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cracked | the_ridiculous_reality_of_life_in_space_starship_icarus_episode_1 | I feel like Satan is licking my eyes! Satan?
Boy, you have been out a long time. Hope you're not rotted. Can that happen? Hello, Beep Hartley. It is Exploration Research Federation policy that I inform you that our ship's AI has determined that your skillset is now worth the resources required to keep you alive. Or, y... |
SaturdayNightLive | truck_stop_cd_snl | Truck stops have the wildest stuff. yeah, like, my other car is a gun. And who are the weirdos still buying Cds? Well, truckers, that's who. Oh, very cool. Yeah, this one right here is a collection of hits by my favorite truck driving crooner, Johnny Goblin. Yeah, I'm talking about truck You, you trucking truck. 42 son... |
SaturdayNightLive | snl_digital_short_space_olympics | Leave it yourself. Every single Galactic athlete needs a coded I.d. badge. Drug tests are mandatory.
You're a winner. The athlete's village, his arms are gone. You all get a junior suite.
We don't cover incidentals, so keep your ass off the baby. Bar this in the world. Brace yourself because there's no remedy by ever... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_218_Dane_Simpson | You're listening to Errol Parker and Clancy Overell, editors of the Batooter Advocate on Desert Rock FM. Well welcome back to the Batooter Advocate radio show on Desert Rock FM, whether you're listening on the podcast or the wireless, we appreciate you as a listener, as a part of our loyal audience here in the Diamanti... |
cracked | why_were_the_90s_so_mean_to_andie_macdowell_groundhog_day_multiplicity_michael | Hello Internet! My name is Daniel, Hot Talk Whisperer O'Brien, and welcome to another salty episode of Obsessive Pop Culture Disorder, the only show on the internet that probably regrets mandating between three and four new couch gags in every episode's intro. Today's... Purple episode explores. Devotees will recall th... |
SaturdayNightLive | jail_ad_snl | Done something wrong, got yourself in a pickle or a jam, and now you have to go to jail. Don't! people in here, there are so mean.
So come on down to Nice Jail. I invented it. it's like regular jail, but nice. Hi, my name is Amy Pudd, Amy Pudd. and I'm the founder of and Warden of Nice Jail. why make it nice jail?
Be... |
TheOnion | Truck_Accident_That_Killed_Rafters_in_Canyon_Sparks_Truck_Canyon_Rafter_Reform_Debate | I'm Juliana McAnus filling in for Clifford Banes, who is waylaid by bandits.
The nation is still reeling from yesterday's tragic accident at the Grand Canyon, where an oil truck spun out of control hit a rock wall and exploded, sending flaming wreckage falling into the Colorado River below, killing a raft full of tour... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_136_Aunty_Donna | And today we're talking to three of Australia's premier stage and online comedians, performers. I guess you could say we were just talking before we hit record there and we're just talking about how much balls are carried between the three of them in the work they do, which is quite different to what we do here in this... |
programmersarealsohuman | interview_with_genz_in_tech | I only use the best technology. E-ink monitors, blue light filters, vertical mouse, ergonomic flat keyboards, standing desk, tomato method for breaks. I also don't do any real work, that also helps. Let me show you what I learned on TikTok. Swiper, making the world a better place by swiping.
Is this mic working? Hello... |
dropout | Don_t_Laugh_News_Challenge_Get_In_My_Belly | from West Hollywood California the only news team that doesn't know what's on the teleprompter before they read it anyone who laughs or breaks loses points this is breaking news welcome back to breaking news the show where we don't know what we're about to say and we aren't allowed to smile or laugh I'm Brian Watterson... |
dropout | how_fake_psychics_fool_their_victims_adam_ruins_everything | Shut up, okay? Welcome back to the Jersey Charcoal.
I transcend dimensions, I speak to spirits, I live off exit nine off the turnpike. So, today I have been summoned to the home of an adorable little boy and his adult friend who we barely know. My name is Stewart, and I'm 12 years old. I'd say I'm a pretty happy kid.
... |
dropout | if_commercials_lasted_a_whole_year_clip_from_bad_internet_ep_6 | Okay, Carl, they've added every episode of Ray Donovan, so we are good to go. Well, then let's get our Donovan, on-ov-in.
Okay. Please select your ad experience, brought to you by Chomsky's Kettle Chips, the chips that go chomp. Oh, cool. If we watch a five-minute ad now, we can watch the entire show without a single ... |
cracked | if_every_fictional_company_held_a_job_fair | First time at the fair?
