section stringclasses 14
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dropout | high_school_facts_quiz_show_with_kevin_hart_tiffany_haddish | Hey, whoa, whoa, we're not filming this, are we? Hello, and welcome to this fake classroom set.
I'm here with Tiffany Haddish and Kevin Hart, stars of the movie Night School. Sorry, I go by the Kevin Hart.
Oh, I see where that's on me. I fucked that up and I really do apologize. Got it.
Before we kick things off, wh... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_snooki_saturday_night_live | As I mentioned before, there are rumors circulating that Nicole Snooki-polizzi is having a baby. here to comment: the love of my life, Snooki. All right! Hi, America! it's me, your girl Snooki! Whoo! Hi! good to see you! I'm so happy to have you back.
You know, I have to say, Snooki, it does break my heart a little bi... |
PhilomenaCunkOn | philomena_cunk_vs_prof_douglas_hedley | We'll settle an argument that has raged for centuries. Which is better, the Bible or the Quran? The Quran. So that one.
Did a philosopher ever think of an idea so big it split their head open? Not that I'm aware of. You know how the human brain is full of pipes? Philosophers could- I'm not.
You didn't know about that... |
cracked | some_news_vladimir_putin_s_war_against_america_paul_ryan_s_war_against_himself_more | Hey you, here's some news. 38 million pieces of trash were found washed up on an uninhabited island in the Pacific.
We did it! Arrested Development has been officially renewed for season 5, which means it's officially almost half as good as Bones. 12 seasons.
Betsy DeVos plans to kill the Public Service Loan Forgiven... |
TheOnion | Diet_Book_Author_Advocates_New_No_Food_Diet | Hey, you want to stick around because coming up a little bit later in the hour, we're going to be visited by some Chinese acrobats who are going to make you just plumb forget about the horrors of their government back home. Perfect. You're going to watch that.
But first, you know, even with exercise, it can be very di... |
dropout | if_hand_turkeys_were_real | It's Thanksgiving, a time for family mountains of mashed potatoes and kids tracing out hand turkeys. And no one knows hand turkeys like Gemberly Farms. Gemberly Farms hand turkeys are plump and succulent. They're delicious whether you prefer finger meat, the little leggy bits, or the part that's both a thumb and a face... |
cracked | how_nintendo_and_the_legend_of_zelda_are_finally_growing_up_escort_mission_breath_of_the_wild | Whoa, this is beautiful. Look at that grass waving around makes me feel Yeah, I guess so what are you kidding me those mountains in the distance those horses running around that gorgeous panorama of a Castle trapped in purple spider web.
What what game is this? It's a Sorry It's the legend of Zelda breath of the wild.... |
SaturdayNightLive | the_laid_back_neutral_mcs_saturday_night_live | The east coast west coast rap war has heated up and now Quick Mix Records brings you the new Cd from the posse that ain't afraid to admit they're afraid. that's right, it's the laid back, neutral Mcs. with their new album, the east coast and the West coast are both great. these brothers want no part of that whole coast... |
dropout | when_your_date_s_apartment_sucks_ch_shorts | Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi. Sweetie! Hey. Thank you so much for meeting me at work.
Yeah, of course. We all good? We are good to go, let's head on home. Yeah, let me just text my roommates and tell them that we are on our way.
Are we doing your place or my place? Oh, we could do either. Oh, yeah, your place, my place, whiche... |
cracked | why_alien_news_has_to_remain_a_secret_we_re_not_alone_episode_4 | I can't believe how quickly they can just pack up and leave. Well, they don't need us anymore.
And now that the whole world knows, yeah, I'm sure they have press conferences and, like, pope stuff. They're probably talking to the pope. We have such a cool pope right now. I'm so jealous.
So are we going to go back to o... |
cracked | george_washington_totally_predicted_president_donald_trump_and_fake_news | Hey, I'm Zorabi Kangaga, and like many of you out there, I've been feeling a little anxious about what's been happening in our capital right now. By the way, that's actual footage of a cabinet meeting.
No, I'm just kidding.
Clearly, that's Voldemort and a bunch of Death Eaters. But if we're making comparisons, Bannon... |
dropout | cabbie_talk_sponsored | Brought to you by the city-friendly Toyota Prius C. Welcome to cab talk where we ask a real cab driver the questions You've always been afraid to ask because they're bad questions. I'm Streeter, and I'm walking here I'm Pat and we're here with Rafi a cab driver in the city of Los Angeles Who's the weirdest fair you eve... |
TheOnion | Revolting_Silt_Lake_Dredge_Appraisal | So, what have you dredged up today? Well, I was doing some suction dredging near where they're putting in the pylons for the new bridge near the creek, and it started to smell pretty different. Mm-hmm. Strong odor usually indicates decomposing organic matter. I've been dredging since I was too young to dredge, and I've... |
CrackerMilk | why_i_hate_mimes | Oh, a mime, I love mimes. Really clever, what's that?
