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First of all, I'm diagnosed and high functioning. I don't mask. I'm either myself or lying. That or I'm "tuning" myself to a situation like normal people do I guess. I can't mask so I don't really understand it well like a lot of the people here do. I feel 0 extra connection to other aspies. I also don't really stim or I don't have tics. I've never had a breakdown. I can read facial expressions just fine. I just don't have enough social brain power to know what to do with it or analyze it in the moment. Instead, I cringe and overanalyze situations later.
I've noticed here people seem to think that society should be more accepting of people with Aspergers and make more accommodations. I agree on some level like therapy for kids and stopping the discrimination in the workspace but I don't agree with the "culture" aspect. I'm generally a "tough" "stoic" person. I know I'm not easygoing. I have 0 friends and have never had any relationship. I'm a complete hermit and have been for 2+ years.
That's not someone else's fault. it's also not my fault but no one owns me social interaction. We're not oppressed. Instead of conspiracy theories or anger I just adapt: I like stargazing so I build my own telescopes. I like running but I'm brown in bumfuckville so I run at night through the fields with a powerful flashlight. I like staying fit but I don't like being bothered so I stay fit in my room.
I don't know if this is just my "fix it or suck it up" personality but I just noticed there's a really big disconnect. No masking, stimming, breakdowns, loneliness, breakdowns, hate, jealousy, resentment, depression. Maybe it's because I despise weakness?
The only thing I recognize myself in is the autism itself and the absolute dogshit childhood that's a bit of a trope here.
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aspergers
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dropped out as a freshman mid second semester. it was all so stressful. i wish i could go back and just “do better” but i know that’s not how it really works.
god it’s so hard navigating the world. people talk about their academic achievements and i feel like breaking down. like i legitimately dont know what im going to do for the rest of my life and it’s one of the main reasons for my depression and suicidal ideation. i dont know how prevalent dropouts are on this sub but i would appreciate any advice or sharing of experience if you are one
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ADHD
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Hi All,
I was diagnosed recently but still don’t know quite what I can do to make my life better by using little life hacks, or where I can find general advice.
Has anyone got any suggestions please?
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aspergers
|
So I have ocd that causes anxiety and on the rare day where I don't run into a trigger, I just feel depressed. I wonder if we just cause the anxiety as a way to keep our mind occupied so we don't think about the depression. Does anyone else feel the same?
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OCD
|
i don’t fucking get it. why does the world make it so almost impossible to want to live in when i already didn’t ask to be here. im so sick of the cycle of waking up each day and wondering why? what’s the point in all this. these days feel so fucking long. i try to nap and i wake up and it’s still too much time in the day. i really feel like im at a loss here i don’t know how to want to be here anymore. i feel so insanely stuck. if i kill myself then i can’t even think abt how my family would react. i just don’t wanna do that to people but i truly feel useless and feel no desire to breathe another breath in this life
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depression
|
I have to get out of hereee
Edit - though our municipality and authority ordered us to sit in our shelters because bombs will be dropping by 18:00, most haifa and krayot people I know have been sitting in bomb shelters and waiting for the bombs to drop -- they havent yet.
Fucking hell, what a rush of emotions. Sitting and waiting for the big kaboom for hours only for it never to come, being certain it would come every few minutes with noises outside. I was very terrified of rockets floating down to hit the ammonia container - and do a full on beirut blast 2.0 and killing me and my family and everyone I know because Irans president once threatened to do it and kill us all (beirut blast was 3k tons of ammonia, here its 12k)
Im pooped, mentally exauhsted. My southern classmates from our boarding school facility live this every few years or so with dozens of sirens running off whenever, I guess you get used to it.
I think Ill turn in for the night, I hope Ill sleep.
Thank you all for your kindness♥️🕊
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OCD
|
We all know that ADHD runs in families. I read often that many parents don’t realize they have it until one of their kids is diagnosed, and my psychiatrist told me if I have a kid, they’ll probably have it too. Going down a family tree, I’ve seen everything from 33% to 95% odds that an ADHD parent will pass it to their child.
But what about going UP a family tree? If I have ADHD, does one of my parents *definitely* have it? Did one of my grandparents, great-grandparents, etc.? Or is it more like, it runs in families but you can’t make predictions about how?
Are there known statistics about this? I haven’t been able to find any but think it might explain a few things in my family history.
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ADHD
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It doesn’t even help. I was immobile last Tuesday and had to miss school. I have 4 days of that left before failing my grade. I can’t do this, I do t know why I let my mom make me take it. Im shaking right now and I’m dizzy, nauseous, and i started feeling things so I’m exhausted, and my muscles hurt and I’m barely able to stand. Also did I mention I have a really bad headache? Fuck this, fuck you, fuck everything. Im with my dad this weekend and he has guns there, so let’s just call it quits. This medication clearly isn’t doing anything so I don’t think anything will. Im honestly just a waste of resources. I don’t actually do anything, I’m miserable, why don’t you just euthanize me? It’ll make everything better, it really will.
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depression
|
My parents obviously aren't happy. They say that I can't blame my mental health or ADHD. That I'm being dramatic and others have it worse. That there are people with ADHD that don't use meds and are fine. That I'm doing this to myself. I didn't attend the first class. Then the second. Then the third. The more classes I missed the more my anxiety increased the more reluctant I was to attend. Also I fucking hate the major I'm taking. Can't stand it. I don't know what to do. No one takes me seriously. The campus itself makes me feel so lonely. It makes me feel suicidal. But when I isolate myself and not do anything I kinda feel fine. I know this post isn't just about ADHD there's a lotta overlap with depression and anxiety I hope this doesn't break the sub's rules
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ADHD
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My friend (25,F) has lately been struggling with herself. Last monday she called with an episode of self-hate / anger, and she started hitting herself. I talked her through it on the phone, but I'm really worried. She doesn't want to talk to a professional. As soon as I mention that I think she needs help, or that this is automutilation, she downplays the situation. Even though she has a blue eye. What can I do?
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depression
|
I made the stupid mistake of reading the news a little too intensely and I ended up reading a play by play of the Canadian Matthew McKnight case. He was accused of assaulting 21 women, and was only found guilty on five accounts. He was sentenced to 16 years in prison but the judge decided to cut his sentence because 16 years would be disproportionate to his many offences, a year was removed because he has good support (his father vowed to give him a job as an investor when he gets out of prison), and a year was deducted because he was beat up in custody. 8 years. And it is Canada, so this serial rapist will probably be out in 3.
If he should get a year of his life back because he was assaulted in custody, isn’t a more fitting sentence at least 21 years, since he likely assaulted 21 or more women?
I believe all of you, ladies.
I am sorry our court system is an abomination.
Thanks for coming forward, your courage is moving.
I hope this changes our justice system for the better and one day we all have justice. You strong women have left a mark of disgrace on the courts and I feel optimistic that things will get better for others in the future.
And his lawyer, Bottos interrogated one of the women and suggested she may have shown signs of arousal and confused McKnight. That is fucking bullshit and you don’t control your responses. It doesn’t invalidate your feelings of violation.
I hope Matthew McKnight gets assaulted at least 20 more times in prison.
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ptsd
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My whole life I've somehow happen to ruin tvs, every phone I've had, every computer ive used and even affect other people's around me. Ie. Freeze screens, glitch out, all tech just act wonky in general. Is this correlated w autism or just the weirdest ongoing coincidence ever??!
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aspergers
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My psyciatrist says that I the only way to get over OCD is to accept that your intensive thoughts could be true. Is this really the only way? Cant you agree on your intensive thoughts as intensive thoughts and that they do not have to have basis in reality or be true?
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OCD
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The dreams. The flashbacks are horrendous, but i don’t get them that often, the dreams i get a lot and it kills me. If i get stressed out in the slightest or think about what happened a little to much, i have terrifying dreams.
And i don’t usually remember what happens in them but i wake up with a jolt breathing heavily and disoriented. I walk around my room so confused trying to close windows or i see things. My teeth hurt from clenching them so hard.
I’m scared to sleep to have these dreams that consume me and makes me feel like i don’t have control. I wish i felt safe, i wish it didn’t happen, i wish i had control.
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ptsd
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DAE oddly think that they can’t do anything pleasurable while having intrusive thoughts/OCD episode because then ur scared that the brain will associate the thought with the good thing and it will make u think of the thought as a good thing ?
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OCD
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I just started a membership with Cerebral because I do not have insurance, and I travel for work. I have been untreated for ADHD and Bipolar II for several years now due to not having insurance.
I was recently prescribed Strattera through them and it works for me but I am having awful side effects ( blood pressure spikes, headaches and a constant pulsatile tinnitus in one ear that is very loud). I have been on Adderall in the past and had way less severe side effects from it.