Yes, ma'am. I'm gonna be a mechanical engineer. Of course you are. We've got representatives from Oscorp, Cyberdyne, MomCorp, all kinds of companies looking for bright, loyal, new engineers. And chemists and laborers and administrative assistants and more. But you're definitely an aperture man.... |
cracked | if_tv_commercials_invaded_the_real_world | Forcing Michael to hold large charts like this one make him easier to track and control. Additionally, as you can see here, when the chart becomes too large, Michael somewhat paradoxically becomes more volatile. But my proposed solution of not making charts that size counters the problem nicely, I think.
I need $11,00... |
PhilomenaCunkOn | philomena_cunk_vs_prof_greg_dart | If Shelley's one of the greatest poets in English literature, how come nobody gives a shit about him today? That's a complicated question. Wordsworth wrote, I wandered lonely as a cloud, but clouds don't have legs, do they? So how was he allowed to get away with that kind of stuff? To find out more, I went to speak to ... |
TheOnion | Being_A_Detective_Who_Talks_To_Ghosts_Not_As_Exciting_As_TV | Joining us today on Today Now is a real-life clairvoyant Medium who actually uses his amazing abilities to help police solve crimes. Leonard Higgs, welcome to Today Now.
Thank you. Thank you so much for coming in. It's an honor to meet you.
My daughter loves Medium, just loves that show. She was so excited to find ou... |
dropout | Teaching_a_First_Timer_in_the_Bathhouse | Hello everyone, welcome back to Erotic Book Club, the book club where we read erotic books. I am your host, Jess Ross, back with us.
Woo! You know the moves, you know the noise. It's big. It's very good. Woo!
I'm so happy to be back. I'm so happy you're back.
It's been a really dry few weeks, Jess. I know. It just h... |
TheOnion | How_Fake_News_Led_President_Trump_To_Believe_Semi_Charmed_Life_Was_By_Matchbox_20 | Social media has made it easier than ever to share information widely and rapidly even when that information is misleading or downright false. This phenomenon can even affect the President of the United States, which is exactly what happened when fake news led Donald Trump to believe semi-charmed life was by Matchbox 2... |
TheOnion | How_To_Make_Homemade_Glitter_Bagels_TikTok_Compilation | These glitter bagels are gorgeous, delicious, and perfectly chewy. Yum!
Wanna learn how to make them? Well fuck you! They're my secret recipe and I'll never ever tell, even if you shoot my kids in front of me. I have three of them. Olivia, the soccer star, Emma, the queen of sass, and my kindergartner Elijah, the ligh... |
dropout | how_to_tell_if_you_re_a_basic_bro | We got your CAT scan back. And unfortunately we did find something on the brain. A backwards fitted cap.
You are a full on basic bro. Doctor, that's impossible. Only bitches can be basic. I'm afraid bros can be just as basic. You refer to your friends as your boys. You love bacon so much that you ruin it for everyone ... |
cracked | the_4_most_literally_insane_statements_by_u_s_presidents_obsessive_pop_culture_disorder | Hi internet, I'm Daniel O'Brien and welcome to another episode of Obsessive Pop Culture's Order, the show where I talk about things because it would be dumb if I didn't and just sat here. See? Today's episode is ... Look, if you know me and my work, you knew this was coming. I'm Dan, I write stuff about presidents, I w... |
dropout | noises_dads_make_ch_shorts | It's a good day to be a dad. You said that. Amen to that. You know what would make this day even better? What's that? A beer. Oh yeah.
I got it. Sit back down. I got it. Sit back down. I got it. Sit back down. I got it. Sit back down. I got it. Sit back down. I got it. Sit back down. I got it.
That's a good beer. Can... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_scrooge_mcduck_saturday_night_live | This week, the price of gold soared to a record $1,053 an ounce. here to comment on the current economic conditions, Scrooge Mcduck. On coins! Good evening, Seth. Now, Scrooge, you've always been an extremely wealthy duck. How has the surge in good gold prices affected your fortune? Seth, my investment strategy has alw... |
dropout | will_forte_and_dave_koechner_repopulate_the_world | Do we cheers or? You want to, I'll cheers the sandwich.
Will Forte. Will is my nickname. My real name is Orville Willis Forte IV.
God, I love that. Thank you.
There's four Orville Willises? Four Orville Willises.
You're the oldest boy? I'm the oldest boy of my father, yes. And that's the way it always went, oldest ... |
cracked | why_hasn_t_there_been_a_rebellion_in_king_s_landing_yet_ep_5_eastwatch_game_of_thrones_review | Hey everyone, thanks for joining us on another episode of winter is taking forever. I am Adam Ganser. I'm Alex Schmidt That's right.
We had a an episode this week. How'd you feel about it? Oh, man. It was so much set up Yeah, sure was we're fresh off a battle. Yeah, we're Everybody but the important people died.
That... |
cracked | hack_wikipedia_and_you_re_never_wrong_agents_of_cracked_episode_9 | Hi, I'm Abe Epperson. I directed Agents of Cracked. Welcome to the Craterion collection of the Agents of Cracked.
