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Hi... Prepare for a huge txt but I need to vent with someone because I need an opinion of what to do and what to feel. I can't tell if I'm overthinking or not. Or if I'm being a horrible person and I should even feel more guilty.
This is about ROCD.
I'm gay and I have a gf. We have been dating for almost 5 months and in absolutely in love with her. She's my everything and I'm so afraid to be unfair/cheating.
I also have this friend (he's a guy btw) who's overly flirtatious with everyone and he's also super insecure about himself and takes a lot of things people say very personally.
I also suffer from a bit of sexual orientation ocd and sometimes I fear that I have a crush on him or something... Even though I don't even want even cuddle him let alone anything else....
We have this joke between us that we are husband and wife (it started before I even knew that my gf confessed feelings for me) and I always feel guilty for not ending the joke with my friend because he'd get depressed and maybe harm himself... And yes! I did tell my gf about this joke and she's OK with it.
His nickname is cookie and he started a joke once because I was eating cookies once and he started laughing because... Well... You know what it entails. And sometimes I'm saying I'm eating cookies to make him laugh... But now I regret it because I maybe I'm flirting with him or something.
I don't really know what flirting is. I know when I'm flirting with my gf but not if I'm accidentally flirting with others. And flirting for me (yes... This is just my take on it. My choice. But I feel that *me*flirting is cheating and I don't want to do that...
I sometimes feel a really tight bond with this friend and it scares me. I try to dismiss my thoughts but they scare me that I may have a crush on him or something... And I don't want that... I just want to love my gf.
There was this time... Even before I was dating my gf (but it was after she confessed her feelings for me), I was playing games with cookie (he was watching me), and he said "you are so cute" in a tender voice and I sat there feeling flushed - like those feelings you have when you develop a crush? Idk if I was feeling a crush or not. And I somewhat panicked. I have false memories about that moment. Heck! Maybe I'm just fooling myself that those were false memories. I started feeling worried that I actually was happy with him being this loving to me.... But I do think that I assured myself that i didn't because I don't want to have a romantic relationship him but my memory fails me.... And I have doubts and worries that... I did want to be romantic with him (Im pretty sure I don't but not entirely...)
One more event that has been guilt-tripping me is that... Once or twice... I acted or did something "cute" for him to compliment me... I can't remember what! Or maybe I'm having false memories again... And I think it's definitely flirting and therefore cheating!
I hate myself... I've been crying and feeling miserable.... And I have been avoiding said friend.
I regret so badly ever meeting this friend because I told him that he needs to stop with the lewd jokes about me and he hasn't.
I feel like I should break with my gf because she deserves so much better... She's an angel and I don't deserve her. I love her so much...
(I don't know if it helps but he's a very loving person and sometimes he says he wants to give me kisses and cuddles and I say "sure" because I don't want to hurt him but I'm always uncomfortable with that idea)
Please help me... And please don't hate me... I'm so sorry....
I really just need a friend right now.
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OCD
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Is it a friendly gesture or is it a sign of dominance?
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aspergers
|
I Took ritalin in the morning as usual, studied for 4 and half hours and was normally tired. Did my lunch, cleaned the house, finished a YouTube video I've been working on for weeks now. Started and finished project for university.
I've been on medication for 3 or 4 months now, works fine. But I never felt so normal as today. Like "hm, I have to do this thing." And then do it with zero friction.
It's really uncanny to compare how much mental effort things usually cost to how easy today has been.
This is how it is to be normal? I really liked it. Could play one hour of Sniper Elite without getting bored. I'm going to the gym now, when I'm back probably will start reading a book I bought a few days back.
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ADHD
|
I started Vyvanse early last month and even on the best days where is works very well (never for more than 3 hours before an anxious/tired crash), it just doesn't sound like I've ever experienced euphoria. This is what it felt like on my:
First Day:
- Emotionally secure. More confident posture.
- A few anxious thoughts but once I thought about something else I no longer felt anxious (usually the feeling remains even after thoughts move on)
- Tasks seem achievable when I think about doing them. I cleaned my room and went to work and then slept as soon as I got back.
- Not as much time spent debating whether to do things
- Easier to move e.g sit down / stand up / turn head to look to the side (Perhaps I also have hypertonia which the meds fixed? Dunno)
- I took my meds and played a game while waiting to see if I noticed anything different. For maybe 5 mins I had this weird feeling where I kept coming to the realisation "Oh look, I'm playing this game" and then I'd just continue playing and then I'd notice it again. Not sure how to explain but I found it hard to focus.
Other days which the meds work:
- I feel emotionally secure and calm. Even if I'm sad I still feel comfortable and strong.
- Generally satisfied with existing
- Anxious thoughts are easily dismissed and relationship problems seem small and fixable. I consider planning to meet.
- Anxious thoughts about partner are replaced with thoughts of appreciation and empathy
- No longer have to change to the next song every 10 seconds.
Sometimes when I sleep while on meds:
- My visual thoughts just have this feeling of precision and clarity, like they are in 4k HD. Once after playing a game (League of Legends) for hours I felt tired and laid in bed, and as I thought about other things, I was visualising playing the game and it felt so clear and hd, like the thought had more weight.
Does any of this sound like euphoria or has anyone else felt stuff like this?
EDIT: Also on my second day I kinda felt nothing. I got really worried the effects of the medicine one the first day were just placebo.
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ADHD
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Does anyone else find them selves feeling restless out of nowhere, I'm not tired but my whole body is restless, I'm pacing, and I keep shaking my legs. I got bad news yesterday that is directly related to my ptsd and I think that may be what triggered this. If anyone else has had this what do you do to help? I literally can't focus on anything and am not comfortable in any position or even walking right now. It's making it hard to work.
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ptsd
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This is a very good article on the state of ADHD care in New Zealand. I know from my own experience, it's very hard to get a diagnosis through the public system, particularly as an adult, and there are very few private specialists either.
[https://www.rnz.co.nz/news/in-depth/457283/the-health-system-s-attention-deficit-when-it-comes-to-adhd](https://www.rnz.co.nz/news/in-depth/457283/the-health-system-s-attention-deficit-when-it-comes-to-adhd)
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ADHD
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RESEARCH VOLUNTEERS: Healthy women (age 18-40) with ADHD taking stimulant medication needed to study the effects of ADHD across the menstrual cycle. The study involves daily surveys that take 5-10 minutes for 35 days to track ADHD symptoms, medication and substance use, and mood across the menstrual cycle. Must be normally cycling and not using hormonal contraception. Compensation for time up to $55.
Contact us:
Phone: (646)-774-5151
Email: rebecca.zaritsky@nyspi.columbia.edu
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ADHD
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I am having a huge flare of symptoms, it's getting so bad so fast that I'm really getting worried tbh. ...
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ptsd
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Using a throw-away account to post this; hope that's okay. What I've written below may be triggering, hence the NSFW tag. This is also very long-winded and ranty. With that out of the way:
From a young age I presented with many of the classic symptoms of autism including hand flapping; monotonous voice; repetitive and obsessive interests; and general social ineptitude. I was diagnosed formally when I was 12 however because of my eccentricities I've attracted medical & educational attention from as early as I can remember. I've always had a feeling that the world did not accept or adapt to my needs and have had three major depressive episodes in my life, the first of which nearly resulted in my death. I was a teenager when that first episode occurred and was filled with so much rage and unbridled depression that I was hospitalised twice and put through a gruelling regiment of over 35 combinations of antipsychotics, antidepressants, benzodiazepines, and lord knows what else. These cocktails resulted in 100lb weight gain, extra-pyramidal muscle spasms from hell, shivers, loss of IQ, multi-day insomniac spells, etc. I ended up weaning myself off a 5 drug cocktail (against medical advice) which I believe resulted in seizures. I did not verify the seizures as I had absolutely no trust in any medical professional at that stage.
I learned to function as an alcoholic young adult holding a well paying job thanks to leveraging my special interests. Daily heavy alcohol and cigarette use was easier to access and felt less horrible than what the doctors did to me in spite of hundreds of dollars a month in expense, hangovers, and health damage. During this time I was raped on two separate occasions due to my alcohol use, desire for human connection, and inability to see warning signs. Eventually I had a second depressive episode when that lifestyle caught up and switched my god-awful nicotine and alcohol combo for legally prescribed medical cannabis. Cannabis worked great for me and allowed me to move along with my career, lose the weight, and get married. (Yes, I lost weight on pot! lol)
I am now in my late 20s and facing my third depressive episode. Still taking the cannabis as it works wonders for anxiety but, increasingly, the past has crept up on me and tarnished my otherwise sunny demeanour. This lead me on a spirit quest of sorts to figure out what was going on in my head. I have worked with a therapist to better understand my autism and what a world it revealed to me. Stimming is a thing that explains the hand flapping (which I still do but in private), the lack of social skills explains the meat grinder that was my schooling experience, sounds hurting my ears is sensory overload, etc., etc. Wow! So much clarity, I wonder why no-one told me this shit when I was younger. In spite of my diagnosis I was just thrown into the world because I was told this was a childhood, temporary, disorder that would go away in time. (How wrong that was)
Yet, in spite of these revelations, I felt like I did not have a full picture so I've been hitting the internet lately reading everything that I can about autism. Today, I hit a page on [autism.wikia.org](https://autism.wikia.org) describing ABA. It sent a shiver down my spine and opened the shaken can of pop that was my repressed memories.
