body
stringlengths 51
39.8k
| subreddit
stringclasses 5
values |
|---|---|
My girlfriend has PTSD from a two year relationship where she suffered intimate partner violence. The trauma happened 10 years ago and she is still living with the awful things that was done to her. She has to sleep alone because sleeping with people is a trigger, so we all have separate bedrooms. Did I mention we are Polyamorous? Yeah she has a husband too. We are our own little family I suppose.
Recently my partner and I had a misunderstanding. During which she admitting that I trigger her in different ways than her husband. Her abuser was a trans man who was born biologically female. I am also female but I am not trans. Often I wish her abuser would be jailed or killed for what he/she did. I hate this person with every ounce of energy in my body because I feel like they ruined a kind,sweet, and once upon a time outgoing human being.
I’ve learned how to cope with the fact that touching makes her uncomfortable I’ve also learned how to deal with the lack of intimacy by becoming celibate. This is actually opened up more positive experiences in our relationship. We were engaged but she got scared and called the engagement off because she wasn’t ready. I’ll talk to my therapist and coped with my feelings and she and I have moved on to just building a relationship more slowly.
How do you miss human contact, I miss being held in here at four in a way that matches my love language. But to me none of that matters because this person makes me happy and we take care of each other. I’m certainly not a ten by any standards. And honestly I have to take a step back and realize that I’m not attractive enough to be with anybody else and no one is going to love me the way that she does even if it’s not physical. I’ve gotten used to crying into my pillow I am praying that one day the bastard who traumatized her will die.
I’m trying to learn as much as I can about her triggers so that I can become an expert in avoiding them and supporting her when she needs support. I’m also losing weight so that I won’t have to same characteristics as her abuser did. Now that we’re living together I’ve become very careful with what I do. I know with time that I can learn the landmine of triggers. I want to be the perfect partner for her because she deserves it.
I’ve develop coping strategies for myself. When I feel like I need a hug, I take a stuffed animal and give it affection. I have ADD and RSD which stands for rejection sensitive dysphoria. I go to therapy three times a week to deal with my feelings of rejection in a healthy way. I would like for my girlfriend to go back to therapy but she’s not at the moment and that’s OK. Another coping mechanism that I have developed is disassociation. I don’t want to feel my feelings anymore. My therapist says I am severely depressed but I think it’s a good thing. It makes me more like her. So when I feel like my brain is saying wrong things like “ your needs should be met too” and “what about you?” I Disconnect from my body and brain. This results in me sleeping a lot, my girlfriend sleeps a lot too we both say that it’s better to be in a temporary coma, than to cope with existing in the world.
I didn’t think that I would like being this isolated but I do. Not being touched not having someone next to me has made me learn to love myself and not expect it from anyone else. Living with our SDS the vein of my existence. I’ve stopped asking for things that I want because it’s easier to just keep it to myself for not being rejected because it’s probably just going to result in a trigger.
I like the quiet world that we have made together. We don’t leave the house very often we watch movies together we cook and play with our dogs. The outside world has become scary, But at least I have a her, even if we are both broken we’re still good.
|
ptsd
|
So my bf and I have just taken over my friends cats due to health issues, and we’re going to keep them for a while. They’re lovely cats, but they’re not used to closed doors.
We decided to keep them out of the bedroom because cat hair gets to me, I don’t think I’m allergic but it makes my throat really dry and coughy.
(And because when we got them I’d just gotten eye surgery, and the long hair cut hasn’t been to the groomer yet I e was rubbing the poop that was stuck in her fur wherever she sat, so we decided it might be better to keep the sheets as clean as possible as it was healing)
We currently haven’t decided to open up the door yet, because I also feel like I need space to get away from them
And here comes the main concern. They are both talkative cats, but one of them meows a lot all the time, she has a nerve injury so she has to wear a collar 24/7 and has done so for years. She knows that if she is loud and annoying enough, her humans might budge and take it off of her.
She is also extremely extremely clingy/insecure, if you’re talking to someone over phone or video, she will hop up on you and make her sound that sounds like a human baby screaming until you’re actively paying attention to her, preferably with both hands.
Now, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the cat! That’s just how she is, humans can be insecure too, it’s not her fault at all.
The problem that arises is that I react to it, strongly. I feel really guilty when she shows her dissatisfaction, I get really stressed when I can’t please her (her previous owner jokes that pleasing her is just not possible as long as you’re not letting her hurt herself by scratching at the itch) (and even then she will still come and yell after a while)
Clearly the problem is in me. We’re trying all the things from cat behaviourists; stimulation, a lot of active playtime, trying to pay a lot of attention, they have a cat tree that they love etc.
Her breeder/first owner was also kind of crazy, not like mentally ill I mean who isnt, but in an r/justnomil type of way
So I think this might just be how this cat is. And I want to love her, I want to not let her get under my skin.
How can I react to her like a normal person? The way my boyfriend does, or their owner who we keep them for, just kinda let her meow and not not be bothered by it? How can I be more okay with her in my personal space?
|
ADHD
|
Something happened with my father and after I was super irritable to any loud tones automatically freaking out or trying to calm them down. I’d also have random flashbacks to the situation. Also when ever in an argument with parents after a little going into autopilot and falling to the floor grabbing my hair and yelling. (It’s weird to not have full control of you body.) I also got a form of anxiety ticks which are both annoying and painful.
Possible trigger warning for therapists
After I was told I needed to go to therapy I went to a women who hinted that everything that happened was my fault. Which I believed for a bit. I realized how toxic it was then went to another one who was worse and told my mother I had severe depression since I was not really talking or engaged. (I didn’t want to be there) I also had other experiences that left me unable to here the word therapist without freaking out mentally. I have kind of come back from this with a new therapist but I still a few days before a session starting to doubt if I should see him.
|
ptsd
|
On mobile, not native speaker, yada yada.
If this comes out weirdly written, I'm sorry. But i need to vent, and it's pretty difficult for me to find the words...
I remember that since i was little, all my teachers used to say to my parents that i had a "learning problem", it wasn't just like one or two teachers, neither something that came and left, but they sent me to make studies because i was always with my head on the clouds. They always called it just that, a "learning problem", it was something that my parents were aware of, even if they always thought it was a personality thing. Everyone treated it like that, line i was being lazy, and just didn't care for school, even classmates that tried to explain things to me, just gave up when they saw that i couldn't concentrate in anything slightly math related.
Forward to today: my mental health has been slowly decaying and getting better at perfectly random paces, but it's mostly going down. I never ever thought that i Would have ADHD until a few weeks back, mostly because i (mistakenly) thought that it was a children's thing...the results of never hearing anything about ADHD on adults. But as I started investigating, turns out that it exists.
Then the dread: "you're faking it, you just WANT to say that you have it, you are just distracted, maybe you are dumb, you are lazy and making up excuses". It made me feel extremely bad. I consulted it with my bae and my friends, and they all told me that i should talk about it with my psychiatrist. Obvious choice to make, but it took me some time to get myself to do it. So i did it.
And yes. Apparently I do have ADHD.
Not only that, but i talked with a dear cousin of mine about it, and she just looked at me a bit confused, and told me "i noticed since you were little"
It just hit me like a truck, not so much because of the diagnosis itself, but because there's way too much stuff that this explains. And I'm not talking about just the "distracted impulsive" part, no, for me it's worse.
Why I've been feeling so derealized all the time, why do i lost interest in stuff i love out of nowhere, why i forget words mid sentence, why i forget how to write WHILE I'm writing, why i tend to slap things out of nowhere, why i get stressed so easily, why huge things don't affect me as much as a simple everyday small problem, why my brain simply WON'T WORK unless I have coffee, why i can't push myself to do something like clipping my nails and brushing my teeth without having to mentally prepare for hours, why i feel SO NUMB ALL THE TIME.
I feel like I've been falling for so long, and just now i realized that.
I'm scared to tell my parents about it, because they're the ones that don't believe in mental problems unless there are a million meds behind. I'm trying my very best to make stuff, I'm making my bed everyday, and i want to keep my room clean. But i feel bad.
|
ADHD
|
I’m just transferring from Citalopram 40mg to Venlafaxine 75mg. Tomorrow I will have completed the switch after four days of a half dose of both.
Can any long term users of Venlafaxine (aka Effexor) let me know what to expect?
|
depression
|
I’ve had quite a few odd symptoms arise in the past year, and I don’t know if they are indicative of a nervous symptom problem or something else.
The first symptom I noticed was diminished cognition that got progressively worse as time went on (still experiencing at the moment). It initially manifested as feeling like my reasoning abilities were lesser, but then it reached the point of misplacing items frequently, and now I’m still presenting with those two things, but have just recently developed short term memory issues. The initial cognitive issues started around 9 months ago, but only got worse in the past 3 months.
Shortly after the onset of the short term memory issues, which was 3 weeks ago, I acutely developed the inability to get an erection, and that was also accompanied by a persistent pins and needles feeling in my arms and legs (especially legs). This would persist for 2.5 weeks (the tingling/weakness in the legs). I also had a dull pressure feeling in my head.
Fast forward to now: I’m still experiencing all of the same symptoms - except I no longer am experiencing the tingling, but instead feel like I’m walking on uneven ground at all times, and one leg feels weaker than the other. This has been apparent for the last 4 days. It’s also comparable to the feeling of walking with one shoe on and one off, and it isn’t accompanied by any dizziness or vertigo.
All in all, I’m really concerned and scared that I may have a tumor or something. I feel like everything thus far has pointed to that - especially the new problem with my gait.
Also, considering I’m a hypochondriac, I feel as though these symptoms are objectively and undeniably concerning, but my parents keep writing it off as psychosomatically induced ailments because of my past. And ironically enough, I’ve been telling myself this time around that these symptoms are likely caused by something that isn’t life threatening, and not worrying as much, despite the symptoms being more serious than ones I’ve had in the past where I was utterly convinced I was dying of something. I don’t know if this is magical thinking or not, but I feel like this time it may be something serious given my lax reaction to these symptoms, because all of the other times when I’ve had symptoms in the past, I would freak out only to find that they were indeed caused by harmless things.
|
OCD
|
I’m reposting this from r/suicidewatch because no one has said anything and I’m desperate for help or advice. Anything. I’m about to have a panic attack. If you want to know more of what’s been going on, you can look through my post history here or my older account
u/_monody_ (it’s_ “monody”_with an underscore on each side but I guess it’s been italicized).
I’ve been making posts throughout the year. I don’t know how to explain everything right now.
I used to have night terrors as a young child. This hasn’t been an issue for me since ~8 years old, until my ex broke up with me. The relationship itself was deeply traumatic for me, and I struggle to function every day. At this point, I just want some rest. I’m afraid of falling asleep because I know I’ll wake wake myself up screaming multiple times, and feel tired and distraught the rest of the day. I’m so desperate for this to end.
I’ve had three suicide attempts since the breakup, one was nearly fatal and two landed me in the hospital. I can’t believe how much I’ve lost myself in all this. My hairs are always standing on end, my heart is always racing, and I feel like I’m on fire. Over the past few months, I’ve started noticing my hair falling out.