Stay after and we'll be talking about what we did while we made the thing, little anecdotes and stories. Spoiler alert, I killed a hobo. Do it. Jelp. What have you got to live for? Hey. I'll tell you I sta... |
cracked | why_all_superheroes_are_actually_villains_obsessive_pop_culture_disorder | Hello Internet, my name is Dan, I actually prefer Daniel, but I don't want to be one of those guys who insists O'Brien, and this is Obsessive Pop Culture Disorder, the only show that financially rewards whatever so far still undiagnosed social disease I have that forced me to get consumed and then ruined by the pop cul... |
SaturdayNightLive | shana_basketball_practice_snl | Shookus and Miller have beaten us in every corporate basketball game. we have to win.
I hope Mr. Kearns gets here soon so we can start warming up. Hey, speaking of warming up, I heard that sexy new girl Shanna was gonna be here. Oh, really? nice. Guys, really? again with the Shanna? yeah, again with the Shanna. can we... |
dropout | hair_dye_for_a_single_gray_hair | Is it gray hair? Has your hair lost that luster? I look like I'm 12 years old and I have gray hair. How is this happening? Then you should try Just For Guys, a single gray hair.
Yeah, fucking hurry. Come on.
I wasn't even confident before. There was supposed to be a step in between.
Simply drag the brush across the ... |
dropout | adam_ruins_everything_christopher_columbus_was_a_murderous_moron | Today, we'll learn about Christopher Columbus, the heroic explorer who discovered America and proved the Earth was round. Actually, Columbus was an incompetent buffoon who never even set foot in America. Hush, hush. We all know Columbus wasn't perfect. That's an understatement. The real story of Columbus is even worse ... |
cracked | fozzie_bear_was_inspired_by_a_legendary_comedian | Do you know that Fuzzy Bear was actually based on an actual comic? The Muppet gang just wouldn't be the same without Fuzzy Bear, the stand-up comedian known for his lovably corny jokes. It's not hard to feel bad for Fuzzy, who was routinely heckled during his stand-up segments by two a-holes who were somehow able to re... |
dropout | rock_paper_stabbing_contest | which is why I clone dinosaurs and then kill them all again stop calling me stupid stop being stupid 50 bucks says Jason wins any takers for centuries the highest members of society settled disputes with dangerous sometimes deadly do what makes this any different guys stop she's gearing up for a lesson no no lesson nee... |
wearethesundayblues | project_trapped_winner_announcement_derick_watts_the_sunday_blues | What are we laughing at? I'm Nick, this is Gareth. We're from Derek Watts and the Sunday Blues.
We're contractually obliged to be here today to draw the winner of Project Trapped. This person's gonna win a holiday with 60,000 rand. Sounds quite nice. It's a good holiday. Alright, well, let's draw the winner. What are ... |
dropout | housemates_of_horror_house_party | This is the horrifying story of seven killers, man-men, and potty animals. To party like it's the night before Judgment Day. Throw in a good old-fashioned Halloween get-together. That will toll in the coming of a new age of misery. This is the horror house. Party. So we moved! Carrie sort of freaked out and burnt down ... |
cracked | 7_tricky_ways_the_women_s_clothing_industry_is_scamming_you | Hey guys, it's Maggie Mae Fish here with Cracked and I apologize for wearing this ridiculous outfit but it is literally the only clothing that I have in my closet that isn't falling apart. I am calling for a boycott folks, an old fashioned tea in the harbor style boycott. I'm boycotting clothes. Okay, not, not all clot... |
Wizards_with_Guns | three_chefs_cook_the_same_dish_one_secretly_has_brain_damage_ | Hi, I'm Philip and I'm a level one chef. I'm Matteo and I'm a level two chef.
Hi, I'm Hillary. This morning, a boat propeller cut my dog in half.
I think the trick to a good eggs Benedict is to toast the English muffins just right. I'm toasting these with a homemade herb butter just to get a real nice crust. One Uncr... |
ClickHole | two_years_ago_this_man_was_500_pounds_now_he_is_two_men_who_weigh_250_pounds_ | Two years ago, I was losing my will to live. I was struggling with depression, and as a result, I let my weight get out of hand. At one point, I weighed 506 pounds. My doctor told me if I didn't change something, I could die.
My wife, Sarah, said she wasn't ready to be a widow. She said, Paul, if you won't live for yo... |
TheOnion | Story_Of_Small_Businessman_Struggling_Under_Obama_Administration_Draws_To_Close | The finale of Breaking Bad airs tonight, bringing an end to the story of a small businessman struggling under the Obama administration. Screen scene TV critic Ray Randolph is joining us. Ray, how excited are you? I cannot wait. Everyone who's been following this show's relentless attack on liberal economic policies is ... |
TheOnion | Will_Missing_The_NCAA_Tournament_Affect_Sister_Jean_s_Draft_Stock | Folks, so far March Madness has not disappointed. Buzzer beaters. Upsets.
