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cracked | 5_of_the_creepiest_adult_jokes_in_muppet_tv_history_canonball | Can I have one final kiss? Are we after the others?
Hold it! Whoa, whoa! Whoa! Ah!
Happy New Year, Miss Figgy. Jim Henson's little puppet buddies have occupied a unique space in the American zeitgeist for almost seven decades. Most iterations of these fuzzy little freaks are for children. Watch as these creatures bea... |
dropout | It_s_Hard_Being_Married_to_the_Sea | Hey Grant. Hey Jess.
What's wrong? You seem upset. My boyfriend and me got in a fight last night. I'm sorry. What was it about? I mean that's the thing. One second we're like talking about dinner and then the next we're just screaming at each other. Like I don't know. I hate when that happens.
Your relationships are ... |
dropout | comfortable_with_him_lingerie | You're sexy, you're flirty, you're comfortable around him. So why not let him know with the Comfortable With Him Collection? Our collection features only the baggiest panties, sturdiest yoga pants, and sports bras you've had since middle school. Get way too secure in your relationship in an extra-large Looney Tunes t-s... |
dropout | the_dangers_of_binge_watching | How are you feeling, Jeremy? I'm not surprised.
You were up binging all night, and this is how you pay for it. I wasn't... binging. Don't give me that, Jeremy. You were up all night binge-watching TV shows. Please don't say TV. Bet your eyes are pretty sore from all that screen-staring, huh? Yeah, and I have a really ... |
SaturdayNightLive | twitter_council_snl | On October 27th, Elon Musk completed his $44 billion purchase of Twitter. on October 28th, Musk publicly announced a Content Moderation Council to review previously banned accounts, then promptly fired thousands of Twitter employees. So things are going great. we now go live to the first Content Moderation Council meet... |
ClickHole | these_6_people_singing_different_everclear_songs_simultaneously_will_make_you_feel_feels | Father of mine, tell me where have you been? Here is the money that I owe you. Yes, you can pay the bills. I will get more when I get paid again. I hate those people who don't love to tell you. Money is the result.
They have never been poor. They have never been on a welfare Christmas.
Do you believe I'll find myself... |
TheOnion | Advocacy_Group_Mothers_Have_Right_To_Expose_Milk_Engorged_Breasts_In_Public | The right to breastfeed in public is protected by law in many states. However, our guest this morning is here to tell us that many nursing mothers still feel discriminated against. Here with us is Grace Daniels from Feed Where We Please, a group which aims to increase acceptance of public breastfeeding.
Hi, Grace. Goo... |
dropout | if_people_asked_questions_like_they_do_on_facebook | All rise, the prince of Facebook! What's going on? That's the Facebook prince! We must respect him and his requests.
My parents are coming into town this week. I'm looking for a suggestion of a restaurant. Go. Garage Pizza, my lord. It's a very good pizza place on the east side. It's a little expensive, but totally wo... |
dropout | the_babies_are_on_fire_hardly_working | Now it's a little smaller than it should be for my frame, but I think I'm really starting to catch some definition on my bicep. Where is it? It's on my arm.
Hey, do you guys smell something? Oh my god! The office daycare is on fire again! What are you waiting for? Help her! I'm gonna do something! Wait, wait, wait, wa... |
dropout | honest_college_tour | Hi everyone, thank you for joining us on this college tour. Now I'm going to start this off as usual with a little can joke about walking backwards. Right after, right after. I'm loving this already. I hate this already. Now as you'll soon see, every college is pretty much exactly the same.
Oh I know, she's dragged me... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Scotty_s_Big_Screw_Up_Harold_Holt_2_0_Business_In_Bankstown_More_July_23 | You're listening to the Matoota Advocates weekly news wrap on Desert Rock FM 96.5 Welcome back to the Matoota Advocate weekly bulletin, there's been a lot going on in the news, our Prime Minister seems to be fighting for his political life, Errol Parker is still considered a close contact and in quarantine after he wen... |
cracked | everything_hollywood_doesn_t_understand_about_poverty_reckless_disagreement_shameless_daredevil | Is this on? Who turned this on? Who am I talking to? There's no one here but me and the shadow people. Welcome to Reckless Disagreement, the only show on the internet you can trust.
I'm your host, and I'm slowly starving to death in my self-made prison. And here's a clip from Buffy the Vampire Slayer where she discove... |
cracked | we_gender_swapped_the_truman_show_and_it_s_just_modern_day_america | Yes, the Truman Show already has an odd premise. In the way that a corporation locking a baby in a gigantic existential prison ball so the entire world can watch, every single moment of their lives is odd. But that oddness becomes full on horror if we replace human whoopee cushion Jim Carrey with a wacky lady. Because ... |
dropout | hardly_working_dilly_dally | Yo guys, check out this new online internet, world wide web viral video. And this is actual.
