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SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_dominican_lou_on_the_oscar_nominees_snl | And now, here with his review of the oscar-nominated movies, is the Maintenance Man at 1410 Burnside Avenue. .in the Bronx, our old friend Dominican Lu. Hi, Dominican Lu. Gracias, Gracias. thank you, Norm. thank you for having me and putting me here on the show. I love to watch the program. I love to watch the movies, ... |
Wizards_with_Guns | how_to_get_kicked_out_of_heaven | Where... where am I? Bill? Bill! Is that you? Todd?
I thought you were dead. Oh, I am. And so are you. I'm... so... so I'm in heaven. I can't believe I'm here.
Yeah, man. I can't either. Yeah, I mean... wait, what's that supposed to mean? Yeah, like, I like it here, but it's kind of only clouds, you know?
Oh my god!... |
dropout | nicks_s_fireworks_emporium | Freedom isn't free, but this weekend at Uncle Nick's Fireworks Emporium, the fireworks are pretty damn close!
Barrier and nitrate, aluminum shells, so much fire, you'll think you're in hell! Why don't you work it? I am the devil! Work that fire! I ain't a baby! Pumpkin mittens, tackle Dallas, Mickey, Italy, Blacian ph... |
cracked | we_remade_top_gun_maverick_for_20 | Your instructor is the topest gun this program has ever produced. His exploits are legendary. What he has to teach you may very well be the difference between life and goose. You can't reach the ejection handle.
Your reputation precedes you. I have to admit, I wasn't expecting an invitation back. They're called save t... |
dropout | is_his_accent_sexy | What the hell? My computer won't let me use the T key. Ooh, let me message the IT guy.
The one with the accent. Ugh, my god, he has an accent. Yes, I am such a sucker for a guy with an accent.
They're so sexy. I know. Oh, my god, he's right behind you. Oh, hi, you must be the new IT guy, Garthalamil. Yeah, I'm here t... |
TheOnion | Is_This_Real_Life_Mr_Ed_Just_A_Horse_Owned_By_A_Lunatic | And coming up, we'll help you improve your ability to remember people's faces so you can have a better mental image to masturbate to later. But first, we've heard some amazing stories about animals that can communicate with their owners. Well now, get ready to meet a real-life Mr. Ed, a four-year-old thoroughbred with ... |
cracked | 12_4_07_news_on_cracked_don_imus_chimps_democrats | It's Tuesday, December 4th, and this is the news on Cracked. I'm Lex Friedman, and I want you to want me. Scientists in North Dakota uncovered a complete dinosaur skeleton on Monday, including fossilized skin and muscle. Let's take a look.
Boy, that is terrifying. I would not have wanted to encounter that, you know.
... |
cracked | the_new_tech_startup_that_is_disrupting_phones_and_the_sharing_economy | What's up, Amigos? T.K. Brodsky here.
As an entrepreneur and tech startup visionary, responsible for changing the world five times over, I've been on the ground floor for a handful of cultural revolutions, including Uber, Lyft, Uber Pool, Lyft Shuttle, Soylent, Airbnb, and most recently, the exciting new Bodega line o... |
cracked | why_space_aliens_might_just_be_humans_from_the_future_today_s_topic | Let me guess, you want to talk about X-Files? No! Much worse. Okay, aliens, let's do this.
Do you accept the basic concept of probability? Until I do win the lottery, yes. Even that wouldn't invalidate... Probability isn't something you can opt out of, it's not like voting.
I don't have to vote? My point is, we're do... |
cracked | why_big_is_more_terrifying_than_you_remember_after_hours | Was it worth it? I mean, I'll miss some of the old gang, but hey, they're in jail and I'm not.
So yes? What?
I was talking about the milkshakes! I was talking about the other thing, obviously. You brazenly ordered one of every milkshake because you couldn't decide which one you wanted.
