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dropout | don_t_trash_talk_new_york_hardly_working | Temecula sounds so fun! I'm from Philly. Oh, that's great! Wow. Brennan, where are you from? I'm from New York.
Ugh. That awful place. Helltown for bastard people.
Patrick, what about you? Oh, I'm from Cincinnati, Ohio.
I bet that's nice. Why do you bet that's nice?
It's hometown. I was just trying to be polite. Yo... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_mary_anne_louise_fischer_on_holiday_shopping_snl | Well folks, the holiday season is officially upon us. And here with some tips on how to get your holiday shopping done quickly is the most chaotic holiday shopper ever, Mary Ann Louise Fisher. Three minutes to do this, I still got seven stores to hit on this block. Wow, so you've been pretty busy, huh? Oh yeah, I have,... |
SaturdayNightLive | dream_home_cousins_snl | Just a couple of cousins turning houses into dream homes were the dream home cousins. My cousin Gage and I have been hard at work designing a dream home for Lillian and her quiet milk toast husband Pack, who's deeply uncomfortable on camera and now we're ready to show him the plans we drew up. For the record, I did mos... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_marcello_hernandez_on_depression_in_men_snl | According to a new study, the rate of depression among men in America is at an all-time high. here to comment is our very own Marcelo Hernandez. Thank you very much. it's always great to see you, Marcelo. So why do you think that men are depressed? Colin, to understand why men are depressed, we have to first talk about... |
dropout | what_is_the_best_thing_to_find_in_a_treasure_chest | Today's question is, what is the best thing to find in a treasure chest? Today I have Allie Beardsley. What's good? Very cool. I have Stephanie Allen. Hey, what's alright? Nice.
I'm Siobhan Thompson. You okay? I'm worried about you, dog. Wow.
Siobhan, would you like to start? I would love to.
My first idea, the most... |
cracked | which_ghost_movie_was_the_best_for_the_ghosts_casper_ghostbusters_ripd | It's a ridiculous question. You mean it's a ridiculous question because you don't have an answer, because you don't believe in the afterlife. No, it's a ridiculous question because I am not planning on dying.
It's like asking Superman to stop being from space. He can't stop being from space, Katie. Space is who he is.... |
dropout | Katie_Hits_Rock_Bottom_Kingpin_Katie | Music Previously on Kingpin Katie Could you please do me three favors?
Don't try anything funny. Don't skip town. Don't go to the police. I didn't have to kill you.
Sell the drugs, Katie. I found a dead body, okay? Get down here now! Oh yes, text messages. Can I buy some coke? I knew it! It's drugs! College humor.
C... |
TheOnion | The_Gunman_Tragedy_A_Recap_Of_The_Onion_s_Coverage | Tragedy struck Kansas City today with an act of senseless violence. Late this morning, reports confirmed that a gunman had killed Zero at a local mall. Witnesses on the scene spoke to Onion reporters about the at-large gunman.
Lisa Gunman? Yeah, she was here. She works right at that muesies. Well, I thought I saw her,... |
cracked | worst_breakup_excuse_ever | Okay, stop, stop, stop, Steve, stop. Look, we need to talk. I don't think that we should see each other anymore.
No, no, don't do that. No, no, no, don't make that face. Listen, no, no, no. It's not, this has nothing to do with you.
It's me, it's me. Then why? Karen? Why? I'm a lesbian. What?
Yeah, and you are just ... |
TheOnion | Total_Genius_Wears_Tear_Off_Pants_At_Urinal | The CDC has issued a dire warning that Nick Cannon is feeling horny. This week, the Center for Disease Control issued an advisory cautioning Americans of the ongoing fatherhood pandemic caused by TV host and rapper Nick Cannon. Women of childbearing age have been directed to shelter in place until authorities can confi... |
SaturdayNightLive | the_view_sex_scandals_saturday_night_live | I've always wanted to do a show with women who have very different views. be careful what you wish for. some may call it a train wreck. we call it the View. Hi, I'm Meredith Vieira, and welcome to the View. we've got a great show today, right, ladies? we should. thank you. Yeah, that's right. that's right. that's reall... |
SaturdayNightLive | exxon_mobil_merger_saturday_night_live | Hey, Elmer, just came over to pay my last respects. What the hell's that supposed to mean? I guess you haven't heard, but Mobile bought Exon. Well, I think you've got to back afterwards. Exon went ahead and bought your butt, and it stings, don't it? actually, neither company bought the other. they merged. Hey, we weren... |
SaturdayNightLive | 50s_baseball_broadcast_snl | No score as we head into the bottom of the third, Yankees' White Sox' Lyle O'reilly for Wnyx Radio alongside Hall of Famer Daze Newsom. Gorgeous day for a ball game. it is. before we get back to the action on the field, let's go to Walt Hall for a word from our sponsors. Walt. Wnyx Yankees' coverage is brought to you b... |
dropout | Assassin_s_New_Years_Resolutions | I can't believe it's about to be the new year I know this year flew by you have any new year's resolutions I guess like a couple but I feel weird making those yeah I know what you mean like there's stuff I want to change but I don't know it's just hard and I always give up yeah exactly same how about you ex-assassin Da... |
dropout | the_dark_knight_meets_superman_part_2 | So, uh, stop any crime, and if Lois asks, I'm judging a space bikini contest in the Cancun dimension, okay? I know how to guard a city. I'm Gotham's Dark Knight, their rooftop protector, their unseen wraith of- Yeah, rock. Anyway, I am outta here. Oh, the Justice League is around if you need any help.
