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dropout | smell_talk_part_2 | We're here with Laura Donna, who is a fragrance coach and fanatic. Thank you for coming. Thank you.
What are colognes and fragrances made of? Fragrances are made of notes. Typical top notes would be citrus. I just got a whiff of something syrupy.
Did you get that? Maybe this. This one's amber. Oh yeah. What comes to ... |
dropout | ch_live_nyc_jake_and_amir_3 | Last effort at a successful improv game, we're trying to do a song. An improvised song. Easy. That's a piece of Jake. That is a piece of Jake. That's a new thing that I'm trying to say. No one let that catch on. I'm going to be a suggestion from a genre of music from the audience and a suggestion for an object that we'... |
cracked | how_the_kendall_jenner_pepsi_ad_got_made | Hey, it's Michael Bernard direct this commercial So normally I do like Victoria's Secret or Playboy covers But when Pepsi was like we want to do something edgy and different I was like fuck. Yes So obviously you start with Pepsi who's drinking it boom cellist on a helipad now other directors probably gone with an elect... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_john_mark_karr_saturday_night_live | This Wednesday, O.j. Simpson's announced plans for a Tv interview and book that hypothetically discusses how he would have murdered Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman. here to comment on the ethical nature of this media event, John Mark Carr. Thank you Seth and Amy. it's good to be here.
Simpson. Who loves the pu... |
dropout | Congress_Won_t_Let_Us_Offend_Florida | Well, gang, I think Stuntmanatee has defied death for too long. This is going to be the most exciting, action-packed, intricately choreographed fight of our lives!
That's against the rules. Boshi, what rules? Since when do we have rules? We get our funding from Congress, and they just approved a bunch of new rules of ... |
Fitzthistlewits | limbo_review | Limbo, this game had so much potential, but it threw it all away. For example, look at those graphics. What is this? 1842? BC? There's this thing called color, you boneheads. And ugh, everything's so grainy and smokey, I can't see a thing. How am I supposed to be scared if everything's dark?
Next, let's look at the ch... |
cracked | why_the_good_guys_in_star_fox_are_on_a_suicide_mission_today_s_topic | Before the events of Star Fox 1, Andras has already committed crimes against humanity or bestiality. Alleged bestiality. As a global government, why would you exile a traitor to a planet called Venom?
Just disintegrate the guy. Compassion, I guess? No. That guy deserves to be taken care of. And when they do send someb... |
dropout | the_real_reason_you_re_circumcised_adam_ruins_everything | Hi there, I see you're circumcised but wait you're not Jewish or Muslim so that's kind of strange don't you think? What no it's normal, what? Actually it's not, hi I'm Adam Conover and apart from those two religions and a few African tribes America is actually one of the only cultures that practices circumcision yet mo... |
dropout | jake_and_amir_challenges | Challenge Friday! What? Challenge Friday!
Stop yelling. Sorry, I couldn't hear myself. You heard me say what at a normal volume? I couldn't hear myself. I could hear you just fine.
Don't ever present information like you're outsmarting me. Challenge Friday is the day where I challenge and beat you at anything you cho... |
ClickHole | super_mario_odyssey_is_a_powerful_work_of_marxist_art_depicting_the_struggles_of_a_humble_plumber | Hey guys! Today we're talking about Super Mario Odyssey, which is the highly anticipated Mario game for Nintendo Switch. So, Zach, what do you think? Well, Mario fans will be happy to hear that on top of being extremely fun and gorgeously designed, Super Mario Odyssey is a powerful work of Marxist art depicting the nob... |
CrackerMilk | judas_at_the_last_supper | Another great supper, helped by the Messiah himself. We are truly blessed. I mean, his gifts are so bountiful. Don't you agree, Judas?
It's good. Yeah, it's good.
Yeah, maybe go easy there, buddy. Let me check my sundial. Oh, I've got a meeting soon, so I've just got to hurry it up. Mmm. That's great blood.
Brothers... |
cracked | do_you_agree_with_wife_sharing_w_katie_rose_leon_quorators_podcast | Before we start so at the top are we gonna pretend that we have a big announcement next week on our channel And then we'll be like we were fired YouTube I think we just tell them what this is our last sort of season two and go to yeah, okay, okay? But I want to play all things on and then it's all thanks. I didn't do t... |
dropout | prince_harry_as_a_disney_prince | Prince, if I don't leave right now... Ah, don't be such an old bitty. We're playing strip chess. You got a go.
Oh, fuck that pumpkin for five pounds. Snow, babe, I didn't know you were friends with a shit ton of midgets. Check this out. Look, this one's a retard.
