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It's really hitting me hard today all the years I accidentally alienated myself from everyone around me in an attempt to mask my social flaws. I was given mental health help but I always found it to be unhelpful and more isolating. It only served to create this inner belief that my core is broken. The more I learnt about aspergers the worse it got. Coming onto this subreddit and selectively reading negative posts bred this sick idea that I'm somehow inhuman in some untrue way.
I started getting lost in other people's ideas of what aspergers is and how it should affect me instead of just living it out for myself. That lead to genuine changes in my beliefs and behaviours for the worst. I started beleiving horrible things, that I was different, that I can't be loved or form social connections. You could say this was my fault for misunderstanding what people were saying but after hearing "People with aspergers struggle to socialise" thousands of times you start lowering your head and thinking more bleakly about yourself because of course you're part of this group so it just makes sense. Especially when you can think of experiences which back this up negative belief.
I masked until I didn't know who I was anymore, I stopped feeling, I wanted to kill myself, then I stopped caring even about that and just decided to exist without purpose. The idea that I was broken became so engrained I stopped trying completely. This lead me into a huge depression. I was the guy that couldn't do it. I was the guy that everyone laughed at. When you get so depressed you no longer feel your brain becomes delusional. I started believing the only people who cared about me were with me because they liked taking the piss out of me. Everywhere I went I believed everyone hated me.
The worst thing is it's not true. I put up a mask, a mask that I was competant. When I felt alone I felt I couldn't go to friends without being inherently annoying. So I didn't speak to friends when I needed to most. When I was sad or uncomfortable I ignored it because maybe I'm just having sensory issues and I shouldn't bother other people with them. In this controlling mindset I let very little amounts of myself out. It got so bad I was doing hard drugs regularly just for relief from this hole I dug. Somehow I continued this pattern and just lied, said I was fine and just got so used to it by then I believed it. I stupidly believed I'm just broken and I can't do anything about it. Now looking back I can see how much pain I was in. And how hard it is to break thay cycle. I ruined my life because I thought my diganosis controlled me.
This delusion ended today, just because I'm different to other people. Doesn't mean I'm alone. It doesn't mean I'm not cared for. Being told I was different bred this toxic mindset that I'm inherently broken. The worst thing to think when you believe things aren't going well is that you can't do better. If you don't like where you are effort is the only thing you have on your side and I think it's a positive message I wish more aspies would take on board because there are certainly some more capable people here that might be suffering from a similar issue.
Hopefully someone gets this. Peace all ✌️
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aspergers
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Hello, I’ve been reading along here for the past two weeks or so and wanted to contribute a little. In the last six months or so I’ve come to realize I’m on this spectrum in a high functioning capacity. It’s been pretty devastating and depressing but explains a lot of issues and struggles I’ve had all my life. Reading along with others here has brought a little bit of solace that I’m not alone. But I do have a question if there is such a thing as in-person support groups that anyone is aware of. For reference I live in Arizona. I feel like something like that would be a big help therapeutically for me. Thanks in advance for any help.
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aspergers
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TW: Victim blaming, rape, sexual, emotional, and physical abuse, suicide encouragement
I hope this is the right sub for this, sorry if it isn’t
She convinced them all that I was the abuser, not her. I almost got in trouble a lot. The counselors at the camp weren’t very aware or caring tho, so nothing happened to me. Whenever I tried to tell them they’d get mad at me, tell me to “shut the **** up” “You’re such a liar” “Ugh what a b****” and stuff. They hated me, told me “go ahead and kill yourself” “Everyone would be so much happier if you didn’t exist” they al thought I was trash. They hurt me too, sometimes she got them into triggering me too (from previous trauma/ptsd). They said I was being overdramatized, “stop faking it”, and stuff. When I tried to tell them about how she raped and touched me they wouldn’t believe me, and even if they did they didn’t react well. I remember being told “Are you serious?! First you accuse her of abuse, now this?! You monster.” “She did that?? Good for her, you had it coming, b****” “Stop lying girls can’t rape girls” “Didn’t you mention orgasming in response?? You must’ve wanted it then, you’re being so ridiculous”. I tried to show them the bruises and cuts I got from her hitting me, or giving examples of what she said to me that hit my feelings, and they’d think I was making it up, that the scars were fake, or that I did it to myself for “proof”. My boyfriend’s the first person to react nicely to it, and I’m still kinda waiting for him to suddenly hate me for it. I was able to convince one person. One person. I thought I would finally get away, it’d finally be okay, I would be safe. Then I watched her get convinced I was lying by her again. Every time I tried to tell her she’d do one of her “punishments”. Raping me, beating me up, choking me, making me watch her beat up the othe girl she abused with me until she was unconscious and even past then, triggering me, cutting me.. At some point I realized they’d never believe me and it’d cause me less pain to just shut up. I still kinda feel like they’re right and I did deserve it, and that I am being over dramatic. But maybe deep down I know I’m not, since I put victim blaming in the TW. My boyfriend says that it’s not and she lied to me, but I’m stil so confused. She continuously gaslighted me into thinking that it was my fault and I made her do it, that I wanted it, etc. etc. I don’t really know anymore
(Lyric)
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ptsd
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That is all. Read my other posts if you want to know how and why I ended up like this.
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aspergers
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I’m 19f and I was diagnosed with MDD when I was 14, because I’m a survivor of CSA. I’ve been in therapy since and most of the time I’ve been doing ok.
Last year my mother kicked me out of the house (which is a totally different story) and I moved in with my boyfriend and our roommates. We’re all pretty good friends and understand boundaries, except for “Alex” (21nb). I’ve tried to get along with them but they’re always making jokes about being depressed and how No one here understands what it’s like to actually have anxiety. They’ve also said me and my boyfriend are Theirs and their partners children and vernal comments about our ages. It hurts a lot not to be respected where I live.
They made a comment a couple days ago about my outfit looking childish when I felt rather cute. It really made a mark on me and I asked my boyfriend if I looked silly. He said yeah a little but He didn’t really care much. I just sent my spirits really low as I pretty much just wear jeans and t shirts every day and wanted to feel pretty. I don’t feel like getting dressed today and my hairs been scraggly all day. I just feel defeated again. I know I’ll get past it logically but I just feel to tired to even try… sorry for this rant and for wasting your couple of minutes.
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depression
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The post I was reading had nothing to do with anything, just someone speaking on their past. I then remembered that as a kid, I too had multiple nosebleeds a week at times. I still occasionally get them but not to the extent of when I was young. I'm posting it here because I clearly remember a time when I was young and getting yelled at when I start crying and bam, nosebleed. Things would have escalated had it not been for the fountain that turned on in my face. I know a few other times where high stress triggered them as well. Now that I'm in a good place and much older, I only get them while sick.
Has anyone else had stress induced nosebleeds?
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ptsd
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Hi, so I have been seeing a therapist since August and it's CBT. I have noticed that it's not helping me at all. And in last session she made a comment saying "just get over it.. you don't have to think about it" in a polite manner but.. I just went???
She said she thinks I have awareness about myself. I have an understanding of myself and we keep talking about same things again and again and how I am not trying to put efforts from my end.
I want to be able to find a trauma informed therapist. And hopefully quickly get to an alternative treatment plan because talking about it.. doesn't really help me much..
Edit: so to give better context on my trauma
TW for ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP
-I discovered that the man I was with was actually hiding a child from me, lied about his age, ethnicity, profession and educational background.
Lied about his grandparent's death. His black friend's death. Other traumatic instances knowing death was a sensitive subject to me after my father passed away.
- would constantly keep me in an anxious cycle with indirect threats of suicide, his mother being hospitalized, sister overdosing, news about his grandma passing away.. and I discovered all of them were just lies. He just got a kick out of it or my panic attacks and anxiety were some form of affirmation to him.
- he discarded me for having exams.. and then I discovered that this man actually serially sexually exploits multiple women with lies about himself. He was stalking his exes on fake accounts. Made multiple fake accounts. Had multiple numbers. Has multiple phones. Had also tried to get nudes from a 17 yo posing as a 18 yo. And it put me in a state of shock..
Because I was with this man, he proposed to me.. I was just a sexual tool.. he actually had another woman and a 4 yo with her.
His sister's boyfriend was also a gang member serving jail time.
And my paranoia about him has been really really bad.
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ptsd
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I often watch NTs socialize with each other even strangers and it’s really easy for them to become friends and get a long with each other, however when I try to socialize or communicate with people including people in my own age group they look at me like I grew a second head or i’m an alien from another planet.
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aspergers
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I'm gonna buy a guitar tomorrow because I've always wanted to play acoustic, but I never did because *he* wanted me to. I want a guitar and I want to play but the thought that it would make him happy makes me sick. should I do it? can I play without it being tied to him? I've been arguing with myself for days
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ptsd
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Hi friends! I recently was admitted/released to a mental hospital due to suicidal ideation/thoughts of self harm. While in the hospital I was diagnosed with OCD which is the first time I’ve been diagnosed. I’ve had a suspicion about having OCD for a while, first hOCD(gay OCD) then rOCD, but I don’t think that I am currently going through that as my harm OCD is different than how many people discuss it to be. I wanted a second opinion because I’m worried that I said things to convince the Dr of OCD bc I didn’t want my feelings/thoughts to be real. When I feel negative emotions or stress/anxiety I get a tension type of feeling or crawling feeling under the skin of my wrists. I assume this is what self harm urges feel like. I have never acted on them but feel like I want to in the moment to make them go away. I don’t want to hurt myself, I just want to feel better and in the moment that’s what I think will fix it, so I feel like I want to. I’ve been feeling hopeless about this and sad that I’m experiencing this so I can’t determine if it’s OCD or depression. The psych said OCD but I don’t know if I trust that diagnoses. Has anybody with harm OCD felt this way? I’m able to be around knives but when I’m in a really bad place or “crisis mode” I always give my SO my extra meds and knives and make sure he is with me watching me. Thanks everybody. Much love 💕
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OCD
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I'm 24, with a diagnosis of PTSD and BPD.
