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ClickHole | progress_this_video_game_presents_a_realistic_portrayal_of_eating_disorders | Hey everyone, you're watching NextGen. Today I'm going to talk to you about a game that is a lot of fun, but also a truthful depiction of a very serious subject.
It's called Kirby, and it features a protagonist who is a grounded, real-life representation of someone with an eating disorder. Kirby has a textbook case of... |
dropout | even_worse_fda_cigarette_warnings | Recently, we released the toughest, most graphic warning labels in FDA history. Labels that we think will really resonate with potential smokers. However, to really drive home the hazards of smoking, now each pack of cigarettes will come with an actual person dying of lung cancer.
All right. Yep. There you go, man. I ... |
cracked | robocop_review_aka_murphy_s_law | Brian, you're so fired. You just threw dinosaur, a dinosaur story up. Come on. It's the whole point of having tech people. Anyway, whatever.
Welcome to Crack Movie Club, the show where we do a mook club. A mook club.
Oh man, I miss Allie. Yeah. Allie, Allie's the glue that holds us who she misses every other episode.... |
dropout | hardly_working_spitballing_all_nighter_2012 | Alright guys, we need to come up with a big idea for the summer. We've been here three hours and all I have written down is the phrase, two scoops and what appears to be a crudely drawn picture of an owl farting.
Alright, I'm just spitballing here, but what if instead of Batman and Catwoman, it was Catman and Batwoman... |
dropout | hardly_working_the_cartoon_ii_animal_sex | If a dolphin could speak to you and ask you to f**k it and you could f**k a dolphin every single day for 365 days, a full year and every single day it would look more and more like the woman of your dreams and on the 365th day, it would just become your dream girl. But like, on day 214, it's half dolphin, half human, l... |
cracked | 5_movies_too_stupid_to_notice_they_discovered_immortality_yboc | Hey there nerds, it's me, Dr. Jordan Breeding. Breeding like the rabbits and Jordan like the basketball. Welcome to your brain on crack.
It's not going great. Dave's mom kicked us out of the basement.
But anyway, this is the show that exists solely through sheer willpower and human innovation. And that like all human... |
cracked | the_dark_secret_behind_star_wars_goofiest_characters_obsessive_pop_culture_disorder | My name is Daniel O'Brien and welcome to another thoughtful and respectful episode of Obsessive Pop Culture Disorder, the only show on the internet that Kevin Smith calls it. Kevin Smith respectfully declines your invitation to have him appear on your website.
Exciting stuff. Today's episode explores. The Ewoks are a ... |
rpunctuated | rpunctuated_american_girl_doll_movie_trailer_snl | People Can't stop talking about the trailer for their new Barbie movie, But not all dolls live in a dream house. Some are bigger, younger, sadder. Some dolls are American girls. Hi, Kirsten. Hi, Molly. Hi, Samantha. Hi, Josefina. Hi, Q. And I'm Addie. No One said hi to me. This Summer, a new live-action story about you... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_ft_sarah_sherman_and_heidi_gardner_snl | It's Weekend Update with Colin Jost and Michael Che. thank you very much. welcome to Weekend Update. I'm Michael Che. I'm Colin Jost.
This week in court, Stormy Daniels gave a detailed description of sex with Donald Trump, which was so disgusting, even the sky turned green. Stormy Daniels, seen here as drawn by the cr... |
dropout | paperman_threesome | whoa whoa whoa what what what what are you doing I didn't I mean I thought we were all gonna you know well I mean no I think there was a miscommunication here really because you were so into it at the train station I get yeah I just I didn't think this would be a threesome Wow Wow that is hard okay look what you did wa... |
dropout | hardly_working_hoagies | Oh, man, my favorite, hoagies! Thanks, Dads! Did you just call the sub a hoagie? What's wrong with you? It's a sub, right? Dude, I'm from Philadelphia, Go Phillies, and we call them hoagies there. You're both wrong. I'm from Maine, Go Maine, and up there, we call them by their right name, Grinders. Come on, alright, Ja... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_biden_calls_chinese_president_a_dictator_trump_jr_testifies_in_fraud_trial_snl | It's weekend Update with Colin Jost and Michael Che. Thank you. good evening, everyone. welcome to Weekend Update. I'm Michael Che. I'm Colin Jost.
After President Biden's successful meeting with China's President Xi Jinping, reporters asked Biden if he still believed that Xi was a dictator. And I don't know if Biden ... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Rejection_A_Wild_Night_A_Proud_Family_More_December_16 | How are you all? Not bad.