Every once in a while, I like ... |
TheOnion | How_To_Tell_Your_Mom_You_re_Not_Coming_Home_For_The_Holidays | What's the best way to tell your mom you're not coming home for the holidays? Just tell her, Mom, I'm gay and also there were no affordable flights out of Boston. She'll understand. Tell her that your pig is sick. No good mother would ever try to wedge even a smidgen of guilt between a person and their poor sickly hog.... |
TheOnion | NFL_Players_Absolutely_Should_Stand_For_The_Sunday_Night_Football_Theme | Okay, people, look, I don't usually like to weigh in on football controversies. I like to focus on the game, but there's something that really gets me frustrated and I have to say something. Sorry if this offends anyone, but I think NFL players should 100% be required to stand for the Sunday Night Football theme song. ... |
PhilomenaCunkOn | cunk_on_britain_next_time_compilation_philomena_cunk | This is Konkon, Britain. How can we be sure Henry VIII is who we think he was? What if he was someone else just pretending to be himself, who happened to look like whoever he actually was? Er, well... Next time, I'll be looking at the 19th century and asking the big questions. Who was Albert Hall? Why did Oliver twist?... |
cracked | mccain_clinches_d_d_inventor_croaks_and_more_news_3_5_08 | It's Wednesday, March 5th, 2008, and this is the News On Cracked. I'm Lex Friedman, and I'm running for president. Last night, John McCain clinched the Republican nomination like Bob Dole's right hand. In Europe, new research is suggesting that an experiment that allowed pubs and clubs to stay open for longer has faile... |
TheOnion | Beard_Husks_On_Sidewalk_Indicate_Start_Of_Hipster_Molting_Season | The Onion News Network, brought to you by New Belgium Brewing Company. Balanced news for a balanced beer.
If you live in Williamsburg, chances are good you've seen them. Giant piles of beard hair rotting in the streets. Don't worry, it just means hipster molting season is here again. Experts say the husks of dead bear... |
cracked | 6_types_of_youtube_videos_there_are_waaay_too_many_of_cracked_tv | Hey everybody, welcome to episode 23 of Crack TV. With me as always is my co-host, clips of Dan O'Brien beatboxing. Aww, I'm a silicone sucker, six servo stacked, wired up to wild out and whip the wack, articulate and able to incite with insight a mechanical marvel making money in mic fights. Thank you Daniel. As Alber... |
dropout | kidnapper_or_scam_call | Just keep asking myself, you know, who would want to kidnap Katie? She's so annoying, you'd be guaranteeing yourself hours and hours with her, and I...
Don't you worry about that. When the kidnapper calls, just keep him on the line for two minutes, then we can trace it and get Katie back. Okay. Hello? Ahoy from Lusita... |
TheOnion | Mountain_Dew_Can_Provides_Pleasant_Challenge_For_Appraiser_Lake_Dredge_Appraisal | Welcome to another episode of Lake Dredge. There's something wrong with the sound. All right. Here's Mike. Ah, here it is.
Probably wasn't as dented as before, but I was using an auger suction rig and it just kind of got messed up on its way up to the screw. Where did you dredge this? Midlake. Well, it looks like an a... |
SaturdayNightLive | nfl_films_forefathers_of_the_game_the_gun_snl | You're watching Espn Classic. professional football didn't always have the glitz and glamour that it has today. in its early days, there was little pay and no rules.
Today, we journey back for another episode of Forefathers of the Game. the greatest player with the most meteoric rise I ever coached was Billy the Gun V... |
cracked | spare_change_inspirational_thoughts_from_cracked_com | Love. Hope. Peace.
Maybe all it takes is a little understanding. Sometimes, when I look into the eyes of a homeless man, I'll see a glint of hope, and it always makes me smile. I don't know him, but I respect him, and I think he can sense that. Respect. I'll give him a friendly nod as I pass by, and he'll look up at m... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | INTERVIEW_Chris_and_Ben_from_Silverchair | I'm hoping my collar is looking fine. Looks beautiful.
Yeah. One of the rare ones we're filming. We're cameras here, by the way, guys. The shark, I didn't notice. Yeah. We're not going to be doing a full YouTube video unless we get spun gold out of here, but we'll be using this for social media.
This is the new world... |
cracked | getting_geeky_new_guy_weekly | Hi, YouTube, it's Alex with another The whole crack team is bringing this creepy mannequin to kamikaze expo this weekend. We'll do an after-hours panel We'll do a live podcast and you'll be at a comic book Convention and I refuse to let any of you not meet us just cuz you don't like nerd stuff. Here's the thing about m... |
dropout | lily_du_and_paul_robalino_on_the_1973_yankee_marriage_swap | Hello, welcome to Rob's Hall of Fame. Today we have Lily Doo and Paul Robilino. Hi guys. Now Lily, you're a brand new cast member. Paul, people know who you are. You might know who I am if you hang around the Discord.
