I may have unintentionally become racist after these events, not white-hood-burning-cross racist but avoid-all-black-people-due-to-fear racist. I don't like this, and don't know how to reframe my mind and let go of any of this fear when violent crime keeps happening to me at the hands of black men.
tl;dr - newfound fear and avoidance of black men after experiencing a number of very traumatic events at the hands of black men.
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ptsd
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TDLR; be careful and be totally sure your coffee is decaf kids.
I just need to get this out bc I’m struggling rn famz.
I love drinking black coffee but I’m a small person who takes an adhd medicine (don’t know how to spell adderall even tho I’m a 23 yo with an English degree so i just say adhd medicine even tho I’ve been taking it long enough to def know the spelling — I digress). Sometimes when I’m feeling like a big spender, i got to a coffee shop and i order a decaf americano and put a tiny splash of regular coffee (I’m talking a splash)…. Well today i think it was NOT decaf even tho i made sure it was and I’m loosing my mind. I’m shaking like crazy and am outside trying to deep breath.
Just thought I’d share i guess. haha-AHHHH (:
Update: i had to throw it away (goodbye $3) and i looked at how much i drank…. Like FIVE SIPS….. maybe half an inch of coffee. F in the chat? (;
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ADHD
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I have been dealing with ptsd for nearly 5 years and during that time i have had repeated traumas. Ive been in therapy for a long time and tomorrow i’m starting ART therapy which is similar to EMDR. EMDR was insanely triggering for me and we had to end the session early because of how i responded to it. since then i haven’t been sleeping. i have flashbacks in my dreams and get very little sleep almost none of it restful. i usually do meditations at night but lately it’s not helping. i was wondering if anyone had any suggestions as i’m very nervous about starting this new process and i’m exhausted.
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ptsd
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Earlier this year I (F28) was diagnosed with CPTSD.
My whole life I thought it was just anxiety, until I had a massive trigger and my life spiralled. Funnily enough, my sister was also diagnosed with CPTSD unbeknown to me.
Anyway…
I’ve attempted to get help many times in my life, usually when I’m really struggling.
This year I hit my lowest of lows. To be honest, I didn’t want to be alive anymore. I didn’t understand what was happening or why I was so afraid of everything.
I decided to get help (again). I tried probably 3 different practices before I got an appointment.
The psych was great. This was the first time I clicked with a psych. I told her so much. I trusted her. I looked forward to seeing her. She didn’t treat me like I was a baby or like I was broken. She didn’t try to ‘fix’ me. I guess she just helped me to unlock and understand some things.
Well.. too good to be true. Because about 2-3 months in she tells me that I will need to find another psych because she’s going on maternity leave.
Just like that, I had to do it all again. I have insomnia and a suspected nightmare disorder, so I had to try.
I went on a waiting list for a new psych for 3 months, after again being turned away by multiple practices because they had no availability.
On Monday I finally had my appointment.
The psych didn’t ask me about myself. Didn’t ask about my family. Didn’t care to build any relationship. She just jumped straight into trying to make me describe the physical feelings of anxiety. Even after I said I don’t know multiple times. Then continued to ask me to tell her what events caused me to have ptsd. 20 minutes in I was strongly considering asking if I could leave.
I felt so uncomfortable. I didn’t want to talk to her about any of it.
I miss my other psych.
So here I am. Back in the waiting lists. Back doing it all again.
I feel really lost and discouraged.
TLDR: My old psych took leave and my new psych made me feel really uncomfortable.
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ptsd
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I have been reading more about dopamine and it's roll in taking action and feeling a reward for completing a task, and how dopamine transporters can be overactive in ADHD cases, basically stripping off this ability to take action and feel good about what one acheives.
All my adult life I've spent countless hours thinking of the things I need to do, the things I want to do, and how important it is to me to do them and how I want them completed. And all I can do is think about it, I can't bring myself to start. I feel like I am missing something I need before I can actually start, but I don't know what it is. I look to food, entertainment, sexual arousal, and those things feel good in the moment, but they don't give me what I need to start or complete a task.
Occasionally when I get to doing something, I finish it and feel completely empty. For example, I will clean my house from top to bottom, and just feel completely sad and empty and wonder why the hell I even bothered in the first place.
After reading about dopamine and what it is supposed to do, and how overactive reuptake through DAT proteins affects us, it all just makes perfect sense to me. Can anyone else relate to this?
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ADHD
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I have had OCD as a kid but it got particularly bad a few years ago when I started my first full time job. It went away when I changed my job: being in a new city, spending time with friends or exploring new things helped quite a lot to reset my mind properly. However, being indoors in the pandemic, not having any closeness with friends (nobody to talk to really) and it being a cold winter has made it somewhat worse. I have noticed OCD almost always happens when I feel increasingly depressed and isolated. I have had pure OCD lately of various themes. Just wanted to talk to others who have pure OCD and how to manage the spiral
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OCD
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I have never really felt that I fit in, and I am constantly told that I overreact to situations or am overly defensive and easily agitated. Most of this I’m told by my parents, and my relationship with them is rocky at best. I don’t feel happy anymore here, and I just want to stop feeling bad, but what if I’m the reason that I’m feeling bad? What if I am blowing things out of proportion and making my own hell? Sounds like something I’d do…
I just want to be happy… why can’t I just be happy?
