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dropout | Mi_Scusi_No_Laugh_Newsroom | From West Hollywood, California, the only news team that doesn't know what's on the teleprompter before they read it. Anyone who laughs or breaks, loses points. This is Breaking News. Hello and welcome to Breaking News, the show where we don't know what we're about to say and we aren't allowed to laugh or smile.
I'm C... |
ClickHole | mind_magician_this_master_memorizer_shares_his_techniques | My name is Michael Orlin, and I'm a professional memory athlete. With only five minutes of studying, I can remember what a salamander is. At the World Memory Championship, I was ranked best in the world at not forgetting that salamanders are a wet kind of lizard. But anyone can develop these skills if they try. I'm goi... |
cracked | 4_things_you_love_to_discuss_that_no_one_cares_about | Everyone in the whole world is amazing and beautiful and talented. Each of us has a story to tell that is unique and inspiring. We can learn so much from each other.
Seriously, shut the hell up about the following four topics. Oh my god! Hey, you guys do anything this weekend? I survived a plane crash. Yeah, me neithe... |
TheOnion | lilly_wins_best_wet_t_shirt_fight_scene | You're just joining us. Here's what you've been missing. Tracy Yawning. But have a good reason for it.
I was on the red-eye from L.A. last night. You were. And why don't you tell everyone why you were in L.A. last night. I was at the fifth annual Strong Women in Television Award Ceremony celebrating the positive portr... |
TheOnion | U_S_Border_Patrol_Increases_Staff_By_Hiring_Cheap_Immigrant_Labor | George Zimmerman offers to just plead guilty and pay the fine or whatever. Zoo visitors watch the mating rituals of the ice cream shop staff, and a serious co-worker puts on headphones to focus on his sandwich. Happiness is perpetually fleeting, so try to savor the next few minutes before it disappears once again. This... |
dropout | wow_nobody_can_flirt_with_me_anymore | Born ceaselessly into the past. Well, Grant, I think your new book is really good, it's very, very similar to The Great Gatsby. The good Grant.
Boys, boys, boys, boys, boys. Your queen bee is back.
God, Katie, please not again. In a month's time, I will be a married woman. You'll be not... Jesus. That's right, this h... |
dropout | frequent_flyer_miles_are_actually_costing_you_money_adam_ruins_everything | Wow, big tipper. Yeah, my girl hooked me up, so I hook her up. Oh cool, 16%. Yeah, not a problem.
With my definitely not a virgin airlines card, I earn miles when I spend or when I fly. That's how Tevin gets paid. Actually, frequent flyer miles are a big old rip off. What? Look, I'm a hundred miles away from a free fl... |
ClickHole | watch_family_unboxing | Hey, what's up guys? I'm back with another unboxing video. I've really been looking forward to this one because my new family just arrived in the mail today and I'm pretty excited to crack it open and check out who's inside. So as you can see, no bells and whistles with the packaging really, just a simple cardboard box... |
TheOnion | Onion_Explains_The_Terrifying_Growth_Of_ISIS | To give you an opportunity to see whether slaughtering infidels on the road to holy martyrdom is right for you, we now present the Onion Explains ISIS. ISIS and its militant radical Islamist worldview either evolved from a complex series of socioeconomic conditions and geopolitical decisions dating back generations, or... |
SaturdayNightLive | reel_quotes_game_show_snl | It's time for real quotes. All right, welcome to real quotes. the game's going to test your knowledge of famous lines of movie dialogue. I'm your host, Reg. Barnaby. let's meet our contestants. he manages the Blockbuster in Baltimore, Maryland, Sam Jefferson. good to be here. Well, so he managed a Blockbuster. I bet th... |
dropout | yay_or_nay_are_videogames_art | Asking if video games are art is like asking if rock and roll is music. The answer is obviously, SHUT THE FUCK UP GRANDBUNN, GET OUT OF HERE! JUST GO EAT YOUR FUCKING PROODS AND DIE! I think the correct answer is who fucking cares? Anytime you spend worrying about this is time you could be spending playing video games.... |
cracked | welcome_back_potter_cracked_behind_the_scenes | We're just finished shooting, just the second finish, the last couple shots of our Harry Potter series. One of the most exciting things about this series is that Star Wars was kind of like this but it was sort of uncontrolled, you're in the woods, all these locations are indoors and everything's very controlled. We are... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_117_The_collapse_of_the_Brisbane_Broncos_with_Jharal_Yow_Yeh | Hello listeners, I'm Errol Parker, editor-at-large of the Batutah Advocate, and thank you for tuning in to today's special podcast. It's been a long time coming, but now is the time for Queenslanders to have a very hard conversation. On today's podcast, Clancy has made his way down to the brown snake to investigate and... |
TheOnion | First_Neuralink_Implant_Recipient_Successfully_Performs_Depraved_Sexual_Acts_On_Elon_Musk | The first Neuralink implant recipient has successfully performed depraved sex acts on Elon Musk. In an astounding medical breakthrough, neurosurgeons at the Brain Microchip Company confirmed that they had observed the patient servicing Musk in a multitude of outright filthy ways they never would have agreed to otherwis... |
cracked | worst_performance_review_ever | We were seriously harsh on my porno buzz, man. Would you calm down?
