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dropout | Sex_Scary_or_Fun | Hey, and welcome to Tales from the Closet. I am your host, Ally. With me today, I have three people I'm very excited to get to know a little bit more. Honestly, without further ado, let's just jump into it. Huh? Who are you? Jovan. He, him. I am an Instagram influencer, I guess. Wait, you guessed it.
That's all I can ... |
dropout | the_wrong_way_to_reveal_your_pregnancy_test_hot_date | what's up nothing keep eating did you do something to my food there might be a little surprise in there oh what's that is that a pregnancy test pregnant what the fuck and I'm sorry I'm confused now did you want to have a baby no then why aren't we celebrating because you pissed in my spaghetti and then tricked me in ea... |
cracked | rom_com_cracked_series_trailer | We're interested in what your experiences in online dating have been overall what works what doesn't so on the guys are Horrible terrible. I got a hundred messages in an hour the messages. I receive holla. I'd go pac-man on that Word for vagina. I don't like using I tear that ass up penis Find love.net saw solid financ... |
TheOnion | Genetic_Scientists_Develop_Sheep_With_Goat_Brain | An important scientific breakthrough at Colorado's Outlook Institute this week. For the first time ever, a sheep has been genetically engineered with the brain of a goat. Joining us now to talk about the incredible breakthrough is the experiment's director, Dr. Doug Erskine.
This is quite an accomplishment for you and... |
SaturdayNightLive | potato_hole_snl | Welcome back to P.m. in the afternoon. coming up later, Chef Cindy is going to show us how to make the perfect turducken. Ooh, and once again, we are honored to be joined by legendary blues musician Willie T. Hawkins. he's been sitting in all morning playing some tasty licks off his new album, My Potato Hole. interesti... |
dropout | awkward_rap | A one, two, three, four When do I come in?
You're coming after four So on five Yes but I'm not going to say five I'm not going to say five You have to come in at four, alright One, two, three, four Now If you say how are you I'll say not much My hand and your boob accidentally touch I snort when I laugh and I fart whe... |
dropout | if_internet_ads_were_salesmen | Well, looky here! Looks like we got someone in the market for a new pair of shoes, hmm? Oh, I just got them, so I'm not looking anymore. A guy who knows what he likes and takes it.
I'm sorry, who are you? Oh, I'm just a door-to-door targeted salesman, and buddy, I'm here to help. A targeted salesman?
That's right. I ... |
cracked | is_marvel_ruining_its_own_movies_baby_driver_more_this_week_in_epcd_spider_man | Hello everyone, welcome to another episode of Excessive Pop Culture Discussion, the show that gets harder to say as time goes on. This is our weekly unscripted pop culture show where we talk about everything that's happening in the world right now that has nothing to do with news or politics or the president.
I am you... |
dropout | twitter_in_real_life | Hey everybody, I'm Dan from College Humor, and this is Real Life Twitter. I think I fall in love with 10 strangers a day. Sigh. First person to touch me gets free tickets to my next improv comedy show. I have 7 Things by Miley Cyrus stuck in my head. She is such a talent. Finally checked out the College Humor show.
Me... |
cracked | the_ridiculous_truth_about_the_moon_landing_hoax | All right, gentlemen, Nixon's giving the all clear. You're going to the moon.
Yes! Whoo! Yes!
Well, I probably should have said that in quotes. You're going to the moon. Ha ha ha ha. Jim, I like that. So be sure to arrive at the studio by 0500 hours tomorrow morning. Neil, you will be commander of the mission. Well, ... |
CrackerMilk | rugrats_too_grown_up | Hello guys, welcome to the crackable podcast. This is the special edition. This is what you wanted podcast This is what you voted for and it's Rugrats to grown-up.
We have to me Connor. We have Connor here. This is good.
I'm angry Yeah My catchphrase I'm Philip Hey guys, I'm Lillian. I don't remember Okay, yeah, we'r... |
dropout | Gengar_Could_Run_A_Train_Through_Me_No_Laugh_Newsroom | From West Hollywood, California, the only news team that doesn't know what's on the teleprompter before they read it. Anyone who laughs or breaks, loses points. This is Breaking News. Good evening, everyone. Welcome to the Breaking News. The show where we have no idea what we're about to say and we aren't allowed to sm... |
cracked | 6_weirdly_conservative_messages_hidden_in_ghostbusters_after_hours | The Gaza Strip. I don't know, a Band-Aids that stops bleeding but like an Italian one? Shiite and Sunni.
Oh, it's fine. I think the bathroom is free now, right? No? Pass.