A backpack, yeah, what's in the backpack? What's, where are you going? Actually, can I see the backpack? I should probably look inside the backpack. Yeah, just hand me the backpack.
Why are you shutting the door? Open the door! Who's this? What are you pouring in ... |
CrackerMilk | the_worst_game_show_for_couples | And welcome back. We've had an exciting game so far and we're moving into the final round where every question is worth $10,000. I'm here with Connor. How are you going, mate?
Oh, thanks so much, Tame. I just wanted to say thank you to my beautiful wife who has come here with me. I'm actually winning all this money fo... |
CrackerMilk | we_act_out_our_best_youtube_comments_crackermilk_podcast | What's with your skull? It's really hunched in the back.
No, it feels hot. I can feel the heat.
Ahh!
Oh my god! Look at that! Whoa! No, don't show them that. Whoa! Ahh! You can't, you can't show them that.
That's my hunched skull. Okay.
Hello everyone and welcome back to another episode of the Crackamel Podcast. W... |
dropout | slobbery_blunts_are_gross | I've had it, with you dumb fucks. None of you are getting up from your desks until you come up with one good sketch idea, okay? No, Grant, whatever you're gonna say. What are you gonna say? What is it, Grant? I live inside of a tree. Fuck, god damn it, Grant!
One sketch! One sketch is the full-time... Cool!
So, uh, y... |
CrackerMilk | dating_a_news_anchor | Hey, babe Welcome back. How are you? This reporter is feeling frisky and would like you to know there is a high chance of moisture down south this evening Hey, I just wanted to take a second to maybe talk about us You know in like our relationship. What are you breaking news? bikini day Aka the grand reopening is now h... |
dropout | kim_jong_un_vs_kim_jong_il_part_2 | We are to remain undetected. We must try to blend in.
Where are we at?
Some have a penis? Oh! Kim Jong-un! Whoo! I should have moved! Another robot with numbers for eyes peculiar. Ah, you're awake. Welcome, brother. Kim Jong-un!
Yes, it is me, the forgotten eldest son of Kim Jong-il. I was heir to the throne until I... |
dropout | pov_the_birds_and_the_bees | Have a seat, honey. There's something that your father and I would like to talk to you about, and for once, it's not your grades. Now Barbara, anyway, look, we know you're having sex. You're in college. I had sex with tons of women in college. The point is that your mother and I have been making love since the white al... |
rpunctuated | rpunctuated_106_park_top_10_live_with_kanye_west_snl | This is Terrence, and we're here with: Kanye West. Kanye, We were talking earlier about some of the bad press you've received for your behavior at award shows. Yeah? Well, you famously took the stage and protested the 2006 European Music Awards, and at the VMAs this year, cameras called you backstage, visibly upset tha... |
cracked | 3_tiny_details_that_reveal_huge_backstories_in_movies_inglorious_basterds_predators_coraline | In the movie Inglorious Bastards, Brad Pitt's character Aldo Raine loves killing Nazis. Like a lot. Hating Nazis definitely makes sense, but Brad Pitt's character is a hillbilly from Tennessee who appears to be on a Batman-style crusade for personal vengeance.
Well, this little detail has the hidden reason why. Didn't... |
Wizards_with_Guns | psychic_speaks_with_the_brain_dead | Welcome. Please, have a seat. Just get back from the beach. Whoa.
He's good. This guy's good.
How did you know? We were literally so close to the beach while we were locked on that roof.
This guy, this guy really good. Well, thank you. So you guys here for a tarot reading or maybe a palm- Just give him the works. It... |
dropout | realistic_dream_phone | Wanna talk to boys for hours and have your parents never see the bill? Heck yeah! Then try Realistic Dream Phone, the game with over 20 cute, emotionally unavailable guys to maybe talk to. To win, text guys and get clues to see who has a crush on you, if anyone!
The guy who likes you is wearing a hat and also is only ... |
TheOnion | Shitbucket_Of_John_Wilkes_Booth_Lake_Dredge_Appraisal | Tonight, conventional appraiser wisdom is upended by a soggy old backpack. Coming up on Helcomb County Municipal Lake Dredge Appraisal. I didn't tell your wife the fresh spring rolls were delicious. I will, thank you. Tell us about this bucket. Just a short dragline dredge, nothing fancy, can't believe my luck. It's a ... |
TheOnion | Onion_Explains_The_Rise_Of_China | To help you understand a communist nation that is somehow even more grotesquely capitalistic than our own, we now present The Onion Explains, China. With its GDP growing at double-digit rates for most of the past 30 years, China has emerged as a global economic titan, boasting a surging industrial sector, vast new publ... |
dropout | christmas_2017_outtakes | Hey Blockhead what are you doing? Listen to Christmas Carols to try and get the spirit before tonight Hey blockhead, what are you doing?
