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cracked | the_worst_idea_in_the_history_of_theme_restaurants | You know what the difference is between you and me? You're all your children's house! Well, hey there.
At Jurassic Brigade, we make the best cretaceous period dinosaur burgers by extracting what scientists call DNA from what scientists call mosquitoes. And we use those things to create dinosaurs. Then we cook them up ... |
dropout | bleep_bloop_the_gameshow | And now, the host of Bleep Bloop, Jeff Rubin! Thank you, Sam. Welcome to Bleep Bloop.
This week, we're going to be playing video games based on game shows. Let's meet the contestants. Contestant number one, all the way from College Humor.com. Please give it up for Pat Cassels. Contestant number two, a stand-up comedia... |
dropout | hello_my_name_is_perry_martin | Welcome to Hello, My Name Is. I'm Pat and here's how the show works.
We put Josh in ridiculous makeup. When we're done, Josh takes a look at himself in the mirror and spontaneously creates a character. Then that character and I sit down for a short interview. Our makeup artist today is Hannah.
Hannah, are you ready? ... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Betoota_Podcast_Ep_113_Sir_Bob_Geldof | You're listening to Errol Parker and Clancy Overall, editors of the Batooter Advocate on Desert Rock FM. Welcome back to the Batooter Advocate radio show recording live from the Diamantina Shire and the Old City District here at Desert Rock FM. Now you're joined today by of course myself Clancy Overall editor of the Ba... |
SaturdayNightLive | after_high_school_snl | Well, all good things must come to an end, including this problem, but we got a couple of songs left, so let's make them count. Class of 2002, how y'all feeling? Hard to believe it's been 20 years since that night. After graduation, we all win our separate ways, but I still like to think about my old friends and smile.... |
dropout | jake_and_amir_internship | So he's all like freeze shoots me the forehead and I'm like, oh my brain and it hurts so hard I can barely even talk anymore. I'm like, what do you what do you say? My play I'm telling you my play a tranquil day in the park Can you shut up?
I'm trying to go through intern resumes, huh? You good you get through those Y... |
cracked | the_best_and_worst_disney_kingdoms_to_live_in_after_hours | And I wonder how that shaped my concept of success. I mean, is four-year-old Katie just disappointedly sulking in the back of my brain because I'm never going to be a princess? Oh, that's definitely true for me, except four-year-old Daniel, and sulking at not being a charming yellow fish buddy. You aspired to be flound... |
SaturdayNightLive | our_time_with_taboo_and_apl_de_ap_snl | Your favorite members of the Black Eyed Peas presents our time with Taboo and Apple D App. And now, show them some respect. it's Taboo and Apple D app, y'all. it's our time that it is tonight. Yeah. yeah, welcome to our time. finally, our own show. Just like the people wanted.
Ok, let me start by introducing myself. m... |
dropout | jeff_van_gundy_s_face | Welcome back to the NBA Finals on ABC. I'm Mike Breen alongside Jeff Van Gundy and Mark Jackson.
Now the Magic are leading the Lakers by 12 at the half. Jeff how can LA turn this thing around? Well Mike I think it comes down to limiting turnovers. They need to slow things down and focus on smarter ball movement.
Coac... |
cracked | decision_fatigue_the_reason_you_haven_t_written_that_novel | This morning you ate a healthy breakfast set a bunch of productive emails paid some bills. You're killing it You can keep this up slugger you tell yourself once you finish this big work project then tonight You're gonna go to the gym and make yourself a gourmet dinner and finish the novel you've been Next thing you kno... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_mark_zuckerberg_on_the_social_network_snl | The number one movie in America is the Social Network, which tells the story of Mark Zuckerberg and the founding of Facebook. Here to comment on the film is Facebook founder, Mark Zuckerberg.
Hello, Seth. Hi.
So, Mark, you went and saw the Social Network? What? No, don't be ridiculous. I'm 26, I stole it online. Okay... |
programmersarealsohuman | interview_with_senior_js_developer | Well, that was a toolchain from last week. This week is different. JavaScript. I have three production outages named after me. Four. My job is to keep our code running while other packages are changing theirs.
Should you learn JavaScript?
Nope. Is there any other option? Nope.