Hey, I've always wondered, have they got normal sized ... |
dropout | why_it_s_impossible_to_talk_about_tv_anymore | And are you guys watching Orphan Black? No, but I heard it's so good. I'm still working my way through House of Cards Season 3. Don't say anything, I haven't seen Season 2 yet. I might watch it too, so don't say anything about Season 1. Orange is the new black? I saw the pilot. I binge watched the entire show, so I don... |
dropout | Disgruntled_Sewer_Men_Demand_to_Meet_Ninja_Turtles_No_Laugh_Newsroom_Full_Episode | From West Hollywood, California. The only news team that doesn't know what's on the teleprompter before they read it. Anyone who laughs or breaks loses points. This is Breaking News. Good evening and welcome to Breaking News, the show where we don't know what we're about to say and we're not allowed to smile or laugh.
... |
TheOnion | Lake_Dredge_Appraisal_Chicken_Wire_Muddy_Pot | Welcome to another episode of Lake Dredge Appraisal. I'm ACCAA licensed appraiser, David Parker. And today we'll be seeing more objects that were dredged from the lake. In this episode, we'll see what's coming up from under East Bay.
All right, now, Captain Hyer, why don't you tell us a little about how you dredged th... |
SaturdayNightLive | billy_crystal_monologue_the_class_comedian_saturday_night_live | Ladies and gentlemen, Billy Cristo! not that good, thank you very much. Oh, this purim excitement is just too much. I mean, my nipples are hard. this is unbelievable what's happening in this town. Whoo, thank you very much. this is very exciting, not only to do the show, which I love, but it's St. Patrick's Day in New ... |
dropout | boyz_ii_men_ringtones | What's happening, this is Nathan, this is Sean, and this is Wonyea, and we're fish! No, really, we're boys to men.
And here are some ring tones for your cellular device of your choice. Ring, ring, ring, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo. Now here's one for when you need to be a little more discreet. Buz... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | A_Missed_Point_A_Match_Made_In_Heaven_A_New_Monopoly_Edition_More_February_17 | Hello and welcome to the weekly Battuta News Bulletin, it is that time of the week, it's the end of the week and you will notice my nasally townie voice instead of Clancy overall opening at the top of the show. He is off down to Sydney for a work trip. That's not what I heard, I heard he had consumption. Consumption? C... |
TheOnion | Mean_Automakers_Dash_Hope_For_Flying_Cars | We're introducing a new line of hybrid cars. Now, will any of these cars fly? Well, no. But what's exciting about these cars is the increased fuel efficiencies we're getting from them. How will flying in the air affect that efficiency? Well, these cars are not going to fly, but... Excuse me. Mr. Yamashita, how far alon... |
cracked | 7_mind_blowing_details_you_missed_in_great_works_of_art | When he was 50 years old Picasso had a 22 year old mistress who he immortalized in the painting L'Erev It's considerably less romantic when you notice that the left half of her head is actually his penis draped over her face like a soft Roll of cookie dough in Leonardo da Vinci's most famous painting the Mona Lisa look... |
dropout | solution_for_assholes_who_hold_up_phones_at_concerts_starring_marky_ramone | I can't believe this guy! I want to watch the whole concert through his phone.
There's nothing we can do about it. Hey, now there is something you can do about it.
I'm Aki Ramon and I'm sick and tired of people holding up their smartphones at concerts. So I created the Smartphone Swatter. I make a Smartphone Swatter ... |
TheOnion | Bad_Boy_Fencing_Star_Implicated_In_Yet_Another_Jewel_Heist | Well, it looks like fencing's bad boy Raphael Delacroix has run afoul of the law yet again. Police in Monaco have issued a warrant for Delacroix's arrest in connection with a cat burglary of a priceless diamond from the Prince Rainier Museum. Just another black mark for a man who's fast becoming a poster child for bad ... |
cracked | 5_spider_man_storylines_too_hot_for_the_mcu_canonball | You know Spider-Man, right? He's board games. He's fishing equipment. He's a goddamn whopper.
But we're not here to talk about the fun stuff that's out on the front lines of the franchise. This is a show about the bonkers, the embarrassing, the unbelievable bits of canon that everyone else would rather just forget abo... |
dropout | occupy_wall_street_vs_the_iphone_line | People not promise!
We're finally here!
Wow, I can't believe how big Occupy Wall Street's got. Uh, that's Occupy Wall Street.
This is actually the line for the iPhone 4S. Are you serious? The Apple Store's like 30 blocks that way. I know, right? Still, I pre-ordered, so I should be okay. Yeah.
