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SaturdayNightLive | meatballs_snl | And that's why you didn't go to dad's school.
Amazing. Yeah. you know, I had a great time tonight. me too. we've had three incredible dates. Yeah, definitely. um, can I ask you something? anything.
Why do you always wear that green ribbon around your neck? um, what do you mean? I've just never seen you without it. um... |
ClickHole | long_haired_men_are_growing_their_hair_out_in_order_to_rapunzel_illegals_over_trump_s_border_wall | Effeminate, long-haired men are deliberately growing their hair out so they can toss it over Trump's border wall and Rapunzel illegals into our country. Folks, it's happening. As we speak, there are long-haired men out here in America growing their hair out longer and longer. Longer than women, folks. Way longer.
And ... |
cracked | 9_ways_all_popular_movies_look_the_same | Hello watchers of the videos welcome to I'm Doesn't matter look you don't like me, and I Hate you or maybe we love each other I don't have all the answers point is I have like five minutes to talk about figuratively literally every recent movie So let's just nine ways all popular movies look the same nine That's like a... |
ClickHole | prey_the_best_game_for_propping_your_door_so_your_landlord_can_talk_about_his_alchemy_experiments | Hey everybody, today we're going to be talking about Prey, Bethesda's new first-person shooter that puts you on a spaceship run amok by shape-shifting aliens. Sam, what did you think? The game has a solid storyline, and with the exception of a few framerate dips, I thought it looked pretty good.
But where Prey really ... |
SaturdayNightLive | court_case_snl | It's come to my attention that before the jury goes off for deliberations, the defendant would like to make a statement. Mr. Davis, the floor is yours. Ok, thank you, your honor. Look, I'll try to make this short. you all know me right now. you've all seen how I've handled myself here. I think you've got a pretty good ... |
dropout | peace_on_earth_little_drummer_boy_2010_with_jack_black_and_jason_segel | Why, it's Jason Seagal, the actor. Hi, Jack Black.
Come in, come in, get out of the cold. What brings you to my humble abode on this blustery holiday? No, I was just at home, making gingerbread, fretting about war and hatred. Well, this is a little embarrassing, but I ran out of ginger. Well, you've come to the right ... |
TheOnion | Ultra_Realistic_Modern_Warfare_Game_Features_Awaiting_Orders_Repairing_Trucks | The newest entry in the Call of Duty video game series, Modern Warfare 2, is being praised for its ultra-realistic gaming experience. Yet developers are already putting the finishing touches on Modern Warfare 3, which they say will be the most true-to-life military game ever created, with the majority of gameplay spent... |
dropout | if_google_was_a_guy_part_2 | Next. I said next.
Cream cheese is cheese. Wait, do you still want to know about it? Avocado pit huge. Why? Okay, don't speak in these weird haikus.
How to tell if pregnant. Oh boy. How to tell if pregnant.
Jennifer! Local mosque, Seattle. NSA, don't mind me. How to pronounce Dogecoin. According to Google Maps, ther... |
SaturdayNightLive | ted_kaczynski_meets_his_lawyers_snl | Okay, you've got 15 minutes, Mr. Kaczynski. So wait here and I'll bring your brother. thanks a lot. Oh. well, that isn't my brother, David. good to see ya. wish I could invite you up to my log cabin, but there's about 136 Fbi agents using it this weekend.
Yeah. go figure. Hey, I know. I'm sorry about that, okay? Hey, ... |
TheOnion | My_iPhone_Is_Covered_In_White_Mold_Help_Troublehacking_with_Drew_Cleary | Okay, so since 100% of my viewership owns iPhones, I figured I'd do some iPhone trouble hacking. Our first question comes from YouTube commenter Son of Clam69. Hi, sorry. I have an iPhone 4S that I got a few months ago, but it's covered in white mold. I hope you can see it okay. I don't want to touch it because of the ... |
CrackerMilk | the_state_of_our_channel_ | Hi everyone, Dad from Cracker Milk here. Sorry to get a bit serious for a second but we had a situation last week I want to make you aware of. We had one of our videos, the tennis moat, get a strike from YouTube for inappropriate content. We didn't agree with that, we thought it was pretty safe and so we appealed. That... |
cracked | 5_animals_who_can_t_hide_their_disdain_for_people_spit_take_theater | Hello the internet and people watching the rerun on TBS ten years from now We're gonna listen to good-ass intro and nah nah off the mixtape acid rap in which Chicago's Chance the Rapper just Totally destroys the English language at the speed of thought Raps just made me anxious and ass it made me crazy And squares just... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_james_austin_johnson_s_random_celebrity_impressions_snl | Well, guys, we only have about a minute left at the end of Update. here to fill it with some random impressions is James Austin Johnson. All right. James, what is your first impression? Okay, here we go. this is Adam Driver as Kylo Ren from Star Wars on the show, girls. Okay. here we go. Hannah, do you know how difficu... |
dropout | hardly_working_jinx | David I'm not saying I don't trust you. Okay.