Oh, look, another library was added tod... |
cracked | the_secret_meanings_behind_every_dragon_ball_z_character_name_canonball_z | Besides hair the color of radioactive jello, the quickest way to spot an anime protagonist is by looking at their name, which will almost inevitably consist of some kind of ham-fisted wordplay. For example, Sailor Moon's earth name, Yusagi Tsukino, has the character for Moon in it. When read the Japanese way, which is ... |
cracked | david_letterman_tortured_the_actor_who_played_him_in_a_tv_movie | In the 1990s, HBO put out The Late Shift, based on the book by Bill Carter, which dramatized the behind-the-scenes battle between David Letterman and Jay Leno over who would get to host The Tonight Show. And Letterman wasn't too happy with his portrayal in the movie. The Letterman character was played by the hilarious ... |
dropout | I_Deserve_All_the_Credit_Unless_It_s_for_Something_Bad | ["Wannabe News Theme"] According to Dr. Boshi, when this device detonates, it should create a quantum explosion. Which, as we all know, is a regular explosion, but with more science. Yeah, we know what a quantum explosion is.
We're not idiots, Trish. I know that you're like the science person, but you don't have to ex... |
dropout | Gay_Bars | I hope it was good. This isn't really a conversation. I'm Allie, I'm your host. We have a really great episode today. I'm joined by three people I just can't wait to talk to. Let's go around and introduce ourselves.
Hi, I'm Paul Robolino. Some of you might know me from being on the show. I'm Paul Robolino. I'm the hos... |
dropout | summer_of_music_canceled_tv_show_love_song | The first time that I saw you, I knew right away Once a week was not enough, I wanted you every day You got me like no other, now I need you to know I miss you more than any other TV show We had just one year together, then you had to go You blamed it on the ratings, said that they were too low But it was pretty much s... |
dropout | true_grit_with_sub_titles | People did not give it credence that a young girl could travel the country with a half retarded man who could barely speak English But it did happen I know it is occupied. Mr. Cogburn prior business. I've been at it for quite some time.
Mr. Cogburn Occupied Rolled up to the Wharton's there and there were the North For... |
dropout | your_first_kiss | Alright, the day went well, it's a beautiful night, and you're wearing the only cool shirt you own. Quick check for pit stains. Good to go, and... Oh god! Looks like your shoulder pissed itself! Okay, just hide it with a clever posture. You smell good. Yes!
All my friends told me cologne is gay, but she tells me I sme... |
dropout | 3_Adorable_Crafts_You_Can_Immediately_Trash | Let's get right to the point with a fun needle felting project of an adorable little puppy. It couldn't be any easier to shape the wool and poke. And there you have it. Isn't that adorable? And making it was so relaxing.
Now, after I finish a craft, I like to immediately throw it in the trash, because that's what it i... |
SaturdayNightLive | badger_convention_saturday_night_live | Well, is everything ready for the banquet? Yep, we're all set. you know you're waiting on the Badgers tonight? yeah, who are these Badgers anyway, a hockey team or something? Ah, you wish. Okay, fellas, let's badger them. whoo-hoo-hoo! hey, hey, hey, hey! Oh! what? I'm so worried about you. Hello. Oh, yeah! excuse me, ... |
cracked | 19_wtf_celebrity_cameos_by_celebrities_you_think_you_d_recognize | Welcome to Hollywood for the first ever Milford Awards. Tonight, we're celebrating the stars and celebrities who had cameos in your favorite movies and TV shows so pointless, so random, and so impossible to notice, they just had to win an award. And now, the winners. Two-time Oscar winner Kate Blanchett wins her first ... |
TheOnion | Too_Much_Sex_And_Profanity_In_The_HBO_Presidential_Debate | I'm Gregory Dawson, sitting in for Clifford Banes, who is currently plummeting toward Earth at 93 miles an hour.
Last night, HBO hosted its first ever presidential debate, which the New York Times hailed as brilliant and predicted would, quote, revolutionize television political debate. Did the HBO debate live up to a... |
dropout | wet_for_nessie | Hello, everyone. Welcome to Erotic Book Club, the book club where we read an erotic novel.
Yeah, I am. Yeah, yeah, it's factual. I am your host, Jessica Ross, and with me as always is my co-host. I'm Rekha Shankar.
We have such an incredible book this week. Recommend it to us by Cutie Petudius on the Discord. If you'... |
SaturdayNightLive | convent_meeting_snl | Sisters, Sisters, gather round at once. I have some very disturbing news. Is everyone present?
Now, I'm sorry for disrupting our morning prayers, but something very upsetting has come to my attention. you found my Cain and Abel Fanfic? What? No. I'm afraid that there's may have been a man posing as a Nun hiding amongs... |
Wizards_with_Guns | how_to_destroy_a_fan_of_the_office | Hey, thanks for coming, man. I can never get anyone to watch this with me. Yeah, man. I love The Office.