At my elementary school in a hellhole small town in rural Alberta I was tied to a chair in front of my class to "stop my retarded behaviour". The other students were encouraged to mock me and the teachers would grab me and pin me down whenever I would stim. I was 6 or 7 years old. My parents were invited to the school to discuss this and the programme extended to my own home. My parents would pin me to the dining room chair until I stopped vibrating. My stims became increasingly discrete with me eventually learning to repress them and 'unbottle' them at 2AM when everyone was asleep. My siblings were encouraged to mock the stimming and my parents would always complain about my behaviour whenever I managed to get a friend to come over. Something along the lines of "well why can't you be as well behaved as so-and-so" if I were to twitch. No one came over twice. A common phrase I heard growing up was "behaviour modification" whenever I would do something deemed eccentric. My siblings were not raised on nearly as tight a leash as myself.
Upon connecting these dots earlier today I... broke right down. I had buried such horrible treatment and even, in twisted sense of reality, deemed it justified. Long have I held in contempt the idea of the "Autism rights movement" in that I always considered autism a thing to be corrected, not an acceptable deviation of the human norm. I considered my mental health struggles as a natural consequence of autism and ignored the real cause. I am a victim of the Canadian government's shitty educational and mental health system's inability to cope with people like me. I was not born with depression or anxiety, it was given to me by those motherfuckers! They turned my parents into abusers and ruined our relationship. They destroyed my childhood and prevented me from achieving my potential based on nothing but psuedoscientific mumbo jumbo and ignorance. I just want to SCREAM!!!!
I hope to god that this is not a common experience amongst aspergians, but based on my internet searches this evening I fear it may still be commonplace and that brings me great sadness for humanity. I'd be interested in hearing other people's stories related to ABA, in particular if you also were subjected to it by a Canadian school as I was. Or tell me I'm a moron and pinning down autists is proper treatment. Let 'er rip!
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aspergers
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Is this common? Every thing on my to do list makes me feel anxious so I rush to get things done without caring about the quality of the final product. It makes me feel like shit because I have no patience for anything and I could never do anything that involves a lot of time just to make something perfect. Why do I feel like I’m always in a race??
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ADHD
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ocd made me realize some things i did, it made me see them differently and i honestly understood that i am not the kind of people who are meant to have close relationships with others, because no one will want to be associated with me once they know everything. it just keeps throwing it in my face all the time, i feel unworthy of everything, i just hate who i am and wish i can just restart. ocd helped me and just destroyed my life at the same time, i feel like i dont deserve to be alive i just genuinely feel like i want to die and just hopefully someone will come every while and put a flower on my grave or just pay respect in their own way, i just hate who i am and really struggling to keep living like this, im trying but what is the worth of anything to me at this point? no worth.
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OCD
|
Right now I'm just... Laying in bed... It's noon, and I'm just laying here. Haven't even taken a step out of bed.
And my mind is just... Swirling with so many thoughts. Thinking about how horribly lonely I am... Or how my anxiety is so bad I can barely talk to people. I try to make online friends but... I can tell they're just not interested in me.
I've never had friends growing up... Or ever in general. Never been in any kind of relationship. And my motivation for anything is just... Not there.
Without my dog, I don't think I'd be here. She's like the one thing keeping me from up and jumping off the nearest bridge.
And I'm just sad, I'm so damn tired of being sad. My anxiety and depression is so bad I can't even enjoy the things I normally love doing.
I love to play guitar, been playing for about a year. But recently... I can't even bother to pick it up and play. Everytime I try I feel like crying.
I just wanna sleep forever.
Edit: well, it's now hours later from this post... And you know what? I played guitar, and I fucking loved it. Of course, my depression isn't cured but... I'm really happy for those I can call friends.
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depression
|
My daily routine has become increasingly boring to me. I enjoy my evenings, to some extent, but most of the day, I'm bored no matter what I'm doing. Unless I'm eating. I'm at the point of being pretty seriously overweight, though I won't share any numbers, and I'm trying to cut down on my eating, but god, it feels like the only thing that gives me any dopamine throughout the day. Even when I'm doing things I enjoy, I still feel bored! How do I get out of this state?
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ADHD
|
Hi. I recently started Ritalin and I'm currently taking 15mg twice a day. I am noticing some improvement, but also dry mouth, dry eyes, trouble sleeping, anxiety, increased heart rate, and stomach aches.
I have been given the choice to try to continue with ritalin and soon start concerta, which should help some of those things, or to try adderall instead.
I am curious if adderall might do better and give me fewer side effects, but I am also curious of concerta might be better as well.
I don't know what to ask my psychiatrist. I am constantly second guessing how well the ritalin is working but idk if I should be giving up on it if I have seen a bit of improvement.
I'm seriously at a loss here.
Any advice is much appreciated.
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ADHD
|
I’m not sure how this will work for other people, but I tend to fight against plans which are laid out for me - even the ones which I have laid out myself. I’m trying to reframe planning ahead as a time map with directions. Like realistically when I need to get to a specific destination I know that I am going to need to essentially go on autopilot and follow exactly what the GPS says in order to get where I need to go. I am trying to reframe my planning ahead like following a map on an adventure through temporal space rather than as a prison. Sometimes you know the route to drive which is exactly like routines put in place in your day for how to spend your time. Sometimes you just wanna drive to drive or walk to walk and sometimes you just need free time to stare at a wall and meander through temporal space. I’m usually pretty good about planning ahead and where I fail is in the execution because I get lost and do something else - sometimes we take a wrong turn driving so like the metaphor holds up there too. Omg I’m like kinda proud of this train of thought. Anyway idk if this makes sense to anyone else but like I think it could be helpful lol
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ADHD
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TW: fell into my first-ever major depressive episode after a friend of mine ended his life last April. It was completely unexpected and traumatic.
After this, even seeing the topic of su*icide in movies or in the news would spiral me into INTENSE existential panic attacks that would last for days, sometimes weeks on end. My thoughts have been centered around this obsession of “what if I lose control and do that one day?” Or “what if my depression becomes too much and I do that in the future?”
Is this normal? Has anyone experienced this? And if so, will I ever get over it?
I didn’t have OCD before this. But since this happened, it is all of my thoughts have been centered around for almost a year now and I’m so worried I’ll never be the same again. I wake up and go to bed at night trying to actively avoid thoughts centered around the subject, but my efforts to avoid them make them louder. It’s like a scab in my brain that I can’t stop picking at.
Just want me thoughts to be normal again.. 😔
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OCD
|
Are there any veteran/ex-military personnel with Asperger's in this sub? If so and it's not too much to ask may I hear your stories and how your diagnosis may have effected your service/enlistment? I'd also like to dm about it if possible. Thanks all.
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aspergers
|
I got diagnosed a few months ago (privately) and I had to do a whole battery of tests (NHS) before I could try out any medication. blood tests and all that stuff. Anyway, I went to go get an ECG and they said that they couldnt do it at that hospital so I had to call my doctor, wait two weeks to talk to him and then have him schedule it somewhere else. I travel two hours to get it at another clinic. I then wait another two weeks for the results and when I call to get them , the doctor says they didnt apply the stickers correctly and I have to get another one. I then get a cold the day before my new appointment and have to cancel because they say in no uncertain terms that you cannot come into the clinic if you have any cold or flu symptoms because of covid.
I just feel like I'm never gonna get meds. It's like there was no point in getting diagnosed in the first place tbh if nothings gonna change. Dealing with the NHS often feels like climbing Everest. Sorry anyways.
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ADHD
|
I was scrolling through Tiktok, and stumbled upon one of those "put a finger down trend" videos, which was supposed to show whether or not you have OCD. And the first couple of questions were fine, like "do you have a lot of thoughts that you can't control" etc, quite general parts of having OCD. But then the questions got very specific, like "do you prefer even numbers over odd ones", "do you always keep the space around you very neat and clean" etc. And I have OCD, but OCD can be very individual, so I just don't think it's right to imply that these specific things define OCD, because they don't apply to everyone. I for one actually often prefer odd numbers over even numbers, and although I like things to be neat, it's not part of my obsessions. But it doesn't make my OCD any less real.
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OCD
|
I hung around with friends of my friend today for like 4-5 hours. Now I feel so mentally exhausted, so that my brain hurts now, as if parts of my brain responsible for social interactions are getting suffocated while they are trying to get out. Do you get that too?
|
aspergers
|
M/24....help? What is going on with my mind?....i used psychadelic drugs the other day and for a bout 2.5 hours had intense anxiety almost panic then for about an hour after this it was nice just appreciating the awareness of my external environment but when my awareness turned inwards it kept going deeper and deeper and i could feel my mind regressing becoming younger and then i relived a childhood sexual abuse trauma when i was about 6 years old, during that trauma i blacked out at a certain point and also during the reliving of it i blacked out aswell and woke up laying on the ground outside and when i got up to walk home i felt Exactly as i felt when i was a child walking home just after been abused, shame, confusion, disgusted, suicidal,panic etc and i literally felt like that child, its like he just came up from within my psych and took over and I felt smaller than everyone and i was so young i didn't even have any sexuality, that didn't exist except for the confusing feeling a child would have just after been raped by a male and been forced to do shit with a bunch of other people etc, now my mind feels psychotic and i hear all these parts of myself arguing and judging and changing and i keep switching from different ages and genders,male, female, young, old, asexual then back to my normal adult self then to another adult self then to nothing and noone like i dont exist at all then something tries to take over me again and i start to lose consciousness and faint and black out again but have been able to not let this happen again so far... anyway its fucking freaking me out and i feel suicidal now, has anyone heard of shit like this?....by the way i should mention that i have been diagnosed with shit like Borderline Personality disorder with dissociative symptoms and PTSD etc
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ptsd
|
Idk just saw a post where person says how good and easy suddenly basic tasks are when you get ADHD meds and yeah, that's good for them and all the other people that have it and good to know.