Yeah, 100%. Jeez man, that's fine.
Hey you meatballs, stop dilly-dallying. What? We're dilly-dallying? No fucking way. Guys, I was just... Did I hear you guys were dilly-dallying?
No sir, not us, never.
Okay. Do you guys th... |
SaturdayNightLive | scared_straight_underage_drinking_with_tracy_morgan_snl | All right, tough guys, I bet you think underage drinking is cool, but the next time I catch you with beers in public, you're gonna be drinking from a water fountain in Juvie. you hear me? Yes, Officer. you know, you don't seem to get the message. So this time, I invited two representatives from the Scared Straight Prog... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | bulletin_22_11_18_betoota_weekly_news_bulletin | You're listening to the Petuta Advocates Weekly News Wrap on Desert Rock FM 96.5. G'day, my name's Wendell Hussey and you're listening to the Petuta Advocates Weekly News Wrap. This week the bulletin minus Desert Rock FM stalwart Bruce Hitchcock who is back home in Petuta is coming to you from the free settlement of Ad... |
dropout | ch_live_nyc_jon_gabrus | Please welcome our friend, John Gabris. My dad was obsessed with cold cuts. It was like the biggest thing in the house to be like, I just want Enzo's, I got a pound of ham, pound of turkey, pound of cheese, and he would rattle it off to me, and he'd just go on. And we lived in a family with three boys, all of us like f... |
TheOnion | Welcome_To_Onion_Social_The_Onion_s_New_Social_Media_Platform | Today, we are proud to announce the launch of Onion Social, the Onion's new social media website. In the past, many companies have attempted to create popular, profitable online networking services without sacrificing the well-being of their users, yet surprisingly, no one has ever managed to succeed. Well, let's just ... |
SaturdayNightLive | baptist_church_snl | For being here at the 19th Street Baptist Church. ain't it a Blessed Sunday, y'all? Amen, amen, amen, Amen. All right, and joining me in today's sermon, as always, is Brother Jonathan. Yeah, come on in, Sir. All right, man. Yes, sir. isn't it a beautiful day to worship? Uh-huh. Now, the subject of today's sermon is giv... |
cracked | that_time_papa_john_gave_an_apology_worse_than_his_pizza | What happened to Papa John? On some level, you kind of want your pizza moguls to be big time weirdos who live in basically a castle. On the other hand, you don't want any of their idiosyncrasies to be saying the N-word a whole lot. And if you're dropping the N-bomb on a conference call, it's pretty safe to assume that ... |
cracked | how_millennials_are_killing_the_diamond_industry | Oh, hi Concerned Economy. Thanks for meeting me in my lair. Sorry about the mess. I've been soups busy. Oh, sorry. Manners.
You don't know who I am. I'm that killer millennial you keep talking about. You know, the one who's killing all those super essential industries that you have now deemed as able to be living. Oh ... |
SaturdayNightLive | big_damn_plastic_bubble_snl | We all know that years of wind and weather can turn a beautiful home like yours into an ugly eyesore. But what if you could protect your home? What if you could keep it beautiful forever with a giant see-through plastic bubble? Well, you can't. they don't make no damn plastic bubble, you stupid idiot. you mean that the... |
dropout | katie_breaks_bad_in_kingpin_katie_official_trailer | Was that my usual spot last day? Only something's a little different because nobody's buying At least not for me another dealer on our turf She appeared to be in her 20s really long peaches, but on a tiny tiny head kind of like a praying mantis woman My name is Katie Marovitch and I have a cocaine problem Obviously, ca... |
ClickHole | get_the_tissues_ready_watch_these_people_react_to_the_first_10_minutes_of_up | Yeah! It's movie time! Yes! Yeah! Oh yeah! Movie is happening! Yeah!
A house! Please go in the house. Go in the house! He's gonna do it. Please go in the house. He's gonna go. He's going in the house.
Get it. Get the balloon. Ha ha! Yeah! I love the ambulance. Oh, his arm broke. That's so awesome. Open the book.
A w... |
TheOnion | This_Week_In_History_The_Beatles_Play_Shea_Stadium_In_Huge_Gig_Opening_For_The_Mamas_And_The_Papas | From that romantic summer evening in 1924, when coal pot was conceived, to the first time someone figured out how to eat a pineapple without ripping their mouth to shreds, the Onion looks back at this week in history.