It's just a performance review. Just a performance review? Just a performance review that dictates whether or not I'm going to have a career.
Michael, it's a big deal. What's the worst that could happen? So you go back to the east coast, start eating... |
dropout | bleep_bloop_pinball | You know, life is about more than just video games. It's also about pinball. I'm Jeff Rubin, this is Pat Castles, and today we are at the classic pinball.com headquarters where the owner, Kevin, is going to take us through the evolution of pinball. Harry Maddox is the actual dude who invented the flipper and used it in... |
dropout | fruit_beasts_vs_veggie_monsters | Hey, Nathan, did you see the Hot Dog Bug movie yet? It's this crazy thing. I get there, I wait for hours, and as soon as it's my turn in line, it's sold out. While I'm waiting in line, there is just like a three-foot-tall imp just wailing on my buttocks. Attention cartoonists, in Sector 7F, Level 18 of the Lost Artist ... |
dropout | 5_food_innovations_we_desperately_need | Hi there. My name is Caldwell, and I love eating. Like, a lot. I think it's partially because I have an abnormally large mouth, and also because I'm a huge pathetic slaw baby with shockingly little self-control. And while I think food is great, the ways we consume it can be improved upon immensely. I mean, just look at... |
cracked | how_to_kill_your_friends_with_special_effects_cracked_goes_there_with_robert_evans | I'm Josh Sajak from Cracked. I'm here at Amalgamated Dynamics to get killed by a tentacle monster. My name is Alec Gillis. I'm the co-owner of the Creature Effects Studio Amalgamated Dynamics Incorporated. We're going to attack Josh today with tentacles to create the illusion of a vicious and horrible slithering death.... |
cracked | 4_stupid_horror_tropes_you_never_noticed_yboc | Hey there nerds, it's me, overpowered Mary Sue, final girl, Dr. Jordan Breeding, serving up yet another episode of Your Brain Uncracked, the only show that's spent real money harnessing the power of computer-generated imagery for almost literally no reason, and the only show on crack that hates practical effects. What ... |
cracked | 5_inaccurate_movies_that_pretend_to_be_realistic | So you know how in every movie that features a radio, people will say at one point over and out? You probably assumed that that's just how you end the conversations on radio. The truth is that improper CB and VHS voice procedure over means over to you, and I am waiting for a reply. And out means not over to you. I don'... |
TheOnion | Missing_Teen_s_Friends_Go_On_TV_To_Plead_For_Her_Release_Gossip_About_Ugly_Classmates | It's been six days since Janelle Kelly, a 17-year-old from Sacramento, California, went missing. Since then, her two best friends, Katie Clements and Megan Cleary, have not rested for a moment in aiding the search effort. Katie and Megan are here with us this morning. Thank you for having us. Welcome to you both. Now, ... |
ClickHole | this_will_change_the_way_you_watch_eternal_sunshine_of_the_spotless_mind | eternal sunshine of the spotless mind Charlie Kaufman and Michelle Gondry's near-perfect masterpiece about brains is widely considered to be one of the best films of the new millennium and is full of trivia and easter eggs you may have missed the first time around here are some facts that will change the way you watch ... |
TheOnion | Kim_s_Dark_Mirror_Lake_Dredge_Appraisal | Today on the finale episode of Helcomb County Municipal Lake Dredge Appraisal, it's the largest valuation in Helcomb County Municipal Lake Dredge Appraisal history. This could be worth quite a bit. We are here with Kranst, who has dredged up what we think might be something truly special. Now, on this most recent dredg... |
SaturdayNightLive | obgyn_snl | Okay, Mrs. Parks, we just got your chart. just wait right here. the doctor will be with you shortly. Thank you. thank you. And you're sure this doctor's good?
