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SaturdayNightLive | vampire_weekend_capricorn_live_snl | Once again, Vampire weekend. to drive, kept the car, the year that you were born. finished fast, and the next one wasn't yours. too old for Daniel, too young to live alone. sifting through centuries for moments of it all. a hospital that didn't have the time.
I'd seen it come. it's no surprise.
I know you're tired of... |
dropout | Vengeance_Improv_Musical_Challenge | It is I, Jeribald Henry, returned to Mirkmere after two years away. And the reason he's returned?
Vengeance. Exactly. Yeah, that's exactly what my prompter says. Um...
Vengeance against someone wronged you terribly? I'm from Mirkmere. Of course I've been wronged terribly. But now our antihero will tell their backstor... |
dropout | badman_the_outtakes | He wears makeup, he has an afro. The Joker wears... Where? Sorry, what's the line?
You broke your one rule. I have one rule. I think I broke my hand. And all of Gotham's... I'm so sorry.
I'm gonna try.
And all of Gotham's... I'm so sorry. Just last week I saw a guy waiting for the bus. I thought it was the scarecrow... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_michael_che_s_doorman_carl_on_the_new_york_rental_market_snl | New York is expected to be the most expensive rental market in 2023. here to talk about it is the new doorman to my building, Carl. just a little reminder, I noticed that you haven't given me an end of the year tip yet. you just started. Oh, well, maybe soon then.
Man, you remember that night? things got wild. I talke... |
TheOnion | The_Onions_Tips_For_Nailing_A_Job_Interview | Going in for a job interview can often be an intimidating and stressful experience. Well, no need to worry any longer. Here are the onion's tips for nailing a job interview.
Always remember that a firm handshake is key for a good first impression, but even better is a great kiss. Pull him in close and kiss him deeply ... |
TheOnion | Ms_Butterfly_Teachers_Ep_4 | Teachers, Wednesdays at 8 on the Onions Family Channel.
You've been so nice. We appreciate it.
Really. And Lee, he loves you. He really does. He comes home all the time.
One thing. Art. I did see that on here. Yeah. Unfortunately, I don't teach art. How can a kid in sixth grade be getting a D in art? Yeah, yeah. Tha... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_212_Ben_Gillies | The federal election is over and we are so, so very happy to see the back of it. To celebrate that, today we are treating ourselves by not interviewing a politician or a political staff or anyone else who works in the swamp that is Canberra.
Never again.
You know, it's good that the Diamantina River is in minor flood... |
TheOnion | New_United_Ultra_Economy_Class_Tickets_Lets_Passengers_Get_Dragged_Behind_Plane_By_Giant_Rope | The air travel industry has been grounded by the coronavirus pandemic this year. And now many airlines are looking to win back some customers with increased safety measures and cheap deals on flights. Hear how United is looking to increase their revenue with new ultra economy class tickets that let passengers get dragg... |
dropout | what_s_beeping_in_the_giant_robot | 🎵 Ha ha! You think you can defeat me that easily, Ultra Mechatron! Ah! Well, this isn't the end of King Krab, Ultra Mechatron! I've got one more trick up my shell! Prepare to duck- Woooooo! So looks like the tide is finally turned on King Krab's Wave of Terror! 🎵 What was that?
What was what? Something went beep! I ... |
dropout | hardly_working_braun_tatherton | Hi, Braun Tatherton here at the All Nighter, a night of too many laughs and for some, too many tears. I am absolutely thrilled, chilled and scrilled to be here with one of the rising stars of this here laugh factory.
Move over ladies, it's Patrick Castles.
I love everything you've ever done and I'm dying to know, how... |
cracked | why_athlete_celebrations_matter_lowest_common_dominator | Hi, thank you for clicking on this video. This is just a quick preface to let you know that this video features Colin Kaepernick pretty heavily But the main issue of Baron Colin Kaepernick is not featured in this video at all That's because we shot it several months ago before anything happened with kneeling for the na... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_chris_christie_s_niece_attacks_latino_family_france_gives_out_free_condoms_snl | Chris Christie's niece was arrested on a Spirit Airlines flight to Newark after she accused a Latino family of smuggling cocaine, then injured multiple officers by biting them and kicking them in the groin. She has been sentenced to life in the New Jersey Hall of Fame. A new album from R. Kelly was removed from streami... |
cracked | all_the_terrifying_stuff_that_happened_on_the_set_of_poltergeist_part_1 | Let's talk about one of my favorite horror movie franchises of all time, Poltergeist. It's not just scary because it's got demons and creepy clowns. It's scary because a lot of weird ass stuff happened on set, including, but not limited to, the untimely death of five almost six cast members during or shortly after film... |
SaturdayNightLive | gump_snl | Green Bow High, 20 year reunion, Make some noise! Whoo! look who just walked in, Mr. Popular himself, Ricky Monroe. Yep, the King is back in the castle, fastably late as ever. Well, reunion awards are coming up, so stick around, y'all. Ricky Friggin' Monroe.