I just don't respect you great. Who else doesn't respect me?
Hey, do you guys want to eat? Jinx! Yes! Now you can't talk until I say your full name. This rules. Sarah, sorry to ruin your fun about any Dan's opinion on a personal affair. Fine. Daniel...
It's weird. I just... |
dropout | Late_Bloomer | and welcome to Tails from the Closet. I like that.
I'm Ally Beardsley, your host. This morning I woke up and it was a slow morning for me. I'm here with three lovely guests. I, let's just, a little bit about me. It is episode 17. I'm here with three lovely guests. Episode 17, this podcast, I felt very proud this morni... |
SaturdayNightLive | mary_poppins_saturday_night_live | Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious. if you say it loud enough, you'll always sound ferocious. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.
Oh, Mary Poppins. That was ever so much fun.
What a delightful new word. It must be the longest word in the dictionary and the sil... |
dropout | prank_war_7_the_half_court_shot | Hey everyone, my name is Streeter from CollegeHumor.com. Last time you saw me, if you're not a College Humor fan, was probably when I was being pranked at Yankee Stadium by my friend Amir. Amir Sharon, I love you forever.
You're getting married, right?
You know how at halftime at basketball games, one lucky fan is al... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_bill_clinton_reviews_absolute_power_saturday_night_live | Absolute Power. Clint Eastwood's film of Murder and Political Corruption continues its strong showing at the box office Here with his review as update: Movie Critic and 42nd President of the United States, Bill Clinton. Thank you and God bless you all. Norm, Director. Clint Eastwood's lightest film, opens promisingly e... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Australia_Speaks_Travel_Changes_Bad_News_For_Qantas_More_December_9 | You're listening to the Batutah Advocate's weekly news wrap on Desert Rock FM 96.5. Welcome back to the weekly Batutah Advocate bulletin. A bit of it going on in the world. Megan and Harry are playing up again.
Energy subsidies or some shit. Boring. They're putting a price on coal, but who cares about that?
Glencore'... |
Reductressnews | Reductress_Talks_to_Julie_Klausner_for_BEST_FRIENDS_EVER | Hi, I'm Courtney Wilgus, and I'm here via De La Pache in the East Village with comedian, podcaster, author, and best friend ever, Julie Klasner. Hey! So, Julie, every duck dress, we're really big on what's in each other's purses. So is there anything, I don't know, weird in your purse that you don't mind showing me? I ... |
dropout | is_grant_keith_from_buzzfeed_hardly_working | Hey, does the guy in this Buzzfeed video kind of look like Grant? Oh, you mean Keith? Maybe a little. What? Come on, they're exactly the same. Grant, what's up? Get over here for a second. You're not secretly Keith from Buzzfeed trying to work for both sides at the same time, are you? No. You sure? I wish I had that ki... |
cracked | 5_most_popular_youtube_pages_are_all_retarded | Hey everybody, welcome to episode 8 of Crack TV, where, if you're anything like me, you're starting to worry about your infatuation with Michael. Of course, I'm referring to Irish revolutionary Michael Collins. With me, as always, is my co-host, Clips of People, applauding inappropriately. How you doing, Clippy?
What?... |
dropout | sorry_my_car_is_so_gross | Yo, if you're going downtown, can I get a ride? Yeah, for sure. Cool, thank you. For sure.
Sorry about my car. I guess I don't realize how gross it gets when it's just me. No problem. I mean, you're super saving me from having to take the bus. I appreciate it. You don't have to be so nice. It's really gross in here. H... |
SaturdayNightLive | midwife_snl | Okay, Mrs. Murphy, your contractions are 30 seconds apart. this baby is coming. but I'm not due for another two weeks. don't worry, Mrs. Murphy. I know it's scary, but listen to me and breathe.
But what about my midwife? he's on his way, okay? Thank God. we had planned for an at-home birth.