How many times have you seen it? Uh, once, I think. I've seen it nine times. Once for every season.
Wow. That's crazy. I can quote every line.
Don't believe me? No, no. I believe you.
False. Black Bear. Well, th... |
cracked | the_king_of_all_pirates_was_actually_a_queen_the_history_of_madam_ching | I have nothing left to give you in the divorce, Charlene. I'm in a void. Go ahead, take half of my infinite nothing.
Oh, yeah, yeah, Mr. Mayor, yeah, we'll do that. Okay, bye. Love you, I love you.
Today's lesson is about one of the most ruthless and indomitable figures in history, the female pirate, Madame Ching. So... |
cracked | 4_horror_movies_even_scarier_than_you_realized_horror_movie_debate | I want to say about Candyman, I went and saw it with my friend Brandon Scott-Jones, and there's a scene in this movie where Xander Berkeley, he has to authentically, accidentally say the name Helen three times. Helen's dead and he's just like, Helen. We said this is the hardest acting exercise. We invented this acting ... |
dropout | Welcome_to_Bug_News_Breaking_News | From West Hollywood, California. The only news team that doesn't know what's on the teleprompter before they read it. Anyone who laughs or breaks, loses points. This is Breaking News.
Buzz, buzz, bugs. Welcome to Bug News. The show where we don't know what we're about to say and we're not allowed to smile or laugh and... |
dropout | Why_Did_You_Give_a_Wedgie_to_Malala_Breaking_News | From West Hollywood, California. The only news team that doesn't know what's on the teleprompter before they read it. Anyone who laughs or breaks, loses points. This is Breaking News. Hello and welcome to Breaking News. The show where we don't know what we're about to say and aren't allowed to smile or laugh.
I'm Davi... |
TheOnion | Activists_Release_Horrifying_Video_Showing_How_Meat_Products_Are_Eaten | The footage you are about to see is real. While disturbing, it documents the way meat is actually consumed in restaurants, homes, vehicles, and street corners. Crammed into tiny barstools, cramped diner booths, and filthy cars where moving their limbs is either uncomfortable or impossible, hundreds of thousands of cons... |
dropout | honest_game_night | Knock knock. Oh, hey, come in come in come in.
It's very important to me that this goes well that everyone has a good time Thanks, I'm gonna do my best to ruin it by being overly competitive great, and I'm already uncomfortable competition triggers my social anxiety Me a tube wrote to go to the movies are eat out so t... |
cracked | 5_bizarre_ways_the_world_can_kill_you_without_warning_spit_take_theater | And speaking of amazing things happening before we're ready for them... And the first one's for a picture of a dad and was kissing for an issue. But then I had to hold his hand and then I put my arm around it. Now, if this scene happened in a movie, first of all, it wouldn't because movie monsters don't accidentally sw... |
dropout | tony_stewart_working_at_burger_king_ad | It was an ordinary day had an ordinary Burger King But there was nothing ordinary about the new employee behind the counter Welcome to Burger King and take your order NASCAR's Tony Stewart He's a big fan of flame broil beef So he worked a full shift at a real BK to sell the smoky cheddar steakhouse XT Tony, can you wra... |
ClickHole | amazing_customer_surprises_hardworking_pizza_delivery_driver_with_his_own_pizza | My name is Aaron Kenzie, and sometimes I like to order pizza. The delivery guy who comes to my house is usually pretty good. He's mostly on time, and one time he even brought me extra marinara.
So today, today I'd like to do something really special for him. Hi, uh, can I get one large pizza, please? Uh, yeah, can you... |
TheOnion | Diary_Entries_Reveal_Ben_Franklin_s_Kite_Experiment_Was_Early_Attempt_At_Erotic_Electrostimulation | It's a new movement that's bringing more and more protesters out of their homes and into the streets. Hear why people across the nation are demanding a return to TV theme songs that explain the show's whole deal.
And later, we're going to show you how to clean out that little straw thing in your water bottle that's al... |
cracked | molotov_shock_tale | And so I implore you, dear readers, in the name of decency, to take up arms against this so-called President of the United States, whoever he may be, and reach until the streets run red. Michael, have you seen this yet? One second. Now that is some f***ing writing.
Sup, Tiolo, riding easy? No, Michael, I'm not riding ... |
TheOnion | America_s_Sexiest_Hula_Hooper_America_s_Best_Ep_3 | It's America's Best and it's time to say Aloha to Hula Hooper, Daisy Poitras. Hi, I'm Daisy and I'm from North Carolina and I'm really, really excited to be judges and just show them what I can do. Hello there sweethearts.