Oh no, is that Caleb and Randall? get over here, babe. I pla... |
cracked | the_top_5_douchebags_of_the_week_from_a_to_zonday_3_21 | In a recent survey, one in three British schoolchildren thought Sir Winston Churchill was the first man to walk on the moon. One in three, that's nearly 56 percent.
Douchebag number four, German doctors. A German woman is suing a hospital after she went in for a leg operation, and this is true. Surgeons gave her a new... |
TheOnion | this_recipe_for_five_tortilla_chips_with_ketchup_in_a_bowl_is_perfect_for_any_family_on_a_budget | Like for a lot of people, money has been a little tied around here recently, but luckily today I have the perfect recipe that keeps both my stomach and my pocketbook satisfied. It's five tortilla chips with ketchup in a bowl. Now I'm using a bowl here, but don't let that scare you away. In a pinch, eating this straight... |
dropout | worst_party_foul_in_history | Patented a process to turn gold into... toenails. Psst, hey, hey, hey. My parents are out of town because they have to lie low for a while, so I'm gonna throw a bitchin' party. You in? Yeah! I'm in too! And I'll make my famous yellow fever cocktail. I'm not inviting some crazy-ass half-magic middle-aged teacher. Really... |
dropout | hardly_working_animated_superpowers_2 | What I basically want is that for things to affect me in a way that they oppositely should. Okay, that doesn't make sense, but what I mean is if I eat french fries I will become healthier. The less I shower the better I smell. Girls are fucking loving it. If somebody like hurts me and beats me up I will get stronger. J... |
SaturdayNightLive | going_up_saturday_night_live | Yes, it's perfect. Exactly what I wanted.
You've designed a beautiful building. Mr. Hamill, you and your partner are to be congratulated. The front elevation Magnificent. Excellent space utilization.
Well, I've got a run. I've got a one o'clock uptown Norman again. Congratulations. thank you. good to see you guys a l... |
TheOnion | The_Onion_Reviews_Finding_Dory | This is Peter Rosenthal, head film critic for The Onion. Today, I'll be looking at Finding Dory, Disney Pixar's long-awaited sequel to their 2003 hit Finding Nemo, and a powerful indictment of how our society's failure to adequately care for the mentally disabled places an unbearable burden on the family and friends of... |
dropout | when_you_don_t_get_nerdy_references_hardly_working | There actually is a cogent argument for why the First Order is more powerful than the Empire. Okay, hold on. There is no way that Snoke is more powerful than Palpatine. Debatable? Grant, what do you think? I haven't seen the new Star Wars.
No! Fuck you! What the hell is wrong with you? Learn dork shit!
Back to the ne... |
dropout | ch_live_nyc_simon_rich | Please give it up for Simon Rich! It's really good to get out of the house.
I've been reading a lot of articles about that lady that gave birth to all those kids at the same time. And when she gave birth to the kids they did an interview with her and she said that it had been a miracle because she prayed to God for th... |
TheOnion | Everyone_At_Office_Planning_Shooting_Spree_For_Same_Day | An annual teeth cleaning reveals three previous rows of undiscovered teeth, a neighborhood flocks to a coffee shop bulletin board to read about fun upcoming events, and a partially faded hand stamp is undermining everything a prosecuting attorney says. It's a brand new year, ripe with fresh opportunities to improve you... |
dropout | undercover_videogame_boss | This season on Undercover Boss, video game bosses are going undercover to examine the inner workings of their organizations. Alright, so here's how it works.
That hedgehog is gonna come running by really fast. So you hand me those coconuts, and I'll throw him at him. Got it? Yes, sir! Here he comes! Coconut! Come on, ... |
dropout | when_your_facebook_thread_gets_hijacked | Hey, did anyone see London as fallen yet? I just saw it and I wanted to chat about it. Just saw it? I don't think anyone actually saw it, so, like...
Good morning! We are now hijacking this Facebook thread. We're no longer talking about the film London Has Fallen, we are now using that as a jumping off point to discus... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Bulletin_28_02_20_Betoota_Weekly_News_Bulletin | I'm joined today by Errol Parker, editor-at-large, how are you Errol? Always good mate, how are you? Good, good, good. And the fatty Vortin of the Diamantina Shire, Wendell Hussey, how are you mate? I'm very well, thank you.