I've appeared in a couple things in the past. Normally I'm off camera, helping to produce a show. Som... |
dropout | kinect_self_awareness_hack | Hey everybody, my name is James Tiller. I recently bought a Microsoft Connect, it's the box. When I saw the cool things everybody was doing with theirs online, I wanted to see if I could take mine to the next level and make my Connect self-aware. So I've gone ahead and augmented the CPU and just need to turn it on. And... |
SaturdayNightLive | dakota_johnson_and_justin_timberlake_are_in_for_a_surprise_from_sarah_sherman_snl | Hi, I'm Dakota Johnson, and I'm hosting Snl this week with Justin Timberlake. I don't know about you guys, but I'm planning something epic. Oh, I'm sure. Yeah, let's just say, Justin, you're not gonna be the only one bringing Sexy back. Oh, wow. I can't wait to see that. Yeah, let's just say it's a sketch where our hea... |
TheOnion | 12_Year_Old_Couldn_t_Begin_To_Guess_Name_Of_Friend_Whose_House_He_Visits_To_Play_Xbox | After logging onto the Xbox One game console at one of his classmates' homes, 12-year-old Michael Cutler admitted to reporters this week that he really does not have the slightest clue about what his friend's name could be. I mean, his name might be Brian. No, wait. Brian's my other friend. The one with the PS4. Yeah, ... |
cracked | chevy_chase_a_history_of_being_terrible_part_1 | Who is the most hated man in all of comedy? Well today, we're going to answer that question with an installment of Chevy Chase, A History of Being Terrible. Chevy's reign of terror started in 1975 when he was cast on the first season of SNL, and he hosted Weekend Update and did a lot of the cold opens, and his head got... |
cracked | 5_movie_epilogues_that_should_have_been_sequels_after_hours | So the kids find Ray Brower's body by the train tracks, confront the bully, and learn a valuable lesson about the unbreakable bonds of friendship just in time to drift apart forever. Yeah, stand by me momentarily. But then you get River Phoenix's character's epilogue and voiceover. Oh, him?
He got stabbed in the throa... |
programmersarealsohuman | interview_with_ffmpeg_enthusiast | Roses are chrominance blue, water is chrominance red, I suggest you dive into FFmpeg. Are we a codec? Does taste have a codec? Most people go into, I don't know, a movie to do a quick edit and then export for 20 minutes. They haven't heard of FFmpeg. An FFmpeg? Two minutes. Proprietary codecs. The codec can't be transc... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | ep_11_osher_gunsberg | You're listening to Errol Parker and Clancy Overall, editors of The Batooter Advocate on Desert Rock FM. Hello listeners, you are tuned into The Batooter Advocate on Desert Rock FM, our weekly news radio show which is now being syndicated via the internet to everyone around the country and around the world as a podcast... |
dropout | law_order_necrophiliacs | All right, everyone, clear out. Detective Benson and I'll take it from here.
Poor son of a bitch. No honor in putting a bullet in the back of a man's head. He's completely vulnerable. If you think about it, he still is. Sensuous violence like this makes me think there's no God.
If there isn't, then there's nobody jud... |
TheOnion | How_To_Get_Your_Son_To_Remove_His_Halloween_Costume | You know, just because Halloween is over doesn't mean you parents out there can relax. If you're like millions of moms, you've got a child who just will not take off his costume. We've got Today Now's medical expert, Dr. Kareem Mazari, here to give us some tips on how to convince a stubborn little guy to take off his S... |
TheOnion | USDA_Recalls_96_000_Pounds_Of_Tainted_Beef_From_One_Family | 96,000 pounds of tainted beef have been recalled today from the Wharton family of Bricksville, Ohio. The USDA issued the recall after E. coli bacterium was discovered at the West Meat Company, which produced and packaged the beef Mrs. Wharton purchased during her grocery shopping trip. Oh, it was scary. Now every time ... |
TheOnion | NASA_Finds_Life_Drowned_On_Mars_The_Onion_Presents_The_Topical_Episode_42 | A historic discovery that has the scientific community celebrating. NASA has found life, drowned on Mars. Find out what this means for our solar system, and if this could lead to the discovery of more extraterrestrial corpses.
From the Onion and Onion Public Radio, this is the Topical. I'm Leslie Price, and we are not... |
cracked | why_the_1_fact_of_military_history_is_a_lie_hilarious_helmet_history_2 | And, yes, I know I'm not wearing a helmet. It's a hat. I know, I know.
This episode is about history's most famous military tip. Never invade Russia in winter, made famous by those two land grabbers, and only one of those guys is associated with headgear that doesn't make a guy look like a big penis.
So, c'est la vie... |
CrackerMilk | running_our_own_daycare | Hello everyone and welcome back to the patreon exclusive podcast. Hello. How exciting as voted by you. Yeah We're doing daddy daycare thing. Hey boys. How are we? You know, I've been thinking about some real strong and hard. Yeah, what's up?
My dad wasn't around much when I was a kid and I think there's lots of people... |
dropout | bleep_bloop_back_to_the_future_games | Welcome to Bleep Loop, brought to you by Mountain Dew Voltage. I'm your host, Jeff Rubin, here with me from MTV's The College Humor Show, Amir Blumenfeld. On the other catch, my co-host, Pat Cassels, and from Petehomes.com, comedian Pete Holmes.