FYI, for you to know, I have this tooth that's aching me somehow. It's like it's biting the rest... |
SaturdayNightLive | the_view_disney_studios_snl | Live from the Walt Disney Studios in Bourbon, California, it's time for hot topics and more on the view. Okay, welcome back to the View. we're here at Disney Studios, and what a week it has been, right, Sherri? Yes, it has! You know, I took my bus all the way out here. yeah, well, you're a great job, but I'm afraid of ... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | INTERVIEW_Shane_Richardson | Well welcome back to the Petuta Advocate radio show it is Christmas time and we're very very excited to finish the year with one of the bigger guests that we've had over the last few months we've had a lot of different people we've had we've had artists we've had musicians we've had we've had all sorts come on here we'... |
dropout | inside_trump_s_oval_office_in_360 | You guys, I've thought about this long and hard, and I'm sorry to say, you're fired. What? You can't fire us. We're the generic presidential advisors. We're always here. Not anymore.
I've hired my freakishly tall, white bully children. Kids, get in here!
You guys, get out. Go build the wall. Hey, where's Tiffany? Shh... |
rpunctuated | rpunctuated_actor_s_journey_snl | Welcome, everybody, to the Independent Film Society's Talkback Series. I'm here with Frankie Tucker, who was recently nominated for his work in the film. Melissa's Kennel. Oh, wow. Thank you. Love you guys. All right, let's jump in. First question. Hi. Big Fan, do you have any advice for young aspiring actors? Yeah, I'... |
SaturdayNightLive | safari_planet_saturday_night_live | We ain't' kiddin'' match, Brian Fellow, Safari Planet, Brian Fellow, Safari Planet. Brian Fellow is not an accredited zoologist, nor does he hold an advanced degree in any of the environmental sciences. he is simply an enthusiastic young man with a sixth grade education and an abiding love for all God's creatures. Shar... |
cracked | super_mario_odyssey_beyond_good_and_evil_2_e3_2017_review_more_this_week_in_epcd | Headquarters and Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of excessive pop culture discussion. I'm your host Daniel Ryan This is the unscripted pop culture show where we talk about everything that happened in pop culture this week and it has nothing to do with politics or the president every week. I will host and ... |
CrackerMilk | why_no_one_calls_australian_police | Hello, I've got your son if you ever want to see him again, you transfer me $300,000 before the end of the night Well, I've actually got your son here He always screams when he's kidnapped, so we're gonna need $300,000 by the end of today or I'm gonna fucking kill him like Like, maim him, I'm going to put on Elmo and I... |
Wizards_with_Guns | i_ve_never_been_more_embarrassed_in_my_life_ | Oh, watch the curb, man. It's fine. Just hurry up.
Oh, and get me a raisin. A raisin?
Oh my god. I'm so sorry.
It's fine. No, no, no, please, let me help you with that. No, no, no, really, it's fine.
Wow, this is a lot of pop rocks. What can I say? I like pop rocks. No, but this is like a lot. Normal amount of pop ... |
Wizards_with_Guns | let_s_circle_back_on_that_ | So, if you look here, we've gained marginal growth in Q3, weighed against Q2. Although our projections in Q4 are modest, our growth patterns remain consistently consistent. Are we still aligned to hit our revenue targets if we maintain the current model? Well, as you know, Mr. Henderson, it's no secret that is the curr... |
TheOnion | Old_Guy_At_Hostel_Down_To_Party | Obama is currently being chased around in the background of a Secret Service hearing. U.S. officials assure Hong Kong that their protest is just one of many issues the White House is staying silent on, and an old guy at a hostel is down to party. Aspiring always to break free of the shackles of this mere web video form... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | bulletin_30_8_18_betoota_weekly_news_bulletin | G'day, I'm Bruce Hitchcock, and you're listening to the Weekly Battuta News Bulletin, coming to you from Koala Mattress Studios in downtown Battuta. In the studio with me this week is me old mate Wendell Hussey. G'day Bruce, and what a week it's been!
Yeah, gee Del, there's been a fair bit going on down in our nation'... |
cracked | the_cool_new_drug_exclusively_for_idiots | Alright, the hallucination should be starting pretty soon, it's been like an hour since you guys had any water. It was like a drop of sweat in my mouth, but I dabbed it. Straight drive you. Thanks. Yeah! Woo! We're having fun. Real quick though, anyone else a little worried that maybe this might actually be dangerous f... |
cracked | the_weird_thing_about_captain_america_s_shield | Yeah, I'm Howard Stark, see? You need a weapon, Steve Rogers. Ah, speak, Captain America.