But the one thing that is missing out there?
Sister Jean on the court for the Loyola Ramblers. And you gotta wonder how missing this year's NCAA tournament is going to affect her draft stock. Look, I'm not saying she's no longer an NBA lottery ... |
SaturdayNightLive | guidance_counselors_snl | Okay, seniors, give it up for your mascots. Sell the Spooked Horse! Yeah!
The Titans counselors wanted to give some advice before graduation season, so please welcome Mr. and Mrs. Barbazar. Hi, Hi, Hi. I'm honored to address the old Dirty Bastard High School Class of 2022. we are so proud of you, but a lot of you may ... |
dropout | music_festival_boot_camp | Move!
Radio heads up! That's your girlfriend's favorite band! She's gonna be on those shoulders for no less than 30 minutes, and you know she's gonna wanna dance! You just got dumped!
This water is $7. Is that a problem? Sir, no sir! It's only 16.9 fluid ounces.
Do you care?
Shit, I didn't know I was teaching fucki... |
dropout | The_Worst_Clothes_You_re_Wearing_This_Summer | Summer is around the corner, we're here with up and coming fashion designer and beauty expert Candace Gladstone to discuss some hot looks for the hottest season. Thank you for having me Angela, it's great to be back, I love fashion. Amazing, let's get started.
Paul here is sporting the loosest clothing he could find i... |
TheOnion | Where_Do_You_Rank_On_The_Overall_Mom_Leaderboard | Morning moms! I just got some exciting news. I checked my rankings on the mom leaderboard today and it turns out I jumped to number 276. It's such an honor for me to be ranked the 276th best mom in the world. I've been working so hard to crack the top 300 so when I woke up this morning and saw that I jumped ahead of mo... |
cracked | a_sneak_peek_at_disney_s_upcoming_star_wars_movies | Well, it's official Disney owns Lucasfilm and with it the rights to Star Wars They want to release episode 7 in 2015 and then they want to release another episode every two years. Okay, so I need your ideas any Star Wars You've ever wanted to see it's open season. Okay. Okay, so the end of return of the Jedi All right,... |
cracked | when_asking_for_a_woman_s_hand_in_marriage_goes_wrong | Mrs. B, thank you so much for dinner. Everything was delicious. Oh, you are most welcome, Kyle. Such a polite boy.
I'm gonna help my mom clear the dishes. Sounds good. Here, I'll get that. Well, um, Mr. Baxter, I...
Please, call me Chuck. Right! Chuck!
Kyle, let's cut the chase here, okay? I think we both know what'... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | WEEKLY_BULLETIN_Poor_Woman_Who_Innocently_Asked_Bloke_About_His_Tool_Shirt_Given_Thirty_Minute_L_ | Hello and welcome to Your Weekly Petuta, it's the end of the week, 3rd of November. My name is Wendell Hussey, I'm here in the Desert Rock FM studios with Clancy Overall. It's been quite a week Clancy, it's good to be back. Finally settling back in, my areolas have stopped bleeding, which has been quite nice. Made it t... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Betoota_Podcasts_Ep_112_Jamie_Soward | You're listening to Errol Parker and Clancy Overall, editors of the Batooter Advocate on Desert Rock FM. Well welcome back to the Batooter Advocate radio show, live from quarantine. In fact, we're so quarantined here in the channel country that Errol Parker couldn't make it in today.
He's got visitors from overseas, h... |
dropout | thank_you_for_doing_all_the_work | Hey, girl. What's up? Hey, uh, nothing. Just working on this Miller account. What's up with you?
I just wanted to say thank you. Oh, for what? Uh, for black women saving America. That's what. Another election down and you guys showed up yet again. Okay. Anyway, thank you, girl. No problem. I'm sorry, was there somethi... |
dropout | bloody_marys_are_disgusting_hot_date | Mmm, refreshing. Oh, that is so delicious. It's really good. Is it? Oh, yeah.