Good luck with that. ... |
TheOnion | What_Is_The_Biggest_Rock_Onion_Talks_Ep_4 | I want you all to take a look at this rock. Pretty big, right? I think it is. I found it. This rock is in Scotland. It's big. Probably the biggest rock I had ever seen. I rolled it around, stared at it for a while, thought about how big it was, and I figured that would be the end of it, until I found this rock a few ye... |
cracked | what_is_the_best_miyazaki_movie_staff_picks_movie_debate | You brought up Porco Rosso. That's like a hot guy. Yes. You've got like how Tony Soprano is hot because he's confident. Yes, exactly. Now I'm imagining Tony Soprano as Porco Rosso.
Oh my God, Gandalfi. It should have been Gandalfi. It should have been.
In the American dub, I think Michael Keaton did his voice. I thin... |
ClickHole | this_will_change_the_way_you_watch_blade_runner | Quite an experience to live in fear, isn't it? That's what it is to be a slave."
Blade Runner Dark, moody, and futuristic, Ridley Scott's existential tour de force about Harrison Ford talking to people about their birthdays is chock full of hidden symbols, Easter eggs, and fascinating backstory. This will change the w... |
dropout | could_you_get_a_hard_on_against_the_odds_for_3750 | I went ham for yours cuz I can't believe you put an anaconda in my bed grant has to sit at a table with no pants on I feed him a shepherd's pie and you have to get an erection you have to get a boner against the odds oh no oh how long do I have to have an hour half an hour yeah that's it I want you to be comfortable so... |
cracked | why_we_ll_definitely_insult_aliens_when_we_meet_them_we_re_not_alone_episode_3 | You have our attention, obviously. We are not going to nuke the aliens, okay? So, per protocol, we send a secure telegram to the United Nations. Decisions have always been made by the countries with the strongest army, which is us. Unless the UN got a new big army when I wasn't looking, which they didn't because I'm al... |
dropout | gritty_superhero_reboot | I'm sorry, do you know the patient? Yeah, we're his producers.
Well, I'm afraid your little franchise here is dying. How is that possible? It's only been like three movies. They owe me money. Yeah, well, sometimes you don't see the symptoms until it's too late.
I have a solution, though. We're gonna try a gritty rebo... |
cracked | pat_sajak_s_failed_talk_show_gave_us_the_craziest_moment_in_late_night_history | Pat's Sajak show inviting Rush Limbaugh to guest host was a big mistake. The late right-wing radio host took the reins of the Pat's Sajak show on March 30th, 1990, and it did not go well.
Note that you're on national television doing it and nobody's stopping you, so why are you so mad? Why am I mad? Women are dying ev... |
dropout | a_computer_co_wrote_this_sketch | Hi, I'm Mike Trapp from College Humor. And I'm Zach Dunn from Botnik. You know, even here at College Humor, our cushy comedy writing jobs aren't safe from the relentless progress of technology. Our computers analyzed College Humor's sketches to create a predictive text engine, which our team of elite writer engineers u... |
dropout | don_t_scheme_in_hallways_the_britishes | Mr. Bugger. A word. Let's make it quick towards the years, you know. It's Mr. Fetcher. I find his rule over the house rather tiresome. You think he should be dealt with? I do. It is high time for a change. Don't you? His lordship sure do like his sandwiches long, don't he?
Think. Perhaps we should talk elsewhere? Nons... |
TheOnion | All_Financial_Experts_Urge_Americans_To_Invest_Money_In_Print_Media_Immediately | Dick Cheney's new memoir reveals he's going to lead a long, happy life without remorse and there's nothing we can do about it. A new report finds fax machines are still pretty impressive if you think about it, and a Tea Party congressman calls for tax breaks to put out a raging wildfire in his district. This is the Oni... |
dropout | gaddafi_s_condoleezza_rice_music_video | I always heard that brown rice was healthier for me, I killed the guy that said that, but now I finally see I was wrong, I was wrong, he was right, he was right, check out this big dick, tater tonight, cuz you're my black flower in the White House, breakin' hearts all over the globe, you're my black flower in a red blo... |
dropout | bleep_bloop_q_a | A very special all-nighter edition of Bleep Loop. I'm Jeff Rubin, this is Pat Castles, and it's the middle of the night.
We're going to be playing Left 4 Dead and taking questions over Xbox Live from College Humor fans. Are you ready, Pat? I am just delirious enough to want to meet new people. Let's do it. Sup? How's ... |
PhilomenaCunkOn | philomena_cunk_vs_professor_laura_ashe | Darkages sort of sounds like a symptom, doesn't it? You know, maybe like a plague thing. Do you mean the Dark Ages? Oh, right. Is that what it is? If you mean an old-fashioned term for the early Middle Ages. Right.