Ebola, a deadly infectious disease. Wait for it. That almost killed Rene Russo in 1995's outbreak. Serious stuff.
Oh, I get it. He knows stuff bec... |
dropout | Your_Self_Care_Is_An_Attack_On_Me | And then Trapp said, don't talk to me until the end of berry season.
Oh, God, we work with so many dorks.
I know.
What are you doing right now? You wanna get a beer? Ugh, I can't. I'm going to a boot camp class. Oh. What? Nothing. It's good. Good. How about on Thursday after the All Hands meeting, you want to get a ... |
cracked | 4_surprising_downsides_to_being_a_porn_star_cracked_goes_there_with_robert_evans | Cracked sat down with four adult film stars to ask them about their lives in porn. They all loved their work, but, like everyone else, there were some things about their job they didn't enjoy. A lot of people are obsessed with the idea of fucking like a porn star.
Yeah, about that. It's our jobs. There's no titillatio... |
TheOnion | Parents_Urge_Son_To_Invest_In_Improv_Comedy_Education | Steven and Rhonda Tobin are concerned Chicago parents who are trying to convince their 20-year-old son to invest in his future, saying that it's critical to his employability and long-term success in the workplace. The couple told reporters this week that they routinely urge their son Patrick to devote all of his time ... |
SaturdayNightLive | film_noir_snl | They called her the black Widow, accused of murdering her 80-year-old husband, her fifth husband, Dad, in five years. I got a bite at Joe's Cafe, then came back to the office. there was something about this case I couldn't shake. you eat dinner early. I like that. How the hell did you get in here? you've been following... |
ClickHole | 6_famous_cats_1_selfie_you_must_see_the_pic_that_s_breaking_the_internet | They are the most famous cats on the planet, with personalities bigger than their Instagram followings. Just being in that room with all that star power, it's unlike anything you've ever felt. We knew we were working with something special. But could these celebrity cats put aside their egos and forever change the worl... |
SaturdayNightLive | buckwheat_buys_the_farm_snl | And now, Saturday Night News with the Saturday Night News Team and Anchorman, Brad Hall. Good evening, I'm Brad Hall. Our top story tonight, Buckwheat is Dead. the legendary star of The Little Rascals was shot by an unknown assailant upon leaving 30 Rockefeller Plaza tonight. For those of you who haven't had a chance t... |
dropout | trying_to_fall_asleep_pov | I Can't sleep All right, if I'll sleep this second, I'll still get like five hours. I'm gonna switch sides. Yeah, it always works. Oh God the sides even worse. I wish I had three sides Technically, I guess my stomach is a side, right? How do people do this?
I can't breathe. I actually can't breathe.
Oh my god, this p... |
dropout | yes_you_re_too_stoned_to_drive | I am so high. Yeah, my eyelashes are tingling. I can taste my tongue. I can feel all the hairs on my head.
Anyway, time to hit the road. Wait, crap. You just said you were high. You can't drive. No, I'm good. Anyone else's lips like buzzing? Yeah, and my feet feel like bricks. Anyway, who wants a ride? You just said y... |
SaturdayNightLive | the_floor_snl | You're watching Fox at 9. it's the news at 10. The scary news, But first it's the Floor. Hosted by Rob Lowe and Welcome to the Floor Tonight contestants try to eliminate their competitors and expand their territory on the floor by identifying as many photos as they can before time runs out before the break.
Defending ... |
TheOnion | The_Onion_Looks_Back_At_Jaws | This is Peter Rosenthal, head film critic for The Onion. In today's Cinema Classics segment, I'm going to be looking at Steven Spielberg's 1975 film Jaws, a psychological thriller about a closeted gay man whose fear of coming out to his friends and family manifests itself in the form of a ravenous killer shark. Hailed ... |
cracked | 5_stupid_things_movies_believe_about_hacking | Back in the 80s and 90s, the amount of people who had a passing familiarity with computers was dwarfed by the amount of people who saw them as terrifying, all-powerful robot wizards that we pray to when we need pornography. It was a magical time, because in Hollywood, this meant computers were wherever we wanted them t... |
SaturdayNightLive | the_mellow_show_saturday_night_live | And now, the Mellow Show with your host, Jack Johnson. Super Mellow show. too many if you like. no pressure, whatever. it's like walking on the beach, Yeah. Hi, I'm Jack Johnson, and welcome to the Mellow Show.