Skagit! Shh! Oh.... |
SaturdayNightLive | british_cavemen_snl | You're watching Netgeo, coming up at eight snow apes, white fur, big red asses.
But now, a new series on early Man. 40,000 years ago, cavemen roamed the earth, the whole earth, including the parts you don't normally think about. this is British Cavemen. 40,000 b.c. the area that will one day become modern London. In f... |
dropout | JUUL_CEO_No_More_Advertising_to_Kids | Hello America, I'm Matt Stuhl, CEO of Juul, the makers of America's favorite electronic cigarettes. We've recently come under fire for our advertisements targeting young children, and as the face of this company, I just want to tell you, we are so sorry. We would never market for the developing brains of America's futu... |
ClickHole | incredible_courage_women_talk_about_the_emotional_decision_to_donate_their_eggs_to_the_egg_pit | As a woman, sometimes we're faced with decisions that not only affect our bodies, but also our hearts. And my decision to donate my eggs to the Egg Pit changed me forever. When I finally donated my eggs to the Egg Pit and watched them drop off that 5,000-foot cliff into the pile of eggs below, I made sure I had the sup... |
TheOnion | Joad_Cressbeckler_Immigrants_Who_Survive_Arizona_Desert_Deserve_Citizenship | See, tail end of my sit and talk without sharpening about the best way to braid an ox head over to Joe's Web for all the extrusive continents and what have you. Got all kinds of wares of selling too, you can get your Congrass t-shirts thereabouts. Now, I been thinking on it about all them Mexican Spaniards been caught ... |
SaturdayNightLive | la_maison_du_bang_snl | Welcome to Sonic Pioneers. I'm Imani Celeste. I wanted to be a singer, but now I do this.
Tonight, we look at one of the most influential French television programs in the 1970s, the wild and wonderful La Maison du Bang. ushering in a new era of disco, europop, and outrageous fashion, La Maison du Bang was hosted by r... |
TheOnion | Cash_Strapped_PBS_Releases_Nova_Special_On_Physics_Behind_Rhythmically_Bouncing_Breasts | The nation is down to its last 100 grown-ups, and everyone but you is attending an important meeting in the other room. And now a video recap of the week's news for those with severe long-term memory problems.
Bolstered by an influx of federal funds, Planned Parenthood announced the opening of its new $8 billion abort... |
dropout | the_secret_to_a_perfect_body_genetics | You've tried diet after diet and still can't lose those stubborn pounds I'm here to share the secret that gave me the amazing body. I have today. It's called genetics you believe this is me just 12 years ago, and I finished going through puberty and thanks to genetics Well, my body naturally just fell into shape. It's ... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | George_Miller_the_FURIOSA_Filmmaker_on_the_Origins_of_His_Storytelling_THE_LAST_VIDEO_STORE | Welcome home to the last video store a celebration of cinema movies films and the motion pictures You will discover and love for the rest of your life I am your host Alexei Toliopoulos and it is my duty as the sole clerk manning the counter here to act as Guard and guardian of all of the films ever made that sit here o... |
SaturdayNightLive | mom_is_on_facebook_saturday_night_live | Oh, man, looks like you have a new friend request. Oh, my God, this cannot be happening. Well, it finally happened.
Your mom is on Facebook posting things like. October means getting all my fall motif sweaters down. or maybe I should just leaf them up there. ha, ha, ha. I am laughing out loud on the floor. Sure, she l... |
TheOnion | Is_Andrew_Luck_Fully_Recovered_From_His_Quadruple_Amputation_Surgery | Good morning, my wet little sweat beads.
