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SaturdayNightLive | giant_horse_snl | They've been gone for hours. they should be back by now. what's taking them so long? I don't know. Oh, my God. they were everywhere! it's like they knew we were coming. how'd they go? what are the others? they're gone, okay? they're all gone!
Sock it. What are the odds of us surviving the next assault? with some luck.... |
SaturdayNightLive | christmas_awards_cold_open_snl | Live from the Crypto.com Arena in beautiful, dangerous downtown Los Angeles, It's the 95th Annual Christmas Awards, honoring holiday excellence. Now your hosts, two people from the E Network you've never heard of. Now, don't be alarmed, but if Santa looks different this year, it's only because he's on O-zepic.
Fan of ... |
TheOnion | You_Want_A_Movie_Gimme_The_Stars_Onion_Talks_Ep_11 | I've been handed scripts every day by these kids, these morons, feeding me junk about traveling through time and dancing chipmunks, a bunch of guys sitting around in a bar having a drink. That ain't a movie! You ain't got stars, you ain't got nothing. You give me stars, I'll make you this movie. Movies don't come from ... |
dropout | the_problem_with_jeggings | Hello class! My name is Mr. Stevens. I will be your substitute while Ms. Lipitsky is getting her foot fixed. You can call me Mr. S. I have a note from the principal.
No jeggings. What? Come on, they're jeans. No, they are leggings. They're just disguised to look like jeans.
Yes, Stacy. We could see your whole S-crack... |
dropout | adam_ruins_promos_adam_ruins_everything | Hi, I'm Adam Conover. On my show, Adam Ruins Everything, I reveal the hidden truth behind everything you think you know.
For example, this video. It looks like a college humor video, but it's actually an ad for my show, which returns to True TV, November 27th.
Cut! Adam, please don't do this. Don't ruin your own prom... |
SaturdayNightLive | biden_halloween_cold_open_snl | And now, a Halloween message from President Joe Biden. Good evening, America. it's almost Halloween. I'm not out of breath. I'm just excited, because Halloween is the greatest holiday in the world. the world. But look, here's the bottom line. world is a pretty scary place right now. wars, shootings, climate change, eve... |
SaturdayNightLive | the_bush_tax_cut_saturday_night_live | Later on, C-span, Barbara Streisand's address from this year's convention of the National Association of Female Impersonators, at which she received the group's you-go-girl award. followed by C-span's coverage of a group intervention at the offices of Representative Tom Delay, where fellow republicans confronted the Te... |
dropout | bleep_bloop_ipad_games | I'm Jeff Rubin, this is Pat Castles, and today on Bleep Loop, we are playing games on the iPad. Let's check out Uno HD. This is not your standard definition Uno. We're talking high-definition. Dose.
It should be golf. I remember playing Uno at the beach a lot when I was a kid, and now you can do the same thing. Just t... |
dropout | shopping_for_groceries_like_you_re_not_single | I'm Doug, and I'm recently single. Boy, buying groceries for one can be tough, huh? But follow these sensible tips, and you'll be a solo shopping pro in no time. Use a shopping cart instead of a hand basket. Otherwise, people will know you're just shopping for yourself. Try and limit yourself to 10 cans of chunky soup.... |
dropout | hardly_working_billy_crystal | Oh, and the Super Bowl cornerback goes back with the Biggle Skin! Emily, going long, we're into the end zone! At the buzzer!
Emily, you okay? Yeah, I'm fine. These dusty boxes broke my fall, so... Whoa, what's that? It's beautiful.
Emily, do you feel anything? Do you feel anything, he says?
Yeah, you sound like my p... |
dropout | comic_con_cosplay_catastrophe | Okay, now it's time for the Q&A portion of the Comic-Con panel. First question goes to the guy dressed as Pikachu. Actually, I'm Pikachu as a herald of Galactus. It's an original costume of my own conception. Wow, that's very creative. What's your question?
Well, frankly, I'm so flustered at your snafu that I've flumm... |
SaturdayNightLive | mister_wizard_snl | You're watching Nickelodeon After Dark. coming up, a classic episode of Mr. Wizard. Hey, kids. Hey, Mr. Wizard. today we're gonna learn about something called static Electricity, and you're the conductor. Now, everything is made up of atoms, but what floats around those atoms? does anyone know?