Just made me even more sad that I can't currently afford therapy or psychologist to even get properly diagnosed and I'm just doomed to keep struggling
Wish I wasn't misdiagnosed when I was still going to therapy and given antidepressants that didn't work for me at all.
Idk i just feel like crying when I think about it
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ADHD
|
so about two days ago I tried to resolve an issue between some family members, and there were a lot of mentions of my childhood which brought back a lot of memories that I wish I could forget. I feel like I want to cry all the time, and I also feel dirty? if that makes sense? I have no one to talk to about it, but I also don’t want to talk about it at all. I just want to feel better but i know that’s not how it works. I just need some advice on how to handle this. I struggle from depression and anxiety, but have been stable for about a year and don’t see a therapist anymore. I’m scared that this will lead to a depressive episode and i don’t know if I can handle that.
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ptsd
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My question is how have you managed?
I've been nothing but ruining my own life and I've wasted so many years and continue to waste them. I find it quite hard to exist with this diagnosis and was wondering if anyone suffers the same and could provide some insight. Thank you
|
OCD
|
I can't seam to stop obsessing over certain politics and it's consuming alot of my thoughts and causing me huge stress atm
|
OCD
|
I am 15 female btw and yesterday me an my friend were going out and we heard some kids who I think were like a year or so younger than us talking about something that was really disgusting ! tw! I’m not going to go into detail but it was something to do with a 6 year old and a 18 year old,when I heard them talking me and my friend didn’t know What to say or anything like that but I just remember feeling weird and scared that I was going to be turned on by it and recently I have been struggling with feelings and stuff and what to feel and what to do but i just kept telling myself that I don’t like that and I am not getting or want to be aroused by it,skip to now and I have just woke up from what i don’t know was a dream or not,this isn’t the first time something like this has happened but it isn’t that common for me it happens like once or a month or every couple of months but In this dream someone was pleasuring themselves and idk if this is cause I haven’t done it in a while but I felt the urge to do it in my dream but in the dream I thought of that thing with the 6 year old but in the dream I told me myself first aw just don’t think of that and then my dream self was like aw who cares if I think about that I can’t remember fully but it was something like that then in the dream I touched myself but only for like 4 seconds the next thing that happened was I seen this guy that looked like what the devil would look like and I just remember screaming at him “you this is all your fault” and I think I said something about him making me think things,anyway when I woke up I felt this pit feeling in my stomach it wasn’t a big one but still there and I just thought did I pleasure myself to a child in my dream and started to kinda panic but then I told myself pedophiles don’t feel bad for what they do or anything like that and I started to kinda feel better but then my brain was like what if your lying to yourself or what if you don’t feel any remorse because I felt okay and now I still feel okay because I keep telling myself that I felt a pit feeling and that wasn’t my brain lying to me about the pit feeling like I felt guilt so how can I be a pedophile but my brain keep saying what if your lying and now I’m going in and out of feeling okay and then not right and uncertain and I just wish my brain would say okay right your not a pedophile and I would believe it btw there wasn’t any images in this dream but I just want to know if someone has had a similar experience or knows anything about this but when I woke up I don’t know if this was a dream or I actually touched myself in my sleep
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OCD
|
I have no idea how to phrase this in a way that won’t be removed by mods. I don’t think it breaks the rules but I couldn’t make it through all of them when I checked.
Does your ADHD affect your sexual experiences? If so how? I was diagnosed ADHD in first grade but became sexually active at 16. All of my encounters were much shorter than me and my partners would like. This has been the case for me my entire life. I was wondering if anybody’s experiences were similar? Has anyone ever read anything on the two being linked? Sorry if this isn’t allowed but I can’t find a better subreddit to ask.
Edit: I’m referring to having Premature Ejaculation (20-30 seconds) consistently for my entire 34 year old life.
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ADHD
|
I've been doing my best with my OCD after coming out of a mental facility for it. But when I got out, even though I got medicated, it wasn't like I wasn't dealing with the addition of other mental disorders and my mental health and OCD went downhill. My family doesn't try to understand and their tactics to help me combat my shopping addiction that started to help with the path I was going down mentally. That can be a dangerous thing. Compensating. I've done the most that I can, deleting every card and paying thing on my phone, but it still won't stop. I'm trying to figure out just what to say to my parents and siblings to help me, but that feels like a worse challenge with most of them misunderstanding that yelling, arguing and ignoring fits. It feels like your trying to battle your own Obsessions and Compulsions, but trying to accommodate the feelings of others. Only hurting yourself in the end.
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OCD
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I’m now 20 years old and I feel like I’m 4 years behind everyone else I know that’s my age. I can’t hold down a job because I get so stressed out by it that it makes me physically ill. When I’m looking for jobs I find it really hard to find one that I think I could actually do without letting anyone down. I feel like I’m at the point in my life where everyone is just asking me “so what are you going to do with your life?” And the answer is I have no idea. I don’t know how to be an adult, I don’t feel like an adult, I don’t feel ready to be an adult. It seems as I’ve gotten older my trauma is effecting me more, which I really don’t understand because as every year passes the trauma is further away. Does anyone else feel this way?
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ptsd
|
Title sums it up pretty decently, but I’ll explain it a bit more- for a while, I’ve been having trouble eating/drinking because of a lingering fear that it’s gonna be poisoned or something like that, even though it’s completely illogical- some examples are whenever I leave my cup of drink out someplace and return to it, it takes a bit for me to get up the courage to resume drinking it, I physically cannot eat corned beef because I’m scared that the little corned seed thingies are gonna be bad for me in some way, and with other foods, I’m just scared of eating them in general because of the entire “fear of them being poisoned“ thing- I mainly skip breakfast because of this, and I have been eating the same things for a while now because they’re the only things that don’t scare me. Any suggestions to help out?
TL;DR: sometimes I’m too scared of some article of food/drinks being poisoned to eat it, and therefore sometimes just don’t eat at all or just eat the same things until I get tired of them.
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ADHD
|
I'm having a lot of suicidal thoughts, I think my last friend might have killed themselves. I tried so hard I told them they could come stay with me. I was already extremely depressed and suicidal I truly don't know how to get through this. I am completely alone
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depression
|
Im just going to rant for a minute about how my life is going and where it came from
I am a boy in freshman in highschool and I am really depressed and I have social anxiety, I got social anxiety from being bullied when I was a kid and it makes life so much more difficult and it makes it hard to get close to anyone or make friends. I have always had the invasive, toxic thoughts and low self esteem, but I used to have support and stuff too. From the very few friends I have, I am losing most of them, the two that are hurting me the most are, my oldest friend, he commonly says he hates me and wants me to die after we do something competitive and he loses or something like that, regardless, it still effects me a ton and hurts a lot, the second person is my friend who would always support me through what I was going through, and before she started supporting me and we used to be pretty good friends and talk daily, if not, at least once a week, she said I could go to her with anything and she would help, but before I could, she started drifting away a bit and we would still talk, but it would mostly be me reaching out to her, I started going to her with my problems, and she is a kind person, so she helped me, and honestly was probably the main thing keeping me from getting depressed, but then she started saying things like "I would stay with you for hours if it helped you and call you every day", and when I started to reach out to her more because of that declaration, she didn't have time to help me anymore and ended up ghosting me, she came back and apologized later but now I feel like she is only calling me a friend because she doesn't know how to let me go and get rid of me as a burden off of her. All my other friends are drifting away too because I am not like I used to be and I have never been close to my parents or my family and they often say things that make me feel a lot worse. I don't really have anyone who cares for me and I feel so worthless. I have been crying every night and getting less sleep and barely eating and I have been cutting myself a lot. At this point I feel like it's just more worth it to die
I'm sorry for the long post, I just needed to get that all out
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depression
|
If there is one... Could you share your experience with them and what you know about it please??
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OCD
|
I graduated in 2013, but now at 26, I still have all the same social difficulties. I still get excluded and avoided to the same degree I did then. Do things ever get better for us?
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aspergers
|
I'm on mobile so I apologize for formatting, spelling, and grammatical errors.
I (31F) have PTSD from a childhood trauma that happened almost 21 years ago now. I've only recently been in a position to admit that it happened, so I've only been in therapy for about two months.
My older brother (40 M) is a veteran with PTSD as a result of his service. He has always had access to treatment and has been very open about it.
I want to talk to him because I feel so alone, but I'm really afraid to. Hes 9 years older than me so he wasnt living at home when all this started. All he really knows is that I'm in therapy and I was hospitalized about 10 years ago for a suicide attempt.
I'm reluctant to talk to him because he can be very dismissive, especially when I mention things that happened when I was a kid. Our dad never laid a finger on him so he was shocked when I told him that our dad smacked me around until I was in high school.
I also worry that he wont take me seriously because I never fought in a war. Sometimes I feel like I dont deserve to be taken seriously, for a lot of reasons.