I work from home as a camgirl now, because I don’t feel I’m mentally sound enough to hold down an actual job anymore. I left my career in physical therapy some time ago and I struggle to even work on the cam site four hours a day. This line of work is starting to become excruciating for me and I’m so afraid I’ll no longer be able to take care of myself and pay rent.
I’m moving to another city next week to get away from my ex since he lives down the street from me. I’m still so terrified, I don’t know why.
I haven’t been able to emotionally connect with anyone since the breakup, though I’ve been seeing someone on/off. He just recently moved to a city about 10 minutes from me and we’re supposedly a couple now but he’s always out of state/out of the country on tour and I hardly get to see him. He’s wonderful to me when I do, but it just doesn’t feel real to me and I know I can’t tell him how I feel. I know when it really comes down to it, he’s not here for me. He was supposed to see me today but cancelled our plans because he has band rehearsal. I know I can’t really talk to him about this, and I don’t want to put any expectations on him but I feel so lost. I have no one to turn to. I hate being here alone all the time. He’s leaving again in two weeks and I can’t help but feel like he’s playing with my emotions.
These last two years have been the most traumatic of my life and I’m just so exhausted. I’ve wasted this past year grieving and trying to numb the pain. I’ve went through periods of regular self medicating (coke, alcohol, GHB, kratom, Xanax, muscle relaxers) and have been miserable. Ive been through periods of disordered eating (starving myself/bulimia/binging) and have lost 20 lbs in a month, then gained 10 in the past two weeks. I’ve been through periods of extreme sexual masochism/self-harm and felt miserable and used. I have to put body makeup on before work because I’m covered in scars, I’ve drank piss until I vomited, I almost went into a GHB coma from being drugged, I’ve been knocked out, I’ve been filmed and blackmailed. I haven’t talked to my family in so long because I just don’t know how anymore. My life is a complete nightmare and it’s all my fault but I feel like my brain has fundamentally changed since my last relationship.
I feel worthless. I feel absolutely at the end of my rope. I no longer feel a burning desperation to end my life, I no longer feel like I’m trying to jump out of a burning building. I just feel tired. I want to go to sleep. I want this to end before it gets worse.
No one understands how I can still be this distraught. It’s been a year and I’m not doing any better. How does this happen? I’ve never been through anything like this before.
|
ptsd
|
Hey all,
I've struggled with OCD all my life with particularly bad episodes periodically (the last one happened last year-ROCD). For the most part, I have things under control now after seeking out an OCD specialist and taking sertraline daily.
However, I stopped seeing her almost 6 months ago and I can't really get to see her anytime soon as I've moved states and life just happened. I do plan on finding another OCD specialist after the winter break, however.
As someone who has dealt with OCD their entire life, I understand the concept of intrusive thoughts and sitting with uncertainty.
However, I feel like I've dealt with an issue throughout my life where I can't really tell whether I'm being petty/toxic or if it's an intrusive thought.
**So here's an example:**
*I am a part of a groupchat that is comprised of three people, including me. I am reasonably upset at one of the friends and they text the groupchat (not a message directly for me, though). I would normally respond but I don't feel like talking to them.*
*I have a thought about not responding to what they say and address the other friend in a different but I immediately get a thought following after that I'm doing this knowing that it might make her feel alienated which I want because I have bad feelings towards her (?).*
These thoughts don't really cause me any anxiety but it does sort of make me worry that I'm being manipulative. I've had a lot of examples like these and it gives me pause because I can't tell whether I'm being toxic and I have some issues to really work on in therapy, or if it's feeling overly responsible for things in life which I know OCD can cause feelings of.
​
Thank you all!
|
OCD
|
The difference is mind-blowing - I fail to understand how the prodrug which is meant to last longer doesn't last as long and causes horrible side effects -
My doctor was lovely enough to prescribe me both, 50mg Elvanse, plus 20mg dexamphetamine as needed but I end up using the dexamphetamine (Generally 20mg lasts me through most of the day)
Is there something I can do to change how long the Elvanse works for?
|
ADHD
|
I have a long history of being very tactless and insensitive to the people around me, and recently went through a breakup caused mostly by a series of very insensitive statements I had made. I had been diagnosed with ADHD a few months ago and I just booked an appointment to see a psychiatrist. I was wondering if anyone else has had their tactlessness helped by medication?
|
ADHD
|
I just wanted to ask if ocd can manifest as episodes more so than an ongoing disorder?
For example I have no major disturbance in my life at all for most of the year (thinking about past obsessions only brings back anxiety of another obsession coming) then out of nowhere an obsession creeps up and compulsions start. Then they go on for 1-3 months then go away and I go back to “normal” - no triggers+ no compulsions. For those few months I feel awful and everything in my life stops. I’ve been struggling with this since 2018
I usually have one of these “spirals” a year, and it’s usually something health related. I wanted to see if anyone heard of ocd manifesting like that.
I’m trying to book an appointment with the therapist from my uni and I don’t know what to say? I feel “normal” 99% of the time unless I’m in a ‘spiral’, is that the norm for ocd?
|
OCD
|
I was sitting in my backyard writing in my journal when I seen a squirrel. Suddenly the idea to run inside and grab a walnut for the little fella came in. So I come outside and try approaching him with said walnut...he kept climbing higher and higher and was resisting my call.
I don't know what kind of noises squirrels respond to, so I decided to grab my phone and look it up. I seen a hack which uses two quarters that mimic the sound of nut cracking. I try that for 5 minutes to no avail.
I get desperate and start yelling out for the squirrel "come back!" Not realizing how crazily absurd I must look.
I frantically start playing squirrel call videos on Youtube on my phone, the kind that hunters use (random fact I learned right then and there.) Again, to no avail.
It's now been 30 or so minutes trying to find a squirrel to give this walnut to..
As much as the ADHD squirrel trope is a stereotypically harmful depiction of the disorder ...I found myself distracted by one...
Which sharing that is my way of laughing about the absurdity of it all.
|
ADHD
|
Has anyone here had the combination of lexapro and klonopin? I started it over a week ago and I’m so incredibly tired. I can go to bed at 10 and still have trouble waking up at 7:30. And then I’m tired all through work. Coffee wakes up my mind but I’m still tired??
|
ptsd
|
I recently realised I might have ADHD (34yo this year)
For me, I was feeling depressed (again). And I finally decided that I should try some therapy or something to resolve the issues I had. I can’t keep shutting down whenever I am overwhelmed.
Asian culture do not trust psychiatrist. If u see one, u r crazy. So I have zero idea on where to start.
So I tried betterhelp. When filling up the form, I realise ADHD symptoms are so generic and normal. (because I thought I was normal). I dug deeper and it finally make sense. I wasn’t normal.
I am so relieved I wasn’t alone but I am not sure what’s next. Do you just walk in the clinic and say you suspect you have ADHD?
And I wondered how did you guys realised that you should get tested? Because I wished I found out earlier.
|
ADHD
|
i got my meds stable but i still found something to ruminate over from a few years ago. i remembered this morning. the thing is, i cant remember exactly what happened so im having ocd about what if i did this thing? and then getting thoughts like “i definitely did” and freaking out. then going to “i wouldn’t have done that” etc. i just dont know what to do because my compulsion is usually to confess but how do i confess not knowing if i did something? i was only in middle school. i dont know what to do
|
OCD
|
It's well frustrating. And I do not understand why. Anyway, in my culture, growing up in the 80's and 90's as well as present day it's always been considered low status to be into anything in a serious way. I think the best way to describe this is the rock scene here in Stockholm: it's cool to be in a band, but you should never practice playing - you should be good, but ironically so.
I'm a social person - more outgoing than most. But damn. This is something that really weighs on me. Being considered "socially low status" because I get excited by and full on in my interests. And the more I get snubbed, the more exasperated I get.
Any ideas on why it's like this? And if there's any way of hacking it?
|
aspergers
|
Part of me is sad bc I don’t have a clue on how to give her warm AND useful anecdotes to ever-complicating personal trials, and being scared of not being prepared for that.
The other part is being psyched about her not being a normie, and why it makes so much sense why there’s always been an unspoken understanding that we understand each other in a way that’s different with others. M
Do any of you aspies have advice from the experiences of parenting a fellow autistic? Or perhaps general advice for parenting an 8 year-old? The internet is a seriously tough place to find resources, because it turns out that it thinks that “Advice for autistic parents” means, “advice for the NT parents of autistics.” How in the hell did that happen, and moreover, how did that become acceptable?
|
aspergers
|
I just get distracted while studying and can't remember anything unless its either significant or interesting. I studied for atleast 30-40 hours for my science exam yet i got 60% because i either got distracted and made mistakes, or couldn't remember the answers which i spent a lot of time looking at.
How the hell do all of you deal with this? No matter how hard i try to remember something or concentrate, it doesn't work. And I just cant convince myself to finish my projects or do anything. I know what I have to do will take just 10-15 mins, but I just can't make myself do anything.
I also go for short term gratification because I can't convince my fucking brain to believe that If I do the stuff i need to do now, I will have more free time later to do what I want.
What the fuck do I do? I nearly failed this time.
Edit: Thanks for all the help
|
ADHD
|
I’m sure you guys get this a lot but I’m almost 30 and think I have adhd.
1 - no matter how hard I try, I still make dumb mistakes at work. It’s been like this 9 years now.
2- irritable
3- low self esteem mostly due to my work performance
4- dis organized
5- I’m Muslim and pray 5 times a day. And if you know the prayers, each one has a different amount of rakats (stand up for a few min and prostrate for a few seconds) I always lose count when I’m doing this.
Addicted to porn and masterbation.
I don’t even know where to go for help but I’m willing to try anything.
I will admit I’m scared to take meds.
|
ADHD
|
It’s filling me with extreme anger and desire to beat the shit out of a lot of people
|
aspergers
|
Trying to research this and have found many suggestions for headphones that cancel ambient noise, which I would like, but voices are what drive me crazy. I cannot filter out conversations happening around me, the TV on, etc. While I don't think noise cancelling software works to cancel voices, are there any headphones that people have luck with to at least reduce or almost eliminate the sounds?
I'd be very very very appreciative for any suggestions.
\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_
Edit: Thank you for the suggestions. I ended up going with Bose QC35 II. The reviews on the headset weren't lying. They block out a significant amount of sound with the noise cancellation software, and as an isolating headset alone they significant lower voices and other sounds. I played Vivaldi at a low volume and all I could see were lips moving, no sound other than Vivaldi. It was honestly rather amazing. However, worth noting this was just in my house. If I were out by the street, I suspect I'd hear some noises from the cars, construction, etc. It would just be significantly muffled.
|
aspergers
|
i have a fear my ocd isn’t severe enough for medication, even though my psychiatrist is encouraging me to take it.
|
OCD
|
I’m tired of disentangling all these chains. How much of me is OCD and how much of me is the real me?
Will I ever feel free again?
God stole too much from me. God was an abuser and he stole from me and he raped me.