We're talking NFL bounce back candidates, and I've got my eyes on Andrew Luck. But the biggest question, of course, will he be fully recovered from the quadruple amputation surgery he had last October? The Colts say he's progressing ahead of schedule and could be ready to go wh... |
cracked | celebrity_body_parts_that_have_made_infamous_movie_cameos | of American Beauty is almost as famous as the movie itself. But did you ever wonder whose hand and stomach this is? Most people think it's the movie's lead, Mina Sugari, but it's Christina Hendrix. Christina was only 24 in 1999 and had yet to appear in any movies or TV shows when she agreed to what she thought was a ro... |
cracked | the_archie_comics_sex_reboot_no_one_asked_for_riverdale | Hey Bridget, did you know they're making a show about the Archie comics? Oh boy, did I? And am I excited? Uh, let's watch the trailer.
Okay, Riverdale, the name of the town. And like a really... This is real spooky. Real spooky slow soundtrack. Ooh, it's making out. A lot of bird shots of dead body. Yeah, it's really ... |
TheOnion | Who_s_Fucking_Zack_and_Evan | Zach and I met at work. You know, we didn't even get along at first. I mean, he had this sort of hipster, trendy thing going on that I don't usually go for. But we realized we had more in common than we thought. And here we are, fucking for eight months and counting. I usually tell people that we've only been fucking f... |
cracked | the_gop_s_town_hall_meetings_are_the_funniest_things_on_tv_after_the_trump_4 | Cody Johnston. Tom Ryman. Alex Schmidt.
Guys, I'm gonna just say, what a fun episode. It's fun.
It's always a heavy show and then you get just these like, this slew of town hall meetings. It's like Trump versus the people. You have this, this Shavits guy who's like in charge of investigating the Trump character. And ... |
PhilomenaCunkOn | philomena_cunk_vs_mark_lawson | In the 1960s, if you switch your television on, you'd get Malcolm and Wise, Cilla Black, Bob Monkhouse, David Frost. But nowadays, they're all dead. Why is that?
How come the BBC started with radio? Because radio's loads less popular than television, isn't it? There are people in radio who'd get very angry about that.... |
dropout | adam_ruins_everything_how_college_loans_got_so_evil | What's up, friendo? Care for a loansky? Hit me, Loan Tender. See, Adam, student loans help people.
A lot of us wouldn't be able to go to college without them. Right? They're a necessity. That's why it's even more disturbing what they're doing to people. Sheldon, everybody's doing it. That's true.
42 million Americans... |
dropout | hardly_working_bangkok | we're pregnant bro oh so just to see that was really beautiful and the north of Thailand has these temples that are just gorgeous and the buddhas are just gold and ornate or something yeah it sounds super I was gonna say it sounded ornate it sounded really ornate yeah what's the capital of Thailand Bangkok yeah when yo... |
dropout | tim_cook_s_first_day_on_the_job_with_christopher_mcdonald | Hello everyone. You may have seen me in and around the offices. My name is Mr. Cook and I'll be running things in Mr. Jobs' episode. You suck. Alright, uh, has anyone seen Arlene head of retail? I'm right over here. Well, uh, according to this... Mr. Jobs changed the seating chart. Obviously. Okay, not supposed to have... |
SaturdayNightLive | simple_rappers_saturday_night_live | Hey, let's start off with a song for my new album.
Thank you Yo, how y'all feeling the n*** thought you said that. Yeah, we feeling it too.
Hell. yeah hey, the next one's going out to my boy Jimmy Jazzy from Dc who was down with us from the Stizzart. Hey rock that funky beat gangster style Here we go.
Let me see you... |
cracked | watch_the_video_that_s_too_controversial_for_the_super_bowl | Hey America, fuck you. Are you ready for some commercials that were so fucking edgy that the Super Bowl banned them? Bloop. You won't see any because there aren't any banned videos. That's just a thing advertisers like to say. Here's a PETA video they claim was banned from the Super Bowl featuring women and underwear r... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | ep_55_dylan_alcott | We're down in Melbourne. We've made the trip down. We've got some friends we want to speak to down here and it'll be a little series of different guests that we've tracked down while we're down here today.
We're talking to a dual code Paralympian. Dual codes.
That makes you sound like a... Sounds good, doesn't it?
O... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Australia_Mourns_Man_Who_Hates_Us_The_Twerk_Division_A_Wet_Ass_ANZAC_Day_More | You're listening to the Batutah Advocate's Weekly News Wrap on Desert Rock FM 96.5 Welcome back to the Batutah Advocate Weekly News Board and wherever you're listening to us be it via wireless, in your boat, in your kitchen, at work, out here in the channel country, within the bandwidth of course, or you're listening o... |
TheOnion | Little_Boy_Heroically_Shoots_Mutilates_Burglar | Your next guest is a true American hero and he's only eight years old. Last week, Lucas Armitage bravely defended his family and his home when he stopped an intruder all by himself just by using his daddy's gun. That's right.