What about this thing? No, no, you don't want that shield, it's Boulder Dash. It's made of the rarest metal on Earth and it stops bullets, but we leave it here under the table. Use the rarest metal on Earth to make a shield? Well... |
cracked | is_eleven_the_real_monster_in_stranger_things | Stranger Things, the classic 80s movie that was made way after the 80s. A group of pre-teen boys become friends with a psychokinetic, waffle-loving girl as they go fight monsters from another dimension. It's exciting and funny, and makes you crave Eggo Waffles a lot. But what if our Eggo-loving hero actually is the mon... |
cracked | 9_stories_behind_the_world_s_weirdest_images_pictofacts | Can we do a round where our purity is encouraged? Our chaseness is? Yeah, I encourage you to play the rest of the game as pure as possible. See where that gets me.
Sorry I'm, like, moral. I'm sorry I'm, like, moral.
Welcome to Pick the Facts, the game show. I'm Jesse Eisman. I put together a collection of image-based... |
SaturdayNightLive | ridiculousness_snl | You're watching Mtv At 9 it's three straight days of ridiculousness. But first, an all-new ridiculousness.
What is up?
Welcome to ridiculousness. I'm Rob Dyrdek and you wouldn't know it from my clothes, but I'm almost 50 y'all joining me. As always, Steelo Brim and Chanel whisk. Whoa! And today's special guest you kn... |
dropout | wingman_air_force | I just say, I can't believe she left me for a guy who sells socks at the flea market. Oh my god, shut up. We are surrounded by beautiful women, okay? I mean, what about that girl over there? I mean, she's cute. Yeah, so you should go talk to her.
I'll be your wingman. I'll be your commander. Scouts, let's do a quick f... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Yass_King_An_Update_An_Easy_Fix_September_9 | My name is Clancy Overall. Thank you for tuning in. It's great to have you here. Be that through the wireless or through podcasting if you know how to figure that out. I'm joined by Errol Parker. How are you Errol? Good mate. We used to have the two of us here this evening. It's often a bit taxing having a couple of yo... |
SaturdayNightLive | home_repair_show_snl | You thought you could fix it by yourself. plumbing's just as easy as building a shelf. when your D-y-i becomes so M-g or in over your head. well, hello. I'm Gus Van Tant, and welcome to In Over Your Head, where we talk to folks who got a little overconfident taking on projects around the house. sponsored by Thumb Ice. ... |
cracked | three_dead_friends_episode_6 | Three crack writers locked me out of a room to write sketches. It's bullshit Hey, hey So it turns out we shut down your project three days in and whoever locked you guys in there Just never let you out. Whoever locked us in?
Yep. We got someone looking into that. I know who locked us in Daniel now that's not your job ... |
cracked | does_time_travel_exist_in_game_of_thrones_winter_is_taking_forever | Hey everybody, welcome to winter is taking forever cracks responding to Game of Thrones show start with Sansa gets a letter from little finger who is already at Moles town and she yells at him and that's that's good. I really thought that she's gonna take off her cloak and like Finger would be missing or she'd be cover... |
dropout | the_miracle_of_godzilla_birth | from time bandits to time baby nerds are passionate about a lot of things there's something they love above all else and that is correcting people this is um actually joining us on today's episode we have Nathan Yaffe happy to be here Hailey Mancini covered in cat fur and ready to go and Kurt Damato catch phrase game i... |
dropout | how_to_make_a_human_pot_pie | Hey guys, this is Gorf, and today I'm going to show you how to make a fresh and easy human pot pie. First you're going to want to take a pie tin, and I use about 500 potatoes, 300 carrots, about 1000 peas, 10 pounds of salt, 10 pounds of pepper, and of course, your protein, about 5 or 6 fresh humans. I've found that us... |
dropout | The_Baby_of_the_Friend_Group | So the Albertsons were the last family I babysat for, and their number is also in my references. Oh, wonderful. Well, we are planning a beach vacation, and we're looking to hire someone to watch our Lily. Great.
How old is she? She just turned 30. Wow, you both look so young. Oh, my goodness. No, no. She is not our ch... |
dropout | the_worst_customer_at_the_bar_the_schining_pt_3 | We hired you to be writers. Why don't you write?
Hi Lloyd. Bit slow tonight, isn't it? Yes it is, Mr. Trapp. What'll it be? I'm awfully glad you asked me that, Lloyd.
Do you have any local draft beers? When I'm traveling I like to try the local stuff. We have a local sour beer, sir. Sour?