I not holding my breath for some sort of justice anymore. I just want to feel free again.
|
OCD
|
It's downright inhumane for society to push us people that are mentally suffering for not only months or years but for freaking decades to keep on living it will get better bullshit!!!!. It's so easy for those people to sit on their high horse that have no idea what it truly feels like to suffer with clinical depression. What they do is downplay it and think all you need is a walk and to eat healthier these people live in their bubble of bullshit ignorance truly is bliss.
|
depression
|
How the hell do you do it? I spent a week studying for a job interview, trying to come up with various scenarios to remember for several common interview questions. Unfortunately, I ended up canceling the interview and rescinding my application the morning of, because I couldn't remember a damn thing! I had a huge panic attack about it, because that was a job I really wanted. I know I have the qualifications for it, it's just that it is impossible for me to retain any information regarding the questions.
I've tried to memorize my responses on flash cards, because I get way too nervous during interviews and it's extremely difficult for me to come up with shit on the fly. No matter how many times I read a flash card, the information just goes in one ear and out the other. I also might have Lupus, which apparently produces memory problems... I just want a job with better pay, unfortunately I can't do that if I can't even interview. Any advice or tips would be appreciated.
|
ADHD
|
Maybe if I wasn't made to feel like a freak and isolated I wouldn't feel so bad about having Aspergers. If I could work at home at my own schedule and still output the same amount of work as other works, why should that arrangement be a problem?
|
aspergers
|
Ive gotten a lot better with accepting uncertainty but sometimes my ocd makes me feel like I rlly did something bad and as a result i always feel like if i feel like i did then it must be true. Upon closer inspection and with the help of this subreddit, i now see this is just ocd and that this had been happening to everyone else. My mind can fully go from a friendly interaction to me telling myself i most definitely flirted or something. I frequently dont speak to my loved ones about my mental struggles so it’s been great getting helpful info here because I always feel like the way i feel is unique to me but it’s literally happening to all of us! I wish recovery to us all!!!
|
OCD
|
Has anyone here had a relationship ruined due to your ADHD ? Mine is permanently broken. We fight every day, for her, I am a lazy piece of shit that gets nothing done. Tbh I'm happiest when I'm not with her, I tend to internalize the fight instead of vocalizing my emotions and that means that I'm the one that always feels like shit whether I start the fight or not I always feel like I am the losing party. The only reason that I stick around is my 4yo daughter but I feel that she hates me as well.
|
ADHD
|
I wouldn’t ever say I’m a hoarder (I don’t like having too many things), but I do have deep attachments to a few items. One of them is a throw pillow I have been sleeping with for so many years that it became too fragile to launder so it’s now so dirty you can’t see its original color and it has a sheen and smoothness from the oil on my skin. I hide it and don’t let others touch it, because it’s real bad, guys.
Anyhoo, my dog found it and ate about a third of it. I’m having a hard time moving on. I kind of want to bury it. Throwing it in the trash gives me intense anxiety. I kept the part that could be salvaged to I can flip it over the right number of times before bed and run it on my check, because you know, reasons…. lol
Anybody else have any rituals around certain objects?
Ps. In a way I’m kind of happy for my dog, because I bet that was the most exciting discovery of his whole life. So disgusting and it has all of his favorite person’s smells! I couldn’t stay mad. Might have been the best day of his doggie life.
|
OCD
|
I’m currently deciding whether to ask to be referred to Psychiatry UK or ADHD 360 when I get an appointment with my GP. I’m aware that Psychiatry UK is booked up until October 2022 annoyingly so wondering how this compares with ADHD360, as Psychiatry UK seems to be the more popular option out of the two.
Anyone know?
|
ADHD
|
No one wants me. No one deserves me. Everyone deserves better.
|
depression
|
I'm a 22M, in college (full time) and working 44h/week for a bit more than a minimum wage.
I wake up every day completely exhausted. It's been months that I don't have idea of how I'm getting out of bed.
My grades went downhill since the beginning of this pandemic, I can't study and I have no will to. I want to give up college but it's my only way out of my job. I've been doing my things in the best way I can (and it's the sh*ttiest way possible).
I met someone a while ago and we were into each other, but now the person is slipping away because I can't pull myself together.
It looks like my whole life is passing and I'm miserably watching. My ideations come back a few months ago (I had them when I was younger and I had a diagnosis of depression when I was a kid) and I don't have courage to seek help.
I have a (kind of) stable job that is driving me crazy. Every thing in my life has been going downhill. My grades are getting worse. The person I like slept away. Every day I ponder about ending this, but I can't. I still have the feeling that I have more to do and give. Absolutely nothing gives me pleasure. I have no will to study and change my job. I'm completely scared of losing it, though. I have the feeling that every single person I like (it means family and friends) is giving up on me and I'm feeling so alone. I have been hiding a lot of things about me from my family (religion, sexual orientation) because I'm scared they won't accept me.
It's been a burden to wake up. I'm going through the day hoping to go to bed and sleep. I don't know if I can make it tomorrow.
|
depression
|
I have always had difficulties with things like Emotions, people and life in general. But at the same time, i have dreaded ever leaving this place, because i would surely only feel like a coward in those final moments of consciousness.
My nearest family and relations have always been plagued by bad times, negative expectations and even more negative results - which has been my drive to achieve more from life. break the pattern as you might call it.
But lately i have been daydreaming a lot - i have always done so, but these occurrences have become much more frequent and the thought more warming. It's the same thought of me finally ending it. The thought of finding a beautiful clearing in the woods, with the most elegant and powerful tree. A late summer evening where i see the sun set in my final moments, and end up hanging from the thickest branch.
These are the daydreams which have always hidden in the back of my head, and sometimes shown themselves. Previously they were accompanied by a feeling of cowardice and hope. Hope for a different future where i beat the odds and start a big family, where having hopeful expectations wouldn't be the equivalent of jinxing it. A happy life, where my girlfriend would become my wife, and we would become great parents.
Lately though, these daydreams and their way of thinking have been overtaken by the pure feeling of relief and peace. Nothing more. No cowardice or guilt from not breaking the pattern and creating a better life for myself and those around me. just a rooted, guilt free feeling of inner peace.
This is why i am getting more and more compelled to actually doing the deed. Sadly though, it has become winter.
This may seem romanticized, and the last paragraph somewhat comedic. But it's my way of putting into words how i feel. And at the same time it feels like it helps me cope, since it keeps me occupied, even for a short time, on something else than my sadness - as it does for many who declare their end on the internet.
I dont know though, summer is some time away, have a nice day/evening.
And sorry if this is all over the place, i just kept writing and occupying myself.
|
depression
|
For context: I get really difficult food obsessions where I want and will only eat a very specific meal for weeks on end. Yes, sometimes I do eat other food for meals but i’ll get it in my head that for lunch I want grilled cheese and tomato soup and I truly will just not eat if it isn’t that specific food. Like I just can’t break myself and so often I spend money I shouldn’t just to have this specific food over and over again. What does everyone else do? TIA
|
ADHD
|
(Sa trigger warning) Hello, I’ve been having an extremely hard time telling myself I have a perception altering mental illness because I feel completely justified in my beliefs and I don’t know how to remind myself that ocd is a liar. My ocd leads my to believe that every male (even animals) is a rapist or has the ability to become on. Ultimately I know there are good men in the world and I want to believe there are men who wouldn’t hurt me but I struggle to. Even sitting next to friends, family, men I have known and loved for my entire life, I still look at them and think, “they could rape me and there’s nothing I could do to stop it”. Even with animals, I could be petting a dog then notice it’s male and ill have to stop touching it due to fear and intrusive thoughts. I wish I could just tell myself I was crazy and obviously men are not evil, but I know so many stories of violent violent rape and grooming and pedophilia, I know so many statistics, I have so many friends and family members who are victims, I know the horrible things that happen in the animal kingdom, so my intrusive thoughts simply feel like the truth. Does anyone have any tips on how to remind themselves that their intrusive thoughts are in fact delusions and not the truth?
|
OCD
|
I am a teenager and i have been under a lot of pressure lately due to school and other things. I keep re-doing things like repeatedly pressing buttons on my keyboard and closing my door. I have no idea why, but i can't stop it. I fear I might be suffering from OCD. Tho i'm not quite sure. Can anyone please help me?
|
OCD
|
im just wondering because ive developed raynaud's phenomenon and im just curious how many people this has happend to and like whats ya'lls story with it? like what did your doctors or physiologist or therapist do about it? and did your raynaud's syndrome or raynaud's phenomenon get better or worse? and did your raynaud's syndrome or raynaud's phenomenon get worse when you went up on your dose? and did you also have more heart problems going up on your medacation?
|
ADHD
|
I've been experiencing memory problems and brain fog for years. It takes me a long time to process every day trivial events that happen around me. When things happen, my mind latches on to what just happened and replays it in as many different ways and perspectives as it can until I feel I "understand" it. I spend 50-60% of my day ruminating lately, on bad days I spend 90% of my day ruminating and replaying moments and conversations. I can't speak without replaying what I said. On bad days, when someone speaks to me, I have to replay what that person said before I feel like I even "heard" them and can respond. I thought I was just having social anxiety and brain fog.
Whenever I try to remember something, especially if it's important, I can never tell if I remembered something the way it really happened and get stressed when I can't be certain on all details. It feels like I don't remember because I can't tell if the memory is true or not. The more I try to be certain the more I feel I never will know the truth.
I always felt that these "brain fog" problems were caused by or made worse by Lexapro, which I was on at various doses for depression for 2 years. Other people have also reported brain fog, cognitive dysfunction and memory problems from Lexapro.
(After taking Lexapro it became impossible for me to multitask, and basically impossible for me to listen to what someone is saying if there is other noise happening. I have trouble finishing a task that requires multiple steps without going on a tangent or having to re-remember what the original goal was. I have trouble organizing steps to complete a task. It's harder to speak about a subject in a complex way that requires a long explanation without forgetting what the original point was or going on a tangent. I have more trouble figuring out which order to speak my words in to form a coherent sentence - but that might be related to anxiety over being understood.)
I brought up memory problems & brain fog to 2 different doctors and I wasn't taken seriously or nothing was done. I finally got to see a psychiatrist last week and of course I was honest with him about my Cannabis use over the last few years. I expected to be taken somewhat seriously since he was a psychiatrist unlike the last two doctors, and told him I was experiencing "memory problems & brain fog." He immediately blamed it on my Cannabis use. I told him what was happening goes deeper than weed, but he said from a medical perspective I'm describing symptoms of Cannabis use.
He did not ask me what I meant by "brain fog" or "memory loss." He didn't ask what symptoms I was having.
Today I found out about Real Event OCD and False Memory OCD. I cried my eyes out. I had no idea other people were going through this or that it was part of my OCD.
I really was experiencing short term memory loss, forgetting things that happened seconds ago - and long term memory loss on events that are important to me. People who are close to me describe events that happened in the past that I was present for and I have no memory of them. Whether that's from Lexapro or weed I don't know. But it made me feel like I was losing myself and like an incomplete, fractured person.
But half of what I thought was memory loss is just OCD. It's really me doubting whether what I remember is true. Most of my "brain fog" is just OCD that makes me feel & look zoned out bc I'm ruminating, and replaying every moment and thing that is said.