I want to reach out, but I dont know where to start, or if I should bother.
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ptsd
|
I recently tapered off Mirtazapine and started Pristiq. I'm very grateful I am already not feeling STARVING all day + brain fog. My baseline is scattered enough!
I know that the effects of medications like Pristiq are really gradual, and take time to build up. Like many of you, my brain already struggles with timeblindness - in the past when trialing things like antidepressants and even Strattera, I have often found I get to my psychiatry appointment being like "... I have no idea what the past month (or two, or three, or six) has been like. :|" I kinda feel like I have no idea if the med is helping me or not... I've gotten better at noticing trends, but it takes a couple months for me to get there.
There's gotta be an app or something that helps track anxiety/depression symptoms, mood stability, and med side effects over time, right? I know there are general mood trackers, but I'm really surprised I haven't found any tracker app for medications specifically.
Plus, as I'm sure you all can empathize, I've really had trouble making mood tracking of any kind a consistent habit. For example, if my mood changes within a day, do I record every single little change? That quickly gets overwhelming and my brain goes "lol, ain't no one got time for that."
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ADHD
|
I’m stuck. I wanted to tell my crush that I like him. BUT ever since I’ve decided to do that, now I’m like what if it’s a hyperfixation. How can I differentiate it?
At first, I was seeking him out. His presence calms me and I really like talking to him. I LIKE the attention he gives me. He makes me feel safe. I don’t remember how my friendly feelings for him turned romantic tho? It’s been a few months.
I’ve been thinking about him a lot lately and just been day dreaming.
I had an incident in the past because I thought I liked this guy, but in the end I realized that I didn’t. I don’t want a repeat of that. I was a young teen and before my diagnosis.
Thank you! Also if I’m not using the term correctly please let me know!
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ADHD
|
I’m 16, 3rd child of 4, everyone diagnosed with autism except for my little sister. My oldest sister (21) has had aggressive and violent meltdowns for as long as I can remember. I got used to screaming and having the police at our door. I’ve never been in the same room when it happened because it was unsafe, so kind of just sat alone at night waiting for it to end so I can go back to sleep. My parents never talked about it. Every time it happened we just moved on without saying a word, which resulted in me not feeling like I can talk about anything to anyone.
I knew I had trauma, I never considered I might have ptsd. Probably because all my shit got shoved under the rug when I got my autism diagnosis.
My sister has been on medication for a few months and it has been better. She rarely has meltdowns anymore and overall we’re much more stable than we used to be. However, I don’t feel like anything changed. I’m still on edge all the time, waiting for shit to happen. I still can’t talk about anything and we don’t talk about anything. I have severe anxiety and can’t talk about any of my problems because my sister always came first. I feel selfish talking about my shit because everyone has worse things going on.
Things have been calm lately though. I had to drop out of school because of panic attacks but am spending my days at a farm now, where I pretty much do all of my school work instead. But the problem is there are more kids with autism there, kids that also have aggressive outbursts. The reason why I got to ptsd is because a few days ago one of the teachers had to yell at one of the kids that had an outburst. I wasn’t prepared for it to happen and it immediately triggered me with flashbacks and intense fear which eventually turned into mild dissociation. I’ve been doing some research on emotional neglect caused by having a sibling with a mental illness, and parents that don’t notice your struggles.
Besides that my sister is moving out soon. Which should be a good thing as it would mean the meltdowns wont ever happen here again but it feels awful. I’m still on edge all the time even though nothing in the last few months has even been remotely as bad as it used to be. I can’t talk to my therapist I panic and I dissociate. I’m not quite sure how to get a diagnosis and proper help with my trauma.
|
ptsd
|
A cycle
A constant cycle
Aching and
Crying with hate
It churns, fury smothering the fear
A life, a symbiont
Eating away at the
Life that lives
Happy and
Joyful with youth
But it moves in
Spinning, destroying
The youthful hope, the
Life that lives, crumbled
Obsessive
|
OCD
|
Hey everyone,
I've hit my one year mark on 10mg lexapro. I've been pretty happy and stable for the whole year. I have 2 kids and I'm a stay at home mom with 1 year old and 5 year old. I've gotten better at managing things and lowering my stress. I've recently had a miscarriage end of October. I only cried once but wasn't as sad because it was only like 5 weeks and I'm looking at the logic side of it. With that said I'm not upset about anything in my life except for I feel that I'm lacking motivation and I want to lose weight again but I literally don't wanna do anything. My husband works nights and when I'm alone I'm super bored. I try doing different things to keep busy but I don't to do anything. Nothing is bringing me joy except when we go out of the house. I feel kinda blah and feel like the world is blah... I can't get anyone to watch kids either we have no family support so we only go out once a year. Do you think this is situational, or part of depression coming back? I need advice to feel alive again. Never had this in a LONG time. I'm scared it will get worse
|
depression
|
CW: Saying some less-than-nice things about being autistic. Not everyone struggles this way and it's okay.
---
Being autistic means being misheard, misunderstood, and unknown for your entire life. It means being isolated and alone in your own internal world, the sole speaker of your own native language.
It means that almost every person you have ever met looks at you like an alien from Mars, like a terrifying and unknown creature. Or worse, with infantilizing pity living a so-called "simple" life. Adorable and inspiring, and not much else.
Sometimes you can work hard and pass for normal. Almost. You become an uncanny valley unto yourself, the strangeness of you palpable, yet unidentifiable. Tolerable until the peculiarness becomes too much to stand and you are shown the door.
Being autistic means sitting back and watching supposedly well-meaning charities openly claiming you're better off dead. It means seeing the celebrities you admire agreeing that your life isn't worthwhile.
It means even medical professionals insisting that you should be grateful for the supposed "superpower" you've been given because someone else said the same once upon a time.
Being autistic means begging, screaming to be heard. But not a single person can.
|
aspergers
|
For example accidentally writing "too" instead of "two", or accidentally writing "allowed" instead of "aloud".
|
aspergers
|
I’ve been watching better call Saul and to me it seems like Jimmys brother, Chuck, has OCD with his obsession with electricity. I don’t know if the show ever says what his diagnosis is but if it is OCD then it’s a great representation of how debilitating OCD actually is.
|
OCD
|
*Trigger warning for gun violence and murder*
I moved across the country to not feel afraid to leave my home or step in front of my windows after I was a witness to a murder. I was literally speaking with the victim as the bullets hit. Now the courts are making me fly across the country to sit on a witness stand...and I have no idea how I am going to do this.
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ptsd
|
I suffer from occasional intrusive thoughts but for the past two days I cannot focus on anything except the thought that secret cameras have been set up in my old apartment and that embarrassing videos of me will get posted online and everyone i know will see them.
I know that this is very very very unlikely, and that I'm not special and the chances that someone would be filming me is astronomically low. Still, I can't get the idea out of my head... it's really driving me crazy. I even spent an hour today looking at all these news articles about arrests that were made because someone was recording people without their consent.
Why do I keep worrying about this despite the fact that I know its an irrational fear??? Is there anyway to make myself feel more secure and at least get this out of my head :(
|
OCD
|
After my little trip with Thanksgiving, coming home to my dad and his side of the family... I never felt happier. It was so warm and inviting and I felt so safe and happy. I hugged everyone as tight as possible. I missed them so much. To think I could've died...
And yet, while we were all together, it felt like a dream. Like it was too good to be true. Like I was almost scared it was.
Anyone else experience this? This kind of surrealism after a traumatic event?
|
ptsd
|
Hello, I live in the Caribbean in a not so nice area and it's fairly often I wake up to shootings, such as driver bys and other events in my sleep. It happened again tonight and like usual I wake up and instantly feel a small adrenaline rush while feeling nauseous at the same time, I can't go outside out of fear I'll be shot like my friends the very idea of walking out and seeing the places they were shot on the street strikes me with an overwhelming fear and I get shaky, one even got beheaded this year by the gangs and I feel like I can't function properly. I'm trying my best not to let it affect me but its destroyed my social skills I can't speak loudly like I once could anymore, standing near windows out of fear for stray bullets I can't have my back to a door anymore and I'm just stressed out, sorry if it's hard to follow but I feel like I'm being pushed to my limit, i have tried getting therapy and other services but mental health is a joke here and i don't have access to online therapy services because I can't get a debit/credit card that allows for online usage from our banks due to some complications with the country's foreign exchange system at the moment. idk what to do anymore and I'm scared of my letting my parents know cus I know they'll have a bad reaction to it.
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ptsd
|
I literally couldn’t stand going to work anymore.
today I was so depressed I couldn’t get out of bed, but I did and I went to work. Instead of clocking in though I quit..
Now I’m more depressed because I left, now I have no income. All I can do is cry..
What do I do now..
