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SaturdayNightLive | update_lou_dobbs_saturday_night_live | Now, here to explain his departure is Lou Dobbs. good to see you, Lou. Seth, it was with a heavy heart that I tendered my resignation. But this summer, I was given a choice. either I could stop ranting and raving about insane anti-immigration conspiracy theories, or I could leave Cnn. And, Seth, to me, that's no choice... |
PhilomenaCunkOn | philomena_cunk_moments_of_wonder_next_time_compilation | Next time on Moments of Wonder, I'll be asking what are these and why are they everywhere? Next time on Moments of Wonder, I'll be finding out how all these little floors make it easier to get between the big floors. Next week on Moments of Wonder, I'll be finding out where clouds go at night. Next time on Moments of W... |
dropout | the_honest_after_prom_party_anthem | Yo, it's that time of year again, the time where juniors and seniors everywhere start prepping for prom, and also some cooler sophomores and freshmen. Even Tara's boyfriend, a college sophomore, is coming back. You know the night's not over once Villa Bianca's waitstaff kicks us out of the banquet hall to start preppin... |
SaturdayNightLive | eyes_snl | All right guys, Focus. Denver is counting us to come up with new slogan for the city. Okay. how about Denver Skies the Limit? that's good. That's really good. All right. I was thinking Denver, gateway to the Rockies. All right. now we're talking.
Oh, who even cares? Jenny knew you've had a bad attitude all morning. Wh... |
Wizards_with_Guns | how_to_be_a_real_man_in_three_easy_steps | Are you easily frightened? Are you tired of being called a coward by your mean mean wife? Are you tired of trying to prove to others that you're a man, but deep down, you know you're just trying to prove it to yourself?
Are you tired?
Then we've got the service for you! Hi! I'm Bing Mexico! And I'm his brother Mexico... |
cracked | why_kickstarter_is_not_the_future_of_movies | My name is Alec Gillis, I am the co-owner of Amalgamated Dynamics Inc, which is a practical creature effects studio. I'm also the writer, director, and producer of Harbinger Down, a sci-fi horror film that is an homage to the great films of the 80s, specifically The Thing.
Kickstarter did give me the ability to be my ... |
dropout | hardly_working_scooch | Guys the bathroom here is a privilege.
Twice as much as number one. Number two is just going to clog the toilet flow and clog the work flow.
I think I'm going to scootch a little bit more. Yeah, that's fantastic. Keep going with the scootching. Keep scooting.
When I built this company with my bare hands. Yes, sir. W... |
dropout | fake_news_investigative_journalists | Maybe Africa is Atlantis. I've always thought about Atlantis.
Okay, people. What have you got for me? So, I have been working on this story about how Harry Reid is a murdering, sanest, fascist, rapist, atheist. Is that too many things? I don't think that's enough things. Chris, what have you got?
Uh, Donald Trump say... |
cracked | the_origins_of_the_snorg_tees_ads | Alright boys, brand development. What do you got? Well, sir, I've given it a lot of thought, and I think with some well-timed cross-promotions and some popular film- Na-na-na-na-na-na-na, ladies and gentlemen! We're both gentlemen, did you want to go first?
What's the one thing our site lacks? The one thing that all o... |
Reductressnews | how_to_get_high_but_not_so_high_that_you_start_thinking_about_climate_change_with_lauren_lapkus | On this week's episode, we'll be talking about Terms of endearment that are disgusting unless an Italian guy is saying them, How to get high but not so high that you start thinking about climate change, and Will this iced coffee give you anxiety, diarrhea, or a will to live? And finally, I didn't come to this corn maze... |
Wizards_with_Guns | i_used_to_change_your_diapers_ | Hey mom, have you seen my phone? Well, look who crawled out of his cave. Is that who I think it is? Chris? He doesn't recognize me.
It's Clithrin. Ms. Clithy?
I used to change your diapers when you were a baby. Okay, sorry, I don't remember. You had the smallest little baby penis. I'm sorry? I mean, it was small even... |
cracked | 4_types_of_people_movies_hate_for_some_reason | Hi America, I'm crack senior editor Josh Sargent. You might know me from such popular internet listicles as five old-timey prejudices that still show up in every movie, and six insane stereotypes the movies can't seem to get over. I'm here today to talk to you about that exact same thing, because I just can't get over ... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Fat_Shaming_Dogs_A_Hoodie_Gremlin_A_Greenie_F_ckboy_Melbourne_Private_School_Boys_Hit_Back | We've just had some breaking news that I guess you'd say the New South Wales state of origin highlights will, well at least 40% of them will remain pixelated for the near future. What, 40% of 10 seconds? Not many highlights, no. A lot of lowlights though. That's four seconds. A lot of lowlights for those cockroaches ov... |
SaturdayNightLive | josh_hartnett_monologue_saturday_night_live | Ladies and gentlemen, Josh Hartnett! Thanks a lot, you guys. Hi, I'm Josh Hartnett. well, you know what? I know you guys are probably expecting to see the same old Josh Hartnett stuff tonight. but you're in for a big surprise. because I'm not going to be the Josh Hartnett that you're used to seeing, All right?