And Lucas and his dad Jack are with us in the studio this morning. Good morning to both of yo... |
SaturdayNightLive | natasha_lyonne_monologue_snl | Ladies and gentlemen, Natasha Lyon. uh, my name is Natasha Lyon and I also wish I was Harry Styles. Gosh, will you look at this?
I'm hosting the season finale of Saturday Night Live. For a real New Yorker like me, that's big. Uh, I have a show called Russian Doll. the second season of Russian Doll just premiered on Ne... |
dropout | this_year_s_hottest_college_looks_ch_shorts | School is back in session and we're ready to show you the honest looks in collegiate fashion. Get ready to see these styles everywhere on campus this fall.
Oh, who's this coming down the runway? Why a sophomore Tyler McClintock with Lupe just screamed, I go to this school! Yes, and it's not gonna stop screaming any ti... |
cracked | 5_famous_movies_that_don_t_mean_what_you_think | Famous stories that aren't about what you think. The sun comes up in that extra sugar you need in your cup.
You're a cook. You're a chef. This is what you've been cooking for years and it works. And either you cook the menu that our customers have come to... You want me to cook the same food?
The same exact... The sa... |
cracked | cody_s_drunken_rant_from_dan_o_brien_video | Okay, so we're at my place pretty game a little bit getting a little buzzy string a little a little bit It's a little bit like calling it doing some quarters.
And so it's pretty fun I'm like I got a little So Cool Rally cuz I always rally but then like a surgery a little more and duck but shows up He just walks in wit... |
dropout | What_Undecided_Voters_Look_Like_To_Everyone_Else | Mr. Thomas, I have some bad news. You have a serious medical condition, and if you don't have surgery immediately, you'll likely die.
Oh my god. With your current health care plan, you can only choose between two people to do the surgery, but the choice is totally yours. We have Dr. Stewart, a surgeon trained specific... |
cracked | terrifying_confessions_from_real_teachers | Welcome to the ECPN Sanctum! Please welcome to the stage, The Cat! An episode of the crack podcast brought to you by season two of Those Who Can't. Hi!
Hot Street TV, which is a hilarious show that you should be watching. It's on 10 30s on Thursdays and it's super funny. Like a live action Simpsons set in your high sc... |
cracked | for_how_long_do_close_friends_hug_w_jordan_morris_quorators_podcast | How long have you been doing your show for? It's like at least a decade, right? Yeah, our chat show is like 15 years old, so. 15 years old.
That's cool, man. Wow. Yeah. That's a high school age podcast. 10,000 hours.
I'm Malcolm Gladwell-ed it, and now I'm the Beatles. I keep seeing you and screaming. The Beatles. I'... |
cracked | what_it_s_really_like_working_for_an_internet_company_internet_content_cracked_throwback | First one's here, I guess. Great talking point, Lucy. I feel like we've really made a strong connection here today. Oh. Well, I guess we all have different definitions of connection, don't we? Although I am curious what it is about this specific interaction that you were being mean. I see.
We can't be the first ones h... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Hillsong_Officialised_Dutton_Gets_Prepared_Praise_For_Mummy_Gladys_More_August_6 | you're listening to the Batutah Advocates weekly news wrap on Desert Rock FM 96.5 welcome back to the weekly Batutah bulletin we've basically got three cities in lockdown right now things aren't changing in the covid front lockdowns in Melbourne Sydney and of course Brisbane our closest capital things are pretty grim 1... |
dropout | 2012_orgy | It is a prophecy foretold across thousands of years, warning us of a looming Armageddon. December 21st, 2012. Soon, the Mayan calendar will end its 5,000 year cycle as our sun aligns with the Milky Way, bringing violent solar radiation and unprecedented heat waves. Ages ago, the Maya prepared for the end with a shockin... |
cracked | 4_things_dancing_can_tell_you_about_sex_today_s_topic | or a land party no said you want to go dancing or a land party you part though being there I can feel pain you know like human being oh buddy don't you're great here I love the part where you're here and we get to talk about like random bullshit but I don't want to go dancing with you there because there dancing is jus... |
TheOnion | autopsy_of_a_scene_paul_feig_points_out_how_many_ghosts_are_in_this_scene_from_the_heat | Hi, I'm Paul Feig. I'm the director of The Heat, and you are watching Autopsy of a Scene. Okay, this is one of my favorite scenes in the movie. Sandra Bullock is meeting Melissa McCarthy's family for the first time, and we captured 10 ghosts on film when we were doing this. Okay, I really love Sandra's body language in... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Shannon_Noll_The_Betoota_Advocate_Podcast_Ep_129 | You're listening to Errol Parker and Clancy Overall, editors of The Batooda Advocate on Desert Rock FM. Welcome back to The Batooda Advocate radio show, recording live here in the Budgie Smuggler booth in downtown Batooda in the old city district and today is a momentous occasion for The Batooda Advocate radio show and... |
SaturdayNightLive | friends_snl | And now, stay tuned for friends. Oh, my God. this show is so stupid, Thebes. I mean, it's just tapes of cats falling off things and men getting hit in the crotch. Um, okay. I love the show, Rach. you would. Look, Thebes, I have something to tell you. Wow. that sounds really like. announcement. it kind of is. I met some... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_104_Ronny_Chieng | This week we are talking to one of Australia's greatest exports, although he's quite vague about claiming us on his international stand-up specials. I think there's a little bit of love there, but more Melbourne-centric.