It's going to be nice to take a break, finally, these past couple of years. We haven't taken a break here at the Advocate, so this year is probably the year for it.
Where are you going, mate? Nowhere. No? No, I haven't got anything planned. Staycation?
Yep. Just me, myself, and I at home. B... |
cracked | behind_the_scenes_with_cracked_scooby_don_t | What? Jankers. We're the mystery squad.
Cut.
Hey guys, it's Michael. I'm playing Shaggy. My name is Katie Willard and I'm playing Balor. I'm free, which is like the B.T. Her version of Fred. Hey, I'm Kelsey Gunn.
I'm playing Dafno. What? Yeah, Dafno.
Fun fact, to play Shaggy in the Scooby-Doo movies, actor Matthew ... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_114_Wild_Black_Women | Today we're joined by two guests based out of the wild, wild west of West End in Brisbane. We've got Dr. Chelsea Bond and Angelina Hurley.
Thank you for joining us. This is the Wild Black Women podcast. Hi. Thanks for having us. We're big fans of your work. And likewise, with your program, obviously on every Friday ac... |
dropout | yay_or_nay_game_of_thrones_season_3 | Yay, the answer is yay. Do I I mean do I have to write a joke for this? That shit was Daenerys. D-A-N-A-N-A-S That's how you spell it, right? Denanis. I love what they've done with Jamie Lannister this season He's my favorite character totally willing to overlook the sister fucking and child crippling Oh, I like the pa... |
dropout | got_finale_the_shocking_extended_cut_spoilers | For the watch. Oh, sorry, do you want to go? You were clearly here first, by all means. Okay. For the watch. After you sir. Thank you.
For the watch.
What is this?
Got ya!
For the watch.
Wait, you have to say it. Command this. No!
We did great! We spent so long talking about what we were going to say. We all agre... |
cracked | steve_carell_got_40_year_old_virgin_shut_down_by_looking_like_a_serial_killer_cracked_fiend | Why is there a movie about just equalizer Joseph Corden left it right in a bite? Why did they try and make that badass? 40 year old virgin almost didn't happen like it was almost shut down within two days because the producers thought Steve Carell looked like a serial killer. I can see it because Steve Carell is a fant... |
dropout | we_re_stuck_in_a_fast_food_commercial | Hey guys, guess what I got? Chicken Bell! Chicken Bell? Now the party can really get started. These chicken sandwiches are so good. This late night menu is a life saver.
We sound like we're in a fast food commercial. No. Seriously. We sound like we're in a fast food commercial. Hey dude, don't be crazy. I'm not being ... |
dropout | pulling_out_of_iraq_with_patrick_warburton_and_ken_davitian | Thank you for meeting me. Anything for Iraq, size, rank in general. We've been through a lot together. What can I do for you?
You remember about nine months ago, you said you were going to pull out of Iraq? Yeah. Well, I don't think you totally pulled out. Pretty sure that I pulled out. Yeah, I pulled out and dispatch... |
dropout | the_big_butt_song_to_end_all_big_butt_songs_hardly_working | Hey, whatcha doin'? I'm trying to see if a computer can write a pop song. Really? Yeah, I had to analyze the top pop songs of the past few months, see what made them successful, and replicate it. Wow. Yeah, I actually was just about to listen. You wanna hear? Yeah. Okay. Hey, whatcha doin'?
Talk about something other ... |
SaturdayNightLive | terrence_maddox_in_sculpture_class_snl | Alright, class. Now, tonight, we are going to work with the most demanding subject there is for sculptors, the human Body. unfortunately, the model I usually use couldn't make it, but we do have a last-minute replacement. his name is Terrence Maddox. Terrence, you can come in now. whenever you're ready, Mr. Maddox. Alr... |
SaturdayNightLive | fusion_scientist_snl | Well, gang, I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to have everyone together for the holidays. we are so lucky to have two beautiful boys. Sorry, men. and there is so much to be thankful for this Christmas. here, here. we love our little family. we sure do. and we have an extra reason to celebrate.
Did you guys see in ... |
CrackerMilk | best_of_crackermilk | Hey dad catch the ball. Oh Dad I'm so sorry. That's okay, son.
Yeah, go on Dude you might not lay off the junk food. That's a problem for future me I put it down you piece of shit. You got a friend in me You've got a friend in me when the row Do you have protection yeah Who the fuck is that Protection protection from ... |
dropout | fanta_for_the_funny_episode_5_hot_dog_microphone | Hey, Dr. Marshall. I've been having a really weird allergy lately. I don't think a pill's gonna fix this one.