Hey, Jo... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Hot_Mess_Gladys_End_To_Government_Corruption_Palaszczuk_Bites_Back_More_October_2 | You're listening to the Batutah Advocate's weekly news wrap on Desert Rock FM 96.5 Welcome back to the Batutah Advocate radio show it is grand final weekend and we're talking about the real grand final the one that people can actually celebrate and attend by the looks of things that is the NRL grand final there in Sunc... |
TheOnion | Facebook_Increases_User_Control_With_New_Cancel_Account_Feature | Security guards chase a naked USA fan around the White House, Jennifer Lopez announces her own clothesline line, and a grandpa reports there's more ginger ale in the garage. I won't waste your time with a needless self-serving introduction. This is the Onion Week in Review. President Obama releases a new tell-all book ... |
cracked | entourage_is_so_bad_pirates_don_t_want_to_steal_it_cracked_responds | Hey, we're gonna watch the entourage movie Yeah, why we're gonna respond to it the whole thing. We're gonna watch the whole thing I'm streaming for free or like torrent it or something. Okay. I mean, it's been out for like a couple of months Yeah, it's been a while. I don't really the people still watched entourage. Th... |
SaturdayNightLive | drug_dealer_snl | Dude, I thought this club was a little sketchy at first, but the girls here are insane. yeah, I know. I already got, like, three phone numbers.
Yeah, the only thing that would make this night a little more perfect is if we could score a little something. you mean, like, Coke? Yeah, man. hmm. I don't know. why not? we'... |
TheOnion | Celebrity_Chef_Ted_Allen_Cooks_His_Favorite_Pretentious_Foodie_Bullshit_Meal | Gourmet chef Ted Allen is here. He's the author of the new cookbook, Pretentious Foodie Bullshit, and he's gonna show us how to cook some fussy little foodie dishes for you and all your asshole friends.
Welcome back to the show, Ted. Hey, thanks for having me, guys. All right, so let's get started now.
What sort of s... |
dropout | When_Mom_Visits_You_At_Work | For 50 cents extra we have soy milk almond milk oat milk hemp milk Mom I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You just look so responsible Oh, my little man is the base those in the making, you know, minus all the aggressive anti-labor policies Did he give you the Wi-Fi Kyle you didn't give him the Wi-Fi it's rise and grind one word Th... |
dropout | the_insane_fashion_of_political_conventions | And today we're going to be covering the fashion dos and don'ts from the Democratic Convention in Philadelphia and the Republican Convention in Cleveland where the fashions are just as fashionable and the crucifixes are unnecessarily large. First up we have Debbie Arps. She's a Democrat from Kansas and she is wearing a... |
dropout | Bears_Got_To_Go_To_College_Play_It_By_Ear | I want a bear in a claw machine, and I can give it to a girl that I have a crush on. Right. But if I have a bunch of bears, what am I gonna give one girl a bunch of bears? And here's the thing, do you take the bears with you when you go to college? Right. That's what I, that's what's in my head right now.
So I guess t... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Bulletin_21_02_20_Betoota_Weekly_News_Bulletin | How are you today, Wendell? Very well, thank you, Errol. It's good to have you back. Clancy, how are you? I'm well, thanks mate. Hello to the listeners. This week, your short, sharp and honest news rap is brought to you by Stan's new season of Better Call Saul.
Like all good lawyers, he's dodgy as fuck, isn't he Clanc... |
dropout | getting_stuck_in_a_dance_circle | Okay party people, let's hear it one more time for us again, bye! Next is their favorite song from high school, so I want to see everyone in a dance circle!
Aren't they so cute? They are.
Ooh, it's getting hot out here! Oh yeah, there's some techno, oh!