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depression
|
i’ve always said that, especially to my friends who’ve had fucked up partners. but as i sit here intoxicated, having the same conversation with my loved ones, i wonder why i can’t give them a good enough answer.
don’t get me wrong, i’m definitely not a 100% good person. some people think i am, others think im not. everything in this world is socially constructed or subjective - personal to their own experiences.
ive had the question “you have a choice to do change, why don’t you?” asked to me several times by my parents without much of an answer. tonight, i decided to be upfront w them. “idk. i’m just not a good person. i’m not a good daughter. i’m not a good student. i shouldn’t have existed” i know of all these things i could do to be improve and make the step in. the right direction. but every time i try to, i fail. i just can’f do it anymore.
ive given up. i’ve clocked out. i loved and appreciated everything good about my life and memories, but i absolutely hate the bad parts, especially the ones that are my fault. i hate thinking about what happens when i die when ive always thought about what if i jus didn’f have to have been born.
ive tried to do better, but i won’t. not can’t, won’t. im capable but im bottled up with excuses to just rot. im tired of trying, to be able to ‘can’ but no do. i’m done. and that is entirely my fault.
kudos to those who are their own free agent. i resoect you. i envy you. i wish you all happy lives. thank you for being the right role models. x
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depression
|
So its been a while since i've been feeling depressed. I also have severe anxiety, and recently graduated college during the pandemic. I've never opened up about how I've been feeling inside to anyone and either I've done a good job of hiding it from family/friends, or they haven't cared enough to notice. I used to live in the states, but because of my poor mental health living at home with my parents, I thought I could escape everything and move abroad. So I moved to a different country by myself and placed myself in a foreign environment (not entirely foreign because I speak the language and have visited often), and its my first time living alone. I've become really passive about living life, to the point where I don't care about anything, and I don't have an opinion on the slightest things. I constantly live with suicidal thoughts, but I know I'm too lazy to ever actually go through with it. I have lost motivation and interest in everything I used to enjoy. I've had really bad periods where I wouldn't shower and lived in the same clothes for over a week, and I couldn't get out of bed. I also struggle with binge eating, where I can't stop eating once I start, and have to resort to throwing it all up right after. I'm constantly calculating calories in my head, and after having been fine for a month, my eating habits have deteriorated significantly, and my life has started to revolve around what and how much I eat.
I struggle with all of this and I recognize that there is definitely something wrong with me. I don't know what part of me is causing this, but I lack the willpower to seek help. I feel like I'm craving attention (even though I don't tell anyone), and I'm anxious that either something is too wrong with me or that I was overthinking and I'm just lazy. It's been 2 years since this all has started with no apparent trigger, and I have yet to see anyone (doctor) about it. I have looked up therapists and psychiatrists and doctors, but always lack the ultimate motivation to actually reach out and schedule an appointment. I live alone in a foreign country where I constantly feel out of place, and am far away from family and friends. It's been a little over three months since I moved, but I feel like my mental state is getting worse by the second, and want to move back home. I know in my head that I would at least be a little more comfortable there. But I feel like a nuisance for having my parents support me through this whole moving process, just for me to give up and move back home after not even half a year. And there's too much I would need to do if I were to quit and move back (in terms of paperwork and telling my coworkers I'm leaving, and having to explain why), that even if that is the best option for me, I would never actually be brave enough to do it because I absolutely hate confrontation and disappointing others. I'm constantly stuck in this frustrating space between knowing what I need to do and not having the mental/physical strength to do it. I feel like a lifeless corpse that's just aimlessly drifting through life.
I have no personality. I fear someone asking me how I feel, because I would panic and not know how to respond. I don't know. I don't know anything, and I don't care about anything. I've become numb. I've always been a people pleaser, and I've sacrificed my own comfort and opinions so much that I've stopped caring about myself and am losing the motivation to keep getting up in the morning (which has been struggle enough). I don't know how I would even tell my parents this without it being awkward because mental health has never really been a topic of conversation between us. I'm tired of feeling this way, and need advice/input on how I should go about pushing myself to get better.
|
depression
|
I'll preface by saying I am very fortunate - I have a good job that allows me to work from home during a global tragedy. I have friends and food and an amazing partner.
I _also_ have a progressive retinal condition known as Myopic Macular Degeneration that will, over time, cause me to lose central vision.
THAT sucks, a lot. My favorite thing to do is creating and playing video games with friends and alone. I will not be able to develop the games I currently like to play whenever I lose the ability to see what I'm making.
In addition, I live in the US and, without getting too political, I have lost all hope of this country doing anything for me. I will need healthcare, which will be even harder to get as I lose my sight and lose career opportunities, and I fear the heavily-capitalized society of this place will drop me hard as soon as I can no longer work the same way I do now. Our public infrastructure is largely worthless and will make any sort of independence needlessly difficult considering how much wealth this country supposedly has.
There's also few places to escape to - my family resides in the states, my partner doesn't want to leave, and even if I _did_ leave, I'd _still_ need to make sure I lived in a place that could provide care (in the form of injections and regular checkups) for my eye as the condition progresses.
**TL;DR**, fuck this shit, lol. My life feels like it's just heading into a pit. The things I love doing will be stripped away from me, and the world at large is only going to get way worse before it could get any better.
|
depression
|
I turn the light of and use my phone torch trying to hunt out any little drop of water that mightve spat out the sink or toilet or bath. It's exhausting.
|
OCD
|
Im a 19F who has been depressed since the start of middle school. Ive done nothing but lay in my bed day in and day out since then. I just got a job but am at the risk of losing it already after missing 3 days after my first day. It’s a very physically draining job and since I’ve basically bedridden myself for the past 9-10 years and am very unhealthy at this point, it’s a very painful job. Since I have severe anxiety to the point where I’m painfully stressing everyday, I can’t work in jobs that require me to talk to individual people or groups. My brain is spiraling with thoughts of “I want to lose this job and stay in the comfort of my bed” and “I can’t lose this job its all I have.” The constant battle hurts my brain everyday and I’m so sick of it. Im embarrassed that all I think about is money, I can’t even pursue my hobby as a career because I need money for that too. I’m just so sick of it all. My parents and friends all hate me and I just want to die.
|
depression
|
[deleted]
[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/or8w2x)
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OCD
|
So basically I’ve been thinking I have NPD, it lines up very well with complaints everyone in my life has made and I believe it to be true. I also am 100% diagnosed with ocd, but I still struggle. Essentially when my gf and I started dating, she was a dick to me out of her trauma (just snappy and rude) and I sought out someone else from my past and essentially emotionally cheated (this was 2 years ago) and if you asked the girl today she’d say it was nothing even close to anything more than friendly conversation. But anyways, this led down a long path of thinking I was in love with said girl and that she would do better in all the roles my gf wasnt etc. eventually we chalked it up to real relationship issues and worked through them, the biggest one for me was snapping and being rude. She also may have BPD btw.
Anyways I know she’s a great girl and today in the car, she was telling me something and I said “wait what?” And she got very frustrated because she thought I wasn’t paying attention and ignoring her on purpose. This is from an insecurity of being unheard and she voiced this, then voiced that saying “can you repeat that I didn’t hear you” would be better all while very frustrated. She even opened up about how it made her feel, still very frustrated, but she NEVER used to do that so it went well. This is also the only time in a while this has been an issue. But, I then said “well I do something’s like that too as a defense for feeling a threat, see how that’s the same” and this annoyed her because again I’m turning it onto me like “hey well I struggle with that too” as opposed to just sitting there and letting her vent and letting it go.
She was upset and for awhile and we were on our way to get a dresser for our apartment and I tried talking to her about other stuff but she was so focused on getting us to get the dresser that she didn’t respond, I got angrier and like shit came back about “oh old crush wouldn’t do this” and it infuriated me. I literally didn’t think about that shit for a year and it’s back cause she slipped up from what seems to be understandable. It sucks and I’m angry and feel the need to tell her cause she said if it came into my head again to let her know so she could leave me. Goddamn I feel like shit please help.
|
OCD
|
My trauma’s not even from combat but he encapsulates how I feel when I’m having an episode so well.
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ptsd
|
I’m so tired of thinking about this stuff. I’m tired of mental debate, mental gymnastics, justification, condemnations, and everything. I just want to be done with this thought process already. DM or read history if you are curious, I’m literally too exhausted to go over it again.
|
OCD
|
hi there, i’m milly and i’m 19 years old and yesterday i was diagnosed with PTSD. starting next week, i begin CPT therapy and i just don’t know what to expect. i never imagined i would have ptsd, especially with how young i am.
i had a really skewed view of ptsd before putting in more research, and i think the typical vision of it is veterans and people who have really dealt with serious stuff. i never thought i would be put in a category like that because i didn’t feel like my trauma was severe enough.
basically i’m just looking for help or input or advice on what to expect. it’s all very new to me and i want to learn and be prepared for what is to come. thank you!!
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ptsd
|
I feel irritated. I don’t want these thoughts, but I feel like I’m done. I can’t these thoughts hurt so much, and they feel too real. Today I don’t even feel anxious, I feel like my pills aren’t working. I’ve felt sick, I hate these thoughts so much, but they feel so real, and I fear that I might be in denial or that I’m lying to myself. I can’t anymore. These thoughts hurt. I don’t know if it’s the pills or not, but I can’t anymore. I can’t go outside because I feel groinal responses and I get scared. I can’t do this anymore. I was feeling better the day I started the pills, but I can’t anymore. I’m literally done. These thoughts scare me too much, and I fear that I might like them, or that I’m lying to myself. I can’t, I’m literally going insane. I’m done. My head hurts so much. I’d rather be dead than be a paedophile. I’m done.
|
OCD
|
Can anyone explain to me please the difference Between post trauma ocd and clinical ocd ?
Thanks a lot
Adil
|
OCD
|
I would love to hear some stories if people feel as if they are okay to share. I am currently on stimulant medication. My dosage is mid range and I feel as if it helps me in every single department. Mood, muscle pain (dopamine deficiency plays a role here), focus, calmness, ability to shift and control focus. However I would love to hear what everyone else’s medication journey looks like. The positive and the negative.