Except we don't really use that term anymore. Oh, do we not? Well, it has very negative connotations of ... |
ClickHole | behind_the_scenes_at_clickhole_our_world_famous_holiday_party | Hello, I'm Samuel Rage, and I'm the Chief Digital Officer of ClickHole.com. You know, a lot of people always want to know about ClickHole's world-famous holiday party. Well, I'll tell you about it.
We have our holiday party every year at 7 a.m. on New Year's Day. We gather in the office and we play all sorts of wonder... |
SaturdayNightLive | actor_s_journey_snl | Welcome, everybody, to the Independent Film Society's Talkback Series. I'm here with Frankie Tucker, who was recently nominated for his work in the film Melissa's Kennel.
Oh, wow. thank you. Love you guys. All right, let's jump in. First question.
Hi. big fan, do you have any advice for young aspiring actors? Yeah, I... |
TheOnion | White_House_Officials_Confirm_Malia_Obama_Now_Seven_Feet_Nine_Inches_Tall | The number of users who actually enjoy Facebook is down to four. Paul Ryan is knocked over by a pack of rambunctious Romney boys, and Apple announces a new iPhone with the N-word on the back, knowing customers will buy it anyway. And now for the delayed and utterly thoughtless romantic gesture that is The Onion Week in... |
TheOnion | Jaguars_Hoping_To_Impress_Florida_State_Football_Scouts_Attending_Game_Sunday | Owner's box brought to you by Lenovo you need a computer to play fantasy football might as well be this one Let someone wash your feet while you sample the shrimp buffet You're inside the owner's box and we're talking Perry's week five locked and loaded picks Expect big numbers from the Jaguars this week as they try to... |
cracked | nov_29th_news_on_cracked_christina_aguilera_cancer_risks | It's Thursday, November 29th, and this is the News On Cracked. I'm Lex Friedman, and I'm an alcoholic. Hi Lex! A new medical report found that CT scans, a super x-ray used to find growths in the human body that cause cancer, could cause cancer. The report was published in this month's journal of Jesus H. Christ, Cancer... |
cracked | does_terminator_2_belong_in_video_stores_staff_picks | In 2023, when there is an exhausting amount of streaming services, it's safe to say that we all kind of miss video rental stores. There's been a slow-growing nostalgia for VHSs and rental store culture over the last few years. And with behind-the-scenes rights battles and HBO Max or Max or whatever they're calling it r... |
SaturdayNightLive | linsanity_on_new_york_sports_now_snl | Welcome to New York Sports Now, I'm Dan Mardell. thanks for reporting on Nick's point guard number 17, Jeremy Lin and the Lin sanity surrounding him. Now, despite the Nick's loss in New Orleans, the Big Apple is still in the middle of a Jeremy Lin-vasion. Fellas, do you have Lin Sanity? Hey, you better lock me up. I me... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | WEEKLY_BULLETIN_Government_Bans_Vapes_Again_For_The_4th_Time_Nation_s_Aging_Emos_Now_In_Their_P_ | My name's Clancy Overill. I'm joined here by Wendell Hussey and Effie Bateman and there's been a bit going on in the world.
Obviously there was the story of the Redacted who's been accused of Redacted over at least 40 years of Redacted, Redacted. We all thought that the Redacted would come out sooner, but Redacted is ... |
dropout | bleep_bloop_csi | You're watching Leap Loop, I'm Jeff Rubin here with Dominic Derkus and D.C. Pearson from Derek Comedy and Pat Castles. Derek Comedy has a movie mystery team and people should go to DerekComedy.com and demand the movie come to their town. Coincidentally we have a bit of a mystery ourselves in the form of CSI Deadly Inte... |
TheOnion | SPONSORED_New_Video_Game_Horrifying_For_Anyone_Who_s_Never_Experienced_Terror_Of_Real_Life | Horror fans are looking forward to the video game, The Evil Within, which hits shelves this week. Our own Chad Williams got a chance to look at the game and says it's absolutely terrifying if you're a huge wuss who has never experienced real fear. The Evil Within is a game about a police officer trapped in a nightmaris... |
ClickHole | this_will_change_the_way_you_watch_inception | Inception Christopher Nolan's iconic thriller about a bunch of lazy idiots who do nothing but sleep all the time was a box office hit that blew audiences away. Here's some behind the scenes trivia that will change the way you watch Inception forever. The original script for Inception was written entirely in Portuguese ... |
cracked | one_change_that_would_make_facebook_useable_again | Hey baby, I'm a person on the internet with an opinion about things written on this my Google Chromebook I'm also the Google Chromebook guy from those Google Chromebook guy commercials with the the songs, you know the So I Think it's okay to post too much about yourself on Facebook again, even like boring stuff It's ok... |
cracked | 4_superhero_romances_that_were_gross_actually_canonball | These days, Marvel and DC can just get lovable goofball comedians to diet and exercise like they're training for the NFL Combine to make their millions. But before the Disneyfication of superheroes, they often had to rely on weird sex stuff. And I've got some real hairy action head your way. And that's what we're all a... |
TheOnion | First_Openly_Gay_Racehorse_To_Compete_Sunday | And spectators at the Breeders' Cup World Championships this weekend will see the first ever openly gay horse to run in a major stakes race. Jean Ann Wharton takes us beyond the facts. At Santa Anita Park, many betters are counting on two-time Beaumont winner Fantastic Feet to take the Breeders' Cup. But it's newcomer ... |
dropout | i_m_black_not_poor | He is the first president in modern history to have zero political or military experience, and he has no interest in helping the disenfranchised.