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depression
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Feeling and emotions hurt me, school hurt me, family hurts me, friends hurt me, my mental illnesses hurt me...I am so desperate for just a little endorphin I would do anything
And the worst thing is that this is a toxic circle, it's like school is making me sad and depressed and it;s genuinely hard for me to do good in school...then I tell my mom "School is making me sad/depressed, it's hard for me in there"
My mom says "Oh right, like you are the only one going through that! You are just like a normal student getting sad from school! It's common, stop using this as an excuse to be lazy and not do your job!" "Here you go again, complaining and complaining, just stop making up excuses for not doing your job, in life we must do things we don't like" (referring to school)
but what do I do if *everything* I do in my life is hard....doesn't it have to be "IN life we have to do things we like"? cuz I can't remember the last time I enjoyed one of my hobbies or just living in general
Plus I am in a state of suicidal depression, that my mom doesn't know about or just chooses to ignore/neglect saying things like "Go and do it! Jump, I won't stop you", because I have some moments where we are arguing and I just yell "I want to fucking kill myself" on accident
Friends hurt me in the way of *some* of them being fake..and I am too naive and too shy to break off the relationship...so I am just stuck like this
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depression
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I was diagnosed with ADHD earlier this year. I thought by getting this diagnosis I'd be to get the help I need and reach some sort of salvation, especially as my life has largely been falling apart these past 2 years. Even though I'm getting medication, I feel like I've already invested a lot of time and money but have made no progress. My life is continuing to spin out of control and everything feels like it's caving in
​
I started taking Strattera first and saw no improvement, with it also giving me irritability and possibly worse sleep (I already have sleep problems, so hard to tell) as side effects so stopped taking it. Then tried Ritalin up to 20mg and saw absolutely no effect at all, with no side effects. I've now tried Dexamphetamine up to 20mg and am also getting no effects, with there only being the initial side effect of some irritability. I read on here from other people that the effects of medication might simply be subtle so I've tried benchmarks of things such as how much time I spend pacing around the house daily, or how well I can concentrate on reading books in a library; I have noticed no change.
​
I also attempted meditation for 6 weeks last year to try and fight it, starting at 5 minutes daily then quickly pushing it to 40 minutes daily (2x20 minutes). It cleared my head but it had no passive improvement on a day-to-day basis; I'd just fall back into the same limbo shortly after. It's possible I needed to try for another week or two to get the benefits, but I was exhausted by it and had to stop. If anyone has had better a more positive experience from persisting further please let me know and I'll try again. Now I'm trying to walk daily to clear my head but I live in north Australia and the sun is killing me.
​
I don't know what options I have left for treatment outside of Vyvanse, which is expensive. How could Vyvanse even help me if Dexamphetamine has no effect? My next psychiatrist appointment is awhile away and obviously I will ask him, but I came here out of desperation and wanting to talk to others with ADHD.
​
How effective is offshot medication that aren't necessarily used for ADHD? Is Vynanse more than just a fancy long-acting Dexamphetamine? We have no Adderall here, so that's no good. I'm sorry to ask for medical advice (again, I will ask my psychiatrist about all of this), but the realisation of all of this is hitting me hard right now and any sort of reassurance would be greatly appreciated.
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ADHD
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I enjoy office work and mundane tasks. Ideally, I'd just do data entry for the rest of my life, but I know that's not realistic. Does anyone have any suggestions what kind of careers I should be looking into? I thought about being a medical secretary, but I want to see what other choices are out there. I'm putting this question here to get input from other people who have Asperger's.
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aspergers
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Trauma bonding is when you're attached to a person who consistently betrays you in one way or another. Yet, you feel addicted to the abuser and panic at the mere thought of leaving. One part of you want to leave, another, stay. This inner conflict usually stems from the abusers confusing behavior, shifting from cruel to tender. You find yourself making excuses for their behaviors no matter how many times you get hurt. One of the reasons for trauma bonding is the attempt of resolving your childhood traumas through the destructive relationship. You try to get the abuser to change and love you even though they show little or no capacity for healthy love.
One way to break this unhealthy addiction to a person is to undergo trauma therapy. One of these therapies is the evidence-based treatment method EMDR. It helps you to resolve your childhood traumas, release stuck energy from your body, and give your body and mind long-awaited relief. EMDR also helps you to finally put the past in the past and give you a real chance of living in the moment and being more at ease with your body and mind. If you would like to know more or if you have any questions, please let me know.
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ptsd
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Honestly I don’t think anyone would understand this except for fellow OCD sufferers. I don’t know how to explain how incredibly painful OCD is. How debilitating it is. How consuming it is. It’s like our brains were wired with the purpose of torturing us. OCD takes the things you care about, love, and value, and absolutely destroys them, leaving the sufferer unable to enjoy anything because it has become consumed by OCD.
OCD is an endless painful torturous cycle. You can’t stop thinking about the things that you don’t want to think about. No matter what you do, no matter how much reassurance you get, it doesn’t stop. The thoughts themselves are literally painful. I don’t know how else to describe them. They are like knives stabbing me in the brain. I dread being awake because every second that I am awake I am consumed by disturbing thoughts and forced to do ridiculous repetitive actions that don’t make sense and make me look stupid. OCD attacks your character and your morals. It makes you feel like you are a horrible person. It convinces you that you have just tricked everyone into thinking that it’s OCD including yourself and that you are actually just in denial and the terrible things that you think are actually true. It makes you feel so horrible about yourself that you think you shouldn’t exist. It makes it so hard to function in the real world. Every action, every movement becomes consumed by OCD. Every second of every day becomes consumed by OCD. It destroys lives. It destroys hope. It is a monster that devours your values, hopes and dreams, until you are a shell of yourself. It is absolute torture. Literally torture. I used to bang my head against the wall to try to get it to stop.
A lot of meds don’t work, treatment is so incredibly difficult (but effective!). I just don’t understand how people go around saying they are “so OCD” when literally we are over here being tortured every second of every day. I can’t even begin to describe how much OCD has wreaked havoc on my life. It’s so horrible. And literally no one understands how incredibly painful it is.
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OCD
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I feel like a fraud writing this as I’m undiagnosed ( getting an assessment done for both asd and adhd this Wednesday though) but I am just so done :( I crave busyness as I feel like my brain can kick in to get things done when it’s under pressure yet I get so overwhelmed when I’ve got a lot on as my brain just doesn’t stop adding all the tasks that I’ve got to do in my head. Which then leads to me being paralysed to do anything even though I want to and need to and then it leads to this, feeling like shit because I feel like I have to work twice as hard than other people to get the same amount of stuff done so I get so mad at myself when I don’t do any of it ( you need to get ahead not behind!) so this leads to a bit of a shutdown of horrible paralysing emotions that last 1-2 days every month :( DOES ANYONE ELSE FEEL LIKE THIS?