Chris? I don't know. Cl... |
cracked | 4_weirdly_specific_and_dumb_sports_tropes_yboc_parks_and_recreation_community_firefly | Whistle, hey there jocks and cheerleaders, it's me, Coach Dr. Jordan Breeding, and this is your Brain on Crack, the only show on the internet sporting every sport. Ball, stick, net, infield, outfield, guard field, those are just some of the advanced sports words that you're gonna hear in this episode, where I diagnose.... |
ClickHole | lesbians_explain_simcity_4_cheat_codes | A lot of people want to know how to unlock reward buildings. To do that, type, you don't deserve it, into the console window. If you need more money, type weakness pays. It's one word, no spaces. Each time you enter, a thousand simoleons are added to your treasury, and you can use weakness pays as many times as you wan... |
cracked | most_uncomfortable_intramural_sport_strategy_ever_sports_movie_parody | What the hell, guys? That was the worst defense I have ever seen in my three years of flag football volunteer coaching. Jensen, last possession. The receiver was going for the end zone. You totally had him covered. I saw you put your hands on the flag.
Then at the last second, you pulled away? You can't explain? I jus... |
cracked | we_gender_swapped_back_to_the_future_and_everybody_should_go_to_jail | DELIVIOUS! Back to the Future is already pretty strange in the way that making out with your mom is pretty strange. You're so, uh, you're so... But the strangeness becomes much more pronounced if Marty is a girl. And that's without digging into the young woman sneaking out late at night to conduct experiments with an o... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | bulletin_09_8_18_betoota_weekly_news_bulletin | G'day, I'm Bruce Hitchcock, and you're listening to the Weekly Batuda News Bulletin, coming to you from Koala Mattress Studios in downtown Batuda. Joining me in the studio is Wendell Hussey, the cadet from the Batuda Advocate. Thanks for steering the ship while I was away, Del. My pleasure, Bruce. I'm sure the listener... |
dropout | hardly_working_secret_society | I got the Netflix diss back in the mail right and the scratch on it not like this big, but that was a mouse Sorry, okay, Jesus I'm sorry I'm sorry Oh What where who are you where am I we saw what you did to Sarah? Oh, no listen that that was an accident I swear they're not you're among friends for you're now in the sec... |
wearethesundayblues | differences_between_south_africans_australians_derick_watts_the_sunday_blues | Hi there, we're Derek Watts and the Sunday Blues. We get a lot of comments on our YouTube channel, some quite offensive. People have called me morbidly obese. Tattoo dick I think was... That was one of the words they said. Yeah. All of these are fine and actually true. None as insulting as the following. Hurts, hurts a... |
dropout | I_Overshared_So_Now_You_Have_To | Oh hey, how's it going? Not good. Uh, everything okay? Last night I got in an argument with my boyfriend, Slapped. Uh, about what?
Soap, but it dug up this buried resentment he has toward his mom, and now I'm not sure I ever want to get married. It's just hard because he lives in Australia, so we only have these short... |
dropout | shipping_the_otp_dating_commercial | I never thought I'd find love until I tried One True Pairing. Yes. One True Pairing is the only place where fictional characters are mashed with the other fictional character they were obviously meant to be with. It's not dating, it's shipping. Hi, I'm Amanda, founder and head chipper at One True Pairing. I will read a... |
cracked | 4_terrible_movie_franchises_saved_with_one_small_change_yboc_dceu_indiana_jones | Hey there nerds, it's me, Dr. Jordan Breeding. And as a real doctor specializing in film diagnostology, I have pointed out a lot of movie problems without actually doing much to fix them.
Which, to be clear, is my right as an American. But lately, I've been thinking, what if I did the opposite of what the current cult... |
dropout | short_clip_prank | Hey everyone, I'm David from College Humor.
Today I'm in Los Angeles asking people to get their reaction to a quick clip on my iPad. Now what they don't know is the quick clip is actually three hours long. Do you have a second to watch a quick clip? Just one second? No? Do you have a second to watch a quick clip?
I'm... |
cracked | the_catholic_church_ordered_over_250_000_pope_pogs_to_honor_the_pope_s_first_visit_to_new_jersey | The Catholic Church ordered more than 250,000 pogs to commemorate the Pope's first visit to southern New Jersey.
In October 1995, Pope John Paul II arrived at Newark International Airport for a five-day East Coast jaunt with stops at Giant Stadium, Central Park, and a horse racing track in Queens.
To mark the occasio... |
cracked | all_the_terrifying_stuff_that_happened_on_the_set_of_poltergeist_part_2 | in 2009, Lou Perryman, who played Pugsley in the first film, was killed by a recently released ex-convict in his own home with an axe. But cast members passing away is not the only weird thing that happened on set. In one of the most famous scenes, JoBeth Williams' character, she's the mom, falls into the family's pool... |
SaturdayNightLive | please_don_t_destroy_gone_too_soon_snl | I just can't believe he's gone. maybe we should just go home. Hey, guys. oh, hey, Sydney. what's wrong? I don't want to burden you with this, but one of our friends just passed. that's horrible. I'm so sorry. Yeah. do you mind if I ask what happened? Sure.