On August 15, 1914, the Panama Canal opened after going over budget by 10,000 dead laborers. While pr... |
dropout | talent_doesn_t_win_oscars_money_does_adam_ruins_everything | Sorry. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Yes, it is.
Awards shows are how tastemakers honor important art, to like crash and better movies. Yes, we'd all love to believe that these awards are determined by objective voters weighing the artistic merits of each work. But the fact is, these might as well be the nominees.
Money can't ac... |
dropout | A_Message_From_the_Skype_CEO | Why would we do that? We have the camera, we have the studio, we're making a promo for Skype, right? So we're doing it? Company needs a promo, right?
Don't you fucking look at me. Hi America, I'm the CEO of Skype, Landon Bablandin-Anovin. Over a year has passed since the first case of COVID-19 was recorded in America,... |
cracked | captain_america_civil_war_was_almost_a_zombie_movie_movie_whatifs | Can you move your seat?
Captain America Civil War is almost less a movie than a feature-length end credits singer. Sure there's a story about Iron Man and Captain America pretending they disagree about something for a while even though there won't be any payoff in future films, but mostly the point of the film is to l... |
TheOnion | Chinese_Paint_Tops_List_Of_This_Year_s_Must_Have_Holiday_Gifts | Hey, now, if you're a parent, you may need to get in line now if you want to get your hands on this year's must-have holiday gift. That's right, move over, Tickle Me Elmo. This holiday season, the present every kid wants is Chinese paint. Polls show that Chinese paint is now the number one most requested gift this year... |
SaturdayNightLive | snl_kicks_off_football_season | Now, what about you, Riley? you want Robbie to take your spot? F*** no! He f***ing sucks at football! You guys want Robbie to play in a playoff game?
That is bat f***ing crazy! we're gonna f***ing lose! being a kid can be harder than it looks. sometimes it helps to have an adult around. that's why Peyton Manning takes... |
SaturdayNightLive | megan_fox_monologue_internet_photos_saturday_night_live | Ladies and gentlemen, Megan Fox! to be here hosting the season premiere of Saturday Night Live. It is so cool to be here. it feels like I'm in a dream. And based on the way they dressed me, I guess it's a 13-year-old boy's dream. some of you may know me from the Transformers movies. and some of you may know me from Tv.... |
dropout | happy_birthday_you_re_not_special | Happy birthday, babe! Ooh, thank you! Aww. And that is so sweet.
What the hell? What?
I read it. What else am I supposed to do with it? I guess that's a good point. Excuse me, sir.
It's my girlfriend's birthday. Guilty. I'm the birthday girl. How are you? Oh, shit. Aww. We have a birthday girl in the house.
Yeah. D... |
PhilomenaCunkOn | philomena_cunk_vs_prof_anu_ojha_obe | Finally, in 1957, the Russians became the first to pull off a successful launch. Why did the Russians launch Sponk into orbit? Well, first of all, when you're looking at Russian words, the name of the world's first satellites was Sputnik 1. And the Russians launched this...
Is that Russian for Sponk? No, it's Russian ... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Chris_Hemsworth_Anya_Taylor_Joy_Rivalry_Inside_FURIOSA_A_MAD_MAX_SAGA | Welcome home to the Last Video Store, a celebration of cinema, movies, films, and the motion pictures you will discover and love for the rest of your life. I am your host, Alexi Toliopoulos, and it is my duty as the soul clerk manning the counter here to act as guide and guardian of all of the films ever made that sit ... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_harry_caray_on_the_1996_world_series_snl | Well, as I just said, the 1996 World Series will begin tomorrow. joining us tonight on weekend update with his analysis of each team is a baseball legend and a dear, dear friend of mine. please welcome Hall of Fame broadcaster Harry Carey. Hi, Harry. Hi, everybody. Harry Carey here.