I have multiple traumas, at ages 3, 14, 18-20.
I keep getting affected by it still.
And they happened so many years ago that I should be over it.
But I still get flashbacks, nightmares, paranoia, dissociation ect.
And it feels like I shouldn't be getting all these symptoms.
My sister, who was 2 at the time, witnessed my first trauma and she is completely fine.
I'm just so frustrated and done.
I wish I wasnt like this, i just want to be normal.
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ptsd
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I have a hyperfixation on Final Fantasy XIV. It's the only thing I can think about and not being able to play it makes me feel very bored. I have ADHD (and autism) and it's pretty much the only thing that keeps my mental health good. Because of college I can't play it, especially on weekends or time off. I still live with my parents (I'm 18) and they won't let me sub until I'm out of school. I was hoping I could maybe resub in Christmas break, hoping I could get the newest expansion, Endwalker.
It's pretty much the only thing that's on my mind, and I just constantly think about playing it. I even cried in the school bathroom (and cracked my phone) once because I can't play it, and I don't want to wait until June so I can play it again. Does anyone else also have this problem of not being able to partake in hyperfixations? Any tips would be appreciated! <3
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ADHD
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Can we just acknowledge how much self-hate OCD brings?
Like you see all these posts and tik-toks about loving yourself. However a lot of our themes are based around being “bad people”. And that sucks. Because for a neuro-typical person, it is much easier to say “oh yes I’m gonna love myself” and then try to look past insecurities and issues that they have.
But with the OCD brain, what the hell are you supposed to do when every time you say “ok I’m gonna love and accept myself” but your brain says “yeah but how could you do that if you’re faulty in such a way?”.
And along with it comes fears of these thoughts lasting forever, wondering if your fears really are true and your brain just. Wont. Let. Go.
Loving yourself is not easy when you have OCD. Every act of self-love becomes a disciplined choice. Having to say “yes I am flawed, I am a terrible person, but I will take care of myself anyway”.
Stay strong, fellow sufferers. I am with you x
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OCD
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it's my terrible genetics, i can't stand my stress. I'm thin like a toothpick.
so I have the possibility of being the son of an autistic person as well, i suffer twice as much.
anyone who looks at me already knows that I am infinitely far from being a human and having a normal life. so I'm not going to blame myself much.
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aspergers
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I read somewhere that long ago people with ocd where held in high regard because of their hunting prowess and where great military genrels but I can't find it for the life of me
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OCD
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It has been this way for about 15 years, progressively getting worse. I have been on many different medications and I have done therapy. Nothing really seems to work. I think I am just fucked. Everyone is correct in the decision to abandon me because I am helpless. Even my own mother tries to duck out of these conversations. My many years of substance abuse has justified their ideas that my suffering is self imposed, when in hindsight and after research, it's just a common way for people like me to escape their thoughts. That's actually why I started because the drugs put me to sleep. I have absolutely refuse to have children because I will not pass this defective genetic code onto a new life, knowing my luck, they'll be a school shooter or serial killer. My doctors question my symptoms and tell me they don't know how to help. I love cutting myself. I would love to do something extreme like light myself on fire and jump off a building. Or get a bunch of balloons to fly me away before shooting myself in the head. We're all incredibly lucky that all my hatred, rejection, and dissatisfaction is inward. My doctors always let out a sign of relief when I tell them I have no homicidal tendencies. I want to kill myself to prove to the world, "hey guys, been telling you there's something wrong with me, I would have allowed you to try novel treatments on me, but now I'm splattered on the ground and you bet your ass I didn't get my assets in order so that's another mess some one else can deal with."
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depression
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This is what actually makes me feel crazy. When I'm alone or in my own house I swear out loud telling my thoughts to go away, i.e. 'shut the fk up'.
Or what's worse is that I have the compulsion to give the middle finger (basically to my mind) out of frustration.
Does anyone else do this? I seriously can't help it sometimes.
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OCD
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I have obsessed over three fucking things this week. The first obsession nearly drove me to fucking suicide. The second somehow manifested from the first and then all of a sudden the first obsession came back which then something similar to that second obsession welcomed itself into my head. I. Can't. Take. This. Anymore. No, I have not been diagnosed however I've struggled with obsessive thinking for well over 2 years now. I also do certain things compulsively such as twisting the knobs on the cooker to make sure the house doesn't have a gas leak then worrying I didn't thoroughly check so then I go back and twist them again. Then making sure all the sockets are turned off incase of a fire then if picking stuff off the floor incase someone trips and dies. It first started with taking over an hour in the shower because I didn't feel clean enough when I was about 10-12. And from that it's spiralled into twisting fucking knobs for hobs and turning light switches off. I used to suffer terribly with intrusive thoughts and I think I still do. The amount of things I have obsessed over. There is a list longer than my arm. My parents say " oh you don't have OCD you don't clean enough". Honestly I fucking give up at this point. I believe every thought that pops into my head and for that reason I want to fucking kill myself. And then I try to rationalise my thoughts but then I think "well only a bad person would try and worm their way out of the truth". I envy those who have perfect mental health compared to me. That may sound ignorant as fuck but I couldn't care less. Like the odd person I know will feel anxious from time to time but they don't contemplate killing themselves after every minor inconvenience and thought that enters their head. They don't fall into a depressive state BECAUSE OF ONE FUCKING THOUGHT TO ONLY MOVE ONTO ANOTHER FUCKING ONE THE NEXT FUCKING DAY. 3 fucking obsessions in one week. 3?!!!!!!!! It's nearly sunday. I swear I was doing fine until this week.
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OCD
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I feel hopeless...I have been depressed for seven, nearly eight years now and sometimes (for a few months) I will believe things are looking up for me, making friends and having a romantic partner, only to end up alone again, feeling debilitatingly lonely, lasting years. We are social creatures and there's a difference between "loving alone time" and "feeling lonely." And I just can't help but feel hopeless, yeah things may get better again, but will it ever stay better or even okay?? I am tired with life giving me false hope about things only to be fooled over and over again. I am losing hope that I will ever feel okay, that I will ever have genuine friends and parter.
I may be young, but these past few years have felt so long, I feel my spirit has aged with pain yet my mind is still behind compared to others my age. I am so tired.
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depression
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I hurt a lot of people. Sexual harassment of multiple women over an extended period of time. I got caught. Confronted and expelled by my university 3 weeks after I would have graduated.
And I don’t make excuses. I fucked up on a massive scale and nobody but myself gets to own that. I can’t blame it on someone or something else.
And I don’t deserve to be happy. Why should I get to live? Why should I get to be happy? I hurt them more than I can ever fix. I should spend every single day of the rest of my life feeling guilty.
And maybe that’s why I wished I could just die. If I wouldn’t hurt my parents, I’d be dead by morning. But they’re here, so I am too. I can’t hurt them any more.
I plan my suicide. I know what I’d need to do it, and I could do it without a problem. I write the letters I’d leave behind in my head while I lie awake at night. And the only common theme I come back to is that I deserve this. I deserve what I’ve got coming for me. I don’t know what it is, but if there’s life after death I am utterly fucked.
I hate myself. I hate what I did. I hate myself for what I did. Those aren’t negotiable. I can’t let myself have any joy in life because I didn’t deserve any. I’m nothing but a horrible, worthless, harassing douchebag with no redeemable qualities.
I’m so sorry for everything. The threats, the pictures, everything. But no amount of words will ever fix what I did to you. I’m so sorry.
I hope I just don’t wake up. I don’t care why. I just don’t want it to go on any longer. Life is horrible and I’ve got no interest in living it.
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depression
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I have religion OCD(islam) I fucking hate it. Please dont post about your religion on the comment section. It makes my intrusive thoughts worse. Anyone know how to handle this? I have never been to therapy before.
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OCD
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Hello.
I am an 18 year old male with Aspergers. Through years of growing pains and therapy, many of the social ramifications of Aspergers are behind me. However, one thing that has stuck with me is extreme challenge keeping focus, especially on academic tasks. In this post, I will detail a brief overview of my life as it pertains to the topic, as well as some of the broad questions I have concerning my future.
When I was a child, it very infrequently felt like I was truly good enough for my parents. I was hard for them to handle, and clearly wasn't the kind of child they wanted. My little brother, who thankfully has no condition, was always regarded higher than me. I was never really able to do enough by them to make them happy with me, which would only prove more true in time.
I was homeschooled for a very long period, with high school being the first real point in my life where I was around a lot of people my age. It was extremely difficult to start, but I eventually learned to socialize pretty well. During my Junior year, I took some more difficult, college-level classes. During these, I noticed that my peers would catch on to topics much more easily and quickly, and were able to maintain focus for longer.
Now I have an entry-level job in the service industry, and am trying to get some basic classes done for college. I've began to realize over the past few years that I will likely never be able to achieve 'success', at least academically, in the ways others can. It is extremely difficult, and I just can't get through it. I have also begun to realize that I may never see 'success' as others define it. My life may be defined by a lifestyle that's 'good enough', or by accomplishments that don't really contribute to much.
I am really unsure how to deal with all this. I am not at risk of self harm in any way, but it's hard some days to not feel like I shouldn't have been born. I was dealt a bad hand, and will probably see the effects of that for the rest of my life. I really am unsure what to do at this point, and don't really have anyone who could give me a solid answer. Thank you for reading what I have to say.
