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TheOnion | rep_ingersol_s_murder_of_a_hobo | At approximately 3.25 a.m., I approached hobo while said hobo was asleep in parking lot of Victorville area Sizzler. Section 2, I licked my lips. Section 2A, I then produced from within my sport coat, one quarter inch torque wrench. Section 3, I proceeded to bludge and said hobo on and about the head, neck and shoulder... |
CrackerMilk | why_i_hate_spider_man | I'm responding to an emergency. I just got home from a conference and my house has been attacked by Spider-Man. My house and my husband. Babe, babe, come tell them. I was alone and Spider-Man came in and got on top of me and he webbed me up and he webbed the whole house and it's okay. It's not a big deal. I think you c... |
dropout | why_we_need_a_businessman_as_president_we_don_t | Yo, it's the Zack and the Jess and we're sick of people getting jobs based on experience Because there's one kind of person who could take care of any job when your job is taken care of business It's better with a businessman a business man.
He's in the business of business with his business plan Damn, no one can do i... |
SaturdayNightLive | dress_rehearsal_bonus_clip_oprah_stops_by_the_update_desk_snl | Whoa, I'm back! Oh! hello, Seth. hello, Amy. Hello. I've got a surprise for you. look under your seats. it's a sandalwood soy candle, My volleyball! Oh, my gosh! Look under your seats.
Today, everyone at the weekend update desk is getting a furby! Oh, my gosh! you're a furby, baby! Awesome, Oprah. thank you. you got i... |
dropout | minorities_don_t_look_alike | Our mission? To kill an international crime lord, a villain more devious than anyone we've ever taken down before.
Worse than Pinkin in London. Worse than Sullivan in Rome. Hell, she's even worse than Sullivan's twin in Paris.
Returnal twins always have a subtle difference.
Yeah. I don't know what Chiffani Atul look... |
dropout | if_apps_were_people_drawfee_show | Welcome to the Drawfee Show where we're taking your dumb suggestions and make even dumber drawings.
I'm Caldwell. I'm Nathan.
Guys, today we are drawing Alex Katzmarek's suggestion of social media sites as people. We were apprehensive about this one at first because it's been done. A lot of these have been done, but ... |
SaturdayNightLive | snl_digital_short_everyone_s_a_critic_snl | Hey, Paul. hey, what's up, dude? nothing. what you doing?
Oh, just highlighting my lines. cool. What? All right, well, this is gonna sound kind of weird, but may I paint you? I'd like that. cool. it's cold in here. it could have fooled me. so everything is in the right place. big time. I get so self-conscious. here. m... |
programmersarealsohuman | interview_with_metaverse_founder_2024 | One quinoa coin is currently around 2.3 amaranth pre-minth activations. We're talking only about post-inflation assets. Seems to me you're making things up. Because you don't actually have any money to invest.
Thank you so much for coming along. And thanks for your interest in anything, Wart. Thank you. Hopefully we c... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Weekly_News_Bulletin_Eden_Mahalo_Prince_Andrew_Worksite_Comedy_Plenty_More_3_07_20 | Good afternoon everyone, it's Errol Parker here and welcome to another Petuta Advocate Weekly News Bulletin. Back again, this time I'm with Wendell Hussey and Clancy Overrell is not here, he's in Brisbane.
He's down there recording a very special Monday morning podcast and he just told me he's slipped into a massage p... |
dropout | phone_sex_pranks_motivational_speaker | I'm kind of into like motivational speakers, like, you know, self-help people. Oh, okay, you know, like that Susan Powers chick? Yeah, yeah, exactly. So, uh, where are you? Are you on stage right now? Yeah. You have a tiny mic on? Like a wireless mic? Yeah. It's good. Like, how many people are in the audience watching ... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_222_Jordan_Simi | You're listening to Errol Parker and Clancy Overell, editors of The Petuta Advocate on Desert Rock FM. Well, welcome back to The Petuta Advocate radio show. We've been on a good run of guests here at Petuta, we had Jackie Lambie on. Before that we had a range of playwrights and authors and stuff and really we're just e... |
TheOnion | Iron_Man_Trailer_To_Be_Made_Into_Feature_Film | Iron Man was one of the most popular trailers of last summer, but controversy is sweeping the fan community today following the announcement that Paramount Pictures is planning to adapt the beloved trailer into a feature-length motion picture. Here to discuss the details is Entertainment Weekly writer Rory Covey. Rory,... |
cracked | what_is_the_worst_part_of_living_in_the_matrix_cracked_debate | I thought I was dead. You only thought you were dead.
I know, I literally just said that. Machine!
