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dropout | museum_of_the_90_s | students okay come on in guys mason phone away please prepare to travel back in time to an ancient archaic age when people had to struggle to survive what's crack-a-lack in home slices that was a customary greeting from this long ago era the 1990s this is a historically accurate recreation of the life your ancestors li... |
SaturdayNightLive | cold_opening_ted_kaczynski_saturday_night_live | All right, Dr. Johnson, are you ready for him? yeah, we may as well get started. Ok. hi, how you doing? I'm Ted. these are my lawyers. that's a beautiful suit outfit you have on. why don't you take a seat, Mr. Kaczynski? Ok. my name is Dr. Sally Johnson, and I'm here to determine if you're competent to stand trial and ... |
CrackerMilk | save_our_channel_before_youtube_kills_it | No. No, no, no, no, no, no. Elias, Elias. Huh? YouTube's got another video. What?
We have to fight them. We need you. We need you, man.
For the second time in a row, YouTube has age restricted and demonetized one of our videos. And that means, that's right, our channel gets buried deep in that arse. Deep in the algor... |
cracked | to_imagine_a_monkey_in_an_office_setting_is_deeply_disturbing | So Phil, we have a cartoon together about monkeys working in an office. Did you get any notes from Adult Swim when you were pitching the Shakespeare Monkeys Show where they just like, I think the monkeys should be rats or something. Yeah, they kept pitching that the monkeys should be rats. They kept pitching it.
They ... |
dropout | gag_gifts_are_worse_than_nothing | Oh my god these look incredible thank you Brennan of course happy birthday you guys really didn't have to get me anything but thank you here help me enjoy these cupcakes. Open up my gift first.
What's it gonna be? Don't spray it it smells like farts. Pardon? It's a gag gift like it looks really fancy but if you spray ... |
dropout | what_are_you_doing_tonight | Speaking of no one liking you, what are you doing tonight? I don't know man, you know, I'm thinking a little, uh, where are my pants? What about you Ben, what are you doing tonight? Oh yeah, Coleman Brothers man. What are you doing tonight, Henry? I don't know, I was probably going to go home and organize all my shoes ... |
SaturdayNightLive | top_5_most_watched_live_sketches_season_49_saturday_night_live | Sir, they move seats. she's talking to you. Oh I'm sorry, me? thanks for coming to this mandatory Hr meeting. let's make some noise! Okay, let's start with workplace relationships. generally, we discourage it, but of course it happens, So we have a few rules.
Yes, like you can ask a co-worker out once, but if they say... |
dropout | stop_pitching_sketches_about_other_cast_members | So, it's like a little piece of equipment that you'd see in a science lab, and I'm looking through it, suddenly, you can see it. Grant, are you pitching a microscope again? No, don't, okay, does anyone else have any other ideas? Siobhan, you've been out for a year, do you have anything? How about if you want to see som... |
TheOnion | SPONSORED_Groundbreaking_Video_Game_Lets_Players_Customize_Characters_Genetic_Code | Video game players love customizing every aspect of their character. One game, Elder Scrolls Online, has set a new bar for character creation by letting players design every organ and cell in their avatar's body. In Elder Scrolls Online, you get to play as whoever you want to play. You are in control of everything from... |
TheOnion | Spit_Bread_On_Your_Table_Properly_Troublehacking_with_Drew_Cleary | Hi guys, today I'm going to show you how to spit a breadstick out on a table. There are a million ways to do this. This is just my way. Okay, so what you're going to need is a breadstick and a table, preferably one that stands up on its own. I put some paper down on the table so it's easier to clean up.
I have this br... |
cracked | 6_hilarious_punishments_for_video_game_piracy_video_game_purgatory_grand_theft_auto_earthbound | My name is Lisa Summerscales, and this is Video Game Purgatory. And if you stole the computer you're watching this on, you better pay close attention, because today's episode is, pirating a video game and then complaining about its quality is like cheating on your partner and then getting upset when the sex is terrible... |
SaturdayNightLive | please_don_t_destroy_ramen_order_snl | Ugh, I am hungry as a horse. I'm starving. should we do ramen fever? it's so good. have you had it? Oh my God, I've heard so much about that place. I'll get the order.
Ramen! Ramen time! let's do some ramen fever, Boys! Ramen fever, Ramen Fever, Ramen Fever, ramen Fever. Hey, baby. Sophia, I got a prescription, and th... |
cracked | why_boy_colors_and_girl_colors_are_arbitrary | They've been lying to you about colors your whole life. Think this is natural? 100 years ago, it looked more like this. Back then, all babies wore dresses, and no one paid attention to what toys they were playing with because they were all too worried about dying of color.