I'm a dude, so when I brunch, I bloody. That's a gross thing to say. Do you want some of my mimosa? Oh, no, no thanks. Emily, your mimosa is light, sparkling, and sweet, perfectly suited to your delicate feminine spirit. A lot of carbonation... |
cracked | the_least_scientific_nature_documentary_ever_marvels_of_the_science_episode_2 | Our world is full of being in many worlds. I'm Professor Scott Bug, and in this series, I will explore the many questions we have in the worlds of sciences. From the underwater storms of the Atlantic Deep, to the courageous, lush, lively moons of Mercury, to even just like, you know, rocks and things. Today, it's rocks... |
dropout | ch_live_nyc_freestyle_love_supreme | Get ready for Freestyle Love Supreme! Oh yeah! In West Philadelphia, I'm going to raise On a playground that's where the devil's in my days I was chillin' all wax and reacts And I'm callin' all shimps and some grandpa Out to the moon What a F! Wait, every man Ladies and gentlemen, R.N.C. forgot the most important part ... |
dropout | internet_distractions | Wow, this paper has been assigned for weeks. You're really just opening me now. Hey focus. Where are you going? Whoa, is that you word man? I haven't seen you in weeks.
Yeah. Hi look I think he just wants the assignment email so I'm fine. Whatever man gmail. You got this dude. Yeah, he's a cake Whoa, dude, guess what?... |
dropout | axe_combine_episode_2 | Welcome to the 14th annual Axe Con By. Today the competitors will be trying to keep up with Sporty Girl through a series of athletic challenges and sports trivia. I'm feeling great, I'm feeling confident, I just ran 13 miles to get here. Today she'll be looking at Kyle Dugan, who hails from Cherry Hill, New Jersey. Kyl... |
dropout | Don_t_Call_A_Mech_A_Gundam | We just got word. The government constructed a giant Gundam. It's attacking downtown. Dear God. We need to act fast.
Okay? I would call that a mech. Um, okay sir. Jor, we can call it whatever you want.
No, I think that if we act fast- I've been in this game a long time, and I know a Gundam when I see one, and that is... |
cracked | 5_things_hollywood_gets_wrong_about_smart_people | Welcome to Reckless Disagreement, the only show on the internet you can trust. I'm your host, a sexy genius, and I've spent the day memorizing poetry because of this scene from Good Will Hunting. As a matter of fact, I won't because Wood drastically underestimates the impact of social distinctions predicated upon wealt... |
dropout | legalize_shrooms | I'm a doctor. I'm a lawyer. I'm a journalist. I'm Cookie Monster. I'm a big wet bag of stones. I'm really chipping out, you guys.
The outdated laws of prohibition are more dangerous than the drug itself. Alcohol, cigarettes, and shovels are responsible for thousands of deaths a year, and yet remain legal.
Mushrooms a... |
TheOnion | CDC_Warns_Against_Health_Risks_Of_Flavored_Gun_Barrels_The_Onion_Presents_The_Topical_Episode_21 | It's the hottest new trend among our nation's teens, but could it be deadly? Hear why the CDC is warning against the use of flavored gun barrels, and technology, and the justice system.
Could an Alexa be used in court to charge someone with planning a big-time bank heist? A heist so big that the person would never hav... |
dropout | adult_disney_fans_are_weird_hot_date | So, since we are flush with cash from that go-kart settlement... We did not say anywhere that those things couldn't handle sand dunes. I think we should go on vacation. You thinking what I'm thinking? Disney World! Um, I was thinking that we could see the world and experience new cultures. Like at Epcot. No, like, um, ... |
Wizards_with_Guns | learning_to_ride_a_bike_ruined_my_life_ | I remember when my dad taught me how to ride a bike. I love you son. Alright, three, two, one. I'm doing it. I'm doing it dad. Yes you are son. Now go ahead and stop. Son, son, son you gotta stop.
I don't know how.
Dad. Oh my god. Dad. Son. What? Son.
That was 25 years ago. I never did learn how to stop.
Biking and... |
dropout | all_nighter_robot_sex_toy | College humor is all nighter! Oh god. Anu, you are doing such a good job producing these all nighter videos. I know, Emily. I am so stressed out.
You just need to get off. May I present you with the sexbot fuckatron Y2K 2011? Sit down, Anu. Sit down. Take a seat.
The fuckatron is a state of the art, fuckmachine robot... |
ClickHole | relax_the_beautiful_woman_you_see_in_the_thumbnail_will_show_up_eventually_ | Hey there everybody, today we're going to be talking about something that you've probably heard about a lot in the news lately, but you might not fully understand what it is. Fracking. Fracking, or hydraulic fracturing, is a technique that is used to release oil from shale rock. It involves injecting a mixture of water... |
SaturdayNightLive | broadway_sizzle_snl | You're watching Manhattan Public Access. Now it's time for Broadway Sizzle with Darius Modello and Cara Modello-labette. welcome to another episode of Broadway Sizzle. I'm Darius Modello and this is my wife Cara Modello-labette. ex-wife. we're dating again. we shared a salad and a dry kiss. that's it. Well, it was wet ... |
TheOnion | PR_Firm_Advises_U_S_To_Cut_Ties_With_Alabama | Following reports earlier today that public relations firm Hill & Knowlton had urged the United States to distance itself from the state of Alabama, Senior Director Marsha Haber sat down with Onion reporters to explain her agency's recommendation that the U.S. cut ties with the long-standing Southern Territory. We know... |
dropout | bleep_bloop_comic_con_pt_1 | Welcome to Bleep Loop brought to you by Mountain Dew Voltage. Today we are on location at Comic Con. I'm your host Jeff Rubin, I'm here as always with Pat Cassels.