Also tips on how I’m supposed to prepare for this assessment I have tons of notes I’ve been compiling for months but I don’t know how to organise it in time for Wednesday :(
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ADHD
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I think that I might be getting signs through coincidences and also premonitions from God to show that He is real (I'm scared that God in the Christian theology is real). I definitely know that I'm having intrusive thoughts, but it seems like God is telling me things as well. That seems really unlikely considering I know I'm having OCD or OCD like symptoms. But the proof I have to go along with it seems really compelling to me.
I was playing a game and concluded that I definitely am just having OCD and I should just stop all this. But just after that I notice some very unlikely things happening. I think I started to make predictions after seeing those unlikely things. And possibly already under the impression that this must be showing me that this isn't just OCD. I then got at least three predictions in a row right, one of which was definitely not an educated guess. Later I was playing a game with my younger brother and I was getting a lot of predictions right. But I feel as though many (but not all) of my predictions are educated guesses.
After playing with my younger brother, after all of this that happened. I was watching a show where a character makes a prediction that comes true.
So I think a lot of it is just educated guesses. But I seem to guess correct way more then I should. And sometimes in ways that I didn't even think of, with situations that happen to make the prediction come true that I didn't even see coming.
I was looking through episode of a show where they end almost ever episode name with "sir!" (like if your speaking to somebody in the army). I only consciously saw the word "sir!" at the end of one episode before I concluded that every episode ends with that. Isn't that such a seemingly random conclusion? Or did my mind see how it was unnatural for it to end with "sir!" and thought it must be a gimmick for every episode tittle? Or maybe I unconsciously saw "sir!" in other episode titles before seeing the one I consciously read and I new from that. I feel as though I do that as well.
I also don't know how many times I got things wrong. It seems way less then usual but I don't remember the times I got it wrong like I do when I get it right. Even though I forget when I get it right a lot to.
I've also felt like I sometimes think it was a premonition after the fact. As in I see something happen and my brain thinks I knew about it before hand.
The thing is I'm definitely having some kind of OCD, but there is just to much mixed in that seems to unlikely to be coincidence.
I felt super close to getting over this, but now another wave hit me. I feel as though things happen when I try and let go. I was thinking about giving up this Bible course I'm taking on Acts. On that day I was obssesivly thinking about this I saw a post or reddit where someone was doing a Bible study on Acts, how rare would that be to randomly see that? There was a lot of mention of Acts I noticed and I don't recall seeing any other post on studying other parts of the Bible.
The next day I was thinking about not going to Church and I thought something like "Its a sign to go to church if I see something about going to Church. And almost right away I saw a picture of two people outside a Church.
Strangely specific coincidence don't seem to come singularly. Within a three day period it seems that I will usually/always get more then one unlikely and specific coincidence.
Just now I saw a post about OCD fighting back when you give it up, and felt like it was going to be Christian related, and it was.
What I would really like is to see others experience with OCD not related to Christianity to see if they catch on to coincidences like I do and make accurate predictions. Or if my experience is much more unlikely then there's.
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OCD
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For the diagnosis traject my care giver wants to talk with my parents about my behaviour from when I was a kid. But my parents are 70 and they don't remember everything correctly (it has been a long time ago since I was a kid, I am almost 36 now).
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I am just wondering if it will help for my diagnosis. Isn't it better that she would have a conversation with my partner, about how he sees me behave on a regular basis now? I have read somewhere that this is also possible instead of the development anamnese they are doing now.
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aspergers
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how the hell do people make friends so easily? i dont get it, i try socializing, trying to get into things other people are interested in, i try to include myself, but everything just seems to fail and i get shoved or pushed out verbally, i have this one friend who i feel really close to, but as they develop a friend group of a decent chunk of people, i just get forgotten and left in the dust...thats how this has always been, i cant get a good time with friends who will be outgoing and willing to be with me either physically or virtually, or wanting to be, the only thing i get is people thatakee happy when im there but then dont give 2 shits about me when i leave.. i just dont wanna fucking be lonely....it hurts....
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depression
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Do you guys know why some people have depression but without any headaches and some with?
For me those headaches are the worst part of depression. Any remedies?
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depression
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add me on steam please :
https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561199155607928/
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OCD
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a lot of my depression comes from me being understimulated. I didn’t even know this was a thing until it got brought up to me, and it makes a lot of sense.. I’ve always been super active, but recently I’ve been trying to suppress this and train myself to sit longer hours for schoolwork. But now I’m realizing that was a bad idea, especially since I am currently without medication. I guess I’m just writing this to remind anyone here that is struggling hyperactive, to allow yourself to have some type of outlet for your energy if you can. Growing up, my mom always made sure I had some type of outlet in sports, and now that I’m an adult, I have to provide myself that outlet as a way of self-care.
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ADHD
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I'm so tired of being alive. I'm a 30 year old unemployed ugly virgin loser.
I thought I might feel better once I hit 30, like I might be able to let it all go and stop worrying. I feel worse. I've got in the habit of browsing dating type forums to see how I match up. Stories about men who won't clean their own ass, horrible disgusting stories, "the bar is that low" etc. All these men who can maintain relationships, so I'm significantly worse than even them. I can only imagine the disgust people feel towards me. I saw some pictures of myself on facebook the other day and it made me feel physically sick how ugly I am. "No, you don't look so bad" I CAN FUCKING SEE IT, HOLY SHIT, WHY DOES EVERYONE GET OFF ON GASLIGHTING ME!? I'M SORRY MY EXISTENCE MAKES YOU FEEL SO FUCKING BAD!
I'm tired of being dehumanized, like the idea of me wanting someone to like me is so evil. I don't think less of anyone who doesn't like me, no one should date altruistically, I just wish that someone would be able to like me. I feel so lonely and unwanted.
In the cold light of day, I don't even think that would help me. I think I'm just fundamentally broken at this point, this is how I will always feel. I might have another 60 years of natural life span, can you imagine? It only gets worse, one day my parents will die then I'll be completely alone. I've had in the back of my head for a while that I'll wait until then, but I think I'll move my timeline up now. I'm not going to continue suffering to stop other people feeling bad, it's not fair.