Man, living in the Matrix would be like really bad. Yes, I also think that it would be bad. But like probably for different reasons than you think. Being mentally enslaved by evil robots inside a big ass Oculus Rift for... |
SaturdayNightLive | we_got_brought_snl | My friend is going out, and I'm tagging along. she's gonna see some pals she hasn't seen in so long. it's my boyfriend's friend's birthday, and I was free. will I know people there? he said. you'll know me. My sister's meat and fridge, she said. you'll love him, I think. I said, I don't love strangers, but I do like to... |
dropout | if_iphone_6_were_actually_better | At Apple, we strive to make every product as innovative and delightful as possible. But with the iPhone 6, we've listened to our users, and now are adding the features you actually want. When Apple introduced the Lightning port, we required you to buy all new cables, because we're arseholes who love money. But we've li... |
dropout | what_is_the_worst_way_to_announce_a_pregnancy_rank_room | Like insects. No, I know. Why did you say bunny? Like Bugs Bunny.
What a joke! What a card!
Hello and welcome to The Rank Room. This is a game show where we try to answer life's most important questions. Today's question is, What is the worst way to announce a pregnancy? Today I'm joined by Michael Trapp.
An expert ... |
SaturdayNightLive | oscar_isaac_monologue_snl | Ladies and Gentlemen, Oscar Isaac! thank you so much. I'm so excited to be here. this is my first time hosting Snl. they actually asked me to host back in 2015, but I said, no, I'm not ready.
I want to wait till after the pandemic. And they were like, what pandemic? my name is Oscar Isaac, but my full name is Oscar Is... |
TheOnion | Fans_Flock_To_Lollapalooza_To_See_All_Of_The_Biggest_Brands | Summer music festival season is in full swing, and this weekend fans are flocking to Lollapalooza to see all of their favorite brands. We hit Chicago's Grant Park to find out which companies and corporate sponsors fans are most excited to check out. Verizon, Red Bull, Walgreens, so many great brands all in one spot. We... |
dropout | hardly_working_sticky_kids_with_thomas_middleditch | I captured Siberia!
I'm going to win! I'm finally going to win!
Oh no! No, no, no! Dammit!
Darien, Damien, what are you guys doing here? Ah, sorry. Sorry, yeah. Quick question.
Our mother, she was supposed to come us up here in three and it's been 48 hours now. Two days. We just wanted to know if our parents were g... |
cracked | when_making_fun_of_bad_tv_isn_t_worth_it_agents_of_cracked_episode_12 | Hi, I'm Abe Epperson. I directed Agents of Cracked. Welcome to the Craterion collection of the Agents of Cracked.
Stay after and we'll be talking about what we did while we made the thing, little anecdotes and stories. Spoiler alert, I killed a hobo. Okay, I've got my coffee, protein bar, sweat towel, and I won't need... |
TheOnion | this_week_in_history_v_e_day_commemorated_with_historic_radio_address_from_fdr_s_rotting_corpse | From the day in 1907, when a briefly vegan Theodore Roosevelt freed the capital's Buffalo population, to Alabama's first desegregated mass suicide in 1972, the Onion looks back at this week in history. On May 10, 1497, Amerigo Vespucci left Cadiz, Spain, for his historic first voyage to the New World, only to sheepishl... |
dropout | who_got_me_sick | What's going on? I've asked you all to meet me here, because somebody in this room got me sick. Yes, one of you. One of us?
Why, that's preposterous. You may not be sick at all. Perhaps you're simply tired or dehydrated. Yes, hydration. It's terribly important. I read an article about it, you know. No, the fact is tha... |
TheOnion | Getting_Started_With_Onion_Social | The homepage will take you to a short form where you'll be prompted to provide your email, phone number, birth date, social security number, bank routing information, and STI test results. After you make a username and password, draw two vials of your blood, and you're ready to start connecting. After you log into oSoc... |
cracked | trump_university_students_finally_set_the_record_straight | Hey there America, you've probably been hearing some negative things about Trump University. But you're not getting the whole story from the liberal media. We would know. We're Trump University alumni. Go Orange Lions! And we're here to set the record straight. First of all, Trump University wasn't a scam. Trump Univer... |
TheOnion | New_GOP_Smartphone_App_Streamlines_Voter_Discrimination_In_Swing_States | You know, a new election means a new set of racist voting laws in battleground states causing long delays and chaos at the polls, but does it have to be so cumbersome? This year, the exciting new Vote Right app aims to help minorities avoid the hassle by stripping away their vote right in the palm of their hands. The V... |
dropout | hardly_working_ouija_board | Hey Dan, it's Ouija time! Oh jeez, um, I don't know, Ouija boards always kind of freak me out.