I need him here. deep brea... |
dropout | intervention_for_your_friend_s_baby | Anyways, my point is, I just think she's toxic. And you know what? I feel bad for her, because honestly, she's losing a good friend. Okay, Caitlin is going to be here any moment. Do you think she'll bring John? She always brings him, and I'm sorry, I can't stand him, and I don't know why she's with him. For me, it's no... |
cracked | 6_jobs_it_s_shockingly_fun_to_watch_people_be_awesome_at_the_spit_take | Oh, hello, the internet, and welcome to another episode of The Spit Take. My name is Jack O'Brien. I'm the editor-in-chief of Cracked, and if you guessed that Christmas tree harvesting involved helicopters doing wind sprints, congratulations on being the maniac with a death wish flying this helicopter. I'd compliment t... |
CrackerMilk | we_make_your_ideas_again | This is spin that wheel welcome back to spin that wheel the show where we make things You want your ideas? We make your ideas you sent us ideas. We put them on the wheel and we're gonna do them. Yeah And where do we find this content well, this is on our patreon yeah And this podcast is now available across multiple st... |
cracked | the_muppets_did_9_11 | Hiya kids today's video is brought to you by the numbers 9 and 11 as in The Muppets have raised generation after generation with their TV antics and beloved films one You might remember is a very merry Muppet Christmas movie Which features a scene where Kermit the Frog is visited by an angel and wishes that he was neve... |
dropout | the_crucial_man_suit_basics | This is The Crucial Man, presented by Philips Norelco. What's up internet? I'm John Gabers, and I'm here to teach you all the crucial information you need to become a man. Because being a boy is not cool. Today we're talking about suits and how to formalize in style. Welcome to Crucial Man, presented by Philips Norelco... |
Wizards_with_Guns | the_first_cannibal_astronaut | Breaking news! The Harbinger 1 spacecraft from humanity's first Mars expedition just crash-landed in suburban Florida. This is the same mission that launched four brave astronauts over two years ago. All communications with the crew had ceased following a report of a food shortage emergency on their way home. We now go... |
dropout | yay_or_nay_is_north_korea_awesome | Personally, I'm a big fan of North Korea. I think their nuclear weapons will be the impetus that finally pushes us into making terminators. I want the terminator.
Ha ha ha. Woo!
I like the simplicity of the North Korean military uniform. I'd love to not have to worry about what I wear every morning. I love how many m... |
cracked | how_batman_v_superman_failed_on_every_level_cracked_responds | Batman vs Superman, Dawn of Justice, let's talk about it. I do not like hating things and I was like jumping mad about this movie. Here's the next 11,000 problems I have with this movie. Bruce Wayne sees Flying Alien destroy a building and immediately starts an 18 month plan to murder him. It just seems like a Mean Gir... |
dropout | Jimmy_Wong_Goes_Deep_on_Magic_The_Gathering_Um_Actually | This is a fan-submitted question. This comes to us from The Travelog. Thank you, The Travelog, for submitting this statement.
Magic the Gathering sets take place in various fictional fantasy settings presented as planes of existence in a multiverse. Sets have been themed after cyberpunk Japanese folklore, dinosaurs, v... |
dropout | julie_bender_mall_employee | Um, yeah, I can't find any blue lipstick, um, is this for your girlfriend? No, it's for me.
Yeah, oh for sure, yeah. I'm in a goth band. Well, yeah, it's, um, it's great to have a band. Are you in a band? Yeah, yeah. I mean, not personally, but, um, I love bands, they're definitely on my top five list of things I thin... |
TheOnion | Piece_Of_Sh_t_From_Nearby_Town_Marries_Bitch_From_High_School | From the Onion and Onion Public Radio, I'm Leslie Price, and this is The Topical. So much goddamn news happening today that we simply don't have a moment to waste. Here are today's top stories.
After widespread infections throughout the White House, many members of President Trump's inner circle are now being tested f... |
dropout | full_benefits_the_break_up | I am so happy things are finally over with, Rachel. I miss this. I miss this, too.
Now hurry up and sex me. We have dinner with Patrick Duffy and Suzanne Summers. I love Patrick.
Wait a minute. Morning, sleepy. You fell asleep watching step by step again. But guess what I got you?
Another teddy bear. He's a teddy be... |
cracked | the_terrifying_truth_about_disney_s_tarzan | Hi, hi, hi.
My therapist hasn't texted me back for days which sent me in a spiral so I decided to watch the classic Disney movie Tarzan to calm me down and oh my god it was traumatizing. I have not been able to sleep since. I was not ready for all those dead people. No, not Clayton. Though between that scene and the h... |
dropout | Secretly_Stoned_at_Your_Job_GAME_Paranoia | Have you ever accidentally forgotten what day it is and gotten stoned when you're supposed to be at work? Yeah. Two secret stoners will attempt to make it through the work day without getting caught and fired.