And once we finally decided to divide our toy... |
dropout | instant_gratification_game_show_2_sponsored | Hi everyone, I'm Brian Murphy life the glorious adventure of existence and yet despite its many Twists and turns sometimes it can be a bit dull But not today because today we will be approaching people on the street and asking them a question that will rock Their world that will make them question their very existence ... |
cracked | mcdonald_s_hamburglar_cracked_responds_with_wwe_s_chris_jericho | Big huge news, McDonald's is trying to attract Millennials And so they've unveiled the new hamburgler the sexy gritty reboot of the hamburgers cartoon chubster to handsome hipster Yeah, so this is the Christopher Nolan version. Yeah, I like who you say that they're trying to attract Millennials Yeah, like cuz this is w... |
CrackerMilk | we_make_your_ideas_and_instantly_regret_it | Hello, and welcome to Spin That Wheel, the show where we play around with your ideas. If you'd like your ideas to go up on this wheel, then head over to Patreon.
Getting lost in an IKEA. Oh, that's how long you've been in here, man, in this IKEA. Probably about 26 days. Mate, what I find really strange is I've come in... |
cracked | internet_party_why_nobody_gets_anything_done_on_the_web_if_famous_websites_were_people | Welcome to internet. Porn or regular? It's my first day. I'm going to make big bucks working on the internet.
Great. I like that. Come on, I'll introduce you around. I know literally everyone. Wow. Is it someone's birthday?
Oh no. It's always like this. Really? How do you guys get any work done? That's funny. Like. O... |
SaturdayNightLive | rooftop_bar_snl | Yes! Dude, yo, lately I've been into, like, flat ass, flat chest, tiny teeth. Okay, yeah, I'm not as much into the tiny teeth thing as much, but, you know, I'm just looking for a cutie to make a mess with, you know? Yo, honey Alert, let's close these two findings. Oh, hell yeah, dude. little charm never did no harm.
T... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_kristi_noem_s_other_dog_defends_his_owner_snl | South Dakota Governor and Trump's potential Vp.
Kit Pick, Kristi Noem, is being criticized for writing in her memoir about shooting her 14-month-old puppy, Cricket. here to defend her is Kristi Noem's other dog. To be here, Cricket, can you shake? do you do paw? Yeah, sure. it's great to see you. Wait, so your name is... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_193_Paul_Kelly_Christmas_Special | We've had a good run this year, we've had a lot of great guests. Some might say that, you know, we've addressed this before on the podcast, we've had this historic event called the Coronavirus pandemic, it's lasted two years now. And it's also meant a lot of people have a lot more free time to join The Batooda Advocate... |
SaturdayNightLive | snl_sports_sugar_ray_leonard_and_roberto_duran_saturday_night_live | Well, this one just in. Because the word napalm evokes images of burned and screaming children, its name has been officially changed to incender Gel. Other changes announced include the following.: the word war becomes game, soldier will be replaced by mailman, and the word gun becomes pencil.
Rumors have it that Robe... |
dropout | pat_cassels_vs_mark_zuckerberg_hardly_working | Whoa listen to this Mark Zuckerberg just turned 30. She's billionaire inventor of Facebook And he's only 30 that is in prison. No kidding you know I turned 30 this year, too Thanks, but who am I kidding? I'm probably not gonna be as successful as Mark Zuckerberg by the time I'm 30 Did you say probably yeah Emily the du... |
dropout | yay_or_nay_should_you_go_to_college | A lot of people say you don't need college. Like, look at Mark Zuckerberg and Bill Gates. They dropped out and they changed the world. Yes, true, but they dropped out of Harvard because it was too easy. You're not them. You dropping out of Missouri State is not the same thing.
You should go to college, if only to get ... |
SaturdayNightLive | good_and_bad_guitarists_saturday_night_live | This is a song about love and what it means to me. We've been together for so long, our love so very very strong. I'm so glad you're mine. I do anything for you. I'll always be your true. We're forever in love. Love is sharing and no one's someone's caring for you. Tonight you have to go away though. it's only for a da... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_christmas_joke_swap_2023_snl | Well, tonight, guys, is our Christmas show and we have a tradition where Che and I give each other jokes to read. So, making each other read jokes live on air that the other person has never seen before. right. And the idea is to give each other, you know, like fun jokes. That could be fun.
Yeah, sure. But before we s... |
programmersarealsohuman | interview_with_a_senior_python_developer_part1 | When you write a loop in Python, what happens under the hood actually is it sends a signal to other engineers in your office. So they come around to critique you for not using vectors. Happened to me multiple times in a row.