Come on, it's totally harmless, don't be a poos. I'm not being a poos! Okay, look, I just don't want to get involved with that stuff.
Let's just see who can be the first to connect four checkers. Ugh, fine. You know, little... |
cracked | the_6_most_blatant_lies_companies_based_entire_ads_on | same advertising lies sometimes if I eat as I used to my digestive system gets out of whack it's not easy keeping it working as it should it's easy if you enjoy an activity every day delicious with the exclusive probiotic bifidus regularis activity helps regulate your digestive system put a smile back in your day some ... |
cracked | why_the_neverending_story_is_actually_buddhist_propaganda_today_s_topic | Are you not eating? Today is my fast day. I'm on cron. Cron.
Haha. Sounds like a dragon. Like, foul core. Actually, it's...
Do you know the never ending story? Of course. The never ending story is a great example of the Noble Eightfold Path. You're thinking of Kill Bill and the Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Techniq... |
dropout | weird_al_yankovic_on_a_boat_and_the_band_played_on | Men, we're not more than an hour above water. I suggest you find yourself seats on a lifeboat. We've decided to play on until the end. Perhaps our music can provide some peace in these passengers' final hours. Remarkable. Play on, men.
No hope is left of being saved. The ICC will be our grave. Pain and death await us ... |
cracked | nov_26th_news_on_cracked | It's Monday, November 26th, and this is the News on Cracked. I'm Lex Friedman, and you probably have better things to do with your time. The FDA is demanding that warnings be added to flu drugs for kids after 25 children have died from neurological problems, such as throwing themselves out of windows. The drugs in ques... |
TheOnion | Jennifer_Love_Hewitt_Pays_Magazine_Millions_To_Run_Baby_Pics | Us Weekly really did not want these photos. I guess not. Apparently, there was quite a scramble among the tabloids to not print them.
That's exactly right, Michael. OK Magazine, In Touch Star, insiders say they really didn't want to waste valuable page space on such an uninteresting celebrity, much less the baby I gue... |
SaturdayNightLive | spade_in_america_teri_hatcher_saturday_night_live | Ladies and Gentlemen, Spade in America with David Spade. I'm David Spade, or at least I will be for the next five minutes. Just go with me here on this premise. we're trying to keep this segment alive. Sorry my piece was so late in the show, but of course, update ran long again. Okay, Norm. Mary and Barry smokes Crack.... |
cracked | introducing_linkedinfinite | Hello, Internet. I'm Ryan Roslanowski, CEO of LinkedIn. Recently, the Internet's been a pure bloodbath with Elon Musk's institution of the tweet limit, restricting unverified Twitter users to less than 600 tweets read per day. That's insane. I usually read about 10,000, right? So here at LinkedIn, we promised to do the... |
dropout | josh_s_mindhouse_magic_powers | Josh's mind bells. Please, Josh, what the hell? Sarah, Sarah, it's me, Josh. Yeah, I know, I just said that.
Is anyone following you? What? No, no one's following me? What's wrong with you?
Sarah, this is going to sound crazy, but just hear me out, okay? You're the only one I can trust. I think I have magical powers.... |
dropout | ch_does_the_purge_full_version | Thank you all for attending this mandatory team-building session. This year, instead of Trust Falls, we're making you all do The Purge! Whaaaat? Well, don't just stand there, go Purge, doesn't that look like fun?
Yeah, okay, but so, old crime is legal, I guess. Well, you can't harm any high-level government employee, ... |
SaturdayNightLive | dog_show_saturday_night_live | Coming up next on Animal Final, Dog Show. Sposse Dogs. Sposse Dogs in Quiet. Hello, and welcome to Dog Show. This is a show for people. about dogs. starring one dog. and one dirty dog.
That's right. that's me. I'm Miss Colleen, and I like her dogs. And I'm David Larry, And I like dogs. As usual, I'm sitting next to my... |
SaturdayNightLive | showtime_saturday_night_live | It's official, Showtime is the home for Women with secrets. women like Mary Louise Parker in Weeds. Ideal Weed, Don't tell anyone, it's a secret, whatever. Edie Falco in Nurse Jackie. I'm a nurse and I take pills, so what? it's my secret and it's none of your business. Laura Linney in The Big C. I have cancer and I can... |
dropout | Don_t_Laugh_News_Challenge_Teen_Heart_Throb_Helen_Mirren | Hi, I'm Long John Jovi, the San Francisco Dream.