Is she okay? Through a series of challenges, a group of citizens will try to sniff them out and eliminate the... |
TheOnion | CEO_Says_Office_Shooting_Could_Not_Have_Come_At_A_Worse_Time_For_Company | A scary day in Virginia after a mass shooting at the offices of Slash Forward Marketing. Management described the violence scene as incredibly inopportune if the company wants to hit its sales goals. Chad Williams is in Clayton, Virginia with the story. It all began this morning when a gunman entered the Slash Forward ... |
dropout | did_you_get_my_email_hardly_working | Hey Rekha! Rekha!
Yeah, what's up? I just wanted to let you know that I sent you an email.
It's pretty long and I don't want you to miss it. Yep. I'm just gonna finish the sketch I'm working on and then I'll read it.
Rekha? Oh my god, Jesus! Okay. What? You scared me.
Um, sorry, I'm just following up about that ema... |
dropout | Complimenting_Someone_To_Trick_Them_Into_Doing_Work | You put the wine in the coconut and drink it all up.
The sketch shelf. No, all the sketches and all their pages are all mixed up. It's going to take forever to clean this up.
Yeah, but somebody has to do it. Yes, somebody. Yeah, somebody. You know, Rekha.
I have been just so impressed with your organizational skills... |
dropout | if_people_were_sentimental_like_they_are_on_facebook | Wow. I just wanted to say how genuinely blessed I felt today. I look around me and everyone's doing such real and important work. I just feel so lucky to be surrounded by such geniuses. Thanks, Glenna. I feel lucky too.
Oh, good boy. Not again. Guys, that was really touching.
He does this all the time. Yeah, he's ove... |
dropout | hallie_part_1_j_a_archives | He says copy edit this, these aren't even fucking words. Oh my god, you want to see something insane-o that I just realized?
Today's July 22nd, right? Which is 722, and it's 722, and I'm 22, and you're 22 over 7 years old, and I live on 7th Avenue, 227...
Can I ask you a personal question? What answer could I possibl... |
dropout | wishful_thinking_hardly_working | So guys, guess who finally watched Casino Royale last night? Finally! Jesus! You just saw it!
Ah, relax, Brad. Anyway, the whole time I was watching it, I kept thinking to myself, how cool would it be to be James Bond, like even for a day? No way, man.
When I watch those movies, I want to be like this supervillain. Y... |
dropout | viral_video_pet_store | I'm just kidding, let's find your new best friend. Actually, it's for our son, Andrew. Well, find you, Andrew.
You don't. Um, we're just gonna browse, thank you. Hold your horses, honey. You may have some good ideas. Love and companionship are things of the past. Today owning a pet is all about creating an internet ce... |
dropout | If_I_Had_the_Money_That_Bezos_Had | If I had the money that Bezos has, I'd think of all the things I could do If I had the money that Bezos has, I'd think of all the things I could do I'd buy a home full of homeless, and turn around their luck If I had the money that Bezos has, I'd think of all the things I could do If his wealth were in nickels, it woul... |
SaturdayNightLive | common_knowledge_saturday_night_live | Welcome to Common Knowledge. I'm your host, Bob Alberts. you all know our champion, Les Shermeyer, a high school guidance counselor. Now let's greet our challenger, Jean Kirkpatrick, former Ambassador to the United Nations. Jean, are you ready? Yes, quite so. Oh, that's good, because we're going to start with you. What... |
TheOnion | Woman_Shares_How_She_Stays_Safe_While_Jogging_Alone_By_Disguising_Herself_As_A_Cowboy | Here's how I stay safe as a woman who jogs alone in the city. It's super easy, no pepper spray needed. Just a vest, chaps, leather boots, spurs, a bandana, a mustache, and a six-shooter. Taking on a cowboy alter ego while I jog discreetly allows me to feel secure and confident so I can focus on my run and not on wearin... |
dropout | hardly_working_sitcom | Hardly working as Tate before a live studio audience. You guys, we're in big trouble. What's the matter, Streeter? You run out of butter?
Aw, come on, man! That's the only running he ever does. Guys, seriously.
We broke Ricky's vase. The costume party is tonight. And if we want to make enough money to fix it, we have... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Government_s_Call_For_Toxic_Males_Grandpa_Kev_Steps_Up_Again_Virus_Scepticism_More_July_30 | You're listening to the Batutah Advocates weekly news wrap on Desert Rock FM 96.5. Welcome back to the weekly Batutah bulletin recording live here in the Diamantina and going out wherever you get our podcast from, be that Spotify, be that from Apple, be it from whatever platform you use, some of you are even listening ... |
SaturdayNightLive | natalie_raps_snl_digital_short | Do you really want to know? Please, tell us.
