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TheOnion | You_re_Right_Host_Changes_Abortion_Stance_After_Realizing_He_Wouldn_t_Have_Show_If_He_Was_Aborted | Okay, I want to move on to my main topic tonight. Abortion. Funding proper access to abortion has been an intense debate across the country, and no more so than in the state of Indiana. That all over women's rights in Indiana is heating up because of ongoing backlash over the abortion bill Governor Mike Pence signed in... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_202_Que_Minh_Luu | How are you, Errol? I'm all right, mate. It's good to be here.
We fly somewhere east of Alice Springs, seemingly rare these days, but yeah, good to be dry out here and sending our thoughts to the people of Northern Rivers in the southeast corner of our state. Clancy. Yeah, there's a lot going on. Just when we thought ... |
TheOnion | Help_I_m_A_Different_Height_Than_Someone_Else_Dr_Good_Ep_4 | Do you still have all of your feet and hands? If so, Dr. Goode wants to know how you did it. Send a picture of your extremities and a stool sample to Dr. Goode at 730 North Franklin Street, 7th floor, Chicago, Illinois 60654.
One of the most common reasons people go see the doctor is when they see someone who's a diff... |
cracked | what_to_know_before_watching_daddy_s_home_2 | Hey, Daddy fans, just in time for the holidays the whole Daddy gang is back in theaters for Daddy's Home, too And if you miss the first one, or you can't quite remember where the franchise left off Cracked is here to catch you up and give you everything you need to know about what you might have missed and what to expe... |
dropout | ice_age_in_4d | People can't stop talking about Ice Age in 3D! I loved it, it was great! We saw it three times! Fun for the whole family. For a limited time only, see Ice Age in 4D! The fourth dimension is time.
Oh, I'm going to love it. I know because I met the future me.
Who saw it? Who loved it? We saw it three million times in a... |
dropout | stop_living_in_a_sad_boy_house | I invited her over to my place and it's the first time I'd really seen it through someone else's eyes. There was no art on the walls, no rugs on the floor, the sink was filled with dirty dishes. I had to wear shoes inside because I broke a glass eight months ago. He made us dinner. We sat at fold out chairs at a big ca... |
TheOnion | How_Do_I_Get_Those_Weight_Loss_Throat_Worms_Troublehacking_with_Drew_Cleary | Hey, everybody. This is Drew. I've been getting lots of questions about problems you guys are having with weight loss throat worms. Those are the worms that live in your throat and absorb the food before it reaches your esophagus. Just going to dive right in and go through some of the commonly submitted questions. Hi.
... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Miranda_Tapsell_star_of_TOP_END_WEDDING_THE_SAPPHIRES_Rom_Com_Expert_LAST_VIDEO_STORE_PODCAST | Imagine the perfect video store. A store that has every single film on its shelves. You can rent and borrow everything.
You can discover new films. You can discover classics for the first time.
Well, imagine no longer, baby, because you are in it right now. This is the last video store. My name is Alexei Touliopoulos... |
TheOnion | Onion_Explains_International_Drug_Trade | To help you understand how dangerous narcotics operations have persisted, despite decades of bold efforts to completely mishandle the product, we now present the Onion Explained, the drug trade. In order to get their product to the 25 million users of illicit drugs in the United States, cartels require an efficient and... |
dropout | xbox_achievements | What the devil's going on here, soldiers? You're a fighter, so you're a goddamn shot! We're waiting for our opportunity, Sarge! Opportunities? This place is crawling with the bastards! You think any shot of your kids?
Sir, yes, sir! I said fire it well! All I can get is a single kill right now, Sarge. Well, then you t... |
dropout | crazy_woman_ruins_manners_show | Good evening ladies and welcome and welcome to all of you. Now this evening we are going to learn how to set the formal dining table and as there is much to learn and discover let us begin as we so often do with a toast. To the good life, I didn't know you could drink on this show, I did not know you could drink on thi... |
dropout | our_most_embarrassing_phone_fails_ask_ch | The most embarrassing thing that ever happened to me with my phone happened when I was 16 and I was going to a concert with my new friends who were the bad kids. Now, something you should know about me, I'm a great driver. I've never been pulled over, I've never had an accident, I've never touched another car with my c... |
dropout | go_to_college_music_video_with_first_lady_michelle_obama | What are you gonna do after high school? Hmm, I don't know. Just hang out, I guess. Hang out?