My question is: how does Cerebral go about referring you/treating you if you need a controlled medication for your ADHD? I would love to go the non- stimulant route but Strattera really just isn’t agreeing with me :/
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ADHD
|
So I went to the gynecologist and it was mostly fine (sidenote, thank you for everyone who gave me advice on other post), but one thing that came up was the doctor asking how severe my trauma was.
My immediate response was to say it wasn't that big of a deal, but when she listed out what would make it "a big deal" (i.e having nightmares about it, flashbacks, severe anxiety attacks/triggers) and...they were all things I deal with.
I've always been so worried about faking my symptoms that I never considered that I was actually not taking it seriously. It seems stupid thinking about it now, I mean, how do I not realize that not sleeping most nights, scrubbing my skin until it bleeds, having anxiety attacks anytime I'm reminded of the event, and the thought of being touched makes me ill most days, are all serious ptsd and not just small issues.
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ptsd
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So, not to tell you all my life story, but I've been moving cities and countries a lot these last 5 or 6 years, and even though I hate it, I've gotten used to this phase of not having a job, friends, family or any contacts nearby...
Eventually I made the decision of not throwing everything and following my love interest wherever she had to move again, but 3 months ago circumstances kinda forced me to do just that.
I moved to this new city and I had a rough idea of what I wanted to do here, both study and job wise, but this "phase" I talked about is getting longer and harder than I expected.
I did not get into my degree, I'm not finding a job and can't help feeling like a failure; A 26 year old guy with no studies that lives from his parents very little money in a sunless city where he has nothing to do.
I'm no stranger to sadness, self-harm and apathy, and I'm used to emotional ups and downs, but lately, the most colorful ups go just as far as grey and I find myself wanting to cry and thinking about dying all the time; actually thinking I'd be doing humanity a favour in killing myself, since I haven't given anything meaningful to it in years, and I find no real expectations of doing it any time.
Music used to be the center of my life, but lately I don't play, record or write anything. I don't eat, don't get out of bed unless I have to.
What really kills me is seing my girlfriend so worried and I know I just need to get up and eat, spend an hour a day looking for a job, take a walk, meditate, play guitar a little or whatever, but I can't find the strength to do any of that.
Talking to my friends, mother and girlfriend helps me share the experience, but don't alleviate the pain...
I 'm looking for profesional help, but social security's mental health help is very slow here.
Just wanted to write here to feel like I'm doing something about it and haven't given up yet.
Thanks for reading.
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depression
|
So I have an unnatural fear of contamination, and when I talked to my mother about it, she not only suggested but also outright *ordered* me to clean up whatever it is that I need to clean up, like the bathrooms or my bedroom. And in the process, all she did was make me fear germs even more so now than previously. Which was all the more of a good reason for her to sign me up with a therapist and a psychiatrist, since she, herself, is fully aware that every solution she's the one giving me ends up making things even worse.
And whenever I *do* talk to my therapist about this, he'd usually tell me that I am neither catching nor spreading germs. I've also been told on numerous subreddits about Exposure and Response Prevention, where I just expose myself to my own obsessions or objects that cause distress within me, and then prevent myself from performing the compulsive behaviors that reduce my distress.
And just recently, today, my psychiatrist prescribed me to a higher dose of Strattera, because he couldn't increase the dose of my Fluoxetine at that point because it couldn't get much higher than that. I am currently waiting for my higher dose right now, and I pray to God that it does *something* for my obsessive-compulsive disorder.
Just wanted to share something with you guys, and I hope for your responses, as well.
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OCD
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Ideally something that doesn’t involve moving too much or leaving my room. I’m going through a pretty bad wave right now and can’t make myself get up to take care of myself/eat/hygiene. Anything simple I can do to feel some small amount productivity or feel better about myself?
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depression
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I’ve been struggling with depression since I was a child, having been abused by my mom (physically, emotionally, financially). It’s been an up and down rollercoaster for me the last few years and I’ve had some good periods when I had high self-confidence and motivation. More recently, I got out of a relationship with a really toxic guy who would always criticize me and it triggered a lot of childhood wounds for me. On a lot of days, the negative voices just get too loud saying that I am always rejected by guys I’m in relationships with because my personality is too much or that I’m horrible because I’m constantly attracted to assholes. I keep trying to dispute those voices but I’m exhausted and I just want to feel better. Anyone have any short-term fixes or long-term stories of how they got better?
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depression
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Has anyone else been so worried and hyper-vigilant about their OCD getting bad again that it ends up becoming self sabotage?
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OCD
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I just got my neuropsychological testing results back, and based on the interpretation of the neuropsy, I suffer from anxiety and low self esteem, and she recommended intense exercise along with meditation and therapy - which I was going to start anyway, for the millionth time. Oh and I'm also naturally unmotivated and it is what it is, I just need to make sure to not get depressed. Also to use timers.
I scored above average on most of the tests, except for working memory, where I got way below average. The anxiety sucks away all the energy it takes to focus and remember things, so once I take care of that, the memory will come back. I also tanked on the impulsivity test, but she wrote it off as an anomaly. I am not really impulsive, I think I was just trigger happy with the keyboard.
Now, this all began about 5 years ago when one psychologist suggested I might have ADHD-PI after a few sessions of talking about my anxiety. My doctor made me do a self-report questionnaire and ended up prescribing methylphenidate, then we settled on a low dose of Vyvanse, which helped me make it through my days. I never did get that "calmness" of mind that some people report from stimulants - just a nice stable boost.
I'm still not convinced though. In any case, exercise, meditation, and therapy can only help.
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ADHD
|
I feel like I break my chair a lot more than other people.
I fidget about a bit and a tap/jump my leg all the time. My chair just started breaking down, again... and i started to say to myself "why me, why is it always my chair that breaks down" and I wondered if me moving about a lot because of my ADHD might have anything to do with it.
Sorry if this is not actually a thing/not relevant or whatever, I just thought of it.
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ADHD
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Um I think this goes into support but I'm still really suicidal and depressed for some reason. I thought that finally getting a job would make me happy which it did but like only while I was working. Now since Im done and going home I cant stop thinking really bad thoughts.
I dont get this, shouldn't I be happy now? Isnt that's how it suppose to go? I'm happy I have a job my first ever one and it's great for me. I'm dishwasher so like I can just space out and clean. I'm happy I'm making my own money and such but am I just not happy with life in general? Do I have to constantly be at work in order to not feel so hopeless?
Like I dont know how to explain it. I feel......empty. Like really empty. What do I do to not contuine to feel like this?
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ptsd
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I’ve always struggled with this. When I look at other people they seem to stand so naturally, even when their arms are straight by their sides and their legs are straight, where as I look like a robot. I feel so uncomfortable standing because I don’t know where to put my arms. I try different positions but they all feel so unnatural so I end up looking like an idiot moving every 30 seconds.
I also am so confused about sitting as well, arms folded is the only comfortable position but it looks closed off to other people. Do I keep both feet on the ground or have legs to the side? Or one crossed over the other?
Walking is another chin scratcher. My mom told me when I was a teenager I walked with my neck sticking out and my arms immobile glued to my sides. Since then, I’m constantly monitoring how I look when I walk. I’ve only managed to get one arm to swing and have to have a backpack on the other shoulder usually so it physically restricts the movement of that arm so it doesn’t look weird. Any tips or anything? Please? 😐😐
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aspergers
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After suffering from relationship ocd, cheating ocd, self image issues, and insecurity in my relationship for 2 years…..I got dumped completely out of nowhere two weeks ago. He said he just doesn’t love me anymore. No condolences in the comments please, because I feel GOOD. My absolute worst fear came true and I feel good. Uncertainty is not a bad thing. If you can tackle ocd thoughts you can tackle literally anything in your life. This horrible breakup is nothing in comparison to what I’ve already faced and I feel stronger than ever.
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OCD
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My entire existence at this point is just being a waste of space. I'm broken beyond repair and at this point I don't see what the point in sticking around would be. It should be socially acceptable to just be done with living and check out whenever you want. I can't remember a day when I felt alright. I can't remember a day when I didn't spend hours fantasizing about being dead. When I think about the future, the only thought that makes me feel even a little happy for it, would be not existing in it at all. I'm so close at this point... give me one slightly above minor inconvenience..
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depression
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Five years ago today I divorced my physically and mentally abusive ex-husband. I know I wouldn't be alive if I was still with him. Since then, I've never been happier. I still suffer from major PTSD, depression, and anxiety, but at least I'm still alive. I have my hubby to thank for that.
If I could tell everyone who is in an abusive relationship one thing, it would be: "It's never too late to get out of that situation. Seek help. You ARE worth more."