Ronny Chiang, thank you for joining us today. Whoa, what the hell is that coming from? Yo, I never... |
cracked | how_to_ruin_the_best_part_of_working_from_home | No! No tangents.
My cat's in the chair. This is what I'm talking about, okay?
We never get anywhere in these meetings. Say hi to Walter.
And people hate it. I hate it. And you know why?
Yeah, I have a blog about it. I don't know what that word is, Chris. Yeah, that's on the blog too, man.
We're not spunky enough. ... |
SaturdayNightLive | shonda_talk_show_snl | Coming back to Shonda, our topic today: Is he cheating or nah? please welcome Jasmine, who says she is fed up with her husband, Jerry, and suspects he may be stepping out. Mm-hmm. So tell us what's going on, Jasmine. Hey, Shonda, I am just fed up, girl.
I do everything for this man. I cook for him, I clean, I take car... |
dropout | high_in_another_country | Have you ever done one of these before? No. Bye. Have you ever found yourself lost in an unfamiliar place while high out of your mind? Mm-hmm, yeah.
Two secret stoners will attempt to hide their high and not get picked out of their study abroad program. Is she okay? Through a series of challenges, a group of citizens ... |
TheOnion | Will_Louisville_Be_Able_To_Recruit_Elite_Prostitutes_Without_Pitino | Got some hot sweat coming at you. Rick Pitino was fired today for his role in a bribery scandal which leads me to ask, will this hurt Louisville's efforts to recruit elite prostitutes? I mean think of all the great prostitutes that were part of that program over the years. They were all there because of one man, Rick P... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | bob_katter_on_racists_and_rednecks_dressing_up_like_cowboys | You've got a big electorate, and you've got a lot of industry, different industries that you've got to kind of come into bat for. But as we all know about Australia, Snowy River, the cane fields of Mackay, there's a lot of diversity that comes with that. So you've got a pretty diverse electorate.
I guess you could say... |
SaturdayNightLive | hbo_mario_kart_trailer_snl | Hbo's the last of Us is a hit, proving a video game can become a prestige dystopian drama. this spring, Hbo is doing it again with another iconic game. it's been 10 years since our kingdom fell. The only thing we have left? Hope. I have important cargo I need smuggled to Rainbow Road. people say you used to drive? peop... |
cracked | help_us_make_the_best_kickstarter_video_ever | Hi, I'm Tom Broadside. You probably know me from my independent film, Memories of Tomorrow. Or as Benny from Lawyers. But to tell you the truth, a part of me has always wanted more.
And that's why I'm here on Kickstarter. I'm going to be asking you to help me fund the kind of movie or movies that I've always dreamed o... |
SaturdayNightLive | the_new_boyfriend_talk_show_snl | Welcome to the New Boyfriend Talk show, starring me, Zach, and my sidekick, Mom. hey, sweetie. hi, Mom. Okay, so my mom dates so many awesome guys that one day I thought, hey, maybe on Sunday when they wake up, I should interview them before they hit the road. I asked for permission and she said yes. that's because no ... |
ClickHole | this_choir_s_rendition_of_christ_cometh_to_my_house_and_eats_all_of_my_food_is_absolutely_stunning | Christ cometh to my house, and he eats all of my food. The Son of God opens up my window and falls inside my house. He says, Behold, I'm Christ the Lord, and you know why I'm here. Let me get my hands on your incredible groceries. Jesus opens up my fridge and eats all of my food.