Well, for everything else, you should go to college. They be building robots, build bridges, commute, you can get your walk on. Be a math major, hop a moon crater, be a national, be up in the sky like a baby. Finance is in sc... |
TheOnion | Most_Children_Not_In_Favor_Of_Child_Healthcare | While Congress debates how to provide health insurance for America's 9 million uninsured children, a surprising study released today finds the vast majority of children do not want health care. Joining us now is the study's director, Gerald Fisher. Tell us about this study, Mr. Fisher. We surveyed over 2,000 children a... |
SaturdayNightLive | walk_the_plank_saturday_night_live | Unhand Me. when her Majesty hears of this, there'll be a high price on all your heads. Unhand Me, he says. Do you hear that, men? Well, I'm handy, all right. Well, I'm handy Over to you, Maker. hang him from the yard arm. drop off his head. I'm not cruel with your sword. No, no, Mate, he's over too quick. as he's dying... |
dropout | how_hollywood_ruins_relationships_with_kristen_connolly | Oh sweet, we should get to the theater if we want to get tickets. Oh, no, no, it's fine. I ordered them online. I'm that excited about this movie. Me too.
The White House Under Attack, a former Secret Service agent to the rescue. Played by bad-ass Gerard Butler. You're enchanting Tatum.
White House Down? No, no, I go... |
cracked | 5_movie_product_placements_the_brands_must_have_hated | by product placement and Hey clear thank God 11 All right, please man, you have to board the plane is ready to leave so we just make sure everyone gets on come on Don't worry, man. We'll get everybody on the We have to close up here. They're ready to go. He dropped his boarding pass. It's playing kidly It's happened to... |
dropout | should_you_buy_a_romper | What were you thinking? I thought it'd be cute. Cute?
Bet you're pushing 30. Technically right now, I'm forever 21. You're right. Rompers are for toddlers and Beyonce. You look fine as fuck. Hello, Beyonce. More like Blue Ivy. Okay, sure, yeah.
It's a little childish, but in like a sexy way. Like pigtails. Pretty sur... |
TheOnion | Embarrassed_Steven_Chu_Accidentally_Calls_Barack_Obama_Dad_In_Cabinet_Meeting | A new law prohibits kaleidoscoping while driving, the nation's 90-somethings gear up for the last year of their lives, and Vice President Joe Biden puts up a flyer advertising guitar lessons on a White House bulletin board. You may now stop the continuous playback loop of the previous review and begin playing this vide... |
SaturdayNightLive | bookstore_saturday_night_live | I will not stop until we find this. Okay, wait. Boom Square. Oh. hello. welcome inside here today. I am not good at talking sometimes. I'm sorry. hi. well, please have what we want. we've been to every bookstore. well, we certainly have some stuff. what you looking for? a Ferrari calendar. you ladies into cars? No, but... |
dropout | dreadlord_s_new_sidekick | I don't want some stupid power struggle until we learn who outranks the other let's just stay out of each other's way yeah but more like you stay out of my way here he is ma'am doug sir the trooper who aided the escape of the wayfinder in seven big lizards have him bound and shot into the farthest corner of space oh ma... |
cracked | 4_weirdly_specific_ways_hollywood_thinks_about_food_yboc_blade_runner_dr_who_power_rangers | Ah, functioners, welcome to Chapeau Your Brain Uncracked. Yeah, my pal, Dr. Jordan, breathe in there tonight. I'll be your grossly over-qualified server. Please, have a seat. Our special tonight is... May I interest you in a case of bubbly?
No? fuck you, there's not anyway.
Now, are we ready to order? Ah, so you're s... |
dropout | honest_4_loko_commercial | Say, buying an energy drink? Yeah, I can use a pick-me-up.
Have you considered Four Loco? Four Loco?
To get the same amount of energy in just one Four Loco, you'd have to drink a red bowl and a cup of coffee. That's a lot of energy. And these four beers. I thought this was an energy drink. So do the FDA. Suckers.
I ... |
ClickHole | this_father_s_reaction_to_his_son_coming_out_is_perfect | Hi everyone! So, I have been thinking about this for a long time, and today's the day I'm finally gonna do it. I've known I've been gay for like, my whole life, and I've never really talked to my dad about it. And, wow, I can't believe I'm saying this, but today's the day I finally tell him who I really am. God, I'm so... |
dropout | assh_le_wizard_won_t_reveal_his_secrets | Alright guys, I'd like to introduce you to College Humor's new safety officer, the wise old man from every fantasy movie ever. It's good to see you. I have been waiting for this day for a hundred years. Hey, welcome. Nice to meet you. So I've asked him here because he's good at explaining things, all the three-eyed rav... |
SaturdayNightLive | fart_face_saturday_night_live | Oh, hello, Jerry. hello, Fart Face. ready for the meeting? Jerry, so this again, huh? What's the matter, fart face? Jerry, it's been a week now, and I think it's about time you stopped calling me fart face. And why is that fart face? Because for your information, I'm not a fart face. Well, that's your opinion, Fart Fac... |
dropout | hardly_working_maidmer | He wakes up in the morning, does his teeth bite tea, and he's rolling, and he never changes a thing. Weekends, week begins.