So a lot of you have been asking me to do a makeup tutorial on my eyeliner. Basically, you just put a little eyeliner up there and then, boom, you're done. Didn't you hate it when you tried to show your parent... |
cracked | what_s_with_these_crazy_jumping_zombie_vampire_movies_yboc | Just like real zombies, Hollywood zombie movies will probably never die, but they could use some innovations. That's why I'd like to suggest a fresh new idea, okay? Make the corpses jump. See, Chinese folklore is stuffed full of references to xiangxi, which are basically vampire zombies that stick their arms out there ... |
dropout | girl_buys_condoms | Listen, before we go back to my place, I need to stop and pick up some protection. Oh. Unless, of course, maybe you wanted to do it for me, because... Uh... Oh, great! Thank you! It's so embarrassing!
Why doesn't he have condoms? What if he has so much sex he used up all his condoms? What if I'm about to sleep with a ... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Betoota_Weekly_News_Bulletin_08_05_20 | You're listening to the Batutah Advocate's weekly news wrap on Desert Rock FM 96.5 Yes, yes, yes, welcome back to the weekly Batutah Advocate Bulletin. You're joined today, of course, by the same old, same old, myself, Clancy Overill, editor of the Batutah Advocate, Errol Parker, editor-at-large, how's isolation going,... |
TheOnion | Giant_Pandas_Finally_Mate_After_Being_Married_In_Catholic_Ceremony | 🎵 Ying Ying and Li Li. They're the two giant pandas who for the past decade have been refusing to mate. That is until earlier this year when the two love bears finally took the plunge and were married in a traditional Catholic ceremony. Hear how the two pandas managed to stay true to their Lord and Savior in order to ... |
cracked | can_you_boil_and_grink_weed_quorators_featuring_karli_marulli | Slam that button, Alex. ["Quarators"] Hey, we're back at Quarators another week live on Cracked.com YouTube page. Cracked, home of the fact. I'm your host, Alex, with my co-host, Jeremy. Hi, people keep asking if that's a real catch phrase of Cracked, and it's not.
We made it up. It is. It should be real. It is becaus... |
SaturdayNightLive | orchestra_snl | No, stop, Stop. how are we going to perform Beethoven's 9th Symphony without her flautist? excuse me, somebody looking for a flutist? it's flautist, But yes, who are you? The name's T. Onibanks, and I manage the greatest foodest of all time. lips and lungs sent straight from God herself, the incomparable. pivany gags! ... |
SaturdayNightLive | north_pole_news_killer_whale_attack_snl | This is a North Pole News Network special report. Good evening and Merry Christmas.
A chaotic scene downtown this morning as a pod of killer whales apparently broke through the ice under Peppermint Plaza. Npn's Kirby Giggle Mittens is live at the scene. Kirby? thank you, Poppy. here's what we know for sure. according ... |
cracked | movie_character_jobs_make_no_freaking_sense_yboc_avatar_fast_furious | Hey there, uh, uh, uh, results are here and, um, I'm a doctor and my name is, my name is Jordan Breeding and if it was backwards, my name would be Nad Raj, which you wouldn't expect that. So, uh, um, if my boss comes by, can you just say I was awake when you got here? Anyway, uh, welcome to another episode of Your Brai... |
cracked | hank_williams_jr_s_second_chance | Let me just say, Hank, I'm so pleased that ESPN gave you the job back. I mean, it would be a shame to lose a national legend like yourself, so... Well, thank you, Jimmy. That means a lot. Thank you. You're a hero, buddy. You certainly are. Great having you back.
Just let's keep the Obama-Hitler. Really, any sort of co... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | ep_60_james_reyne | We've got a special guest today, he's actually going to be doing a lot more kilometers around the country. He's made the big trip out to the Diamantina Shire but this is just the beginning I guess.
Thank you for joining us. Thank you for having me. Nice to be here, all this way out here. Yeah, you came out here well i... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Ep_173_John_Safran | You're listening to Errol Parker and Clancy Overall, editors of the Batooter Advocate on Desert Rock FM. Welcome back to the Batooter Advocate radio show recording live here in the Diamond Tina Shire live from my end. Our guest obviously isn't in the studio today. We're talking to John Safran who's based in Melbourne a... |
dropout | Troopers_vs_Performance_Reviews | I think I speak for us both when I say last year was very productive. Not our fault. Very productive.
Oh, this isn't a review of last year. It's a review of next year.
And it's a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, v... |
dropout | hardly_working_consciences | Don't do it Jake that cake was meant for Dan. You're right Dan's mom made him that cake, and he'd be really sad if I ate it It's just one little piece Jake who's gonna notice your evil consciousness Vinny She's man. Don't do that.