I don't sleep. motherf*** off that yak and that turban doing 120, getting who I'm swerving. Damn, Natalie, you a crazy chick. You shut the f*** up and suck my d***. I'm busting dudes' mouths like gushes, motherf***. Roll up on Nbc and smack a s*** out Jeff Tucker. What you ... |
SaturdayNightLive | marijuana_doctor_saturday_night_live | Ok, all done, Mr. Johnson? yeah. terrific. the doctor will be with you very shortly. thank you. thank you. All right. Well, Mr. Johnson, good morning. I'm Dr. Rickhart.
Well, let's take a look here. you've been having a sore throat for the last two weeks. is that right? that's right. I can't seem to shake it. And you'... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_ft_kenan_thompson_sarah_sherman_and_molly_kearney_snl | I'm Colin Jost. the person who allegedly leaked classified Pentagon documents on social media has been identified as Jack Teixeira, who is a Massachusetts Air National Guardsman, I assume, in a school play. To share, I shared the document in a private social media group that members say started as a place where young m... |
dropout | the_crucial_man_gift_giving | This is The Crucial Man, presented by Philips Norelco. Hi, I'm John Gabers, here to give you the crucial information on how to become a man. Because it is time to cut the umbilical cord, boys. Today, we're going to be learning about gift-giving. Welcome to Crucial Man, presented by Philips Norelco.
Hey, Lexi. I am the... |
dropout | why_was_i_tagged_last_on_facebook | I uploaded those pictures from when we all ate tacos together, guys. What? Oh, this is awesome. Let's see that. Oh man, these are great. What an awesome day that was. Yeah, really good photos too. So glad we have these. Aw, thanks guys.
Why did you tag me last? What? You tagged me last and I want to know why.
It's a ... |
dropout | end_of_the_world_parody | Oh great, the flu will soon mutate Climate change in Y2K Remain calm, don't be afraid Too many human beings out of water on Earth National IDs are the mark of the beast All linked to a thing, what?
No, God, the rapture is now here and we're right this time Some loses fire, Earth is bursting into flames Evil scientists... |
SaturdayNightLive | season_48_new_cast_q_a_part_2_snl | Before my audition for the show, Chris was standing back there, and he just went, don't worry about it, it's just the rest of your life, and he pushed me out. I thought that was funny and good. Remember we all met Tom Hanks that one week? yeah. that was tight. I met Tom Hanks in the hallway, that was sick. the Tom Hank... |
TheOnion | Chipmunk_s_Plan_For_Future_Better_Crafted_Than_That_Of_8_Out_Of_10_Americans | According to a study released Thursday by the Princeton University Department of Biology, this local two-year-old woodland chipmunk has crafted a far more secure and dependable plan for the future than eight out of ten Americans. Reporters spoke to citizens to get their view on the study. Clearly, this chipmunk is pret... |
dropout | hardly_working_phantom_misses_sarah_part_1 | So it's like Total Eclipse of the Heart, but it's Total Eclipse of the Fart. That's a trilogy of books?
You say goodbye? I... Oh! Shit! I say...
Aloha! Jesus, where have you been? Little impromptu Hawaiian vacation for a year and a half, and I'll have you know, my volcanoes are just fine. Your volcanoes?
I brought p... |
dropout | street_fighter_the_later_years_part_3 | Last time, on Street Fighter the Later Years We should reorganize. Start another tournament here in the city.
Learn! Hadouken! Ansatsuke! Find these two. Then I'll train you.
John, we can't do this anymore. What do you mean, Dora? Fire's dead. There's someone else. No. Not him. Dora. John, Dora and I are having... Cu... |
TheOnion | Rep_Seeks_Retroactive_Immunity_For_Anyone_Who_Hit_On_First_Lady_Last_Night | Madam Speaker, I will now read the text of H.R. 517, the First Lady Impunity Act, which would grant immediate and retroactive immunity to any person or persons who got extremely drunk and tried to kiss Michelle Obama at a recent White House function. Section 1, the sighting of unusual circumstances that may have led to... |
SaturdayNightLive | monday_night_football_buccaneers_vs_vikings_snl | This teflon-coated roof will be vibrating tonight as the Tampa Bay Buccaneers battle the Minnesota Vikings on Monday Night Football. Hello everybody, I'm now Michaels. the Buccaneers, who are tied for first place, are about to take on the undefeated Vikings in what should be a thriller then tomorrow night on Abc. from ... |
cracked | why_scar_is_secretly_the_good_guy_in_lion_king_disney_parody_today_s_topic | How messed up is it that the parents are like you? My son. My handsome son.
We shall name you Mufasa. A brave, proud sounding name. Hey you, the little lion with the hideous disfiguring scar you'll probably be self-conscious about forever. We'll call you Scar. Scar just came to me.