God, he was on vacation in Arizona, and this is going to sound... |
dropout | i_dare_you_to_watch_this_entire_video | It's difficult for you, isn't it? You're becoming bored. Your brain is beginning to itch inside your skull, begging for a morsel of distraction from the internet. And you're holding it together for now, but the truth is, you're frightened. It's been so long since you've tried to focus like this that you don't know if y... |
dropout | hardly_working_david | You guys are really cute. You guys are both single, you're just saying. I have been looking for a husband. He really seems to love the guys. Really? If he loves those buttholes, he'll be like putty in my hands. I like it.
No, no. You stay here. So I duck into the laundromat just to get away from the wild turkey. You a... |
dropout | ch_live_nyc_donald_glover | Green in the morning light. Guys, please give it up for Donald Glover. It's also hard being in a relationship and being black, just because, like, you got different woes.
Like, if I'm with a girl and she leave my house at, like, eight, and she doesn't call me, like, by ten, like, I'm not like, oh, shit, something happ... |
TheOnion | Sneak_Peek_at_The_Next_ONN_on_IFC_Nation_Elects_First_Openly_Drunk_Senator | This is the Onion News Network, controlling what you see and when you see it. November marked a historic occasion in American politics following the election of Dave Tillis, the nation's first openly drunk senator. For a look at Tillis' rise to political prominence, Jane Carmichael has our Washington Watch. Many though... |
dropout | sleep_with_a_snake_for_2500 | Some time this week, I sneak into Allie's apartment and put a snake in their bed. That night?
No! Allie's here in the day! No! Allie's here in the day! No!
That's so stupid.
No, no, no. Allie's going to have this in their bed. Oh no! No! No way! This is a Google image. This is a 14-foot Anaconda. No! No, this isn't!... |
dropout | stop_calling_everything_a_lifestyle_brand | Hey, what is all this? I just became a Seabird representative, and I thought I'd try out my little sales picture at the office first. Do you interest us? Yes, sure, I'd love to. Can I help you find anything in particular? I'm not familiar with Seabird makeup, so I guess I'll just...
Was that a joke? I'm sorry?
We do ... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_161_Grace_Tame | You're listening to Errol Parker and Clancy Overall, editors of the Batutah Advocate on Desert Rock FM. Welcome back to the Batutah Advocate radio show, recording live here from downtown Batutah and joined by Errol Parker editor at large, how are you Errol?
Good mate, as usual not a cloud in the sky up here in the Dia... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | PM_Pimps_His_Ride_Q_A_Ratings_Slump_Price_Drops_In_Thredbo_More_April_9 | You're listening to the Batutah Advocates weekly news wrap on Desert Rock FM 96.5. Welcome back to the Batutah Advocates weekly bulletin. You're joined by myself Clancy Overall, editor of the Batutah Advocate and as is the case on these bulletins we have the whole newsroom in the office.
We have Errol Park editor at l... |
dropout | if_football_players_were_atheists | Chris McCutcheon, your diving touchdown catch as time expired saved the game and perhaps the season. What do you have to say about that miraculous grab? I'm just so thankful. I feel amazing. First of all, I've got to thank my parents for giving me the best of both their genes, for giving me the genetic makeup to make m... |
TheOnion | Should_We_Exercise_If_The_Human_Body_Is_Only_Built_For_Short_Bursts_Between_Sitting_And_Lying_Down | fitness advice. Exercise two to three times a week for at least 30 minutes a day. And don't forget cardio. But don't exercise too much, or you'll get hurt. So how much exercise should you be getting?
Well, actually, not that much, since the human body is only built to withstand walking a short distance before lying or... |
TheOnion | Aaron_Rodgers_Vows_To_Make_Season_Interesting_By_Killing_Self | There was that Mickelson guy and that kid from Ireland, that's too right there. Forget it, you're only making yourself look dumber by doing this. Well thank God, Tiger's back, I'm never going to forgive golf for making me learn all those golfers. Alright, get your golf out of my face. It's time for the Face-Off.