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ptsd
|
I'm 26. I've been feeling like this since maybe I was 5 it started to get bad when I was 15. I developed an eating disorder-, refusing water unless it was filtered and totally cut out McDonald's, Wendy's, taco bell(my favourite) and pizza hut, Snickers, candy bars, food that my parents would prepare for dinner(I stopped eating) and I couldn't engage with the outside world anymore. I couldn't escape my obsessing. I still struggle with things. I don't really have hobbies because of that. It's ironic because I have internet plus this cell phone and I do eat some meals my parents make that wasn't brought from a farm... I'm just obsessed with if it was fresh.. kind of venting here.
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OCD
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Do any of you here have trouble putting on socks?
At the toe part, there’s that crevice, and I always take time to line them up with my toes, because otherwise, you can feel them inside your shoe and it’s irritating, people always make fun of me for doing this.
Is this an OCD thing, do others do this too?
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OCD
|
I was supposed to start my 2nd year of uni. I didn't pass my first so i wanted to study the classes from my first year again. I forgot to apply and now I'm without uni and without money. My mum and my sister passed away and in my country there's a law that you can get 50% salary of your deceased parent das long as you're studying something. I was in very bad place last year and honestly i couldn't do anything. I would lock myself in my room and just play video games because that was the only thing that cleared my mind. Now it's too late to apply for uni and I can't do it until February. I can't get the money either. I told everyone that I passed my 1st year because i wanted everyone to look at me as this always happy and smart guy but in reality I can't do anything because I'm feeling depressed. My mum felt like she's going to pass away so she made me promise her that I'll study but her death just hit me so hard then my sister's suicide hit me even harder. Now my dad wants to see if i actually passed my 1st year. I never lie but about that i lied simply because i didn't want to let people see what's going on with me. Now i feel like I'm a failure and disappointed everyone in life. I just want to rip my whole skin and stop existing. I don't know how to tell anyone about this. I don't know even if i can tell my dad. Even tho my friends are always asking me how i am, I don't want to show them the reality that I'm just sad and unable to do anything because of my thoughts because i think they'll look at me differently. I know everyone would support me but i just don't want them to see me vulnerable. Now i feel like whatever i do is not enough. I don't want to break people's trust. I think i went from the most trustworthy person to someone no one can trust. I haven't told anyone about this. Everyone still thinks i passed the 1st year and I'm in an excellent place. I don't know what to do. I don't want to exist but seeing what my sister's suicide brought is making me realize that's that is even more selfish
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depression
|
I've got a plan, working on getting the tools.
I thought I wanted to quit my job to avoid it being inconvenient to my work but tbh I realized it's just because I don't want my coworkers to even know I'm dead - I kind of just want to leave and hope they forget I existed.
There isn't really a point to posting this - I think I'm just looking for people's thoughts.
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depression
|
How to understand a person who is rational? How do they work? ( as an aspie )
First, nobody is totally rational, we all respond to chemical stimuli to the brain, that is, feelings. Even psychopaths respond strongly to dopamine as a motivation. The great thing however is that these systems and responses are totally subjective to each individual.
Second I think I am very rational so I will answer my experience of how to develop this personality. There are two major factors involved:
* I was raised in an environment with excessive negative emotional stimuli.
* Over time I realized that my emotional responses were not well received and were not in agreement with other people around me at the same age.
The first reaction is emotions are not helping me and I must suppress my responses. When this process starts very early, it is marked in your personality and in the cognitive paths of your behaviors.
Later in my early teens I realized that it was kind of unacceptable to be stoic all the time. But I did not develop in the same way as everyone, I developed a three-step process:
* suppress my own feelings
* think about what is appropriate for the situation
* adopt a mask for others As I appear to people, it is extremely calm and expressionless with touches of empathy and kindness. So I choose to appear.
This is not a healthy process for all. Sometimes social interactions become extremely tiring and hours I don't know what to represent.
Suppressing feelings is also not good. I notice that a person said to be more normal develops them in stages of intensity. While I only let them really dictate my behavior when it is uncomfortable to control, usually already at a high intensity and it takes people by surprise.
However, it became natural for me so that low intensity feelings go unnoticed by my conscious. In such a way that it seems that it just doesn't exist to me. Other emotional dimensions other than this interpersonal and ordinary one works in a normal or even deeper way. Like :
* Having values and respect them
* Having specific tastes and standards for everything I absorb
* Having ideals and symbols that guide me
Also once a deeper connection is given to someone where I think the person worthy of the relationship is something far more unshakable than the standard. It is where I have the comfort of expressing the deepest emotions. My decisions are much more thoughtful so it takes time. Not all rational people work the same way, but I hope I have clarified how someone can function completely differently than you do.
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aspergers
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Considering the content of horrific intrusive thoughts, I have an obligation to hate myself so I feel like I’m taking responsibility in a way. Anyone have tips to learn to accept who you are and trust yourself ? Just curious for conversation purposes
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OCD
|
I realize that this is a form of reassurance seeking but I genuinely just want to know. My brother talks all the time and sometimes I don't want to talk to him so I just give him short answers so he'll stop talking to me. He recently got mad at me for it which I understand but I don't think he gets that not everyone wants to talk to him all the time, especially not someone who already has a lot on their plate. I guess what I'm asking is, am I an asshole for not considering that he wants someone to talk to?
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OCD
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She said she lost feelings and she's been so distant her depression has been bad so we broke up but I feel like making it work still i don't know anymore
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depression
|
Hi everyone!
I’ve been on Luvox since mid July, and I’ve been gradually going up (my psychiatrist likes to *very* slowly increase dosages) and I’m currently on 75 mg.
Anyways, I was wondering, first of all, if you get/got tired/fatigued from Luvox. Second, if you did, how you mitigate fatigue from it. Like sleep time regulation, took a supplement, psychiatrist prescribed another medical, or something else?
Thanks!!!
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OCD
|
I hate having this disorder, it's singlehandedly made my entire life almost impossible to live, I can't even walk without having OCD turn it against me, I can't play games I used to play, I can't talk to people or go on what little support groups I would want to go on.
I don't even know what I can say to the psychiatrist on the first meeting I have with them in a few days. My OCD has gone from severe to debilitating and I can't do anything about it or reach out to anyone because either my OCD prevents it or there's just no option.
I've started hitting myself trying to get the thoughts to stop or get out of my head, I have no idea how I'm going to explain that.
I don't know, I guess I'm just writing this out because I don't have anywhere else to put it. I don't know what to do, I'm really at my wit's end, I can't do anything I love. I can't even look at family members because of the OCD.
It's just been so difficult and I don't have anyone to talk to about it really. I don't know what to do, it's so difficult and it just gets worse and worse.
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OCD
|
hello. i joined this community in hopes of getting some advice from others who's had ptsd longer, i know it's easier said than done but it's worth a shot getting advice from you guys 🥺 i lost my mother at a young age and was diagnosed with ptsd right after, I won't go into details about the incident as it's very triggering as you can imagine but my doctor prescribed me medication yet these pills barely help. flashbacks and the thoughts don't stop, not even a little- and i know it'll never go away but does anyone have any advice how to distract yourself? what has helped you etc? my doctor told me stress toys might help but is that true? thank you so much if you read this and if you comment.. it'll mean the world to me ♡ )):
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ptsd
|
For me I feel pressure on my head and start to feel slightly dizzy and twitchy. I frequently lose focus and on occasion my vision even becomes blurry. (My ears get clogged too?) Any attempt to press it down or ride it out makes the feeling worse.
I feel like I have some form of tension headaches and migraines every day. Fucking psychosomatic symptoms.
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OCD
|
She has depression, PTSD and an eating disorder. She lives in a toxic environment with her parents who have abused her physically but now abuse her mentally. She has been through a lot and has no real life friends. She has 2 online friends though
We met online and are in a long distance relationship. We have never met irl because we live across the ocean from each other. We love each other a lot and talk every single day on discord. We plan to meet as soon as possible though.
She currently has no way to escape her situation. She can't hold a job, college is making her more miserable so she can't escape from her horrible toxic family.
Sometimes she gets suicidal and i do my best to help her and make her realize that one day we will meet irl and once she moves away from her parents she will be happy. But understandably she feels hopeless because her entire life has been full of abuse and trauma. Her eating disorder has been getting worse and she could possibly have diabetes but is afraid of checking with a doctor because its gonna make her eating disorder even worse if she finds out she has diabetes, because the news will stress her out more.
She is in therapy but it isn't helping too much it seems. The next step is getting antidepressants and i hope they work. But she is really hopeless because her eating disorder could be killing her and she feels like she will never leave this toxic environment she's in.