Now let's figure out how to pay for this bar we saved right I don't know why I said saved Don't get me started on the mall. There's nowhere to park.
Everyone's in a bad mood Bing Cr... |
dropout | Mighty_Morphin_Party_Ranger | My punches can connect. That's the power of the baby boomer. He's somehow always out of touch. If you want to defeat me, maybe you should work harder.
Oh, so exogenous. The most boring opinion. Such bull.
Brody, is everything okay in the torso? I'm detecting smoke. Yeah, everything must be something malfunctioning wi... |
dropout | extremely_real_people_who_are_definitely_not_actors | Come on in come in come make yourself comfortable Thanks for coming down today taking time out of your real normal person jobs. Why don't you give these flashlights a try all right? Oh, that's really bright. Yeah sure it's a flashlight.
Yeah really Chris. What if I told you that these flashlights You're holding right ... |
dropout | tide_ceo_you_gotta_stop_eating_tide_pods_ch_shorts | Hi, America, my name's David Taylor. I'm the CEO of the company that makes Tide, and it's corollary product, Tide Pods, which is what I wanna talk to you about today. You gotta stop eatin' the Tide Pods, okay? Look, I get it, you guys are young, you're hip. You don't want an old guy tellin' you what to do. But Tide Pod... |
SaturdayNightLive | please_don_t_destroy_lizzo_has_writer_s_block_snl | Lizzo, You're gonna kill it hosting this week. I know, like hosting. I think I can handle that.
This is like a whole musical guest thing that I was stressed out about. I mean, two new songs. I'm not joking. What's going on? I got writer's block. What can you write me a new song? No, then I need you to write me a new s... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_colin_jost_interviews_rep_george_santos_again_snl | Nasa recently discovered a tiny moon orbiting the asteroid during a flyby of a spacecraft 300 million miles away. here to comment is the scientist who made the discovery.
Oh no, it's George Santos. Hi, George. Yeah, this has not been a good week for you. the House Ethics Committee released a scathing report about you.... |
dropout | honest_college_ad | Thinking about college? Why not consider the school that U.S. News & World Report once called adequate, Quendalton State University. QSU offers courses in literally every discipline there is. Regardless of real world application. This is the most photogenic spot on campus.
All of the other buildings remain in the 1970... |
dropout | subletting_a_giant_robot | Well gang, looks like I'm about to head out on vacation. You sure you'll be okay without me? Oh yeah. We have nothing to worry about now that we defeated Frog-O. Oh God, that half-toed half-frog monstrosity will be haunting my nightmares. Cool. Well, I'll be back in a week. Don't touch my stuff!
It feels so empty in h... |
dropout | honest_rec_sports_commercial | Looking for a fun way to meet new people? Try Adult Rec Sports. My job and my home life have been really stressful lately. For just 60 bucks, I get to come out here and yell at strangers about something that doesn't matter. Hey, he hit him! I haven't played sports since high school. Adult Rec Sports provides a fun and ... |
SaturdayNightLive | i_came_i_saw_i_came_again_snl | I wish I knew what this recital was all about. forget about it. we subscribed. they've always got something good. excuse me. yeah. well, at least we made it, huh? yeah. Oh, God, Modern dance. Shh. it's ballet.
How is this? Honey, let me see your program for a second. The Dance Theater for the Blind? Honey, please. com... |
cracked | what_the_13_most_popular_dating_sites_are_actually_for_rom_com | It's obvious that the online dating market is booming but before I formally commit to anything I have to ask why would my client invest in this company over any other one? Thank you! Heart! I hold the power of human life in my hands. Which one do you want to hear first? Life. You sound like a planeteer. I started this ... |
CrackerMilk | seen_art_film | Not even that which I once loved. Now it tumbles, tumbles to the ground.
Pain is like a tattoo, permanent. Every moment that I breathe, I wonder why. Everything good is an illusion.
Happiness. Through this misery, I still hope. I hope that I'll soon get what I desire. That the world will turn its back on the pain it ... |
programmersarealsohuman | interview_with_a_gnu_linux_user_partition_1 | People say Ubuntu is for beginners. No Linux. People only say Ubuntu is for beginners because they want to feel superior. I also say Ubuntu is for beginners because I also want to feel superior.