Cargo shorts. Joining me on the couch today is my partner in barefooted crime, the very mellow, Dave Matthew... |
SaturdayNightLive | waking_up_snl | Doctor, I can't believe this. How long has my husband been awake? since this morning. And, hey, call me Dr. Jim. he's still very weak after the coma, but his mouth is moving, and it seems like he wants to speak. Oh, my God, I thought I lost my best friend. this is a miracle. I know. Look, he's waking up. Charlie, hey, ... |
cracked | creepiest_high_school_movie_heartthrob_ever_cracked_cut_ups | I am the one who knocks. Listen, do you want to... do you want to go out Friday? Yeah. Well, who is this guy? His name is Blaine. Hey, you want to go to my house? No, thanks. He's a senior. He's so beautiful.
I was with you. I had a great time. I was in a Turkish prison. I had a great time.
Your love. You know, I thi... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_194_Chris_Minns | We've got a Christmas special for you. It's not Paul Kelly, that one you may have already heard, How To Make Gravy. That was a Christmas special but we thought we'd follow that up with of course today's guest who is bringing a Christmas cheer into the studio today.
Of course you're joined by myself, Clancy Overall, ed... |
SaturdayNightLive | christmas_in_australia_snl | Christmas. it's a joyous time of the year, Christmas, when millions of people around the globe celebrate in a variety of ways. Here in America, children are visited by Santa Claus, a magical fat man from the North Pole who slides down the chimney, leaves presents under a tree. But in Australia, where I'm from, instead ... |
cracked | 9_celebrity_freak_outs_that_were_totally_justified | There's something oddly satisfying about seeing a famous person completely losing their shit. Reducing themselves to a ballistic mass of rage-aholic douchebaggery and basically giving us a good reason to hate them for all the success that we... gave them? Usually when they were too young to know what they were getting ... |
cracked | we_remade_the_star_wars_the_last_jedi_throne_room_fight_for_20 | I see his mind. It's really weird. I see his every intent. Yes. I see him turning the lightsaber to kill the ugliest person in the room. And now, foolish child. He ignites him tremendously. Me? Mmm f**k. Get over here!
Do we need to die if our boss is already dead? It's actually your turn. Oh great.
Heh heh heh heh! ... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_get_in_the_cage_saturday_night_live | And now it's time for Get In the Cage, a recurring segment where actor Nicolas Cage sits down with fellow thespians to discuss the craft in their recent work. please welcome Nicolas Cage and Jude Law. Thank you. thank you. it's really great to be here, Nick. well, it's very kind of you, Rabbi. let's begin. Now, you're ... |
SaturdayNightLive | lost_bag_snl | Three missed connections, a night spent on the floor in St. Paul, and now my lost bag. should have been the worst couple days of my life, but I met you. not so bad after all, huh? not bad at all. All right, that's one beautiful bag for an even beautiful a woman for real.
You can do pornography. Hey, I'm here to sorry ... |
dropout | shittysingles_com_is_exactly_what_it_sounds_like | I've known Brandon since we were kids. He's handsome, well-dressed, has a great job. Sometimes he has a hard time dating. Why? Hey, champ, here's your tip. Bring it in. Every time I have to look for you, he's a total piece of sh**. Michelle is a friend, I guess.
I am legit starving. Sorry, ma'am, you can't bring outsi... |
SaturdayNightLive | behind_the_sketch_i_m_just_pete_snl | Well, we're here shooting. I'm just meats. Oh, we're starting. I'm just Pete. and I like Chugs. I'm mentally ill and I'm on drugs. Hey, hey.
We came in to see a Barbie World version of Staten Island. it's pretty incredible. Yeah. it's funny that I'm so excited to do this, but I do everything I hate doing. like what? l... |
SaturdayNightLive | the_fainting_couch_snl | We now return to Lansdowne House. Amelia, Kenneth.
Christian, what a marvellous surprise. my brother and the flesh were viable, You're here. should you be away in Cornwall? Erm, I've left Cornwall.
I have something I must tell you. Well, let us hear it over tea. Henry, fetch the tea, please. Yes, Mum. You say the Gre... |
SaturdayNightLive | arby_s_snl | What do you have to say about that? I guess all I have to say is How.