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aspergers
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I’m in my first year of college, and I’m only in 3 classes. My mom wanted me to take more, but I didn’t even want to do the ones I am taking. When classes first started I swore up and down I would get my shit done and not have to scrape by like I did last year to graduate high school. Now I’m missing tons of assignments and have even gotten a zero on a test. I think I’m past the point of even being able to pass my classes just purely from the amount of work I have missing, and I know that college is not nearly as forgiving as high school. Every time I sit down to at least attempt to do my homework, I’ll either do one question at a time with 15 minutes of being on TikTok in between each one, or cry because I feel incapable of being able to concentrate. Sometimes it gets so bad I feel like a toddler throwing a fit because I can’t force myself to do the work— it’s frustrating because I know I can do it theoretically, but it’s like I’m being paralyzed by my own head. I’m somehow emotionally exhausted from not doing anything. I just want to be able to function normally :(
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ADHD
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Been in a therapy program for 10w now and it has helped greatly. I have the best therapist, he is so nice and understanding. He listens to everything I say and has done a great job. I am about to drop down to only three hours a day and I’m kinda scared. I feel like i haven’t told my therapist everything at times because there’s two things that I haven’t talked about with him.
First one is, I’m pretty sure I have depression. I am never really happy, most of the time I have to fake it so people don’t think I am sad. The majority of the time (in therapy) I fake it because I can’t feel happy for real. Sometimes I do but not all the time. I don’t want to tell my therapist because I am afraid he will label me with depression.
Second thing is, I’m pretty sure I have depersonalization/derealization. I always have problems with thinking I am not the same person as I was two years ago before my anxiety got bad. I also feel like I’m in a dream constantly and sometimes when I talk to people I have thoughts as of what if I’m not real. What if this is fake and I’m a robot. I’m so scared to bring that up because he might diagnose me with it.
I tried to bring it up yesterday in our session but he acted like he didn’t know what I was talking about. He kept on going back to my ocd and saying like those are intrusive thoughts. I got nervous because I thought he might not know about dpdr and so I dropped the topic. Of course he would know, he’s a therapist but I just got scared.
I need advice. If you were in this situation and too scared to be diagnosed with anything else what would you do?
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OCD
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When I start conversation with a girl, they get very happy with my talk and feelings.
After that, and while the conversation goes further, they miss understand something of what I say. Then get very angry and still angry whatever I say to explain what I mean.
So, Why do they get mad at me and don’t listen and understand what I mean when they get mad?
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aspergers
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I have recently been considering I have undiagnosed Asperger's. And one of the issues I deal with is a knee jerk anger if I feel someone is being dismissive with me, condescending, or otherwise disrespectful towards me. I constantly feel I have to reign myself in or else I'll say or do something that will have consequences for me later. But that only makes me feel powerless which makes me even more angry. Does anyone else with Asperger's find themselves in a similar scenario?
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aspergers
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I don't get visually distracted, nor by sounds... It's not in the senses (which would be more ADHDish).
I may have something random trigger the daydreaming, but after that it's all happening in my head. 24/7 my head does not shut up. Overplanning what to say, reviving old conversations, reading back and forth an e-mail I'm writing... I'm not a dumb person, but as I don't deliver (very low productivity), I'm always the worst in the room in pretty much anything.
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ADHD
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When I was in high school, I was in love with my 50-year-old teacher. We are both female. She consumed every space in my mind for almost 4 years. She was the only thing I thought about. Something about her attracted me, and I fell in love when she was nice to me and noticed me more, like always saying my name, smiling at me, giving me compliments, noticing I grew taller, bragging about dancing with me at the dances. I even thought she was a lesbian and was in love with me because of her interactions with me. I replayed different scenarios in my head, like my interactions with her in person, and also fantasies. I built this fantasy about her in my head, like we were together. I have never been in a relationship, been kissed, or had sex to remain faithful to her. I turned down guys and never dated anyone in high school, and even now.
I was so in love to the point where I could not stand being away from her for so long, and during the summer I did not know how I was going to survive without seeing her. So I purposely failed a class on purpose twice just so I could take a summer class, just so I could see her. And even during the summers when I didn't take a class, she was all I thought about for 3 months. I yearned for her. All I thought was when I will see her again. I was also very jealous. I know she was divorced and had kids. The thought of her kissing or having sex with somebody killed me. I wanted her all to myself. Every time I saw her interact with so many students right in front of me, it was very difficult for me to deal with and I couldn't handle it. She wasn't the only one this has happened to, this happened for a few others as well whom I was in love with but was never in a relationship with, and they were all women older than me.
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depression
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I never thought I would be here, but here I am. I'm so tired of everyone's overall complete lack of empathy for others regarding everything. For almost my whole life, I have always enjoyed the things I liked on my own as I was always much more comfortable without others, just minding my own passions and ideas because there was almost nobody in my life who ever had the same interests and/or ideas as me.
I just don't understand for why is everyone so obsessed with acting horrible to others, like what do you even gain from that? It blows my mind to see everyone else laughing everyday meanwhile I'm just sitting there minding my own business wondering where did I go so wrong, as to why does everyone has someone or something that they can relate to meanwhile I am always the only one who has to deal with these things that no one else does.
I have very few people in my life that I can deeply relate with, but those people are from another country and I only see them a few hours once per week IF I am lucky. And to top it all off, I'll also be moving to another country where I'll probably never see them often like once per 1-2 weeks ever again.
I genuinely just do not understand what did I do wrong. It feels like everyone else is just much more successful and happy than me overall and here I am, wondering where did I go so wrong.
For years, I've argued with people on such moral topics on social relationship matters, but what is even the point if there's barely anyone even looking at you when you say hello?
Even the more frustrating part is that YOU are instantly the villain the moment you do not meet their standards as they make you the outcast who no one talks with. It's really funny cause If I chose to be myself they would do the exact same either way.
I don't want to sound too prideful, but it really sometimes feels like I'm the only one who knows the ''truth of life'' meanwhile the rest are just idiots (yes, I meant that) who are simply too blind and ignorant to be willing to be kind to each other in this already cruel world that ruins us everyday enough. I'm not claiming to know that I know everything in life as life has no specific meaning, but you get my point.
Sorry guys, having a bad day where everything comes on top of each other.
/rant
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depression
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TL;DR: Just thanking everyone who posts because it has been extremely helpful for someone who has been recently diagnosed. Thank you so much.
Hi everyone. This is my first post. I'm not big on sharing, but I've been lurking for a couple of months now. After years of trying to find help for what ailed me I finally found a mental health professional who was equipped to help. She not only recognised I needed trauma therapy, but diagnosed me with PTSD.
This was only back in December so very recent. While I was relieved I've also been overwhelmed. Trying to come to grips with everything at the same time as trying to figure out what traits I exhibit are part of myself and what are actual behaviours due to years of trauma and symptoms of PTSD has been confusing.
I have a wonderful partner and friends, but this has been a very isolating journey for me. I don't really feel I can speak to those I know about it. Trying to talk to someone about disassociating, for instance, was frustrating
While I would prefer none of us had to go through any of these things, I'm glad we're not alone. I wanted to thank everyone who has had the courage to share their experiences and to ask questions. It makes me feel less alone and helps me to understand what is going on with my brain.
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ptsd
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If anyone wants to DM right now please do because I kinda need it
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ptsd
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Every time I come out of a depressive episode, I find myself back in sooner or later. Sometimes i won’t feel depressed for a minute and sometimes for months, but it always comes back. I’m not even looking forward to coming out of this episode because I know that it doesn’t matter - I’ll always end up back here
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depression
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..to get depressed when you expose too much of yourself? whether it be socials or real life. I just deleted everyone off my socials. I’m isolating shutting the world out hoping I can feel better if I live in my own bubble.
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depression
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It becomes somewhat of an obsession to collect, categorize, and organize.
In Terraria, it was collecting every armor set, vanity set, vanity item, and boss items. I made a spreadsheet of every item and put them in different categories. Then I made a massive building with display spots for every single one of those items with signs above them labeling what each thing was.
In Borderlands 2 it was getting every pearlescent, seriph, and legendary weapon in the game even though I wasn’t going to even use 90% of them. I had a spreadsheet for that too.
In rocket league it was collecting obscure sets of items. I would collect sets of various painted wheels with the “Tactician” certification on them like Zombas, photons, discotheques, and I spent more time on getting those then playing the actual game. Oh, and I have many color coded spreadsheets for those too.
I’ve done this with most games I’ve played that have a loot/ item system in them. Does anyone else here do that?
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aspergers
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It is currently 1:25 a.m. and im still not in bed. In fact, I know I’m not going to sleep anytime soon because I just put my favourite show on lol *smh*
And I have to be up at 5:45 am tomorrow. Or today, rather. Really I have to be up in 4 hours. So basically I’m not going to sleep tonight.
Any advice on how I can start winding down sooner in my evening? I always find that I relax more at night because I can let my mind hyperfocus on anything it wants to without feeling guilty about it.
What has helped you get to bed early?
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ADHD
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I’m a 17 year old and I’ve been suffering with having a song stuck in my head for three years. It’s difficult living with myself and I feel like it’s my fault for allowing this to happen. No matter what I do, despite it being hobbies and such, I can‘t seem to shrug it off, and I feel utterly hopeless. There’s been only a few days over the span of these years where I didn’t manage to think of it, but it would always come back. I feel like my mental health and sanity has progressively deteriorated because of this and I can‘t process my emotions or properly focus like I used to. It’s caused me to develop a thinking habit that I can‘t pull myself out of. I‘ve become more isolated with my peers and even my family, and I can’t help but feel ashamed of myself. I find myself ruminating over opportunities I missed because of my crippled state of mind and how it would’ve been different had this not happened. I know this sounds childish, but I don’t know what I can do. I’ve tried meditating, accepting it, but I don’t understand why this tune keeps playing over and over and I feel like I’ve gone in too deep. I’ve had trouble opening up to this considering many would think I’m lying about how intrusive this is. But I’m extremely anxious that I may have to live like this for the rest of my life and I’ve considered getting professional help. Do you think this is quite possibly OCD?