I'm an experienced cold swimmer, so I have no cold shock response anymore. I could die from hypothermia and barely feel a thing. Once my Dad gets past his surgery this Christmas I'm going to go for a "hike" and just let things play out. I know a nice spot, a place with some good memories.
I don't even know why I'm posting this, to give myself motivation I guess?
"Local loser drowns himself, nobody mourns". What a headline.
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depression
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I'm due to refill my Adderall XR (30mg) and I just got a text from my pharmacy saying it's on backorder and not available from the manufacturer. What can I do to remain functional while waiting on a refill? I also have a prescription for 10mg non-XR, and since I don't always take them, I have a bit of an emergency stash. Could I take one of those in the morning and one about 4 hours later? Should I stock up on Monster? Help me, r/ADHD, you're my only hope!
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ADHD
|
New to Reddit, so I hope I'm posting this in the right place and following the rules.
I'm going to try to keep this as short as possible, cause I know I could go on and on, but apologies in advance for the length.
I grew up in an emotionally abusive family. On top of that, my whole family was religious and homophobic. I never told them, but I knew how they would react, and I had the hatred of how they would treat me in my head every day for 8 years. My light in the darkness was my dog (my parents' dog, but I was the only one who took care of her, so she was mine). She was put down a little over a year ago now. After that, I knew I needed to get out of my family's house because I had nothing holding me there still(I loved her more than anything, and never would have left her behind, but couldn't legally take her, so I knew I had to stay with her). I spent the next few months working towards moving out with the help of my friend and her mother who gave me constant advice. In that time, my mother mistook my depression as me being suicidal, and tried to push me over the edge. This misunderstanding came from her finding out that I felt so empty and numb, that I would go to bed each night wishing I wouldn't wake up, and I'd just disappear. It sounds bad, but it's different. If I had been, I probably wouldn't be alive right now.
I moved out only a few weeks after that while my family was at church and I was home with a "migraine". I suffer from migraines so it was believable. I left a video on a flash drive explaining all the reasons I was leaving, came out to them, and told them never to try finding me or reach out to me.
I hoped that removing myself from the situation would allow the wound to heal, but it's only got worse. It's been 5ish months since I moved out, and I've only declined. The empty feeling became more frequent and got worse, I started having anxiety attacks, the first of which happened at work and scared me so much cause I didn't know what was happening, i just lost control. Now the anxiety attacks are becoming more frequent too.
When they happen, my throat closes up and I can't talk, and can barely think cause my mind is overloaded with so many thoughts, so I've been writing down my thoughts whenever I can hold onto something. I didn't really have the money to afford it, but I started seeing a therapist. When I showed the first therapist some of the notes I had from my anxiety attacks, she sat in silence for 30 seconds, shocked, seemingly not even able to think of a response. Switched therapists, and the second one tried helping near the beginning, but started just not responding to anything I'd say, so instead of sitting in silence, I would talk about something else on my mind, until I had nothing, and then I would open up an old would that I had closure for, just to see if I could get anything out of her. Still nothing. When I asked about progress, she essentially told me therapy couldn't help me and left it at that. Now, I've tried talking to people, exercising, meditation, yoga, eating healthy, sleeping the right amount, therapy, and nothing helps. I don't know what to do, cause the feeling has changed from wanting to disappear in my sleep, to actually wishing the universe would just kill me already. I still haven't had thoughts of self harm, but I'm worried I'm just getting closer and closer to that.
I know I'm not alone, but I feel lonely all the time. My friends shut me out automatically when I get even the slightest bit depressed, which doesn't help. But my one friend and her mom have been helping me through everything, and I'm so grateful for them, but I'm still declining. I also want so badly to be in a relationship (I've never been in one before, too afraid of my family), but both can't find anybody and don't think I should be in a relationship when I'm this depressed, but it's also making the loneliness worse. I have a dog and a cat now, and I love them, but I also feel like I can't connect with them like I did my previous dog because I'm so messed up. Does anyone have any advice? I'm at a loss.
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depression
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Disclaimer: I'm not a doctor, so please discuss this with one before trying anything. And please be sure to get MTHFR tested FIRST, if this is your situation...your body may require a special type of vitamin!
So, I stumbled across this on accident...
There have been MANY mornings where my heart rate gets incredibly high and I get massive anxiety when I take my adderall. I couldn't figure out what was wrong. It was my normal dose, I wasn't eating anything different with it, and there were no other changes to my routine. For years, I just assumed my body was just randomly acting strangely on certain days. But that really worried me.
Then, I found out that I had a MTHFR mutation. Unfortunately, I blew that information off for years and just kept doing what I was doing, thinking the test was just a way for haughty "insurance-not-accepted-here" doctors to make even more money off suffering patients. I didn't realize the significance of the results. So, the only thing I changed was that I started taking Methyl B-12 when I remembered to. And I didn't really notice any difference.
Skip to about 7 years later, and I stumbled across an article that talked about how histamine can be higher in the morning, and that if you are undermethylated (while your histamine is high) it can cause massive anxiety and a rapid heart rate. Up until that point, whenever I took the Vitamin B-12 it would be a few hours after waking up...so I decided to start taking it immediately upon waking instead. Maybe it would help the post-nasal drip that I get in the morning.
Well, the results were absolutely SHOCKING. Not only did my allergies get better in the morning, but ever since I have started taking my Vitamin B-12 BEFORE my adderall, my meds have stopped making my heart rate go through the roof. Again, I'm not talking about a rapid heart rate caused by taking too much meds; I'm talking about my regular dose giving me a bad heart reaction in the morning ONLY.
If you have this same experience, you may want to go to a doctor and get a MTHFR test. If you have that mutation, and your doctor says you should take the methyl version of Vitamin B-12, then try taking it FIRST thing when you wake up. It just may help your meds too. I really wish I had known this years ago; it would have saved me from a lot of awful anxiety/panic attacks.
Hope this helps someone out there!
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ADHD
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As a sufferer of existential OCD, one of mine is a Truman Show obsession (worrying thoughts about people being actors, lying to me, being watched, etc.) I watch videos and read articles related to the film often as exposures. I don't often see this one affecting others.