And I certainly have had a few head knocks whilst playing footy, but I hope that I never get t... |
Fitzthistlewits | extreme_ghostbusters | WELCOME TO SPOOKY WEEK! Today, we're gonna be playing Extreme Ghostbusters, who are very similar to the regular Ghostbusters, except they're totally tubular, dude. In this game, you play as rookies Eduardo and Kylie, which is a bit disappointing, because I had my heart set on playing as one of my favorite Ghostbusters,... |
SaturdayNightLive | jingle_pitch_2_snl | Listen up, gang. we're almost done with Q1 here at Roseman Family Florin, and our numbers are bad. And we're getting creamed by Begley, Tylen, Carpet, because their Q1's been gangbusters. because they have a jingle that sticks their phone numbers into customers' heads, and we don't have that. Mitchell, remind everyone ... |
TheOnion | God_Possesses_Pope_Francis_s_Body_Spins_Head_Around_In_Miraculous_Sunday_Mass_The_Topical_Ep_39 | A truly miraculous occurrence in Vatican City, as God himself speaks directly to his devout followers. Hear how the faithful around the world are responding, and later, can we teach robots to feel pleasure? Well, there's only one way to find out. From the Onion & Onion Public Radio, this is the topical.
I'm Leslie Pri... |
TheOnion | Social_Security_Reform_Bill_Encourages_Americans_To_Live_Faster_Die_Younger | Congress today passed a landmark Social Security reform bill they estimate could save the troubled program billions by encouraging Americans to live faster and die younger. The so-called Grab Life by the Balls bill includes provisions to cut the cost of cigarettes in half, outlaws helmets, and adjusts the CDC's recomme... |
dropout | leaving_out_the_best_part_hardly_working | And was this your card? You never gave me a chance to pick. Ah, I always forget something. Yo, A.F., you're late for game night!
Sorry, you wouldn't believe how many rubberneckers there are on the road today! Was there a bad accident? Yeah, I got rear-ended in a hit and run. Wait, you were in the accident?
Way to bur... |
cracked | why_satan_is_the_good_guy_in_doom_escort_mission | Dude, come on, you woke me up. Uh, yeah, was it the metal soundtrack or the demon screams? Or the unshakable desire to say, hey, you're good, buddy.
What the hell is this? Did Iron Maiden make a game and settle in space? Only, bad? I hate this. It's Doom! Holy shit, there's a new Doom game?
This music is awesome, I l... |
dropout | why_bernie_sanders_is_actually_winning | Hey buddy. Hey.
You having trouble with your homework? Yeah, I'm usually pretty good at math, this just doesn't make any sense to me. Okay. Let me see if I can help you out. What are you working on? Bernie math. Here's the problem I'm struggling with.
Hillary Clinton currently has 1,930 delegates, alright? Bernie San... |
SaturdayNightLive | fox_nfl_sunday_snl | We've got a big game coming up between the Philadelphia Eagles who lead the Nfc East and the New York Jets, who were cursed by a warlock 1,000 years ago, and they can never experience joy. Joining me today are our analysts, Howie Long, Coach Jimmy Johnson, Hall of famer Michael Strahan, and for comic relief, Terry Brad... |
SaturdayNightLive | lucy_lawless_monologue_saturday_night_live | Ladies and gentlemen, Lucy Orleans. thanks for the applause. I'm not sure if that's for me or you're just happy that the Yankees are winning tonight. I'm from New Zealand, where we film my show, Xeno Warrior Princess. and my character is. Lucy. Lucy? yes. hi. Big fan of Xeno. Thanks. yeah. are you proud to play a lesbi... |
cracked | auto_polo_was_an_insane_sport_that_s_exactly_what_it_sounds_like | Autopolo was an insane sport, that's exactly what it sounds like. This old-timey demolition derby was popularized by Ralph Pappy Hankinson, a Ford dealer who needed a gimmick to hawk unsold Model T's. Like the game being played on your chest, Autopolo followed similar rules to Equestrian Polo. Drivers piloted stripped-... |
dropout | Grant_Anthony_O_Brien_Has_a_Mouthful_of_Water_Breaking_News | From West Hollywood, California, the only news team that doesn't know what's on the teleprompter before they read it. Anyone who laughs or breaks loses points. This is Breaking News. Hello and welcome to The Breaking News, the show where we don't know what we're about to say and aren't allowed to smile or laugh.
I'm C... |
dropout | when_spelling_it_out_gets_tricky | What's your emergency? I just found a bomb at my desk. I don't know what to do.