There are 10 full episodes of Breaking News that will only be available on Dropout.tv. Start your free trial today, and from all of us here, have a very merry Swissmas. From West Hollywood, California, the only news team that doesn't know what's on the teleprompter befo... |
cracked | rrr_review_ft_will_stephen_aka_dance_dance_rrrevolution | I feel like that didn't work in the way that I was hoping it would work, but it never does. So welcome to Cracked Movie Club, the show where we do a book club, but for movies, which are like books, but better.
I'm your host, Jordan Breeding. And I'm joined by only one co-host again, because I'm the only one who cares ... |
dropout | Brian_Hitler_Is_One_of_the_10_Worst_Brians_No_Laugh_Newsroom | From West Hollywood, California, the only news team that doesn't know what's on the teleprompter before they read it. Anyone who laughs or breaks loses points. This is Breaking News. Welcome back to Breaking News, the show where we don't know what we're about to say and we aren't allowed to smile or laugh.
I'm Taylor ... |
dropout | the_coors_light_golf_experience_sponsored | Welcome to the Coors Light Golf Experience here in Whistler, British Columbia. 160 Coors Light Contest winners are going to come up here, play some golf, hopefully embarrass themselves so we can make fun of them. And then I imagine there will be a winner at the end of it all. And guys, extra special surprise. My family... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | A_Puffer_Vest_Wearing_Prick_Mortified_Aged_Care_Residents_Katter_s_Pitch_More_April_15 | My name is Earl Parker, replacing Clancy Overrell, who's not here. -- No, he's off on a cruise of the South Pacific with his fiance? -- Well, I think that they're getting married on the boat. I think when you're getting married for the eighth time, you know, it's kind of like... -- Best to elope. -- Just buying a new p... |
Wizards_with_Guns | tv_shows_where_the_detective_has_supernatural_powers | Heh... looks like this photographer isn't the best at... taking head shots. Hahahaha! I just said that a second ago, you all got mad at me. Quiet, rookie!
Let the detective work! Work? He's just... closing his eyes and touching his head. He's been doing this for hours. We need to start... collecting evidence. Do you k... |
cracked | an_open_break_up_letter_to_cgi | Hey, babe. Listen.
This has been good. This has been really good.
But we need to talk about us. Now, don't worry. I still want to be with you, CGI. But I can't be with only you. Now, don't go. Let me make my pitch here. When we first got together, it was perfect.
You were fresh. You were exciting. You could be somet... |
SaturdayNightLive | jeffrey_s_3_saturday_night_live | Hi. excuse me. do you guys, uh, care any Dk and Y? ugh. you should be asking yourself for Dk And how, as in, how could I still be cuffing my jeans in the 21st century? Yeah. we're the ones who should be asking Dk and Y: Are you wasting our time? Leave. leave Now.
Oh, come on. just that I don't happen to recognize all ... |
dropout | periods_aren_t_that_gross | Hey boys, how's it going fellas? We're here to talk to you about our bodies.
More specifically, what goes on during that time of the month. You know, when anti-flow comes to visit. When the old red ribbon is hanging on the door. Shock week. The blob riding the cotton pony to blood town.
Our periods! Because they're r... |
TheOnion | Dems_Praise_Biden_As_Only_Candidate_Able_To_Talk_To_Americans_Like_The_Slack_Jawed_Dumdums_They_Are | He's the man Democrats have chosen to take on President Trump come November, but just what was Joe Biden's secret to winning the nomination? Hear how the former VP was able to unite party support by treating voters like the stupid slack-jawed dum-dums they know they are.
And later, could breast milk be turning the nat... |
cracked | 5_secret_dark_implications_in_disney_movies_yboc_finding_nemo_lion_king | Oh my god, I did it, I turned myself into an Irish cartoon that can't take all Dr. Jordan Brady to jail if he's not even real. Oh shit, looks like I'm real again and looks like we're in a terminator situation where my lab code didn't travel between dimensions. Anyway, looks like you're watching another normal-ass live ... |
dropout | the_ice_cream_truck_disaster | So, as you may have heard, Plum is running for president. Tell them, baby. We want dessert. That's right. So to get the word out there, we're going to get the dessert out there. Ah, scream, you scream. We all scream for Plum for president.
Hey, where are all the students? It's 11 a.m. They don't get out until 3. That'... |
cracked | why_the_board_game_guess_who_is_getting_more_racist_obsessive_pop_culture_disorder | Hi Internet, I'm Daniel O'Brien and welcome to another episode of Obsessive Pop Culture Disorder, a show that is obsessed with pop culture. And then disorder is the other part of the title. Today's episode wonders.