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OCD
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I think that this is an interesting topic that not too many people talk about, but something that came up for me recently was that I'm trying not to have my phone's wallpaper be of my ex who was abusive. She had her sweet moments, and that's what's captured and displayed as my wallpaper.
I don't know what this could mean, having my abuser as my wallpaper on my phone, but maybe it's a sign that I still haven't moved on. Maybe it's something else. Can anyone relate, or does anyone have advice? I want to change my wallpaper, but something's holding me back.
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ptsd
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Hey.
I (pretty sure on the spectrum) struggle with sensory overload and stress sensitivity and I also have a difficult time with change and with having my routine and planning interrupted.
I guess that I may also not be pretty good with understanding/executing the basic things people usually/clasically do to show their affection. I always think it would be obvious that I love him to pieces but suspect that I really do not communicate that well enough. (I once said something he thought of as very nice and which positively surprised him - but I was confused that he was surprised because I thought that was obvious and he must have already knew about how I thought. Well, turns out that he wasn't. Well, I digress...)
We also tend to have difficulties with communication. I guess there are several reasons but one of them is that it's sometimes hard for me to interpret him the right way. We figured that, in some occasions, it's okay when I ask him to explain what he meant exactly by saying what he did. Also I tend to often interpret him as hating me or being mad at me. Even if he tends to rather have lots of temperament that interpretation might be due to my own issues. If not exclusively then maybe still heavily influenced by them.
I guess You may all be quite familiar with at least one of those issues.
There are probably other aspects which I'm not aware of or which I'm aware of but which did not come to my mind during the last min in which I typed this text.
​
My questions:
What are your experiences?
Can you think of other aspects that may be difficult about a ASD + NT relationship?
How to ameliorate those and the issues I mentioned above?
Any other ideas?
​
Thank You very much! :)
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aspergers
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Thought I'd rant in advance. Sorry to complain but I just wanna get this off my chest.
I'm not thrilled about paying taxes but I can live with that. I know that they pay for vital services; while I'm skeptical that my tax dollars are being used effieciently it is a nesecarry sacrifice; as is giving the gov a zero interest loan. Hell; I could even turn a blind eye towards paying social security benefits that I'll never receive. What I can't abide however....
IS THE GODDAMN BUREAUCRACY!!!
Why the bloody hell do I have to show the IRS how much I owe them? Name one business that does this. I get it can help verify suspicious accounts and I'd be fine if it was only used for the rich or people who've commited tax fraud; but to the guy making 14.00 an hour? So I either have to do unpaid labor to generate their bill; or I have to pay an expensive middle man to do it for me. If I get it wrong I could go to jail. And then you have factors germane to my adhd; like having to keep track of the paperwork; if I can't find everything I have to have a potentially awkward conversation with previous employers. I know I'm being kind of petty but it's a pain in my ass. That and my undying hatred of the us tax code
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aspergers
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I once looked into the mirror and understood.That no one will understand.Haven’t looked at mirror the same since.
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ptsd
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I’m still young so the thought of having a child still awaits me but I’m scared. What if my child was diagnosed with adhd because of MY genetics? would they go through the same thing I did? I wouldn’t want that. I’m scared of that to happen. Even if it were to happen, how does my family members think of my adhd? Of course they speak about support but aren’t they supposed to say that? you know what you always say… “Overthinking is the worry of nothing or everything”. I’m growing up fast and theres still wonders about myself that effect me. ADHD sucks and no one really bats an eye. “It’s just not being able to focus and having energy, dude. I wish I could have adhd so my energy would rise haha”. I’ve heard it a million times. I can’t be selfish though because there’s a billion people going through what I am. Tomorrow is another day.
Context:I write down notes in my life when something happens, figured I’d share this one today.
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ADHD
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This has been one of the worst years of my life. I was with someone for 8 years, engaged to be married this month. I ended it because I wasn’t happy and I started to feel like I didn’t know who I was. I loved him more than I loved myself. I just wanted to find myself. We were both seeing other people. I’d like to think we were just separated but almost a year later that feeling was coming to an end. Then he passed away a couple weeks ago and now I feel like half of me is dead. I miss him so much that I don’t know how to function in daily life anymore. I cry every day. All I want to do is get high and not on weed. I hate myself for leaving him I hate myself giving up on the best man I’ve ever had. I’ve never hated myself more than I do now. I don’t know if I’ll get better this time. Maybe I’ll finally work up the courage to eat a bullet.
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depression
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My boyfriend (23M) and I (24F) have been living together for a year and a half now. I was just diagnosed with moderate ADHD-C last week. My boyfriend says that all of his teachers recommended he get tested for it, and that doctors have always talked about it with him since he can remember. We don’t know if that’s a “proper” diagnosis, but no person has ever NOT assumed he has severe ADHD. His parents do not believe in medication or therapy, and my ADHD parents had a hard time helping manage my sisters ASD and severe ADHD so I went unnoticed. I have been extremely independent since I was young, and my flitting through the coping mechanisms of obsessive organization, eating disorders, self harm, and self deprecation helped me fly under the radar. 😬🙃
Obviously we both have been managing it on our own, un-therapized and unmedicated, trying to work and do school and function as adults. It’s been hard. I mentioned my coping mechanisms, my boyfriends included struggling with addiction and went he wasn’t coping he failed and entire semester of college. I finished my first degree in 2020 and after decompressing for 6 months decided to tackle my mental health with therapy, which led to my diagnosis. I’ve got an appointment to talk about meds soon, but he can’t address his ADHD right now bc he got a spur of the moment second job on top of full-time school and “absolutely cannot even think about more appointments” (understandable lol).
The last few months I been reading a lot about ADHD and started to see how it affects our relationship and household. Chore wars, “where has all our money gone 😩”, no food in the fridge/too much food spoiling away in the fridge, petty irritation, everything is everywhere, trying to leave the house is madness….overall chaos🥴 Thankfully we are very much in love and there’s a lot of trust between us and we both want to manage our ADHD and be happy in our home together. I’m starting to feel really hopeful about our future together, but thinking of adding careers and children in there still makes me feel overwhelmed and ill, even. We are still mostly failing at managing our household of two, just now without shame (😁!). Other ADHD couples out there, how do y’all do this?