All right. We're really high up. Sorry. You're sorry. We almost died dude This is like a... |
dropout | Billionaire_Philanthropy_Isn_t_That_Selfless | Every time a billionaire even hints at doing something charitable, we treat them like saints. Mega-rich guys like Warren Buffett, Bill Gates, and Mark Zuckerberg have the media falling all over them. But in reality, this billionaire philanthropy is not as selfless as it seems.
What are you talking about? Why, we're li... |
Wizards_with_Guns | the_two_birds_that_made_each_other_go_extinct | Dude, what are you doing? Are you sawing the tree branch so that it falls and then I fall with it and I die? You know I'm a bird right? I'm just gonna fly away You know what your problem is Derek? Oh, here we go You're a thief Yeah, you stole my egg I saw you do it which egg what do you mean my egg no No, that is defin... |
cracked | trump_s_with_her | I will say this about Hillary. I know her very well. She's very talented and she has a husband that I also like very much.
She doesn't quit. She doesn't give up. And she's a really good person and woman. She's a fighter.
I think she's going to go down at a minimum as a great senator. I think she is a great wife and B... |
dropout | what_is_this_fried_thing_live | Everybody, and welcome to What is this Fried Thing, a game where the title says it all. Here are our contestants, we've got Zach, Jillian, and Grant. Now they're going to be presented with things that look a lot like this. Just a confusing fried brown crispy object, you can see Zach is puzzling over it already and this... |
dropout | hardly_working_overgrown_guy_girlfriend_4 | It's the overgrown guy girlfriend. Oh look like a whale Are you embarrassed? Those are our dishes and that's why this isn't working You have no idea what it means to be a couple.
It's just over like that. We're done.
Okay, well good luck on your own, you f**king a**hole Look at that slop I might still be a little wet... |
cracked | how_first_contact_will_be_screwed_up_by_our_military_we_re_not_alone_episode_1 | You better be serious. This is not protocol. Oh, I'm serious. This is serious despite what your pajamas would seem to suggest.
I came as soon as you called. What you said is true. Then you should have taken literally seconds to put on anything else. Carly. You saw it, right? On your way over?
That's ridiculous. Not a... |
dropout | Should_We_Dine_and_Dash_Kingpin_Katie | Where the hell is our waiter with our check? I don't know, but this is getting ridiculous.
Yeah, right? Right? Yeah. I mean, hello?
We just want to give you our money. Hello. Do you not want to take our money?
I'm so pissed right now.
Yeah. Dude, I'm about ready to storm out of here without paying. Oh, hell yeah, d... |
dropout | ace_and_jocelyn_part_3_j_a_archives | Welcome to episode 3 of Ace and Jocelyn, astronaut accountants from outer space. Ace and Jocelyn from space and Jocelyn, astronaut accountants and they're coming to your face. If you love that shit, say nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, hey! We're here alone in the space office and I have a feeling Ace will ... |
CrackerMilk | youtube_hates_us | Hey guys, look I don't want to be here you two guys don't want to be here No one wants to be here, but we're here now. One of our videos has been age restricted like you probably know I'm like too depressed to even drink paint right now. You don't want any paint? No, like seriously, why the fuck is this age restricted?... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_geraldo_rivera_reporting_from_somalia_saturday_night_live | Now here with news on the situation in Somalia is Fox News Reporter Geraldo Rivera. Tina, I'm here in Mogadishu. it's the second stop on Geraldo Rivera's Tour of Terror. some of you may be familiar with this sorry, sorry city which has been turned into a nightmarish roadmap to terror. early this morning, a Somali snipe... |
dropout | josh_s_mindhouse_goblin | JOSH'S MIND-THOUST BANG!
Now I know everyone's got something to say How's my cast supposed to produce mail for that as goblin scaring it?
Now I know ya everyone's all frightened and scared and all jibberly jammed Let's take it one at a time, please Abigail, you first I see it in my backyard It's my own life He's scur... |
dropout | bad_polling_is_ruining_everything_hardly_working | Surprise! I threw Goldberg machines! So, now I've been back at College Humor for a little bit, I have commissioned one of the country's leading polling companies to create for me a survey, which I would love for you all to fill in. Heck yeah, I love surveys! And, if you hand it back to me by the end of the day, you wil... |
TheOnion | Maximize_Your_Brainpower_By_Firing_Every_Neuron_At_Once | If we could maximize our brain's functions we could become more creative, more productive and more effective in our day to day lives. Now I've spent the better part of my career trying to unlock the true potential of the human mind and well I keep coming back to this question, what if we could fire every neuron in the ... |
dropout | bleep_bloop_star_trek_catan | Welcome to Bleep Bloop. I'm Jeff Rubin here with Jared Logan and Pat Cassels.