What do i do? How can i help her? Whenever something like this happens I'm terrified of her ending her life. I do my best to help her but she often doesnt respond well to what i say and just feels more like killing herself no matter what i do
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depression
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Hi, I am a 14 year old cishet male(I hope) and I have been struggling with what I think is ocd for over 4 months now. I said think because it's a self diagnosis. Don't get the wrong idea. The thing is I live in a country with an on going war and my family have financial problems. All that aside, it all started with Hocd, which I am still slightly scared of, turned into TOCD. The thing is all I want to be a is a cishet male like I always was. But my tocd and hocd is so bad I can't look at anything. When I look at my parents the thoughts are like you should come out as either trans or gay. If I look at the bottom of a comb my thoughts says it's making you h***y because it looks like a d***. And when I look at women it's because I want to be like them. It got so bad to the point that when my cousins came over, all I had were constant intrusive thoughts, like when I saw my cousin sisters my mind was like I wanna be like them, and when I saw my cousin brother I want to fu** him. I don't know what's right and what's wrong anymore. When I know I am a man, I can't get happiness for more than 5 minutes, after the five minutes, my brain says what if you are supressing my identity. I don't know what I am anymore, and I just know what I want. And even I don't know if what I want is what I am. Life's a mess right now. I want a happier life where I can be happy with my parents again. My young dreams has also faded away. I dreamt of becoming a jacked old man in the woods like in the movies when I grow older. But that dream have faded too. And this makes me feel as if I have gender dysphoria, I don't want boobs or a vegana, I don't want to pass as a woman or anything. It's hard for me to look at my face in the mirror without feeling uncomfortable, it feels weird, not that I want long hair or anything or even short hair or even bald. I just simply don't want to exist. Looking at my face makes me cringe for some reason. Even when I brush my teeth I can't brush without my mind thinking it's girly. I simply have no hope left in me. I feel like one of those people who probably became trans after mistaking it for ocd. I hope this doesn't sound transphobic or attention seeking in any way. I am just help seeking.
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OCD
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I am really panicked AGAIN
(18M) I’ve just had the most horrible, sexual intrusive thought ever. Basically I have 2 cats and we had my friends dog over and something was said about ‘the dog would chase and attack the cats’ this started me off getting all sorts of bad intrusive thoughts about it happening and then once again this horrible tingly arousal feeling came and I started to get more and more stressed. I can not believe I’ve now had these thoughts/arousal over fucking animals, I hate myself I can’t even look at my cats. People reading this might laugh but I’m fucking depressed by all this. The thoughts will not stop and the sexual arousal feeling is just the worst over something so awful. I’m so terrified that I was attracted to the idea of my cat being attacked even typing these the feeling is still there. Please I need some advice on how to forgive myself for this.
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OCD
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I (f) have a friend (m) who was in the military. During his time in there he was blown up, shot, had to have a bunch of reconstruction done on his back and legs. He was supposed to be driving the front vehicle and a friend of his wanted to drive so he let him and moved to the vehicle behind them. They were ambushed and land mines went off under the first few vehicles. He was the only one to survive. He will be somewhere and if a door slams or car backfires it sets him off. He gets enraged and tears things apart.
Has been arrested and put in mental health facilities for short periods of time. When he gets lost in his own head, is being suicidal, and feels like he is going to lose it, I tell him to talk to me, tell me what's going on in his head. He usually does but refuses to tell me certain things that he had to do that he's afraid will make me view him differently. In which I understand war, I understand there's a lot of bad things that happen, and sometimes you do what you gotta do.
He expressed to me last night that he would like to begin a relationship. He's a very sweet, kind man, and we have so much in common. We have been friends for a few years now. He knows I'm in a relationship that seems to be going nowhere and there's some issues. But he respects that I do have a bf and doesn't really attempt anything. He said if I ever become single he would like to have a relationship with me when I'm ready.
Now the main issue is I'm kind of afraid of him. When he has flashbacks he becomes angry, violent, has hurt people pretty bad. He won't take medication, he refuses to go to therapy, he swears nothing helps. I have complex ptsd from severe emotional abuse and its horrible so I can only imagine ptsd from a soldiers aspect. I want to help him. I've tried talking to him about medicine and therapy but he will not budge on the idea. He stays isolated for months at a time because when he is over stimulated he snaps.
I want to be able to help him in any way I can. Any advice?
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ptsd
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The place I’m currently with is a labour hire service. Personally I have no interest in anything trade related but the flexibility and financial side of this work is quite good, especially for those with ADHD in my opinion. You choose your work days as it’s hire service. The work is hands on, so typically easier for us to learn and most of the jobs themselves require quite a basic set of skills. You’re constantly moving sites so you aren’t gonna get bored as there’s at least some structural change in the actual work as well as location. There’s obviously gonna be some negative connotations to this, but that’s gonna come with most jobs. The whole concept of this type of work isn’t very complex at all and personally I’ve found it works quite well for me even with my lack of interest in this line of work. I’m currently only doing 3 days a week as I’m not on meds yet and mentally I just struggle to do more than that in a week, but the freedom is there to do more or less.
Hope this helped some of you guys out in finding a new line of work.
For anyone interested in beginning with the company I’m with PM me. I live in Australia and the work is based in and around Melbourne. The agency is always looking for new workers.
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ADHD
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I get intense guilt attacks when I see news relating to social issues, especially oppression of black and indigenous people. It’s almost like I hyperfixate on guilt. It’s really hard on me, I want to help but I’m an autistic girl with no friends who can’t even order my own chipotle bowl :/
How do I talk about this without making it about me? I can’t even talk to my therapist about this in depth because I sound like im virtue signaling. I need to talk about it tho because the guilt is so hard to handle.
Anyone else have this experience? Is ancestoral guilt more common/hard on autistic people?
I’m writing this at 2:30 am after having one of these guilt hyperfixations. It’s as if I can’t sleep until I solve systemic oppression🤦♀️
TY for letting me vent
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aspergers
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Has anyone felt their job or career triggers ocd?
I'm in data entry rn and when i was a teen i used to teach sports. the more years go by in my job, the more my ocd intensifies-one of my many themes is the "just right" kind. in some ways it's helpful with exposure therapy but in most ways its worsening it. i can barely perform my basic job duties now. might have to make a career change because i'm seriously considering going on disability and that's not my goal for my income.
really curious...have you stuck through triggering jobs or switched careers and thrived after doing so?
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OCD
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Anime is notorious as a hobby for having plenty and plenty of people with varying degrees of autism esp asperger syndrome.
However I was passing by the comic shop and it just came to me as I saw people coming out and fitting all the stereotypical description of Aspergers. I actually got inspired to go inside and buy some Sandman volumes because I never touched the series (damn its bee like a year since I visited the shop!!!) as a result of seeing the oh so stereotypical Aspie obsessive chatter about their fav hobby.
Inside I seen people with even more autistic behavior than Asperger (though still high functioning).
So it made me curious. Does the comics subculture attract more autistic people in the same way anime does than the rest of the general populace?
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aspergers
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I got a job as a sales rep recently. It's remote work. Pays really well. I'm not from the USA but our customers are from there. Any advice for someone who's new to all this?
I know it's the most unlikeliest job for someone who doesn't like to talk, but I'm not in a position to decline work. I'm in desperate times and this was the most stable job I could find. And I'd really like to try and make this work. Any advice would be appreciated.
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aspergers
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I’ve been volunteering with nice people with beautiful energy. Recently we started an initiative to deliver toys to kids. The process includes sorting toys that have been given away from people in a stand in a shopping mall. I never thought sorting toys would trigger my OCD in so many ways. And it mainly revolves around moral scrupulosity
All I could think of is what if I placed better toys and books for some families while giving other families worse toys. And I’d worry if I chose a toy or book that are inappropriate in terms of age to some kids. What if they felt offended I gave them toys for kids lesser in age? And while sorting, we have to decide if a toy goes to the garbage can. It made me spiral. I didn’t want to contribute to the ever growing trash landfill sites. What if I was hurting the volunteering group reputation by making these mistakes. It’s even harder that sorting the toys is a fast process and I have to make these decisions instantly
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OCD
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Sometimes I just wonder if this will ever stop, will I ever stop feeling like this, waking up to inexistent sounds, jumpy, sweaty and with my heart pounding? Hearing any of them breathe heavily or groaning in my ear, feeling like they're here and they can touch me, will that shit every go away?
It's my fault, how can I get over this without seeing the part that's my fault, how will I learn how to protect myself if my therapist says it's not my fault? So, if it's not my fault, if I didn't have responsibility on it, how the hell can I protect myself so it doesn't happen again? If I didn't do anything wrong how am I supposed to learn from this? How can I learn to protect myself? It must be my fault anyway, I feel angry, angry at them but mostly angry at myself...
So many years telling myself I was fine and I wasn't traumatized by all the times I was assaulted un the past, telling myself I was perfectly fine until it all blew up on my face after I was in fact raped last year, after I finally sat down and tried to process what happened because I was in such state of denial, because I just couldn't admit it, didn't have time or just didn't want to deal with it. And now I'm here, I can't help but blaming myself for what happened, for every stupid decision to trust any of those guys, I don't know how to feel anymore, I just don't know.