Now I know what you're thinking, and you're right. Guess who is racist? But not just because it's a boar... |
programmersarealsohuman | interview_with_an_nft_non_enthusiast | Most people don't get the art because most people are not up there in the Maslow's pyramid The final step on the pyramid is crypto punks and bored apes. All right, let me just put this in here NFTs, so first they said it's an advancement in technology that will fundamentally change the way we interact as a society now ... |
TheOnion | Colorado_Boy_Asks_Nation_Not_To_Find_His_Missing_Little_Brother | The entire nation has been transfixed by the emotional saga of missing toddler, Aaron Crawford. Police in Hartfield, Colorado remain baffled by four-year-old Aaron's mysterious disappearance. The Crawford family is finally speaking out, but it isn't easy. We're taking it day by day, you know? We just miss our baby so m... |
cracked | 5_famous_actors_that_keep_landing_weirdly_specific_roles_yboc_scarlett_johansson_ryan_reynolds | It's literally the only possible explanation for how the first live-action Pokemon movie was an adaptation of an obscure game where a guy's soul inhabits the body of a Pikachu who talks and looks kinda like Ryan Reynolds. Although, to be fair, that last part is actually not that crazy because Reynolds, for some reason,... |
Wizards_with_Guns | the_grinch_song_uncensored_is_brutal_ft_joel_haver_and_trent_lenkarski | Oh, Max, I heard there's a song about me. Why don't you put it on? I'm curious to hear it. Uh, I don't think you're gonna want to hear it. Max, just put it on. Put the song on. It's not very nice. Max, Max. Are you sure? Put it on! Okay.
You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch. That's me. You're a fugly piece of shit. What? You... |
TheOnion | Guy_30_Seconds_Into_Karaoke_Version_Of_Man_In_The_Mirror_Better_Get_His_Act_Together | According to attendees of a karaoke night at Charlie's Bar and Grill, a man 30 seconds into singing Michael Jackson's Man in the Mirror better get his act together and get it together fast. Onlookers say the man is currently botching the rhythm of the first chorus and that he has roughly 15 more seconds to put his ass ... |
cracked | the_real_science_behind_climate_change | Professor Scott Bug is the current Vice Learn Fellow in charge of space at the Cosmolarium of Wiese-Shrupshire Brook in London on Hildredge, Utah. Bug got his start in education by walking into classrooms and speaking until escorted out. He has five degrees in remedial advanced and two in just science. Professor Bug re... |
ClickHole | heartbreakingly_adorable_watch_this_mother_explain_death_to_her_child | Kayla, do you know why we're here today?
Because of Uncle Paul. That's right, sweetheart. And do you remember what happened to Uncle Paul? He died. That's right.
Do you know what death means? No, I don't. Death means that Uncle Paul's body has stopped working, and he won't be with us anymore. It's very important to r... |
TheOnion | Scientists_Capture_Audio_Of_Beetle_Colliding_With_Paper_Clip_For_First_Time | What's that strange noise? That's the sound of a momentous scientific discovery. For the first time ever, scientists have successfully captured the sound of a beetle colliding with a paperclip. Physicists have long theorized what the insect colliding with the office supply could sound like. In 2013, a team of scientist... |
cracked | how_whitewashing_in_video_games_is_worse_than_in_movies_escort_mission_nioh | What's this the Great Wall game, huh? What are you uh, what are you Matt Damon, huh? You get a contact Ben Affleck from Batman v. Superman Dawn of Martha, huh? What are you doing? No, oh The games called neo or nyo. I'm not sure does that make you a Nihilist Wow shut the fuck up right now But well your point about whit... |
cracked | 5_tech_training_videos_that_prove_the_90s_were_insane_does_not_compute | Greetings, some women, and almost infinitely more men. You know, it's important to reconnect to your roots. Since I live in the internet, my roots go back to the very dawn of wicked history, the 1990s, when friends still roamed the earth and Boba T. was just a glint in Froyo's eye. Show us how it's done, early adopters... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Bulletin_18_11_19_Betoota_Weekly_News_Bulletin | Today I am only joined with Wendell Hussey as Clancy Overroll is out getting a colonoscopy as he's just turned 65. He thought it was it was about time. He is taking proactive steps he's got a young family so I would suggest any of our more senior listeners listening now if you've got thin ribbon like stools like Clancy... |
cracked | 8_videos_of_people_who_look_like_special_effects_creations | Hey everybody! Welcome to episode 17 of Crack TV, the only talk show with some weird acronym instead of a monologue. With me, as always, is my co-host, Clips of Blaxploitation Movie Trailers. So they transplanted the whitehead onto the black body. Who would have suspected that neither would care for the idea too much? ... |
cracked | 6_bizarre_implications_of_the_gremlins_films_obsessive_pop_culture_disorder | Hello Internet! My name is Daniel O'Brien and welcome to another corny yet mesmerizing episode of Obsessive Pop Culture Disorder, the only show on the internet where I get to try out the various accents I've been working on. Today's New Zealand episode works through... Nope.