I got to tell you, folks, it's goin... |
TheOnion | Sources_Warn_Miley_Cyrus_Will_Be_Depleted_by_2013 | This week, the New York Times will run the first in a six-part series examining America's overuse of Hannah Montana star Miley Cyrus. Most experts now agree that at current usage levels, Miley Cyrus will be drained dry of entertainment value by 2013. Joining us now is Miley researcher Dr. Justin Canty from the Institut... |
cracked | quentin_tarantino_is_bad_at_talking_to_black_people | You make me want to be a better man He's known for his his unconventional style and of course for pushing the envelope when it comes to filmmaking 106 and Park Please welcome writer director and Academy Award winner Quentin Tarantino That film has to be like one of the most quoted movies in Hollywood with just the line... |
dropout | only_i_can_insult_my_mom | Jesus, my mom sent me another article about someone's phone exploding and starting a fire. Aww, she must really be worried that that's going to happen to you. She's constantly sending me neurotic emails. Every week I get these sensationalist articles about the dangers of Lyme disease, or aspartame, or tap water. At lea... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Daily_News_Bulletin_Tuesday_14th_April | It was a weird kind of an Easter break and while there wasn't a whole lot of inter and intrastate travel going on there's certainly been a fair bit happening in the news so let's get into it. Starting off with some international news and Jesus's long awaited return certainly didn't go as planned on Sunday. A Petuda Adv... |
SaturdayNightLive | what_s_in_the_kiln_snl | Hello. Hi there. so fun. welcome to what's in the Kill, where amateur potters shine. I'm Lorraine Glans Friedman. and I'm Judy Frizz. we're here at Earth's Treasures Pottery Studio in Women's Creek, Vermont. and we're gonna talk about what's new and hip in the world of amateur pottery. uh-oh. watch out. Well, I'm excit... |
TheOnion | New_Law_Legalizes_Brandishing_Guns_At_Head_Level_Season_1_Ep_9_on_IFC | This is the Onion News Network better news better viewers Let's get right to it I'm gonna take you to New York where state senator Matthew Osgood is under fire from colleagues for accepting an Insultingly cheap bribe Osgood allegedly promised an FBI informant lucrative state contracts in exchange for $3,000 New York of... |
TheOnion | A_V_Club_Inventory_Hilarious_Onscreen_Drug_Freakouts | Today we'll be talking about hilarious on-screen drug freak-outs. In movies and TV, often drug freak-outs are so over-the-top and strange that they become the funniest part of unfunny shows. So I want to share with you guys the story of 1982's Desperate Lives, an after-school special starring Helen Hunt. Now the movie ... |
dropout | new_website | Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Did anybody notice that I was late? Nope, nobody noticed because nobody's here. Okay, so no. Perfect, doll. Everybody noticed that you weren't in work today, though. But nobody noticed that I was late.
Nope, I guess not, just me, who's here at 11, doing your work... |
dropout | the_c_word_but_for_men | Mic trap. Yeah. Issue with your receipts again, dog. These need to be taped down on all four sides.
Okay, does it really matter? Um, does it really matter? Yeah, I think it does.
Otherwise, I probably wouldn't be over here talking to you about it. You know what I'm saying? So use your brain next time, Chief. That was... |
dropout | the_mystery_of_the_female_thigh_gap | The thigh gap. One of human evolution's greatest mysteries. When we see something like the thigh gap in human evolution, we need to ask ourselves why? Historically speaking, the thigh gap pops up about the same time that yoga pants are introduced to the colony. It became a kind of mass cultural delusion, engaging in th... |
ClickHole | finally_this_video_game_teaches_girls_about_physics | Hey everyone, you're watching Next Gen. Today I want to show you a pretty cool game that's actually trying to accomplish some good in the world. It's called Donkey Kong Country and it's a physics sandbox meant to get young girls interested in science. The game acts as a primer on fundamentals of physics, teaching about... |
dropout | Who_Peed_In_a_Ziplock_Bag_While_In_a_Moving_Car | Who peed in a Ziploc bag while in a moving car? Okay. That's Christine Byer. What? Yeah. Okay, but Grant has a, I'm assuming, male genitalia. This feels like a penis thing. Yeah. But you don't use a Ziploc bag when you have a penis, you use like a bottle.
Oh, you can just pull over. Yeah. Yeah, you can pull over. You ... |
dropout | the_replace_vagina_with_cornbread_monologues | See you Give it up for the stinky boys up next we have the only two members of our drama club Rachel T and Rachel are Okay today, we're performing a piece written by the goddess herself event slur it's called the vagina It's called the vagina, but we're not allowed to say that so it said we're replacing it with a word ... |
cracked | 7_presidents_that_belong_in_the_wwe_hall_of_fame | In our most recent presidential election, instead of the first woman, we elected the 44th upper-class white man as president. But surprisingly, there is still a historic first with his election. And no, I'm not gonna take a cheap shot and say he's the first orange hate goblin or the first demon from a half-completed su... |
CrackerMilk | when_she_s_into_plastic_crack | Hey man, um, we're just here to pick up the stuff like I said I was gonna. Who's that?
Oh yeah, this is my new girlfriend. She said she wanted to try it out. She's a woman. Yeah, yeah, she is a girl. You think she's got what it takes? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I think she'll have fun.