What can I say? It's a language like any other language. It's just a tool. Let me read you fro... |
dropout | sad_boners_fedoras_and_reterdet_vikings_collegehumor_comment_show | Hi, welcome to The Comment Show, the only show on College Humor where we respond to your comments from our videos throughout the week. I'm joined this week by College Humor writers Adam Conover and Emily Exford.
And as it happens, our first video is Thigh Gap. Emily, the issue is the honors. One of human evolution's g... |
cracked | the_surgeon_who_killed_3_people_in_1_operation | You might have heard about an infamous surgery with a 300% mortality rate. The doctor was so careless that he managed to kill the patient, a nurse, and somehow even a bystander. But that operation was but one chapter in the legend of famed 19th century surgeon Robert Liston, who approached amputations the same way a co... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_harry_caray_on_steroids_in_baseball_snl | Last week, Major League Baseball was rocked by yet another steroid scandal, as Manny Ramirez was suspended for 50 games for taking a banned substance. Here now to discuss the issue of steroids in baseball, the ghost of Harry Carey. Everybody, hey! hey, guys. hey, gang. Harry Carey here from the Afterlife.
And I got to... |
dropout | The_Secret_Lives_of_Women_A_Man_s_Astrological_Guide_to_Love_and_Intimacy | S is Rekha thank you all so much for being here. Whether you are listening wherever you get your podcasts, whether you're watching on siege two, or whether you are choosing our favorite way to be a part of our book club, if you are a member of dropout, When you subscribe to Dropout, not only do you get to watch all the... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | A_Christmas_Bomb_A_New_Public_Holiday_A_Selective_Activist_More_December_17 | You're listening to the Batutah Advocates weekly news wrap on Desert Rock FM 96.5. Welcome back to the weekly Batutah Advocate News bulletin, everyone's basically dropped the tools by now unless you're a front line worker, an underpaid front line worker who can't afford to live in a major metropolitan centre in Austral... |
TheOnion | God_In_Critical_Condition_The_Onion_Presents_The_Topical_Episode_17 | God is in critical condition today after shooting himself in the leg while cleaning his own gun. Hear what his doctors have to say about his chances of recovery and just how surprised they were to learn that God has legs.
From the Onion & Onion Public Radio, I'm Leslie Price, and this is The Topical. It's honestly a l... |
ClickHole | f_minus_teachers_share_their_worst_classroom_disaster_stories | I was an ESL teacher at the time, and my worst day was definitely when someone enrolled a wild deer in one of my early morning classes. The deer would come into my classroom, motionlessly watch the entire lesson, and then hop right out the window at the end. I can't stop thinking about it. It stayed for a whole year. I... |
dropout | the_don_t_laugh_newsroom_challenge | Yes, it's Christmas in July to me. Oh, I've immediately failed.
From West Hollywood, California, the only news team that doesn't know what's on the teleprompter before they read it. Anyone who laughs or breaks loses points. This is Breaking News. Good evening and welcome to Breaking News. The show where we don't know ... |
Wizards_with_Guns | nude_models_have_it_hard_ | Hey, Professor Milkerson, I just got here. I'm so sorry I'm late. No worries, Jonathan. I appreciate you doing this last minute.
Just double-checking, you're a hundred percent comfortable doing a nude drawing class? Yeah, I'm not worried about it. I mean, you're just paying me to stand there and model, right?
That's ... |
CrackerMilk | patreon_thank_you_december | I didn't want to see it but I hope it's the sound that I was away worse today ladies and gentlemen we're gonna do something very special for our patrons we're gonna pit them against one another in a battle to the death there are two opposing kingdoms Tom your kingdom very well off a line jealous York your kingdom it co... |
SaturdayNightLive | airplane_baby_snl | Good evening, folks. we've just reached cruising altitude, and we'll be turning off those seatbelt signs. enjoy your flight. Hey, y'all. I just wanted to say it's my baby's first time flying, so I apologize in advance for little Eddie here. I'm flying without my husband, so bear with me, please. Well, I've been there b... |
dropout | The_Sound_Impression_Challenge_Game_Changer_Full_Episode | Get ready for a game changer. Tonight's guests, mama to precious plum, it's Josh Ruben. Are you his dad? Gorgug to some, to others, it's Sakoyama. And Dimension 20 founding father, it's Brennan Lee Mulligan.
And your host, me. I've been here the whole time. Welcome to Game Changer, the only game show where the game ch... |
dropout | hardly_working_stressed_out | What is that? How's it going? David, how's it going?