No, you go. I couldn't. Can I do it? No, stop, no, no. Let's he... |
SaturdayNightLive | herb_welch_shots_fired_saturday_night_live | You're watching Wxpd News, New York. good morning everyone. Our top story today. shots were fired last night outside a midtown convenience store and residents of a 50th Street apartment building saw the entire incident. our own veteran reporter, Herb Welch is on the scene, and today he's celebrating his 60th year in br... |
dropout | my_new_year_s_resolution_is_to_get_my_dick_out_of_this_toaster_hardly_working | How's the salad? It's terrible, but my New Year's resolution is to eat a healthy lunch every day.
I know how you feel. I want a cigarette so bad, but I promised myself I would finally quit. I mean, I hear you guys. My New Year's resolution is to finally get my dick out of this toaster. I really think this is going to ... |
dropout | why_the_hell_is_he_her_boyfriend | Oh wow, this must be Brad. Yay! Yeah, I was in the area, had to take a big old duty shit, thought I might as well take my little lady out to lunch. Slap her there. Yeah, sorry about that. It's our six month anniversary and we're so happy. Oh wow. So how did you guys meet again? Did he rescue you or something? No, we me... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Relief_For_White_America_A_Giggly_Gladys_An_Inclusive_Bluey_Cast_More_23_April | Clancy Overall here, editor of the Batutah Advocates, just me and Wendell, the young fellow this week, Errol Parker is still down in Canberra, trying to get inside the press gallery, we've tried many times, he's gone down to take it to him, I don't think they'll let us in there, they don't want this kind of truth and h... |
TheOnion | Catholic_Leaders_Transfer_Alluring_Children_To_Another_Church_The_Onion_Presents_The_Topical_Ep_26 | Vatican officials have responded to parishioners' concern about the Church's mishandling of a decades-long sexual abuse scandal, but will transferring the most alluring Catholic children to another church be enough? From the Onion & Onion Public Radio, I'm Leslie Price, and this is The Topical. Stay with us. Get quick ... |
dropout | everyone_is_waiting_to_talk_about_themselves | Palm Springs is just so beautiful. I mean, it's hot, but it's like a dry heat. And anyway, we spent most of the weekend just lounging by the pool. Oh, hanging out by the pool. That reminds me of my belly flop story.
Can't just start telling it now, though. I'll just think about it until Siobhan finishes talking.
Comp... |
SaturdayNightLive | marzipan_snl | What do little children yearn for this time of year? the sweet treat they ask Santa for more than any other. the confection they dream of most of all. is it candy canes? hershey queses? Now it's.
Marzipan! Yay! that's right, Marzipan. the mostly almond, almost candy from Bucker, Germany. with the flavor of nuts, but t... |
TheOnion | Alex_Smith_Boasts_49ers_Have_What_It_Takes_To_Win_Despite_Him | If the SEC can beat the SEC, that proves that nobody can beat the SEC. I'm not disputing that, but are we sure they didn't have the wrong Tigers? I mean, maybe it was supposed to be awesome. Well, maybe it was.
All right, shut up and get your head into the clouds. It's time for What's That Cloud Look Like. Hope you re... |
cracked | why_the_right_is_so_dishonest_about_american_history_some_news_thanksgiving_football | Here's some news, America is having a reasoned, healthy debate about the cause of the Civil War. The year now is 1866, and the losing enemy, the Confederacy, was... what's... what's... couldn't be 2017. That's this year. Oh yes, I see. Here's some old news, the Civil War was caused by slavery.
And here's some news, th... |
dropout | Huge_Idiot_Climbs_Mount_Everest_Breaking_News | From West Hollywood, California, the only news team that doesn't know what's on the teleprompter before they read it. Anyone who laughs or breaks, loses points. This is Breaking News. Hello and welcome to Breaking News, the show where we don't know what we're about to say and we aren't allowed to smile or laugh.
I am ... |
cracked | 8_reasons_game_designers_are_sadists | Oh, thank god, I thought, um, I don't know what I thought. Try to liberate Yharnam from the shape-shifting tyranny of evil werewolves. So what game is this? Nightmare creatures? No, it's not nightmare creatures.
How do you even know that reference? I'm not even sure I get that reference.
Anyway, this is Bloodborne. I... |
dropout | Tell_Us_About_Yourself_Game_Changer_Full_Episode | Hey, gang, Sam here. You're about to watch the premiere of Game Changer season three, but before you do, here's a preview of the whole season only available on dropout.tv.
Enjoy. Oh! I think you answered your own question!
Hey! That couldn't be. Hey! Shut up! Hey!
John Carlo, Esposito. Let the games begin.
Oh!