Honey, you said you wouldn't make a fuss. I'm sorry. I just don't understand why Dr. Morgan would choose now, of all times, to go on a vacation. Trust me, Mr. P... |
dropout | Obi_Wan_s_Weird_Connection_to_Jon_Stewart | From Ozma to Yzma, nerds like a lot of things but there's something they love above all else and that is correcting people. This is Um, Actually. And joining us on this episode, we have Ally Beardsley. Hi. We also have Rhianni. Wah! Wah. And we have Ify Wadiwe. Hey, what's up?
I'm trying to like, at the last second, t... |
ClickHole | women_tell_you_what_they_re_really_looking_for_in_a_man | Can I be real right now? Okay. Hahahaha.
I definitely want someone who's kind. Someone I can count on no matter what. He's gotta be confident. That's really important to me. Bonus if he's got a good job. I like a guy with a round grey face and a big smile that never quits. Yeah, definitely.
He has to have a round fac... |
cracked | the_one_dating_profile_guys_won_t_click_on_rom_com | Well, here they come. The heads of every major dating website and one building. You know if a bomb went off and we all died? Nothing. The world would not notice our absence. Speak for yourself.
The streets would line with protesters if I suddenly stopped sending my disruptive 2.0 tweets. Twinsies? Enough tweeting, you... |
SaturdayNightLive | rap_battle_snl | All right, Mcs, take a minute, focus up, and then we'll get this thing going. Yo. yo, that's no way I can beat Fuego. hey, stop spinning, man. you got this. No, man. I can think of a thousand things this dude could clown on me for, man. hey, so clown yourself first. say everything he can say about you before he does. y... |
dropout | fiat_presents_road_trip_1 | One gas please Cool, I'll pump the gas then yeah one second. Okay one gas, please To go or to stay look I appreciate the effort, but you clearly lied when you said you knew how to pump gas I wanted you to think I was cool. I didn't I thought you were normal when you said you could pump gas I thought you were normal per... |
dropout | um_we_have_a_few_questions_about_the_purge_ch_does_the_purge | Thank you all for attending this mandatory team building session. This year, instead of Trust Falls, we're making you all do the Purge! Whaaaat? Well, don't just stand there, go Purge, doesn't that look like fun?
Yeah, okay, but so, all crime is legal. I guess. Well, you can't harm any high-level government employee, ... |
dropout | how_not_to_cry_in_the_workplace | Welcome back to Katie and Carrie's do's and don'ts of the workplace. Today we're going to look at tools for hiding your emotions at work. If you are going to cry at work, do go into the nearest bathroom. Do enter a stall. You will find privacy. You will be able to cry in peace and without disturbing your colleagues. If... |
SaturdayNightLive | princess_the_frog_snl | You're watching Disney minus the movies Disney doesn't really promote as much. We now return to the Princess and the Frog Tail as old as Oh Nine takes place in a bar. Princess. Finally Black. Why the plot? So whack? Princess and the Frog.
I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think I've fallen in love with a frog. I ... |
dropout | the_give_it_a_whirl_f_ckers | Wow, so today the give it a whirlfuckers are going to give bicycles a whirl. Now I know what you're thinking, are bicycles for girls? And yeah, they are, but that hasn't stopped us before.
Put this on. I'm kind of sexy. Fuck off. Am I supposed to swallow this?
For us as guys, it's impossible for us to know what it's ... |
cracked | nickelback_cracked_responds | Okay guys, I brought you here because I want to show you the new Nickelback music video Thank you Take this journey together with the star on it. They're not going to a party. These girls are going to buy drugs, right? Oh, it's a party inside look and Nickelback's playing.
All right, sort of the student council really... |
TheOnion | China_s_Andy_Rooney_Has_Funny_Opinions_On_How_Great_China_Is | Hello, everyone. My name is Daxia.
I'm a student at the University of Singapore. I'm a teacher at the University of Singapore. I teach Chinese at the University of Singapore. All the students are in their own school. They'll receive the certificate. I've been using the university of Singapore since 2008. I've been wor... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | INTERVIEW_Queensland_Premier_Steven_Miles | Welcome back to the Batooda Advocate radio show. Another big guest. We're keeping this going actually. We've been building momentum this year.
We had New South Wales Premier Christopher Minns in the other day. We had Australian Sex icon and actor heartthrob Angus Sampson. We had Willie Mason. We had Justin Horro. We'v... |
dropout | did_the_church_actually_hate_copernicus_adam_ruins_everything | The Renaissance, the most innovative and hardest to spell, period in history. During this era, extraordinary scientific minds broke free from the chains of ignorance. Minds like that of Nicholas Scopernicus, who redefined our understanding of the solar system in a flash of inspiration. Actually, Eureka, we aren't at th... |
dropout | bleep_bloop_bioshock_2_constume | Welcome to Bleep Loop, we are at the Georgia Aquarium, the world's largest aquarium and home to 450 different types of aquatic life. We're here to talk about Bioshock too, with Nathan Sherritt, who has yet again built an amazing costume. Guess which one of us built the costume?