I got all this crap I got to get through before lunch. My landlord just called me to tell me I have moisture in my drywall so I have to deal with that. I got this click-yell though. I don't know what it is and I just, I mean, I mean, I mean, I'm sorry.
How are you?... |
TheOnion | Spookiest_Halloween_Sound_Effects_Album_Grammy_Goes_To_Lord_Chillingsworth | It was a big night for music's hottest acts, especially for Lord Chillingworth. In a shocking upset, the young artist took home the spookiest Halloween sound-effect album Grammy for Creepy Night in Halloween Manor. I want to thank my agent, Ryan Goldsmith. Everyone at Laughing Pumpkin Records, this is such an honor. Mu... |
cracked | 6_creative_ways_to_ruin_your_own_wedding_cracked_tv | Hey everybody, welcome to episode 28 of Crack TV, where any semblance of wit is accidental, imagined, or medication related. It's like thick purple jokes.
With me as always is my life partner, clips of the boyfriend body pillow ad. This boyfriend arm pillow is a soft and cozy body pillow that resembles a torso of a ma... |
TheOnion | Tyson_Foods_Orders_Trump_To_Cease_And_Desist_The_Onion_Presents_The_Topical_Episode_14 | We're back on the campaign trail, where President Trump finds himself under fire yet again. Is there anything better than a Trump rally? Hear why the Trump campaign rallies may no longer be able to use the sounds of animal torture.
And is pollution getting worse, or is it just the chemicals in the water messing with m... |
SaturdayNightLive | memorex_saturday_night_live | Yeah. I wonder what's keeping him. Ah, don't worry. he's gonna go for it. I hope so. that's him. let's go.
Sorry I'm late, boys, but even fine-built American cars get caught in traffic jams, you know. that's all right, Mr. Iacocca. look, uh, one of you, uh, have a seat. thank you. thank you very much. thank you. Oh, n... |
dropout | sim_city_mayor | Paid for by the council to re-elect Mayor Ed Ward. Here you go champ. Hi, I'm Ed Ward. As Mayor, I've seen SimCity grow from an empty field to a thriving urban center. So when you go to vote, vote for the candidate with experience, with compassion. And who, if he wanted to, could destroy this entire city with natural d... |
cracked | the_christian_movie_starring_gary_busey_as_a_pomeranian_yboc | Hello there, congregants. I'm Dr. Jordan, and no joke, I'm legally an ordained minister. Seriously, I could do your wedding if you want. I mean, no pressure, but I'm free in September.
And anyway, you're watching another fully sanctified episode of your Brain on Crack, the show guaranteed to buff your holiness stats b... |
cracked | future_house | Oh, it is so cute. I love it.
Don't get carried away now, Bunny. We've got a lot of houses to save. Oh, well that is Mrs. Bunny to you, sir. You must be the newlyweds.
Come in, come in. Cookies? Ooh.
As you can see, it's a very spacious living area. It's already HD ready, and the previous owners had surround sound i... |
cracked | 6_psas_that_are_freaking_nightmares | I'm the sous chef here. With any luck, I should be head chef by next year. I've got this amazing fiance. Who I won't be marrying this weekend.
Because I'm about to be in a terrible accident. But really, I should have cleaned up the grease over there. And they should never put the deep fryers so close.
That looks inno... |
dropout | doctor_claims_sexting_causes_pregnancy | Getting pregnant from nothing more than one sex that reads... Have you ever tried it with me? I am confiscating this. And now that I have it, my daughter is safe and free to do whatever she wants. Can I stay at Robert's house? His parents are in France. Sure, honey. The phone is the real danger. Nine out of ten unplann... |
dropout | hardly_working_agreements | I haven't seen it, but I heard it was absolutely amazing. Yeah, all my friends are like, this is the best movie of 2008. Didn't it win a People's Choice Award or something?
Jumper? Yeah. Maybe. Yeah.
Doesn't matter, I will see any movie with teleporting. Let's rent it. Hey, if you rent it, I'll provide the vegetables... |
dropout | hardly_working_the_big_meeting | Mr. McGregor is our biggest client, and there he is, hello, right over here. That's not Mr. McGregor. What?
No, I hired an actor to pretend to be a big shot client, just to mess with Dan. A flippin' great actor, judging by how much this is costing me. Costy? Yeah, well I had to set up a show corporation with my own mo... |
cracked | dumbest_pranks_celebs_have_pulled_on_each_other | I actually think it's very adorable and endearing that celebrities play pranks on one another. They're like, shooting a movie is like one big sleepover and we're putting Tom Hanks' hand in warm water. Here are some of the craziest pranks that celebs have pulled on one another.