Awfully trendy, Lloyd. So y... |
dropout | did_you_know_we_work_with_a_sex_demon_hardly_working | Siobhan, can I talk about something serious? Yeah, sure. Okay, so Dan was saying that Jeff, from accounting, may be sexually harassing some of the women in the office. Do you know anything about this? Yeah, I've been telling you for years. You have? Yeah, no, Jeff is an incubus, like a demon spirit that molests women. ... |
TheOnion | How_To_Die_Right_After_Seeing_DC_Cherry_Blossoms_Troublehacking_with_Drew_Cleary | I've heard so much about the cherry blossoms in Washington, D.C., but I've never seen them. The airfare is so expensive, and it just seems kind of silly, but I would just like to see them once before I die. Should I just do it? The D.C. cherry blossoms are really, really amazing, so I definitely understand why you want... |
dropout | a_video_with_text_on_top_and_bottom | a hoop and it stretches and people sit around the edge of it for uh you know you know the game Duck Duck Goose. I'm sorry this is a hoop that makes playing Duck Duck Goose a children's game easier.
I'm not explaining myself well. Okay does anyone have any sketch ideas? Yeah I got one. Who said that? Oh god I'm afraid ... |
dropout | Dating_With_Footnotes_Online_Date | So glad we can meet in person, and I can confirm you do look like your profile picture. Likewise. Here's to accuracy. I don't go on many online dates, but your profile stood out. You're a public defender? Uh, but it's no big deal. I mean, I just help people find better paths.
But it's nothing compared to you working i... |
cracked | tom_green_was_the_only_nice_person_towards_monica_lewinsky | One of the darkest moments in comedy history has to be that despite the fact that the most powerful man in the world took advantage of a White House intern, the 90s comedy scene decided to destroy Monica Lewinsky instead of Bill Clinton. SNL ran Monica as a character on their show 15 times in two years. Leno and Letter... |
SaturdayNightLive | the_looker_snl | David, for the last time, you have to unpack your clothes. we moved in a month ago, Honey. I will, Mom. I've just been busy. busy? aka slirting with every girl in school. Shut up! Honey, is everything okay?
I just found this letter. it slipped under our door. I. I don't know. it's. it's strange. Well, what does it say... |
Reductressnews | Meet_Cute_Dave_and_Buster_s | Hi excuse me are you two a couple? Oh yeah. Would you mind telling us how you met? Oh oh these are one of these things yeah yeah yeah. Wait okay oh we met at David Buster. Yeah she was like walking around playing all the games um and then. He was stuck in the claw machine. I was stuck in the claw machine. Wait how'd yo... |
cracked | how_fallout_proves_morality_is_arbitrary_escort_mission | Okay, you're out of the vault. Now, go forth into the world and make something of yourself. I did it? Yes!
Ah, ew. Never mind. It's gross out here.
How do I go back in?
No, it's a nuclear wasteland. You know the game is called Fallout, right?
Also, you can't go back. The Overseer is going to kill you. We have to fl... |
cracked | 5_reasons_the_matrix_is_the_best_movie_ever_cinemistakes | two pills One of them crunching on corn watching something most amazing cinema of all time to actually being a beta as hell And and having really bad opinions about pretty much everything sucking in your ear an ass I think I know which one I'm gonna be picking it's gonna be pill number one today We are talking about th... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_250_Dylan_Alcott | You're listening to Errol Parker and Clancy Overall, editors of the Batooter Advocate on Desert Rock FM. Welcome back to the Batooter Advocate radio show, you're with Clancy Overall and Errol Parker here. We are very excited today's guest is a recurring guest, second time appearance.
Mr. former Australian of the Year,... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Bulletin_07_02_20_Betoota_Weekly_News_Bulletin | You're listening to the Batutah Advocates Weekly News Wrap on Desert Rock FM 96.5. Welcome back to the Batutah News Bulletin, it is Friday the 7th of February and we're coming to you live from the Budgie Smuggler booth in downtown Batutah. My name is Wendell Hussey and joining me today is Desert Rock FM royalty, Bruce ... |
TheOnion | A_V_Club_Inventory_Ridiculous_Horror_Movie_Adversaries | Today we're going to be talking about ridiculous horror movie adversaries, the kind that are obviously cheap and more laughable than frightening. Our inventory was directly inspired by a movie called Amityville 4, The Evil Escapes. It was the fourth movie in the franchise which was started with the book in 1977, which ... |
dropout | dinosaur_office_team_building | Dinosaur office, rawr! Hey gang, I'm Danny and I'm a team building expert. Today we're gonna boost morale and have fun doing it. Yeah! Icebreaker time. Everyone say your name and a fun fact about yourself. Go.