Today we are playing Star Trek Catan because, frankly, no one really cares what we do in here. It's mostly a reskinning of regular Catan. So instead of settlements, you have Outposts. Instead of cities, you have star bases.
But the one new ... |
cracked | the_6_least_necessary_sequels_to_viral_videos_does_not_compute | Hey everybody and welcome to another bizarrely similar episode of does not compute. I'm your host man sausage filling in for sausage man with my Man sausage with me as always is my co-host clips of my robot wife How you do and moon of my life who I sometimes call clippy That's how she says yes, or I hope it is otherwis... |
SaturdayNightLive | tyrone_green_s_art_opening_snl | Ladies and gentlemen, please, if I could have your attention. As you know, every fall we here at the Felice Sloan Duchamp Gallery take pride in debuting the creme de la creme of the New York art scene. and that is why it is today. With great joy, I introduce to you that Harlem Renaissance man, the artistic mouthpiece o... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Weekly_News_Bulletin_Melbourne_Brisbane_Aussie_Larrikins_Much_More_26_06_20 | How are you Errol? Yeah good Clancy, always good to be back in the Budgie Smuggler booth, a cramped three square meters in here with me, you and Wendell Hussey. The Diamond Tienishai is Shane Webke when he read the weather. How are you Wendell? Yeah very well. How are you traveling? Not too bad at all.
Much better tha... |
TheOnion | Report_Economy_Just_One_Speech_Away_From_Recovery | An asshole is rewarded for his asshole behavior by business community leaders. Disgruntled bandmates worry Rivers Cuomo's wife is becoming the fifth Weezer, and an area man is too poor to afford movers too old to get help from his friends. Nothing you are about to hear will be translated as this video transcends the ba... |
TheOnion | 2_Year_Old_Donkey_Called_Up_To_Pro_Donkey_Basketball_League | Let's turn to donkey basketball news. Today's scraps, a two-year-old mammoth jack donkey from Lawrence, Kansas, who has played just five fundraisers, has been tapped by scouts to move directly up to Class A Midwest Donkey Basketball League play. This morning, he was signed by Dairyland Donkey Ball for a record 50 pound... |
dropout | hardly_working_twilight_bros | Yo Murph. Yo, what's up, bro? How was the weekend? That was all right.
My girlfriend kept trying to get me to see Twilight with her Seriously? What is it with chicks in that movie? Dude, I don't know. To me It's just a bunch of pale sissies running around playing grab-ass. Right, and their skin twinkles in the sunligh... |
dropout | hardly_working_star_wars_fantasy | Sorry Thanks for breaking me out of that detention bay No problem your worshipfulness. You know we still have a few hours before we reach Alderaan. What do you want to do to pass the time? Actually that's really sweet but Alderaan was destroyed in A New Hope and we're doing Empire Strikes Back right now so Sorry That's... |
cracked | why_we_ll_never_get_a_great_caveman_video_game_escort_mission | Aw, come on, that's too much! Don't shoot Bambi's mom! Damn it, now I gotta find another one! Why can't you just be a decent guy and focus on killing people? Settle down. I'm supposed to hunt this deer.
I needed skin to upgrade my hut. That and two rhino skins, which, I gotta say, is gonna look ill. I agree. Having rh... |
dropout | pixar_s_next_7_movies_unveiled | Just finished watching Inside Out and can't wait for more melancholic Pixar action? Then check out our new movie lineup, coming soon to a theater near you. Coming in 2017, it's Toy Story 4. Playtime's over! Two hundred years after a virus swipes out all of humanity, the toys must band together once more to help Buzz fi... |
SaturdayNightLive | maya_angelou_s_i_know_why_the_caged_bird_laughs_prank_show_snl | From the people who brought you Betty Whites off their rocks comes a brand-new prank show starring America's favorite poet. it's Maya Angelou. I know why the caged bird laughs.
Hello, Chad. I am the Rock. I am the River.
I am the one who put a pie under the butt of Morgan Freeman. Whoa! watch as Maya Angelou pranks h... |
dropout | America_s_Next_Food_Obsession_Potatoes | Oh, sweet hat, dude. Oh, it ain't just a hat. It's a whole way of life, baby.