Yeah, yeah, that just seems like a lot of roast beef sandwiches for $10. it's five heaping piles of tender roast beef for only $10 measly dollars. Can you even believe it? Honestly, no. yeah, we're struggling to understand the physics of how this mu... |
TheOnion | Tim_Allen_Mark_Wahlberg_And_Tara_Reid_Spotted_At_Cafe_Discussing_Oh_God_What_Are_They_Planning | Paparazzi and West Hollywood snapped photos of Tim Allen, Mark Wahlberg, and Tara Reid meeting up at Starbucks earlier today. The actors talked for over three hours, leading many to worry that they could be working on a project together. For more info, I'm joined by Aaron Vaughn. Hi Carly. Do we know what's going on wi... |
TheOnion | Suspicious_Package_Industry_Falls_On_Hard_Times | Since September 11th, increased security measures have put a strain on many areas of the economy. But few have been harder hit than the suspicious package industry. Plumbing sales have forced many suspicious package retailers out of business. And those that remain are left wondering if they have a future in the post 9-... |
SaturdayNightLive | fernando_s_hideaway_saturday_night_live | Thank you, my friends. I can't tell you how excited I am. this year on the highway, it's been a marvelous year. we've had so fantastic guests. I was crazy going nuts. Ringo Starr, Ann Margaret, who are a low-cut thing. and I got to tell you, they look marvelous. Pentagon, Susan Ruchi from the marvelous soap opera, all ... |
SaturdayNightLive | doctor_snl | And I hate hospitals almost as much as Dad does. I can't believe he's been in surgery for 12 hours. Thank you all for waiting. the doctor will see you now!
Hello family. Well, this is never easy to say.
We did everything we could but he did not make it. Oh it's okay guys. he lived a long life.
If it's any comforts, ... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_maggie_smith_on_her_oscar_predictions_snl | Well, the Oscar race is heating up, and here to offer her predictions is Oscar Nominee.
Dame Maggie Smith, Everybody. Maggie, Dame Maggie Smith, Wow.
Thank you, Jimmy. aren't you a darling? look at your little suit, just like a little schoolboy. So, Dame Maggie? call me Mags. Okay, Mags, let's talk about the Oscars. ... |
cracked | 6_insane_stereotypes_that_you_still_see_in_every_movie_after_hours | I'm serious I know that you think you are what are we talking about gay people are magic nope come on just look this is for the record we are four white straight people who are gonna be talking about sexism racism and homophobia okay we are less qualified than a lampshade made of toilet paper oh no Katie's a woman Dan ... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_patricia_krentcil_saturday_night_live | Patricia Crensell, a New Jersey mom, is on trial for child endangerment after accusations that she took her 5-year-old daughter with her into a tanning bed. joining us now, the tanning mom, Patricia Crensell. Hello, Seth. sorry about all the smoke. I just came from the. tanning salon? So, Patricia, how do you answer th... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Local_Mum_Returns_From_The_Bowels_Of_Hell_Hot_Mess_Gladys_Dragged_Back_Into_Her_Bad_Girl_Days_By_ | Hello and welcome to another Weekly Batooter Advocate News Bulletin, my favourite Bulletin of the week. Is it yours, Wendell? Absolutely. I live for him, I love him and I cannot wait for Friday afternoons for the Weekly Bulletin. How about you, Effie Bateman? Yeah, I'm excited.
I can't believe that Clancy's off discov... |
dropout | troopers_secret_message | Leaders of the Insurgency, I've been captured but remain in good spirits. Also, I've obtained some crucial information. It turns out the Dread Cruiser's weakening. Yeah, I'm totally going to slam my pecs to the woah, this isn't the gym.
What? Oh hey princess, long time no see. Who were you just talking to?
I guess I ... |
cracked | what_biology_class_didn_t_want_you_to_know_about_water_marvels_of_the_science_episode_4 | Our world is full of being in many worlds, and in those worlds are even smaller worlds, and in the more small worlds in those worlds, until they're too small to see what we don't really even care about. I'm Professor Scott Bug, and today I hope to explore how we know things, on my Marvels of the Science.
Now, there ar... |
cracked | iconic_pop_culture_moments_you_remember_wrong | Six moments, everyone remembers. Wrong.
I first knew the show was a hit when I walked into school and a kid was wearing a Bart Simpson t-shirt. Fox had an endless supply of clever slogans, man.
This can't be right. Cowabunga, motherf***er. Oh my gosh, she actually does say cowabunga. I thought that was just a t-shirt... |
PhilomenaCunkOn | philomena_cunk_breaks_the_interviews | And then, of course, we have a whole era later that people called the Enlightenment. Is that in this episode or will that come up later? I'm, well, I'm guessing it will come up later. Which episode are we in now? I, probably something about the Middle Ages. Yeah, but is it like episode three or episode four?
I'm afrai... |
TheOnion | The_Onion_Film_Standard_s_Oscars_Special | American Sniper offers a moving portrait of the effects of PTSD on military families, and Selma's depiction of the civil rights crusade is an eloquent rendering of that struggle. And yet, I'm left cold.
Where are the active Valors? Where are the Operation Petticoats?