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OCD
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Nothing special, just a boring story (my life)
I was a happy kid till i was 14, but then something bad happened with my body, i couldn't walk like everyone, i started limping and one step felt like a hammer to the knees and ankles. After a few months like this, my classmates started making fun of me cuz of how i walk, they pushed me and sometimes grabbed my hand and started running, even tho they knew my legs hurt. I started crying after coming home and acted like i was normal in school, after a few more months like this, mom saw me crying in the kitchen and she asked me what's wrong, i told her about my legs. She took me to a medical store and that guy made me take calcium pills for three months, no effect at all. My father and brother called me a liar and they thought i was pretending, mom got tired of me crying eventually and yelled at me for that. I learned to live with this physical pain, but i cried cuz i felt so lonely, after a few more months i couldn't handle it, so i started cutting myself and it felt kinda good, i fell in love with a guy online who helped me, but he left me after a whole month of talking and all (he never came online again and his last message was "i don't know what to do anymore"), it was clear as day that something bad happened. After that, my mom saw my hand full of cuts, she took me to a doctor and they told her to admit me, but she refused and took me back home. After a few more days, she dragged me to her birth place (i hate that place) even tho i was crying, my mental health was getting worse there and i wanted to die ofc, they forced me to do rituals cuz they thought I'm possessed (they still do cuz they're idiots), i tried to run away cuz i couldn't take it anymore and they abused me (mom's father and brother dragged me on the floor and slammed while i screamed and cried) and she just stood there watching and crying, i couldn't understand what she was thinking cuz she never told them to stop, fast forward a few more days, they called me crazy and useless and all that, i drank some med bottles and sanitizer, but i survived (unfortunately), they took me back here and now I'm fucked up, cuz I'm scared of everyone and i have gender dysphoria which makes everything worse, i don't feel safe here and I'm planning to end it soon (but i probably won't cuz I'm a coward)
that's all ig, thank you for reading this post/title
Have a nice day/night :D
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depression
|
I was lucky enough to survive a terrible car accident four days ago where some idiot ran a very stale red light, where my car was totaled & I was beat to hell physically. I forced myself out of the car. I’m having flashbacks; remembrance of the actual experience, scent oriented surrounding burning/airbag smells, & any movement in my peripheral view making my heart race. I’m also having forehead burning pain most of the day, I believe neuralgia due to the airbag/whiplash, as well as constant migraines. I’d truly appreciate any advice that someone who has been through similar could provide. I can’t sleep & I love driving & the freedom it gives me. I don’t want to let some idiot take that away from me.
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ptsd
|
I am crippled by contamination OCD.
I feel dirty. I cannot leave the house without immediately showering when coming back in. Meaning I can’t leave the house and when I’m out, I can’t come back in. I have to wash my clothes immediately. I must avoid touching things in the house before showering. If I did touch something, I cannot touch it again. I avoid parts of the house as those feel contaminated. Pretty much live in one room. Cleaning means another shower. Showers are tedious and can last up to an hour. Sometimes I’ll get out and get back in.
I always had underlying OCD behaviours but they were manageable. Being overly neat and clean, avoided touching certain things and often took two showers a day. But showers were of normal duration. Since last May (all the COVID scaremongering about virus living on surfaces, leaving stuff outside for days, disinfecting shoes - I snapped), I can’t even go out to get a package at the door without showering. I’ve lost it. And I’m an intelligent guy…I know damn well that none of this makes sense. Yet, there is a physiological response. Sensation of my skin crawling, I can feel it, like a skin itch or goosebumps but it’s all over, my hair. Only way to calm it is to shower. I do laundry constantly. Even touching the clothes and machines I have to wash my hands again - if I’m lucky - otherwise it’s another shower.
I need help but don’t even know where to start. Been taking Escitalopram and while it might have worked at first, it can’t be helping much all considered. I can’t keep this up. I’m caving.
I live alone and I feel like this makes it worse. No support, no one here to talk me down.
Is anyone else living like this? If so then maybe we can help each other.
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OCD
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Is there any relationship between Asperger's and Low Latent Inhibition?
Only understanding things that can be split into small parts/details in mind and not grasping the others could be about Asperger's or Low Latent Inhibition?
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aspergers
|
It’s that time of the year again where i’m finding myself dragging my heels n feeling sorry for myself. I live in the cold ass midwest so going outdoors for long periods of time isn’t my dig yfm. I’ve been taking vitamin D to make up for what’s lost from the sun but yk a dude still feeling bummed. Thanks for any help btw !
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depression
|
I’ve been incredibly suicidal lately, and have been searching for something to keep me alive. Nothing makes me happy anymore. I was raped recently, I was raped a lot as a child, I got pregnant from the recent rape and had to have an abortion, and I had to have a rape kit done. Just being alive hurts. So I made this diagram of things to do instead. Take from it what you will! I hope it might give someone some tools, or a laugh at my shitty drawings. I really appreciate you all, you’ve all been a huge help in keeping me alive:)
[things to do to stay alive](https://imgur.com/a/UemOL1T)
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ptsd
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I'm depressed for a very long time and I have noone to talk with as the people around me only text, calls me when they need something same goes with girls. I really need people to share my feelings and problem with but I think I just need to let it go. I've completely became emotionless. Recently my father had a stroke and I didn't felt any emotion. I want to cry my feelings out but I think it's really hard for me to cry
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depression
|
This is just driving me insane at this point, about 2 years ago i made a post on r/offmychest on another account about how scared i am of becoming a murderer one day and the majority of the comments i got there were just.. you probably have ocd and all that or it's probably just a weird fantasy you might have.
That didn't really help because 2 years later i'm still here panicking about it.
I feel like a very sick person because of it.
It even got to a point where i watched some creepy documentaries about serial killers and started comparing myself to them.. thinking about it like..oh yea i also did that when i was 10 or oh i also have anxiety issues, why do we have that in common?... etc
To clarify why this bothers me so much, when i usually go to the store for example .. i'll often think to myself.. 'what would happen if i stabbed someone'
And then later on have an entire episode where i freak out about it because i'm just constantly thinking to myself "why tf did i just think about THAT"
I don't ever wanna hurt someone but having these random things pop up in my head makes me worry... what if i eventually become a murderer, is that how those things usually start?
It's come to a point where i'm always gonna worry about something and even think to myself 'why do people even trust me'
I don't feel normal...this definitely doesn't feel normal and i don't know how to get my mind off it.
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OCD
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To clear somethings up I haven't been diagnosed but how I think and going through the symptoms with my therapist it's basically confirmed I have Aspergers. I'm not planning to change my life in any way. But I want to ask everyone else who has it. Do you ever feel that emptiness in your heart that is best describes as a void. Even if have someone if you love. If so how do you deal with it.
I distracted myself so that feeling doesn't drive me mad. It has push into thinking of suicide many times.
However, I never take another step since, I think what's the point or i think it doesn't matter. I think living is less troublesome so that's why I'm still here. I'm okay though I have a lot of family that keeps me going. I want to if everyone else feels the same or similar.
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aspergers
|
F 31 not diagnosed yet although my therapist is 90% sure I have it.
Can't be diagnosed yet due to suffering through a psychosis early this year. They say I can't get formally diagnosed with anything at least a year after a psychotic episode as psychosis itself can show symptoms of many different disorders.
I have struggled with pretty much everything since I was around 13-14. But I am a very neat person so my house is not a mess, i can do my laundry, i can read a book(struggling a lot tho) and i can draw for example and somewhat enjoy it (if im not fighting with depression). Work-wise I have also been quite successful in my life before the aforementioned psychotic break. I've been able to build a career from nothing but looking back all of it has taken such a toll on me and the effort needed to do all of this is something i can't describe. In the end I just blew everything up because I couldn't control my emotions at work anymore.
My life feels like climbing Mount Everest every single day.
And in the end my brain just gave up...
I am pretty sure that I have ADHD, my therapist is sure, but my SO's brother who works as a nurse in a mental hospital is not so sure. Talking to him made me really question if I have it or not.. i.e he said "you are drawing, reading, making your bed hence you can focus, you wouldn't be able to do these things whilst having adhd".
Is that a common misconception?
How many of you who are diagnosed are functioning (with extra effort, coping mechanisms) without being medicated?
Anyone dealt with psychosis as well?
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ADHD
|
I swear to god I just want to go up to them and slap the shit out of them
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aspergers
|
I've always wanted to make music. I always shut down. This is hell
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ptsd
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Idk why I'm posting this. I said something to someone that referenced a conversation that was already buried/in the past. The situation kinda blew up and now I'm a Karen. Things are quieter now, though I prob made some un-friends. And I feel like bringing up having ASD would just come off as an excuse/cliche, because I feel like some people say they think someone is "on the spectrum" whenever they think that person is awkward.
When I remember something clearly, it doesn't *feel* like a long time ago, but also I don't know when something needs to not be brought up, or when it's been to long, or how to not say something that turns me into "the bad guy." (Also how to word things without offending people.)
I wasn't diagnosed with ASD until my late teens because I knew how to be quiet and test well in school. (Same with not knowing I had ADHD and a reading disability until college.) It's frustrating being put up to the same standards as someone without ASD, but it also doesn't feel good to be put to the same standard as someone who was ever treated for it (also with my other diagnoses: I'm struggling in grad school because of losing my brief access to ADHD meds, among other health problems).
Ugh. I'm a Karen. I've never been called that before. I was literally being the opposite extreme of what Karen means. Not that I can ever bring up being called a Karen under any circumstance, it sounds like it has to be water under the bridge, even when it still hurts.
**I'd rather not bring up the sentence I said, I don't want to start more kerfuffle.**
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aspergers
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If you are mentality abusing someone please hit them.ive had half my face hanging off I've had brain injuries I've had teeth knocked out I've done MMA and boxing for years but absolutely nothing compares to the mental torture my soul had to endure thinking I was in fact weak if you hit the person that can help them understand it's not them and they need to get away from you a punch would justify getting help
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ptsd
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From what I've read, depression involves not enjoying things you've once enjoyed. I've come to a point where it feels like music is the only thing keeping me sane and alive, and I quite enjoy listening to music, it's the only thing that can give me a sense of genuine happiness.