That's a nice what you got there. Want me to turn it into a web server? If you want to turn your old Pentium beige box into ... |
cracked | common_science_fiction_tropes_that_need_to_exist_the_cracked_podcast | Put your hands together for the Cracked Columnist, Bob! What's up, UCB Sunset? How you guys doing? My name's Jack O'Brien. I'm the editor-in-chief of Cracked, and I'm joined on stage by Cracked Columnist, editor, and host of our sister podcast, Unpopular Opinion, Mr. Adam Todd Brown! Hey! Adam.
This is exciting. Yeah.... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_247_Justin_Horo_aka_The_Scope_and_Willie_Mason | Yes the following podcast is actually one of the better ones we've done in a while we're helping two close friends of Batuu to launch a new podcast I'm about to introduce them I'm going to say this will be premy air go-to for rugby league analysis and other musings of the world this is uh yes Willie Mason and Justin Ho... |
TheOnion | How_To_Survive_Being_Shot_Point_Blank_In_The_Chest_Dr_Good_Ep_7_ | Is there a man in your life who would like to dents in his penis? If so, we'd like to hear from you. Send a notarized readout of the specific gravity of his penis and a stool sample.
It's 730 North Franklin Street, 7th floor, Chicago, Illinois 60654.
So today we're going to show you some quick and easy health tips to... |
cracked | how_selfies_are_destroying_journalism | Hello, citizen journalists! You can all start calling yourselves that because you, whether you like it or not, are a news source now. More than one-third of Americans get their news from Facebook alone, which means that until one of their friends, that's you, shares the story, that might as well not exist for 80 millio... |
cracked | why_sauron_is_secretly_the_good_guy_in_lord_of_the_rings_after_hours | But what does it do? It changes size whenever it wants and corrupts anyone who touches it. No, we're not talking about Michael's penis all night again. No, the one ring from Lord of the Rings.
Obviously, I was being hilarious. I actually was talking about that.
I watched 20 hours of a movie, okay, and I still don't g... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Jesus_vs_Perrottet_A_Tone_Deaf_Pub_Goer_Anti_Vaxxers_Stand_Firm_More_October_15 | You're listening to the Petuta Advocates weekly news wrap on Desert Rock FM 96.5 Welcome back to the weekly Petuta bulletin it is a hell of a week right around Australia Queensland has just announced they'll have a new NRL side moving on 2023 there'll be officially four teams in Queensland and of course New South Wales... |
cracked | 4_movies_too_stupid_to_notice_they_ended_in_bloodshed_yboc | Hey there nerds, I'm Dr. Jordan Breeding and we've received a cease and desist from Pepsi, but you're watching your brain on crack. The only show with, sorry, I'm getting a set up for a joke. Hello?
Oh, if I tell you my credit card number, I get a slightly used set of towels? Amazing, no, I'm not worried that this mig... |
TheOnion | Romney_s_Terrifying_Google_Search_History_Leaked | War for the White House, on the front lines of election 2012, brought to you by 7-11-7 election. Unbiased, fair, extremely caffeinated, only then. The Romney camp has been silent all morning on what appears to be the candidate's leaked Google search history, which includes searches such as average wife, lifespan, norma... |
dropout | the_way_too_apologetic_bank_robbery | Good. You're all here.
You all remember Janelle, the muscle, everyone knows Julie, the decoy, and Leslie, the purse. And I'm Stephanie, the hacker. It's been five years since we've all been together. Forgetting someone? Sorry, Nicole, the assassin.
Sorry, I don't want to be like this girl. I just thought if I would s... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_130_Robbie_Katter_MP | You're listening to Errol Parker and Clancy Overall, editors of the Petuta Advocate, on Desert Rock FM. Welcome back to the Petuta Advocate radio show, recording live here in downtown Petuta. Queensland election looms, it's probably coming in about a week or two before the American election and of course in this part o... |
SaturdayNightLive | bowen_s_straight_snl | Okay, can I tell you guys something super embarrassing. I have like an itsy-bitsy crush on someone here, I think what? oh my god, Who let me pick it. No? there was like boy genius y'all are giving girl dumbass. I don't know. He's just so funny. and he's sweet, but it obviously can't be anything girl. you should absolut... |
dropout | hardly_working_fired_up | Hey guys What do you think about Lindsay? Oh, man.
She's like the worst employer totally incompetent.
I don't know I just been thinking about a lot lately Yeah, might fire really. Yeah. I don't know. I mean you totally should dude.