Alright, come on, quick. It smells... |
dropout | starcraft_roommates | You are a lifesaver, protest. Astrophysics is, like, Greek to me. Hey, no problem. Happy I could help.
Yeah, pretty cool, huh? Oh, yeah, no, I mean, it's cool.
It's just that when we talked, I thought we agreed to consider decorating with non-glue options. You know, energy pylons, or a nice IKEA rug.
Look, I needed ... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_flaco_the_owl_s_widow_on_her_husband_s_death_and_autopsy_snl | And in other animal news, after Flaco, the famous New York City owl, flew into a building and died, an autopsy revealed that he had dangerous amounts of rat poison in his system as well as a severe case of pigeon herpes. Here with her reaction to this news is Flaco's widow.
I wish I could be here under better circumst... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_kate_mckinnon_on_florida_s_don_t_say_gay_bill_snl | Well, this week, Florida's controversial don't Say Gay bill passed its final State Senate committee. here to comment is Kate Mckinnon. Hi, Kate Fann. thank you for being here.
Well, yeah, I'm sorry to barge in here like at a costume.
I just, I heard about this law, and I think it's amazing. Oh, you do? yeah, because,... |
SaturdayNightLive | steve_martin_and_martin_short_monologue_snl | Steve, how many times have you hosted? Oh gosh, I haven't really thought about it. Hit It! And how many times have you hosted, Marty? Hit It!
I'm kind of in a nostalgia mode. I want to show you one of my favorite photos from my early hosting years. that is me with John Belushi, Dan Aykroyd and Mick Jagger.
And, right... |
TheOnion | How_To_Talk_To_A_Family_Member_About_Politics_And_That_Their_Jewelry_Business_Is_A_Pyramid_Scheme | People often avoid bringing up touchy subjects with family in order to keep the peace, but believe it or not, there actually are ways to talk productively with a family member about politics and also the fact that their new jewelry business is a pyramid scheme. First, stick to the facts. Rely on numbers and figures to ... |
ClickHole | these_women_were_at_the_beatles_first_performance_in_america_and_their_stories_are_amazing | Ladies and gentlemen, the Beatles! Yes! Close your eyes, and bow this way. I saw the Beatles on the Ed Sullivan show when I was 16 years old, and it was the most wonderful day of my life. There was an electric feeling in the air. It was just a tremendous rush. And when they came on stage with those dazzling smiles and ... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Weekly_News_Bulletin_18_09_20 | Been a good week.
You're joined by myself, Clancy Overill, editor of the Batutah Advocate, and how about those case numbers? We've got below 30 in Melbourne over the week, which is pretty close to the highest number that New South Wales has had. So things are looking good there, but they're still in lockdown for four ... |
dropout | what_is_the_worst_way_to_find_out_you_were_cheated_on | Today's question is what is the worst way to find out you were cheated on. Today I am joined by Nathan Yaffe. Hi, I'm Nathan and I'm ready to have my heart broken.
Michael Trapp. Hi, I'm Mike Trapp and I've got some answers here.
My first answer is you, but as a clone. You come home, you find your partner in the thro... |
SaturdayNightLive | trump_indictment_cold_open_snl | And now, a message from former President Trump.
Oh, thank you. it's me. Hi. I'm the problem. It's me.
Well, folks, it happened. I got indicted, or, as I spell it, indicated. And, frankly, it's time that I come clean, admit that I broke the law, and go quietly to prison.
April Fools! That was a prank. I was doing a g... |
cracked | why_evolve_is_the_best_game_of_2015_at_causing_seizures_escort_mission | Hey man, do you want to turn it down? I was hoping to also occupy the apartment tonight, so... Oh, sorry, dad. My dad's actually super cool, so boo on you.
I'll grab my headphones, Obama. Thank you. Oh, god damn it, they got their force field up. No time for phones.
No, no, no, come on, dude. Shit, now they got the l... |
TheOnion | Economists_Warn_Anti_Bush_Product_Market_Close_To_Collapse | Some economists warn we could be facing a financial crisis even bigger than the mortgage fallout. The collapse of the anti-bush merchandise economy. According to the Commerce Department figures, almost a third of the US GDP last year came from the sale of items like buckfish t-shirts and Bushism of the day calendars. J... |
TheOnion | Could_Plastic_Surgery_Be_Your_Ticket_To_Employment_Dr_Good_Ep_2 | A few weeks ago, our resident plastic surgeon, Dr. Tanis, met a group of recently unemployed women searching for jobs in the new, tougher economy. It's hard out there, Dr. Good. A lot of women are spending time working on their resumes or going back to school completely ignoring the fact that the reason they're not get... |
cracked | cracked_classic_a_holiday_news_report_from_the_horrifying_future | Christmas is here again, and with it come Christmas decorations. Park Street is known throughout Columbus for having some of the most exemplary Christmas displays in all the state.