Gremlins. I love Gremlins, but I have some ... |
dropout | too_much_moneyball_from_jest_com | $400 million in ticket sales. $75 million from our cable network. $5 million in Derek Jeter bobbleheads. What are we going to do with all of it? We can keep it.
Not one new idea. Not one.
I need less money. Look, we're not Kansas City or Pittsburgh. We're New York. We have a lot of money. Figure something out. Our pr... |
ClickHole | girls_share_their_worst_first_date_stories | My worst first date. Oof. I mean, ugh. Dating is bad. All of it.
Well, I met him online, and we've been messaging for a while, and then one day he told me that I was someone that he'd like to eat a meal in front of. It's a long story, but we had mutual friends, and out of all of those friends, I wanted to kiss her mor... |
dropout | winter_olympics_in_60_seconds | Hi, I'm Bob Casas with the 2010 Winter Olympics in 60 seconds. Let's get started. First off, Sean White wins the X Games, which were accidentally scheduled at the same time as the real Olympics. What an embarrassing mistake. In skiing, Lindsey Von Shin wins the gold.
So does Bobby Miller, so he can go back to being an... |
dropout | full_benefits_the_late_night | So what do you think of my new sheets? Actually, they're a little scratchy. No way, they're like a hundred thread count.
Seriously? That's like the lowest you can buy. What? The guy at Walgreens lied to me. Wow. Hey, what happened to you last night?
Uh, see you later, Pat. See ya. Hey. Uh, I thought you were gonna co... |
TheOnion | Hurricane_Bound_For_Texas_Slowed_By_Large_Land_Mass_To_South | We've got good news I'm told from meteorologist Kevin Fisher and the Onion News Network Live 365 total weather coverage super tower. Kevin what's the update?
Well as recently as last night we were predicting hurricane Isaac was on a collision course with the Texas coast here But we're now able to confirm it has change... |
TheOnion | Man_Who_Crossed_US_In_Balloon_Only_Talks_About_Horse_Abuse | Adventurer Trent Montag just returned from an amazing six-month cross-country hot air balloon trip. Wow. Mr. Montag, thanks for joining us. I don't mind admitting to you right up top, sir.
I have always fantasized about riding in a hot air balloon. I haven't done it yet, but it seems like so much fun. Dreamy. Well, in... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | EP_71_Ashes_Special_with_The_Grade_Cricketer | You're listening to Errol Parker and Clancy Overell, editors of the Batutah Advocate on Desert Rock FM. Well it's Ashes Eve, we're here in the Baxter Boot Studios in downtown Batutah, Daru Street. This is going to be our third repeat guess I think, Errol would have said no we had Becky Lucas on twice and then we had Ty... |
cracked | lifehax_survive_earthquakes_for_fun_and_profit | Hi, my name's Michael Swain and me and my pal Abe Epperson made most of the cool videos on Cracked for about 12 years. We even did a movie once. Now, we're trying to make another movie about the time my dad came out as a gay furry. It's funny as fucking balls and we need your help to get it done. Please head to seedand... |
dropout | back_to_the_future_in_actual_2015 | Hey Doc, what's going on? Your kids, Marty. They're in trouble. We've got to travel to the future to save them. Whoa, Doc, we're really here in the future. Huh, looks different from how I imagined it. That's right, Marty. It's October 21st, 2015. Oh, incredible. Who knows what kind of technological advancements and lik... |
cracked | we_improved_armageddon_with_math | If there's one thing we expect NASA to be good at, it's looking into space. NASA has optics pointing in every direction to get pictures of planets, stars, and nebulae for the worst people's Facebook cover photos. NASA is funded by a culture desperate to find new things to be afraid of, and space is truly the undiscover... |
cracked | is_daenerys_targaryen_gonna_break_bad_winter_is_taking_forever_game_of_thrones_recap | Hey, everybody! Hey!
Winter's here, and we're just gonna talk about it for a while. Yeah, we're gonna do a classic Game of Thrones episode. Oh my god, yeah, the most classic. Everyone just stands around talking. We open with the most classic Game of Thrones moment where we get to Dragonstone, and it's raining. They te... |
cracked | 4_social_criticisms_hidden_in_sonic_the_hedgehog_games_today_s_topic | Oh, oh! Do you know what I just realized about Sonic the Hedgehog? He's fast.