I only hope one day I can sleep well again, no nightmares, no weird sensations in my sleep, no weird sounds waking me up, no memories and flashbacks, I'd really give anything to forget, just like I've forgotten details about previous assaults, but this time forget all about it.
The anniversary of my rape is getting closer and closer and I feel so fucking trapped. I feel stupid, small and kind of dehumanised, I never thought I would ever feel like this, but processing this thing is hard, the more you understand, the harder it gets, the more you wonder "what could I have done to stop it, prevent it from happening?", I have no idea! And there again comes the "it's my fault, how can I prevent it from happening a next time if it wasn't?" How can I forgive myself for this? This is such a lonely road, how can I heal this when it fucking hurts so bad, when I can't even escape from it when I go to sleep? When I feel like I deserve all the pain I'm feeling, like I deserve all this aftermath... I'm terrified to trust again, but at the same time I'd love to do that, to have someone beside me to help me ease the pain, but I'm broken and I have no idea how to go about it ever again?
All I can say right now, is that I'm trying to rebuild myself, even if I don't know how to and all I can do is hope for it to work, I'm trying not to break more, I'm trying to heal, I'm trying to work on myself so I can go back to being me again, not this, not the leftovers of everything they took from me, not this pathetic attempt of cheerful human I'm trying to make everyone believe I still am, because I'm not, I am not that person anymore, but I don't really know who I am right now.
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ptsd
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I was recently diagnosed with Adhd and like many of you I've started to reanalyze my life under this new lense.
Although I've probably could have been further along in life with meds, at the age of 25 I'm glad I wasn't a child that grew up on them. I was listening to a podcast and the guy mentioned that medicating children can do long term alterations to their brain chemistry. It's probably similar in adults, however since we are nearing or at the end of our development I'd guess the effects aren't so "bad".
Don't get me wrong, I can't wait to start some stimulant medication soon. I've tried Adderall once been for 3 years ago and I felt laser focused like I've near felt before. I know I'm smart, but adhd has handicapped my abilities for sure. Still, because of developmental concerns I'm glad I'm starting medication at this stage where my frontal lobe development is almost "complete".
What do you all think? Would you have rathered medication earlier in life, or glad you'll start as an adult?
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ADHD
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does anyone else’s OCD themes appear in their dreams constantly? Sometimes it makes me afraid to fall asleep.
I had a dream about incest last night, which is a common intrusive thought theme of mine. Now I am awake, tossing and turning, truly disturbed and sick about what I dreamed about—and especially worried that I somehow enjoyed the dream in my subconscious.
Does anyone else get this? How do you guys cope?
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OCD
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I used to enjoy writing. Stories, sketches, poems, scripts, analogies, reviews, letters. Now I don't anymore. I am just to critical, judgmental of everything I write. Fuck me.
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depression
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I get jokes late. Even the most normal conversations, I have to process them in my head first. I'm the kinda person who would be holding a phone and searching for it everywhere else. I blurt out things that I don't even mean, and I make everything really awkward. It seems like talking is a chore, or even listening is. I've been called "dumb" so many times. It has really affected my self esteem. I know I have a lot of potential, I am currently aspiring to be a cybersecurity analyst and along with that I can paint pretty well, I can do 3D modelling, I can cook really good food, etc. So it's a really weird combination of everything. It's annoying because I know I can be really smart, and maybe I am, but I'm also really really dumb.
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ADHD
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i feel like shit rn, my parents screamed at each other so much today. i have a major exam tomorrow but i'm so affected by their fighting that i'm just crying and nothing i'm studying is going into my brain. i want to kill myself and the urges to self harm are really strong. i just want to be set free from this mental distress. i'm in so much pain rn i can't bear it anymore.
edit: thank you so much everyone for your kind words, i really appreciate it and i really needed it. i'm so sorry that i can't reply individually to everyone but i hope you all have a good day ahead! i'll do my best today.
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depression
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I've been talking to this girl for a little while now and we went on a date last week but it was very awkward because I didn't know how to make active conversation. The couple bits of back and forth would then be followed by more silence. Does anyone have any tips on how to make better conversation? We're meeting up again this week and I don't want to make the same mistakes again. As a heads up we don't really have a lot in common hobby wise otherwise that's what I would use to keep the conversation going
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aspergers
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Tomorrow is my birthday and I’m already feeling pretty bummed out.. and I have no idea why. Is it normal? Does this happen to anyone else? I broke down crying a couple times today too.
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depression
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I mean it’s liveable, I’m avoiding porn and things that make me OCD bad but how long am I going to live with this? When this first happened I thought it would only last for a week or two but man it’s been a year and a couple weeks and it just feels worse and worse, there are several things that could have stopped it from getting this far and you guys gave me the best advice but I didn’t listen, please please if you’re going through this you have to listen to the advice no matter how hard or trivial it sounds, don’t end up like me. Realising it now this all started because I had a basic groinal response, I don’t know why, I’ve had groinal responses before but I started ruminating and boom my HOCD manifested and then came the checking and that solidified it. I’m now afraid of porn and I’m afraid to sleep because of dreams, I also feel like I’m getting fetishes that aren’t me and I know they aren’t, I haven’t masturbated to them but they come into my head when I masturbate and it feels like I like it, how did it even get this far, I can’t do this forever man
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OCD
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Hello guys, hope everything’s alright!
I’ve been dealing with *random to avoid triggering* OCD for 2 years now.
Overall my attitude has been greatly improved since the major depressive episodes it caused me when it was untreated. However i feel a bit ashamed that to feel good i have to rely on sertraline 100 mg. When i am on Zoloft i feel like myself most of the time and OCD goes into remission, while as soon as i try to taper it off i go showing symptoms again.
My therapist says is because we still haven’t dealt with the problem that is linked to having a relationship (since this started after a bad breakup). So i guess i have to stay on it for as long as needed until i find confirmation. Overall i feel bad that i am retracing a bit after being 4 months free i experienced rebound.
Any advice? I’m exercising a lot but this thing worries me that i’ll never be like before.
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OCD
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I was talking with my friend about our teacher today, and they said, “He’s great, he’s a brilliant man.” I said, “Yes, do not tell him I said this, but he is maybe my favorite person in the world.” This is true, but as soon as I said it, I got awkward feeling that maybe it was a bad thing to say. My friend didn’t comment on it, he just kind of laughed and then we talked about something else, but I got feeling that I somehow disrupted the flow of the conversation, which usually means I said something awkward or creepy. Is this bad to say? I think it inside my head quite often, which is why it slipped out of my mouth I think. I have a feeling it is the kind of thought that should stay firmly locked inside head haha.
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aspergers
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Ok listen, I know that title sounds like a shitstorm, but just hear me out for a second.
I've grown up watching Youtube nonstop since I was like 10. My parents didn't do much in the way of stopping me, so I probably did it an unhealthy extent. It was one of my only escapes from a toxic household. Watching it for 5 hours a day has been my escapism/coping-mechanism for the better part of my life. And I've been able to keep myself together throughout most of the garbage changes that Youtube spat out. But removing dislikes is a change that sticks out no matter what I do to avoid it. They did it not to fight 'harassment', but so advertising companies could fucking hide up any sort of negative feedback they can get.
So when I see the huge capital letters saying 'DISLIKE' instead of a number, every time I see it under a video, my heart sinks. And I can't watch it anymore. It sucks out all the joy, mind numbingness, or escapism Youtube had ,and is pulling me right back into my classic Pure O thought loops about how much corporations will just keep taking and taking and taking and taking until there's nothing left of any of us and we become hollow shells, and how there is literally nothing people like us can do to stop them from abusing their power like this.
I've used an extension in the meantime to reveal the dislike counter again, but those will likely stop working within a month, and even still, I keep seeing completely garbage Youtube videos in my recommended because nobody downvoted them, and it triggers my anxiety again. The fucking greed of this company ruined my main venue for calm for me. The coping method I've been using for the past ten years. And there's fucking nothing I can do about it, I just wanna bang my head against a wall, because I know that corporations like this, they'll just keep taking and taking all of our freedoms, just slowly enough so we don't notice it. A year from now, they could limit comments to just 100- next year, they could be removed from videos- next, they could be removed from the website. And there would be NOTHING anybody could do to stop them. Cause what the fuck are people gonna do, move to Vimeo??? I can't keep thinking about this, or else I'm gonna decide it's not worth it again.
Is there anything, anything I can do to find a way to work around this???
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OCD
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I haven’t been diagnosed but I was wondering if those sounds like it.
I was sexually abused by my brother as a child (about 4-5 until 12).