Let's go live now to Park Street, where our KBTV junior reporter is on the scene. Thanks. I'm here with one of Park Street's most enthusia... |
SaturdayNightLive | the_parent_trap_snl | We're so excited to be doing this remake of The Parent Trap. uh, as you know, we found some places to update the original. But the scene in the cabin when Hallie and Annie realize they're twins is such a classic, we just wanted to leave it as it was.
I love that. I totally agree. this is so special. I'm just really gl... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Relief_For_Scomo_QLD_Flips_The_Script_Another_Normal_Day_In_Australia_More_May_27 | Hello and welcome back to the weekly Battuta Bulletin, it is great to have you company and it is great to be done with the federal election campaign. It was a frantic six weeks, everyone was feeling quite fatigued, a lot of fatigue running through the newsroom but we are at the end of it and we are at the other side wh... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | INTERVIEW_Ed_Ross_Co_Founder_of_TradeMutt_and_TIACS | You're joined by myself Clancy Overall and Wendell Hussey in the booth today. It's great to be here Clancy yeah? It's exciting. This is an exciting guest especially you know, we kicked the year off I guess.
This is our first one back. Oh no no no. Second one back. Second one back.
We had the hottest 100 countdown exp... |
SaturdayNightLive | duh_winning_with_charlie_sheen_snl | Up next on every channel and website, it's the new talk show, The Winning with Charlie Sheen. It's time for Da Wing with Charlie Sheen.
Well, welcome to Da Winning, show for people who are tired of apologizing for their bitchin'' gnarly rockstar lives and are ready to celebrate being highly evolved warlocks. Say hello... |
ClickHole | fact_check_paleontologists_break_down_all_the_ways_jurassic_park_gets_newman_wrong | Jurassic Park is a wonderful movie and I'm happy it got so many people interested in learning about Newman. But I have to say, as a paleontologist, the film gets Newman wrong in many ways. Right off the bat, we have the problem of Newman's name. In Jurassic Park, he's referred to as Dennis Nedry. In actuality, Newman's... |
dropout | high_times_editorial_office_episode_3 | Fuck me in my hairy hole listen everybody circulation is the lowest it has been in years and corporate has got my tiny baby balls in a big old sack I need new ideas I need hard working Collins I need like one of those mini cereals like a tiger or like a bear Jenga this is what I need I need milk like 2% or 3% or 4% if ... |
dropout | precious_plum_outtakes | Well, oh you're right Now all right, oh shit my vote bar start okay ready Today plums competing to be Ohio ho at the third lane of a bowling alley after a crippled kids birthday party MS What I'm fucking telling you being honest. Shut up everyone today plums competing to be Ohio ho, excuse me All right, ready? No one l... |
cracked | why_we_can_t_wait_for_the_apocalypse_today_s_topic | the apocalypse when doesn't matter I'm ready see isn't it nuts how everyone is immediately wow that is a smelly bandana can you please take that off get used to it post-apocalyptic roomie or we could be brothers now we could be whatever we want now pass but but doesn't seem strange how everyone is so excited about the ... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | George_Miller_on_why_sound_isn_t_always_a_good_thing_THE_LAST_VIDEO_STORE_PODCAST | I know when I first started to make these films, I kept on asking the composer and the sound guy, put more sound, put more sound in it. But the one thing I've always done was always play the film silent and see how much the audience could apprehend the film.
Can read into it.
And I often used to watch old movies with... |
cracked | 6_reasons_titanfall_makes_no_sense | Whoa, this is what finally became of rock n' sock and robots not directly no, but good one It's called Titanfall take the mechanics of Call of Duty add some halo ask space weapons and four-story mech warriors you get the pilot It's like if Halo and Call of Duty had a three-way with virtual on and then birthed this Thre... |
CrackerMilk | gabby_opens_up_about_her_demonic_possession | Wait, if I'm one of the boys, what do I do with my massive milkers? It's starting to sound like you're threatening me with a hate crime. Yeah. That's what it's starting to sound like. What's coming out of your mouth? I'm hearing liberal bullshit.
Hello everyone and welcome back to another episode of the Cracker Milk p... |
cracked | why_the_friends_from_friends_are_terrible_people_after_hours | What? What did I do? Shrill! Too much hair gel? See, and I think not nearly enough. So, I made a list of pros and cons for all of you so I can know how to feel about you. So what?