How you doing Nathan? I'm doing pretty g... |
dropout | the_party_sponsored | We're here at the Amsterdam Pub and Max Fish, two bars participating in the Coors Life Golf Experience and I think I have a hunch, just an inkling that there might be some funny people to talk to in here, so let's go inside and find out. Gentlemen, are you having fun at the Coors Life party?
No, don't worry about me. ... |
SaturdayNightLive | snl_sports_yankees_saturday_night_live | Let's take a look. Ron Davis for Roy Smolley. Where's that Leave dent? Bring in Shane Rolley. More money spent. Trade Nettles. Lose Randolph? Dump Tommy John. Business is great. Since Reggie's been gone, Trade Mercer. Sell Gidry. Get rid of the goose George. Go sit in Tampa on your big Fat Caboose. You got Lou Panella.... |
cracked | elvis_review_ft_michael_strauss_aka_everything_elvis_all_at_once | like they don't get to see the whole intro but like you know no I don't think so I think only we get to see the whole intro that's that's just for us anyway welcome to crack movie club the show where we do a book club but for movies which are like books but better I'm your host Jordan breeding and I'm joined by my co-h... |
cracked | 5_most_unintentionally_hilarious_movie_sex_scenes_obsessive_pop_culture_disorder | Hello internet, my name is Daniel O'Brien, and welcome to another penetrative episode of Obsessive Pop Culture Disorder, the show that... is... this one. When the first and last reason to include a sex scene into a movie is to needlessly flaunt perfect celebrity bodies, you're bound to have some shitty outings. Like th... |
TheOnion | Jim_And_Tracy_Put_On_Fat_Suits_To_See_What_Life_Is_Really_Like_For_Awful_Fat_People | 67% of obese Americans feel that they've been discriminated against because of the way they look. But when you read a statistic like that, it's hard to get a sense of what that discrimination really looks like. That's why Tracy and I decided to find out firsthand by disguising ourselves as an obese couple. We knew it w... |
Wizards_with_Guns | your_father_has_been_distant_lately_ | Yeah, attaboy, son. It's all in the wrist, buddy. Like this? Yeah, yeah, there you go, uh, chief.
What's my name? What do you mean, sport? What is my name? What are you talking about? Camp?
Oh my god. Son. Oh my god. Son.
You don't know my name. Don't be ridiculous. Then what is it? Of course I know your name. Then ... |
SaturdayNightLive | trivia_quest_snl | Welcome back to Trivia Quest, where contestants can win up to $50,000. So far, Jeff's in the lead, but Amy and Naomi still have a chance to catch up. before we start the next round, why don't we get to know our contestants a little? Hello, Miss Amy. what are you gonna do with all that prize money if you win? Well, Angi... |
TheOnion | Great_Britain_Returns_Looted_Stonehenge_Back_To_India | Great Britain has returned world-renowned monument Stonehenge back to India after looting it several centuries ago. As a gesture of apology, the British government airlifted Stonehenge from Wiltshire, England back to Chennai, India, where it was originally built many years ago. The United Kingdom called Stonehenge an i... |
dropout | Everything_You_Need_To_Know_About_The_Marvel_Swimsuit_Issues | This brings us to our fan-submitted question for this episode. This question comes to us from Nobod E, that's Nobod underscore E, but also we got an almost identical submission from Matthew Cullen. So we're using this one, but two people had wanted to talk about this, so here it is.
From 1991 to 1995, Marvel Comics pu... |
cracked | the_animated_series_new_guy_weekly | Hi, YouTube, this is Alex with another not only is this week the start of new guy weekly the animated series It's also a look behind the scenes at animation coming to life with cracks resident illustrator Randall Maynard Randall.
How's it going? Randall Randall Randall. How's it coming? How's it going?
Is it good?
T... |
cracked | why_venom_is_the_easiest_supervillain_to_defeat | Venom started out as Spider-Man's power enhancing black supersuit obtained during the Secret Wars and later turned out to be an evil alien Entity with a mind of its own which is generally not something you want from your clothing anyways the suit bonded with an angry Journalist named Eddie Brock and became venom who sa... |
TheOnion | Autoworkers_Compete_To_Keep_Jobs_Livelihoods_On_New_Reality_Show | It's time to talk about my favorite show. Oh, yours and about 12 million other people's crazy. In case you've been living in a cave, the Onion broadcast channel's breakout reality show hit, Auto Warriors, picks two Ford manufacturing plants against one another to find out who can build the most cars in the least amount... |
cracked | why_apple_clearly_thinks_you_re_stupid | All demographics agree. Ads are great. But did you know that you can learn a lot about how companies view their customers simply by analyzing their ads?