Part of me hates the fact that I feel as if I need this medication to unlock a part of me that I can truly be proud of. When I am off my meds it sometimes becomes very hard to accept that the majority of my anxiety seeps in twofold being unable to mask my ADHD symptoms.
Being on my medication I have much more control over my ACC, though when the flood gates open my emotions flow out like they have been dammed up.
Being on my mediation makes it extremely hard to stop my hyper focus when I’m caught up if I am extremely interested. Needing to finish something I started. Saying goodbye when you absolutely love the conversation. The distractibility of being off my meds somewhat saves me from this at times, however hinders my productivity.
I’ll keep it short and chime in, in the comments.
For sake of keeping things simple (which may be impossible, given the wild wacky amazing brains we have) let’s just use non-stimulants and stimulants for label. As well as if you need to take anything else to assist with other areas of your symptoms. Insomnia, etc.
I am hoping my curiosity here can help in everyone finding information from experience rather than research. Everyone in this group amazes me with their authenticity and vulnerability. Here’s to our continued learning! Thanks in advance for your stories!
|
ADHD
|
1 year since I stayed somewhere for more than 3 months. On my third bout of homelessness.
On top of that, ended up with some heavily laced weed a couple weeks back (still trying to figure out who laced it and exactly with what, since it came from a “reputable” delta-8 dispensary. It most definitely was NOT delta-8). Not helping the situation.
I already had PTSD. Then I got into a car crash, got some more, got kicked out for flashbacks making me suicidal and they thought I would kill myself at any moment, the person came in and yelled at me and *surprise* autistic guy with severe PTSD freaked out hardcore because someone was yelling at him.
I’m at the point where unless I have an ABSOLUTE guarantee of having a home for 6 months, I’d rather be in a tent or in my car and find somewhere for my stuff.
I slept in a Walmart parking lot in my car tonight, with no blankets or anything, and it was the best slept I’d had in weeks. I felt safe.
Nothing feels safe anymore. It’s not that I don’t have the resources to find a home; I do, I just can’t handle the mental burden of moving once again just to be forced out in a couple of months.
I was told the last time was the “last time for years.” I cried as he drove me to pick up my stuff, I cried the whole way so hard that I could barely move. I couldn’t really help. I begged for my first week there when I could still go back to my apartment, “I want to go home I want to go home.” But he just said “this is home now.” No matter what I said.
It wasn’t home, it lasted 2 whole months, maybe even less. Because of weed that I didn’t know was laced and a night of horrible flashbacks.
There is no such thing as home.
|
ptsd
|
Im 15 and I wanted to kms last year but I survived somehow. Then I tried to get a grip and for some time it got better but this chemical imbalnce fucked my head. This destructive feeling inside which comes random for no reason is every fuckin day. I've been smokin weed for a while but it doesn't really help.
I thought that there's hope if I will take pills to control it but my friend told me he won't help me with that because I'll get addicted.
I don't want love. I don't want to suffer. I'll just end it tomorrow.
|
depression
|
2 weeks ago I had a traumatic incident - I went back to a guys house and he repeatedly hit me on my face and body and strangled me while shouting abusive things at me like I’m such a filthy Slut and he owns me and can do whatever he wants with me and doesn’t care if I like it or not , he couldn’t get hard + was really frustrated about it or else I’m sure he would have raped me as he was trying to… I was accomodating and didn’t put up a fight coz I thought he would have killed me. Then after he had so much self awareness about it and tried to comfort me. I can’t stop thinking about it - i keep hearing his voice all the time, whenever I’m out with friends or at work .. it’s a horrible intrusive thought. Does anyone have any advice on how to shut out these visuals etc ? It’s getting exhausting and ruining my life
|
ptsd
|
I'm so God dam fucking tired of this endless cycle. Things can be going great then boom everything sucks no one loves me im not good enough im worthless ugly disgusting. Alcohol steps in then the drugs I know where its going. I'm tired of the fucking meds . I have a 6 yr old I gotta pretend to be normal for. ( I know what you're thinking omg she has kids!) Yeah but im a good mother I give myself that. I fucking try. Why cant I be happy? Content? Love myself? Why do I need to depend on another human to validate who I am Why can't I be my own sun. I can't keep feeding off ppls vibez they catch on I suck them dry. No one wants to be around a fucking depressed ass bitch.
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depression
|
My mid-to-late 20s has been pretty much a cycle of being beaten down over and over again. I've gone for months very depressed, been to therapy and recovered enough to just about function in society, only to relapse and recover in turns. The lows are low, and the highs just middling - but I've somehow managed to convince myself that things will improve with time and effort, even as life continues to disappoint me.
|
depression
|
I have just been stuck in a loop of doubting my memories for the last two days. I don’t know if this particular event did happen or not, and it’s messing me up.
|
OCD
|
These are terms I have come up with for referring to things I think alot of people with ADHD deal with. I'm hoping you understood what I mean in the title.
“The Urge” is what I call this feeling I get sometimes, of really really needing to do “something” I can never figure out what this thing is but it's something interesting and important, I suspect it does not exist. “The Resistance” is the opposite, when the idea of everything I could do is repulsive. Even easy fun things (Eg: Video games, Youtube), I can not stand the idea of doing them, though at the same time I can not stand the idea of doing nothing. These feelings seem to be linked in a way, often I get them both at the same time, despite the fact their very nature is contradictory to the other. Though sometimes they come on their own and at different intensities. I do not like how it feels and being in one or both these modes makes the day difficult.
I would like to know who else gets like this and how it affects them.
My current strategy for dealing with these things (...modes…? feelings….? states…?) is to acknowledge them and then do my best to ignore them, going about my tasks for the day as best as I can. But I wonder if there is a way to lessen them, or at least understand what causes them, what they mean. If anyone has some advice on this I would love you to share it.
|
ADHD
|
Hi, long time lurker using a throwaway account to post this. Just been feeling really overwhelmed cos I'm a horrible group member. Some background, I'm currently in university, 1st year, and I have suspected that I have Asperger's for more than 4 years now.
I have this group project which is due in 2 days. I was assigned my part 2 weeks ago and all seemed good, the only problem was whenever I opened the document to write my section I just didn't know how to proceed and would just switch to Youtube or something. So we were supposed to meet 2 days ago to finalise the project but 5 minutes before the meeting I still had nothing done so I messaged one of my friends explaining that I was feeling quite lost, thankfully she was nice to help me to plan out my part but I still have done very little of it and I can feel my group mates getting more and more impatient. Adding to the stress is I am friends with some of them and I feel almost like my friendship is at stake, and how no one will want to work with me after this, which is why I hate group projects. I'm also very bad at expressing myself which is probably frustrating for them, like I would be mad if I was in the same position myself tbh, I should probably have sounded off earlier but I'm very bad with these sort of things.
I do apologise if this sounds really rambly, I just needed to get this off my chest, not really looking for advice or anything but if you have experienced something similar I would like to hear about it!
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aspergers
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In 16 turning 17 this month and my pocd is killing me. I get scared when I imagine my gf I imagine her too young. Or when I see an adult they might look to young and then I get scared that means I'm attracted to children. For example bell delphine looked kinda young in some of her photos when I googled her and now im worried that means I like children. I dont want this anymore I've had enough , I cant tell if my body causes me to feel hormones and that weird feeling cos of anxiety or the fact that I truly am a pedophile. I dont want to be. What's the point in living. I dont wanna ba a pedophile so why did god make me suffer through this. I just want to die so I can he happy again
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OCD
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I always feel like I will regret it or my case is not that bad. But on the other side I struggle daily and want to have clarity.
I would not have to pay. Just wait three to six months.
Why is it so hard?
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aspergers
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Hello all,
I am wondering if anyone has experience with/ any suggestions/ resources /articles research for people with complex PTSD from the healthcare system.
* The little information i CAN find is regarding PROVIDERS (not patients) experiencing PTSD from being in healthcare.
* What VERY little I can find re PTSD for patients is from what id call "bad" but "normal" in the system. Meaning Health professionals did nothing incorrect, but experience is traumatizing. Patients in ICU/burn trauma developing PTSD, near death, challenging recoveries and treatments etc....
**What Im looking for is information re patients who have PTSD secondary to mistreat/abuse/crime committed by health professionals/ health systems.**
I think this adds to the complexity when a patient is traumatized in a health system that they then have to access for treatment for the PTSD/CPTSD.
Im wondering if the reason why there is so little medical research re this specific area is that the same health system responsible for the harm is who would be producing the research.
In my case specifically, I continue to suffer abuse/mistreatment in the health system/by health professionals, but must interact with many health professionals for medical care simultaneously.
Any/all help/suggestions are very appreciated.
Thank you.
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ptsd
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biographical information: 18M, senior in high school, currently in the midst of college apps
so, I am unsure. A lot of the symptoms and the memes that I have been seeing have been really resonating with me.
This meme in particular hit close to home with every one of these symptoms being something that was a major part of my life.
[https://i.redd.it/azif3mz6lcx71.jpg](https://i.redd.it/azif3mz6lcx71.jpg)
Some Facts about Me:
* I have this massive reclusive streak. Gmail has this amazing feature that allows emails to be sent in the future. This has the great effect of allowing me to take a moment of extreme motivation and attempt to spread it out over multiple days.