Why is it that I went to three doctors but ultimately had to figure it out myself?
So many years of struggling and pain.
I'm realizing other things stem from OCD scrupulosity, too. Like I'm so scared of lying about my pain to get drugs, that when a doctor asks how much pain I'm it's very difficult for me to accurately tell. I'm so scared of "faking" a psychiatric disorder that when psychologists ask me my symptoms, it's almost impossible to answer bc I know which symptoms link with each diagnosis and feel like I'm lying to get a certain response.
Anyway if you read this whole thing Bless your heart.
|
OCD
|
I like the lights and decorations, music, etc, and I even enjoy some of the small gatherings, but have never understood the gift giving thing and it causes me so much anxiety. It feels so fake and just transactional. Watching others open gifts is weird. Others watching me open them is unnerving. I feel huge pressure to perform the excitement and gratitude expected when I am already overwhelmed with all of the people and noise. I am always so relieved when it's over and I don't have to do it for another year.
|
aspergers
|
I am just so frustrated. I am awful at taking college courses, I've been trying to get my associates for 3 years, and I'm still a solid 1-2 years away. school is so hard for me, but I am trying SO HARD to get finished. just with a lot of crying LMAO.
I want to make more money than just paycheck to paycheck. I've worked hard over the years, but I don't make enough to actually LIVE. I'm just barely hanging on every single month and it's so exhausting. if anybody has any advice on how to get ahead with no degree, bonus points if it's WFH, please let me know 🥺
this is my vent. I wish college became easier. I wish money was easier to come by. 😣
|
ADHD
|
necessary preamble- i had an ex who abused me several years ago, back when I was a teenager. I’m talking sexual and emotional violence, undercutted with threats of physical violence.now, even though they disgust me and thinking abt them really hurts me, I still sometimes frequent their online presence. I don’t know why, I don’t want anything to do with them, I just search them up and get triggered by it.
I’m dating this really nice girl who obviously doesn’t like it when I search up my ex- like it hurts her. i try not to keep any secrets from her (because my moral ocd tells me that keeping secrets is really bad) but yesterday I looked up my ex again. I don’t know what provoked it, although I guess I wasn’t in the best of moods or mind. Anyways I wonder, should I tell my girlfriend? Because I feel like I’m lying, but I wonder if I’ll be a worse person if I tell her. Also I wonder if I even need to tell her, or if this counts as cheating.
|
OCD
|
Now when I do something “BIG”, I’m done for the rest of day. Just one big thing and that’s it... I used to be able to do multiple big things during the day - but now thanks to all if you, being exposed to all of you, and how we all work... it’s just one “BIG” thing per day and I’m wasted.
But I’m okay with that. You all make my life so much better. Thanks 🙂
|
aspergers
|
I just returned from a two week trip with my husband and his family. My husband is suffering from PTSD. At the begining of 2019 I arranged everything for his treatment with the proper profissionals all by myself.
The thing is: his mother didn't know this was happening until 2 months ago.
My husband didn't want to tell her and I was a complete fool and respected his wishes. But for the past 6 months his medication stopped working and he was really suicidal and I was dealing with him like that all alone. His terapist wanted to involve some other family member because she saw how exausted I am. The last time he had a big crisis his terapist and psychiatrist wanted to put him in a clinic! Just at that point he agreed to tell his mother and asked her to help him cope with the situation (after all, we also got isolated because of the pandemic).
After that crisis and before the new medication started showing effects, after one discussion he threatened to go out and throw himself under a car so I hold him so he wouldn't go out. He hold my arm with so much strength that his thumb and index finger left a really dark mark on my arm. That was just two weeks before the trip.
During the trip we had an argument that started from nowhere. He said he was going out of there, but I was so fed up I got to the only key of the house before him. I went into the gate but his mother and him tried to stop me. So he started to squeeze my hand against the lock and that started to hurt my fingers. I started screaming how I was going after everything, letting go things for me so he could get better. I said I was tired of getting hurt in the process so I took off my long sleeve shirt and pointed to the bruises marks in my arm. AND it was at that moment that my mother in law stopped trying to hold me and said that I was " being RIDICULOUS".
She saw that I was PHYSICALLY hurt BY HER OWN SON and said I was RIDICULOUS.
His family convinced me to stay.
My husband apologised to me, recognizing the exact points he did wrong so I accepted.
Two days later I was trying to solve an issue beetween us and he left the room just shuting the door at my face. He didn't say a thing, he just left the room. He didn't say "we talk this later" or "I don't wanna talk it now", he just shut the door at my face. I was in a delicate moment myself when he did this. Few minutes later we both were at the living room and he got a rejection from a job application. He stood up dramatically and went outside the house. I was studying and kept doing it. After a while my mother in law that also was in the living room called my name and said "he is outside", implying I should go and talk to him.
You know, I didn't wanted to do that after being so mistreated by him. I was in a stressfull moment myself and surrounded by """his""" people, not mine.
We ended up understanding and comforting each other, but I could feel that I was one inch of him having an anxiaty response again... it was really stressfull going through that talk, like walking on a blade or something.
Now I have the impression that my mother in law expects that I have to always comfort him, even though I am doing it all by myself since the start.
We made her aware of the situation to get extra support and what I got is someone to judge the support I am giving!
How do I approach the topic that I am already overwelmed by the situation and also need help? In a polite way?
When she came here when he told her what was going on she something like "oh, but that is marriage" when I was talking about some of our struggles. I didn't expect that from her since she is not a trditional woman.
|
ptsd
|
I am a 21 year old female with Aspergers and although I seem to be coping with my condition rather well, my main social problem seems to be my lack of articulation skills. I feel like in my head, I have some sort of abstract grasp of an idea, but I always have a hard time translating it to speech. It's especially hard at university when I am asked to speak on the spot, I can't seem to vocally improvise as well as my peers. Anyone experience this? What helps you cope?
|
aspergers
|
Hi everyone, I don’t even know where to start,
It’s a long story but I’ll try to make it short
While it’s hard to believe I found I have NPD and I really do have it I’m not just obsessing over it
I have lied manipulated gaslighted I have not been a good mom since the beginning!
Two years ago my youngest started showing signs of regression In her speech, one day I got so obsessive over it I began to research
I then saw it could possibly be autism, then I completely went crazy because I couldn’t have an autistic child, I said I couldn’t take care of her because of her condition, you know typical NPd just conditional love (in which now I feel horrible about) we’ll long story short I became so obsessive that one day I started getting religious images (sexual) and I went even more crazy!! I have had ocd I think all my life since I was little from images to fear of getting left behind from the rapture at 10yr old! Then one day while I was changing my daughters diaper, boom I started getting thoughts of her putting my finger in her private area and doing more things!! I went crazy!!! I said what is happening to me??? After that it just started getting worse, images, feelings everything!!! I have another 7yr old and I never had these thoughts of her ever! Well I post here because February of this year I went to the hospital, well first I went to the police dept, because I have been convinced that I touched my daughter wrong, what happend? Two days before that I was bathing my baby, and idk if itS NPD but my compulsion is two convince my self that I am not a bad person and I try to see it the image or being with her and see if that feeling or thought goes away, so that’s what I did, here’s the problem though , i saw her little body and started getting a response from you know where it wouldn’t go away at all, at that moment I was with that sensation then the anxiety was horrible, well I was able to bathe her but then came drying her off! Omg i was trying to Pat her dry when I feel I patted her butt (I never have ever done anything witty pleasure and with gratification EVER!) but I felt like if I felt an arousal like a real one!!! I hurried up and changed her but that never left my mind!!
Then I looked up all that then saw about pedos and NPD mothers how they sexually abuse their daughter then I’m like op there you, you did abuse her! You need to go to jail, so I go to the police department but they said I needed to go to the hospital, they diagnosed me with severe OCD and with meds but ever since I have notice I’m NPD I don’t want to take meds because why should I be happy and gratified for everything I’ve done
I’ve been reading that if you do many bad stuff God will send you to a reprobate mind!! And I honestly think that!!! Because I have done so many ugly things!!! I feel like even here like what if I’m not telling the truth! because now I can’t even think of anything cuz I get like an arousal feeling!
The bad thing for me is that I try to Fix it by seeing if the same thought or seeing my daughter will not have the same response this time, but it gets worse!
People say don’t feed your intrusive thought but I don’t do it because I want to have some sort of gratification, i keep doing it to see if fixed or if I don’t feel that way anymore!!
I feel like I have no hope
|
OCD
|
[Envy | ContraPoints - YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aPhrTOg1RUk)
I think if you have the time, you should watch this if you get the chance. There is a section where she goes over and analyses the 'righteous' and 'moral' outrage displayed by many communities such as incels, Christians, socialists and some women's communities when deep down they are instilled by envy of power over something they do not have. I've seen it a lot on this sub and in the autistic community (even myself I have done this before) when the lifestyle of neurotypicals for living a normal, socialised life is presented to be shameful in some way or another, when deep down autistic people are envious of NTs because we are annoyed we cannot do what they accomplish so easily, but because admitting that envy would be shameful for a number of reasons, we re-package it as contempt and moral outrage at NT behaviours (I for one have done this before and I have seen it many times on this sub).
|
aspergers
|
I’ve only recently been diagnosed (42 M) and while lots of things are starting to make sense I’m still stuck with applying the simple question of “What’s today’s plan?” I know we all get excited about being organised, to the point we it’s such a great idea it becomes unsustainable. But regardless of any system, I still find myself at the beginning of each day being work or home that if I have a plan set I can follow it (and usually do not deviate, but that’s another issue 🤦🏻♂️😀)
So if I were to ask you, What’s today’s plan? What works? What is it that you keep coming back to?
|
ADHD
|
I don't know where to begin or what information is relevant. So I'm just going to cut to the end.
I'm so depressed and Insecure and alone. I don't know If I should try and be better at masking or just continue to be upfront maybe even just open the flood gates wide open and let people know how fucking miserable I am. I know nobody wants to be around that kind of person. But I'm tired of being fake, I'm not even good at it. Ugh there's too much to unpack here.
I'm lonely and need people in my life somehow. How do you guys do it?
|
ADHD
|
I have been experiencing symptoms of depression ever since seventh grade. I believe that this mostly stems from my lack of self worth and my potential eating disorders. In an attempt to place a veil on my depression to the outside world, I portray myself as a happy, outgoing, and charismatic guy, when in reality it is simply a character that I have built to portray myself as somebody that I am not. Through this character, I have been able to become what some would consider popular in my high school. I get a fist bump or a high five from quite a bit of people when walking down the halls, nobody has picked on me ever since I built some muscle, and I can't think of anybody who doesn't like me or who has an issue with my persona.
While my life is no more difficult than the average Joe's, I continue to go through worsening symptoms of depression. Not a day goes by where I don't contemplate suicide, and the psychological torment that I go through by overthinking physically and mentally drains me. On my worst days, I will catch myself in the middle of class with a lump in my throat and my whole body shaking from the anxiety that someone will notice that I am on the verge of crying, and only one of two outcomes will occur: option one, they ask what is wrong and I have to open up to someone for the first time (I still have not told my parents about what is going on, and I am a senior in high school preparing to move out for college); or option two, the individual who notices makes a joke about it and worsens the entire situation. Both of these options are unfavorable, so I keep my head down and say that my allergies are acting up or I didn't get enough sleep.