Kit Harington terrified Rose Leslie with ... |
SaturdayNightLive | cnn_town_hall_south_carolina_cold_open_snl | Yeah, I thought it should be Gay Bar. but then I was told that that was terrible.
Yes. tonight, the people of South Carolina will ask former President Trump questions about important issues affecting their lives. And I'll ask myself questions, like, can you bet on a Town Hall? you sure can on Fanduel. Now, please welc... |
SaturdayNightLive | jeffrey_s_snl | Pardon me, I'm looking for a nice pair of slacks for my son to wear at his high school graduation, and I read in Maxim that G-star pants are in this season. And when is Maxim gonna be in season when fedoras come back in style? Why don't I wrap up a pair of G-stars for you and throw in an autographed picture at the cast... |
dropout | lizzy_yarnold_with_kelsey_djupstrom | Hello, and welcome to Raph's Hall of Fame, the show where every time we have a guest and they try to convince me why their underrated favorites should be in my Hall of Fame. Today's guest is good friend Kelsey Jubstrom. Kelsey, hello. Hello. Now, Kelsey, I've known you for, uh, God.
Six years. Oh yeah, six years. Yeah... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_mark_spitz_on_michael_phelps_snl | Here now to comment on the Michael Phelps controversy is another Olympic swimming hero, Mark Spitz. Yeah, the Spitz has hit the fan. All right. Okay, I get it. Now, Mr. Spitz. Please, Seth, Mr. Spitz is my father's name. call me seven-time Olympic gold medalist, Mark Spitz. Uh, no. Okay, so do you think Michael Phelps'... |
dropout | morlocks_and_eloi_tournament_of_champions_pt_2 | From DeLoreans to Mandalorians, nerds like a lot of things, but there's something they love above all else that is correcting people. This is Um, Actually.
To my right, three former Um, Actually champions returning to see if they can reclaim glory yet again. How are you feeling? Feeling great. I've yet to taste defeat... |
cracked | if_the_internet_was_a_high_school_outtakes | What do we actually know? Um, something about wieners. Well, that's hardly news.
Okay, now that that's settled, I'm going to teach you all something pretty interesting by drawing my name in a funny way. Now, it's Arbor Day, so watch what I turn the L into. I think you'll be surprised. Which is something pretty interes... |
ClickHole | watch_a_woman_tell_her_grandson_what_things_she_plans_to_eat_once_doctors_put_his_teeth_in_her_mouth | Doctors are going to put your teeth in my mouth. I'm going to have your teeth. Once I get your teeth, I'm going to eat a cabbage. I'm going to use your teeth to eat broccoli, and I'm going to eat a roasted chicken.
Grandma's teeth are too long for her lips. Oh, I hate my long teeth. They're the teeth for a horse. I do... |
cracked | the_best_thing_the_walking_dead_has_done_in_a_while_cracked_responds | Hello everyone welcome to the walking talk cracks recap review Regurgitated show about the walking dead big news. I kind of like this episode Yeah, I was good and just like a spoiler alert generally if you're gonna watch a recap show This is all spoilers if you haven't seen the show don't watch this we talked about thi... |
SaturdayNightLive | women_s_aa_meeting_snl | And before I got sober, my marriage was so toxic that at one point the priest who married us said to me privately, i'm praying that y'all divorce, but now I'm sober. Aa saved our marriage.
Thanks for letting me share. Sorry, is this an Aa meeting? this is a women's meeting guy. Oh, my bad. the directory said there's a... |
SaturdayNightLive | matt_schatt_game_show_snl | Two teams. One million dollars here in the Dome. Good evening. good evening. I'm Ted Connelly and this is the Dome. Now let's meet the team's vying for a chance at the One million dollar prize. Team One, Introduce yourselves and this is my brother-in-law Rob, Oh, proof that in laws can get along. we're having fun. Who ... |
dropout | bleep_bloop_cosplay_lasertag | Welcome to Bleakbloop, brought to you by King of the Nerds, the new reality competition series on TBS, where they find and crown the one true nerd king. I am Jeff Rubin, that is Pat Castles, and we are reporting live from Queens, where a cosplay laser tag war has suddenly broken out around us, mostly because we set it ... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Weekly_News_Bulletin_The_Trade_Tensions_A_Questionable_Pardon_Olympic_Sports_More_Decembe_ | You're listening to the Batutah Advocate's weekly news wrap on Desert Rock FM 96.5. Welcome back to the Batutah Advocate weekly news bulletin, pointy end of the year now. Heading right towards Christmas, full steam ahead, you should be getting into your Christmas shopping if you haven't. Batutah Outfitters in town, Bat... |
dropout | Summit_of_the_Subreddits | What changes would you like to see to our beloved website? I'm quite sure no one will agree with this, but I for one would like to see a better design. That's not an unpopular opinion. For too long, we subreddits have suffered the indignities of bad custom CSS. For the record, I disagree.