* Programming was my consistent interest, but rather the type of programming was never consistent. If something was boring, I would simply not do it, and that was a struggle (kind of scatterbrained).
* I would consider myself a good bad student. I have terrible problems keeping up with deadlines, but I can usually actively procrastinate enough that it does not matter even with several AP classes.
* Cellular phone addiction is a bad thing that I also have. In all honesty this is the thing that I am most worried about, a bad habit that I really need to remedy.
* I feel as though it has gotten worse. Is senoritas amplified? I may have an early-onset variant.
How would I know if it is enough to be ADHD?
At the same time, though, I feel as if a diagnosis could just be a validation of my bad habits, and that it could be an excuse.
\-----------------------------------------
Suggestions:
* How to get diagnosed? Should I get diagnosed ASAP or should I wait? College admissions are currently a big stressors; therefore, what is the harm in waiting another \~2 months till the January deadline.
* What is the process like? Tips on navigating this with parents? How straightforward can it be? Should be expecting a large amount of pushback in terms of getting a diagnosis?
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ADHD
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I can’t sleep anymore because of the most horrible scariest and disgusting thought i’ve ever had in my entire life. I dream about it and i wake up disgusted and scared and not being able to breathe. As i sleep it feels like i’m conciously aware of the presence of the thought and i’m probably half asleep or something because of that. It’s the most horrible thought i’ve ever had. i can’t do it anymore, not even phisically, i can’t explain it. it’s torture, i don’t wanna live anymore.
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OCD
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how do you deal with ocd if it is triggered by a particular action. in my case my anixiety and symptoms start when i play any video game due to some irrational intrusive thoughts. how do you deal with this type of ocd ? its really annoying cuz i can't do the things which give me entertainment and enjoyment. Thanks in advance
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OCD
|
I was diagnosed with OCD starting this year by a psychiatrist and started CBT afterwards. Although I can't say it did not work at all, but I still had intrusive thoughts, ruminations and anxiety coming along with these. So, I also started taking medication as well. However, even though I tried many different medications, I still can not see its positive effects. Meanwhile, I am also terribly suffering from fatigue and restless leg syndrome as side effects.
During this whole time I changed my doctor (left CBT at the same time) but that did not resolve my issue as well. I mean I used to have problems related to OCD but I still could get a good night's sleep and feel well during the day.
I am thinking about leaving medication but I also think "it will work with this combination of medications this time". But it does not. I am just so tired.
Has anyone faced an issue like this? I could really use some support or advice right now.
Thank you and have a good day.
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OCD
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im young but i feel like my teenage years are ruined. Im bad at literally everything exept doing angry birds noise and minecraft mobs. Im extremely shy as well so its hard to engage conversation with new people but i made new friends in my new school.
I feel lime my teenage years a ruined because of what i said earlier and because nobody likes me exept my friends, even my family dont like me but i didnt do anything wrong. Since I was little whatever I do my mother said it was bad and now its getting worse i do efforts but not her.
its been nearly three years since i went to Italy with my last school and it was the best week i ever had and i think i will be for the rest of my life. but since that time its getting worse and worse every day. When im in school its a good time i have fun with my friends, i love them, but when im not in school its hell. I sleep a lot because when im home i have nothing to do, exept homeworks, even playing videogames reading manga or watching youtubes videos arent fun anymore i tried finding new hobbies like doing sports or making piano guitar or the rectangle that cowboy used (sorry i dont know the name in English) but i dont have motivation to do it. when its week end i also sleep as much as possible because if im awake i have no motivation and nothing to do. I also had a dog and a brother but everything is the same.
And i have a question does love comes naturally because i feel like its the only thing that can make me happy but like i said earlier im bad at everything im boring ugly and really shy. Last time i fell in love was 6 years ago and i never fell i love since that moment. I see everyone having their first love or at least crush but not me. I miss this feeling.
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depression
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And that scares me.
Because every action we take or anything that happens happened and nothing will change that, it is impossible to undo it, this is it.
I get intrusive thoughts about killing my father or people and it breaks my heart everytime, I have no control over my thoughts but that's how those fears of doing anything started.
My thoughts usually shows me a brutal senseless attack, not fast enough, my loved ones being confused/dazed and thinking 'why?', then they're dead and that's it, there is nothing that can be done to bring them back.
It always feels like a big part of me dies, because I understand the impact of what such an action has on not just me, but on everyone that the victim knows and loves especially friends and family.
I want those thoughts to go away. Its so sad, I even feel the loss in the air, like my thoughts include the change or loss of energy or life or whatever it is, that person is gone and is only alive in our memories and the griefing people all say "Why have you done this?!".
Everytime I'm with my family I always keep my hands on my pockets, or hunch over just to make sure that I won't attack them or raise my voice at them, I don't trust myself, I need to do whatever I can to prevent those thoughts from becoming a reality. Keep the beast contained, chain it up and restrain it if need be.
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OCD
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Oh yeah, my job is working with traumatized/abused children btw.
Any ideas? I'm trying my best at mindfulness but it's not sticking. A distraction technique might be better.
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ptsd
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Hi, I'm a young boy from México, I'm 19 years old, to be honest I feel sad and dawn this few weeks, I'm feeling like probably all be better if I just dissapear, I've been thinking what happend if I just suicide, I know that isn't the solutión but can't stop thinking about it, I don't know what to do, probably this is just a way to try to understand how I feel.
Anyways if you read this, thanks for reading. Have a nice day.
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depression
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Anyone have any luck restoring sleep to pre-ptsd levels, or at least close? No matter what I do or take, I cannot sleep more than 6 hours (7 if it’s a really good night, which is rare). I’m so tired of being chronically sleep deprived. I can’t nap anymore either. It’s been years. Does it ever get back to “normal”? Any help is greatly appreciated!
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ptsd
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When I'm at my mental limit. When I want to get something across but can't say it. If I catch myself getting distracted at work. If I make what I feel is a dumb or clueless mistake.
Sometimes, in moments of frustration like these, I'll bite myself, slap myself, and whisper yell (like, imagine you are yelling, but you don't voice it 'cause you don't want others to hear). I'll twitch, thrash myself around, because I'm frustrated or angry.
When I'm focusing on something, I'll rock myself back and forth. I'll bounce my leg up and down.
I use to stim a lot as a kid. I'd roar at people (like a lion). Rock back and forth. Twitch in my desk (always in multiples of four). If someone touched me, I had to blow on myself to get rid of the annoyance.
I suppressed these for quite awhile, but they've recently started coming back. When frustrated, I usually try to calm myself to prevent stimming. Lately I've been wondering, is my stimming healthy? Is it something I should actively not do?
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aspergers
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I just wanted to do a load of laundry but had a paranoia that the house would burn down because of lint in the dryer vent. I disassembled the vent to check for lint at 8 PM and my boyfriend heard and asked what I was doing. Being the sweet guy he is he didn't question my reasoning and helped me put the dryer back together (I really had no clue what I was doing). But now I put my laundry in and I'm paranoid that I messed up something in the dryer with my fiddling and instead that will end up burning the house down. I was sitting in front of the dryer watching my load for 10 mins before I forced myself upstairs so I don't look even more crazy watching my whole dryer cycle. Now I'm sitting in the living room counting down the minutes until my cycle is done constantly checking for the smell of smoke. I'm on medication but sometimes still deal with irrational thoughts. Bit of a bad night but I'm glad I live with supportive people and we can have a laugh about this tomorrow.
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OCD
|
I also have schizophrenia too.
Everyday I have to relive experiences that I have while also coping with forced thoughts in my head. It's a constant loop.
If I do manage to die or kill myself, it would be besides the fact. But not having to wakeup everyday and being this way will be a plus.
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ptsd
|
I currently work under a teacher and while we never really socialized (she doesn’t really socialize with anyone at work I guess?) things have suddenly gone downhill in our work relationship. I realized that she’s been snapping and nitpicking a lot lately but hadn’t seemed interested in calmly talking things out. I was getting tired of her blaming me for things that weren’t my fault (students removing their masks secretly in line while I was focused on getting the class from point A to point B for example). I finally stood up for myself and responded, “I did do that.” When confronted and asked why I didn’t tell the kids to put their masks on. She continued to argue with me and seemed mad that I stood up for myself. This happened on a Friday. Over the weekend I decided to send her a professional email with lots of I-statements to say that I need her to communicate with me and coordinate with me instead of just letting me guess what she wants from me and then blaming me when things don’t go as planned. We ended up having two different discussions that day. The first one wasn’t pleasant but it wasn’t horrible. In this discussion I explained to her that I have Aspergers and that her way of directing me was confusing me. Apparently she used part of her planning period to plan what to say to me later and I was completely caught off guard when she unloaded all this stuff that she thought I was doing wrong which was bizarre since she had never brought most of these issues up before. When I told her this she tried to gaslight me and said I just didn’t understand because of my disorder. She told me she was also going to keep speaking “bluntly” to me (her version of “being blunt” involves a sharp tone and sometimes a raised voice). She also interrupted me when I tried to explain a couple situations that had occurred and she wouldn’t hear my side of things. She basically said that by me giving my side of the story I am failing to take constructive criticism. I have decided that I can’t continue working with her because it feels like everything that I do is criticized and I’m not even allowed to say my piece. I also feel like she’s used my Aspergers to try and gaslight me into thinking my concerns and feelings are invalid. I guess my question is, am I overreacting by wanting to switch my position to get away from her? My other coworkers seem to like me and all of my previous bosses have said I’m great and they were sad to see me leave my past jobs. I feel frustrated because I just don’t understand her behavior.