I had blocked out these memories and images from them but I started therapy recently and they’ve come creeping back, I get sort of flashbacks of the things he did, I get vivid images of it in my head and it makes me feel physically sick to the point that I even gag sometimes, I can’t get the images out of my head and it makes my body feel like jelly and makes me shudder.
I can only recall a few of the times but the ones that I can, I can recall every little thing that happened.
I hate it, it’s so horrible and i dont know what’s going on.
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ptsd
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Who knows how long I have had PTSD. So I have isolated for year's, and I'm really lonely.
Lonely enough to attempt to kill myself 6 time's.
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ptsd
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What is so difficult about ocd is the constant search for a solution. So when I have something I ruminate about I want to get an answer (from me) that I can live with and that puts my mind at ease. But I get the feeling my mind or my brain doesn’t want to be at ease because if I try to relax it’s like my brain starts to scream and I have the urge to go on thinking about it. So I think again and I know the solutions to my problem leave some uncertainty and are not definite. So now if I do any other mental task or try to think about something else, my brain distracts me from that because it’s not my ocd problem I would be working on.
That seems to be my main problem with ocd. The absolute inability to switch to something else. I think this is prediction error signalling at work. If I try to think about something else my brain won’t let this be rewarding because it doesn’t contribute to the solution of the current ocd issue.
Do you know what I mean?
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OCD
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I’ve tried a few different medications, including Adderall, Concerta, Wellbutrin, Vyvanse, etc. I just started Guanfacine, but it makes me incredibly fatigued and gives me insane dry mouth. I can’t tell whether it’s helping with ADHD.
My best guess is that there is something about how my body processes medication that makes it difficult to reap the benefits without being overwhelmed by side effects. Adderall was the closest I got to feeling somewhat normal, but it made me feel on edge.
Has anyone had similar issues? What solutions have you discovered?
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ADHD
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Due to abuse starting early in my childhood, I don't remember life before cptsd. Does anyone else not remember what it's like to be normal?
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ptsd
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I have a big decision to make and I keep looking for reassurance. I want to be with someone but fear of my family’s reaction terrifies me. I don’t knoe what to do. The last time I want to be with someone from a different culture I had threats. This time I met someone wonderful from
A different culture and mg trauma is triggered. Again. We became very close and I don’t want to lose this person
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ptsd
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First I just think of it being this really over bearing shadow with fangs and teeth. This dark and disturbing ghost like shadow following me around like an unwanted companion, then as the minutes go by it gets smaller and smaller and smaller until it’s just a little black cat following me around wanting to knowledge that it’s there. It’s harmless in a way that just wanted to be seen. And once I get it down to that level I find it’s easier to deal with and I can go back to what I was doing. Sometimes it could take hours other times minutes.
But I find it helps. My form is more pure O and when I do have physical manifestations it’s not as hard to deal as the Pure O is.
I’ve never posted here before so I thought I would give an achievement I have accomplished. Something to help me cope with a disorder I’ve had all my life and just recently put the proper name to it.
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OCD
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I just wish the feeling would end when I wake up. It’s like I can’t crawl out of the hole I fell into while sleeping. Most of the time I can’t even remember what it was I dreamt of, but the feeling is always the same. I’m just fifteen again covered in blood, losing everything I hold dear. It takes forever to pull myself out.
It’s been thirteen years, and the flashbacks and flinching are less frequent but the night terrors bring it all back full force. I can’t distract myself, I just freeze.
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ptsd
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Hey there, if you're reading this I hope you're taking care of yourself. I personally had a really rough day with my OCD and just feeling down. Found this video right at the end of my night and it really struck a chord with me. I figured it could maybe help some of you out.
Take care. Love you all <3
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4yVd-QeVJLA](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4yVd-QeVJLA)
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OCD
|
I’ve always been an obsessive sort of personality, like as far back as I remember I have felt horrible guilt for doing incredibly innocuous things, to the point where I couldn’t sleep or eat or breathe properly until I told someone. I also had a period of time when I was younger where I was convinced I had every type of cancer possible if I felt even a little something off. The health anxiety subsided a bit but now most of my intrusive thoughts are related to morals. I’m obsessed with being the most morally perfect person and I often can’t relax at all if I feel I have violated a moral boundary of mine. I’m not even religious but I can’t say I don’t believe in God out loud because I’m worried I’ll go to hell, or that if I do something to upset Him I will cause something bad to happen to my family. I connect things that don’t have any real life connection, like “if I don’t tell my mom I love her before she leaves for work, she won’t make it home alive and it will be my fault,” things like that. A lot of my worst intrusive thoughts are about my loved ones dying in horrible ways. I don’t feel like I would harm them directly, but rather that my thoughts will do it. I also get horrible violent thoughts about painful things happening to me, like burning alive, or being tortured, and I don’t even know why. Typing it out it all sounds irrational, but in the moment a lot of times I truly believe it. It’s been getting really bad lately—I can’t say anything or behave normally at times because I’m scared that everything I say has this butterfly effect on the entire world that will lead to bad things happening to me or my loved ones. I constantly feel like a bad person or like what I think and feel is wrong and that everyone hates me and will leave me if I mess up.
I can’t tell if this is OCD or just anxiety, but it’s 100% obsessive. I didn’t know until recently about pure O and it really seemed to touch upon an aspect of my anxiety that I have found to be really upsetting an debilitating, but not always something that I can accurately describe. I’m wondering if I should mention this to my therapist.
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OCD
|
People like to say that their home or more specifically their room is their safe haven but not for me. With my stalker and the things i went through because of them my home and even my room feels like a prison. They know where i live and they could easily come for me whenever they want to. But my work is the exception. To make a long story short my stalker was an old coworker of mine but they quit a long time ago. Some of my coworkers know who my stalker is and are even supportive of me so if anything happened i know that i'll be safe, but at home my family doesn't know who the person is or even what exactly happened to me so i feel so alone. No matter what i say to my family they simply don't care or just yell at me to get over it. So now my work is my "safe haven" at least from "them" but i'm honestly miserable at my job However, i'm too afraid to leave because i know that when i do that know one will be there to help or understand. Whenever i'm out in public i'm paranoid, but not so much at work. With how trapped i'm feeling i haven't been able to sleep lately. I just don't know what to do.
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ptsd
|
Hello,
I just wanted to see if anyone has been experiencing this symptom of POCD. I haven't been intentionally watching videos or reading articles on pedophiles lately but when the off-chance I do, say like a news story for like a pedo-teacher or something, my brain doesn't get the same sort of response of disgust like it used to. There will be times where my brain says "I can relate to this perpetrator...." and my heart will begin to sink.
I don't get a panic attack or anything since I've gotten used to dealing with my thoughts and I know better than to look inwardly at my values since it's not a moral issue (as in, I'm an immoral person), it's a thought-action fusion issue. But with that, there comes the issue of not reacting to these POCD thoughts as I'd like to (like with disgust), which bothers me. Though, the better part of my brain says that it's all par-for-the-course when dealing with OCD.
Thank you!
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OCD
|
I started Zoloft because I felt it was time. The beginning stunk. I am now clear of most of the bad side effects. Since starting the medication, I'm:
* reading at my old pace
* cleaning without fearing death
* enjoying things I haven't enjoyed in years
* taking risks that I never imaged I'd take again
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OCD
|
I've always known I had some sort of mental thing going on. Constantly anxious, sweaty palms, secondary conscious ALL THE TIME... sometimes to the point of no sleep. Caffeine makes me extremely tired, and work seems hard to focus on a lot of the time.
The problem here is I'd like to get diagnosed and medicated for it, but I don't want it to be like, "Oh I have ADHD so I'm just gonna start taking drugs." It just feels weird to me. I've dealt with this for a long time, went through many dark times because I had no one around, not even parents, and didn't know what was wrong with me. (They never told me they had these issues up until recently.)
How do I go about this? Thanks.
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ADHD
|
This is an open letter to all of my brothers and sisters who are living every day with this thing:
ADHD sucks. It is such a broadly disruptive monster that we see deficits in a lot of the things that 'normal' people take for granted; it also affects the very mechanism that gives us our feelings of self-worth, accomplishment, and connectedness. But we have to fight back. We have to, guys and gals.
My Reddit feed for this group leaves me heartbroken. So many of us are asking for help because we can't stand ourselves. We suffer in a world that gaslights us; we are treated so differently than a person with a more 'obvious' disorder (Downs syndrome, cerebral palsey, etc.) would be treated. Now, I'm not saying that ADD/ADHD and Downs syndrome are similar. I'm not saying that at all. I'm merely commenting on the stigma those of us with unique, poorly understood 'mental disorders' such as ADD/ADHD face on a daily basis, disorders who don't have any physical evidence to corroborate our illness. Even writing this, I cringe at the term 'mental disorder'. Another example of our chronic feelings of being broken and dysfunctional.