The P... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | WEEKLY_BULLETIN_SA_Tourism_Demands_Nation_Stop_Saying_Radelaide_Like_That_s_Worse_Than_Serial_ | You're listening to the Batutah Advocate's weekly news wrap on Desert Rock FM 96.5 Um okay well we'll start now uh hello hi ladies and gentlemen and the rest of yous this is the Batutah Advocate weekly bulletin my name is Clancy Overall I'm joined by Wendell Hussey and Errol Parker and these are the biggest stories of ... |
cracked | every_youtube_response_video_ever | Hi, it's me laughpuppy23 And I just want to address some of the things that parknogs11 Greg 5 said on his channel Okay, I I cannot believe I did How could you possibly think that something is better than the other thing? Okay, you're you're you're an idiot You're just an idiot. I mean, okay for the sake of argument. Le... |
dropout | Millennials_Are_Ruining_Our_Trash_No_Laugh_Newsroom | From West Hollywood, California, the only news team that doesn't know what's on the teleprompter before they read it. Anyone who laughs or breaks loses points. This is Breaking News. Welcome to Breaking News, the show where we don't know what we're about to say and we're not allowed to smile or laugh.
In health news, ... |
dropout | hardly_working_i_want_my_doctor | It's coming! The baby's coming!
Who are you? Who is this?
My name is Dr. Gerwidge. Dr. Kliman is my doctor. You're not my doctor. I want my doctor.
Alright, Dr. Kliman is in a bad mitzvah in Santa Barbara, okay? Bad mitzvah?
No. No, no, no, no. I'm available to his patients. I'm going to help you through this. This... |
dropout | jake_and_amir_doobs_part_3_w_thomas_middleditch | Hey, you're watching Jake and Amir. See, I told you we could be naked. Oh my god, get out. Well, this is supposed to be an intervention, but I guess nobody likes you enough to show up.
Oh? Don't act smug, I know that hurt. Is it something I said or did? I mean, both.
You've been rubbing everybody the wrong way for th... |
TheOnion | Sheltered_Suburban_School_Already_Knows_They_re_Going_To_Fuck_Up_Black_History_Month | An Olympian has always dreamed of one day having fun with friends. The nation's girlfriends admit that absolutely everything's riding on Valentine's Day, and a keyboard's second row is a veritable who's who of special punctuation characters. You only have a finite time upon this earth before you're gone forever, and th... |
SaturdayNightLive | victoria_s_secret_can_cover_your_business_snl | Hey, Melody. I just want to say you're doing a great job so far, and you know we're really psyched to have you here on the Victoria's Secret team. Thanks, Phil. And by the way, Looking good? Thanks, Phil. looking real good? Oh, hey, you know, I'm you know, I'm straight, right?
Oh hello, I'm looking for a sales clerk. ... |
SaturdayNightLive | the_woman_in_me_auditions_snl | I'm beyond touched that my book, The Woman and Me, hit number one on the New York Times bestseller list. to say the least, my audio book is read by the amazing Michelle Williams, but she wasn't the only one who wanted to read it. here's a peek at some of the other actors who auditioned to read The Woman and Me. Okay, A... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | A_Red_Under_the_Bed_A_Local_Meat_Bandit_Feels_No_Guilt_A_Balding_Mate_Plays_a_Straight_Bat_and_ | You're listening to the Batutah Advocates Weekly News Wrap on Desert Rock FM 96.5. It is the Batutah Weekly Bulletin, you know what it is, you've probably got us on automatic alerts. Shout out to the Die Hard listeners, thank you for being with us all these years.
What number did this be, some of them in the 300s? 289... |
dropout | girls_sleepover_prank_call_gets_weird | One, two, three, go! Everybody move to the right.
Hey, girl, don't you see? Your heart is like a diamond man. Shelby, where did you get this tape? I told you, I took that bus to Manhattan, I snuck in the concert, and I put that roadie's finger in my mouth. And then I got the tape. Oh my God, Shelby, you always get the... |
TheOnion | CBS_Inks_Deal_For_30_Episode_Bloomberg_Ad_The_Onion_Presents_The_Topical_Episode_22 | CBS executives are celebrating today after inking a deal for a 30-episode Bloomberg ad. How many Emmys will it win, and are any of you cowards brave enough to teach me how to use my DVR so I can watch it?
From the Onion & Onion Public Radio, this is The Topical. I'm your savior, Leslie Price, and I'm about to show you... |
TheOnion | Frustrated_Inner_City_Students_Running_Out_Of_Ideas_To_Motivate_Teachers | Like many young inner-city students, Chicago area high school sophomore Brandy Perkins struggles every day to motivate her teachers. The frustrated 16-year-old talked to Onion reporters this morning to discuss the challenges she faces in reaching out to her underperforming educators. Connecting with the teachers gets h... |
Wizards_with_Guns | how_the_sausage_is_made_ | So I'll be right here, and I'll go adult diaper poop. Reveal. Okay, okay. I'm reading and this is fucking up. Adult diapers for babies. Like hide the thing, it's too funny. We'll probably throw away our pants because we'll probably ruin them and put on a new diaper.