Today we are playing games based on Back to the Future. Let's start by go... |
dropout | grindr_profile_picture_day | Okay, we'll get you standing right over here. I gotta tell you, I'm so excited to finally take some pictures for some gay people.
Oh, yeah? Yes. Straight's always one of these crazy pictures where you can't tell what they, uh... Do you mind just going... Lullar. Okay. Well, I don't know what I was expecting. So I can ... |
TheOnion | The_Onion_Review_Week_Of_May_16th_2014 | Congress splits into male and female senators to discuss the newest reproductive bill, a man feels guilty about chowing down at a 9-11 museum cafe, and extravagant new window blinds are inspired by the latest styles from Venice. No longer burdened by the shackles of human logic or morality, this is the Onion Week in Re... |
dropout | prank_war_3_amir_s_audition | Hey everybody, it's me, Streeter, and it's prank war time again. When you last saw me, I was being embarrassed by Amir, which she got me, I will admit, very good when he tricked me into going on a fake date with a fake girl.
Very cute. That was a good one. I'll get you back though. So I had to come back with something... |
dropout | doctor_sim | Dr. Sim, I've done the preliminary check-up. The boy has a bad fever and it's only getting worse, so we need to act fast.
Curse it, Fritzelmizal. Snobberforn is?
Yes, it is sunny outside. Here's his chart, so let's move things along. Um, thankfully, his parents have been pumping him with fluids, which should pay off ... |
dropout | josh_s_mindhouse_learon_gives_back | Josh's Mind House So, uh, Laren, why don't you tell us about this project that you have underway? There's so much going on in the world right now, like people are upset, falling trees, ash in the sky People are like eating each other, people are being held in cellars and like, Charlie Steren's dead Storms, like, what's... |
cracked | if_disney_cartoon_animals_were_scientifically_accurate | I'm king now. You know what that means, don't you? That I'm your queen and we'll rule together? That I'll be mating with every lioness here, most of whom you're related to, so let's just not make this weird. Simba, aren't you my boyfriend now? Alright, fine, I'll be your boyfriend. God. But I'm also everyone's king. So... |
TheOnion | Video_Game_Consists_Solely_Of_Shooting_People_In_Face | Video game fans are lining up today to be the first to purchase Close Range, the hotly anticipated video game in which players repeatedly shoot people point blank in the face. Onion News Network tech trends reporter Jeff Tate has more. Thanks, Bobby. Close Range is already being hailed by critics as the most important ... |
dropout | jake_and_amir_last_night_the_prequel | Hey, you're watching Jake and Amir. Please, please, dig and reblog. Wow, don't sound desperate. Sorry.
There he is!
I cannot even believe you came into work today, man. Why? It's not President's Day, is it? Dude, after last night, bro? Oh, bro. Whoa, why? I don't know, though, bro.
What do you think you did last nig... |
dropout | yay_or_nay_should_we_embrace_death | You know what, I'm not afraid of death, because I know that waiting for me will be 99 ready and willing Virgin Strawberry Deckery's EMO. When I die, I hope it's peacefully in my sleep and I'm surrounded by all my friends and my family and a behind the wheel of a car so I can take them all with me to hell. We have two f... |
TheOnion | Barbara_Bush_Runs_Aground_Off_Coast_Of_Maine | Now an update on the situation with the former First Lady. Reporter Jack Bergen is live on the coast of Maine, where Barbara Bush still remains stuck in the sand. Jack, what's the scene like there? Frustration is growing, Brandon. Just down the coast from here, rescuers have been working around the clock since Saturday... |
SaturdayNightLive | mother_s_day_2024_cold_open_snl | And now a special Mother's Day message from the cast of Snl. I'm here tonight with my mommy, Anne, because, as you know, it is Mother's Day in about 29 minutes. So, still plenty of time to buy a gift. I told you, Mom, my children are my gift to you. So, me babysitting them is my gift? How generous. Anyway, with so many... |
SaturdayNightLive | herschel_walker_cold_open_snl | Well, Senator, republicans face an uphill battle on Tuesday. you know, Obama was just in Georgia campaigning for the other guy. did you say it was like a Comedy Central roast up there? I, uh, think I could use some help, uh, send them in. Hershel Walker. Mr. Hey there, Miss Mcdonald's. I'm sorry I'm late. I was having ... |
TheOnion | Supreme_Court_Revokes_Annoying_Man_s_Free_Speech_Rights_Season_1_Ep_3_on_IFC | This is the Onion News Network an impenetrable barrier against deception Supreme Court handed down in historic decision this morning ruling unanimously that the First Amendment does not apply to Tom Becker of Phoenix Arizona for more now we're joined by Onion News Network Washington correspondent Jane Carmichael Jane o... |
dropout | the_worst_gift_on_the_first_christmas | It is he, our savior that was foretold. We are wise men from lands afar. We followed a bright star to the birth of our lord. We come bearing gifts.