They may not be paint-by-the-numbers Oscar bait, b... |
cracked | hack_wikipedia_and_you_re_never_wrong | Do it. Jump. What have you got to live for? Hey.
I'll tell you, I started carrying strict iron powder with me everywhere. Dissolves in liquid.
Totally tasteless. Changes nothing.
Yeah, I figured. Yeah, you two. The chief wants to see it. Gasp. The chief?
I heard that guy can only orgasm when he wins at Russian roul... |
TheOnion | Ocean_s_8_Production_Assistant_Describes_What_Rich_Women_Smell_Like | 3, 2, 1. Game on.
I'm Hayley Nielsen, and I was a production assistant on Ocean's 8. As a woman in the film industry, it was honestly so inspiring to work on this set with so many strong, smart, successful actresses, not to mention every single one of them smelled fucking incredible. OK, in this scene, you see how Cat... |
dropout | heist_night_parts_1_3_outtakes | what's going on we're organizing a charity night for hmm we are setting up a we are having a I will get this one of these days are you sure I hate the way I did that let me do that again yeah Adam I can see up your nose so you kind of bread I didn't know you're gonna eat it like a fucking monster fucking amount of juic... |
cracked | what_nobody_wants_to_say_about_our_water_crisis | It cannot be overstated that the biggest problem facing humanity right now is a lack of potable drinking water. Ask Matt Damon, ask George Clooney, ask Leonardo DiCaprio, you know, these are the people that have identified the problem, sure. But, you know, as actors, they're not really able to do anything about it.
My... |
cracked | why_the_ninja_turtles_master_splinter_was_a_cult_leader_today_s_topic | Hey, did you hear about this guy in New York? Maybe. He found a bunch of kids and brainwashed them. I mean, was it on the news? I don't follow the news.
They all had some kind of performance enhancing like poison in their system and he brainwashed them into being like an army. Like you know they have those all child a... |
dropout | This_Cool_Professor_Teaches_Your_Mom_Email | All right, moms, settle down, settle down, please. My name is Ms. Shunker, but hey, that's the name of my unwed aunt, so call me Ms. S. I am your teacher for today, and we are gonna learn some pretty fun stuff. To start, email. Psh, who's this bozo? I hear she's some daughter here to teach us about computers. Is there ... |
dropout | drinking_games_suck | It felt like scorpions, but in a good way. The Grant, no one cares.
Good news, everyone. College humor just hit its 100th sketch. Hi. Cool. Hey, let's celebrate.
We brought some beer. This is a rare Trappist ale. Let's play a drinking game.
Yeah. Oh, sure. You guys know quarters? Oh, yeah. I played that in college. ... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Dutton_Wants_to_Know_More_Detail_on_the_Font_NSW_Libs_Make_Promises_A_Queenslander_Makes_the_Di_ | You're listening to the Batutah Advocates Weekly News Wrap on Desert Rock FM 96.5. Welcome back to the Batutah Advocates Weekly Bulletin. You've got Clancy Overall, Wendell Hussey and Errol Parker in the booth today giving you the rundown on what's been the biggest news on our newspaper and with our audiences this week... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | ep_28_allana_ferguson | Hello listeners and welcome to the show wherever you are here in the Diamantina Shire or around the world. Thank you for tuning in to another week of the Batooter Advocate radio show here on Desert Rock FM. My name is Errol Parker. And I'm Clancy Overall. Thank you for joining us today, coming live to you out of Koala ... |
TheOnion | Biden_Criticized_For_Appearing_In_Hennessy_Ads | After encountering resistance from the Obama administration, cognac maker Hennessey has agreed to pull a series of ads starring Vice President Jill Biden. The $28 million campaign sought to link Hennessey to the Vice President's suave original personality. When the campaign was announced, a Hennessey spokesperson said ... |
dropout | Bartending_Improv_and_Other_Trends_of_2011_No_Laugh_Newsroom | From West Hollywood, California, the only news team that doesn't know what's on the teleprompter before they read it. Anyone who laughs or breaks loses points. This is Breaking News. Hello and welcome to Breaking News, the show where we don't know what we're about to say and we're not allowed to smile or laugh.
I'm Pe... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_field_correspondent_sarah_sherman_gives_an_snl_studio_tour_snl | Well, guys, we are nearing the end of the season and here to tell us what she learned and give us a tour. Backstage is Weekend Update's Field Correspondent, Sarah Sherman. I'm going to kick off the tour in our studio audience. it's been a great show tonight with lots of great weekend update jokes from Michael Che speci... |
dropout | bleep_bloop_final_fantasy_xiii | You're watching Bleep Loop, I'm Jeff Rubin here with Kamau Nanjiani, Brian Murphy, and Pat Cassels. Today we are playing Final Fantasy 13. We're more like he's playing and we're watching. So this is a lot of playing Final Fantasy, it's just sitting back and watching this happen.