Friends, I've returned from my year-long voyage on the SS Matilda. So she was seaworthy after all. No, no, not in the slightest, but after she sank to the dark underbelly of the sea, I was saved ... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_244_A_Gang_Called_Speed | You're listening to Errol Parker and Clancy Overall, editors of the Petunia Advocate on Desert Rock FM. Welcome back to Petunia Africa radio show recording here live on Desert Rock FM. You're joined of course by myself Clancy Overall, editor of the Petunia Advocate and it's just me today as host.
The other two fellas ... |
CrackerMilk | what_gives_girls_the_ick | And there was no soap in the house. Like none. Nothing. What does he watch his name on?
Hey ladies! Ladies? Oh that is such an ick. Ladies!
Come on! What are we, like 45? Aren't you? Fuck you Connor! You know what?
Oh my god, wait! Stop! Bottle out for a second. Look at how he's standing!
Ahh! Ick central! Turn lef... |
dropout | hardly_working_sleepover_prank | Okay, okay, okay, okay, here's the dealio, Emilio. O-Dog was working late last night, and he straight up fell asleep at the office. Not! What a chump! Okay, so of course, when we got here, we had, I mean, we had to prank him good. Oh no, shut up, shut up, shut up, he's waking up, he's waking up. Hey, hey, Owen, rise an... |
SaturdayNightLive | metal_shop_saturday_night_live | Hey, Tommy, unpause it. is it light flashing? What's up? This is Pat Sullivan. we got the camcorder out on loan today, because my boy Tommy has full access to the Av closet. me and my gal, Denise, here taping ourselves in Metal Shop. Don't film me while I got these queer goggles on. you're wearing queer goggles, And I'... |
dropout | the_guy_who_over_pronounces_foreign_words | I cannot wait to try the food here. The reviews have been incredible. Okay, what's good? I've heard good things about the prosciutte, also the caprese, also the mozzarella sticks, and the bruschetta, and the garlic bread. Do you mean bruschetta? Yeah, bruschetta.
Why are you saying it that way? That's how it's suppose... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Daily_News_Bulletin_Tuesday_7th_April | Hello, my name's Wendell Hussey and you're listening to the Battuta Daily News Bulletin. We're coming to you live from the budgie smuggler bedroom with a wrap up of all of the biggest stories from the Battuta Advocate today. We'll start off this news wrap where you'd expect us to start off with news about the George Pe... |
TheOnion | FAA_Issues_Holiday_Reminder_That_Planes_Can_Crash_And_Kill_You | With an expected 93 million Americans traveling this holiday season, the FAA has issued a reminder that any plane can crash and kill you. Deputy FAA Administrator Serena Grant spoke this morning. This year there will be more flights than ever, and any one of them could blow up in the middle of the sky without warning. ... |
dropout | you_re_not_deep_you_re_drunk_all_nighter | College Humor's All-Nighter!
Yes, I know what you mean. Can I be real with you for a second? I am so glad that you're here. I mean, you are knocking it out of the park. Thank you. I am so glad that it's working out.
I mean, I gave up everything to be here. Hey, not everyone has the courage to go after their dreams. O... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_biden_s_approval_rating_drops_elon_musk_wants_to_buy_twitter_snl | It's weekend update with Colin Jost and Michael Che. I'm Colin Jost. A new poll shows that President Biden's approval rating has fallen to an all-time low of 33%. for perspective, that's less than half the approval rating of Sonic the Hedgehog 2. Sonic 2 features the characters tails and Knuckles, which are also the na... |
dropout | lebron_s_decision | Thanks for coming y'all, appreciate it. So after much deliberation with my friends and my family, my advisers, I've decided to go ahead and sign with, huh, I got an hour up here, I got an hour, hold on a second, just give Brother a minute here, alright, yeah, so right, after much deliberation, I've decided to, oh man, ... |
SaturdayNightLive | coffee_commercial_snl | Okay, Don Faraway is on her way to set. Oh, my God, I can't believe we got three-time oscar-presenting Don Faraway for this commercial. aren't you nervous?
I heard she's made directors cry. Oh, don't believe what you read in the rags. she's a legend. Well, I've heard that as well.