I've talked to a therapist before (not my personal therapist, someone who is a therapist but it wasn't an appointment/part of their job to talk to me or anything) and I was told that I likely have major depressive disorder. That being said, it's not like I'm diagnosed since I just talked to a therapist once, but I do feel that depression, or at least depressive symptoms, feelings and emotions have taken over my life in the past 4-5 years.
But back to the point, there are days when I have sparks of happiness with those around me, but it just doesn't feel genuine. It feels temporary and kind of forced because I don't want to drain people out by being emotionless all the time. Music is the only thing making me happy at times, depending on what I listen to, but yeah.
So, is it still depression if I still enjoy one thing, besides the fact that it's keeping me alive?
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depression
|
I actually don't want to resent my family but anytime I start to feel a sense of normality, someone just does something triggering. They know I have PTSD, but I don't know how to tell them that certain things they listen to or talk about just ruin my day, I literally feel like I am about to explode. I feel rage that I have not control over my triggers and also just disappointed in myself for not telling my family about what triggers me.
Honesty, I don't know how I can live like this. One minute everything is fine, then one tiny sound or topic takes me back to that very time. I feel helpless.
Any advice on coping mechanisms?
I honestly am trying my best to find a way out of my home to create some space and distance because I can't live like this anymore.
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ptsd
|
For the past week I haven’t been able to sleep properly, most nights i sleep so lightly it feels like I haven’t slept at all and tonight I just can’t fall asleep altogether. I think this was triggered by using a vape before bed and my medication dosage being hired, both of which made me feel anxious and convinced me they would affect my sleep. I stopped using the vape and medication but I still couldn’t sleep and I think it’s just the stress that’s keeping me awake. I cant even do meditations because my mind just won’t stop buzzing and my body feels so highly strung I cant relax. I’m taking melatonin too and nothing seems to work.
My question is, how can I stop stressing about not being able to sleep every night and just relax myself before bed? I can’t stop thinking about it all day and it’s seriously taking a toll on my mental health.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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OCD
|
hello ! i never normally post on here but this has been bothering me for some time & i finally worked up the courage to post it.
so i have a lot of time related ocd (e.g. if you don’t do this by a certain time something bad will happen). most of the time i will complete the initial task my brain gives me, but whenever i know i’m not going to be able to complete it in the given time i’ll start negotiating.
things like ‘okay there’s no way i can do this task on time, however i could do this more difficult task instead if you scrap the previous one’ & my brain usually says okay. sometimes i have to negotiate 2, 3 times before i can actually complete a task & idk it just makes me feel like i’m faking my ocd. if i really had it surely i’d do everything in my power to complete the first task ?
maybe everyone has had this & maybe not, but this community has made me feel like i wasn’t alone in the loneliest of times & hopefully i can make someone feel that same way with this post.
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OCD
|
I really need some advice fellow Redditor’s. Or maybe people have similar stories they would like to share.
So a bit of background I (17) have struggled with depression through my teenage hood. It got pretty bad when I was 14 and I completely dropped out of school for a year and went basically no contact with anyone. When I was 15 I tried to get back into education however it only lasted a few months before I dropped out again for another year. However my life started to get better in 2020 due to covid (which really suck due to how bad the whole world condition was) I started talking to my friends more and playing games together as they were also at home and also due to covid I got GCSEs ( basically I was a GCSE student but was not at school from year 10 to year 11, but I did go back to school for those 2 months and during those months was mock exams. I didn’t do spectacular but I did get passes in the core subjects. Due to this I got my predicted GCSE grade)
So when the new school year came I decided to take a year to resit 4 GCSEs as I didn’t feel like I earned the ones I got and want to do Math at a level and I needed a higher grade. This went really well for me and was the first time I had completed school year since 2017. I had been put on the right medication and was leaving the house 4 days a week.
Now the problem I have is that I started my alevels this fall and it wasn’t going really well for me. I didn’t like one of my subject and I had no friends at this collage as well as my transport took about 3 hours a day and I was going 5 days a week. All of this overwhelmed me and I have been of school for the past 6 weeks. I hit a really bad point where I was eating less than 200 calories a day and not taking care of myself at all but thankfully I got out of that. But I am still not in school and am so miserable (these breaks are not by choice I love school so much and just want to be a normal person but I just can help and spiral)
I don’t know how long this will last and generally thought my life was getting better. Does anyone know why this happens? I know a few people diagnosed with depression but when they go through rough patches they just suck it up and continue life it is so admirable and I don’t know why I can’t do that. Does anyone have any advice on to get back into society, at this point I don’t care about feeling better I just want to be a normal person. I can’t afford to waste another few years of my life thanks to covid I got a second chance and I am so many people don’t get a second chance.
Thanks to anyone who has read this and I am sorry for all the spelling and grammar mistakes because I know there will be a lot <3
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depression
|
Hi, so I'm an almost 17yo female, a junior in HS. I'm not officially diagnosed yet, I'm still on a waitlist, but after about a year of researching, I'm fairly sure I'm the inattentive or combined type. Hope I'm allowed here!
So the title says all. To provide context, I've worked part-time in the food industry for more than a year now. First a year in McDonald's, which I quit because the environment with constant changes and loud and complex noises stressed me out. Also I didn't really fit into the collective.
I now work at a nice restaurant/pizza place. It's not as bad as in McDonald's, but I've essentially ran in more problems. Just today I've been told by the boss that "I better get some sleep, because I don't listen, understand, act like it's my first day there and if I show up like this again, he'll go crazy". I didn't even realise it's that bad - I've been trying so hard to not screw up, but I still did. And he's right - it's not some difficult tasks he wants from me, yet I'm not able to fulfill them. (It's like taking orders over a phone where I don't understand what people are saying and subsequently send out the wrong foods, overall poor working memory, inability to quickly react to tasks, this whole jazz.)
So that's what brings me here. I've found myself quite disadvantaged, below-average performing in these kind of part-time jobs with no idea how to improve it more.
So I want to ask you: Those of you, I believe many, who were in a similar situation, did you have any tips/tricks to better your work performance? Or did you find another kind of part-time job, like from home or so? If so, what was it and what was your experience?
Edit: I'm skilled in creative writing especially, as it's a huge hobby of mine. So if anyone had a part-time job somehow related to this, I'd love to hear about your experiences too!
Thanks for any and every answer!
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ADHD
|
Hi there! I started on meds about 6 months ago (20mg IR generic adderall 3x a day, although some days I only take 2).
It proved to be super great at first but over the last couple months, I feel so much more anxious than I used to. I am trying o be mindful of my caffeine intake and have greatly reduced it but I still experience awful anxiety. The main difference lifestyle wise is that I have taken on more at work and I am experiencing increased stress in that area. I’m considering talking to my doctor about decreasing the dosage or just tapering off completely. I do take other meds for anxiety/depression that I’ve had no issues with.
Has anyone else experienced this?
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ADHD
|
I was diagnosed with high-functioning autism when I turned 18. My parents had several meetings with the special education department and they decided that I didnt need accomodations because my grades were average. I graduated High School and have been taking a few college classes, where I do just fine. I rarely last more than a few months into the job because I always get labeled as being too slow to learn. I Iasted a year as a busser on a restaurant before the pandemic because the restaurant owners tolerated my disability. The pandemic came, and I was unemployed for over a year. When restaurants reopened, I took a couple restaurant jobs and didn't last a long time because I was labaled as too slow to learn. I had a couple thousand saved up, took a loan for a car and now I am an Uber driver. I am very good at my Uber job and I am making a decent amount of money, but this path is unsustainable since I am putting a thousand miles on my car a week and the Omicron covid surge is around the corner. Is there any jobs out there for people who have a bad working memory like me?
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aspergers
|
I don’t even know why I want to take so many pills I know it won’t kill me probably just a little sick but it comforts me thinking of taking a boat load of pills. I have no clue why I want to die but I know the pills won’t do it so why do I want to just swallow a box of them. I think that maybe I’ve spent so long isolating myself while simultaneously wanting attention that everyone leaves me alone except when I’m ill so if I just make myself ill they’ll fawn over me. Though being ill won’t bring back the one person I truly want attention from
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depression
|
It really got to me and I don’t know why I’ve always thought that spending 4-5 hours was good for a person with OCD turns out it severe and a year ago when I spent 7-9 hours on OCD is like really severe(even though I’ve been diagnosed with OCD for A year now) it just really caught my of guard.
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OCD
|
A lot of my friends are worried because I haven't talked to almost any of them in 4-5 days, but I just can't message them back. I think they all hate me, and I'm too afraid to speak with them because I feel like they don't care about me anymore. I'm going to lose every friend I have if I don't get out of this slump and this negative thought loop. How do I motivate myself?
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depression
|
Hi Guys. I can't take it anymore. My whole life was miserable im getting bullied since the preschool for my overweight and that im to nice to people. I was thriwn down the stairs, punched and mentally abused by my class and schoolmates because of that i needed to go at least once a month into the hospital. In Highschool i was sick of it i isolated myself from anyone in my life my parents worked all day. They didnt care for me i only ate instant food or junk food to get away from my fears until covid where i started to work out but it didnt helped me mentally. At the beginning of October i was going out with some people first time since years, through that i felt the loneliness and asked myself what of a bad person i am and why nobody ever liked me. I almost died like 11 times and all people i called my friends
just made fun of me or betrayed me. I just my fucking life my parents scream at me whenever i see them and i hate myself for what i am a depressed lonely big fat stupid idiot who will die alone because he fears to be left alone or betrayed again. I just want to kill myself but im a coward but i dont need my heart gets weak because i only sleep like two to three hours a day.