My name's Craig and I enjoy the newspaper. Don't hold back Craig, tell us something really interesting about ... |
SaturdayNightLive | permission_to_speak_freely_saturday_night_live | Beautiful night, isn't it? certainly is, Captain. not many people get to see a sunset from this vantage point. we're very lucky. Chief Martin, may I ask you a question? Far away, Sir. how do you gauge the success of the voyage so far? Well, I'd say we've done quite well, sir. No, really. well. permission to speak freel... |
TheOnion | demand_an_onionpulitzer_a_message_from_americans_for_fairness_in_awarding_journalism_prizes | The Pulitzer Prize, the most prestigious award in journalism. Since 1917, the Pulitzer Committee has awarded more than 8,000 Pulitzer Prizes, and The Onion hasn't received a single one. Hi, I'm Stephen Forbeck, head of Americans for Fairness and Awarding Journalism Prizes, a nonprofit watchdog group dedicated to exposi... |
TheOnion | Farmer_Caught_Googling_What_Is_Corn | Farmer caught in 4k. We were talking about corn and he was acting pea sauce Caught him sneaky Lincoln Bro, you are a farmer. You're supposed to know what corn is. Hey, uh, what are you looking at? nothing He does not know what corn is Residents are panicking as the Midwest continues to be battered by beautiful weather ... |
TheOnion | Yankees_Phillies_Playing_Sad_Little_World_Series_Of_Their_Own | I didn't even get a bite, my calzone was too damn hot! Oh quick Ryan, calzones keep themselves hot through convection you moron!
Alright, I'm sick of this show, let's put a bullet between its eyes with gun to your head! Start with baseball, Yankees and Phillies are playing a sad little world series of their own while ... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_co_worker_who_s_extremely_busy_doing_seemingly_nothing_on_returning_to_the_office | Last week, the labor Department released data showing that more Americans are returning to the office in person. here to comment is your co-worker who is extremely busy doing seemingly nothing. I've got to make this quick because I really got to get back. I got to get back. Oh okay, well you just got here Crystal. And ... |
programmersarealsohuman | interview_with_misled_core_developer_2024 | because the startup I was working for was about to IPO and couldn't let them die. This actually happened to me in another startup already. This seems quite common. This actually happened to me three times in a row now. It's probably a coincidence. Oh wait, I got the message.
My situation is actually quite good now. I ... |
cracked | recapping_the_administration_like_a_tv_show_after_the_trump_2 | Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to After the Trump, our Trump show recap show. Thanks for joining us.
I am your host Daniel O'Brien. Cody Johnston. And I'm Katie Stoll.
Guys, episode two, I mean. So much is happening already. People thought Game of Thrones was dense, but the amount they're packing into just the fi... |
Wizards_with_Guns | it_s_just_business | Yeah, Janet, send him in. Oh! C-Man! How the heck are ya? Gomez, take a seat. Alright. Hey, you see the game last night? Which one? All of them!
Ugh!
Gomez, you son of a briefcase. Speaking of briefcases, let's cut down the brass tacks.
All the terms have been finalized. All you gotta do is sign right there.
And to... |
dropout | where_the_f_is_carmen_sandiego | You're making this very hard on yourself. You will tell me where I can find the loot, the warrant, and the crook. Or I will submerge you in a bath of liquid paint so deep, it will make you beg for death. I told you. I don't know shit. I'm gonna ask you one more time!
Armed robberies, embezzling, grand larceny, drug tr... |
cracked | how_space_travel_would_destroy_your_body | Space, the final and next frontier. Earth is the cradle of humanity, and soon we'll...
But here's the problem.
Also, Zero-G lets blood from your legs gather in your head, swelling it up. It's called the Charlie Brown Effect, a hilarious, snoopey-rific way for cranial fluid pressure to squeeze your eyes till you lose ... |
cracked | scarlett_johansson_slams_open_ai_for_impersonation | This AI voice ripping off Scarlett Johansson? Last week, OpenAI released a demo of its new version of chat GBT, which includes voice mode made possible with AI. There are a number of voices available, but one, a voice called Sky, sounds suspiciously like Scarlett Johansson. And people are saying it's no coincidence tha... |
dropout | if_you_re_only_20_something_stop_saying_you_re_old | You know what I read the other day? Eminem is fucking 41. What?
No, he's not. No, it's true.
And his daughter, Hailey, 18. I feel so old. Lately it's like I turn on the TV and all the athletes and pop stars are younger than me. Yeah, Blake Griffin is 25. I'm 26.