The... |
SaturdayNightLive | erin_brockovich_snl | Nearly 25 years ago, filming began on the classic movie Aaron Brockovich Tonight. we revisit a deleted scene from the film making all that damn noise. Hey, sorry. I was working on my bike. I'm George. Just moved in next door. Well, I'm your neighbor Aaron and I like it quiet. So shut up. Wait, wait, wait, I'm sorry.
W... |
dropout | hardly_working_vacation_day | Thanks for coming in. I know we're all slammed today because Jeff took a vacation day. Hey, you know what, man? We're here for you. Thicker thin. Thanks, Pat. What is going on, losers?
Hey, we thought you were taking a vacation day. Oh, I'm taking a vacation day.
So why are you at home? Why would I go home?
I live t... |
cracked | the_10_most_common_awkward_moments_on_elevators | Elevator, noun, a small space crammed with strangers. While everyone appears relatively collected and nonchalant, there's plenty to be uncollected and completelychalant about.
While waiting for the elevator to come, go ahead and press the button even if it's already lit. While you're at it, better make sure the doors ... |
cracked | the_ghosts_of_human_resources_tales_to_get_scared_to | When you get your employee IDs, those will get you onto the internet. Probably, again, it's an old company, very old system, a lot of...
Anyway, that's it. Are we not watching, like, one of those sexual harassment things, like a series of vignettes about it? No.
Why would we? Why?
Wait, I didn't bring that in. You t... |
dropout | for_a_bowling_commercial_this_is_weird | Hi, I'm Josh Rubin, and I'm Vincent Payone, and we're here to talk about our sweeping short film, Rolling Thunder, a journey to a hero's redemption. Also known as the AMF Saturday Night Bowling commercial, it's the one where the bowling ball chases the pins. We were so excited to work with Josh and Vince. They are the ... |
dropout | what_happens_when_you_tell_people_you_can_t_eat_gluten | Yeah. Sweet spread. Oh, it's sandwiches. You don't like sandwiches? I like them.
I just can't eat them. I have Celiac's disease. Oh, what's that? It's an autoimmune disease where I can't eat gluten.
I probably have that too. I'm sure I have that. I have a lot of symptoms. Maybe it's pretty common. I have it too.
Rea... |
dropout | ignored_netflix_movies_fight_back | With Netflix, there's always a movie waiting for you at home. What's up, babe? Oh my god, your food, you got served. So it's come to this. Ugh, Citizen Kane, not again. Twenty-nine movies have come and gone since I've arrived at your home fourteen long months ago. I know, just chill out. The American Film Institute say... |
dropout | this_monster_doesn_t_clean_her_inbox | What do you mean a bird cannot steal your debit card information you don't know what they're capable of let me show you an email my dad sent me what you have so many unread emails so so clean out your inbox your hoarder did someone say problem no but there is a problem right here I don't know how you live your life my ... |
dropout | the_walking_dead_meets_congress | Walkers everywhere. We never should have left that prison, Rick.
Did you guys hear something? Who the hell are you?
Take it easy. Name's Holt. Representative from New Jersey.
We were in session when the Walkers came. Been held up here ever since. They don't look bit. I'm Rick. This is Daryl and Beth. We're just pass... |
PhilomenaCunkOn | philomena_cunk_vs_prof_ashley_jackson | Was the British Empire evil like it was in Star Wars? I think the important point here is that, yes, many people would have seen the British Empire as being an evil empire, whilst at the same time many people, unsurprisingly most of them British, would have seen it as something that was a beacon of light. So I think th... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | WEEKLY_BULLETIN_The_South_African_Accent_Made_It_So_Much_Worse_Bluey_Animator_Fired_For_Discree_ | You're listening to a DM podcast. You're listening to the Batooda Advocates weekly news wrap on Desert Rock FM 96.5. Welcome back to the Batooda Weekly Bullet and my name is Clancy Overall, I'm joined by Effie Bateman and Wendell Hussey and there's a lot going on in the news this week. Down in Sydney they've got Mardi ... |
cracked | why_is_sci_fi_so_sad_now_yboc_season_3_finale | Movies have long promised a future with hover cars and hoverboards, but now the future is here, and like, things don't hover for s**t. Even the futuristic gadgets that we do have suck, as evidenced by how I'd rather drink bleach than take another video meeting. Pop culture has begun reflecting our futuristic disappoint... |
CrackerMilk | we_won_a_mermaid_at_the_medieval_festival | The Dark Ages were a special time in human history, where people fought tooth and nail against not only themselves, but diseases. That's something we were desperate to experience, which is why we ventured into the local medieval festival. We were also joined by the local executioner, Tom. Watch this footage of the man ... |
TheOnion | Meet_Jeremy_Founder_And_CEO_Of_Onion_Social | Hello, my name is Jeremy Rosenbaum, and I'm the CEO and founder of Onion Social.