Did ya? Okay, rude.
During the 1984 Super Bowl, Apple computers ran an ad that showed everyone exactly who they thought Mac users were. Amply bosomed rebels that dar... |
dropout | hardly_working_cargo_party | Hey y'all, thanks for coming to my cargo party. No problem. Props on the idea. Thanks.
Uh oh. I'll see someone in jeans if he didn't get the memo. Time to enforce the rules. Check out those girls. Oh my god, they're tens. Like back on the scale, you know. The scale of one to ten. Uh huh. With ten being the highest. I ... |
cracked | a_brief_history_of_donald_trump_s_many_many_many_lawsuits_cracked_responds | Christian, Cody, some little girls are suing Donald Trump for all manner of things potentially, but you guys saw those little girls who did a song at a Trump rally, and it was very choreographed. The Freedom Kids, they were called. The Freedom Kids. Yeah.
Let's play this song. You must sing.
Freedom and liberty every... |
dropout | What_s_Coming_To_Dropout_tv_In_2024_Preview | I want to tell the kids at home something. If you try your hardest and believe in yourself and attempt to be the best, then that's the rubric that you should measure yourself by. Don't you know the world? You beat me on live television. For that, I'm sorry. Do you know what I mean, Matt?
Sike! Matt! Oh, my God! Nana! ... |
SaturdayNightLive | the_view_relief_from_debbie_saturday_night_live | I've always wanted to do a show with four strong, intelligent women and someday I still might some may call it a train wreck. we call it the View. Well, I'm Meredith Vieira and welcome to the View. We have got an incredible show today, right Ladies, and I am in a fantastic mood today and I don't know why. Me too girl, ... |
dropout | hardly_working_fire_warden | Let's get closer, let's get closer, bring it in, bring it in. Good morning, this is a fire drill and I am here to instruct you about proper fire safety procedure in this building. Now when you're evacuating during a fire, the first thing you're going to want to do is file out in a quick and orderly line. But you need t... |
SaturdayNightLive | elton_john_s_new_musical_saturday_night_live | Elton John announced this week that he would be bringing a musical production of the Ann Reis' Vampire Lestat to Broadway this year, here with an exclusive sneak preview of the work in Progress, Elton John. Hello, Jimmy. you look good enough to eat. keep it cool, buddy. you got some songs that you want to preview for u... |
SaturdayNightLive | doorbells_and_more_saturday_night_live | Pfft, nice doorbell. Hi, Doorbell. has this ever happened to you? you lost a friend because you got a boring doorbell?
Hi, hello. I'm Tina, Tina Shanuz.
Do you enjoy a fly, fancy lifestyle? then why's your doorbell so vanilla? Come on down to Doorbells and more. Okay, here's what a regular doorbell sounds like. No, I... |
cracked | the_board_game_inspired_by_sad_sick_children_wamw | We've all played Candyland. In fact, it's essentially the most iconic board game of our lifetime. It dominated the market for over 70 years, whether you love it, loathe it, or pretend to love it for your kids, or pretend to loathe it in front of your friends.
But behind the bright rainbow squares and jolly's bright pu... |
cracked | superbowl_hookers_plunging_satellite_news_on_cracked_1_28 | It's Monday, January 28th, 2008, and this is the News on Cracked. I'm Lex Friedman, and I approved this message. Blah! Arizona authorities say that they will be hyper-vigilant about Super Bowl hookers who come to town just to sell their wares, namely their vaginas, to the wealthy fans in town for Super Sunday. Authorit... |
SaturdayNightLive | patient_thoughts_saturday_night_live | Good morning, Mr. Burnbow, how are we feeling today? Well, if we could talk, we'd tell you. we feel just great. we have tubes sticking out of our nose, and we can't move our muscle. we feel like dancing the Lindy hap all the way down Lexington Avenue. are we ready to make our morning deposit? No. this is degrading, and... |
cracked | why_being_a_writer_for_game_of_thrones_must_suck | That's what intelligent women do, what they're told. You need to ask yourself what to do. I don't need to do anything.
Then Cersei's like, oh, I'm sorry, my lord. But before she can finish her thought, Bronn comes in and says, your days of being king are over, you little shit.
Bam! Cuts Joffrey's nose off, blood ever... |
TheOnion | Blankets_No_Longer_Warm_Me_Troublehacking_with_Drew_Cleary | Hey everyone, today's question comes from YouTuber HardGoldFiend.