The regularity in which a post is made discussing intense emotional pain leads me to believe that we are not winning the fight. Some of us are doing great, and it's fortunate that this community offers a flair where we can celebrate our successes. We should use this option more often. Even the smallest victory deserves to be celebrated, as we know how difficult it can be to gain traction against such a monster. But what if we are just not seeing any progress? What if we long for a chance to post about some sort of victory only to find defeat again and again?
Guys and gals, I'm writing this as a rallying cry against this bullshit we live with. We have to fight! I really feel like we don't utilize every single weapon we have, and find our lives unenriched and tiresome. Medication is only one option, and while it is possibly the strongest weapon in our arsenal, it is certainly not the only one. We have other options that can augment the medication and lead us to a better place. Options like individual counseling, group therapy, art therapy, emotional support animals, changes in our diets (personally I have found that our diets play a direct role in our emotional well-being and the scientific literature supports this. Google 'diet and ADHD'), substance abuse treatment (for those of you who, like me, tried for years to treat my ADD/ADHD without the help of a medical professional), additional medication to treat comorbid disorders such as depression... the list goes on.
I'm asking everyone who is struggling to amp up your fight against this thing and look into additional ways that you can treat your symptoms. I really truly believe that there is no reason for so many of us to be suffering so greatly. I know it is the hardest thing to do; every bone in your body tells you that no other treatment will work and that you are just destined to be this way. You have to fight it. I love every single one of you because I can do more than sympathize: I can empathize. But I also have given myself every advantage I can, which has included individual counseling, changes in my diet, courses of group therapy, and medication to treat other disorders. I think a lot of us have a comorbid depression diagnosis whether we know it or not, and without treating that and only treating the ADHD we are severely limiting ourselves.
This letter is meant to empower anyone who is struggling. The purpose of this letter is to grab those of you who are struggling by the shoulders and shake you and hug you at the same time. If you are still struggling, you owe it to yourself just search out additional treatment. I firmly believe that no person, no matter what diagnosis they have, is doomed to live a life in the shadows, a life that includes wondering about every single thing you say and whether or not it was annoying. A life that makes us feel more connected to those around us, instead of feeling like an outcast. None of us must live like this, and it is only fair to yourself to give up if you have exhausted every single possible treatment. Please keep fighting. Fight like hell. I can't wait for a day when the ADHD community has more success stories then post that convey despair. We have to help each other. But we also have to help ourselves.
If anyone could get any offense to anything I said, I apologize. It was not my intent to offend or shock or anything like that. I just want to remind everyone what they are worth and to tell you that there is hope, but sometimes our Hope isn't right in front of us.
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ADHD
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My therapist told me to masturbate to my intrusive thoughts but I feel absolutely terrified about doing that. Do you think I should or should I try the regular exposures of just sitting with the thoughts ? I’m beyond scared and upset. Please help
Edit: bc someone asked my therapist is in training to earn his PHD. He’s helped me quite a bit so far. Also this is about IOCD. When I was a child I believe I had HOCD, but eventually I got over it on my own. I just sort of accepted it. This is a lot harder to accept.
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OCD
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I hate it so much, I haven’t felt like myself at all for weeks.
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OCD
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So I should probably give anyone reading some backstory, I have had OCD since I was around 12 years old (my therapists have found many OCD traits in me since childhood however.) When I was 12 I shone a cat laser in my eye and was worried about it so I asked my dad if it was dangerous and he completely freaked out and said “you could have gone blind doing that” that triggered my first ever panic attack, I had to be driven to hospital as I could not calm down, breathe etc. I then began washing showering frequently until the point where my hands were raw and red this continued for almost a year but with help from my current psychologist using CBT and ERP I managed to stop the excessive washing and it almost seemed to disappear for a while. Then about halfway through 9th Grade I started having intrusive thoughts about some things I would rather not discuss, all day, everyday, the same thoughts for months on end until February 2020 the start of grade 10 for me. This was when I decided it would be a great idea to try Magic Mushrooms for the first time (I had only smoked weed a couple times before that.) The trip was ok i was not scared during the experience however the morning afterwards I felt weird, to be expected, but I googled and saw something on HPPD (Hallucinogen-persisting perception disorder) and my mind decided to completely fixate on regular things in my vision that everyone sees (I have confirmed I don’t have this disorder with multiple psychologists and a psychiatrist) after that I focused on my vision and was hyper aware all day everyday until that was replaced with repeated words of different mental health disorders (HPPD, PTSD, BPAD, OCD) in that order over and over again for a year and a half. I am now in grade 11 at school now (16 years old at time of this post) and these repetitive thoughts are ruining my life, I can’t sleep, I can hardly function and go to school, my attendance had been 50% this year. I have abstained from all drug use since the incident with the mushrooms, except my medication, 20mg escitalopram daily (have been taking since March 2020) and recently 0.5mg clonazepam as a take as need medication after 2mg of diazepam (did not last long enough/ was not strong enough for me.) I have been recently diagnosed with PTSD from these 2 experiences and have been to a few sessions of EMDR as-well as my usual CBT which i have been going to since March 2020. I have seen little improvement in my symptoms and then almost seem to be getting worse. It has been the same words over and over for the last year and a half.
any advice would be greatly appreciated :)
( sorry for the long post but thank you to anyone that reads it, i hope everyone’s doing ok 🙂)
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OCD
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**\*TW\***
I've been having so many flashbacks this past week and they just keep getting worse and worse. I'm panicking hardcore right now, so much that I feel I need to go to the hospital (again) because I want to self-harm. But I'm in a newish relationship and I'm worried he'll leave me if I do. Idk what to do, I just want all this to stop.
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ptsd
|
I left therapy after months of saying *nothing* to her. I couldn't, I didn't understand anything I felt and now some of them clicked. I was watching a TED talk about suicide, a woman read her husband's journal – a depressed man who killed himself. Even though he was successful, had a wife who he loved and adorable children, he wasn't happy. It was always about how he would make his family happy.
I don't know what I want. I want to have kids someday, but because I want to make them happy. I want to give them what I couldn't have. When I was younger, I wanted to travel the world. Now I don't understand how that could make me happy. All my hobbies are meant to impress other people, I don't know what career path I want to follow, what are my dreams, motivations... I don't know nothing, and when I think I do know something, I don't know if I really know that. Sometimes I think everything about my life is fake. I am not depressed all the time, though. When I am not thinking about myself, but engaged in something else. I've been taking medications for 4 months now, they were supposed to be working. Do I need time to find my way?
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depression
|
I was original supposed to be seeing a psychiatrist that specializes in what I’m dealing with (adhd and bipolar 2). Now they set me up with someone different. I read her bio. It says she has a holistic approach and she believes wellness comes from physical, social, and spiritual well-being. It says she helps with person goals such as therapy, mindfulness, stress management, exercise, and sleep hygiene.
I have a bad feeling she’s going to tell me to try therapy, sleep, and eat better. I’ve been waiting over 6 months to get medication and I’ve had several setbacks. I’m so worried I’m going to waste $300 on this appointment for nothing. I don’t want therapy from this person. I’m trying to get setup with therapy with the person that diagnosed me because she was amazing and the only person I ever felt like truly listened to me. I have talked to multiple therapists and felt like it was a pity party for me which I hate. The one that diagnosed me was the only one I’ve ever been able to open up to. Unfortunately her office doesn’t have anyone that can prescribe medication so I ended up at an appointment at this place.
Does the bio sound like a red flag? Someone that doesn’t want to prescribe medication?
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ADHD
|
Let’s say I have something that triggers me when I think about it or hear about it. Originally my muscles would spasm like in terms of the skin would move up and down. You know what I’m talking about? It’s almost like a moving pulse. Then I got paresthesia to accompany it. Then itches. Then my body started to jerk in a different way than the muscle spasms. They shake without my permission but in a way that isn’t the muscles.
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OCD
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I feel guilty that i forgot some thought about myself a few months ago, which seemed to be important. Do u think it's OCD?
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OCD
|
I went to the doc one day and described some of my daily difficulties, he then wrote me an Adderall prescription saying I may have ADHD. The medicine works very well for the most part. Doc says he can't give me a strict diagnosis for ADHD.
My question: Do I need to pay some clinic $700 to give me an official diagnosis when i'm doing ok with the Adderall? I don't have much money.
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ADHD
|
I have harm ocd. These last few days I havent been getting anxious about ocd thoughts. They'll pop into my head I'll be like "whatever" or just continue on. Sometimes it's like I put them there. It's dumb and making me anxious. I hate this.
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OCD
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so, i started meds 12 days ago, at first i was feeling better but now it seems like they stopped working? im feeling worse again and i don’t know is it’s normal or they actually stopped working please advices
|
OCD
|
It’s getting to the point I just can’t take it anymore. No one cares no one wants to help. Be better off dead.