You just go up there I don't think she wants to work here anymore She told you that n... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_segment_tracy_morgan_saturday_night_live | Now here to talk about the latest in hip-hop fashion is Weekend Update Correspondent Tracy Morgan. Check out this cool shirt. I'm wearing is by a company called Fubu. Fubu means for us by us And that's because these clothes are designed by black people. For black people. And I think it's about time because we've been t... |
cracked | 12_7_07_news_on_cracked_douchebaggery_kiefer_fda_etc | It's Friday, December 7th, and this is the news on Cracked. I'm Lex Luther, and I'm... wait, no, no, I'm Lex Friedman. I always get us confused. Anyway, NASA officials had to delay yesterday's shuttle launch due to faulty fuel gauges. Damn it, I had $200 down on faulty insulation. Cracked has managed to obtain this pic... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | INTERVIEW_Tom_W_Clarke_Triple_J_Hottest_100_Historian | You're listening to a DM podcast. Hello and welcome to the Betuda Advocate podcast. We're back at it for another go. We are somewhat recharged after what was a very, very large, silly season.
My name's Wendell Hussey. I've got Effie Bateman, Euphemia Bateman on her birth certificate. You're with me today. How are you ... |
TheOnion | Robins_The_Perfect_Murder_Machine_Horrifying_Planet_Ep_4 | The American Robin heralds the beginning of spring in temperate climates across North America. Its red breast makes it easily identifiable as the most disturbingly efficient murderer in the animal kingdom. Here we see a robin rip a worm out of the ground with no moral hesitation whatsoever. This atrocity is but one in ... |
TheOnion | Newsroom_New_Wearable_Feedbags_Let_Americans_Eat_More_Move_Less | Fast food giant Yum Brands unveiled a product innovation this week that may change the way America eats, the fast food feed bag. Beginning today, diners will be able to strap on the wearable menu item at participating KFC, Long John Silver's, Taco Bell, and Pizza Hut restaurants, making it easier than ever to eat on th... |
ClickHole | watch_suspicious_package_unboxing | Hey, what's up guys?
Just found this suspicious package on my doorstep. I'm not really sure who or where it's from, but I thought I'd do a quick unboxing just to kind of show you guys what it's all about. Now you'll notice the packaging, pretty standard brown box, but somebody's punched some air holes into the left si... |
SaturdayNightLive | dueling_joans_saturday_night_live | Now, once again, here is Joan Rivers. hey, grow up! I just came out to plug my album! Ahh! the selling them in the lobby, you'll love it. Here, take one home. I am Joan Rivers. you are Not Joan Rivers. I Am Joan Rivers. If you are Joan Rivers, you are Joan Rivers on steroids.
Oh!
Oh! you bitch! she's a bitch! I'm a b... |
SaturdayNightLive | pbs_newshour_republican_momentum_cold_open_snl | This is the Pbs Newshour. we're what your grandma is talking about when she says, I saw this on the news. With the midterms less than two weeks away, Republicans appear to be surging, with a strong closing message from candidates who have gone from underdogs to stars of the Republican party. But how? Tonight, we talk t... |
SaturdayNightLive | why_d_you_like_it_snl | It's the game show you love to like. It's why'd you like it with your host Denny Down Again, welcome to why'd you like it? The game show where we ask contestants? why'd you like it? I'm your Host Denny Down again. Tonight's contestants are Beth.
Hi. can't wait to play Kenny! What's up, y'all? let's do this and Brad. E... |
dropout | hardly_working_shrinking_ray | Most unlikely of heroes. Charge aren't being consistent.
Oh! Yes!
My shrinking right is here. Shrinking right?
Yeah, I ordered it from Amazon. .com? Nope. Let's try it out. Oh my... It worked! That's awesome. Do me. Alright, stand back, Jake. Next stop, adventure. I guess the battery died. Hm. Alright, wanna get lun... |
cracked | what_movie_ghost_would_you_rather_be_haunted_by_after_hours_the_sixth_sense_the_ring | They specifically say it was a graveyard smash enjoyed by the old ghosts. It's about one last hurrah for the lost and GI generations of Boris Karlov.
Yeah, you're right. It catches on with the Flash. Maybe not for anyone in the modern world, but...
It's just the monster, the ghouls from their abodes, Wolfman, Trachea... |
cracked | the_scientific_explanation_for_people_who_believe_in_ghosts | God, they never turn the AC off, do they? It's because we're all trying to get you to chill out. It's like sixth sense levels in here.
I can see my breath. And I can hear it a lot. Like while I'm working. You should talk to somebody about that, a doctor. Wait a minute. Do you even hear the AC? No, I don't hear it.