This is not the opening, this is the op... |
SaturdayNightLive | the_manuel_ortiz_show_family_dispute_saturday_night_live | You're watching Telesintro Tv, Dominicana, at Six, Flipper, followed by Miss Universe 2003. But first, the Manuel Ortiz show. And welcome to my show. I am Manuel Ortiz, and I'm here to help you with whatever it is you are going through. And if I cannot, I am very, very sorry. we have a big surprise for our first guest.... |
dropout | grant_gets_a_beehive_stuck_on_his_head | I can't believe a whole beehive, um, grew? Is that the word? It grew up for the weekend? Should we do anything? It's almost...cute? Yeah. Let's just see how this plays out. Oh! That's adorable, it's like a children's book.
I can't reach it. Lift your arms up higher!
Oh God.
Aw, a little guy can't get it up his head!... |
Wizards_with_Guns | nic_cage_s_most_magical_film_the_sorcerer_s_apprentice_wizards_watch | Okay, uh, so... Hello! Hahahaha! There was nothing wrong with you! You're like the new kid in class and the teachers brought you to the front of the room. Hello!
This is not a sketch. Alert! There's a bit of a gap between when we release sketches, and today we want to try out something different. We're gonna do a comm... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | EP_59_Kate_Miller_Heidke | Now we're halfway through the longest election campaign in the history of this fine nation, so Errol and I thought we'd keep in that theme. Clancy, this week on the show we have some Queensland royalty, as you exclaimed about six times this morning. One of our state's greatest exports to the rest of the country and ind... |
SaturdayNightLive | costco_meeting_ft_lizzo_snl | Well, Julissa, I'm excited to hear your ideas on how to increase Costco's sales with young people. thank you, sir. Costco has every age group on lock, except for children between the ages of 9 and 12. when they come to our stores, they're just sitting in shopping carts. it's insane. they should be walking and purchasin... |
dropout | hugh_jackman_s_teacher_interview | So, you are interested in teaching at Harlan Village Academies, Mr...
Hugh. Hugh Jackman.
Yeah, I know who you are. I'm just not sure why you're here.
Well, a friend of mine, Steven Spielberg, told me to look on the Harlan Village Academy website and I was blown away by it. Particularly the bit that said superstars ... |
dropout | what_is_the_best_invention_that_has_yet_to_be_invented | Today's question is, what is the best invention that has yet to be invented?
Today, I'm joined by Raffi Alcheste. Yes, ma'am. Allie Beardsley. Hello, mommy.
And John Gabris. I don't want to go to bed. John, would you like to be in?
The greatest invention that has yet to be invented is the heated glove box. Nice. So ... |
SaturdayNightLive | to_my_love_saturday_night_live | When a man meets the woman he loves, everything changes. his heart races, his head spins, and suddenly all the dozens and dozens of women he's sleeping with no longer matter. a few years ago, I found the woman I love, and I've put some of my feelings into this little ode. every man needs a woman, and I need you. to lif... |
dropout | hardly_working_horsey_ride | That is how fudge is made.
I never would have thought to look around the corner. Thank you so much for the tip. No problem.
Surprise horsey ride! Whoa!
Hey, get off Jeff! You don't have chronic sunburned shoulders. Hot, do something. Get him off me!
Can't stop now. Streeters going for the record.
Go, Jeff! Yeah! J... |
dropout | the_devious_truth_about_egg_nog | Previously on Nog Dynasty And to my adoring second wife Barb, I leave the Hodges family eggnog recipe, my entire fortune and the keys to all of my eggnog empire. I hope you're not upset at the outcome of the will, Terry. I'm Terry, that's Tracy, mother. You know I can never tell you twins apart. Regardless, we are a fa... |
dropout | who_gets_the_cool_gun_ch_shorts | Alright Bravo team, listen up. The target is at the base of the hill, they're heavily armed, and likely booby traps abound. How come the captain's gun is so cool right now?
Oh right? Look at that.