Blankets no longer warm me. Alright, well there's a lot to unpack in this question, but I think we can do it. First you're going to want to check that your blankets are in fact blankets. Blankets are large, intact pieces of cloth. Now if you're covering... |
dropout | the_six_ways_you_ll_try_to_get_out_of_the_friend_zone | This is you. And this is the friend zone. Look, I really value our friendship, okay?
Don't panic. You're smart. You can beat this. All you need is a plan.
These are the six ways you'll try to get out of the friend zone. You need a second chance at a first impression, so naturally you'll fake your own death. You had a... |
dropout | things_not_to_do_when_talking_about_your_dad | You know, call me old-fashioned, but I remember when people used to actually talk to each other. Shut up. Hey, Murph, what's wrong? I just had the most frustrating conversation with my dad.
I mean, sometimes I want to just... Ew! You want to fist your dad? I don't want to want to fist my dad. I want to punch him in th... |
cracked | why_the_persians_should_be_the_good_guys_in_300_hilarious_helmet_history_1 | Still, you're smart. You understand that that troglodyte isn't a realistic human from ancient Iran. You understand artistic choices. But Frank Miller and Zack Snyder's Tom of Holland-fest movie doesn't just exaggerate history.
It gets it backwards. They kept telling you ancient Spartans fought for... But the reality w... |
SaturdayNightLive | right_to_vote_saturday_night_live | Hi, Joe Piscopo here. I'd like to talk to you seriously for a minute about America. think for just a second. what's the greatest thing about our country? Why, it's the right to vote. And tonight is your golden opportunity to exercise that right. you can cast your vote for the Democratic nominee just by picking up your ... |
dropout | when_people_find_out_you_can_t_swim | Hahaha! Suckers!
Hey, you know, we should go to the beach. Oh, I call parasailing. Let's scuba, right? I'm going to try to find the Titanic. Oh, I'll book us a deep sea dive pronto. Actually, guys, I don't know how to swim.
What? Ah!
Oh, oh, I can teach you. Do you teach? No. Whenever I say I don't know how to swim,... |
dropout | all_nighter_iii_bleep_bloop_broken_lizard | Tonight, on a very special all-nighter episode of Bleakbloop, we are joined by Kevin Heffernan and Steve Lemme from Broken Lizard, whose new film, The Slammin' Salmon, is in theaters right now. Tonight, we are playing one of Steve's all-time favorite games, Robotron. You have a long history with this game. Well, some s... |
cracked | game_of_thrones_finally_unleashed_the_dragons_episode_4_the_spoils_of_war_got_recap | I'm Abe. I'm Cody. Abe Epperson. I direct videos here at Cracked. I'm Bridget. And I'm gonna ruin it.
Littlefinger and Bran have a little conversation. He's got the dagger that tried to kill him. In the room where he almost died.
But now he's got that cool wheelchair. Yeah, he got rid of the wheelchair girl.
The mir... |
SaturdayNightLive | i_m_like_on_a_blind_date_snl | Okay, so take a look at the menu and let me know if you have any questions. Thank you. Kenny, I'm so glad we're finally doing this. me too. I've actually never been on a blind date before. I'm like, oh, this is weird. Yeah, I know. my buddies were all like, hey, you gotta meet her, man. and then my friend Kelly was lik... |
dropout | honest_road_trip_ch_shorts | I cannot wait to travel five hours to get drunk and play board games when we easily could have done that here in our own home check out these disgusting snacks I brought it's all junk food that no one should ever eat oh my god gas station trail mix I'm gonna eat this all now even though I know it needs lots of the whol... |
dropout | that_inspirational_story_is_actually_sad | You want to see me, Coach Desk? Yeah, I wanted to see you. Sit down.
What's with you missing practices, huh? Whatever, okay? I don't need five practices a week to tell me I'm the best player on this team. Arrogant, huh?
Let me tell you a story. I coached a girl once. Came from a broken home. I was 16 miles away. I wa... |
dropout | too_many_dating_apps_hot_date | Hey. Eww. Disgusting. Did I do something wrong? Yeah.
We don't know you. And you talk to us.
If you want to meet someone, do it online, creep. So if I download one of your little dating apps, I can hit on you? One app. You need apps plural. Multiple niche dating apps. The hookup scene has been decentralized. If you'r... |
Wizards_with_Guns | can_you_give_cpr_through_the_butt | Sorry, sorry, I'm late. I was just- oh, there's just, uh, two of you. Uh, Daniel? Hi. And Jeremy. Oh, Jeremy.