We do this every day with this. Yes, every day. Yes,... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Bulletin_25_5_18_Betoota_Weekly_News_Bulletin | Great listeners are great learners, right? Well, hear this.
Zucal has the cheapest textbooks with up to 70% off. You can even rent them. With a lowest price guarantee and free delivery for orders over 50 bucks, the only question is, what are you waiting for? Apart from the end of your podcast. From Shakespeare to mark... |
cracked | a_breakup_letter_to_upworthy | Please just listen for the first 30 seconds, and I promise you will be glued through the end We have to stop whatever this is between us and the reason why will absolutely shock you We started with something great you and I we You were new you were powerful you were commanding I found you on Facebook from the recommend... |
TheOnion | Crime_Reporter_Man_Had_Sex_With_Wife_Thousands_Of_Times_Before_Killing_Her | John and Mary Elgis seemed like a match made in heaven, but appearances can be deceiving. The tall, handsome husband to whom Mary swore, till death do us part, would murder her, but not before having sex with her body more than a thousand times over ten years. Officials said it was a crime of passion related to the Elg... |
Wizards_with_Guns | undercover_boss_completely_ruins_his_episode_ | Previously, on Secret CEO, when we left off, Coffee Chain's CEO Michael Stafford went undercover as a new hire to witness the day-to-day performance of his employees, and they did not hesitate to put Michael to work. I mean, yeah, first we're going to start off with wiping some tables. It's pretty easy. You just wipe b... |
SaturdayNightLive | snl_digital_short_the_100th_digital_short_snl | Hey, we're the guys who make the Snl digital shorts. I'm Andy. I'm Yorma, and I'm Justin Bieber, Akiva, Gesundte.
Tonight we are celebrating our 100th short, so come with us, won't you? Congratulations, to us, to us, Truly a major milestone celebration. Yes, of us, of us. So here's what we're going to do. gonna shake ... |
cracked | why_the_ghostbusters_are_secretly_the_bad_guys | You know what's really scary? Totally. Civil unrest, world economic crisis, global warming, that Superman reboot by Zack Snyder kind of looks good. Ghostbusters! No. The movie with the silly ghosts and the jokes all over it? No, man, I'm talking about the real Ghostbusters, the animated series. Why is that scary to you... |
dropout | total_forgiveness_grant_and_ally_s_fight_to_the_debt | The total that I owe $95,441. You know, I'm going to pay this off maybe before I die. I owe about 60 grand. My credit is so bad I can't even get a credit card. I don't have a credit card.
I don't know how people do it. So we have an idea. This is like a stunt show in which we pay off your student loans. Yes. I feel li... |
SaturdayNightLive | cheney_on_tv_open_saturday_night_live | So, Mr. Chaney, this is your first time on Meet the Press with David Gregory. it is. great. Now, how do you like your makeup? enough color so I don't look like a corpse, but not so much that it looks like I have feelings. Okay. so, can I get you to close your eyes for me? heh, heh, heh. Hey, makeup lady, give me that b... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_255_Jason_Phu | A bit of a more relaxed one this week. We've had some big hitters of late. You're joined by myself, Clancy Overall, and of course, Errol Parker, editor-at-large of the newspaper. We're in the bigger booth this week. If you can hear a bit of echo, a bit of echo, or maybe even the quality's improved. This is usually the ... |
SaturdayNightLive | update_larry_the_goose_survivor_tales_saturday_night_live | Many are hailing Chelsea B. Sullenberger, the pilot of Flight 1540, for his quick thinking and steady actions. but not everyone considers him a hero. here to comment, Larry the Goose. So, um, Larry, you were one of the geese involved in the accident Thursday. can you tell us what happened? It was horrible, Seth. you kn... |
ClickHole | learn_attack_what_happens_to_our_bodies_when_we_re_fucking | Sex. You only get to have it once, but what actually happens to our body is when we're fucking. Get ready for an information orgasm, right here on Learn Attack! For sex to happen, there needs to be arousal. Women become aroused when they see something sexually stimulating, like a crane smashing into a vagina-shaped chu... |
TheOnion | Man_Has_Alarming_Level_Of_Pride_In_Institution_That_Left_Him_In_Debt_Unprepared_For_Job_Market | Following earlier reports of 27-year-old Mark Felder's profound and startling level of pride in his alma mater, the University of Miami alumnus spoke to Onion reporters about his strong affection for the academic institution that left him totally unprepared for the job market and floundering in $50,000 of debt. I would... |
ClickHole | how_to_announce_that_your_dad_is_feeling_nauseated_on_linkedin | Hello again guys today, I'm going to be teaching you how to announce that your dad is feeling nauseated on LinkedIn This is something you can use anytime your dad is nauseous day or night And it's easy to make it look very sharp and clean to potential employers So LinkedIn gives us a lot of options for how to get the n... |
TheOnion | Apple_Unveils_Much_Anticipated_iPhone_4SE | Finally, Bill Clinton just shows America his penis. The San Diego Zoo displays the first rhino still born in captivity, and a woman is dumped on her 15-week anniversary.