So... |
cracked | why_every_awesome_fictional_school_would_kill_you_the_cracked_podcast | Please welcome to the stage, the Cracked Popcast Live! What's up, UCB Sunset? My name is Jack O'Brien. I'm the Editor-in-Chief of Cracked. And joining me on stage is the warm beating heart and big swinging dick of crack.com, Mr. Daniel O'Brien! This podcast is about, it's back to school time, right?
Yeah. Am I right? ... |
cracked | 4_true_stories_of_the_least_glorious_fist_fights_ever_writer_s_room | If the Fart Monster General doesn't orgasm, then the sketch doesn't make any sense. Orgasm is not something you can just throw into the end of a sketch. It's going to be hilarious.
Fight, fight, fight, fight. That was quick. I'm not going to fight. I'm not going to fight each other. Have you never actually been in a r... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | WEEKLY_BULLETIN_Dutton_Tells_Price_She_Was_Useful_During_Referendum_But_Us_Whitefellas_Can_Take_ | you're listening to a DM podcast you're listening to the Batutah advocates weekly news wrap on desert rock FM 96.5 all right buddy Batutah buddy weekly yo fellas my name is Clancy overall my name is Wennell Hussey and I'm Effie Bateman yeah well you know I've been reading the Sydney Morning Herald okay the Sydney elite... |
dropout | american_eagle_outfitters_skinny_skinny_jeans_prank | Hey have you guys seen our new style of jeans? We have this new cut of jeans It's called the skinny skinny. Do you guys want to check this out? If jeggings are too baggy These are perfect. Imagine pants, but made out of the softest spiderweb. It's a spray on denim technically scientifically it is Jeans, it's super eco-... |
dropout | the_michael_showalter_showalter_with_jack_mcbrayer | Hey, Jack. Hi. Thanks for coming by. Thanks for joining the show. Thank you for having me. Yeah. Really good to meet you.
Yes. So, did you bring Tina? Tina Fey? Yeah. Oh, no? Because we had said that, you know, it would be cool if you brought Tina with you because we know that you're doing 30 Rock and stuff.
So I don... |
dropout | toon_tang_ep_1 | People say they're prostitutes. I don't like that word, prostitute.
Right this way, hon, Del Mar will introduce you to the girls. You could say Del Mar's the daddy and I'm more of the mom around here. Galway, I'd like to introduce you to the ladies. Hi, Gary.
I don't want none of them. So you want me to try this on? ... |
cracked | 4_bizarre_rules_for_naming_fictional_characters | Citing a character in a movie or TV show is always difficult. For efficiency and simplicity's sake, it would be great if all of our protagonists could be named Froff, Hugh's protagonist, and Shaniqua likes Daniel a lot, and all of our villains could be named Elvira hates dogs and Chad, but things don't work that way. T... |
dropout | cheers_hardly_working | Big night ahead of us, boys. A little bit of drinking, a little bit of dancing, and a little bit of that which shall not be named. Voldemort. Cheers to that. David, we didn't get to with our bottles. So where are we going tonight?
Marquis or Butter? Marquis. Yeah, very good. Because Butter actually closed two weeks ag... |
dropout | world_s_worst_dine_and_dashers | Your check, sir. Thank you very much.
Okay, it's now or never. Are you ready? Dude, I'm so ready. I've always wanted to dine and dash. Okay, let's do it.
Three, two... Hey, come back here! Oh, crap. We can't dine and dash now. What are we gonna do? Wait. Wait, this might actually be better for us. I mean, there is no... |
SaturdayNightLive | outrageous_clown_squad_kickspit_dirt_festival_saturday_night_live | Stag Mouth Soda presents the Underground Rock Minute, bringing you all the latest in underground rock and rock. Dj Super Soak again. and our little blaster. Yeah, today we're going to show you the new video from the Thriller Killer Clowns, Yo. you may know that previous, more violent songs like I'ma Stab Your Face and ... |
dropout | total_novice_aerial_silks_live | Hi everyone, thank you for watching our latest live video. We're about to play a little game called Total Novice. I'm here with Grant O'Brien and Zachoyama. They're about to compete in something that they have never done before in their lives.