Keep in mind I think you're very stupid. You're just saying that because you don't care about my job.
How are you even doing that? What are you playing that on? I hacked the system, partitioned the drive, moved all the work shit over, so no... |
CrackerMilk | trapped_in_a_mcdonald_s_playground | we're doing we're doing the patreon bit where we do your ideas oh you voted for this this is what you want to podcast that's what it's called um you voted for uh trapped inside a mcdonald's playground that's what we're doing yeah i'm trapped inside a mcdonald's playground what about you yeah i'm trapped inside mcdonald... |
dropout | hiiiiiiiiigh_castle_part_2 | We're all big fans of Amazon's The Man in the High Castle. The Who and the What Castle? Man in the High Castle.
I never watched it before, I just like getting high. Today, we've decided to combine the two. And this? This? This is... High Castle.
V.A. Day. Good old V.A. Day.
Open group on fever. Would you tell me whe... |
TheOnion | Today_Now_Save_Money_By_Taking_A_Vacation_Entirely_In_Your_Mind | Fewer Americans than ever are planning to travel this summer, but what if taking that vacation doesn't turn out to be as expensive as you think? Travel expert Kathy Barnett joins us now with an affordable summer getaway solution, taking a vacation in your mind.
Hi Kathy. Hi Jim. Hi Tracy.
So Kathy, what exactly is a ... |
SaturdayNightLive | the_black_lotus_snl | Welcome Ma'am checking in. Yes, I am. it's just. oh gosh. I forgot my credit card. I must have left it in the limousine. is that okay? can you trust me? Oh, I can't. I have it in a couple hours. Well, then come back in a couple of hours. All right. I don't know you. I'm trying to run a business coming soon to Hbo Black... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_188_Matt_and_Alex | Hi, it's Errol Parker here, just letting you know that we recorded this podcast a couple weeks ago. We had a few topical, time-sensitive episodes come up, so we released them before we released this one. This one's a couple weeks old, but still, it's evergreen, it's timeless, and here we go.
Things are getting better ... |
cracked | is_it_time_for_batman_to_tone_it_down | Has he arrived yet, commissioner? We've got a real mess on our hands. I'm not sure how much longer we can hold out. I say don't come and he'll come. Just tell him to do their best.
Where are you, Batman? Right here. How do you do that?
Is it a vent? Is there a big gaping vent up there? What's the emergency, Gordon?
... |
SaturdayNightLive | democratic_candidate_party_snl | I just don't get it. Why him? there's nine of us running. Why does Reverend Al get to hang out with Jimmy Fallon? you know, why not a Howard Dean or a General Wesley Clark or a Joe Lieberman? we really didn't think they're gonna ask you, Joe. and why not, Howard?
I know quite a few humorous anecdotes. I've been told t... |
dropout | collegehumor_s_worst_days_on_set | a Very tough moment for me on set was when we were shooting honest camping trip one of the one jay take two I just don't like Being in the woods. I don't understand why anyone likes the woods. I don't know what's good there There were big wasps flying all over the set at one point the wasp landed on traps hand And I li... |
dropout | bleep_bloop_edu_tainment | I have played a lot of video games in my life, but the only time I was ever forced to play games was in school. Today we are playing the best edutainment titles of all time.
I'm Jeff Rubin, and I'm joined by Dan Klein, Pat Cassels, and N. Guy Kroll. Let's get started with the grandmammy of them all, Where in the World... |
cracked | drunken_hooligans_answer_all_of_life_s_questions_cracked_improv_1_of_4 | Really fine work, honestly, but when I asked you to label the cigarettes that I laced with ecstasy I didn't expect you to print a whole fucking thing up. Yeah, that's amazing I mean, I just wanted to differentiate them from the PCP laced cigarettes. Yeah, well this way you can always find it You're like, oh, we're my a... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_black_ariel_on_disney_s_live_action_the_little_mermaid_remake_snl | Disney, Great transition, Disney recently made history after announcing the live action remake of The Little Mermaid featuring a Black Ariel. here to comment is: Black Ariel. you can just call me Ariel, Yeah, I don't call you White Colin to your face. that's my bad. So Ariel, some people online are now calling you a he... |
SaturdayNightLive | anton_jackson_s_testimony_saturday_night_live | Hello, I'm Terry Moran. welcome to Court Tv's continuing coverage of the Oj Simpson trial. Today, the defense cross-examined Skycap James Williams, who claims to have seen Simpson's missing mystery bag on top of a trash can at the Los Angeles Airport. let's take a look. Now, Mr. Williams, you never actually saw Mr. Sim... |
dropout | queen_ship | I'm just a jailbird, guilty of love Sentenced to life, dear, ruled from above A jailbird of love Take pity on me Cause only your love Can set me free A jailbird of love Take pity on me Cause without your love Who would I be Thank you, thank you very much So, when I was a child... Aloha shipmates, we are going down to t... |
SaturdayNightLive | update_tracy_morgan_saturday_night_live | This week, the issue of race once again became the focal point for the Democratic presidential candidates. Hillary Clinton's longtime advisor, Geraldine Ferraro said if Barack Obama was a white man, he would not be in this position. and if he was a woman, he would not be in this position. He happens to be very lucky to... |
dropout | grant_vs_the_computer | I'm not a designer, but I can market the hell out of that. My volume. Better, wetter, water. Not water, though. Milk. I keep working on the tag.