One day some twisted son of a bitch is bound to teach you a thing or two about living in this cold, God-forsaken world. But for now, this is the Onio... |
dropout | always_open_with_andy_richter | That egg is once to burst. Uh-huh. It's ready to run. It's like a sack.
Is that your buttermilk? That's my buttermilk. Straight buttermilk.
I can't take this. Farm out of the boy. Nope.
You're from a smaller town. Yeah. Throw what? Everybody's got to be from somewhere. Let me see the Andy Richter that just moved to ... |
TheOnion | Economists_People_Who_Paint_Selves_And_Pretend_To_Be_Statues_Make_Average_Of_10_Million_Per_Year | According to a report released this week, people who paint themselves silver and pretend to be statues earn, on average, $10 million per year. The Onion sat down with economist Mark Cosgrave to learn more about the money-making potential of this highly lucrative employment path. As it stands now, individuals who spray ... |
cracked | the_12_saddest_world_record_attempts_ever_caught_on_video_cracked_tv | Hey everybody, welcome to episode 14 of Cracked TV, where Sigga, Whiffer, Bubbly, Jerk, in no time. Look, we've got to get moving, because today we're breaking the world's record for longest list on a web show hosted by a robot for Cracked. Isn't that right, Clippy? And we're just going to stick them in for about seven... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_black_market_baby_formula_trump_s_new_book_on_2020_election_snl | Well, at last year's finale, it seemed like Covid was fading.
And I said we were about to have the horniest summer ever. And now summer's hottest Std is Monkey Pox. that's how weird and bad things have gotten. the stock market is crashing. there's a war in Europe. everyone on this is Us is about to croak. the future i... |
dropout | beard | Hello, and welcome to Tales from the Closet! This is a vod- ooh, mom! This is a vodcast, it's also a podcast, it's also a lifestyle brand. If you're watching this right now on Dropout, thank you so much! Thank you for supporting us, it's kind of like a Patreon where you pay five dollars a month and you get this show an... |
dropout | fanta_for_the_funny_episode_1 | When I'm home alone, I like to make up my own songs and dances Thank God Hi, can I speak the box? Remember purple nurples. Oh, yeah, purple nurples. Oh, what's purple nurple?
You had to be there Chris Oh Yo, happy Mother's Day. I don't got no kids. Yeah, I know what you've been up to though I mean you try to kick it w... |
dropout | The_Dankest_CH_Sketches_Weed_Compilation | You're freaking out dude! Yeah you probably are because you're a little bit stoned, right? Well that's okay because I want to talk to you- hey whoa whoa whoa whoa, focus, focus. I want to talk to you about something that's important to all stoners, legalization.
Now before you start organizing a protest, get bored of ... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | ep_84_gary_sweet | You're listening to Errol Parker and Clancy Overall, editors of The Batooter Advocate on Desert Rock FM. Well, here we are on Desert Rock FM, Batooter Advocate radio show, you're joined by Clancy Overall and Errol Parker, editors of The Batooter Advocate, one of the most iconic Melbourne actors.
Can I say thespian? Do... |
TheOnion | Horrific_Crash_A_Sad_Reminder_Of_Princess_Diana | Several lanes of I-95 remain shut down more than five hours after an accident that killed nine drivers out of Richmond, Virginia this afternoon. It's a sad reminder of the car crash which claimed the life of Princess Diana almost 11 years ago. Just after 2 p.m. today, an 18-wheel truck flipped on its side, causing a 12... |
TheOnion | In_The_Know_Should_The_Nation_s_Unemployed_Be_Buying_New_Apple_Computers | I'm Gregory Dawson filling in for Clifford Banes who was hit by two cars. The first car threw him into the path of the second car.
The unemployment crisis has worsened in recent months with little sign of recovery. Should the nation's millions of unemployed spring for a new Apple computer, given that it might assist t... |
TheOnion | The_Onion_Introduces_The_Book_Bjorn | Are you a helpless moron perplexed by the world?