We're supposed to be dressed as Pikachu and Ash. We are dressed as Pikachu and Ash.
You kind of got the wrong Ash, I think everyone knows that. How was I ... |
cracked | the_secret_santa_that_ruined_christmas | Tada! Oops! Cat's out of the bag! Ho ho, oops! Stop saying oops, you're scaring Sam.
I'm Secret Santa! I launched it on ya! The old Secret Santa is an office gift exchange, it's not the... Man, you don't know the weirdest stuff. I'm Secret Santa! Did you get a present? Yeah, we got presents. Yeah! Because you said we'... |
cracked | which_ninja_turtle_are_you_life_s_most_important_question_after_hours | Giotto? You really can't name one Ninja Turtle. I was born to Popples. And She-Ra.
Even April O'Neill would have been acceptable. You don't see a lot of reporters in yellow jumpsuits anymore.
So, Danatello, Sore and Leonardo, and Mike, Mike, Mike. Okay, what's the fourth one? I'll be the fourth one.
Okay, no one els... |
TheOnion | White_House_Thrilled_With_Record_Number_Of_People_Who_Thought_They_Signed_Up_For_Healthcare | A new and improved Obamacare program is released on 35 floppy disks, a weird man begins every morning by dousing his naked body in water, and a monstrous beast is using both armrests. If you came here looking for the Onion Day in review, you have made a very serious mistake. This is the Onion Week in Review. Following ... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | The_Nationals_Big_Compromise_Katter_Weighs_In_A_Scared_Dropnuts_More_October_22 | You're joined by myself, Clancy Overall. Of course, Errol Parker, Editor-at-Large. How are you Errol?
I'm alright mate. How are you going? Good thanks mate. And of course in the corner we've got the Diamantina's News Reader. Wendell Hussey, how are you mate? Yeah, really well thanks Clancy. Fighting fit. Been a bit of... |
dropout | how_to_pay_a_bet_3_years_late | Hey, gentlemen, you know what today is, right? Ah, fantasy football draft day, baby! You know what that means? It's time to think of the punishment for this year's loser. Ah, right. All right, now let's keep it shameful but realistic. We do not need a repeat of 2011, remember? Ugh, how could we forget? That was the yea... |
SaturdayNightLive | imus_on_update_saturday_night_live | At the center of the Don Imus scandal is the man himself. we're fortunate enough to have him here tonight. his fans call him the I-man. please welcome Don Imus. Thank you, Seth and Amy, for giving me another opportunity to respond and apologize. what I said was awful. just awful and idiotic. a really stupid, idiotic, a... |
SaturdayNightLive | back_to_the_future_auditions_snl | Your 25th Anniversary. back to the Future Dvd. For this cage, take one.
1.21 gigawatts. How am I gonna generate that kind of power? What in the hell is a gigawatt?
Tell me! Tell me, you bastard! not, uh, yeah.
Nick, I'm really sorry, but you're coming off a little crazy. Yeah. Oh, you think I'm crazy now? check back... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_gil_graham_returns_for_more_concert_reviews_saturday_night_live | And now, here with some concert reviews, once again, our rock and roll guy responded, Gil Graham. Thank you. Well, this fall's concert menu is jam-packed with rock and roll, so let's take a bite. October 11th Mtv Studios, you need cooling, baby. I'm not fooling, that's right, Led Zepp reunites. I guess it was the 99th ... |
TheOnion | Pop_Star_Janna_Hayspice_Confronts_Rumors_That_She_Is_Really_Just_A_Writhing_Sentient_Mass_Of_Voles | Janna Hayspice. We knew her first as America's sweetheart playing Cadet Braylon in the Disney Channel's Camp Blast Off. Then she hit the top of the charts with her album, Full Grown. But most recently, we've had to watch her publicly unravel as it becomes clear that she is in fact a horrifying, writhing mass of voles.
... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | INTERVIEW_Miss_Double_Bay_Live_From_SXSW_Sydney | You're listening to Errol Parker and Clancy Overall, editors of The Batooter Advocate on Desert Rock FM. Welcome back to The Batooter Advocate radio show, you're joined by myself, Clancy Overall and Effie Bateman, our culture editor, my co-host for what was a series of live panel interviews that we did at South by Sout... |
dropout | come_watch_this_internet_video_hardly_working | Guys, come here, come here, you have to see this. Yeah, you know, maybe later because I'm doing this thing right now. Get up and walk to my computer. This is a once in a lifetime web-based internet viral meme sensation. Come on. Oh my god. I got it all queued up, I got it all queued up. I wish that I could be you so th... |
SaturdayNightLive | january_11th_celebration_snl | Right, hey everybody, we're live on 50th and 5th Avenue. this is New York City and it's 15 degrees, but that kind of cold hasn't happened to spirits here, these people, as we're about to ring in January 11th. yes, it's just less than a minute away and we're having such an awfully good time here. The spirit is absolutel... |
SaturdayNightLive | grimace_snl | Wow, it's so great. Mcdonald's is getting in the gang back together for a new ad campaign. Totally. this is gonna be so fun.
Hey, has anyone seen Grimace? Oh, no, but fine. Oh him, he's snarfing down a couple pregame burgers. Probably more than a couple. Hi everyone, what the hey fellas, how are we?
Oh my god, did yo... |
SaturdayNightLive | please_don_t_destroy_pimp_my_ride_snl | That he's afraid of the stairs. uh-huh, And so- hey, janitor guy! you're three hours late, man!
I'm sorry, my dear. my car broke down. it's too expensive. Oh, your car broke down? Oh no, that makes me sad.
Not! let's go! I got trash to empty out. Oh My. God. poor Sergei. it's just not fair, man. that dude works harde... |
SaturdayNightLive | trump_courthouse_cold_open_snl | My name is Alina Habba. I'm the attorney for President Trump in the second defamation trial of E. Jean Carroll. the judge has been very unfair from the beginning, and I want to make this perfectly clear. I am new at this, and I am learning. Now, the President may or may not stop for brief remarks, but due to a strict g... |
cracked | the_8_saddest_real_world_superheroes_does_not_compute | Hey everybody, and welcome to episode Deep Space of Does Not Compute, keeping our fingers as close to the pulse of the internet as possible without risking infection. I'm your host, Mr. Sheffield! And my co-host, as always, is Clips of the Pan-Species Coral Singers!
Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Thong Song. It was Sisko's... |
dropout | pwn_d_support_group | It's been three weeks since my last incident. Say it, Harry. Since I was pwned, it happened really fast. I was just sitting there trying to learn the buttons. And someone shot you in the face and called you a fag.
Why do they do it? What is the fun in killing someone that doesn't know how to play the game? Because the... |
dropout | Your_Emergency_Contact_Won_t_Answer_the_Phone | I think in a past life, I trained the otters at SeaWorld. There are no otters at SeaWorld.
Then how can I do thi- OH GOD! Quick! Somebody call Jess's emergency contact! Someone, please? I guess I'll do it.
Okay, according to this form that Jessica failed at when she started three years ago, her emergency contact is h... |
cracked | why_we_re_glad_han_solo_is_dead_stuff_about_star_wars | Okay, uh, hot take. Sure, uh, fucking Star Wars. So Han Solo from Star Wars is actually the worst smuggler in the galaxy, right? Yeah, so, okay, yeah. So in Force Awakens, Han is like floating around with Chewie smuggling giant monsters called Rancors, I mean, Rathtars, and they get boarded by two different criminal or... |
dropout | what_holiday_shopping_looks_like_from_inside_your_head | Time to do a little holiday shopping. And it seems the entire country agrees. Why didn't I just do this online?
Stupid. Okay, just gotta wade through. Excuse me, move it or lose it. I'm just kidding, please know that I'm kidding.
Oh God, that's some bad B.O. Hope I don't smell like that. What if it's me and I caught ... |
cracked | the_weirdest_part_of_westworld_isn_t_the_robots_illogical_conclusion | Hello, and welcome to A Logical Conclusion, a show that asks a baffling pop culture question and brings it to a rational answer, no matter how exhaustingly far up the clown hole we need to go. Today's query is...
By the way, there are two easy explanations for how this would work in real life. Those are... 1. The bull... |
SaturdayNightLive | tree_lighting_gig_snl | And so I gave her a drawback and said thanks for all that you've done. thank you very much. thank you. Welcome once again to the Pine River Lodge Christmas Tree Lighting 2023. Come on, Trees. let's start the show. Oh, we will turn it out for sure. But first, my lower back is killing me. all the way down to my coccyx.
... |
SaturdayNightLive | maid_of_honor_snl | You know, I always got the sense that Matt looked down on me, but that's only because he's two inches taller. No, but I'm so happy for your buddy. I love you, bro. to Matt and Tanya. Cheers. that's awesome. Okay. how about a hand for Matt's best man, Nate? yeah.