Okay, first of all, in the prequel,... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | The_Gender_Pay_Gap_Has_Been_Defeated_with_Cupcakes_and_A_Hardworking_Couple_About_to_Do_Their_Ars_ | You're listening to the Batutah Advocate's weekly news wrap on Desert Rock FM 96.5. Welcome back to the Batutah Advocate weekly fucking bulletin, we've got the editors here and Wendell Hussey, editors being myself, plenty overall and editor-at-large Earl Parker. What's going on you lot? Oh not much mate, just you know,... |
cracked | why_bugs_bunny_is_the_most_progressive_character_of_all_time_today_s_topic | Hey, did you see, uh, Laverne Cox, first transgendered woman to make the cover of Time Magazine? Wasn't Bugs Bunny on it once? No, he wasn't. I'm making my business to know Time Magazine covers. Also, how about you try participating in a conversation for once instead of just immediately derailing it? All I meant was, B... |
cracked | we_figured_out_the_name_of_the_fight_club_narrator_yboc | Oh hey there, little children of history, it's me, Dr. Jordan Brady and since I already broke the third rule of Fight Club, we might as well keep going and break the first two. You're watching Your Brain Uncracked, the show where I drink delicious Starbucks throughout and the only show on crack that's a little desperat... |
cracked | who_f_ked_this_pumpkin | I don't want to ruin the night, but my pumpkin's definitely the best. Okay, well for this fabulous $15 Boo Boo Grubs gift card, let's see those pumpkins! Wait, we're showing the pumpkins?
Yeah. Why? To win the thing? Yeah, that's why we're here. Okay! Cody, let's see yours. Well, I thought mine kind of looked like Hug... |
cracked | why_hunger_games_and_star_wars_are_the_same_movie | Oh, the new Hunger Games looks pretty intense. Mockingjay Part 2? Eh, I liked it better the first time when it was called. The Hunger Games, colon, Mockingjay, colon, part one, question mark?
No. Return of the Jedi. Interrobang? The entire Hunger Games franchise is exactly like the entire Star Wars franchise. Yeah, th... |
TheOnion | Newsroom_80_Percent_Of_Roommates_Got_So_Drunk_Last_Night | A new study released by the Shuttleworth Research Center today finds nearly 80% of roommates got so drunk last night. The study, which surveyed several hundred roommates between the ages of 18 and 24, discovered that 58% got drunk as shit, while some 23% got so fucked up they don't even remember coming home. About 7% r... |
dropout | can_you_tell_a_dog_toy_from_a_sex_toy | Ever notice how sex toys and dog toys kind of look the same? I have because I'm kind of a weirder that way. Today we're going to put it to the test in a game called Sex Toy or Dog Toy. I'm going to show my co-workers a series of items and they'll have to guess whether those items are an adorable toy for a pooch or a ki... |
dropout | Play_It_By_Ear_Full_Episode_Improvised_Musical_Show | ["The musical improv show"] Theater nerds, comedy nerds, and anyone in between, welcome to Play It By Ear, the musical improv show. I'm your host and narrator, Mano Agapian.
It's a Friday night, and our hero, a homebody at heart, is in their pajamas watching their favorite trashy reality TV show.
Oh, wow! Yeah. We're... |
TheOnion | Woman_Sets_Record_For_Longest_Amount_Of_Time_Spent_Talking_About_Oneself | But first, we have such a fun treat. Last Thursday, Linda Johnson of Danville, Virginia, won a place in the Guinness Book of World Records by talking about herself nonstop for four days, 16 hours, and 22 minutes. Simply amazing.
Hi, guys. I love these chairs. They're like the ones I have at home. Oh, really? Mine are ... |
dropout | hardly_working_stockholm_syndrome | Choo choo choo choo.
You're not going anywhere. What are you doing. Picking you hostage. You're not going to get away with this.
Shut up. I love you. I said shut. Wait what? I love you.
What do you mean why? Stockholm Syndrome. Okay but I literally just kidnapped you. Yeah I guess it kicked in pretty fast there didn... |
TheOnion | Health_Questions_Answers_and_Free_Chicken_Wings_Dr_Good_Ep_9 | Welcome back to Dr. Good. We'd like to remind everyone that you can tweet your favorite Dr. Good memories to us here at the show. Just remember to use the hashtag Good Dead and we'll read them right here over the air.
We're doing the best we can and so we're just going to take audience questions again today. Our first... |
dropout | ordering_a_salad_with_every_topping_prank | Hi, I'm Kevin here at CollegeHumor.com here with Adam Conover. Hey guys, we were ordering lunch from our favorite salad place. There's a lot of toppings you can get and we want to see what's gonna happen if we order every single topping on a single salad. Are you ready to go? Let's do it. Portobello mushrooms, crumbled... |
cracked | 6_awful_medication_side_effects_that_shouldn_t_be_possible | Six. Horrible. Side effects. Common. Medications.