Ref, how do you feel about this? You must be more concerned than all of us. Yeah, that's a really good question. Well, I mean, obviously, I cause for concern, right? But my ... |
dropout | emily_and_murph_present_hot_date_the_tv_show_full_episode | Hey guys, it's Murph and Emily coming to you from the floor of the most beautiful corner of our apartment We are releasing the first full episode of our hot day TV series right here right now lemonade style out of nowhere You can watch it on pop TV at November November 8th at 8 You can see this episode and the followin... |
SaturdayNightLive | bad_news_commercial_saturday_night_live | In today's turbulent times, it can seem like all the news is bad, but as hard as it is to hear bad news, it's even harder to give it. Finally, there's a solution. How are ya? So, are you experiencing lower profits at your company, needing cop-backs, but dreading it? Look, here's the thing.
I'll do it for you. I'm Deid... |
cracked | jesus_has_returned_as_cat_fur | Welcome to Hate by Numbers. Today we're pitting arch-rivals, CNN, and Fox News against each other to see who can deliver the most ridiculous human interest story about Jesus.
Recently, Laurie's husband was petting sissy when he noticed... He says, I swear that looks like Jesus. Your cat looks like Jesus? And I'm like,... |
TheOnion | Scientists_Find_Strong_Link_Between_Male_Virility_Wearing_Motley_Crue_Denim_Jacket | Later in the hour, the U.S. Postal Service announces that you can deliver the mail yourself if you think it's so goddamn easy.
But first up in health news, researchers from Harvard University have found a strong link between male virility and wearing Motley Crue denim jackets. The three-month study discovered men who ... |
dropout | guy_who_feels_left_out_without_hbo_song | It was the craziest thing I've ever seen, so she's just standing there, like this, he's behind her going to town, and that's how girls started. What's next? Are you guys watching Leftovers? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just going to turn out to be a cult, right? Oh, for sure, for sure. And, what?
Game of Thrones. Come on! G... |
cracked | we_summon_the_darkness_review_ft_zanandi_botes_aka_the_girls_have_eyes | All right, welcome to Crack Movie Club, the show where we do a book club, but for movies which are like books, but better. I am your host, Jordan Breeding, and I'm joined by only one of my co-hosts, Jesse, because Allie didn't know what movie we were doing because probably my fault. And so she didn't have time to watch... |
Wizards_with_Guns | what_will_happen_if_you_vote_for_the_other_guy_ | And so, during these pivotal times in our nation's history, the inauguration of Bird J. One-Stone will be remembered for decades to come. It is a great honor to introduce the next president of the United States.
Fire the nukes! Fire them all! First act as president! Fire every nuke!
And now for the oath of office. Wh... |
TheOnion | Small_Town_s_UFO_Scare_Revealed_To_Be_Alien_Hoax_Season_1_Ep_8_on_IFC | This fall the onion news network returns.
We have an incoming news blast for you now Well for all those skeptics out there You were right the string of recent UFO sightings here in Pennington have turned out to be nothing more than a hoax Carried out by aliens. Everyone can breathe a sigh of relief. That's right Blake... |
dropout | full_benefits_the_reveal | Psst. Sarah, I'm hungry. Let's go get breakfast.
Sarah, wake up. Wake up, Sarah. Sarah, wake up.
Okay, I know you're doing that thing where you make my boobs jiggle. David, stop. Jesus, that's so close to my face. Sorry.
Sarah. David.
I literally couldn't have moved in that time.