When I came up with the idea for O Social in my dorm room, I was frustrated with how disconnected the global community was. In that moment, I wanted to break down the walls that really separate us and connect with people in a meaningful w... |
dropout | balloon_animal_challenge_darth_vader_on_the_toilet | Welcome back to the Balloon Animal Challenge, where Dan Siegel here claims that he can make anything out of balloons. In our last video, you made a pregnant direwolf for us. Your challenge today comes from user Robert Emmett, who suggested a life-sized Darth Vader on the toilet.
Reading a newspaper. Uh, okay.
I have ... |
dropout | male_friendships_are_just_bullying | What's all this for? What?
Oh, Katie. It's just that the Bulls are about to stampede. Nice. What does that mean? The Bulls, Katie. The Bulls are the boys.
And tonight, these stupid motherfuckers are going to run amuck at the big game. Hey, Raph. Why don't you go fuck your sister, you freaking dongle? Guys, please don... |
TheOnion | Baboon_Couple_Sues_National_Geographic_For_Distributing_Private_Sex_Tape | A disgusting invasion of privacy. That's what one baboon couple is calling National Geographic's decision to publicly distribute what was supposed to be their private sex tape. And now, the same baboon couple is taking Nat Geo to court. Hear why the publication may have to pay the primates a hefty sum for their pervert... |
cracked | 5_awesome_new_scientific_discoveries_that_are_kinda_boring | Following scientific progress is a little like watching a movie trailer made after 2004. It seems like every secret need you've ever harbored is about to be fulfilled, but then it turns out it's just Superman Returns. No, there aren't flying cars yet, but we did discover the Higgs boson, but you're too dumb to understa... |
dropout | prototype_alex_mercer_s_revenge_part_2 | My name is Alex Mercer when you last saw me I was prowling the streets of New York determined to seek a bloody revenge on the mysterious evil forces that made me a muted freak First I'm really ticked off at this guy. He outbid me for a limited edition panda It's gonna be a birthday gift for my little cousin, you know, ... |
cracked | 6_scientific_findings_that_prove_cats_are_evil | Hello, this is the news. Welcome to news.
Special report, cats aren't so great. Get rid of your stupid cat. Recent studies show that cats actually don't like you very much, don't care about you at all, and aren't so great. Get rid of it. Scientists found that cats know when their owners say their names, but they don't... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_155_Rick_Morton | Thank you for joining us today. Thank you for having me gentlemen. You've been trying to get Rick on for a while haven't we Errol? For a couple of years yep yep now we thought we were ready.
I feel like that was my fault probably I don't know. No well see the thing is Rick you were one of the few writers from this par... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | bulletin_ep_02_betoota_weekly_news_bulletin | Focus on Ability shares the stories of people with disability finding work with Nova Employment. An RSL welcomed me with open arms. That to me speaks louder than words can. That's really, really good for me to go on RSL to accept me like I'm part of their family. These are the stories that help businesses focus on abil... |
dropout | hardly_working_step_dad | Hey mister, no lunch, no lunch? Yeah, my mom forgot to pack it for me today, so... Your mom?
Oh, I had to move back home because I couldn't afford rent this month. You know all those fat cats in City Hall? Canock, canock, honey, I home.
Um, guys, this is my stepdad. He tries way too hard with me and he's really way t... |
dropout | sniff_test | Welcome to the College Humor podcast. My name is Sam Reich and I am joined today by.
Rekha Shankar. And. Raphael Cheste. Not to mention.
Mike Shabak. Mike Shabak, who are you?
Who am I? That's a good question and a question that I continue to ask myself.
But before you do. If you're watching this on CH2, I'm glad. ... |
dropout | just_a_phase | Greetings travelers. Hello and welcome to Tales from the Closet. This is a queer discussion podcast. I'm joined today by three lovely guests.
Today we think is episode seven. Maybe some of you watched the last episode and you're like, Ali, you're holding seven candles then also and I'm here to let you know that I have... |
TheOnion | DEA_Recruits_Lil_Wayne_To_Use_Up_All_Drugs_In_Mexico | And finally, some good news on the ongoing drug trafficking crisis along the Mexican border. Today, in testimony before the House Committee on the Judiciary, the DEA revealed it has achieved remarkable success with its latest initiative, sending rapper Lil Wayne to Mexico to use up all the drugs. Immediately upon deplo... |
dropout | One_in_Four_Americans_Attracted_to_Their_Sexy_Cars_No_Laugh_Newsroom | From West Hollywood, California, the only news team that doesn't know what's on the teleprompter before they read it. Anyone who laughs or breaks, loses points. This is Breaking News. Good evening, welcome to Breaking News, the show where we don't know what we're about to say and we aren't allowed to smile or laugh.