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ADHD
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I stumbled upon this subreddit after finding out that I will most likely die 16 years earlier than my non-autistic counterparts(insanely scary statistic there).
A little bit about me- I’m 19 years old, I was diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome at the age of 12. My mother later told me that I was falsely diagnosed only for purposes of getting longer time on tests in school. I went through a large portion of my life not truly knowing who I really am. That sucked. I was somewhat normal throughout middle school and during my freshman year of high school. Had a large friend group, knew everyone and everyone knew me.
Then everything changed.
You see, wether it’s my Aspergers or not, I am very good at picking up on things most people don’t(patterns are my thing). I’d come home to my mother on the phone. She worked nights, and my father worked days. I somehow along the lines picked up the fact that my mother was cheating on my father, and thinking it was ‘the right thing to do’ I told him. This ended in them getting divorced and me being forced to live with my mother, because I found out my father wasn’t really my father. My real father had abandoned us at birth, and this had been my step dad. Entirely different story.
Moving schools really fucked me over. I can’t lie. My entire life changed so drastically over the course of a few months. I lost my support group and struggled insanely hard to find another one even a fraction of the size. I primarily focused on women as a distraction because usually I would only have enough energy in my social battery to form a meaningful connection with one person, so why not have this one person be someone that will love me in ways that friends normally can’t.
Terrible idea. Maybe? I’m not sure of that yet.
Fast forward back to finding this subreddit. I love it. Every post I see gives me a warm feeling of comfort knowing that I’m not alone in how I feel and the ‘quirks’ I have that most people just can’t really understand. You guys are truly amazing. I love you all. Thank you for making me feel welcome, even if indirectly. It’s a feeling I’ve been missing for quite some time now. I haven’t learned to cope with the stress, but I’d love to figure it out with the help of you guys. Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you. THANK YOU!!!
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aspergers
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I was on generic ritalin 10mg 2-3x daily and was doing great, i went to generic concerta 36mg it didnt do anything noticeable and i started to get anxiety towards the end of the week and a panic attack.
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I am back on generic ritalin but i switched pharmacies from CVS to Marianos and its not the same pill i used to get. CVS was small and blue and Marianos is larger and white.
This Marianos one also feels like more aggressive and induces anxiety/panic when i take it. Why is this if its the same strength and same chemical?
Is it the brand or whats wrong?
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ADHD
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I have Pure OCD. My ex fiancé and my daughters mother left me about 3 months ago. I’ve been absolutely devastated since then. She is all I can think about. It’s always intrusive thoughts about her fucking someone els. Everything reminds me of her. Shit we used to do all that. Every fucking memory we have together runs in my head constantly. It’s debilitating at this point. I’ve been to therapy a lot since then and I make no progress. Every time I see her to get my daughter it destroys me. And I lose any progress at all. I’m behind lost at this point. I feel like I’ve lost everything. My life will never be the same. I’m ridiculously depressed barley even want to talk. I just hate it. I hate everything about this it feels like a bad fucking dream. It doesn’t even seem real. Was just venting and wondering if anyone else has ever made it threw the other side with something similar.
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OCD
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I believe it's supposed to be a compliment... and at this time of my life (35 years old) I'm more or less accepted how different I am then everyone else.
So many people don't understand data, numbers, or business intelligence. I'm good at it and have been for nearly 15 years. As expected, I'm not the best at communicating and I found out through the grapevine that is my nickname throughout the company.
Not sure how I feel about it to be honest. I had never seen the movie up until last week. After watching it I'm obviously not like that...
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aspergers
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Basically all in the title. I’ve been having new intrusive thoughts and have no idea how to control them without reassuring myself.
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OCD
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I am a stem major, I do find my subject interesting compared to others, but I certainly wouldn't consider myself passionate about it. Its really tough but as someone who grew up poor I am afraid of being broke my whole life so I picked a high paying major, and I can't do any subject with heavy amounts of reading.
I'm in my 6th year in college, got 3 to 4 more to go. I'm feeling like I just was not meant to succeed. I have no skills that are applicable anywhere. All I can get are restaurant jobs and I absolutely hate working in restaurants.
I really be trying but I just don't have the focus. I'm on meds that barely do anything, I meditate, I build up routines but it all crumbles eventually. Seems hopeless. I don't have much of a family and my dating life is next to nothing. Idk what is suppose bring me fulfillment. I'm constantly just trying to distract myself from the boring passionless reality that I live.
My meds get me started on my homework but it takes me all day just to do the easy assignments and then there's no room to study for tests. I can't avoid getting distracted by my thoughts, or just getting overwhelmed super easy.
I am incredibly envious of people who know what they want to do and are in love with their passion.
Everyday I am living just to live and I hate it so much. I want to just drop out and quit my job and just lie on the ground until I die.
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ADHD
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It always seems as once I solve it, it creates a new puzzle for me to solve
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OCD
|
I’ve had to sell my home. I’ve had to run away from the town I live in to escape being harassed. It was excruciatingly painful to make the decision to sell my house. But I knew as long as I lived here I would be too scared to leave my house. Too scared to exist. Too scared to run into the person whose made my life hell ( I live in a very small town). Our bank approved us for a mortgage. We went and bought a house. In a new town. Away from these people. A fresh start. We are 4 days away from moving out of this house and our mortgage has been revoked. We can do anything. I don’t know where my family and I going to end up. I know we won’t be homeless because we have an amazing family who will take us in. But I’m terrified that we are going to get sued for not being able to close on this house. I’m not a bad person. I have done everything within my power to not lose this house. Hell Ive even gotten my parents to co-sign on the house but even that’s not good enough for the bank. We have worked so hard for our money and the fear of losing it all makes me sick. I’m not a bad person. I hate that I have to disappoint the person whose house I bought. I hate that I have to disappoint anyone. I hate that people will think I’m a shitty person. I’m not. I’m a good person in a bad situation who just keeps getting repeatedly kicked down over and over and over. I can’t do this anymore.
|
depression
|
Hii, sooo i was looking at a post on here and someone said you can have (c)PTSD without flashbacks?