It says you failed this class 18 times?
Well, uh, hopefully after my class, you'll be saving lives in no time. Okay, let's get started. Okay, we'll begin with the breaths.
In CPR, you want to place your mout... |
TheOnion | Businessman_Does_His_Work_Lying_On_Bed_Like_Schoolgirl | Mississippi bans all soft drinks smaller than 20 ounces. A report finds it's pretty incredible that Americans are trusted to drive cars, and a businessman does all his work lying on a bed like a schoolgirl. And now, after a seven-day multi-million dollar Kickstarter campaign, here comes another installment of the Onion... |
dropout | this_monster_has_no_phone_case_hardly_working | Jap, I've heard it with my own ears, okay? No, I promise you. I'm looking it up. Okay. Can birds call? Oh my god! Your phone doesn't have a case. Yeah, I know. So?
I'm here for protective services. I want to speak to Mr. Mike Trapp about a caseless phone. Yeah, he's right here. Shit, when I think about what that phone... |
TheOnion | A_Fun_Recipe_With_Jackfruit_You_Should_Learn_To_Avoid_Looking_Like_A_Knuckle_Dragging_Dirt_Person | Six months ago, if you saw this, you'd probably say, just what the heck is that?
Nowadays, though, that, or jackfruit, is one of the trendiest foods around, and there's no way you can avoid it anymore without looking like a knuckle-dragging dirt person. That's why today we're making Spicy Jackfruit Salad. You don't ne... |
cracked | we_reply_to_hate_comments_on_our_matrix_video_cinemistakes | What's up everybody? This is your boy Steven Spielberg. Those were just some mistakes. We were doing a special episode where we actually review comments. Today, we are going to be reviewing comments from the Matrix video. So yeah, well, let's get into it. Comment number one.
Robots are hardware, AI is software. They a... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Biden_Intervenes_in_Israel_Mushroom_Heaters_Return_High_rise_Resident_Sits_Tight_More_May_21 | You're listening to the Batutah Advocates weekly news wrap on Desert Rock FM 96.5. Welcome back to the Batutah Advocate weekly bulletin you're joined by myself Clancy Overall editor-at-large Errol Parker Errol how are you?
I'm alright mate how you going? Good good good good I'm alright vaccine skepticism is growing ar... |
cracked | bernie_s_medicare_for_all_ted_cruz_s_porno_free_for_all_some_news | Here's some news, wacky, ridiculous idea-haver Bernie Sanders has introduced an impractical Medicare for All bill with nobody on board, but oh, 16 popular senators, cool. The bill likely won't pass, but it would cost trillions of dollars for the sake of, oh, everyone's healthy. And it would largely tax the extremely we... |
TheOnion | It_Easy_To_Tell_What_Area_Man_Will_Look_Like_As_Skeleton | Prince William and Kate Middleton celebrate their one-year anniversary by forcing humiliated servants to disrobe and kiss each other. A local man has had more than enough beach, and the deep, inherent sadness of a favorite bar is overlooked. The APA calls what you're about to watch the deluded rantings of a Class B nar... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Wes_Ball_director_of_KINGDOM_OF_THE_PLANET_OF_THE_APES_THE_LAST_VIDEO_STORE_PODCAST | Hello and welcome and greetings from me, AlexiTolliopolis, the host of the program you've just tuned into the last video store. And thank you for celebrating cinema with me here on this day. We're coming to you a little early this week with a bonus episode. Yes, a bite-sized morsel of cinematic discussion is hitting yo... |
PhilomenaCunkOn | philomena_cunk_vs_dr_shirley_j_thompson_obe | The Rolling Stones were huge in the 1960s. Would it be fair to say they were the Beatles of their day? Well, I thought they were contemporary, so there was always a jostle between the Stones and the Beatles. Right, but the Beatles were already the Elvis of their day, so there's a spur Beatles. Can we give that to the R... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_marcello_hernandez_on_being_a_short_king_snl | It's April and that can only mean one thing. The celebration of Short Men that the internet has dubbed short King Spring here comment is our very own short king, Marcelo Hernando. Thanks for being here. So can you walk us through what it means to be a short King? Yeah, it's basically something women say as if it's a co... |
CrackerMilk | how_australian_cops_legally_steal | Hey, do you know why I pulled you over today? Uh, no. Swerving all over the road. Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't think I was. Have you taken any drugs today?