I... |
TheOnion | BREAKING_NEWS_BAT_LOOSE_IN_CONGRESS | If you could all just settle down, I propose a full committee vote on whether to act on the matter of the bat, which has been trapped in this chamber for the past 15 minutes. All those in favor of attempting to capture the bat, say aye. Aye. It's clear that the majority of those present feel we need to act.
I therefor... |
TheOnion | Owner_s_Box_Screws_Mangled_Joints_That_Make_Up_Rob_Gronkowski_Poised_For_Huge_Fantasy_Year | Owner's box brought to you by Lenovo you need a computer to play fantasy football might as well be this one It's week one and you're inside the owner's box where players are your property and your neighbors are millionaires I'm Perry big well and today we're talking Rob Gronkowski after missing most of the 2013 season ... |
dropout | the_fall_of_pinterest | All of them united. They gather on the plane.
My god. They seek to invade us. The way they did YouTube, Tumblr and so many others. We must protect our homepage. Only here can one post pictures of wedding gowns and green smoothies in peace.
It is so. Yo! I am but an envoy. What is it you seek? Yo!
We seek entry to yo... |
cracked | 10_weirdly_conservative_hidden_messages_in_con_air_today_s_topic | Con Air! Con Air, man. So good!
We just don't make movies like that anymore. Right? Like, why does every movie now have to mean something? Why can't we just enjoy a movie about a guy trying to get back to his family, and kicking and punching and impaling and exploding some bad guys to do it? It was just a different ti... |
cracked | game_of_thrones_arrested_development_mashup | And now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything and the one son who had no choice but to keep them all together. It's Game of Thrones Ever since the head of the Stark family had lost his, Rob Stark had been doing his best to keep the family safe and together. So far, his sister Sansa was trapped in a castle b... |
dropout | stop_carlos_mencia_a_rock_ballad | It's been a tragedy, poverty and pain We got genocide and duffel, Hungry AIDS and acid rain If humankind would try to solve them Well we'd never have a shot But there is one thing that we can do If we give it all we get We can stop Carlos Mencia We can beg on our knees No more diggity diggies Stop Carlos Mencia How did... |
dropout | I_Didn_t_Get_Chlamydia_From_a_Koala | So, unfortunately, it looks like you've tested positive for chlamydia. Okay. Alright, what do I do? Well, there's no need to panic.
It's non-fatal and it's fairly common. I mean, there are thousands of cases a year. That's good to know. It's completely curable. In a few weeks, it'll be like nothing ever happened. Alri... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_165_Peking_Duk | You're listening to Errol Parker and Clancy Overall, editors of the Petuta Advocate on Desert Rock FM. Well welcome back to the Petuta Advocate radio show, you're listening to the dulcet tones of myself, Clancy Overall, editor of the Petuta Advocate, joined by Errol Parker editor at large. How are you Errol? Good to ha... |
cracked | gilligan_s_island_mary_ann_busted_and_more_spitzer_3_12_0 | It's Wednesday, March 12th, 2008, and this is the News On Cracked. I'm Lex Friedman, and you make me feel, you make me feel, you make me feel like a natural woman. In wildlife news, bird watchers gathered in Scotland earlier this week to see a rare red-rummed swallow, but were horrified, this is true, to see it snatche... |
cracked | the_stupidest_logical_fallacy_ever | When I was in the 8th grade, I liked this girl. As things go in the 8th grade, word got around. After she found out, she said, I'd go out with Jeff.
If he got a haircut. I had bad hair. Never did get that haircut.
Never did ask her out. Because I'm an idiot. But suppose bad hair me had asked her out. She might have s... |
dropout | what_is_the_worst_spell_a_witch_could_curse_you_with | Today's question is, what is the worst spell a witch could curse you with?
Today I'm joined by Zachary Yama, Rafael Chastain, and Mary Sasson. Hello all the people. Mary, would you like to begin? I would, thank you.