Just a quirky little thing about me, I guess. Oh, I feel you, dude. I'm the same way, but with bacon. Yo! I'm obsessed with bacon. If it's on the menu, you know I'm ordering it. If it's on a shirt, you know I'm buying it. I know what you mea... |
SaturdayNightLive | our_front_door_saturday_night_live | And now, another episode of Our Front Door. Hi. I'm a junkie, and I'm selling potholders to support my habit. Honey, there's a junkie at the door. a junkie? Well, ask him in. come on in. have a seat. he's selling potholders. we were just about to have some coffee. would you like some?
Yes, please. cream and sugar? uh,... |
cracked | why_it_s_time_to_stop_pretending_zombies_are_scary_today_s_topic | so they're just typical slow zombies yeah so they're like disabled versions of humans like a swarm of retarded people or like a swarm of drunks who are on the verge of passing out yeah then no in real life the zombie apocalypse would not happen I mean yeah like a town-sized number of people would die but whatever you t... |
dropout | nerd_alert_nintendo_3ds | Welcome to Nerd Alert, Star Date, April 1st. I'm Jeff Rubin here with John Gabris and Kotaku writer Steven Tatillo. On today's episode, we are going to be talking to a former college humor writer who recently appeared on Jeopardy and find out which of those two achievements women find most impressive. We are going to b... |
ClickHole | i_didn_t_ask_for_this_meet_the_man_who_has_osama_bin_laden_s_old_cell_phone_number | Well, I had just switched cell phone carriers, and they gave me a new number. I remember turning on my phone for the first time, and it immediately started buzzing in my hand. I answered, and then someone on the other end just started yelling at me in Arabic, and then in English. Osama, he said, is this Osama? That's b... |
dropout | Free_to_Play_Friendship | Oh my god, I hate olives too. I thought I was the only one! Every time I walk by an olive bar, I spit into it because it's gross!
No way! Wow! We are going to be best friends! Absolutely!
Okay, well that's all the conversation you get to have with me for today. In 24 hours, that'll reset and we can have another chat.... |
TheOnion | The_Onion_Yankees_Building_Vacation_Stadium_In_The_Hamptons | Turning to sports the New York Yankees earlier today unveiled plans for a new summer vacation stadium in the Hamptons set to open in 2010 the new nine hundred million dollar vacation stadium will be quote somewhere the team can go to get away from the stifling New York City summers and Unwind joining us now is senior O... |
dropout | How_to_Profile_a_House_Plant_Killer | If it says his name on it, it's mine. Alright, alright, alright. Look alive.
We have a serial killer on the loose in our very city. As of today, death toll stands at 17, but who knows how many more are on the count of four. Ah, sick bastard. I've enlisted the help of a behavioral psychologist, Dr. North, who will help... |
dropout | bleep_bloop_japanese_dating_simulator | Welcome to Bleep Loop, I'm Jeff Rubin, today we are playing a Japanese dating simulator to help us understand Japanese, we brought along translator Darryl Mackendo, to help us understand girls, we brought along Sarah Schneider, and for just sheer machismo, backasses. The name of this particular dating simulator is Clea... |
dropout | when_someone_s_trying_too_hard_to_have_fun | You know this is nice we should do this more often yeah, it's just like nice to talk All right dig sex this party has been too lame for too long. Oh god kitty's in party girl mode Katie it's not really a party. It's more like a casual after work Hey stop we're co-workers. This is super uncomfortable No, we're not doing... |
cracked | the_first_marriage_stuff_that_must_have_happened | Love knock. Love bee. Loves.
You can keep going shorter, that's really neat. Anyway I was describing personality traits to the sun and I thought like, maybe we could do that thing where we mash our stuff together and then it falls slowly. Yeah one of those tiny people, that's neat.
Not neat, no. Do you know how hard ... |
cracked | we_figured_out_which_disney_character_has_killed_the_most_movie_math_disney_pixar | Welcome to Movie Math. We re-task our crack team of PhD holding internet scientists to exhaustively research the questions that really matter. Like, how many airbags are deployed in the Fast and Furious franchise? It's less than you think. Today, we'll be looking at the House of Mouse itself.
Disney, in the year of ou... |
TheOnion | Jesus_Christ_Cancels_Return_To_Earth_Amid_Pandemic_The_Onion_Presents_The_Topical_Episode_44 | It's the latest cancellation being attributed to the coronavirus. Hear why Jesus Christ's return to earth may be suspended indefinitely.
And later, can a man survive by eating nothing but spam? I sure hope so, because I'm currently on lockdown inside my apartment with several hundred cans of the stuff. I've never had ... |
dropout | your_friend_who_lives_too_far_away | The two otters hold hands and make a baby.