He eats an entire head of lettuce and ... |
dropout | the_guy_who_likes_every_sports_team | All right, I'm heading out for the day. You want to grab a beer? I was trying to get sober, but why not?
You guys going to check out the game? I worked in Minnesota for a year, so you know I love the Vikings. Oh, well, what game? Take a guess. I can't tell.
The Boston Red Sox, man. That's my team. I thought you liked... |
ClickHole | this_back_to_the_future_trailer_makes_it_look_like_the_story_happened_during_hurricane_andrew | We have a rapid intensifying cyclone here. You built a time machine out of a DeLorean? We may be into something here worse than what we thought. I came here in a time machine that you invented. Now I need your help to get back to the year 1985. All we can tell people is hang on. We've got to get you home.
Hurricane An... |
ClickHole | watch_people_talk_about_the_first_time_they_had_sex | The first time I had sex, I just need a couple seconds.
Oh my god. Oh man.
The first time I had sex I was 16. 18. 17. I was 16 years old. I can't believe I'm telling this story.
I wanted to set the mood so I had this whole setup of candles and incense. Candles. So many candles.
Bloodhounds. I think I read in a maga... |
dropout | Your_Overly_Complicated_Holiday_Plans | I am thinking about going out for Thanksgiving with my family in New York and doing Christmas with my girlfriend Izzy's family in Chicago. But we just found out that my sister's only gonna be able to be available the week of Christmas in New York. Let's see, right here, sister time, so. Okay, so then do Christmas with ... |
cracked | yo_man_check_out_this_rocket_launcher_cracked_in_kurdistan_cracked_goes_there_with_robert_evans | Hey, I'm Jack O'Brien, I'm the editor-in-chief of Cracked. Robert Evans, I run the personal experience article team and have another job title, which I have forgotten.
You just went to Iraq, Kurdistan? Yeah, Iraqi Kurdistan. We took some home videos there, so this is basically just going to be a slideshow of my vacati... |
SaturdayNightLive | the_leather_man_saturday_night_live | Hello, welcome to the Leatherman. can I get you into some leather? Um, no, I'm just looking. you have a nice store. yeah, if you like leather. but I don't like leather.
I love leather. those pants are 100% beautiful. And 100% you. And 100% a leather.
Trust me. I like these pants right here. do you have these in my si... |
SaturdayNightLive | people_pleaser_support_group_snl | I love that shirt, Celine. you do? I hate it. it looks stupid on me. yeah, no, you're right. that's what I was gonna say. I love it, but it's stupid.
Okay, okay, let's get started, then. Everyone, welcome back to the People Pleasers support group. Oh, it's so good to be here. thanks for having us. Yay, we're back. And... |
cracked | we_figured_out_how_much_it_would_cost_to_run_jurassic_park_movie_math | Welcome to Movie Math, where we task our crack team of PhD-holding Internet scientists to exhaustively research the questions that really matter, like how much cake they eat in Marie Antoinette, the Sevilla Coppola version. Today, we'll be looking at a time when dinosaurs ruled the box office in Jurassic Park. This fil... |
dropout | america_sucks_less | This country sure got problems, corruption, crime and drugs And though we try to fix the world, the world just hates our guts But for all our woes and troubles, I still love the U.S. Cause compared to the rest of the world, America sucks less They call us all polluters with our hummer SUVs But in China you can taste th... |
dropout | how_to_neg_your_parents | Ah. A text. You never want to respond to a text immediately. The less interested you seem in her, the more interested she'll be in you. You know, the same tactics used to manipulate women into sleeping with you can be used to make your parents love you even more. That's right. I'm nagging my mom. If you're constantly i... |
TheOnion | 13_Year_Old_Drinking_Prodigy_Accepted_To_Ohio_State | And then coming up later in the hour we'll be comparing paper towel brands, so you should probably find something else to watch then. But first the story of the incredible Tyler Morgan. Let's take a look.