My answer to what is the worst spell a witch could curse you with is fart announcement, meaning that e... |
cracked | how_3d_printing_is_perfecting_sex_dolls_and_other_stuff | Much like a child with aggressive gigantism, 3D printers are growing up before our very eyes. Even today, they're already deep into the adolescent phase, growing smarter, stronger, and taking a keen interest in girls. Dildo, dildo, buttplug, keyboard dildo, fist dildo. Even the replicators from Star Trek bitterly feel ... |
ClickHole | what_is_the_meaning_of_teeth | The human body, it's one of the most boring things in the history of the world. From the eyes to the feet, nobody even cares about it at all.
But what about teeth? Open wide because it's time to choke on some knowledge with me right now on Learn Attack. The human mouth has 33 teeth in it, including the skull which is ... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | George_Miller_on_great_Australian_Storytelling | the most unique thing we have in this country, and that's our indigenous culture, which is the longest existing continuous culture that we have on the planet. And also a culture of storytelling as well. It's all driven by story, and story which aren't just decorative or whatever. They are highly pragmatic. They really ... |
TheOnion | New_Facebook_Feature_Scans_Profile_To_Pinpoint_Exactly_When_Things_Went_Wrong | Mark Zuckerberg and company have debuted a brand new feature that could change the way we use social media. Aaron Vaughn has more. First there was the news feed, then the timeline, then graph search. Now Facebook is rolling out their newest feature, LifePoint, which analyzes users' histories to determine exactly when t... |
SaturdayNightLive | suze_orman_show_former_roommate_saturday_night_live | It's the Susie Orman show! welcome to the show, my dears and dairies. Halloween is coming up fast, ghoul friends. And don't be a dumb bum and waste your money on pricey treats for trick-or-treaters. do what I do. collect candy throughout the year from doctor's offices and nursing homes. put them in a bowl, and when you... |
SaturdayNightLive | joker_wedding_snl | And, Dooney, no matter come hell or high water, I'm gonna love you till I got no more love to give. I swear that to you. whatever. that was a beautiful patch. Now, if anyone here has reason why these two should not be wed, speak now. or forever. hold your peace.
Yeah, I got a reason. Babe, what are you doing? Just say... |
dropout | water_balloon_vs_cologne_balloon_game_show | Hi, I'm Pat. These are my friends and this is water balloon or cologne balloon Here's how the game works the contestants go head-to-head playing Russian roulette with these six balloons Five of the balloons are filled with water But one of them nobody knows which is filled with the worst liquid known to man cologne The... |
SaturdayNightLive | jnco_longs_snl | All right, two lemon cokes and a whiskey. anything else? Nah, man, I think we're good. Cool. Oh, my God, is that Chuck? Oh, yeah, I haven't seen him in, like, a year or something. he looks great. Hey, Chuck, come over here. hey, what's up, guys? you tell us. you've got this, like, super magnetic vibe going on. yeah, ev... |
TheOnion | Yosemite_On_Lockdown_After_Bear_Spotted_In_Park_The_Onion_Presents_The_Topical_Episode_20 | Yosemite National Park has been closed indefinitely. What this means for your shitty little family vacation.
And scientists believe they've found the gene connected to left-handedness. Could a cure be next?
From the Onion & Onion Public Radio, I'm Leslie Price, and this is the Topical. You're addicted to news, and we... |
wearethesundayblues | hippo_croc_dingo_ate_my_baby | Hippo, this is my cousin Dingo. He's going to be staying with us for the weekend. He's uh, he's from Australia. From Australia, hey?
Ah, g'day. Uh, g'day. Uh, oh, what do you do down, down under there?
You just, I bet you have sex with sheep. Uh, yeah, I'm actually married to one. About three years now. It's going we... |
dropout | hostess_closes_down | Good morning.
On behalf of Hostess Brands, I am sorry to announce that the unions rejected our offers.
And in response, we have no choice but to close our plants and our production immediately.
These are good American brands, and hopefully we'll see them again someday.
But until then I have the last package of Grun... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_223_Macario_De_Souza_Kid_Mac | You've got myself, Clancy Overall flanked by the Eternal Cadet, Wendell Hussey. How are you Wendell? Yeah, good mate. Good. Always happy to be here as the Eternal Cadet. That's what you got to do, I think. So yeah, good to be with you and excited to talk to today's guest.
Done plenty. Done all sorts.