No, it's- God, what are you doing? Please excuse my dear- Hi, guys. Hey, let go. Hi, my gal. Look, uh, I don't know what you guys are doing on Saturday, but I was thinking of a little barbecue. I'm a little busy. Yeah, I got it. I booked solid for the weekend. Sorry. Same, I'... |
CrackerMilk | super_nanny_but_for_toxic_boyfriends | This week on Supernanny, lovely Nicole has reached out for help with her manchild boyfriend Elias. After two years, it's become clear that this bumbling boyfriend needs our help. Elias' addiction to video games, chicken nuggets and laziness have pushed Nicole over the edge. Let's see if Supernanny can source it out. Su... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_ft_marcello_hernandez_and_michael_longfellow_snl | Well, great news for conservatives, New York is finally cracking down on crime. former President Donald Trump was indicted for his role in paying hush money to porn star Stormy Daniels, and the trial will be like a Stormy Daniels movie because I'm deeply ashamed at how excited I am to watch it. Trump will reportedly su... |
TheOnion | The_Onion_s_Tips_For_Last_Minute_Holiday_Shopping | Christmas is almost here, but you haven't finished your shopping yet. Well, no need to worry any longer. Here are the onions tips for last-minute holiday shopping. First, it's important to know that last-minute shopping for your loved ones will require a large amount of time and energy.
So before doing anything else, ... |
ClickHole | harrowing_listen_to_these_people_talk_about_the_first_time_they_ran_out_of_radishes | The first time I ran out of radishes, yes, I remember. It was like being in a nightmare. You want to know about my first time not having one of a radish nearby? It was a painful experience.
A radish is a type of nut. It is meat. It is a type of nut.
I'll always remember the first time I had zero left. It was the wors... |
dropout | a_planet_full_of_appetizers | From Raiden to Rodan, nerds are passionate about a lot of things, but there's something they love above all else.
That is correcting people. This is Um, Actually. Joining us today, we have Shane Crown. Happy to be here. Zeke Nicholson. Hey. And Allie Beardsley. Hi. Back for more. Yeah, baby.
The way this game works i... |
dropout | How_Many_Kids_Show_Theme_Songs_Can_You_Name | This is our last shiny question at the beginning. Final shiny question.
This is a game that we call Legal Limits. We're going to play a series of musical cues for you. Of course, we're only going to play about as much as we legally think we can get away with. Can you identify what show these short snippets of theme so... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Bureau_of_Meteorology_Says_Property_Developers_Are_About_To_Learn_Why_They_ve_Been_Warning_Them_A_ | You're listening to The Batooter Advocate's Weekly News Wrap on Desert Rock FM 96.5 Welcome back to The Batooter Advocate Weekly News Bulletin, my name is Clancy Iverill, I'm joined today by Effie The Rock Bateman, she's here to... some of these headlines are big and she's got a big job ahead of her, but before that wh... |
cracked | bert_kreischer_was_almost_in_the_band_creed | In his book, Life of the Party, Stories of a Perpetual Man Child, Kreischer tells the tale of his bumbling role in a college band, a failed shot at rock stardom that he let slip through his fingers like a** on a roller coaster. Maybe that boisterous personality was why two of his fraternity brothers invited Kreischer t... |
cracked | the_deranged_grimms_fairy_tale_about_a_half_hedgehog_jerk_bagpiper_mike_trapp_goes_medieval | Oh, hello! I didn't see you there.
And still can't, because that's how cameras work.
Today's story comes to us from Grimm's Fairy Tales. Now, Disney has never adapted this story, and probably never will, because it's bats**t insane from start to finish, and every character in it is a monumental a**hole. This is Hans ... |
dropout | hardly_working_best_buy_manager | I mean, I gotta say, usually we don't just bring people in to hire them on the spot. Usually there's more of an interview process, but, you know, like you know, I was in Best Buy on Saturday. I was kind of leaning towards the max because of the commercials, but, you know, you steer me towards a Sony bio, and I was real... |
dropout | basketball_game | It's Larry Brits on his team. Alright, one of you getting up right now, Redhead or Blondie. We're looking at you, little orphan Annie. What are you going to do? I should have to read your I.M.s to see where you're hanging out after work, should I? No, you shouldn't.
Sweetie, you want to get me a beer beer? You want to... |
SaturdayNightLive | roma_downey_monologue_saturday_night_live | Ladies and gentlemen, Roma Downey! thank you. a lot of you probably know me from my show Touched By an Angel. we film our show in Utah, so coming to New York and doing this couldn't be more different. working with this cast has been great, but I have to admit, I've missed all of my co-workers this week, especially Dell... |
dropout | get_girls_by_learning_british_things | Can we have two tequilas, no wine? Yeah. Oh, and no salt. Just drink. Just tequila.