Make it happen.
Yeah, depression. Definitely a big one. Got adrenal fatigue that has been diagnosed. Sexual dysfunction.
Yeah. Right? I get hair that grows on the outside of my nose, like here for some reason. What the hell? Go drop.
If you develop an allergic react... |
TheOnion | The_Onion_Reviews_Licorice_Pizza | This is Peter Rosenthal, head film critic for The Onion. Today I'll be looking at Licorice Pizza, the latest lavish period piece from auteur director Paul Thomas Anderson, and a film whose vision is unfortunately marred by the unsettling decision to use a CGI recreation of actor Bradley Cooper after the star's untimely... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_210_Chris_Bowen_MP_ALP | How good is Australia?
You're listening to Decode, the Batutah Advocates podcast series for those Australians who have tuned out or never tuned in to the dark arts of federal politics. It's called being, you wouldn't believe it, a goddamn bloody adult. Well, we're on the home stretch of the federal election now with t... |
Fitzthistlewits | let_s_surreptitiously_play_copyrighted_materials | Hi guys, it's Fitz Thistlewitz here. Now, I know a lot of you might be wondering what I've been up to these past few months. Uh, a few naysayers claim that I panicked at the boost in subscribers that I got a while back. You know, as if I would be intimidated by a larger audience. Truth be told, I was actually working d... |
cracked | the_horrifying_hidden_subplot_you_missed_in_star_wars_after_hours | No Star Wars, but it's Star Wars day. May the 4th of May be with you and also September I just think that Star Wars is racist is a pretty short conversation I mean you could cut together a montage of all the offensive stereotypes.
This is your humble servant I sold that. That's what all communications.
You had nothin... |
TheOnion | season_1_brad_fantasizes_about_winning_fantasy_coach_of_the_year_brought_to_you_by_lenovo | Antonio Brown, glad I got you on the horn, you handsome devil. Great talking to you, Brad. You're having a great season. Might even be good enough to win Fantasy Coach of the Year.
Bless your perfectly symmetrical face. I mean, imagine being Fantasy Coach of the Year. A trip to the Pro Bowl, getting to stand on the si... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | bulletin_20_4_18_betoota_weekly_news_bulletin | Right now at Honda, find your kind of value with a low finance rate offer on selected Civic Hatch and sedan models. There's never been a better time to get into a Civic, so talk to your local dealer and let's help you into a Honda today. Teases apply. Ends August 31st. See website for details. You're listening to the B... |
CrackerMilk | police_when_they_can_t_discriminate | Okay, when I say your number, step forward and say the line. Number one. Give me a purse or I'll cut ya. Number two. Give me a purse or I'll cut you. Number three.
I'm gonna fucking kill you bitch, I swear to God. That's him. That's the one. That's the one that assaulted me. Okay, step forward again please.
Number tw... |
dropout | you_re_not_edgy_you_re_just_lazy_ch_shorts | So, yeah, I guess I'm just a single lawyer trying to make it in the big city. Will they succeed? Can I have it all? I don't know. Guess we'll just have to find out. Uh, tight, tight, tight. Cool. Um, so what are you doing yet?
Uh, I don't really like to be tied down anywhere, you know. I don't even really look for gig... |
dropout | have_sex_with_josh_for_me_hardly_working | And that is how I learned how to snowboard. That is such a funny story. I love that.
Tell it again. Hey Josh, can I talk to you for a second? Sure. It's great.
Hey Rika, you're single, right? You know who you should date? Josh. Really? He's smart and funny and cute. Like, he could be in a boy band. Sounds like you ha... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_ft_ego_nwodim_snl | It's weekend update with Colin Jost and Michael Che. I'm Michael Che. I'm Colin Jost. in what many people are calling a high point of his term, President Biden gave multiple speeches this week in which he issued the same strong warning to anyone thinking about attacking Israel.
And here was his message.: Don't. Don't.... |
programmersarealsohuman | interview_with_an_agile_coach_sprint2 | Usually the standups go like this. I can't remember what I did, but what I did, I will continue. And that's precisely where I insist and hold back people from lunch because agile is important.
You want my business card? Anyone? Do you need it? And here's one for you, agile coach. Can you pass it into the back? Right t... |
SaturdayNightLive | please_don_t_destroy_tommy_snl | Go empty! Get off the island, bro!