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depression
|
I believe my ocd is highly triggered. My grandma died in the hospital suddenly. A few days before she expressed she wasn’t please with the treatment she received in the hospital she was in before transferring. Being that I work in healthcare I explained that possibly it wasn’t how she saw it and that the care staff were there to care fir her. She was upset and said I wasn’t living this and that she was. I did speak to her two days after that and she was in a new hospital. We had good conversations to my knowledge that I can remember. But she passed away a few days later and I’m obsessed with the idea that MAYBE she always angry with me for not advocating for her. Is this normal to have intrusive thoughts about a loved one ?
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OCD
|
I've recently joined my first job (yay!) and i noticed that people complain A LOT about everything, even things that are not *that* bad.
More recently, a new coworker joined and, the first day he tried to start a conversation by complaining about the food, but the conversation ended when I dismissed his complaints (he was telling me that there were too much vegetables and that the food was so bad that he thought we were getting the leftovers, and i pointed out that our bosses were eating the same as us).
Since then, i've noticed that I've been left apart in conversations (mostly because they are almost always complaints, which i rarely do, and women, which i don't like to talk about) and i think that part of it is due to me being understanding with the inconveniences of the workplace
Do you think that NT people use complaints as a way of socializing?
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aspergers
|
Is it an OCD thing to have to rewrite professional emails (and probably school emails, too, but I’m not in school anymore so I don’t know haha) like a million times and ask other people to read them too to make sure they make sense and don’t sound rude?
It feels like an OCD thing because of the reassurance seeking and just general “I’m an awful person if I don’t write this the correct way” but I wanted to know if anyone else has experienced this? And what you’ve possibly done about it?
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OCD
|
Anyone else realize their constant shortness of breath was a trauma response/anxiety not allergies?
I have allergies so in the past, I always thought when I was experiencing shortness of breath because of allergy induced asthma. I also am anemic so I know that can cause shortness of breath. These are definitely reasons I have difficulty breathing sometimes, however, I’ve begun to realize how much trauma has played a role in the breathing.
Recently, I’ve been more mindful of my breath and I noticed it changes through out the day. If I am triggered (which is constantly), I will often hold in my breath or start having shortness of breath/ difficulty breathing. If I try to calm myself down with meditation and deep breaths, my breathing can become easier. When I take cbd oil, I notice my breathing becomes easier because it turns down my fight or flight response that leads to shortness of breath. After sleeping, I notice my breath is better as well. So really a lot of this shortness of breath was due to trauma. I even got tested for sleep apnea recently because I noticed the difficulty of breathing and how I would stop breathing but I didn’t have sleep apnea.
Wow! So now I am really going to try to focus on my breathing and pursue Breath Work.
Anyone relate?
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ptsd
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I have an issue being consistent in treatment with depression. I have cooled down a little with regard to my thoughts trying to call me into the void.
In looking at myself more closely I am realizing that I have difficulty being consistent. Mostly because I don't know how committed I am to life and living. Now, I fear death. I do not want to die. But I fear that I will not e able to manage the pain anymore and I will hurt myself in the process. Medications are expensive, the symptoms are embarrassing and backward. The cost of counseling is high and I seem not to be getting any payback.
I fear that over time, my attempt are going to lead me into serious permanent issues that may come from my irrational and impulsive emotions..... all because I was impatient.
I feel like all I am doing is complaining and I am a rational person. I want to be pragmatic but, I don't have support here in this country, and I feel like I wont be able to resist my impending doom. I do not know what to do. I have been writing so much to express myself, so that my pain goes somewhere but I don't know if this can continue, cause there is no solution just pain. I've been ill with depression for more than a decade, I am 23. I have no physical friends that can accompany me, I do not know where to find them. Everyone here is so reserved and quiet and to them self.
Christ. Well I will continue to try to resist the void but I am going to be bitter.
Thanks for reading.
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depression
|
Kind of a hopeless post. It takes me quite a bit of effort to post this.
So, I have symptoms of ocd, I follow therapy that is for ocd, but my diagnose is still unclear to me. I have no compulsions and I know that isn’t the case for everyone with ocd. I am diagnosed with ADD and social anxiety. But I think there is more wrong with me. I am extremely ‘obsessed’ about psychosis. But I think that’s not for no reason. Psychologist I have been to have said I didn’t have them, because my behavior would be different, but I must admit that my latest thoughts are hard to share to anyone. Here it is anonymous so I feel a bit more comfortable to share it. The psychiatrist I had the last time did said my thoughts comes close to delusions..
Anyway, here are the things where I am obsessing about.
I believe that using wood, plants and animal products isn’t good. Why? I’m not sure. All of a sudden these thoughts came to me and I have never got to shake them off. If I fully believe them is a question to me still. If I was I probably wouldn’t post this. It’s super hard, because in everyday life you just come across of it. I recently got a guitar and it just feels bad that I have such a big wooden object. Something I have to avoid. But I try not and that leads to complex frustration. I think they aren’t intrusions, but I’m not sure. I’m not sure about anything at this point tbh.
Another obsession of me is about the whole covid situation and I constantly obsess about it. I’m scared of the division of society. People who are vaccinated seemed to be really angry on people who aren’t. I have al kinds of doom scenario’s what could happen. Probably not realistic for others, but for me they are. Especially lately, because it was just on the news that people without vaccination are getting in lockdown and people with aren’t. The whole situation just scares me. I’m scared for all kinds of medication, drugs etc. So I haven’t been vaccinated. I just can’t make a decision.
Another obsession is about evil stuff and I’m afraid it can influence me. But it goes deeply. Like, certain colors and numbers are feeling bad. I can’t say religious terms. I have no idea why it happened without a reason. I think very oddly that energy of humans can be in stuck in objects. But only negative ones. Idk why I think this..
I am overall very distrustful towards anything. So well, I think I have evidence I have something else. Psychosis is the first thing that comes to my mind. Or worse, schizophrenia. It makes me incredibly depressed. I am afraid I would never be able to get healthy again. Emotionally I am in disbalance. It just feels like a war inside my mind.
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OCD
|
Hey, wassup. I’m 18 and pretty stressed about life. I rarely feel happiness, and nothing comes relatively close to making me happy. I can shred guitar, but that doesn’t fulfill me. Same with skateboarding. Im applying to college and most of the time im questioning the meaning of everything, of my future. I think I’m asexual, which i think sucks, and even if I could get in bed with someone, i would last 30 seconds. That sucks (small dick gang btw! This bothers me way too much!). I barely feel emotion, Can’t fall in love, and I’m pretry sure that I love no person alive. I think I could be a mysanthrope which further frustrares me. I’m also very anxious almost all the time, I think I’m having derealisation problems, everything feels like it doesn’t exist all the time, I’m also depressed and insecure, even tho i look pretty good (except my height, im pretty short so that sucks..). I’m on therapy but it doesn’t help much. I have “friends” that are good people , but i dont feel their love, or my parents’ love. I don’t know, i became religious and I’m trying to have faith, and I’m for the first time in a while just a little bit better. I’ve been feeling like shit for 2 years now. I want to know what keeps you going. How do you deal with this?
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depression
|
What can help, even if it's slight help, would lexapro work?
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ptsd
|
Yesterday i tried to process trauma with my therapist but it didnt leave me in good condition and now im thinking about it when im trying hard to distract myself like studying
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ptsd
|
Imma try to keep this a short and easy read..
This is the time to put your skills to use! If you've been diagnosed with PTSD this time is *all* about you! This is the time to be selfish AF.
I live in the US and have been on lockdown for about 6 weeks. I went to therapy twice a week for 6 months and then once a week for 4 years. I've always thought of myself as "cured" as possible.
The last 3 days for me have been a TRIAL! I consider myself an expert and I am struggling!!!
Please be kind to yourself right now. Please be sympathetic to yourself right now. For us PTSDers, we have our own unique fight going on right now.
What you are feeling is very real and very valid!!
Your body might be rebelling right now. Mine is!! My mind is in good shape but I'm having trouble eating and sleeping. Do not be surprised by this!
Just like the virus, this is not the time to sit around and wait for things to get better. For many of us, we need to actively fight for our health! Put your skills to the test, or in my instance, it's time to start retraining skills we haven't used in a while.
I've got this. You got this!!
** If you are having trouble managing your symptoms by yourself please contact a professional or crisis team immediately!**
If you are not sure you need extra support right now, the answer is probably yes! Please reach out to someone you trust!
Edit: I apologize to everyone who sent me questions! I decided to take a 10 hour break from screens, I was going to post an update saying I was currently offline but I did forget! I will be watching my reddit account today for about the next 10 to 12 hours so please send me your questions or feel free to just rant or explain your bad feelings or whatever you'd like to say!
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ptsd
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