Oh, good. There you are. Oh, hi, k... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_tucker_carlson_s_texts_about_trump_biden_s_billionaire_tax_snl | It's Weekend Update with Colin Jost and Michael Che. Good evening, everybody. welcome to Weekend Update. I'm Michael Che. and I'm Colin Jost. This weekend, bitter rivals who have been desperately pandering for votes and trying to force their politics on America will finally face off in person.
I'm, of course, talking ... |
dropout | heist_night_parts_4_5_outtakes | Hey No, wait the elevator didn't come Okay, remember everyone needs to execute their ooh whiskey face ready to reduce reuse and recycle ah Shit I missed him God damn it Oh, do you want to know the whole story?
I'm getting this light all right.
Let me start over briefcase your whole life The briefcase you're holding n... |
cracked | why_benedict_arnold_was_an_american_hero_and_still_a_traitor_hilarious_helmet_history | Welcome to Hilarious Helmet History, the show where your cultural historical misconceptions are even sillier than my helmet. And I'm wearing the colonial equivalent of a helmet, which is dead hair and a goofy triangle.
Because today we're talking about the American Revolution, specifically the number one asshole of th... |
SaturdayNightLive | pimp_chat_saturday_night_live | You're watching The Pimp Channel. live from the back of a Rolls-royce Limousine parked outside Club Sugar Shack at Nelson Avenue in Harlem, It's Pimp Chat, starring Bishop Don Mcdonald. that's right. I'm Bishop Don Mcdonald, and you're watching Pimp Chat. Because whether you're a pimp, a Mac, a player, a hustler, a pro... |
cracked | 5_game_of_thrones_plotlines_ripped_right_out_of_history_today_s_topic | Without Lord of the Rings, there'd be no Game of Thrones. Basically, George RR Martin is just a gritty Tolkien. But without Beowulf, you wouldn't have Lord of the Rings. No, without Beowulf, I wouldn't have a D-minus on my high school transcript.
You know what I'm saying? I do. Look, HBO cast Boromir and then killed a... |
cracked | richie_rich_cracked_responds | Guys, Richie Rich trailer, Netflix, remember Richie Rich? No. Decades and decades ago? Barely. They're doing it again.
What a treat for us all. Don't open the trailer with the worst effects I've ever seen. Did he consciously make his room look like Pee-Wee's Playhouse or was that a happy accident? My name is Richie. O... |
ClickHole | globalist_billionaires_have_arranged_a_secret_meeting_in_davos_where_they_re_hanging_out_without_me | The globalists are gathering, folks. They are getting ready for something very disturbing. And if you're one of the people who understands just how evil these bloodsuckers are, then you're not going to like what I am about to tell you. Globalist billionaires have arranged a secret meeting in Davos where they're all han... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_flaco_the_owl_dies_kfc_launches_fried_chicken_pizza_snl | A new report shows that South Korea now has the world's lowest birth rate, despite the efforts of South Korean entertainer Nick Kan-oon. Nick Kan-oon. yeah, I know, we got to hear you. I hate it. a new trend among parents is to choose baby names that sound cool as tiktok handles. Great news for little baby trick shot c... |
dropout | Shut_Up_and_Buy_This_iPhone | Aren't these things almost a thousand dollars despite the cheap labour used to make them 100%? But what are you going to do about it? Not buy an iPhone?
Ha. Ha ha. Ha ha ha. Don't make me laugh.
You're a nutsack, so buy the... iPhone. You need a phone, right? You can't call in to work with carrier pigeon. What are yo... |
TheOnion | Internet_Archaeologists_Find_Ruins_Of_Friendster_Civilization | Well, it was called Friendster, and at its peak, it was a vibrant social network with more than 50 million members. Fifty million?
That's right. But then, out of the blue, the civilization just ended. Oh. And the site was completely abandoned. Strange. Today, Friendster users were posting a seemingly endless stream of... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_nan_washington_saturday_night_live | My first guest at his event is an event planner who just started writing a book on the do's and don'ts of throwing your own party and has tons of ideas for different party themes. Please welcome Nan Washing-tung. okay. sorry. I'm sorry. it's okay. I'm sorry. uh, it's okay, Nan. welcome. welcome to the weekend!
Update.... |
dropout | hardly_working_that_s_the_thing | Hey man, dude. I am so sorry about missing your party. Come on. Where were you? I know I am sorry Next time you got it Oh Jake. I'm I'm also so sorry. I missed your party, too I apologize.
I wanted to go I just that's fine. Don't worry. No. No, I hope I hope it wasn't a bust I really apologize.
No, it was actually re... |
TheOnion | Police_Say_School_Shooter_Had_History_Of_School_Shootings | We now continue with our coverage of yesterday's tragic school shooting at Olinda High School in Tampa Bay, Florida. That's right, Tracey.