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depression
|
in grade 8-10 all my friends would mock and question my rituals/obsessions, especially my hand washing. they teased me about it, something they would never really understand. they just put up with it because i wasn't even their second choice, it was more like fifth choice but i was happy doing the dumbest shit i have ever done. i was an innocent kid before i met that bunch
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OCD
|
Mine: I can tell the alphabet backwards, although there will probably never be a situation where I need it. For example, there will never be a situation where someone says: Quickly we need help, can someone among those in the room recite the alphabet backwards (hope you understand what I mean).
Now I'm curious about your talents....
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aspergers
|
I was diagnosed with PTSD, depression and anxiety when I was 11 years old due to severe childhood trauma. It got worse after that (since then my mother passed away, I have been r\*ped 3 times, and been in an abusive relationship) and when I was 17 my depression was upped to severe depression and I was seeking treatment for potential C-PTSD. Eventually, I couldn't afford it so I stopped. I am now 19 years old, in college, and for a while there it was getting a lot better. I thought moving out of my dad's house and being on my own would make it better, and for a while it did. In March of this year I found out an old friend of mine was single (we'll call him Nate, 28m) and decided to ask him on a date. I was in a good place, had been single for a long time, and felt like I had done a lot of healing since my previous abusive relationship. I figured that it wouldn't hurt to see how it would go.
It went really well. We had the foundation of having known each other through mutual friends and discovered we had a lot in common. We started hanging out all of the time, going on dates, hooking up. He hung out with my friends and became a huge staple in my life really quickly. I was happy. Nate is a very gentle, emotional, sweet man who was always there to help me cope with trauma and I was doing a lot of healing. After being r\*ped in my sleep, I couldn't sleep next to men, but he helped me get comfortable with that. Since I was a kid, I would get nervous looking men in the eyes and standing up for myself. It was never like that with him. We had a really fun, healthy, passionate relationship with one another.
But in early May, I had a total meltdown. I was working at a truck stop, I was the only woman and the youngest person employed there and one day one of my male coworkers started screaming at me and tried to put his hands on me. I walked out of my job and fell into a deep, deep hole. Since then, I have been having increasingly frequent meltdowns. I started self harming again and became depressed all of the time.
Come this week, Nate broke up with me and it was really hard. He was very emotional the whole time and made it clear it was something he didn't want to be doing but something he felt like he had to do. We didn't see each other for a few days until last night.
Last night he came over, I don't entirely know why. He told me I should go to therapy. He said that things would have been different if I had gotten help, because watching me have trauma meltdowns and panic attacks all of the time was bad for him and he couldn't help me.
I scheduled an appointment. It was a huge wake up call for me. Hearing someone I loved and who did nothing but good things for me tell me that leaving trauma undealt with was hurting him fucked me up pretty bad. I never wanted to hurt anyone. I just wasn't ready to take that step, I needed that push. I just wish it didn't take destroying a relationship that meant a lot to me for me to realize that my trauma goes deeper than I thought it did. One meltdown at work may have just cost me one of the best people I've ever met.
I'm glad I'm taking this step, but I needed to tell someone how bad it hurts having to do it like this.
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ptsd
|
I'm not diagnosed with ADHD (F, 18) and if you look at my previous post I am currently on a starting path to getting a diagnosis of some sorts, but I just wanted to know if anyone else has had some difficulties with family.
Context: my parents don't live together and haven't now for 5 years.
My mum and me have never had a great relationship and I've noticed since Covid started and when I realized I might have ADHD alot of things got harder for me. I've always had a problem with being a complainer and I feel awful but now it's just got worse and my mum is just taking the blow for it... She doesn't understand what I'm dealing with at the moment and as much as I talk about it with her and how she can help it doesn't seem to click.
I complain but in reality it's because I can't seem to know what to say, everything is harder and I can't vent to my mother or my brother about it.
My dad on the other hand is amazing, we get along really well. My dad was pretty much both my parents to me even tho when I was a kid he wasn't the nicest of people. He knows how to talk to me and how to comfort me, he accepts that there are things I can't do or are out of my comfort zone that need time.
I really want to build that relationship with my mum again and just try and not be as much of a pain in the ass but it's really difficult at the moment. There are alot of personal things that are also stopping me from fully connecting with both my parents and I think we should consider family therapy but it does feel quite drastic.
Sorry this has been more of a rant than anything but I kinda just wanna know if anyone has any advice on how to not seem so complainant to my mum/ be nicer in general.
|
ADHD
|
So, I’ve always wanted to be as anti racist as possible. And I’d never EVER say the n word, but now i have song lyrics stuck in my head that say the n word, and i don’t know if that is equivalent to saying it; I try to censor it.
|
OCD
|
To be honest, my greatest wish is to reach the level of a capybara.
Some way specific to us, and yes, I know, most of us are 1000% or 0%, but we can try to make this work?
|
aspergers
|
Is this something over people experience? I have a poor sense of what information should be privileged and what can be general knowledge. Not in an egregious way (I'm not trauma dumping or telling them my life story or anything), but casually telling coworkers or new friends a little bit too much about myself leads them to think I'm more interested in them than I am in anyone else. Usually, I'm just trying to strike up a conversation. To me, it's all small talk.
I repeatedly run into this with people and then end up needing to pump the brakes multiple times to get some of my space back, but by then, some people think we're best friends or that I'm attracted to them. I'm in my thirties and wish I knew how to navigate this better.
|
ADHD
|
Hi, I've watched a number of movies over the years that were supposedly about trauma but most are war movies with almost cartoonish representations of PTSD and people who have them. They do not cover the variety of PTSD experiences (many people with PTSD are not war vets), how PTSD affects not just people's emotions but also thoughts and behaviors, getting treatment, post-traumatic thriving, etc. Obviously no movie/TV show could cover all this; therefore, as long as these programs seem emotionally true and capture some part well, that's all it matters to me.
So I figured I asked people here, particularly those of you who watch a lot of movies or use TV and movies as a way to heal, if you can direct me to some movies or TV shows that, at least in your experience, capture aspects of PTSD very well.
Thank you very much.
|
ptsd
|
(cw: brief sh mention) i curate my playlists in a certain order for my mood so there's the perfect build up to my favorite song. i'll eat boring foods for a few days before i get the meal i've been really craving. i draw out showers and self care routines. i rearrange my room regularly and switch out the books on my book shelves. it's just a way to give myself good bursts of dopamine regularly.
i feel like a lot of non adhd people take little daily tasks for granted? when i started adderall and i was able to feel joy in simply drying my hair or making my bed or playing a video game and i didn't need drugs or self harm or alcohol to make my brian quiet i was elated. never underestimate the power of a shower in the dark with good music.
|
ADHD
|
Obviously the biggest symptom of our executive dysfunction is inattentiveness. But we all know this manifests itself in lots of other ways like forgetfulness. There are widely accepted terms for these common indirect symptoms, like "object permanence" and "time blindness."
Where did these come from? Obviously, "object permanence" is a well-established term in child development, but who coined "time blindness?"
Are there other terms? Is there a master list somewhere?
|
ADHD
|
I'm a 17yo female, few months ago I started suffering from severe insomnia(I've always had it since I was a kid, but last months were severe), I couldn't sleep at all or sleep 3h/day... My parents didn't believe me and would dismiss me, when they'd wake up and I tell them I haven't slept yet, they'd get very mad and my dad would say: "I'd hit you like men do so you'd sleep"
​
With time it became physical and I developed a severe depression. While I did low-key get out of the situation, whenever I'm happy it can instantly turn into a 2-3 days mental breakdown when my parents raise their hands or threaten me.
​
Could it be that I have complex PTSD? I'm also always on hypervigileance mode(I thought everyone was like this? It actually surprised me when people wouldn't be aware of their surroundings), dissociative, reclusive, big loner and have anxiety. I don't feel at ease when I'm in the same room as my mom.
​
Yesterday my dad was mad at me so he pushed and insulted me and I instantly started crying and my head started hurting. Today, I woke up to just stay in my bed crying. Then my mom and sister came into my room to judge me and tell me I'm being dramatic and I'm just acting, then my mom said; I'll hit you and raised her hand on me and I started crying, my head started hurting a LOT and I had a panic attack.
​
Corporal punishment is a common practice in my country and my family have abused me physically, mentally, sexually and emotionally since I was a kid, my classmates bullied me through primary and middle school so staying on my own was a normal thing. If it's a common punishment and most kids who've experienced it are okay now( my siblings included) then why did it affect me so much? I can't even remember I have memory loss and whenever I try going back to my past my head start hurting and I have a breakdown. I do remember few episodes and that I tried suicide at 8 but like... my parents didn't have a choice either, my mom was ill at the time, my abuse was just me at the wrong time, I was an extremely disciplined and mature kid for my age and never caused any troubles but my mom would hit me for the silliest of reasons, once I asked her if we could write a letter, she made me trip and stepped on me until I couldn't breathe etc...
​
Please help me. idk what's wrong with me.
|
ptsd
|
21 year old male* (this seems important)
2 months ago I got diagnosed and started meds. Medikinet really helped my executive disfunction as well as mental clarity and focus.
Went from 5mg to 20mg medikinet (2 times per day) overtime. It really felt like it was working out for me and I slowly got my shit together, knew what to do each day, stayed off my phone for most of the day, had structural planning and above all > kinda enjoyed work.
Now I had to start using 60mg per day so my doctor prescribed equasym cause medikinet only has 20mg capsules.
My executive dysfunction is back and stronger than ever, I feel tense, I snap at people. Feel disassociated when socially interacting with friends and others. Use my phone for 8+ hours a day. It was no fun.
So today I took some medikinet I still had laying around, combined 10mg and 20mg to get the same dose. And already feel better, did more chores in this morning than I did all week. I use my phone right now but for informative purposes. And feel happy about having to do shit.