My mom is gonna freak out. Oh, my God. John, this party rocks. it's, like, legendary. Totally. Stop your mom. That's a drink. Dude, she's gotta.
We're seniors now. we're seniors. God, I feel so weird to say that. so used to being a junior. look at us, growing up. Oh, I got my Penn S... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Banh_Mi_Joint_Receives_National_Heritage_Listing_13_Year_Old_Going_Cold_Turkey_On_The_Vapes_Expl_ | You're listening to the Batutah Advocates weekly news wrap on Desert Rock FM 96.5 Welcome back to the weekly Batutah, a bit going on in the news, let me be real with you. We've got art prizes, we've got Magic Round in Brisbane, some good football happening, versus arts, and on the other side of the world we're seeing t... |
dropout | what_s_your_favorite_technology_bad_internet_behind_the_scenes | I feel like people have this image of like oh before phones people used to talk to each other all the time but nobody wants to talk to another human being like you didn't sit on the bus and be like ah new friend that's sitting next to me on this bus you just like would stare awkwardly out of the window or read a book o... |
cracked | the_10_people_you_see_at_every_airport_new_guy_weekly | Hi YouTube, this is Alex with a share testicle related clicky cuz here's the ten people you see at every airport number one Mr. Waxy business look at me. I have a rolling bag. I'm important number two headphones McGee Excuse me, but I have announcements to ignore number three a traveler. I I guess I'm just some guy num... |
TheOnion | Is_Our_Wealth_Hurting_Africa_s_Feelings | The world's economy grew by 6% last year. The African continent's economy shrank by 8%. Would it just be kinder not to tell Africa about the global economy?
I feel like we kind of have to act like everything's okay, Africa. Make them feel good, keep them busy. Right, we have to make them feel good because the whole co... |
TheOnion | queen_will_leave_behind_long_legacy_of_waving | Later this month, Queen Elizabeth II becomes the oldest reigning monarch in British history. The 82-year-old royal has been waving at the country for 54 years. Joining us now is historian Richard Cadburn, author of the Queen's official biography Destined to Wave. Thank you for joining us, Mr. Cadburn. Absolutely. Sir, ... |
dropout | hardly_working_time_traveler_3 | Well, I think that, you know, the Clash, they're over there. The Clash is phony baloney, man. I'm talking about real punk rock, okay?
Feel that? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa, ha! Whoa! Behold!
The Quantum Traveler has returned to bestutty your curious world of tomorrow time! Jesus, this guy again. Seth, is a real tim... |
SaturdayNightLive | do_you_know_who_i_hate_messenger_boys_saturday_night_live | Hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it. hey, how you doing, Willie? hi, Frankie, how you doing? good, where you going? I'm going up to 34 to shade them in suits. Okay. oh, boy. yeah, I was up there last week, you know. yeah? Very cute secretary up there. yeah, she's a cutie. she's a cutie. she's hot. she's a cutie. Yeah, s... |
TheOnion | Highlights_Of_Chris_Christie_s_2016_RNC_Speech | I'm here tonight not only as the governor of New Jersey, but also as Donald Trump's friend for the last 14 years. But everybody, this election is not just about Donald Trump, no, it's also about his Democratic opponent, Hillary Rodham Clinton. As to Hillary Clinton lying to the American people about her selfish, awful ... |
dropout | the_roast_of_amir_blumenfeld_part_2 | But it's an honor to be up here next to the stars of MTV's The College Humor Show, a show that MTV doesn't even admit existed. It had fewer viewers than an episode of Bleep Loop. It's the only TV show where the interns got paid more than the actors and writers. You know, it's nearly impossible to imagine a show that co... |
cracked | why_movies_get_alien_invasions_wrong_we_re_not_alone_episode_2 | We have a bunker? How did you know about this place? I didn't even know. Well, we have different jobs, don't we, son? I probably know quite a bit more than you, especially, but not exclusively, on the subject of where bunkers are. Have all these people been working underground the whole time? This will move faster when... |
dropout | most_dangerous_car_morning_drawfee | Welcome to Morning Drawfee, the show where we take your dumb suggestions and make even dumber drawings. That's right. Yeah today. Yep Yep, who are you? I'm Caldwell. I'm Nathan. Uh-huh. And today we're saying our names.
We're saying our names And we are also drawing the most dangerous dangerous car the dangerous most ... |
dropout | he_s_such_a_mcconaughey_hardly_working | Yo, Axford, what's up with the new guy? I don't know. I can't tell if he's a genius or a total jack-off. He's a real mokanahay. Okay, okay, okay. Nah, he's definitely a jack-off. Not wearing a shirt is a total jack-off move. Right? But is it because he's trying to show off or because he doesn't place value in material ... |
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