Wish there was a device that enabled you to consult the Onion Book of Known Knowledge anytime, anywhere? Then you need the BookBjorn. The amazing new wearable invention that makes you and the Onion Book of Known Knowledge inseparable. And it's so easy to apply. Simply t... |
cracked | officially_the_worst_movie_idea_anyone_s_ever_had_obsessive_pop_culture_disorder | Hello internet, I am Daniel O'Brien, and welcome to another episode of Obsessive Pop Culture Disorder, the only show on the internet that is this show. Today's episode explores... I'm going to pitch you a movie, so pretend you're a movie executive. Good.
It's about a couple named Steve and Carol. They have a wonderful... |
SaturdayNightLive | jumanji_snl | Oh, my God. Wow, Beth, Pat, you guys have really outdone yourselves. this chicken was amazing. well, our pleasure. you guys are welcome any time. Oh, trust us. we'll be back. and I just want to say thanks so much for welcoming me. it's so cool to finally meet Harry's friends. Wow. he's never introduced us to anyone bef... |
cracked | why_the_nfl_hates_women_cracked_responds | Hi, I'm Alex and I'm Adam and welcome to this week's NFL Cracked Power Rankings. This week we continue to adjust the rankings, they're all over the place and our new number one is Female NFL Fans. What a great time to be you, it's really exciting. It is October which means that it's NFL's time to prove somehow that the... |
dropout | dating_it_s_complicated_the_after_prom | So I went to my prom with Kelly, my girlfriend of two weeks. We had both never had sex, so I decided to get some condoms, just in case. I arrived at Kelly's house and all of our parents were there, taking pictures and crying about how grown up we are. My mom pulls me aside and says she knows what goes on after prom, so... |
dropout | obnoxious_kid_in_class | Okay, I realize that taking the website off the internet doesn't seem like the best business plan, but I feel like, hey Dan, can you just sit down with the rest of us? What?
I'm not doing anything, I'm just standing. No, I know, it's just kind of distracting. Standing is distracting to you? It's not illegal to stand. ... |
dropout | social_music_experiment_wtf_is_socio_musicology | Let's pretend like we're having a difficult time with it. Let's not pretend. Has anyone ever mistaken you for a real gorilla?
I do, I do, I do, I do! How many could this? Which one of these hats does music increase the chance of?
What kind of girls? Can you tell the single most important? How often do you fuck? I'm n... |
TheOnion | A_Recap_Of_This_Week_s_Royal_Baby_Coverage | Joe Biden has a guy named Worm sit in for him at a cabinet meeting. A local man treats his girlfriend to a sumptuous 20-second massage, and an area desk doesn't mind if people sit on it like a chair every once in a while. In 20 years, when New York lies in ruin and Shanghai is but ash, this video will be held up as evi... |
dropout | ebola_or_cheesecake_factory | Hello, my fellow Americans.
For the past few months, the world has been experiencing the largest Ebola outbreak ever recorded. If you traveled recently and are now experiencing violent vomiting and diarrhea, you could be carrying the virus. Or maybe you just had dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. The symptoms are ident... |
ClickHole | progress_this_video_game_features_a_protagonist_in_a_wheelchair | Hey everyone, you're watching Next Gen. Today I want to share a fantastic game that also has an important message of inclusivity. It's called Pong, and it lets you play as a man in a wheelchair. The game provides a huge amount of freedom to the player, with the option to travel almost anywhere you want inside the game'... |
SaturdayNightLive | poetry_class_saturday_night_live | Alright class, settle down, settle down. Now, I went over your poetry assignments last night and I must tell you, I was deeply impressed by the depth of expression and raw emotion. it was one poem in particular that came to mind and I would like for the author to come up here and read it to the class. Alan? me? no way,... |
SaturdayNightLive | bad_bunny_monologue_snl | Ladies and gentlemen, Ben. thank you very much, thank you very much. my name is Benito, and very excited to be here on Sabado Higante. Oh, sorry, sorry, Snl, Snl. people are wondering if I can host this show because English is not my first language. I don't know if they know, but I do whatever I want. I can host this s... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_143_The_Rise_Of_The_Punters_Dribblers_with_Tom_and_Eddy_from_Hello_Sport | You're listening to Errol Parker and Clancy Overill, editors of The Batooter Advocate on Desert Rock FM. Welcome back to The Batooter Advocate radio show for the first podcast of 2021 technically. I mean, we came out last week with Nat's What I Reckon, but that was, as you could probably tell, it's on something we had ... |
cracked | why_you_can_t_trust_eye_witness_testimony | Who did it? You probable manifestations of my rage-induced dementia. Who's responsible?