Thank you. We've been turned away from the inn. My wife is tired from the journey. But you are welcome here.
A gift of gold for the child. Your generosity is astounding. ... |
dropout | High_for_the_Holidays_Full_Episode | Oh wow. What's more summer than daddy? I'm gonna faint. Everybody is looking at me now. He was acting high.
I've never been in a game where the stoner sacrificed one of their own. You're gonna say you can't do this to me, but I can. Oh no. It's up to you guys. No.
Hey, come on in. Come on in. Oh man.
Two secret ston... |
SaturdayNightLive | seat_fillers_snl | Oh, no way. Will Smith? excuse me, Mr. Smith. I know I'm not supposed to talk to you.
I'm just a C-pillar, but I wanted to say I am a huge fan, man. thank you, man. that means a lot. ha-ha! I love all of your movies. Pursuit of Happiness is so inspiring. I just showed it to my son. I love that. that's what it's all ab... |
TheOnion | By_The_Time_Bryce_Harper_s_13_Year_Contract_Expires_Hank_Will_Be_A_Lonely_Old_Useless_Relic | Good morning, Sweat City.
Let's talk Bryce Harper. The superstar's huge $330 million deal with the Phillies is a real game changer for the league. And I'm not just talking about the money, the talent, or the team.
I'm talking about the length. 13 years. I mean, come on, in 13 years, my kids will be out of college. Ca... |
SaturdayNightLive | menage_a_trois_snl | It's gone, and have a seat, and grab it in that cup. Thanks, girl. great. it's a mess to drink. hey, hey, hey, hey.
What do you think of that journey for Beals now? is she a great actress or what? come on. I think we're talking about a high school. we're going to have to make a whole new category.
Stop it.
I love bo... |
dropout | cheating_with_somebody_else_s_sex_robot | Yeah, so this bad boy is just crawling. I hit one button and I get the stupid spinning wheel thing. Yeah, the old beach ball of death. Well, I'll probably just start by defragging the hard drive and then maybe I'll run some diagnostics, if that's OK with you.
And I'm sorry, ma'am, I didn't see you there. It's a pleasu... |
cracked | 3_human_sacrifices_made_to_bring_you_lord_of_the_rings_canonball | The Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit trilogies combined have raked in 17 Oscars out of 37 nominations, set the record for the longest battles he'd ever made with the Battle of Helm's Deep, and created the largest prop in movie history with their big dead elephant. But you can't make a stew without cracking a few potato... |
CrackerMilk | law_and_order_erotic_fan_fiction | Hey everyone, welcome to the Cracker Mill podcast. Now on this one, I've been watching excessive episodes of Law and Order SVU, okay? I love it.
Mariska Hargitay Queen. So today we're going to be doing a dramatic reenactment. I'll be playing Mariska Hargitay and you'll be playing the other cunt.
And we found a body.
... |
dropout | bleep_bloop_bloard_games | Board games. We all love them, but who's got the time? Plus all the pieces! Wouldn't it be easier to buy a console for $700, a multi-tap with four controllers, and a video game copy of your favorite board games?
Today we're going to find out. I'm Jeff Rubin. Joining me is Casey Wilson from Saturday Night Live and from... |
cracked | adventures_in_jedi_school_outtakes_star_wars_spoof | This is it. This is the real story.
It's covered in snow. Everyone's mad.
I make my own coffee. Like a caveman. I'm getting makeup on my face. He loves getting makeup. This is my favorite part of the day.
I wish it were earlier, but this will do. This will do something.
Soren will be miserable again, like he is eve... |
dropout | intense_sex_with_extreme_condoms_condomned_part_4 | I don't think we should be doing this, Rusty. What if we get caught? Keep your wrapper on.
Robbie hasn't slept here all week. I just want to find out what he's been up to. What are all these? Oh, it's worse than I thought. Robbie's in an exciting new relationship. What? That's not so bad. Good for Robbie. Don't you se... |
dropout | 10_thanksgiving_facts_that_can_t_be_true | Americans love Thanksgiving but here are 10 facts about turkey day that are so outrageous they just can't be true. The word Thanksgiving is spelled the same backwards and forwards. Americans adore stuffing. On Thanksgiving we assume enough to fill up the sun. You thought you were hungry, idiot.
He knows our secrets. L... |
cracked | can_children_be_evil_quorators_podcast | Welcome back to the Corazon, it's your host Alex and Jeremy, also it's not called the Corazon, it's Corazon. What's up Jeremy? I'm good, how are you Alex? Good, now we've gotten that out of the way.