Oh, Miss Faraway. good morning, ever... |
TheOnion | Bounty_Launches_Beginner_Series_For_People_New_To_Paper_Towels | Hi, I'm Stephen Hoffer for Bounty Beginners here to give you a crash course in paper towels. This instructional DVD will lay the foundation for using your new paper towels from setup to basic wiping. Ready? Alright, let's get started. Setting up your paper towels is easy.
First place the roll on a sturdy surface like ... |
SaturdayNightLive | spring_flowers_snl | All right, my beautiful little spring bulbs. You're getting bigger every day, and it looks like a Thursday for a sprinkle. Excuse me, I'm a little confused. Yesterday I was just a bulb in the earth and now I'm different. Welcome to the flower bed friend. We wondered when you'd arrive. Yeah, you're a late bloomer, not s... |
SaturdayNightLive | the_age_of_discovery_snl | What is the idea of being a caca?
Oh, really? The audio! Is it good? No, the audio. It's so good.
You're not a caca who doesn't have one.
What? This is the one. What?
I'm going to have a meal for you.
Sure. Okay.
MPS, what's this? The Proxima VN, this is.
Un nuevo mundo. Por se las la vuelta. Las las vuelta, un ... |
cracked | hillary_clinton_on_snl_dennis_kucinich_on_cracked_3_3_08 | It's Monday, February 32nd, 2008, and this is the News on Cracked. I'm Lex Friedman and no news is good news, so here's the bad news. Senator Hillary Clinton made a surprise visit on Saturday Night Live this past weekend, providing a humorous editorial response to a debate sketch on the show. Not to be outdone, we here... |
cracked | 5_depressing_details_movies_completely_ignored_yboc_aquaman_jerry_maguire | Hey there nerds, it's me, Dr. Jordan Breen, which, like, yes, sort of sounds like the raw materials for a solid B-plus sex joke, but nobody has ever come up with a genuinely funny riff on it, so why even try? Someone somewhere is maybe watching this friggin' episode of Your Brain on Crack, the show made in such an isol... |
SaturdayNightLive | mall_santa_snl | Hi, can we see Santa? Certainly. Hello, young man. jump up on Santa's lap. what's your name? Zack. Zack. have you been a good boy this year, Zack? Yes. good. Now, tell Santa what you want for Christmas, and he'll get it for you. Ho, ho, ho. that's a good one. anything special you want this year, Zack? yeah, go ahead, a... |
ClickHole | people_open_up_about_how_they_started_believing_in_god_after_finding_a_big_bag_of_laundry_in_a_barn | I was crawling into a barn to do my barn mischief, and that's when I saw a big bag of laundry just sitting there. That's a miracle. So I started believing in God. I was standing in the middle of a barn with my hands on my hips, accomplishing my disgusting barn crimes, when all of a sudden I hear the creak of wheels. I ... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_ft_marcello_hernandez_and_bowen_yang_snl | Well, just hours ago, Donald Trump won the South Carolina Primary, which means that Trump is now undefeated, everywhere except court. Trump has basically locked up the nomination, and he's clearly already pivoting to the general election with a more moderate, unifying tone.
November 5th will be our new Liberation Day,... |
cracked | the_week_in_douchebaggery_from_hermione_to_hannah_montana | We're all naked underneath our clothes, even fat people.
I'm Lex Friedman and this is the Week in Douchebag Reef for April 25th, 2008. Douchebag number five is some random movie stuntman. The stuntman was working on an upcoming James Bond movie and was injured when he accidentally drove an Aston Martin into a lake. Th... |
SaturdayNightLive | the_3rd_annual_reenactment_awards_saturday_night_live | Live from Hollywood, California, It's the third annual Reenactment Award, And now, here's your host, Robert Stack. Welcome, and thank you for joining us. as the host of Unsolved Mysteries, I've come to appreciate all the hard work that goes into a dramatic recreation of a real-life event, what we in the industry call r... |
dropout | this_dating_app_finds_your_one_true_soulmate_clip_from_bad_internet_ep_5 | I'm Martin Whistlebottom, CEO of Soulmate, the app that finds your perfect match. It's not a list of potential dates. It's one person, your soulmate.
I want you inside me. Will I get to watch you kiss them on the lips? Gosh, I'd sure like to.
Stop swiping. Stop searching.
No match found. Excuse me. I don't have a ma... |
SaturdayNightLive | valets_snl | Hello, everyone, and welcome to your first day at Vincent's Valet's. Now, being a valet is the hardest job in the world. Ah! forgot about brain surgery. it's the second-hardest job in the world.