Are you seriously telling me you've never made a pros and cons list about me? I'm actually offended. I would never do that. I had no idea t... |
dropout | twinsies_hot_date | No!
Why are you wearing the same outfit as me? You're dressed like me! I mean, the shirt, I'll chalk up to a coincidence, but the glasses?
Uh, I lost a contact. What else was I supposed to do, Murph?
These are my frames that I wear at home, so I'm wearing them now. Yeah, but now we're in public. People are gonna thi... |
SaturdayNightLive | fugliana_snl | Hey fellas, has this ever happened to you?
You come home after a long day of work and go online and order yourself a sex doll, but when she shows up, you're like, whoa, she's way out of my league. that's why I got Fugliana. Fugliana. Introducing Fugliana, the average looking sex doll for below average looking men. she... |
SaturdayNightLive | austin_butler_monologue_snl | Ladies and Gentlemen, Austin Butler! thank you, thank you, thank you so much. I'm so excited to be here hosting the Snl Christmas Show. last year's Christmas show was cancelled because everyone got Covid. So this year we came up with a foolproof plan to ensure that no one would get Covid. we stopped testing.
I do want... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_punxsutawney_phil_on_seeing_his_shadow_snl | This Thursday was Groundhog Day, and Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow, Which means six more weeks of winter. Here to talk about it is Punxsutawney Phil. Hey, Che. hey, man, so, six more weeks of winter.
I mean, do you have any advice? I don't know, man. things are bleak out there. ride it out, I guess. you seem pretty... |
dropout | bleep_bloop_tony_hawk_skateboard_controller | Welcome to Bleep Bloop and I know what you're thinking, it's a video game show. Why are you standing? Well today we are playing Tony Hawk Ride, a video game that comes with a skateboard controller. I'm Jeff Rubin and I'm here with Kevin Gorgon, Pat Cassels and Billy Rohan, Pro Skateboarder and President of Open Road Ne... |
dropout | the_war_of_1812_the_movie | Why do men fight? For honor, Sarah. For honor.
Okay. But like, really. Why? Honor was vague, right? Yeah. It might have something to do with taxes. Yeah, that makes sense.
Out west. Maybe really far south. Maybe Canada.
When will you return? You know what? I might have to go out to sea. And if you see an engine, sho... |
cracked | garth_brooks_cracked_responds | So I think I made you all watch this a couple dozen times back when it came out in November I can't believe I have to explain this this everybody should know about this. It's Garth Brooks announcing that he's now on Facebook Did you guys know that? That changes everything. Yeah, I want to just watch the whole video thr... |
dropout | travis_wish | In 2006, eight-year-old Travis Green was diagnosed with cancer. He came to the Make-A-Wish Foundation with a special request to write and star in his very own movie. Dad, am I good to have cancer? I'm not going to let you. I love you too much. The Make-A-Wish Foundation presents The Boy Who Everyone Loved and Who Never... |
SaturdayNightLive | weekend_update_donald_trump_s_arraignment_marjorie_taylor_greene_slams_nyc_snl | The Wall Street Journal is calling on Russia to release one of their journalists who was arrested on espionage charges, and I might have the perfect idea for a prisoner swap. former President Trump was arraigned on Tuesday, and a photographer released this photo of Trump in the courtroom, and I don't like that he's fla... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | NEW_PODCAST_ALERT_The_Show_Off | You're listening to Errol Parker and Clancy Overall, editors of the Batooter Advocate on Desert Rock FM. Welcome to what you thought may be the weekly Batooter Board and it's Clancy Overall here and I'm here to tell you that it is not. Today we're going to give you a little taste of a new podcast series the Batooter Ad... |
TheOnion | Bird_Hunted_To_Near_Extinction_Due_To_Infuriating_Fuck_You_Call | And stay with us, because coming up a little bit later on in this hour, we're gonna give you some tips on how to tell if the man you're dating is a terrorist. But right now, it's time for one of our favorite segments, Today Now Animal Party. Today we've got ornithologist Jack Speese back with us again.
Good morning, J... |
dropout | tricking_the_pizza_person_is_harder_than_it_looks_chome_alone_2_5 | It was then and there that I decided to be a low-life. Mmm, yes, uh, adult voice, yes, uh, thank you, yes, thank you.
Guys, the pizza's here! Yes! Wait! If the pizza person comes in here, they'll know we're all alone! Oh no!