Hi, hello. Hi. So what is this?
We're going to read Cora. Are you Cora?
Okay. Have you ever been on Cora? So you said ... |
SaturdayNightLive | top_gun_auditions_snl | 25 years ago, Tom Cruise and Val Kilmer took to the skies to see who would become Top Gun. And now, you can experience the high-flying action all over again with the 25th anniversary Dvd of Top Gun, including never-before-seen screen tests. Tony Dan's a screen test?
I'm sorry. I can't tell you that. it's classy fries.... |
dropout | the_ferrero_rochers_camping_trip | Oh, shit. Are you okay? Honey, that looked like a pretty bad fall. It's okay. I'll be fine. I think it's probably just a little sprain.
Could you get the bandage from your bag? Sure, I didn't see it, but I think it's in here somewhere. A lot of stuff in here. Yeah, it's in the first aid kit.
Sure. Great. Thank you.
... |
TheOnion | Poll_Reveals_GOP_Nomination_Now_Two_Way_Race_Between_Mitt_Romney_Total_Voter_Apathy | A new poll shows the GOP nomination is now a two-way race between Mitt Romney and Total Voter Apathy. Cartoon Network celebrates BRAC History Month, and a local suitcase looks forward all year to the carousel ride. Just look at you, still held prisoner by your outdated concepts of morality and journalistic ethics. In m... |
cracked | 4_hilarious_behind_the_scene_details_of_a_movie_sex_scene | Advanced and Applied Marching Economics.
Now that I've got your attention, let's talk about sex. America has a love affair with sex scenes in movies. No, love affair sounds vaguely classy. America has a drooling boner lust for sex scenes in movies. Sure, we like our movies to have a lot of action and jokes and space j... |
TheOnion | YouTube_Contest_Challenges_Users_To_Make_A_Good_Video | The internet is buzzing about the groundbreaking new YouTube contest, calling for users to post a video that is good. Onion News Network tech trends reporter Jeff Tate has the story. Thanks Nicole. YouTube presented the challenge at a press conference earlier today. Make a video that is actually worth watching. The pri... |
TheOnion | Is_Cindy_Gruden_Worth_More_Than_The_7th_Round_Pick_Jon_Gruden_Traded_Her_For | Let's talk NFL trades people, there's been a lot of moves out of Oakland and I'm wondering could John Gruden have gotten something better than a 7th round pick in exchange for his wife Cindy? I mean Cindy, Gruden is a great wife and she's been there for years. You think she's worth at least a 5th or 6th round pick, may... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | bulletin_04_04_19_betoota_weekly_news_bulletin | Hello and welcome to the Weekly Batuda News Bulletin. My name's Bruce Hitchcock and joining me in the booth today to run through all of the biggest stories from the Batuda Advocate this week is Wendell Hussey. Back for another week and it's a pleasure to be here as always Bruce on what is a lovely day up here in the Ch... |
SaturdayNightLive | songwriters_saturday_night_live | I tell you, I'm stuck. I don't know how to end the second verse. What? what? what? come on, we'll run it across the piano a couple times. we'll see how it sounds.
Here we go. here we go. you all set? Here we go. sweep the clouds under the rug, wrap your garbage in rain, dream away your severance pays. Sing this happy ... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Weekly_News_Bulletin_Xmas_has_ended_Shortbread_Crash_Life_Returns_January_1 | You're listening to the Batutah Advocate's Weekly News Wrap on Desert Rock FM 96.5 Welcome back to the Batutah Advocate Weekly News Bulletin. We are really putting in the hard yards here for you dribblers so I hope you appreciate it. It is New Year's Day. All three of us here. You've got myself Clancy Overall, editor o... |
Wizards_with_Guns | the_guy_who_always_ruins_cards_against_humanity | All right, I think that's everyone. Shut up, Cory. I wasn't talking.
Okay, okay, next one. Would you like to start the night off right with, handcuffing a wizard to a radiator and dousing him in kerosene? No. Okay, okay. Last one, last one. Hey guys, welcome to Chili's. Would you like to start the night off right with... |
cracked | did_you_know_that_the_term_booty_call_was_coined_by_bill_bellamy_in_the_90s | who invented the term booty call. Yeah, someone coined it. It didn't just appear.
It was comedian, Bill Bellamy. By Bill's math, he should have earned a flying saucer full of cash. If only he thought to trademark the term back in the 90s when he invented booty call for a comedy bid. If I would have known what a tradem... |
SaturdayNightLive | the_engagement_snl | So, we're on the beach, and Harrison gets down on one knee and says, marry me.
Oh, okay, I called it. I totally called it.