Details are still coming in, but here's what we've learned. We know that sophomore Bobby Knowles had a troubled past, including repeated conflicts with teachers, turbulent home lif... |
dropout | hardly_working_standoff | is this your card you never you never had me pick a card yo jump you and me got some unfinished business kind of it is so stupid stupid your boy here killed my kid sister in a drive-by oh my god when I don't even remember yesterday afternoon all right look I know we said no family and I'm sorry but I didn't start this ... |
Wizards_with_Guns | when_the_mutual_friend_leaves_the_room | What's up, Mitch? What's up, Frank? Oh! Nice! So, uh, is Michael here?
Yeah, we're just chilling in here. Okay, um, real quick before we go in.
Do you mind not leaving me alone with Michael? I just don't know him very well and it gets kind of weird.
Yeah, sure, no problem. Okay, thank you.
Hey, Michael, what's up? ... |
TheOnion | Your_Insides_Are_Like_A_Paper_Bag_Of_Smashed_Tomatoes_Dr_Good_Ep_1 | Well guess what? You will live! That's right, welcome to the show, I'm Dr. Goode, second opinion panel, how are you guys doing? Good now. Who are some pills? Alright. Alright, well today we're going to show you some cheap, homemade alternatives to the sun, and a little later we're going to tell you how to get knee-deep... |
dropout | everyday_acting_how_to_act_at_the_bar | Everyday acting, the theater workshop for real life situations. The bar is the ultimate stage. Anton Chekhov said this to me whilst peeing beside me at a trough urinal. If you are the first to arrive at a bar, use your mobile telephone as a prop to convince the world that you are not a sad person who drinks alone. I li... |
cracked | three_dead_friends_episode_3 | Someone just locked some guys in there to fix something. I'm Jack. My turn. It's my turn.
Hey, I wonder if anyone's still looking for us. Where you pooping? I've been going to the mini fridge. Nice. I'm using the ceiling. Impressive. You guys have been pooping? No. I've been holding it in for three weeks.
How often d... |
dropout | jake_and_amir_april_fools_part_1_j_a_archives | Jake, what is your favorite type of banana and where are you going? Downstairs for a couple of seconds, okay, I'm coming with you. Okay, you're not just relax Something was very fishy about that and I intend to find out Yes one second I Stay away to heaven Jake you check blue it Jake is gonna flip his shiatsu when he r... |
SaturdayNightLive | timothee_chalamet_monologue_snl | Telethie Chalamet! Thank you. thank you very much. it is great to be here. it's my second time hosting Saturday Night Live. it feels like my first time because the last time was during Covid, and that was just weird. you know, I was wearing a mask the whole week. I don't think Lauren Michaels knew who I was. kept calli... |
SaturdayNightLive | bratz_dolls_snl | No, nothing has to change, Sweetie. and none of this is your fault, But I don't want you guys to get a divorce. Don't worry. we still love you very much and your dad loves a woman named Julia. We just think separating is what's best for the family. I think I think I just want to be alone.
If that's okay. Sure, honey. ... |
wearethesundayblues | hippo_can_t_read_hippo_croc | Hey, I need to check my email. The wife of some Nigerian prince wants to send me some money, apparently.
What? Really? Yeah, look, apparently there's also hot singles in my area that really want to date me, so I need to reply. What are you doing? Oh, you know, just browsing some audiobooks on audible.com slash sundayb... |
dropout | A_Day_In_the_Life_of_Galatax | Hey, Galatex. Galatex.
Nicholas. You doing okay? Wonderful. It's 11. We have a meeting at- You didn't sleep here last night, did you? Yes. There was a work, so I fell asleep because of, you know- Listen, I know this job isn't where your heart's at. No.
And it's fine, I get it. You have that other hobby that you're in... |
SaturdayNightLive | cold_opening_gore_bush_third_debate_saturday_night_live | The following is an Nbc election Special. Live from Washington University in St. Louis, Missouri, the third Presidential Debate. Here is Moderator Jim Lehrer. good evening. I'm Jim Lehrer. welcome to the third and final Presidential debate of the 2000 campaign between Vice President Al Gore and Texas Governor George W.... |
dropout | the_almost_perfect_team_heist_night_1_5 | I don't understand, Grant. If you search Grant O'Brien Hight, it says 6-7. I'm 6-9!