We're so old. I would say going to the bathroom is my ... |
dropout | halloween_scavenger_hunt_challenge_let_the_shenanigans_begin | Hi, I'm Nikki, and I am Luke, and we are here at Call of Duty Black Ops 3 at Six Flags, competing in a fried fast scavenger hunt. I wish you would stop saying it like that. I wish you would calm down, you're gonna have a heart attack. Okay, well we have a list of scavenger hunt tasks, a backpack full of items to help u... |
SaturdayNightLive | diet_coke_by_olay_snl | When my skin feels good, I feel good. It deserves to be pampered like me. But when I walk down the skincare aisle, I don't even know where to start. I need a Phd to understand all the ingredients, so why don't you just give your skin something you already know makes you feel great?
Introducing new Diet Coke by Olay, t... |
SaturdayNightLive | gossip_girl_staten_island_saturday_night_live | Coming soon to the Cw. you got great hair. you got a great rack. if you like the intrigue of Gossip Girl, but hate the sophistication of Manhattan, then you'll love Gossip Girl, Staten Island. Gossip Girl here. Lenny Leone was spotted at the pizzeria with Chandelier Martini.
I'm gonna take you someplace romantical, so... |
cracked | why_living_in_the_starcraft_universe_would_suck_8_bits | Alright, boys. Listen up. New orders from HQ. Let me guess. We run straight at the enemy's base and shoot at them until we're all dead, right? Is that about the gist? Bring it in, soldier! But sir, these orders make no sense.
Yesterday, we sent Velasquez out to the edge of the map to build a tower, and we just left hi... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_ft_bowen_yang_and_heidi_gardner_snl | The jury in his defamation case has ordered Donald Trump to pay Writer E. Jean Carroll $83.3 million. And Trump is a billionaire, so obviously he immediately hit up your grandma for five bucks. they ordered Trump to pay $83 million. that's how unlikable he is. for perspective, O.j. Simpson only had to pay $33 million f... |
SaturdayNightLive | steve_martin_late_for_school_saturday_night_live | Here's a song I wrote for my new banjo Cd. it's called late for school. got this morning, clock said it was late for school. the teacher told me that's not cool. gotta put my shirt and pants on flu down the front stair. went my finger and slicked my hair. elbow grandma passing by her face went into a pie. if I'm late, ... |
dropout | dating_it_s_complicated_the_lake_house | A few summers ago, I visited my then-girlfriend at her lake house. I was hoping this would be my chance to get in good with her family, and more specifically, her dad. He was the type of guy who wouldn't kill you, but definitely knew a guy who could get the job done. Before arriving there, I had envisioned a lake house... |
dropout | what_is_the_coolest_accidental_death | Today's question is, what is the coolest accidental death? Today I'm joined by Zako Yama, thrilled to be here, by Murphy, amped to be here, and Tony Sam, delighted to be here. Tony, would you please start us off?
Liquid nitrogen. Let me explain. So I once worked in a molecular biology lab. I was thinking that if you'r... |
TheOnion | Comcast_Executive_s_One_Man_Show_Now_Mandatory_Viewing_For_All_Subscribers | Today, Comcast announced a change for all subscribers, making Comcast's President Brandon Graves' new one-man play a non-optional part of all their programming packages. In a letter to their customers, Comcast said, in order to provide the best value, we're pleased to bundle Brandon's show voices with all plans. This h... |
dropout | nerds_and_jocks_both_think_they_re_underdogs | Welcome to Super Bowl 51 in Houston, Texas. Today's matchup to New England Patriots versus the Atlanta Falcons. Settle in, this is going to be a good one. Ugh, sports.
I will never understand why the brainless masses get so worked up over this pointless tribalism. Me though, I enjoy comic books, movies, sprawling spac... |
cracked | if_the_wizard_of_oz_was_way_worse_at_foreshadowing_music_parody_with_rachel_bloom | I just wanted to clear some things up for you guys A lot of you get me confused with Katie Willard Lovely girl, beautiful, but we are really nothing alike I mean, sure, we both have brown hair, but that's it I mean, she's got the glass Well, we both have glasses, but hers are a different shape And, well, we do have the... |
SaturdayNightLive | rose_bowl_promo_goes_wrong_snl | Okay, Marcus, so this will be the clip they play when they introduce the offense during the Rose Bowl. all you have to do is stand right here. I'll say action, and you're gonna lift your head up and look into camera.
Okay, got it. All right. and. action. And cut. we got it. Good job, Marcus. Okay. well, this has taken... |
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