Okay. Remain calm.
Tell me what you see. There's a clock. A bunch of wires. A long string of numbers on the back. Perfect. Go ahead and read me those numbers. That should give me more information about the device and how to disable it. 83... |
TheOnion | Excitement_Growing_Among_Beatles_Fans_For_Paul_McCartney_s_Funeral | At this hour, excitement is building for the death of Paul McCartney, following today's announcement that London's St. Michael's Cathedral has been officially selected as the site of McCartney's funeral when he dies. I can't wait to attend all the vigils. It's going to be really somber, but really fun, too. I don't thi... |
dropout | the_family_that_plays_spin_the_bottle_together | I Can't believe I'm finally meeting your family They seem so normal by the way you describe them unlike my crazy family that gives each other sock puppets for Christmas Well, it's about damn time the two of you showed up give Graham Graham a kid Graham Graham huh, and this must be So that's my Aunt Shelly that's grandp... |
TheOnion | press_secretary_spins_wife_s_death_as_a_positive | Good morning everybody. I apologize for being late. My wife just died.
Alright, we've got a lot on the agenda today, so let's begin. At noon, the President will be meeting with Iraqi Prime Minister Maliki via video teleconference. And the purpose of this meeting is going to be to discuss some of the security issues su... |
SaturdayNightLive | drug_commercial_snl | Okay, looks like our actors have arrived on set. what do you say we do this thing? I know, I'm ready. Yes. yeah.
Keith, I just wanted to say, thank you so much for letting me do this drug commercial. I'm someone who never thought much about medications until I got older, but this script is really sensitive to women's ... |
CrackerMilk | when_your_favourite_celebrity_gets_cancelled | Hey, do you want to go for a drive and pump some music? We can listen to Lizzo. Lizzo?
Are you serious? Did you not see what happened? How badly she treats her staff? I can't support that. Go look it up. Okay.
She encouraged one of her dancers, who was a known virgin, to touch one of these nude performers' breasts. S... |
dropout | we_have_to_give_you_a_makeover | No, I think this is actually good for your pores. Oh my god, I love pores. Wait, I hate them. No, yeah, you should. You're right. Hey guys, can't wait to hang out. Please let us do makeup. No, I don't wear makeup, but it's fun to hang out with you guys.
Oh my god, could you just imagine, like, Janey, but like, with he... |
SaturdayNightLive | encounter_with_martine_saturday_night_live | I mean, why can't there be something like the Sagrada Familia in the States? Totally. Why can't our country embrace beauty like that? I mean, we Americans are just locked into our consumer.
Whoop. What? that guy over there, he keeps checking you out. the one over there? No, he's not. Yeah, he is. Maybe it's because yo... |
CrackerMilk | every_man_s_fantasy | So, this is my apartment, and this is my housemate. Hi! Oh my gosh, Emily, you're so much cuter than you were saying. I know, he might be a keeper!
Hey, I just wanted to ask, every night we love to play video games in our underwear for a couple of hours. It's just more comfortable that way.
Is that okay? I guess it'l... |
TheOnion | The_Burtons_Teachers_Ep_3 | Teachers, Wednesdays at 8 on the Onions Family Channel. Yes. Hi, I'm Andy's dad. We met briefly at the aquarium. Oh yes, Mr. Burton, of course. So nice to see you again. And this is my wife, Katie. Great to meet you. Andy talks about you all the time. Oh, thank you. We'll have his progress reports right in front of me,... |
cracked | disney_owns_you_marvel_studios | Hi! My name's Michael Swain and me and my pal Abe Epperson made most of the cool videos on Cracked for about 12 years. We even did a movie once. Now we're trying to make another movie about the time my dad came out as a gay furry. It's funny as fucking balls and we need your help to get it done. Please head to seedands... |
TheOnion | The_Onion_Refuses_To_Cover_The_Click_Bait_That_Is_The_Federal_Reserve_Chairman_Nomination_Process | The location of the country's latest mass shooting is revealed. Obama meets with America's schizophrenic voices to urge less bloodshed, and desperate Americans everywhere just try to get on board with senseless violence.
Buckle your seatbelts, put your computer away and never watch web videos while driving.
This is T... |
dropout | everyday_acting_faking_an_orgasm | Everyday acting, the theater workshop for real life situations. I am Virgil Honeycutt, actor, director, and as I'm legally required to tell you, Royal Shakespeare Company's sexual harassment policy violator. It may be called faking orgasm, but an actor does not fake.