Is this true? when I addressed possibly having PTSD to my therapist once but she said people with PTSD often feel like they’re constantly reliving the event. I have a lot of symptoms of trauma. But no flashbacks? soo.. I don’t know I’m kinda confused.
|
ptsd
|
My brain constantly tries to convince me that I'm gonna be homeless. I've researched for hours and hours about homelessness in the UK, thinking about how I'd survive etc. I try to resist the urge to do this but my brain comes up with really convincing reasons for why I will end up homeless - ironically one of the reasons is because my OCD is that bad that I cannot hold down a job.
I know this is looking fo reassurance but fuck it, I'm genuinely terrified of my brain and how convincing it is being right now
|
OCD
|
I was thinking about this today, as I was cleaning and organizing my apartment. We must have instances, in the present or past. Where the things we’ve impulsively bought, have actually been a good thing or have helped us in some way.
Side Note:
This is for fun and no one should be judged or criticized for their purchases. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but please respect everyone as individuals and be kind to one another.
|
ADHD
|
It’s so hard to speak up to my family and people close to me because I feel like a bother when it comes to my mental health. My mom pushes it all away and I feel so alone. My brother barely cares about anything when it comes to me but is very selfish and just entitled to be better. It’s hard to keep going and the thoughts are getting a lot stronger and so are the voices. I already feel like apologizing for wasting your time if you’re reading this. Is it a bad habit ? I do. Know but I don’t wanna rant so much
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depression
|
Background, my kids haven’t been with their father for a year now because he was abusive and would hit them, call them cuss words, get in their faces, and then some. They keep asking questions about what my and their dads relationship was like. They were abused by him but he and I broke up when they were babies so they didn’t remember. My kids are 11 and 12 now. They remember their abuse. They remember the lies he’s told them about me, for example, that I didn’t clean them well when they were babies. The thing is, he wasn’t even around when they were babies because he was on meth and homeless until they were 5. His dad would hit me with them in my arms or even pregnant and he was on drugs hardcore. Like I said, they’re asking a LOT of questions now. They want to know everything and I’m not sure what’s okay and not okay to say.
|
ptsd
|
I’ve had depression my whole life and mainly deal with sever symptoms of lethargy, exhaustion, inattention, forgetfulness, disorganization, complete lack of motivation for basic house keeping, sleepiness and insomnia. I can’t make connections with others as well so I’m very alone. I’ve tried every SSRI, most SNRIs, benzodiazepines, stimulants, antipsychotics, TMS, Ketamine, talk therapy and TRT for low test levels.
I still can barely function and live a miserable life. The best success I’ve found are with stimulants. Adderall or Ritalin based drugs make me feel normal but ultimately don’t help as much after awhile and cause horrible side effects. I’ve had great success with Modafinil but it since lost it’s effectiveness. I’m not sure where to turn next but I’m wondering if anyone has had any luck trying different avenues. I’ve been doing TRT and noticed some benefit. What else, primarily out of the box, things have you tried not listed above.
|
depression
|
We've just been made aware of a banned user who has been spamming people (he claims 150 right now), "educating" them about the "dangers" of ADHD medication and scaring them into stopping their medication. Folks, this is *fucked up* beyond belief. Yes, medication comes with side effects. Yes, there is a *very small* risk of serious side effects in some people. Yes, they can be harmful if you abuse them. But for *most* people, they are very safe and well-tolerated. Before you make *any* important medical decision, whether that's starting *or* stopping meds, please discuss this with your doctor. Ask them to discuss the research with you. Failing that, listen to what legitimate experts say. Start with [this international consensus statement on ADHD](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33549739/). Don't listen to some asshole on the internet with one bad experience who thinks their experience is the only one that matters.
|
ADHD
|
So I came across a Reddit post about OCD that totally shook me to my core.. something I’ve struggled with my own life, someone else has been experiencing the same thing too. (I never thought I had OCD myself, if I did it was too mild to diagnose.) but then, that specific post meant so much to me because it made so much sense to how I handled things throughout my life. Everything started clicking. I’ve lived my whole life thinking something was off and I couldn’t put my finger on it. (Having to knock on wood twice everytime I prayed or got excited about something, feeling so much guilt if I DIDN’T admit to every. little. fault to someone, or asking over and over if “I’m okay” to my loved ones.. etc).
I take my mental health very seriously, so I will be seeing my family doctor in the new year. (To make an appointment with my psychiatrist) & get properly diagnosed. Sorry for the long read, but this really changed my life. I don’t feel alone anymore :) it’s a huge relief for me. <3
|
OCD
|
I learned that I’m not lazy or procrastinating something that stresses me out. It’s called avoidance because it causes me the same stress and feelings that the event that caused me ptsd caused.
I’m not LAZY. I’m not PROCRASTINATING. I’m AVOIDING it because it doesn’t make me feel human, or happy. It just causes anxiety and flashbacks.
So fuck you to everyone who said I was lazy. Live in my head for a day you dicks! You’re cut off. 🖕🏻
|
ptsd
|
So I have been hyper fixating on mental health and wellness for a while now, reading and watching videos about adhd, and bipolar, and autism, and burnout, and depression and anxiety...etc.
And the other day I am thinking maybe I did just have burnout anxiety and depression, maybe it's not really adhd at all...
This morning I forgot to take my adderal on my way to work and my brain has just been bouncing off the walls chasing every butterfly ever...
Ya no its ADHD stupid.
Anyway it was funny to me.
EDIT: Also who here still can't get there and their right.
|
ADHD
|
I get the impression that if someone without OCD learns what "intrusive thought's" are, They could potentially think that those with OCD are... obsessed with the thoughts. As in they enjoy what they think about!
It's more common for "obsession" to mean your extremely passionate or a HUGE fan of something like a tv show or video game.