What? Yeah, I'm getting a strong whiff of drugs on that what seems to be a drug selling device. You mean my kids Nintendo Switch? This is a Nintendo Switch. Yeah, I'... |
cracked | so_you_want_to_be_indiana_jones | Hi, I'm Alex Schmidt. So, you want to be Indiana Jones. Welcome to So You Want to Be, the show about what it takes to have the fictional careers you daydream about. I'm your YouTube-based career counselor, here to walk you through what to do from birth to now in order to be Indiana Jones, the bad boy of archaeology, or... |
SaturdayNightLive | black_eyed_peas_snl | On a single day in 2008, three of the biggest pop songs of all time were recorded at Interscope Studios. And the never-before-seen footage from the session is finally being released. the label is so excited about the record. we can't wait to work on this new single with y'all. yeah, we know it's a work in progress, but... |
dropout | uncanny_valerie | Hello, welcome to the College Humor Podcast, the show where the folks who work here at College Humor just hang out a little bit, give you a little glimpse behind the scenes, have a little bit of fun. I am Mike Trapp, today I am joined by... Hi, I'm Eli Uden, you might have seen me also on Table Pop, a different podcast... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | the_betoota_advocate_podcast_trailer | Australia's oldest newspaper the Batutah Advocate dates back to the late 1800s in outback Queensland. Founded as a reliable unbiased newspaper to service the frontier of the Australian bush it has remained fiercely independent throughout the centuries that followed and now is ingrained into the Australian media landsca... |
dropout | dating_it_s_complicated_the_sweaty_road_trip | Last week, my boyfriend and I decided we wanted to go on a road trip down to his parent's summer house in Baja for the weekend, so we loaded up his car with coolers and surfboards and kicked the road. It was going to be 10 hours of driving without breaks, but we wanted to get it all done in one day so as to, you know, ... |
SaturdayNightLive | ted_koppel_s_brother_saturday_night_live | For Nightline, I'm Ted Koppen. Hey, great show, Ted. Thanks, Brian. Hey, Ted, listen, there's a guy in the Green room who really needs to talk to you.
Look, I just don't have time.
I know, Ted, but listen, it's different this time. he says that he's related to you. good to see you, Ted. it's been a long, long time. Y... |
Wizards_with_Guns | if_crime_was_punished_with_spankings | You know why I pulled you over today, sir? Uh, no, officer. Was I going too fast? I saw you flick this puppy out the window. Okay. That's a spankable offense. Can I please just have a ticket? Oh, you don't get a ticket. A one-way ticket to Spanktown. All right, spread them. No, not your legs. What the hell, man? You ha... |
dropout | troopers_holopad | That's dreadlord's answer, sir! There's been a prison break! What did you say? It all happened so fast! I can't hear people who aren't on my new holopad! What? Oh, come on. Me prison guards have been killed! Oh ho ho ho, that is just delightful. It's like you but blue and tiny. Sir, there is a dangerous candarian lizar... |
SaturdayNightLive | the_hitman_snl | Discipline. the key to doing any task well is discipline. And right now, that means waiting. the discipline of patience.
My heart rate is low. I achieved exactly eight hours and 21 minutes of sleep. And in six minutes, I will start phase two.
Downstairs. downstairs. Delivery. What? over East. Delivery. downstairs. I'... |
cracked | 37_people_watching_season_2_episode_4 | Hey, could I get a... whatever. Is it okay if I sit here? Yeah, for sure. How's... How's your evening? Alright, I guess. They say you should force yourself to get out of the house when you at least feel like being outside. So here I am at a bar for whatever reason. Yeah, for sure. It's good to, um, to get out there.
H... |
cracked | video_proof_that_aliens_exist_or_cnn_has_hit_rock_bottom | What did you see? I see a head. It looks like out of the corner of my eye some movement in the window.
That's all you're gonna show? One single frame? I guess it's not like CNN is gonna do some alien reenactment. So I did exactly that. I actually got my camera ready, got a magazine, and wanted to see if I could... Tha... |
CrackerMilk | we_re_starting_a_radio_show | And that was Timmy Tits with Riggy and the Boys and you're back on Crack Milk Radio with Cono, Elijah and Flipper. Yeah what's going on boys, it's me Flipper. Yeah good to see you Flipper.
I've been out in the surf. I'm a dolphin. Yeah. You know what they say about dolphins don't ya?
Big flippers. Big um. Two dicks. ... |
SaturdayNightLive | dog_acting_school_commercial_snl | Is your dog hot and he knows it? has it cruised by on looks its entire life? Do you got your dog looking at itself in the mirror, but it sucks in its cheeks like this? Then your dog might be the perfect candidate for enter Stage Woof Acting School for dogs. Hi, I'm Jolanda Batista. and I'm Donna Colana Scapini. And our... |
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