Keep your wits about you. He looks like he got it from like an alien. Yeah, like an old alien. Everything you learned in ... |
dropout | bleep_bloop_bloxing | You guys are watching Bleep Bloop. This week we are playing boxing games, so I am joined by Neil Janowitz, editor of ESPN the magazine, College Humor's Amir Blumenfeld, and Jason Thompson in Up and Coming Welterweight in New York City. You guys ready to play some punch out? Yeah. Wait, should we say which one of us is ... |
cracked | zuckerberg_trump_breitbart_and_similarly_clowns_some_news | Hello, I'm a news a news person and here's some news. It's being reported that Mark Zuckerberg's company Facebook sold $100,000 of political ads during the 2016 US presidential campaign to fake Russian accounts And after flipping a coin to decide if this should be about Russia's influence on our election or about Zucke... |
SaturdayNightLive | hollywood_dish_with_scarlett_johansson_snl | Thanks so much for doing this interview. I'm thrilled. I watch Hollywood Dish all the time. that's how I found out that Dabney Coleman died. Oh, no, we had to retract that. he's totally alive. he's on Boardwalk Empire now. he's very good.
Anyway, are we ready to get started? yeah, are we speeding? is the lens cap off?... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_dan_bulldozer_on_the_impact_of_social_media_snl | Recent studies show that social media is making young people unhappy and insecure about their own lives. here to comment is lifestyle influencer Dan Bulldozer. he's great, man. what's going on? y'all got a legit setup. Thanks, yeah. So Dan, you're super rich and you just show off your crazy life on Instagram, right? so... |
dropout | your_six_drunk_personalities | This is you. Catherine, again. Come on, man.
We're going out tonight. This is the bar you're going to, and these are your six drunk personalities. About 15 minutes after your first drink or two, he arrives.
Oh my gee. You guys are fucking beautiful. Charming, confident he's you without all the annoying insecurities o... |
cracked | the_true_story_behind_may_december_part_2 | Mary Kayla Tornow and Billy Foulau met when he was a student in her second grade class. Over the next few years, she keeps in touch with him, weird, invites him to go to the museum over her home, and they kind of form a friendship. And finally, when he was in her sixth grade class, she was 34, he was 12, things got mor... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | EP_106_Becky_Lucas_part_3 | Some people are going mad. Some people are losing a lot of money. Some businesses are flat out collapsing, you go down the main street of any town in Australia and you'll see a store you once liked is no longer open and closed for good. But some people are thriving, whether they be selling highly marked up hand sanitis... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_marla_maples_saturday_night_live | This week, a Reform party presidential hopeful Donald Trump has been involved in a nasty battle with ex-wife No. 2, Marla Maples, who threatened to quote, expose Trump for what he really is. Here with a further comment is Marla Maples. Thank you, Colin. you know, I was serious when I said Donald Trump will be exposed f... |
dropout | these_penguins_hump_corpses | Which is when I bred cows that only make curdled milk. I don't know if I can take many more detentions.
It's torture! Did you say torture? No, no, no. No one said torture. God, why is everything you do so fucked? You don't like my lesson?
No, absolutely not. No, I just said that. I just said it.
How could we? What w... |
dropout | Sam_Tortures_Brennan_With_a_Bird_Trivia_Contest_He_Cannot_Win | Players, I want you to listen carefully, because I'm going to tell you a personal story. When I was a kid, one day my father calls me out on the porch, and he says, son, there's something I've been meaning to tell you.
And it's. Ah! Holy fuck.
I told you I'm hyper reflexes. That is, somewhat predictably, a point for ... |
SaturdayNightLive | acting_class_snl | And remember, you are not students in an acting class. you are a hoe and a pimp on Skid Row. Go. the hell is this, bitch? a whole night of hoeing, and all you bring me is $150? I told you. when a fuzzy's hoe's robbed me, Daddy. Stop the scene! Oh, I didn't believe a word of that. you two always come off as two white pe... |
SaturdayNightLive | can_i_talk_to_you_snl | Is this thing busted or something? it's taking forever. Girl, I know Biden better do something about these gas prices. I know, right? six dollars a gallon? what are they using? casamigos? excuse me. you know, I ain't trying to bother y'all, but y'all looking very beautiful tonight. Oh, boy. here we go.
I just want to ... |
dropout | streeter_theeter_the_phantom_meets_gale_beggy | Your pretty eyes must have fried the machine. That makes no sense.
It appears Sera has feelings for that intolerable Gaylord. She could do so much better. You should just tell her anything.