I'm sorry, I'm chewing. That was just an incredibly shor... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_a_spotted_lanternfly_on_being_an_invasive_species_snl | This summer, an invasive species, the Spotted Lantern Fly, has spread throughout the Northeast, destroying local vegetation. experts are so concerned, they are encouraging people to kill them on sight. and if you've seen one, you might agree. let's take a look. I'm a Spotted Lantern Fly.
I don't care what experts say.... |
dropout | To_Do_List_by_The_Supremes_Game_Changer_s_Karaoke_Night | All right, definitely, no. This one's very funny to me. Yes. This one's also very funny to me. Uh-huh. Temptation's fun. Yes, yes, agreed. All right, yeah. Great.
Zach, I'll come to you for this one. We're going to choose 3520. 3520 it is. To-do list by the Supremes. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, o... |
cracked | the_furthest_behind_anyone_has_ever_been_on_breaking_bad | Huge announcement, guys. It's visionary, really. I've envisioned.
Concur. Well, wait. Here's the idea. First, then we can find it.
Uh, you're proactive, productive, prolific. Procolactic.
So my idea. Mr. White's sites. I came up with the name first. But I figure we can just sell websites. Follow me here. We wanted o... |
dropout | smell_talk_part_1 | Hi, I'm Sarah, and I'm David, and we're here in the College Humor Labs to talk about the power of scent. We're here with Avery Gilbert, who is a smell scientist and the author of What the Nose Knows.
Why do babies smell so awesome? I think it's probably two reasons. One is they're brand new, and so they smell all fres... |
TheOnion | SeaWorld_Unveils_New_20_Whales_Stuffed_In_Pool_Show | Dell is acquired by Gateway 2000 in a merger of the two biggest names in computer technology. SeaWorld unveils its new 20 whales stuffed in a pool show, and a sweating Obama admits the drone strikes have been happening on their own. You're about to experience the best moments of your paltry, miserable life. Savor it fo... |
cracked | why_death_needs_to_matter_in_the_marvel_universe | Hi Marvel, it's me Daniel, though you probably know me better as one of the many people whose money you mostly already have back in October You outlined phase three of Marvel's ambitious release schedule and in doing so Dictated the next five years of my movie going to slash anticipating life seriously I'm a completist... |
TheOnion | I_Would_Be_Absolutely_Perfect_For_This_Report_1_400_People_Looking_At_Same_Job_Posting | Following reports of a newly-posted job listing at area marketing firm Swenson Digital, The Onion spoke to a few of the 1,400 applicants who claim they are quote, absolutely perfect for this position. When I first saw this opening, I knew it was right for me. I mean, I've got tons of experience, I've got all the skills... |
dropout | the_paleo_diet_for_cavemen | No, thank you. Why'd you no eat mammoth?
Oh, uh, me doing this thing, uh, this little Pleisto diet thing right now. What, that? It's stupid fad diet. No, no, no. It's just diet where me only eating Australopithecus ate an early Pleistocene era. That sounds very restrictive. No, no, it's not so bad.
Um, me can still e... |
TheOnion | Mayan_Word_For_Apocalypse_Actually_Translates_More_Accurately_As_Time_Of_Pale_Obese_Gun_Monsters | Scholars have made an important discovery this week, announcing that symbols on the Mayan calendar that had long been interpreted to signal an apocalypse actually translate more literally to a quote, time of pale obese gun monsters.
With the help of newly discovered tablets and pictograms, leading historians are pieci... |
dropout | do_you_really_need_everything_in_that_backpack_ch_shorts | I'm gonna pull you off! I don't wanna die! If we can only somehow make you a little lighter! Rekha, you still have your backpack on! Hey guys! We can put you here before I came here! Get rid of it! What? I keep everything in this thing! I can almost pull you off. There has to be something you can get rid of! Come on! I... |
ClickHole | this_will_change_the_way_you_watch_big | Big Penny Marshall's classic coming-of-age film about a 13-year-old who wakes up one day with Tom Hanks' penis is one of the best movies of the 80s, but it's also full of awesome behind-the-scenes trivia that will change the way you watch Big forever. We know it as Big, but the film was originally titled Enormous. Befo... |
dropout | blind_date_kissing_contest_sponsored | I'm Mike. I'm Eugene.
And we're going to find out if Terrible Breath will tear off a relationship. Well, Horrible Breath, hang it, hang it.
Was that sentence ended? Yeah! Will it kill it? Yeah!
That's right, ladies and gentlemen, it's a Blind Date Kissing Contest. The Blind Date Kissing Contest. Folks, what we're go... |
SaturdayNightLive | snl_late_summer_sketches | Now, without further ado, here comes your. summer is almost here, and recent studies suggest that unlike previous years, more Americans are planning to go on vacation. that's why I'm so glad that my favorite songwriting duo is here to debut their new vacation-themed album. Please welcome Grammy award-winning Garth and ... |
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