What if you gave a cow water to drink? A cow sucked its own udders. You know, sucking on the udders. Oh, I'd be a flexible cow. Maybe we would remove a wheel like Marilyn Man... |
cracked | why_this_is_the_worst_presidential_election_in_u_s_history_cracked_responds | politics is happening and we're here to talk about Donald Trump on Twitter and everything else Donald Trump's Twitter account is ruining the discourse it's it he started it but everybody else is following him you know like it's like when you got in fights you were like he started it he started it but everyone else is f... |
TheOnion | The_Desert_Where_Life_Goes_To_Die_Horrifying_Planet_Ep_9 | The desert, dry, hot, unforgiving. For millennia creatures have made the pilgrimage out to the desert to wither under the melting sun, collapse onto the hot sand, and die. Since the dawn of time, animals have flocked to the desert to expire in a landscape of misery and desolation. It is truly Earth's hospice. With weat... |
dropout | wizards_give_bad_directions_ch_shorts | This sucks. I'm bored.
And we ornate all good snacks. 2,999,000...
Ugh, you know what I wish? I wish we could go on an adventure. Did somebody say... ADVENTURE! Woah!
Gather round, gather round, young apprentices. Are you ready to begin your quest? Ready as will ever be. You leave at dawn's first light. Look to east... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_105_Dr_Dan_Suan | You're listening to Errol Parker and Clancy Overall, editors of The Batooter Advocate on Desert Rock FM. Well, welcome back to The Batooter Advocate radio show, week three in isolation, according from our respective budgie smuggler bedrooms. You're joined by myself, Clancy Overall, and of course, Errol Parker, editor a... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_california_s_ebony_alerts_national_no_bra_day_snl | Scientists in Europe are studying a skeleton that they say is rewriting the history of syphilis. the skeleton is better known by its stage name, Russell Brand. Oh. California has become the first state in the country to issue Ebony alerts when a black child goes missing. Here with more on. this is Colin Jost. that's a ... |
TheOnion | Poll_Reveals_430_New_Demographics_That_Will_Decide_Election | It's good to see you, Andrea. Great to see you.
A lot of data to sift through here. What do these numbers tell us? Well, it looks like the race is really going to come down to which candidate can woo the 430 crucial voting blocs that will be casting their ballots this November. What are all the factors you're looking ... |
dropout | google_is_going_to_blackmail_you | Here at Google, we've been trying pretty hard to get you to use Google+. We've even gone so far as to make you sign up for Google+, to comment on YouTube. But a lot of you still don't seem to want to play well. That's why we're proud to introduce Google Blackmail, a free new service that works like this. Either you sig... |
TheOnion | Survey_Most_Common_Deathbed_Regret_Never_Spraying_Fire_Extinguisher | According to a new report based on hundreds of interviews with the terminally ill, the Princeton Medical Institute has found that the most common deathbed regret, more than losing contact with family or spending too much time at the office, is never having sprayed a fire extinguisher all over the place. Similar themes ... |
TheOnion | hot_new_relationship_book_warns_women_wake_up_he_s_a_shapeshifter | We're gonna talk about romance, you know there are a lot of ladies out there who've read all the relationship books, men are from Mars, women are from Venus, he's just not that into you. Right, they still find themselves in one destructive relationship after another. Right, but all that's gonna change right now, let's ... |
cracked | disney_princes_set_unhealthy_expectations_for_boys | Hi, hi, sometimes when I feel lonely I sit in my car for a while before going into the house and imagine I have a family waiting for me inside that I'm trying to get away from then when I remember I live alone, and I'm childless. I feel relieved to be alone. You should try it.
It's great I don't have kids because I st... |
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