If he looks different than the other students on this college campus, it's because he's only 13 years old. But the... |
cracked | if_online_gamers_were_honest | Sergeant Jackson, 85, report for duty, and I'm taking the Sergeant in my name way too serious. Yo! The hand machine 7 is online, bitches, and exactly as excited now as I will be furious later. Torture Vic Tom, signing on and hoping everybody notices the clever wordplay in my screen name. I vaguely remember you from las... |
Wizards_with_Guns | every_phone_commercial_without_ryan_reynolds_ | I'm gonna keep this real simple. D Wireless has unlimited talk, text, and download, all for the price of a hat. Hold on, when you say unlimited, that's right, no contract or hidden fees, all at the price of a hat. And how much is that? You get all that for the price of a hat and unlimited phone. I mean, how much money ... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | ep_37_julie_bishop | Well, here we are in Melbourne City as we are now halfway through the Batutah advocate road show It's um, it's been a great time So if I get to see everyone and meet everyone and see these different cities around the country Had the road show in Hamer Hall last night in Melbourne It was a great hit and it's great to se... |
SaturdayNightLive | behind_the_sketch_exorcism_multi_cam_view_snl | Can you save her? can you save my daughter? Father Murphy, I can't perform an exorcism alone. you are going to Hell! Honey, hear my voice. I know you're still in there, Claire. did someone just knock on our door? it's the middle of the night. What is all the ruckus? Oh, Father, this is our upstairs neighbor, Mrs. Shaw.... |
dropout | don_t_worry_my_sunburn_will_turn_into_a_tan | I will give you one rice for your sandwich one one grain of rice. Yes, that's what I said one rice Wow, you got some sun you noticed I can't wait till this glow turns into a beautiful golden tan I think it's a little burnt.
It's all part of my process I bear myself really good at the end of summer. So it turns into a ... |
dropout | showering_with_girls | Hi, I'm Dan Gerwich from College Humor, and right now I'm about to take a shower with a beautiful girl! But while I'm definitely psyched to have shower sex, it's not always the passionate romp that you think it's going to be. For instance, I don't have those little grippy things on the floor, so while I hope things end... |
TheOnion | Packers_Fan_Announces_He_Will_Return_To_Drinking_For_Another_Season | The speculation is over. Wisconsin resident and Packers fan Chris Lukowski has announced that he will return to drinking for another football season. Following his wife's off-season threat to leave him if he didn't get help, many expected Lukowski to give up drinking for good, but he held a press conference today to an... |
dropout | hardly_working_starfish_gang | Starfish, ha! Jesus. Sorry, Dan.
Let's crawl. Oh, wait. I have jury duty today. Really? Yeah. Well, it's my duty to appear before a jury as I'm being sued for sexual assault. You know what? That's OK. We're Starfish. We can lose a member and still survive. Oh, I'm in a lot of trouble. Guys. Yeah. That's the one. That'... |
CrackerMilk | hacking_into_aussie_internet_ft_noodle | Hello everyone and welcome back to another episode of the cracker milk podcast. We are joined by a very lovely guest who is weirdly anatomically correct. It's Noodle directly next to Tom. Hey Noodle, how you going buddy? It's so good to be here in real life.
Yeah. Oh man. I really love that. Um, the shirt you've got o... |
cracked | every_hideo_kojima_conspiracy_explained_blue_box_game_studios_silent_hills_abandoned | One of the biggest questions haunting the minds of Americans is who or what is the fabled Q? Is it former President Donald Trump, a high-ranking member of the military, a sentient pizza or something?
I don't know. Nobody knows.
What I do know is, is that Q isn't the only game in town, or should I say, the only gamer ... |
SaturdayNightLive | makeup_artists_snl | It's your wedding day, we gonna party like it's your wedding day. Okay, Doll Face, you ready to see your makeup? You know I am. All right, Gorgia, I should have baked my veal in three, two, one. Oh my gosh! this is exactly what I wanted. Ant and Trist, you are magicians. while we had an amazing canvas. you look like Pr... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_rfk_jr_s_brain_worm_snl | That's right, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. admitted to having a worm that ate part of his brain. here to comment is: R.f.k. Jr.'s brain Worm. aren't you so glad I'm here? No, you are horrible to look at. Aw, come on, Colin. give me a kiss. I'm not going to kiss you, brain Worm. Okay, it looks like you're now a huge fan of R.f... |
dropout | precious_plum_bonus_footage | We fucking there yet. No, we're not Buy something from me. Oh, but sales me for a small price. Oh Oh my god, there's your cameras. Oh, can you burn me a DVD? That's advanced foods You buries Hi, what's your name? Hi, Eva.
Okay, Eva I'm just gonna cut the ends off just a little trim. Just a little trim. I'm gonna want ... |
dropout | SantaCon_Mutant_Melee_Pt_1 | Hey gang, it's Brennan here announcing that Dimension 20 has gotten so big, it needs its own YouTube channel where you can go exclusively for new Dimension 20 content.
That's what everyone here is working on right now. Say hi, industrious workers. Hi, industrious workers.
Oh, you love to see it. Guys, we're really ex... |
dropout | hardly_working_something_different | I mean, I'm willing to go along with it. I'm just saying, Streeter's beard is gonna be scratchy! It's not a beard thing! All of our heads just can't fit together at the same time! Oh my god! How are you just gonna keep on debating it when we could find out if we just kissed each other right now? Hey boys!