Recently, all of the symptoms I have been undergoing for the past five years have significantly worsened, and on top of that, I recently got sick with the common cold and had to miss a few days of school, adding unnecessary stress and fatigue into my life. This makes it a lot more difficult to portray the charisma I have been fronting this whole time. To add a new layer to this mess, I have been binge eating and gaining back a lot of weight that I lost in the past few years (I went from \~200lbs to \~135lbs, now back up to 170lbs in the past couple of months). Luckily, I don't think anyone has noticed this weight gain, as I lift weights so instead of looking like a dough boy, this additional weight has a muscular appearance. Even if nobody else may notice, I already had severe body dysmorphia, so adding a single pound to my frame, especially thirty five of them, is not helpful to my mental state whatsoever.
Because she is a wonderful person and has helped many of my friends with their own personal battles, I have been considering scheduling a meeting with my guidance counselor for the past few years just to open up to someone, but I have never had the courage to actually do it. Simply because of the way I was raised, it is very hard for me to reach out for help. My father always talked about depression as if people suffering with it were "nut cases" and should be locked away in an insane asylum, which even furthers my unwillingness to inform my parents of this dilemma and ask them for advice.
I do everything that most self help books and therapists would tell me to do anyway. I am very active, as I lift weights and recently joined our school's swim team, I eat healthy, I typically avoid drugs (while I do enjoy a toke every now and then), and I meditate.
Truly, I am completely lost and don't know what to do anymore. My grades are suffering and my anxiety is increasing with my apathy towards all of the things I used to love. If this doesn't get better, I worry I will one day do something irrational.
If anybody out there actually took the time to read this in it's entirety, any advice or guidance would be greatly appreciated :)
|
depression
|
Just wondering if anyone else has the same experience on adderall (and other stimulant meds). I feel like it doesn’t really do that much to manage my ADHD symptoms, and actually just increases my tendency to hyperfocus. I still take it because hyperfocus is definitely not the worst outcome, at least I’m being productive as long as I’m able to direct my hyperfocus to the right thing- and that’s not always the case. I don’t think it really helps me to direct my focus appropriately,
Switch tasks, or impulse control. Not sure if it’s helping with executive function since I feel like that isn’t usually an issue in a state of hyperfocus?
Does anyone else feel like this with stimulant meds? Did you switch to a non stimulant med that worked better??
|
ADHD
|
First time posting in this community. Glad for this space because I really needed to reach out.
My boyfriend (31) and I (29) have been dating for about a year now. After getting to know him, observing our relationship patterns, and reading some great books, I've become pretty certain that he is on the autism spectrum. He hasn't officially accepted this, but he hasn't denied it either. He mentioned that he identifies as a Highly Sensitive Person, and he definitely acknowledges that his senses are atypical/can overwhelm him and that we two often think very differently. He also has a younger brother who has been diagnosed.
Learning about our neurodiversity is pretty recent for me, and things have been difficult between us since the pandemic started.
We live separately and visit one another. Lately, I've realized that the more stressed he is, the less he makes time for us. This is understandable, neuroatyipcal or not. We are both business owners and homeowners, so I get it. I figured it may simplify things to schedule time together in advance, but that hasn't worked either. Whenever I suggest we schedule a meetup in advance, he never gives a firm answer. It's always "I'm not sure" or "I'll let you know" or "I have a, b, c, and f to take care of", and then I just have to wait for an answer that comes a couple days down the road, sometimes last minute.
This has been very deflating and hurtful because I feel like I'm not a priority of his. But knowing him, I think this has more to do with his own struggles with planning and not about how important/not important I am to him (He prioritizes me in other ways that aren't as obvious to me, but I am learning to spot them.) Whenever he talks about all the things he needs to do (it could be something small/routine or bigger), it's like his head is spinning, and my head spins too. He makes a lot of lists and sublists, but he still seems overwhelmed most of the time. Additionally, he has been going through major life transitions (quit a job to freelance, changed tenants, refinanced his house, and more).
Today, I asked if he would like to schedule a time each week to video chat, even if just for 15 minutes. He gave me the same answers as before, and when I started suggesting dates/times just to try it, he pushed back. He listed all the things that he still needs to get done, explained that he cannot even get a grip on his own schedule and daily rhythm, and wanted me to give him space.
Though I understand what he's going through, I'm very frustrated and sad that he can't seem to spend time just 15 minutes a week with me. We text everyday, but that's no substitute for quality time. I'm also very worried about his stress levels. He has been at this level for at least half a year now, and it really seems like his executive functioning (as they say) is fried. His sleep is completely messed up and he hasn't had regular exercise in months, both are things he really wants to rectify so that he can feel "normal" again.
I really want him to get some ASD-oriented help, whether it's reading something or talking to a therapist. He had a little resistance when I've brought up therapy in the past, so I don't know how he'll react if/when I bring it up again. As of right now, I feel like our relationship might depend on it.
I'd be so grateful for any support/thoughts. Thanks for giving me the space to get this all out. I'm also looking for an online support group for NT partners, if anyone has suggestions.
|
aspergers
|
No matter how small or light a stain on my clothes are, they make them unwearable in my opinion. Worst thing ever when a stain remover doesn't fully do it's job, Vanish sucks.
|
OCD
|
Or even half an hour ago?
My feelings and emotions and judgments and opinions seem to come and go with the wind. The feelings I felt yesterday seem alien to me. Why did I react badly to that? Why did I make that decision? Why did I look at it that way?
I’ve started journaling a bit and reading back is shocking. Each page could have been written by an entirely different person. Though the journaling has helped highlight it I’ve always felt this way and it’s always led to such frustration. I’m indecisive on literally every aspect of my life.
Today I want to go back for a PhD, tomorrow I hate my field, the day after I’m fine at my dead end job, the day after that I’m experiencing suicidal ideation because I hate where my career is at.
Does anybody else experience this complete instability in your mindset? Unable to feel any secure judgements about things over time? I feel like I’m caught in some awful ocean of crashing waves of emotions and indecision. I need to know if I’m just insane or if this is another adhd thing.
|
ADHD
|
Not certain if this fits, but,
I remember a time when I was around 8 ish? Not sure what age, but I got sick of everyone saying I looked bored or sad, so I sat down in front of a mirror and forced myself to put on approximations of emotions. I feel like I've just ended up looking like a dumb cartoon character but now these reactions are so ingrained that they're automatic. It's made me second guess if any reaction I ever have is genuine or just a practiced act.
|
aspergers
|
**Tl;dr if you wanna skip the whole story: crash sucks. Lowered prescribed 40mg IR/day to 30mg IR/day, still having bad crash. I am inconsistent with it, so I'm wondering if maybe I should just try to be vigilant about taking it daily to see if that helps the crash not suck so badly, OR if this is just part of it and the crash will be this way even if I do get better about taking it every day. Can't afford Vyvanse, and XR didn't work for me. Sad.**
I've been on Adderall IR (20mg, 2x day) for 6 months, now. I've been a bit inconsistent with it, so maybe this is totally my doing, but oh my god the crash at the end of the day sucks. I see this discussion a lot on this sub, so I'm sorry for screaming into an echo chamber.
I've lowered my dose to 30mg/day instead of the 40mg I was initially prescribed (my psychiatrist knows I lowered it) because I felt I no longer needed the higher dose. I'm going to grad school next month, and wish to goodness I could try Vyvanse because I've seen so many good experiences on here, but I just cannot afford it. Adderall XR didn't work for me, so we stuck with the IR.
I was diagnosed as primary ADHD, secondary depression & anxiety, and I can honestly say Adderall is the ONLY medication that has ever helped my depression and anxiety. I tried tons of antidepressants and anxiety meds from the time I was 18 until I got diagnosed with ADHD at 24, including different brands and dosages, and they never helped. Adderall doesn't give me a euphoric feeling or anything, it just mellows me out and makes me feel human/focused, but only for a chunk of the day and then it's back to crashing and feeling crappy.
I can eat on while it now, which is great, but the crashing feeling is still an everyday thing. If I get more consistent with taking it, could the crash side effect potentially lessen? Or is this just a part of the whole thing? Should I continue to try and lower the dose and see if that helps?
|
ADHD
|
Update: I didn’t expect this post to get this much traction. I’m probably not gonna respond to any of these comments but I’ll still read them!
|
aspergers
|
So what happened to me was when I was a kid maybe 3 or 4. I kept it to myself for almost 12 years because I didn't want to think or talk about it. I ended up leaving some longtime friends because I started feeling uncomfortable for some reason. Maybe because of this "secret" I had and no one I could talk to that would understand? I don't really know. Well, last night I was feeling horrible and decided to message one of them and told him that I really needed a friend at that moment. He read the message and never replied. I'm trying not to take it personally but it really hurts. :'(
|
ptsd
|
So a few months ago, I wanted to start drawing again and I impulsively. bought drawing supplies for hundreds off bucks, but ended up using them only once or twice. It felt horrible to have wasted so much money on them.
But then I got interested in digital artist, and since they were mostly using a Ipad pro, I ended up buying one myself and installing Procreate.
And I have to say, it helped me tremendously, I finally started to draw more often and better, also I dont have to buy 1000s of pens n brushes, I can just download them.
Heres some of the artworks Iˋm proud of:
[Art](https://imgur.com/a/p3zsF0e)
|
ADHD
|
It amazes me how a lot of people on the spectrum can just act like themselves and seemingly not give a shit what other people think. I wish I was like that. Instead, I have a crippling need for other people to like me, and to seek validation from them.
EDIT: I'm not actively suicidal at the moment if anyone's wondering. Also, I have a fucked up sense of humor. It's one of the ways I cope.
|
aspergers
|
Is mental health an issue people on the spectrum suffer from a lot?
I'm not sure yep if I am on the spectrum but I suspect I have a few traits.
When it comes to mental health, I notice my body can feel shaky, sometimes my hand feeling shaky. I notice this in a social setting sometimes when one is expected to converse and be involved with people. It happens sometimes at parties or if met a significant others family.
Feels like I'm on the edge just can't relax my nerves. I've always wondered if it's some form of anxiety. At times my mind goes blank as well. I know what to say but don't remember what it is.
I have negative thoughts about how my social interaction was with people. Feel that it didn't go well. I don't think I have any depressive states, but sometimes feel lonely internally because I realise my lack of social circle or close connection with people.
|
aspergers
|
Trigger warning:
Loss of friendship, depression, anxiety, low key suicidal, emotionally broken, sexual discomfort
I don't know if the stuff I'm about to write is actually triggering, but I'd rather post a warning too many than too few.
There is no violence or physical/real life confrontation in the post to come. It took place via chat.
Hey all. First time here - let me start by saying thank you for having this community.
I am sorry my first post is gonna be jumping right in and asking for help, but I have nowhere else to turn.
My friends can only do so much and my therapy sessions are cancelled for at least 2 weeks as my entire country is on lockdown of all non-essential things.