If you used equasym, would you mind telling me what it was like for you? I am seeing my doctor tomorrow to change it back but would still like to hear if there are others out there with the same experience.
Thanks in advance, and I wish all who read this a nice day! :)
|
ADHD
|
My sister believes I need to take my daughter to this Clinic. What do you know about this clinic and what has been your experiences there. I believe they have clinics around the US treating ADHD, depression and other disorders. It is an investment. Just want to make sure a get real world feedback from people. Are they the only ones that do this type of treatment?
|
ADHD
|
I’m tired. I’m too tired to get out of bed and kill myself. I can’t even cry. I can’t fucking feel happy anymore. Why can’t I fucking feel happy anymore. I can’t handle human interactions anymore. I feel too broken for this world.
|
depression
|
I have ptsd from past abuses of all different kinds, one of them including severe neglect and manipulation. I have a friend that I now keep a very safe distance from because of the way hes treated me. He constantly used to gas light me, twist my words, manipulate the blame onto me, and do a lot of other things that have just worsened my anxiety over time. I have told him that I feel its best that I dont interact with him as much as I used to. He used to be a close friend I talked to every day, but now I just game with him on mute and thats about it.
He had to leave our game early bc of some family issues and then told me what happened in that family issue which was a bit triggering, and my initial response to him was just "kk" I felt badly because I know that issue was bad for him but I just dont want to hear it from him anymore. I dont want to be close like that with him anymore and I felt repulsed and severely anxious because of what he told me and now I feel horrible for responding that way, but I just physically felt my stomach churn at the thought of trying to interact like that with him again, and I didn't want to be involved with that information.
I feel like a terrible person for being so aloof to his issues, but thats just the immediate response my body had when he told me.
|
ptsd
|
I'm literary crying over a guy who is planning of killing himself, I was talking about how I wanted to move out and then he said "I'm planning on killing myself pretty soon, or I'm gonna die naturally pretty soon so in my will I'll leave you some of my shit so you can go live somewhere else" I've never cried so hard over someone, he is so nice to me, when I felt down he was there to lift me up but now I know this and I don't know what to do, he is a ticking time bomb we'll never know when he blows up. I don't understand, I get close to people and they either die or leave me. It hurts inside.
|
depression
|
I wonder if there's anyone else like me. I read here every day and see decent people who truly are afraid of becoming the thoughts they fear. However, I have not seen any posts about people like me. I'm not the person I was before all this started over a year ago. The only thing I ever used to want to be was good and right, and I was a decent person.
But now I can't even try to make myself want to be good and right. It's as if being good were abnormal and wrong. I have a sense of wanting to be evil, not wanting to stop having hateful, racist (which I was not at all before) beliefs. I have horrible, violent thoughts and feelings (that are not intrusive most of the time) which are mostly racist, however, not always. For example, hearing a story about a person killing another, one of my first thoughts was why can't people do what they want? Intellectually I know that to humans doing these terrible things is evil and wrong. But it's as if I can no longer actually think/feel that way like I used to, in other words the best way I can describe it is not wanting to see evil things as evil. it's increasingly harder to convince myself that evil things are wrong, it doesn't make sense to my brain anymore that being good and right is the only way. I feel like I'm losing my humanity and what's left of my conscience is waning by the day. I don't know how to make myself want to be good and right.
Needless to say I've lost nearly all the empathy I had. I used to be extremely empathetic and caring. Now I feel like one of those kids that rips the legs off of ants for fun. Has this happened to anyone else? That what started as just OCD made you basically became a completely different person? If so, were you able to be who you were again?
|
OCD
|
Hi all. So I'm in the depths of a really bad rut regarding my OCD and anxiety. Fearing about the future and all kinds of shit relating to that. It all started Friday when looking on Instagram at stuff related to pandemic. I had a panic attack at the time and since then it's took the wind out of my sails.
I've been actively meditating and resting because I'm so tired. I've also not been eating much as I just have no appetite. Any way this morning I woke up and though what haven't I done for a while and it was cold showers.
So I just had a cold shower for around 1 minute and I can say I'm feeling abit lighter and less cluttered in my head. Not sure of it's a placebo but I feel good so far today.
Anyone else got experience with this?
Thanks and hope you're all okay.
|
OCD
|
then we lived for nothing 😕. this shits so exhausting. ive felt like my brains on this same loop for years and i just have no more energy.
|
depression
|
**TW for rape (no graphic descriptions)**
Hello guys,
This is my first time posting on here and I'm very nervous about it, because for the longest time I thought my trauma was "not bad enough". Well, recently (possibly due to the stress associated with the current COVID-19 situation going on) my symptoms have gotten really bad, to a point where it is hard to function in my daily life. I'm writing this post to seek some advice and support from others, because I truly feel so alone with my thoughts and experiences, as hardly anyone close to me can relate to what has happened to me. Maybe someone on here can relate, though and make me feel a bit less alone.
I don't want to go into too much detail, since I know from personal experience how triggering this can be. I also really struggle with remembering what has happened exactly, which is another point I want to get to. Long story short, in 2017 I was raped by a Tinder date. During the experience I was completely frozen and unable to even say "No". For that reason I have struggled to label what has happened to me as rape, which has also been enforced by some people close to me, whom I confided in, who said that this incident was my own fault and that I should have said no or fight back or whatever. However, I know that I was completely dissociated during this event and thus unable to do anything about it.
I managed to suppress the memories I had of the rape in the months that followed, but after some time I began to get really intrusive thoughts and nightmares that still happen to this day.
So far I have not been in therapy for this, partly because I have had bad experiences with therapists in the past, which also related to victim blaming (which is a huge trigger for me now).
Recently my nightmares have gotten really bad and graphic and my overall stress and anxiety levels are through the roof. I also suffer from a chronic illness, which is aggravated by this. During the day I am usually super fatigued, yet on edge. What makes matters worse is that I am completely unable to talk about the rape. If I manage to talk about it with my partner or someone else who is close to me, I do so in such a distant way, almost as if this didn't even happen to me but to some stranger. The fact that I also can't remember some details stresses me out so much and makes me really paranoid. While I obviously try to avoid thinking too much about my rapist, I have begun to look him up on Instagram to "know what he is up to" (he actually still lives in the same city and I ran into him last year, which sent me right back to square one after a reatively stable time in my life). I actually even tried to confront him at some point, which, predictably, backfired, but that is another story. It's almost like I WANT to have contact with this person to force myself to remember everything, because it feels like her "stole" some part of me and I can't get it back!
This is getting really long and I apologize for dumping all my thoughts here. I am wondering if some of you guys have similar experiences, especially with the nightmares and the paranoia and what you do to cope with this in your daily life. I definitely plan to find a therapist as well, been looking into EMDR, which sounds promising.
I'm putting a **tl,dr** here as well: In 2017 I was raped by a Tinder date and developed PTSD because of it. I struggle with nightmares, intrusive thoughts and increased stress and anxiety levels. Looking for advice on how to cope, as well as some general support so that I don't feel so alone with this.
|
ptsd
|
A little over a month ago I became hyper aware of my breathing. It’s been all I’ve thought about most of the time. It’s all consuming and unbearable. I had severe anxiety and depression going into this and im just so mad this happened on top of it. Feels like I’ve lost all the joy in my life and just want to sleep 24/7. Has anyone else had and conquered this? Because it feels like it’s never gonna end and I can’t imagine going my whole life like this.
|
OCD
|
I'd say my number one with issue ADHD is being stuck in my head 24/7, maladaptive daydreaming about my favorite characters and made up scenarios. And while fun, this is essentially every second I have free. Sometimes not even-
It feels great to be passionate about something, but I feel like the characters in my head end up being who I focus on more than me. It's quite obsessive and I'd rather live my own life than some fake person's. :/
|
ADHD
|
I'm autistic and I've had to live with people my entire life so far (I'm 25) (because money), but I constantly dream about living alone in a quiet location away from the city. I wouldn't have to constantly be hyper aware of my own behaviour and body language, I wouldnt have to go home and talk to people about anything, and I wouldn't have to worry about suddenly making people mad. (And I can stim loudly)
Does living alone really make it worth the benefits of no social performance for autistics? Or am I dreaming here?
|
aspergers
|
For example, Did I feel my body for growths and find nothing, or do I want to be healthy so badly that I convinced myself that I felt nothing, and like inserted a false memory or something -
I’m not actually asking, but using this as an example of how my “am I in denial or is this my ocd” fear works
|
OCD
|
I love how ocd immediately starts when you wake up. Like “oh I see you’re awake”. F U ocd F U
|
OCD
|
I've read previously that autism is linked to increased gastrointestinal problems, but my weight doesn't help either. I've gotten into a bad habit recently of buying and eating only single-serve frozen microwavable or processed foods.
Aside from upending my diet, which would be difficult to do without someone else moving into my house and supervising me, let's be real, what kind of things have you noticed create or help suppress heartburn?
|
aspergers
|
I grabbed one of my pillows for some reason and I was fine. I got the urge to hug the pillow so I did.
I completely froze and shoke a bit as I layed on my bed hugging my pillow while in a slight panic. Not too big but still 10 minutes long.
I don't know why this happened and I seemed a bit shaken up afterwards
|
ptsd
|
What I mean is like: You see a type of person who is a source of intrusive thoughts (a member of the same biological sex in the case of HOCD or a attractive person who is not the same as the person you are in a relationship with in case of Cheating OCD) and you get an intrusive thought. But you are not sure if it was just an intrusive thought so you compulsively check the person out to see if you are actually attracted to them. You look at body parts that triggered those thoughts and you think
"No, that was just my OCD. That is not me!"
OR
"I just use OCD as an excuse! Those thoughts reflect my true, inner desires!"
|
OCD
|
I've been doing an hour or two of meditation a day and find it to be one of the most effective means of treating OCD. I think the reason more people don't recommend it is because there is a lot of misinformation surrounding the practice.