What are you doing with that? Just drop it! Say... I think I have an idea. I'm gonna control ... |
dropout | i_m_glad_your_exes_are_hot | Hey, um, I don't really know how to tell you this, but my ex sent me a really flirtatious message on Facebook. Oh. You dated him? Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I was young.
I thought that dating hot people was really cool back then. It's cool now. You're pumped about this? I'm downright tickled. This makes me hot by pro... |
cracked | hope_in_every_box_people_watching_season_2_episode_10 | Imagine a world with no days, no tomorrow, no weekends, not even weeks. Imagine never sleeping. Imagine waking up exactly once because the only two days were today and death. Imagine just one decades-long corridor with the end visible in the distance. Imagine the people who lived there, like elongated screams, no time ... |
cracked | how_not_to_go_back_in_time_to_kill_hitler | Ate off Hitler. We. On behalf of the f***ing future. Do hereby sentence you.
You're not gonna like fight back? Honestly, it's kind of ruining the moment for me.
Yeah, you know we're here to murder you, right? Yo! They said on the radio Allied forces are closing in on the bunker. We'll be here any second to assassinat... |
dropout | Lie_Detector_Game_Changer_Full_Episode | Get ready for a game changer. Tonight's guests from the 20th dimension, it's Brennan Lee Mulligan. Hey.
Having read 20 erotic novels, it's Jess Ross. And just in time for College Humor's 20th anniversary, it's Teo Yang.
And your host, me. I've been here the whole time. Welcome to Game Changer, the only game show wher... |
cracked | the_3_hardest_things_to_explain_about_minecraft_escort_mission | These graphics suck. It's minecraft. It's retro.
Okay, so so which dudes are the enemy dude? No one It's a life simulator. See I made it so that we're in the same world. See that's me. Oh Hitting me doesn't do anything. Well, fuck you too then.
Oh Yeah, just digging. Is that the point to dig that I went?
There's no ... |
cracked | predators_the_galaxy_s_worst_hunters | Movie hunters don't always get the greatest representation. The hunters in Bambi are dangerous lunatics who burn down the entire forest. That guy in Jumanji is a big s***head. The Hound's owner won't let him be friends with the fox.
And then there's Predator. The big game hunter from outer space who comes to planet Ea... |
SaturdayNightLive | boom_boomer_snl | Now I just want to say, Leslie, you have outdone yourself. that fondue was out of this world. it was like eating space fondue. to Leslie. to Leslie. Oh, it was really nothing. Is it me or is President Carter to blame for these gas lines?
Hey, let's not talk politics. I want to keep this party groovy. So, what does eve... |
dropout | modern_warfare_2_warning_extended | The following mission may be disturbing our offensive to some players. You may skip this mission at any time in the pause menu. You will not be penalized in terms of achievements or game completion. Would you like to play it? Last chance! This level may be disturbing our offensive to some players. Are you 100% sure you... |
cracked | how_the_makeup_and_food_industry_are_killing_you | Hey guys, I'm here today to talk to you about the kooky way the United States regulates chemicals in the everyday products that we use Such as makeup mainly that they don't and that's right This garbage is so full of garbage that we are actually turning our bodies into garbage This beautiful contour makeup that I'm cur... |
dropout | kid_torture | I see it, I see the flag! Where is the flag?
Why would I tell you? I don't want to hurt you.
But Hans does. Hans here is insane. He eats his own boogers. Don't try to be a hero. Hans, show him what we do to heroes.
Oh, please, go ahead and yell. I mean, I know your norples are purple. Legy. Oh, my. Atomic. I can't. ... |
cracked | 12_11_07_news_on_cracked_will_smith_michael_vick_etc | It's Tuesday, December 11th, and this is the news on track. I'm Lex Friedman, and she's like the wind. She's like the wind through my tree.
Conrad Black, the Canadian media tycoon, has been found guilty and sentenced to six and a half years in jail. Lucky for him, due to the current exchange rates, that's only four ye... |
cracked | president_trump_s_successful_year_of_rebranding_the_swamp_some_news | Hey guys! How's it going? A lot of you were asking, so I thought I would do another haul video. And so, oh, here's some news.
It's been 300 days since the president was sworn in as president of the United States of America, which is a country whose president was sworn in as president, and that president is him. And it... |
TheBetootaAdvocate | Kev_Carmody_The_Betoota_Advocate_Podcast_Ep_123 | We're here in the Diamantina not a cloud in the sky. I think that summer is just around the corner it's warming up. It's great we've actually recorded in the Diamantina Shire 1000 days of zero community transmission of coronavirus. That's been great we actually haven't had one active case within a thousand kilometres o... |
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