So, here goes.
3 days ago was a day as days normally are. Get up, eat some, whatever else.
However, completely out of the blue I get a message from a guy I considered my best real life friend. A guy I have had movie weekends with, making costumes, crafting jewellery, playing Dungeons & Dragons, a lot of hugging and a ton of common interests.
I'm not exaggerating when I'm saying this guy might be the best part about my daily life in real life(except for the hobbies that keep me busy and alive).
In the message, less than 2 weeks after we hung out, laughed, talked and hugged, he wrote to me that he realized it was gonna seem like thunder from a clear sky, but he didn't feel comfortable around me anymore and because he was unable to tell me when something was crossing a boundary of his he had to end our friendship effective immediately.
The behaviour he was triggered by was what I considered normal jokes. Normal jokes with awcual undertones, pretty normal stuff. But what I didn't know was that he has a traumatic past that made such jokes incredibly uncomfortable to him and he never told me I was crossing his boundaries so I did not see it coming a mile away, especially since he and I had been together and had fun shortly before then.
I cried for several hours, just looking at my computer at nothing, crying and wiping my face. When I was done crying I started imagining what I was gonna do now. And the thought of suicide entered my mind and presented itself as a logical option to solve all my problems. I don't think I'm gonna make an attempt, in my 30 years I haven't ever, but the fact that the thought entered my mind and seemed like a reasonable option scared me.
I made it through the day. And I slept. But things didn't get better.
Since then I've been unable to find the motivation to live. I am a hobby artist and usually I am so passionate and active that I forget to go to bed and sometimes remember that I haven't showered for 2 days. Gross, I know, but that should say something about the magnitude of my obsession with my hobbies.
For the last 3 days I have done none of it. I have been immersing myself in a large computer game to disconnect from reality. I have a constant sadness and it feels like my entire body is slugging through a hot, dry environment but without being dry. My chest feels like it's being compressed. Whenever I stop and let my mind rest my pulse starts racing and I feel an overwhelming anxiety.
And since then I have hated myself and my own sexuality to the point where just thinking about sexual desires or activity will make me nauseated, guilty, sad, angry and deeply uncomfortable.
How do you all deal with being traumatized like this? I was already fragile, but I was making real progress. Now it feels like I've been dragged 5 years back, like being pulled backwards into a vat of icy water, struggling to get back up.
I don't remember the last time I felt this broken. I feel like I've lost everything. And I have no idea what to do.
Thank you for reading this. And thank you for letting me share.
|
ptsd
|
I have a question, do you find that you are much more forgetful when you have a lot going on in your life?
I have terrible memory right now, its never felt this bad, but recently I have had a lot of new things happen like being at uni in person again, getting a job, work experience, new hobbies, and I feel like this is affecting the things I can remember? It seems like the more big things i have, the more smaller things I forget and its so frustrating.
I feel like I'm letting everyone down and I don't know what to do, still waiting for official diagnosis, have an appointment on 23rd of this month.
Does this happen to you?
|
ADHD
|
Whenever you struggle with something such as finding a job, getting through school, driving a car, making friends, finding a relationship, or whatever the struggle may be, do you hate it when somebody tells you that because they were successful at it you will be successful at it too? Not all of us have an equal opportunity to achieve success. We are not all on the same economic, social, or mental level for success. What works for one person may not work for another person. We live in a society where we expect one size to fit all. Society fails to recognize that we are all different and that what may work for the majority does not work for every single person. Some of us have to work extra hard to achieve any kind of success. Just because something came easy for you doesn't mean that it will come easy for me.
|
aspergers
|
trigger warnings: physical and mental abuse, mentions of drinking and drugs, suicide attempts, and parent death
i’m new here and this seemed like a nice place. i was diagnosed with ptsd at the age of 12 stemming from various events in my life. i am still relatively young and trying to learn how to cope when the flashbacks and attacks come along.
[this is the line where it mentions the trigger warnings above. don’t read past this point if that stuff gets to you. thank you.]
my mom is fucking crazy and dates some really awful guys. one of those guys being my dad. basically he has an extensive history of drug abuse as well as alcoholism. without making this prolonged, one day he stole my mom’s credit card and ran off to north carolina (we lived in south carolina now). i can very vaguely remember being really little, and standing next to my mom while she was pounding on the door of a motel room, and no one opened it. she filled in this detail by telling me she brought me with because no one could watch me. she went to the front desk and told them that she thought my dad was gonna kill himself. the next few minutes are a little blurred, as this was years ago, but i still remember exactly what he looked like, all those years ago. i remember seeing a bunch of bottles and my dad ‘sleeping’ on his bed (that’s what my little mind concluded) but i didn’t get super far because my mom asked the motel worker guy if he could just kinda keep me from going in. i was cool with it at the time, since i didn’t register how serious it was. this took place in a motel 6. so now every time we’re driving and i see that big red 6 high in the sky, i have one of my episodes. my dad is now dead. not from that particular incident, but he died this past december. i didn’t talk to him for the last year of his life because, when he came up to our house for the first time in awhile, he ate all of my pills for my severe anxiety and left. i regret not saying even one word, because now i won’t get to say anything to him again. there’s a lot of fucked up things he did that really imprinted the type of person i am now, but to not make this longer than this already will be, i won’t get into it.
my mom had a boyfriend who we’ll call t, because simply hearing or seeing his name gives me goosebumps. when i was about 6 (after my mom and dad, and then my mom and her other boyfriend split up when i was 4 and 5) my mom found a new boyfriend who was my uncle’s (by marriage so no incest lmao) brother. i’m literally like, half his age currently. but, i never liked him, even from the beginning. my mind is extremely fuzzy on the matter but i wanna say he started yelling at me and mentally abusing me about 2 months after they started dating, and shortly after followed the hitting. he’d slap me and shove me against walls when my mom wasn’t home (which was a lot) and this went on for a good amount of time. when i was 7, my mom got knocked up with t’s kid. i lost my shit and started sobbing because this meant that, if the child survived, he would be in our lives forever. the day my youngest brother was born, it was a very happy and very sad day for me. my mom was with him till i was.. i wanna say 11? i was in 5th grade and my mom was driving me and my younger brother back home from school, and she was s c r e a m i n g at him through the phone. why? because t dropped out on watching my youngest brother, HIS CHILD, who was not even 3 at the time, to go to a city like 3 hours later with a ‘’friend’’ (aka a girl he had been flirting with). so my mom finally dumped his ass, and all was well. then, in my 7th grade, i accidentally find out t and mom are dating again, WHEN T IS MARRIED. i lose my fucking shit and start going off on my mom. he literally ruined my entire life, and mom’s too, and she takes him back? she tries explaining over the weeks that he “”changed””. guess what? he didn’t. this time instead of hitting me though, he only threatened me, and said i was making everyone’s life miserable. he’s a,, giant chunk of my ptsd. i also have various issues from my mom, because she mentally abuses and tries to manipulate me, still. also with just really toxic people and fights and stuff. if you’ve,, somehow, gotten to here? thank you, a lot. no one really listens to me. i have a nice feeling about this sub. i love you guys<33
tl;dr- i have daddy issues and my mom’s boyfriends were trash, so now i have ptsd
|
ptsd
|
i posted yesterday asking for support about my job. just lost that job. 3rd job ive had to quit due to my ocd. THIRD. my parents dont understand still, we had a lengthy "discussion" (screaming match) about it and it all boiled down to them assuming im a lazy piece of shit. i cant do this anymore. im unable to work or provide a quality life for myself anymore.
|
OCD
|
When you just wanting to self harm but you don't want parents seeing your scars so you use your sharp nails instead as the marks would leave quicker 🥲
|
depression
|
Mild trigger warning about a mention of domestic violence, but no explicit details.
​
I don't think people understand that I live with this every day.
I mean, I understand why they don't.
I don't get it either.
Just a week ago my therapist told me I could decide how many sessions I had left. I hadn't seen her in two weeks and I only talked for thirty minutes before she said, "Well, is this where you want to end today?"
I talked about my ex, and I finally said his name for the very first time. I told her a few lingering things that I had never told anyone, and then I talked about my confusion at the presence of good memories.
I had thoughts on the way home. "I forgive him," I told my best friend. Referencing my Christianity, I said, "I look forward to the day when evil will no longer exist."
And today? Today I'm drowning.
I know things will get better, but oh - today I'm gasping for air.
It is always here, my constant friend. Yes, I'm better with PTSD -- but no, it's not always easy. It is never a walk in the park.
​
Sending love to all of my fellow survivors today.
|
ptsd
|
I (26) took care of my mom (57) while she was dying from cancer in home hospice. She passed a few months ago and the grief has started to be manageable, but now I've been diagnosed with PTSD from some of the things I experienced - her screaming in pain, her being stuck after falling because we couldn't get her up, etc. etc.
I just feel so weird that this is affecting me now and I didn't realize it was so traumatic at the time - but now I have so much anxiety that it's really affecting my work.
I'm wondering if anyone is in a similar situation?
|
ptsd
|
Hi so, I have learned recently that people with ADHD may have trouble controlling how loud they are talking. I have been diagnosed with ADHD since the 9th grade and I remember constantly being scolded for talking to loud.
"Lower the Volume your talking to loud."
"Ow, Im right next to you, you dont have to shout."
"I just told you to lower your voice."
its CONSTANT! Its really annoying at work and I went out to dinner last night with my mom for my birthday (I celebrated it early since I'm busy on my actual birthday) and At least four times she had to tell me to lower my voice and that I was being to loud, I would feel bad and lower my voice, and without realizing it I would get loud again! Does anyone know any advice that could help me watch my volume?
|
ADHD
|
i know we have different causes for our anxiety, but i was wondering if you figured where did confession ocd originated from in your own special case?
i think mine started when i adopted the idea that i need to be "real". And act the same way in public and private. This led to me feeling like i should share everything with the whole world, my sexual feelings included (which is very weird to just say to random people tbh) and it puts a lot of stress on me, so i was just wondering where did yours originated from as i think it might help me and some people to figure out our issues.
|
OCD
|
I'm so tired of everything. I feel so fucking guilty for feeling like this because I know others have it worse and..i just wanna kill myself. My girlfriend gives 0 fucks about me she barely speaks with me anymore. I feel so alone. Everything is too much. I just wish I could disappear..no..i wish I could stop everything and take a long brake and kill myself. Then time would start again. I'm so sick of this stupid routine. So sick of waking up. I feel like everyday is the same day, just talking with people and being in places I don't wanna be in. I'm so tired. I just want to die. What even is the point of all this? I'm so worthless and useless the world would be better off without me. I'm just a waste of space and money and resources. Why can't I just die? I'm so exhausted from living. I just can't to it anymore. It hurts and everything even the smallest things are so hard. And no one fucking understands me they all just call me lazy and ungrateful and I just wish I could fucking get the guts to kill myself already. I'm sorry for venting and complaining.. I just feel so lonely and tired. So vacant.. sorry
|
depression
|
So long story short I had 5 severe trauma events spaced out between ages 5 to 21 the last of which was watching my brother suffer a fatal fall while we were at work and I was on the ground about 20 ft away. That happened when I was 21 and sent me on a tailspin of drugs booze and basically travelling around being a gypsy for 5 years no accountability or consideration of the future or of myself and several times found myself facing death but made it through.