So, I'm thinking poker table over here, blackjack table, racehorses, maybe? Ooh, they're big, yeah. What's going on? We are setting up a casino night for Jaredie. Areka here, she's from HR. She's organizing the effort in order to raise... |
Wizards_with_Guns | the_forbidden_lore_ | Yes, in response to when you said you would spank my bottom until it screamed. And yet you said you wanted to draw me a bubble bath and bring a snorkel mask. Oh my god, this is so hard. Well, you said you wanted to lather me in sweet creams and trace a poem on the small of my back. Do you? Yes, only in response to when... |
dropout | studying_for_dream_exams | Never mind. There are six trig ratios for any right triangle. Sure.
Are you studying? Yeah, I got a crime for tonight. What's tonight? Oh, I'm studying for an exam I'll probably have in a stress dream.
Uh, yeah, I have those every now and then. Yeah. I've been out of college for years, but they are my most frequent d... |
TheOnion | Food_Poisoned_Ghost_Caught_Groaning_Loudly_In_Bathroom | What is the scariest thing that has ever happened to you? I was sitting on the couch one night when all of a sudden I get a notification from Henge. I was super excited because I hadn't been getting many messages. But when I opened the app to see who it was from, what I saw made my jaw drop. It was me, or rather, they ... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | ep_57_sally_mcmanus | You're listening to Errol Parker and Clancy Overall, editors of the Petuta Advocate on Desert Rock FM. Well here we are on Desert Rock FM, Petuta Advocate radio show 96.5, we're not actually in the channel country today, we're on a bit of a tour, made our way down to the cold country, I guess you'd say the jumping foot... |
wearethesundayblues | nicki_minaj_had_our_anaconda_fart_remix_removed | Hello internet, I'm Nick. I'm Gareth.
We're Derek what's in the Sunday blues a week ago We edited and uploaded a video called Nicki Minaj anaconda fart remix Since then Nicki Minaj and her label Universal have been trying to get it removed off the internet and they succeeded. I Think they think they're a bit upset abo... |
TheOnion | A_V_Club_Inventory_Horrors_Of_The_Big_City | We're going to be talking about the horrors of the big city. These are movies about the peril that awaits people who venture into the terrifying metropolis. I'm going to be talking about After Hours, which is Martin Scorsese's classic 1985 dark comedy about an office drone played by Griffin Dunn.
Hi, this is Paul Hack... |
dropout | locker_rooms | Hello, welcome one and all to Tales from the Closet. Welcome viewers, welcome listeners. If you're listening to this as a podcast, know that there's also a video component, and you too can know that there are some real lingerie vibes going on with these curtains.
They get real lacy and red at the top. One time I did h... |
cracked | 3_ways_the_wwe_invented_modern_professional_sports_today_s_topic | Vince McMahon the wrestling tycoon yep modern-day sports profit didn't he also start the XFL the alternative football league that went belly up in its first year boom that's the guy sports profit you think he was a property I see it coming right yeah turn to profit yes okay well granted the XFL was a little too avant-g... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | The_World_s_Plea_A_Dream_Team_To_The_Rescue_Australia_Offers_A_Helping_Hand_More_February_25 | You're listening to the Batutah Advocates Weekly News Wrap on Desert Rock FM 96.5 Welcome back to the Batutah Advocate Weekly News Bulletin and what an interesting time to be alive. There's a lot going on in the world, we've completely forgotten about the coronavirus and we are now launching into a full scale war, on o... |
cracked | 6_times_the_wwe_tried_to_get_serious_and_failed | We ask for this opportunity to come out here and ask you and to address why is there racism here in the World Wrestling Federation when you just said yourself last week or two weeks ago that there was. Whomever it was that was responsible for the vandalism in your locker room and to a certain extent the racial slurs on... |
TheOnion | the_onion_s_modern_woman_the_retiree | everything is right up here. When I was a young woman, you had to make a choice at a certain age. Every girl did. Do I find a nice man, settle down, have a family, or go pro on the motocross circuit? That was it. One or the other. You couldn't have both. Like most women, I chose family.
Us girls growing up, we'd wear ... |
cracked | the_7_dumbest_things_about_the_world_s_smartest_toilet_does_not_compute | Hey everybody and welcome to another commanding episode of does not compute cruising the information superhighway for rubber-toe hitch Testicles on the side of the road. I'm your host the magic school bus with me as always is my co-host clips of Ranger danger What do you been up to this week clippy? All handling.
Oh, ... |
SaturdayNightLive | kate_mckinnon_and_billie_eilish_are_bringing_the_christmas_spirit_to_snl | Hey, I'm Kate Mckinnon, and I'm hosting Snl this week with musical guest Billie Eilish. I can't believe you're both here. I loved Oppenheimer. Oh, no, I think you're thinking of Barbie. No, you must have been an Oppenheimer, because you two are. da-bom! hold for that. Three, two, one. Okay. sometimes I worry these prom... |
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