Am I the only one who thinks this?
|
OCD
|
tw: mild self-deprication
I'm struggling a lot with this fear lately. It's always in the back of my mind. I'm not diagnosed, but I heavily suspect I have ADHD. I'm well on my way to getting a therapist I can trust and talk about this suspicion with, but I almost don't want to, just in case I don't actually have it. I feel like if I don't have ADHD — or autism (someone once mentioned some of my symptoms sound more akin to ASD) or some other sensory or executive functioning condition — then that just means I'm stupid and lazy, doesn't it? I know thinking like that is irrational, and that my symptoms could even possibly stem from a different mental health issue altogether, but I'm scared I'm just... I don't know, broken. Like I don't have any conditions of this nature, so I'm just 'wrong', but I know that literally makes no sense because that would mean I still have some kind of mental health thing with these symptoms. And then the cycle of questioning starts over from there, around and around.
I know this isn't an uncommon fear, but I feel like I needed to get this out of my head and into the ears of people who get it. It's eating me alive today. I have extremely low spoons for no reason and almost cried just waking up this morning /lh
​
TLDR: Do I have ADHD or am I dumb? No, I'm not "dumb", I just have some kind of mental health condition. It's a good chance that it's ADHD. But do I really have ADHD or am I-
|
ADHD
|
Hey everyone! I’m new to my diagnosis and also new to starting medication, so I’m working on titrating right now. This is my first week and I’ve been taking adderall IR 10mg 2x a day. It lasts for about 4 hours, and after the second dose I’m getting rough crashes sometimes.
After the first couple of days, I developed a cold. I’m just curious if being sick has impacted medication usefulness for you guys? I know I’ve been getting a lot less sleep the past few nights due to a wicked cough (and adderall crashes leading to surges of ADHD symptoms at night) so I was also curious if a lack of sleep contributed to medication effectiveness as well.
For the most part, I do feel calm during the day but I’m having to learn how my body responds and reacts to medication in a way I’ve never had to do before! Just curious to hear real experiences from others!
|
ADHD
|
I wanna start off by saying I would never do anything to anyone that’s young or doesn’t consent. That’s a terrible thing to do
But the reason I’m worrying is my parents said earlier today if a man becomes hard he likes whatever’s going on. I remember a few years back when me and my parents were babysitting I was holding the baby and I started to feel hard. I cringe so hard at this. I’m not sexually attracted to kids in any way. I’ve also gotten hard from dogs licking me, but that doesn’t mean I wanna have sex with the dog. I’m so worried I secretly liked the baby being on my lap and I wanna do sexual things
So can a man get hard without actually wanting do have sex or like what’s going on?
And am I a pedophile or bad person???
Also this happened when I was like 13 or 14 but the dogs liking me was like when I was 15 and 17 (just a few months ago). I’m really worried I’m a freak
I’m hoping it was since I was a young teen I just had a lot of hormones so if anything rubbed up against that area I got hard but never actually wanted to do anything. Like I said I would never do anything like that and I’m also not even sexually attracted to kids or animals
|
OCD
|
Maybe I'm angry because I had a stressful day but sometimes I just don't get it.
If I was too young to understand it, why do I have PTSD?
I don't get why it was traumatizing.
I don't get why I couldn't just forget it.
Most of all I don't get why the hell it happened to me.
I feel like I'm waiting until the day I do something so awful that it was just premature karma or something so that at least it would make sense, but that day hasn't come and it's getting harder and harder to imagine it ever will. So, why?
People try to say PTSD doesn't define you, but if your traumatic events began at 4 years old and went on for majority of your childhood, only for another traumatic series of events that lasted most your teen years and into early adulthood, how does that shit NOT define you?
How do you get over that?
Can anyone get over something like that?
Does a person immediately know if they're too far gone? Does it take time? Do you just snap one day? Do you see it coming? Or does one random last straw finally crush you with the full weight you didn't realize you were carrying?
I never imagined emotional pain could be this intense, can it get worse? I try to ignore it. I try to power through it. But there's no running from that pain, feels like it's constantly following you like your shadow. It's not fading away as time goes by either. Sometimes it feels like I've made it out of this hell, only to find myself back in that fire again.
I've spent so much time in my own hell it feels like I'm only made of fire now.
|
ptsd
|
As mentionned in the title, today is my first day back to work since completely shutting down 2 months ago.
My shutdown was unexpected, and as I wasn't diagnosed at the time (got diagnosed the last week of June), I was feeling very lost and broken.
I originally did not want to take a sick leave that long, but my boss reassured me that my mental health comes first. The job in question is my absolute favorite job ever, and it pained me to have to leave, but I'm coming back!
Since my diagnosis, my family has noticed I've been feeling and looking better. Prior to getting diagnosed, I had many many other disorders which now are all connected to autism. Needless to say, I now feel less broken than I did before. Having an explanation was the best thing that's happened to me.
I do work in retail, so I will be doing shift work, but I managed to explain to my boss the circumstances and we both agreed a fixed schedule is the way to go.
I'm EXTREMELY anxious even though I know it's going to be okay, but I'm also very happy to get back to what I love doing, helping people find the right products for them.
I will update you guys after my shift!
|
aspergers
|
TW: Alcohol
I left my job a few days earlier than I was supposed to. I already have new work lined up so am not concerned about that, but am feeling really depressed for how I ended things with my now previous employer. It's spilling over into my personal life, and I'm so ashamed I have yet to tell anyone I actually left besides my siblings. Now I'm just here spiraling into my feelings.
The first snow comes tonight, and I'm going to be drunk and sad when it hits. Shortly after this posts, I will be showering and getting dressed to go to the bar and drown my sorrows. I would love to chat with someone in the comments, just anyone at this point. I feel like I shouldn't be depressed about this but now I am and I don't know how to break free of it. None of this feels real.
|
depression
|
Hello, I have just been diagnosed after years of seeking treatment, as having ADHD, looks like I will be prescribed Elanse / Vylanse in the next few days.
I am hoping to hear from other adults in my situation who got diagnosed late, I am 45years old and have been struggling for 5years.
I am shocked at the diagnosis, but so excited to get well again, what is your guys story?
|
ADHD
|
If I had to describe it, living is uncomfortable. Disinterested in everything, absence of pleasure and care. I'm an empty vessel, I wake up and act out a movie of being Betty, cleaning and working. There is no emotion attached to it, I don't feel angry or sad, I feel nothing at all. Life is uncomfortable.
|
depression
|
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