Then met my current wife and life levelled out and was great. I went to Fire School and am a volunteer FF at 2 local stations while working a full time job and have a 2 yr old,house and happy marriage.
Then PTSD dropped an elbow from the top rope.
About a year ago i was reading to my son preparing for naptime and 37 minutes later I was cutting someones grandparents out of their car after it was hit. Horrible scene. 2 hrs after the call I was back home son was awake and back to reading like nothing happened. Such is the life of a Volly Firefighter.
Since then I have been getting anxiety in anticipation of a fire call and have had a few in between I made it throigh but felt like a liability as I was in my head. Now I find myself missing calls practices and debating leaving the service all together as I am terrified of battling another PTSD hellhole and it breaking up my family life. This is the crossroads I am at currently and just needed to write it out.
|
ptsd
|
I have been a part of this organization since I was sixteen. I joined the board when I was 18. When I was 19 I had some pretty traumatic experiences with someone ten years my senior. After that he left for a year, resigning from his post. Since returning I asked that he not get his spot on the board back. I was unable to explain why, but my wishes were respected. Until now. Today he was promoted again. That means he has authority and a leadership role in the community. I told myself I would leave if this happened. I'm 25 now. Nine years of my life and thousands of dollars are gone. I haven't resigned yet. I want to talk to my therapist first. But my god, this sucks. I'm devastated.
|
ptsd
|
Feeling stuck in the same job, same relationship and all other circumstances and getting overwhelmed by the whole thing and just lying in the bed, until woken up by a phone call from a manager or someone (then do the work grudgingly) and as the day ends hope you are done finally but as the alarm goes in the morning, you know you have to face one more day…
Surely, this isn’t healthy..anyone handled it better? I tried journaling, working out ( though floundered a bit) but l guess l need to have some small wins?
I can’t just fathom how am l gonna live like this for another 6 months even forget an year. The thought of continuing in this stuck phase is just making me think of something drastic- not a physical harm but quitting the job, just randomly packing up and moving somewhere (until the money lasts) things like that
|
depression
|
Toadies
Weezer
The Offspring
Fugazi
Korn
Tyler The Creator
Kanye West
Presidents Of The United States
Radiohead
Deftones
Lamb Of God
[So many amazing bands/artists came out of the 90s, but i love a lot other ones not from the 90s. Check these bands out and if you have a question about the songs I like from them. Feel free. Literally music is one of the only things I can occupy myself with right now because i’m still grounded. I’ve been grounded for like 2 and 1/2 months lmfao. My uncle introduced me also to a bunch of screamo bands. And I lowkey love em. Give me some music recommendations too.]
|
ADHD
|
Hello! ADHD’r here. I have to have a possibly contentious, tough conversation with a narcissist in my family. I am a very very emotional person who is easily manipulated. I’m aware of this.
Any tips or tricks for staying on topic, not getting TOO emotional & ultimately conveying my points clearly?
Would it be horrible to take notes in advance and read from that? Any advice appreciated.
Whenever I convey that they’re being hurtful in the midst of any past conversation, they remind me that they’re not responsible for my emotions. Which, they’re not. But then I lose ALL focus and basically just sob. I need to make this as productive as possible. And hopefully not sob.
|
ADHD
|
Ive recently been through something traumatic. Brought lots up. Having a difficult time with physical & mental health. I have a weird feeling. Idk maybe I’m losing it.
|
ptsd
|
I finally got bored enough/sick of the trash emails to actually do something about it. One of those jobs that I could never be motivated to do because it felt like such a bigger chore than it actually was.
I went through my inbox and unsubscribed from numerous mailing lists I no longer want to be on and for those I did, changed the email address from my proper address to one I've now setup specifically for mailing lists.
Now I can turn the notifications off for that address and read them at my leisure. Also setting a reminder for a couple of months to do the same again. Hopefully there will be less trash for future me to clean up.
|
ADHD
|
TLDR; I had a traumatic experience the other day and that plus normal everyday pressures has me tapped out… what do you do to recover when you feel like this?
My job is super intense at the moment, and I’m manager so I do a lot of nurturing. At home, I live with my partner and a housemate, I tend to do a majority of the housework, despite that obviously being a challenge, executive function wise. So in general, I’ve been pretty tired lately.
Then last week my partner had a seizure out of no where, during which he stopped breathing and I literally thought he was dead in my arms… spoiler alert; he wasn’t… anyway at the time I went into ADHD problem solving mode, but now, today, I have crashed in a big way. I feel paralysed, but my brain is still going at normal (normal for me, so, three billion miles an hour lol) speed. I just feel emotionally and physically tapped out, I’ve tried to even find a hyperfocus to see if that will help me find some dopamine and pull me out of it a little but I can’t even be bothered with the most simple things like opening my laptop. The longer I’m in this state to more my anxiety is ramping up, I haven’t felt this out of control since starting my ADHD meds. I feel like I have no command over my body and I feel like my brain is trapped in a body that’s not functioning. So I’m basically just sitting thinking about what the experience was like while a thousand and one other thoughts do zoomies around my brain.
And I know it’s emotional but I honestly don’t know how to fix it… anyone else experienced this and have any tips for me? If I can at least get to where I could take myself for a walk and do some self care I know I will improve over the coming weeks, but I don’t know how to even get to that…
|
ADHD
|
For context: I’m a NT female that has just recently started dating someone with Aspergers. Albeit we have known each other for many years and we have good chemistry and a great friendship. I never dated him because I was always in a relationship but I would have considered him my best friend. I am not a virgin but I know he is and I’m wondering if anyone could give me advice on what not to do/or to do sexually when it comes with a NT with someone with Aspergers. I just want to know some things I would do in a NT relationship(that I wouldn’t think twice about) that I should be more cautious about doing when it comes to sex.
|
aspergers
|
When I'm in the midst of a harm ocd breakdown, it feels like I'm a vile and disgusting person who doesn't deserve to feel better, so I feel like a piece of shit for using my coping skills like breathing exercises. OCD is such a jerk.
|
OCD
|
Sometimes when I'm triggered, I see black shadows or clouds all around my vision. They kind of pulse and appear all around the tops and sides of my vision. Maybe this is tunnel vision?
I also have memory lapses. For example, sometimes feeling claustrophobic triggers my PTSD. In that case, I won't remember any details about the space I was in and very little details about what happened. If I was interviewed by someone and asked to remember specifics of an event or occurrence, I wouldn't be able to describe any details. I'll remember snippets, but it's almost like being blacked out from drinking too much. Does anyone else experience the same?
|
ptsd
|
Hi So.. ive been suffering with PTSD for 4 years in September. I was battling so well and I even got a promotion at work that I thought I could never do.. I was overwhelmed that I accomplished it.. but then everything felt too much for me suddenly.. my relationship at home has always been rocky but it fell worse and work.. having no support for taking on this new role as Team leader and being a Support Worker.. Everything changed instantly.. my mental health deteriorated and today I'm not full time I'm part time. This has all happened within the last month. My partner dropped me off at the gate today to go to work.. he had no idea that I turned away from work and just kept walking... I am scared and afraid. My head felt different today. Too full too heavy.. I feel I couldn't face work with everything that is heavy on my chest. I have always been a hard worker and today I've let work down. They are massively under staff and I walked away.. what is wrong with me. i am on path to get professional counseling but I am waiting. I just want to stop hurting my family and friends and colleagues from my stress and messyness..
|
ptsd
|
I have a disconnect with everyone around me. I constantly feel a lack of purpose I think so profound constantly wondering what is this that we live in? What is the point ? Is there anything after? I have no resolve to these questions despite how much I’ve thought about them. No one I know thinks like me. I feel like I’m constantly in anguish’s finding a lack of purpose. Is there anyone out there who feels the same?
|
depression
|
My fiance and I have gotten into the habit of calling my OCD "the Monkey". I my best friend refers to his as "his Tapeworm". Any of you have any names for it?
|
OCD
|
It seems that my mom has HFA and my dad is neurotypical and my mom's grandpa was good at and into stuff like chemistry/food product creation, had his own bees etc. during soviet times and apparently prefered introverted activities and would "look angry and scary" according to my mom, but idk from that alone if he had HFA or not, so it is not clear from whom beyond my mother the ASD inheritance chain might have came from
Has anybody here managed to discover some older relatives who seemed to match HFA profile by what they did and what they were described to be like or for example from specific face mimics in pictures of them, etc. ?
|
aspergers
|
Another attack today. I saw the man at work sitting up at the bar. I see his bloody face and he falls from the chair onto the floor. I was called into the bosses office and he showed me staring at the empty bar stool for almost an hour and then going into a seizure.just glad we weren't busy today. I'm still shaking bad from it and my wife ask me how was work. All I can say was it was ok nothing new. I want to find help, I need to find it. For my wife's safety and my own.
|
ptsd
|
Okay, I didn't know I had ocd at first. I thought it was normal but as it progressively got worse I realised something was wrong
I can't afford to go to a therapist atm and I think (after days of researching) I have magical thinking ocd. And it's taking over my life. I can't do a simple task without repeating it because an intrusive thought pops up into my head and I have to do the same task until I thing of st positive
I can't do this anymore. Does anyone know anything I can do to ease of these compulsions, they usually get worse at night. It's night rn where I'm at and I had to retype so many sentences till my compulsions went away.
Is there anyone that can offer some advice? Please. I'm desperate!
|
OCD
|
Hi! So I started to go to in-person school and we are aloud to take off our masks for water. Now I feel extremely uncomfortable withought wearing a mask. Its not really because of the fear of covid (though it is very scary) Its almost the feeling of knowing I cant hide my facial expressions withought a mask.
|
aspergers
|
As stated in the title. I used to have goals, goals that I can no longer achieve. Ive been feeling like this since graduation from highschool. Starting university, just more stress and more work to do. I just wake up, study, play games, nap. And the cycle repeats. I know this behavior is what leads to failure in a way in my country's standard but I cannot escape this habit of mine. Living without goals makes me want to kms sometimes. Like honesty, I feel like a waste of space for people with potential to take my place. Im sorry for the vent. I just had a break down.
|
depression
|
Today my boyfriend left for a work trip and i was still in bed before i had to get up. He said goodbye and i know he left but my brain keeps saying what if he didn’t/what if you think he’s still here? That’s the dumbest thing ever but it spiked my anxiety and i don’t even understand why I’m scared of that. I know he drove away so what’s freaking me out? I feel like I’m going insane :(
|
OCD
|
So I just bought my first real car. It a nerve wrecking process, and man did I second guessed my self a lot.
Just got home and realized that im tied down to this car for the next 5 years and ohh boy did the anxiety set in.
My ADHD went undiagnosed for years. In those years I developed a flight addiction, if things weren’t going my way I just picked up things and left. So naturally I avoided anything that would tie me down for 6 months or more.