Okay, I even went, we work nowhere on New York City. Look at the time! I will go first. Um, if that's all right with everyone. Sarge, hit me in the window! I did the whole situation with Daniel! I'm the one! You didn't say who shou... |
SaturdayNightLive | donald_trump_s_christmas_promo_snl | Uh, okay, Mr. Trump, if you could just step on your mark. have you had a chance to look at your lines? Here's how I want this to go. it needs to be fast because I'm in a rush. I'm the headliner on the Tony Danza show today. I want to see the crew doing their job in the most efficient and precise way possible. I know bu... |
dropout | all_nighter_iii_juke | It's by the same people, but this time there's three girls and two cubs.
Oh. Guys. Guys, this is way gnarlier than the original. Yeah, and the girls are a lot hotter this time. Oh my god, she's not. Oh. They're so gross, but so hot. Oh, I'm gonna juke. Oh man.
Murph totally juked on your desk. I'm terrible. What the ... |
SaturdayNightLive | car_bomb_press_conference_saturday_night_live | Later on C-span, the house begins hearings on the 2011 budget, But first, earlier today, accused Times Square car bomber Faisal Shahzad held a press conference to address the charges against him. Hello. my name is Nasrim Khardar. Mr. Shahzad has chosen to write his statement in his native language. I will translate wit... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_241_Nooky | You've got myself, Clancy Overall and Wendell Hussey. How are you Wendell? Yeah, good. Thanks Clancy.
Getting back into it. A little bit of a slow start to the year, I guess. They do say the news never sleeps, but it's slept out here for a little while. It's been quiet over the Christmas break.
It's true.
It was a m... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Weekly_News_Bulletin_Blocker_Makes_Observation_You_Gunna_Eat_That_RentSeeker_25_09_20 | You're listening to the Batutah Advocates Weekly News Wrap, on Desert Rock FM, 96.5. It's that time of the week again, welcome back to another Batutah Advocate Weekly News Wrap, my name is Clancy Overill and with me to dissect the week's news from our fledgling regional newspaper is Errol Parker. Great to be here again... |
TheOnion | The_Onion_s_Tips_For_Healthy_Eating | Do you sometimes feel that healthy eating can be a lot of work with very little reward? Well, no need to worry any longer. Here are the onions tips for healthy eating. First, identify your weaknesses and then condition yourself to avoid problem foods by associating them with deceased relatives, unrequited loves, and tr... |
TheOnion | gameological_society_vhs_star_and_joystick_master_pete_strackmeier_puts_you_in_touch_with_the_wii_u | Ugh! Change the input! Toggle the source! Ugh!
Is this you? Of course not, it's me.
But perhaps I remind you of you trying to manage all of your entertainment devices. Well, you're in luck, friend, because our friendly rivals in Japan have invented their own device. It's called the Nintendo Wii UH, and it promises to... |
TheOnion | Fiat_Recalls_More_Than_10_000_Cars_For_Not_Looking_Small_And_Weird_Enough_The_Topical_Ep_35 | The FBI is reporting that it is now solving 80 percent more of its cases after acquiring a great big magnifying glass, and the skincare company Usurin has unveiled a new ultimate repair lotion that regresses your hands back to being smooth and baby-sized. Will it work on my big wrinkly old hands?
From The Onion and On... |
SaturdayNightLive | jennifer_aniston_monologue_alternate_ending_saturday_night_live | Ladies and gentlemen, Jennifer Aniston. I'm excited to be here for my second time. that was four. first show of 2004. it's actually going to be a really big year for me. you know, And the biggest thing is, I'm sure all of you have heard. you know, I'm redoing my kitchen. No, no, I'm kidding. that was last year. actuall... |
dropout | hardly_working_wacky_neighbor | Come on, guys. Let's take Ricky Saturn for a joy ride. I don't know, man.
That sounds pretty dangerous. Yeah, and unwholesome.
Hey, neighbors! What's the good word? Hi, Mr. Honeycomb. Hey, David.
Now, downs... the teats. I'm so nervous for the limbo competition at the big office dance tonight. Dan, don't worry. You'... |
wearethesundayblues | pokemon_go_tinder_pokemon_ho | Did you check this out? Just reached level 12. What already? Yeah Please don't tell me you're talking about Pokemon go still. The game is like three weeks old already There's a new game out way better. Pokemon go meets tinder. Check it out How does it work? Well, basically you just walk around your neighborhood meeting... |
dropout | wow_nobody_tells_me_anything | Oh, they're having a sale on 50% off stickers buy one get one free. Oh, that's wild Ever tell me what's wild again guys. It's free muffins downstairs. Oh, it's muffin boy time Muffins nobody told me that was happening. Well, I'm telling you now, let's go Okay, this looks stupid.
Whatever this is The premise is interes... |
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