Meditation does not try to eliminate your thoughts or even relax or calm you. Meditation trains your attention and awareness to increase your overall cognitive ability. With OCD, much of the issue is not your thoughts or obsessions themselves, but rather the attention that you give them.
To train your attention and awareness all you must do is sit and keep track of the sensations around you and then focus your attention on the sensation of your breath. You will be fighting against distractions and invasive thoughts, but as long as you keep the right intent, you can return to your breath.
In time this practice will give you more active control of your attention in all areas of your life. Intrusive thoughts will not have nearly as much of an effect on you and you will be able to live life with vastly more clarity and mental ability.
|
OCD
|
English is not my first language so please forgive me any mistakes!! :)
I got diagnosed with ADHD maybe 1 1/2 years ago (I was 24) And I really struggle with this medication question. I took medikinet 10mg daily and it helped a lot with being focused, not being bored all the time (in school) and being more Organized. But at some point I always stopped taking it because I have the feeling that I can’t feel my feelings properly, didn’t like to comedown and yeah, it doesn’t feel natural because it isn’t haha. Besides that I think that it CANT be the solution to take a pill EVERY DAY just to function.. I also don’t think that it’s good in a spiritual and healthy way.
But yeah, I’m always struggling without, I have social anxiety, depression, I can’t get motivated, stick to things, plan ahead and plan life generally, the usual things..
what do you think about this med question? When I read all these success stories about meds I start wondering again if I should take them, or if I should try different ones .. I’m really indecisive :/
|
ADHD
|
I've posted here before about killing myself Im trying to move past that but I lost everything I miss brooke my now ex so much an the cat an it all happen cause I was hammered got in a fight with her brother in the car an apparently I threw the first punch it's just I'm so sick with myself how do I be a better person is it creepy to try an get her to forgive me I have a no contact for 2 years so I can't even speak to her what should I do
|
depression
|
None of this ever gets easier. Nothing helps, doesn’t matter what the fuck I do. I’m trapped in an endless fucking cycle of constant suffering. Right now I’m sitting here typing this sitting on the weights bench in my basement because I can even get my arms to reach down and pick up the weights. I’m just hunched over with my head hanging down doing nothing like a fucking Idiot, just cycling between gritting my teeth to try not to cry and just feeling completely empty.
This always fucking happens, I’ve been here so many times but the cycle never ends. I don’t even get good days, just kinda shitty days and really shitty days. It’s never better. Nothing makes a difference. Therapy isn’t helping me. Not at all. All the medications don’t do a fucking thing. Exercising, eating right, still no fucking change. It doesn’t matter how much effort I put in, how hard I try, I’m still in the same fucking hell loop.
I don’t look forward to anything. I don’t want anything, except to not have to feel anymore. I used to want things but all that’s done for me is open my eyes to why I either can’t have those things or don’t want those things. I wish I could just think super hard and give myself an aneurysm or a heart attack or something and then it would just be over.
Nothing gives me purpose. I derive no meaning from any sort of work. I don’t like to create things and I lack the focus to anyway. Helping people doesn’t make me feel anything at all. The is no meaning to my life at all and I can’t give myself any no matter what I try.
The only eventful thing that seems to happen in my life is that I constantly get completely crippled by my own mind. I feel like I’m living on a planet where for some reason gravity acts much stronger on me so everyone else seems to be able to walk around with no issues but even just standing up is a constant battle for me and I just look like a freak because no one else around me feels what I feel and they can’t see it either so they don’t understand. And now I don’t even know why I try to stand up anymore, it doesn’t get me anywhere and I’d be better off just letting the gravity finally crush me.
Don’t even know why I’m typing this, I guess it’s just my way of sitting on this fucking weights bench telling myself I’m doing *something*. I’ve already heard all the usual advice and none of it helps. I already go to therapy, I already do the things they tell me to, it doesn’t help at all. I’m already on medication, I’ve been on so many by this point, none of them made any difference at all. I’ve heard that “it gets better” a hundred times from people who just tell you to wait an indeterminate amount of time for something that may or may not actually happen, as if that’s some comfort. Besides, you can say I’m just being negative and pessimistic when I say I know I’ll still get like this again in a matter of months, but you can’t say I’m wrong because all the evidence points in the other direction. And because someone always says it, I’m not calling a suicide hotline. I don’t even know who those things exist for, those calls have only ever made me feel more suicidal afterwards, they’re less than useless.
|
ptsd
|
I'm confused because my story isnt as bad as the others on here. I have dissociation and just had one single flashback thingy today.
Basically will keep it short, I found my dad's phone when I was 16 with all these texts and he was having an affair. I saw all of this stuff he was sending her and it wasn't normal s*x things.. and it seriously hit me the wrong way I started seeing him as this predator guy. We still don't talk, that was 3 years ago and completely blocked him from my life and recently started trying to talk to him again.
Coincidently the exact same few days I tried to friend him on Facebook I dissociated. hard. the entire week. The next week I didn't think or talk about him, gave up on talking to him again and I didn't dissociate. (btw I haven't got any history of dissociation)
I had a vivid memory that I hadn't thought about in so long of me finding his phone, stealing an entire bottle of spirits and drinking until I puked and it wasn't enough. I remembered stealing weed and sleeping pills and cigarettes and booze and I wasn't sober for the next week or months. I also remembered what was on his phone but I've blocked it out now.
This was THREE years ago. I wasn't abused. I did not go to war. I don't even have a lot of nightmares. Is this actual PTSD or am I just upset about it?
|
ptsd
|
does it effect your masturbation and porn/smut watching/reading, cause i realized i have a weird compulsion for more taboo porn, and i hate it, cause it then gives me intrusive thoughts, about actual people in my life, and i don't want that. i want to be normal thoughts and to rewire my brain.
also does anyone get harm ocd in the middle of masturbation? cause it happens alot, probably cause i have read dark shit before and fapped to it. not proud of it and kinda think im a monster for it now.
like i don't even think im aroused by any of it, i jsut think masturbation for me is a compulsion then what i consume while trying to finish is a searching compulsion. or i just fap out of boredom. or reacting to a groinal response.
is there anyway to stop? i have been trying nofap but i only make it one day,every couple of days and then i relapse as they call it.
anyway have a nice day/night
|
OCD
|
When I was a kid I used to be scared of public toilets I got over this but now I have been going to friends houses and staying in hotels (currently homeless) I have realized and remember I'm scared of showers. I think I'm getting better with this but I don't even know why I'm scared of them probably because they can be unpredictable and make strange sounds.
Anyone else have this problem?
|
aspergers
|
I have an exam in 1 hour and I really need to focus but 50 thoughts are happening in my head and all the surrounding sounds are coming in, my brain feels overloaded and anxiety skyrockets. Does this happen to you guys??
Im failing my first sem in university and only just found out I have ADHD this week so things aren't so great. On the bright side I now know there's a reason for my behaviours regarding never getting things done, being chronically late for classes which I desperately do not want to be late for and being unable to focus etc.
|
ADHD
|
I was doing some plumbing work for a family member; after turning on the main, the part(s) I replaced began leaking. I came running; the tools I’d left under the sink were getting very wet. I kinda grunted/groaned, and started hastily sliding the tools out from under the sink in a noisy fashion.
Please note that at this point, I’m basically kneeling in front of the sink, back turned to the family member, who then loudly opines that I’m being “violent,” and if I don’t stop the cops will be called.
Ensued a rather interesting and lengthy discussion about how they felt threatened... I don’t even remotely get it. I wasn’t facing them, but the fact that I clearly felt frustrated that the work I’d done hadn’t gone as well as hoped, and that the clanging of tools on a tile floor is somehow “violent.”
Reddit, help me understand. This person has a history of escalating innocuous (to me) situations.
I will be interacting with them again in the future, and would appreciate any tips from those with PTSD on how I can best support this family member.
Thanks!
|
ptsd
|
I'm a childless 33 y women non-native english speaker
My upper neighbor family have... issues. Like very big issues, issues I can't even imagine was possible ( financiary, health, mental health,...). When the pression become too big, the mother start to scream. Like, I'm murdered scream, for hours, day or the night, sometime in the middle of the night. I'm also wake up by it in the middle of the night or the morning by it. Sometime I ear them multiple time a day, sometime I don't ear anything for months.
For the last 5 years I've try to help, without any positive effect. (being here to listen their pain, material , administratif and psychological support ,calling police when need, reporting to social service, etc). Nothing worked. Their situation become worse and worse, at a level than I can"t even imagine was possible. (precision: they are all older than 18)
(the whole "how can I help this family" is in another reddit post),
I'm at the end of my rope and am planning to move away, hopping to keep what's left of my sanity . The whole situation have an impact on my work, my couple and health mental and physical.
​
My issue is , the scream:
Each sound that I ear who sound a little like those scream become the full scream in my ear , make me think of this family and strike a panic attack.
My heart race. I can't focus on anything else that the fact that I should be helping them and not abandon them.
I ear them constantly , at work, when I try to relaxe, when I hear music, when I watch a movie. It's happen both at my house but also outside, even If I am in another country and couldn't possible ear the family. I wear sound noise cancelling like 70% of the time, but at this point I'm not sure if it's relative to panic attack or another issue.
I can't listen most of the musical gender become of it. I can't go near any place where kids have fun. I can't watch any action movie because actor sometime scream. I can't ear people laugth either, or bird sing.
​
Is it PTSD?(I haven't been expose to any other issue, I just witness the issue of this family)
​
Will time away from the scream smooth-it ?
Trying to be expose to the sound in order to desensitize-me?
I was planning to have kids in the nexts year, but I've read kids and babies can detect this kind of panic attack and that it have some impact on their development ( something like they feel I feel bad every time they laugh or cry and try to never do it in order to avoid I feel bad)
|
ptsd
|
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