And here I am. With a 5 year commitment to an inanimate object that’s causing more anxiety than every other thing I’ve been through.
|
ADHD
|
Guys, I recently got prescribed Ritalin XR Tablets, starting at 10mg twice daily. These were fine I felt the relief from it for the first few days after that it didn’t feel strong enough. I’ve tried adderal in the past but it messed with my anxiety too badly. Now my doctor put me on 20mg. Insane pressure headache through the entire course of the first day later on after my second dose maybe half way through it I have waves of nausea. I know it takes a while to get used to it but is it really worth the waiting. Psychologically is messed with my mental state after that first day and I don’t want to do it.
|
ADHD
|
I was in the car with my dad today and it was getting dark and we almost hit a deer, then a raccoon, then dad swerved to avoid a duck. I'm home now and I'm crying my eyes out cuz I was so scared and I was tense and upset before we almost hit the animals but after that I was terrified and just imagining every way we could fuck up and die and I can't take this anymore! I can't stand being so scared all the damn time from every fucking car ride! I can't go anywhere or do anything!
I'm so fucking scared I can't live a normal life and it's only gotten worse since covid started. the first day of lockdown I got in a horrible accident and I can't even remember it I was so traumatized. no one died but the car was totaled and I got anterograde amnesia (short term memory loss, basically a 30 second memory) and every time I think about it I go right back there to the little flashes I do remember or think I remember.
I just want this trauma to end. I can't stand one more person telling me I have to get over the trauma to drive again when I can't even be a fucking passenger and I'm not getting any better. this accident set me back way further than I ever was before- I was almost ready to drive short distances again before this! but now I can't even ride without wanting to cry because I'm so fucking scared of going through another intersection and tboning or getting tboned because someone couldnt stop for a red light
|
ptsd
|
Everytime something happens, for example, a little embarassing thing happens, or when i get mad at someone, or when i see someone getting emotionally hurt, I just HAVE to inagine myself how it feels for them. I can take like 15min standing in one spot trying to feel how the other person felt. I have this with the smallest things, like today at work i had 2 customers and I accidentally said bye to only one of them. I spend like 10min afterwards to FEEL how the guy felt. I imagine the situations 100x in my head until i actually FELT the emotion.
When i get mad at my parents, afterwards i can feel so bad. Im recreating the situation in my head, from their perspective and spend so fucking long to experience it from their side. My mind is pretty absent until i do this, i cannot ignore it. I even do it whith situations i saw happening and have nothing to do with myself. When I watch a movie i pause it 50 times everytime something happens, having to feel how the person felt.
Recently spend like 2 hours standing in one spot, switching the iphone mute button on and off. I HAD to make sure it was on mute, despite turning it on and off hundreds of times.
Its just so tiring. Why am I triggering all people’s emotions INISIDE MYSELF? Im not an insecure person, dont have anxiety but I spend like 30% of my days being trapped in my own mind. I just wanna talk about this.
|
OCD
|
It wouldn't have been a serious problem usually, as I'm not a heavy drinker, but recent life changes got me drinking. I live with my narcissist mother.
So the cleaning lady which I have no quarrel with thought me being rude toward my mother (I came to the living room and explained as calmly as I could that this broken glass was one of my routine objects). My nmom obviously don't take any kind of responsibility, she fired the cleaning woman (IDGAF really) and thinks it's something she can maybe say sorry about, but me? This is just totally unexpected. It's not like my life depends on drinking in classic lowball glass, and it being the first one I bought more than 10 years ago kinda makes it special for me.
I tried looking for a replacement. Something similar... I failed in my search. I bought something fancy, a good looking glass... But it's not the same and I just keep on crying about it. And I said something about my nmom might be sorry right? this is a big might, as she usually don't really get any of my "broken boundaries" incidents, and acts as if (which is actually likely the case) she doesn't know anything about Aspergers.
And me? I'm in fits of crying trying to sleep
|
aspergers
|
My doctor gave me Vyvanse a couple months ago for my ADHD. Over the past few weeks I haven’t been taking it because I was adjusting to a new antidepressant and didn’t want the Vyvanse to color my impression of the new medication.
Today I took my Vyvanse, 30mg. For several hours I got the normal Vyvanse feeling - increased focus, productivity, my mind was quieter. Around 6 hours after taking it, I was at work and I just suddenly started feeling very elated and just had this mildly intense feeling of anxiety reduction. Almost benzo-like. It last for 1-2 hours then I started to feel more normal. It was very nice. I used to be prescribed clonazepam for over a decade but had to discontinue because it stopped working and was possibly starting to have paradoxical effects and making me feel worse. This was the first time in a very long time I’d gotten anxiety relief similar to how a benzo used to feel.
Is this normal? I’m surprised the Vyvanse didn’t increase my anxiety as I’m a very anxiety prone person.
|
ADHD
|
So this is my first post on at least a year, but I finally committed to posting to this group. I recently moved into a nice apartment with my partner (their trans, two spirited) and things have been declining from move, well not our move. It's been declining sense we moved out of our college dorm 3 years ago. So my partner has depressive bipolar disorder and there been recently escalating to physical harm towards me when their angry. When we first got together we cared for each other equally and it was us against the world, but sense then, I've written up a script I've kept in secret of the things and phrases I can't say to them. The most recent occurrence of their expression of anger towards me was a day or so ago. I missed a turn while driving to work and they exploded on me and threatened to leave me stranded in town to walk home an hour away because I missed the turn they wanted me to take. Sorry this is a long post but I don't think theirs an easier way to condense what has.been happening. I have absence epilepsy and stress, anxiety, diet and sleep effect my entire life. This relationship has been very painful for me as it goes on. And on a tmi sidenote sexual acts I hold berry highly as the most intimate act you can do with a person and we have not had intercourse for a year and it's been about 9months sense they last had contact with intimate intent. I just need some help realizing if what i have is still worth the pain and suffering.i go through.
|
depression
|
If you're not in a good place mentally right now stop reading. I really need to vent and this is going to get dark. My ex told me about his suicide attempts that happened before we met. He tried to hang himself a few times and also has been pretty much trying to kill himself by alcohol poisoning for years. He also drank a bottle of windex once. I couldn't comprehend why would someone do that to themselves for the longest time, despite suffering from depression myself since a young age and having my own attempts. I really think my attempts were more about trying to hurt myself than actually kill myself, I tried to overdose on sleeping pills but ended up calling 911...
Anyways... Today is the first time ever I thought about this and realized that I understand why. When you hate yourself and everything so much, nothing really matters. You could have the most family and friends and still feel like a worthless pos because now you're bringing those people down with your depression. The very people that are trying to help you are feeling bad because of you.
I opened up to my mom today about the state of my mental health and she cried. I cannot express how shitty that makes me feel. I might now have to move back with my parents because I'm in no condition to have a job. I just don't see the point in wasting my life away like this and being a burden to the people that care about me. I'm 26 and I've lived on my own since I was 21. But I just can't do this guys. I've been crying all day today, and every day for the last week. The only thing keeping me from making a plan right now is the thought that my pets couldn't find a good home after I'm gone. I just feel so hopeless and I don't know what to do anymore.
|
depression
|
Hi there! I'm posting here in hopes I can get some advice/thoughts from people experienced in managing ADHD. I figure I should share some things about myself. I hope this post doesn't end up too long.
I am a 30 y.o. male graduate student. I have *not* been diagnosed with ADHD, and I have only recently begun to wonder if the diagnosis might apply to me. I have long-running struggles with anxiety, depression, and a tendency towards obsessive rumination. In the past two years, I have made a lot of progress on those issues. However, there are some "loose ends" that make me wonder if there's more going on. Here's where things stand:
* I procrastinate *everything*. I feel constantly stuck in "delay" mode: delaying getting dressed, delaying eating meals, delaying every task for work and school. I delay things across all time scales: basically, if I think I can get away with waiting X seconds/minutes/days/weeks to start a task, I will. As I've reflected on it, the overriding feeling is "I'm not ready to start <task> yet". I use social media as a delay tactic, and I usually end up very frustrated (and sometimes distraught). Occasionally (although this used to be more common) I get genuinely anxious about tasks, particularly for things involving my advisor (I secretly fear he sees me as a waste of time, despite evidence to the contrary). Every couple of weeks I'll have a bit of an emotional crash. I have gotten a lot better at not having my crashes turn into extended problems, but I'm still struggling with the pattern of emotion/behavior that leads to them in the first place.
* I have no routines, and while I have always tried to build them, I default to ad-libbing every single day.
* Food has been a big problem for me. I delay or skip meals frequently, and when I finally direct my attention to food, I'm frequently paralyzed by indecision (cook for myself? eat out, and if so, where? delivery? pickup? etc etc). I have made progress here, but I want to mention that as a big pattern for me.
* Evenings/weekends by myself can be very frustrating. I tend to feel very unsettled, and I have realized recently that it's a boredom issue. I tend to get "stuck" watching YouTube or random sports on TV. I have hobbies that I enjoy (playing music, running), but they often sound unappealing in the moment. I crave something that is *interesting* and *interactive*, which is why I've defaulted to things like strategy or sandbox video games in the past. Also, while I am a very social person, and am lucky to have good friends where I live, I genuinely *want* to have some solo time that I value.
* The boredom sometimes turns into anxiety (panicking about not being able to think of something appealing) or depression (fear/discouragement that I'll be bored/frustrated in the long run). This tends to exacerbate the paralysis or the sense of disinterest in things.
* I was a very good student in elementary/secondary school, and I never had issues that are stereotypically ascribed to people with ADHD. Procrastination was a problem, but I was always able to make up for it. Things became difficult in college from day one, and honestly the only things that got me through to graduate school are natural talent and understanding faculty.
All of the above leads me to think I have an "executive function deficit" of some kind.
On the bright side:
* When I am engaged in something, I am in 100%. I am able to be passionate about anything.
* My issues have not caused social problems: I have always found it easy to make friends with people.
* I don't feel like inattentiveness is an issue for me, at least not in the stereotypical sense.
* I feel like I'm at a time/place in my life where I'm ready to address these patterns. I'm proving to myself that I really can change things.
Tentative thoughts on how to go forward:
* I am skeptical of medication, partly because I never found a mix of antidepressants that worked for me. More specifically, I'm wary of the appetite suppression effect of Adderall. The good news is that my other issues have responded well to "healthy living" adjustments (diet, exercise, sleep, etc).
* I am trying to build some routines for myself, hoping that they might reduce the delay tactics.
* I have really no idea what to do about work tasks. I fantasize about switching my path to something that doesn't require any executive function, some magical career where I can just passionately engage without feeling like I'm pulling my own teeth out.
* The boredom issue is what spurred me to post this: I have been terribly bored all day and it was bubbling up to the point of anxiety. I'm not sure how to manage this in a way that doesn't leave me constantly frustrated.
My questions:
* I have benefited from just learning about anxiety and depression. Does anyone have any book recommendations for someone like me?
* Anyone with similar struggles have tips for me?
* Any advice on finding professional help? I have seen therapists for anxiety and depression, but never for ADHD-type struggles.
Thanks a lot for anything you have to share!
|
ADHD
|
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.