Hey, ladies. How about our Dodgers, huh? Taking care of business with those losers down in San Diego, am I right?
Ew. Why are you talking to us? Seriously, have you seen yourself? Gross.
Yeah. And I'm from San Diego. Hello there, lov... |
cracked | how_you_can_stick_it_to_comcast_and_verizon_today_some_news_special_report_net_neutrality | Hello, I'm a special news person, and here's a special report of some news, because today is kind of a special day, and I'll tell you why in a second, but first, we need some background on Net Neutrality. Hey, wake up! Hey! I know it's a snoozer kapoozer, or a yawner kapoozer, but it's important, and today is like the ... |
dropout | ted_williams_story | Hey, I'm gonna make you work for your dollar. Say something with that great radio voice. When you honestly did nothing but the best of all these, you're listening to Magic Night 8.9. Thank you so much. I just said, well hey, I can't be an actor, I can't be an on-air personality, but the voice just became something of a... |
dropout | 5_tips_on_cooking_for_one_ch_shorts | Hey guys, Grant here. If you're single like me, you might have a tough time cooking or grocery shopping without throwing away a ton of food. You might also have a Peter Pan complex and the feeling that no one loves you because deep down you don't deserve it. Here are five tips to help with the first thing. The first th... |
TheOnion | Report_Rising_Number_Of_Weak_Emasculated_Men_Working_As_Stay_At_Home_Dads | According to a new report released this week by the Pew Research Center, a rising number of weak, emasculated men are working as stay-at-home dads, with a steadily increasing number of feeble, pathetic fae boys choosing to spend their days cooking, cleaning, and performing other submissive duties. Well, our findings in... |
Wizards_with_Guns | why_you_can_t_play_dungeons_dragons_with_a_real_wizard | When is he getting here? Hopefully never. HA HA! Sorry, sorry, I'm late.
I was just so busy battling a dragon in this dungeon it was a whole thing. Anyway, uh, what are we playing? Dungeons and Dragons.
AHHH! It's just here!
When you die in the game you die in real life! Why would we want that? It's too late now! I ... |
dropout | hardly_working_daylight_savings | Oh man, that was one of wild daylight savings guys. Yeah, the clocks were like me so thirsty. They went back for seconds 3600 of them You guys went out for a daylight savings time.
Why didn't you call me? The clock hasn't been turned back.
Oh, yeah Get it. It's a little tough. I don't know if I can turn it you're tur... |
cracked | music_notes_macklemore_s_homophobic_gay_rights_song | When I was in the third grade, I thought that I was gay, cause I could draw, my uncle was and I kept my room straight. Macklemore, that didn't happen. Yo, what? You didn't look around your clean room and think, I must be gay. I was eight. Okay, so you just, you thought about your gay uncle, looked at your clean room an... |
dropout | precious_plum_a_swim_in_sh_t | My name is Plum. I'm six years old and I'm a purely quiet mama. I'm driving me around a patch She's my precious plum Today plums competing to be killed and dug up pet cemetery in hell, Michigan We got no AC so we as hot as the devil's dick pit Oh That is nice Mama you said we was going to a water park.
It is. Look it.... |
dropout | The_Genius_Behind_Cartoon_Boobs_Masterclass_Parody | Being a cartoonist means getting to bring imagination to life. I remember when the creator of SpongeBob SquarePants came to me, scratching his head, and I said to him, this squirrel girl character, she needs two big seashells to show she has boobies. Hello, I'm Oswald Ferntuttle, and I draw the boobs on the female cart... |
cracked | 4_bulls_facts_that_movies_love_to_quote_obsessive_pop_culture_disorder | Hey, did you ever notice how movies lie? I did, here's proof. Look the sound of Lucy, like Limitless, is the latest in a long line of lie-peddling sci-fi movies and yes, I could have said, lie-fi, but I already felt like I was caught in a trap of alliteration and was legitimately worried I wouldn't be able to break out... |
cracked | 4_offensive_storylines_about_superman_lois_lane_s_love_life_canonball | In some ways, Superman and Lois Lane are the perfect couple. Their love is endured through super ant invasions, Hitler clone attacks, and even an ill-fated boxing match with Muhammad Ali that Superman lost? But we're not interested in those vanilla stories of heroic rescues and shit. Love conquering everything except M... |
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