There is truth in the world around you, and convert... |
cracked | nightmare_alley_review_aka_how_to_geek_a_guy_in_10_days | And we're live. Oh, man, I really hope you guys can hear Jesse, but I I am not confident. Let's find out. So let's say that in the chat. Also, I just posted in the chat our Discord. If you want to go to our Discord and yell at us in a different way, please come hang out with us.
All right. Now I'm starting. Yeah, wait... |
rpunctuated | rpunctuated_air_bud_snl | Thank God You're back from vacation Rochelle The cheer squad was a disaster without you. We weren't trash without you I know So how was the game? Okay, we were losing bad, but then the coach subbed in a new player And He was a fire. The other team complained, but there was no rules saying he couldn't play. He Totally t... |
dropout | sexual_sarah_silverman_s_naturals | you are a woman who is beautiful I have approachable good luck you've got a sensuality that just runs deep I get it I'm I love when it makes me feel good and I don't think but like I do like it if when people see me in a sexual way you and me and an old sea captain are shipwrecked on a desert island with no help in sig... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Bulletin_21_02_19_Betoota_Weekly_News_Bulletin | G'day, my name's Bruce Hitchcock and you're listening to the Weekly Batuda News Bulletin, coming to you live from the Desert Rock FM radio station in downtown Batuda. Sitting alongside me again today is me old mate Wendell Hussey. G'day and thanks for joining us as we run through the biggest stories from the week in ne... |
cracked | 4_movie_side_characters_screwed_by_the_hero_obsessive_pop_culture_disorder | Movies have protagonists. There's no way around that. We have a person or persons we care about, and we want them to learn a lesson and succeed. Everyone who gets in their way on that path to clarity is generally a villain at the worst and forgettably disposable at the least. Movies try to make things as black and whit... |
dropout | not_google_plus | By now, you've probably heard about Google+, a new social networking platform, but there are already so many of those. That's why we've created, not Google+. Joining is simple. First, don't join Google+, then once you've done that, don't invite your friends to join Google+. They'll all start not inviting their friends ... |
dropout | clock_suckers_return_of_the_other_king | This week's episode return of the other king, the other one, not the Lord of the Rings one. You know, it's kind of nice having some guests in Casa de Tana. Yeah, I'm assuming that's Spanish for loser who lives in his parents attic without them knowing. Well, I don't speak Spanish. Anyway, what the hell is wrong with yo... |
TheOnion | Victim_In_Fatal_Car_Accident_Tragically_Not_Glenn_Beck | Tragedy in the heartland today, as a 17-year-old honors student burned alive after being hit by an out-of-control speeding car, a grisly death only TV host Glenn Beck could deserve. According to police, a car driving over 70 miles per hour in a 25-mile-per-hour zone struck young Rebecca Bunton as she was bicycling down... |
dropout | why_blowjobs_are_more_intimate_than_sex | I'm sorry I can't. What's wrong? I'm just not ready to take it to the next level yet.
We've already had sex. I know but a blowjob is so much more intimate than sex. What? You humped me for a couple minutes then came into a little rubber bag. That is nothing compared to the emotional connection you make tasting a penis... |
cracked | why_there_aren_t_more_thanksgiving_comedies | All right guys, we don't want to get out of here for the holidays last order of business We got to get a thanksgiving video idea funny Thanksgiving internet. Yep sketch. Yeah, yeah comedy all those things Thanksgiving Yeah, which is a holiday that you know, November care about you're starting much further back than the... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_krampus_on_kidnapping_naughty_children_snl | Hi. so how are you doing? Uh, I'm good. yeah, I'm a little burnt out. I'm just so, I'm wrapped up in this job, You know, it's like every year on Krampusnacht, I rise from hell, I run around, kidnap all the naughty children, and I just go home and check out. You know, Colin, you ever like watch Tv for five hours straigh... |
dropout | hair_raising_truths_sponsored | Hey guys, Adam from College Humor here, and look, men and women have been a mystery to each other for generations. I'm here at Axe's live show, Splitting Hairs, at the New York Comedy Festival, and I'm going to find out the truth about the opposite sex and dating. Let's go!
What do you think is the first thing a girl ... |
dropout | Ultramechatron_Team_Go_Is_Back | Oh, my goodness. Never! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
What the... What the fuck is wrong with this thing? Is there... Oh, it's lost the fucking signal. fuck.