Yeah, no, he's s... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | ep_43_ed_cowan | You're listening to Errol Parker and Clancy Overall, editors of The Batooter Advocate, on Desert Rock FM. Hello listeners, and welcome back to The Batooter Advocate Radio Show. For the first time in 2019, my name is Errol Parker, and alongside me here in the booth is an extremely sunburnt Clancy Overall, who's just rol... |
TheOnion | Disney_Geneticists_Debut_New_Child_Stars | Kids at home, this next segment is for you. This Friday, the newest batch of Disney Channel stars grown in the Disney genetic engineering lab will be unveiled to the public. Right. Now, Tracy, most of our viewers are already familiar with a lot of the products that have come out of a Disney lab. I know I have. But how ... |
dropout | guy_fieri_responds_to_the_new_york_times_restaurant_reviewer | Uh-oh, looks like Peter Wells from the New Dork Times didn't like my new Besterun. Guy's American Kitchen and Bar in Times Square. He's eviscerating my new joint and he's doing it his way.
I just gotta check this out. Here's some quotes. Did you try the blue drink? The one that glows like nuclear waste? When you hung ... |
SaturdayNightLive | big_bench_snl | In Judge Carlotta's Court. If you don't mess up, you're gonna get messed up. I am not fooling around and the only thing tougher than one judge on the case is three. And the only thing tougher than three judges is ten, But why stop at ten when you can have 17? you're watching Big Bench.
Alright for the honorable everyb... |
dropout | no_my_parents_aren_t_strict | and that is a 45 minute long story about my first hangover wild yeah that's why wild yeah I didn't have my first drink till I was 21 ah was it because your parents were so strict no they actually weren't very strict honestly really yeah why I don't know you just strike me as somebody who had strict parents I think that... |
cracked | comedy_s_supporting_characters_who_deserve_more_credit | Cal Naughton Jr. If we're being honest, Ricky Bobby didn't deserve a friend like Cal, a guy who would let him slingshot into victory in exchange for little recognition and a slap on the back. Cal ascends to lead dog status at one point in Talladega Nights, but it never feels right, even to him. He's meant to be a suppo... |
cracked | trailer_for_quentin_tarantino_s_gay_revenge_fantasy_movie_parody | He'll even look I Thought I told you this ceremony was an abomination in a legal Don't you bother getting up? I'm sure you're used to being on your knees That's funny, I usually like giant dicks Oh Suck my dick, how about just a hand job? Assholes won't quit man. They catch you. They'll go dark ages on your nutsack. I ... |
cracked | 4_people_who_are_the_superheroes_of_not_giving_a_f_k_spit_take_theater | Hello internet and welcome to the next episode of the spit take today We're talking about why apparently every 80s TV household could somehow afford to live in a housekeeper. Oh That was quick. Do we have a second topic that we could do? Oh good You're listening to new slaves off Kanye West's album Yeezus and speaking ... |
dropout | hardly_working_parents_game | Game over, sorry, that's why they call me the Monopoly guy That was fun, what else can we play? Oh Oh, I got one Do you guys know how would your parents react if you died? No, basically you just do what your parents would do if they found out you were dead What if you don't have a mom or dad? Okay. Let me just show you... |
TheOnion | Horrible_Couple_Really_Wants_Wedding_To_Reflect_Their_Personalities | Despite being objectively awful people, newly-engaged couple Ross Bird and Jessica Black want their upcoming wedding to really reflect their personalities, the pair revealed earlier this week. It's our one night, so we're pulling out all the stops to have the kind of wedding that just screams us. Yeah. It's so cool. We... |
dropout | what_is_the_best_way_to_take_over_the_world | Remember 9-11. Stay with me. Oh. Come on. I'm just saying. Remember 9-11.
Hello and welcome to The Rank Room. This is a show, a debate show, where we talk about life's most important questions and try to answer them. Today's question is, what is the best way to take over the world?
I'm joined by Trapp. Hello. Rekha. ... |
TheOnion | The_Onion_Reviews_RoboCop | This is Peter Rosenthal, head film critic for The Onion.
Today I'm going to be looking at the new movie RoboCop, a futuristic sci-fi thriller about a cyborg policeman and a remake of the classic 1924 film The Robotic Police Officer, a landmark motion picture made during the height of Hollywood's silent era. Directed b... |
ClickHole | watch_how_these_kids_react_to_a_boombox_playing_a_recording_of_their_parents_fighting | What is this thing what is this a radio or something? I think we used to have one of these in our house Kind of looks like it's staring at me. I have no clue what this is It's called a boombox before there were iPods and smartphones people use boomboxes to listen to music. Why is it so big? It's ancient. This looks lik... |
dropout | hardly_working_bullet_trick | Marily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream.
Yes. You guys are right. That was a total waste of time. Okay, let's do it again. Yeah.
One, two. Magic. Sleight of hand. Smoke and mirrors. What you will see tonight is none of these things.
Good evening, I am Patrick and this is Daniel. We know who you guys a... |
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