See you later. Definitely. How? It seems to be the problem by the way. Gail, thank you for coming. It just froze up on me. Gail,... |
SaturdayNightLive | jimmy_carter_at_the_bar_saturday_night_live | My wife doesn't understand me. yeah. my husband doesn't understand me. Yeah. say, fella, let's hear your problem. my country doesn't understand me. Gosh, I lost my job, I lost my beautiful white house, my airplane, and worst of all, they chopped down my daughter's tree house. hey, gang. hey, Mike. how's it hanging, Edd... |
TheOnion | Diane_Sawyer_Introduces_New_Foul_Mouthed_Cigar_Chomping_Character_To_ABC_World_News | Wayne LaPierre goes on a harpooning spree to prove some sort of point. A depressed nation didn't think it would take this long to get over the death of Jack Klugman, and four homeless people are dead in what an area girlfriend refers to as cuddle weather. Welcome back buddy, it's okay we're all here for you, you're saf... |
cracked | why_action_movies_are_musicals_for_dudes_today_s_topic | Soren, you should be a dear and call the testicle ambulance because your list of recently viewed Netflix movies has made my balls literally detached from my body and then quite literally rolled down my pant leg onto the floor. Hairspray? Grease? Westside Story?
That is not what literally means. You know what hurts the... |
dropout | warhammer_the_weasleys | From barbarians to Targaryens, nerds are passionate about a lot of things, but there's something they love above all else, and that is correcting people. This is Um, Actually. Joining me today, we have Nick Marini, we have Emily Heller, and Edgar Mampazir. All three of you are new to the show, brand new faces, so this ... |
CrackerMilk | when_girls_say_they_re_fine | Hey, babe! Did you like all of my best friend's bikini pics on Instagram? Yeah. Okay. Why? When things come up that look good, I like them. So, you're okay with that, right? I'm fine. You alright, babe? I'm fine.
Hey, why don't you and me go on a romantic dinner date tonight? I love you so nice. Oh, Miguel's, the Ital... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_nuclear_scientists_achieve_ignition_trump_vs_desantis_gop_civil_war_snl | U.s. scientists announced they have reached Ignition, which is a nuclear fusion reaction producing more energy than it took to create.
And they're hoping this discovery may eventually lead to the Remix to Ignition.
A new study found that using screens to stop a child's tantrums can harm their ability to control their... |
cracked | every_video_game_escort_mission_ever_8_bits | Please! Please, I'm not one of them! Are you a bitch? Yes, but I have time. And besides, it's not me I'm worried about. Oh, wait. I'm a United States Secret Service agent. Wait, no. And I need you to escort... Oh, that works. Please don't say...
The president's daughter.
Yeah, god damn it. I was killing everything. I... |
Wizards_with_Guns | it_s_a_monday_in_1985_and_shannon_just_walked_in_ | Wizcorp presents a guide to common workplace interactions So boss, last day. Yeah I'm gonna miss this place. Any special plans today? No, just got to train the new guy then I'm out of here Well, have you met him yet? No, I have in action.
Mondays, am I right? Yeah Anyways, so my pension, right Yeah Mondays suck. Yeah,... |
dropout | No_I_Don_t_Deserve_Nice_Things | Oh, I forgot to ask, did you see that new rom-com on Netflix? I heard they made it for $8. Making it their most expensive movie yet.
Hello? Rekha, are you even listening to me?
I'm done. I am finally finished with my novel. Oh, that's amazing. You must feel great. I mean, after so many sleepless nights and so much ha... |
SaturdayNightLive | ordering_sushi_like_a_ceo_saturday_night_live | Hi, I'm a Ceo type at a large business firm, so you can imagine I eat a lot of sushi like boatboats. like Buku Sushi. When you sit down with clients at a Japanese restaurant, they don't often know what to order except common things like edamame and california rolls. Snoozeville. That's why I paid someone to write this ... |
SaturdayNightLive | cast_away_snl | I still don't understand why you had to invite your ex-fiancee over for dinner. it's kind of sus. Honey, I thought Laird was dead because his plane exploded over the ocean. And then two days ago, a cruise ship found him floating on a piece of a porta potty. what do you want me to do? Ok, that's him. try and be nice, Ok... |
dropout | how_to_hide_you_re_out_of_shape | Katie! No, please! Yeah!
Guys, time out. Time out.
Katie, are you okay? Yeah, what?
I love exercise. Do you guys need a break? I'm feeling good, but maybe you need a break?
No, I'm good. What about you? I'm good. You're good? Yeah, I'm fine. You're good, too. I'm fine.
Great. Yeah, same here. I'm just as fit as al... |
TheOnion | How_Much_Can_Hank_Pad_Out_This_Segment_About_The_NFL_Combine | All right, all you NFL sweatheads, the draft is right around the corner and you know what that means. That's right. It's time to talk about the NFL Combine.
And I'm thinking we could use all this scouting info to really pad out the segments so we can fill the next half hour. If I just start listing teams, the Panthers... |
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