Notice anyth... |
dropout | the_most_powerful_object_in_the_universe_does_what_exactly | He took the arm! The dangers of the armpit glare! To the groovy scooter! Bring the candidate.
And I'm sorry gang, but we're going to have to postpone the talent show. So, so sorry.
I thought we could talk it out. Everyone makes mistakes. Una, dear Una, you are so understanding, Una dea- You guys wanted to see me? Did... |
CrackerMilk | how_girls_help_each_other | Connor?
What's up babe? Please stop breathing, I don't know what to do. I need your phone. Give me your phone! Okay, what's your code? I don't even know your code. It's 4456. Okay, who's Jenny? That's my boss from work. You're texting her every day.
Can you come in? Come inside of her? Coming to work!
Your friend's ... |
dropout | robert_reich_explains_the_credit_downgrade | Hello, I'm Robert Reich, former U.S. Secretary of Labor.
We all know about Standard & Poor's recent downgrading of the United States credit rating. Today I'd like to explain what these downgrades actually mean for the country. Now that our rating has dropped from a AAA to AA+, you can expect higher interest rates and ... |
SaturdayNightLive | cold_opening_donald_trump_saturday_night_live | And now a special message from the star of Nbc's new hit show, The Apprentice, Donald Trump. good evening, I'm Donald Trump. of course, most of you know who I am already because I'm rich and I'm handsome. if you're a man, you want my life. if you're a woman, well, I've got what you want, Okay? I'd like to talk about my... |
cracked | 4_reasons_pinocchio_is_secretly_terrifying_obsessive_pop_culture_disorder | Hello, my name is Daniel O'Brien and welcome to another mysterious episode of Possessive Pop Culture Disorder, the only show on the internet that my dad calls. I know the world is changing, but I still wish people your age didn't curse so much.
Today's episode explores Pinocchio is a classic morality tale, teaching ch... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_colin_jost_interviews_rep_george_santos_snl | Scientists made a stunning breakthrough in the field of nuclear fusion, which may lead to limitless clean energy. here to comment is the man behind the research. Oh no, it's George Santos. scientist's name. No, you're George Santos and you've been all over the news lying about basically every part of your life.
Maybe.... |
cracked | famous_lasts_from_history | Here are some fascinating lasts from throughout history. The last survivor of the Titanic lived to be 97 years old and passed away in 2007. Milvinea Dean was only nine months old when the ship went down and she doesn't remember a thing. But she still refused to watch James Cameron's blockbuster because while she surviv... |
TheOnion | Representative_To_Rid_Congress_Of_Gang_Members | I rise in support of HR 1277, the Gang Prevention and Community Safeguard Act. Now this bill is a comprehensive approach to a growing national threat, violent, criminal gangs in our communities.
Friends, you know me, I grew up in a small town, Frankton, Indiana. It used to be a perfect place to raise a family. But tod... |
dropout | xbox_girls_strike_back | Come on, team. We gotta guard the flag. We're practically hanging them around.
Holy shit, you sound hot. What are you wearing? Oh god, not again. Seriously, just tell me what kind of underwear you're wearing. Maybe we could talk about this after the game. Hey, why are you being such an uptake dick about this? It's jus... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Weekly_News_Bulletin_Melbourne_New_Zealand_North_Korea_Much_Much_More_14_08_20 | You're listening to the Batutah Advocate's Weekly News Rap on Desert Rock FM 96.5 Welcome back to the Batutah Advocate Weekly News Bulletin, there's a lot going on in the world, you're joined by myself Clancy Overall editor of the Batutah Advocate and of course Errol Parker editor at large, good afternoon Errol Good af... |
cracked | 3_incredible_acting_feats_that_deserve_their_own_awards_yboc_game_of_thrones_star_wars | Hey there nerds, my name is Dr. Jordan Breeding and welcome to another episode of your brand. Just kidding.
Oh, it's another mustachio award ceremony episode. Gotcha, turds. We sure do give out a lot of awards for convincingly lying on camera, like with the Oscars, the Emmys, the Golden Globes, the presidency. But eve... |
dropout | minecraft_environmentalists | Good morning, Minecraft! Uh, uh, excuse me, guys, I have a lot of work to do before the sun goes down, so if you can just move... Oh, and what work is that, Earth Killer? Chopping down another forest, damming up another river?
You're a monster. Terrible Minecraft! You're terrible! Evil!
Guys, come on, I'm just a regu... |
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