Got it. Yeah. totally, yeah. Okay, now, I believe that everyone can be a great valet so long as you follow these three simpl... |
SaturdayNightLive | a_visit_with_santa_snl | Children of all ages, you've come to the right place. the actual Mr. Chris scrangle himself has come all the way from the North Pole. And Santa! ho, ho, ho! That is right! My schedule's a little crazy right now, but there's no place I'd rather be. Right, Sprinkles the Elf? that's right, Santa just can't say no to a hop... |
dropout | street_fighter_the_later_years_part_5 | Last time, on Street Fighter the Later Years. I don't know, Bison.
She's not going to be happy to see you. Pause it right there. You can see her underwear. Wow.
Get back to work, Balrog. Join us, Chun-Li. We need you. What are you doing? Hi, Mr. Weiner.
Just working on the fiscal money tab chart. You do know that Vi... |
cracked | the_6_most_mind_blowing_twist_endings_hiding_on_youtube_spit_take_theater | Hello the internet and irresponsible time travelers playing this clip on an iPhone to pacify a group of superstitious natives Welcome to another episode of the spit take I'm your host Jack O'Brien and you're listening to house of balloons by the weekend an awesome song that turns into a totally different awesome song r... |
dropout | 31_words_that_sound_like_slurs_but_aren_t | Ugh, I can't believe Sam will give me a company credit card.
That dude is so niggardly. Hey, not cool. You can't say that. Actually, it's a perfectly innocent word that means stingy.
It just sounds like a slur. A lot like a slur. Ah, but it's just almost a slur.
What are you guys talking about? Oh, well you see, Pat... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Weekly_News_Bulletin_The_Future_Of_Coal_Byron_Bay_Washes_Away_Local_News_More_December_18 | You're joined by myself, Clancy Overall, editor-at-large Errol Parker and of course our news reader Wendell Hussey, how are we Wendell, how are we Errol? Sensational, Clancy this time next week I'll have a Batutah Bitter in my hand ready to rip into a Christmas Day lunch and then a small Christmas Day dinner. How about... |
dropout | your_printer_is_a_brat | Monitor, please display this document. No prob, boss. Okay, now it looks like Mouse is moving around. Confirm? Affirmative. Alright, Monitor, please track Mouse and display the pointer icon accordingly. You got it. Mouse, where are you going now? Sir, I'm moving over the icon panel.
Hmm. Let me know if he presses anyt... |
dropout | outtakes_grant_and_katie_are_starting_their_own_company | I'm mad! Let's start our own company. I'll help!
Yes, cars are pretty big now, right? People are talking about them, people are driving them. What else?
Well, Irene. Okay, here's the thing. Yes. Yes, yes, yes. A round of applause. Well, thank you, thank you, thank you. Now, it will be a little bit tough. Yes.
Yeah, ... |
TheOnion | Brooke_Alvarez_Explains_Why_There_Are_So_Many_People_In_Prison | Hello there, I'm Brooke Alvarez. I'm answering your questions in a not-so-subtle attempt to gain your trust. We have a question right here from Facebook.
Meredith Bean McMapp asks, The U.S. puts more people in jail than any other country on Earth. Why? Well, Meredith, one explanation might be that the country would ra... |
CrackerMilk | when_you_re_the_oldest_in_the_friend_group | Oh, can I borrow your fax machine? What? I need to send a fax? Can I please use your fax machine? I don't have a fax machine. Then how do you send a fax?
Oh my god. You're old. I'm not old.
Really. Make a TikTok. Huh. Make a clock. Do me a favour. Read this.
Aww. It's a touch more. How about... Oh, what's that? Buss... |
dropout | angry_birds_psa | Hello, I'm Daffy Duck. And I'm Miss Piggy. You may recognize us as animated stars of film and television.
But we and countless other celebrity birds and pigs are really getting animated over an issue close to our hearts. The Angry Birds War. Because while Hollywood cartoon violence is fake, the violence of the Angry B... |
Wizards_with_Guns | i_seduce_the_dragon_ | Oh, yeah, um, I believe they say if you love something you gotta let it go. He's right Yeah, I did love that drip stick It was my grandpa's but after I was trying to fish it out of that storm drain all day. My arm just gave out Your grandpa had a rip stick Sorry, I'm late. No, no worries, bro.
You're you're actually r... |
TheOnion | Social_Media_Rock_Star_Makes_28_000_Per_Year | Regarded by many as one of the fastest rising online personalities today, social media rock star Ryan Wasserman has 250,000 loyal Twitter followers, receives hundreds of retweets on a daily basis, and earns $28,000 a year at his job as an administrative assistant. The Onion spoke to the online luminary at KPL Insurance... |
cracked | why_non_religious_confessionals_should_be_a_thing_people_watching_2 | Well, it's like this. Forgive me? But I have never watched Game of Thrones. Nice. I thought I was the only one. On an innocent trip, how can one ruin so much?