Well, congratulations, guys. and Harrison, it's so nice to finally meet you. Thank you, Brad. Brad. am I saying that right, Brad? yeah. no other way to say Brad.
Okay, now, Aubrey, I have a litt... |
TheOnion | Pop_Pilgrims_New_York_The_Royal_Tenenbaums_house | When the AV Club travels, we always make time to visit pop culture landmarks. If something memorable happened in the world of film, TV, books, or music, we want to go there. We're not just tourists, we're pop pilgrims.
Wes Anderson's 2001 film Royal Tenenbaums opens with this line. Royal Tenenbaum bought the house on ... |
TheOnion | Highlights_Of_Ted_Cruz_s_2016_RNC_Speech | Please welcome United States Senator, Ted Cruz of Texas. CHEERING Donald Trump on winning the nomination last night. And like each of you, I want to see the principles that our party believes prevail in November.
America is more than just a land mass between two oceans. America is an ideal, a simple yet powerful idea.... |
TheOnion | The_Onion_Reviews_Divergent | You got three options. Hang there and I'll forget your cowardice. Fall and die. Or give up. But if you give up, you're out.
This is Peter Rosenthal, head film critic for The Onion.
Today I'll be discussing the new movie Divergent, a sci-fi action adventure about a teenage girl fighting for survival in a futuristic dy... |
SaturdayNightLive | monologue_natalie_portman_answers_questions_about_star_wars_snl | Ladies and gentlemen, my boys. New York City hosting Saturday Night Live.
You know, I've been in over a dozen films, but I think people probably know me best from my role in the three Star Wars movies. Yeah, you have a question? Yes, funny, you mentioned Star Wars. I have an Episode Two specific question. Yeah, go ahe... |
cracked | 11_sex_toys_seemingly_designed_to_ruin_sex_does_not_compute | Hey everybody, and welcome to another cursed episode of Does Not Com- Ha! Proudly not computing anything since 2010, or indeed, since the beginning of time. I'm your host, my sister, and with me as always is my co-host, or should I say co-g-g-g-ghost, Clippy's dead ghost. How you doing, Clippy?
Besides being dead? Loo... |
Wizards_with_Guns | james_bond_quit_his_job_after_this | This is Lancaster. I've infiltrated the professor's lair, but still no sign of the plutonium.
Ahh! Professor Pepperone! Ahh! Oh Christ!
What? What's wrong? Oh dear!
Oh, it's your face! My face? What is wrong with my face? You look like you're having a severe allergic reaction.
What? No! This is just my face, voice,... |
dropout | the_new_face_of_the_nra_ch_shorts | The Constitution does not decree the right to keep and bear arms. It says the right to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed. The NRA believes that America's laws should be obeyed, and we will defend the right to bear arms. By any means necessary. We will not be docile for our oppressors.
Right. That's right. Yeah... |
dropout | finding_trump_the_perfect_judge | Donald Trump hates his judge. His name is Gonzalo Curiel. He's worried that Judge Gonzalo Curiel can't be impartial because he has Mexican heritage and Trump loves insulting Mexicans.
They're bringing drugs, they're bringing crime, they're rapists. Well look, justice is important and everyone deserves to feel like the... |
SaturdayNightLive | museum_of_hip_hop_panel_snl | Yes, indeed. Super producer, author, and the co-founder of Def Jam Records, Rick Rubin. intellectual civil rights icon, and political activist, the honorable Dr. Cornel West. Yes, and blessings of prosperity unto you, Sister Nunya. And finally, his group, Zan Ma, broke the record for most streams, making him technicall... |
dropout | hardly_working_body_swap | So I wake up completely naked, on my left, my high school crush, on my right, my old bio teacher, and on top, blankets, because it was cold. Oh my god, Pat, your life is amazing. My wife would never let me sing with blankets. Dude, are you kidding me?
Being married would be great. You get to hang out with your best fr... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_jafar_on_ron_desantis_attacks_on_disney_snl | This week, Governor Ron Desantis ramped up his war on Disney after they stopped his attempts to control Disney World's District. here to comment is the villain from the movie Aladdin, Jafar. So, this is the famous Rockefeller Palace. Okay, so, Jafar, as a Disney character, what do you think of Ron Desantis?
You mean, ... |
SaturdayNightLive | fancam_assembly_snl | Okay, students, it's St. Lawrence High School. welcome to your assembly about student technology use. Yes, sir! settle down, All right. here to give the presentation, Please welcome your favorite teacher, Mr. Bet. Thank you. I think. Okay, let's start. First Rule.
Do Not access inappropriate content online. And Do Not... |
dropout | if_people_asked_for_raises_in_relationships | Can I have a word with you? Yes, no, of course. Come in, come in, come in. What's on your mind?