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aspergers
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I hope this doesn’t get taken down for being too depressing, I also don’t want this post to be taken as self pitying or a chance to behave like a victim.
I have had little glimpses of happiness in my life and they have not been especially common. My life on paper isn’t too bad, I have a house, kids and a stable job. However long term happiness seems unattainable.
Has anyone had any similar experiences? Or have any tips on how an Aspie can be more fulfilled and happy?
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aspergers
|
Is it normal for me to feel convinced that I’m everything that my bad thoughts are telling me? I feel like the worst person on earth right now. I don’t want to hurt my family or anyone. The thoughts are coming to me and it feels more like urges. I wake up everyday and am overwhelmed with harmful and sexual thoughts. I pass people on the streets and I got to tell myself in my head ‘don’t hurt them’. I want to go to the police station for them to lock me up all the time so I can’t hurt anyone.
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OCD
|
I’ve been taking 5mg of Dexamphetamine IR morning and afternoon for about 3 months now. Once my body adjusted, I was pretty happy with it. I found it was really helping me sustain my focus at work and it seems to help me pick up new skills quicker and maintain interest in things. Lately though, I’m finding it hasn’t been very effective anymore. Particularly my morning dose seems to do nothing. Also I’m experiencing extreme fatigue, normally I’m quite active and I walk everywhere but I haven’t had any energy to do anything lately. I seem to be sleeping fine as I’m also taking valdoxan anti depressant at night that has melatonin in it so I don’t know what is causing the fatigue. My mood has also become very low, I’m losing interest in work and have an overall negative attitude towards the future. I’ve been teary at times and am also experiencing suicidal thoughts. I feel really sad that it isn’t working anymore. I really struggle with holding a job, I believe due to my adhd. I just feel like such a useless human. I wish I could just get my shit together.
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ADHD
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In uni at the moment, studying gets tricky. On and off meds, kind of new to them. When in study mode, I prefer absolute silence which can be hard when even the ventilation in the room can be distracting. Also, living next to a busy street doesn't help. I tried earplugs recently and it really seemed to peel back one of the foggy layers. Anyone else get slightly less fog from wearing earplugs?
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ADHD
|
am i the only one that feels like you cant look at a person's body because then you feel like you're making them feel uncomfortable? sometimes i casually look at my dad's legs and feel like i'm sexualizing him and i get intrusive thoughts that i'm looking at him because i like it. the more i think about me sexualizing him, the more i feel like i'm creating pictures in my mind. why would i think these type of things about my own father? i hate looking at people's bodies. i feel like i am sexualizing them. i myself am an asexual person and i feel like if i truly was that, then i wouldn't be looking at someone's body. am i asexual because of my ocd or because i actually am? i feel like all of my personality traits always have a little story and that is ocd. then i start feeling overwhelmed because i feel like i'm faking who i am and i truly don't have an identity.
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OCD
|
Ever since getting sexually themed ocd (I’ve had ZOCD, HOCD, and now POCD), my “down there” has been hypersensitive to responses to things that aren’t even sexual sometimes.
Examples:
-A picture of a panda doing a stretch but it’s back was arched and their butt was showing. I’m not attracted to pandas in the slightest, yet I got a response
-I literally saw a video of a line going through a fishing hook and somehow my brain registered something going through a hole and I got a response.
-even just reading fan fiction that isn’t sexual but heartwarming, like a couple being cute together, instead of that feeling being in my heart it goes down to my genitals? Though I’m not arouses by it. Recently it’s been going down there since my sexual ocd started.
Could it be caused on my hyperfocusing on my genitals due to fear of getting aroused and it’s sort of created like an alarm in my brain and everything just goes there now?? If it’s something sexual of an adult male which is what I was usually attracted to, I don’t rlly get much of a response, but I think it’s like, anything that I’m not supposed to be attracted to, my body will respond out of panic idk.
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OCD
|
I will never take adderall and a beta blocker (propranolol) together
I’ve been diagnosed with adhd since years. As a PhD student I’ve often public speaking events and I’ve been reading that many are taking beta blockers (especially propranolol) for stage fright. So I didn’t think about it a lot and took the beta blocker a bit after my daily Adderall dosage. It went all fine and I wasn’t nervous at all but after approx. 2 hours I felt really bad. My heart pumped lower and lower, I had weird twitchings all over the body, cold sweat and pressure on my chest. I felt that scary that I called an ambulance directly after the presentation. In hospital they checked my blood parameters and did an ecg. Also they injected something to regulate my heart rate. The cardiologist asking what my medication is or if I’m taking drugs as I’m an athletic person and still at a young age. I told him that I mixed both substances. He told me to never to do that again. After 2 days I’m feeling better now. Does anybody know the interactions between these medications from a scientific point of view?
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ADHD
|
Since I'm dating and meeting people, how do I go about sensitising people about what partnering with someone who has ADHD is like? I live in Goa, India, and while a lot of people have heard about ADHD, not everyone fully grasps what it actually entails.
I'm just worried we'll get into situations where I'll have to explain after the fact, why I may have blurted out something stupid, or I've been oblivious to the fact that she's had her hair done. (These are past experiences and honestly not the worst situations I've been in)
Or am I just overthinking this?
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ADHD
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Did anyone have it ? It feels like it is premonition that someone is going to die and you see signs in everything , you feel so sad for some people because you think they may die
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OCD
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Sorry if this is a mouthful. Feel free to skip if you don’t like story time.
Therapy isn’t cheap.
I talk to my mom and sister a lot. As a result of this, I’ve started to get the same annoyed “shut up and don’t freak out, it isn’t a big deal” vibe.
But now it’s time to get funky.
Because I’m so used to disregarding intrusive thoughts, making actual, logical decisions has become increasingly more difficult. For example: I bought some lipstick today. When I got home, I realized it didn’t come with a seal on it (which I think is normal for maybelline ((yuck)). Obviously my brain went NOPE NOPE NOPE THROW IT OUT, but my moms voice kept saying “don’t waste your money. It doesn’t even look used, just put it on.”
So I did. And this is what my brain did:
- oh my god it was the tester. What if that was the tester?????? A tester that looks totally unused?????
- what if someone felt malicious and decided to open it and lick it? With Covid?
- OR STDS? Oh my god I got oral sores now. I know it. Rip my lips
So the question of all that is:
1. Should I actually be concerned?
2. Does your OCD target routine decisions and disguise them as intrusive thoughts?
If you have a story, please share! :D
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OCD
|
What does this mean??? It concerns me so much because I’ve heard it’s a sign of getting better, but then with how I tend to overthink.. I think things like since I’m not getting anxious but still having the thoughts that means I’m okay with these thoughts? But I know I’m not, and I always tell myself that. I just don’t know what to do. I’m so sick of this I just want to have a pure mind again, I hate these thoughts so much 😔
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OCD
|
So this is going to sound very weird. A couple days back I was jerking off and had a really fucked up fantasy. I feel awful for even having thought of it and for the last couple of days I feel like i can't enjoy any of the things I enjoyed before because I feel it is all tainted by and contaminated by the essence of that fucked up fantasy. I am beating myself up and hoping that after enough time I will feel like ive done enough of that and that i can move on. I'm not sure what to do now or what to think anymore.
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OCD
|
(Sorry for my bad English)
Been on medication for over a month now, I’m currently on 50mg Vyvanse in the morning and 30mg in the afternoon.
I’m curious about what I should do if I want to go out for some drinks?
When I’m not on any medication I feel like shit, I can’t get things done, I overthink everything, and I can sometimes feel anxious… This all changes when I’m on medication, I for ones feel like I can manage my life and accomplish what I want.
Last time I went out I didn’t take my medications and I felt super anxious, all I wanted was to get home. Never felt anxious like that before I stated on medications, alcohol have always helped boost my self esteem, and I can be super social when I’m drinking.
So there’s two questions, should I try drinking a-little while I’m on my medications? And for what reason do I feel that way now, when I’m out?
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ADHD
|
Neurodiversity tends to focus and only praises and showcases the benefits of autism which is great and unique, but it Dosent show the fact how many autistic males like me are lower functioning and need daily assistance to function including bathroom and self care, it’s a condition I wouldn’t cure because I accept myself but I’m not gonna pretend I don’t suffer hardly from it. It’s the root of almost all of my problems. Being level 2 is very hard to cope with,. It’s harder to make friends and more sensitive to overload. And it causes behavioural issues such as aggression and very difficult problems.
Most of my problematic behaviour actually was never diagnosed as a personality disorder but due to my complex intellectual disability and lower functioning Autism which causes cluster b traits.
Level 2 means I can still socialise like my aspies but I tend to be very limited in my speech and only focus on my end of things and often seem very unaware of emotions and how rude I can be unintentionally
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aspergers
|
Hi
Since starting my medication, I feel more bored with life and am constantly still seeking things to do. The medication helps me focus more on things but at the same time, I become bored leading me to feel more impulsive and want to do something that will bring excitement.
For example if I don't want to go somewhere such as work, taking the medication helps me go however I am then bored and feel really impulsive.
Does the boredom ever get better on medication.
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ADHD
|
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