A belief in a soul, in a beauty, or in a touch? Bop, bop, bottom, bop! It's like a three-legged dog in search of a crush.
Okay, so how does this work? It's lik... |
dropout | precious_plum_a_blood_drive | My name is Plum, I'm 6 years old, and I'm a purely quiet mama driving me around a patch. Well, we's Anna Lake. She's my precious Plum. Today Plum's competing to meet Little Miss Skittle Nips in a car wash when it's not going in the Old Oak Canada.
Besides the dog don't pick my neck. I knew something was wrong when she... |
dropout | bleep_bloop_mystery_solvers_part_1 | Brought to you by Stride, MegaMysteryGov. Do not reveal the secret flavor or Stride will come and find you. To help solve the case, we've put together a crack squad, including myself, Jeff Ruben, John Habris, investigations, and- This is just such a blatant, like, tacked-on mini-mission where it's like, we gotta call D... |
dropout | toon_tang_ep_2 | Waities, I'd like you to meet Witchett. Hi, Richard! Well, everyone's kind of excited because a gorgeous man just walked into the ranch. I haven't been chosen, and well, I haven't been chosen since I started working here. But I have a good feeling about this one. Well, you're all very beautiful. But how could I choose ... |
cracked | 4_movies_where_everybody_just_needed_to_chill_out_yboc | I am entirely nude, but you would know, you know why? Incogni, they deleted that information, you perverts. Hey there nerds, I'm your mutant, Dr. Jordan Breeding, and you're watching Your Brain on Crack.
The only show where my superpower is sometimes I talk to you for 10, 15 minutes straight about movies while on othe... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_michael_longfellow_on_being_a_child_of_divorce_during_the_holidays_snl | Well, it's the holiday season. it's the. it's the. it's the holiday season, which can be especially tough for children of divorce. Here to comment is: Child of Divorce, Michael Longfellow. Happy Holidays, Colin. Happy Holidays, Michael.
So your parents are divorced. was that hard for you? No. I was a tiny little baby.... |
SaturdayNightLive | national_enquirer_editors_saturday_night_live | This edition looks pretty good to me, gentlemen. yeah, just a few things. I'd like to go over before we go to Press, but it looks pretty damn good.
Now on page three here the article about the monkey performing surgery on the blind woman. I think it needs a picture. Yeah, I went through the files chief and we have a p... |
cracked | 4_horrible_ways_we_re_bringing_sci_fi_technologies_to_life_does_not_compute | Huh. That's weird. Oh, shoot. But then I met, like, a time guy. Wizard, I guess. It doesn't matter.
Luckily, my warranty covered being stranded in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Draw me down a flight of stairs, though, and you're f***ed. Anyway, here's a countdown formatted list of YouTube videos, your highnesses! What... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | INTERVIEW_Thomas_Mayo_Indigenous_Voice_Part_2 | You're listening to Errol Parker and Clancy Overall, editors of the Batooter Advocate on Desert Rock FM. Hello, it's Clancy Overall here. Welcome back to the Batooter Advocate radio show and welcome back to part two of the Batooter Advocate's interview with the Darwin Wharfie and indigenous activist Thomas Meyer. This ... |
dropout | if_leaving_miitomo_was_like_leaving_facebook | What rhymes with orange? Orange. Orange, yeah.
Yeah, no, that totally works. Now we're cooking. Guys, I hate to be dramatic, but I think I'm going to delete my Mi Tomo. No. What's mine? What's meat butter? When I first heard of Mi Tomo yesterday, I was super excited to make a Mii with two eyes that look like a Mii wit... |
dropout | sharing_samantha_a_steamy_thanksgiving_party | Good morning, Vietnam! Really?
And we are neither Jess nor Rekha. No.
But Janie and I are going to be taking you through this episode of the Erotic Book Club, where we will be talking about sharing Samantha, a sexy little thing that we picked up on the internet that we are going to dive into right now with all you ho... |
dropout | Play_It_By_Ear_Trailer | Just to be clear, anecdotes that are true about centaurs. Buckle up all my little friends, because this party's gonna be fun. It's time for Factual Historical Actual Facts, Centaurs 101. Welcome to Play It By Ear, a musical improv show. And it's based on prompts that our actors and musicians are hearing for the very fi... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_197_Kristina_Keneally | How good is Australia?