Ma'am, tell us more. Awful ta... |
cracked | famous_movie_deaths_that_shouldn_t_have_happened_lord_of_the_rings_x_men | From the Bible to Braveheart, the really great stories in our culture feature heroes who sacrifice themselves for the greater good. Writers work so hard to shoehorn that element into their stories, in fact, that they don't always stop and ask whether it was actually necessary. Maybe if they had, a few of the heroes men... |
cracked | why_captain_america_is_the_worst_avenger_after_hours | If you are a god who goes on god adventures with your god friends, then why are you hanging out with humans? Puny, mortal humans. You're still talking about Thor, right? Thorin is learning about human stuff. Another! Thor has a girlfriend who is a human, and he has a hard time hanging on to her because he doesn't know ... |
dropout | ch_labs_youtube_extensions | Hi, and welcome to College Humor Labs. Today we're going to be taking a look at some pretty cool YouTube features that you can access simply by changing the URL. Let's use the Susan Boyle video as an example. This video is great, but let's say I wanted to start it right when she begins singing. All I have to do is find... |
SaturdayNightLive | snl_promo_seth_macfarlane_is_a_busy_man_snl | Hi, I'm Seth Macfarlane and I'm hosting the season premiere of Snl this week with musical guest Frank Ocean. where'd you learn to do all these crazy voices? This is my real voice. Stop it, you're too much! I can't stop, this is how I talk. Seriously, I'm not kidding, Stop it! Alright, I'm just messing with you. Hi, I'm... |
cracked | so_you_want_to_be_batman | Hi, I'm Alex Schmidt. So, you want to be Batman? Welcome to So You Want to Be, the show about what it takes to have the fictional careers you daydream about. Or would never want to do. Either way, it's a funny show. I'm your YouTube-based career counselor, and I'm here to walk you through what to do from birth to now i... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_142_Nats_What_I_Reckon | And today on the podcast, Errol and myself are joined by one of the few stars of 2020, I guess you'd say, you describe him as, you know, one person that I guess kind of lifted in this weird kind of pandemic we're in, mostly because what this guest does translates very well to a world where people are locked down in fro... |
cracked | 23_jokes_that_never_made_it_into_our_best_videos_youtube_exclusive | Hello YouTube, I'm crack.com's Daniel O'Brien, and welcome to Across the Page. Uh, I have not cleared that title with anyone else, so they might call it something different. Hello, my name's Cody Johnston. Welcome to Across the Page, the show where I and all of us... Hi there, I'm Sorin Bui. Hi, I'm Michael Swain. ...w... |
cracked | 12_31_07_news_on_cracked_more_ijustine_more_douchebaggery | It's December 31st, 2007, and this is the news on Cracked. I'm Lex Friedman, and no, I got them all cut. We're going to report the news of course today, and we're also going to run down some more of our favorite stories from 2007, all in less time than the average commercial break takes. Ain't internet video grand?
Hi... |
SaturdayNightLive | space_the_infinite_frontier_dr_kent_wahler_snl | To the innermost planets of our solar system, this is Space, The Infinite Frontier. with your host, Chicago Cubs broadcaster, Harry Carey. Hi, everybody. Harry Carey here. And welcome to Space, The Infinite Frontier. we've got a great show lined up for you. joining us in the studio today, all the way from Caltech, is A... |
TheOnion | Congressmen_Submit_Emergency_3_AM_Bill_Demanding_IHOP_Stay_Open_All_Night | This bill was submitted by representatives Haley, Nelson, and Ramis for immediate review very late last night under the provisions of the National Emergency Legislation Act.