Get ready to feel something! Like, emotionally, or... Armin, what the fuck are you doing? You have to be coordinated. There's only one person in charge. Abs... |
TheOnion | Health_Officials_Urging_Americans_To_Do_Something_Anything_For_30_Minutes_A_Day | A new report from the Department of Health and Human Services urges Americans to do something, anything at all. According to the study, getting off your ass and doing any sort of physical or mental activity could have positive health effects. Look, we're not expecting you to go to the gym. That's clearly not happening.... |
TheOnion | Ex_FDA_Official_Confirms_Existence_Of_Vegetables | My name is Ronald J. Freely, and I'm a former official in the federal government. I've come here today at great risk to my personal safety to uncover a truth long withheld from the American public, because the people deserve to know what's out there.
Despite what you've been told, vegetables do exist. Vegetables are r... |
cracked | 5_reasons_movies_keep_getting_worse | Pickle lane, dick nuts! Hi, sorry, I just I saw whatever the most popular movie is right now and ran like Five blocks to tell you how much it sucked and now my lungs and mouth feel like old lava Hey some water please Jesus oh Shouldn't have eaten so much popcorn while running anyway Five basic ways every movie sucks no... |
SaturdayNightLive | community_affairs_cold_open_snl | You're watching New York One because your Wi-fi is down later.
College students have been protesting Israel's actions in Gaza on campus across the nation.
Tonight we'll be discussing with my guests who are parents of college students here in New York. Join me in welcoming the new school parent Doug Hoving Ryan happy ... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_giuliani_s_148_million_defamation_ruling_biden_and_obama_s_obamacare_video_snl | It's Weekend Update with Colin Jost and Michael Che. thank you very much. thank you. Good evening, everyone. welcome to weekend Update. I'm Michael Che. I'm Colin Jost.
After being found liable for defamation against two Georgia election workers, Rudy Giuliani was ordered yesterday to pay the hilarious sum of $148 mil... |
dropout | kim_jong_un_vs_christmas | In today's episode, mortals desire to run through when it's orch Christmas be stopped. I am special! Give me Xboxes and endless positive reinforcement! Oh, glorious leader. As true Korea's handsomest medicine doctor, can you tell us why our child has turned ugly and self-indulgent? I'm sorry to say, but heat has positi... |
dropout | st_valentine_s_day_isn_t_sexy | Well, I bet you three have some big plans lined up for the night, huh? What?
You know, it's Valentine's Day. Yes, it is Saint Valentine's Day. Saint Valentine. Yea, that holy man, Saint Valentine of Rome. Yea, we honor him today. Oh, Valentine, yea.
Seriously? You three are a bunch of horned up sex hounds on every ot... |
SaturdayNightLive | clubb_traxx_saturday_night_live | Coming up next on Eurovision. it's club Tracks at 2209, Leipzig U and House Orchestra live from Ulm. at 2316 it's Buttsbankers. we're watching club tracks. I'm Birce Van Beers and we're showing you the curious videos for you to groove and get down to. it's really great.
Yeah, man. I tell you one thing. we have some gr... |
Reductressnews | reductress_interviews_the_stars_of_lisa_frankenstein | Hi, I'm Mariah with Reductress, and I am here with Katherine Newton, and Cole Sprouse, stars of Lisa Frankenstein. I wish I was with you.
Ah! Oh my gosh! It worked!
I'm wondering, if you could raise one hot person from the dead, who would it be and why? Ben Franklin would be up there. Ben Franklin is a really good on... |
SaturdayNightLive | t_t_and_mario_s_new_album_snl | Mmm, hello. hello, as well, from me. If you're a central couple like us, you need music that's gonna get you in the mood. The mood for S-e-c-k-s. Sex. And for decades, no duo has been getting people in the mood quite like T.t. and Mario. back in the 70s, T.t. and Mario gave us classic hits like Royal Love. You are my P... |
TheOnion | Government_Issued_PSA_Urging_Teens_To_Fuck_Their_Brains_Out | Did you know that one out of every four teenagers reports not having their brains fucked out on a day-to-day basis? Did you know that 35% of high school girls report that they've only had sex with one or two partners a year instead of having the living shit fucked out of them by any guy they see? Did you know that only... |
dropout | it_s_my_right_to_hold_this_turd | And then I said, no, this is the deepest lake in the world.
All right guys, we should start the meeting.
Oh my God, what is that smell? Yeah, it smells like someone took a dump in here. How strange.
Oh no, oh no, it's poop. You're holding a turd. It's your own turd. Oh, look at that, I'm holding a turd.