There's fucking language. Let there be a thousand blossoms blooms, folks, I can see. But I ain't spending any time on it. Get me my valium. Don't stop wearing the speedos. You're listening to Decode, the Tudor Advocates new podcast series for those Australians who have tuned out or never tuned i... |
cracked | the_8_least_necessary_youtube_tributes_cracked_tv | Greetings, humans. I am Swaim, your simulated wit and automated infotainment machine. And welcome. With me, as always, is my co-host, Clips from an old French movie. How ya doin' today, Clippy?
Oh well, she'll get over it. The computers that are my brain are telling me that today's topic is the eight least necessary Y... |
TheOnion | Martin_Luther_King_Bust_First_Thing_To_Go_Romney_Advisor_Quietly_Thinking | The Martin Luther King bust will be the first thing to go, a Romney advisor quietly thinks to himself. The man who cut off Seymour Hersh in traffic is subject to a 20-page New Yorker expose, and scientists say the U.S. may have discovered a previously unknown level of not caring about Syria. Once again you see it appro... |
dropout | pacman_ghosts_discuss_tv | Oh god, he's really going to town out there. Oh, he's so annoying.
I am in no mood today.
Do we really have to go in there and chase him? No, no, no. Why don't we just stay in here all day, we'll chill, and let him tire himself out, then we can murder him in his sleep. I don't think that guy sleeps, especially when h... |
SaturdayNightLive | vinny_talks_to_john_saturday_night_live | It's time for a ride-away. And so, let's go to the television show with Vinny Vedeci. Thanks and thanks! it's time to go to the television show with me, Vinny Vedeci! Vinny Vedeci is a nice guy. he's Italian. he's Italian. he's Italian. he's in the line of fire. Rounders. he'll be changeline. considerate.
Hey! listen.... |
dropout | donald_trump_show_us_your_penis | Hello, America. This is a clip from last night's Republican debate.
He referred to my hands if they're small, something else must be small.
I guarantee you there's no problem. I guarantee it.
We know how much you care about transparency. You've demanded Obama's birth certificate and Hillary's emails. We need to know... |
cracked | 8_reasons_advertising_doesn_t_work_anymore | Advertising. It's the second-oldest profession. And anyone in advertising with any sense of perspective stress drinks like Freddie Rumsen these days. Because as much as advertising's up in your face and as much as you complain about that, you don't realize the truth. You don't realize you're kicking advertising's ass l... |
dropout | hardly_working_bomb | Ah! Hurry up, Sarah! There's another explosives wired to that chair to turn everyone to this building into bologna! Okay, I know Patrick, I'm trying! We're running out of time! Sarah, Pat's right.
I'm already dead. There's only one thing left to do. Jeff, no. Give up on escaping the building and prepare to die with me... |
dropout | your_rich_friend_who_travels_all_the_time_hardly_working | That's peek-a-boo in Japanese. Hi. How are you? Mwah. This is my friend Jenna. Como estas?
It leaves you speechless, then makes you a storyteller. Wow. Tell us a story.
I took a picture with a donkey in Puerto Vallarta. So what's your job? Professional nomad. Student of light. I got that from your Instagram.
I think... |
dropout | yay_or_nay_can_an_office_romance_work | I don't think office affairs are what they used to be, because co-workers are so passive aggressive now, it just takes all the fun out of it. They're just like, hey, you're gonna hate me, but I'm gonna need you to stick around and spearhead me by EOD, thanks. Office dating is a lot like Stockholm Syndrome. You're trapp... |
TheOnion | New_App_Lets_You_Work_For_Your_Company_Even_While_You_Sleep | For those hoping to get ahead of the work week, look no further than Overtime Plus, a new app that lets you work for your company even while you sleep. The app from Houston developer Creative Mode keeps you trapped in a constant half awake, half dream state where your thoughts are never far from the drudgeries of the w... |
cracked | the_entire_president_donald_trump_russia_story_so_far_some_news | Hi, I'm a news person, and here's some news. The President of the United States' son, Donald Trump Jr., which makes the President Donald Trump, it's true, I looked it up, and his son tweeted emails between himself and a real character named Rob Goldstone. The emails contain the sentence, this is obviously very high lev... |
TheOnion | Obama_Scales_Back_Goals_For_America_After_Visiting_Denny_s | President Obama announced today he will drastically scale back his agenda for America after a visit to a Denny's restaurant in Manassas, Virginia caused him to, quote, completely reconsider what our nation is capable of achieving. In a press conference this afternoon, the president said, quote, what I saw at Denny's ma... |
dropout | what_will_kevin_do_for_ricky_s_money_yes_edition | Welcome to another edition of Kevin Makes His Parents Proud. Sorry, what will Kevin do for money?