In fact, they're not even sure what they're about to do. You have any guess... |
dropout | march_of_shame | In bedrooms from Sigmunu to Delta Chi, females of the species awake and realize with regret where they have spent the night. Having shed their protective shells, they must grope around in the darkness, careful not to wake their sleeping mates. As the sun climbs over the eastward hills, so do these lost souls climb out ... |
cracked | why_the_democratic_primary_is_basically_over | Guys, it's me Dan from work. Oh, the Democratic debate was yesterday. We all watched it together. We did. That was a good time Yeah, there are like three stages of preparedness for everyone there was Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders who seemed like so experienced and and confident talking up there Martin O'Malley is ... |
SaturdayNightLive | young_spicy_snl | What is up ladies? I appreciate y'all coming in to help. my name is Young Spicy. how you doing? hey, what's good? And this is Bernard. You gonna be recording this today. happy to be here. let's get this. Thanks! Thought it alright, so I'm looking for a new producer tag to play at the beginning of my song. So I'm real c... |
TheOnion | Asian_American_Actresses_Describe_Struggle_Of_Constantly_Being_Typecast_As_Sherlock_Holmes | When I was growing up, I rarely saw people who looked like me on TV. Never.
Even when a movie had a female Asian character, she'd be wearing an Inverness cape and holding a magnifying glass. Speaking with a high-brow London accent. All these years later, nothing's changed. Frankly, it's offensive. Asian women being ty... |
dropout | bleep_bloop_kid_testing_the_classics | This week on Boiploop, we are playing classic video games with kids to see if there's still any good. I'm Jeff Rubin here with Nicky, who is this many, Joey, who is eight and packed. Now, Nicky, what do you think about this game?
Do you think it looks good? Yes. It looks fun? It is fun.
Nicky, how old do you think th... |
SaturdayNightLive | trivia_game_show_snl | It's time for guess that with your host, Clint Litorez. welcome to guess that, and it's Clint Litorez. We have three wonderful contestants playing. Tracy, Nicole, and Kenny. Now, we all know how the game goes. I'll ask you guys a series of rapid-fire trivia questions, and if you guessed them right, I'll give you some m... |
SaturdayNightLive | the_joys_of_marriage_saturday_night_live | Thanks a lot for coming out with me, man. I can't believe it was five days from now. I'm gonna be married. yeah? I mean, I'm freakin'' out, man. I don't think I can go through this. Ah, it's perfectly normal to feel a little nervous, Chris. I did when I got married. same here.
Listen, can I ask you guys some marriage ... |
TheOnion | The_Onion_Looks_Back_At_I_Know_What_You_Did_Last_Summer | Let's take a look at I Know What You Did Last Summer. This 1997 slasher hit features a hook-wielding madman that stalks and murders the teens who left him for dead in a drunken hit and run. But what's truly shocking in the film is the fact that the killer doesn't just sue these kids and their parents for every last pen... |
dropout | hardly_working_guy_ritchie | Hi Paddy, got me money, what you fuck off? So shame. That's me, they call me Epistreator. Thing is, I'm the meanest most miserable fuck in the whole fucking office. I guess it's one of them ironic nicknames, isn't it? And that there's Pat, aka Strong Paddy. Weak as fuck all he is. Again, ironic nickname.
Have you met ... |
cracked | why_the_first_pet_would_have_been_terrifying_stuff_that_must_have_happened | You know, we've been thinking about getting a waste hole. Oh, oh you should. We weren't even sure we were going to use ours, but now we can't imagine what we'd do without it. It's modest, but we found that if we use it at the same time, we could rest our backs to be gone.
Everyone's gone. Go, go, go. No, leave me. Go,... |
TheOnion | NASA_Water_On_Mercury_Proves_Planet_Could_Support_Intergalactic_Space_Prison | NASA's recent discovery of water on Mercury has led to speculation among scientists that the planet could potentially sustain an intergalactic space prison housing the universe's worst criminals. Scientists believe that organic compounds found on the planet's surface could be useful for creating an off-world space Aust... |
CrackerMilk | we_re_pressing_charges_ | Hey guys, I'm CrackerMilk's new lawyer, and we're gonna be pressing charges today We've been losing tens of millions of views on our videos and now it's time to fight back Okay, do I look sweaty? No, man, you're good. If you guys are getting a seizure desist anyone that's ripping our content. You're gonna be given us m... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | EP_90_JO_KOY | You're listening to Errol Parker and Clancy Overall, editors of the Batooter Advocate on Desert Rock FM. Welcome back to the Batooter Advocate radio show. You're joined by Clancy Overall, myself and Errol Parker. How are you Errol? Good mate.
This week we have a special guest, very special guest. We're very lucky to g... |
TheOnion | Should_Baseball_Fix_Its_Pacing_Issues_By_Limiting_Visits_To_The_In_Laws_During_Games | It's time to sweat, sweat, sweat for the home team, listeners, because we're talking Major League Baseball. It's no secret that Commissioner Rob Manfred is trying to speed up the game with TV ratings and attendance hitting record lows. But if he really wants to turn things around, should baseball start limiting visits ... |
cracked | 14_cartoons_from_your_childhood_with_secret_celebrity_voices | Fourteen surprising voices. Your favorite car suits. Now! So you think Santa will like these red and green M&Ms?