HR 323 would by federal order require all IHOP restaurants to quote remain open 24 hours effective right this minute even if some manager has to ... |
TheOnion | Facebook_To_Allow_Changes_To_Privacy_Settings_If_Users_Guess_Word_In_Locket_Worn_By_Mark_Zuckerberg | Facebook will permit users to change their privacy settings only if they guess the word contained in a locket worn by Mark Zuckerberg. Newt Gingrich's handlers remind him to stay on his uninspiring belittling message. And an exhausted sweatshop worker just has to laugh after sewing her fingers together. And now the wee... |
TheOnion | Diebold_Accidentally_Leaks_Results_Of_08_Election | Moving on, if you planned on following the presidential election in November, you might want to plug your ears. A big election spoiler is coming up. A minor software glitch at the Diebold Corporation today caused thousands of electronic voting machines to accidentally release the results of the 2008 presidential electi... |
dropout | standing_out_on_campus_sponsored | I would walk around and every time I saw somebody I would say hey where the party at and then when they obviously told me where the party was at I just wouldn't go and parties would eventually just become people waiting around for me to show up like when's the where the party at guy gonna get here they have to build li... |
dropout | Who_Got_Dirty_on_Public_Transportation_Dirty_Laundry | Which one of you has had sex on public transportation? Oh, I think it's Iffy. What? No. I think it was great. I'm on grants my pick. I know that was the least convincing what, but I will say. It's once, I mean, I have, but didn't submit it. Yeah! Well, tell us all about it. I was on the- They could still guess you, Sco... |
cracked | 6_beloved_christmas_movies_with_horrible_secret_meanings_after_hours | You think I could sue them for banging your head against the jukebox to try and get it to play a song I'm pretty sure there's no one to be like Fonzie with my head. I got you some cocoa The ambulance should be here, so Thanks, you too. We'll sex later us too.
There's no schnapps in this actually. I think you should st... |
dropout | sex_dungeons_and_dragons | Hey, thanks again for hosting game night, Adam. Oh, no problem.
I hope you don't mind, I invited my friend and she told me she's an incredible dungeon master. Which one of you worms am I humiliating first? Meet Goddess Elena. Um, Adam, I thought you said she was a dungeon master. I'm a dungeon mistress.
Oh man, I rea... |
TheOnion | Maybelline_Introduces_New_Ideal_Woman_Rubber_Mask_To_Use_In_Place_Of_Makeup | Hailing it as the industry's most innovative product to date, global cosmetics brand Maybelline released its long-awaited ideal woman rubber mask this week. A thick latex facial covering worn over the head in lieu of makeup. By simply yanking it over your face you can instantly achieve a fresh look that conforms to wes... |
Wizards_with_Guns | is_this_energy_drink_just_gasoline | Boys, it's a beautiful day! Why don't you go outside and toss around the Kooshball?
Shut up, Ron!
We don't have the energy! We're just too tired! Running on empty?
Oh God! Better! It's fossil sauce! Start your engines for this all new explosive energy drink! Oh!
This smells like gasoline! Just slam this rice juice ... |
SaturdayNightLive | roe_v_wade_cold_open_snl | In the draft of his majority opinion overturning Roe V. Wade, just a Samuel leader explains that no woman has a right to an abortion and that in fact, abortion is a crime. To prove it, he cites a treatise from 13th century England about the quickening of the fetus and a second treatise that says if the quick child died... |
dropout | the_magic_chinatown_bus | Good morning, my lovelies. Who's ready for an adventure? Hey, lady, you're 20 minutes late.
Well, time flies when you're having fun. And since I'm always having fun... Do I look like I'm in the mood for riddles, you ginger c**t?
I gotta get to Wooster by 3 to meet my custody lawyer. Wooster?
No. We'll be taking a li... |
TheOnion | High_School_Student_Teacher_Applying_For_Same_Summer_Waitressing_Job | I really hope I get this. It definitely couldn't hurt to make a few extra bucks here and there. Marissa Klemp is a 16-year-old student at Pittsfield High School. She's applying here at Redstone Tavern in the hopes of earning a little money over the summer, a sentiment echoed by her sophomore chemistry teacher, Rebecca ... |
TheOnion | Kay_Jewelers_Recalls_2_Million_Cursed_Wedding_Rings | After a flood of customer complaints, Kay Jewelers issued an immediate recall this week of over 2 million cursed engagement and wedding rings in their Neil Lane Bridal and Leo Diamond lines. Responding to reports that consumers who donned the blighted rings brought doom to all who encountered them, the company's direct... |
dropout | an_honest_disney_princess_song | Somebody told me when I was a young girl that someday my princey would come. But nobody told me if I wanted to find him I'd have to stare at my phone. I thought that he'd see me at these documentary screenings that I go to wearing lipstick. Alone. Or perhaps in a bookstore he'd see my book about Charles Manson. Why is ... |
cracked | roy_schneider_writers_strike_ending_news_on_cracked_2_11 | It's Monday, Monday, Monday, February 11th, 2008, and this is the News On Cracked. I'm Lex Friedman, and don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.