We left this month's challenge up to you, our users, and you guys did not disappoint. We couldn't even choose just one thing, so we chose five. The best part about this month is that Kevin has no idea what any of his chal... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | EP_88_John_Safran | You're listening to Errol Parker and Clancy Overall, editors of The Batooter Advocate on Desert Rock FM. Well, here we are on The Batooter Advocate radio show, we're on the road. We are joined today by an iconic Mel Bornigan and actually almost 20 year veteran of the Australian media as a commentator.
Yeah, sure. Why ... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_tiktoker_piper_dunster_on_kate_middleton_conspiracy_theories_snl | Following Kate Middleton's announcement last week revealing her heartbreaking health update, many came under fire for spreading irresponsible conspiracy theories about Kate. here to comment is Tiktoker Piper Dunster. thanks for having me. thanks for being here. So what are your thoughts on all these Kate-spiricy theori... |
cracked | 14_unintentionally_horrifying_commercials | Crap. Fourteen. More terrifying. Commercial support.
Well, how does this mask do that? Well, if you can get the idea of what doing eight setups a second would do for your stomach, you have an idea of what Rejuvenique would do for your face. The control unit is sending a pulsation to the number one facial areas located... |
TheOnion | Tired_Of_Traffic_New_DOT_Report_Urges_Drivers_Honk | Traffic is a real problem for many commuters, but a study from the Department of Transportation offers a practical solution. Most traffic problems are caused by poor communication between drivers, many who do not realize that there are other cars behind them. The number one thing that could make driving in this country... |
dropout | atv_cuisine_shoe_cakes_sponsored | Welcome back to ATV Cuisine presented by Reebok. As always, I'm your host, John Fontaine. Now let's meet this week's panel of guest palates. First off, we've got restaurateur and king of country cooking, Jerry Oklahoma. Howdy! Can't wait to dine with you folks.
To his left, we've got food critic and blogger, Lydia St.... |
TheOnion | Autistic_Reporter_Michael_Falk_Enchanted_By_Prison_s_Rigid_Routine | Autistic reporter Michael Falk joins us now with his interview. Nice to see you again, Michael. I cannot see you, Brooke. I can only hear you. Right. Okay. Hello, Brooke. I finished speaking with Brian Wasserman 26 minutes ago, and I've been standing here since then waiting for you to talk to me. Watch that interview n... |
cracked | why_carmen_sandiego_is_better_than_indiana_jones_today_s_topic | Oh hey, there's going to be a new Indiana Jones movie.
Fuck that! No! Okay, I know the last one wasn't very good, but there's no need to yell. Yes, there is.
Okay, why is there always an indie movie and never a car me movie? A car me movie? You want a you movie?
She's complex. Everybody wants you to think she's the ... |
cracked | why_indiana_jones_secretly_sucks_at_his_job_after_hours | Okay, except instead of an idol and a bag of sand. It's my boobs and nothing happens because their way Exactly the same so he's just exchanging one for the other you have the worst fantasy can't masturbate to that Soren what was yours again? Okay, so it's Nala, but not like lion cub Nala adult Nala when she's all self-... |
dropout | the_undie_run_legend | Hello, and welcome back to College Humor's coverage of the 2010 Axe Undie Run Challenge. We are just minutes away from our run here at the University of Texas. As you can see, we have a helpful countdown clock in the left-hand corner of your s- oh, it's in the up in- oh, um, my mistake. We do not have one of those. Coo... |
dropout | google_earth_guys | we're done we did it all every street in the world awesome job not quite done yet we just need you guys to do one more thing and that's photograph the entire planet from every angle at every altitude Amy can you get these guys two waters to bottle waters cool all right so we'll see you when you get back awesome okay la... |
cracked | america_s_best_girlfriend_world_s_worst_reality_show | Hi I'm your host Sarah Thompson and my recent totally mutual breakup inspired me to invite 10 girls from across the country to compete in challenges and to finally answer the question, who is America's best girlfriend? Previously on America's Best Girlfriend. My boyfriend just got out of a really crazy relationship, so... |
CrackerMilk | call_the_nutbusters | Hello everyone and welcome back to oh, sorry. I almost forgot.
Hey come in Goobs finally on oh, he's hot get out. What the fuck? Chew it chew it the more it goes away. What's up? What happened? You put it wasabi peonies, man Hello everyone, and welcome back to another episode of the cracker milk podcast. Yeah, very go... |
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