Get rid of ... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Bulletin_07_01_20_Betoota_Weekly_News_Bulletin | You're listening to the Batutah Advocate's weekly news wrap on Desert Rock FM 96.5. Well, welcome back to the Batutah Advocate News Bulletin. The date is Monday the 6th of January, recording live here from the Old City District. You're joined by myself, Clancy Overill, editor of the Batutah Advocate, editor-at-large Er... |
ClickHole | people_who_worked_at_nasa_tell_stories_of_the_missions_they_worked_on | In the early years of the space program, all we wanted to do was hurl apes into space. That was NASA's only objective, to send the apes to outer space and watch them explode. President Eisenhower would call us on the phone and say, I've got a whole bus full of juicy apes coming your way. America's counting on you egghe... |
TheOnion | Onion_Explains_The_International_State_Of_Women_s_Rights | Offering a rare glimpse into the struggles of these little-known and oft-overlooked 3.5 billion members of society, we now present The Onion Explains Women's Rights. For decades, the female form has been objectified through unrealistic beauty standards to advertise products that just don't work that well. Like facial w... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Scotty_2_0_Ray_White_s_Newest_Employee_Spotify_Unwrapped_More_December_3 | Thank you for joining us. We love having you here. You're joined by myself, Clancy Overill, editor of The Batooter Advocate. Of course, in the room with me is Errol Parker, editor-at-large. How are you, Errol? Good, mate.
Just had my booster shot this morning, so looking forward to filling you. On top of the world, we... |
Wizards_with_Guns | the_mysterious_case_of_who_sh_t_my_pants | I know what you're thinking. This is just an ordinary story about an ordinary guy at an ordinary party who did not shit his pants. And you'd be right. But that's only half the story.
Oh my god, Mike! Did you shit your pants? Really? Oh god! I feel so bad!
I'm gonna be sick. Jesus, I'm leaving.
He definitely shit his... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_stefon_and_derek_zoolander_ben_stiller_on_autumn_s_hottest_tips_snl | It's Autumn in New York and thousands of tourists will be coming to our city to enjoy what the Big Apple has to offer here. with some tips on what they should check out. it's our City Correspondent, Stephon. Hi. Hi, Stephon. that was some vacation we took this summer. how's your back? So, Stephon, Autumn in New York is... |
dropout | how_listerine_created_bad_breath_adam_ruins_everything | Did you know you just washed your mouth with floor cleaner? Uh, no. It's mouthwash. See? Yeah.
But a hundred years ago, Listerine was used and marketed as a generic household cleaning fluid. Good old Listerine, my favorite household antiseptic. I use it to wash my feet, clean my floors, and heck, maybe it'll even clea... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | WEEKLY_BULLETIN_Government_Commits_To_Spending_1_Submarine_Periscopes_Worth_Of_Funding_On_Domest_ | You're listening to the Batutah Advocate's Weekly News Wrap on Desert Rock FM 96.5. Welcome back to the Batutah Advocate Weekly Bulletin, I've been giving a hurry on there, I know I was trying to bring this in with a bit of, you know, flair, sorry, heaven forbid, trying to fucking try something new here, my name's Clan... |
cracked | 7_needlessly_elaborate_tributes_to_pop_culture_does_not_compute | Hey everybody, and welcome to another episode of Does Not Compute, sponsored by my favorite clear cola, Smart Water. Smart Water.
Attain immortality. Maybe. I mean, it's not stopping you from living forever. It's not. Why?
And what better way to spend an electrolyte-fueled eternity than crafting tributes to pop cultu... |
dropout | spoiler_alert | Well, with Lost, it really comes down to time travel, you know? Like in last night's episode, John Muffin...
Oh, wait, don't tell me. Don't tell me. I haven't seen it yet. Oh, don't worry, don't worry.
I'm not really wearing anything.
So, Jack and Sawyer are both in the pearl. Jack is freaking out. Lucy, what do we ... |
TheOnion | The_Onion_Reviews_Ghostbusters | Okay, power up! This is Peter Rosenthal, head film critic for The Onion. Today I'll be looking at Ghostbusters, Paul Feig's reboot of the 1984 paranormal action comedy, and a disturbing portrait of a world in which the spirits of the damned roam the earth freely, rather than suffering their just and righteous punishmen... |
cracked | watching_a_movie_at_home_vs_the_theaters_people_watching_9 | Mmm! Oh, what's the name of that actor? William... something or other. You know, he's a that guy. He's the that guy-est that guy. You know, in France, they don't have a that guy. They call it le messieur. Oh, you know what?
How can you eat so much of that? Rule of thumb, if a chick eats snacks all the time but is some... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_trump_claims_constitution_should_be_terminated_brittney_griner_freed_snl | Well, it was shaping up to be a good week for Joe Biden. he got Brittany Griner back. he kept marriage gay. And he's only got 14 more sleeps until Santa. But then, just when he thought he had it all under control, Kirsten Sinema said, hold My Wig. Arizona Senator Kirsten Sinema, seen here, realizing that someone is act... |
cracked | why_we_need_to_say_goodbye_to_vaping | Hey America, let's talk. I'm not going to mince words here, I think you have a problem, and that problem is vaping.