Concerns about anti-wrinkle drug Botox arose last week when federal regulators said they were investigating several serious reactions in at least one death ... |
dropout | female_armor_sucks | For Krog, stout, I've forged the breastplate of bravery. For Ser Baston, the noble, the plate armor, the fortitude, and the shield of his arm. And finally, Lila Windtalker, wearing the incredibly sturdy Dragonmail of Protection.
I think I'm missing a few pieces here. Oh! I molded it for the female form, so there are s... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_george_santos_expelled_from_congress_elon_musk_meets_with_netanyahu_snl | It's weekend update with Colin Jost and Michael Che. I'm Colin Jost. Well, this week we said goodbye to a former First Lady, a former Secretary of State, and the Supreme Court's first female justice. And also a guy who claims to be all three of those things. former Representative George Santos, seen here swallowing evi... |
dropout | the_news_is_just_tweets_now | Welcome back to the Channel 269 News, the only news that you can watch. Scandal rocked the nation again today after President Trump fired off an early morning tweet reading, Gay soldiers, watch your backs. There was no word on if that tweet reflects a new policy agenda or if it was just a passing senile thought. For a ... |
cracked | the_most_offensive_jokes_in_seinfeld_history_canonball | It's hard to see how Seinfeld ever got its reputation as The show is about nothing. George and Jerry pitched their in-universe show that way. Once it's not about nothing. No, it's about nothing. But Seinfeld itself? It's a show about death and sex, race and religion, breast implants and soup. Larry David and Jerry Sein... |
cracked | the_greatest_comedy_never_made_from_will_ferrell_and_adam_mckay | After their success on SNL, the dream team, Adam McKay and Will Ferrell, wrote a bonkers big screen comedy. Some people say the screenplay for the Unmade August Blowout is the funniest script that they ever read, including Ben Stiller. But still, that wasn't enough for a studio to pick up the tab. August Blowout, which... |
dropout | my_mom_is_stalking_me_hardly_working | But then I thought maybe I'd eaten too much hummus, but I don't really think that's possible. You ever thought of hummus as sort of a chickpea pudding?
I think that's kind of what it is. Somebody just looked me up on LinkedIn. What? Nobody uses LinkedIn. I know, right? That's crazy.
Your profile was viewed by a 55-ye... |
SaturdayNightLive | gifts_from_mom_snl | Oh, man, how lucky am I? I'm a girl's home from the holidays with their boyfriends, a.k.a. my future son. It's nice to have the house full. that's for frickin'' sure. I'm happy to be here. Yeah, thank you for having us, Steve. Oh, please, Steve is my dad's name. call me Mr. Collins.
Okay. Now, girls, I know we said we... |
dropout | why_you_can_t_think_of_the_perfect_comeback | Mmm, so good. Can I catch the camera or should we have your hot sauce? Yeah, sure. What are you eating? Cheesy bites. Cheesy, huh? Didn't know you could eat your own jokes. That was good. Zach needs me. Where are my goddamn keys? What's a cheesy bite? Melted cheese on crispy cheese.
Are you 11 years old? I'm older tha... |
dropout | bleep_bloop_virtual_celebrities | Celebrities make everything better, but do they help video games? I'm Jeff Rubin and joining me in Finding Out we have Josh Rubin and Pat Cassels from College Humor and N. Guy Kroll, former editor of Technology at Newsweek and current video game consultant at Hit Detection.
It's like a business car, it's just Vin Dies... |
cracked | the_entire_internet_in_five_minutes_agents_of_cracked_episode_5 | Hello, welcome. Thanks for checking in to the agents of cracked cracked erean collection in HD Stick around and watch the whole episode and then afterwards we'll share anecdotes behind the scenes things there will be giveaways They will not there will not be a single giveaway There will be one there'll be one giveaway ... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_jacob_silj_on_american_relations_with_china_snl | The 11-day standoff between China and the United States is over, but the long-term effects on Sino-american relations remain to be seen. joining us now with his insights is the State Department Attache for the U.s. Ambassador to China, Jacob Silge. Thank you, Tina. our relations with China have long been shaped by a tu... |
SaturdayNightLive | lizzo_monologue_snl | Ladies and gentlemen, Lizzo! ["lizzo!" music playing in the background.] Yes, I'm shocked. I have clothes on too. I'm really excited. tonight we're gonna break the record for the amount of times Bitches set on live Tv.
I hate cussing in front of my mom. hey, mama! Mom came to see me perform. I had to warn her. mom, wh... |
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