I want a raise. In our relationship. I no longer want a freelance hangout. I want a permanent, full-time position. You know, although your hard work has not gone unnoticed, you've only been in this relationship for four mon... |
TheOnion | Anti_Cyberbullying_Campaign_Encourages_Kids_To_Do_It_In_Person_The_Topical_Episode_18 | Today, a new campaign against cyberbullying is encouraging kids to get out there and do it in person. It's the latest attempt to cut down on online abuse among middle and high schoolers, but will it work?
And in news that might be very relevant to most of our audience, a new study says that listening to podcasts cause... |
cracked | after_hours_awkward_scenes_that_must_have_happened_in_marvel_movies_captain_america_the_hulk | Holy shit. I know holy Thank you I mean you've been trying to get us to cover this topic for a while and I had my doubts But you beautiful wet son of a bitch you did it finally an airtight theory that indisputably proves that all the Coen brothers movies Take place in the same universe and they're all based on differen... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | WEEKLY_BULLETIN_What_Is_Bogancore_Dan_Andrews_Resigns_To_Spend_More_Time_With_Family_Bill_Gat_ | You're listening to the Batutah Advocates Weekly News Wrap on Desert Rock FM 96.5 Welcome back to the weekly Batutah bulletin you've got myself Clancy Overall and Effie Bateman and there's a lot going on in the news. Yes there is, lots of sports going on this weekend too. Unfortunately that's just the world we live in ... |
dropout | a_poison_ivy_accident | Now, a big homecoming dance is tomorrow, but when you're running a cold campaign, you have to ask yourselves, how do I make this out me? So we're giving away corsages. Um, that was mama's idea, you little thunder thief, shit, when you have your own beams, you can spill them. Or we're going to take that again, we're goi... |
cracked | this_movie_was_made_with_a_gay_version_and_a_straight_version_canonball | Today, we're not talking about those Rashomon and Tarantino type movies where multiple viewpoints are intricately woven into a single beautiful tapestry. And we're not getting into your Blade Runner or your Wicker Men.
Lots of bees! I was told no bees!
Movies that have been cut and recut a million times by various pr... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_guru_genesis_fry_on_mental_health_snl | With mental health struggles on the rise, some Americans are seeking alternative forms of wellness. here to help is meditation guru, Genesis Fry. join me, won't you, on a guided meditation to the center of your mind. Oh, like right now? Yes, Colin. Colin, are you ready to meet Colin? Oh, I don't, I don't know. I'm scar... |
cracked | we_ruined_james_bond_with_math_movie_math | The thought had occurred to me. Now, I'm not going to pretend I'm the first person to notice that James Bond screws a lot. I am, if I've counted correctly, the third person to notice.
But using booze and meaningless sex to deal with job stress is taking Bond to stranger places than you may realize. A study from the Me... |
cracked | nancy_grace_better_than_a_baby_murderer | Welcome to Hate by Numbers. Today I'm counting off Nancy Grace's series of reports on Kaylee, the tragic story of a missing girl now thought to be deceased. Kaylee's mother is currently in police custody pending an investigation, leaving Nancy no choice but to further mind this tragedy for ratings. After all, there may... |
SaturdayNightLive | david_spade_monologue_polar_bear_incident_saturday_night_live | Ladies and gentlemen, David Spade! thank you very much. thank you. it's nice to be back. now the pupil has become the teacher. I'm kidding. I've been here for a while. I've had a lot of fun. earlier in the week, I went to the Central Park Zoo.
I wanted to see the polar bears. I've never seen them. it sounded like a go... |
SaturdayNightLive | cold_opening_nightline_with_bill_clinton_and_bob_dole_saturday_night_live | After 28 years in the Senate, Bob Dole calls it quits. this is Nightline, reporting live from Washington, Ted Koppel. in what many are calling a political Hail Mary pass, Bob Dole this week announced that he's resigning from the Senate in order to devote his full energies to the Presidential campaign. here to discuss t... |
dropout | terrorist_in_love | Ma'am, please remove your shoes. But I can't walk without my orthopedic shoes.
If you're gonna enter the terminal, you're gonna... Whoa, whoa, whoa, guy. Not so fast. Sir, you don't understand. I have to get through. No, you don't understand. You have to wait and rhyme.
Please, the woman I love is in there. Well, isn... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Hamish_Blake_From_The_Archive | Clancy is still overseas. He's in Melbourne visiting his family down there. His extended family, I should say.
So that means we are unable to record a podcast this week. So sit back and enjoy a classic episode that we recorded over a year ago with the man who sits atop the high-water mark in radio and podcasting in th... |
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