I know it seemed like a miracle at first. All the nicotine of a cigarette, but none of the smoke or smell of the real thing. It's like you're smoking water, basically. How great is that? Too great to be ... |
cracked | 4_movie_straw_men_characters_that_keep_showing_up_the_spit_take | Hello, the internet, and welcome to another episode of The Spit Take. My name is Jack O'Brien, I'm the editor-in-chief of Cracked, and like you, I demand that movies be uncompromisingly realistic at all times, no matter what. Not when dinosaurs, or magic, or superpowers, or space wars, or games of throne are involved, ... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_109_Thommo | You're listening to Errol Parker and Clancy Overall, editors of the Batooter Advocate on Desert Rock FM. Well welcome back to the Batooter Advocate radio show, recording live from the Queensland Channel Country. You're with myself Clancy Overall and Errol Parker and today's guest is another one of those big hitters we ... |
TheOnion | Last_Ditch_Dating_Website_Simply_Asks_Users_To_Check_Yes_If_They_Have_Open_Sores | If you're one of the many frustrated singles who suffer from online dating fatigue, you might just be in luck. A new last resort dating website launched this week that caters to fed-up men and women who simply want to meet eligible singles with unbroken skin or open sores similar to their own. It's called Last Shot, an... |
TheOnion | Year_In_Review_Revolution_In_Egypt_Either_Courageous_Or_Stupid_Depending_On_Outcome | I'm here in Cairo where something either very good or very bad is happening. Tonight, this nation of 80 million is either taking a thrilling leap toward democracy or about to enter a terrifying period of political turmoil, which will surely result in thousands of innocent deaths. Tens of thousands of protesters packed ... |
dropout | phone_sex_pranks_houseguest | Hi, uh, I'm into something weird. I'm kinda into, like, houseguests who, like, overstay their welcome. Sure. Uh, you know, I'm, like, I'm in between houses right now. Oh, wait, so what are you asking for? Can I crash here for, like, a week? Yeah, that's cool. Um... Ow, it's totally not being your way. My suitcases are ... |
SaturdayNightLive | they_re_listening_snl | Yeah, I got rid of my stereo this week. Saved so much space.
Oh cool. but what do you use for music? I just use my Alexa. I just ask it to play stuff and it sounds great. Oh my God. you have an Alexa. Why would you do that? it listens to everything you say.
Dude, For real. Yeah, you think that things out, but it's al... |
cracked | if_16_and_pregnant_was_around_for_the_nativity_story | I'm Mary. I'm 16 years old, and I live with my family in a small town called Nazareth in the land of Galilee. When I'm not grinding meat, making clothes out of wool, or chillin' with my besties... I feel like I would be like my signature color. Yes! You could probably find me at Temple.
I'm obsessed with praying. God ... |
dropout | lunch_meeting | So you'll have to get the same shirt as me? Can't prove that.
Let's eat. Can we just try to get some work done before we do that? Can I just eat before we get some work done? Because I'll be more productive if I have food in me.
You probably won't be, but fine. I'm not gonna argue with you. I'm gonna order something.... |
cracked | 10_life_hacks_for_makin_any_concert_a_rockin_evenin_new_guy_weekly | Hi YouTube, this is Alex with a Braviura. Very excited to have Danger Van Gorder here. He's the rockstar.
I'll take these off He's from countless thousands of great band. I've seen them many many times They they are just so good live such great music and very pleased to have him.
Welcome to the show Danger. Hi Thanks... |
TheOnion | New_Nike_Running_App_Tells_You_What_You_re_Really_Running_From | Today's fitness trackers can tell how far you're running, but tomorrow's can tell you why you're running. The new Nike RunLogic Plus pinpoints the desperate psychological demons at the root of your exercise routine. Tech Trends reporter Aaron Vaughn has more. It's a problem all runners face. You run and you run and you... |
dropout | Dirty_Laundry_Ep_1_Full_Episode_Sam_Reich_Katie_Marovitch_Raphael_Chestang_and_Jacob_Wysocki | There are some secrets we take to the grave, and others, we plaster online for laughs. This is Dirty Laundry, the show that asks, how well do you ever really know somebody?
Today, I'm joined by a warm shot of milk no chaser, Sam Reich. Straight from the cow's teat. A warm shot of cocaine, Katie Maravich.
I have a sta... |
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