I don't know, I never met the guy.
Waha! We're gonna be like, pow pow pow! And they're gonna be like, ahhhh!
Uh, Santa? Who is Spider-Man? He's a criminal, that's who he is. A vigilante. Sparky, where'd y... |
dropout | kim_jong_un_launches_a_nuke | It will soon be destroyed to make way for a giant statue of Kim Jong-un! Popwop!
What on whose authority? Kim Jong-un's! In it is a righteous and shrewd decision! This school must be destroyed! Unless... All griffin of gentility! The United Nations holds their annual nuclear weapons contest! Top prize is enough money ... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_gina_bianchi_on_the_joys_of_motherhood_snl | A new study shows that the covid baby bump is over as fewer Americans are choosing to have kids. here to comment on the joys of motherhood is Gina Bianchi, a woman with four daughters and one son. you boys look so nice. Thank you Gina! So you're a mom of five, tell us about motherhood.
Oh My. God. I love it. I mean, s... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_trend_forecasters_on_summer_trends_snl | Well, it's almost summer and as the weather changes, so do styles and trends. here to comment on what's in for summer are two trend forecasters.
Well, thanks for coming back.
I can see you're ready for warm weather. Yes, we had a meeting this morning with the sun.
We typed what it told us into our big throbbing comp... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | A_Long_Awaited_Homecoming_Pop_Steps_Up_A_Millenial_s_Findings_More_July_16 | You're listening to the Batutah Advocate's Weekly News Wrap on Desert Rock FM 96.5. Welcome back to the Batutah Advocate Weekly News bulletin recording here from the heart of the Queensland Channel Country down in Batutah's old city district at the Desert Rock FM studios. My name is Clancy Overill, editor of the Batuta... |
SaturdayNightLive | billy_boxer_saturday_night_live | Ain't that popcorn? 25 cents a bed? let's go. hurry up. hey, how you doing? how are you? huh? ain't that popcorn 25 cents a bed? let's go. There you go, pal. let's go. pal, thank you, pal. ain't that popcorn 25 cents a bed?
Hey. hey, how are ya? Huh? how are ya? huh? how are ya? huh? huh? who are you? Oh, yeah. hey, y... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_congressional_candidate_stars_in_own_sex_tape_meth_filled_pumpkins_snl | A popular Peloton instructor is suing the company for nearly $2 million, alleging that an executive mocked him for being Irish. In response, the executive countersued him for all the treasure in his pot of gold. Manhattan congressional candidate, Mike Ickes, starred in his own sex tape in an effort to publicize his cam... |
SaturdayNightLive | cabaret_night_snl | Hello everyone, we hope you're enjoying the music and dinner. if anyone drove here in a blue Toyota Corolla, I just wanna say I have the same car, so let's talk. And now, without further ado, our biggest act of the night, The Singers 4, tonight is a special reunion. they haven't performed together in five years, but we... |
TheOnion | How_Do_Self_Driving_Cars_Avoid_Driving_Straight_To_The_Beach | Self-driving cars have the potential to revolutionize the way we live our lives. But first, we need to make sure they're reliable. Engineers working on these vehicles have had to overcome one issue in particular. How to prevent self-driving cars from heading straight for the nearest sandy beach and parking there all da... |
dropout | realistic_80s_costume_party | I love 80s parties. I'm so excited. Me too. And my friends are die-hard 80s fans. I hope you're ready to go back in time.
Yes. Oh, Raf! And this must be Janie. Right, yeah. Sorry, Raf told me this was an 80s dress-up party. Oh, it is. Do you like our two of the 83 million viewers who tuned in to see who shot J.R. Coup... |
cracked | jackie_chan_s_greatest_hits_the_debate_staff_picks_s1_episode_09 | I feel like when we talk about Jackie Chan movies, a lot of the descriptions of them are usually, it's the one where he does this. Yeah. And like, this sounds like, oh, it's the one with the rope factory. Yeah. You'd think, but then there's- Or the one with the fedora. Right. I do, I mean, Jackie Chan is like a hot, li... |
SaturdayNightLive | kissing_family_austin_brings_his_roommate_home_from_college_snl | Hey, I'm so psyched that, you know, you can come back and hang out this weekend, man. Yeah, it'll be nice to get a home-cooked meal for a change. I know. anything's better than mystery meat, right? Oh, but hey, just a heads up.
Just so you know, my parents, they're pretty great. Austin, is that you? Hey, Mom. I'm so g... |
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